Sex Education

“What do you mean, you don’t know how to use a condom?”

Nagisa wrinkles his nose. “You promised you wouldn’t laugh-“

Karma responds by holding up a single finger. “I never said such a thing. But, you’re twenty four.”

“So?” Nagisa tries. “I was… busy…”

“Have you even kissed anyone since the Kayano thing?”

“…”

“Wow,” it roles surprisingly drying from his tongue.

And then Nagisa thinks of an excellent point. “Don’t act so surprised. It’s not like we ever talk about this kind of stuff.”

Karma takes a swig from his Asahi Dry, which makes an audible clatter as he slams it down on top of the kotatsu. “So let me get this straight; you have to teach sex ed to a bunch of hormonal teenagers, when you, in fact, have no experience in that field. Yeah, you seem pretty screwed to me.”

“Thanks,” Nagisa mutters, pushing his own can in front of him. He’d be tempted to drink more, given the circumstances, but at the solid age of twenty four he’s learnt his limits. He knows that it only takes one gulp too much for their weekly meet up to end up with Nagisa passed out, and with Karma practically carrying him to the closest metro station to throw him onto the last train home.

“What’cha gonna do about it?”

Nagisa sighs. “My current plan was to find a good YouTube tutorial.”

Perhaps it’s the alcohol, but Karma actually starts letting out an unsettling mixture of a snort and a giggle. “Next thing I know, you’ll say you’ve never even seen a condom.”

“…”

“For real?” He takes another swig. “Wait there.”

He blinks, when Karma just stands up and leaves him there. Karma has a very important job, as he likes to remind Nagisa with his constant whining about his co-workers. Such a job requires living right in Tokyo, lest he deal with a two hour commute either way. He makes an almost hilarious salary compared with Nagisa, but even on that, his apartment isn’t particularly big. Though, the fact that he has a whole separate room for his bed makes Nagisa slightly jealous, and is largely why their meetings take place here, rather than at Nagisa’s place. Back in university, it used to be whatever random izakaya took their fancy, but admittedly Nagisa preferred it with just the two of them.

“Catch,” Karma calls, when he emerges from his bedroom, and goes into an overarm throw.

Like instinct, Nagisa does. Years of friendship with Sugino have given Nagisa pretty good hand eye coordination when it comes to objects being hurtled towards his face. But, said object was a lot smaller than a baseball. Nagisa peered between his fingers at the small square object, realising after a moment that it was indeed a condom. Like a hot potato, he dropped it, and it landed right in the centre of the kotatsu.

“Oh come on,” he says, “it won’t kill you.”

Nagisa forces himself to take a moment. Because Karma’s right, and if he absolutely has to demonstrate the act of condom use in front of an audience, it would be very helpful if he was able to actually hold one first. Though, fortunately enough for him, none of his students were as devious and sadistic as Karma.

“What do you expect me to do with it?”

Karma raises his eyebrows. “What, you want me to get a cucumber or something? I don’t just have one lying around in the fridge.”

Admittedly, he splutters.

“Okay, cherry boy, I get it.”

Unfortunately for him, Nagisa ends up living up to the name, flushing wildly. It’s not that he has a particular aversion to sex, he’s just never seen the appeal of meaningless hook-ups. He’s heard plenty from Nakamura already, all about her foreign escapades, and that’s almost enough for a life time. And, well, Nagisa hasn’t ever really been interested in dating anyone either. It was all about studying through high school and university, his eyes set firmly ahead of him, and now his biggest concern is grading his student’s papers.

He senses the conversation’s becoming derailed, though. “The school board provides the demonstration condoms.”

Something comes over Karma’s face, and Nagisa knows it’s not good. “Vagina.”

He squints. What, is he trying to embarrass him or something? “I’m not a child-“

“Cum,” he says, “rim job, butt sex.”

“Karma-“

“Autoerotic asphyxiation-“

“What?”

Karma shrugs innocently. “It’s important to touch all bases, right?”

“That had better not be some sort of metaphor.”

He laughs it off. “Do you want me to show you or not?”

“You’re going to teach me?”

“Yes?” He tilts his head. “That’s what you asked, wasn’t it?”

No, it wasn’t what Nagisa asked at all. He didn’t want Karma to give him the sex ed demonstration, not in the slightest. He was more… venting. Is this a genuine offer? It’s hard to tell, when it comes to Karma. Sometimes he’s just waiting to humiliate you, others… Well, there are other times, Nagisa swears… And then he starts to wonder if he should actually take him up on the offer.

“Like, be my sex teacher?”

Something in Karma’s eyes shines. “So I get to be Sensei this time, huh?”

“I studied for five years for that title,” Nagisa deadpans.

“And maybe I studied five years in the bedroom-“

His face heats up again. “I don’t want to know.”

Karma’s apparently had enough of that, though, because he reaches for the dreaded condom, positions the packet between his teeth, and rips it open. Clearly, he’s far too familiar with the action, and somehow manages to look smug whilst doing it. Nagisa just stares in horror, as the slippery thing is removed from its casing.

“You know the basics at least, right?”

Well, yes, he wasn’t stupid. “Y-yeah.”

“Hmm,” he thinks aloud, “there’s nothing to roll it over though. Sorry, didn’t think to stock up on phallic vegetables.”

“I think we’re using test tubes at school,” Nagisa mutters.

Karma leans back with one hand. “You might be surprised but I don’t have any of those either.”

“I don’t think they compare to the real thing anyway,” Nagisa says, pretty sure his own penis doesn’t resemble a test tube much.

Okay, he’s blaming the alcohol for that one. He might not be drunk, per say, but clearly it’s enough to make his tongue loose. He should be thinking, before he speaks. But somehow it’s already too late, because Karma’s face goes slightly dark for a moment. Nagisa’s not sure what kind of plot involves condoms, but-

“What, you want me to be your life model or something?”

“Are you offering?”

There he goes again. Nagisa wants to punch himself hard in the face. What possessed him to say something like that? He knows himself well enough to be able to take a step back and evaluate the things he says. And he’s well aware, especially with the beer making his voice just a little lower and rougher, that a comment like that comes across at least a little flirty.

Karma bites his lip, as though he’s seriously considering. “I mean, sometimes a practical demonstration is a valid teaching method…”

Nagisa holds his hands in front his crotch dramatically. “No way.”  

“Relax,” he almost roles his eyes, “I wasn’t going to touch you.”

“You’re…” Nagisa blinks, “going to put it on yourself?”

“If you want,” Karma responds, his voice light and airy. As though this is normal Saturday.

The thing is, it’s not like Nagisa’s never seen Karma’s… areas, before. It was inevitable, really. They were best friends. There’d been sleepovers, mutual bathroom excursions, a few onsen trips… Of course, he’d never actually looked any of those times. It’s just impolite! One of the things you just understand, as a guy, is to not just go looking at others without permission. So, if Nagisa ever caught sight of Karma naked down there, he’d turn his head away like lightning. But now Karma’s asking him to look directly at it… to study him there.

He swallows his worries. “Isn’t this… kind of weird.”

Karma hums. “I guess, only if we make it weird. Do you feel weird?”

Like the world’s most extravagant game of gay chicken, Nagisa accepts his fate. “No.”

He flinches, though, as Karma reaches down to his trousers, and starts to tug at the zipper. Like some kind of slow motion horror movie, he feels sweat start to gather unpleasantly on his forehead, sliding all the way down his neck. This can’t be happening. Karma seems somewhat determined, though, focused on his task as his jeans are undone enough for him to just reach in and free himself.

Nagisa’s breath catches in his throat, and he reminds himself that he’s supposed to be looking. If Karma says it’s not weird… then it’s not weird. He catches sight of Karma giving him a look, as if searching for permission. And that feels weirdly intimate, making eye contact, especially considering where Karma’s hand is. Nagisa’s hands? Firmly clenched into fists in the centre of his lap.

But then, to worsen the horror, Karma grips himself a little tighter than he really needs to, and something sinks in Nagisa’s stomach. Instead of saying anything, or actually attempting to put it on like he was supposed to, Karma’s hand slides up. Like the midst of a car crash, Nagisa can only watch in morbid fascination for a moment, when it goes back down again. And then up, with a small twist added. Nagisa’s not so innocent that he doesn’t know exactly what this activity is, and in lieu of screaming, his arm flips out, knocking over the empty can of beer.

“What?” Karma questions, and at least for a moment his hand stops.

“D-don’t do,” Nagisa splutters, “that here!”

“You can’t put on a condom on properly when you’re soft! It’ll just slide out of position. It hurts like a bitch when you get it up, believe me.”

“That doesn’t mean you should do that in front of me!”

Karma’s eyes narrow. “Go sit in the bathroom then.”

“No.”

“How is it any worse than what we were already doing!?”

“P-pleasuring yourself is different!”

“Don’t call it that. And it’s not necessary!”

“Why don’t you come over here and try it if you have a problem with how I’m doing it?” Karma snaps.

It’s not unlike him, to react that way when slightly annoyed with Nagisa. What is unlike him, however, is to suggest in the process that Nagisa touch him there. His face doesn’t just heat up, he’s completely overloaded. How dare Karma even suggest- How is his logical conclusion to ‘don’t masturbate in front of me’, ‘come do it yourself’?

“Fine,” Nagisa says, and knows he’ll live to regret it.

But he’s never backed down from one of Karma’s challenges before. He’s not about to start on a mildly drunken Saturday, during an argument about whether it’s okay to masturbate in front of your friend or not. Nagisa’s not sure what constitutes as ‘too far’, though, but touching his best friend’s dick might just be it. Too late now.

Nagisa snatches the condom from his other hand, eyes burning with determination, and he looks at it. As he said, he’s not stupid, he knows the theory. Or, at least, he thinks he does. It wasn’t like he’d had a particularly detailed lesson before, and it was years ago. He stares down at the condom, though, finding it oddly slippery as he braces himself and begins to unroll it.

“You’re already doing it wrong.”

Nagisa glares. “How?”

The annoyance dies down from Karma’s eyes then, just a little. “You have to pinch the tip first, and roll it down over the head, not before.”

Nagisa gestures him. “I’m not sure I can from this angle-“

Just like that, the annoyance was back. “That wouldn’t have been a problem if you’d just let me finish.”

He grabs him at his base, cutting him off as he purposely manoeuvres his length into a more upright position. “I’m doing it.”

For some reason, Karma actually has the nerve to twitch at that comment. But Nagisa’s committed now. It’s kind of hard, like he needs an extra hand, but he somehow manages to position the condom fairly right (or so he assumes, because Karma didn’t try to correct him again), pinching the tip between his fingers as he begins to roll it over the head.

Of course, Nagisa has to look at what he’s doing. Which means he also has to actually look at Karma’s length in intense detail. Not that he’s thought about it before, but it’s a solid weight in his hand. His fingers move quickly, lest the condom somehow fall off, and he starts to unroll it. As irritating as Karma can be, he doesn’t actually want to hurt him, so he elects do to it slowly. He concentrates, his fingers trailing down bit by bit until he’s reached the base. Somehow, it barely registers in his brain that Karma’s starting to feel firmer by the second.

“Uhm,” Nagisa breathes, looking up again to looking Karma in the eyes, “is it good?”

He doesn’t miss the way they’re slightly glassed over. “Y-yeah. That’s a pass.”

“Hmm,” Nagisa looks down again, and his hand moves back there. He fits it around Karma’s length, and attempts to smooth the condom out. If they’re doing this, then he’s going to execute it perfectly. Not that there were wrinkles anyway, but he doesn’t want to risk it. But then Karma audibly gasps, and Nagisa stops zoning in on the condom, coming to the realisation that Karma actually got hard.

“I-“

Karma almost dry heaves. “Nagisa, I suggest you stop touching me now.”

He looks down in shame, removing his hands immediately. “Sorry, I’ve never… I didn’t know…”

Something in his expression looks tired. “What, that you were practically jerking me off?”

“I wasn’t-“ Nagisa says, and means it, “I was just making sure the condom was secure.”

“Well look at what you did,” he gestures.

“You… liked it?”

“I’m pretty sure anybody likes it when they’re jerked off-“

“I wouldn’t know!” Nagisa can’t believe that this is going to constitute his first sexual experience, and he didn’t even really mean to do it.

Karma looks down at his erection, and back at Nagisa. “It’s not like you’re teaching your students about stuff like this, right?”

“No, it’s a little too graphic.”

“But if they ask questions…”

Nagisa swallows. “I guess… some practical experience would help. Just in case. I want them to feel comfortable asking me things, of course.”

“So,” Karma says, “I could ask you to leave, so I can go take care of this, and we can act like this never happened. Or…”

“It’s still not weird?” Nagisa asks, no matter how pointless it is.

“Only if we say it’s weird,” Karma repeats, and now he really is a little breathless.

Nagisa reaches for him again, despite his better judgement. He can’t let go of how deeply wrong something like this should be, and yet… Karma’s a solid weight in his hand, and for some reason, it doesn’t gross him out. He’s frighteningly aware of what they’re doing, but the fact that he’s okay with it is somehow disturbing to him.

He tries to repeat his earlier movement, considering that it already got Karma into this state. His hand feels weird and awkward as he slowly slides up, and then down again. The condom is lubricated on the outside, so it’s an easy glide. Nagisa hesitates about going too fast, afraid of doing thing rash lest Karma react badly.

Karma bites his lip. “You can go a little harder.”

“Oh.”

He looks as though he’s trying really hard to gather his thoughts. “This has to be educational, right? Faster’s good too.”

Nagisa nods, and tries again. But, it still feels strange, like his arm isn’t quite in the right position. He tries, though, even going up onto his knees so he has enough leverage to jack him properly. Nagisa really doesn’t know what he’s doing, though, so he can’t help but feel awkward about everything he’s doing, though he does attempt a little more speed.

“Just do what you’d do to yourself,” Karma cuts in.

Somehow, even given the situation at hand, Nagisa manages to turn even redder than he was. Nagisa’s never even really thought about it, during that kind of activity. Karma’s erection feels different to his, anyway, so it’s not like he can just rely on muscle memory. Usually it’s just a means to an end with him, quickly finding what feels good and sticking with it until his release.

He finds it a little easier to close his eyes, and he finds his movements become a little less stiff. It’s hard to know, when he doesn’t have any sensation to go off. There’s not a lot of variation when it comes to a handjob though, right? He’s pretty sure this is what he’d do to himself, though it still feels entirely weird.

“-gisa. Nagisa.”

For a moment Nagisa wonders if Karma’s moaning his name or something. But then he opens his eyes, and it’s clear that Karma is in no way lost in pleasure. At the very least, he seems a little frustrated. Nagisa almost deflates entirely. Even the clumsiest of impassioned teenagers can manage something like this, yet somehow he’s so terrible at it.

“Okay,” he says, and then his hand covers Nagisa’s, pretty much moving it for him.

Nagisa remembers what he’s supposed to be doing, here, and he pays attention. Karma’s putting pressure on his hand and moving in a more purposeful way. Like he’s really trying to tug at himself rather than the vague feeling up. Honestly, as he thinks about it, this is the first time he’s ever seen someone else like this, and he’s mildly fascinated.

At least Karma seems to be enjoying it more. When Nagisa looks up at his face, his lips are slightly parted, and his eyes are low. He’s not sure how to feel, about seeing Karma in this way. It’s like something forbidden, your best friend in the midst of pleasure, and it sends a strange fire through his veins. As though Nagisa wants to see more.

Weirdly determined now, Nagisa knocks Karma’s controlling hand away. He gives him a look of confusion, before Nagisa resumes the action. It’s a little strange with the condom in the way, but Nagisa can still feel the shape of him pretty well, his ridges and veins, and the way he’s started to pulse lightly in his grip.

He leans forward again, and really takes it in as he applies more pressure still. He starts to think that he’s getting it, because Karma’s breaths certainly get a little heavier, and he hasn’t made any further complaints. Once he thinks he’s got the hang of it, he experiments a little, varying where he applies the pressure. He strokes him from base to tip, before twisting his wrist just a little.

“Y-yeah,” he finally says, “like that.”

Nagisa doesn’t understand why there’s fire in his own crotch, and why his trousers are painfully tight. This is supposed to be purely educational, yet Karma’s doing something to him. Nagisa almost starts panting too, though he can at least just blame it on the exertion. He speeds up, then, trying to figure out what Karma likes, and what’ll get him the reaction.

“H-how am I doing?” He asks, when Karma doesn’t say anything else for a while.

Karma opens an eye. “Just fine.”

His voice is a little strained, though. Nagisa takes it as a good sign, going with the twisty movements as his speed picks up. He has absolutely no idea why, but he wants to get to that end peak, to see just what will happen. He likes the way a bead of sweat rolls tantalising down Karma’s neck, and the way one of his hands is curled around the kotatsu, gripping onto it.

Finally, Karma let’s out a noise that’s kind of like a grunt, his erection twitches, and the condom starts to fill. Nagisa can’t help but watch in an almost morbid fascination, his hand moving almost idly. Then he looks back up at Karma’s face, where his lips are still parted, but he looks good, relaxed. At the very least like he somewhat enjoyed it.

“Stop,” he instructs when he’s too sensitive, and Nagisa immediately lets go.

For a long moment, they just sit there in silence. Karma coughs once, twice, before pulling the condom off and trying it so nothing can escape, which Nagisa watches closely because he’s supposed to be learning, and tosses it vaguely across the room, somehow directing it perfectly into the bin. Nagisa almost compliments him on his aim, but he doesn’t because that would be weird.

“Okay,” Karma says eventually, like he’s made a decision. “Your trousers look uncomfortable.”

“Oh,” Nagisa tries to squeeze his legs together to hide it, but really that just creates pressure which accidentally gives him a jolt of pleasure.

Karma stares at him. “How about I return the favour?”

“What?!”

“It’s polite.”

Nagisa has never considered the likelihood of this situation. In all his life, he never thought he’d be right here, with Karma offering to give him a handjob. Well, maybe in his deep dark teenage fantasies- but that was years ago, and entirely the result of overwhelming hormones that had littered his junior high years. So yeah, maybe there had been a wet dream or two, but there was a huge difference between that and what’s happening right now. He doesn’t even know how to react.

“I-I-“

Then Karma shrugs. “You can’t learn without knowing how it feels, right?”

“Okay?”

He regrets it almost instantly, because Karma wastes no time. Within no more than five seconds, Karma’s hand is down his trousers, which usually fit loose but right then are tight around where he’s hard. It’s not possible to think, when suddenly he grips him, and pulls him out with purpose. All Nagisa can do is let out a high gasp as though he’s suddenly electrocuted.

“Fffff,” is what escapes his mouth.

Karma’s nonchalant about it, jerking him as if it’s nothing. Nagisa doesn’t even know what to do, what to say… how to even react as he’s taken along for it. All he knows is it feels nothing like his own hand, and considering that’s all he has to go off, he’s incredibly overwhelmed. He thought he at least understood sexual pleasure but…

He can’t stop his hips from moving in time with Karma’s hand, though at the very least his eyes squeezed shut of their own accord, so it’s easy enough to turn the rest of his senses off. He knows he tosses his head back as strange whimpers are stolen from his lips, as Karma’s hand speeds up. Where Nagisa fumbled, Karma seems to know exactly what he’s doing, and partly it reads like a calculated attack.

“Ka-Karu-“

Nagisa doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he even started. His insides have been turned white hot, and he can feel it burning there in his groin. It’s almost on the edge of too much, and for once in his life he starts to get it. He’d always found it strange, the way sex seemed to be such an important factor in so many people’s lives. It wasn’t that Nagisa had ever been opposed to it, more that he was the type to avert his eyes if he was ever so unfortunate to find himself in one of the sketchier parts of Tokyo (he was never forgiving Nakamura for that time she made him miss the last train in Kabukicho, seriously). But this feels good, and even though it’s not even over yet Nagisa knows he wants more. He’s also confused, though, his rational thoughts seeming to clash with his most base ones. Like it’s all muddled up there in his head, all at once.

“S’okay, Nagisa,” Karma manages to sound reassuring, “you can let go.”

As if by magic, Nagisa’s eyes roll up and he does. For a moment, his entire body’s on fire, and the world is shaking. But then he comes back down, just a little, and it’s like the last eight months of tension have left him, and all he’s left with is a faint ringing in his ears. Yeah, Nagisa definitely gets it. It’s never felt that satisfying before.

He opens his eyes, then, and takes in Karma’s expression. For just a moment, they manage to lock eyes, before Karma looks down at the palm of his hand, a movement which Nagisa follows. To his own mild horror, he sees semen and lots of it, all over them, like some kind of weird glove. Somehow, that’s the part he manages to feel the most embarrassment over. Surely it wasn’t usually… that much.

When Nagisa doesn’t say anything, Karma gets himself to his feet with a ceremonial kind of grace, and leaves without a word. For a moment, Nagisa wonders if it was that awful that he’s just going to leave him here like this, but then he remembers that they’re technically in Karma’s house. He can’t just leave. And, just like that, a couple of minutes later he pops out from the bathroom, hands entirely cleaned off.

“Uh, Nagisa-“

“Look at the time!” He jumps up for affect, but then actually looks at his phone screen. “I don’t want to miss the last train!”

“Right,” Karma nods seriously, “you’ll be stuck here.”

They don’t live in Kunugigaoka anymore. Karma’s job (and thus, higher salary) allows him to live far closer to the centre of Tokyo. It’s convenient enough for him, but it means Nagisa needs to make two train changes to get back to his place. He doesn’t mind that, it is what it is, but the chances of getting stuck somewhere are heightened if he leaves it too late into the night. Not that that’s the top of his priorities, considering what just happened.

“U-uhm,” Nagisa refastens his trousers with absolutely no grace, and half stumbles towards the door. “T-thank you f-for the lesson. It was helpful!”

“Any time,” Karma waves him off casually.

He goes bright red, and ducks down into the genkan, pulling his shoes on so fast he almost trips. Out of one moment of politeness, he slightly lowers his head, before opening the door and then slamming it behind him. Only when he’s outside, in the brisk cool air, Nagisa catches his breath properly. What just happened?

And, what does Karma mean by ‘any time’?

The train at seven AM. Back when he was a school student, even in a relatively large town like Kunugigaoka, it wasn’t so bad in the direction he took. But this is properly Tokyo now, and millions have jobs to get to. It was easy to get used to, even if Nagisa doesn’t particularly enjoy being squashed up against others, he can at least slide his headphones in and try and ignore it until his station.

It’s the same deal every day. He awkwardly pushes to the front of the train crowd at Hashima station, rushes up the escalator even though he’s not running late, and scans his commuter pass through the ticket gate. He catches a glimpse of his remaining total as he walks through, and mentally reminds himself to charge up his IC card after work. From there, his school is about a ten minute walk, which usually gives him plenty of time to internally go through the day’s lesson plans one last time.

Only, this morning the only thing he can think about is Karma’s hands on him. It’s ridiculous and he knows it. It had only been (shamefully) about five minutes of his life, yet there it is playing in this constant feedback loop. If Nagisa could yank the memory right out of his head… But he can’t. How’s he even going to look Karma in the eyes again?

“Morning, Shiota san,” one of the receptionists says, as he writes himself in.

He lowers his head respectfully. “Good morning, Yoneda san. How was your weekend hike?”

“Quite tiring,” she smiled kindly, “my husband’s crazy, for insisting we climb all the way to the summit every other weekend. Gets the kids out of the house, though.”

Nagisa used to climb a mountain every day for class, but he just smiles and laughs. It’s nothing like Kunugigaoka, but it’s not like there’s no green space in Tokyo, most of it left wild enough that it gives the impression of actually being real. Still, Yoneda’s one of those few people who actually grew up in the city, so it must feel like an actual escape for her. Maybe Nagisa should visit home one of these weekends…

He just nods again, and goes on to his classroom. His experience at Paradise High School was interesting, and he’s proud of what he managed to achieve there. But, that was only to complete his degree. Although he’d been offered a permanent position, Nagisa ended up looking elsewhere. At the moment, he teaches the first year class at Heibon Junior High, and whilst it’s easier than a bunch of unruly seventeen year olds, it presents its own challenges.

“Morning, Watanabe san,” Nagisa greeted the girl already in her seat. The others… they all show up as close to the morning bell as they push it.

She attempts a smile. “Morning, Nagisa Sensei.”

“Interesting book today?”

She looks up at him from behind it, and shrugs.

He’s trying to get through to her, it just might take him a little while. Honestly, Nagisa’s a little bothered by it, since the winter break is rapidly approaching. But there’s still time, and she’s still young. As it turns out, trying to build any kind of trust with a twelve year old is incredibly difficult. It’s a difficult jump, starting junior high.

Nagisa doesn’t mind her being here so early, at least, and he thinks Watanabe appreciates that. He just sits down at his own desk and sorts out the things he has to. The papers he graded, homework to hand out, parts of his lesson plans… it’s good to be organised. He extends a smile and a welcome to each one of his other students, as they filter in, chatting excitedly behind their desks about their exciting weekends.

“Good morning, everyone,” Nagisa stands up properly, “let’s start today’s class.”

Nagisa’s classes have a general routine, too. He starts the morning with roll call (everyone’s here today), then he moves onto the first lesson, whatever subject that may be. And classes proceed happily until lunch break, where his students all run off to the school cafeteria (this place is lucky enough to have one of those), and Nagisa takes a bit of the alone time to check on his afternoon lessons.

He frowns when he realises that today, of course, the usual science lesson has to be replaced with sex ed. He wasn’t allowed to make his own lesson plan, of course, not for something like this. Honestly, Nagisa hasn’t even read over it for a while, which isn’t like him but he’s not usually giving talks about uncomfortable subjects.

He reads it over, and then his stomach twists in alarm. He… did he read it wrong the first time? Nagisa flicks through the sheets, and realises that no, there’s definitely something wrong here. This weeks lesson is all about general puberty things. Well, that’s fine. Not a lot to do with… reproductive stuff. Huh. He looks again, and as it turns out, that lecture is actually due to take place next week.

Somehow Nagisa feels bad that he got that handjob under false pretences. Kind of.

The bell rings, though, and lunch break is over. Crunch time. Surprisingly, Nagisa can detach himself from things that are purely science. Even if he has to listen to a group of twelve year olds snicker at the word ‘penis’, he can get through it. At the very least he has a whole week now to get to the really awkward condom stuff. A whole week of practise! Solo practice.

Thankfully, in general his students are pretty good about the whole thing. Some even take notes! He gets it, though, puberty can be a scary time. There’s nothing more he can do, except give them the best go ahead as possible. They’ll figure it out eventually. Not by next week, though, when he actually has to give the condom lesson.

Maybe if he pretends everything is okay? If he says everything’s okay, then by some law of the universe it has to be okay. Going with that, Nagisa reaches for his phone after class finishes. He and Karma are friends, just normal friends, so it would be weird not to text him. Especially after he helped him, and Nagisa left so abruptly.

Nagisa: My lesson went fine.

Nagisa: Thank you.

He doesn’t get a response, or even a ‘read’ receipt, but Nagisa pins that down to Karma’s different schedule. It’s not like he needs a response, right? Nor does he need to specify what lesson it actually was. Karma doesn’t need to know. All he needs to know is Nagisa is somewhat grateful, it’s fine, and they should just go back to normal. Sure that may have been his first… sexual experience… but that doesn’t mean anything.

Handjobs don’t count as virginity, right?

Nagisa tries his absolute best not to think about it, as he journeys home the same depressing way that he came. Thankfully, most of the companies let out of work a couple of hours after school finishes, and since Nagisa doesn’t have to chaperone any club activities he’s able to escape the endless sea of Tokyo commuters. If only his whole life wasn’t here now, he’d move away to some remote mountain village if he could.

Because his life is so normal, he walks into the konbini closest to his apartment, and scouts out his options. Maybe it’s terrible, a symptom of had habits during university, but Nagisa’s not the best cook. Why spend a bunch of money on vegetables and meat he barely knows how to prepare well, when he can get tasty food for much cheaper? Even if it’s a little depressing.

But it’s normal, eating dinner alone most nights as he grades homework. And then moves onto checking over his lesson plans for tomorrow, before writing for a few days in advance. Nagisa likes to be as prepared as possible. He’ll have his break… during the few months of summer when there’s no school, maybe.

And because things are normal, Nagisa doesn’t even think about it when Karma doesn’t reply to his message. He keeps going, the daily grind, right up until the weekend. A part of him is relieved. After all, his normal life has been… well, normal. And with each day that passes, the more he can put any blips to that normalcy right behind him.

School is an every day affair, of course, and he spends his free moments focusing entirely on it. He doesn’t need Karma’s touches, or anything else from him. Though, Nagisa doesn’t feel much like touching himself either, but then again he’s never been particularly influenced by desires like that. He can’t risk his mind wondering, because once that happens he’s surely done for. No, perhaps some space between them is a good thing.

But then, come Saturday morning, he finally receives a text.

Karma: Do you still want to hang out later?

An olive branch, then, finally. Nagisa would never dream of saying no. Unless somehow crazy busy, it wouldn’t be normal to say no. So he knows he can’t. A part of him is a little annoyed that Karma waited this long, but perhaps he was giving him space. Not that Nagisa needs space. If he’s going to stick with this normal thing, he needs to see it through though. He’s adult enough at least to know he can’t avoid Karma forever.

Nagisa sends his reply, and tries not to think too hard about it. He goes about his day off from school as he would any other time, once again crunching over his desk as he figures out his next bout of lessons. Then he checks his emails thoroughly, just in case any of his students has a problem with any of their work. When there’s nothing to deal with there, for the first time all week he tries to cook himself something.

Well, he’s not sure how much cooking is actually involved when it’s frozen udon. It involves boiling water on a stove, and adding ingredients one stage at a time, so it’s close enough. Nagisa used to make breakfast for himself and his mother, of course, he’s not completely useless. He doesn’t stray outside of the instructions though, mixing the dashi with the water and just about guessing when the noodles are soft enough to eat. If there’s alcohol involved later, the more he eats now the better.

Just to further is point of being completely and utterly normal, he doesn’t dress like anything special when he leaves. Not that Nagisa would be able to do that if he tried, but it’s the determination inside him that counts. He’s going to have a nice evening catching up with his best friend, and that’s absolutely it. The one major social interaction he manages to find time for within the week.

Nobody pays him any attention during his journey to Karma’s apartment. Why should they? He’s just one guy, in and endless sea of people. So it’s not weird when he gets off at Karma’s stop, and walks the ever familiar way to his home. Nagisa used to have to use google maps, for the first few times, but not anymore. He knows it off by heart.

“Hi,” he says, when Karma answers the door just two seconds after he’s rung the doorbell.

“Come in,” Karma steps aside, and he feels awkward.

Nagisa practically ducks his head as he goes inside, and immediately concentrates on getting his shoes off. Horrifically he’s convinced Karma’s just watching him, but once he’s lined them up neatly against the wall, he realises that he’s stood there completely alone. Which is fine. He’s been here enough times that he doesn’t need Karma to babysit him.

“Beer?” Karma asks, bent over the fridge.

Drinking isn’t a good idea. Unfortunately, Nagisa’s well aware that last time, he was definitely sober enough to agree to what happened. But, alcohol still made his tongue looser, and right then the best thing would be to just keep his mouth shut. This day is just a hurdle they need to get over, and then it’ll be gone from his memory.

“M-maybe just one.”

That’s a mistake already, but it’s too late now, because Karma tosses it over and cracks open his own drink. Pensively, Nagisa sits himself down on the sofa. It’s a little less cold this week, so at least they don’t need to huddle under the kotatsu again. He opens his beer and takes a sip, wincing a little as the alcohol burns down his throat. Surprisingly, it doesn’t make him feel any better.

For the first time, being with Karma feels really awkward. He doesn’t know how to put it into words, because he’s not exactly uncomfortable, but it’s weird. It’s like all of a sudden, Nagisa’s overly aware of him now, right down to counting his breaths. Despite all his efforts, he knows this isn’t normal, but he has no solution. He’s not panicking, is he?

“Nagisa,” Karma starts, and he even jerks in response.

“S-sorry,” he apologises, though he doesn’t even know what for.

Karma grabs him by the shoulders, then, twisting him to face him properly. “Cut it out.”

“Cut what out?” He plays dumb.

“Look,” Karma gives him a look like he knows exactly what Nagisa’s doing. “Do you need to talk about this?”

“T-talk?”

Karma lets go at him, at least, but shuffles around so he’s sitting cross legged on the sofa. “I know what you look like when you’re thinking too much. So if you have something to say, just say it.”

An open invitation, then. The thing is, Nagisa doesn’t even know what he has to say. What happened last time he saw Karma… that was definitely a terrible mistake. But he thought he’d be able to put it behind him. Now… why can’t he get it out of his head, still? Is their friendship really ruined by something so ridiculous as an ill advised hook up? All he wants is to forget it, but…

“Did that count as virginity?!” Nagisa finally bursts out.

Karma just blinks, before he whole body laughs. “What.”

Great, now Nagisa just feels stupid. But he’s in the midst of a car crash now, and there’s no way of escaping it. At the same time, though, a part of him is glad that it’s Karma he’s with. He can’t imagine being this embarrassed in front of anyone else and, well, he and Karma have pretty much already seen the worst and best of each other.

“Hey,” Karma says once he calms down, “it’s kind of complicated. Some people might count it, others think you have to go all the way. Do you feel like a virgin?”

Karma has a point, honestly. A really good one. Maybe Nagisa’s brain has been warped by society around him, but now he thinks about it, he knows that it’s not a black and white issue. For him… he always thought of virginity like it had to penetrative… Even though that didn’t mean the same to everyone else, now he really thinks about it, he still feels very virginal.

“Yeah,” he replies. He expected to feel far more… whole. “I guess I do.”

Karma looks at him. “Is that kind of thing a big deal to you?”

He thinks about it. Really, it’s more that sex has never been at the forefront of his mind. He never really thought about it that much when he was younger, and even when he got to high school age, he was so focused on studying and getting himself to a position where he could fulfil his dream of becoming a teacher. Now he’d achieved that goal, he’s still working on being the best he can possibly be. He hadn’t even had the time during that to think about relationships and dating, and he’d always thought that it would happen just like that.

Nagisa supposes it’s the right time for honesty, though. “It’s not a big deal, exactly, but… This kind of thing has never been a priority, and now I don’t know what to do. Or if I even want to do it.”

“I think you wanted to,” Karma shrugs, “you were hard.”

“So were you.”

“Yeah,” he grins, “but I was getting jerked off. You were just watching.”

Nagisa actually squirms at the memory. He’s spent the entire week trying to repress it all, but now here Karma is, quite honestly forcing him to remember. He doesn’t really know why he had the reaction he did, everything happened so fast back then that he’d barely had time to process the state of his arousal before Karma was suddenly wrapping his hands around him.

“I-“

“It’s tough,” Karma goes somewhere in his head, deep in thought. “Most people fumble through as teenagers when it’s mutually uncomfortable and learn practically like that, so now there’s an even playing field and at least they generally know what to do. But you’re really a beginner.”

He doesn’t want to ask, but somehow it falls from him anyway. “Was it really that bad?”

“Well,” Karma starts, “you definitely need more practise.”

As if on instinct, Nagisa jerks away from him.

He has the nerve to roll his eyes a little. “I swear, Nagisa, I won’t lay a hand on you. Not unless you want me to.”

His lips parted. Unless you want me to. What kind of leading question is that? He doesn’t want Karma to touch him again. Even though it felt good… It’s just a terrible idea no matter how he looks at it. But, now Nagisa’s picturing it again, and even though it’s really not the right time, he can’t help but feel a little heated about the whole thing. Unfortunately, that means his face visibly flushes.

“I, uhm, b-“

Karma notices. “You do,” he laughs with an evil glint, and his face goes dark. “Did you have the hots for me this entire time? Ha! Then I guess I did you a favour, then! Don’t worry Nagisa, I don’t mind if you’re attracted to me. Do something about it, c’mon,” he play smacks him, as though this is all a joke.

He’s not sure what Karma wants from him, but it doesn’t matter, because he just stands up. “I’m leaving.”

“Wait,” Karma practically tosses his body across the sofa dramatically, “I said I didn’t mind.”

“This is so dumb,” he says mostly to himself.

“Well, if you want to learn,” Karma shrugs, and then downs the rest of his drink in one go, wincing as it travels down his throat. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. Like I’m your tutor or something.”

Why would it mean something? “Like a sex tutor?”

“Sure,” he’s nonchalant. “You know, so you can figure out what you’re doing.”

Nagisa just stares blankly at him. “That sounds like a terrible idea.”

It really, really is. As much as Karma constantly makes fun of him, Nagisa knows he’d trust him with his life, but this is different. Being his best friend and… sex… it doesn’t sound like it will end up good. He understands what Karma’s saying, that it’s better to get out of the awkward stage now so that he doesn’t have to go through it when he’s with someone he actually likes. But that doesn’t mean it won’t have consequences! Plus, friends don’t just sleep together.

“Alright,” Karma still maintains his composure. “Off you go then.”

Nagisa frowns, even though he’s the one who wanted to leave. “You’re kicking me out because I don’t want to have sex with you?”

“There’s plenty of things aside from sex,” Karma points out. “We already covered hand jobs. That can be unit one, or something. Does that mean we need a pop quiz?”

He deflates. “Are you really serious about this?”

“This teaching thing is kind of fun,” Karma looks as though he’s about to crack his knuckles and start a 1980s training montage. “I see why you’re so passionate about it.”

“D-don’t corrupt my career like this!”

Karma himself stands up, approaching Nagisa like he’s crowding him in. “Why don’t you go ahead and call me Karma Sensei?”

Does he have some kind of weird teacher fetish? “U-uh,” he gulps, “I didn’t agree yet.”

“Yet, huh?” Karma has the nerve to grin. “This is an expiring offer. Going once, going twice-“

Something possesses Nagisa, and he grabs Karma by his shirt, as though he’s about to square him up for a fight. That, or kiss him. Whichever one it is, Nagisa loses his nerve before he can actually do either, though, but he doesn’t let go of him. All he knows is that he’s stepped straight into quicksand, now, and he can feel himself sinking no matter what he does.

“Education purposes only,” Nagisa says eventually, looking him right in the eye.

Karma nods. “Of course. We’re adults here. It’ll be easy to separate class time from hang out time.”

Nagisa finally lets him go. “What’s in it for you, though?”

Something crosses over his face. “I mean, there’s worse ways to spend my time than getting my rocks off. But call me generous, helping a friend in need.”

Generous. “I-“

“Go sit back down on the sofa,” Karma says, “I know exactly what to show you.”

When Nagisa does it, he knows he’s forfeited his last chance to do back out of this. His heart is beating fifty miles an hour and he’s just a little worried it might actually burst out of his chest. Are they really going to have sex? Just like that? Nagisa had always thought he’d have more time to process it than this, but…

Karma’s looking at him like he’s evaluating him. Scrutinising. He’s moved right in front of him, and since he’s standing his height feels even more imposing. Nagisa shifts awkwardly, not sure he’s comfortable with being watched like this. But then Karma apparently decides what he’s going to do, and sinks down to his knees. Considering the length of his thighs and torso, he’s still tall like that.

“Are you okay?”

Nagisa nods, even if he’s not sure whether that’s the truth.

“Good,” Karma leans forward, planting his hands on his thighs. “You have to remember to check in, every now and then. But if there’s something you really don’t like, you can say ‘stop’ at any point.”

It’s ridiculous considering what happened last time, but Nagisa shudders a bit at the feel of Karma’s hands. Whether it’s excitement or apprehension he’s not sure, but with sudden clarity he knows he wants to feel more of it. So he does his best to stay still, as Karma’s hands drag down his legs, before he leans forwards again and his fingers curl around the fastening of his jeans.

Nagisa can’t help looking away. It’s embarrassing, to have his clothes stripped so easily like this. He can only sit there and shift himself where Karma guides him, letting him pull his trousers down his legs and then off, pooled onto the floor somewhere. He’s not entirely exposed, considering his boxers are still on, but he kind of wishes he’d worn something better. Not that Nagisa paid much attention to his underwear, ever.

“Nagisa,” Karma pauses, “you can’t learn anything unless you watch.”

He forces himself to look down, and it’s nerve wracking. At the same time, though, there’s a whole other feeling. Nagisa’s not really sure if it’s arousal or apprehension. Last time at least, everything happened so fast there was no real anticipation, not like this. But there Karma is, on his knees in front of him, and it’s so surreal and exactly like something out of a wet dream that his entire body is confused about how exactly to react.

“Move forwards a bit,” he instructs.

Nagisa tries his best to shuffle. “Like this?”

Apparently not, because Karma yanks him forward with a fierce grip at his legs, and Nagisa’s head spins. He knows for a fact, then, that he’s growing hard. Even though there’s a small part of him that knows that’s what’s meant to happen, it’s a little alarming. He does try to relax, though, even though that’s easier said than done when Karma actually grabs his budding erection.

He even has the nerve to look self satisfied as he does it, raising an eyebrow before rubbing him there with purpose. Nagisa can’t help the way his toes curl up at the feeling of being stimulated. Obviously, he hadn’t even considered touching himself this week, so the last time was also under Karma’s hand. It feels even better than he remembers, and there’s still a barrier of fabric in the way. Shamefully, it doesn’t take long at all before he’s straining against the boxers, and all he wants is them off.

He still tenses, though, when Karma does just that. It was a more even playing field, when they were both half naked, but now Nagisa feels a little uncomfortable under the attention. Not enough that he has any intention of stopping, though, because Karma’s bare hand around his erection feels like fire and he instinctually needs more of it.

“Don’t freak out,” Karma warns, and then his head disappears between his legs.

At first Nagisa feels Karma’s other hand grip at his thigh, the first gripping him by his base, before the most impossible heat. At least before, he wasn’t entirely blind to what it felt like to have a hand wrapped around him. It’s definitely different, but a hand is a hand no matter who it’s attached to. But this is Karma’s mouth, and his lips.

In reality, he hasn’t actually taken much of Nagisa’s length inside. Nagisa keeps to his word, and does keep his eyes on him. But it’s hard to actually concentrate on what’s happening when Karma’s lips are wrapped easily around his head and now he’s sucking. His fingers dig into the sofa cushion for something, anything, to ground him to the mortal world.

He clearly knows what he’s doing, because Karma looks up and makes eye contact with him then, his gaze low and seductive. He has the nerve to smirk (which Nagisa thought wouldn’t be possible with his mouth otherwise occupied), and lets the head fall out with an audible pop. Before he has time to mourn the loss, his eyes sink close like he’s genuinely enjoying it as he trails attentive almost wet kisses to the shaft. And Nagisa can barely stop himself from coming right then and there.

“Lesson,” Nagisa’s voice comes out as strained. “This is supposed to be a lesson.”

Karma looks up at him again, which is just too seductive whist his lips are on his erection. “Right.”

“S-so teach.”

“You’re not learning?” Karma pulls away, and Nagisa regrets everything. “Well, blowjobs aren’t just about sucking. There’s kissing,” he resumes the action of attaching his lips to the shaft, “tongues,” which he demonstrates by licking him root to tip. “But sometimes the basics are just as good.” With that, Karma takes him all the way to his base.

Nagisa can’t help but cry out in a kind of shock/alarm, though most of it is the onslaught of pleasure. He’s never felt a sensation like this, and he feels a slight twinge that he might get addicted to it. Since he’s meant to be paying attention, Nagisa notes that there’s definitely finesse about this. Karma’s sucking him just right and skilfully, like he’s trying to draw out as much as he possibly can.

“Of course,” he pops off entirely and Nagisa wants to scream, “there’s no one size fits all for sex. You just have to try things out, pay attention to whatever your partner reacts to. The only real rule is no teeth.”

“T-teeth?” Nagisa tilts his head. “Like how?”

Karma winces. “Well, don’t say you didn’t ask. I’ll show you for just a second.”

He goes back down again, taking Nagisa into his mouth, and if this is what heaven feels like he’s about to start planning his own funeral. But then, just as he gets adjusted to the feeling again, Karma’s mouth shifts and suddenly his teeth scrape against the shaft. It’s entirely different to everything else he’s feeling, but so satisfying and real that immediately his eyes roll back.

He cries out even louder and it’s embarrassing. But, all of a sudden he’s filled with crazy, primal urges. Like he wants to slam Karma’s head down and make him do it again. Nagisa’s not quite confident enough for anything like that, in fact mostly he just trembles. Didn’t Karma just say not to do that? But… he wants more.

Karma pulls away again in confusion. “That felt good?”

Nagisa nods, but Karma’s reaction makes him feel uncomfortable. Is he weird?

“You’re into teeth,” Karma concludes. “Interesting.”

“U-uhm,” Nagisa needs to ask for more but he doesn’t know how, “can you-“

Karma grins devilishly, then, and pries one of Nagisa’s hands from the cushion and places it in his hair instead. “Why don’t you show me what you like?”

It takes Nagisa a moment to figure out what he means, and he feels like he’s going to overheat. It was easy to just experience this, but to control it? Unfortunately for him, his neglected erection throbs to the point it’s almost painful, and that pretty much makes up his mind. He just barely pushes, and thankfully Karma doesn’t torture him by making him ask for it even more directly.

Nagisa sighs, when he slides right back into Karma’s mouth, and it all feels right again. He keeps his hand in Karma’s hair, and he can’t help but feel around. As it turns out, his hair is really soft, and it’s easy for him to get lost in stroking through the texture. And also what Karma’s doing to him in general. With little actual guidance, he’s bobbing up and down at the steady pace, and once again it’s so hot and almost too much to bear.

He breaks his promise to keep watching. He can’t look at Karma like this, taking him easily to the most pleasure he’s ever felt in his life, without losing himself in an instant. Nagisa’s honestly not sure he can do anything anymore, though he vaguely knows his grip in Karma’s hair is tightening. He closes his eyes instead, trying to focus on the feeling, but then Karma scrapes him lightly with his teeth again.

He doesn’t consciously mean to, but he really grabs onto Karma, then, forcing his head down as his hips jump. Karma doesn’t seem to mind at all, though, if anything sucking harder than before. Of course Nagisa knows that Karma’s strong enough to remove his hand if he really wants to, but he seems fine to just keep going, and then he does something with his tongue that makes him almost snap right then and there.

“Nagisa,” Karma says after actually removing his hand and pulling off again, and he wants to scream in frustration. “You seem pretty close. But there’s so much more to cover-“

“Next time,” he just about gets out through gritted teeth, “just show me next time.”

He finally gets enough of a grip of himself to open his eyes again, and Karma’s just sitting there watching him. Like he’s waiting for something. It’s not a position he ever thought he would see Karma in, on his knees with swollen lips, a hit of saliva at the corner of his mouth. He’s still looking up at him in a way he doesn’t know how to process, but he knows he won’t be able to erase from his memory any time soon.

“You want to get off already, huh?” There’s amusement in his tone, as though he’s making fun of him.

“I-I-“

Nagisa doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, because Karma moves suddenly, grabbing Nagisa’s legs and throwing them over his shoulders. He yanks him forward, so he’s almost lying flat on the sofa with Karma’s head right between his thighs, and goes down with so much intensity Nagisa can’t even think about what just happened. If he thought he was in control just then, he was clearly mistaken, because Karma has him.

He manages to at least watch, when Karma elects to lick the length of him from his underside, his tongue strong and powerful enough to create satisfying friction. He locks eyes with him just one more time, before sucking just the head, digging his teeth in just a little and Nagisa can’t even warn him before he snaps.

The thing with pleasure and pain, equally, is that you can’t really remember how it feels until you’re in the midst of experiencing it. But, what Nagisa discovers right then, is that not all orgasms are equal. He thought the last time was strong, but it’s never taken him over as much as this. He sees completely white, and the next thing he knows, his ears are ringing and he can’t even feel his legs. That, and he wants to sink down into the sofa and never get up again.

He’s only capable of whining, when the feeling of Karma’s mouth is unpleasant with the sensitivity. Thankfully, he doesn’t torture him, and sets his legs back down so he can feel the floor. Nagisa blinks in confusion, wondering where the mess was, but then Karma grinned at him and licked his lips with devilish intention, and if Nagisa’s blood was anywhere other than in his crotch right then, he would have gone bright red at the display.

“Think you got that?”

Nagisa can’t even nod. His jaw just drops, in awe of how quickly Karma went from that to his usual nonchalant self.

“Since I’m your teacher now,” he pulls himself to his feet, wiping his face with his shirt, “I should probably be responsible, right? So, homework.”

“H-homework?”

“Yeah,” Karma says, and then goes into a kind of deep thought. “Homework.”

Nagisa slightly comes back to himself. “S-shouldn’t I, uh, do you?”

Karma looks surprised. “You feel up to that? You look kind of… wiped out right now.”

“But-“

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, and sits beside him on the sofa, stretching out. “We’ll have a test next week, hm? Until then… you can practise.”

Nagisa has no idea what to say or think of that, but suddenly he’s all too aware of the chill of the air around him. He winces, before shifting so he can pull his underwear and trousers back on again. Still sensitive, it almost hurts a little, but it’s better than sitting naked in Karma’s apartment. Though, considering what they just did, nudity doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

“Okay,” he agrees, and somehow it feels like he just signed a contract.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Just like that? Well, he supposes this arrangement doesn’t have to mean anything weird. Is it even a proper arrangement? Maybe they should discuss it more… But, Karma can still teach him about sex kind of things, whilst they maintain their normal friendship. Is this going to be a regular thing? Nagisa doesn’t even know, but the prospect of next week is a slightly scary one.

“Yeah,” he suddenly feels calm, though he can barely wrap his mind around what just happened. “Whatever’s on.”

Karma cleans back, picking up the TV remote as he flicks through the channels, eventually finding something he likes the look of. Nagisa doesn’t think too much about it, just glad for external noise to fill the apartment. He still has hours to go, before his last possible train, and he’s not jumping to leave right away, as much as he wants to go home and think on it some more.

“Did I tell you about what my co-workers did this week? It’s worse than last time.”  

This is normal.

Nagisa’s a good student. He’s always taken his education very seriously, and especially now that he’s a teacher, he knows that certain tasks are set for a reason and he would do nothing to dispute that. However, he feels just a little bit out of his league with this. He sits there, prepared with his notebook and laptop on the desk in front of him, web browser already opened up in incognito mode.

He cringes, and types in the address of the only porn site he knows.

Immediately his eyes are assaulted with naked bodies and neon orange t. He almost wants to coil away and shield his vision. But, with this arrangement, he knows he signed up to do that and worse with Karma. Maybe if there weren’t so many breasts jiggling right in his face. It was obnoxious. Still, he soldiers on, knowing at least that these kind of sites have filters.

He clicks on the categories tab, and frankly he’s a little concerned at some of the names. He tries to look over them, though, eventually finding the safety of the word ‘blowjobs’. That’s pretty much the goal, so Nagisa winces again before clicking. There’s still an unsettling amount of breasts, but there’s also some close up penises in the mix now. He’s not entirely sure that’s a good thing.

Nagisa knows he can’t be picky here, so he clicks on the first video, creatively titled ’18 year old w/ huge tits gets cum shot’. It starts right in the middle of the action, at least, and from the angle it’s clear the guy is holding the camera himself. It’s focused on the woman, large pink lips stretched almost comically wide around his penis.

“You like that baby? You like the way I suck your big hard cock?”

Do people actually get off to this? Nagisa’s actually glad Karma didn’t say anything like that to him. Well, his mouth had been a little busy… Not that it’s bothering the woman in the video, clearly. The idea of saying something like that… Nagisa’s not sure he’s capable of it. Definitely not capable of doing it whilst giving a blowjob.

He’s not doing this for fun, though, so he grips his pen with vigour and attempts to write something. She definitely seems to be going for speed, in fact her bobbing is kind of frantic, her expressions completely lewd. Nagisa wonders if that’s an important factor, facial expression. He remembers how hot it made him feel, when Karma was staring up at him. He looked nothing like this woman, though.

She’s almost erratic where Karma was kind of… sensual. Maybe some people like it like this. The gears in Nagisa’s mind start to spin, though. Karma probably just showed him the way he liked it, that’s what makes the most sense to him at least. So maybe watching this kind of thing isn’t really that helpful anyway.

“I want it in my pussy-“

Nagisa clicks off the video immediately. An unpleasant chill goes through his body, and he can only call it ‘shame’. The truth is, Nagisa’s not really a porn kind of guy. The idea of it hadn’t ever really appealed to him anyway, but even if it had, with how strict his mother was, there was no way he would have gotten away with watching it as a teenage boy. And now he’s older… there’s more important things on his mind.

He still feels like he needs more instruction, though. Perhaps a porn website isn’t the right place. Visual learning can be good… but he knows it’s not really genuine. He doubts anyone is there for much more than a paycheque. So book learning, then. Back to basics. Since Nagisa’s internet history is already destroyed forever, it almost doesn’t matter when he types ‘how to give a blowjob’ into the search bar.

Nagisa’s not sure if ‘googling it’ was the route Karma had been intending him to take, but what worked worked, right?

Admittedly, he’s not quite sure about some of the articles that pop up either. He scrolls a little, before his eyes set on something. Wikihow. Sure, it might not be the most glamorous of all websites, but as general advice goes it’s a pretty good option. It doesn’t seem like much of the information is being blown out of proportion for spectacle.

As Nagisa reads through it, some things definitely make sense to him, given what he knows having experienced it. This is what he needs, a break down of points, and without the awful overbearing moaning, it’s easier to write his notes. Honestly, it actually seems not that difficult. Just a suction kind of motion… plus some of the other stuff Karma showed him like kissing and licking.

There’s two things that stand out to Nagisa. One of those things is the constant insistence of no teeth, a constant even when he clicks through a couple of other articles. A small amount of shame washes over him. If anything, that had been the best part. Maybe he’s some kind of sexual freak or deviant. Even Karma said it didn’t feel good… so he won’t be trying it.

The second thing is this: gag reflex.

It’s the biggest problem he could probably think up independently, too. He’d only seen Karma naked that first time, and he hadn’t been thinking it then, but he’s not confident he can fit it in his mouth. He stares at himself in the mirror for a moment, opening it like he’s trying to impersonate a fish. It doesn’t really look like peak sexiness.

Maybe he should just call it quits. But that doesn’t sit quite right with Nagisa at all. He is not a quitter. But he is going to need to do something about this. Technique won’t really help him if he’s not sure he can get it all in. Clearly, that’s leading to one thing. He needs practise. But, well, he can’t exactly do that effectively.

Nagisa closes his notebook. There’s only so much he can do in one day, otherwise his brain will be overwhelmed. He’s honestly confused about what he’s so worried for… Karma’s been clear that he knows just how inexperienced Nagisa is.

It does start playing on his mind, though.

As much as Nagisa relies on meals he can buy from the konbini, he does still have to buy normal food at the actual supermarket too, every now and then. He doesn’t have any kind of normal grocery schedule, but it always seems to land around the latter part of the week. Honestly it’s not the most interesting shopping ever, considering the contents of his basket are currently rice, a bag of frozen gyoza, and a tube of mayonnaise. He’s beside the fish counter, debating if he should just eat some premade sushi for dinner, when he hears it.

“Fish, fish, fish
If you eat fish
Your head, your head, your head,
Your head will become good.”

He frowns, the upbeat music almost hurting his ears. Nagisa’s far too young to be bitter with life, and he loves his job and his students, but after a long day at work it’s a little too overwhelming and cheerful. It also doesn’t help that it seems to be coming from a stereo made in the nineties, and at maximum volume. He retreats to vegetable and fruit section, before his ears start to hurt, though he’s not unaware that it’s kind of stuck in his head now.

Maybe he eats a few too many ready made meals, but Nagisa’s definitely not unhealthy. Actually, he would usually have gone for the fresh food first, since it’s in the of the shop, but he’d had to turn his head away in shame and go right to the other side.  

To put it simply, they all look kind of like penises.

He’d utterly failed at keeping his research out of his head. If anything, the more he tries not to think about it, the more it’s on his mind. He’s not sure he’s ever going to be able to eat a cucumber again, without thinking about it. Had he really gone through his life without realising how so many things were phallic shaped?!

He gets a horrific idea, though, one that worms its way into the back of his mind. If he needs practical practise, and can’t use a real one, and there’s something right here that looks - at least in his brain right now – like a perfectly good substitute… Nagisa can’t believe he’s really thinking about doing this, but what other choice does he have?

Nagisa stares at his options. The carrot is perhaps more appropriately themed, but the cucumber is bigger in both senses. It’s not like he stopped to take a measurement of how big Karma is, but it’s definitely not carrot sized. But… the cucumber looks so intimidating. He can’t exactly ask the shop staff which vegetable most accurately represents a penis so he can practise not choking to death before the weekend, though.

Before he dies of embarrassment right then and there, he tosses a classic bunch of bananas into his basket and doesn’t look back. They look about the right size, but Nagisa had been distracted at the time. He hadn’t had a chance to really measure it. Not that he wants to. That just seems… embarrassing to say the least.

Buying a bunch of bananas isn’t exactly what qualifies as strange activity, Nagisa knows, but he feels guilty when the cashier’s handling them. As though she can read his mind and tell exactly what he’s planning to do with them. She doesn’t say anything, though, aside from asking if he has a point card (he doesn’t, but he’s been meaning to get one. Not today, though).

He puts the bananas in the kitchen sink when he gets back home, vowing to wash them thoroughly before he does anything with them. Also, it helps that they’re out of sight, though he can’t stop thinking about it as he eats dinner, and after too once he’s had a shower and changed into his pyjamas. Nagisa wonders, if he’s this nervous now, how is he going to survive their lesson?

He sits in front of the mirror again, since he’s established that facial expression is important. May as well try and hone both skills at once. It feels ridiculous, but he’s comforted by the open notebook at his side. A reminder that this is only for academic purposes. If only he’d had the chance to write stuff down whilst Karma was demonstrating it…

Nagisa takes the end of the unpeeled banana into his mouth. Even though he’d washed it well, it tastes kind of gross. Then again, he’s pretty sure doing this for real isn’t going to taste pleasant, either. The girth of it isn’t uncomfortable, exactly, and it’s not like his mouth is stretched beyond its limits. He takes that as a positive sign, before working it in.

It feels like he expected it to, honestly. There’s a slightly heavy weight on his tongue, and trying to fold his lips over his teeth like the Wikihow article told him to feels a little awkward and difficult. He perseveres, though, until he feels very uncomfortable. With dismay, he realises that the banana isn’t even that far in yet. He’s barely even gone half way!

Nagisa pushes it further, before a horrible feeling crawls up his throat and he just about manages to pull it out in time for him to splutter and joke. Yes, he realises, the gag reflex really is no joke. It’s not like Nagisa’s ever purposely tried to make himself throw up before, especially like that, but it really doesn’t feel comfortable. It’ll be embarrassing if he throws up on Karma’s dick.

From what he’s read, the art of ‘deep throating’ is something gained by practice, and isn’t even necessary to give a good blowjob. But, Karma did it to him, and he feels a little competitive. Unfortunately, the more he tries, the quicker he feels the urge to hurl. Even when he looks up a couple of techniques, they don’t help that much. Squeezing his thumb doesn’t seem to do anything, and when told to ‘think of something else’, the only thing he can think of is ‘fish, fish, fish, if you eat fish…’.

So maybe that’s for a later date, but there’s other things he needs to try. And maybe it needs to come from himself, this time. What had been so hot about it? He lets the banana go in disgrace, and flops down onto his bed. The clearest thing he can think of is the simplest one: Karma looked like he was having a good time, like he was enjoying it. Physically it had felt incredible, but it was the way he’d looked at him that had Nagisa’s toes curling.

Even at the memory, Nagisa feels something stir in his lower stomach. Can he really do this? He ends up turning to his side, unwilling to face the reality of being turned on right now. There’s too much to worry about, and his stomach is all in knots. He decides to try and get some sleep, at least, and deeply tries to remind himself that there’s more going on in his life than just this.

Unsurprisingly, he feels nervous on his way over to Karma’s place. This time, he knows something’s going to happen. There’s no denying that in less than an hour, he’ll probably have Karma’s erection in his mouth. Of course he’s freaking out a little. For once, he’d actually managed to find a seat on the train, so he’s sitting, elbows tight with his phone in front of his eyes, as he tries to give some of the articles one last look over. Nagisa can hardly believe he’s actually cram studying.

He’s almost glad he is, though, when he reads what’s practically in small print. This particular article isn’t exactly well structured advice, it’s more of a collection of comments given by random people, but one sticks out to him: ‘In terms of the tongue, it’s really not that different to kissing. Too much is bad, but if you’ve mastered the skills that come with that already, you’ll be able to drive him crazy.’

Kissing, huh? Kissing he knows he can do, though admittedly he might be a little rusty considering how long it’s been. Nagisa had been completely embarrassed about it at the time, but he’d actually outscored Karma in Bitch Sensei’s weird test. Now he’s a teacher, he’s more than aware that ‘kiss testing’ isn’t and should not be a thing, but hey, nothing about his education in 3E was typical.

“Hi,” he says far too quickly, when Karma opens the door.

He looks a little taken aback. “Hey-“

Nagisa tries to hold his nerve, and steps into Karma’s apartment, sliding his shoes off immediately. It seems like Karma hasn’t done anything hugely productive with his day off, since he’s dressed in highly casual loungewear. Or maybe he just doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion. Knowing Karma, it really could be either.

“Let’s go then-“

“Do you want a drink-“

They manage to say, at the exact same time. Does Nagisa sound too excited or something weird? He’s not trying to be, but he wants to get this awkward part over as soon as possible. Nagisa’s never been one for small talk, and he doesn’t think Karma is either. Besides, alcohol probably isn’t going to help his potential throwing up problem.

Karma just laughs lightly. “Okay then. Eager, huh, Nagisa~?”

He tries his best not to flinch and turn bright red. It’s ridiculous, they’re both adults here… He’s used to Karma’s teasing, but this time it makes him feel self conscious. It had been fun, last week, after they’d just relaxed and watched a movie. This nervous build up… it’s even stronger than it had been all week. At least Karma doesn’t waste time, directing him past the living room and straight to the bedroom.

The bedroom feels more formal, somehow. But so does this entire situation, now that there’s clear intent involved. Nagisa’s aware that the both of them know exactly what’s about to happen. Karma’s room, when he slides the door open, is relatively tidy. It looks like documents from work have been dumped unceremoniously in the corner, and of course there’s a bunch of random stuff strewn around (apparently they’re organised), but at least the bed is made.

They both sit down on it, and the air between them is strange. Maybe it was easier, when he didn’t know what’s about to happen between them. Well, the only thing Nagisa can do is look ahead, lock onto his target and go for it. Unfortunately, his target happens to be hidden by Karma’s trousers right now. He should fix that.

Unable to stand the silence anymore, Nagisa gets to his feet and turns, right in front of where Karma’s sitting, as he sinks down to the floor. He feels even more nervous, as he looks up at Karma like that, but now he knows he has to go through with it.

“You should take these off,” he says, eyeing the trousers.

Karma complies without argument, hooking his thumbs underneath the waistband to pull both them and his underwear off. He shimmies them down his legs easily, before kicking them completely off, discarded. Nagisa swallows deeply, feeling tiny once again even though Karma’s the one exposed right now.

He can’t help staring at it. Nagisa hasn’t done anything yet, but it’s already hardening up. Perhaps he should be complimented by that, if only the nerves weren’t growing by the second. From this angle at least, it does look pretty big to him. It, too, appears to be growing, as if he’s not intimidated enough. Now’s as good a time as any, he figures, and shifts forward.

“Wait,” Karma says. “We should get a condom.”

Nagisa frowns. “Why? You didn’t use one.”

Karma’s hand rubs down his face. “I probably should’ve, though. You should still use protection… for STDs and stuff.”

He tilts his head. “Are you saying you have an STD?”

“No!” He says, perhaps fast enough that Nagisa might have been suspicious if the context was different.

“It’s fine, then?” He gives Karma a curious look.

It twitches. Huh.

“It’s fine. Are you sure about this?” Karma asks, which seems like a strange question since Nagisa’s already down on his knees.

Nagisa blinks in response. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

It looks as though Karma’s restraining himself, which leaves Nagisa pleased in an odd primal sense. He makes sure he’s standing on his knees, before moving forward. His erection is close, now, and he knows he has to just go for it.

“You should always ask…”

Nagisa grips him, then, with more confidence than he ever thought was possible. “Can I go now?”

“Y-yes. Yes.”

He doesn’t waste his time. According to all of Nagisa’s research, it’s best to start with teasing, to work his way up with the pleasure. That’s what Karma did to him too, building and building. For some reason, though, Nagisa doesn’t want to do that. Ideally, he wants to sweep Karma off his feet, to take him out completely, if he’s even capable of doing that.

So, Nagisa decides to go for it, taking him as deeply as he can. Admittedly, the angle is different and a little more difficult than his practise, but it’s not long before the same uncomfortable feeling grows in the back of his throat. Shamefully, he definitely doesn’t have it all in his mouth, but this is what he did extra reading for! He makes up the rest of the space with his hand, and tries to focus on making sure he can still breathe before his first attempt at suction.

Karma gasps, when he does it, and Nagisa almost feels glee. He decides to take it one step further, giving his head an experimental bob. There’s a lot to think about, actually, and he’s so focused on making sure he keeps his teeth in check that he can’t do anything fancy, or really do anything about the way he looks, which he’d even established to himself was important. He’s doing it, though. He’s definitely giving Karma a blowjob.

It doesn’t exactly feel romantic.

Not that he wanted it to! Or expected it to! Nagisa just… with the way that people talk so often about sex, he maybe thought there would be more to it. Karma’s erection is heavier than the banana was, and tastes somewhat better, too – not good, though, it’s just like… extra salty skin. Not that Nagisa… often tastes skin. It’s no revelation, it’s exactly what he imagined it would feel like. Is it normal, to feel somewhat disconnected?

He does want to keep going, though. Mostly it’s for himself, but he kind of wants to prove that he can do this. Also, it feels a little unfair that Karma so easily took him apart before. There’s a competitive spirit rising up within him. He doesn’t want to just give Karma an inexperienced sloppy barely passing attempt.

He’s pretty sure this isn’t how Bitch Sensei had intended her techniques to be used (he tries not to think too much about her, though), but that one article does come back to him. The first stage he starts the next time he takes as much of Karma in as possible. Previously, his tongue had been flat, but he decides to try introducing it.

Karma doesn’t moan, or anything, but he’s pretty certain he breathes a little heavier. That’s good. Multitasking really is difficult, but he tries his best to incorporate his tongue as much as he can, and as he gets more used to it, he can concentrate on what he’s doing with it. He tries a few licking motions, dragging his tongue along the understand of Karma’s erection, which is finally rewarded with a groan kind of sound. That means it felt good, doesn’t it?

“Karma?” Nagisa pulls off. “Is it okay?”

Karma’s eyes contain the fire of a madman, when he finally looks up at him. “Don’t stop.”

Like a match held close to a candle wick, Nagisa lights up too. Distinct, deep heat blooms in his stomach. Karma sounds… desperate, and it’s not something Nagisa gets to see often. He’s not sure exactly why that’s turning him on, but he doesn’t have time to dissect it. There’s a new energy thrumming through him. He wants to make Karma desperate, to make him call out and beg.

He elects to do exactly what Karma did, and takes only the head between his lips. It’s a much more manageable size, and Nagisa can make proper use of his tongue. Granted, it really isn’t the same as kissing at all, but he figures he can apply the basic theory. Or, it appears he definitely can, because this time Karma practically writhes as moans.

He’s… enjoying this, actually. Nagisa hadn’t expected to, but it’s good. He finally gains the confidence to look up, and finds Karma’s gaze fixed right on him. It takes everything he has, but he holds his gaze with the next lick, wanting to read his reaction fully. Karma’s lips fall open and a heavy sigh/moan escapes. His fists, though, are clenched into the blanket as he tries to ground himself with something.

For once in his life, Nagisa feels kind of powerful and he’s revelling in it. He’s making Karma this way, all on his own. Nagisa finds, then, that he doesn’t have to morph his face to look like he’s enjoying it, he genuinely is. He’s pretty into it now, as he tries sliding more of the length inside again, but there’s still a part of him capable of feeling a little embarrassment about the sudden tightness of his trousers.

Nagisa’s concentrating too hard to do anything about it, so he just squeezes his thighs together for some relief as he attempts to speed up.       Karma’s breathing seriously hard, now, and Nagisa’s starting to take note of what’s causing the strongest reaction. In fact, he decides he might actually write it down, after this. So far, it’s definitely the licking motions, reminiscent of the kiss of death, that seem to be working the best. Karma straight up jolts, when he pays attention to the tip in particularly, so Nagisa assumes he’s pretty sensitive there.

As fun as it is, though, Nagisa’s jaw is starting to get a little sore. Also, with the added enthusiasm, the danger of choking starts to reappear. For a moment, Nagisa worries that it’s too much, but then a hand fixes in his hair and it feels incredible. Nagisa can’t help himself, not with the arousal already shooting through him, and he moans around Karma.

