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july 28, 2026 / 7:49 PM
holy timeskip
so it's been a second since i updated this! it's nice to be back. for the past few weeks i
have been chronically on status.cafe, so i've been in and out of the space, but today i
finally sat down to configure all my neocities stuff on my other computer.
it's kinda funny. i didn't update this site for two years and
was worried i'd have to change a lot of stuff, but coming back like
i am so fundamentally the same person despite everything that's
happened. i feel like all i have to update content-wise here is expansions on what already
exists. maybe i'll add a bookshelf or something.
the time when i stopped posting on here coincides very strongly with when i became really deeply
invested in the relationship i was in. that relationship lasted until like, two months ago, and was
a very messy end that left me very empty for a while. it was a long time coming, though, and as
unfortunate as the whole situation was, i'm really glad that i'm out of it. i came to terms a long
time ago to the fact that it never would have worked out; we were just too different and wanted different
things out of life.
there are a myriad of other issues that i've now talked through with people and journaled
about in various states of grief, anger, regret, and whatever else, and through it all the worst thing was the extent to which i completely lost my sense of self
especially over the last year. part of it was getting swept up in the bustling pace of college life, yes,
but it was nothing compared to the exhaustion of trying to keep that dying relationship alive and all the
hurt that came with it.
but i digress. the past two months have consisted of me diving headfirst back into everything that i
loved before any of that ever happened, which basically consisted of a lot of reading things and watching things
and crocheting things and having control over my time again, which was very healing. and spending a lot of time
with family, a lot of which i had missed out on.
i started working full-time about three weeks ago (i graduated college btw! yay!), and i honestly like it. the people are nice and the work
is interesting enough, and also there's a nice coffee machine. i don't know how long i'll stay here, and i don't say that
because i'm already thinking of leaving, but rather because i feel as if other people expect me to--my family, the people i went
to college with, my hometown friends--partially because the turnover in tech is so high, i guess. but i don't feel the pull right now
and it's probably insane to be even thinking about that seeing as i literally just started here.
but for now i'm doing well, i'm doing better. i'm also on anxiety medication lmao.
anyways! i've been obsessed with bungou stray dogs i'm on season four right now and lowkey i could rewatch it. i love this cast so much they're so silly... i remember
i tried to watch this show when i was like 13? and i HAATED it because i thought the humor was really immature... i think i definitely wasn't at a good time in my life to
enjoy it LMAO but now i'm eating this shit up!!! holy cow