“Nagisa,” Karma responds in kind.

He looks up at him, and his eyes are screwed shut, head properly tilted back. It’s almost a little vulnerable, and more than enough motivation for Nagisa to push through the slight pain and keep going with everything he has. He tries moaning again, and that seems to do the exact trick, his own toes curling up.

“C-close,” Karma chokes, pulling at his hair. “Nagisa-“

For a moment, Nagisa just keeps going, not really comprehending the meaning of the warning. But then, whatever small amount logic he has left within him wakes up, and he realises what Karma’s trying to tell him. If Nagisa doesn’t stop, Karma’s going to come right into his mouth. Through it all, that isn’t something he’s prepared for. He doesn’t exactly have much of a chance to think about it, so he lets Karma’s erection slide out immediately.

Except, Nagisa happens to pull away literally as Karma starts to come. For just a split second, Nagisa gets to enjoy the fact that he got Karma off, the deep throaty moan he lets out music to his ears. But then the fires of hell itself start to burn in his eye, and he’s blinded. On top of that, there’s an unpleasant splattering sensation across his entire face.

Actually, Nagisa shrieks, because just half a second later and the pain is unbearable. He’s too afraid to even try and open his eye, in case it falls straight out or something. This hadn’t been in any of the articles. Definitely not in the porn. He wishes he’d just swallowed it, surely that would have been better than the burning.

“Nagisa?” He hears Karma say, concern lacing his tone.

All he’s capable of producing is an extremely pained whimper.

“Oh,” Karma seems to figure it out, then, and quickly grabs him by the arm, yanking him to his feet.

He’s still not brave enough to open his eye, so he lets Karma drag him, until he hears the sound of running water and his head is practically shoved down into the sink. He gets the idea of that, at least, and finally opens his eye again. He’s horrified that there appears to be a film over his eye, completely distorting his view of the world.

Nagisa understands what he has to do, though, and starts desperately trying to rinse the eye out. The water does absolutely nothing to soothe the excruciating burning, though, if anything it’s still getting worse by the second. A slightly ironic voice in the back of his head reminds him that at the very least he’s definitely learnt something today.

“I’m sorry,” Karma eventually says, and Nagisa’s vision has returned just enough to notice he’s redressed his lower half at least. “But, I did warn you.”

He just groans in pain, he doesn’t want to hear it.

“Did you get it out?” Karma tries.

Nagisa turns off the tap and stands upright again. “It still hurts.”

“It’s going to,” Karma holds out a wet cloth, but instead of handing it to him, he just wipes down the side of his face, and it occurs to Nagisa that he probably got semen in more than just his eye. “Hold this on it,

“Might?”

Karma shrugs. “I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.”

They end up sitting down in the living room in awkward silence, with Nagisa pressing the compress to his eye. At least the living room sofa is much more neutral territory. He tries to think of something, anything, to take his mind off the pain. For some horrifying reason, the only thing his brain can come up with is: ‘fish, fish, fish. If you eat fish…’.

“It was pretty good other than that,” Karma eventually says. “Once you got into it. For your first time, anyway.”

“Thanks,” Nagisa responds, because honestly he has nothing else to say. At least he knows he did a good job.

Karma swallows. “I still think you need more practise though. And you really need to stop quicker, if I warn you like that.”

He puts the compress down, his eye still stinging but at least a little better. “Same time next week, then?”

Karma looks a little taken aback.

“What is it?”

“Your eye…”

Nagisa rushes back to the bathroom immediately, and stares hopelessly in the mirror. It’s honestly a little horrifying, to see just how red his eye is. It looks like he just got punched, or else some kind of crazy infection. That’s not going to happen though, right?! He really should have read up more, because he feels completely out of his depth.

“How long will it stay?” He asks in a panic. He doesn’t want to go home like this, and he certainly doesn’t want to go to school like this.

Karma has the nerve to laugh. “I don’t know. It’s never happened to me.”

“Huh?” This isn’t common, then? Nagisa just screwed up?

“I usually just swallow,” Karma says nonchalantly.

Great. Nagisa’s a little confused by that for a moment, though. He supposes it should have occurred to him, given the performance last week, that Karma’s definitely done this before. They don’t talk about their individual love lives. Or, well, sex lives. Nagisa knows that Karma dated some foreign exchange student guy for a bit during university, but he never met him.

Karma being into guys had been a really irrelevant fact in the back of his mind for a while. There hadn’t been any direct confession or anything like that, so Nagisa had just shrugged it off. He’d been too focused on his own life. This is the first time he’s really thought about it, admittedly. Has Karma ever been with a woman?

Nagisa knows it’s not the right time to ask, though. Honestly, he’s never considered himself as being into guys. But, he’s never been into anybody. Logically, he knows he was turned on by this, and the last two times too. He’s not sure what that makes him.

“I can’t go out like this,” he chooses to say, rather than the torrent of strange emotions. He can unpack those later.

Karma looks at him funny. “I might have some sunglasses?”

It’s night time already, but looking kind of crazy seems better than looking infected. So he nods, and accepts his fate. At least, the sunglasses are pretty nice. Karma has a highly paying job, he thinks, so he can afford nice things like this. Even if currently, they’re making him look absolutely ridiculous.

“Thank you for the lesson,” he says politely, because what else is there to say? “I’ll… do a lot better next time.”

Karma blinks. “Sure. I’ll see you.”

He holds the door open, and Nagisa practically scurries out. He’s sure the entire embarrassment of the situation really will hit him the moment he gets home, when he’s alone. Thankfully, he knows he’ll be better off dealing with it alone, and the quicker that happens, the better.

“Wait,” Karma calls, sticking his head out of the door. “You passed.”

Perhaps it’s a little pathetic that Nagisa feels a small beam of joy.

Nagisa’s breaths come out hard and heavy as he attempts to focus on what Karma’s doing. Specifically, Karma had told him earlier, that the goal was to watch him carefully. That’s why he’s sitting like this, between Karma’s legs, his back pressed against his chest. Karma’s head is resting on his shoulder, as his hands snake around his waist, slowly working his erection.

It’s too hard to concentrate properly, but Nagisa makes an effort. Their lessons have been going on for a little while now, and mostly it’s just been practise. Nagisa’s even confident that he’s pretty good at handjobs, at this point. This is the most intimate it’s felt, how close they currently are, which is odd considering they’ve taken each other into their mouths. But somehow it feels different, all of Karma’s body pressed up against his.

“Ah,” Nagisa moans, leaning his own head back when Karma runs a thumb across the head of his erection.

“You’re sensitive there,” Karma states.

Everything feels heightened in this position. Instinctually, he wants to grab onto Karma in any way he can, to pull him closer. Instead, though, he just presses back into him, almost grinding his hips up into his hand. As he does so, though, Nagisa can feel something kind of suspect against his back. He grinds once more, as if to check, and he’s certain then that Karma’s also hard.

Everything makes a little more sense. Somehow, he still has the capacity for nerves to creep up though. Karma seems to have that effect on him. The truth is, they’d never done anything at the same time. They… took it in turns, and that worked well. Is working well. Somehow, the idea of one of them not being completely out of their mind is a little more comforting. But, strangely, Nagisa feels like this is kind of nice too.  

He tilts his neck, leaning into Karma’s touch as though he’s desperate for it. Perhaps he even is. Karma seems to get the idea, fixing his lips around a small area of his throat, and Nagisa keens. He didn’t realise he could be so sensitive right there, but Karma’s lips feel like molten. It’s certainly different to when he goes down on him, where all of the pleasure is fixated around his crotch, rather than this, far more akin to a whole body hum.

It’s not hard to admit to himself that he likes this more.  

Karma’s sucking against his skin, for a moment, before he pulls his lips off. “Sorry.”

“H-huh?”

“Might accidentally give you a mark or two,” he breathes against his ear. “You can’t show up to work like that. What would your students think?”

The embarrassment that washes over him is strange and unfamiliar. Nagisa can’t concentrate on it, though, because Karma takes him into his hand with even more vigour, and Nagisa rewards him with a moan that feels heavy. His other hand moves up under his shirt, towards his chest. Nagisa’s not really looking at that, so he’s taken by surprise when his thumb knocks against his nipple. He jolts, actually, because it’s more sensitive than he thought it could be.

“Stop moving,” he can practically feel Karma’s smirk against him.

Nagisa feels even more strange, though. He wants his lips on his neck again, mark or not. He wants more. He wants to grind against where Karma’s clearly hard. He wants him to squeeze his nipple more. He wants… he wants… he wants to turn his head and kiss him. He wants Karma’s lips to move firm against his.

“Karma-“ he gets out, before shooting all over his hand.

Like always, he works him through it, jerking him firmly until the moment where he gets just a little bit too sensitive, and bats his hand away. His breaths start to come heavy, though, and he slumps, head lolling against Karma’s shoulder. Mercifully, he doesn’t try to move him off straight away, instead letting him come down for a moment.

Eventually Nagisa’s brain catches up, and he shifts away from Karma, cringing at the sensation of his now sweat soaked shirt coming apart from him. Nagisa’s not entirely sure what to even say, for a moment. Usually that’s Karma’s job, separating their sex relationship from their normal friend one. It’s what they’d taken to. Everything was fine with this, so long as they could still hang out like normal.  

Nagisa gets the courage, addressing the elephant in the room. Or, well, it was more like a trunk really. “You’re still…”

He looks down at his own trousers, as though he hadn’t realised. “Oh, yeah.”

He ends up getting him off with his mouth, which doesn’t take as long as usual. Maybe Nagisa’s just getting better at it, or maybe it was the stimulation from earlier, though Nagisa’s not sure how intense just shifting against him should feel. He thinks about suggesting it, but quickly gets distracted with the blowjob. There is a lot to take into account, after all.

“Do you want to play a couple rounds of Nihon No Kenka Geemu?” Karma asks, as Nagisa wipes his spunk from his hand.

Whilst he pulls his discarded underwear up, he does consider it. Video games are good, natural territory for them. Usually Karma ends up winning, especially fighting games, but that’s mostly due to how well he remembers combo moves. Nagisa’s a little hopeless with that, even if his quick reflexes save him from time to time.  Besides, spending time with Karma in their regular capacity makes him far more okay with their more recent developments.

Nagisa feels kind of gross, though.

“My back’s all sweaty,” he says, “after that. I should probably just go home and shower.”

“You can use mine if you want.”

Alarm bells start to ring. Shower? In Karma’s house?! Perhaps it’s a little ridiculous, considering he had him in his mouth just a minute ago, but somehow that feels like crossing a line. Showering feels kind of intimate. That would mean cleaning himself where Karma cleans himself every day, using his soap?! Would he end up smelling like him too?! Nagisa doesn’t even like using the toilet in other people’s homes if he can avoid it.

“No!” He panics, and then takes a deep breath, reminding himself that Karma probably isn’t following his train of thought. “Actually, I set my students quite a large assignment last week, and it’s probably going to take all weekend to grade it. M-maybe next week, though?”

“Sure,” Karma looks unbothered. “Next week.”

Nagisa smiles to the best of his ability, and gets off Karma’s bed entirely. He’s fine, with this. He doesn’t need Karma to walk him out. In fact, he almost feels a little better when he doesn’t, when there’s no lingering. It’s easier for the both of them this way. Nagisa feels like he needs some fresh air, anyway, to clear his head.

Karma joins him out in the hallway, though, and clears his throat, an amused look upon his face. “You don’t want to leave without these.”

Horrifyingly, the balled up item Karma throws in his direction is his jeans. Meaning Nagisa was happily about to leave in nothing but his boxers. “Right! Thanks!”

At least Karma doesn’t say anything else, though he does watch him as he tries to get them on and pull them up, shuffling awkwardly to get them over his ass. There’s a reason he usually wears cargo trousers. Karma doesn’t actually laugh at him, at least, during the process. He just lets him go, when he has them on, and Nagisa doesn’t look back to check if he’s still looking at him.

Yes, sitting on the train in this state makes him feel kind of disgusting, and yes, he collapses straight into bed after finally showering. It’s not unusual, he’s found, to be kind of exhausted after his sessions with Karma. But Nagisa’s not that fond of late nights, anyway. He’s always been more productive in the morning hours.

He wasn’t actually lying when it came to grading his students’ projects, even if he didn’t work on it directly after visiting Karma. He does spend the rest of his weekend on it, though, almost with a permanent frown on his face. Most of the work is pretty good, but he knows a few of his students are capable of more. Nothing horrendously bad, but he makes a note to talk to them about it during school hours. He knows everyone learns and improves at their own pace, but some seem to be lagging behind a little and it’s cause enough for concern.

He holds out until Thursday.

It’s just how things seem to go, now ‘sex class’ with Karma is a regular fixture in his life. He expects it, so he doesn’t spend the whole week bundled up with nerves over it. Not that he avoids them entirely, though. But two days out of his week isn’t so bad. And, it’s getting better! Most of the time it’s more of an anticipation, than actual nerves.

This time, though, feels different. This time Nagisa has one thing on his mind and it’s Karma’s lips. Considering everything else they’ve done, it really feels kind of stupid. But the thought was planted in Nagisa’s mind and now he can’t stop. Nagisa at least isn’t innocent to kissing, but he hasn’t kissed Karma before. He doesn’t know what that’s like, but he most certainly wants to. If his lips would feel as soft against his as they do around his erection-

Something strikes him right then, though. Being taught about sex… that could technically be anyone. But right now… he’s thinking about Karma specifically. Nagisa already knows kissing. He doesn’t need to be shown how to do it. In fact, he even got a higher grade than Karma, back in 3E! It’s a little unnerving, actually, like suddenly his acceptance of their situation is being shifted out of alignment.

“Okay,” Nagisa addresses his class, trying anything to get it out of his head. “So today will be the final lesson on personal health. I asked you all to write down some anonymous questions, so we’ll just spend this period going through them.”

Nobody makes any gestures, so Nagisa just takes a deep breath and reaches for the first one.

“’Will my,” he chooses to omit the explicit word there, “penis fall off if I do it too much?’”

This is going to be a long hour.

Admittedly, some of the questions are fair concerns. Once he gets into the swing of things, he doesn’t feel shy discussing them. If his arrangement with Karma has helped one thing, he’s definitely more comfortable with sex as a subject. Even if most of these questions are technical things he didn’t exactly need practical knowledge for.

“Is it really better to wait until marriage?” Nagisa reads his last question aloud. “Well, that’s a difficult one, and I think the answer changes depending on the person. Of course, pregnancy will always be a slight risk, so putting yourself in the most stable position is always a good idea. The most vital part of sex is trust,” he thinks through, “and trust comes in different stages. If you feel like you need to be married to trust someone enough with that part of yourself, then waiting might be best for you. If you feel that you trust someone after just weeks, as long as you’re sure and happy, then that’s okay too.”

 Kawaguchi raises her hand. “What about love?”

“Love?”

She blinks. “Isn’t love the most important part of sex?”

Something goes over Nagisa, then, as though that’s some kind of revelation. Of course he knows just how many people have casual sex, and just how much love has nothing to do with it for them. If he said something like that to, say, Maehara, he’d probably just laugh in his face. Nagisa supposes love might have been part of the reason he’s waited so long. But he doesn’t love Karma. Maybe he lusts for him, at least a little. Maybe his perspective just… changed.

“Maybe for some people. You’re right,” he corrects,  “The most important thing might change, depending on the person. But no matter what, trust is very important.”

And he does trust Karma, he thinks for a moment, when the bell mercifully rings and he can focus his attention to Maths. Although Nagisa’s totally capable of teaching it, maths was never his best subject, so he can’t exactly let his thoughts wonder, even if his class aren’t studying anything particularly complicated. Sometimes, their questions can lead places, strange tangents he struggles to explain properly. He knows someone who would have an easier time with that. But he can’t think about it, because one of the students who sits on the front row has his hand up, ready.

“Yes, Akaba-Akazawa kun?”

So maybe Karma’s more twisted up in his thoughts than he realised.

Akazawa doesn’t seem to notice, at least. “Sensei, I have a question about the last problem.”

He goes over to help him, explaining it again in a slightly different way. Akazawa’s math grades are actually pretty high, but he always seems to doubt and second guess himself. By instinct alone, he’s usually right the first time. Nagisa’s no person to criticise overthinking, though. At least Akazawa seems to get it.

 Nagisa tries his very best to not think about it for the rest of his workday, or on the way home. That would be easier, if everything didn’t seem to remind him of lips. On the train, he can’t stop staring, as even the weirdest connects seem to strike him. The more he tries not to think about it, the stronger the image becomes.

Nagisa knows that kissing is a part of sex. And sex is where this thing with Karma is leading, even if neither of them have officially said it. Karma hasn’t pushed for it yet, and Nagisa’s simply following him. Which means, inevitably, he’s going to have to kiss Karma at some point. Even the thought of it makes his stomach twist in ways that have become too familiar to him.

A part of Nagisa wonders if Karma’s broken his sex drive entirely. For him, it’s always gone between low to non existent. Usually, there were far more important things to think about than gratification. But Nagisa has a decent life now. Sure, he hopes he’ll get a more spacious apartment someday, and there’s a few habits here and there he could improve on. But everything else in his life is fine. He’s settled, and now he has time to slow down and want things.

And he wants to kiss Karma.

The realisation feels strange, as it washes over him during the short walk from the station to his building. He supposes, though, if kissing is a part of sex then it doesn’t have to be romantic. So long as it happens during sex. Would it be so bad, if he kissed Karma before going down on him? Would Karma mind? Would he lean in or push him away?

He’s not hungry, when he gets into his apartment and closes the door behind him. Usually at this time, his stomach is a little ravenous, but instead there’s a strange mellow feeling that threatens to swallow him whole. So, instead of pulling a sad packet of instant ramen from his cupboard, he instead steps lightly across the room and collapses onto his bed.

All Nagisa knows right then, for better or worse, is that he wants it to be the weekend already. Somehow, that’s the solution to the way he feels. A part of him challenges that he can’t exactly live like this forever, defining himself by their one weekly arrangement. Nagisa may not always be the best at understanding his own feelings, but he does know that.

It’s like Karma’s some kind of fix.

-Not that Nagisa knows what a ‘fix’ is like, of course. Or an addiction. Nagisa has never done drugs in his life, and he never intends to. For the record. He was taught better than that.

But this is what he imagines drugs might feel like. A part of him even likes it, the nervous flutters he’s feeling. What’s the matter with him? Nagisa blinks slowly, staring aimlessly up at the white ceiling. It would be easy enough, he thinks, to get lost here. He starts to wonder if he should put a poster up there or something just to take up the blank space. It almost feels like it’s moving.

But then Nagisa realises that no, it actually is moving. His bed starts shaking pretty violently, and his phone starts to join in on the action, blaring an ugly high pitched alarm. Nagisa judges it for a few seconds, before deciding the earthquake isn’t strong enough to warrant jumping underneath his bed. He sits up, at the very least, as his bed slightly inches across the room.

He collects his thoughts, once the tremors come to an end. The quake wasn’t strong enough to break anything, at least. Looking over at his phone, the alert text simply informs him that there would indeed be an earthquake. Well, that had been obvious enough without the warning. It’s no big deal, though, and he pulls himself together enough to get up and right his bed, before actually starting to think about dinner. Perhaps the universe was sending him a sign.

When the weekend actually does come, however, Nagisa feels slightly nervous again. It’s like he doesn’t know what he’s doing again, and these thoughts… they might slip out if he’s not careful. Karma has a way of getting stuff out of him, of making him not think right. Perhaps there’s something the matter with him.

He forgets it all, though, when Karma opens his door. “Come in.”

“Thanks for having me,” he says politely, taking off his shoes.

Nagisa’s not sure why they always start out so formal. Really, it just feels like something they both do to feel safe, like a handshake before the veil drops. It’s without question, now, that Nagisa should simply walk to Karma’s bedroom and wait for instruction. Maybe that’s a little weird, but somehow that makes the flow of things better for him.

Or maybe this arrangement really is messing up their relationship after all.

“Karma,” he says instead, “I-“

“What?”

Karma’s not being short with him, though. If anything he just looks mildly confused. Nagisa stares up at him, searching his expression for some kind of tell. Even to this day, Karma’s always been one of the hardest people to read, since he keeps his emotions under such strict guard. Hard, but not impossible at the very least. His lips are parted, and Nagisa wonders if it would be difficult to reach them given the difference in their heights.

“I want to try something new,” Nagisa says. “U-unless there’s something you were planning today.”

Karma looks a little taken aback for a moment, but he soon recovers. “Sure. It’s up to you, anyway.”

Nagisa doesn’t really like that kind of power.  He looks down, heat rising to his cheeks. This is the way they used to be, so many years ago, right at the start. Karma would take a step forwards, and Nagisa would follow right behind without question. Why would he question it, when he was lucky that Karma let him hang out with him in the first place? Nagisa knows he’s over that now, he doesn’t see Karma as a level above him in life. But when it comes to this kind of thing… Karma’s so far ahead.

“L-like last time,” Nagisa gets out, still blushing. A part of him rationalises that actually doing it might be a problem, if he can barely even speak about it. “Pressing our bodies together, I mean-“

“You mean grinding?” Karma has the nerve to laugh. “That’s so high school.”

Because Karma probably had those experiences in high school. Nagisa doesn’t resent him for it, otherwise they wouldn’t be here. They wouldn’t be doing this. Even though it’s clear Karma has plenty of experience, Nagisa doesn’t actually know how many. They’ve hung out at least once nearly every week since 3E, but somehow love lives never really got brought up, only mild jokes from Karma here and there. Something uncomfortable twists him at the image of Karma with someone else, though.

“I didn’t know,” Nagisa explains a little sheepishly.

Karma casually waves him off, though. “I mean, if you’ve never done it… It’s not like it never happens in foreplay.”

Foreplay. It’s in the word. Foreplay means that you intend to lead up to something more. Whilst Nagisa is pretty certain they’d talk more about it if he meant doing that, mostly it’s just a reminder. Nagisa’s still very much a virgin, they’ve established that. At the very least, he still feels like one, despite everything they’ve done.

He follows Karma into the bedroom, sitting down somewhat coyly on the edge of his bed. Previous times, this was when Karma would drop down to his knees, swiftly prying his legs apart with his strong grip. At least unless Karma had something specific he wanted to say. Right now, he just stands there, like he’s making some kind of evaluation.

“Can you scoot back a little?”

He obeys, shifting so he’s more fully on the bed. Nagisa at the very least knows the theory of grinding, and somehow it doesn’t feel like that’s about to happen. There’s something cold and measured about this, rather than the energy of fluid fumbling. Karma follows him, though, practically climbing on top of him and pushing him down by the shoulders, so that he’s lying flat.

“What are you doing?” Nagisa stupidly asks, before he can stop himself.

Karma blinks. “You kind of need to be lined up.”

This feels awkward. At least when it comes to the blowjobs and handjobs, there’s enough pleasure to distract him from the situation. Karma leaning over him feels strange. This would be easier if they were kissing, he thinks. Unfortunately, due to their difference in height, Karma trying to line up their crotches means there’s no chance that could happen, even accidentally.

Karma’s looking down at him, though, before instead rolling off. “You didn’t really want to do that. There’s something else.”

“Huh?” Nagisa sits up too, somehow feeling a little defensive. “But we didn’t do anything yet.”

“I’m not going to,” he replies casually, looking at the wall instead of him. “You looked uncomfortable. Shaking isn’t much of a turn on.”

Sure, maybe has a lot on his mind. Or maybe Karma’s right. Something makes him feel good, in the tone of Karma’s voice. He won’t push him, if he doubts that Nagisa actually wants it. But maybe Nagisa does need to be pushed. At least just a little bit. He knows this shouldn’t be complicated at all.

Nagisa finds himself reaching out, his hand meeting his arm. “Karma,” he says, “I trust you with my body.”

“I know,” Karma muses. He’s practically leaning back against the headboard.

“But I still don’t know what I’m doing, with this kind of stuff,” he admits. “I… want you to tell me what to do.”

Weird. Nagisa hadn’t even internally thought that through, before blurting it out. Maybe that’s the solution here. He needs to just stop thinking at all. Maybe having Karma lead the way through it isn’t a bad thing at all. If Nagisa really means that he trusts him, then that makes sense in some kind of way.

Karma looks him over. “Come over here then.”

He’s still not telling him exactly what he wants, but Nagisa decides to take at least a bit of initiative. He rolls forwards onto his knees, the mattress shifting under him. He continues, though, too late to back out now as he swings one leg over Karma’s, so that he’s basically sitting in his lap. Karma doesn’t stop him, only moves his arm to accommodate him better. At least here, their faces are more equally matched.

“I can’t tell you what to do without knowing what you want,” Karma says. “So just do it.”

Like his words are some kind of spell, Nagisa darts closer before he can stop himself, and plants one on Karma’s lips. Nagisa should rightfully feel experienced in this surprise kiss thing, but if anything he’s at a loss. It feels like a static shock, when they actually connect. Nagisa finds himself pulling away immediately, as though that was some kind of punishment for entering a territory he shouldn’t have.

“That’s all you wanted?” Karma tilts his head.

Though Nagisa can at least tell he’s not teasing him, he still starts to feel embarrassed over it again. Logically, he understands it shouldn’t be much of a big deal, all they’re doing is touching one body part together. It shouldn’t feel like more than just that, more intense than sucking him off, really. The only argument Nagisa can come up with is when it comes to that at least, he actually has experience, it’s not completely new to him. Therefore he understands it better.

“I wanted to try it,” he finally says. “I thought kissing was a part of sex, after all.”

Karma half chuckles. “You had higher grades than me, back in class.”

“Don’t remind me!” Fresh heat rushes to his face. “The one time I get top grades…”

His hand slides up, then, sweeping across Nagisa’s cheek and through his hair, before eventually landing at the back of his head. Nagisa can’t resist him, as Karma pulls him in close, back in to kiss him again. Since he doesn’t immediately pull back this time, Nagisa actually gets to experience it. Not that this is a heart racing passionate kiss or anything.

It feels different to when he kissed Bitch Sensei. That had been so intense it was uncomfortable. And with Kayano, he hadn’t really been thinking about the kissing part, just the quickest technique to knock her out so that Korosensei could remove her tentacles. There was no really thinking about what the kiss meant.

Karma’s leading him, but not aggressively. And he’s right, Nagisa at least does know how to do this. He knows the right way to follow, to tilt his head, to move his lips. Soon enough, though, he stops thinking about what he’s doing. Technique, the perfect responses, they all seem to fade away from him. He presses closer into Karma, growing bolder as he just does what he wants.

Karma’s other hand slides against his waist, which is as good a reminder as any about what they’re actually doing. The growing buzz within him is different to that of the plain pleasure he’s become used to experiencing. Something about this is more like… anticipation. Kissing Karma is definitely a nice feeling, he concludes, and he wasn’t wrong for spending so much time wanting it.

He gasps into the kiss, when Karma’s hand actually works its way under his shirt. It’s a reminder that they’re not supposed to just be making out here. Karma seems to remember that right then too, because that’s when he decides to deepen the kiss and add tongue. Nagisa technically knows how to respond to that, but it takes him by surprise and he feels like he’s melting.

There’s a certain kind of energy building between the two of them and Nagisa doesn’t know what to do with it. He keens forward, though, so that his chest is pressing right up against Karma’s. Apparently that was the signal to take a small break, because Karma shifts his head back, taking a deep breath. Before Nagisa’s mind even has a chance to wander, however, his other hand moves down too, and before Nagisa really knows what’s happening, Karma’s tugging his shirt off.

He doesn’t feel cold in the slightest, even with that extra layer gone. He does find himself leaning forward, though, and capturing Karma’s lips again. He complies, and Nagisa figures out on his own that maybe he should repeat the action. Boldly, he digs his own hands under Karma’s shirt, and starts to pull it off. It’s actually a little harder than it looks, but Karma assists him, raising his own arms. Somehow Nagisa doesn’t think twice about leaning in to kiss him again, rather than pausing to admire his bare chest.

“Good?” Karma breaks to ask.

“Mm,” he gets out. “Is this-“

Karma sighs a little dramatically. “Relax on your knees a little. Here-“

It feels odd, being manoeuvred like this, but Nagisa lets him do it. Karma’s hands actually focus on his ass, squeezing his flesh through his trousers so that he lowers down, actually on Karma’s lap this time. It doesn’t feel like some kind of life altering incredible pleasure, but Nagisa doesn’t dislike the position. If anything, it’s more the context of it, what it could lead to.

“Is that what you wanted?” Karma says, though not aimed anywhere.

“It just feels uncomfortable,” Nagisa admits, his erection, which had slowly come to life, straining as it’s trapped inside his trousers. “Should we take them off?”

Karma shrugs. “You’re the boss.”

Nagisa actually has to raise himself up again for that. Actually, trying to maintain their position turns out to be impossible, so he awkwardly climbs off as they mutually attempted to discard their trousers and underwear. It’s just a tiny bit of a mood killer, in all honesty, but Nagisa feels an extra buzz of excitement at the fact that they’re both mutually completely naked.

His body feels hot, when he climbs back on top of him again. Almost like a fever, and Nagisa’s out of it. Kissing Karma feels good, but with the absence of clothes and any other barriers, he’s pressed right up against him. Nagisa’s own erection presses up against Karma’s stomach, and he finds his breaths growing heavy with the sensation.

Now that kissing is introduced, Nagisa can’t think everything through at all. If he chooses to concentrate on their kiss, then he can hardly control the rest of his body. That’s a lost cause as it is, it turns out, because the friction makes his hips jump. Karma’s hands go back to his ass, and Nagisa even groans into the kiss when he squeezes.

It doesn’t take long for Nagisa to experiment with movements. It doesn’t directly feel as good as a hand or mouth, but just like before it’s elevated with the excitement their position brings, the closeness. Thinking about it, Nagisa might even say he prefers this to the other stuff. His mind can’t go anywhere but in this moment.

“Use your hips more,” Karma instructs.  

He does. And Karma’s right, as to be expected. When Nagisa experiments with twisting and grinding his hips, it does start to feel really good. Karma’s own erection brushes up against his, and Nagisa wonders if it feels the same to him. They can’t really kiss properly anymore like this, but somehow he’s okay with that, the two of them breathing together as small noises escape from their throats.

As Nagisa shifts himself on top of Karma, he starts to wonder if this is what sex is really like. Nagisa at the very least is aware of the more popular sex positions, even if he’d have no idea about them practically, so he knows that this is one. Though neither of them… has anything inside them. That thought weirdly heats him up more, but he swiftly tucks it away. It’s certainly different, getting off together at the same time.

Every caresses of Karma’s hands threatens to make him squirm and shatter. He seems casual about it, though, moving his own hips at Nagisa’s face, brushing his hands up his arms, and down the length of his back, before finally stopping at Nagisa’s waist. For a moment, the clench of his fingers feels good, but Nagisa swiftly realises that he’s actually trying to still him.

“Is it wrong?” Nagisa knows his voice is strained, and he can’t focus well enough to figure out if there’s something off in his expression.

“No,” Karma says a little carefully. “Just, do you want to try it another way?”

Nagisa blinks. “Sure. Show me.”

Karma grips him firmly, before rolling them, tipping him onto his back like he’d tried to earlier. Even if they can’t kiss like this, the atmosphere is completely different now. Karma braces himself on his forearms, before leaning down and grinding their crotches together. This position allows him to do it harder, Nagisa gets that now, and he can’t say he wants to complain.

In fact, Nagisa tosses his head back, embarrassingly spreading his legs so Karma has an easier time slotting himself between them. Everything’s steaming up now, and wow. With the way Karma’s moving against him, it’s pretty much like thrusting, and Nagisa surprisingly doesn’t hate it. No, he just lets his toes curl up and goes along for the ride.

“Feel up to trying something?” Karma’s voice is more strained this time.

Nagisa attempts to look at him. “S-sure.”

He pauses his momentum. “Wrap your hand around us.”

The width of both their lengths is more than Nagisa’s used to holding, but he makes his best attempt at it, hissing at the extra heat. Karma nods, seemingly satisfied, and Nagisa starts to get it. Actually, it takes a surprising amount of coordination, to attempt to jerk them off at the same pace as Karma’s movements. It feels good, though, better than what they were doing before.

Karma’s erection sliding directly up against his, encased in just his hand… Nagisa can feel everything like this. They’re both leaking precum at this point, so it’s definitely slick enough. It does feel a little strange, good strange, being pressed together. Nagisa’s hips start grinding back into it, and though he can’t feel every single detail, Karma’s twitches and pants of exertion begin to satisfy him.

“C-close,” Nagisa warns, something he’s been taught to do by now.

Since he actually has most of the control over the situation, he can’t really prevent his own hand from speeding up. Of course, it’s much easier to thoughtlessly obey the whims of his own body. But he’s doing those things to Karma too, by default. Karma doesn’t seem to mind at all, supplying him a few groans here and there, to remind him he’s at least enjoying this.

Nagisa can’t help it when that band finally snaps and comes loose. He tosses his head back with a throaty moan, his hand speeding up to work him through it. Only when it gets too much, and his hand comes to a pause, does he realise that Karma stopped moving entirely. He’s still braced over him, though, looking down at him in a way that Nagisa might have to unpack later.

A spark of determination goes through him. Though he lets go of his now quickly softening length, Karma’s still most certainly hard. So hard it almost looks a little painful. Not stopping to think about the fact that his hand is covered in his own release for more than a half a second, Nagisa pushes through his own sudden exhaustion to grip him.

Karma actually whines, when Nagisa gets to work on jerking him the way he at least understands by now that Karma likes. He’s had plenty of practise and feedback on it already. It seems Karma was already pretty close himself, at least, because Nagisa’s arm is only slightly aching by the time he actually comes himself, collapsing on top him once he’s done.

At least Karma gains the courtesy, after catching his own breath, to roll off him so that he’s again at his side. Nagisa’s thankful for that, since Karma is a lot bigger and he would be a bit concerned about his lungs getting crushed. The static energy from earlier returns, then, buzzing all the way through his legs and down to his toes. He decides it’s pleasant.

Nagisa knows right then that he’s kind of disgusting. His hair is all messed up from Karma’s hands, his lips must be kind of swollen, and he’s definitely covered in sweat. Not to mention the evidence of their activities, starting to dry across his torso. He’d be really grossed out by that, but at least in that moment he couldn’t bring himself to care. No, instead, he’s weirdly at peace, which is a far cry from how they’d started this session.

If this is what sex feels like, then Nagisa decides he might be ready. If it means he can be close to Karma again like that, then he wants it.

“Pass,” Karma says.

Nagisa twists his head to look at him. “Huh?”

Karma just hums. “No further feedback needed. You did fine.”

Well of course. These are only lessons, after all.  

Nagisa’s eyes focus on the ceiling.

Karma’s apartment is pretty standard, so it’s really nothing special. He kind of wishes that there was texture there, or something to keep his mind distracted. Instead, it’s just solid white, but it’ll do for now. The thing is, Nagisa’s worried that if he actually concentrates, everything will start to feel too good. It’s already started to be an issue for him.

Currently, Karma’s lips trace his stomach, and his hand runs along his right shin. He tries not to squirm, but it tickles a little. He just keeps going lower and lower, and a part of Nagisa wonders if he intends to eat him whole. Karma’s face is obscured by his hair, but every now and then, as he twists his neck, Nagisa catches a self satisfied smirk on his face.

This lesson had seemed simple enough, when Karma suggested it. It’s his belief that you should make an effort to learn where your partner’s the most sensitive, if you intend on being with them more than just once. He and Karma have long since passed that threshold. Nagisa supposes he’s been doing that anyway, paying attention to the things Karma likes, but never specifically.

“Hah,” he lets out, when Karma’s teeth scrape against his hip bones.

Nagisa’s learning a lot about his own body too. The first is that he likes teeth all over, apparently. He’s embarrassed by that, the idea of having a ‘fetish’ or something, but if anything it just seems to spur Karma on. His teeth remain in location, but he closes his lips around the area and sucks. Nagisa doesn’t mind the sensation, though it’s not the most sensitive for him.

He hadn’t realised just how complicated bodies could be. He’d freaked out a little earlier, when Karma started to play with his chest. Nagisa had wrinkled his nose at it, because he’s not a girl, even though Karma insisted it could feel good regardless. It had just felt a little uncomfortable, really, and Nagisa’s still not sure about it. Maybe he’s being too in his head. But everything else feels a combination of good and great.

Though he doesn’t consciously mean to, he ends up spreading his legs a little as Karma shuffles lower, giving him more room. Predictably, Karma decides to ignore his now straining erection all together, paying far more attention to his thighs. Nagisa didn’t realise, before this, that his legs of all things would be a sensitive place for him. But Karma’s lips suck against his inner thigh, and he can practically feel warm blood rushing southwards.

Karma has to pin him down somewhat, because the squirming is getting worse. Embarrassingly, Nagisa doesn’t actually mind the feeling of his strong hands holding him down on the mattress. The pressure is kind of nice, and though he knows he doesn’t exactly want to be bossed around, there’s a part of him that likes being told what to do.

“Do you want to turn over?” It’s a gentle question, at least.

Nagisa hesitates though. He really does trust Karma with his body, he knows that, but he still feels shy. At least facing each other, Nagisa can keep an eye on what Karma’s doing. Behind him, though, Nagisa really is handing himself over. A thrill does go through him, though. He shakes as he does it, but he turns over onto his hands and knees.

Immediately it feels weird, certainly exposed. Karma doesn’t hesitate though, and leans over him, lips on the back of his neck. As it turns out, his back actually is pretty sensitive. Nagisa arches into it, as his hands rake down his spine, but it still feels a little weird. Although he’s definitely a little uncomfortable, it’s not so bad that he needs to stop, so he tries to stick with it.

Karma’s hands run from down his spine, and then unashamedly squeeze his ass. Nagisa tenses a little, unsure of what he’s going to do, though he trusts that Karma wouldn’t just spring something on him. He’s cautious, at least, as his hands move around the area. Nagisa relaxes after a little while, and whilst it doesn’t feel amazing, he can’t say it’s bad either.

It’s the closest Karma goes, before nudging him back over again, and finally wrapping his hand around his erection. In a way, it feels kind, since he’s essentially been teasing him for the longest time. Nagisa supposes none of that was really about getting him off, though. As Karma had explained, it was far more exploration than anything else.

Fortunately, Karma’s already explored him there many times already, and so draws an orgasm out of him within minutes.

Afterwards, Nagisa just catches his breath. His body feels a little weird after so much attention, aching slightly in places, but mostly buzzing a little in others. At least usually, Karma says something to him, or he’s doing something that leaves Nagisa too distracted to care. This time, though, feels significantly silent.

Nagisa had understood, from the very start of their ‘arrangement’, that they’d have sex eventually. Considering they’ve done everything except that, practically, it feels like they’re stalling somewhat. Nagisa wonders if Karma’s waiting for him to say something… though Nagisa’s made it pretty clear that in this, he just wants to take his lead.

“Is it my turn?” He asks instead.

Karma looks at him for a moment, before lying flat on his back, gesturing his welcome.

Despite himself, a flush creeps onto Nagisa’s face. It’s hard to do this, with Karma watching him so intently. He climbs on top of him, bearing it for just a moment or two before he can’t anymore. Instead, he leans down and captures Karma’s lips, which at the very least helps to calm his nerves. Thankfully, Karma obliges.

All in all, maybe Nagisa’s a little embarrassed about how much he enjoys the kissing. It’s a world that, plainly, he just understands better. And he really likes kissing Karma. He’s good at it in a slightly different way, Nagisa thinks. Actually, for the most part he’s leading it, and Karma is following him blow for blow. He can’t help but moan at the thought, and ends up pressing down on Karma’s chest, pushing him flat.

He pants for a moment, breaking away as he has to evaluate what to do. He collects himself, and remembers that after all this is only an experiment. And really, Nagisa really does like investigating. He starts with Karma’s jawline, leaning down to kiss it, before moving on to his neck. Karma hisses when his lips attach to a certain spot, and Nagisa can’t help himself from pressing into it further, adding pressure as his teeth naturally find their place against his flesh.

”How come you get to leave marks, huh?” Karma half pants out.

It was one of the few caveats Nagisa had introduced. He loves the feeling of Karma’s teeth all over his body, clearly, but he knows that’s precisely the way you get hickeys. A part of the process appeals to him in a way, but Nagisa has a career after all and that kind of thing would be highly inappropriate. He’s sure Karma’s in the same boat, though, and pulls away with a flush.

He examines him again, unsure of where to go next. He feels like he should copy what Karma did, leaving no area untested, but he wants to do something else first. He retraces Karma’s steps, trying to think. One of the first areas Karma had gone for was his nipples, despite his embarrassment over it, since supposedly they were ‘very sensitive’. Actually, Nagisa hadn’t really liked that touch, but it makes him think there might be a reason Karma brought it up.

His finger traces down from his throat and collarbones, before finding its place at his chest. Nagisa still feels embarrassed to just grab at them, though, so he makes it seem like it’s more of an accident, as his hand slips against the right one. Karma tenses up immediately with a sharp intake of breath, though Nagisa doesn’t know how to interpret it.

His hunch is that it feels good, which gives him just enough encouragement to do it again with more purpose. He would have expected Karma to actually say something to that, but he’s entirely silent, though when Nagisa sneaks a glance he’s watching him. It certainly strikes a curiosity in him, but he decides to return to the kissing.

Although Karma did the very same thing to him, it feels more intimate than anything else to be kissing against his chest. His heart is down there, he thinks for a moment, before moving away. Nagisa can’t explain why he does it, not even to himself, but his tongue darts out against the nipple he brushed earlier.

Karma makes some kind of noise at that, but it doesn’t discourage him. In fact, it just encourages him to explore on instinct, and he sucks at it in a way that’s not too dissimilar to the blowjobs he’s practised. Karma seems to flinch, before his back arches up towards him. When Nagisa next sneaks a glance, his eyes are creased shut.

In that moment, he decides he’s too satisfied with that to care about the embarrassment. He keeps his focus, and roles the nipple around his tongue. Using his senses, he takes the other one between his fingers. It’s satisfying when Karma actually gasps, arching into it even more. Nagisa can’t help but wonder what Karma’s thinking in the moment, whether he’s aware of how much he’s reacting. Somehow this feels weirder than blowing him.

Focusing in isn’t the point of this lesson, he’s supposed to be exploring all of Karma’s body, but Nagisa really likes that he can draw such whimpering noises out of him. He’s not sure at all why he feels this way, but heat starts to stir in his own crotch again just listening to him. He notes that Karma hasn’t actually stopped him, either.

He almost feels reluctant when he moves away, sitting back up to get a better look at the situation. The way Karma’s spawled out, head tossed back with his eyes squeezed shut… he almost looks… submissive? A wave of something comes over Nagisa, but he swallows it down, and instead traces Karma’s annoyingly prominent abdominal muscles.

It’s like Nagisa managed to hit some kind of sensitivity button, because he jolts into that too. In fact, glancing down, his erection almost looks painful. He doesn’t reach for it, though, finding the fun in taking his time. He shuffles back and bends down again, letting his lips find where his fingers just were, and almost by instinct his tongue jolts out too.

His legs are shaking, actually. Nagisa doesn’t get it, why he’s acting so sensitive today, when he’s usually pretty capable of keeping a straight face and balanced tone through most of it. It makes pride swell within him, though, and Nagisa wants it badly. He’s not sure entirely how to put into words what he wants, but this feels like a decent representation.

Karma squeaks, when he licks down the lines of his stomach, and he feels even more pride. Actually, the flavour of sweat isn’t the most pleasant, but it’s no more than a background thought. He just continues, until eventually he actually is at the base of his erection. Nagisa knows there’s a lot he hasn’t explored yet, but he feels a little bad about dragging it out for longer.

A sigh of relief comes from Karma, by the time he wraps his lips around him. Nagisa’s noticed that he’s actually pretty gentle with him usually, but he fists into his hair with urgency. For some reason, Nagisa likes the burning tug at his scalp, and can’t help but produce a moan of his own, speeding up with even more vigour.

Suffice to say, it doesn’t take Karma long at all to finish.

Nagisa’s worn out afterwards, after everything that needs to has been cleaned. He’s learnt the hard way by now that you really don’t want to let semen dry on anything, especially someone elses. Somehow, that’s just inherently more gross. They both just lie there afterward, though the atmosphere doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

“Do you,” Karma clears his throat, “want to see if your finger combinations are better?”

“Sure.”

They turn away from each other as they redress. Nagisa’s clothes came off before their activity started, so they feel fine to put back on again. Maybe it’s weird that they give each other privacy to redress… but anything resembling intimacy seems to be off limits, just like kissing had been until recently. Kissing feels like a major part of it for him, though.

Then they find themselves on Karma’s living room sofa, controllers in hand like the last hour hadn’t actually happened. If this didn’t happen so regularly, he might actually start to believe it was some kind of elaborate fantasy. Not that Nagisa has a reason to fantasise about Karma doing that kind of stuff to him.

Still, the thread of thought is there now, and even though they only just got off, he looks at him and his mind starts to wander. Karma’s hair is a little sweaty, sticking to his forehead, and the jumper he threw over his loose bottoms is fairly low cut, showing off his whole neck line. In particular, he stares at one of the red marks that’s still there… and wonders if it’ll turn into a bruise.

It’s not weird to admit to himself that his friend’s attractive. In fact, with someone like Karma, it would be weirder to deny it. That would he imply he has something to hide. So sure, there’s a lot about Karma that definitely has mass appeal. His face is nice and well proportioned, and his body is honed.

But Nagisa shudders, then, because there’s something else there. There’s a difference between being aware of Karma’s attractiveness, and being personally attracted to him. And maybe there’s a part of him that can close his eyes and pretend that it could be anybody’s hands or mouth on him… but there’s just something so deeply Karma about it all, he can’t forget. A twinge in him wonders if he even wants to.

“I want to go further,” Nagisa says. “We’ve done everything else now, so we should go the full way.”

Karma drops his controller.

Embarrassment washes over him, before Karma gets the chance to speak. “I-it’s what this is all building up to, isn’t it?”

“You just surprised me,” Karma’s voice sounds a little strained. “Are you sure?”

He thinks for a moment. “If it’s inevitable.”

Karma turns to him, really staring him down. “That’s not a good reason. If it matters to you, you shouldn’t just do it because you feel like you have to.”

“Was it a big deal for you?” He feels awkward even asking such a thing. “The first…”

He just shrugs. “Made me realise I’m not into girls.”

Nagisa splutters. “You-“

“It’s been weeks of this,” he says, “don’t say you’re surprised about that. I wouldn’t be so happy about giving you blowjobs if-”

“Don’t be so nonchalant about it!” He gets to his feet for some reason.

His eyes sharpen up, though the joking mood is still there. “Does it really bother you that much?”

Nagisa hesitates. “No…”

“You know,” he says, “it would be pretty gay if we had sex.”

And now Nagisa wants to scream, and not in a good way. Why is Karma like this?! Just so… ugh! He doesn’t even have the words because Karma goes beyond that. He’s… insufferable, by any means. And Nagisa knows he’s doing this on purpose now. But he can’t help his face from turning scarlet, even if he’s technically the one who brought it up in the first place.

Words like “gay” don’t mean that much to him. Compared to being teased for his girlish appearance, something like that doesn’t bother him much. But sex hadn’t anyway. Sure, there was the expectation that he should be drooling at the sight of boobs that followed most teenage boys, but he either hadn’t cared, or felt disturbed over that kind of thing. Then again, men hadn’t had any kind of effect on him either. The physical desires had certainly been there, but they weren’t directed at anything. Not until now.

“Do you want to?” He mumbles.

Karma stands up too, which is just a reminder of how much taller than Nagisa he is. “I said I was going to teach you everything, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” he swallows.

“You really think I’d agree anything I didn’t want to do?”

Well, he has a point. But it’s hard for Nagisa to concentrate, with the way he looms over him. “You know I wouldn’t either!” It bursts out of him. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it! And, and! I don’t go down half assed!”

Karma just looks amused. “Why do I feel like you just declared war on me? Alright fine,” like it’s a chore or something, “we’ll do it next week.”

“Don’t just-“

His head tilts innocently. “What?”

“Schedule it.”

His face morphs, and he makes a show of prodding his lip with his finger. “Come to think of it, I’m probably out of condoms at this rate. And I haven’t bought lube in a while… we’ll probably need a lot of that. You’ll pick them up before you come, won’t you?”

Nagisa grabs a cushion from the sofa, honing all of his assassin’s reflexes. Perhaps Karma’s a little rusty, because he gets a pretty good hit on him. Considering Nagisa’s lack of physical strength, it really isn’t enough to knock him back in any way, but it’s satisfying so he does it again. Then Karma reaches behind him and returns the treatment.

They end up sprawled together on the sofa, somehow, laughing and panting wildly for breath.

“I meant it you know,” he says.

Nagisa finds himself nodding. “So did I.”

He nods, and picks up the controller, resuming the video game as though that discussion wasn’t anything. “I was winning.”

“I know.”

Nagisa feels like he’s carrying some kind of dirty secret around with him all day. In all honesty, he doesn’t have much of a reason to feel this way at all. It wouldn’t be a big deal to anybody else. Nagisa’s just overreacting and he knows it. At the very least, though, he manages to concentrate on his class in the morning, though around lunch time his nerves are clearly building.

Honestly, Nagisa usually just spends his lunch break in the classroom. It’s not that he wants to avoid the other teachers or staff members, but most of the time he just doesn’t have much of a reason to talk to them. Especially today, he’s not sure his nervous energy is giving him the best mindset to hold an intelligent conversation.

A knock comes to his door though, and that makes him snap out of it.

At first, Nagisa’s a little confused. He made it very clear to his students at the start of the year that they can come talk to him during break whenever they want. It took them a little time at first, but nowadays it’s not unusual for someone to approach him during the lunch break with a question they were too shy to ask during class, or anything else they want to talk about. It’s odd for them to wait for permission to enter, though.

“Come in?”

“I hope I’m not interrupting you, Shiota san.”

Inoue Tsukasa is the resident PE teacher. Compared with the other staff members, he’s admittedly one of the easiest going and friendliest. Nagisa definitely wouldn’t consider him a friend, but it was a pretty good work relationship at least, and he didn’t feel like he was just doing out of obligation when he’d greet him with a smile in the morning.

“Not at all,” he says.

Inoue smiles, shutting the door behind him as he enters the classroom. “I actually wanted to ask you about one of your students. Why don’t we eat lunch together and talk about it?”

His face turns white with realisation. “I can’t eat lunch today.”

“Huh?” Inoue’s face morphs with confusion.

Nagisa splutters in the realisation of what he just said. “I-I! I’m on a diet?” That’s a terrible excuse. “B-but you can still eat here, if you want.”

Inoue frowns though. “Those fasting diets aren’t particularly healthy, you know.”

He laughs awkwardly, because it’s better than explaining that his ‘sex tutor’ told him not to eat any big meals before sex, lest anything gross happen. Nagisa is actually pretty hungry, but it seems like a better option than anything else. The thought of it makes his face heat up, and he’s actually a little glad that Inoue’s here.

“Please,” he says, “take a seat.”

Inoue sits across from him, and pulls out a perfectly well balanced bento. “It’s about Watanabe… Meiko, is it? She’s not been the most active participant in PE the whole year… and some kids are just like that, you know? But recently she seems lethargic… more than usual. I get the feeling something happened.”

Nagisa can’t help but dive straight into his thoughts. He, too, has been worried about Watanabe for some time. Where most people in his class have made friends by now, he’s never seen her really interact with anyone else, outside of when there’s partner work. It’s a shame, too, because she’s definitely intelligent. But every time he’s tried to encourage her, it doesn’t seem to get through to her. If she’s acting worse than usual, however…

“I’ll try to talk to her again,” he resolves. “Out of all my students… she’s the toughest. I can’t say I much about her either.”

He nods. “It’s tough, trying to get to know all your students. I guess I should give you advice or something, but I haven’t been a teacher much longer than you.”

“You have to deal with more of them,” he thinks. “Rather than one class.”

It’s true that Inoue is quite young, only three or four years older than Nagisa is. Compared to some of the teachers who have been here for decades, they’re in the same ‘newbie’ bracket it seems. Still, he seems to have such a natural way with the students he can’t help but feel a little bit jealous of. If only he’d been born a people’s person.

“That’s true,” he pokes at his rice. “I guess it’s the old phrase ‘it doesn’t matter as long as you have fun’ or something. “I just wish I could make everyone else see it that way. Well, I’m glad you’ll talk to Watanabe,” he nods. “So… are you doing anything this weekend?”

He doesn’t know how to answer the question. Aside from grading homework, he’s pretty sure he doesn’t haven’t have any actual plans. But he’s read that he might be very sore, so perhaps that’s a good thing. Again, though, he doesn’t feel like he should be sharing that kind of information with his work colleagues.

“Lots of grading,” he says.

Inoue clicks his tongue. “Well, you’re probably being hard on them if you’re setting that much homework.”

“Maybe,” Nagisa agrees, “I can’t just let them off though. It’s policy… when you teach class lessons.”

“True,” he smiles, “I wouldn’t know. You still need to have a day off though. I wanted to be a doctor once, I know these things. Let’s hang out sometime… maybe another weekend.”

“Outside school?”

He just continues to smile. “It wouldn’t be very relaxing if we were in school.”

“I-I’ll let you know!”

Hanging out with co-workers isn’t uncommon at all. Though it’s true the social pressure to go out drinking with your boss isn’t nearly as bad in a school than it is in the corporate world, it still exists a little, and Nagisa’s the freshest hire still. Somehow, he trusts from Inoue’s demeanour that he’s not going to try and push him further.

He sighs, though not maliciously. “I’ll hold you to that. Anyway, have a good class!”

Nagisa’s not sure exactly why, but he frowns for the rest of the lunch period, troubled somehow. There’s a lot going through his mind, honestly. At the very least, he manages to push it out for the rest of his lessons that day. He’s just about ready to free run his way home, as though that might get him there quicker, but then his students have questions.

“Nagisa Sensei, can you tell me more about Scotland?”

“Nagisa Sensei, what did you mean about his knife technique-“

“Nagisa Sensei-“

He’s happy that his students are this engaged with Macbeth, really! Though in truth, he doesn’t know much about Scotland, apart from the five minute visit when Korosensei decided to zoom them around the world. If only he had those kinds of super powers… though they weren’t what made Korosensei such a good teacher, they definitely helped.

There’s a lot going in on his mind, but he forces it back, and tells them everything he can possibly think of. Then he gives one of them Nakamura’s work email, because if anybody has weird Shakespeare knowledge, it’s probably her. He makes sure he’s not rushing himself through his explanation, but he can’t help but look at the time.

All in all, he stayed an hour later than he should have, and with his list of things to do, he’s seriously going to have to hurry. Given the circumstances, hurrying probably isn’t the best way to do it. Of all the things not to mess up in, this is probably one of the biggest ones. He taps his foot on the train, and he speed walks to his small apartment, slamming the door and ignoring the roar in his stomach. Looking at the clock, he doesn’t have time to hesitate.

He shimmies out of his work trousers in the hallway, and starts to unbutton his shirt on the way to the bathroom. He refuses to look his own reflection in the mirror, before crossing over to the toilet in only his underwear. He pulls them down and sits, cringing over what he has to do next. He hasn’t eaten since a small breakfast, so it’s kind of hard to get anything… out. though maybe that’s a good thing?

Nagisa flushes the toilet after he’s done, and washes his hands, even though he’s about to get in the shower. Then he reaches for his phone, and loads up the website Karma had sent him to. He’s supposed to be his teacher or something, but apparently this is too graphic. Nagisa’s kind of glad, though, because he’s not sure he wants to sit through Karma’s explanation of colon cleaning.

He looks at the shower head like his newest enemy, before stepping in. At first, he showers normally, even if he knows he’ll have to do it again before the night’s over. There’s a part of him that wants to be as presentable as possible, though he knows Karma won’t care in the slightest. But then the next issue presents himself, after he’s finished washing and conditioning his hair.

It seems simple enough… and it makes sense. But the truth is, Nagisa really hasn’t touched his butt a great amount. He hasn’t had to! And, certainly, nobody else has either. He knows what’s coming later is going to be worse than this… but hopefully he’ll be distracted, not just standing alone in his own shower. The only thing keeping him going is his own internal curiosity.

Speaking of which, he spreads his legs a little, and releases the shower head from its hook. He starts with a deep breath, then aims it at his hole. Immediately, he screeches, automatically flinching away from the weird sensation. But then he forces himself to calm down, and then tries again, because being completely clean will definitely be worth it.

He doesn’t jump this time, though he really struggles to stay still for the five seconds he’s been instructed to stay there. It feels like forever, and like his insides have been churned up, when he pulls it away again, and concentrates on getting the water out. It definitely feels like something alien, and very far from good. He can’t help but turn his head away in disgust.

Better in his shower, than on Karma’s dick, he supposes.

After the third round, he feels like he’s getting the hang of it. It’s definitely not pleasant, but he starts to feel better for it. It still feels like a lot of work, for something that should be as simple as sex. He supposes it might not be that necessary, not every time, but he’d rather be on the safe side, at least this time. Karma wouldn’t haven’t mentioned it at all, if it wasn’t at least a little important.

The next time he looks, the water is completely clear. That has to be good enough, right? He’s not sure he can take much of the weird feeling… even if he’s about to feel even weirder. He turns off the shower then and just stands, panting as though he’d just climbed ten flights of stairs. Well, maybe he had, in a metal kind of way.

Now that his hair’s a lot shorter, it doesn’t take nearly as long to dry, as it had when he was a teenager. He pulls on an outfit that’s at least semi nice, despite the fact that it’s going to come off within the hour, but that’s neither here nor there. He double checks his appearance in the mirror, noticing a flush at his cheeks that’s already there, which makes him frown.

Unfortunately, glancing his clock, he realises he doesn’t have any time to stand there and think about it. Sure, Karma won’t mind if he’s ten minutes late, but Nagisa feels weirdly anxious about it. He’s weirdly self conscious… though he tries to throw that to the back of his mind, as he dashes for the train.

It puts him in a weird mood, making the short walk to Karma’s apartment. It’s like… Karma saying anything might make his ears bleed.

Something possesses him, at the doorway, and Nagisa feels weirdly compelled to not give him a chance. Before Karma can even open his mouth, Nagisa steps forward, dragging his neck down with his hands and planting a kiss there. It’s clear Karma’s shocked, because he doesn’t move at all for a few seconds, but that doesn’t exactly discourage him.

The door swings shut behind them, and Nagisa somehow manages to work his shoes off in the genkan without breaking the kiss. That seems to be Karma’s cue to actually kiss him back, his own hands wrapping around his waist. Finally, Nagisa feels like he’s melting. There’s something about kissing Karma that feels instinctively right to him, and his worries dissipate just like that.

“Hi,” Karma says, once they have to break apart for obligatory air.

Nagisa kind of likes him better when he’s not talking. “Let’s go.”

Karma just looks amused. “Let me lock the door first~”

Somehow, Nagisa feels weirdly bold, though he doesn’t know if that’s a result of the nerves themselves. But he steps around Karma, and goes straight to his bedroom, not bothering to check if he’s watching him in confusion or not. He actually feels better, once he’s in there. He wasn’t exactly expecting candles and soft music, and Karma’s bedroom being pretty normal makes him feel normal. So he pulls of his shirt.

“If I’d known you were so eager, we could have done this weeks ago,” Karma’s behind him, his much taller presence causing the hairs on Nagisa’s neck to rise.

He turns, as though that’ll somehow make him feel better. Nagisa really does try, searching his brain for a retort, but he’s empty. Even though he’s known Karma for so long, sometimes he just can’t match his wit. Not that he wants to, really. He’s pretty sure ‘eager’ isn’t the right word for it, but that’s beside the point.

Nagisa manages to meet his gaze at least, before breathing in and removing his trousers too. It just makes more sense to do it now, he justifies, since he’s discovered trying to get them off whilst they’re horizontal is kind of difficult. He decides to leave the underwear for now, at least, and backs off onto the bed, his face falling into determined concentration.

Karma raises an eyebrow. “I guess I don’t have to ask if you’re ready for this.”

He swallows. “I-it feels easier if it just happens…”

Climbing onto the bed then, on his knees, Karma does manage to look a little intimidating. “Communication is still important though,” he says, like he’s reciting from a text book. “Well, kind of. Like, how do you want to do it?”

Nagisa squints. “What do you mean?”

“Positions?”

Strangely, Nagisa doesn’t actually want the choice. Like how Karma just seemed to kind of assume he’d want to be the bottom for this, Nagisa figured he’d work out the rest of the details too. Nagisa isn’t bothered by the way things are going to go, at least. It makes sense, since he’s so much shorter, and between them Karma’s the one who actually knows what he’s doing.

“Whatever’s easiest,” he finally says. It’s not like he has any preferences, yet.

Karma actually sits there in silence for a moment, face morphing into his usual concentrated expression like he’s actually thinking about it. That, and he kind of looks a little turned on? Nagisa’s not an expert at reading his face yet, but there’s a certain clench to his jaw, and his eyes are glazed over. Though, he gets the feeling whatever’s going on in there is a little more complicated than that.

“Karma,” Nagisa reaches out for his arm, which earns him a flinch.

That seems to jolt him back into it. “On your hands and knees is probably easiest… but it might be too deep… How do you like it on your own?”

He tilts his head. “What do you mean?”

Karma lets out a breath. “You’ve… never even touched yourself there?”

“No?”

His teeth are pressed tight together. “I’ll do it with my fingers first… so you know what it’s like.”

It makes sense. Honestly, Nagisa doesn’t know how this is supposed to work. Maybe he should have done more of his own research, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. But he feels a little better with this arrangement, at least, since Karma’s fingers, whilst pretty long actually, aren’t as big as anything else. Maybe it’s like how you have to warm up your muscles before sport.

Once they’ve reached that conclusion, things feel easier. Karma pulls off his own clothes, and Nagisa just about has time to note he’s not entirely soft in his boxer briefs, before he reaches for the back of his head and pulls him into a slow kiss. Once again, it’s an effective sedative, and Nagisa practically falls into it. Slowly, Karma lowers him back until his head hits the pillow, and he spreads his legs so Karma can slot in between them on instinct.

Nagisa has to come to the conclusion that he’ll like having sex with Karma. Maybe he’ll be proven wrong, but there’s something right about the weight of him on top, and the pressure of their lips together. He can’t help but shudder as their mostly bare bodies rub up against each other, and despite his will his hips are already moving in search of some kind of friction.

Karma pulls away from him, though, and reaches over to grab a bottle from his bedside table. Nagisa sits up a little, using the gap that’s formed in between them to see a little better. It just looks like lotion or something… lube? Karma mentioned that last week, when they were working out the minor details of their arrangement.

“This,” he says, “is important.”

Nagisa nods.  

Karma swallows again. “You can’t just get wet back there like a girl… it kind of sucks if it’s too dry.”

Instead of opening the bottle, though, he puts it on the bed next to them. Nagisa’s about to question it, but then Karma’s fingers worm their way under the band of his underwear. Actually then, he’s a little grateful. He made do with spit if it was necessary, when he was younger, so he’s not actually sure how lube even feels, or if it’ll stain anything.

He can’t help but feel a little self conscious at the way Karma’s looking him over, after briefly pausing to tug his underwear all the way off, tossing it somewhere across the room. Usually, he would have already started whatever he was planning to do to him, but now he’s just staring. Apparently he makes up his mind right then, because he goes back on his heels for a second, and finally pours some of the lube onto his fingers.

“Just relax, okay?”

That’s a lot easier said than done! Nagisa tries, though, and falls back into his more horizontal position. He can’t help but jolt a little, though, when Karma’s hands come anywhere near his ass. He can’t help but wonder if this position is okay, or if everything else is. Relax?! Nagisa’s mind is running at a million miles per hour.

Actually, the first thing he feels is kind of cold. It makes more sense than the lube being warm, he supposes, but how should he know? After that, comes the smallest amount of pressure. His hips automatically move away, as a first reaction to something that probably shouldn’t be there. He scolds himself internally for that, because one finger really shouldn’t be a big deal.

“Relax,” Karma repeats again, firmer this time.

Nagisa nods, and tries to force his body to remain still. His legs are staring to shake, he notices, but that goes away when Karma actually touches it. Actually, it doesn’t feel like much of anything, until he presses down. It’s strange, admittedly. Nagisa can definitely feel his finger there, but it’s not good or anything. It just kind of is… and it’s a little underwhelming.

At least, until he starts rubbing. It’s still not earthshattering, but Nagisa realises he doesn’t dislike it. Whether he really means to or not, he lets his legs fall a little more open, curiosity rising up. After about a minute of it, he actually starts to feel a little frustrated. Now that he knows this at the very least doesn’t feel awful.

Karma seems to hesitate for a moment or two, before he finally pushes in. Nagisa sucks in a breath, though he realises it wasn’t that necessary. It doesn’t actually hurt, which is nice at least, though it doesn’t feel incredible either. It just kind of is… definitely strange. Not good enough that Nagisa would actively want to do it again yet.

“Okay?”

Nagisa hums. “It’s okay.”

“I’m only up to the first knuckle,” he says. “You need to stop clenching.”

What? Only the first knuckle?! It feels like so much more. And is he really clenching? He doesn’t feel like he is, but apparently it’s impossible to get his body to calm down, when it has Karma’s finger inside. Well, only a small part of Karma’s finger, apparently. He tries his best, but it doesn’t feel any looser. To make matters worse, that seems to be Karma’s cue to pull out.

“S-sorry.”

“You’re just really tight,” Karma says nonchalantly. “Needs more lube.”

He pushes in again soon after that, and it does feel a little smoother. He still can’t say he likes how it feels, but it’s certainly okay. He can definitely feel when Karma’s finger does slide deeper, taking it exceptionally slowly. At that point, it does start to sting a little, which leaves Nagisa confused more than anything. If this hurts, how’s he going to manage something so much bigger?

Nagisa’s pretty sure it’s all the way in, when Karma starts to wiggle it around. And okay, it’s definitely still weird… though not unpleasant. Maybe it could even feel good… if he ever gets used to it. He’s still concerned that, of course, he needs to be able to take a lot more than this. He decides he’s incredibly thankful that Karma suggested this first.

“I’m going to try it in and out now,” Karma tells him.

He’s actually really thankful for the forewarning. Even if it doesn’t hurt, exactly, the sensation of actual movement is really odd. Nagisa can’t help but compare it to how it actually feels to go to the bathroom, though reversed, weirdly. His body’s natural instinct is to push his finger out… as much as he fights against it.

At least Karma’s not going fast, though that has its downsides. Nagisa had expected to be really into it or something, with his mind in some kind of sex haze. But that’s not happening, and he’s acutely aware of everything, and that’s definitely not the ideal mental state. If that’s not evidence enough, he doesn’t even have the beginnings of an erection.

Karma pulls his finger out. “Some people just aren’t into fingering.”

He blinks. “Doesn’t this have to happen?”

He shrugs. “Not really. Some guys just want to cut to the chase… some others like it more.  I guess it depends.”

“Are,” Nagisa shifts up on his elbows a little, “are you just going to put it in, then?”

Karma at least considers it. “Don’t think I could even if I wanted to. You need to relax more.”

“I’m trying-“

He cuts him off with a kiss. And, okay, that’s nice at least. Even without Karma’s finger, his ass has started to feel a little strange, but the press of his lips make it easy enough to ignore. After the pretty slow kiss, all things considered, he trails down from his neck to just below his collar bone, a spot he’d discovered was pretty sensitive during their session last week.

“Your shirts cover this, right?” Karma mutters against his skin.

Nagisa doesn’t actually get to reply, before Karma’s teeth sink in there lightly anyway. And, of course, it feels pretty good, causing his whole body to arch into it. At least the heat’s started to grow between his legs, and accordingly Karma slips his hand between them to start stroking him. Nagisa couldn’t protest even if he wanted to. It definitely feels like something he was missing, and he wholly welcomes it.

What he’s not expecting, though, just as it starts to feel really good, is the sudden sensation of being breached again, and this time he’s sure it’s Karma’s whole finger. Except… it doesn’t even hurt at all this time, and he doesn’t have to force himself not to fight against it. That seems to be Karma’s sign to continue, and he pumps his finger in and out like before.

It still doesn’t feel like the best sensation ever, but Nagisa can get the appeal. In fact, it starts to drift into the realm of being at least a little good. There’s definitely something there. And, after a while, strangest of all he starts to crave a little more. Maybe just one more finger… that’s almost wide enough, isn’t it?

“Okay?” Karma asks again, sensing something at least.

Nagisa nods, but then he feels brave. “I can take more.”

He looks at him almost like he doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t argue. His finger comes out again… presumably to add more lube? Nagisa’s not sure about lube… he hopes it’s easy to wash away, because there seems to be a lot of it inside him. Instead of clenching up, at least, he really starts to anticipate it.

Two fingers are definitely a lot better than one. He has to inhale deeply, because this time it does really hurt. It’s not like that’s a surprise… in fact as far as he’s aware, that’s pretty standard with this kind of thing. Karma seems to sense the change in his reaction, and holds his fingers completely still, which Nagisa definitely welcomes.

This time at least, he feels less blind. He figures if he controls his breathing, it’ll start to feel better. At the same time, Karma starts kissing him again. If it’s meant as a distraction tactic, it’s definitely working. Slowly but surely, the fingers start to move again, but Nagisa’s far more inclined to focus on those lips, especially when he bites down lightly.

Surprising himself, Nagisa actually lets out a tiny moan at the sensation, which causes Karma to pause for a second. That annoys him, because it’s starting to get good! Thankfully, he decides to press on, so his fingers are rocking gently in and out. He tries to stretch out a little bit, as though that’s going to help him relax further. In doing so, he accidentally shifts his hips, just as Karma dives back in again, and suddenly he jolts.

Oh.

Oh.

Nagisa releases a high gasp, not that he could have held it back if he tried. Frozen in the position, the tips of Karma’s fingers strike him again, and now he feels really strange. Nagisa just reacts, grabbing Karma hard by the wrist. Whatever the case, he knows for sure that he doesn’t want him to move away from that spot.  

“Oh,” Karma says, “I found your prostate, huh?”

Nagisa doesn’t care. He just wants Karma to touch it again. His grip on Karma falters just a tiny bit, which gives him just enough range of motion to press into that spot. Nagisa’s lips part and he lets go, falling into the feeling. Now that Karma knows exactly what he’s aiming for, everything increases by absolute tenfold.

Actually, instead of just moving in and out, he puts pressure there and starts to rub. After only about a second of it, it’s completely different. It’s like nothing he’s experienced before… a similar pleasure feeling to being jerked off, maybe, but much deeper and full bodied. It’s one the edge of being a little too much, but he’s in no mood to stop him.

His hips start to shift of their own will, desperate for more, even though he doesn’t actually know what that is. His lips seem to fall permanently open too, and he’s vaguely aware of the way he’s moaning. Karma takes notice of his hips, and starts thrusting his fingers in and out again. Nagisa really doesn’t understand how, but even without directly getting that spot, it really does feel amazing all of a sudden.

He decides it’s better not to question it.

It’s only then that he actually pays attention to what Karma’s doing. He’s pretty much been sat on his knees the whole time, though he’s looking at Nagisa with what he can only describe as concentration. Nagisa can’t see much from his position other than that, though Karma’s only got one hand within him. The other...? There appears to be movement in his arm, though he can’t see exactly what he’s doing. Then Karma catches him looking, and starts to pull the fingers out with a nod.

“Karma,” he finally gets out, “don’t stop.”

He’s too far gone to consider that this is only supposed to be a warm up. Nothing else seems to matter, though. This feels great, and Nagisa’s not inclined to want to stop. The thought of going further is gone from his head, filled up instead by this buzz of pleasure. He’s close to really begging, almost. Almost.

“You want to keep going like this?”

Nagisa only moans his reply, but it’s enough for Karma to redouble his efforts. His fingers strike against that spot every time, and Nagisa’s rising. A tell tale band of pressure tightens around his stomach, but then comes the frustration. No matter how much he tries to let go, throws his head back and breaths with it, it just won’t come. It’s tantalizing, and maddening, and he’s sure he can’t go on like this.

A short grunt like noise from Karma stills his thoughts, and his fingers seem to hesitate their motion for a second or two, before suddenly he’s leaning over him. Nagisa welcomes it, arching up to claim his kiss like a prize. And this… he loves Karma’s kisses under the best of circumstances… but this is something else. Being struck so well on the inside really is taking over his whole body.

He whines when Karma breaks the kiss, but whines even louder when he tilts his head over to the side of his head and pays attention to his neck again. For a moment, he doesn’t even care about coming like that, even if it’s hard to ignore the burning in his lower regions. He doesn’t even understand what he wants anymore, only that it’s just a tiny bit more.

“Touch yourself,” he says, lips brushing his ear.

Nagisa doesn’t understand the way that trickles down his ears like molten, causing a whole body shiver. He feels absolutely compelled to obey, though, reaching between them to tug at his neglected erection. Honestly he hadn’t been paying too much attention, but now he has his hand wrapped around himself he realises just how desperate he actually is.

He hates that he kind of likes Karma telling him what to do.

With the combination of that, and Karma rubbing so perfectly against that spot, it’s only a matter of time. Since he feels on the edge already, it’s not like anything sneaks up on him. It only takes him a couple of strokes before finally he feels a wave of intensity, but rather than just a snap and a rush, it seems to just keep going.

In reality, Nagisa doesn’t actually know what he’s crying out. It might be Karma’s name, or something completely intelligible, but that doesn’t seem to matter. It’s like somethings taking over his whole body, and it won’t stop… and he’s not sure if he really wants it to. He’s not sure how long it even lasts, though it feels like it could have been forever, until at least he starts to calm down, and his eyes refocus…

What’s that on Karma’s face?

If Nagisa didn’t suddenly feel boneless and exhausted, he would have had more of a reaction. Is that… cum, on his chin? His? Can it reach that far? Honestly, Nagisa’s too exhausted to even feel the shame he should, so his head just lolls back. He just about has it in him to wince when Karma pulls his fingers out, the sensation leaving him kind of weird.

“You’re so…” Karma doesn’t finish his sentence, though, coughing instead. “I’ll get a towel.”

Actually, Nagisa doesn’t feel that messy for once. He makes sure to wipe his behind, though, just in case all that lube gets sticky or something. It only occurs to him then that they were supposed to be having sex… but his stomach twists at the idea. He can’t even imagine getting it up again, or finding the energy to do anything else.

Usually, the routine after their sessions is carried out quickly. After cleaning up, they’d both pull on their clothes without looking at each other too much. Nagisa’s pretty sure Karma changes his bedsheets after he leaves, but he still smooths them out anyway. Then they’ll usually just migrate to the living room and hang out like usual, unless it’s late enough that Nagisa has to go straight home. This time, though… Nagisa doesn’t even want to move.

“Nagisa~” Karma’s tone is light, at least. “Did I really wipe you out that bad?”

“Mmph.”

He laughs, and for once it sounds more endearing than annoying. “If I knew you’d be so into getting fingered…”

“What?”

Karma just clears his throat, though. “We should leave it there for now.”

“Oh,” Nagisa realises. “Are you-“

“I’m fine,” he says very quickly. “Well, we don’t have to do everything in one day. I tried to warn you a little, but you begged me to keep going, so.”

“I didn’t beg-“

“Sure,” Karma just waves him off. “And you didn’t give me a facial, either.”

Infuriating. Karma’s just lucky that Nagisa really isn’t in an argumentative mood. He’s not sure if he’s actually disappointed or not. He was so psyched up about actually going through with it earlier… even if he doesn’t regret that. At least Karma doesn’t seem disappointed about it either. Though, Nagisa’s not entirely sure where to go from here.

His stomach speaks up then, growling loudly.

“…I didn’t eat anything today.”

Karma blinks. “Right. You didn’t. I’ll get you some food.”

That’s… weirdly nice of him. “I can just go to the konbini on the way home-“

“I didn’t eat yet either,” Karma explains casually. “I’ll make you curry.”

Apparently, it’s not just an offer. Karma’s already in his underwear, so he pulls some pyjama bottoms on and leaves the room just like that, and Nagisa feels like he might dissociate. He’s not really in any mood to reject the offer, though. Karma doesn’t really cook for him often, their meet ups usually reserved to just drinking, or watching a movie or something. But Nagisa does know he’s pretty good at it… better than him, at least.

When he finally finds the will to get off the bed, his legs are shaky and unsteady. Will it be worse than this when they actually have sex? He tries to keep his breathing even, as he searches around for his underwear. Thankfully, Karma didn’t toss the garment too far. He feels overly sensitive, pulling on the rest of his clothes, and not in a good way.

Nagisa steels himself for just a moment, before venturing out into the living area. The smell hits him immediately, before anything else. Karma’s made weirdly quick work of everything, since the curry’s already cooking away, and the rice cooker’s been turned on. Right then, Karma seems to be coating two chicken pieces with egg and breadcrumbs. Yeah, that definitely beats picking up the sad ready meal version from Seven Eleven.

Karma has the instincts of an assassin, even if he hasn’t trained his skills in some time, so Nagisa has no doubt he noticed him enter the room. He doesn’t say anything, though, and Nagisa has nothing he needs to bring to conversation either. Instead, he finds it strangely relaxing to watch him, which isn’t a statement he never thought he’d feel, whilst Karma had a knife in his hand.

Even though his apartment’s bigger than his, bigger than most people in Tokyo if he’s honest, his kitchen still isn’t exactly massive. So it’s kind of mesmerising how effectively Karma makes use of the space, like clockwork. Karma’s always been a lot better at cooking than he is… not that he ever showed that to anyone. Nagisa’s mouth even starts to water, at the sound of the chicken frying in the oil.

He doesn’t dress it up in a fancy way or anything, once it’s done cooking. But that doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day there’s only so much you can do with chicken, curry, and rice. It smells incredible, though, and Nagisa stares after it longingly as Karma takes the plates and sets them down on top of the kotatsu, along with a class of water, and…

“Strawberry milk?”

Karma doesn’t explain himself with anything other than a shrug, leaning back in his chair casually as he pierces the carton and sips it. Some things never change. Nagisa decides to join him, not wanting to wait any longer before trying it. He kneels down at first, before falling into a more cross-legged sit. Though, what he hadn’t expected was the sudden jolt of pain and soreness, as his butt meets ground.

“That’ll happen,” Karma explains, noticing his pain.

Nagisa frowns, though at least it’s not unbearable. “Uhm… let’s eat.”

As it turns out, using the food as a distraction really is a good idea. It’s certainly not the usual flavouring of this kind of curry, and spicier than he’s used to, but he puts that down to Karma being Karma. Whatever the case, it tastes pretty spectacular, and compliments the chicken really well. Nagisa could definitely eat this every day…

“Oh,” Nagisa can’t help but groan out loud. “It’s so good, Karma!”

“Huh…”

He shoves another spoonful into his mouth. “So good! I need more.”

“Nagisa…”

He’s briefly brought out of his haze. “What?”

Karma just sighs, taking a strong sip of his milk. “It’s nothing. If you wanted me to cook for you, you should have said before.”

“But I didn’t know you were this good at it!”

He laughs lightly. “You should know by now, I’m good at everything.”

And there’s that arrogance again. Though, Karma really has mellowed out since they were both in school together, so he doesn’t mind it as much. Nowadays, they seem to be more like jokes than serious beliefs. It’s part of what makes him Karma, anyway. It would be weird if there wasn’t something at least a little bit terrible with his personality.

“You really like it that much?” His tone is a little quieter then, more uncharacteristically unsure.

Nagisa smiles. “It’s the best thing I’ve eaten in months.”

Karma smiles back at him, cheeks tinting perhaps the tinniest bit, though Nagisa’s not sure if he’s just imagining it. He and Karma have known each other for long enough now that he doesn’t feel under any kind of weird obligation to fill up every second with conversation. Sometimes, their silences can be comfortable.

“Do you have any notes?” Nagisa decides to ask.

“Eh?”

He swallows. “About earlier… I guess I didn’t really do much, but.”

It seems to take a moment to wash over Karma. “Oh,” oddly, something shifts in his demeanour, “not really. It was only to show you how it feels.”

Right. Because next week they’ll definitely have sex for real. Nagisa had forgotten, just for a little bit, that he’d kind of spent the whole week nervous and preoccupied thinking about it. Though, now he knows it can feel that good with just his fingers… maybe he’s going to spend the next week in more of an anticipation, instead.

There’s a glint in his eye. “Give me a warning before you come on my face, next time.”

“N-noted!”

Nagisa’s never put much thought into how he’d lose his virginity.

He supposes there might have been a vague idea here or there about dating someone for a while, knowing that it would happen eventually. But here he is, absolutely not dating Karma, and doing this with what feels like very little build up. Which is kind of ridiculous, considering how much other stuff he’s done with Karma, and for a while too.

There’s a part of him that really feels ready for it. Almost frustrated, even, that it hasn’t happened yet. But last week really proved to him that this is something he’s going to enjoy. And he’s looking forward to it, in a strange way. Really, he hasn’t actually been able to stop thinking about it that effectively at all, which may or may not be a worry.

It’s just… Karma’s the annoying kind of attractive. The kind where you just look at him and get all irritated because he has no right to look like that. Or something. Nagisa’s not sure, maybe he’s just hard wired to be at least a little bit annoyed in Karma’s presence. And he’s also good in bed. Not that Nagisa has anything else to compare it to. But Karma’s good at everything minus shutting up, so it makes sense that he’d be good at this too.

He’s ready in the physical sense too. The cleaning process was a lot easier and less uncomfortable know he actually knows what he’s doing, and knows what’s going to come. Karma was pretty vigorous with his fingers, the last time, so he hopes it won’t be too different this time. Logically, everything should go smoothly between them.

Nagisa’s a little cold, standing outside Karma’s apartment. He’s not sure why he hasn’t rung the doorbell yet, or what he’s waiting for. He’s supposed to be here, he feels. He shakes both his arms out, as though that’s going to mystically work somehow. If only. Actually, Nagisa doesn’t really know what he’s doing at all.

When he does finally ring the doorbell, and Karma opens the door, he doesn’t attack kiss him this time. Perhaps he’s far less frantic this time around, even though there’s a certain kind of buzz travelling through his limbs. Karma’s still dressed from work, though the suit jacket and tie have at least been removed, the top few buttons undone, exposing his neck.

“Hi,” Nagisa finds his voice.

“Are you just standing there?”

He snaps out of his daze, and comes inside, removing his shoes as always. He and Karma are good at this routine now, usually. He goes straight to Karma’s bedroom, and Karma follows him in. But this time… Nagisa knows he’s hesitating, even if he doesn’t exactly know why. Even though he’s certain he wants this, there’s just something.

“Can I have a drink?”

“Sure,” he looks him over suspiciously. “I don’t think I have anything you like though, other than water.”

Nagisa swallows. “Beer’s fine.”

Now he knows that’s going to make Karma cautious. Alcohol was only a feature of their relationship at the start to ease things along, but ever since they made their arrangement, it wasn’t so necessary. Nagisa likes it more when he’s sober, anyway. Even though he’s fairly used to drinking socially nowadays, he doesn’t exactly enjoy the feeling. But today maybe it’ll take the edge off.

“Sure,” Karma says, though the tone is clearly reserved.

 Instead of going to the bedroom, then, they go to the main living space. Nagisa awkwardly sits under the kotatsu, though he’s pleased to find that it’s been switched on. It’s getting really close to full winter though. It’s strange, he thinks, when Karma joins him, that this used to be how their relationship was. Sitting here, drinking a can of beer… talking about their days…

Karma takes a long swig. “If you’re nervous-“

“I’m not!” Nagisa cuts him off, and gulps down far too much of his own drink. “I just… want to be like this.”

“You want to do it here?” He peers round at him.

“No!” He decides to slam down the can on surface. “That’s… it won’t be comfortable, right?”

Karma shrugs. “The tables a good height, actually.”

His brow creases, then. Of course Karma knows that, and doesn’t have to guess. Of course he’s already done that… maybe with lots of people. This isn’t exactly new information, and Nagisa knows he has no right to feel anything bad about it. He really shouldn’t be drunk from that one bit of beer already (then again, he hasn’t eaten), but there’s some sort of fire in him. And it doesn’t like the image of Karma with anyone else.

Nagisa moves so quickly it surprises even himself, let alone Karma. But he manages to traverse the table, sacrificing the warmth for Karma’s lap. They’re about the same height, in the position he ends up in, with him straddling on his knees, and Karma sitting on the ground. Nagisa hadn’t actually considered what to do next, though. All he knows is he wants to fill Karma’s mind.

They fall into their kiss naturally, since they’re so close already. Just like always, it has this incredible way of making him feel light, like his limbs are so full of air he might float off into the ceiling. He wraps his arms around Karma’s neck this time, not that it’s so necessary, he’s pretty confident Karma’s not going anywhere away from him.

He’s convinced he’s not drunk, but there is a certain kind of buzz cloud going through his mind. He’s used to gasping and jolting when Karma touches him, but right now it’s something else. When Karma grips his waist, he simply follows him, pressing back. Usually when he feels turned on like this, all his heat and blood just rushes south, but this… it’s like an aura around him.

There’s no verbal communication between them as to breaking apart. They can hold their breaths for just about the same time, it seems. Even so, their foreheads clink together, and Nagisa likes it. He likes the way Karma’s fingers tense, too, gripping him tighter. He’s not entirely sure what to do next, though. He knows how it’s going to end for sure, but how to get there…

He shifts, then, going up onto his feet. As fun as doing it here sounds… the bed’s probably going to be more comfortable. But yes… the transition. He tries to hold every nerve in, and sticks a hand out to Karma like an invitation. The expression Karma gives hm is almost impossible to read, wide eyed and laced with a mixture of surprise and amusement… or at least he guesses.

Karma does actually take his hand, coming to his feet too, but before Nagisa can actually do anything he pulls him in kissing him even more aggressively. Nagisa moans against his mouth, though, because it feels really good even though Karma hasn’t actually touched him much yet. He drops his wrist, hands finding the small of his back instead, before travelling down to squeeze his ass.

Strangely, he doesn’t notice that he’s being picked up until it’s already happening.

In far more innocent contexts, Nagisa can’t say he’s not used to Karma picking him up without warning.  In fact, he actually does it a lot, because the height jokes still haven’t gotten old after a decade. He decides he doesn’t mind this, though, finding it a pleasant sensation once he’s automatically wrapped his legs around Karma’s waist, trying to find something to help him stay upright. It is hard on his core muscles, though.

He’s not sure how he actually feels about being carried to the bedroom. On the one hand, he doesn’t mind in the slightest, on the other… Well, he doesn’t get much of a chance to think about it, because Karma’s apartment isn’t actually that big so he’s not exactly carrying him for long. He places him down on the end of the bed uncharacteristically gently, when they actually get to that point.

Karma usually looms above him, but it’s a different experience like this, with him just sitting there. Nagisa’s naturally intimidated by it all, though definitely not afraid. Following the logic of the current situation, the clothes come off next. Karma usually doesn’t undress him himself, and today seems to be no exception.

Since Nagisa only has to pull items over his head, he gets done a lot faster. This means he gets full view of Karma’s undressing routine, and he can’t help himself from watching in fascination. He’s not sure if Karma caught on or not, or if he’s just always like this, but he starts to unbutton his shirt careful and slow, like he’s really taking his time with it. Nagisa’s throat goes dry, looking at him like that, and he can barely swallow, especially when the trousers follow, pooling on the floor. At least this time, neither of them bother with the pretence of underwear.

It’s Karma’s turn to straddle him, then, and Nagisa’s head falls back naturally onto the mattress. He notes briefly that neither of them are completely hard yet, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s almost alarming how much easier this is now he knows what to expect. Karma leans away from him for only a moment to get the lube, but they’re kissing again before he can really do anything with it.

Nagisa’s really started to understand why they spent the time exploring each other’s bodies. Karma knows where his sensitive spots are now, and he seems intent on using them to his advantage. Nagisa can only let him do it, the kisses up and down his body making him feel more warm and fuzzy than anything else.

It’s not exactly the same as the week before. Nagisa’s a lot more relaxed, so he doesn’t tense away from the finger that eventually prods at his entrance. In fact, maybe he actively wants it. He’s not completely sexually confident, he can’t even fake that, so his body hesitates a little bit. It’s not enough deterrence, though, and in fact he’s anticipating it more than anything, the memory of how it felt last time still fresh.

What he’s not expecting is to instantly seize up, squeak, and grab onto Karma’s wrist like some kind of lifeline.

“Nagisa?”

“J-just,” Nagisa tries his very best to breathe, though that’s kind of hard considering how overwhelmed he feels all of a sudden. He’s a little concerned, actually, because that’s probably the quickest his erection’s ever gone from about ten to a hundred. To make matters worse, Karma’s finger shifts just an inch, and it happens again. He’s… not going to get off just like this, is he?

Karma seems a little concerned, but when he purposely moves his finger again, Nagisa can tell he’s faking it. “Here?”

“Karma.”

At least the last time, there was build up to this kind of sensation. But with Karma hitting that spot inside him right off the bat, it’s more overwhelming than anything. His legs are shaking a little bit, he’s sure, and he’s not sure how long he can actually hold on like this. Especially if Karma’s planning to merely tease him.

“Stop messing around,” he says with more venom than intended.

Something like a glint washes over Karma’s face. “Okay then.”

His finger pulls out some, at least, before it’s joined by a second. And okay yes, there’s that slight burn he remembers. It’s honestly not that bad, though, not enough that he can’t put up with it for a little while. It doesn’t exactly fade into a better sensation quickly, though, which leaves Nagisa a little concerned, since he’s more than aware something bigger is coming. In fact, it’s just kind of uncomfortable.

“Can you just,” he tries to hold some of his weight on his elbows as he leans up, “keep them still for a second?”

Karma actually obeys the request. In return, Nagisa really tries his best to will his body to get used to it again. Despite his earlier reaction, he still thinks there’s time. A part of him really doesn’t want to rush this, as much as another kind of wants to get through it as quickly as possible. They’ve come so far already… he doesn’t want to delay it any more.

Karma pulls his fingers out entirely. “Okay?”

“I-I’m just worried it’s going to hurt.”

His eyes narrow. “You almost creamed yourself when I put a finger in you.”

Nagisa turns his head in shame. “Well-“

Karma just takes a very deep breath. “If you’re having second thoughts-“

“I want to!” Nagisa sits up properly, then, inadvertently creating quite the gap between them. “I’m ready.” His head ducks down though. “But how?”

“Like what position?” Karma’s head tilts. “I don’t mind, it’s up to you.”

He flushes. “Just… the easiest.”

“Maybe you should try being on top,” Karma suggests, moving so that he’s already lying back for it. “You can go whatever pace you like.”

It sounds fair enough, though Nagisa’s still not quite sure. It’s a position that’ll put him on great display, for one, and he feels like it also relies more on him knowing what he’s doing. Which Nagisa doesn’t. Maybe he’s got the pieces figured out, but putting them together well is something else. He knows he doesn’t want to quit, though.

Trying to keep his hand as steady as possible, Nagisa reaches for the bedside table, where all the stuff is helpfully placed. Condom first, he thinks. He takes hold of the packet, and opens it carefully. It’s a little ironic, considering how their arrangement started, but he doesn’t actually have much practise with them.

He only fumbles a tiny bit with it, turning it upside down a couple of times just to triple check he has it the right way. Then it’s simple… he leans over Karma, pinching the top with one hand as he rolls it onto his erection with the other. He supposes it doesn’t need to be perfect, since he’s not trying to prevent pregnancy or anything like that, but he still doesn’t fancy the idea of it coming off inside him much.

Then comes the lube, he thinks, because he’s pretty sure he needs as much help as he can get. This time, he gets into a better position, squirting some onto his hand before he essentially jerks Karma off with it. As expected, Karma really doesn’t seem to mind so much, his breathing picking up with each of Nagisa’s small twists. Getting him off like this isn’t the goal though, he realises, and so releases him, wondering if he’s even in the right position for this.

“Last chance to back out,” Karma has the nerve to seem smug as he looks up at him, nails digging into Nagisa’s hips despite the statement.

Nagisa can’t help but gleam with the challenge, though it’s a little harder without Karma doing anything to him in distraction. His brow creases, though, and he grabs onto Karma’s erection. Something like this… it should be instinctual. Nagisa had always thought when the time came, he’d somehow just know what to do.

As it turns out, it’s more complicated than that. He feels a heat of embarrassment rise up, realising how much he’s fumbling. It’s not helping, that Karma’s just watching him. He winces, feeling around for where he knows his entrance must be, and attempts to sink down. Attempts, because nothing actually happens. He just… falls forward a little.

Karma looks at him curiously, but Nagisa’s determined now. He doesn’t dwell, just sits back up on his knees and tries again. This time, he’s really sure he’s got the right angle, but when he pushes down, all the lube in play makes him just slip up into his ass crack. With the heavy breath Karma lets out, he assumes that didn’t feel bad, but grinding isn’t the goal here! Perhaps a little too hard, he grabs him again, and doesn’t let go. But apparently his body itself doesn’t like the idea of Akabane Karma taking his virginity, because he just can’t breach himself.

“I-it won’t go in.”

Karma sits up, so their faces are almost perfectly aligned. “Sure it will.”

He looks down. “It’s not-“

“I appreciate the compliment, really,” Karma peers over his shoulder, “but it’s not that big.”

It’s big enough, but Nagisa has no desire to boost his ego like that. Should they just call it quits? It’s really not that Nagisa doesn’t want to do it at this point, but if he physically can’t… People have sex all the time! It shouldn’t be this hard, right? Nagisa’s never heard anyone mentioning it be an awkward mess. Or maybe he’s just terrible at this.

“Okay,” Karma says casually, “Plan B, then.”

Before Nagisa can ask what this secret plan is, Karma’s hands shove him back, and he doesn’t even have a chance to defend himself. He’s not really sure how fighting is going to help them, but Karma quickly follows suit, bracing himself above him just in the right position to lean down and give him another one of those sinful kisses. Whatever he intended to do, it’s working, and Nagisa’s head is spinning.

He frees up a hand, and it feels like electricity as it traces down his side. It’s enough to make his hips jump, wanting definitely more of that. He doesn’t get it… this certainly feels good, and he knows that he wants more. He keens into the touches, tilts his head and allows the kisses to focus right on his neck, the pulse point he’s found to be rather sensitive these days. He knows Karma wouldn’t go as far as leaving hickeys, but he still finds himself enjoying the dangerous feeling of his sharp teeth at his throat. Nagisa’s hands curl around his shoulders, then, and Karma’s hand directs his leg to lie around his hip.

“Relax,” he mutters, and then moves up and kisses him on the forehead.

Ironically, that touch doesn’t feel sexual at all. But Nagisa nods, and does his best. It’s just… he knows he’s kind of high strung. It goes against a lot of who he is to just let it go. He looks at Karma then, though, and Karma looks at him, and that’s enough. Nagisa would trust Karma with the world, of course, if it came down to it. Perhaps his body isn’t the biggest ask ever.

It’s hard not to tense up, when he feels him actually pressing against his entrance, but he knows he has to right then. Sucking in the deepest breath he can, he holds it in for a second or two, and just lets go. As if automatically lining up with his breathing, Karma actually pushes in, then, and Nagisa has no control over the way he clenches around the foreign entity.

Nagisa’s honestly never felt so confused. All at once, it’s like everything’s gone blurry, and clear reality is nothing but a distant memory. He knows that his breath hitches, and his legs clamp hard around Karma’s hips, as if trying to pull him in deeper. He’s also more than aware that it hurts, but not quite in the way he expected. It’s nothing sharp, just this deep body ache that weirdly… feels like something else he can’t put his finger on.

Above him, Karma’s breaths are coming out harder than he’s heard it before. “Relax, Nagisa.”

“I-is it in?”

“The tip isn’t even all the way in.”

He already feels stretched to his limit! He needs to just focus. Thankfully, Karma’s not trying to hurry him. Just relax, and then, a little bit at a time. And yeah, it’s not that bad. He can definitely handle it, even though it’s not pleasant. Karma’s hand strokes along his arm in some kind of display of sympathy, though he continues to breach him very slowly. It’s definitely weird.

Well, it feels exactly like pooping in reverse, actually.

When he closes his eyes and breathes, though, he figures it’s not entirely different to the fingers. But at the same time, it is. He can feel the slight pulses and twitches inside him, and the ridges are different. Somehow, it kind of feels like everything all at once, and that seems to be enough to get his body to relax to the amount that lets Karma slide all the way in for sure.

Nagisa’s not sure at what ‘point’ his virginity disappears. Is it just being penetrated like this? Do they have to go at it for five minutes or something? Does it only go when they finish? Or does it cling to him until he’s the one doing the penetrating. He thinks all of this in just the space of a few seconds, before concluding that he was pretty dumb for ever being occupied with these kinds of things.

Above him, Karma’s breaths are heavy, and his eyes are squeezed shut in restraint. Heat pools in Nagisa’s stomach, at the thought of Karma struggling to control himself. He’s glad he is, absolutely, but he can’t help but feel happy that he feels good to him. And, the more he gets used to it, he’s actually starting to feel the same way.

It’s not like some kind of earth shattering revelation that suddenly clicks into place. But Nagisa’s come to expect that now, and maybe it’s good he has his expectations in check. It also feels surprisingly natural. Strange, yes, but not in a way he wants to stop, and not in a way he doesn’t expect to get used to.

Karma’s bracing his weight on either side of Nagisa’s body, trapping him in a little. It really starts to occur to him then that the erection inside him is actually attached to someone. Karma. One of his best friends. Doing something like this with him… his mind starts to race. The rational parts of his brain recognise how ridiculous that is, at the very least, and so he tries to direct his thoughts to anything else.

Unfortunately, for some reason, the only thing the other part of his brain manages to supply is ‘fish fish fish, if you eat fish, your head your will become good’. He really doesn’t know why that’s what he chooses to think about, but it’s better than the alternative. And, actually, when he gets to the part of the song that just lists the type of fish, he finds it’s a good distraction from the discomfort.

At least Karma hasn’t seemed to notice his minor break down? But he seems pretty distracted.

“Uhm,” he tries, because he’s lost for what else to do. “You can move.”

Honestly, he would rather have waited some more, but he needs to get that awful song out of his head. Karma seems relieved if anything, though thankfully he doesn’t get it in his head to just pound away at him like mad. In fact, he barely even moves, mostly just shifting his hips slightly to create just a little bit of friction.

Somehow, Nagisa has the nerve to feel a little frustrated. Now he’s past the initial pain, even if it hasn’t entirely gone yet, he’s ready for more. As such, his legs tighten a little around Karma’s hips, as though they’re trying to pull him closer. Or keep him there, at least, if the latter isn’t possible. He’s really starting to want.

Finally, Karma seems to get the message. He moves with more purpose, then, completing one full motion. Nagisa certainly feels it, to say the least. He’s still not sure if it’s good or not, but he does feel inclined to keep going. Maybe also for Karma’s sake, because whether he says anything or not, Nagisa can tell there’s a frustrated clench to his jaw, and he’s not sure how long he’s actually going to hold out.

Nagisa doesn’t go as far as faking a moan or anything like that, but he does will himself to lie back more, releasing his hard grip some. It’s all he can do to shoot Karma a tentative nod, affirmation that it’s okay. And it is… certainly not the worst thing he’s ever felt. More so than the physical factor, though, it’s striking him internally, the closeness of it all.

Actually, Nagisa doesn’t really get to be entirely close with other people often. He’s so busy with his job that friends are more of the occasional event than a regular portion of his life. Except Karma, of course, who for the most part he’s managed to see almost once a week. And Nagisa never really made super good friends during high school and university… maybe he’s hugged Sugino once or twice in an extreme situation? But no, he’s most sure, Karma’s the only person he gets that kind of closeness from, and this is the closest they’ve ever been.

His thoughts get cut off for a moment, then, because out of nowhere he gets the urge to release a gasp. Karma’s actually rocking against him and into him properly, though still pretty slowly. But whilst his mind was racing… he’s definitely adjusted. It actually feels more good than anything else, though it’s nothing compared with the instant satisfaction of being jerked off.

His breathing picks up in a natural way, then, his exhales coming out heavy with Karma’s movements. A part of him starts to think… even if this sensation is as good as it’s going to get for him, Nagisa decides he wouldn’t mind doing it again. There’s a part of him that’s still not sure why that is, exactly, though he doesn’t want to question it further.

Instead of bracing completely above him like he has been, Karma falls forward with his weight, so that he’s practically lying on top of Nagisa, his head tucked against the pillow beside his own. This way, they’re even closer, chests almost rubbing together. Nagisa takes the initiative to wind his arms around his shoulders in a kind of hug, pulling him closer still.

Like this, it’s a lot slower than he expected. From pretty much every other thing he consumed, he didn’t think it would be as steady as this… especially with Karma. Oddly, Nagisa actually feels a little peaceful. Should they talk more? Not that Nagisa expects to have a conversation, but… they’re both pretty silent except for the sounds of their breathing, and the slight creaks that come from the bed every time they move a little.

Nagisa briefly shifts the angle of his hips without attention, and finds himself startled with the amount of pleasure that shoots through him. Just like last week, and how Karma managed to strike him with his finger earlier… except this time there’s been more build up. He can’t help but choke on his gasp a little, his whole body automatically clamping down around Karma as if to hold him there.

“Good?” Karma raises his head just a little, lips dancing on the edge of Nagisa’s ear.

“S-so good.”

Now he’s aiming for something, and seems affirmed that it actually feels good for Nagisa, he realises just how much Karma was actually holding back. He tries to shift back onto his elbows again, properly, but for some reason Nagisa won’t let him go, firmly wrapped around him and liking it that way. Actually, instead of letting Karma pull away from him, he tugs him in for a kiss.

It just feels like the most natural course of action. Karma obliges, though Nagisa was never worried he wouldn’t. He feels needy, but he can’t go without it. Kissing Karma feels as necessary as breathing in the air. Unfortunately, he does actually need to do that too, but there’s a really huge part of him that doesn’t actually want to.

“Hey,” Karma pulls away a little forcefully, though he looks amused. “I can’t move like this, you know.”

“S-oh,” Nagisa doesn’t get to finish his apology, because Karma thrusts into him hard.

Before Nagisa can even recover, he does it again, and then again, and Nagisa starts to realise he’s actually set a pace. He tries his best to match it in a way, rocking his hips back against him, but for the most part all he seems to be able to do is just lie there. His hands slip away from Karma’s back, and instead he scrambles to hold onto the sheets, so he has at least something.

It’s kind of like the floodgates opened with his unintentional moan, because now he can’t really stop it. In a strange way, it seems to enhance the feeling too. It also helps that Karma[s not being entirely quiet, a few sounds escaping here and there. Nagisa wonders if it’s anything he’s doing… and if he can make him do it more.

He shifts his hips back with a little more enthusiasm, though it’s exceptionally hard to concentrate. Everything feels like so much, and he’s sure that after this it might feel even more strange without Karma between his legs. It’s definitely not a conscious decision, but Nagisa finds himself almost clenching around Karma’s length, which creates a completely different sensation.

Karma freezes, and looks down at him. “Did you,” he pauses for breath, “do that on purpose?”

He turns his head to the side. “Maybe.”

“You-“

Karma lurches forward then, like he’s desperate to pin Nagisa down into the mattress. Nagisa feels a little too pleased with himself, like for once their roles are reversed and he’s the one pushing Karma’s buttons. He leans up, aiming to maybe get another one of their heated kisses, right at the moment Karma moves down.

Smack.

“Ow,” they both say at the same time.

Actually, as the initial shock of what just happened wears off, Nagisa notices that it really hurts. Smacking foreheads with someone is never fun, but Karma came at him with quite a bit of momentum… It’s only a few seconds before the outward pain starts to set in, along with what seems to be a run of the mill headache.

Nagisa feels ridiculous as he clutches his forehead. “That was…”

Although Karma’s erection most definitely twitches inside him, its owner seems more okay with staying still again. “Problem for later?”

“Later?”

Karma swallows. “Do you… want to stop?”

“…Not really.”

He winces, though. “Maybe-“

Nagisa clenches around him again, tightening his legs too. “Don’t stop.”

Karma breathes in sharply, before moving again, practically sitting up so that their heads are no longer in danger. It still hurts, but everything else is so good he can’t keep his mind off it. He’s entirely sure the real pain, along with the emotional embarrassment, will set in once they’re done. Which, considering how good it feels when Karma speeds up again, probably won’t take them long.

Maybe Karma’s actually concerned, and trying to get it over with quicker. It doesn’t really matter to Nagisa in that moment, as everything else fades. He reaches between their bodies, grasping at Nagisa’s mostly neglected erection, and he knows he’s done for. With the combination of Karma inside him, and perfectly timed jerking off, there’s no way he’s going to last.

Oddly, though, Nagisa feels a tinge of incompleteness. It feels like this shouldn’t be the end, that he wants more. He wants to be here with Karma, and for it to go on for hours and hours more. Though, he’s not sure how long it’s even been already. He knows right away that this one time isn’t going to be enough.

His orgasm comes anyway, though. Considering the way the heat’s been building up, and how Karma seems to have perfectly timed the way he’s stroking him, it’s really not a surprise. Not like being punched straight in the gut. More like… a slow release of tingles that goes on for far longer than he’s used to. Actually, it’s kind of like when they went to the space station together, and they were floating around in zero gravity.

Of course, he’s moaning something or other whilst it happens. Karma’s stroking him through it too, unbothered about the amount of release that’s getting all over his hand. He also seems to know exactly when it gets too much, because suddenly Nagisa feels this massive loss, and he’s lying there empty. All he has to do is blink, vaguely aware of the grunt Karma makes when he finishes himself off with his own hand.

Huh.

“I’ll clean up,” Karma suddenly says, and then the mattress shifts and he’s gone.

Nagisa lies there, his eyes fixed up at the ceiling. Is it over? He’s not sure how to feel at all, mostly from the fact that he feels nothing except a little sore and exhausted. There’s no way to claim virginity anymore, he’s sure. Nothing’s different, really, apart from the sore ache between his legs, though he’s sure that’s not permanent.

Also, his head’s really starting to hurt now.

The only thought he can really muster is: did that really just happen? It feels… surreal. In the end, it wasn’t that big a deal, truly. The empty feeling doesn’t help though. Nagisa can’t help but wrinkle his nose at it, both physically and mentally. It’s all he can do to lie there and catch his breath.

Karma comes back with some kind of cloth, and all Nagisa can do is just watch him as he cleans him off a little, wiping the semen off his stomach. Nagisa’s actually glad he’s kind of out of it, because under any other circumstance his mind would have been racing again. All he can think is that it’s kind of nice, for Karma to be doing this.

“The phrase ‘screwing your brains out’ isn’t meant to be literal,” Karma huffs, deciding Nagisa’s been silent for too long. “You don’t have a concussion, do you?”

“I’ve had worse,” he croaks.

A smile dances on his face. “You have a pretty hard skull. You should’ve used it more, back in 3E.”

Nagisa attempts to murmur a ‘thanks’, but he’s not sure how well it actually comes out.

Karma clears his throat. “You should take a shower.” And then, when Nagisa doesn’t respond, “Trust me, you’ll feel really gross if you don’t.”

Realistically, he should have expected to be kicked out of Karma’s bed. What was he planning to do, lie there all night? A part of him feels deeply compelled to just do what he says, though, the reservations he had about showering in Karma’s home gone for a moment. He supposes there’s no excuse he can muster anymore, now that they’ve done that.

What Nagisa finds, though, is that standing isn’t quite as easy as it looks. It’s like his legs don’t even remember how they work anymore, buckling the moment they’re flat on the ground. He grabs onto the mattress in time, at least so he can stay upright. When he tries to take an actual step, it really is like this shooting pain running through him, and he has to grit his teeth.

“Do you need-“

“I’m fine,” Nagisa affirms, though he can’t hide his limp.  

Now he’s determined to make it. It’s okay once he gets the hang of his limbs, though it does really hurt, and feels exactly like he’s had something shoved up inside him. Somehow, though, he knows it’s not enough to put him off forever. He’s heard here and there that the first time is always supposed to suck, at least a little bit.

Nagisa works a little on autopilot, turning on Karma’s shower and standing under the spray. The pressure is nice on his back, at least, if nothing else. He gets the feeling he’d really like a bath, but that definitely feels like ‘too far’. It’s bad enough as it is. Worse still, he realises he’s going to have to use Karma’s body wash. He knows he probably won’t mind, or even notice, but it still feels intimate in another way. Sure, he could just wash with water, but that doesn’t feel right to him.

He finds a spark of amusement that what he finds is clearly marketed more to women, with its swirly writing, light colour scheme, and ‘Sweet Caramel And Cinnamon’ scent promise. Of course, Nagisa knows that doesn’t matter. Maybe it has something to do with his upbringing, but he knows more than anyone that a packet being pink doesn’t necessarily alter the contents inside. It smells good, anyway, though Karma usually smells so strongly of incense it likely gets covered.

Once he’s clean enough for his own standards, though, he realises a pretty big problem. He doesn’t have a towel. He can see a towel, hanging conveniently on the back of the door, but that just feels weird. Then again, why would he expect Karma to have multiple towels? Maybe he has a spare, but if he does Nagisa can’t see it, and he doesn’t feel like getting Karma’s floors wet searching for it.

For a moment, he swears he hears the doorbell, but he convinces himself his mind is just racing, trying to push him to a conclusion. Accepting that he doesn’t have much of a choice in it, he wraps the towel around him, trying his absolute best not to let his mind race. Instead of just having it around his waist, he covers his whole body, towel sitting nicely under his elbows. Fortunately, the height difference between he and Karma means that’s pretty easy to do.

He feels awkward, entering the bedroom again, having peered round to check that Karma hadn’t already got up. Maybe it’s even more awkward, if he’s just been lying there waiting. Unfortunately, Nagisa’s clothes are also in that room, so there’s nothing he can do about it. What he doesn’t expect to see, though, is Karma stretched out casually on the bed with a McDonald’s bag in one hand, a bag of frozen pees held against his forehead with the other.

“I was going to cook,” he explains, “but I couldn’t be bothered. So I got uber eats. Nugget?”

It seems like all their younger years of ending up in McDonalds did Karma some good, because Nagisa can clearly see the teriyaki burger meal he usually orders. Not that Nagisa indulges in fast food that often anymore. Even if konbini ready meals are an embarrassingly large part of his diet, he at least maintains the notion that they’re a tiny bit more healthy.

“S-should we really eat in bed?”

Karma shrugs. “I’ll have to change the sheets later anyway. Besides, you don’t want to sit on the floor right now.”

Nagisa can’t help but agree. At the very least, he manages to find his underwear on the floor, not too thrilled with the idea of climbing into bed completely naked. It’s a smart move, luring him in with food, and Nagisa can’t think about much other than how hungry he is, when he first takes a bite into a slightly sad fry.

It’s not quite as easy a transition into ‘friend time’ as usual, considering they’re both mostly naked, but all the same it feels okay to be with Karma like this. Like nothing particularly odd even happened between them. It’s nothing like cuddling together or whispering sweet things into each other’s ears… but Nagisa wouldn’t want anything like that anyway. Right?

“At this rate we’ll end up on Sex Sent Me To The ER,” Karma jokes, when Nagisa reaches for a secondary bag of frozen food Karma probably meant for him.

Nagisa frowns at the English title. “What?”

The only explanation Karma gives is “It’s American. Daytime TV.”

He decides not to question why Karma knows American Daytime TV shows. Most people just watch Friends. But he’s sure Karma has a story, and he’s not sure he wants to know. Lest he… end up on it or something? They’re not that disastrous, surely? His head hurts a little now, but he’s probably not going to end up in the hospital.

“Thanks for the food,” Nagisa says once he’s done eating.

“Thanks for the orgasm,” Karma replies nonchalantly.

He splutters.

“What?” He tilts his head. “It’s the least I could do. It’s not just anyone I buy McDonald’s for. You should be grateful.”

Yeah, so grateful.

“I said thank you!”

Karma crawls over him, pushing all the food to the side. “You could thank me again.”

“A-already?” He feels close to a sweat, not sure if Karma’s just teasing him or not. Nagisa’s pretty good at detecting it, usually, but when it comes to sex… he still has a lot to learn.

“Why not?” He shrugs. “There’s lots of other stuff we cou-“

Nagisa finds an out, rolling out from under him with his sudden nerves. “On second thought,” he says, searching frantically for his clothes, “I’m kind of tired actually.”

Karma just looks amused, now sitting up on his bed. “There’s plenty of time before the trains stop. You could take a nap.”

“It’s alright!” He says, pulling his shirt on. “U-uhm… This was fun. Let’s do it again sometimeokaybye-“

Unfortunately for him, Karma’s pretty quick, and he manages to almost beat Nagisa to the front door. It’s not like Nagisa actually desperately needs space… but he does want some time to think. And he’s definitely too overwhelmed to even think about having sex with Karma again. At least tonight.

“Hey,” his tone is more serious now. “Are you… okay?”

Nagisa feels shy when he nods. “I am. I just… really am kind of tired. I’ll… see you next week?”

Karma’s shoulders drop some of their tension. “Yeah. Don’t try and sit on the train… unless you want people to look at you funny.”

Whether that’s a part of Karma’s teacher persona desperately trying to come through at the last minute or not, Nagisa ends up leaving with just the slightest twinge of irritation.

Winter is usually a sad time for Nagisa.

He’s not one of those people who gets particularly effected by the seasons, but there’s something to be said, in the brightness of summer. Winter is cold, and dark, and involves watching so many of the plants around him die for a little while. Mostly, though, it’s just lonely. Nagisa can feel it in the hushed discussions in his class already, about who’s dating who on Christmas Eve. He sees it in news articles about arrangements for New Years, or something like that.

In fact, in just a few weeks’ time, Tokyo will turn into a ghost town. Or, as much of a ghost town as the largest city in the world can be. People like him, young adults who moved to the city to pursue some kind of career goal, automatically scatter like snowflakes in the wind, back to whichever portion of the countryside they come from.

Nagisa’s parents still live in Kunugigaoka, barely an hour by car from his apartment, and still only a little longer when you take all the train changes into account. It’s not that Nagisa doesn’t like spending New Years with them… it’s just odd. They’ve been remarried for a while now, and his mother has been a lot better for some time, but there’s still a wedge between them. Nagisa wouldn’t feel particularly hollow, if he missed the usual celebration.

Also, he’s never had a Christmas Eve date.

The fact that it falls on a Saturday this year hasn’t escaped him. His and Karma’s arrangement varies week by week, depending on work. Nagisa likes it on Fridays more, since at least there’s something to distract him from not eating all day. But… maybe he could play it off like he was having an ‘end of year’ celebration with work, or something.

Another factor is whether their whole arrangement even lasts that long.

The thing is, Nagisa likes sex. Nowadays, he actually anticipates and actively wants to do it, which is a new and slightly inconvenient revelation. He feels strangely well versed in it now. He has a favourite position, and he knows what Karma’s is, too. After the first time, too, Karma started actually giving him instructions, and Nagisa keeps notes on all of them. The only thing he wonders is how much there left there is to actually teach him. At what point are they just having sex… for fun? Can they really just go back to being normal friends at some point?

After Karma’s ardent demonstration of ‘doggy style’ two weeks ago, Nagisa thinks any normal friendship is forever off the cards.

He’s fully aware that he’s overthinking it. But thinking is one of the things Nagisa just does. Unfortunately, it’s not always the most useful, and tends to spiral out of control when he doesn’t have much of a target to actually focus it on. And unpicking every part of his and Karma’s ‘relationship’ certainly isn’t ideal. Besides… they’re friends, aren’t they? They’ve saved the world together, they’ve flown to space, they’ve… beat each other bloody, a couple of times, sure. Regular sex isn’t the weirdest thing to add to the list.

The reason his mind is running off like this is because he actually arrived at Karma’s house early. It’s not unusual for him to be a few minutes early for their agreed meeting time, after all he doesn’t get to choose the train timetable. It doesn’t usually matter, except Karma texted him five minutes ago to say he had something to do for the next fifteen or so minutes.

There’s worse things he could be doing, than loitering around. Even though he’s cold, and getting a little impatient, it doesn’t matter. So what if they start things a little later than usual? Maybe it would do them some good. The cold, however, isn’t much. He stares at the closed door, willing the time to just disappear already.

He convinces himself it’s the reason why he’s suddenly pacing around the balcony, as opposed to being completely lost in thought. What does he even have to think about, really? He’s fine. He’s happy with whatever he gets from Karma, whatever he’s willing to give him. So he has no need to debate something so simple over and over. That all gets cut off by the way he suddenly clashes into something. Someone.

“Oh my!”

“Ah-“ Nagisa mentally curses himself in every way he knows how, because he’s just walked into a poor elderly woman who was just trying to go home. “I’m so sorry!” He bows, too, completely forty five degrees bent over. Maybe he should get on the floor?

The woman just chuckles, though. “No, no. I should have seen you walking here. Do you live in the building?”

“N-no,” he straightens himself out. “I’m just visiting.”

Her eyes dart between the apartment doors. “You’re not ‘Nagisa’, by any chance?”

How does she know his name?! Nagisa immediately locks up out of habit, because how else should he react to that? Then, barely even half a second later, he really focuses on the woman. Fortunately for him, he’s pretty good at detecting whether someone has good or bad intentions. Right away, he can tell this woman has nothing bad in mind for him… but he’s not entirely sure if it’s good either.

She laughs, cutting off the tension a little. “No need to act shy around me, dear. Karma kun’s a nice young man, I’m just glad to see he’s settled down with something. Though… You do look pretty young, if you don’t mind my saying.”

“I’m twenty four!” He feels the need to defend.

“You’re skinny,” she muses. “Come inside and eat a biscuit.”

There’s a certain kind of command to her voice which makes Nagisa feel compelled to follow her. As it turns out, she’s Karma’s literal next door neighbour. He feels very odd, entering the apartment, which is pretty much the identical layout to Karma’s, except mirrored. It’s also nothing like the apartment of any other old woman he’s ever seen. Most notably is the strange artwork around the place… some of which is oddly phallic.

“Please,” she says, “take a seat. I’ll put some tea on.”

Well… Nagisa still has ten minutes or so. Apart from his obligatory feeling of being here, after practically ramming into the woman, he’s struck with minor curiosity. He feels vulgar, thinking dirty in an old lady’s apartment, but the more he looks, the more he seems to be surrounded by penises, like he’s fallen into some kind of lucid nightmare.

“Thank you,” he says when she returns, sipping rather a lot of the tea despite it burning his tongue.

She smiles. “It’s no trouble at all.”

He stares into his cup for a moment. “I didn’t realise Karma was close with any of his neighbours.”

Her expression remains stagnant. “Well, I actually moved here after him. I used to live in Shinjuku, but my place was too big and busy to keep up with. He helped me with some of my boxes.”  

Considering how big these apartments are, and she supposedly came from somewhere much bigger and in Shinjuku, she’s definitely rich. Though, Karma doesn’t exactly live in the suburbs either. As far as Nagisa understood, most people retired to the actual countryside. Considering the circumstances, he figures she was probably actually born in Tokyo.

Nagisa also wrinkles his nose, trying to imagine the scene of Karma helping some old woman selflessly. Not that Karma can’t be nice, exactly. But as far as Nagisa knows him, simply lending a helping hand isn’t a part of his moral code. Then again, Karma definitely lives by his own set of morals, and Nagisa can’t even try to pretend that he understands exactly what they are.

“That was nice of him,” he says, because what else can he?

“I thought so too,” she pushes the aforementioned biscuits towards him. “I’m Hisaishi Fumiko, by the way.”

Right. “Shiota Nagisa,” he introduces properly, “though I prefer to be called Nagisa.”

Hisaishi san doesn’t seem fazed, at least. “Difficult family?”

“Um-“

She laughs. “I used to hear it all, when I worked properly. Working people out was always a huge part of the fun… Yes, you remind me of that too. You have quick eyes.”

“Were you some kind of therapist?”

“In a way,” there’s a glint in her gaze. “Mother, wife, disciplinarian… I took many roles back in those days. But enough about me. Is Karma kun treating you well?”

He shifts in his seat. “Uhm… I’m sorry if I misled you, but I’m not his boyfriend.”

Surprisingly, she just shrugs. “Well, whatever they’re calling it these days. Sex friend? Hookup? The question still applies.” She pauses. “Don’t look so embarrassed, dear. There’s many benefits to having a regular partner, even if you’re not emotionally invested.”

All of a sudden, Nagisa feels like he’s falling into a hole. “How do yo-“

Her smile widens. “Kids these days are moving away from their family homes much sooner. With it comes a lack of practise with volume control.”

Oh no. No. Suddenly it makes perfect horrific sense how she knows his name. Is Karma really that loud? Nagisa’s never really noticed it before, maybe because he’s probably louder than that and- oh no. His eyes fix on the window, wondering how quickly he’d die if he managed to jump out of it. Or maybe tossing himself on top of the stove would be a quicker demise?

Instead, he downs the cup of tea in one gulp. “I-it was very nice m-meeting you, Hisaishi san. But I, uhm, I really have to go now.”

“Of course,” she stands up herself. “I don’t want to keep you. Actually, I should be heading out myself for the evening. Do tell Karma kun ‘hello’ from me, won’t you?”

“I will,” he ducks his head, trying to get his shoes on as quickly as possible in the doorway.

They set out, and she locks it behind them. “I’ll see you again sometime!”

She seems like a lovely woman, but a spike of dread rushes through him at the mere suggestion. At least she seems okay with it? Not that that’s much of a take away. Maybe he will suggest doggy style again just so he can burry his face into a pillow. At least she’s going to be out. He still can’t believe they’d both been so careless about that kind of thing.

When Karma actually opens his door, though, he’s still on the phone. He nods his greeting, but that’s pretty much all Nagisa gets, before he walks off again back into the living space. From the sounds of it, it’s a word thing, full of economic buzz words Nagisa fails to wrap his head around. It makes him feel oddly childish, as he sits there and listens.

Finally, it comes. “It’ll be sorted over the weekend, okay? Listen- I have to go.” The voice on the other end of the speaker keeps talking, almost frantically, but Karma makes a show of hanging it up.

“Was that important?”

Karma practically launches himself onto the sofa with a lazy sigh. “Not really.” And then, “Work stuff.”

Immediately, Nagisa feels like he’s misplaced in being here. He doesn’t want Karma to put stuff off just to see him. As much as he knows social life is important, too… He just hates the thought that he might be a burden. Karma does look tired, at least. Perhaps now’s a good time, then, to talk, rather than do anything in the bedroom.

“Oh,” he says, and sits down beside him. “I didn’t realise it was so stressful.”

“It always is,” he shrugs, “but everyone gets like this before the New Year.”

“Karma,” he tries. “About everything…”

He looked at him funny. “Hm?”

“I-I just wanted to say thank you, for… using up your time with all of this.” He took a deep breath. “We’ve done a lot of stuff already now… and you’ve shown me so much already. So I was thinking, what is there left to teach? When do I graduate? …or something. I just don’t want you to waste time you don’t have, I mean.”

There seems to be a lot of emotions going through Karma’s mind, but he actually starts to laugh. “What, you think you’re experienced now?”

“N-no,” Nagisa feels his fight or flight response rising. “I just don’t know how much there is left to show me.”

“There’s plenty,” he shrugs

That catches Nagisa off guard. “Like what?”

“W-well,” Karma springs to his feet, as though he’s full of determination. “There’s other stuff,” Karma says, not quite looking at him. “It doesn’t just end here. We’ve been pretty vanilla so far, actually.”

Vanilla? Like the ice cream? “I don’t know what you mean.”

Karma swallows, though. “Even you must know what kinks are.”

“L-like handcuffs and cosplay and stuff?”

He nods enthusiastically. “Exactly! There’s… way more to it than that, though. BDSM is pretty complicated.”

Admittedly, Nagisa doesn’t really know. Of course, he’s not completely stupid. He’s heard of the concept… people who like to be hurt or tied up or insulted during sex. It’s not something he’s ever even remotely considered for himself. But then again, he hadn’t considered ‘vanilla’ sex either. If Karma has this much more to show him… Nagisa feels incapable of actually saying no.

“How do we do that?”

“You want to?” Karma actually looks taken aback.

Why does he sound surprised? “You just said-“

“Okay,” Karma cuts him off. Now he’s pacing? Why’s he pacing? “First you have to talk about what stuff you like.”

Heat rises to Nagisa’s face. “I don’t know what that is. I… haven’t tried it.”

“Of course you haven’t,” falls from Karma’s lips. “And you’ve never… imagined it?”

“I never even really thought about the normal stuff.”

The look on Karma’s face is almost painful. Nagisa feels comfortable around him most of the time, but this is a fresh reminder of the gaps in their sex experiences. Thinking about it, it makes perfect sense that Karma’s into to something weird like that. How much has he been holding back on him? Nagisa’s unsure if he actually wants to know that.

“Explain it,” he requests, as clearly as he can manage. As if to emphasise himself, he decides to stand, feeling too much like an actual student whilst sitting down.

“Well…” Karma physically straightens his back. “Usually, you have one person who’s more dominant, and one who’s submissive. And then the dominant one does whatever it is to the submissive.”

Nagisa tilts his head. “So… you want to do that kind of stuff to me?”

His eyes widen, and there’s a tint of flush across his cheeks. “If that’s the role you want.”

“What role do you usually have?” He can’t really imagine actually doing stuff to Karma.

“I don’t mind,” he says too quickly. “I could like both.”

“But you know what you’re doing...”

Karma swallows. “Let’s try something. You don’t know if you’ll even like it. But… you really need to trust me.”

He feels serious as he meets his eyes. “Of course I trust you.”

Somehow, the moment Karma takes his hand, he knows exactly where he’s being led. Nagisa feels less sensitive to the anticipation of sex, now, but this is something else entirely. Nagisa’s never been anything but curious, though, and he genuinely wants to know what Karma has in plan. There’s also a weird anxiety brewing, though.

“Take this off,” Karma tugs at the hem of shirt.

Nagisa doesn’t hesitate to do what he says. It’s not exactly a huge ask. Karma doesn’t necessarily tell him to undress usually… but it’s fine. Karma doesn’t usually stare at him so intensely, though. It really starts to build on his nerves. It doesn’t matter how many times Karma’s seen him naked already at this point… being watched is still nerve-wracking.

“Okay,” Karma says steadily. “Hold out your wrists.”

“Wh-“

He tilts his head. “You just said you trusted me, didn’t you? Going back on it so soon?”

Determination wins out against embarrassment, apparently. “No.”

Even so, it takes a lot for him to actually do as Karma says. However apprehensive he is, though, he’s also curious, and it feels like there’s nobody better in the world to teach him this. So, he pulls his wrists together, and holds them out like an offering. Karma gives him a look over for just a second, before violently yanking the tie from around his neck.

The material feels soft around Nagisa’s wrist as he’s bound, which surprises him for some reason. It’s odd, because Nagisa knows what a tie feels like of course, even though this one is a higher quality material to any he owns. This kind of sex, what they’ve been talking about… isn’t it supposed to be about pain? Yet, for some reason, Karma’s being really delicate with whatever well practised knot he’s tying, and it feels nice and soft.

A look passes between them, before Karma slowly goes down to his knees. Even at that height, Nagisa’s not that much taller, so he doesn’t feel like he’s been given some huge vantage. His hands come out, right then, gripping him at the narrowest point of his waist. His fingers dig in harshly, just on the threshold of actual pain, before they stroke down the curve of his hips.

Though he’s moving slowly, it doesn’t feel like Karma’s wasting time when he addresses the button and zipper of his trousers. They’re kind of loose on him, anyway, so they pool at the floor without much effort, and he kicks them off the rest of the way. The underwear follows, though Karma has to slide it off properly, his hands stroking down the length of his legs in the process.

Nagisa’s not sure he likes the sensation of being naked whilst Karma’s fully clothed, the unequal balance throwing him off. Of course, logically, he knows that he literally consented to this just minutes before. And, in that moment, he decides he still stands by it. He does want Karma to lead the way, like he’s already been doing. This is just… pushing it further.

He’s definitely not hard, yet, but it’s clear that he’s showing interest in what’s happening. It’s enough for Karma, apparently, one hand supporting his length, and the other travelling around the squeeze his ass as he leans far enough forward enough to take him into his mouth. The effect sets in immediately. Nagisa has no real control of the gasp that leaves him, and it’s like all his blood rushes south at once.

Yeah, that’ll do it.

Unlike normal, though, Nagisa finds that he’s unable to grip Karma’s hair, something that usually grounds him to the please. Just like that, he knows he’s frustrated. All he can do is curl his toes and squeeze his eyes shut as some kind of outlet. He can tell, though, that Karma’s not trying to get him off like this. It’s way too… good? Nagisa’s not sure how to describe it, but if Karma’s planning to get him off like this, he would probably take it a lot slower.

“Get on the bed,” he orders, apparently satisfied that he’s turned on enough.

At first, Nagisa doesn’t really feel compelled to, at least not without questioning it. He figures that this kind of thing is all part of it, though. Can he really let go enough? Nagisa figures he can at least try, though, taking a step backwards until the backs of his legs are against the mattress. Legs shaking a little, he sits down on the edge of the bed.

“Properly,” Karma says, like he’s impatient.

Nagisa’s not entirely sure what he means. He scoots back, though, difficult without the use of his hands. It makes him feel weirdly on display, as he lies himself flat. It doesn’t help that Karma’s also fully clothed, minus the tie currently around Nagisa’s wrists. Beneath the weird feeling, though, the anticipation is definitely still there, and he’s curious to see what Karma will do.

As it turns out, he doesn’t climb onto the bed with him. Instead, he skirts around the side of it, and takes Nagisa’s wrists into his hands. Nagisa can only watch in slight fascination as he reworks the knot ever so slightly, raising them above his head to tie securely to the bed’s head board. Just like that, Nagisa finds he’s pretty much trapped in this position.

“Does it hurt?”

Nagisa tries an experimental tug. The strain isn’t too bad, and he figures if he really tried to, it’s not so secure he couldn’t just get out of it. But, this is more about fantasy, isn’t it? “No.

Karma nods, before fetching the lube from the bedside table. Like a learned reflex, Nagisa flinches at the sound of the bottle being opened, but knows by now to spread his legs for it. Except usually, at this point, they’re both already in the middle of things. Nagisa supposes that starting with the blow job, arguably, counts… but that’s just him. And, like this, Karma’s still standing above him and watching him.

Even when he does join him on the bed, after an unsettling period of staring, he’s still standing on his knees, looming. Nagisa can’t stop him, though, when he picks up his legs and shifts them into a position where he’s kneeling between them. Offhandedly, Karma had mentioned before that they don’t really need to spend much time on this step. Nagisa’s more used to being stretched, now, and as long as they use lots of lube and take it slow, it shouldn’t hurt him. He likes it, though. Karma’s fingers feel good.

He can’t help but keen into it, with the way Karma’s fingers press against his entrance. For a moment, it seems like Karma’s toying with the idea of teasing him even more, but then he breeches him in one go. Nagisa’s used to this by now. He’s fully relaxed when it happens, anyway, so the pain is pretty much inexistant.

Also, Karma knows exactly where his prostate is.

It’s a lot, though, all at once. Rather than just going entirely in on that spot, he pumps his one finger in and out, before slipping in the second one. Nagisa forgets if he had any apprehension to this, especially when Karma puts his other hand on his erection as well. In fact, the fact that he’s currently tied up evaporates from his mind almost completely.

The only part of it Nagisa’s not sure about is how unequal he feels. Karma himself taught him that, that generally he shouldn’t just lie there without doing anything himself. But… his ability for that’s kind of been taken away from him. All he can do is squeeze his legs around Karma’s waist a little, not that that’s getting him anywhere.

He knows that he wants to reach for him and tug him in, because his lips are starting to feel cold and neglected. He also does want to make Karma feel good too. Unless this already does feel good to him? Nagisa doesn’t know. But… looking at him, he doesn’t look completely uninvolved. It’s hard to concentrate, with the insistent way his fingers are moving inside him, but he can sense the heaviness in his expression.

Nagisa figures he guessed right, when he withdraws both his hands to unbutton his shirt. It’s jarring, going from such an amount of sensation to nothing so fast. He’s… frustrated. And he knows he wants something more. Karma seems to sense the same thing, because he couldn’t have taken that shirt off slower if he tried. There’s a knowing smirk on his face, too, when he does the same with his trousers. No, there’s no worry about enjoyment anymore. Karma’s clearly enjoying this too much.

At the sight of him reaching for a condom, Nagisa breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

Unfortunately, though, Karma doesn’t line himself up once he has it on. In fact, he just knees there, between Nagisa’s legs, and slowly starts to jerk him off again. And, okay, Nagisa would have been completely fine with that if this was at the start of everything… but now he knows he wants more. He won’t be satisfied until he’s full.

“Just do it already.”

Karma smirks. “I thought I was the one in charge here?”

Nagisa writhes and squirms, tries to tug his hands away but then realises he can’t, as Karma just slowly jerks him off. It’s almost entirely at his own leisure, as though he’s doing it to please himself more than anything. And of course, it’s frustrating, but there’s just the tinniest hint of something else there. A deep dark kind of pleasure that’s entirely different from the physical sensation.

“P-please,” he finally gives in, the plea frightening as it slips out of him.

Karma’s gaze maintains its glint, though. “Please what?”

He’s close to screaming. “In me. Now.”  

“Well, if you insist.”

He enters him in one go, and it’s almost too much for Nagisa to handle. Every time they’ve done this, he’s found it less and less uncomfortable. Like his body’s slowly being trained to adapt to it. Right there, though, it doesn’t hurt. At least, not really. Really it’s more just the shock of being so full out of nowhere, and his breathing’s misaligned.

Karma looks down at him, like that’s some kind of solace. “Okay?”

Nagisa just about nods. It’s the only answer he feels capable of giving. Other than that, he squeezes his legs again, the best encouragement he can give for Karma to move. It doesn’t hurt, so he doesn’t see the point in caution. He’s craving the friction. It’s almost as though he wants Karma to somehow mark him from the inside out.

He’s being kind of lazy with it, though, and Nagisa knows it. Their first time… he understands why he held back a little. He’s grateful for it, even. But now they’ve become more comfortable with each other, and he knows how much he can realistically take… Well, he knows Karma’s certainly capable of going both a lot faster and harder. Perhaps it’s just the situation, but that’s what Nagisa wants, instead of this slow rocking. He wants to feel it.

“Faster,” he tries.

“Not unless you ask properly~”

That catches Nagisa’s attention, amongst all the good feelings. Ask properly? How’s he supposed to do that? Didn’t he ask already? Does Karma want him to say ‘please’ again? Nagisa knows he was pretty desperate before, but he’s not sure how much he’s willing to literally beg for. But maybe it’s worth it.

There’s also the fact that Karma purposely slows down even more.

“Please,” he squeezes his thighs around his hips tighter. “Will you pick up the pace?”

“Alright alright,” Karma has the nerve to laugh. “Relax.”

Nagisa’s head falls back against the pillow, and his throat opens up in a cry. This is what he needs. Karma’s holding him at the waist, shoving him back on his length with every movement of his hips. He keeps tilting, too, trying to find that perfect angle. And he’s so close… Unfortunately for him, it’s hard to shift his own position much like this.

It’s only a matter of time, before he manages to find it on his own. Nagisa’s so relieved, in fact, that the word “yes” slips from his lips despite his intent.

That’s embarrassing.

It does the opposite of deterring Karma, though, who just picks up the pace even further. Usually, at this point, Nagisa would be grabbing onto his back and pulling him closer to him, but he can’t. He can’t even grip anything to ground himself. It’s good, though. Nagisa tosses his head back and arches his back, at least, though in the background he can feel the tug at his wrists.

Now that Karma’s picked up, his satisfaction just builds and builds. He knows he won’t actually finish until Karma strokes him, though. And he definitely can’t do that as he currently is. He just has to count on Karma knowing when he’s close. Which is pretty much right now, from how much he’s burning. The longer he’s like this, though, the worse it’ll get.

Should he ask?

“Karma,” he moans out, but it’s hard to string words together whilst he’s getting pounded like this. “Karma-“

Karma doesn’t slow down or stop to listen to him, though.

“Please,” he tries again, as though that’s some kind of magic word. “So close.”

He doesn’t start jerking him off, though. At those words, he actually does stop, before pulling out entirely. Nagisa almost screams in frustration. Why? Karma actually has the nerve to laugh, possibly at his expression, before he grabs him by the hips again, hauling him up. Before Nagisa even knows what’s happening, he grabs him under the back, before suddenly he’s being tossed.  

It takes him a moment to figure out the position Karma’s manipulating him into, quite literally since he’s still positioning his legs. He’s on his knees, even tighter against the headboard, and he’s more than aware of Karma kneeling behind him. They’ve done this position before, but Nagisa was actually able to hold his weight on his has hands, that way. Now it just feels like his ass is in the air.

Karma notices too, squeezing him roughly there before thrusting in to the hilt again. Nagisa groans, turning his face so that his mouth is being covered by his right arm. He’s deeper than before, like this, and Nagisa can feel him better. Every single inch. He continues to gasp and moan into his arm, rocking his hips back against it immediately, just as Karma grips him by the waist and pulls him back onto him.

It doesn’t take him long at all, then, the rebuild to his previous heights. From the incoherent, slightly muffled noises he’s making, he’s pretty sure that much is obvious. Then finally, Karma’s hand slips from his waist to round his front, and he wraps it around his much neglected erection. Nagisa keens immediately, his body unsure whether to try and buck forwards into his hand, or back onto his length.

“Hang on,” Karma says.

He only whines in response, because he’s not sure that he can. As much as he clenches his teeth, he’s already about to fall down that spiral. Karma keeps his hand on his erection, but rather than really concentrating on getting him off with it, his own hips are moving without pace, and Nagisa’s very much just along for the ride.

“Karma, he just about calls out, “I’m-“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, before whatever will he actually still had snaps. It’s pretty intense, like that, with Karma still pounding away at him, close enough that he’s practically throbbing inside him too. All he can do is ride it out, thankful at least that he can bury most of his noises into his arm.

Karma collapses on top of his back, like that, the weight of it knocking him flat – which isn’t the most comfortable position he’s ever been in. It’s nice, though, in a way. The faster and rougher pace of things felt good, but Nagisa also really likes it when their bodies rub together, like this constant push and pull. Maybe next time.

Right here, though, he’s exhausted. And his wrists are sore.

Karma doesn’t stay on top of him for long. “I’m just going to clean this up a bit, okay?”

He nods weakly, vaguely aware of him getting off the bed and exiting the room. Well, Nagisa came all over his hand, so it’s natural that he wants to wash it off. He hears him doing just that, at the sound of running water. Nagisa knows at least that it won’t take him that long to clean off, and he usually comes back before he can start to miss him.

Finally, he gains the sense to move out of his position, before the sudden realisation that he can’t. Karma forgot to untie him.

He tries his hardest to twist his wrists out of it, but he’s tired. His arms have been in that position for a while, and his brain is half turned to mush. At least he knows that Karma won’t be gone for long… He doesn’t exactly feel good about lying here like this, though. On the one hand, the situation is a tiny but funny, but on the other he feels weirdly vulnerable.

“Why are you still lying like that?” Karma asks. When Nagisa looks at him, his hair’s wet, so he clearly jumped under the shower.

“You,” his throat is a little dry, “you didn’t untie me.”

“Right,” Karma realises, and comes to his aid. “Sorry.”

Nagisa feels relief at the use of his arms again, taking care to roll over to the side of the bed that doesn’t have semen all over it. He feels a little bad about that. Maybe he’ll get Karma new bed sheets for his birthday, since he has to keep washing them because of him. His wrists are a tiny bit red, but they’re not rubbed raw or anything.

“How do you feel?” Karma perches on the end of the bed.

Nagisa blinks at him. “Good? Tired?”

“So,” he tries, “you’re into all of that?”

There’s way too much to unpack so soon. “I… I didn’t dislike it.”

Karma looks a little impatient, though. “You want to try more stuff?”

“Well,” Nagisa thinks of how to phrase it, “I’ll try whatever you have to show me.”

His inhale is sharp and audible, and there’s a strange expression on his face. “I’ll get you some food.”

Nagisa almost protests, but Karma can be weirdly fast when he wants to be. He’s not sure if he’s actually hungry or not, but he figures it can’t hurt him. His body is sore, though, enough so that he knows he’s going to spend the next day shifting around whenever he has to sit. At least hot water will help a little with that.

He’s over whatever reservations he had about taking showers here now. Mostly because it’s a much better option than the feeling of lube and sweat and his own release all over him. It does mean, though, that his mind’s given the opportunity to wander, without much threat to his privacy. And Nagisa’s not the best at shutting the thoughts out.

Did he like that? Well, he’d come pretty hard, so he doesn’t think he can argue that he hated it by any means. But sex is sex, at least to his understanding. Even without the extra stuff, it probably would have felt good. But did the extras make him feel better? Nagisa thinks about it, and he knows that it was intense at least. And he’s definitely not against doing more.

By the time he’s done in the shower, and dressed to a decent standard, he can smell something being cooked. His stomach rumbles, and he’s actually glad that Karma insisted, even though it also feels like his insides just got majorly tossed around. He ventures out a little shyly, almost a little shamed to admit that this is one of his favourite parts of his arrangement with Karma.

“What are you making?”

Karma flinches, as though he didn’t hear him come in, but turns over his shoulder. “Just egg fried rice. I put one of my best spices from Malaysia in it, though.”

Nagisa tilts his head. “When did you go to Malaysia?”

“Nagisa, you’ve heard of E commerce, right?”

“O-oh,” he flushes. He’s not sure why he didn’t think of that. “Right.”

There’s a half smile across Karma’s face. “I had a couple of days off last summer. I wouldn’t say I’m that into travelling, but I felt like a change of pace. I picked the spices up from a market just outside Kuala Lumpur. Anyway, it’s done, eat up.”

Nagisa takes his bowl graciously, and elects to kneel rather than directly sit on the floor. “Thanks for the food.”

As always, it’s absolute heaven in his mouth. Does Karma even know how good he is at cooking? If Nagisa got to eat this kind of food every day, he’d probably get super fat. Nagisa admittedly doesn’t know that much about Malaysian spices, but he knows they compliment whatever else is in the bowl well, and all he wants to do is eat more and more of it.

“I didn’t see that you went anywhere,” Nagisa says.

“Well,” Karma shrugs. “It wasn’t planned. I was alone, anyway, so it’s not like anyone was taking pictures.”

He looks down at his now empty bowl. “I can’t imagine travelling alone.”

“It can be fun,” he offers. “You can just do what you want without having to worry about anyone else, but…”                                                         

“But it’s also lonely?”

Karma’s quiet for a few seconds. “Something like that. Anyway. I have homework for you.”

“Homework?”

He nods. “You’ve always been good at research. So. Before we do anything else, you should look into this. If it’s actually something you want to do.”

Nagisa swallows. “And if I don’t?”

Karma leans back. “There’s still more stuff I can show you.”

He nods. “Okay.”

“Oh, by the way, can we do it on Saturday next week? I have a stupid work thing.”

Saturday, huh? That’s the Saturday before Christmas Eve.

“Of course.”

Nagisa’s not one for conspiracy theories, exactly. Definitely when he was younger, he used to be interested by them here or there, but after some of the crazy things he found people on the internet saying about Korosensei and his friends, after everything got out to the public, he wanted no association with those kinds of people. He doesn’t, then, buy into the theories about government surveillance over his web activities. Mostly because he’s experienced what being important enough for that is like first hand, and it doesn’t really describe him anymore.

But, hypothetically, if there is someone watching over his web searches… he feels bad for what they’re being exposed to.

His web browser has pages and pages of articles about this new world he seems to have entered. Sure, Nagisa’s always known that kink stuff can’t be that uncommon, but he never realised how big it actually is. There are some people, judging from the forums he’s found himself browsing, who dedicate their lives to it. Nagisa’s already considered buying a second notebook.

He feels uncomfortable with any video examples, at least. Even now, with actual sexual experience under his belt, he still finds porn uncomfortable. Not that he has a reason to watch it, aside from research purposes. But the more extreme stuff… it’s hard to imagine how anyone actually enjoys this sort of thing. At the same time, though, reading doesn’t put him off as much. Nagisa knows, then, that he has to face the reality that if he’s really against this, he wouldn’t have spent so long researching.

Karma: Are you still in the middle of your research?

Nagisa: Shouldn’t you be at work?

Karma: You know

Karma: We still get lunch breaks

Karma: Even at the government

Karma: Even if they’re not at lunch time

Karma: Shouldn’t YOU be nurturing the minds of today’s youth?

Nagisa: PE class break.

Karma: I thought so

Karma: tierlist.xlsx

Nagisa: Did you just send me an excel spreadsheet?

Admittedly, he’s apprehensive about opening it up, but his students are in their PE lesson and there’s nobody to see him do it. It’s not like Karma would send him anything too bad, right? Sure enough, he’s not affronted with anything graphic. It’s… just a spreadsheet table? Except, it’s actually pretty long. One side reads ‘rank’, and the other appears to be a list of… stuff

Nagisa: I don’t really get it.

Karma: It’s just a list of common fetishes

Karma: I have a copy too

Karma: It’s so we’re on the same page about the things we like

Karma: All you have to do is rank from one to five

Karma: One is something you’d never do, and five is something you really want to try

Nagisa’s discovered contracts such as these during his research. Though, it seems like it’s more associated with the hardcore stuff. Does Karma… mean he wants to do that? Scrolling through the list, Nagisa sees a mixture of things that seem pretty normal, stuff that almost makes his eyes pop out of his skull, and just… weird things.

Now that Nagisa understands what he’s looking at, he feels a little more okay with it. Karma’s probably experienced with this, since he has a whole document ready. From what Nagisa’s already read, though, this kind of thing is often used to make sure the dominant isn’t liable for any assault claims, if the submissive suddenly changes their mind after the fact. That, or just general consent. Nagisa’s not sure how he feels about signing that away.

Nagisa: I’m not sure I should sign anything.

Karma: It’s not legally binding

Karma: And it doesn’t require a signature

Karma: Unless you’d rather just talk about it?

Nagisa: I don’t mind filling it out. But, even if it’s not anything official, this kind of thing should be done on neutral territory, right?

Karma: Let’s meet up in one of the cafés near work

Karma: It’s like a ghost town here on the weekends

At the sound of the school bell, he turns his phone to silent and tucks it away. It suits him, anyway, to take his mind of all of that stuff for a little bit. Work might be the least preferable option for a lot of people, but Nagisa’s lucky enough to really enjoy his job. His students, on the other hand… They all look a little down as they walk into his classroom.

He’s not that boring, is he?

“Okay,” he says after he’s taken absences. “What’s wrong?”

They all look between each other.

“Look,” he continues, “I know that it’s hard to keep the momentum up so close to the end of the year, but it’s still an important time. I might not be as important as third year, but you don’t want to finish the year on a low, do you?”

“It’s not that, Nagisa Sensei,” Morimoto says. “It’s… something was weird with Watanabe san.”

He’d noticed that she didn’t answer when he’d called her name. Unfortunately, though mysterious absences in the afternoon aren’t exactly a new thing with her. “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he says. “It’s good that you’re worrying about your classmate, but there’s nothing you can do right now. I’ll check in on her after class, okay?”

Nagisa wishes that he could provide a better answer for them. Unfortunately, so he’s learnt, you can’t just solve an issue like this overnight. He is a little concerned, though. The end of the year is only a few months away, and although it’s not like she’ll be leaving the school, he won’t be her homeroom teacher anymore and it’ll pretty much be out of his hands.

He tries to get on with the lesson, and he almost misses the awkward sex education unit. At the very least, everyone was perked up and paying attention during those. Maths? Not so much. To be fair, the only reason Nagisa had paid attention to maths at their age was because Karma was so good at maths, and he’d both wanted to achieve his level… and also impress him just a little.

A knock comes to the door, though. “Shiota Sensei, I’m sorry to interrupt.”

At the door is a very dejected looking Watanabe, and the headmaster right behind her, hand on her shoulder. “N-not at all,” he bows lightly.

“Go on,” he pushes Watanabe lightly, who crosses the room to her usual chair without taking her eyes off the floor. “Do you mind if we have a quick word?”

“Of course,” he says, before turning to the rest of the class. “Keep working on your exercises quietly.”

He can’t help but feel his level of concern spike, as he steps out into the hallway. He may be aware that Watanabe has the habit of skipping on her own terms, or somehow getting the nurse to let her out of class, but he’s never seen her be in actual trouble before. It’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with at all, a couple of the more rowdy students had a few slips up here and there, but Watanabe isn’t like that.

“I would have sent you an email,” the headmaster says, “but I didn’t have time, I’m afraid. I’m sorry for just disturbing like this. There was quite a severe incident, during their PE class.”

Suddenly the low mood makes sense. “Really?”

“She didn’t just want to sit out, she started punching the wall until Inoue Sensei gave in. Not just… performatively. Like she was trying to hurt herself. One of the students from the other class tried to stop her when he saw the blood, but then she punched him. He’s still with the nurse.”

“Oh,” Nagisa’s face falls. “That’s not like her at all.”

“I believe she’s going through some difficulties at home. Parents divorcing.”

Nagisa nods sincerely. He’s been there. “I’ve tried talking to her a few times, but I don’t really get anywhere with it. This is more serious, though. I’ll try again. Do I have to call her parents?”

“I already managed to leave a message with her mother,” he says. “I didn’t want to, but in a situation like this… Well, I’m just here to give you a heads up, mostly. And to deliver her back. I’m sure you can take it from here, Shiota Sensei,” he bows, right there, before turning on his heel.

For a moment, Nagisa stands there and processes the information. Although he knows Watanabe did a very bad thing, all he can feel is sympathy for her. When his parents broke up for the first time, it had definitely altered his personality. For a girl so quiet already, this has to be a fresh blow. It must be really bad, if she’s lashing out at herself. He’ll definitely talk to her after the last bell.

When he steps back into the classroom, though, the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he senses imminent danger. He manages to twist before it happens, catching the ruler that had just been thrown towards his face between his fingertips, which earned him a defeated groan. Although assassination is less of a novelty than it had been (giving a bunch of twelve year olds the permission to throw objects at him at will had been… a choice), they’ve developed the art of stealth nowadays. Not good enough though, of course.

“Nice try,” he says, straightening himself out. “Whose ruler is this?”

Hanazawa stands up at his desk. “Damn, and I thought my aim was getting better, too!”

“It has!” Nagisa always makes sure to encourage them, too. “But rulers are too slow and noticeable. Try a pencil, next time.”

Maths passes without much further incident, though Nagisa finds his eyes focusing more on Watanabe than anyone else. He can’t bring himself to call on her, but he’s still highly concerned. For once, he really starts to anticipate his lesson ending. If only he can somehow figure out the right words to say to her.

He’s quick, when the bell actually does ring.

“Watanabe san,” he tries to say quietly enough that it doesn’t attract the attention of everyone else. “Do you mind staying behind today?” He looks over at his classroom. “Oeda san, Aohashi san- don’t worry about the classroom cleaning duty today.”

They shoot a look at each other. “Thanks, Nagisa Sensei!”

Everyone clears out, and that leaves just him and Watanabe, who’s remained at her desk. And still refuses to look him in the eye.

“I’ve been punished already,” she mutters. “Why are you doing it again?”

“Is talking to me that bad?” He tries to joke.

She just frowns, though.

Nagisa sighs. “I’m not going to interrogate you. I won’t ask any questions about your home life at all, if you don’t want me to. But, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener.

Watanabe scoffs. “Yeah right. You have to report everything I say to the headmaster. Or my parents.”

“No,” he shifts. “Not unless I think you’re in danger for any reason. Or maybe if you told me you murdered someone or something.”

“Why is everything about murder with you, Nagisa Sensei?”

“I-“

She leans forward. “Is there something you’re not telling us?” Then she sighs. “Ito san thought you were just here undercover and your teaching qualifications were fake, but then you turned out to be a pretty great teacher, so we figured that can’t be it.”

He’s only mildly offended. “I studied years for those qualifications.”

“Sounds hard.”

“It was,” he agrees. “But it’s worth it.” That’s enough stalling. “Do you mind if I take a look at your hand?”

She looks surprised, but she presents it over. The nurse hasn’t wrapped it terribly well, so the small bandage comes loose with just that amount of movement. Watanabe sighs, before tugging it off almost completely. Immediately, he winces, because he knows personally how much it must have hurt to get to that state. She’s not actively bleeding anymore, but she definitely has been. She’s also going to have some really nasty bruising for a while. Ouch.

“You’re not punching very well,” he admires the placement of the wound on her fist. “You should keep your hand straighter, and a good tip is to squeeze your middle finger with your thumb.”

“I don’t exactly punch people a lot,” she mutters.

“I hear you did a number on some kid from Class 1C,” he thinks aloud. “So maybe it’s a good thing, that you didn’t do it properly. But, you know, to lessen the chance of injuries on yourself. Unless that’s what you were trying to do?”

She looks down. “I thought you weren’t asking questions.”

“I’m sorry,” he swallows. “I know you might not believe me, Watanabe san, but I really do care about you. If something helps you cope, I’m not going to yell or punish you. I’d just… rather you chose something that didn’t end with hurting yourself or others.”

“Inoue Sensei said I couldn’t sit out,” she admits. “He let me every other week.”

Nagisa nods. “Is there a reason you didn’t want to do PE specifically?”

She shrugs.

“I know it’s not everyone’s favourite lesson,” he decides to continue, “but it’s still important. You can’t learn very well, if you’re not keeping up a healthy amount of exercise too. But,” he swallows, “if you really don’t want to do it, I don’t mind if you want to sit in here and read or do homework whilst everyone else does PE.”

Her eyes widen. “You’d let me do that?”

“If it saves a repeat of this incident, yes. But, you would be missing out on another important part of your education, especially getting to play games with your friends-“

“What friends?” She scoffs again. “Nobody wants to be friends with me.”

He frowns. “We both know that’s not true. I’m not saying it’s that easy to become best friends with everyone over night, but trust me, there are plenty of nice people in this class too. You do need to put in the effort as well, though.”

“That requires people actually liking you.”

“I like you,” Nagisa points out. “I’m not just saying that. And I’m definitely not the only one. Now come on, do you want to help me clean the classroom?”

She nods coyly, and stands up. Actually, it’s pretty peaceful between the two of them. Watanabe is a diligent worker, at least, and they manage to get quite a good pace going. Although Nagisa’s technically beyond the years of classroom cleaning, and it was never the highlight of his school life to begin with, it’s nice to be able to straighten things up himself.

“Do you want the papers over here, Sensei?”

He looks over her shoulder. “You can just leave them on the desk for now. I’ll take them home with me.”

She stares at the floor again. “Do I have to go now?”

He really wishes that she wouldn’t have to. But he really is stripped for power in a situation like this. He doesn’t know any details about her situation at all, and he knows that he wants to wait for her to tell him herself, if she ever feels ready. So Nagisa’s not sure if it’s super bad at home or not, whether her parents are still even living together. He does remember how bad it had been at the start for him, though, even if he’d been a little younger at the time.

“I’m afraid so,” he says. “But, it’s better you don’t put it off.”

“Okay,” her voice is small.

“You can talk to me anytime you want, okay? I-I’ll make sure I’ll check my email, even outside school times.”

She bows her head, before taking her bag. “Thank you, Nagisa Sensei.”

Nagisa’s glad that he managed to raise her spirits a bit, but he can’t help but feel like he failed. All he wants is for her to open up to him. They have PE lessons twice a week, so there’s some opportunity there, but not much. He wasn’t kidding when he said they’re close to the end of the year. Unfortunately, this isn’t an issue he can just fix.

For once, he actually pokes his head into the staff room. Nagisa doesn’t have a problem with his co-workers in the slightest, nor does he have a problem with the desk he was provided with. He just prefers to take his lunch breaks in the classroom, in case his students have any questions for him. Sure, they could ask him if he was in the staff room, but Nagisa feels like the classroom is far more approachable. The only reason he finds himself in the staff room, then, is running paperwork back and forth.

As it turns out, though, everyone seems to have packed up for the day. Nagisa had been hoping to talk to the headmaster a little more, and maybe let Inoue know that Watanabe’s going to be skipping her lessons a bit. But he figures it’s not an issue he needs to solve right here and now. Sometimes, it’s better to let things come at their own pace.

It’s hard not to feel a little down, though, as he goes through his normal routine of taking the train, grabbing a meal for himself, and making the sad climb up the stairs to his apartment. Nagisa’s been half tempted, recently, to attempt to actually cook something. But, as much as he’s fallen in love with Karma’s cooking, he doesn’t have much confidence to recreate it himself. Maybe that can be their next lessons.

It’s also much nicer to not eat alone.

Nagisa manages it, though, working on his grading at the same time. He makes great care, of course, to not spill any of his meal on the pages. As much as he’d been worried about his class being down, earlier, judging from their homework they’re doing just fine. He’s not worried about how they’ll do next year, when the work gets more serious and challenging.

After he’s done with that, he pulls out his laptop, worrying his lip before opening up the spreadsheet Karma set him. Time for his own homework. Though, when he sees the first thing is ‘public sex’, he immediately feels out of depth. Karma’s not into that, is he? Then again… Karma did say that he was going to fill out a version of this too, so maybe it’s a general list he found somewhere, not a curation of his own kinks.

Not that Nagisa’s in the right to judge him, even if he does like that kind of thing. One of the things he’s read online is that some people have crazy fetishes, but even if he thinks they’re kind of weird, it’s not his place to judge them. In fact, one of the most important parts of a discussion like the one they’re apparently going to have is to have no judgement at all. According to Google. He figures as long as Karma’s fetishes don’t involve murdering puppies or something

He’s also not so sure about Karma’s ranking system. In fact, he even opens up their chat again and rereads what Karma said. If one is something he’d absolutely never do, and five is maybe something that turns him on, then what are two, three, and four? Maybe three is something he doesn’t mind either way about? That feels okay, but then where does he put something like ‘public sex’?

It depends?! Nagisa gets out his notebook, and aggressively dots a bullet point. If it means doing it for the view of others, he’s definitely not into it. On the other hand, if he means sneaking off to a bathroom for a quickie or something… that’s not as bad. Not that Nagisa’s done that, or even considered doing that, but he knows it’s a thing. Nakamura once told him in more detail than he wanted about the stuff that went on in the nightclubs she frequented during her study abroad. That’s England, though. Maybe they’re just like that. Regardless, though, Nagisa decides to write a two in the empty box.

Some of the next ‘suggestions’ make him wince. And he never wants to google ‘pet play’ again. The list of sex toys forces him to do a lot of searching. He hadn’t realised how many different varieties there are. He winces at the word ‘fisting’, not wanting to even look it up, and when he gets to ‘cross dressing’ he straight up marks it as a zero. Worse still is ‘lactation’, to which he doesn’t even assign a numerical value, and just writes ‘what’.

The list gets a little better after that, when he gets to the sadism, masochism, and bondage parts. He figures those might be more important, anyway, since they’re a part of the acronym and everything. Strangely, he doesn’t feel put off by much of it at all. His eyes flit up and down the list. Gagging? Does that mean the chance to get Karma to shut up? He puts it at number five.

In seriousness, though, he tries to read through it slowly, envisioning some of the situations. He knows he’d be willing to try most of these, at least once. That is to say, he doesn’t recoil at the idea instantly. Though, when it comes to ‘misc sadism/masochism’ Nagisa can’t in good conscience write more than a one, with the note that ‘I’ve seen him with wasabi and mustard and I don’t want that anywhere near me’.

He realises he’s spending an awfully long time on the section, when he considers where to put ‘choking’. On the one hand, he’s not sure he’d like the feeling of it much, on the other… he imagines doing it to Karma, briefly. He’d probably have to be on top of him, maybe. Karma told him it was his favourite position, and whilst Nagisa hadn’t hated it, it had made him feel more self conscious that usual. But somehow, it seems appealing in his mind right then. Pining Karma in place with his thighs, bending down to wrap a hand around his throat, danger in both of their eyes… Just thinking about it, Nagisa feels a very sharp stirring in his lower regions as his trousers become unmistakably tight.

What?

This doesn’t… happen to him. Not frequently since he was a teenager, and even then he was pretty certain it was just a thing that happened, not a result of direct arousal. The point is, he doesn’t just pop a boner at random, at least not… often. Not when he’s actually thinking about it. And okay, this isn’t that random. He can accept that he’s pretty much fantasising about sex with Karma at this point. But it’s weird for him to… get hard without him actually there.

He considers ignoring it, with the hopes it’ll just go away, but given how uncomfortable he is, he doubts it’ll happen. Especially with the list of further sex acts in front of him, when clearly his own imagination can’t be trusted. Maybe he should turn the shower to cold and jump in it instead? Though, now it’s December that really doesn’t sound appealing.

Nagisa winces at himself for a moment, before his fingers work their way to his belt buckle. What he’s doing isn’t abnormal or wrong, he knows that. In fact, he’s pretty sure guys do this once a week at minimum. He also knows he can’t assume, but he figures Karma probably won’t mind. In fact, knowing him, he’d be elated and tease Nagisa about it for weeks.

He’s never been the best at relaxing, and he decides not to pull his trousers down further than he has to. He pulls himself out, though, relieved to be free of the fabric confines, though he’s dry when he takes himself into his hand. For once in his life, Nagisa really wishes he had lube. Unfortunately, he needs to make do with his spit, though it’s just as satisfying when he finally strokes himself properly. Perhaps, even, the added friction makes it feel even better.

A part of him tries not to for about half a second, but his thoughts end up with Karma. Of course they do. He’s the one who got him to this state in the first place! Indirectly, at least. And, okay, it’s much more fun to imagine that it’s Karma’s hand on him, even though the fantasy won’t paint itself clearly. Karma behind him, above him, on top of him… it all works.

He even shudders, just at the thought of Karma’s breath on his neck. He almost tries, purposely, to keep his fantasy more on the tame side of things. As though his ranking has some kind of integrity as it is. At least these days, he has a lot to go off. He leans back, then, hand speeding up as he remembers Karma rocking inside him, moaning into his mouth as they attempt to share a messy kiss…

“Karma,” spills from his lips just as his release spills into his own hand.

Oh.

Nagisa remembers why tissues are usually involved at a time like this. Not wanting to do any further damage, he dashes to the bathroom, trying to clean himself off as efficiently as possible. Debating it for only a second, he throws his clothes into the washing basket and heads under the shower, as though scrubbing away the evidence is going to help him.

At least his head’s a little clearer, when it comes to finishing off the rest of the table. He can’t get it up again so soon, at least. But he feels weirdly fine about things, by the end. His spreadsheet feels fair to him, and he has quite a few points for discussion in his notebook. Despite all that, though, he doesn’t want to keep staring at it, so he’s glad to close it down.

He might have learnt to anticipate his sex lessons with Karma now, but somehow this makes him feel more nervous. Even if they’re only going to get a coffee or something, it’s weirdly intimidating. Nagisa’s usual cure for that would have been more research, but he quickly finds that kink seems to be a never-ending rabbit hole, and he’s probably better off waiting until they actually talk about it.

Until then, Nagisa manages not to think about the list too much, though there’s bouts of sporadic research here and there. He wants to be as prepared for this as possible. Even if that means, to his largest amount of personal shame yet, using the printer in his classroom to get a hard copy of the spreadsheet. An act he feels such an immense amount of guilt for, he might take it with him to the grave.

Before he even has a handle on what’s happening, it’s Saturday and he’s on a train bound for Tokyo Station. As always, as massive travel hubs usually are, it’s pretty busy inside. Nagisa tries his best to avoid all the people heading for the bullet train, finally figuring the way out and into the open space that is Chiyoda. At least they’re not doing this whole meeting thing next week, when half the city will be trying to escape to the countryside.

Nagisa’s not so familiar with this part of Tokyo. Mostly because he hasn’t got much of a reason to go here. It’s fairly quiet, he supposes, but it doesn’t have much for him. Maybe if he’d followed the career path his mother originally wanted for him… He feels like he would have been miserable, in all honesty. The buildings lack the neon signs and chatter and life. No, instead they’re clean and metallic monolith looking structures that make him feel smaller than usual. Instead of looking up, though, or accidentally venturing into the Imperial Gardens, at least Karma gave him some vague instructions.

He’s pretty sure Tokyo Station isn’t the closest metro to METI itself, but the walk there isn’t unpleasant, even during winter. And even though he’s never visited Karma at work before, he recognises the building he works in, and figures he’s on the right track. Sure enough, just past a small looking Seven Eleven, is a clearly marked Starbucks at the base of a much taller building. And better still, Karma’s standing outside it.

“You made it,” Karma says. He’s dressed mostly casually, though his black coat looks like it belongs in a nicer place than an average coffee shop.

Nagisa nods. “Just about.”

“Let’s go get a drink, then.”

Karma goes ahead of him, and orders the special strawberries and cream Christmas frappucino. Nagisa’s admittedly a little surprised, but he figures Karma’s always been into strawberries. He decides to order a regular latte – mostly because he was too distracted by Karma’s choice to think about it, and also he’s a little cold from his walk.

“Isn’t a little weird,” Nagisa says once they’re seated, “to talk about… stuff here.”

Karma leans back casually. “Look around. This is corporate wilderness. Nobody would willingly be here on the weekend. Not this early, anyway.”

They’re not entirely alone in the shop, though. Granted, they’re not Japanese, but still. “But they-“

“You know how Westerners are,” Karma shrugs. “They hear the words ‘palace’ and ‘government building’, and they flock. I’d be disappointed, though, coming all this way.”

Nagisa gets it. You can barely even see the palace, and the actual main government building is pretty small. It’s not exactly the height of tourism in his opinion, given how big Tokyo is. Then again, he’s lived here for a few years, and lived within an hour of it for all his life. Regardless of that, though, he’s not sure if they should just assume all of these people don’t understand Japanese. Or even if they don’t, they still shouldn’t blatantly talk about it in front of them. The café isn’t crowded, though, so he figures it’s not too bad.

“Okay,” he nods, and then reaches for the bag he brought. “I made notes.”

Karma grins. “I’d expect nothing less.”

“Did you bring your copy?”

Karma did. He puts it on the table, face down, and for a moment there’s silence between them. Nagisa hesitates for a moment, before reaching across, picking up Karma’s table. Taking that as permission, Karma does the same. For just a moment, heat rises across Nagisa’s cheeks, before he forces himself to swallow it down and actually get to reading.

It’s not as bad as he thought it would be. Then again, Nagisa’s not entirely sure what he was actually expecting. But most of this is fine, if he chooses to ignore the three written besides ‘cross dressing’. Mostly, he’s just relieved that Karma has no apparent desire to pee on him. A weird feeling sets in, at the idea that they’re actually pretty compatible.

“I’m done,” Nagisa says, before noticing a strange expression. “Is something wrong?”

Karma’s face is a little pale. “Nothings wrong… you just… you know that four and five are things you really want to do, right?”

Did he fill it out wrong? “Yes?”

“It’s just, you had most of them at four and five.”

“You told me to be honest…”

Karma shifts. “You said you had notes?” He straightens again. “That’s what we’re doing here. Negotiation.”

He tries to fall back into the situation. “I do.” He clears his throat. “Public sex.”

Karma raises an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“It depends on your definition of it. I’m not into anything that’ll get me arrested.”

Karma tilts his head. “So you’re okay with it as long as it’s away from people?”

“Maybe.” He takes a sip of his coffee for reassurance. “I’ll… try something. Maybe.”

“Role play,” Karma says, as if to just move things along. “You have it at two. Does that mean you’re open to trying anything?”

He winces a little. “It depends what you mean by roleplay.”

“Like…” Karma stretches back to think. “Teacher student.”

Nagisa frowns. “Isn’t that already our relationship?”

“Right,” he says, “yeah. But… more literal. Maybe reversed. You know, with punishments and stuff. I could call you Sensei-“

“I’m changing it to one,” Nagisa cuts him off. “Nope.”

He presses his lips together. “Fine then. Sex toys?”

It feels concerningly easy to talk about this stuff. Perhaps because Nagisa’s dissociating from the reality of his words quite a bit. After all, he has spent quite a bit of time researching everything. So maybe Karma’s gleeful insistence that they’ll definitely have to go buy some toys makes him a little nervous at first, but he also realises he’s okay with this.

Karma grins. “You have lingerie at two.”

“Maybe if it’s for men,” he looks down.

So maybe not entirely okay, but that’s to be expected with Karma.

“You have titles at three,” Karma says. “Are they important to you?”

Karma has them at two. “N-not really. It just seemed like an important part of all this, though. I’m not against using them. Not that I’d… know which ones to use.”

He shrugs. “I’ve never found much appeal in the whole ‘sir, master’ thing. If you really wanted me to call you something-“

“Not really,” Nagisa says, feeling relaxed.

“I’d prefer if you screamed my actual name,” he states nonchalantly

Nagisa almost chokes on his latte.

All in all, things are going well though. They establish a list of further things they both might not be comfortable with, expanding on some of the points. Nagisa doesn’t mind Karma insulting him, for example, but there’s definitely some areas he’s not okay with. They also agree that this will be a sex only thing, as opposed to a lifestyle thing. But overall, it feels good that they’re discussing this. He was pretty secure before, but he’s even more confident with trusting Karma like this.

“We should talk about safewords,” Karma says. “Some of this stuff is pretty extreme, so I think it would be good to come up with one now.”

Nagisa’s read about those. “Can’t we just say ‘stop’ or something?”

Karma tilts his head. “We could. But in some situations, stop doesn’t always mean stop. I mean, it does usually, of course. It’s better to have something you’d never accidentally say in sex, but also something you’ll remember.”

“Fish,” Nagisa says too quickly.

Karma tilts his head. “Eh?”

“I won’t forget it,” he explains. “Trust me.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

Nagisa sits up a little better. “As long as you’re okay with it.”

“I am,” Karma replies. “Then, I think we’re done then.”

“We are?” He’s actually a little surprised, about how easy this was. “What do we do now, then?”

There’s a hell of a look on Karma’s face. “Well, we have a whole list to pick from.”

He freezes up. “Right now-?”

“No take backs.”

“I didn’t sign anything!”

“You don’t need to,” Karma tucks his own sheet back into coat.

“But I didn’t clean out or anything,” he hisses.

Karma looks confused for a moment, before he bursts out laughing. “Wow, are you some kind of anal addict now? There’s plenty of other things we can do.”

Oh, right.

“I mean,” Karma says, “if you’re that desperate… let’s leave it until next week.”

“What?”

He leans back again. “Consider this your first lesson in edging. No sex until you’re desperate enough to beg for it. And I don’t mean just a ‘please’ either. Think you can do it?”

Nagisa almost forgets, for a moment, that they’re in a public café still. “Fine.”

Karma just smiles sweetly. “You know what we’ll do? We’ll go buy sex toys and rope next week.”

“Huh?!”

“I don’t own any,” he explains. “And you ranked them all pretty high, so my hands are tied. Well, I guess it’ll be your hands that get tied.”

Again, he has to remember they’re in a public café. It’s the only thing keeping him from leaping across the table and physically attacking Karma. He’s matured so well in some ways, but in others? He’s still hopelessly irritating. Never mind that, deep down, that’s one of the things Nagisa likes most about him.

“Next week,” he breaths.

“Another field trip like this one?” Karma frowns for a second. “Unless you have plans already?”

“Nothing,” he says. “I’m not doing anything.”

Karma nods. “Let’s do it, then. For now… feel like checking out the new arcade in Akihabara?”

“Sure.”

Nagisa's fetish table, part one 

All things considered, Nagisa’s excited about his plans for Christmas Eve. Really, he is! Maybe it isn’t a romantic date or anything like that, but actually having someone to spend it with is going to be nice. He wonders if Karma didn’t consider the implications at all, or maybe he’s just choosing to hang out with Nagisa on his birthday anyway. Or, at least, part of his birthday. 

Nagisa can’t say he’s not a little glad to have a week and a half off work, either. He’s aware that he’s relatively lucky with his job. Not only does he genuinely enjoy the majority of it, but he gets really long breaks. That kind of thing is especially nice in the summer, when it gets so hot he’s just exhausted. So, he feels pretty content with everything. Of course there’s a few students he’s a little concerned about, but mostly he’s just happy for them to have a well deserved break too. 

Honestly though, Nagisa’s not so good with spare time on his hands. It’s an unfortunate thing, really. It’s like he can’t function when he doesn’t have anything to focus his attention on. He always has to be working at something . It wasn’t too bad when he was still in school, since there was always some kind of work to do. But now? Nagisa’s achieved his most direct goal. 

Maybe it makes sense that all that energy is getting directed to his sex lessons. 

Right there, though, Nagisa doesn’t really feel like he’s preparing for their normal lesson at all. Such a fact is unfortunate, since he really kind of wants one. After not doing anything the week before with only the anticipation of what’s going to actually happen to him, Nagisa’s more than ready to find out what it actually is. For someone who genuinely never found sexual gratification an important factor to his life, he’s been weirdly on edge only going a week without it. 

What he realises he has to do, though, is not just think about sex the whole train ride. Besides, no matter what the case, it’s already pretty late (Karma wants to avoid the busy shoppers) and they’ve made no plans to actually end up back at his apartment. Is he really going to make him wait yet another week? 

He’s so annoyed at the thought, in fact, that he almost forgets to get off the train. Which would have been bad, since he doesn’t exactly feel like hurtling off in the direction of Yokohama. At least Shibuya station, despite its size, is one of the easier ones to navigate. He’s not sure why they have to meet here, exactly, but there are worse places to be on Christmas Eve. 

The area outside the station is alive with activity. A surprising amount of tourists are taking photos with the Hachiko statue, and there’s mass groups of high schoolers huddled together on dates. Nagisa tries his best to ignore them, though, because he’s not bitter about the lack of romance in his life or anything. No, he’s buying sex toys. 

He leans against the green tourist information bus thing, and can’t help but check his phone a few times. It’s not that Karma’s late, he’s just early and anxious. But it’s not like Nagisa can control the speed of the train, anyway. At the very least, he can appreciate the vibe of the area, even though it makes him feel slightly bitter for some reason. 

It’s surprising that Karma manages to surprise him when he arrives, given his height. 

“Feeling jumpy, Nagisa?” 

“ No ,” he slides his phone into his pocket. “Do you always try to jump scare people on greeting?” 

“Only you,” he shrugs casually. “You still have the funniest reactions.” 

Nagisa’s not sure quite what to make of that. The ‘ only you ’ comment penetrates through him, twisting his stomach into a knot not unlike the bow of a Christmas present. Immediately he feels bad for feeling anything at all. He knows he shouldn’t. He’s not special . He’s just… Karma’s friend. Companion. Sex friend, maybe? It’s unclear. 

“Do you want to go, then?” 

Karma’s hands go in his pockets. “Sure, follow me.” 

Nagisa’s certainly seen Shibuya crossing busier than this, but it still feels hectic, and almost like he’s going to lose Karma entirely. Which wouldn’t be helpful at all, because Nagisa doesn’t know where he’s going. Actually, he would have thought that the best place for this sort of thing would be one of the shady side streets in Shinjuku he always had to avert his eyes from, so he’s a little surprised they’re in an objectively ‘nicer’ part of Tokyo. 

But he’s not the expert here. 

Nagisa starts to doubt Karma when they’re standing outside the building though. “Don Quijote?”  

He doesn’t really go inside Don Quijote much. Sure, it’s convenient, and it’s a great place to find a lot of random items, but he’s never enjoyed the experience. It’s chaotic and cholstrophic, and trying to actually locate the item you came in for feels like traversing the Amazon rainforest. No, he’d rather migrate to the calm of Daiso instead, if he ever needed to go into a shop like that. 

“It’s the best option,” he says, “if you don’t want to stand out.” 

Nagisa’s not sure he agrees with that at all, but he’s pretty much a slave to Karma’s whims at this point. So, what can do he do, other than follow him in? At least the chaos of that many people inside distracts him from feeling much of anything about it. Thankfully, the crowds are focused more on the lower floors, and start to thin out as they climb the stairs a couple of floors up. 

“Over here,” Karma says, though he’s not near anything inappropriate. He’s in the costume section, and starts digging around. 

“What's this for?” 

“Hey Nagisa,” he holds up a cheap looking French maid costume. “You sure you’re against the role play?” 

“I said zero .” 

He can tell Karma doesn’t mean it, though, because he doesn’t push it further. In fact, Nagisa guesses he’s just trying to lighten the mood or something. Honestly, he doesn’t really need to. Nagisa might not be in the best mental state ever, but he’s not actually freaking out over this. They’re supposed to be having fun together anyway, aren’t they? 

“What’s that for?!” He practically squeaks when Karma picks up some rope. 

Karma shoots him a bored look. “You’re the one who had a list of fours and fives.” 

Well, he’s not wrong, exactly. But it seems writing theoretical scores on a list is far different from the reality. He’s buying this rope, presumably, because he directly intends to tie Nagisa up with it. That’s not just incidental . As much as he feels weird about the concept, he also feels… strangely excited. Like a mixture between a squirm and an itch beneath his skin. 

“That’s not what we came for,” he grits out. 

“No~?” Karma’s tone is light, teasing, and almost directly in his ear. “Then why don’t you lead the way? To what we came for.” 

He really hates the fact that he flushes. “I don’t know what to look for, though.” 

“It should be right over here,” Karma takes him by the wrist, weaving through the aisles until they find the area that’s curtained off with a huge ‘no under 18s’ sign on it. 

Immediately, Nagisa’s stomach plummets. It was all fun and games before, but this is something inherently… well, he’s not actually sure what. It feels like a place he shouldn’t be, somewhere wrong and dirty and immoral. He understands that’s ridiculous, though, and he can’t hold onto the blushing virgin thing when he’s not even a virgin anymore. It’s still embarrassing, though! 

He almost hits his head on a freakishly realistic penis. Just… dangling there. He’s heard of product samples… he just really hopes nobody’s ever taken that literally in a place like this. Huh. Maybe it’s so people can measure size? Perhaps that’s the advantage of fake penises… you could easily choose whatever feels best to you personally. For him… he doesn’t have any complaints, with Karma. But it’s not like he’s experienced anything different. Hook ups must be like a lottery, in a way. 

“Go ahead and choose something,” Karma says easily.

Well, it certainly feels weird to pick a hyper realistic penis. Kind of feels like saying ‘yours isn’t adequate’. So… something less realistic. He thought before that this would be quite easy, but now he’s really unsure. There’s so many options, and he’s not even sure what most of them do. And… he’s not sure how he feels about indepth browsing the sex toy aisle. 

“I don’t know,” he turns his head in shame. “You choose.” 

“Are you really sure you want to leave that to me?” He sounds on the edge of laughing. “Well, I can’t say you didn’t know what you were signing up for.” 

Karma hums, then, and starts picking up things seemingly at random. Nagisa can’t stop looking over his shoulders, in the sheer dread that someone’s going to walk into this. Worse still, it’s not like they’re far away. They’re in the center of Tokyo. What if someone he knows sees him doing this? He’ll never live it down! 

“Uhm,” Nagisa says, “what are you picking up?” 

He almost looks like he rolls his eyes. “Vibrating anal beds.” 

“It looks like a sword.” 

“The base needs to be flared,” he explains, “otherwise it can get stuck up there.” 

“ Oh .” 

Karma tilts his head, then. “Remind me how you feel about butt plugs?” 

“Uhm,” Nagisa can almost feel the steam coming out of his ears. “They’re not a hard no?” 

“Hmm,” he considers it, before leaning down to speak right into his ear, “but you like it when I finger you open~” 

Nagisa jumps back. “K-karma! You can’t just-” 

“You’re the one who had dirty talk at a four~” 

“We’re not having sex right now though,” he hisses. 

He sticks his tongue out. “Fine, have it your way, then.” 

If Nagisa understands one thing, it’s this: he’s getting revenge for this. 

Regretfully, he doesn’t actually say something, when Karma picks up the plug anyway, along with an assortment of items Nagisa’s still somewhat afraid of. He didn’t lie when he was ranking them, though. He feels open to trying these things, if not a little apprehensive. But Nagisa’s never been anything if not naturally curious. 

“W-we have to pay in the normal place?” Nagisa asks, with slight horror at the lack of a special check out counter. 

“Yep,” Karma says, unbothered. “Oh, this is probably expensive enough to get tax free!” 

So now they’re walking through this incredibly busy superstore with an armful of sex toys. And, to Nagisa’s utter shame, people are noticing. It’s something he can just feel in the air around him, people looking at them. He kind of wants to run away into the depths of the sock aisle and scream instead. Karma doesn’t look bothered at all, though, picking up a jumbo box of condoms on the way. Great . 

Nagisa half hides behind Karma, when they get to the counter, and the poor worker has to go through scanning all the items. Although he’s sure that she probably doesn’t care, and has most definitely seen worse, he can’t help but feel like one of the lowest people on the planet. Surely it can’t just be him? 

“IDs,” she says. 

“W-what?” Nagisa doesn’t even mean to voice it out loud. 

“You have prohibited items,” she says. “I need ID.” 

So much for anonymity. She barely glances at Karma’s, possibly because he actually looks like a man in his early twenties. Nagisa, on the other hand, is more than aware that he can pass for a teenager if he really wants to. There’s no real situation where that’s a useful talent, unfortunately. She’s glaring at his ID for a long time, though, and he wonders if there’s an actual problem with it. 

“Shiota Nagisa kun?” She half announces to the area. 

“Uh-” it’s about then that he manages to look the woman in the eye, realising that he actually does recognise her. It’s been a while, but she’s one of his mother’s friends. “H-hello.” 

“It’s been such a long time!” She opens up a plastic bag, and cheerfully starts stacking the sex toys. “My, I haven’t seen you since high school! You look so different, with the short hair. It suits you.” 

“Thank you,” he says, staring at the floor and hoping it’ll magically transform into quicksand. 

She looks between then. “Your Mum didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.” 

When will Korosensei come back from the dead and explode the Earth like he’d first promised to?! 

“Haha,” he gets out. 

“Oh,” Karma’s hand darts across the till area, picking up a small bag of sweets. “And these.” 

How is he so calm?! 

She smiles. “That’ll be 20,853 yen. Cash or card?” 

“I have the cash,” Karma reaches for his wallet.

Nagisa tugs on his arm. “You can’t pay for all of it-” 

“But it’s your Christmas present,” Karma’s arm winds around his back, “ sweetie .” 

Now, his mother’s friend is beaming . “Ah, it’s so refreshing to see young love! This one’s a keeper, Nagisa kun,” she winks. Winks! “Anyway, have a good time, you two!” 

“Haha,” Nagisa says again, and practically runs out of the building with his metaphorical tail between his legs. 

That means that Karma finds it hilarious . Not just chuckle funny. He’s full body wheezing, right there on the street, scrubbing away the tears from his eyes. At least the bag is an ugly bright yellow colour, meaning its contents are obscured for now. Not that it matters, with Karma drawing attention to the two of them like this. 

“ Shut up ,” he hisses. “It’s not even that funny!” 

“Your face,” he continues. 

“What if she tells my Mum?!” 

Karma splutters. “I’d give anything to see the look on her face, if she finds out I corrupted her sweet innocent Nagisa with butt plugs.” 

“ I wouldn’t! ” 

“What’s the big deal?” Karma composes himself a little. 

“What if she thinks we’re dating or something? I- I don’t know how she’d even react to that? She always told me you’re a bad influence on me in the first place… What if she invites you for dinner?! We can’t do that! I-I know you’ve dealt with a lot of stuff but my Mum is something else-” 

Karma clears his throat. “Well, you could have corrected her.” 

“And say what?! ‘No, he’s just my sex friend’?” 

“I prefer the term ‘Sex Sensei’ .” 

Nagisa doesn’t even have a response to that one. He just… flatlines right there. Well, not actually. Nagisa would love to just drop dead and be free of the pain of this interaction, but the night is still young, and he doesn’t feel like leaving their interaction just there. Also, he feels like he needs some time to process 

“Well,” he says, “we have everything we need now, right?” 

Karma peeks into the bag. “I think so, unless you decide you have another fetish or something.” 

Yeah, a gag , probably. Nagisa already said he doesn’t find appeal in public stuff, but Karma could do with something to permanently prevent him from speaking. Well, not forever. Actually, Karma was generally pretty quiet when he wasn’t trying to embarrass Nagisa’s soul out of his body. But still, time and place! 

“Haha,” he says again, because what else can he say? 

Karma’s head tilts. “Are you… okay?” 

No , actually! “Yeah. M-maybe I’m kind of hungry.” 

He looked down at his watch. “It’s kind of late, already, huh? Do you want to go to an izakaya?” 

Immediately, Nagisa’s mood soars upwards. “Mm, that sounds like fun.” 

This was what they used to do, in the period of time between turning twenty, and getting settled in their own apartments. In fact, it’s pretty much what most university students do. Not that they were studying far away or anything, but it wasn’t like their paths crossed under any other circumstances. It had just… felt like the most natural way to hang out, at the time, by going to the bar and having a few drinks every now and then to catch up. Obviously, that cost a lot of money to do super regularly, so it had migrated to canned beer in Karma’s living room a little while ago. Up until their recent development, at least. 

Even though it can be said he used to ‘frequent’ bars, Nagisa’s never been a big drinker. More than one, and he can easily start to feel dizzy and sick. It’s why he prefers drinking with just one or two people, rather than any huge parties. Thankfully, his line of work limits the obligatory after work drinks to just a few special occasions, rather than whenever his boss happens to feel like it. 

True to habit, they don’t go to a particularly fancy izakaya. In fact, they have to wait for at least twenty minutes before a table even becomes available. Maybe it’s the draw of three hundred yen drinks? Honestly, Nagisa just kind of likes the fried chicken in the place. He’s never been one to truly buy into the whole KFC tradition, but he supposes it’s close enough. 

They end up sipping their beers in relative silence, until the selection of food comes. It’s not a fancy meal by any means, but Nagisa never enjoyed that kind of thing anyway. Though, he kind of wishes he’d ordered something new, just to find a thread of conversation to pick up. It’s not like anything much had happened in their lives, for them to try and ‘catch up’. 

“You’re so lucky,” Karma says all of a sudden. “I wish I had next week off work.” 

Nagisa looks at him curiously. “You don’t get any time off?” 

“A couple of days for New Years,” he laments. “The country doesn’t get to stop running.” 

“I guess that is an advantage of being a teacher.” 

“Maybe I should just quit,” he sighs dramatically. “Become a tyrant headmaster instead.” 

Nagisa sips a bit of his beer. “There’s too much admin work. You wouldn’t enjoy it.” 

“My life is admin work.” 

“I thought your plan was to terrorise the country,” he says, “not just a group of kids.” 

“It’s a work in progress.” 

Nagisa thinks. “It’s been over a year, though. Surely you’re not ‘new’ anymore.” 

“Just because they’re not trying to haze me anymore doesn’t mean they’re less… dumb. My boss almost caused a war with South Korea, last week.” 

“He can’t do that,” Nagisa says, “it’s in the constitution.” 

“They could probably find a way,” Karma says. “No document is completely bulletproof.” 

Nagisa swallows. “Please tell me you haven’t been researching ways to declare wars on nations.” 

He just laughs, which is mildly concerning. “It’s not that interesting.” 

“It’s a good thing they’re leaving you alone now, at least?” 

“Well,” he leans back, “at least I had more of an excuse to argue before. I still wish I got a winter break, though.” 

“Did you have plans for New Years, then?” 

“Not particularly,” he shrugs. “It’s not like my parents would come back just for something like that. Especially now I’m not a kid.” 

“Oh,” Nagisa says.

 In a sense, he kind of wishes he could be  in the position to not have to bother with family obligations. He’ll be expected to go back to visit his parents, at least for New Years Eve and the day following. Things are a lot better now, than they were a few years ago. Now that he doesn’t have to be around his mother all the time, they definitely get along better in general… she’s also been doing better metally too. But Nagisa knows they’re never going to have a relationship that’s not at least somewhat scarred by the past. So yes, he’d prefer to avoid the discomfort, as much as he also feels an obligation. 

“I don’t really care about celebrating it anyway,” Karma adds. “It’s not like they ever took me to shrines or anything.” 

Nagisa nods. “I guess.” 

“Besides,” he clearly tries to lighten it. “My birthday is more interesting.“

He almost asks if Karma has any plans, but he stops himself. He knows what the answer’s going to be. On the one hand, Nagisa thinks it’s kind of sad to spend a birthday alone, on the other… it’s not like Karma’s asked him to do anything. That’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want him there, right? If Nagisa asks… it surely looks like he’s digging for it. 

Well, looking at the time on the bottom of the ordering screen, it’s almost midnight anyway. 

Nagisa’s not entirely sure where this urge comes from, but there’s a fire burning under his skin. He wants to do something. And… there aren’t that many options, here like this. Closing his eyes for a moment, he thinks back to Karma’s version of their list, and gets an idea. Just the thought of it makes him squirm, but it’ll definitely surprise him, and he likes that. Like Nagisa wants to prove something.

Though, he knows himself well enough that he won’t actually go through with it. It’s just on that edge of too far. But, he’s also sure that he wants to. He debates it for just a few seconds, before he orders himself a highball, this time. Is it the most sensible idea he’s ever had? Definitely not. But... he needs the courage. 

Even Karma looks surprised, though doesn’t say anything about it, and doesn’t order one for himself. Good. It’s better if Karma can react sharply. Unfortunately for Nagisa, though, he doesn’t actually like the taste of whisky, no matter what else there is in glass masking it. It encourages him to gulp it down as fast as he can.

“Don’t get all drunk on me,” Karma jokes. “Your face is already red.” 

“I’m not drunk,” he says, and honestly means it. “I feel good, here.” 

“Well, if you’re sure.” 

The conversation comes a lot easier, when it really hits his system. And he’s sure he’s not drunk , not in the way he’s used to being anyway (that is, his head isn’t planted on the table as he tries to make sense of the room). No, this is light, and easy. As long as he can stay this way for just a little longer… Thankfully, Nagisa barely even notices the passage of time. 

That is, until he glances at the clock once more. 00:03 . Officially, that makes it Christmas, as well as Karma’s birthday. Sure, Nagisa knows it’s kind of arbitrary, but energy rushes through him. Nagisa can’t really draw attention to anything special, not that he wants to. It’s not like he prepared a gift, either. Just maybe, Nagisa needs to give him his body instead. 

“Karma,” he stands up without any kind of warning, “do you trust me?” 

Karma blinks, clearly confused. “Of course I trust you.” 

Nagisa nods, before taking hold of his wrist. It’s kind of funny, in a way. He’s so much smaller than Karma, and definitely doesn’t look like the type to drag him around like this. Actually, given the difference in their physical strength too, it’s clear that Karma’s allowing him to do it. Nagisa would have a hard time dragging him somewhere he doesn’t actually want to go. 

He’s bold right here, scanning the area quickly to check that nobody’s watching them, before pulling them into the relatively small toilet. There’s enough room for them both to stand comfortably though, without feeling particularly squashed. Right . Nagisa’s free hand goes behind Karma’s waist, locking the door properly behind them. That’s only part one. 

Karma looks confused, which is… understandable. He’s not been inside Nagisa’s mind for the last half an hour or so. Somehow, though, it’s a little unfair but Nagisa doesn’t want any questions. Just go with this . To affirm that, he keeps his hand planted there, not that he’s actually pinning Karma in a practical way. He slides up onto his tiptoes, letting go of Karma’s wrist in favour of dragging him down by the hair, planting a wet kiss on his lips. 

Kissing is still a strange phenomenon for Nagisa. He’ll never live down the shame of coming out on top of their rankings, back in school. But back then, he never felt much attachment to the action. In fact, as much as Bitch Sensei had managed to floor him that first time, he hadn’t exactly felt anything. Something in that fascinated him, that the technique and skill behind a kiss could wipe him out, without an ounce of passion. He’d taken that and learnt it as a tool, though not one he’d ever 

So, he’s confident in his ability to wipe Karma out, if he wants to. Except, Nagisa can’t only think of the optimal way to move his tongue. The best way to meet him when he kisses back. When he kisses Karma, it’s not just fact he can concentrate on. There’s also sensation there, like a fire licking up his veins, creeping across his whole body. He feels everything, as opposed to nothing, and he’s very much affected by it all. 

“What are you doing?” Karma half murmurs in confusion, when he pulls away, lips red from the kiss. 

“I-it’s your birthday,” Nagisa trembles, and gets down to his knees.  

If Karma didn’t know his plan before, he definitely does now. Fortunately, Nagisa doesn’t really hesitate, working the belt buckle with his fingers. He’s done this quite a few times already, and it’s almost muscle memory at this point. Though, usually there’s more room for error. Right now, Nagisa really doesn’t want to mess up. 

He squeezes him through the rough fabric of the jeans, only briefly, before reaching for the button and zipper. Nagisa doesn’t draw it out as long as he knows he can , but despite the situation he doesn’t feel like he’s in much of a rush. Thankfully, Karma’s not feeling shy either, because he’s already at a half mast by the time he pulls the fabric of his trousers and underwear down to his mid-thigh, just enough space to maneuver in. 

For about a second or two, he does actually give Karma the chance to object. Of course, he’d followed him in willingly, but he still wants to make sure. There’s an intense energy in the room, but no signs to stop. Good . Because Nagisa definitely doesn’t want to. He has to shift himself a tiny bit, to get in just the right position, but when he finds it he doesn’t hesitate to tease the head of Karma’s now definite erection with just the tip of his tongue. 

It works just as he intended, one of Karma’s hands going to his hair as if by instinct. He’s already unsteady, too, leaning most of his weight against the door for support. That pleases him. All Nagisa’s sure of is that he wants to make Karma feel good. And, well, the whole public thing was a lot higher on his list. He pushes that fact to the back of his mind, though, focusing instead at the way Karma’s all flushed, breathing heavily with his jaw clenched. 

And Nagisa’s barely even started. 

He actually hasn’t done this for a while. Now they’ve moved on to ‘real’ sex, Karma seems to want to focus on other things. But, well, there’s no harm in a refresher? There’s no such thing as too much practise, afterall. Besides, Nagisa’s never really found this act of giving particularly unpleasant. He’s also… not completely given up with his additional research. 

There’s nothing advanced in what he’s doing right now, though. It’s easy enough, only taking a little more than the head into his mouth, and using his hand to take up the rest of the space. Karma’s a warm and heavy weight in his mouth, and Nagisa can even feel him hardening more in his mouth. He tries his best to remember the way Karma likes it, bobbing at a semi fast rhythm. 

Sneaking a glance up, Nagisa can tell that Karma’s relaxed, most of all. Even though he’s not screaming in pleasure of anything, this is good. His hand’s more of a soft weight on top of his head than anything else, stroking him in a way. Nagisa decides he likes it. Though, there’s just one issue with this steady rhythm, with him bobbing and sucking and pulling off every now and then to catch his breath for a few seconds. Karma’s starting to anticipate him. 

He sits more upright, letting him slide out of his mouth completely for a moment, though he continues to stroke him. He keeps doing it, until Karma opens his eyes and looks at him directly. The eye contact is a lot, but Nagisa really wants to see all of this. Though, he knows he can’t hesitate for much longer, because he can see the gears spinning in Karma’s head. 

Nagisa prepares himself only briefly, licking along the most prominent vein on Karma’s length, from base to tip. Then, still looking at his face, he takes his final breath of air before sliding down as far as he can go. He does it slowly, at least, focusing on breathing through his nose, as he sinks lower and lower. He doesn’t force it, he just lets his throat adjust, until his nose bumps against Karma’s pelvis, and there’s nothing left for him to take. Like a kind of instinct, he swallows around him. 

It’s like a shockwave goes through Karma, right there, and Nagisa can tell he doesn’t know what to do. The gasp he lets out turns out more like a moan, and the hand that’s not in his hair bangs against the door, like he’s looking for something to hold onto. It’s definitely uncomfortable, but Nagisa’s wildly pleased that he’s actually managed to do it, sucking as best he can as he eases back off. 

“Oh-” 

He manages to smile around him, taking him back down again. This time, it’s a little harder, and his throat protests, but Nagisa hangs on. He makes a fist with his own hand, squeezing his thumb as hard as he can to help him focus. It’s difficult, but he knows he’s managing it, at least a few times until he physically feels like he needs to stop. 

“I didn’t teach you that ,” Karma half grunts. 

Nagisa lets go with a pop noise. “I did some research, and some practise.” 

He’s spent quite a long time on it, too. Training away his gag reflex isn’t an easy process. It’s not like he’s spent hours and hours on it. He’s just… read some very handy tips. And gotten himself really desensitised to the sensation of having his mouth completely stretched and full. He even members to brush against the back of his tongue when he cleans his teeth, his tolerance for it building and building over time. 

Instead of sliding back into his mouth, Karma’s erection slides wet against his face, and for a moment he’s practically rubbing it with his cheek. Looking up at Karma, there’s definitely something sharp and heavy in his eyes. To his core, Nagisa’s pleased. It’s not really about proving a point though, or making Karma squirm. Not anymore, at least. He feels this weird urge to just make him feel good, to please him.

The slurping saliva sounds are near obscene, when he takes him back down, but it’s more like white noise. The real thing is a lot more difficult than anything he’s practised with, but he feels like he’s getting the hang of it. He manages to go faster, at least, bobbing and sucking at the same pace he was before. He even attempts to use his tongue, a little, but it’s awkward and almost makes him splutter. 

Karma’s trying to hold himself together, one of his hands now shoved in his mouth. It feels good, but Nagisa wants something else. He doesn’t really understand it, on his knees like this, but it feels like he and Karma are the only people who exist. Nagisa hasn’t even touched himself, nor feels the urge to, yet the floaty way he feels is something like the afterhaze of an orgasm, without any direct pleasure. 

It feels like a solid purpose, in a way. Maybe he should be scared of that, but he’s floating. In fact, he’s not even really that uncomfortable anymore. In a way, though, he feels a little lost. He actually really wants instruction, something to tie him down. He doesn’t even really care how it happens, either. Like… all he wants is what Karma wants. 

He lets him slide out of his mouth again, and Karma looks like he’s just stabbed Caesar. 

“Use me,” he rasps. 

For some reason, Nagisa can’t bring himself to care. Just somewhere there, in the back of his mind, he knows that he should feel a mountain of shame. But shame, at least here, doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Karma seems shocked, when they meet eyes, like he doesn’t know how to process what Nagisa just said. 

After a moment that seems to last an eternity, though, Karma nods, tightening the grip he has on his hair. Nagisa takes him back into his mouth again, and at first the movement is slow. Karma still seems unsure, though Nagisa, right there, feels only the urge to take. Eventually, though, he gets it, gripping onto him hard as he pushes as far as he can go. 

Right there, it’s the most satisfying thing Nagisa’s ever felt. He even moans around him, as much as he’s able to, as Karma’s grip tugs even harder against his hair. Like that, holding him in place, he moves his hips, starting to shift his hips in a minicry of sex. Now that Nagisa has no control of it, the urge to gag does actually return, but he manages to hold on. 

He knows he’s struggling when tears start to form at the corner of his eyes, but it’s good in a way he can’t explain to even himself. He loves the way Karma’s hand feels on his head, and how heavy he’s looking at him as he does, in fact, use his mouth. He looks so good like that, legs actually shaking a little as he’s still trying to hang on.

“Close,” Karma finally hisses, and tries to pull out. 

Nagisa doesn’t want him to . He’s not even really thinking anymore, as he lunges out, grabbing Karma by the hips. He’s just about strong enough to prevent it, meeting eyes with Karma again. That appears to be the cue for Karma to finally let go, groaning deeply as his hips speed up, practically forcing Nagisa’s head down onto him. 

He feels him throb and pulse strongly, letting out a groan before he registers the ejaculation down his throat. Thankfully, Karma lets go of his head when it happens, and Nagisa’s not in control of himself enough to control his instincts. He tries to take it all, he really does, but the taste hits his tongue and it knocks him out of whatever state he was mesmerised into. He’d known that it’s not a pleasant taste, but this is something else. 

At least he closes his eyes this time, as some of it lands on his cheek. 

Almost immediately, he spins over to the toilet, spitting out the contents of his mouth. Unfortunately, the taste is still there, but he can breathe again, even though he’s currently coughing and sputtering for breath. It takes him a moment to realise just how much his throat and jaw ache . It’s like zero to a hundred, going from feeling almost nothing to everything . 

Did they get carried away? 

“Nagisa,” Karma says like a sigh, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “Are you okay?” 

He can only nod, taking hold of the arm Karma offers to pull himself up, as he notes his knees are also sore. He feels like he should say something, at least, but throughout his brain there’s no words left. Karma looks him over, though, swiping his thumb against his lips. Even at the touch of a finger, they feel tender and swollen. 

“You should probably rinse your face,” he says quietly. 

Nagisa feels inclined to do as he says, turning to splash his face over the sink, as Karma works on redressing himself. In doing so, he catches his reflection in the mirror. He feels something very strange, at the sight of Karma’s cum all over his face. Like… he’s been marked up, in some way. Weirdly, it’s almost powerful, but he can’t actually be sure he likes it. 

“I-is it okay?” Nagisa gets out, his voice strained. He’s not even sure what he means by it. 

Karma just smiles with the corner of his mouth, a small amount of laughter also falling out. “I can’t believe you just did that.” 

With the lightness in Karma’s tone, he feels okay. In fact, he joins in with the giggling too. Karma’s right, he can’t even believe that he did that. Now that whatever cloud was hanging over him, and the alcohol too, has worn off… Nagisa’s shocked with himself. Maybe he won’t feel this way tomorrow when he thinks about it again, but he’s absolutely giddy. 

Karma grabs him by the hand, this time, checking there’s nobody around before pulling him out with him. They’re both still lightly laughing, like kids who just did something bad, before briefly visiting the table they were sitting at. Karma doesn’t let go of him, leaning down under the seat to pick up their shopping bag, before simply grabbing their payment receipt and taking him over to the front desk. 

Even though Nagisa had thought before that he’s fine now, he actually feels out of it as Karma pays for the drinks and food. Distantly, he registers that’s not actually a good thing. Blowjob or not, he knows he shouldn’t just let Karma pay for everything . Well, that’s an issue for later. He can always pay him back. 

There’s a high energy between them, on their way out of the building. Even on the street, suddenly hit by the cold air. In fact, he finds himself naturally standing even closer to Karma, arms rubbing against each other for warmth. It feels like the most mindless fun he’s had in a long time, even though he’s acutely aware that they’re not that far away from Shibuya Station, now, and all good things have to come to an end. 

“I don’t want to go home yet,” he realises. 

Karma looks down at him, surprised. “We can walk the long way.” 

They’re both taking the same train line home, and Nagisa’s slightly aware that the last train won’t be for another hour or so. He also knows that some of the stops are relatively close together. Still, he mostly lets Karma lead the way. He’s taller, longer legs, so he’s faster when it comes to climbing hills. Shibuya doesn’t have ridiculous inclines, but in the direction they walk, past all the lit up buildings full of night life, there’s still enough strain to his thighs to notice it. 

Eventually, the buildings and noise thin out, and they’re walking along a long path lined by strategically planted trees. There’s a few lights set up here and there, but nothing major. Not that feel like the actual winter illuminations, anyway. They’re walking in the vague direction of Harajuku, but for some reason Nagisa turns, steering them across the road instead. They’re still heading for Yoyogi Park, just from a different angle. 

Karma doesn’t protest, actually. He’s probably just assuming that Nagisa wants to go to a different train station or something. Looking up at him, it’s hard to judge,  actually. After not walking that far at all, Nagisa can only let out a breath of amazement. It wasn’t really intentional, but now they’re stood in front of a light blue glow that looks nothing less than magical. 

All the trees in front of them are absolutely covered in the lights, which also produce a cool toned glow all around them. Nagisa’s never been to anywhere he’d consider ‘winter wonderland’, but this is the closest to what he’d imagined. It’s… really pretty, even if it is just something as simple as a bunch of lights wound around trees. Maybe because, at this hour, they’re pretty much alone. There’s something more mystical about it. 

Nagisa can’t help but burst out in a smile. “I’m so happy I got to see them.” 

“They’ve been around for two months now,” Karma comments, though he doesn’t seem mad about it. 

“It feels different today,” he says. “Somehow.” 

He blinks then, not sure if he just felt a drop of rain? They both look up, and another drop lands directly on Nagisa’s nose. It’s not rain, though. Just like that, a light snow starts swirling down around them, and somehow Nagisa feels like this is perfect. Karma’s looking up at the sky, still, and there’s something innocent and childlike about it, which makes Nagisa’s heart beat just a little faster. 

It’s at that moment he remembers they’re still holding hands. He almost wants to pull away, but he knows that’ll just draw attention to it. Besides… Karma’s hand is actually really warm. 

Karma’s eyes flick to his, then, and before Nagisa really registers it, he tilts his chin up gently and kisses him. Nagisa finds that’s actually the perfect excuse to let go of his hand, and it’s more natural to wrap his arms around the back of his neck. Honestly, the only part of them that falls out of alignment is their height difference. It’s kind of difficult, having to tilt his head all the time. If only he could be taller… 

He’s barely even thinking about anything like technique, anymore. Just the warmth of Karma’s lips sliding against his, the press of his body, the way one of his hands finds the small of waist… It just feels nice, and Nagisa, for just a second, tries his best not to have a problem with it. To just let himself pretend for a moment… 

He has to break the kiss eventually, though.

“I-I just think having sex in Yoyogi park might be a step too far,” he looks down. 

Karma lets go of him. “What?” 

That’s what a passionate kiss becomes, right? At least, with them. Nagisa already feels desire stirring in him again, but he knows he can’t . As if on cue, the lights switch off around them, leaving only a few sparing street lamps to illuminate the pathway. He’s almost glad, that he can’t actually make out the look on Karma’s face in the darkness. 

“We should probably head to the station,” he says, “or we’ll miss the train.” 

It’s not much further along, from where they’re standing. They walk in silence, not holding hands this time, though they’re not notably distant either. It feels like a hangover, actually entering the building, scanning their transport cards through the gate. They’d been alone, before, but now they’re surrounded by a crowd of mostly drunk people, all looking to get home before the trains stop for the night. 

“Karma,” Nagisa starts to say, but then the jingle starts to play, and a train zooms into the opposite side of the station. 

Karma just nods at him, in goodbye, before turning and managing to push himself onto it. They’re travelling in different directions, of course. Nagisa almost feels possessed to follow him, turning around himself to watch as people finish getting on, and the doors slide closed. He just about catches sight of him through the window, before the train speeds off.

Nagisa’s relationship with his parents has been a lot better since he stopped living with them.

Honestly, it’s hard for anyone to admit that they might have been the root of their parent’s problems. Nagisa doesn’t think like that exactly, but he knows a lot of their arguments were centred on the best way to raise him. Without him in the picture… they seem to be getting on just fine. Nagisa’s mother started going to therapy, shortly after everything happened, and whilst Nagisa doesn’t feel like she’s made up for everything she did, he can see that she’s a much better person.

She’s accepted his life choices now, at least.

That being said, he doesn’t spend time with them often. A fact that, sadly, leads to the obligatory family celebrations becoming quite an awkward event. They managed to get through the catch up conversation within the first hour, and now nobody has anything to talk about. Nagisa’s not surprised, though. New Years has been like this since he moved out. Maybe he should have just sent a post card.

“So,” Nagisa’s father sits down comfortably. “We heard about-“

“How long have you had a boyfriend?” His mother cut him off.

Nagisa’s immediate reaction is one of shock horror. The last thing he’d ever talk to his parents about is personal relationships, so he has no idea how they would have even come up with it. Not that he’s had a personal relationship before. Unfortunately, right then, it all comes back to him. If he knows one thing about the friends his mother has, it’s that their favourite activity is to gossip.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Nagisa tries to say calmly.

“I’ve never hated the gays,” his mother basically ignores him. “You’ve met my gay cousin, haven’t you?”

Nagisa’s not sure what to say, because he hasn’t met his mother’s gay cousin. “Uh…”

“You know,” she waves her hand, “Takeshi. You must have met him at your aunt’s wedding.”

Honestly, Nagisa has no idea what she’s talking about. His aunt got married when he was six years old. He has no memory of meeting this Takeshi, and even if he did he probably wouldn’t have questioned his sexual preferences. That… just isn’t the kind of thing any kid thinks about, is it? Regardless of that, he’s freaked out by this discussion.

“But I’m not gay,” he states.

And then Nagisa reconsiders it, because honestly he hadn’t been sad about having Karma’s dick in his mouth (or his ass), had he? In fact, he’d whole heartedly enjoyed the experience. That doesn’t exactly suggest much heterosexuality. But it’s not that Nagisa has ever truly sat around and thought about men. He’s pretty sure he would have noticed by now. At the same time, though, he’s never really thought about girls too hard either. Maybe a little, but it would be hard not to, being exposed to it all the time when he was younger at least.

Of course, his parents’ living room probably isn’t the best place to delve into such an intense thought process.

His mother looks confused by that. “Oh. That’s a shame. Takewa san seemed pretty certain about it.”

Isn’t this supposed to go the opposite way?! Isn’t she supposed to be crying about not having grandkids or something? Not that Nagisa’s complaining about that. He doesn’t want to set his mother off. She really has been better recently, but he doesn’t want to take any chances. Nor does he feel like explaining his own sexuality confusion.

“A-actually,” Nagisa says, “I just happened to be with K-karma that day, and she just assumed.” He just really hopes she left out the sex toy part of the story.  

“Akabane Karma?” Her face darkens. 

Thankfully, his father intercepts. “Hiromi.”

His mother makes a show of taking a deep breath, and the storm clouds clear from her expression. “You’re entitled to make your own life choices, Nagisa. However, you know I don’t think Akabane Karma is a good one.”

Perhaps it should be some kind of practical joke, that him being gay is apparently fine as long as it isn’t with Karma, in her book. Then again, for once he doesn’t really blame her for that assessment. Karma would never intentionally try and make life hard for him, but rather than walking on egg shells around his mother, he seemed to prefer stomping on the whole carton. In a sense, that’s  something Nagisa had admired, how he could just say what he wanted without fear. But it still led Nagisa to try and keep them separated as much as possible when they were teenagers. Aside from making him get home late a few times, he’d never done anything too wild with Karma back then.

He forces a smile on his face. “That’s fine, because we’re not dating.”

She drops it after that, though he catches sympathetic smiles coming from his father, which irritate him more than reassure him. Nagisa doesn’t feel like he’s being dishonest with them, at least. He’s not dating Karma, after all. That feels far away from their actual relationship, however he could define it. It’s nothing to do with his parents, anyway!

What follows is even more torturous, in a way. It’s just a straight hour of near silence. There’s some program on the TV, but Nagisa can tell nobody’s actually watching it. Just… staring at its direction. All he wants to do is force the time forward so that he can just leave already. In a sense, he feels bad for feeling that way about his parents, but he can’t help it.

The vibration of his phone feels like its own kind of sweet mercy.

Karma: How’s it going?

Nagisa can’t help but smile to himself. He’s pleased, for some reason, that Karma’s thinking about him on a day like New Year’s. Then again, he doesn’t know his actual plans. It’s quite possible that Karma doesn’t have anything better to do. In fact, that’s the most likely option. Why else would he want to talk to him?

Nagisa: It’s terrible. Mum’s being… Mum. She’s not yelling at me or anything, but we’re not doing anything.

Karma: Come hang out with me instead

Karma: If you want to

Honestly, he’s actually a little surprised. About Karma actually wanting to see him on such an important day, at least. Nagisa immediately starts to picture it, even though he knows it’s a bad idea. It’s not like he can actually go, right? It is New Year’s after all… even if they’re not doing much. Even though he’s already filled the obligation to see his parents…

Nagisa: I’m not sure.

Karma: Does that mean I have to convince you?

Nagisa: What do you mean?

Karma: Well

Karma: I could take my shirt off

Heat immediately rushes to Nagisa’s face, and he exits out of the app in panic, hand shaking. Admittedly, he knows it’s really not the worst thing Karma could have said. And he won’t go as far as to send him anything super incriminating, right? Not in a situation like this… Karma knows better than that and he wouldn’t just-

But right there, Nagisa starts to imagine it. It’s ridiculous, because the message was so tame. And it hasn’t even been a full week since he last saw Karma, anyway. Maybe a little longer since he’s seen him shirtless… but there’s nothing crazy about that, is there? Nagisa’s seen him shirtless more times than he can count, over the years. Granted, things are little different now, but…

It seems that ‘trying not to think about it’ is only causing him to think about it more, because now he can’t stop picturing it. Nagisa’s never really cared too much about stuff like muscles, aside from wanting them himself, but he knows Karma has an attractive body. Not just objectively either, Nagisa can’t deny that he’s starting to salivate at the thought, at least.

It’s at that moment that Nagisa actually remembers he’s still in his parent’s apartment, and it’s probably the worst time ever to fantasise about Karma. Especially after insisting that they’re not a thing so strongly. Nagisa can be pretty good at hiding his real emotions when he wants to, at least, and forces his face into a neutral position.

But then his phone vibrates.

Karma: Or I could take off your shirt

Karma: You like it when I undress you, don’t you?

Karma: Don’t you want me to actually do it?

Nagisa’s going to hell and it’s not even his fault. Nagisa doesn’t even believe in hell, but he’s definitely on a one-way trip there. The thing is, he knows that if he tells Karma to stop sending him lewd messages, he will. Nagisa knows he has the choice, and that he should take it no questions, but instead he just bites down on his lip and imagines the sensation of Karma’s fingers tugging at his clothes.

How did he get so broken so fast? Back when he was a teenager, he never understood most of the other guys. How easily they’d stray from what was obviously ‘the right thing’ just to get a small amount of gratification. He’d never got it, just awkwardly laughed or stayed out of it, but now… Is this how they felt? Because this… is like a torture he can barely describe. And it’s only been a few weeks since they last had sex.

Nagisa: Yeah

Nagisa: I want that too.

The thing is, Nagisa knows it’s not the best decision to make. He knows he should just calm himself down and sit through the rest of the day until it’s actually acceptable to leave. He should not be… leaving on a national holiday to hook up with Karma. At the same time, though, it seems that the latent horny part of his brain has clutched its way to the surface, and now everything’s hijacked.

Nagisa clenches his fists. “I-I’m really sorry, but I think I have to leave right now.”

His father looks surprised. “What for? Did something happen?”

Thinking of a lie on his feet isn’t exactly a skill he’s honed in. “I…” he wracks his brain, “it’s a problem at the school. S-some of the grades got mixed up, and if I don’t go and amend them right now there could be issues with graduation.”

“But it’s New Year-“

“I’m sorry!” Nagisa stands up. “T-that’s how it can be sometimes. I wouldn’t want to let them down!”

He wonders briefly if lying about having about work is some kind of educational malpractice. In any other case, he would have felt guilty. But, again, the rational part of his brain isn’t working. All his brain is actually focusing on is Karma’s hard muscles pressed against his back, strong hands holding them flush together, hot break on his neck…

“Anyway!” Nagisa turns, before anything disastrous can happen in terms of the follow up physical reaction. “Happy New Year! Take care of yourselves.”

“Visit sooner next time,” his mother says as he fiddles with his shoes. “You don’t like that far away.”

Nagisa laughs awkwardly, pulling on his coat. “I’ll try my best!”

At the very least, the cool air helps with the efforts to calm himself down. Considering he’s in Kunugigaoka, an annoyingly indirect train route to Karma’s apartment, he’s going to have to get himself through an hour at least. Unless he wants to get thrown off the train, he needs to stop thinking about Karma.

Thankfully, walking with the threat of a boner isn’t the most comfortable thing ever, and his body makes the sensible choice to not. At least, it’s fine for a little while, because there’s enough going on during the walk to the station that he can’t start to imagine anything too wild. Actually getting on the train, too, isn’t the worst thing. Nagisa can only feel surprised that it’s so empty at a time like this, though that’s probably because of the annual Tokyo mass exodus around the new year.

Much like he should be doing.

Weirded out by the opportunity to actually sit down on this journey, Nagisa mostly stares out of the window. Admittedly, the outskirts of Kunugigaoka seem to blend in pretty immediately with Tokyo itself, so it’s not the most scenic of routes. Still, there’s something about the rush of lights in the dark that keeps Nagisa’s brain occupied.

He feels his phone vibrate in his hand as the train pulls into Shinjuku Station, but he decides not to check it. It could be… anything, and Nagisa doesn’t want to find the answer to that in such a public space. Not that Shinjuku Station is busy either, which is even more surprising. Almost eerie, in a way, like he’s walking through some kind of post-disaster reality.

Oddly, the nerves start to kick in when he’s on the next train, but he’s not completely sure why. He’s not actually scared of anything. Although, there is the possibility Karma was just messing around and doesn’t actually want him to come. That’s not really like Karma, though. He’s not the kind of person who sends messages for absolutely no reason.

Nagisa’s been to Karma’s apartment many times now, if not as frequently as he’s been visiting recently. It’s weird how familiar he’s become with the neighbourhood, though. A little further than base recognition, Nagisa somewhat starts to feel an attachment. Like how there’s occasionally a cat perched outside the big grey house on the corner, and this particular vending machine always seems to be out of peach soda.

He tries his best not to dwell on that, though, reaching the apartment block. Karma may be much better paid than him, but there’s only so much you can afford when you’re not a millionaire. Well… Karma kind of is, but he started to find using his parent’s money more annoying than amusing a few years ago, and the last Nagisa heard about the subject, he’s actively avoiding it nowadays. That means living in a slightly ‘past its prime’ building, though Nagisa can’t say much. At least Karma’s apartment is more than just a single room.

Karma looks taken aback, when he answers the door. “You actually came?”

Nagisa shifts on his feet. “I-If you want me to leave-“

He looks at him, then, before pretty much pulling him inside. “You’re pretty easy to convince, you know.” He pauses, when Nagisa chooses to focus on slipping his shoes off instead of replying. “Unless you’re really that desperate.”

There’s truth in that statement, but Nagisa flushes and turns his head. “Well-“

Karma cracks a laugh. “Sucks to be you, I guess, I wasn’t planning on sex.”

The colour drains from his face. “What?”

“Don’t look so defeated,” Karma takes him by the wrist, tugging him into the living room.

“You really just wanted to play video ga-“

Karma kisses him, before he can finish his question, but it’s a good enough answer anyway. It’s frightening how quickly he forgets what Karma just stated, instantly distracted. Nagisa’s brain process from an hour again immediately wakes up, more than raring to go. Karma has that effect on him, expert at knowing just how to apply pressure with his lips in the right way.

Nagisa melts so fast he barely even registers what’s happening, though soon enough he finds himself pulled onto the sofa, pretty much straddling Karma’s lap. That’s fine by him, and there’s a certain kind of relief in the situation. Karma’s so warm, arms encasing him, and they’re pressed pleasantly close together. It also helps that Karma’s undoubtedly a good kisser, and it’s like his lips are charging all the nerves in Nagisa’s body.

“Say, Nagisa,” Karma pulls away and Nagisa instantly misses it. “You don’t have to go to work for a little while, huh?”

He has no idea why Karma’s asking that. “No, it’s still the winter break-“

Karma practically dives for his neck, sucking a kiss into the sensitive skin there, and Nagisa can’t protest. He automatically tilts into it, making Karma’s job easier. A part of him feels like he should be doing something, but he’s not entirely sure what. He ends up gripping into Karma’s own neck, before instincts take over and his hands find their way to his chest, tugging at his shirt.

He pulls away. “I said I wasn’t planning on sex,” he takes Nagisa’s hands, moving them back onto his shoulders.

Nagisa flushes, turning away. It had felt natural, if anything. Thankfully, Karma doesn’t continue to scold him. This time, he kisses his lips again, hands digging in perfectly to his back. Nagisa practically sighs into it, head spinning even though he meets Karma at every point. If Karma doesn’t want sex, then what is this? Because Nagisa can’t help but feel extremely turned on.

It’s as though Karma’s kisses have a direct connection to the erection growing uncomfortably in his trousers, making him burn harder with every passing second. They’re barely even doing anything, but Nagisa wants. As much as he tries to force himself not to shift and grind on Karma’s lap, it’s impossible to keep completely still. He wants to be wrapped up in him like this forever, and he’s gasping for air somehow.  

Nagisa doesn’t even consciously mean to do it, but his hands slide down Karma’s torso again, this time trying to get the shirt off entirely. He’s not thinking, he just wants Karma even closer to him. Having any boundaries between them doesn’t feel right, even though there is a part of his consciousness that’s aware it’s not a good idea.

“Nagisa~” Karma has the nerve to laugh. “You’re getting handsy again.”

“S-sorry,” Nagisa feels the heat rise to his face. Does he have no self control at all?

Karma tilts his head. “If you want it that badly… let’s go.”

“R-really?”

“Hm,” he shifts Nagisa out of his lap, pulling himself to his feet with a stretch. “You can do what you want… as long as you prove it.”

The last part sounds entirely like a threat, and Nagisa’s immediately a little concerned. More so, though, turned on. It’s not even real fear, more like anticipation. Remembering the last time Karma looked at him like that, and how it ended up with Nagisa tied to the bed and Karma pounding him into a deep set satisfaction… he practically keens into it, springing to his feet himself.

“Okay,” he says.

There’s a glint in Karma’s eye. “What are you waiting for, then?”

Waiting for… But then Nagisa has a horrible thought, and goes even more red. “I-I didn’t prepare to come here.”

Karma’s face morphs in recognition. “Oh. Uh,” he turns his head slightly, “did you eat anything heavy today?”

Honestly, Nagisa never thought he’d be having a debate about the cleanliness of his rectum with Karma, but here he is.

“N-not much,” he turns his head in the opposite direction, as though to make absolute sure they won’t catch each other’s eye.

“I mean,” Karma says, “you’re usually pretty thorough when you clean normally, right?”

“I guess.”

“Then,” he continues, “it’s probably fine. It’s not like it’s a rule or everyone goes in depth every time they have sex. Maybe just… surface clean. You can use the shower.”

If Nagisa had a tail, it would be between his legs. This is probably one of the most embarrassing things that’s ever happened to him. At least Karma doesn’t want him to do the full thing? Because he’d never live that down. No amount of horniness makes it okay for him to release what’s essentially poop water down Karma’s drain.

The much tamer version still feels really weird, though, and he’s definitely on edge. He tries to avoid getting anywhere else on his body wet, as he makes sure everything is clean enough. It seems fine to him, at least, but he doesn’t have much of a way of being able to tell for himself. He figures he’s been in the bathroom for an acceptable amount of time though, and he’s starting to feel a little more rational in the head.

After debating it for a moment, Nagisa decides there’s no point in putting his clothes back on. They’ll… probably be stripped off before he even has the chance to think about it. It does feel a little awkward, though, creeping into the bedroom in that state. It might seem a little ridiculous, but as much as Karma’s obviously seen him naked, he’s been too close to really stare him down.

Karma actually looks surprised, seeing him, like his eyes might pop out of his skull. That makes Nagisa feel even more awkward. He doesn’t like being on display, not even in the best of circumstances. Karma’s stare turns almost predatory, and Nagisa can only shift awkwardly on his feet. What now?

Karma gets off the bed, though, coming close to him. Nagisa can’t help but wonder if Karma’s really going to do something to him. He seems to tower over him even more than usual, and Nagisa automatically swallows. At the same time, though, his heart is pounding at lightning pace. It doesn’t make sense, but there’s something about this feeling that he loves. And it all races straight to his crotch.

“You really want it that badly?” He stares at him from head to toe, though looks slightly annoyed when Nagisa doesn’t reply. “Huh?”

Nagisa manages to nod.

His jaw clenches. “Then prepare yourself.”

“W-what?”

“Get on the bed,” he motions. “You know where the stuff is.”

“B-but you-“

“Don’t worry about me,” his glint feels dangerous, “I’m more than happy to just stand here and watch.”

This feels more terrifying than anything else Nagisa could have imagined. At least usually, it’s Karma doing stuff to him, and Nagisa flowing with it. That kind of situation feels natural to him, and he doesn’t even really need to think about what he’s actually doing. But on his own? He doesn’t even know how. Especially with Karma just standing there like that.

Despite it all, Nagisa finds himself trembling over to the bed anyway, finding the lube helpfully already out. He barely even jerks himself off, of course he hasn’t tried doing this by himself. As good as Karma’s fingers feel inside him… that feels like a whole other world to doing it himself. There’s also the question of how to actually go about it. Usually he’d just lie on his back and spread his legs, but he can already sense the angle being too awkward.

He elects to stay standing on his knees, because at least he can get a hand behind himself. It also means there’s nowhere to hide, though, and Karma really is just there staring at him, leaning casually against the wall. Nagisa’s fingers tremble with even uncapping the bottle, and it’s a weird realisation that he doesn’t really touch the stuff that often. And even those few times… he was applying it straight to Karma.

It’s even more awkward than he anticipated. At least when Karma does it, he can actually see. Of course it’s not like his entrance is hiding from him or something, he knows where it is, but it still seems impossible to get the right angle. He’s fumbling and he knows it, and it seems completely hopeless. Is this supposed to be sexually appealing?

“Nagisa,” Karma’s voice cuts through the silence, and he actually sounds slightly annoyed. “Why don’t you just touch yourself first?”

Ironically, he almost squeaks at that. Admittedly, Nagisa’s not really sure why the concept of jerking himself off in front of Karma seems even more embarrassing than literally fingering himself, but he almost wants to reject the suggestion entirely. Although… he supposes maybe this would be easier if he was actually more turned on. Despite how he’d been just earlier… a lot of it seems to have fizzled away with the reality of things.

Hand practically shaking, he brings it around to his front, and takes a hold of himself. At least he definitely knows what to do here, but with Karma watching him like this? His face turns red, but at the same time he can’t completely ignore the physical sensation. Karma’s being quiet, anyway, so Nagisa decides to save himself to embarrassment and closes his eyes.

Despite all of that, it’s not like he can forget. Nagisa’s always been sensitive to people’s consciousness around him, and there’s a lot coming from Karma. It’s not easy to ignore at all, but there’s a part of Nagisa’s nerves that almost feel good, some sort of latent desire to impress that’s squirming to make it to the surface.

At the very least, it’s hard to go wrong when it comes to jerking himself off. A part of him is conscious that the goal here isn’t actually just a means to an end as fast as possible, though, and he knows he’s definitely being more careful and slow than he’d otherwise be. He really can’t forget that Karma’s there, but by the time he’s fully hard, he realises he doesn’t actually mind it so much.

He flicks his eyes open for a moment, taking in the situation. Karma’s staring at him, but there’s a definite clench to his jaw, and his eyes are sharp. He’s turned on. For just a moment, Nagisa hesitates but he continues to stroke himself and lets out a sigh. He definitely feels ashamed of the near direct eye contact… but there’s a part of him that likes it.

There was a time where Nagisa wanted nothing more than Karma’s full attention. Maybe not quite like this, but… the concept’s the same. Karma’s staring right at him with, though, and he can’t stop himself from enjoying it just a little. There’s just a small part of him that’s tempted to really show off, but the moderate embarrassment from the situation still wins out.

Happening like a natural continuation, Nagisa ends up reaching behind himself again, and now that he’s not overthinking it he realises it’s not that complicated at all. Topping his fingers back up with lube again, his index finger actually slips right in, which is… a surprise. He’s pretty sure his eyes widened during that. Too much lube, maybe?

The thing is, it doesn’t feel like much of anything. Maybe a little bit strange and slightly uncomfortable, but definitely different to when Karma does it. Maybe because his fingers are bigger? Nagisa winces a little, wiggling the finger around. The angle does feel awkward with his wrist in the position it is, though, and he shifts around on his hips.

Eventually, he decides it’s not the worst thing. He definitely wouldn’t be doing this to himself for fun, though. He moves in an out, his body adjusting pretty quickly. Though, once again, it’s definitely not the same as Karma distracting him. Karma tilts his head, as though he’s trying to get a better look, and Nagisa can’t help but burn up a little.

At that point, something comes over him. A spike of hot fire rushes up his spine, and his erection twitches. It makes manoeuvring even more difficult, but Nagisa can’t help but use his free hand to stroke himself. He lets out a breathy sigh of relief, threatening to turn into a full moan as he traced himself from root to tip. He can feel it, as well, as he automatically clenches around his own fingers.

“Move your finger again,” Karma says, coming off more like a command than a request.

Nagisa hesitates for a moment, before doing exactly what he’s told. It actually feels better, just following an instruction. Though, he discoverers it’s actually pretty hard to finger himself and jerk off at the same time, like trying to pat his head and rub his stomach. After a bit of hesitation, under Karma’s intense gaze, he ends up moving with his hips instead, leaving his hand still as he grinds down on it.

“You can take another one.”

His voice is still so calm, dark and tempting. Nagisa wants it whispered into his ear, wants him, wants… A second finger slides in along with his first. He really does gasp with this one, filling himself up further. Now it’s definitely weird. He doesn’t feel like he’s getting any looser, necessarily, nor actually open. If anything it just feel tight and hot. Is this what Karma feels?

It’s strange with Karma right there, but Nagisa can’t help but imagine it’s his fingers instead. It’s been so long since he felt it, so long and this is not enough. Apparently Nagisa’s imagination is vivid enough, because once he starts to picture it, everything immediately feels better. He picks up the pace without even really thinking about it, practically lifting his hips up and down at this point.

He wants more, though.

Somehow, his eyes end up zoning in on Karma’s entire form. Specifically his crotch. Almost hilariously, Karma’s fully dressed still, and isn’t really showing too many signs of anything despite a few hints across his face. It feels more than a little unfair. On the other hand, though, his trousers aren’t so tight that Nagisa can’t tell he’s definitely hard.

As if on cue, he seems to tense a little, pushing his legs together. Nagisa’s not entirely sure what Karma’s tolerance is to this kind of thing, but as a mutual dick owner, he knows there’s only so long he can actually ignore it. In a way, Nagisa feels an odd pride rush through him, that he’s apparently turning Karma on with the display alone. It’s embarrassing, too, but he spreads his legs open more either way.

“Look at you,” Karma mutters, half under his breath. “You like me watching you like this, don’t you?”

Nagisa turns his head in shame, burning again. So what if he does? Truth be told, Nagisa never would have thought that he’d actively enjoy anyone looking at him like this, let alone Karma. But here they are, Nagisa’s erection is proof that he has to like it, even though it’s becoming increasingly frustrating, and there’s only so much his own fingers can do.

“Why go all shy now?” Karma comes closer, and the hairs stand up on the back of Nagisa’s neck. “That’s no way to get what you want. ”

“Please,” spills out of Nagisa’s mouth, without really thinking about it.

He tilts his head, and all too smug look plastered across his expression. “’Please’ what?”

Why does he want to please him so much?

“More than this,” he gets out, barely aware that he’s actually sped up. Somehow he feels close already, but like nothing can actually come of it.

Karma still feigns innocent. “Want me to get one of the new toys out?”

“No,” Nagisa says instantly, with more command in the tone than he’s used to producing.

Karma’s eyes gleam, then, and Nagisa almost regrets everything. What’s he even saying? He’s not so far gone he has no control… He’s put off by the idea, though. He knows enough about himself to know he’s already close. And it feels like it’s been so long as it is… He misses it. It’s ridiculous, and maybe even humiliating, but he can’t honestly bring himself to care that much.

He’s clearly too far gone, because he barely even registers the way Karma walks over to his side. Any other time and he would have felt like a prey item. Karma always has this way of making him feel nervous, and now is no exception.  Instead, Nagisa tries to focus on his own breathing, and not how much he feels like he might be eaten alive. It’s not a bad feeling though…

And that’s when Karma smacks his ass.

Admittedly, Nagisa’s surprised more than anything. It doesn’t really hurt, though he’s not sure if it was supposed to. Maybe it stings a tiny bit? But his hand rebounds almost completely, and it’s very loud. At first Nagisa tenses up a little, expecting something else, but it doesn’t come. Actually, it stills him completely, and he turns over his shoulder. Strangely enough, even Karma looks a little confused. Does he not know why he did that? Nagisa didn’t mind it that much, but it’s a bit weird that he’s just staring at him now.

“Your butt is really soft,” Karma says.

“Uh… thanks?”

He clears his throat, but hesitates like he doesn’t actually know what to say. It’s almost funny that he went from demanding Nagisa get on the bed and finger himself to… whatever this is. A little endearing too, if he’s honest. In a situation that… wasn’t this, maybe Nagisa would even have the energy to get his own back and make fun of Karma for once. Unfortunately it’s hard to do that in a position where he’s both naked and horny out of his mind.

“Karma,” he tries gently, “can we maybe…”

It snaps Karma back into the previous mindset, his eyes going heavy again. “You want it?”

Nagisa nods.

The way Karma looks at him then feels like its own kind of danger, and it sends shivers down his spine. He moves again, then, standing more in Nagisa’s eyeline. Nagisa barely even registers that his hand is still moving, when Karma starts to take his shirt off. Admittedly, it’s a little distracting, but he wouldn’t even consciously admit that to himself.

Nagisa’s mouth starts to water, because Karma really is attractive. Despite free time being more a thing of the past, his chest is still impeccably toned. It’s not as extreme as a body builder, but still sharp and defined in the right places. It’s the same story when he drops the trousers, taking his sweet time to work them off. His legs are toned, and seem well balanced in that moment rather than weirdly long. And, for the first time, he considers that his erection isn’t objectively bad to look at either. Nor is his face. He has a nice one of those. Nagisa’s not so dumb to completely mix up jealousy and desire, at least. He used to want to be just like Karma, but this is a different emotion.

Actually, not being the only naked one accelerates things in his mind, because he sees Karma’s erection and automatically knows he wants that. Almost like he could die if he doesn’t get it. His own erection seems to agree, twitching on its own. That’s enough for Nagisa to let himself go, afraid of how close he already is, and Karma hasn’t even touched him yet.

Except, Karma doesn’t touch him. He actually sidesteps his way on to the bed and just lies himself flat, like he could just as easily be going to sleep. Nagisa’s fingers slip out of himself in confusion, like he can’t actually process what’s happening. Karma’s naked… he’s naked… why isn’t he touching him? Isn’t that just the logical conclusion? Is Karma waiting for him to do something?

Karma looks at him with challenge. “Take it if you want it.”

A part of him wants to scream. This is unfair, after everything else Karma made him do? Hasn’t he been on display enough today? Admittedly, it’s not like they haven’t been in this position before. It was how they attempted it, the first time, not that that went well… Nagisa swallows, feeling himself burn up even more as he leans over him to where the condoms are kept. It’s a weird feeling, the edge of desperation and self-awareness. One of them inevitably wins out.

He doesn’t spend much time on everything else. He barely even bothers with spreading out the lube after he gets it onto Karma, figuring he’s probably open enough as it is. Truth be told, the nerves do kick in a little, because he’s never started this on his own before. Even the position is a little unknown to him. There’d been a time where Karma flipped him over, but Nagisa hadn’t actually done much other than be taken along for the ride.

Apparently, though, he wants him enough that it doesn’t even matter. Even though straddling Karma and trying to line him up is very awkward, at least he knows how he’s supposed to fit. It does feel weird, though, that Karma’s still not even touching him. He looks relaxed in all honesty, still just staring at him like this is some kind of test. It’s a weird feeling, because Nagisa wants to be touched. Anything to get Karma to touch him.

His lips fall open, when he attempts to sink down, and Karma actually breaches his rim. It feels surprisingly different to be the one doing the pushing, and his knees start shaking, though that could also be from standing on them for so long. In a different sense, though, it doesn’t feel bad to be in control of this. There’s no avoiding the slight sting of being stretched, but at least he knows the limits of what his own body can take.

Or at least he should. Despite this, Nagisa ends up sinking down far quicker than he should have, because the sense of satisfaction wins out. Actually, he pretty much takes Karma in one go, letting out a moan that’s only half pained. Even Karma looks surprised, his hands instantly gripping the sheets below them, knuckles visibly white as his back arches. It causes enough pride that Nagisa doesn’t even think about how sore he’ll probably be after this.

It definitely doesn’t feel bad, but the angle is kind of strange. He’s not used to having this much manoeuvring room, for one, and it really feels like a different sensation entirely. He figures he should probably move or something, and there’s only one real clear way to do that. Though, it’s really not easy to pick his knees back up again, and he definitely starts to feel that taking him in so quickly wasn’t the best idea.

He accustoms to it pretty quickly, at least. It’s still weird being the one moving, but he figures out that the sensations themselves aren’t that different from everything he’s been craving. In fact, he’s almost glad for it, because he just knows Karma’s in the kind of mood where he’d purposely tease him and hold himself back… at least this way Nagisa can take it as hard as he wants it.

Despite it being a little odd that Karma’s not actually contributing much to this, he decides he likes it, even if it is quite tiring. The adrenaline running though him pretty much minimises that, and he can only gasp in pleasure as he falls up and down in Karma’s lap. Even if it feels a little bit like he’s using him, honestly Karma doesn’t look like he minds at all.

The staring is a little odd, though. At least in other positions, it’s pretty difficult to actually maintain vision on each other’s faces. Nagisa’s fine with that, he likes to close his eyes and just let himself feel. But, as embarrassing as it is for half his brain, there is a part that still really enjoys Karma staring up at him, especially with his eyes hooded and glassy.

He slightly registers that he’s not really moaning like this, which is odd. It’s not that it doesn’t feel good enough for that, but it’s actually pretty hard to let noises out with the exertion. If anything, he’s just panting, trying to keep up the pace. Thinking about it, Karma’s never usually that loud either himself, so maybe this is why.

He accidentally topples down a little, hands having to plant down had on his chest. The angle shifts a little, and even though it’s not quite right yet, it still feels very good. However, in doing so it seems his hands dragged down Karma’s nipples, because he bucks off the bed a little, even deeper into him, and lets out a noise that’s more of a whine than anything. Well, that pretty much proves his theory.

Karma doesn’t seem embarrassed about it, at least, just looking at him with an amused look. “Feeling me up?”

Now it’s Nagisa’s turn to heat up in crimson. “M-may-“. He decides to just ignore it. “Just get on with it.”

“Why?” He says. “You look good when you’re desperate.”

He digs his hands down harder, though he’s pretty sure it doesn’t hurt him at all. Well, considering his expression it seems to have the opposite effect. That look on his face, he looks so self satisfied. It would actually be annoying, if Nagisa was in his right mind. But he isn’t. His entire body is buzzing and he wants Karma even more, despite already having him.

He is actually starting to feel tired, though. It’s a lot of effort to move energetically! His hips seem to have a mind of their own, though, essentially just shifting around without actually going up and down on his knees again. It’s different, but it still feels good. Nagisa’s not exactly sure why he’s enjoying being so full, but staying like that and still getting some sensation… he could get used to it.

Somewhere, in his awareness, there’s frustration. Like he’s dancing so close to something he can’t quite find. Possibly he ends up whining a bit, but he can’t really tell. It’s odd, because he’s trying so hard to concentrate but his entire world is out of focus. He does like the way Karma’s rubbing against his insides like this, though, even if he’s not actually sure it’ll get him anywhere.

Karma groans, then, and suddenly grabs him firmly by the waist. At first Nagisa automatically freezes in reaction, and before he’s had time to process he’s being shoved over so he’s pretty much just lying flat on top of Karma’s chest. Still gripping him, Karma shifts a little and plants his feet firmly on the bed as he bends his knees, using the springs as momentum to shove into him hard.

Nagisa immediately cries out, and knows he couldn’t have controlled it if he tried. If the forces of that thrust weren’t already hard enough, he gips his waist even tighter, pulling him down onto him at the same time. Nagisa doesn’t have a choice, he just surrenders like that, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as Karma somehow manages to finally get the perfect angle.

Maybe it turns into an audible scream at some point.

Everyone has their limits. Apparently the combination of his prostate being savagely pounded against and his erection finding friction on Karma’s abdomen is his. It’s euphoric, and the perfect reminder of why he was so desperate in the first place. He wishes this kind of feeling could last forever, but there’s only so much his body can actually take.

“Hey,” he says, calmer than is fair, “c’mon, let go.”

It really doesn’t make sense that it works. Sure, logically speaking, it was never going to take a lot from this point. He’s already so far gone he doesn’t have control over his body, and he’s shaking in a way that would be concerning otherwise. But still, it feels odd that Karma’s voice still manages to effortlessly set him off. It feels like a while since he had any kind of orgasm, and it hits stronger than he remembers. He’s pretty much just hanging on to Karma, vaguely aware that noises are spilling out of him, and his hips are rocking back into it as much as they can.

He comes back to his own awareness slowly, not entirely sure where it actually ended. He tries to take in his own breaths, only just slightly aware that Karma’s not moving anymore. He feels so exhausted, but also content. Actually, he’s used to finishing in positions that are just uncomfortable, or have Karma on top of him crushing his lungs. Like this, though, he can relax. Distantly, he even considers just closing his eyes and falling asleep.

Karma’s hands slide up from his waist, one wrapped around his back in a kind of hug, and the other weaving into his hair, pretty much just stroking it. In any other circumstance, Nagisa would have found it weird and uncomfortable, but it is actually relaxing like this. Consciously or not, he ends up leaning into it, humming at the caresses.

“Better now?” Karma says teasingly.

Nagisa lifts his head a little, so that he’s actually looking at him, rather than burying himself in the crook of his neck. “Karma,” he says, “am I gay?”

Karma stops his hand entirely. “What?”

He regrets it. “I-“

“Nagisa,” he says, “you know my dick is literally still in you right now?”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

Karma really blinks, then. “You’re really confused about this?”

As if on cue, he slips out of him. Nagisa winces, now that the buzz of pleasure’s gone. He feels stupid for even bringing it up. He hadn’t realised it was even on his mind still. Well… Karma is supposed to be his teacher. At the very least, it starts to feel a little awkward just being on top of him like this. It feels like he can hardly even use his legs, but he manages to roll off.

Karma’s still looking at him like a math problem.

“Just… hold that thought.”

He almost questions him when he slips out of bed, but doesn’t find the energy to. In fact, he starts to feel a little delirious. Did he really just say that aloud? He’s half tempted to grab his clothes and run, but Karma comes back too quickly, chest clean and underwear on. It’s more than enough to make Nagisa feel imbalanced.

Before he can say anything, Karma’s leaning over him with a slightly damp cloth, wiping his own body clean. It’s oddly intimate, yet not that sexual. The water is just the right temperature to soothe him. He can’t fully relax into it, though. Karma looks focused, from where he is, and Nagisa’s not entirely sure how to deal with it.

“Isn’t it a little weird for you to be doing this?” He voices, because apparently the orgasm broke his brain to mouth filter.

Karma just hums. “It’s called aftercare.”

“Oh.”

He discards the cloth, and kneels back on the bed in a seiza position. “So, these kind of labels mean a lot to you?”

“No,” Nagisa shifts so he’s under the covers, which is a lot less uncomfortable for him, if they’re going to have a conversation. “I just don’t get it.”

He tilts his head. “Hm? What isn’t there to get?”

In truth, Nagisa doesn’t actually know how to voice it to him. It’s just so weird, enjoying sex as much as he so clearly does. Of course, he’s aware that most people enjoy sex. Just existing amongst other guys would almost be enough to convince anyone that sex is the most important thing on the planet. Nagisa could maybe accept if he just wasn’t interested at all, but the fact that all of a sudden he’s practically desperate for it is throwing him through a loop.

“Is it just trial and error?” He asks. “I don’t… You told me you knew after… with a girl…”

Karma sighs dramatically, shifting into a more casual sitting position. “That was different though.”

His forehead wrinkles. “Different?”

“You mean figuring out I liked guys?” He shrugs. “It’s not like I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I mean, maybe I spent a little bit of time thinking about Indiana Jones and Sonic Ninja, but-“

Nagisa splutters. “Excuse me?!”

His eyes narrow. “Oh come on, that’s old news.”

“No it isn’t!”

Karma laughs then. “Why are you acting like I just told you Santa isn’t real?”

“You never told me that’s what you watched the movie for!”

“Nah,” he says, “I didn’t say that. I mean, the skin-tight latex was a part of it. What’s with the face? Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

It kind of is like finding out Santa isn’t real, honestly. Realistically, Nagisa knows that Karma does actually like the movies, he’s spent enough hours ranting about their direction. Sonic Ninja’s always been their thing. The first time he even hung out with Karma. Imagining that Karma was just horny all of those times… it’s a little off putting. And he’s not jealous! Why would be be?! He doesn’t care what Karma does. Or, who he does.  

“No,” he decides.

Karma doesn’t look like he believes him. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for the possessive type.”

“I’m not!”

“Do you want to hear the story or not?”

Nagisa folds his arms. “Fine.”

“I had better things to worry about,” he says. “It’s not like I spent all my time thinking about guys. I was aware of it, but I didn’t really care. You remember what Class A were like, ‘s not like I was surrounded by temptation. But we got forced to do this group project, and one of Asano’s groupies just offered. Couldn’t think of a good reason to say no at the time.”

He’s not sure how to take that. He’s not about to judge Karma for anything like that, but it really does seem weird to him that he’d just… agree to that. Maybe because Nagisa’s never been propositioned like that, but he can’t imagine just going along with it so freely. Then again… the way that their whole thing started wasn’t the best. At least he cares about Karma though.

It also doesn’t make sense. “But if you don’t like girls, then how-“

“You can still react when it feels good,” he says nonchalantly. “Didn’t mean I wanted to do it again. When I tried it with a guy, on the other hand… Plus, it really annoyed Asano.”  

“You slept with Asano?!”

Karma really loses it then, doubling over in laughter. Nagisa doesn’t find it very funny. “Come on, I have standards. It was an easy way to make him freak out, though.”

“So it is a trial and error thing then?”  

“If you want to go sleep with a girl just to prove you’re not gay, I won’t try and stop you,” Karma says. “You can still know without actually doing it.” He shoots him an odd look. “So you’ve never thought about girls?”

He shifts uncomfortably. “No, but… I didn’t think about guys either. I just always thought people figure this kind of thing out a lot younger. But I still don’t even know.”  

“Well, if you want me tell you,” he says, “you’re definitely not straight.”

Nagisa supposes that’s a valid judgement, even if it doesn’t supply much of an answer. “Oh.”

“I mean, you’re still naked in my bed,” he states.

Which causes Nagisa to jolt, falling ungracefully out of it. He tries his best to ignore Karma’s laughter, how much he’s burning up in embarrassment, and the general soreness in his lower regions. At least it’s a chance to scramble for the discarded clothes around the room, pulling them on as quickly as he effectively can, even though he finds himself majorly stumbling.

“Hey, Nagisa,” Karma rolls over in bed, looking up at him. “There’s more than two options, you know.”

He nods shyly. “I know.”

A small smile shines on his face. “Happy new year, by the way.”

New year indeed. Briefly, his eyes draw over to the window, and the darkness outside. What will this year be like? Nagisa understands the idea of time being separated into two chunks by a single day is kind of arbitrary, but he still can’t help but let himself wonder. If the twists and turns from the last few months continue, then he’s in for an interesting time.

The next time he sees Karma, he’s going to insist that they have a talk. So what if he consented to it? Karma should… know better… or something. Whatever. The point being that Nagisa’s had to spend two days tugging at the collar of his shirt, even wearing one that was so tight when buttoned to the top that it was cutting off his windpipe. And all because he still has hickeys on his neck and he’s paranoid somebody’s going to see them. He’s an educator. It’s not like he can just laugh off these kinds of embarrassing moments, he has a duty to be a good example.

Admittedly, he forgot about it the first day. He’d remembered the hard way when he had to run to Seven Eleven to grab food since his fridge had been depressingly empty. Except he didn’t have ‘neck covering’ up there with his priorities for a five minute soba buying adventure, so it had taken him a few minutes to realise why the worker had looked at him with a mixture of horror and embarrassment. Because not only were there a bunch of marks covering his neck, it legitimately looked like he’d been attacked by a vampire or something.

It wasn’t worth how turned on it had made him at the time. Never again.

Almost a week later, and they still haven’t faded. It’s not as bad as it was, for sure, but it’s obvious enough for Nagisa to feel self-conscious. As if standing in front of a group of teenagers all day isn’t bad enough. Thankfully, nobody’s brought it up to him. No, they’re far more concerned with complaining about how short their winter break was, and the inevitable build up of exams.

At the very least, Nagisa had thought he would get PE period as a bit of relief, but then he was reminded of the promise he made to Watanabe. He really doesn’t mind it, though. They don’t have much time left together as student and teacher, after all, and he wants to make sure she leaves him in the best state possible.

Watanabe, at least, keeps to herself. As promised, she’s just sitting and quietly working on her homework. He’s comfortable enough, at least, to take his eyes off her and concentrate on his own work. Not that there’s much of it. He’s not so cruel as to set them a ton of homework so soon after the break.

That means, when his phone vibrates in his pocket, he doesn’t really hesitate before pulling it out.

“No phones in school, Sensei,” Watanabe says sarcastically.

He shoots her a look that… doesn’t actually have that much venom. He feels like he can judge her enough to know that she’s not being serious. Not that she’s the one with authority in this situation, but Nagisa doesn’t want to set bad examples. He’s pretty much done with his work, though, and there’s only so much of staring at the same papers even he can take.

Of course, he instantly regrets it.

Karma: I was just thinking, I haven’t sucked you off in a while and you look good with your thighs wrapped around my head

Actually, Nagisa’s heart drops into his stomach and he locks his phone shut immediately, stopping just short of literally throwing the thing across the room. This is inappropriate. He’s in the company of a child. This place is a learning sanctuary and he doesn’t need it being tainted by… that. Of course, there’s a part of him that knows that freaking out will actually make it worse for himself, but that’s more of a background voice.

Nagisa: Don’t just send messages like that! I’m in class!

Karma: A. Why did you check it if you’re busy?

Karma: B. Does that mean you’ll take an appointment?

Nagisa: Why are YOU texting during work?

Karma: Slow day

He’s withholding sex. He’s doing it. If Karma’s going to behave in this way… He wants to scream his annoyance to anyone who’ll listen. Why is he like this? Why is Nagisa friends with him still? He doesn’t care how good the aforementioned blowjob would probably be. It’s no excuse to be sending him filth in the middle of the day just because he’s bored!

Nagisa takes a breath, then, and some realisations begin to emerge as he calms down. Of course, this is Karma. Karma isn’t some kind of sex crazed maniac. The only reason he’s messaging Nagisa like this is probably because he thinks it’s funny in his twisted mind. So by freaking out about it, Nagisa’s just giving him exactly what he wants. Which means, he concludes, all he needs to do is be calm and aloof.

Nagisa: I’m sure you’re a valued employee.

Karma: So about the sucking

Nagisa: I’ll get back to you later.

He slides his phone back into his pocket, then, ignoring the next vibration that comes. He doesn’t even want to know. Well, okay, maybe he does want to know a little, but he wants to know under better circumstances. Unfortunately for him, it seems like Karma pretty much succeeded in his embarrassment goal, because now the message is glued into his head.

There’s a chance Karma does actually mean it, and intend for that to happen the next time they see each other. Nagisa doesn’t have a problem with that! Except, they’re not meant to see each other for another few days. And now he’s bound to just get caught up in the loop of trying so hard not to think about it’s the only thing he’ll think about.

“Nagisa Sensei-“

“Yes!” He practically jumps out of his seat, standing and poised for action. He clears his throat. “Uhm, did you need some help?”

She hesitates for a second. “I don’t really know what you mean by this.”

He looks over her shoulder at the question. “Inference? It just means you have to guess what the author meant, and back it up with an argument.”

Watanabe frowns though. “But it’s worth ten points.”

“Yes?”

“I can’t drag it out for that long,” she says. “Like, what else can I say? She’s scared because she’s scared. There’s not much more meaning than that, is there?”

He pulls up a chair and sits down beside her. “You know I can’t just give you the answer. But, it’s not always as simple as that. There’s no right or wrong answer here, as long as you argue it well enough. For example… what would your inference be if you saw me walking around in the rain without an umbrella.”

Her eyes narrow. “That you’re an idiot?”

Well, that wasn’t quite the answer he was expecting.

“Okay,” he says, “now give your reason.”

“W-well. Who gets wet and cold on purpose?”

He smiles. “How do you know it was on purpose?”

Watanabe looks down. “I guess I don’t. But I mean, even if you forgot the umbrella it’s not like you couldn’t get one from a convenience store. It’s not like we’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“Maybe I was busy?”

“It’s still not worth getting sick though,” she reasons. “Then I’d say you’re just really bad at taking care of yourself.”

“Exactly!”

Her head tilts. “You are, Sensei?”

“No,” he says quickly, “I didn’t mean it like that. This isn’t… real. But very good, I think you’re getting it now. Just try and think like that when you’re writing about the characters in the book.”

At the very least, she looks mildly excited. Like some sort of eureka moment where every concept of understanding. She picks up the pen like it’s a sword, and jams it down onto the piece of paper. Except, she just kind of stops there, rather than actually writing anything. Maybe it’s because Nagisa’s kind of leaning over her shoulder.

“Can I have another example?” She turns her head, looking at him with pleading eyes.

“Sur-“

She clears her throat. “You were on your phone earlier. You wouldn’t have checked it if it wasn’t important, plus you looked kind of freaked out. Therefore, you have some kind of secret going on. Considering the rumours about you being a super spy…”

Nagisa could have combusted right then and there.  “R-right. Yes, that’s a good example of inference.”

“That,” she shrugs, “or you have a secret girlfriend or something-“

“Hey, have you ever heard The Fish Song?”

“The what?”

He jumps up, typing it up on YouTube before pulling the projector screen down like his life depends on it. Except, the video apparently stars two women who look way too happy about dancing. It’s probably not the best choice of music considering the content of Karma’s message originally, but honestly it’s become his go to distraction nowadays.

Watanabe doesn’t look particularly impressed. But that’s fine. She wouldn’t get it. How often is a song so catchy and entertaining, yet also educational? Even if Watanabe is supposed to be doing literature homework, and this is kind of irrelevant. It’s still a good message, at the end of the day! She doesn’t need to look so horrified, really.

He’s almost tempted to play it again, until he calms down some more, but they’re quite literally saved by the bell. Nagisa shuts down the projector without another word, and Watanabe silently packs away the things she won’t need for the next lesson. In a way, maybe this is a positive. Maybe he’ll scare her into taking PE lessons with the rest of the class again.

Thankfully, when he’s surrounded by chatter and freshly energised students, he manages to drop the weird act. The rest of his students don’t seem too interested in cross examining him, at least. They manage to get through science, the last lesson of the day, without much of a hitch. He almost gets a rubber band projectile to the face, but that’s just an average lesson.

Admittedly though, he does elect to take his exit from the classroom pretty fast when the final bell rings. Usually, he would at least stay for a little while in case anyone had any burning questions for him. He even feels a little guilty over it, dashing off like that, but it can’t be helped. He just… really needs to be on his own.

“Ah, Shiota san, the meeting’s not for another ten minutes. You don’t need to rush like that.”

Having just narrowing missed crashing into the man, Nagisa lowered his head, not wanting to look Inoue in the eye. It’s not like they’re friends or anything, but he’s still a nice person and he would have felt really bad if he actually carelessly walked straight into him. But… wait… meeting? Nagisa’s supposed to be in a meeting?

Inoue laughs. “Don’t tell me you forgot? It’s almost exam season.”

“O-oh,” realisation washes over him. “Right, that’s important.”

“You’re still kind of new here,” he leans against the wall. “It happens.”

Nagisa nods.

“The way you’re still standing here tells me you don’t know where it is. Do you want me to take you?”

“I’m sorry,” he flushes. “I don’t usually-“

He waves him off. “It’s not a big deal. It’s technically optional for me to be there, but I’ll probably have to judicate at some point during the week. It’s worth me tagging along anyway, just in case they changed something.”

“Thank you,” he regains his composure, as they begin walking side by side. “You saved me.”

“Did you have somewhere to be? You looked like you were in a rush.”

“Not really,” Nagisa turns his head to the side for a moment. “Just trying to get an early night.”

Inoue winces. “You know this usually ends with a drinking party, right?”

Great. Of course it does. Nagisa knows that realistically he’s pretty lucky. This is a rare event for him, where a lot of people get forced into this almost every day. Still, he’s really not in the mood to go out into a bar. He’s not in the mood to do anything other than lock himself in his apartment and stare at the ceiling for a few hours.

They actually get to the meeting room early, and most of the seats are still free. Nagisa still goes straight for one of the chairs in the back, though. He’s never really been one of those people who avoid the front in order to goof off, but he calculates it’s probably his best shot of the leaving the meeting and getting out of this whole drinking thing without anyone noticing he’s gone.

His phone starts vibrating again, though, and rapidly. Nagisa shifts for a moment, trying his best to ignore it, but it’s uncomfortable and gives off enough of a noise for his colleagues to look at him strangely. It’s not even his fault! Though, there’s no saying what it actually is. Maybe it’s something important? The meeting hadn’t started, so he figures there’s no harm in opening it.

[2:10]

Karma: Quit acting like you don’t like it

[3:25]

Karma: Nagisa~

Karma: There’s no way your class is still running

Karma: It got even more boring here

Karma: Talk to me?

Karma: Please?

Karma: I’ll even let you fuck my face

Honestly, Nagisa’s just disappointed at this point. He buries his phone as close to his chest as possible, paranoid one of his co-workers is going to end up reading it. Admittedly, a part of him is also amused. Is Karma’s job really that slow? Maybe Nagisa should be concerned about that, given he works for the country’s economy and all.

Nagisa: Do you have to be so crass?

Karma: It’s the only way to get your attention

Nagisa: I have to be in a meeting.

Karma: One of your students acting up?

Nagisa: No, it’s just about exams.

Karma: Skip it

Nagisa: This is important! I’m not skipping it just because you’re bored.

Karma: No awesome blowjob for you then

Nagisa: Isn’t that blackmail?

Karma: So you DO want it?

Nagisa: My meeting’s about to start.

He’s not actually lying, because that is precisely when the meeting starts. Actually, he kind of regrets not listening to Karma, just a little, because the meeting turns out to be identical to the one about summer exams the year before. He had his notepad pulled out to take notes, but there isn’t really anything worth writing down. After all, it’s not too difficult to stand around and monitor a bunch of pre-teens.

His mind ends up drifting to whatever’s going to happen after the exams. It’s already so close to when he’ll have to say goodbye to all his students, though at least this time they’re only moving up a year. At least he’s fairly confident they’re in better shape than when they started the school year, he can only hope their exam results actually reflect it. Besides… he needs to figure out an assassination prize.

The headmaster clears his throat, finally. “So, are there any questions?”

Nagisa’s never been more thankful for resounding awkward silence. Actually, it’s probably a good thing that nobody’s confused. It leads him to wonder if this meeting happens verbatim every single year. Unlike his last school, this one doesn’t seem to have such a high turnaround of staff, which would explain how bored everyone else looks.

“Well, then, let’s head to the izakaya!”

Maybe this entire thing is just an excuse for drinking. Nagisa doesn’t get that impression from his boss, not really. The headmaster is pretty young by most standards for the rank of the job, but if anything he just comes across as more overly earnest than irresponsible. Nagisa doesn’t really hang around the staff room when he doesn’t have to, so he doesn’t have much more of an impression of him than that.

There are some chuckles around the room, everyone relaxing more as they get up from their seats and drift into conversational groups. Nagisa takes it as a sign to tuck his notebook away and look towards the exit. In the mild chaos of everyone lingering around the room, there’s a high chance he can make it to the exit without it being stopped.

“You’re coming this time, aren’t you, Shiota san?”

Red handed. “A-actually-“

The headmaster drapes an arm around his shoulder. “You can’t keep skipping out on it forever.”

“I came to the one at the start of the year,” he defends.

Something in him stiffens, though. It’s so inherently wrong, against pretty much all his instincts actually, to ignore a request from his boss. If someone higher up gives you an invitation to drink with them, you accept it. It’s the unwritten social law. He just doesn’t feel like he has much of a reason to be there, he’s too distracted to really enjoy sitting around and making conversation.

He sighs. “Well, there’s always the end of year party. I’m warning you now, it’s mandatory.”

Nagisa smiles. “I’m sorry I can’t make it to this one.”

If he had a tail, it would be between his legs. Nagisa’s not going to question his chance to leave now he has it, though. He leaves the building as fast as he can, jumping onto the metro like he’s on some kind of mission. His phone, though, feels like a heavy weight in his pocket. His hand hovers over it, so tempted to pick it up again, but he’s learnt from his past mistake.

He manages to ignore it all the way to his house, stopping off to pick up some dinner along the way. He just has a brief panic over remembering to pay with cash rather than the LINE app, lest he expose something. He even, to his pride, manages to ignore his phone whilst he sits and eats, though he’s definitely on edge the entire time.

This is ridiculous and he knows it, but yet…

Karma: So how was it?

Nagisa can’t help but smile.

Nagisa: You were right, it was kind of boring.

Karma: I said you should have skipped it

Karma: I had to spend the rest of work proof reading reports

Nagisa: Maybe you would have finished it quicker if you weren’t texting me so much.

Karma: But how else would I have fun?

Nagisa: Literally anything else.

Karma: Are you saying you didn’t like it?

Did he? Admittedly, it makes his head spin a little bit. If Karma’s thinking about doing those things to him in his own time… Nagisa physically shakes his head. It’s no excuse for embarrassing him at work. And maybe he should be bothered by Karma thinking about him like that. He’s aware how little sense that notion actually makes, but realistically he’s never had someone… desire him like this before. That is, if Karma actually means it. He still doesn’t entirely trust it.

Nagisa: I don’t know why you’d send something like that.

Karma: Come on

Karma: Even you know what sexting is

He frowns.

Nagisa: Isn’t that photos?

Karma: Why, you want some?

Nagisa: No!

Nagisa: I didn’t say that!

His face feels like it might actually be burning. Is Karma seriously suggesting… His heart is in his stomach again. That would be crazy. It was one of the things he had actually been comfortable enough talking about in his mandatory class, even without Karma’s help. Don’t send indecent photos of yourself, not to anyone, there’s too much that can go wrong.

Karma: This is hilarious

Karma: Don’t act like I’m going to spam you with photos

Nagisa: It’s just…

Nagisa: Weird.

Nagisa: I don’t see the appeal of them.

Karma: Are you saying you don’t like looking at my dick?

Nagisa: Well, not as a hobby.

Nagisa: Plus it’s dangerous! You work for the government, you’d get in trouble if they got stolen.

Karma: I didn’t know you were that concerned about my career

Nagisa: It would be even worse for me. They could even revoke my teaching license or something.

Karma: Trust me, I already have photos of you that are way more incriminating

Karma: Naked ones should be the least of your worries

Nagisa: Is that supposed to make me feel better?!

Karma: You know I never asked you for them, right?

Nagisa catches his breath. Right. That’s true. Is he really freaking out about nothing here? Admittedly, he knows Karma well enough that he’s confident he wouldn’t actually pressure him for something like this. He knows when to back down. Which means that he’s not really being serious with any of this. Therefore Nagisa’s overreacting.

But why do his trousers feel a little tight?

Karma: Anyway, it’s all about anticipation

Karma: Like, when you can’t see each other, but you can’t stop thinking about what’s gonna happen when you do

Karma: Photos are just evidence of the hard work

Karma: Want a lesson?

He shifts about, his semi-erection a traitor by all considerations. This is unfair. What Karma’s suggesting is such an alien concept, and he wants to reject it on the spot, but it’s clearly doing something to him. He knows he can shut it down and just wait until he calms down… but somehow he’s hooked and curious. Maybe he’ll hate himself for it later, but…

Nagisa: As long as you delete it after.

Nagisa: And no explicit photos.

Karma: What are you wearing?

Nagisa: What’s that supposed to mean?

Karma: Well if you’re not sending photos, you’re gonna have to use your words

Nagisa: My work clothes?

Karma: Nagisa.

Nagisa: Shirt, waistcoat, tie, normal trousers. I haven’t had the chance to get changed yet.

Karma: Don’t let me stop you

Karma: Take them off.

He bites his lip, a semi shudder coming over him. Even though it’s just a text message, he can practically hear Karma’s voice in his head. He’s not sure what tone he would use… maybe something light and teasing… or else more dark and commanding. He’s a little embarrassed that he prefers the latter. Though, it’s enough to get him to actually do it, fumbling his way out of his clothes, though he leaves the boxers.

Nagisa: Okay.

Karma: Does this mean you went out commando?

Karma: I have to say, I didn’t expect you to be that bold

Nagisa: I didn’t!

Karma: Well you should have mentioned it then

Karma: Are they still on?

He kind of wants to sink into the floor and die.

Nagisa: Yes.

Karma: Good

Karma: Which ones?

Karma’s a lot of things, absolutely, a genius being one of them. That being said, Nagisa highly doubts that he’s actually memorised every pair of underwear he’s ever worn in his presence. Well, that wouldn’t be too hard actually, since he’s literally only ever worn the same pair each time. Not that Nagisa spends much of his time choosing acceptable underwear for whenever they meet or anything… but he’s kind of self conscious about the rest. It’s not like he ever considered who else might see them when he bought them!

Nagisa: They’re just normal?

Karma: C’mon~ You have to give me something

Karma: What colour?

Nagisa: Plain white?

He can’t believe this is actually happening. Despite all the sex and everything… having a legitimate conversation with Karma about the colour of his underwear is just weird. Is Karma actually getting enjoyment from this? Well, okay, maybe that’s not what he should be questioning. It’s not even worth the mental energy it would take to figure out. The guy regularly eats ghost chillies and enjoys them.

Karma: I haven’t seen those ones

Nagisa: Well yeah, they’re nothing special.

Karma: So you dress up whenever you come to see me?

He hates his life. He wants to scream that no, that isn’t true. Except it kind of is and that the very least, Nagisa isn’t a liar. This is not a conversation line he wants to continue with, though. Knowing Karma, he’s never going to let him live it down if he admits to it. And Nagisa’s better off without that kind of torment in his life. Maybe it’s better to just change the subject.

Nagisa: Um

Nagisa: How about you?

Nagisa: I mean what are you… wearing?

Admittedly, he does actually drop his hand when a photo comes through. He’s about to yell, because he literally said no to those, but then he actually focuses in on the non-pornographic image. Actually, he frowns for a moment, because he doesn’t really get it. All it is is a picture of Karma’s bedroom floor, messy since there’s clothes strewn over it. Why would he… oh. He gets it. If there are clothes on the floor, and they used to be on Karma’s body…

He’s incredibly disappointed with himself for getting just a tiny bit harder at that. It’s ridiculous that this frankly stupid conversation is doing anything to him at all. Who gets a boner looking at a floor?!

Nagisa: You’ll wrinkle up your shirt if you leave it like that.

Karma: I don’t even like that one

Karma: Where are your priorities?

Nagisa: I’m not good at this kind of thing…

Karma: I don’t know

Karma: You got me out of my clothes already

Karma: You can’t be that bad

Nagisa: You did that all on your own.

Karma: True

Karma: But it’s more fun to do it together

Nagisa: I don’t really know what that means.

Karma: What would you do if I was there?

Nagisa’s pretty sure Karma won’t like the honest answer to that. It probably involves tackling him in a non-sexy way and gagging him in an equally non-sexy way. In truth, he knows if he’s truly that annoyed by all of this he can straight up ignore him. So there’s definitely a part of him that’s cooked on this, even if Karma still seems to be actively trying to irritate him.

Nagisa: I don’t know? Talk to you?

Karma: What about when we’re both naked?

It’s hard to contain his fight/flight response. Nagisa doesn’t even have an answer for the question. He’s definitely more comfortable with the sex stuff now, for sure, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to talk about it. They don’t really… talk. Karma explains things to him sometimes, but they don’t just have discussions about everything, and if they do it’s not for any purposes like this.

He’s not completely sure what Karma actually wants him to say. A description, maybe? Perhaps if Nagisa closes his eyes and thinks, he can up with something. It’s not like he’s completely blank when it comes to ideas of what he’d do. In fact, fantasies of all the possible things he and Karma could do naked together were a permanent fixture in his brain at this point. But actually writing them into words? He has no idea how to do that.

Nagisa: Kiss, maybe

Karma is typing…

Once again, he considers throwing his phone across the room. He can barely even bring himself to look at the screen. It’s ridiculous, considering everything. But he hasn’t directly told Karma he wants to kiss him before, not really. The first time, he’d just done it. And it’s a lot easier to ask for things when he’s right there in the heat of the moment, too preoccupied to think of anything else.

He does want it, though. Kisses with Karma are almost as good as sex itself. The more he kisses Karma, the more he’s even more sure he shouldn’t have got the best grade in class. Whenever he kisses Karma he’s too distracted to even think about things like technique. His body heats up at his most recent memories, the idea of Karma eating him alive…

Karma: Hm

Karma: So innocent, Nagisa~

Karma: Here I am naked and all you want to do is kiss

Nagisa: That’s literally what YOU wanted to do last time.

Karma: But you weren’t naked at that point

Karma: I wouldn’t have been able to resist otherwise

Karma: It’s not like kissing you is a chore, though

Karma: It’s pretty fun actually, especially the face you make when I slide down to your neck

Nagisa: No

Karma: No?

Nagisa: I literally still have hickeys and I’m almost out of shirts that hide them. You’re not going anywhere near my neck again.

Karma: There’s no way you bruised for that long

Karma: You’re probably just being dramatic

Karma: I didn’t even do it that hard

Nagisa: You seriously don’t believe me?

Karma: I think you’re overthinking it

More than anything, Nagisa’s actually annoyed. Karma did this to him and now he won’t even believe him? This is ridiculous. Honestly, he’s not sure how many hickeys Karma’s administered throughout his life, but he’s clearly not some kind of expert on this because he’s wrong. Why would Nagisa even lie about it? Frustrated, he taps on the camera icon, flipping it around to selfie mode and snapping a quick shot because apparently he needs proof.

Nagisa: img_2033829.jpg

Nagisa: Look!

Karma: You’re right, that does look pretty marked still

Karma: Why don’t you tilt your neck and show them off some more?                    

Karma: Since we’re sending photos now apparently

The sad thing is, Nagisa literally almost does it. He gets as far as the camera interface again before he releases exactly what he just did. Maybe it’s not the most explicit image every, but he hadn’t exactly been paying attention to much else other than the evidence of the hickeys. Even objectively, the angle of the photo he sent looks suggestive. His face isn’t really in it, but you can tell he’s shirtless, and then there’s the marks themselves…

Considering how much he expressed he was opposed to photos earlier, Nagisa feels like an idiot.

Karma: Fine, I’ll leave your neck clear next time

Karma: Maybe I should really try though, if you bruise this easy

Karma: Somewhere no-one else will see it, of course

Nagisa: Okay

Karma: Maybe I’ll combine it with the blowjob

Nagisa: I thought you said I wasn’t getting it anymore?

Karma: If you earn it

Nagisa: I’m not sending more photos.

Karma: Relax, I didn’t say that

Karma: Tell me what you want?

Karma: In detail, obviously

Nagisa’s hands tremble a little over the keyboard. Is this really okay? Admittedly, the photo thing might have actually relaxed him. It doesn’t make too much sense why, but he supposes it’s proof nothing too bad is going to happen. This is what Karma wants from him, and even if he’s not entirely sold on the concept, it’s not like he’s not having a physical reaction to this. Maybe if he just tries really hard to imagine.

Nagisa: You mean how I want you to

Nagisa: um…

Karma: What, can’t do it?

Nagisa: I want to be on your sofa.

Karma: You want to look down at me?

Nagisa: It’s funny whenever you’re shorter.

Karma: Kind of sounds like a fetish

Nagisa: I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that.

Karma: It’s not a bad thing

Nagisa: I really don’t know how to do this…

Nagisa: Show me?

Karma: Knowing you, you’d already be half hard by the time I got down on the floor. I’d probably have to pull your legs apart myself, too. You’ll be looking at me like you hate me, but you’ll forget that when I start liking you. I’m not making it easy for you. You’re pretty expressive, did you know that? That’s why I’ll take my time, until you look like you’re about to cry. Maybe if I’m feeling nice, I’ll take you all the way into my mouth at once, just so I can feel your legs shaking around my head.

He screams internally… and maybe a tiny bit externally. What… What was that? Nagisa reads it first and it’s like a spike of fire rushes through him. He reads it again and, whilst a tiny bit insulted in parts, feels himself actually start to shake. Like some kind of instinct, his hand flies down to at least apply some kind of pressure to his groin, and he gasps a little as soon as it finds its destination.

Nagisa: Can I grip your hair?

Karma: Mmm

Karma: As long as you behave yourself

Nagisa: What’s that supposed to mean?

Karma: You’re going to get what I give to you and take it

Karma: Though, maybe if you ask nicely…

Karma: I’ll do it faster

Nagisa: maybe

Nagisa: if you use your tongue as well

Karma: Think you’ll be able to take it?

Karma: If I do that you’ll end up begging for more too fast, I’m not sure if you can take it

Nagisa: I can take it

Karma: So

Karma: Are you hard yet?

Nagisa: What do you think?

Karma: Underwear still on?

Nagisa: Yeah

In fact, he’s actually a little concerned with the condition of his boxers. From the growing wet patch in them, at least, he’s going to need to wash them as soon as possible. Not that that’s his top concern. Honestly, it’s getting harder and harder to resist just jerking himself off, the things Karma’s suggesting playing out vividly in his imagination.

Karma: Get comfy and take them off

Karma: Don’t rush, though

Karma: Imagine I’m the one doing it

He does exactly as he says, lying out on his bed and putting the phone down for a moment. At first it feels a little weird, but he feels relief the moment he peels the band of his underwear down. Even though Karma’s not actually there to judge him, he makes sure he does it slowly. If he closes his eyes, just for a moment, he really can pretend that it’s Karma’s hands on him, caressing his thighs as he goes and making all his hairs stand on end.

He picks up his phone again like a dying man thirsting for water.

Nagisa: you too

Karma: Already beat you to it

Karma: I’ve been on edge all day

Karma: How am I supposed to concentrate on work when all I can think about is bending you over my desk?

Nagisa: not my fault

Karma: It kind of is

Karma: So take some responsibility

Karma: Touch yourself

Nagisa: ok

Trying to stroke himself and hold his phone at the same time is a little difficult. He does sigh in relief, though, after holding himself off for so long. He already feels like he could be close, if he really went for it, though it’s like they’ve barely even started. It’s unfair how differently it hits when Karma’s the one telling him to do it. Just knowing that Karma’s thinking about him too…

Karma: What are you thinking about?

Nagisa: you  everythib feekbs good

He doesn’t even pay attention to the screen for a moment, focusing on stroking himself in just the right way. But when his phone pings with a notification, and he practically scrambles to read it. To his surprise, though, there’s no message. Instead, their chat shows up with an audio clip, just a few seconds long. Nagisa feels his nerve spike up, before braving pressing the play button.

“Typing with one hand getting to you already~?

“S-shut up” he says back, barely registering how breathy he sounds.

Karma’s reply comes back almost immediately. “Get better at multitasking and maybe I will.”

Nagisa pauses his motions for a second, and replays the message. No, he can definitely hear it, if he’s not mistaken… There’s definitely some sort of rustling going on in the background, which means that surely, Karma’s jerking himself off too. He can’t help but feel weirdly proud of that, even if this entire thing is Karma’s idea and honestly he hasn’t done much himself.

Another voice clip comes through. “You still haven’t told me what you’re thinking about.”

His voice is dark, leading. It twists around in Nagisa’s gut. “I-I’m…” he can’t completely get it out, moaning shallowly. “Karma…”

He doesn’t actually mean to send the clip at all. If anything, recording something actually intelligible is a better idea. But yet… he’s losing track of any of his ideas. He wishes Karma could actually be with him, oddly. It would definitely be more satisfying. How’s he going to last without seeing him until the weekend? He could almost die without it.

Then, his phone vibrates a little, indicating a phone call. He accepts it like second nature.

“H-hi?”

“You sound so wrecked.”

He lets out a gasp, stroking himself at a particularly good angle. “W-why did you-“

“It wasn’t that efficient,” he laughs lightly. “Are you almost there already?”

“Maybe,” he admits, it barely escaping his mouth amongst his heavy breaths.

At the very least, he’s rewarded by a low groan. “How does it feel?”

“Good,” he lets out. “Really… nice…”

“So, thinking about anything?”

He just gives in. “You. I wish you were here.”

There’s a pause. “I wish I was there too. The things I’d do…”

“L-like what?”

“I’d be in you already,” he still sounds nonchalant. “However you want it. Can you do it with your hand?”

His eyes squeeze shut, and he gasps again as he speeds up, detaching himself from the very real fact that Karma’s there. His phone pretty much slips out of his grasp, at that point, so he quickly jams on speaker mode and embraces it all. If he tries hard enough, he can even imagine that he actually is there with him.

Nagisa’s slightly aware that Karma’s saying something, but his brain is in no shape to actually process the information. It doesn’t matter… just his voice in general is enough to keep him going. As his heart thumps out of his chest, and all his muscles tense in preparation.

“I’m so close,” he admits, half sobbing it out.

Karma lets out some kind of curse. “Yeah? Let yourself go, then. C’mon, come for me.”

He doesn’t even have the capacity to hate that he actually does. Or to think much at all as his body snaps like a rubber band and he’s holding onto reality like a thread. He’s definitely not thinking that practically, because he releases pretty dramatically all over his hand and stomach, stroking himself through it until it’s almost painful and he feels like he could sleep for a decade. He almost forgets that Karma’s even there.

“U-um,” he finally breathes out.

“Have fun?” Karma teases.

“D-do you need-“

His smile is almost audible. “I appreciate the concern, but you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Oh.”

“Got there already.”

“Oh.”

“Did I break you or something?”

Shakily, Nagisa attempts to sit up, picking the phone up with the hand that isn’t soiled. “I’m okay.”

“Sounded like more than okay,” Karma pushes, before letting out a sigh.

He blinks, coming more back to himself and the situation. And then something in his stomach twists in a way that’s not so pleasant. Like he can’t believe any of that just happened. And they’re still on the call, and he has cum all over his hand and this just isn’t an ideal situation at all. But he can’t just run over to the sink, his phone’s still on speaker. He looks at the discarded underwear, already soiled, cringes… and then wipes his hand off.

“If it makes you feel better, I haven’t done this before either.”

“What?”

Karma sighs again, with purpose. “Well, I’ve never bothered to make it a phone call.”

“H-hah… uhm, thanks?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to play along so much,” he says, “but you’re surprising recently.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

“D-did you,” he swallows, “really mean all of that?”

Karma takes a second. “If you want me to.”

The fact that he twitches, after getting off so hard, is a little alarming. “I-I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodnight~”

He really does toss his phone, this time, as soon as the call cuts out. Only across the mattress, but it still feels like the right thing to do. The only sound left in the room is the hammering of his own heart, which again is mildly alarming. Instead of easing the longing, that entire conversation’s just made him even more impatient to see Karma again.

He brings himself to get up, though. There’s only so long he can put up with sitting like that before getting into the shower. He can’t help but look back at his phone, over his shoulder, and wonder. A small smile creeps its way onto his face. Maybe… Karma really has been thinking about him all day, rather than just making fun of him.

Strangely, that makes him feel pleased.

Sometimes, sex feels like a hurricane. Being tossed about, not knowing quite where he’ll end up. He likes the unpredictable nature of it, his stomach tight with anticipation, yet full of what can only be described as butterflies.

They’d ended up like that, somehow. Not that they’re even undressed yet. Usually, that’s the first thing that happens, but they’d been so distracted by the kissing that they ended up on the bed. Somehow, Nagisa doesn’t even care. It doesn’t even feel like sex is on the horizon at all, if he’s honest. But he’s content with the making out. Even though what they’re doing… more constitutes play wrestling.

For once, Nagisa’s actually fighting back against Karma’s half-hearted pins. He’s not making it too difficult to break free at all, his legs strong enough to get leverage and flip them both over. Like that, they’ve been exchanging the position and rolling over each other quite frequently, all the while trying to maintain the kiss. It ends in a lot of slightly uncomfortable mouth smashing, which has mostly caused them to giggle through it too.

“Karma,” he sighs, pushing against his chest as he plants his lips on his neck. “I said no to that.”

“I’m not giving you a hickey,” Karma mutters against his skin.

Then, like the mature man he is, he moves up and essentially blows a raspberry against his cheek.

Nagisa twists away immediately. “Karma!”

“You said stop so I stopped,” he says with fake innocence.

He shoves against his shoulder and tries his best to actually mean it. Karma just laughs even harder at him, though. Yeah, okay, Nagisa doesn’t stand much chance of actually moving him, but… It’s not funny! Is Karma aware of how annoying he actually is? Nagisa would probably go with yes, for that assessment, but even then surely there’s a line.

“Nagisa~” He pokes him in the cheek. “What’s with the look?”  

“I’m not giving you any looks.”

Ever dramatic, Karma lets out a deep sigh. “You’re doing the squinty eye thing.”

Too much talking. “Just… take your shirt off.”

He cracks a smile. “Don’t objectify me.”

“I wasn’t-“

Karma kisses him again and he forgets. Sometimes, Nagisa just likes him better shirtless. That’s all. There’s nothing wrong with it.  He’s pretty sure Karma likes Karma better shirtless too honestly. Funnily enough, though, Karma doesn’t actually remove the shirt at all, pretty much leaving it to Nagisa to grasp at the hem and tug it up. It’s easier said than done, when he’s so distracted by the kisses and the weight of him lying between his legs.

Then, all of a sudden, comes an obnoxiously loud jingle.  

“Oh,” Karma pulls away. “Food.”

The thing is, Nagisa was there when he ordered it. He’d known that food was coming. And yet, he can’t help but feel completely irritated with its arrival. They were just in the middle of something! He’s sporting a semi and everything! Nowadays, Nagisa’s talent for just ignoring erections until they go away is weakened. His body is just so used to actually dealing with it.

He drags himself up when he hears the door close, at least, straightening out his clothes. Looking quickly in the mirror, too, he smooths down his hair, sighing as there’s nothing he can really do to fix his swollen lips. He stares his reflection in the eye and takes a deep breath, with some vague hope that will quell the horniness. For now, at least.

Karma seems unbothered, rubbing the cheap disposable chopsticks that came with the meal together. Apparently he couldn’t be bothered to cook, that day, but Nagisa can’t be disappointed when sushi’s the replacement. And it’s good sushi, too, not just from a chain. As much as Nagisa loves rotary sushi bars, there’s also definitely a place in his heart for other styles.

“Thanks for the food,” he sits opposite Karma at the kotatsu.

He shrugs. “You don’t have to just look at it.”

It seems odd to eat before they actually do anything. Karma had insisted it would be okay, since sushi’s not that heavy and it’s not like he’ll digest it in time for anything bad to happen. He barely even cares when he takes a bite. Karma’s right, it is good. He can’t help but react to the flavours dancing around his mouth. The quality’s so good, he might actually prefer to just sit around and eat it all night rather than have sex.

Karma looks amused, and Nagisa wonders if he just said that out loud.

“Uhm,” he shies away a little, turning his head in an attempt to hide the flush on his cheeks. “I di-din’t mean-“

“I’m not offended,” Karma says casually. “If you’d rather sleep with the fishes.”

He frowns. “That’s either violent, or you don’t know what that phrase actually means.”

“Yes yes,” he leans forward, eyes sharpening, “Sensei.”

Nagisa’s stomach twists in a way he really doesn’t like. “Karma!”

He laughs menacingly, almost like a cackle. “You should see your face.”

He takes another mouthful of sushi, because that’s definitely a better option than engaging with it.       Nagisa can’t really complain too much, though, since Karma’s actually the one who paid for it. He can put up with his antics in the name of free sushi. Besides, it’s not exactly like he hates Karma’s company either… sure he’s annoying, but there’s a part of it that keeps Nagisa on his toes. He has no way of predicting what Karma’s planning. And he enjoys it. Not that he’d ever admit that out loud.

Karma dips a piece of salmon nigiri into way too much soy sauce. “So, how was your week?”

“You mean after you spammed my phone during an important meeting?”

He has the nerve to nod. “Yeah, after.”

It’s not like they don’t regularly message each other. Karma already knows this. “Kind of tiring. My students aren’t really used to exams yet, and it’s hard to motivate them to actually study.”

“What, they haven’t killed you yet?”

Nagisa hums. “Maybe I’m being a bit hard on them, they’re only twelve after all. They… don’t even try as much anymore.”

Karma tilts his head. “They’re probably planning something big. Or, they just like you or something.”

A part of him would be happy if that’s actually the case. During his time at Paradise, some reluctant respect was pretty much all he could settle for. His class now are too fresh to be bitter with the pressures of school, and he’s tried his best to preserve the spirit. He can’t really disappointed with their general incredibly good behaviour.

“How about you?”

Karma immediately looks bothered. “Kind of crappy, actually.”

Well now Nagisa actually wants to know. “Uhm… Did something happen?”

“I’ve told you about Kawasaki right?”

“War crimes guy?”

“No that’s Katayama. Kawasaki’s the communist.”

“Right.”

Karma’s burnt too many bridges at work for Nagisa to keep track.  

“I told you he’s cheating on his wife with my boss’s secretary?”

Nagisa smiles awkwardly. “You used to get me drunk so I’d forget all this.”

Apparently that makes no difference. “So it turns out that she’s knocked up, right? But instead of just paying her off he got all emotional about it. I think he told his wife or something but she didn’t accept it so she poisoned the bento she gave him for lunch.”

“Wait, what?”

His gaze darts across the table for a moment. “Food poisoning, I mean. She let the meat go bad. But because he’s an emotional idiot, he gave it to the receptionist.”

“He fed a pregnant woman bad meat at work?”

“The ambulance came and everything,” Karma nods seriously. “Which put Kawasaki in a crappy mood all day. He was all ‘I’ve murdered a woman and child’ but in an annoying way, you know? He’s clearly never actually been in a life of death situation.”

“…He didn’t go with her?”

Karma sighs. “I said he was an emotional idiot, that doesn’t stop him from being an asshole. But it gets even juicier. So whilst she’s in the hospital, she gets a paternity test. And it turns out that Kawasaki wasn’t even the father.”

This feels like a soap opera. “She told him at work?”

“No,” Karma says, “but the actual father turned out to be Katayama.”

“War crimes guy.”

“Right. So Kawasaki started a punch up the next morning, honestly it looked like he’d been drinking all night. Which meant there was another ambulance. He packed an impressive punch, actually. But he and the receptionist ended up getting fired. Did I mention our boss is Kawasaki’s wife’s brother in law? Well, ex wife now. And ex boss.”

“I feel like I need a relationship diagram for this.” Nagisa’s lips pressed together. “That sounds… stressful.”

“Oh,” he waves him off. “I don’t care about them. But all the reception duties got given to me. Do you know how much extra paperwork I had to do because of this? I might poison Kawasaki myself.”

So if the country’s economy collapses in the next week or so, Nagisa knows who to blame. He almost doesn’t believe Karma, but there’s too much for him to have made up for a joke. Plus… he can sense when Karma’s being genuine. As far as he knew, even getting into a job like that is ridiculously difficult. Perhaps all these people were so busy studying during their youth they never got to get past the high school drama phase. Not that Nagisa’s one to judge that.

“It sounds tough,” he says a little awkwardly. “Is that why you were bored?”

“Proofreading budget reports isn’t my idea of fun,” he says.

Nagisa smiles. “I’m glad I don’t have that kind of work drama.”

“They need to get out some more,” he says. “Someone’s gonna end up taxing the wrong person just because they’re mad or something.”

“It’s a hard job,” Nagisa says.

“He was incompetent anyway.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Nagisa!” Karma pouts.

Is it weird to think… Karma’s kind of cute like this? He knows it’s ridiculous, because how can someone like Karma be cute? And yet, his pouty face, barely even concealing his smile… and the way his eyes go all wide like a kid. There’s something about it that Nagisa reach across the table and pinch his cheeks. Maybe he’d try it if it wouldn’t just end in being attacked.

“You’re the one who wanted to get food,” Nagisa says, “you should eat it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes.

Nagisa likes this. It’s not like sex has taken over every aspect of their relationship, but it can’t exactly feel like they’re just hanging out afterwards. But this? It’s so natural for them he almost forgets how they spent the first part of the evening making out. Nagisa can’t say that he hates what their time together has become, but he does like this too.

“Eat your food Nagisa”, Karma mocks.

It takes him a second to realise he’s been swirling his chopsticks around aimlessly in the soy sauce.

“I-I’m finished,” he pushes his plate away.

Karma takes a piece of sushi into his mouth, and admittedly they’ve eaten almost all of it. “Let’s go clean up then.”

Nagisa hasn’t witnessed the dishes happening since their lessons started. Not that Karma cooked for him super often either. But nowadays… Nagisa supposes he usually just does it after he leaves. He also can’t miss the way Karma said it… like he wants Nagisa to help? Not that Nagisa minds! He knows that being a good guest involves things like this.

It’s still pretty strange to see Karma actually cleaning, though, scrubbing the few dishes they used. Of course Nagisa knows that he does clean, clearly, but it’s still odd to see Karma getting his hands dirty. There’s not exactly much room for Nagisa to help, so he elects to pick up the dish towel and get to drying. Not exactly a glamorous job, but at least it’s something.

Karma hums. “It feels weird to clean up after delivery food. Usually the advantage of that is you can just throw it out.”

“How come you usually cook so much?”

He looks over at Nagisa, turning off the tap. “Well… It tastes better than anything else? Plus you get to stab things with knives after a stressful day.”

…so violence.

Karma reaches over, taking the towel from him. “What?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Nothing?”

He reaches over, tucking a piece of Nagisa’s hair behind his ear, and he feels strange. Like this, Nagisa doesn’t even know what to do, but he feels like he could kiss him. Not because it’ll feel good or turn him on or anything. He just… wants to. How can he help it? With Karma’s touch, whether he means to or not, he finds himself leaning in.

“Don’t kiss me,” Karma says, “you have fish breath.”

“I- No I don’t.”

Karma whips the dish towel over his shoulder. “Do too. Here, open your mouth.”

There’s no world in which that’s not threatening. Weirdly enough, Nagisa does actually do it, but it’s weird to just be standing here like this. Knowing Karma, he could be planning something quite terrible. He looks pleased with himself, too. But then he pops a breath mint on Nagisa’s tongue, before putting one in his own mouth. Oh.

At least he eats one too.

The next thing Nagisa knows, he’s trapped against the kitchen counter, Karma’s arms planted on either side of his body, and he’s being thoroughly kissed. Of course, Nagisa responds immediately, finding himself on his tiptoes, arms wound around Karma’s neck. It’s an uncomfortable angle for his neck, but he can’t really mind it with all of the distractions.

“C’mon,” Karma says when he’s forced to take a breath. “I have an idea.”

There’s just the tiniest twinge of apprehension at the undefined ‘idea’ Karma’s cooking up. But, honestly, he’s more interested in what that idea could actually be. When they reach the bedroom, though, nothing out of the ordinary is happening. Karma kisses him again, walking him backwards as he digs his hands under his shirt, willing it to come off.

This time, there’s no clothing inequality, as Karma allows Nagisa to do the same to him. Maybe it’s a little awkward, their tangle of limbs, but he really doesn’t care. The point is that they end up down to their underwear in very little time, and Nagisa’s descent down onto the bed comes both naturally and before he can even figure out what’s happening.

Karma doesn’t join him though. “Wait there.”

What, like Nagisa’s going to get up and leave? He does try to lean back on his elbows, peering over at him. He carefully opens up the wardrobe for a moment, and Nagisa honestly can’t help but wonder if he’s going to tie him up or something. Admittedly… there’s a part of him that wouldn’t mind that.

He turns back with something in his hands, though. “We haven’t taken this out yet.”

It takes Nagisa a second to recognise what it actually is. Right. He’d actually forgotten they even bought all of those sex toys, which seems ridiculous considering the lasting trauma from that day. Nagisa’s since resolved to never step into a Don Quixote again. But… maybe they’ve been distracted by other things.

“Uhm,” he shifts, “which one’s that?”

Karma looks oddly excited over it. “Just something basic. It vibrates.” And then he switches it on, as though he has to prove it.

Nagisa really tries his best to keep calm, though he’s not sure how successful that is. Theoretically agreeing to this kind of thing on paper was a different feeling. Of course he trusts Karma, but he’s not sure what to expect. The only very vaguely penis shaped vibrator honestly looks more like some kind of torture device, if he had to make any guess. In Karma’s hands, it probably is.

“Hey,” Karma says, essentially straddling the end of his legs, “you ready?”

He turns his head away for a second. “I-I guess…”

“Nagisa,” he says flatly. “Here.”

Nagisa squeaks in surprise at the sensation, being pressed right up to his stomach. It’s almost like… being tickled but more intense. He squirms away on instinct, but Karma casually follows him, dragging the device in one big circle. It takes him a second to even realise that Karma’s just trying to demonstrate it to him. That thought makes him calm down, and when he takes a deep breath he realises he’s getting a little more used to it.

Honestly, it just feels strange more than anything. He can’t exactly describe it as pleasure or anything like that… just odd. At least it’s not bad. Admittedly, he can picture how it might feel good in the right places. This entire situation is massively unknown to him, but he feels a little better about going along with this, at least since he knows it’s not going to cause him an injury or something.

“See?” Karma switches it off. “Not too bad, right?”

Nagisa swallows. “Okay.”

He does pause for a moment, though. “Are you sure?”

A part of him wants Karma to just do it before he changes his mind. “R-really. You can do whatever you want.”

A dangerous glint appears on his face. “You’ll end up regretting that.”

Lots of things happen all at once. For one, somehow he ends up flat on his back, rather than propped up. His legs are kicked apart, too, and he feels oddly lightheaded. He didn’t feel any kind of force, so he can’t help but wonder how Karma actually did this to him. He’s not complaining, though, his stomach churning with excitement.

He hears the vibrator turn on again, and this time Karma presses it against his hip bone. His skin is more sensitive there, and the vibrations feel even weirder. He doesn’t jerk away, though, so Karma carefully slides down and presses it against his groin. He’s pretty much completely hard in an instant, which makes his head spin even more.

It definitely feels different to before. Of course, it’s instantly good, even though it’s so different from the sensation of being stroked. Almost too good, actually, on the edge of genuine pain. He doesn’t want Karma to stop, though. His back arches up automatically, arm flinging out to attempt to grip the bedsheets, at though that’ll help him.

“Told you you’d like it,” Karma says smugly.

Nagisa tries to give him a dirty look, but he can’t quite help it, mouth falling open instead. Karma decides to take that as a sign to work his underwear off, which of course causes his erection to spring out. Karma barely wastes any time, pressing the entire length of it up against him. He really does shriek, then, his senses overloaded.

His hand immediately releases from the cover and slams into his mouth. He’s practically biting down like that, trying to contain the screams he’s close to producing. Karma leans over him casually, shifting the angle he’s holding it at every now and then. Everything feels good, weirdly, though in different ways. He almost loses it entirely when it’s pressed right under his head.

“More?”

Nagisa can barely do anything through his shaking, but he thinks he manages to nod. Instantly, though, he regrets it because the stimulation is taken away. At the same time, though, he’s curious about what ‘more’ could even possibly mean. How can it even feel better? He still feels some residual vibrations rushing through him.

He’s at least vaguely aware of Karma reaching over him, grabbing a bottle of lube and getting a bit on his fingers. Nagisa can only whine when he puts them in, only stroking against his entrance for a moment before. His head is still spinning so hard he can’t feel any real discomfort from it. It’s like they just skipped all the stages of building up, right to the point where it feels impossibly good.

Karma doesn’t spend much time on that, though, slipping his fingers out just to replace them. Nagisa hadn’t expected this. It honestly feels really strange. He’s never had something in him that isn’t flesh. This is more solid and cold, even if it doesn’t feel bad. He is a little aware that he’s naturally resisting it, though.

But then he turns it on again and Nagisa can’t breathe.

He thrashes like wild, like he has no control over his body anymore. It’s just like before, except so much deeper, and takes over everything. It kind of removes his capacity to even question what’s happening. It’s just so… good different to anything he’s felt before. Totally overwhelming, and yet… not quite enough still.

As soon as he even thinks it, Karma shifts the position, and he’s pretty sure he does actually scream himself hoarse. The vibrations are suddenly grinding right into his prostate, and he can’t take it anymore. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been, but he can’t hold himself back. Everything’s too good and too much.

“Karma,” he whines, “c-close.”

Instead of speeding up, though, Karma just turns it off. “Okay, let’s try something else.”

What?!

Nagisa can’t even form words, he’s too shocked. Maybe he’s literally in shock. To be in such near orgasmic bliss… to nothing? But Karma really seems to mean it, because he pulls the vibrator out of him, tossing it aside like it’s nothing. And then, to make matters worse, he gets up, going back over to the wardrobe.

He’s genuinely too dazed to say much about it, as Karma takes his time looking through things. Eventually, though, he picks up another item. Nagisa can’t really tell what it is, his vision blurred around the edges like he’s drunk or something. Tentatively, he reaches down with his shaking hand, pumping himself swiftly, like scratching an impossible itch.

“Nuh uh,” he turns again, grabbing two ties. Nagisa’s hand freezes, and he can only watch as Karma holds them up against each other. “I didn’t say you could do that.”

He finally finds the will to speak. “What-“

“Just figuring out which one’s the ugliest,” he says casually, before he pounces back on him again, roughly gripping Nagisa’s wrists and tying them together. He pushes down hard, trapping his arms above his head. “Keep them still.”

Nagisa’s not expecting to be kissed, honestly. Not that there’s much he can do to resist it, from his position. He tries his best to return it, but he’s not sure how pleasant or coordinated his lips are. It feels nice, though, grounding. His arousal hasn’t burned away at all, but at least that way Karma makes it all feel more rational.

He gasps out, thrashing, when Karma pushes whatever it is into him. It feels even weirder than the vibrator, narrowing and widening like a series of balls. It’s stimulating, honestly, as it goes in. Nagisa’s almost already back to where he was, closer and closer to the edge. Before he can express as much, though, Karma bunches up the other tie and shoves it into his mouth.

“Sounded like you needed this,” he explains, before drawing the toy out and slamming it back in again.

If Nagisa’s mind had been clearer, maybe he would have minded, but honestly he feels grateful. It feels good to be able to bite down on something as he loses his mind. Especially now Karma’s moving, the widest parts of the toy hitting him in the best ways. Embarrassingly, he vaguely realises he’s drooling around the material.

“You should see yourself,” Karma says coolly, running his spare hand down the length of Nagisa’s torso, now way over sensitive.

All he can do is muffle out a moan.  

“Which toy do you like best?”

Even if he could physically reply, Nagisa didn’t know what to say. He’s not thinking about the finer details of something like that at all. Karma resumes pumping it in and out of him again, even harder and deeper than before, so Nagisa stops thinking about the question entirely. One again, he knows he’s seizing up, so close to reaching that peak and Karma’s not even touching his erection.

Karma leans over him, then, and lets go of the toy. He wants to yell out in frustration. Even though he didn’t take it out of him… he was so close. He can feel his orgasm, cresting just slightly under the surface of his skin. But it’s still every so slightly out of his reach. It’s not like he can just force it out of himself… Especially now they’re still.

Uncaring, Karma presses a kiss to his cheek, a smile on his face that feels like the most frustrating part of all of this. Torturing him like this… it’s definitely intentional. He moves down to his neck then, followed by his chest, leaving soft caresses and kisses all over his body. Of course it feels good, maybe even ‘nice’ would be a better word. But it’s maddening. What Nagisa’s body needs is so clear, and he has no way of getting it.

High strung like this, the rest of the world begins to fade away entirely. Like he and Karma are the only ones who matter. Karma who, he realises, he’s dependant on. He can’t move at least, not like this, so what else can he do except fall into it? A part of him feels warm, like he knows he’s going to be okay somehow. Even though Karma’s the one making him like this in the first place.

Then, Karma dives low enough to take his woefully ignored erection into his mouth, and Nagisa feels warm all over. He’d teetered away from the edge in all that time, and the thing is the sensation is different enough that it doesn’t immediately just cause him to explode. Karma’s taking his time, too, just toying with him more than anything. His legs are shaking hard enough to prevent him from seriously bucking his hips back up into it, so al he can do is lie there and take it.

He’d almost forgotten just how good at this Karma is. But, as he runs his tongue carefully across his tip, dipping just slightly into the slit, gagged or not Nagisa almost sounds out with the force of his entire body. As if that’s not enough, Karma swallows around him properly once more, just slightly scrapping him with his teeth as he starts moving the toy again.

It’s far too much for him to deal with. But Nagisa finds he has no desire to stop. If anything… he starts to really keen into it, clenching down a little. This is how Karma wants him. Desperate and dependant, incapable of doing anything but going along with the onslaught of the strangest kind of torment. And he likes being this way.

The next time Karma stops, pulling the toy out and letting him slide out of his mouth with a heavy sigh, Nagisa feels half dead. What more can there possibly be? He’s so exhausted, and yet still so desperate. Almost like this might actually be his permanent state of being from now on, always stuck on this edge. Even though he can’t take much more…

“Hey,” Karma reaches out, wiping his under eyes. It’s the only thing that makes Nagisa realise he’s crying, because he can’t even feel the tears himself. “Almost there.”

He clenches his teeth around the tie.

Karma strokes his face for a moment, before pulling the tie away from him. It’s only then, as a rush of air comes when he gasps, that Nagisa realises just how much he wasn’t focusing on breathing. All he can do is whimper in confusion. Is Karma just going to stop? Leave him like this? So desperate but so out of reach?

“Please let me come,” he whispers, tone begging.

Karma just nods. “Anything you want.”

He’s not entirely sure if he can verbalise it. All he knows is he wants Karma, because Karma’s weight will make him feel more real. He can barely move his legs like this, but he attempts to spread them apart further, back arching. This. He just needs… this. He’s already at his limit.

It almost seems like Karma’s going to go away, for a moment, leaving Nagisa’s vision. Before he can fully panic, though, he does come back, his face concentrated. Nagisa hisses, when his hands run down his hips and thighs, as though that’s enough at this point to set him off. Like he’s been so broken down that any touch will do.

Karma has to lift his legs and hips into the right position, so that he’s coiled around him. Like that, he pushes in, and there’s barely even a hint of resistance. Nagisa’s never been so open and pliant like this before, but Karma’s a perfect fit somehow. Karma takes a hold of his wrists, and moves them over his own head, so it’s almost like Nagisa’s clutching him around the neck.

When he moves, Nagisa can only take it, gasping and trying to maintain the tension in his neck and shoulders. This sensation, he figures, he should be used to. And, yet, it’s more intense than it’s ever been, like every millimetre he shifts against his insights is enough to set him into a fiery blaze. How is it physically possible that he’s still not there?

At the very least, Karma’s not taking it easy. It’s hard, and deep. Satisfying, despite it not driving Nagisa completely to what he needs. Karma grips onto his body hard, perhaps because he’s still shaking. Though, it feels good to have him so close, like he can feel everything all of a sudden. Maybe there’s even a part of him that wouldn’t mind staying in this feeling forever. Everything else wins out, though, when he starts to feel it again. Like a light in the distance, something he knows he can reach, and yet can’t manage.  

“Karma,” he begs.

Karma’s hand grazes against his length and that’s it. It’s like a whole body spasm, and there’s nothing he can do to regain control. It’s almost as though the strength of all those times before, where he was so close, have been stored up into one. It’s blinding, his eyeballs literally rolling up, though before long his eyes are clamped shut entirely. The wildest thing is that it goes on for so long, more than he’s ever experienced before.

He’s pretty sure he didn’t literally pass out, but oddly the world goes from black to far too light within a split second, and all he can do is gasp for breath. Everything, the pulse of Karma still inside me, the feel their skin pressing together, the fabric of the tie binding his wrists… it’s so sensitive it’s on the edge of pain. His ears are ringing, too, the only real audible thing being his own heartbeat.

“..gisa. Nagisa,” Karma’s saying.

Maybe he tries to respond, but he can’t form words. He hisses, at the sensation of Karma pulling out. This time, the sensitivity really is too much. Weirdly, though, he feels so empty when he’s gone, which is unpleasant in its own right. He blinks, and realises Karma literally is gone. He’s so cold… The hairs on the back of his neck raise up, like he’s in some kind of danger. But he can’t even move.

“You’re okay,” he hears Karma’s voice properly then. “Here,” he starts to untie his wrists, tossing the tie aside.

Nagisa shivers, before he feels the warmth of Karma’s body beside him. It’s almost too much again, but after a few seconds it feels nice. He’s vaguely aware of Karma shifting him around slightly, attempting to sit him up. His body is all floppy, though, and he’s pretty much depending on Karma’s weight, leaning against his side.

He ends up practically in his lap, one of Karma’s arms around him like a hug, whilst the other strokes his hair. He whimpers and trembles like that, because it does feel nice. He can feel Karma’s heart against his back, his chest expanding with every breath which his own tries to match tempo with. Like that, things start to make a little more sense, and the electricity in him becomes more like a tolerable buzz.

“I didn’t think you’d lose your mind as much as this,” Karma says gently. “Do you feel better?”

He just about has it in him to nod, albeit slowly.

“We need to clean up,” he says, “it’ll help, okay?”

He manages to go along with it, because it’s the only concrete thing he can actually grasp. They shift slowly, until Karma’s helping him stand up. Nagisa almost immediately stumbles, but Karma’s holding him well enough. It feels more like sleepwalking, as they make it across the room to the bathroom, and Karma lets go for just a second to mess with the bath taps, before coming back and turning on the shower spray.

“Is the temperature okay?” Karma asks.

He nods again, trying his best to hold still. It can’t be too hot… not really, but it still feels intense against his skin. He adjusts to it, though, and it begins to feel more soothing than anything. Karma’s holding him again, like that, trying to direct him under the water properly. He pretty much just leans into it, sighing as his hands traverse his body, cleaning him off. Though, he does have to grimace when his thumb runs across his entrance, reminding him of ‘too sensitive’.

He’s sure they don’t stay like that for too long, because it feels like too soon when he reaches behind him to turn the water off. All he can do is just stand there, before Karma sighs and just picks him up, like a helpless baby. It’s only when he’s lowered carefully into the warm bath water that he realises why.

The bath is even nicer, the warm water encasing his body like a hug. Right there, he feels like he could just fall asleep, his muscles relaxing even more. He’s a little confused, though, to find he’s in there alone. He turns his head, though, to find Karma just kneeling at the side of the tub, watching him mostly. How odd.

“G-get a towel or something,” he says. “You shouldn’t just sit there naked.”

A smile comes across Karma’s face. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Actually alone, Nagisa holds his hand out in front of his face, staring at it. Almost like it isn’t even his. Like that, he begins to wake up properly. What did he just do? It’s not like the world’s going to implode or anything, but… was any of that really him? It feels more like, at some point, he left his own body empty like a shell, and now he’s finally come back.

Karma enters the room, then, and Nagisa snaps his head to look at him, way more alert. If Karma notices that, he doesn’t say anything about it, humming as he drops to his knees again. Nagisa tilts his head, realising he has a bottle of water. So he wasn’t just taking forever with the towel, then…

“Here,” Karma hands it to him. “I figured you might be thirsty.”

Nagisa accepts it gingerly. “Thank you.”

A part of him, now he’s more aware, really doesn’t want Karma to take care of him. It’s almost hilarious, considering how dependant he’d felt just a tiny bit before. He takes a sip of it, though, and admittedly it feels perfect and soothing down his throat. Like its own kind of peculiar bliss. He’s surprised, thinking about it, he even has the use of his voice.

“Does anything hurt?” Karma asks after a moment.

Nagisa tries his best to concentrate. “Not right now. But… maybe later.”

He nods. “Don’t try and talk too much, you’ll hurt your throat.”

He almost responds verbally, but catches himself and nods back instead.

“You know,” Karma continues nonchalantly, “because you screamed the walls down and all.”

Nagisa reacts without meaning to, annoyance spiking up within him. He splashes Karma like that, apparently apt revenge for verbal humiliation. Really, though, he actually does want him to shut up. He can barely handle his own thoughts, let alone Karma’s teasing behaviour. He doesn’t exactly feel bad about what they did… but it’s still weird.

He’s a little terrified, honestly. Nagisa likes having control of himself. Losing all his senses like he did, that should have been his worst nightmare. And yet… he surrendered so easily and willingly. He allowed Karma to do that to him. Logically, he supposes that does give him quite an element of control, but he’d forgotten that at the time. He just doesn’t understand how he’s… okay with any of it.

Karma reaches into the water than, cupping some of it and letting it pour over his head, like he’s planning on washing his hair. More, he actually does reach over and practically massage his hair. It’s not like there’s soap or shampoo or anything, so he’s not actually washing it. It does feel nice, though, and that helps him relax somewhat more.

“You don’t need to just sit here,” Nagisa says eventually. Maybe it’s a little weird that Karma’s just watching him take a bath, even if he’s the one who put him there.

“I know,” he says. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

Nagisa hates him, really. Karma’s the dumbest genius he’s ever had the misfortune of knowing. He kind of likes that he can tell Karma was being sarcastic, though. Anyone else who knew Karma might have actually taken his deadpan tone for fact. There’s subtle differences, though, at least from his judgement. Plus, it’s hard to take that kind of comment seriously when he has his hands in his hair.

“Okay,” he stretches out his arms and stands. “You should probably get up now, or your skin will go all wrinkly.”

“I don’t need-“ Nagisa starts, as Karma stretches out a hand, but he quickly cuts himself off when he really has to stand up.

Karma ends up hauling him to his feet effortlessly, which is a reminder Nagisa doesn’t really need in that moment. There’s a second, though, where he just stands there. He was never truly going to find his balance with water up to his knees, and yet he feels oddly safe. Karma’s still much taller than him, even with the height of the tub, but he’s staring down at him.

He just about manages to make it onto solid ground again, and before he even knows what’s happening, Karma grabs a spare towel. He wraps it around him like that, in a way that’s perhaps overkill, but keeps him warm with its fluffiness. Trust Karma to splash out on towels of all things. But… that’s so him. It’s almost as if Karma’s reading his mind, too, because there’s a soft amusement all across his expression, laced with something else he can’t quite place. There’s nothing to stop him from kissing him, he realises.

…he likes him.

Like, actually likes him. Really likes him. Likes him enough that he doesn’t need a justification for wanting to just kiss him. Or hold his hand. Or rest press his head into his chest and melt away from everything else. Even just getting to look at one of the soft smiles that come with a hint of blush that he hides from most people more often… Nagisa has to like him, right? What else can this be, other than some kind of illness? Not that Nagisa knows what it feels like to like someone, but right there, with his chest tight and his heart pounding, he figures this must be it.

Everything comes crashing down at once, like slamming a hammer into a wall of glass.

Nagisa’s in big trouble.

That’s what he thinks, anyway, when he’s hit in the head by a baseball. It’s not like they’re doing serious practise, times have changes since Junior High and he and Sugino are worlds apart when it comes to their athletic abilities. So, Nagisa’s probably not concussed from the impact, even though it knocks him back a little and his head’s sore.

“Nagisa! Are you okay?!”

No. No he’s not okay. And there’s no way to explain that to Sugino, not really. Nagisa’s never really been a gossip to begin with, admittedly, least of all about his own life. But there’s also the factor how utterly illogical and stupid and bad everything is. Maybe Sugino wouldn’t openly judge him for it, but that doesn’t mean he won’t look at him like he’s an idiot. Which Nagisa is fully aware he is.

Honestly, that’s the entire reason he’s spending his Saturday hanging out with Sugino, rather than seeing Karma. Not that he’s avoiding him… actively anyway. Truthfully, he doesn’t know how he’ll react the next time he sees him. It’s not like he’ll swoon on sight or anything, right? Nagisa’s not the swooning type.

“I’m fine,” he says, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s my fault for not paying attention.”

Sugino tilts his head. “Do you want to take a break?”

Nagisa hesitates for a moment. Maybe smashing baseballs around is actually a pretty good coping strategy for how he feels. But… maybe it’s better to avoid any further injuries. Besides, it’s still early in the day, which means plenty of time for more baseball. Nagisa would have felt bad, since it’s the one time of the year Sugino doesn’t really have to think about the game, but he clearly loves it so much.

They end up sitting down on the edge of a wall, not talking about much at all. Nagisa enjoys it, honestly. He’s known Sugino for long enough that it’s not uncomfortable to go a little while without speaking. He really likes how uncomplicated any part of this feels. Considering what his relationship with Karma's become recently. The last time he saw just a normal friend... it feels like so long ago. So it's nice, to not have to think too hard.

He really needs to stop thinking about Karma.

“I was surprised you suddenly wanted to hang out,” Sugino says.

Nagisa looks down. “Sorry for springing it on you.”

Sugino just waves him off. “Not at all. It’s just… No offence, but you’re not usually that proactive. Everyone’s surprised if you even read the 3E group chat nowadays.”

“I’ve been a little busy…” he admits.

“You mean hanging out with Karma so much?”

He tenses.

Sugino’s look grows even stranger. “I didn’t say that was a bad thing.”

If Sugino wasn’t such an honest person, Nagisa would have doubted that. Sugino’s never been his biggest fan. It doesn’t matter, he’s learnt to accept it. It’s not like everyone has to get along. After their shared experience, it’s kind of hard for anyone in 3E to dislike another member. And over time, Sugino and Karma were peaceful with each other if they were hanging out with Nagisa. But there’s a difference between that and actively liking each other.

“I meant with work, mostly.”

“You’re coming to the meetup this year though, right?”

Nagisa bites the side of his lip. “P-probably.”

“Karma too?”

He feels weird all of a sudden. “I don’t really know his plans.”

“It’s okay to be close friends,” Sugino says then, tone patient. “We’re not in Junior High anymore. Do I understand that guy? No. But, I can’t really judge him. Or you, for being close to him.”

“W-what do you mean by that?”

“I didn’t mean anything?” Sugino shrugs, but then it’s like he’s examining him more closely. “Does it mean something?”

Nagisa turns his head away again. He knows that’s a pretty solid answer to the question, but he doesn’t even want to think about it. Sugino’s not usually the type to pry like this… but maybe he is acting a little suspicious. He can tell at least, in contrast to someone like Nakamura, there’s concern all over Sugino’s face.

“No.”

“Okay,” Sugino nods.

But he can’t help himself. “Why would it mean anything?”

He sighs. “I don’t know. There were rumours about it a few years ago, but,” he shrugs. “I figured if you had something you wanted to tell me, you would.”

“Rumours?!”

Sugino looks like he regrets everything. “Well… You and Karma were just spending a lot of time together. A few people thought you were dating. But you’d know this if you… looked at it.”

“They what?!”

He holds his hands up. “I didn’t!”

That doesn’t make him feel much better.

“We’re not dating!”

Sugino squints. “I was talking about years ago, though.”

“O-oh.” He feels himself heat up.

“So,” he says after a beat of silence, “there is something going on?”

Nagisa really thinks for a moment. Sugino will back down, if he asks him to. But the damage has already been done. Maybe Sugino’s never been a detective, but he has good senses. So presumably he already knows now. Maybe it’s better to actually clear it up, than let him make assumptions. Plus… the capacity to speak to someone other than Karma about it might be nice.

“It’s... hard to explain.”

“Hard?”

“We’re not dating. We just…” he doesn’t even know how to phrase it. “Spend time together.”

A disgusted look appears on Sugino’s face. “I didn’t ask for details.”

“Sorry!”

Sugino shudders, though. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

And that’s exactly why Nagisa had been hesitant to bring it up. Not that he’s ever been the type to just share things from his personal life anyway, but… Of course Sugino’s not going to just sit there and nod along, if he thinks Nagisa’s making a mistake. Is he? Maybe he’s just being honest, even if it happens to be the opposite of what he wants to hear.

“It’s not what you think,” he shifts.

“Do I want to know?”

He balls his hands into fists. “It’s more like lessons. I uhm… I had to give some health classes at school, and I didn’t have enough experience, in case they wanted to ask questions or something. So he offered to help me, uhm, learn.”

Sugino thinks for a moment. “That sounds a little messed up.”

“He’s just helping me out,” he defends. “I-it’s not that weird.”

“I don’t know Nagisa…” he trails off. “Isn’t that a bit like taking advantage?”

Isn’t it more the other way now? If Nagisa likes him… well that changes things, doesn’t it? Like he’s been arguing, Karma’s only really interested in helping him out a little. If he likes him, and he keeps going with it, then he’s getting something extra out of it. It’s wrong, isn’t it? If Karma’s kisses and touches actually mean something to him.

And even without that, Sugino’s being way too strong! In fact, the more he thinks about it, the more bothered he is. Is he implying that Karma’s seriously using him? He would never do something like… that. Why would Sugino even think of something like that? He knows he’s never actually liked Karma, but that feels out of line.

“That’s crazy.”

“You just said you didn’t know what you were doing,” he points out.

The part that irritates him is that he knows Sugino has a point, even if it’s not for the reasons he means. Sure, the first time there was no telling how much alcohol actually contributed to his decision making. But he doesn’t have that excuse anymore. Maybe Karma’s smart, but he’s not enough of a mastermind to manipulate Nagisa like that without him realising, right?

“It wasn’t like that,” he defends again. “It wasn’t.”

“Okay,” he says. “So... that’s happening but you’re still just hanging out as friends?”

Nagisa winces. “I don’t know. We’re supposed to be. But we don’t really do that anymore, not without…”

“Figures. You’re too complicated for that kind of relationship.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

His face falls. “It wasn’t anything bad! Just… I don’t think you can really do a casual thing when you have that much history with someone. Even at the best of times. And this is Karma.”

He feels something rise within him. “Why does that matter?”

“Come on Nagisa, he’s completely thrown you aside, what,  twice?” He has his eyes closed, as though he’s reciting something from his head. “I just think something like this will end up hurting you.”

“It’s not.” Bloodlust? What? “And you know what?” He jumps off the wall. “I didn’t even ask for your opinion.”

“Woah, calm down, okay?” Sugino has a look of concern in his eyes, but that just makes Nagisa feel more annoyed. “I wasn’t trying to start a fight with any of this.”

Then what was he trying to achieve?

“You just wanted to make me feel bad? I know you don’t always get along, but that doesn’t mean you should just… accuse him of coercing me or something. I’m not just some clueless kid. A-and I’m capable of making decisions for myself!”

Nagisa turned his heel, then, feeling rage still flowing out of him as he marches towards the nearest train station. Just somewhere, deep in there, there’s just a slight amount of shame. What just happened is completely out of character for him. Why was he fighting with Sugino? Especially in public? And why was he being so defensive? Isn’t he… kind of acting a bit like Karma? Unfortunately, the angry part wins out.

He is being stupid, isn’t he? Maybe part of the reason his and Sugino’s friendship works out so well is Sugino doesn’t really butt in with advice or something. Nagisa doesn’t want advice. He doesn’t need it! He’s an adult after all. What even is the issue with having sex with Karma anyway? He’s attractive, and comfortable to be around. Not to mention really good at it. It would be weirder to not be having sex with Karma. Even though he’s not sure how long it’s going to last… he doesn’t want it to stop. So he’s just fine.

Ironically, as if by muscle memory, he gets off at the train stop nearest to Karma’s apartment. Well, it’s not like he takes the train to too many other places at this point. So, for a moment, he weighs up his option. He can just wait for five minutes on the platform, until the next train comes. Or… since he’s already in the general area…

Karma looks a little surprised to see him, still in pyjamas. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“I changed my mind,” Nagisa pretty much shoves his way inside, closing the door behind him as he works his shoes off without touching them. “Is that a problem?”

He actually looks amused. “No.”

Nagisa looks him over, then, before pushing him against the wall with as much force as his smaller body can produce. He weaves his arms around his neck, tugging him down into a kiss. It takes Karma a second to respond, but it’s so satisfying when he does. Karma’s lips pressed hard against his… it makes Nagisa feel like he’s in heaven.

How can something that feels so right be bad?

Right there, his anger resurfaces. This can’t be bad for him. Somehow he feels like he has to prove that. To himself. But how? He’s known how good kissing Karma feels since the first time it happened. There’s something in the back of his mind, a reminder that his is dangerous territory, but he can’t really process it. No, he needs something else. He needs to be taken as low as possible.

“I want you to hurt me.”

Karma’s eyes widen with confusion, head moving back. “Huh?”

Nagisa feels lit up by determination, though, and backs him even further into the wall, his hand taking hold and fiddling with the hem of his T shirt. “I want you to be rough with me. I don’t really care how. Just… make it hurt.”

“Are you…” there’s concern in his eyes. “Feeling okay?”

“I know what I want,” he snaps, a little harder than he meant.

“Okay.”

Nagisa takes a step back then, like he can’t quite believe it. “Okay?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

He looks him over. “You remember the word we came up with, right?”

It occurs to Nagisa, right there, just what he’s asking for. Actually, it’s more that he doesn’t know what he’s asking for. They came up with a word for times when there really needed to be a direct signal to stop everything. What’s Karma planning, if they need it? Instead of nervous, though, he mostly just feels anticipation. He needs this.

“Fish,” he says confidently enough, “right?”

“Good,” Karma nods, before lurching out and grabbing his wrist, so hard he wonders if he’ll end up bruised.

He’s yanked into the bedroom like that, and barely has time to process what’s happening before he ends up slammed into the wall, the back of his head colliding with it relatively hard. He doesn’t even get the chance to say ‘ow’, before Karma’s on him, his whole body trapping Nagisa in. And okay, maybe that’s appropriate revenge.

Instead of kissing him again, though, his hands shove under his shirt, pulling it off and over his head before he can even really register what’s happening. It feels good, though, like he was too hot before and he didn’t even realise it. Karma’s pressing so close to him, his t-shirt a strange friction against Nagisa’s bare chest. His trousers and underwear come off in a similar way. They seem to be ending up in this position a lot.

Karma’s fingers just barely trail the underside of his erection, making him shudder. “Hard already?”

Nagisa wants him to shut up, but before he can retaliate, Karma grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks him around like that. And there it is, the burn he needs most of all. It’s so satisfying, even if it’s only for a second or two. He’s spun around like that, so he’s facing the wall fully, practically bracing his entire weight against it.

At least he can still feel Karma like that, even though he can’t see him. He feels wonderfully covered, like there’s no escape. Karma’s hands are rough, gripping hard as they trace the line from his shoulders, down his torso and his waist, before finally reaching his ass. Nagisa’s not out of it enough to not feel the embarrassment from that yet, but it’s hard for him to even care when he digs his nails in, or to hold back his natural whimper. In fact, Nagisa ends up spreading his legs a little on instinct.

He mutters something, then, though it’s almost unintelligible.

“Karma?” He turns his head a little, peering over his shoulder.

Karma squeezes even harder in response. “Stay still.”

Before he can even think to question why, a somewhat soft slap comes to the back of his thigh. Well, he and Karma have fought many times in the past. Nagisa knows what his full strength feels like, and it’s far from this. It still stings just a little, though, like mini shockwaves or buzzes along his nerves. Shamefully, it makes him jut his ass out a little, wanting to feel that but where it’s even more sensitive.

He hears Karma audibly swallow, before another smack actually comes down on his left cheek. It’s a little harder, and it feels even better. Just like before, a satisfying burn. Apparently his reaction is enough, because then he gets slapped again, and properly this time. Nagisa gasps out without meaning to, since that our actually did hurt.

Karma effectively rubs him, then, which only increases the sensitivity, rather than soothes. Though, he realises when he digs his nails in just a bit, that’s probably the intention. When the next smack comes, he sounds out. He’s sensitive there, now, and it burns twice as hot as it realistically should. But why does it still feel good? Nagisa knows he’s the one who asked for it, but he wasn’t expecting... this.

He moves to the other side, then, and somehow that feels just as sensitive, despite not having been touched yet. Nagisa lets out what can only be considered a kind of mewl. This is somehow exactly what he needed. Yet, he still wants more. Like he wants Karma to claw his way into him and tear him apart from the inside out.

Nagisa feels him, then, pressed up against his back. He keens into it slightly, arching back against him. He can’t help but think about how nice it would be just to have Karma’s arms around him entirely. Not that they can really get closer than this, anyway. He supposes his imagination doesn’t have to be limited to real life physics.

But then he hears the hint of a laugh.

“W-what?”

Karma clears his throat. “I’ve never tried this with someone so small. I don’t think we can line up like this.” He pauses. “New plan.”

New plan?! What’s that supposed to mean? He forgets the question, though, when he feels Karma bend down, biting the tip of his ear lightly. It’s not good or bad, just strange. What he likes more is the feeling of him there, his breath tickling against his skin. His hand goes to his ass again, now sore enough that he lets out a light hiss.

“Stay there,” Karma says.

It’s not like he can go anywhere, with the way his legs are already trembling a little. There’s a pit in his stomach, a mixture between fear and anticipation. You asked for this, he reminds himself. Still, he can’t stop himself from jolting when something hard is pressed against him again. It’s weird…somewhat wrong feeling.

“Remember this?” Karma says lightly, and suddenly the vibrations switch on.

He jerks away automatically, the sensation confusing. But Karma’s persistent, and now he has nowhere to go. He’s not sure he can take another session like that. It’s already making him hypersensitive and he’s barely even done anything. He’s frozen like that, just about hearing the sound of the lube bottle being opened.

Karma really doesn’t take much time with it, barely even thumbing at his entrance before he pushes the vibrator in, albeit slowly. Even if it is smaller than him, it’s enough to make Nagisa wince and bite down on his lip, and not in the most pleasurable way. But there it is again, that burn that strikes him all over. He can’t help but moan, as it’s pushed all the way inside, followed by just a couple of thrusts in and out.

The vibrations stop right then.

He’s spun around yet again all of a sudden, but this time Karma’s hand comes down hard on his shoulder, the weight of him too much to take. He stumbles down to his knees like that, dizzy and dazed. A shot of pain goes through his legs, from being pushed onto the floor so roughly, but it’s the least of his concerns. As if by clockwork, he shifts himself so he’s kneeling properly.

Karma looks down like that, eyes heavy with their characteristic glint. And Nagisa knows what he wants.

It turns out to be what Karma wants, too, because he pulls down his pyjama bottoms just enough to release his own erection. In the back of Nagisa’s mind, he’s kind of annoyed that Karma made fun of him when he’s this hard already, leaking precum in fact, without being touched yet either. But he can’t be too mad at a time like this, not really.

“Open your mouth,” Karma says steadily.

Nagisa’s a little confused about why he’s being asked, but he obeys.

Karma’s breath hitches a little. “If you can’t breathe, just hit me really hard on the leg, okay?”

He can’t ask what he means by that, because suddenly he’s shoving himself in. Of course Nagisa splutters and chokes in surprise. Even though he knows he can take Karma to the base, it’s completely different when he’s concentrating on doing so. Nagisa’s not actually doing anything, there’s no contribution except being a warm place to put it.

All he can do is just take.

Karma’s hand is in his hair, gripping him fiercely. In a sense, Nagisa’s almost glad for that, because he’s not sure how well he’d manage to hold himself up alone. He’s barely even managing it as it is. Apparently Karma’s not interested in any kind of build up, because he’s essentially thrusting in and out of his mouth as fast as he can, so deep Nagisa’s nose is almost hitting his pelvis as he does it.

He tries squeezing his thumbs, breathing through his nose, anything he can to hold on. He’s not going to tap out. Even though he’s basically choking. At the very least, he gets to hear Karma’s near pained groans above him. He’d like to look up, absorb his look, but he just can’t. His eyes are watering under the ministrations. More shameful still, he’s pretty sure he’s not holding in the saliva his mouth is so desperately attempting to produce.

Like this, he could be anyone. He’s not doing anything, except simply being there. Just something usable. That’s what the issue was, right? That Karma might be using him? Maybe even just like this. And yet… Nagisa tries his best to open his eyes a little, and Karma is indeed looking down at him. Maybe Nagisa’s just seeing things the way his heart wants to, but there’s something in there. Karma’s still looking at him. And Nagisa… the only reason Karma gets to do this is he wanted it. He asked.

The thought, stoked by the subconscious shift of his hips and the vibrator inside him, makes him moan with a new kind of desperation. Maybe he can’t breathe well, and maybe his jaw has its own kind of deep ache, but he’s okay here. In fact, somehow it’s the best he’s felt all day. It’s as if, just by being under Karma’s hands, he knows he’s safe.

Karma’s groan turns high pitched and open, before he yanks himself out of Nagisa’s mouth and strokes himself for about a millisecond. It’s enough for Nagisa to realise, at this point, to close his eyes. Though, he’s not breaking his one instruction either, and keeps his mouth just as open. He feels his release hot against his face and chest, and a fair amount of it.

“Hah…” Karma breathes out, almost like he’s trying to speak.

Nagisa gulps, finally closing his mouth, which is quite the challenge. It’s like Karma remoulded it to just be open like that.

Being yanked up again doesn’t surprise him this time. It’s as though he’s just accepted it as the only way he can possibly move. Though… aren’t things almost over already? Karma certainly doesn’t seem finished though, kissing him like he’s desperate for water after not drinking for five days. All Nagisa can do is try his best to return it, but his mouth feels so week all he can do is vaguely move his lips.

Karma’s hand strokes the inside of his thigh, which feels oddly nice for a moment, before he repositions it beside his own hip. His other hand reaches round the back of him, and just like that Nagisa’s lifted up again, back and head slammed against the wall. If he doesn’t end up with a concussion after this…

It does mean his own erection is pressing into Karma’s hard stomach, though, and that the toy shifted once again inside him. Even though his back is supported, the position requires quite a bit of strength in his core. Strength he barely possesses. He half expects Karma to just slam into him there, forgetting that he’s already filled, and that Karma only just came. He’s not that super human… 

He reaches underneath, then, turning the vibrator on again. Nagisa can only cry out, scrambling at Karma’s shoulders for purchase. He moves it, just barely, in the faintest grind he possibly could. And Nagisa… he’s so powerless. Karma’s literally holding his shaking body in his arms. But he can’t even bring himself to care.

It’s then that he remembers just how he must look. He can’t see himself… but he can imagine. How swollen red his lips must be, considering how they feel. How Karma came all over him, already started to dry on his skin like a mark. Maybe it should freak him out some more, considering how the thought makes him clench down. He can’t help but think, when he looks at Karma then, that he might be thinking the same things.

This eye contact feels heavy… complicated.

He moans into it, when Karma kisses him again like that. Something within him redoubles its efforts, like a second spark of energy. It’s basically impossible, but Nagisa still tries to wrap himself even tighter around Karma. He bites his lip, then, and since his teeth are so damn sharp a metallic taste fills Nagisa’s mouth. He still doesn’t hate it.

“Okay,” Karma says, pulling away from him.

Apparently ‘okay’ means another quick spin, because like that Nagisa’s suddenly tossed. He lands hard on the bed, unsure of how much distance he just cleared. It causes the vibrator to shift really awkwardly, too, but Karma practically pounces like that, taking it out of him. Nagisa feels so ready for it immediately, though he’s confused about how Karma can do it again so soon.

He leans down, then, and sucks a kiss onto his jaw. Nagisa’s back arches into it, twisting to the side and he travels down his neck. He is on edge for a moment, though, thinking about the possibility of marks. Thankfully, Karma’s pretty quick about it until he gets until at least his collarbone, where he sucks against his skin hard, digging his teeth in just a little.

He’s unreasonably turned on.

“Karma,” he ends up whining, just as he’s practically biting his nipple. “I’m-“

Karma raises his head, a devious look on his face. “Hmm?”

He turns his head to the side, not entirely sure what he even wanted to say. “M-more.”

Apparently that’s his cue to pinch him, which isn’t exactly pleasurable. In fact, Nagisa just yelps. Is that what more meant? He doesn’t even know. He already feels a little better, but still a little unravelled. Still like he needs to be burnt some more. Every strong press of Karma’s hands against him, though… that certainly feels good.

“I’m already pretty hard again you know?” Karma says lowly, grinding against him briefly as if to prove it.

His repose to that isn’t verbal.

Karma swallows. “Are you gonna take responsibility? It’s just how you look right now. I wish I could show you. Can I?”

Nagisa’s not entirely sure what he’s asking, but he nods anyway.

He wasn’t expecting Karma to get off the bed at that, though. Admittedly, he whines a little, because really he wants him to come back. Karma... he feels too weird, too raw without him covering him. Thankfully Nagisa gets his wish in just a couple of seconds, because he returns with a slight bounce as he straddles him again, holding his phone in front of him.

“Say cheese,” he says, grinding the back of his palm against Nagisa’s own erection.

Of course, he can’t really say anything at all. Nagisa ends up moaning, because he’d almost forgotten how much he needed to be touched there. Through it all, he’s actually throbbing with need. He doesn’t even care what Karma’s doing, just moans and gasps at every touch. And then he feels his fingers enter him, and he can barely even think.

“Karma,” he gets out.

He leans forward, biting him lightly on the ear again. “If you’re really that inpatient, then.”

He shoves into him like that, pretty much to the hilt. Nagisa might have screamed, if not for choking in surprise. It’s not like he hasn’t been opened up at all, but it still feels like it’s out of nowhere. The burn that causes inside him is like its own kind of perfection. Like he’s being split open in a way that somehow makes sense. All he can do is hold on immediately.

Karma barely gives him a second, before he leaves his body almost completely and slams in again. It’s almost far too much, but somehow exactly what he needed. Nagisa decides to grip onto the sheets, at least, as though that’ll somehow hold him steady. He is vaguely aware, though, of how the space is shifting him across the bed slightly, and how the force of it is seriously banging against the wall.

He’s pretty sure Karma says something, but he can’t tell exactly what. It doesn’t really matter know, because the next thing he knows Karma’s pulling out completely, and he ends up flipped around. Just like this, Nagisa knows he can’t really hold himself up on his knees properly. Thankfully Karma senses that too, gripping him nicely at the waist.

This time, he manages to go even harder, to the point Nagisa actually can’t breathe too well. Even the slap of his hips against his ass hurts, possibly due to their earlier activities. He’s deep in him too, like this. Probably too deep. Not that Nagisa actually cares. No, this is just too perfect. Even when Karma grabs him by the hair, yanking him up even more.

Just like before, with his throat, there’s a part of him that feels used. He knows how intensely good Karma can make it if he really wants to. He knows exactly where his prostate is like ‘x’ on a map. This isn’t about how he feels. That doesn’t matter somehow. He weakly tries to meet his thrusts back into it too, as though that’ll somehow help him.

He tries to say Karma’s name, because he’s already so close. But it comes out more like “uh ma”, honestly.

Karma half growls, wrapping his other arm around his body, practically leaning down on top of him. He feels nice, warm. All it takes is one lick to the back of his neck, and the full force of Karma’s body for his knees to really give out. He’s so close. So close. Just being ground into the mattress like this feels like it might be enough. He clenches his eyes shut, preparing himself.

Apparently Karma decides the position isn’t effective enough, though, flipping him over yet again. Nagisa peels an eye open, just for a bit, and the remainder of his blood rushes straight to his crotch. Karma’s above him like that, panting for breath. He’s dripping in sweat from the exertion, hair wet looking and stuck to his forehead. And his eyes, they’re lidded and heavy. He looks so good…

Karma grabs his leg, then, throwing it over his shoulder as he slides in again. Nagisa can only sound out, curling his toes at the new angle. Karma holds onto him like that, almost using it as a pivot. Even that’s not enough, apparently, because then he takes his other leg and does the same. A part of him misses the hot feeling of being able to squeeze around Karma’s waist, but this position is definitely interesting. He’s so deep in him, and going just as hard.

He bends forwards, then, and Nagisa’s body is almost completely in half. Like he might snap at any moment. It’s past his limits and it’s amazing. He whines like that, defeated, as Karma strikes his insides just in the right way. The only real warning he gets himself is the way his legs begin to shake, and the weight drops in his stomach.

His release seems to last a while. It’s inherently different from the sensations he’s most used to, considering his erection is being neglected for the most part. He jerks himself through it instinctually, but this time… the feeling is much stronger inside him, spreading slowly through his whole body. Finally, it’s like coming to a kind of peace.

Just faintly, at the point it might be too much, he feels Karma pulsing inside him. He’s frozen on top of him, letting out a particularly heavy groan before he lets Nagisa’s legs off his shoulders. For some reason, though, Nagisa doesn’t want to let go just yet. Instead, he uses what little strength he has to curl them around Karma’s back, his arms following into a really odd hug.

He really likes Karma’s weight, even if it slightly cuts off his airway. Thankfully, Karma gets it together enough to shift a little, though he’s still very much on top of him as they mutually gasp to regain their breaths together. Like that, Karma’s hand is actually pretty close to his head, so close that Nagisa feels like he could almost lean into it.

Karma looks so good like this. Nagisa can’t exactly put his finger on what it is, but… The way Karma’s eyes widen when he looks at him. He likes that. Almost like Nagisa’s the only person in the world to him. He flushes (if that’s even possible) and turns his head away at the thought. Of course not. That’s just his stupid heart and his stupid mind working in tandem to torment him. He can’t even mind it, though. Not when everything feels good, like a warm buzz.

Despite all of that, he does wince when he pulls out, having forgotten how sensitive he currently is. Thankfully, Karma barely moves at all, essentially wrapping his arms around him and drawing him in. Like this, Nagisa feels like he could fall asleep forever. This… this is nice. A part of him wishes he could just cuddle with Karma any time, because he really does feel safe here. Satisfied. He’s proven that, hasn’t he? No matter how much Karma can hurt him… it’s nice with him.

“Hey,” Karma says gently, “you don’t want to leave that much longer.”

“Hm?” He gets out.

Karma lets out a half laugh. “Your face. I messed it up, remember?”

Oh, right. “Mmph,” he lets out.

“Nagisa~” he drawls out, reaching around for something. “Don’t you want to see?”

“Huh?”

He blinks, then, looking at the phone screen Karma now has in front of his face. It takes his eyes a couple of seconds to adjust, before he realises what he’s looking at and nearly shrieks. It’s a picture of him… except it isn’t. It looks more like something from an exaggerated porno. His face and chest are red, his eyes are watering, and his mouth is hung open. Not to mention the bruises all over his chest, or the dried cum still over him from earlier. It’s… he feels so separated from it, because it’s so far from him. He really looked like that? Logically, he does know it’s him in the photo, but he can’t feel it.

“Why did you-“

“You said I could,” he reminds, scrolling to the next one which is even worse. And then another, which is presumably his ass. It looks so red and angry… “Almost makes me want to go again.”

“Y-you will delete those, right?!” It’s about then he realises how sore his throat is, because the words are much quieter and less forceful than he wanted.

Karma sighs, practically shoving the phone in front of his face as he taps the delete button. “See? They’re gone.”

He relaxes a lot almost instantly. “Okay.” 

After reaching over to put the phone back down on the bedside table, Karma turns back and pulls him into another kind of hug. It feels really nice, actually, though Nagisa’s less out of his mind than the last time they did this. Regardless, he still wants to hold onto Karma as much. This is bad, isn’t it? He knows Karma won’t hurt him… but there’s nothing to say he won’t hurt himself.

“We should probably go shower,” Karma says eventually.

Nagisa nods weakly, waiting patiently for Karma to get up first and help pull him to his feet. The second he takes a step, he realises how much pain he’s actually in. It shoots through his legs like that, and honestly it doesn’t feel pleasant at all. Maybe they took it too far? Okay, probably definitely. But it had felt so good at the time…

This is probably the most he’s had to limp. They do make it, though, and he glances himself in the mirror for just a second. Unfortunately for him, it’s not far off the photo at all. He looks ruined. His hair is all over the place, Karma’s release is prominent on his face, and he’s just swollen. And that’s not even mentioning the bruises he can see on his torso, some of which are hickeys, but there’s also what looks like finger shaped marks on his waist. Nobody should be okay with this.

Karma’s arms surround him, then, turning him away and into the direction of the shower. Right. Don’t look. That seems to be what he means, anyway. All Nagisa can do is swallow the lump in his throat and do it. At least the shower spray feels nice, just the perfect temperature. What he can tell, though, is that it’s going to hurt even more tomorrow.

Was this a mistake?

“You know,” Karma spins him around so they’re facing each other, and takes a wash cloth to his face. It feels so soothing he practically keens into it. “You didn’t explain why you suddenly showed up.”

He looks at the floor. “I was… mad about something.”

“Usually when you want to use someone to vent, they’re meant to be the punching bag, not you.”

He flushes. Maybe this kind of was using Karma. Isn’t that terrible? “I’m sorry-“

“Did I say I was mad?” Karma half smirks. “If anything, I’m flattered you thought sex with me was gonna solve your problems.”

“I didn’t-“

He waves him off, dragging the cloth across his chest. “Did it work?”

“I’m not sure,” Nagisa looks back at him again properly.

Karma sighs, and Nagisa’s not entirely sure how to take it until he cups his cheek and kisses him softly. That, right there, is nice. At the very least, he does feel calm right now. And it’s pretty difficult to think about anything Sugino said whilst naked in the shower with Karma. They’re fine like this. Nagisa can’t even dream of giving it up.

…Though maybe that’s the issue here.

Karma’s going to run out of things to teach him eventually. Most people don’t have sex like this, right? They’ve basically covered all reasonable bases already. Nagisa knows what sex is like now, he knows a lot of what he likes, and how to make someone else feel good. This kinky stuff… there’s still a finite amount of it they’d be willing to try. And then what? They just shake hands and never talk about it again? Knowing him and Karma… that’s probably possible actually. But he knows he wouldn’t feel good about it. So then they just keep sleeping together forever? Appealing as it sounds, there’s no way that’ll work either. Not when he already craves more. Whatever ‘more’ means.

Maybe he should just admit how he feels.

The thing is, Nagisa knows even less about dating and relationships than he did about sex. And surely that’s the goal, isn’t it? Person A tells person B they like them, and then they agree to be a couple. Or just savage rejection, that could also happen. Karma’s impossible to really read at the best of times. Nagisa can tell when he’s up to no good, or when he’s lying through his teeth, but other than that? He’s a mystery. The idea of Karma returning his feelings… he really doesn’t know. On the one hand, Karma has no reason to kiss him like he is now, on the other… Karma lives by his own logic. If Nagisa says something, it might just make it awkward and end with Karma avoiding him forever.

Karma breaks the kiss, looking down at him again. Nagisa just wants to melt into him. That soft half smile, slight flushed cheeks… it’s unfair. Nagisa’s never cared about this kind of thing, never felt the rush from just being looked at. The closest he can pit it against is when they were in first year together back in junior high, when Karma saw he was reading about Sonic Ninja and asked him to go see the film with him. It feels similar to rush that came when he realised Karma even knew his name.

“What?” Karma half murmurs.

“I-“

He rolls his eyes. “I know your thinking face.”

“My back hurts,” Nagisa says.

Karma turns him around like that, grabbing him the shoulders. It’s not quite a massage, but he runs his hands down his back. It’s nice enough, if not still sore. Though, that’s probably from being bent in the way he was. That, too, will probably hurt for a few days. He feels better about it now, though, with Karma spending so much time on this. He’s not just a convenient thing.

If dating is the only good outcome of a confession, is that really what he wants? Nagisa doesn’t even know, not really. He just wants this… plus maybe being closer. Kissing him and holding him just because he can. Is that what dating is? It’s confusing, because Karma still feels like his friend. He’s not really thinking about all of that stuff when they’re doing normal things like watching something or playing a video game. Maybe dating changes that… like cuddling on the sofa or something. Does he even want that, though? He can’t have it both ways, right?

It would feel weird, to be dating Karma. Even imagining calling it like that… calling Karma his boyfriend or something. It’s weird!

Does that mean he doesn’t even really like him, then? Because he’s pretty confident on that part of all this. Or maybe these feelings really are just caught from the sex, maybe they’d go away if they stopped… but Nagisa doesn’t want to stop. That thought feels worse than any of the others. A part of him regrets not just having the dumb romantic drama when he was younger, because then at least he’d have some idea what to do here.

Of course, he knows what dating someone looks like at least. It’s a lot of holding hands and posting Instagram photos together and sharing milkshakes and sending ‘adorable’ stickers to each other on LINE. Nagisa doesn’t even have an Instagram account. If he confesses his feelings to Karma and he accepts them does that mean he has to make one? He hates taking photos of himself, and his food isn’t interesting enough to show off online. What pictures would he even post on his feed? Maybe paper crafts?

“Can I try something?”

Nagisa’s knocked out of his thoughts. “U-uh okay?”

He doesn’t look over his shoulder to see what he’s doing… maybe to spare himself. Karma grabs his ass, though, and he figures he’s okay with that.

Realistically, he knows Karma wouldn’t force him onto any social media platforms. He doesn’t strike him as the type to be out there with his relationships. He’s never even really talked to Nagisa about any in the past. That’s good, right? That’s compatibility! He also can’t picture Karma sending him cutesy LINE stickers… but maybe the hand holding would be nice. Karma’s hands are warm, after all. So then what would happen? He’d say something like ‘I like you, please go out with me’, Karma would agree, and then they’d hold hands places?

He can’t just say something like that though, right? People always have confession stories. Not that Nagisa has couple friends, that weren’t his friends before they got together at least. But there needs to be something. It’s Valentines Day vaguely soon, maybe he should get chocolate or something. But it’s weird for a guy to be giving chocolates. So White Day? But then, it’s weird for a guy to receive chocolates then too. What’s the procedure when you’re both guys? Maybe there should be another day.

Unfortunately, Nagisa doesn’t really have too much time to theorise Valentines Gay, because right then he feels something wet pressed up against his asshole. He almost shrieks, and just about stops himself from falling over by bracing his weight against the wall. What? He does take a peek, and actually shrieks a little with the realisation. Because Karma’s face is buried there.

This is… is he insane? That can’t be… Isn’t this kind of…? Admittedly, though, at the next firm swipe of Karma’s tongue, he can’t exactly complain. His legs spread a little automatically, and he finds himself keening into it. It feels so weird, and yet… good in its own way. Karma’s just licking at him, where he’s been abused so far, and it’s debilitating.

It feels even better when he reaches between his legs with his hand, stroking his newly reformed erection. It’s too much, though, a different kind of pain than earlier but pain none the less. His legs are trembling as he does it, dipping his tongue inside ever so slightly and sucking. The yelp he lets out is near humiliating, more so than the act itself, and he gets off just like that. He can’t have been doing it for even five minutes…

Karma catches him like it’s nothing, when his legs give out from under him, and he’s essentially on his lap. He presses a kiss to his forehead like that, stroking his arms. It’s like he expected this.

Panting desperately, he turns his head around. “Wha-“

Karma just shrugs. “I don’t know, just felt like it. Never done that before.”

“Huh…”

“But your ass is so nice,” he squeezes again. “I couldn’t help it.”

“…”

His hand runs down Nagisa’s side, causing him to shudder. “Don’t tell me out of everything that’s what makes you lose it?”

All Nagisa can do is clutch at his arm, holding them together closer.

“I came twice,” he explains, “it was only fair. Do you want a bath?”

Nagisa shakes his head.

“Am I gonna have to carry you or something?” Karma slides him off carefully, getting himself to his feet.

For a moment, Nagisa just stares up at him blankly, before Karma reaches down to offer him an arm. Everything still hurts, trying to get up again, but he does manage it. Maybe it’s the steam, maybe it’s whatever just happened, but he feels dizzy. At the very least, it’s good to have Karma there. For a moment, it looks like he’s about to try and kiss him, and at the very least Nagisa has enough sense to yank away at the idea of that.

“You’d better brush your teeth,” Nagisa finally says. “Don’t come near me after that.”    

Karma just laughs. “I kissed you after a blowjob though.”

“That’s different!” It comes out whinier than he meant it.

He just tilts his head. “How?”

“I-it just is!”

“Mmhmm,” he says noncommittally. “Well,” he wraps a towel around his waist, and tosses one to Nagisa, before venturing over to the sink. “I’ll brush my teeth then, but I only one brush so no kissing for you.”

He frowns. “What, you can put your tongue in my ass but a toothbrush crosses the line?”

Karma shoots him a look, before fake raising the pitch of his voice. “’It just does’, right?”

Why is he the worst? Not that Nagisa has any desire to borrow his toothbrush. Actually, the idea grosses his out a lot. But he can still be annoyed at Karma acting like this. The worst. At the very least, he figures he should probably work on drying himself off, rather than just watching Karma like an idiot. He even elects to leave the room in search of his clothes.

They feel horrible. His trousers, like always, fit loose on him. Yet, they don’t feel too different from skin tight. The material hurts his skin in ways he really hadn’t expected, but there’s nothing he can do about it. Unless Karma has something made out of pure silk or something… not that it would even fit him. He just knows he’s going to strip them straight off the second he gets home.

Home. Something in his chest tightens. It’s not even that late, really. And he doesn’t want to leave. It’s not like he always leaves right after they finish, usually Karma cooks something for him and they hang out some. The idea of eating makes him want to hurl, though. After his insides just got tossed around so much… But then what? Just sit on Karma’s sofa for a few hours? He invited himself here, anyway.

Karma comes back in, then, grabbing a fresh pair of pyjamas. “So.”

His head picks up. “So?”

“I’m thinking, we need to expand the scope of our classes,” Karma says.

A shot of fear goes through him. Expand?! From what just happened?! What else?

“Like how?” He attempts to ask casually.

Karma shrugs, getting the top over his head. “I’m not that worried about your skill in bed. Really, A+ or whatever. Of course I take the credit for that, it’s not a surprising result. But there’s no point in that if you don’t know how to use it. And as much as I enjoy it when you just show up, you can’t really rely on that. So, practical trip next time? Like, you wouldn’t believe the amount of suggestion you can use over a dinner.”

“You mean like a date?”

He pauses for a moment. “Yeah, kind of. Something like that.”

Nagisa gets to his feet. “Okay.”

“Re-“ Karma starts, but then clears his throat. “Okay, but you better be prepared.”

Nagisa’s not fully sure in what sense he means, but he nods anyway. “I got it. Uhm, I’m probably going to head home now, but message me about it, okay?”

Karma nods. “Yeah, okay.”

It’s all he can do to supply a smile his way, unsure of exactly what to do. It’s not like Karma usually has to walk him out, but… Well, it does seem like he just wants to stay in his bedroom. Nagisa takes that as his symbol to lower his head briefly and leave, thwarted only by how much it hurts to put his shoes on. He needs to start investing in some slip ons.

But he knows things are going to be okay, that’s the main thing. The cool air really strikes him as he steps outside and shuts the door behind him. It’s already dark out, and it’s a lot windier than it had been earlier. It’s nice, though, against the exposed parts of his skin. Soothing, almost. Maybe it’s just for a lesson, but he’s happy about this date thing.

“Ahem,” a clearing of a throat makes him joke. “How are you doing, Nagisa kun?”

Nagisa twists with mild horror. Directly behind him is Karma’s elderly neighbour, Hisaishi san. The elderly neighbour who knew his name before they met because… oh no… he’d completely forgotten about that detail. Like he’d mentally blanked it from his mind. And he knows for a fact, the last few times would have been even louder than before… he wants to bury himself six feet under.

“Nottoobadthankyou,” he gets out quickly, desire to run off as soon as acceptable building.

She just smiles, though. “Come over for tea sometime, hm? You’re in the area often enough.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, not entirely sure why he’s apologising.

Once again, she’s just nodding. “By the way, you might want some of this.” She takes out a bottle, tossing it over to him. Looking at it, it reads ‘aloe vera’. “Apply it generously a couple of times a day, it can be really soothing.”

Nagisa practically sprints out of there with his tail between his legs. Gags. Gags are the next thing they’re doing.

After messing with his hair for the seventh time that morning, Nagisa wonders if he might be overthinking things slightly. He knows Karma really doesn’t care how his hair looks, truly, but Nagisa’s never been on a date before. Even though this technically isn’t even a real date. Just… practise or training or something. But it’s not unreasonable for him to want to not look like he just rolled out of bed, right?

In truth, he actually has just rolled out of bed. But that’s Karma’s fault. When he initially mentioned dinner, Nagisa hadn’t expected it to turn into 8am in Odaiba. Which just so happens to be the opposite side of Tokyo to where he lives. It took an hour just in trains to get here. Honestly, part of the reason Nagisa agreed to it was because ‘Karma’ and ‘voluntarily awake at 8am’ were a rare combination he hadn’t wanted to miss.

Somehow he’s still a little early though, hence the hair messing.

Eventually, Nagisa looks at his reflection and decides that the best way to start his first ever date, just for practise or otherwise, probably isn’t in the train station bathroom. No, apparently that’s the Statue of Liberty, according to Karma. Not the Statue of Liberty. Not even the secondary one in France. It’s actually only about 12 meters tall or so. Nagisa’s not sure why Tokyo even has it, but it stands out at least.

“Morning,” Karma says, hands in pockets.

Nagisa swallows. His fears have come true. Karma… looks really good. Actually, he’s not dressed too different to normal, though his black coat looks nice on him. But then again, Karma’s always had a good sense of fashion. Nagisa should have messed with his hair some more. It’s fine though, right? It’s not like this is a first impression or anything.

He looks out across the sea, right towards the Tokyo skyline. “I think I get the whole Odaiba date thing now.”

Karma seems to follow the line of his eyes. “It’s a pretty safe option, but it’s better in the evening.”

“Oh, so then why-“

“Too much to do,” he explains casually. “It made sense to start here, trust me.”

Nagisa tilts his head, as Karma just takes off walking like that. “Are we going to Palette Town or something?”

Palette Town is just an area of various activities. Nagisa wouldn’t even know where to start when it comes to dates, but there’s probably a lot that might work. There’s the light museum for example… he’s not the biggest fan himself but he can imagine why that might be fun. Or the Ferris wheel! He’s pretty sure that’s more of a thing in America, but it still works.

“Nah. It’s all about balance,” Karma says, “for a first date anyway. You need the right level of interesting, but not too much to do. You want the chance to talk, right?”

Nagisa nods, wishing he’d brought his notebook. “So we’re just walking?”

“Right,” Karma says. “But if your date’s boring, you can be all like ‘wow the view is so amazing’.”

He ends up actually looking. In a way, he is right. Nagisa’s never been that impressed with Tokyo, really. It’s kind of what happens when you grow up less than an hour away from it. It’s a cool place to live, definitely more exciting than Kunugigaoka, but he doesn’t care much for tourist like glee. But it is nice, seeing the sea and the city spread out like this.

“But,” Karma continues, “you’re even better to look at.”

“H-huh-“

“Something like that,” he says. “There’s lots of options.”

Oh, so he doesn’t actually mean that? Of course not. Karma wouldn’t say something like that about him for real… Despite that, though, Nagisa still flushes anyway, turning his head away to the side. He hates how nice that felt… And now he’s seriously starting to doubt how he’ll even get through the rest of the date.

“You know, we should hold hands or something.”

“E-even on a first date?”

Karma shrugs. “You’re trying to get it to end a certain way, right?”

He swallows hard. “R-right.”

Karma takes his hand for him, actually, which forces his pace to speed up a little in compensation for Karma’s leg size. But he does feel warm and solid, and Nagisa’s not keen to let it go anytime soon. He thinks he’s getting this whole date thing, then. He sees the appeal. Even if they’re just walking along together… he’s okay with it.

“Okay,” Karma says when they’ve gone a certain distance. “Next up.”

Nagisa blinks. “Wait that was it?”

“Busy day,” Karma says, “now come on, we need to get the train.”

He allows himself to get pulled along, barely noticing how they have to break their hold to go through the ticket gate, and yet somehow immediately join up again. Thankfully it’s a weekend, so they’re not fighting through the work crowd or anything. Then again, nobody goes to Odaiba so early in the morning anyway.

“So,” Nagisa tries when they sit down. “Where exactly are we going?”

Karma grins. “Next is arcade date.”

A part of Nagisa wants to point out that they used to go to the arcade all the time, and that’s not really a date, right? But there’s also a part of him that’s excited. Karma’s a fun person to go to an arcade with, after all. Even if he beats Nagisa at pretty much everything. He’s weirdly skilled with the claw machines, in all honesty…

“You’re not falling asleep, are you?” Karma looks over at him.

For a moment, Nagisa just stares back. There’s just something, something in the way the sun’s hitting Karma’s face right there. His hair looks like twenty different colours, framing him perfectly as his eyes gleam in the light, and his lips crack a perfect smile. For some reason, the only word Nagisa can think of is ‘pretty’. It feels weird, to think of Karma like that. But… he’s pretty.

“Nagisa?” He leans in a little, squeezing his hand.

“I’m awake,” he says. “S-sorry, I was just-“

Karma smiles again and he just dies inside. “We’re almost there.”

“Hm,” Nagisa tries to get out.

“Date tip two: be attentive.”

Right. Nagisa tries to look at him properly. Not just… his pretty red eyelashes. “How was your week?”

“Ugh,” Karma leans back. “You want the update?”

Nagisa nods. “Sure.”

“Okay so remember Sakura’s baby?”

“Sakura?”

“The receptionist.”

“Ah.”

“Well now it turns out that she already has one.”

It takes Nagisa a moment to fully catch up with where the story left off a couple of weeks ago. “Wait what?”

Karma whistles. “It’s worse. It’s my boss’ baby.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Right?” He nods seriously. “Well she came into the office with this whole paternity test thing because she kept it a secret and I guess she’s mad he fired her or something.”

“Okay how many people has this person slept with?”

Karma actually looks like he’s thinking about it. “Everyone except me and Ryouta, I think.”

Nagisa’s not sure how many people Karma actually works with, but presumably it’s a decent amount. Not that he’s judging this girl he’s never met… well maybe a bit for all the affairs and pregnancy drama she seems to be causing. If anything, he’s a mixture of impressed and bewildered by it all.

“And that’s only because I slept with Ryouta.”

He drops his hand. “You hooked up with a co-worker?!”

Karma doesn’t look bothered by this. “Regrettable drinking party.”

He ends up pouting at the thought. He doesn’t know who this Ryouta guy is, Karma’s never mentioned him before, but still… Nagisa feels angry for some reason. When did this ever happen? It can’t be recent, can it? Surely he sees Karma enough that he wouldn’t even have time to sleep with someone else. Though, if it’s a co-worker… Nagisa feels a little ridiculous, actually, because he has no right to have an opinion on who Karma sleeps with and when. Yet he’s still intensely jealous.

Thankfully, the train rolls into Akihabara station precisely then, saving him from the spiral.

“C’mon,” Karma says, offering his hand again, “They might have something exclusive.”

Nagisa thinks for only a moment, before taking it, and being pulled to his feet. Actually, the station isn’t a long walk from the main street. There’s not much difference in the arcades here, not really, so Nagisa’s fine with being pulled into the SEGA one, probably the most popular and in your face. If it’s something exclusive Karma wants, it’s probably one of the claw machines, right?

“Hey,” Karma says, “want to play taiko no tatsujin?”

Admittedly he’s a little surprised by that. “Sure?”

They end up heading upstairs. So this is a little different to how they’d usually spend time in the arcade – mostly doing their own thing and meeting up every now and then. If they’re playing each other at something, it’s usually just so Karma can feel superiority. Though, Nagisa’s pretty decent at the game, which involves hitting a drum to specific beats. His reflexes have always been good, and he does know more about music than Karma.

…That doesn’t prevent Karma from beating him 3-0 though.

“That was fun,” Karma stretches out his arms. “DDR?”

“DDR?!”

Nagisa’s arms are sore from the drumming, honestly. He’s not sure he needs even more of a work out. He follows him anyway, though, because he’s not sure he’s ever even seen Karma play DDR. Of course he turns out to be good at it. Weirdly good. Nagisa’s not exactly clumsy or awkward on his feet, but following coloured arrow directions? He almost falls on his ass.

Karma just chuckles when he’s done with the torture, barely even sweating. "Struggling there?”

“No,” Nagisa tries to defend.

“Okay fine, let’s play Street Fighter. Something to give you a chance.”

Actually, Nagisa’s not bad at that game. He only knows the most basic combinations, but he’s quick enough with his fingers at least. Even though he can only really play one character. But that’s fine, because Karma insists on being Chun-Li for some reason. Whatever, at least the patterns are predictable. If only he were playing against someone else…

“How did I lose again?” Nagisa looks at the screen in shame.

Karma shrugs. “It’s not my fault you suck.”

“I don’t suck-“

“I don’t know, sure looked like sucking to me.”

Nagisa shoves him half heartedly. “Shut up.”

Karma flicks him on the cheek. “Let me win you something, maybe you’ll feel better.”

It’s hard to not be annoyed out of his mind. It’s unfair. Just because Karma has some kind of demon powers… Admittedly he’s pouting a little. But… there’s a good reason! Even after all this time, Karma’s still so much better than him. At least that comes in handy sometimes, when Karma takes him over to the claw machines.

“These are just dumb luck,” Nagisa says.

“No way,” Karma takes his stance. “You just don’t have the skill.”

“Karma-“

“Seriously,” he says, looking towards the collection of keychains in the machine. “Which one do you want?”

Nagisa squints, taking them all in. They’re all animal themed – probably gacha rejects. “Maybe the panda?”

He starts the machine with a nod that contains the seriousness of going into battle. In reality, though, he doesn’t even seem to be trying to get the right one. Is he just showing off for no reason? Nagisa’s… unsure. But on his second go, he goes right to the back, using the claw as more of a shoving tool than anything. Nagisa’s mystified, until he realises the keyring is right on the edge, and Karma just has to nudge it the tinniest amount before it drops down into the prize area. He’s astounded.

“How-“

He looks far too pleased with himself. “Strategy.”

Still feeling puzzled, Nagisa just stares at the machine. “You worked out the exact angles you needed in your head?”

“I work in the Economy,” Karma points out, “I still have to do maths every day.”

“S-so do I!”

Karma just bends down, though, picking up his prize. “Give me your keys?”

Somehow, Nagisa just does it without a second thought. Should he just readily hand them over? Karma takes them before he can stop him, though, and peals one of the rings back, threading the panda thing onto it before handing it back like a four year old kid showing his parents a drawing. Admittedly… it’s a little cute. There are worse panda related items.

“Thank you,” he looks down, unsure of what else to say.

Something gleams in Karma’s eyes. “I have a game you’ll definitely beat me in.”

Nagisa’s curious enough to go along with it. He knows where to accept his losses, Karma’s just good at this kind of thing. Although, maybe there’s something to say in the amount of practise he gets. Nagisa’s not the type to just spend free time getting good at arcade machines. Or the money… Speaking of which, he’s barely paid for anything so far…

He’s not impressed when he sees what it is, though. “Puri-kura is not a game.”

Karma just shrugs him off, dragging him inside. This… is not really Nagisa’s kind of thing. When he’s in an arcade, the last thing on his mind is using a photobooth. It’s weird inside, way too bright and cutesy for essentially just being a box. Why exactly does Karma want to do this? Can’t they just take a selfie instead if he really wants photos?

He feels a little awkward, as an overly friendly robotic voice instructs them to stand in frame and get ready to pose. What he’s not expecting, though, is for Karma to just suddenly grab him by the waist and tug him in, pressing a kiss to his cheek, right in time for the camera to click. He’s terrified to see how he turns out looking.

“Smile~”

Nagisa tries his best to, but he’s not sure how exactly how to pose. He’s not a natural in front of a camera, never has been. He doesn’t know what Karma’s doing, either. But he supposes it’s okay. He’s a little more prepared for it at least.

“Want to do back to back?”

It takes Nagisa a second to realise what he means. He plays along, of course, laughing a little as he and Karma pretend they’re holding guns. Okay so maybe it’s a little fun. His heart beats a little, thinking about how the photos might turn out looking. Maybe it won’t be so bad if he keeps some of the photos from this.

“Final pose!” The robot announces.

Nagisa turns, about to suggest a different pose, when suddenly he’s being kissed. Of course, it takes him a second to respond, since he had no warning. It takes him even longer to remember the camera aspect, until he hears the shutter sound and pulls back. He almost begins to freak out, before realising that freaking out won’t get him anywhere.

“Y-you-“

Karma ignores him. “Looks like they’re done!”

He looks over at the screen, where the selection of four photos are displayed. They’re embarrassing. In the first one, Karma looks very innocent whereas Nagisa’s face is almost crimson. In the second, Karma’s pulling an… odd face, doing fake devil horns behind him. Of them all, Nagisa does actually like the gun one, it’s the most… normal. He kind of wants to burn the photo of them kissing, especially since he looks like he’s enjoying it.

“Time to edit?”

Nagisa’s almost gobsmacked at what he’s witnessing. Akabane Karma, in a puri-kura booth, editing love hears, sparkles, and stars onto kissy photos. He ends up laughing, just a little bit. It’s stupid, but they’re a little cute. It’s far less embarrassing than the… lewd ones. He ends up taking one of the editing pens and drawing a little swirl in contribution.

He ends up leaning into Karma a little when they exit and wait for the photos to be printed. Something stirs in him, though. This feels far less like some kind of practise first date and more like… pretending to be a couple? Nagisa wouldn’t dream of doing this with someone he didn’t really know. Honestly, he wouldn’t dream of doing it with someone other than Karma at all.

Karma doesn’t seem to have much of a reaction to it, though. He just casually picks up the photo sheet and walks over to one of the small tables set up with scissors. The two copies of the set are attached, and he cuts a relatively neat line down the middle to hand Nagisa a copy. For just a second, he looks at them again, feeling just a little warm inside. He ends up putting them in his wallet.

“Okay,” Karma says suddenly. “Time for horror date.”

“Excuse me?!”

Karma doesn’t actually drag him far away from the arcade, in fact they’re pretty much still on the main street until he makes a sudden sharp turn. Nagisa has no idea what he means, and maybe he’s a little frightened of the prospect of “horror”. It’s not like he goes to Akihabara that often, but surely he’d know if there’s something super scary here.

“Ta-da~” Karma gestures.

Nagisa squints at what he’s looking at. “Vending machines?”

Okay, it does look a little… cursed, maybe. Under some sort of covering that looks more like a garage than anything, there’s a weird line of vending machines, some of which extend into the darkness. It doesn’t exactly scream ‘romantic’. In fact, it pretty much just screams.

“Spooky vending machines,” he specifies.

“Why would you want to go here on a date?”

Karma shrugs. “Easy, if you scare your date, they’ll cling onto you.”

Funnily enough, Karma’s probably the last person he’d cling onto in a state of panic. The first thing Nagisa really notices is how battered all of the machines are, like they’d been seriously neglected for years. Considering they’re not actually standing far from the main road at all, that actually is a little puzzling. If they’re in such a public area, why aren’t they more maintained?

“Wanna go in?” Karma leans his shoulder.

He turns his head. “Do I have a choice?”

Apparently the answer to that question is no, because Karma takes his hand and drags him forward. Of all places he’d ever want to be… this definitely isn’t one. And, okay, it’s a creepy place. Looking at the machines, they have things like toy bugs and oddly enough, multicoloured bells. He can see, too, through to some of the other side of the area. He’s almost scared someone’s face is going to pop out across from them.

“So,” Nagisa starts, “are you actually going to buy something?”

Karma actually seems to think about it. “No.”

“Then-“

Suddenly something pokes his side, and Nagisa jumps like a cat, yelping. “What-“

Karma laughs deviously, announcing himself as the culprit. “Worth more than what money could buy.”

He deadpans. “Quit it.”

He doesn’t seem to care, though. “Fine. We’re pretty much done here, anyway. Next place.”

Nagisa starts to wonder if he’s going to make it through the rest of the day. It feels like Karma’s going to drag him the entire way across Tokyo at this rate. By the time they return to the train station, it’s late enough in the morning that it’s a lot busier. Nothing quite like commuter hours, but still ends up with them standing close enough together the whole way.

“Don’t tell me we’re going to Sky Tree,” Nagisa says as they step out into Asakusa Station.

Tokyo Sky Tree, along with Odaiba, is one of the places even Nagisa knows has the date connotations. But at least Odaiba isn’t inherently expensive. He gets that it’s a super impressive ‘one of the world’s tallet’ structure and all, but it makes his legs turn shaky and mushy. Also, Karma’s threatened to push him off enough cliffs in their lifetime that he kind of tends to avoid that kind of height with him.

“Of course not,” Karma smiles nonchalantly. “We’re covering the cultural date bases.”

That takes him aback a little, but he supposes it makes sense. At least Asakusa, with its famous pagoda and temple, plus the Kaminari Mon, is more interesting than wandering around an art gallery or something. Actually, it’s not really a place Nagisa has much reason to visit often, so it’s definitely been a while. It’s bigger than he remembers.

“What do you do on a cultural date?”

Karma runs his thumb over his knuckles. “Mostly just walking around, but it’s in a nice place and there’s a few extra things to do, depending. But I mean, it depends on your date caring about this kind of thing.”

He sighs in a bit of relief, as his eyes go over to a few girls dressed in kimonos who are taking photos. “I thought you were going to suggest cosplay or something.”

Immediately, Nagisa regrets giving him the idea. “Well, I can arrange that.”

Nagisa’s stomach decides to cut off that idea, though, rumbling audibly.

“Hm? You’re hungry?”

Possibly from all the walking around so far. “Maybe a little.”

“They have good taiyaki over there,” he gestures, and then they’re off again.

One of the reasons Nagisa doesn’t often come to places like this is that they’re basically a huge tourist trap. He shudders, looking at the prices of things. That doesn’t seem to deter Karma. At least the taiyaki place they eventually stop at doesn’t make Nagisa’s eyes pop out of his skull. Though, perhaps Karma’s decision to go there is more related to the fact they have one with a strawberry filling instead of the price.

It’s sweet, at least.

They do end up walking around the temple, though. It’s still odd, doing ‘tourist’ like things, but Nagisa doesn’t mind it at all. Unlike the arcade, this isn’t just a familiar thing to do with Karma, but maybe it could be… Whenever he starts to get too deep into his thoughts, though, he stares down at his fish shaped pastry in his hands and takes a dainty bite. Like that’s a good distraction.

As if on cue, he starts to hear it. Fish, fish, fish, if you eat fish… It’s one of those annoying songs he can’t get out of his head once it’s there. Almost like being aware of your own breathing. Considering Karma’s not really talking to him, it’s actually pretty useful in preventing his thoughts and feelings from racing out of rationality.

“Nagisa?”

…Less useful when the talking actually starts up again. He’d just got to salmon in the song too. “Yeah?”

Karma just tilts his head. “Is there more you want to look at here?”

“Uhm,” he blinks, “you have even more than this planned?”

“Well of course,” he replies casually, “this is a comprehensive dating lesson.”

“…Of all possible dates in Tokyo?”

Karma nods, taking his hand again. It’s clear he’s more intent on dragging him, though. “And we’re about to do the most popular one.”

The thing is, as Nagisa discovers after they’ve taken yet another train to their next destination, he really does mean it. Well, it’s not that odd to find himself in Ueno Park, that is. Even if it’s not somewhere Nagisa usually goes of his own volition, it’s close enough to the Tougyou University campus that he’s hung out with Karma a few times here.

Though, they never went on a row boat any of those times.

Honestly, Nagisa’s surprised it’s even open so early in the year, but he feels a lack of capacity to question things anymore. Ending up in the middle of a lake, as Karma rows them into potential peril? Completely standard. Actually, Nagisa’s more surprised that Karma took the rowing seat in the first place. It’s not even a debate that he’s stronger, but rowing is still effort and usually Karma would hand that off to him without question. He’s not sure why that feels… nice, almost.

Of course he still complains about it. “This is why we invented motors,” he whines.

Nagisa looks across at him. “We could’ve taken the pedal boats.”

Karma just deadpans. “They’re giant swans.”

“So?”

“So… that’s weird.”

Nagisa stares at him curiously. “Are you scared of swans or something?”

“No,” his voice raises a pitch. “Why would I be scared of a bird?”

He squints. “This isn’t about what happened when we visited Nakamura, is it?”

Weirdly enough, he does, ever so slightly, turn a little bit pale. “Nagisa-“

“I didn’t realise that… had caused trauma.”

“Someone died once!” He drops the oars and defends, yanking out his phone and frantically googling. “See.”

A small smile creeps on his face. “I don’t think swan drownings are common, though.”

“I went to hospital.”

“I’m pretty sure that was your own fault.”

Admittedly, Nagisa had been a little worried at the time. During what would be everyone’s last summer break at university, a pretty large group of their old 3E had gone to London to visit Nakamura, since she was doing her study abroad year. Nagisa hadn’t witnessed the start of the ‘attack’, but at one point he’d looked over to see Karma not only being chased by a swan – which was quite the sight as it was - but get bitten on the arm. As Hayashi had pointed out at the time, swans don’t even have teeth, but they’d ended up in the hospital just in case he had rabies or bird flu or something. Only, they’d waited at the hospital for five hours before actually seeing someone, and all the doctor who eventually showed up did was laugh.

“The giant swan boats are creepy anyway,” he mutters.

He actually looks a little dejected. “I thought you were very brave,” he touches his arm.

Karma scoffs. “You’re touching the scar.”

He takes his hand away. “You do not have a scar.”

“Not a physical one.”

“Mmm.”

“Couldn’t even fight back,” he continues. “England and their weird swan Queen laws.”

Nagisa tries to nod along with it, because he’s pretty sure Karma had actually tried. “I’m sure you’d have won… if you weren’t bound by the law of course.”

“Right?” He agrees seriously.

There are a lot of ways in which Karma is kind of an idiot sometimes, threatening to beat up birds or otherwise. It’s one of the things Nagisa likes so much about him, though. When he was younger, maybe it really was just overall admiration, but that grew at some point. Nowadays, Nagisa would never blindly stare in Karma’s direction. He’d definitely witnessed enough… dumb choices.

That doesn’t prevent him from just staring at Karma in general, though. And it’s not just because he’s nice to look at. Actually, Nagisa has just as much fun looking at him when he’s pulling weird faces. It’s… something more profound, somehow. Which makes Nagisa wrinkle his nose awkwardly. Because this, being here with Karma, it doesn’t feel like just some kind of dating practise. Or just one date at all. It’s more like some kind of preview of what his life could be like.

Such a thought makes Nagisa feel automatically nervous. So far, he’s managed to push his feelings to the side for the most part. But, the reason he could do that was because actually conceptualising what a relationship between them would look like was out of the question, so far removed from reality. But yet here they are, on a date. And if this is what dating Karma’s like… Nagisa wouldn’t mind it at all.

But that just leads to more problems. Because what now, then? He just blurts out his feelings and they just stay like this? Nagisa still has no clue how relationships actually work, at least not really. It’s easier, he realises, to be an objective observer for these kinds of things. He’s sure, if this were happening to someone else, he’d be able to come up with at least passable advice. Unfortunately, the only thing in his head is just ‘tell him’ and instinctually, Nagisa doesn’t want to.

Maybe after the date time’s over. He doesn’t want to dampen the mood.

“Do you feel the romantic vibe yet?”

Well not if he’s asking him!

“I-I don’t know?” Nagisa tries. “I don’t really get what’s so romantic about boats.”

“Way to talk with no possible escape?”

“…How romantic.”

Karma flicks the oar, then, splashing him with cold lake water. “They’re just one of those things.”

“Aren’t swans meant to be a romance symbol too?”

“I’m rowing back now.”

“Oh come on!”

Karma sticks out his tongue. “You don’t get to be in a boat with me anymore.”

“Oh, this is supposed to be some kind of reward?”

There’s a glint in his eye. “Well, considering what’s coming up next…”

“Why does that sound like a threat?”

He whistles innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Which means it’s definitely something sketchy. Nagisa can’t really find it in him to be anxious, though. Maybe because he knows Karma won’t put him through anything too terrible. It can’t be worse than the way he offers him a hand getting out of the boat, like some kind of Disney prince. And then the way he doesn’t let him go after.

Since it’s very much the height of winter, Ueno Park isn’t really at its peak beauty. That doesn’t seem to matter, though. It still feels nice, just being right there. Wherever Karma takes him, whatever he wants to do. Nagisa can’t stop himself from beaming. At the very least, since it is so cold, that masks the flush present on his cheeks.

It seems, at least, that their next location isn’t too far away, since they’re actively walking away from the station. Somehow, just on some non-busy backstreet, it feels even weirder to just be holding hands like this. Maybe he’s even getting too comfortable with it. It’s really odd how he just really doesn’t want to let go.

“Oh,” he says, looking up at the sight before him. “This is what you meant.”

Karma grins. “No better way to hear your date scream.”

Considering his friendship with Sugino, Nagisa’s actually been to Tokyo Dome many times, since they have a ton of baseball games there. Sugino… well, at least that’s better now. After their small fight, they’d made up pretty quickly actually through text, and now everything feels like it’s okay. But still, Nagisa’s pretty convinced he’s not 100% supportive of this thing with Karma.

Rather than the actual arena, though, Nagisa follows Karma’s eyes up to the rollercoaster. Tokyo Dome’s a little odd, since it basically has a theme park in the middle of the city. It’s free to walk around, but all of the rides have their own prices. Rides have never really been Nagisa’s thing, although he doesn’t get scared of them as such. That being said, the rollercoaster here is pretty steep actually…

“C’mon,” Karma says, “let’s go queue up.”

“T-this is a good date activity?” Nagisa can’t help but question as he’s dragged. “Isn’t it risky? What if your date just gets sick?”

“Why do you think we’re riding it before lunch?”

He’s crazy, sometimes. Well, Nagisa has no complaints about letting Karma pay for this one. He doesn’t hate rides, but… he’s a little apprehensive. Honestly, he didn’t know Karma liked them either. Then again, there weren’t that many opportunities for the specific topic to come up. Although… a part of him feels a little annoyed at not knowing that detail already. Like he should know everything already.

“You know,” Karma says once they’re in the line. “It actually is a pretty decent date thing. You get to have fun, but the queue is like forced conversation.”

Nagisa blinks. “T-that’s a good point, actually.”

“Plus, they might get scared and grab your hand.”

“What is it with you and scaring people?”

Karma decides not to comment on that. “Though, I guess it’s kind of difficult when you know someone so well already.”

“Oh?”

He shrugs. “There’s not a lot I have to find out about you.”

He thinks about it for a second. Is it really true? Especially after Nagisa just realised that he doesn’t know some very basic details about Karma. They’re not the kind of people who just share all the details from their lives in conversation. If he can admit there’s stuff he definitely doesn’t know about Karma, then…

“Are you sure?”

“Hm?”

Somehow he almost feels just the slightest bit defensive. “There’s probably a lot you don’t know about me.”

Karma meets his challenge. “Oh yeah, like what?”

“Stuff.”

“Let’s play twenty questions.”

“Huh? What would that do?”

Karma shoots him some kind of look. “Prove that I can read your mind.”

“That’s-“

“C’mon Nagisa, think of something.”

“Fine.”

…But what? Nagisa’s mind is completely blank. Anything he can pull out would just be totally obvious. He feels competitive, here. He needs to prove Karma wrong. Maybe something ultra specific… though it does have to be fair. Thinking about it, he decides to go with one of the plates Karma ‘took’ (stole) from his favourite sushi place in Kunugigaoka before it shut down. It was years ago, and he’s pretty sure Karma doesn’t even remember that day.

Karma stares him right in the eye, then, which feels more intimidating than anything else. “Is it an object that can be touched?”

Ugh.

“Yes.”

He seems to think for a moment. “Is it… something you could find in a classroom?”

Of course, Nagisa purposely avoided the obvious. “No.”

He hums. “Could you put something in it or on it?”

How. “Yeah.”

“Hm,” he takes yet another pause. “Is it big?”

“Define ‘big’.”

A half smile comes on his face. “Like, bigger than a laptop.”

“Then no.”

“Is it powered by anything?”

“No.”

Something intense shifts in his eyes. “Is it something in your house?”

…He’s only had about a quarter of the questions so far. Nagisa’s pretty sure he’ll narrow it down from here. “Yes.”

“Something you’re attached to? In other words, it’s linked to a memory or something.”

This is embarrassing now. “…Yes.”

More than just a pause, Karma just goes silent, even muttering a little under his breath. Nagisa’s not sure what that means exactly. One of the workers starts talking about the rules, making sure nobody has their phones out and things like that. Really, Nagisa should pay attention, but watching Karma think is so much more interesting.

“Is it soft?”

“No.”

“Could you eat off it?”

Yeah, he’s definitely been caught. “Yes.”

A devious grin appears on Karma’s face. “It’s that sushi plate I got you, right? Ha, pay up. I didn’t even use half the questions.”

“…we didn’t bet on it though.”

He bumps his shoulder. “Admit you were wrong.”

“This doesn’t mean anything though. It just means you’re good at guessing!”

Karma clears his throat dramatically. “The grade that got you into E class was a 36 in science. Your favourite colour is light green. Your family are pretty much only from Kanto Region. Your favourite kind of sushi is chutoro nigiri. Usually your McDonald’s order is the six nugget meal with a coke, but you get a Happy Meal when it’s on Uber Eats. Your shoe size is 23 and that means at least half your shoes are from kids shops. Your phone pin is 1107, plus your bank pin is just the same in reverse. You had an imaginery friend called Saki until you were like eight whose only defining feature was being shorter than you. You have a freckle on your butt right about here,” he demonstrates with a tap, “you’re mostly allergy free except from mildly lactose intolerant. Your favourite sex position is-“

Nagisa slaps a hand over his mouth. “That’s enough.”

He’s just laughing though. “See.”

Honestly, Nagisa’s first instinct is to be creeped out. Objectively, it’s pretty weird, right? He kind of asked for it, but at the same time… isn’t it a bit stalkerish that Karma knows this much? Especially his bank pin somehow?! The thing is, though, Nagisa doesn’t actually feel creeped out by it. If anything, he’s a mixture of kind of impressed, and also jealous. Jealous because he doesn’t know Karma that well. And… maybe a little bit flustered that Karma’s ever paid that much attention to him.

He turns his head, trying to hide the pinkness of his cheeks. “…What’s my dad’s family name?”

Karma’s eyes widen. “I… Huh. I don’t think you’ve ever told me.”

“Really?”

He shrugs. “You used to just say you wanted to go by your first name because you didn’t want to deal with the change. Not what the change actually would be.”

“Oh,” Nagisa blinks. “Well, it’s-“

“Everyone get ready to get on the ride!” Another worker calls out, interrupting them. Nagisa had been distracted.

Sure enough, the rollercoaster roles into the station, and he swallows heavily. The people getting off look in good enough shape, at least. He feels a tiny bit better after that. But still, strapping himself into a super fast metal machine… Maybe he’s been zoomed across the world at Mach 20 by a flying octopus before, but somehow that felt safter. Admittedly, he’s actually a little glad Karma’s there with him.

“Hey,” Karma says, “don’t look down.”

“Huh?”

The coaster shoots off just like that, and Nagisa decides to heed the warning. Well, he doesn’t look down at least. But he can see pretty much all of Tokyo, as the coaster goes up the lift hill. He gets maybe a second or two to appreciate it before suddenly they’re hurtling down the drop at top speed. So fast, in fact, he feels like he’s going to fly out of his seat. Somehow, though, he manages to keep his eyes open the whole time, as he feels like he’s flying.

Nagisa’s not looking down, but he does look at Karma. The pure joy on his face, it’s nice. Obviously it’s a little hard to concentrate, given the situation, but he does his best job at it. There’s not a lot you can fake, at a time of adrenaline like this, and Karma’s expression is one of them. It’s kind of rare to see, outside of some specific circumstances.

Maybe Karma knows lots of random facts about him. More than Nagisa could ever hope to return. Truth be told, there’s probably endless things he doesn’t know about him at all. But Nagisa still feels like he knows him just as well. If not facts, then his own observations. He can read the slightest shift in his face, at times. Not that he understands what all of them mean, of course, but he can see the differences. Knowing this expression on him is enough to make him feel privileged.

And just like that, the ride comes to a stop.

“You barely screamed at all,” Karma complains, more like a whine, once they’ve rolled back into the station and gotten off.

Somehow Nagisa manages an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I guess it wasn’t that scary after all.”

“Well,” his hand brushes the small of his back suggestively. “I guess we’ll just save the screaming for later.”

Nagisa almost seizes. “I-Isn’t that a bit much to do on your first date?”

Karma shrugs. “Depends on the date.”

“…It does?”

He sighs, slinging an arm over his shoulder. “That was the point of all of this, wasn’t it? If you want generic dating advice, I’m not your guy.”

He seems pretty good at it, though.

“Anyway, let’s go on the Ferris Wheel.”

“We’re not done with the rides?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Well, we didn’t go on the one in Odaiba. Plus, this is a classic.”

He takes Nagisa’s hand, then, and pulls him along. Despite the ride and everything, it feels nice. Warm, but not sweaty. Subconsciously, Nagisa squeezes it just a tiny bit tighter. The queue for this one was much shorter, at least, and somehow they spent it in comfortable silence. At least he might be able to focus a little more on this ride.

“We’ll take the karaoke car,” Karma announces cheerfully.

“The what?”

The worker just cheerfully leads them over, holding the door open. It’s a little hard to get on a Ferris Wheel, considering it’s moving the entire time. Nagisa’s just a little afraid he’s going to stumble. Still, he manages to make it inside the glass cabin, fitted out with two opposite facing benches, a TV screen, and microphones.

“Welcome to your karaoke date,” Karma says cheerfully, once the door’s closed. “I could have taken you to a real place, but this is quicker.”

Karaoke isn’t really something he’d do with just Karma anyway, so he’s actually a little bit thankful. Nagisa doesn’t really mind the activity in group settings, if that’s what everyone else wants to do, but he doesn’t personally find the whole singing thing that enjoyable. This is kind of unique, at least. Nagisa’s a little more interested in the view though.

“Karaoke dates must be kind of tough if you’re bad at singing,” he tries lightly.

“Karaoke is a lie,” Karma says seriously, his face menacing.

“Uhm-“

He leans forward. “It’s just a ploy to get someone alone easily.”

That’s news. “I-I didn’t realise there’s that kind of agenda.”

“There’s always an agenda. It’s like, one of the first tricks in the book. Everyone’s tried it at some point. Just, never accept a karaoke first date.”

Nagisa blinks. “You’ve used it?”

“No comment,” Karma leans back again.

He finds himself pouting at that. It’s really stupid, because the entire reason they’re like this is because of Karma’s past. That’s supposed to the advantage here, isn’t it? Karma has plenty of experience in sex, which is why he’s such a good teacher. But Nagisa’s still burning at even the idea of him with someone else. This isn’t okay, is it?

“So,” Karma’s eyes move sideways slightly. “Do you want to sing something?”

Nagisa presses his lips together. “I’m not sure what.”

“Well I don’t know,” he says, “I don’t even like karaoke.”

“Then why-“

He shoots him a look. “Maybe it’s the ulterior motives.”

Nagisa just turns his head away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. So they’re at karaoke not doing karaoke. He’s okay with that, though. Trying to forget everything else, it’s nice to be here with Karma. The thought makes him feel odd and even slightly embarrassed, though. Maybe because this is a ‘date’ of sorts, that’s why he’s feeling this way…

“If the point is being in a private room, we’re kind of in a glass box right now.”

“True,” Karma hums. “You can see quite a lot up here, huh?”

Nagisa smiles, and then realises that they’ve actually already begun the descent. He supposes Karma’s illustrated his point already, so it’s not like they actually have to do it. Considering everything, Nagisa’s actually a little concerned about stepping anywhere near an actual karaoke booth with Karma now, lest something happen.

They’re holding hands again when they get off, and everything feels normal. So normal, in fact, that the fact that they’re in a very public place barely bothers him. Nor the fact that he doesn’t know where they’re heading to next. He’s more than happy to be lead, though maybe that’s because it hasn’t exactly turned out bad so far.

He does end up questioning it, though, more out of curiosity. They’ve basically done a whole loop of Tokyo as it is. “Where are we even going?”

Karma whistles casually. “Just Shinjuku.”

At least that’s familiar to him. By this point, it’s almost like they’ve done a whole loop of Tokyo. At least he’s being thorough? Nagisa supposes it would be pretty hard for a date to take him by surprise at this point. Besides, it’s been kind of fun to be dragged around by Karma like this. That’s not something he’d usually think at all, but…

Shinjuku Station is the busiest place they’ve been to so far, but that doesn’t surprise him so much. From his own knowledge, it’ll be crazy in just a few hours though. He does end up looking up at Karma curiously, as they walk along. If they already did ‘karaoke’ and ‘arcades’, what even is there here? The cinema? It’s surely too early to go to an izakaya.

“Right here,” Karma announces proudly.

 “Huh?”

“Sightseeing,” he says.

Nagisa glances around. They’re just in the middle of Shinjuku, there’s not exactly much to sightsee. It feels a little weird that they’re stood right in the centre of the street, actually. Nagisa’s conscious, feeling like they’re disrupting the rest of the public with their position. Karma, though, seems to have no such concern for the others.

“We’re in a movie spot.”

Nagisa tilts his head, looking up at him. “What movie?”

Karma’s mouth falls open a little. “Dude, Lost in Translation.”

Oh. “I’ve never actually seen it,” he laughs lightly.

He looks like Nagisa just said he doesn’t know the five times table. “But it’s so famous.”

Of the two of them, Karma’s the one who really likes movies. Nagisa can appreciate a good one every now and then, but it’s not like he delves into the critical theory of things, nor follows what’s super popular amongst those circles. He’s never seen the appeal of those ‘classic’ movies. Despite all that, he tends to end up watching them with Karma quite often.

“Sorry,” he looks down. “I have heard of it, though.”

“Iconic, even,” he says, though he looks more like he’s talking to himself. “Displacement and love at the wrong time and everything. We need to fix that, anyway...”

He smiles. “You’re taking me to the cinema next?”

“Nah,” Karma says casually. “It’s a typical date for sure, but you can’t really talk. I guess it’s good if you don’t want to do that. But like, at some point.”

Nagisa nods. “Okay.”

“But anyway, taking someone to romantic movie spots is usually a big win. Especially if you re-enact it. And,” he leans down, whispering into his ear, “if you’re already turned on, you can just end the date here and head to the many choices of love hotel.”

Nagisa jerks back, feeling himself heat up. “No way!”

Karma just grins. “We’re not going to one, there’s a bunch left to do.”

He blinks. “Really?”

“Come on,” he takes his hand again. “Back on the train.”

“Again?!”

They’re only actually on the train for five minutes. Nagisa’s honestly surprised his metro card hasn’t run out of money yet. He can’t really complain, though, he hasn’t really paid for anything else. Mostly, he feels like he’s still going with the flow. He doesn’t mind at all. He’s not sure what he expected for this date thing, but this is a lot more fun.

When they get off the train in Harajuku, though, he does start to question the choice. It’s just not very… Karma. Though, maybe he doesn’t really know that. He’s seen a lot of new sides to him recently at least. If Karma likes to spend his time hanging around the place most famous for kawaii culture, he can’t hold it against him.

“You must be pretty hungry, right?”

As if on cue, Nagisa’s stomach grumbles. “I guess so.”

“It’s a little late for lunch already,” he says, “but it’s the best place for street food.”

He’s not totally sure if he agrees, but it is pretty good. There’s about five separate crepe shops on Takeshita Street, which as the main through path through Harajuku, is crowded as usual. Karma goes to one in particular he presumes is decent, ordering some kind of strawberry monstrosity. Nagisa just ends up with a cheese hotdog (which is basically just deep fried cheese), considering there’s limited savoury options.

“Have you even tried eating that less suggestively?” Karma asks, glints of annoyance in his tone that Nagisa can’t recognise the true seriousness of.

“Huh?” He responds, pausing to lick up a line of stray ketchup from its side.

Karma just rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath.

He looks up at him. “So… Just walking around Harajuku. Is this a date? Are we going to go shopping or something?”

At least he laughs lightly. “No. But, now you mention it, maybe we could do something about your fashion sense.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my clothes! Besides,” he mumbles, “I don’t know much about dating, but I do know you’re not supposed to insult the other person’s outfit.”

He grins. “Are you saying you picked out an outfit specially for me?”

“O-of course not!”

He peers down at him, looking far too smug. “Well I didn’t say you were dressed badly now. Just, you know, maybe you should get some tighter jeans. Your ass deserves it.”

“H-hey!”

Nagisa scowls as Karma pulls him along, laughing at his face. In reality, he did actually spend a little bit too much time overthinking the clothes. He doesn’t know what ‘date outfits’ are supposed to be, and it’s not like Karma gave him much of an idea of what they’d be doing. He’d had to go for something that wasn’t too formal, but wouldn’t look strange if he did end up taking him to a restaurant or something. Nagisa doesn’t have too many options within those restrictions.

“You say we’re not going shopping,” he says as they leave the crowded street and Karma pulls him towards some escalators, “but we’re literally going into a shopping centre.”

He flicks the back of his hand. “It’s not just clothes you know.”

“Oh,” Nagisa says when they reach the top floor. “Starbucks?”

Karma tugs him inside. “It’s like the easiest date there is. It’s the date you do when you have no other ideas.”

“You seduce people in coffee shops?”

“It’s more of an innocent choice,” he admits. “Although, once in university-“

Nagisa really doesn’t want to know.

Thankfully, the barista unintentionally comes to his rescue. “Can I take your order?”

Maybe one of the things most people come to a place like this is the fancy drinks, but Nagisa just panics and orders a latte. Proving his point, Karma follows up with some sort of strawberry frappuccino, as if the crepe wasn’t sweet enough. Maybe his lips will taste sweet, though… He tries to get that thought off his mind.

“I’ll get it,” Karma says, and cuts in front of him to pay before he even gets the chance.

Nagisa’s hand hovers his own wallet. Is this really okay? He gets that this happens on dates, and he supposes Karma asked him here, but still… This must be pretty expensive already by this point. Nagisa might not be made of money, but he can afford the occasional fun day. It kind of feels like Karma’s acting like his… sugar daddy, or something.

“They’re ready,” Karma comes over, his drink in hand. And it’s then that Nagisa realises he’s just been standing there like an idiot. “Let’s go outside.”

“In the winter?”

“Yeah,” Karma shrugs, “it’s not that cold.”

Maybe because he’s permanently hot. Nagisa’s noticed that recently. Sure, he’s used to Karma barely wearing a coat even in the height of winter, but he’s noticed it even more recently. What, with all the hand holding and other forms of close bodily contact. Admittedly, even though the air is pretty cool, the heat of the coffee makes it bearable.

It’s nice outside. They’re on the top floor of the building, but rather than a plain balcony it’s actually more of a roof garden. He can definitely see why a place like this would come across as ‘date’ like. Again, it’s not really something he’d expect from Karma. Then again, it’s not like Nagisa’s ever attempted to have a conversation with him about that.

“Do you like flowers?”

“Hm?” Karma says as they sit down. “Why, are you planning to get me a bouquet next time?”  

Next time?!

 Karma seems to realise what he said too, coughing. “I mean, there’s some pretty useful ones. Wolfsbane, nightshade, hemlock, oleander, lily of the valley…”

“Aren’t those all poisons?”

“Like I said, useful.”

Trust him. “I’m not supplying those to you.”  

“So you are getting me flowers?”

Nagisa’s definitely not buying him flowers, and Karma knows it. Still, the image of it is funny. It’s a near ridiculous thing to imagine, showing up with a bunch and presenting them with some kind of grandeur. A part of him almost wants to try it. He wonders how Karma would actually react? Most likely he’d just make fun of him, but maybe he’d enjoy it a little bit…

“Hey, earth to Nagisa?”

He realises Karma’s waving a hand in front of his face. Maybe he daydreamed for too long? “S-sorry.”

Karma doesn’t look too offended. “I didn’t think Starbucks was good enough for silence.”

Maybe Nagisa should go with that assumption. “Sometimes basic is good.”

He sips his strawberry drink. “I don’t believe in that.”

That’s probably true. He’s not sure if ‘basic’ is even in Karma’s vocabulary.

“I guess I don’t really like sweet things that much,” he admits.

“You’re a dentist’s dream,” Karma hums. “Bet you used to that love as a kid, huh?”

He thinks about it. “Going to the dentist? I guess so. I kind of miss getting a sticker every time.”

“You’re a teacher,” Karma raises his eyebrow. “Surely you have a ton of stickers.”

“It’s not the same if you give it to yourself… kind of defeats the point.”

Their conversation drifts into this kind of safe territory. Nagisa doesn’t mind it, not really. Despite what they talked about earlier, it would feel weird to start digging around for new life information. But that’s probably what you’re supposed to do on dates, right? At least in situations like this. Not that he minds having a more natural conversation with Karma. In fact, he probably even prefers this.

At some point, even though he finished his drink a while ago, he realises that he barely cares about sitting outside in the cold.

“You know,” Karma says, “this is a good place to impress people who aren’t from here.”

“How?”

Karma just points, and Nagisa follows his eyes to the vaguely discernible shape of Mount Fuji in the distance. “I don’t know, but it makes people go crazy.”

Admittedly, Mount Fuji is far less impressive when you can easily see it every day. Still, he supposes it’s a pretty nice view, especially since it didn’t require any sort of special plans. Plus the environment is just nice anyway. He almost wants to sigh deeply and close his eyes. It could be comfortable, like this. And yet… there’s a certain kind of weirdness still.

It’s honestly like Nagisa’s in two completely different minds over everything. Such as talking about his feelings. He feels like he’s convinced himself the idea of dating wouldn’t be that crazy. But, it still just feels odd. A part of him wants Karma to act more like this is the lesson it’s supposed to be, than whatever this is.

“Are you done?” He asks. “There’s a few more things we have to do.”

Nagisa finds himself nodding, almost dazed as Karma takes his hand again. Except, rather than taking him onto another train, they end up walking towards Yoyogi Park. It makes Nagisa flush naturally, a little, at the memory of what happened the last time they were there together. Karma doesn’t look like he’s going to kiss him, though. If anything, this is the longest they’ve gone without kissing in a while.

Eventually, the greenery of the park fades into skyscrapers, and they’re in the middle of Shibuya. It’s already turned to late afternoon at this point, and it’s alive with activity. More so than he had before, Nagisa starts to feel just a little bit self-conscious. As much as he likes the feeling too, he can’t help but feel like people are looking at them. It makes him feel almost defensive, in a strange way. Like he wants to shout ‘it’s not what you think’.

If he has a problem with that, how can he even be considering a relationship? An important part of that is feeling comfortable with them, isn’t it? It’s not like it’s odd for people to be looking at Karma. But he’s tall, and super attractive, so Nagisa can’t exactly blame them. Him? He’s short and basic looking, definitely not eye catching. Usually when he’s around Karma, he’s used to it, but publicly holding hands with him adds a whole new layer of context.

They don’t look natural together. Surely that’s the question on everyone’s mind. Why’s someone like that settling for someone so plain? A relationship is different from sex. Not that he would, but Nagisa understands that realistically, you could probably sleep with anyone. But couple things… that involves photos, going to events together, being seen all the time. He’s not sure if Karma’s shallow like that, though he’s inclined to think he isn’t, but…

Nagisa ends up staring more at his shoes.

At least, for a while. “Wait, we’re at the station? You just wanted to walk around?”

“Well,” he says, “walking around is usually a good dating method. But nah, we’re going up there,” he points.

Nagisa’s eyes follow him, right to the skyscraper besides the station. “Oh.”

“Come on,” he says, “or else we’ll be late for our slot.”

It’s only after they’ve taken the elevator to the top floor that Nagisa understands. There’s a short queue, but they go right past them, and then with the worker’s okay they’re suddenly on the rooftop. They’re not the only ones there by any means, but most people seem to be in some kind of a couple. The rooftop itself isn’t that impressive, but the view is.

As was probably the intention, the sun is just starting to set over the view of the entire city. It’s a little disconcerting though, considering all the barriers just appear to be glass. Even though he knows parkour, there’s a limit to that. Despite that, he’s a little transfixed by the view, stepping over towards one of the corners, where the view was pretty much unobstructed.

“Cool, isn’t it?” Karma says from behind him.

Nagisa just nods for a moment. “It makes me feel really small.”

“Bet you can see Kunugigaoka from here,” he says.

“I don’t know,” he squints. “Maybe.”

He hums. “I guess you could’ve when they put those barriers up and fired the laser.”

Nagisa feels his insides twist. “I guess we were kind of busy. But that would have been weird to see.”

“I kind of wish that day hadn’t been so depressing,” he admits. “It was the first time everyone really worked together.”

He smiles at the odd memory. Well, the day Korosensei died hadn’t been too long after his fight with Karma. It was only after that they were really capable of proper teamwork. Weirdly enough, he finds himself agreeing with the idea. Maybe it’s a little weird, but it’s kind of sad to him that he and Karma only had a few chances to fight together, when doing that had given him a rush like nothing else.

They always have made a good team, Nagisa realises, as he looks over his shoulder.

Karma tilts his head. “Huh? What’s that look?”

The golden colour of the sun is illuminating his form perfectly from this angle. Nagisa doesn’t even want to answer him. He just wants to stare. Now would be a great time to just come clean with everything he’s feeling. He can even ignore the fear and whispers of doubt from down below his surface. And yet, as much as Nagisa wants to, the words just won’t form in his mouth.

 “I like it here,” he says instead.

Karma looks amused, though also a little bit confused. Nagisa finds himself turning around again. Why do things have to be so hard?

At that moment, Karma chooses to lurch forward and hug him from behind.

“W-what-“

“I’m appreciating the view,” he says innocently. “It’s much better from your height.”

“There’s lots of people here…”

Karma just laughs a little. “It’s not like I’m dry humping you.”

His face goes red. “You better not!”

Surprisingly, though, Karma still holds onto him. It’s almost like he actually wants to do it, rather than trying to annoy him. Unfortunately enough for him, Nagisa finds himself practically melting into it. It’s almost annoying, how comfortable he feels like this, and how quickly he forgets about anyone else who could be there. As long as Karma keeps holding him like this.

The sunset, and then the following twilight, don’t last forever though.

“We have one last place to go,” Karma says eventually, unwinding his arms from his waist. “C’mon, it’s the best one.”

Dinner? Nagisa goes without question, of course, but he’s even more curious. There’s thousands of potential dinner options. He supposes, so far, none of this has been ‘sophisticated’ exactly. It’s actually something he’s thankful for. Though, a voice in the back of his head reminds him this is supposed to be a lesson after all, so maybe he should be exposed to those kinds of places. Given the time, it probably makes more sense that this is the last thing…

The train they get on seems to last a while, though. At least, a lot longer than all the hopping on and off they did earlier. His heart’s beating even harder now. Is this a problem for him? Maybe. It feels like it could be, honestly. Maybe dinner’s a good place to do the whole feelings conversation. The worst thing that could happen is Karma running off and leaving him to pay or something.

It’s about then that Nagisa realises they’re actually heading towards Roppongi. Immediately, he starts to reconsider. Especially when they do actually get off at the next stop. He’d purposely dressed in a way that would be passable in most restaurants, but probably not here. At least Shibuya is populated by such a variety of people so that the general vibe is a lot more casual. Even breathing the air in Roppongi makes him feel like his wallet’s getting drained.

…Karma’s really pulling out all the stops, isn’t he?

Except, they don’t actually walk towards that area of the district at all. Maybe somewhere more lowkey, then? But, as it becomes increasingly clear based on the looming size of it, they’re actually walking towards Tokyo Tower. So no dinner? Nagisa’s not sure if he’s relieved, a little disappointed, or just confused. But, of course, he’ll follow.

Nagisa looks up, once they’re pretty much underneath the massive structure. “Didn’t we just go to a viewing spot.”

“Oh,” he says, “we’re not here for the view.”

“Huh?”

He just steers him by placing his hand on the small of his back. “Ready to become the Pirate King?”

It’s only when Nagisa sets his eyes upon a giant statue of Monkey D Luffy himself that he remembers Tokyo Tower also kind of doubles as some kind of One Piece… museum? Experience? Why did he ever even consider fancy dinner was on the cards? Of course he’s with Karma, and of course Karma does about the opposite of what he expects at all times.

He doesn’t protest when Karma gets them some admission tickets, though.

“What kind of date is this meant to be?”

“The dream date,” Karma says cheerfully.

The thing is, Nagisa doesn’t really like One Piece that much. By merit of existing, he knows enough about it, and he’s seen bits and pieces. But he couldn’t really quote the whole plot. Karma, though, genuinely looks pretty excited about this. Maybe he’s just been looking for an excuse to come here. It’s nice seeing him like this.

They’re ushered into a room, and before he can even gather his thoughts some sort of movie starts to play, kind of summarising the series. It only lasts about three minutes or so, but Nagisa finds himself actually paying pretty close attention. It’s like several memories are being unlocked from his mind all at once.

He almost misses when it comes to an end, and suddenly they’re in what seems to be the main room. At least, he thinks so, based on the aggressively loud volume of the anime’s opening playing in the background. They’re pretty much just surrounded by more life sized sculptures of the characters, sitting around the table and having a feast.

“It’s kind of like an art gallery,” Karma says.

“In what world?”

He just ignores him though, standing in front of the table scene. “Who’s the hottest?”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on,” Karma half whines. “It’s not a hard question. Everyone has a favourite character.”

Nagisa hasn’t had a conversation like this since he was maybe twelve years old. And back then, he avoided answering to any extent that he could. If it was bullied out of him, he probably would have said something like Nami since it seemed like a safe option. Right there, though, he struggles to look the orange haired figurine of the girl in the eye.

“It’s definitely Franky for me,” Karma says, going over to the mountainous statue which looks like a bodybuilder in some kind of extreme mode.

That takes him back a little. “Really?”

“Kind of used to be my type,” he says, and from his tone it seems like he’s being serious.

“Used to?”

Karma shrugs. “I had a phase. Y’know. Tall, muscles.”

So basically the opposite of Nagisa? He feels a little self conscious. Though, Karma did just say it was a phase from the past… He supposes your ‘type’ isn’t exactly a constant thing. Actually, it’s a little weird to imagine Karma with someone like that though. It’s really rare that he’s not the tallest or most muscular in the room at any given time as it is. Finding anyone who looked more extreme than that?

“Okay,” Karma says lightly, “I think all the main stuff is on the second floor.”

It turns out that there are several areas dedicated to the characters, including a casino and haunted house. They decide to go on some sort of walk around tour first, though, which is like the first floor but a little more tightly themed. Even if Nagisa’s a little lost with all of this, it’s fun to watch Karma look genuinely pretty happy about all of this.

“Hey Nagisa,” he points, “when’s the last time you did kendo?”

There’s a huge collection of swords hanging on the wall, and some kind of Zoro related attraction that he’s suddenly being pulled towards. Of course, Karma should know that with his mother, Nagisa never got close to martial arts when he was younger, and definitely not ones that involve swords. But, well, even if he doesn’t know how to fight with a katana, he must have some kind of transferable skills.

It’s an individual game, but there’s a score system. Just a look between the two of them sets it up very clearly. This is going to be a competition.

Nagisa takes his stance in front of the screen a little nervously, and he’s handed the sword. It’s probably a lot lighter than a real one. It’s a little like a Nintendo game, where he has to slash in the direction of enemies who appear on screen. He’s concentrating, though, and tries to react as quickly as he can. Even though his day job doesn’t involve this kind of thing, even in the name of self defence, a lot of this is ingrained into his muscle memory.

He actual feels a little worn out after the round, panting to catch his breath a little. The worker congratulates him, but he’s way more interested in what Karma’s going to do. He watches him curiously as he takes his place, and swallows hard. Unfortunately, Karma looks really good holding a sword like that. He wonders what he’d look like in cosplay. He moves fluidly, too, demonstrating that his skills haven’t rusted either. It really is a near perfect sight.

But then his score flashes up on screen.

“Wait, I won?!”

Karma just sighs dramatically. “Stop pretending you weren’t the number one assassin.”

He flushes. “You were always better at actual fighting though.”

“I seem to remember you beat me up pretty good.”

“T-that was-“

Karma’s eyes glint though, having caught sight of something. “Rematch?”

The rematch turns out to be a shooting gallery game, except it requires the use of a slingshot. Considering Nagisa’s only been trained in actual firearms, it’s a pretty obvious loss. He can’t quite get the hang of the forces and angles needed to hit the targets properly. As expected, Karma looks far too well practised at this, and manages to knock them all down with a shot each. It’s not that he had to redeem his skill at all, but he definitely did.

Once again, this date becomes clear in its safe territory. They walk around some, touring the exhibits and chatting. Karma spends a near crazy amount of time explaining certain plot points, although he tries to defend that he’s really not caught up with the story. Admittedly, it is pretty interesting, and he definitely sees the appeal of a place like this.

“I’m kind of beat,” Karma admits eventually. “Ready for some food?”

Fancy restaurant time?

“Yeah, I’m kind of hungry.”

As it turns out though, the One Piece place has its own themed restaurant. It’s not quite what Nagisa had in mind for a meal date, honestly. It’s late enough that a lot of people are just eating in peace at least, but the atmosphere doesn’t exactly scream romance automatically. Or maybe it does to a certain crowd, but Nagisa’s never been much of a manga reader.

He likes it a lot more than any super fancy restaurant though, or at least he decides that pretty instantly as they sit down at the table across from each other. He wouldn’t know how to act at a place like that, but here it’s just him and Karma. Though, it kind of throws a loop through the whole idea of an epic confession. He’s not sure he wants pirates to be involved in that memory.

“So,” Nagisa says after they’ve placed their drink orders, “this is a dinner date?”

“It’s a way more interesting one than anywhere else,” he defends.

Nagisa nods. “I-I don’t know what I expected, but it makes sense somehow. I can’t really imagine you taking someone to one of those really fancy places.”

“When it’s just a hook up kind of thing,” he says, “I guess the whole romantic memory thing isn’t too important.”

“Please tell me you haven’t taken someone here trying to hook up with them.”

He laughs. “You’re the first, don’t worry about that.”

Wow, what an honour. Except, actually, it kind of is. Most people, at least from what he can tell, don’t know too much about Karma’s nerdy side. It’s the only reason Karma even spoke to Nagisa in the first place, though, and it had completely changed his idea of him back in junior high. He loves the sparkle in his eyes, and the relaxed shifts in his face whenever he gets the chance to indulge in his interests like this. It’s cute. Nagisa’s heart begins to ache.

“-Although,” Karma continues, “there might have been a couple of McDonald’s in the past.”

“As a first date?”

Karma sighs. “I don’t do dating.”

Huh.

“What do you mean?”

He seems pretty nonchalant about it, when their One Piece themed beers arrive and he takes a sip. “I mean, they’re all pretty much ‘first dates’, if they even happen. I’m not into the relationship thing.”

“N-not with anybody?”

Karma shrugs again. “You’d know about it if I’d ever dated someone, right?”

Nagisa shakes his head, his thoughts spilling out before he can stop them. “B-but you did though! You spent almost a whole year of university way too busy to hang out with me because you were always with that exchange student guy.”

He almost seems to wince. “We weren’t a couple. Just hooking up for a while.”

“But you seemed really-“

“Nagisa-“

“Right,” he looks down at the table. “I didn’t mean to ramble.”

“It was what it was,” his mood seems to have changed a lot. “Like I said, I had a type. You know how hard it is to find anyone taller than me in Japan? Sergei was there. It was a thing. He went back to Russia. That’s all. The whole boyfriend and feelings thing isn’t for me.”

Except, Nagisa really thinks that’s not all at all. Of course, at the time he hadn’t made much attention to Karma’s love life at all, but there’s parts he remembers vividly. He never actually met the guy himself, but it had felt like Karma would bring it up in every text conversation, would blow him off all the time because he was all of a sudden ‘busy’. And the few times they did see each other, again it was ‘Sergei this’ and ‘Sergei that’. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember a time when they actually broke up. Just that Karma eventually stopped mentioning him and started hanging out with him more again.

And what does he mean by he doesn’t do relationships? Like, ever? Even if he wasn’t actually dating that guy, it had still seemed close to a relationship. Something pretty bad must have happened. From the way Karma’s speaking, at least, Nagisa feels like he can tell that. It’s clearly not something he wants to talk about, considering the way he’s just playing it off. Did he get hurt or something?

He can’t tell Karma how he feels.

That hits him like a ton of bricks. If a relationship is off the cards, then it’ll only mess things up. The feelings thing isn’t for me. Except Nagisa’s already full of feelings. He likes Karma a lot, more than he’s ever liked anyone. The way Karma treats him, that doesn’t mean anything. It’s just his head, isn’t it? Convincing him that Karma likes him back because that’s what he wants to think. But it’s never going to happen.

So then what? They just keep sleeping together as ‘friends’? Unless Karma just decides he has enough knowledge and graduates him at some point. They can be friends who have sex.

Except, Nagisa’s not sure he can.

So far this has been a slippery slope. He doesn’t even look at Karma the same way he used to, and it just gets worse and worse. He’s always going to want more. So then the healthiest thing would be to cut all of this off, wouldn’t it? If he can’t cope with just being friends with benefits forever. But can they even just go back to being friends? Surely they’re beyond that point by now.

Torture himself until his heart breaks? Lose Karma entirely?

The delivery of their food supplies some much needed relief. Like everything else in the place, it’s very deliberately One Piece themed. He ordered the omurice, and it comes in the shape of a straw hat, the red represented by ketchup. Maybe it’s far from sophisticated, and maybe he doesn’t really care about the show it’s representing, but at least it’s a filling dish. It feels like he can’t really taste anything though.

“Woah,” Karma says, apparently over the more serious topic already. “It’s so good.”

Nagisa nods, forcing a smile onto his face.

He needs to end this. It’s the only good option here. It’s not right for him to just let this continue, for either of them. Karma shouldn’t be stuck with him out of some kind of obligation when he clearly doesn’t want that. And Nagisa shouldn’t keep coming to him, begging for scraps of affection wherever he can get it. Sleeping with him is only making things worse. Maybe if he gets out now, there’s still a chance they could have some kind of regular friendship. So he’ll end it.

It feels like a punch to the gut. Almost like he wants to lock himself away and cry. But he can’t. If this is his last chance to feel like this, like there’s something special here, like he’s important – he’ll take it. Tomorrow, he can just be another notch on Karma’s bedpost. Just a friend he helped out for a period of time. But right now, if this is the last time he gets to feel this, he’ll take it. He can give himself that, right? Otherwise he might forget this feeling.

He’s enjoying the rest of this date thing, whether he wants to or not.

“Are you being quiet because it tastes good or?”

Nagisa finishes his current bite. “Yeah, s-sorry. I guess it’s distracting.”

“You’ve always had simple tastes though,” he says. “I’ll make you some of this, next time you come over.”

He forces himself to swallow. “Yeah. I’m sure you’ll make it even better.”

“I got top grades in Home Ec, you know.”

He deadpans. “You got top grades in everything.”

“Yeah,” he says, “but this has nothing to do with being smart.”

“You’re pretty resourceful though.”

Karma leans back in the chair. “True.”

Just this one night, he tries to remind himself. “You haven’t really shown me those yet, your date resources. At least not the, uh,” he feels himself flush a little, “leading on parts…”

He grins, learning on the table with his elbows. “Huh? You want my expertise? Well, the important thing is to make sure the situation is relaxed. That usually happens after a meal.”

Nagisa nods, pushing his mostly clear plate away for effect. “Okay.”

“You can do a surprising amount with food, you know? There’s lots of words with double meanings, and you can be just about subtle enough. The idea is to get the subject on their mind.”

He almost feels like he should be taking notes. “Right, flirting.”

“Exactly!” He says. “There’s also little things you can do, like this,” he knocks his leg against Nagisa’s, “or this,” he leans forward, miming that he’s removing some food from the side of Nagisa’s mouth.

“All of those things mean sex?”

“It’s like a combo move. But it’s tricky, you also have to pay attention to their reaction every step of the way, know how to balance the push and pull.” He looks at Nagisa seriously then. “You’re finished with the food? We can stay here and get another drink or something, or call it a night.”

“Let’s stay,” Nagisa says maybe a little too quickly.

It’s bad, but he wants to prolong this as much as he can. Soak in the entire experience before he has to turn it away. He feels a pit open within himself. Is this using him? It feels like it. But Nagisa can’t speak up and make himself stop it. It’s like standing there transfixed at the sight of a car crash. He knows he shouldn’t look, but it’s just human nature…

The topic drifts away from anything flirty, once they order another round of heavily overpriced beers. At the very least, Nagisa makes sure he’s mostly just taking occasional sips rather than drinking it properly. He doesn’t actually want to end up intoxicated at all. A buzz, however, would probably be nice.

Unfortunately, there’s a limit to how much they can sit around and have inconsequential conversations after a whole day together.

“You really took me on an entire loop of Tokyo,” Nagisa says as they walk leisurely to the closest metro station.

Karma shrugs. “I told you the order would make sense.”

The exhaustion manages to hit him almost exactly as the train rolls into the station. It’s so bad, in fact, that he barely even comprehends the fact that Karma’s still standing there with him. It’s just so tempting to lean on him. He almost does it, even, but the jolt of the carriage as they go round a curve

“Why are you here?” Nagisa says, dazingly, when they get off at his stop a depressing amount of time later.

Karma just chuckles. “Walking your date home is part of it.”

“Oh.”

“Plus,” he shifts an eye down at him, “since you’re against love hotels apparently, you’re not leaving many options.”

His eyes widen. “R-right.”

“Aw come on Nagisa,” he wraps an arm around his shoulder and squeezes tight. “I’m not buying the coy act.”

Nagisa purposely breaks away and speeds up his pace, but unfortunately for him Karma has double the leg reach. Now it’s almost like they’re actually racing. It’s an odd feeling, though. Karma never really comes to his place. Considering it’s just a tiny studio even he struggles to fit in, Karma’s place is almost always the better option.

Once they reach his front door, he feels a certain amount of dread. Is it over already?

“This is important,” Karma says, leaning  against the door frame. “You need to know the code.”

“Code?”

He clears his throat. “’So, do you want a drink?’ Or, ‘can I make you some tea?’.”

“I-I might have some oolong-“

Karma looks amused. “The point is an excuse to invite them in. Or, you can always test the waters with a goodnight kiss first. Y’know, to test the waters.”

Nagisa nods, but before he can respond, Karma’s lips are on his. He’s only stunned for a moment or two, before he inevitably melts against him. It’s a sweet kiss, as opposed to suggestive. Nagisa wouldn’t doubt it being a genuine goodnight, a nice send off to what was honestly a pretty great day, even if they did a lot.

The sweetness is almost fatal, though. That’s why he finds himself pressing deeper, and Karma follows in kind, practically trapping him against the wall as Nagisa wraps around him. It’s just about late enough that Nagisa’s not that concerned about his neighbours seeing them. He’d almost go all the way out here like this, in his weird state of mind. Karma kissing him like this isn’t making his thoughts any clearer either. What is clear, though, is he needs to breathe eventually.

“Do you want a drink?” He asks lowly.

Maybe he’s a terrible person.

Karma’s eyes gleam. “I am kind of thirsty.”

He half expects Karma to continue what they were doing the moment he closes the door behind them, but he just takes his shoes off politely, wandering across the room as he stretches, as though he owns the place. It makes Nagisa feel a little more self conscious than he had previously, especially as his mind catches up with the current situation.

“So, did you have a good time?”

He blinks in surprise. So they’re not making out now? “It’s not like I have anything to compare it to,” he says honestly, “but it felt… comprehensive.” He smiles more to himself. “I enjoyed it.”

Karma nods. “Good. It’s an important skill.”

Shifting awkwardly, Nagisa tries to figure out what to do next. “Do I actually have to give them a drink?”

“Not if you’re making out at the time,” he thinks. “But sure, it lightens the mood a bit.”

He pauses for a moment. “I don’t really know what I have, but…”

Karma peers over as he digs around. “Woah, your fridge is depressing.”

“I-“ he jumps forward, trying to see what he’s looking at. “I usually just buy stuff on the day.”

He squints. “That’s no good for you.”

“My cooking wouldn’t be good for me,” he says. “Anyway. Judging my food isn’t part of this.”

He picks a single bottled water out of the fridge. “It definitely is when I’m involved.”

Nagisa shifts again. “I’m not sure-“

“You’ve got most of the way already now. So,” he grins, “seduce me.”

Maybe it’s weird, but Nagisa’s not even completely sure how to do that. Seducing Karma usually involves just going up to him and kissing him until Karma does something. But that’s not exactly a technique, is it? Karma’s too easy on him, honestly. Nagisa doesn’t know how to actually seduce someone from scratch.

But maybe that’s just what Karma likes.

He tries his best to gather his determination, clenching his fist as he walks closer, taking the bottle of water out of Karma’s hand with a yank and setting it down on the floor. Karma just looks down at him, and there’s something heavy there. Nagisa isn’t entirely sure of his next move, though. It’s not like they’ve done this here before.

Nagisa pushes against his chest as firmly as he can. Of course, Karma’s a lot bigger and stronger than him, and could very easily resit if he wanted to. But he doesn’t, or at least not much, letting himself go as Nagisa wants. What he actually wants isn’t that clear, but it ends when Karma’s path is blocked by the bed, and he ends up forced to sit down on it, Nagisa almost toppling down with him before he stops himself. Now Karma’s looking up at him expectantly.

Isn’t this the opposite of what he’d resolved to do?

Enjoy the rest of the ‘date’ and then end things, right? Except, there’s something burning up in Nagisa that won’t let him. This isn’t healthy. But he tries so hard to reason. How can he ignore this feeling right now? Maybe if he knows this is going to be the last time, that’ll be enough. He’ll take some closure, and draw a line below this arrangement.

He ends up climbing onto the bed with his knees, straddling Karma’s lap. There’s not so much room on his small single bed, but it’s not too different from a sofa. Karma’s eyes are a little glazed over, and somehow that satisfies him a lot. Good. One arm wraps around Karma’s shoulder, his hand finding the back of his head. The other… he ends up sliding against Karma’s cheek, before going in for the kill.

Karma clutches against his back instantly, which causes him to shudder. Of course, he’s gotten pretty used to kissing Karma recently, but it’s never boring or mechanical. Always, he manages to get Nagisa’s head to spin like a carousel. He could probably do anything to him like this, and Nagisa wouldn’t even mind, nor remotely attempt to stop him.

He hasn’t turned the heating on yet, he realises vaguely, as Karma’s scalding fingers dig under his shirt, resting against his naturally colder skin. It causes him to shift his hips, all his blood rushing south. It’s gentle, though, every aspect of his touch. Nagisa likes this side to him, though the other sides are good too. Despite this, though, he does end up instinctively hissing when Karma grips his waist just a little too hard.

Karma pulls back, looking at him. “This still hurts?”

Nagisa’s just still and silent as he twists, lifting the shirt properly to get a better look. He’s still bruised from the events of the week before. Most of his body has healed fine, but with how hard Karma had been holding onto him… there are still discernible finger marks there. Nagisa hadn’t complained about them, though, since they’re pretty easy to hide.

Karma’s eyes are dark when he looks back up at him, and Nagisa feels himself burn, especially when he kisses him again even harder. He bites lightly against his lower lip, which forces a very light moan out of him. It’s all Nagisa can do to tighten his grip around Karma’s body, responding as he can. Though, there’s a bit of satisfaction as he feels Karma gradually harden below him.

For whatever reason, Nagisa decides to take the plunge. It’s a little awkward to coordinate his hands, and they have to break the kiss for a bit, but he manages to get Karma’s upper layers off, tossing them… somewhere. That’s a problem for later. Right now, he just wants to feel Karma’s skin. Rather than kissing him again, he does just that, touching a hand to his chest.

It’s odd, really, touching another person like this. If he really breaks it down. Having him under his hand… Nagisa’s never been the one who’s in control. But right there, he feels like he has some, in a strange way. And he’s not even sure what to do with it.

Karma takes the opportunity to strip his shirt off him, too. Nagisa doesn’t mind that in all. Actually, he figures it’s just a good opportunity. He leans up on his knees as well as he can, unbuttoning his trousers. It’ll be more awkward if he tries to do it later. Karma doesn’t seem to mind the development at all, helping him slide them off. From the position, it’s even harder to do the same with Karma, but they manage it with a bit of awkward shuffling, leaving both of them in their underwear.

Nagisa kisses him again, lowering himself in his lap. It’s like he could spend an eternity like this. Karma kisses against his neck after a moment or two, his breaths so hot. He’s almost tempted to just let his eyes fall closed and feel. There’s also a part of him, though, who wants more than this already. Like he won’t be satisfied until then.

Turning his head away, Karma takes a heavy breath. “Nagisa…”

“Hmm,” Nagisa responds wordlessly.

Karma squeezes his shoulders, though. “You don’t have stuff, do you?”

It takes him a second to realise what Karma actually means. Items usually required for sex. Nagisa doesn’t own lube, if anything it’s probably on the bottom of his list of ‘items he wants to buy’. And he definitely doesn’t have condoms. It’s not like he hasn’t thought about it. It’s pretty unfair though, right? Shouldn’t this kind of thing be equal provision? But Karma always seems to have a supply, so…

“R-right,” Nagisa looks down.

But then Karma squints. “How do you not have lube?”

“I-I don’t need it?”

“But,” he mines what can only be the motion of jerking off, “you know.”

This is not a conversation he wants to have. “I don’t really need to do that,” he turns his head, feeling a flush.

“Huh?” Then Karma gets a devious look on his face. “I’m already enough for you, is that right?”

“That’s not-“

He bites likely on his shoulder. “You could’ve said.”

Nagisa really wants him to shut up, burning in annoyance. Somehow, his limbs end up moving independently, and he’s pushing Karma back again. This time, though, he ends up going back fully, just about thinking to twist so he’s lying on Nagisa’s bed properly. It’s… quite a sight. Nagisa shifts himself too, getting a better position.

Being on top of Karma on his bed, he likes it a lot. Even though they can’t really have sex, as it turns out. It’s not like they’re lacking in potential activities. And the way Karma’s lying spread out… he pretty much has free choice. And there’s a lot of choices. His fingers brush against his stomach briefly, before diving below the waistband of his underwear.

Funnily enough, Karma actually spreads his legs a little and arches his hips. He’s not completely hard yet, but from the feel of things that won’t take long. Somehow, Nagisa stops thinking so much, just pulling him out properly. This is pretty easy for him, given all their ‘lessons’, but it’s still satisfying to hear that affirming hiss when Nagisa strokes his length.

He hasn’t touched himself at all, but Nagisa feels burning in his own groin. It’s bad enough, in fact, that he reaches for himself mostly out of instinct. Grinding the back of his palm over his crotch to supply at least some friction, Nagisa lets out his own sigh of relief. At the same time, his hand ends up speeding up some.

But then he looks at Karma properly again.

Sure, he can jerk him off normally. But Karma can handle that easy, and Nagisa enjoys the way his expression opens sometimes. He slows himself like that, concentrating on his grip instead. Honestly, it’s just a little fascinating. Such as the way his lips fall open just a touch when he rubs a thumb over the head.

Anyone would be sensitive here, but Nagisa already knows his particular spots. Just a few twists and turns and… yes… He sees the way Karma’s shifting around. Or, the way his hands move to clamp on Nagisa’s own hips, attempting to tug down his underwear. Nagisa doesn’t find a reason not to go with it, pulling them off himself.

With the slight changes in position, their both pretty much aligned. Nagisa doesn’t really mean to, but he grinds his hips into Karma’s automatically, his own eyes flickering shut. Sensationally there could be ways to make it better, but the context of the situation makes him feel so hot all over. He would be more than happy to just stay like this.

Karma grips his hips, fingers almost perfectly covering the bruises that are still there. Almost like it’s his personalised guide. Even if he’s not really riding him, it does feel like it like this, grinding together on top of him. It becomes clear, though, that this isn’t really going to last that long. The point of this isn’t to draw it out. It’s just…

He lets out his own moan when Karma’s hand moves, wrapping around both their erections. His hand feels nice, and surprisingly soft, but so hot. He’s vaguely aware, though, that this is his apartment and he’ll actually have to see his neighbours. There needs to be some kind of extra effort to restrain himself.

When he moves more, it seems Karma hasn’t got the memo. Any other situation, and Nagisa would be joining him. The noises Karma lets out ring perfect in his ears. In fact, everything about him. Actually, it’s a lot of fun being on top of him, a view Nagisa doesn’t usually get to see. Sacrificing control makes him feel good, but being the one mostly in control…

“Karma,” he lets out, trying his best not to make it feel like a sex noise. “Be quiet!”

Apparently he doesn’t care much to listen, tossing his head back and grinding his hips up as he lets out even more noises. Is he getting close? Nagisa feels like he could be, too. Which means they’re only going to get louder here. Out of natural feeling, his hips have sped up quite a bit. Enough that he can vaguely hear the bed shifting around too.

He reaches down, clapping a hand over Karma’s mouth.

Once his hand is there, he freezes for a moment, and the two of them look at each other. Why did he do that? Why is he still doing it? There’s only a confused, muffled sound from Karma. Huh. Nagisa kind of likes it actually. He nods, before shifting his hips again, and Karma’s eyes roll back. He can feel his mouth move under his hand as more muffled noises come.

Of course, it really doesn’t take them long to finish like that. Nagisa bites down on his lip hard when it happens, actually a little bit after Karma for once, just about remembering to remove his hand before he collapses down on top of him, practically lying on his chest. There’s not really the space for them to be side by side like this.

“Yeah okay,” Karma says as he tries to catch his breath. “I feel pretty seduced.”

Nagisa feels himself go red. “I- Sorry!”

He laughs, and Nagisa really likes the feeling of his chest moving. “What for?”

“I shouldn’t have just-“

Karma waves him off. “I liked it, don’t panic. I’d probably like anything you do to me.”

Famous last words.

When Nagisa doesn’t reply to that, they both lie there in near silence, just the sounds of their breathing. It’s his home, but Nagisa probably has less control here. When he’s at Karma’s, he can leave whenever he feels like it. But he lives here. Unless he actually kicks Karma out (which he wouldn’t!), when this ‘ends’ isn’t really up to him.

“So,” Karma swallows eventually. “Good date ending?”

Nagisa twists a little. “What happens now?”

“Hmm, well, usually you offer some water, suggest we get cleaned up. Unless you like feeling crusty-“

He can’t just jump off his bed easily like this, but he rolls over him really awkwardly, stumbling to his feet. “U-uhm! I-I mean, I have a shower so…”

Karma jumps to his feet. “Let’s go!”

That’s really not what he meant. He doesn’t complain when they do this usually, because he needs Karma to hold him up sometimes. But he’s completely fine like this. He feels awkward about saying no, though, so he just nods and goes along with it. There’s not really too much room for them both, but he manages to get the water on.

They don’t draw it out too long, at least, simply washing their bodies clean. Admittedly, Nagisa already feels better. Clarity comes back to his mind, too. Wasn’t he supposed to end this? But how can he? He doesn’t want to. He wants-

Karma shuts the water off. “Are you out of it or something?”

Nagisa just looks at the floor. “I-I only have one towel.”

Not responding to that, Karma steps out and grabs it before Nagisa even gets the chance. It’s actually quite funny, how small it looks in his hands. He does dry himself with it rapidly, though, before tossing it in Nagisa’s direction and walking off completely naked. Like he’s purposely trying to show off his ass or something.

By the time Nagisa’s wrapped the towel around his own waist, Karma has his clothes half on. “It’s not even that late, I figured you’d rather I at least try and make the last train, right?”

A little dumbfounded, Nagisa nods.

Karma swallows, before straightening out his shirt and putting his coat on. He pauses for a moment, before suddenly he’s in Nagisa’s space, and bends down to give him what’s basically a peck on the lips. “I’ll see you next week.”

“Okay.”

For the benefit of people who haven't lived in Tokyo: I tried my best to make a decent map to demonstrate where they actually went. The only place I haven't personally been to is the One Piece tower (I've been outside it though), so that information mostly comes from vlogs. Hopefully this helps you picture things! 

Additionally, check out this great art of Nagisa realising his feelings for the first time! Artist gives permission and says they don't have social media to link, so we'll just call them Blueberry. Thank you so much! 

Nagisa can’t stop glancing over at his phone.

Technically, he’s still at work. So he shouldn’t be doing this, not really. It’s not like he has students around to see him, but it still feels like using his phone is very much in the range of ‘not okay’. Maybe this is just his life now. Constantly on edge, just waiting to be contacted… What happened to quitting, exactly?

The school day’s been over for a little while now, but there’s a lot of side work he still needs to get done. Mostly it’s just grading papers, but there’s additional tasks like writing notes on everyone, coming up with something to say in his reports… not that it’s hard to find nice things to say about his students! If anything, he’s actually struggling to cut it down.

His phone finally and Nagisa clenches his fist, trying to will himself not to look at it.

He does anyway, of course, like he’s parched for water or something. He hates himself every moment he does it, too. Ironically enough, it’s not even a message from Karma. Although, that realisation makes him panic, since he’s actually getting a video call from Kayano of all people. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to her, but it’s a very different situation.

“H-hello?!” He scrambles.

Kayano’s face beams at him through the screen. “Nagisa! Long time no see!” She falters. “Is this a bad time?”

“Oh, no,” he takes a deep breath and gathers his thoughts. “Now’s fine.”

She peers deeper into the screen. “Are you sure? You look like you’re in a classroom.”

Admittedly, he’d forgotten about her phoning him. “It’s fine, school already finished so I’m just catching up on a few bits of other work… it’s not that interesting.”

Kayano smiles softly. “I feel like you’re even busier than I am sometimes.”

“How’s the new drama going?” He asks politely.

She nods a little. “Pretty good. Filming an ongoing series is definitely a lot different to movies. My mornings have been crazy recently, but at least I get some time off. Plus, it’s easier than being based in a different country, as fun as it is to travel and see different places… They’re talking about renewing the show for another season. I want to do it, but I think I might also be interested in something different soon… I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“No,” Nagisa says genuinely. “That sounds great.”

She grins. “So, have you actually watched it yet?”

“…” He half laughs as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I haven’t had time to watch much TV lately…”

Kayano doesn’t seem to mind at least. “You’ll just have to binge it all when it’s over! At least you’ll have a break coming up soon, right?”

“Yeah,” he affirms. “Not that I just get to do nothing, but it’s a few days off, when the school year finally ends.”

“Speaking of which, are you coming to the meet up this year?”

Nagisa hadn’t skipped the last one… okay two… on purpose. It’s hard to keep up with everything these days. But this year he’s pretty sure he can make it! At least, he hopes. It’s been far too long since he saw everyone, all in one place… Though, he’d almost considered never going again after what happened at the meet up the year all of them had turned 20, and thus drinking was totally legal. For real, Nagisa really should stay away from the alcohol.

“I think so,” he says. “Did Isogai say if they’re planning anything?”

Kayano shrugs. “Aside from cleaning up? I think someone was talking about an epic cops and robbers rematch. Karasuma san’s coming this year, so we’ll actually have a referee.”

If Karasuma is planning to attend, then Nagisa definitely can’t skip out.

“I hope Takebayashi’s prepared with the first aid,” he jokes.

“He’s bringing one of the paramedic kits from the hospital this year!”

Nagisa knows she’s not kidding. “I’m sad I missed out last time.”

A small smile comes on her face. “Everyone misses you, you know. Even Sugino says he barely sees you these days. Do you even still hang out with Karma?”

She doesn’t know the half of it. Aside from the pooling guilt he feels at Kayano’s statement, he feels awkward at the question. Although he made up with Sugino, they haven’t spoken about the situation at all. He should probably learn from that that not talking about it is the best option. Plus, it would feel even more weird to talk about that kind of thing with Kayano. It’s not that important, right?

“Yeah,” he says a little robotically, “sometimes.”

Her lips press together slightly. “That’s good, at least…”

“Actually,” he wracks his brain for anything to change the subject, “it’s been hard with the exam period and everything. It was tough when we were kids, but I never realised how much planning actually goes into this. I’m trying to think of a fun bonus question… do you think you can help?”

It is nice to talk to Kayano. They’ve been friends for so long for a reason, after all. Since they were in 3E together, she hasn’t actually changed that much. Although she was faking her personality when they first met, she’d adapted to the cheerful persona and that just became how she is. Over time, though, she’s mellowed a tiny bit to somewhere more balanced, but she’s still the same Kayano who gets excited about small things like cake. Catching up with her makes him feel homesick for some reason.

He feels a little dull, when he packs up his things and starts to head out of the school building. He needs to make more effort to keep in touch with everyone, for one. He needs to make more effort with a lot of things. With his fist clenched tightly around his bag, he spaces out for a moment, just outside of the main gate.

Is this what a rut feels like?

Not that Nagisa’s having some sort of premature midlife crisis. But he does feel strange. He was far too busy before with studying and then working his way into his choice career to make anything else a priority. And now he doesn’t have anything in particular to work towards, not really. He’s never… been in the kind of position where there’s not some kind of ultimate goal to make progress towards. He’s never just been before.

Maybe this is why he’s not making good choices. Maybe he needs to find something to work towards. But what? Aside from his regular work, he really doesn’t actually do a lot. Unless his hook ups/lessons with Karma count. Maybe they should count, but it feels even more depressing if he admits to himself that’s the one set social outlet in his regular weeks right now.

In the end, Nagisa ends up in Book Off. He’s not even sure how he got there, and in fact he didn’t even know there was one so close to the school. It’s almost as if it just materialised in his time of need. Admittedly, it’s rare for him to visit the shop and actually buy a book. Since it’s pretty much second hand pot luck for whatever you can get your hands on, it’s a decent place to look for rare merchandise.

It’s not like Nagisa doesn’t read. He has to read a bunch of very famous literature considering his profession. But for pleasure? It’s never quite been his thing. Aside from manga and comic books, that is. Nagisa finds himself staring at a bookshelf worth of proper options. Between the classroom classics and a barrage of low budget romance novels, there’s nothing too eye catching.  

Scanning the other shelves, he eventually just picks up the first title he actually recognises: Pride and Prejudice. Okay, so it’s definitely not his thing. He has a vague idea of what it’s about, but he’s never even come close to reading it himself. Well, it’s different… and most importantly only 300 yen. So maybe it’s a little bit past the new year’s resolution time, but this is a goal all the same. He’s going to read an enlightening book.

His phone buzzes in his hand, though, so he half rushes towards the cashier and tries not to look her in the eye before scuttling off out. Thankfully, once he’s put the book in his bag and made it through the metro gates in one piece, he’s missed the worst of the homecoming rush. He manages to get a whole row of seats to himself when the train finally comes, sitting down with a sigh.

Karma: Come over I’m bored

Nagisa rolls his eyes, after finally reading the message. At least he’d been too busy to actually give an instant reply.

Nagisa: I told you I was going to be busy at work until later.

Karma: But I got home already

Karma: And you didn’t tell me when you’d be done yet

Karma: Are you done now?

Karma: I’ll pick you up some food from the store

Honestly, Nagisa’s not actually surprised that Karma replied right away. He’s not even surprised that he’s in a store for some reason. Perhaps the most alluring part of him is how much he seems to actually enjoy cooking. It’s a far cry from the readymade food Nagisa would have otherwise. Perhaps that should be the next thing on his life agenda – actual cookery.

Nagisa: I just got on the train. What are you making?

Karma: I kind of felt like burgers earlier but they didn’t have the right kind of sauce

Karma: So now I’m staring at mayonnaise

Karma: Did you know there’s like 25 varieties?

Nagisa: I don’t actually like mayonnaise that much.

Karma: Well you should have just said because now I’m making oyakodon.

Nagisa: Why do you even need mayonnaise for that?

Karma: I don’t

Karma: I’m just saying

Karma: Make me feel better with a strip tease?

Nagisa: Other chat.

Nagisa: Remember?

Karma: Yeah, yeah

Karma: See you in a bit

The ‘other chat’ is actually a new introduction, because Nagisa’s accepted his fate at this point. It’s a great solution. His regular conversations with Karma, they can stay on their normal chat. But anything ‘lessons’ related? They’re now designated into a secondary chat. And Nagisa’s been really strict about it, too. This way, it’s much easier to keep everything separate. Even if it has encouraged even more of the flirty messages…

He forgets about everything else he was feeling earlier, as he walks the familiar route to Karma’s apartment. This is fine, isn’t it? He’s getting good food, and probably sex, and all in all it’s going to be a great start to the weekend. If they get done earlier enough he might even actually get started with his new novel.

What catches him off guard, though, is that Karma happens to be right there approaching from the opposite direction by the time Nagisa actually reaches the door. It turns out he wasn’t kidding about the shopping, considering the bags in his hands. Thankfully, there doesn’t appear to be a mayonnaise bottle in there. It’s about then he realises he’s still walking, and almost directly into Karma’s chest.

“Hi,” Nagisa says, maybe a little awkwardly.

Karma just blinks, before relaxing a little in his stance. “Watch where you’re going, Nagisa, you might bump into someone like that.”

“Excuse me,” someone else says, which makes Nagisa jump, clearly trying to actually go somewhere (which the two of them are blocking, to be fair).

“Sor-“ Nagisa begins, but his words get caught in his throat because he doesn’t quite know how to process the person in front of him.

They roll their eyes, tossing locks of rainbow coloured dyed hair over their shoulder. Nagisa can’t actually tell their gender just at a glance, based on their figure and clothing choice, but he gets the feeling that effect is intentional. It’s dark, something he’d probably describe as punk if he had to use a word, but there’s also cute, colourful flowery designs and badges with various logos on them. Not to mention that with the platform shoes they’re wearing, they’re almost matching Karma’s height.

It’s with slight fascination that he watches them knock on the door, which swings open almost instantly. “Fumiko Sensei! Happy birthday! I hope I’m not too late.”

Karma’s neighbour embraces them. “Mari, you came, please come in, we’ve only just started.” She peers out of the doorway, though, clearly catching sight of them. “Ah, good evening, Karma kun, Nagisa kun.”

Karma doesn’t seem too taken aback by the greeting. “You never said your birthday was coming up.”

She smiles widely. “You’ll see someday, but there’s a certain age when you don’t like to think about it.”

“I’d have got you a gift,” he says casually. “Maybe even more government merchandise.”

“Your presence is gift enough,” she jokes.

The other person, Mari apparently, sighs dramatically. “He’s too young for you, we’ve been over this.”

“Also gay,” Karma adds cheerfully.

Hisaishi san raises an eyebrow, and glances directly at Nagisa. “And still taken by the looks of it. You two should join the party.”

“P-party?” Nagisa’s brain finally catches up.

Karma looks at him. “You want to?”

Well, he definitely can’t say no now! “Yeah, it seems like fun.”

Hisaishi san beams. “Come on in, then! We’ll make some room in here.”

Karma slaps him forward, hitting his hand into his back. “Go on, I’ll put the food away first.”

Why does this feel like some sort of kidnapping? When they stand in the genkan, though, Mari turns out to be surprisingly short without the shoes. He’s not sure if that actually makes him feel better or not. For an elderly woman, the party appears to be surprisingly playful. There’s colourful banners all around, and the sizeable number of people in the room match Mari’s style, though they’re all a variety of ages.

“Take a seat,” she says cheerily.

Nagisa feels a little out of his depth. But he does accept the offer, trying to take in the scene around him. Should be speak to someone?

“Who’s this?” Someone asks, just as he sits down. “Hi, cutie.”

“Taken apparently,” Mari slides into the seat next to him, nonchalantly pulling out a bag of Cheetos.

“I-I’m not really-“

Someone who appears to be… a drag queen (?) across from him tuts. “There’s no such thing as ‘it’s complicated’.”

“Get this,” Mari says, “he’s with Karma.”

“Hot Karma?”

“Yup.”

Why does he feel like he needs some air? “I-I’m sorry?”

“Oh don’t be, just sharing some home truths. You’re a lucky boy,” she (?) says. “I’m Crystal, by the way. Nice to meet you…?”

“Nagisa,” he supplies. “Uhm… you know Karma?”

She snorts. “He almost broke my favourite stilettoes in Ni Chome.”

“He was trying to reach seven feet tall,” Mari supplies, as though that’s an explanation. “It was terrifying, but he didn’t quite manage it.”

So these are Karma’s… friends? Nagisa didn’t even know he had friends. Wait… it feels mean to think that. Well, clearly he does. Nagisa just wouldn’t have pictured him with a crowd of people like this. There’s nothing wrong with it, not at all, aside from being a little unexpected he actually kind of likes the idea, in some weird way. He wants to ask how any of this actually came about.

Karma even being amongst a lively crowd is a weird concept.

“What I want to know,” Crystal says, “is your story. You’re so much cuter. Are those lashes natural?”

“Uhm-“

“You’re not scaring him, are you?” Karma says from behind him, having arrived apparently.

“Don’t corrupt him,” she says with a heavy sigh, before standing up and whacking him across the head with a decorative fan.

Karma, surprisingly, doesn’t seem to mind at all, practically brushing it off his shoulder as he takes the vacant seat. This is… casual? Nagisa doesn’t even know what to think, the entire situation is so bizarre. True, he has no idea what Karma’s done in the last few years, other than university, work, and spend time with him. But this is like a completely different side to him.

Despite the cockiness he usually exudes, he’s never been much of a social butterfly.

When Mari, too, turns away, Nagisa can’t really hold back the questions. “Uhm-“

Karma shoots him a look of warning. “Don’t.”

“When were you wearing stilettoes?”  

He turns his head, a subtle but visible flush appearing on his cheeks. “I was drunk and in university.”

The gears start to spin in Nagisa’s mind. Karma didn’t live here during university, and these seem very much like Hisaishi san’s friends. It sounded like she moved in after him, anyway, so either he’s remembering things wrong or something doesn’t quite add up. He’s not sure he’s getting the full picture here at all.

“I thought Hisaishi san was just your neighbour.”

He looks surprised that Nagisa knows any kind of details, and he considers than he never actually brought the details of their meeting up. “I mean, I knew her a little before that. She was the one who told me about the free apartment. It just happened that someone died next door or something so she ended up moving in herself, based on ‘fate’ or something since she rejected my one.”

“Oh,” Nagisa gets out, even more confused.

“She used to be a professional dominatrix,” he explains casually. “Retired recently.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not really part of their group, if that’s what you’re asking,” he offers. “It’s more like people you run into sometimes. She’s kind of like the grandma I never had, anyway, she’s obsessed with feeding people. I’m surprised she didn’t manage to corner you yet.”

He squints. “So you talk about me?”

The subtle flush grows even deeper. “You come round so often it’s not like I never mention you.”

It’s at that reason that Nagisa realises, with only mild horror, that that’s probably how she knew his name in the first place. Not just because of unbearable loudness. Which means that Hisaishi san had probably just done that to mess with him or something. Based on what he can gather, and the way she’s loudly laughing at something in the corner of the room, she’s the type of person who gets amused at making others squirm.

He can definitely get she’d make a good grandparent figure to Karma of all people.

“…She cornered you already.”

Now it’s Nagisa’s turn to avert his gaze. “Yeah.”

“And said wha-“

“What are you boys whispering in a corner for?” Hisaishi san makes her own presence known then. “I might not be able to drink much anymore, but you should have fun. This was my signature cocktail, you know? Please, it’s free service,” she winks.

“H-happy birthday,” Nagisa gets out.

“It is, isn’t it?” she beams. “I can’t go and party much anymore, so the party was brought right here.” She snickers. “It might seem like a lot to eyes as innocent as yours, but this is the most relaxed I’ve seen them. Us misfits, we’ll take any opportunity to let lose. You’ll get it one day. Anyway, a toast, hm?” She gets up and practically floats away.

He needs a moment of processing time. “Did she just call me a normie?”

“I mean,” Karma leans back and sips the drink, “you kind of are.”

“S-since when?!”

He shrugs. “You’re not exactly hard to get along with for most people. Plus, you’ve always had a bit of a stick in the ass.”

Nagisa’s not sure if he’s insulted or not. Being easy to get along with, is that a bad thing? It feels like he means it as a bad thing, but he’s not completely sure. He feels a little put out by the words though. Isn’t being a misfit the thing that linked them together in the first place? Nagisa might have only been in 3E for poor grades, but they’d all been in the same boat back then. Unless… maybe a lot of time really has passed since then.

“It’s not like you have a problem with things in my ass,” he mutters.

Karma’s eyes widen. “Woah there Nagisa, that was a little feisty.”

“Hmph,” he crosses his arms. See, he can be rebellious sometimes.

“You’re just pretty normal,” Karma says. “All in all.”

“I’m a trained assassin.”

“And the best part of your skill is how good you are at hiding it, remember?” He tilts his head. “You gave me a run for my money for sure.”

“That almost sounds like a compliment.”

“Well,” he swallows, “it’s the truth.”

Suddenly, things feel a lot heavier. There’s something in the way Karma’s looking at him, like a wave of intensity. It feels like something he wants to lean into, but simultaneously something that makes him want to throw up. And then there’s the voice that screams at him that there can’t be feelings between them, their relationship is business only.

He forces himself to breathe, instead taking a taste of the drink that was happened to him. “This is… really good, actually.”

“And this is why I drink so much strawberry.”

Nagisa takes a big gulp of it, letting the refreshing taste dance across his tongue. In the back of his mind, he’s aware that there’s probably a high alcohol content even if he can’t taste it, but that doesn’t seem important to him. In fact, Hisaishi san really wasn’t kidding. He finishes the glass depressingly quickly. In fact, he almost wants to ask for another one.

Only a small amount of time passes before Karma starts leaning up against his shoulder.

“We’ve shown ourselves, we can leave now.”

He shifts. “Nobody else is leaving though.”

“But you started talking about putting things in your ass,” he complains, at least doing him the courtesy of whispering into his ear.

Nagisa can’t help but wonder if something happened to make him this needy today. “But-“

“We haven’t done a lesson on quickies yet,” he continues. “That’s a really fundamental gap.”

He frowns. “We kind of did though, on your birthday.”

He can practically feel Karma’s jaw clench slightly. “Bringing that up doesn’t help.”

His stomach rumbles. “I’ll come if you make me food first.”

“Deal,” Karma grins. “We’ll slip out.”

Nagisa scans the room, unsure given the intensity of the others’ behaviour. “You think we can?”

“I thought you were a trained assassin,” Karma teases.

That sounds like a challenge. Unfortunately, Nagisa’s weak. So devastatingly weak. He follows Karma like it’s nothing, drawing on the best of this abilities to leave the room without being noticed. A part of him feels pretty bad about it, actually, but his interest has already been captured at this point. Anything for his cooking, really…

“Here,” Karma says casually, just walking straight towards his kitchen. “Take this.”

Nagisa looks down at the egg that’s now in his hands. “What’s it for?”

“Safe keeping.”

Somehow, he just accepts that as a legitimate reason for a little while. At least something like this doesn’t take him too long to cook, as demonstrated by the way he throws rice in the cooker and somehow has the piece of chicken chopped up within the blink of an eye. Nagisa finds himself trying to pay attention over his shoulder, though it’s too fast to know exactly what sauces he’s throwing into the pan with the meat. It smells like heaven though.

It feels a little weird to just stare in silence though. “What are you doing?”

Karma turns to face him, an evil glint in his eye and a wooden spoon in hand. “Putting a stick in your ass.”

Nagisa instinctively jumps back “You are not.”

His eyes immediately crease up, and he bursts into a laugh. “Don’t tell me you actually thought-“

“I-“ Nagisa finds himself turning away out a mixture of frustration and embarrassment. “You do weird things sometimes.”

He peers around when Karma doesn’t actually respond to him. Well, he’s supposed to be cooking. Nagisa actually finds himself stepping closer, tiptoeing in some sort of attempt to look over his shoulder, but he’s far too short for that, so he ends up having to go round the side instead to watch him as he chops the rest of the vegetables and throws them in.

“Moment of honour,” Karma gestures for the egg. Actually, he’s definitely going to need more than one, so Nagisa doesn’t know why he bothered to hand it to him in the first place.

Something in the entire thing leaves Nagisa feeling dazed, because the next thing he knows, he has a bowl and they’re sitting down to eat it. He just about remembers to be polite and say thank you before digging in. As expected, even though it’s a simple dish he’s pretty sure he could actually make himself, it’s been totally transformed.

“Worth it?” Karma finally asks.

Nagisa looks at him then, seeing the slight shifts in his eyes. He’s trying to be nonchalant, for sure, but he knows what Karma looks like when he’s thinking. It’s like he’s waiting for Nagisa’s approval or something. Though, he’s not entirely sure why. Karma’s good at this and he knows it, plus Nagisa doesn’t know much at all when it comes to ‘things that make food taste good’. It is kind of… cute, though.

He nods. “I could eat it everyday.”

A slight tint comes onto his cheeks at that, and his shoulders relax a bit. Yeah, cute.

“Eat it, then,” Karma says in a somewhat whiney tone. “That egg could’ve hatched by now.”

Nagisa scowls a little. “I’m savouring it.”

“It’s like you’ve never eaten it before.”

“I don’t get real cooked food that often!”

Karma pouts slightly for a moment. “Then you should cook more. You don’t get muscles from Lawson’s pizza buns.”

Now he’s just showing off. “Who said I wanted muscles?”

He shoots him a look like it’s obvious. “You, when you asked me every day of junior high basically. It’s how you get smart too, y’know.”

“Y-you definitely didn’t purposely follow some kind of high protein diet.” Nagisa even nods to himself in the affirmation of that fact. “All I ever saw you eat was junk food and sugar.”

“Maybe,” he accepts, “but at least I got it from Seven Eleven.”

“B-besides, everyone knows it’s fish that make you smart, not chicken.”

A look of puzzlement appears on Karma’s face. “Fish?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “And I eat way more sushi than you.”

“So you’re saying your own theory is wrong, then.”

“I’m-“

Karma lurches across the surface of the kotatsu, then, and Nagisa’s thankful they’re sitting on the floor. “Ritsu, you there?”

“You can’t just-“

The AI appears on his screen. “Hey Karma! It’s been a long time, right? Can I help you with something?”

Nagisa feels his face fall flat. “You couldn’t just google it?”

He ignores him. “Do fish improve the brain function more than chicken.”

“Overall, fatty fish is an excellent choice for brain health. Fatty fish is a rich source of omega-3 fatty acids, a major building block of the brain. Omega-3s play a role in sharpening memory and improving mood, as well as protecting your brain against cognitive decline,” Ritsu clears her throat. “According to Healthline at least. Of course, you can’t just believe what you read on the internet, so I compiled all the results of the scientific studies that would fit in the last decade and made a chart.” She finishes with a peace sign.

“Huh,” Karma’s eyes scan over the phone screen. “Do you have the figures for chicken?”

Ritsu seems to beam. “Of course, it’s on the next graph here.”

Nagisa feels woefully left out of this conversation, especially when Karma starts squinting and scribbling something down. If Karma’s doing maths that he actually needs to write out, that generally means it’s too complicated for Nagisa to understand. There’s some sort of irony in Karma mostly inviting him here to hook up, presumably, and ending up discussing data collection methods with a virtual girl.

He would have been happy to just believe the lyrics of the fish song, to be honest.

“Uhm,” he tries eventually. “Did you manage to figure it out yet?”

Karma almost doesn’t register him. “Hm? Oh, it’s not exactly straightforward. Nobody has really done a comparative study before, and you have to account for differences when you look at a ton of different experiments.”

Ritsu nods seriously from the phone. “Unfortunately the raw data isn’t sufficient.”

“Human touch, huh?”

Nagisa’s not sure what to make about all of this. “Uhm, will it take much longer?”

“Huh?” Karma looks at him properly. “Oh, right. No, I think it’s pretty clear that you were right. Maybe I'll ask Okuda, but meh.”

All of that and Karma’s not even fussed about proving him wrong?

“I…” it doesn’t feel much like a victory, so what is he supposed to say? “Well, that makes… sense?”

Karma looks at his phone again briefly. “You don’t have to stick around any longer, Ritsu.”

She throws another peace sign. “Anything I can do to help!”

A moment of silence spills through them once they’re finally alone. It feels a little awkward, in fact. Nagisa’s not sure if he’s even in the mood anymore, after all of that maths talk. Though, if he doesn’t do anything, won’t that be a little odd? Karma made him dinner after all, and it would be really weird if he came here, crashed his neighbour’s party, watched him do a really pointless maths problem, and then just left.

He also can’t really tell if this is technically normal friend time or not, which isn’t helpful for the internal system he’s created. Keep these feelings separated.

“How come you know so much about fish anyway?”

Nagisa swallows. “I just really like sushi.”

Karma actually laughs, in a way that’s clearly making fun of him, but still somehow makes him feel better. “You’re just-“

“What?”

He stops what he’s doing then, looking at him pretty intensely for a moment before lurching in to kiss him. And it’s not like Nagisa minds, not at all. At least he knows this isn’t friend time anymore. As much as he wants to know what Karma was going to say… well, he’s pretty good at distracting him like this, actually. He swiftly forgets about it.

In fact, Nagisa’s not even sure how it happens, but it really isn’t long before he’s lying on the floor with Karma braced above him, a hand shoved under his shirt. It’s almost as easy as walking at this point. All the individual mechanisms are so attuned to him that he doesn’t need to think whilst he’s doing it, but in the end he makes it to his destination.

Speaking of destination…

He winces a little, releasing his grip on Karma’s shirt to rub the back of his head. As it turns out, having it pushed down onto a hard floor isn’t exactly comfortable. Stopping wasn’t actually his intention, but the motion is enough for Karma to pull back in curiosity, taking in what he’s actually doing. Rather than asking if they should shift it to the bedroom like he’d expect, though, Karma’s eyes harden up.

“I thought you liked a little pain.”

Instantly, Nagisa whimpers, and then covers his mouth in shame. Having such an exploitable switch like that isn’t fair.

Karma just looks amused. “What, cat got your tongue all of a sudden? Sit up,” he tells him.

Of course, Nagisa does it. It’s like whiplash, in a way. The thing is, he’s used to reading people. And most people, they have two clear sides to them. Karma’s confusing because he’s such a contradiction. Rather than sides, it can almost be like he’s two entirely different people. He’s never quite sunny or dark at one point, even when he’s being devious. It’s like he’s constantly somewhere in the middle, a combination, even if he can appear more one or the other at times. There’s always something… there. Nagisa may have beaten him in a fight once, but when Karma’s naturally resistant to his most important skill…

He doesn’t let the following noises he wants to let out escape his lips, though it’s probably obvious he’s restraining himself as Karma works off his shirt. Maybe it’s all of Karma’s contradictions that attracted him in the first place. Nagisa’s not wholly sure if that’s true or not, to be honest he probably genuinely did just think Karma was super cool. But it’s been over a decade since then, and he’s still just as easy to watch.

They still haven’t really moved much, even though Nagisa’s upright again. That’s surprisingly okay, though. He’s content for the making out, if it keeps feeling as good as this. Eventually he just lets his eyes fall closed, squirming at the weirdness of the sensation of Karma’s tongue dragging the entire length of his neck. Which is followed by a series of kisses that makes his legs feel like jelly, even though he does twist away slightly eventually.

“I know,” he says, “no marks.”

Something else stirs in his gut. “Somewhere else.”

“Huh?”

He finds himself squirming. “I-I don’t mind them when they’re not obvious.”

Karma just stares at him for a moment. “I think you actually like it you know.”

Nagisa turns his head in slight embarrassment.

“You’re like, half an exhibitionist or something.”

By instinct he wants to reject that assessment, but maybe he’s kind of right. The idea of complete public really doesn’t appeal to him, but there’s something about the slight danger of it, as long as there’s some kind of safety net. Like walking around covered in marks that he knows are there, like some kind of secret. It’s probably just a haze of endorphins making him feel this way… but he can’t help it.

Karma just looks hungry. But that makes something else twist inside him, almost like a kind of guilt. Well, Nagisa’s not exactly doing much here. He knows Karma’s probably more than happy to just do stuff to him, but maybe they’re beyond that. There’s no point in gathering experience that you’re not intending to use, after all.

He focuses all of his skill, right there, and launches himself into Karma’s lap like a clap of lightning. “And what are you?”

Karma swallows. “Super turned on.”

Honestly, there was no need to verbalise that, but it doesn’t matter. When Nagisa kisses him, he returns it with equal vigour, not really fighting him for control. It’s confusing, because Nagisa also likes having no control… in a really weird way he doesn’t understand fully. But this, he’s really started to realise he enjoys just as much. It’s more like an adrenaline rush.

His hands pretty much move for him, stripping Karma of his shirt. It’s a lot easier when they’re not horizontal really, though it’s tossed aside with even less care than usual. Not really feeling much of a pull to draw this out, his grip immediately hones in on Karma’s belt buckle. It’s a lot harder than he would have thought to do it without looking, but muscle memory helps him as he manages to unclasp it, working the button and zipper open as a smooth continuation, and then pulls his erection through the new opening.

Karma breaks the kiss, though, panting heavily. Considering the speed of everything, it’s a good reminder for Nagisa to catch his own breath and take in the situation. Like how his own trousers are alarmingly tight. Not to mention, the rhythm of both their hearts pounding against their chests. It feels like they really haven’t done much at all, but he’s already hot all over.

Rather than making a move, Karma just stares at him with even more intensity than he’s used to. “It’s almost unbelievable.”

Nagisa blinks. “What?“

He doesn’t reply at first, as though he’s considering how to construct his words. “The last time we were in this position… and now…”

It takes him a few moments to process. The last time they were like this was also the first time they were like this. Is it supposed to be a compliment? Of course, Nagisa had had no idea what he was doing. It’s embarrassing, knowing what he does now. Well, it’s only natural he’d improve. The combination of research and practical practise are lethal when it comes to learning a skill. He hasn’t really done it in a while, but Karma genuinely is pretty good at explaining things, too.

“Go up on your knees,” Karma clears his throat.

Not questioning it, he does just that, removing his weight from Karma’s legs. It gives him the space he needs to manoeuvre his own trousers off, though it’s always a little awkward in a position like this. He leaves him his underwear for the time being, maybe because it’s not quite as easy to slip off as the looser trousers. If anything, they’ve definitely shrunk considering how frequently he’s been having to wash this one specific pair.

Karma does shove his hand under the waistband, though, squeezing at least half of his ass. “You prepped yourself earlier right?”

For a question that’s essentially ‘did you wash out your asshole this morning?’, it doesn’t kill the mood too much. Nagisa just nods, though, his control of the situation wavering somewhat.

“Maybe I really should put it in your ass.” He mutters.

Nagisa almost lightly moans in agreement, before he realises what he actually means, almost springing back. “You’re not coming near me with that spoon. Or any other kitchen item!”

Karma laughs. “No? But there’s so many options in here.”

What Nagisa wasn’t expecting was for Karma to practically shove him off, and get to his own feet. Huh? He can only watch in bewilderment as he adjusts himself slightly, and genuinely starts walking towards the kitchen, shimmying himself out of his own trousers as he does it. Nagisa just peers over the sofa, not even sure if he should move.

“How about this?” Karma says, brandishing a large whisk.

“No way!” Nagisa practically jumps out of his skin at the thought.

“I didn’t say anything about inserting it,” Karma says with false innocence. “No need to overreact.”

Nagisa hates that he ends up getting up too, finding that walking like this, when he’s so hard, is actually a challenge. But it’s clear Karma doesn’t intend on coming back to him. “You have to make food with this.”

“It’s called being resourceful,” he claims, but then something sharpens in his eyes. “There’s a lot here you know.”

It’s really weird, to be stood in the kitchen like this, both of them mostly naked. “No spoons.”

“I just remembered your list,” Karma says, something even more maddening in his look. Smoothly, he reaches behind him, taking a hold of a kitchen knife. “Hm?”

Nagisa feels some sort of sensation in his stomach, and it really feels like it shouldn’t have been there. Nothing about this situation makes sense to him. By the looks of things, from what he can judge, Karma’s just teasing him. As annoying as that is, he can cope with it. But the bigger question is why he’s doing it now when they’re already in the middle of things.

If he hadn’t witnessed the amount of training Karma has with his own eyes, he might have been a little concerned with him holding that thing so close to him. “I think you like dangerous things.”

Maybe he should just call his bluff.

“Do it then.”

As predicted, Karma does falter. “Huh?”

Nagisa closes the distance even further. “Maybe I do like it. I don’t know, I’ve never done something like this before. But you’re supposed to be teaching me, right?” Maybe he should commit all the way. “Sensei.”

Overkill. It looks like steam might start pouring out of Karma’s ears. It’s hard not to feel self satisfied though, enough so to mask any of the shame feelings also bubbling up. Nagisa knew he has a teacher fetish, for what ever reason. This is proof enough, right? It feels kind of wrong to be using it like this but… it’s worth it somehow.

What he’s not expecting is for Karma’s spare hand to fly down to his wrist, trapping it against the counter with an iron hard grip. And then, with a crazed look in his eyes, he has the knife almost at his throat. It’s enough to make Nagisa genuinely scared for a moment, because he’s normal enough to have that kind of reaction to a stab threat. A voice tells him that Karma wouldn’t actually hurt him, at least.

“You’re almost too good at this,” Karma says seriously, holding the pointed edge just so slightly above his skin.

He’s being careful not to actually stab him, but Nagisa can most certainly feel it, like he has to be genuinely focused on keeping his breathing level. He can’t budge an inch like this. It’s more than a reminder that Karma’s sadistic tendencies extend far further than the odd joke here or there. He looks like he’s enjoying this more than anybody should. And Nagisa? Well, he’s still burningly hard somehow.

Karma tuts, dragging the knife down his body, taking care not to break any skin by the time it reaches his sternum. “But now you’re just getting cocky.”

Now he has the ability to, Nagisa gulps. He almost wants to say something, or make a protest, maybe even fight back… but his legs have also become shaky, and when he even shifts his hand, Karma just grips him tighter, to the point it hurts a little. It’s not all terror, though. There’s a part of him that’s even a little excited, maybe, to see what’s going to happen.

Karma’s head tilts. “What? Have nothing left to say now?”

He stares off to the side, as though that’ll help him. “S-sorry.”

He finally puts the knife down to the side, but Nagisa doesn’t feel much less threatened as he’s backed against the counter as far as he can physically go. “Sorry for what?”

“U-uhm…”

With his newly freed hand, Karma grabs his chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “That’s no way to apologise,” he tuts again.

“F-for teasing you,” he spits out. “I won’t do it again.”

Karma actually smirks deviously. “Well, it’s not like I mind it. But I’ve got to be careful. Can’t have you thinking you can get away with that stuff all the time.”

“Or what?”

He appears to think about it for a second, before suddenly moving. Nagisa feels a little hopeless, spun around like a ragdoll, until he opens his eyes again. Well, he didn’t exactly go far, Karma just shoved him up onto the kitchen counter. He kisses him immediately after that, working his hands underneath Nagisa’s underwear to shove it down completely.

Once he’s done so, Nagisa finds himself wrapping his legs around Karma’s torso almost instinctively, and everything feels fifty degrees hotter than usual. Perhaps it’s everything that came beforehand, or the way they’re physically pressed together. But he wants to be pressed into him somehow, as though that’s possible.

Karma’s not going easy on him, grabbing him in whatever way he wants. Thankfully, the way he wants happens to feel incredibly good. It’s hard not to straight up moan into his mouth when he finally grinds against him,though honestly it feels like it’s not really for his benefit. At this point, though, Nagisa feels an ache that can only means he’s missing one thing.

Karma groans and pulls back from him. “Don’t move an inch.”

Although he knows he definitely could, if he wanted to, Nagisa does what he says. He only just barely moves his head a little, watching as Karma traverses the living space to locate his discarded trousers. He’s not really sure what he’s looking for, until he pulls out his wallet, digging around for only a second or two before producing two small packets.

“Always good to be prepared,” he explains, before ripping open one of the packets.

It turns out to be lube, even though it’s presented more like a sauce from a fast food restaurant. Nagisa’s already too out of it to question why he keeps it in his wallet of all things, at least. Somehow, he doesn’t even need to be told to spread his legs open a little, though Karma’s eyes still darken even more than they already have.

There’s something almost quite hurried in Karma’s motion, smearing about half of it over his fingers before he suddenly lurches for his target. It’s so sudden Nagisa doesn’t even really have the chance to think about it. Though, Karma doesn’t shove his fingers inside him or anything. Instead, he just spreads it around his entrance, just barely dipping his thumb in before pulling away again.

If he was teasing Karma earlier, then this is really unfair. His body feels confused, to just get a slight taste of what he wants, only for it to be taken away straight away? He can only watch slightly dazed as he rids himself of his own underwear, ripping the other packet open with his teeth before pulling the condom out and putting it on himself. All he does is quickly jerk himself with the remaining lube before he’s right up against him again.

He knows it’s not actually that necessary, but Nagisa’s become accustomed to being fingered open as a precursor to all. It’s more than a shock to the system to just have Karma’s entire length pushed up against him. He practically howls as he gets it in somehow, and he doesn’t even do him the courtesy of moving particularly slow. More than ever, he feels like he might be split in two like this. If it didn’t also feel so satisfyingly good, it may have been the limit of what he can actually handle.

Karma only realistically gives him about two seconds to adjust, before snapping his hips roughly. And okay, he’s proven his point. Nagisa ends up scrabbling for something to hold, which turns out to be his arm around Karma’s shoulder. It doesn’t feel like enough to offset the sensations in his body, though, no matter how hard he squeezes.

Everything’s too much like this, and even though the position makes it impossible to have Karma completely inside him, he doesn’t feel any less full. If Nagisa’s body didn’t respond to the plain burn like this, it probably would have just hurt. There’s not enough time to hate how it actually feels incredible, at least, because the room is spinning as he forgets to breathe properly.

Truthfully, this kind of position is really weird. It feels like it shouldn’t matter much, but it’s definitely different to the sensation of a mattress beneath them. For one, the counter’s surface is solid, so there’s nowhere really for him to go. As a result, with the speed Karma’s drilling into him, he’s getting constantly smacked against it.

Surprisingly, he can’t even be that loud like this, since he’s too busy panting. Karma too, his breaths landing hot over his shoulder. One of his hands digs into his back, his nails creating their own sting as he digs into him. Whatever sounds do come out of him are breathy and embarrassingly desperate, yet there’s nothing he can verbalise to ask for.

As if this isn’t already enough, apparently that’s Karma’s cue to cut the speed altogether. It’s almost a shock to his system, to suddenly have it so slow. It’s almost like it hurts more, but in a way that he’s not quite getting enough of what he needs. Karma doesn’t seem like he’s just taking some kind of breather, though. In fact, there’s a real purpose in the look he gives him.

It’s then that Nagisa’s given a reminder of just how strong Karma actually is. The pace is still slow, but it’s intentional and deep, really spearing into him as he’s pretty much shoved down. At that point he’s aware of how loud he actually is crying out at this, but he can’t do anything to stop it, with every one of Karma’s movements practically winding him.

“I. Haven’t. Even. Touched. You,” Karma says between thrusts, angled just perfectly enough that he’s close to screaming each time.

He’s not even sure why that matters, by the sounds of it. But then Nagisa realises what he means. Aside from some natural friction caused by how close they are, his own erection has been woefully ignored so far. Despite that, now he actually concentrates on it, he’s practically weeping with precum. In fact, he feels pretty close just like this.

Now he’s aware of it, it’s near painful to keep going like this. Naturally, he tries to reach for himself with his hand, but then Karma smacks it away.

“You can either come like this or not at all,” he speaks directly into his ear.

Considering Nagisa feels like he might die if he doesn’t get off now, that’s a genuine threat. It sinks deep into him, though, like a chill for his bones. Is that even possible? Sure, there’s been a few times where he’s gotten off from grinding against something, but this is completely different. He certainly feels close, but he knows this sensation, and it’s never enough.

At least Karma speeds up again, this time with some kind of vengeance. Nagisa’s response to that is a near shriek, but he’s too far gone to get true enjoyment. Apparently an expert in the layout of his body by now, Karma manages to get his prostate with every shove, but it’s just unbearable. Now it’s there, all Nagisa wants to do is come, but he can’t.

It’s not exactly something that’s a conscious decision! Sure, he can usually prevent it at least a little bit if he wants to, but he can’t just will it to happen like this. It doesn’t matter how intense the pleasure feels in the rest of his body. His eyes squeeze shut, as if that’s going to help him along, but the attempt at concentration makes it even more frustrating.

With the savage pace, too, he feels like he might cry. Or beg. He’s not adverse to doing that, at a time like this. But there had been something very clear in Karma’s tone that told him it won’t even matter. He’s set on torturing him like this. Nagisa’s not sure if he can even handle being left like this. Why won’t he just…

Karma pulls him back by the hair, then, exposing his torso. With their relative heights, this isn’t usually an option. He kisses down his chest like that, though it’s hardly coordinated given the pace. Nagisa just whimpers, aware of his legs shaking beyond his control, grip around Karma’s waist weakening. He seems to notice, returning to a more upright position and grabbing one of them, shoving his legs even wider apart.

There’s nothing Nagisa can do to protest it. A part of him wants to just give up any kind of defiance he’d held from earlier. He can’t even bring himself to mind much. At the very least, the more he buys into it, the more he finds himself slipping. It’s hard to think of it as relaxation at a time like this,

“I can’t,” he finally gets out, his voice quaking like the rest of him. “I really can’t.”

Karma just hums, though, showing that that doesn’t even matter.

He chokes out a sob. But just then, at that moment, he feels some waves of warmth start to creep in. It builds and builds for what feels like a solid minute or two before finally, it washes over him. He’s beyond noise at that point, his mouth just hanging open and his eyes shut as he shudders in the sensation. It’s different from any other orgasm, and although it feels good through the physical release, it’s actually centred more internally, spreading through his whole body. It seems to go on forever, too, as Karma keeps moving through it before finally letting go himself. Nagisa’s only vaguely aware of that, though, busy drowning in his own bliss.

“Nagisa,” Karma says gently. “Nagisa.”

At Karma’s hands cupping his cheeks, Nagisa opens his eyes again. “Huh?”

He smiles. “You did good.”

Nagisa burns up inside all over again. It feels so pathetic, and  it’s so stupid but… he can’t let him go. With the last of his strength, he lurches forward, wrapping his arms around him properly in some sort of embrace. Thankfully, Karma gets the message to hold him back, and he feels like he could melt against his chest.

He’s not sure how long they actually stay like that, but eventually Karma has to pull out, shifting out of his hold to right himself. Nagisa whimpers every time he moves away, but thankfully it’s only a second or two at a time. Other than that, he’s compliant like soft clay, any kind of resistance gone as Karma manoeuvres his limbs, wiping away what he needs to. It feels nice at least.

Being picked up knocks him out of it a little, though.

Noticing, Karma just rubs his back a little. “We need to clean up.”

That sounds reasonable at least. He buries his head in Karma’s shoulder, like he wants to hide there forever. He’s just about aware that they’re now in the bathroom, especially with the jarring sound of the shower spray. His ears are ringing, he vaguely realises. Karma pretty much has to uncurl him and set him on his feet, though he’s still leaning all his weight against him.

Karma makes some sort of comment, but Nagisa’s not paying enough attention. It’s all he can do to try and be helpful in letting Karma clean him back up by shifting his limbs. There’s some part of him that finds shame in it all, but the contentment wins out. It feels really nice to be taken care of, especially after all that.

“C’mon,” Karma says, “if you’re still like this you definitely need a bath. Just try not to fall asleep in there, okay?”

He stumbles trying to follow him, legs not quite working even for that small distance. Karma lifts him into the tub like it’s nothing, at least, running the hot water. It feels nice on his legs, but Nagisa’s most displeased with the distance between them now. The tub itself is a barrier, after all, and Nagisa wants to be pressed against him still.

“You too,” he mumbles.

Karma tilts his head. “Huh? I’m right here.”

With what feels like the last of Nagisa’s strength, he yanks at Karma’s arm. It’s not like he’d ever be strong enough to actually pull him in, even as a surprise attack, but Karma sighs and follows him anyway. Except, it’s a little awkward. Karma’s bathtub isn’t that big, and given his height it’s definitely a squash with Nagisa also in there.

“We don’t fit,” he comments.

Nagisa sighs as the water gets to a comfortable depth. “Get a bigger one then.”

Karma shoots him some kind of look, before sharply twisting Nagisa’s body around. This way, he’s pulled between Karma’s legs, so that his back presses up against his chest. That’s nice. Nagisa sighs again, relaxing back into it, slightly pleased to have gotten his way. Maybe a little too pleased. But that doesn’t really matter.

Karma’s arms wrap around him in some sort of embrace, resting his chin on top of his head. Nagisa could honestly fall asleep just like this. The movement of his chest every time he breathes is nothing but soothing, and all Nagisa wants to do is fall back into it even more. They don’t speak like this, but somehow that doesn’t even feel necessary.

Unfortunately, humans aren’t aquatic and there’s a clear point where they can’t just sit under the water anymore.

At this point, Nagisa feels a little more with it, but Karma still has to help him to his feet, wrapping him in a towel. It’s still winter, but Nagisa feels very warm like that. Consciousness more in him, he finds himself wandering back into the main area, where the evidence of their activities is more than clear. He wrinkles his nose at how much cleaning is going to be necessary. His clothes are strewn at seeming random.

Where does he even start?

“There’s no reason to rush around for your things,” Karma says from behind him. “It’s not like I’m going to kick you out. You know that, right?”

All Nagisa can do is turn to face him and nod.

“You don’t want to go out like that anyway,” he says. “It’s cold and your hair’s wet. You might get sick.”

Nagisa might have laughed, if he’d had the capacity. Instead, he finds himself searching slowly for his clothes instead. Karma just watches him do it for a bit, before seemingly going off into his own bedroom to get dressed. As always, it’s pretty uncomfortable to put rough clothes on again, but he supposes it’s better than sitting around naked. He can’t help but wince as he attempts to sit on the sofa.

When Karma comes back, he ends up gaping a little. He’s only put on some pyjama bottoms, a towel draped over his shoulders. It’s ridiculous, because Nagisa literally just slept with him, and he’s completely satiated, but… there’s still some kind of desire there. It’s so strong, in fact, that a flush grows on his cheeks.

“Water?”

Nagisa nods again, before realising he should probably try and say something. “Yes please.”

It feels good for his somewhat hoarse throat, when he takes some sips from the bottle Karma hands him. After that, though, it’s a slight bit awkward. The moment for, well, essentially cuddling was already over. But if Karma really means for him to stay here until his hair dries… it can’t just be in silence like this, can it?

It’s moments like these where the harsh reality of their situation becomes more obvious. They’re not in a relationship. Karma’s not his boyfriend. There has to be a line somewhere, between their friend time and their other time, and they’ve already crossed it. Really, Karma’s already done more for him than he’s really obligated to.

“Nagisa,” Karma says, sounding a little tired.

“Y-yeah?”

He looks him directly in the eyes. “You’re not really with it yet, are you?”

“Uhm-“

Nagisa’s not expecting to be yanked again, but apparently Karma’s decided that’s fair game. This time, he ends up being pulled down into a lying position, his head basically on Karma’s lap. Well, it’s more comfortable at least. Less pressure on his butt. So maybe the line is less clear after all. It would be so easy to just fall asleep like this, especially with Karma’s delicate slight strokes to his hair.

“You’re okay,” he says.

Nagisa tries to look up at him, straining his head just a little. “Just… a little weird still.”

Karma things for a moment. “Try talking about something really normal.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… what are you doing next week?”

He has to actually think about it for a moment. “W-well it’s kind of weird, actually. Each year group gets to go on a school trip for the night on Friday, in different places though. They don’t need every teacher to go, and I’m one of the newest, so I just have to go in and do other kinds of work. It’ll feel weird with no students there.”

Karma hums. “Probably better than going on a trip with a bunch of brats right?”

He laughs lightly. “They’re not that bad. But yeah, I guess that would have been stressful.”

“You’d probably be good at it,” he says. “Remember Cambodia? You basically shepherded us around then.”

Nagisa shifts then. “What time is it?”

Karma looks around for a second. “I put my phone down somewhere.”

“You can check mine,” he offers, “it’s in my bag.”

Having to move to let him get up, Nagisa sits properly again. It’s not like he said much of anything, but he does feel a little better. Though, the exhaustion really is starting to get to him. It’s been a long day, on top of everything else.

Karma’s tongue clicks, looking at the lock screen of his phone. “Kind of late.”

He presses his lips together. Almost out of time.

“You went to Book Off?” Karma notices. “Did you get a new game?”

Right, that’s usually something Nagisa would tell him about. “I got a book, actually.”

“Manga?”

“No,” he says, “an actual book.”

Apparently curious, Karma looks in the bag. It’s not like Nagisa has an issue with that, it’s not like he has any private. But still, maybe it’s a bit weird? Somehow, he feels a little bit like he’s under scrutiny, and he doesn’t know how to react to it.

“I didn’t think Pride and Prejudice was your style,” Karma says.

He’s not offended, exactly, but feels like he should defend himself a little. “It could be.”

“I don’t know,” Karma says pensively. “You’re not really into romance, are you?”

Nagisa folds his arms. “That’s not why I’m reading it. I haven’t had much to focus on recently, so I figured I’d uhm… read something new.”

“Wickham’s an ass, right?”

Now it’s his turn to question things. “Since when do you-“

“Since I had some spare credits in my degree, and 70% of the grade for the 1800s European literature class was a 100 character feedback form at the end of every lecture.”

Why would it be anything other than laziness? “Right.”

“Hey I had to read it in English to be fair,” he justifies. “Now I know words like amiable and Michaelmas.”

“Like what?”

Karma looks at him for a second. “Trust me, you don’t need to know.”

“W-well,” Nagisa pulls himself to his feet. “Maybe I’ll go home and find out.”

At least he just looks amused. “Tell me how it goes.”

He nods, awkwardly moving over to the front door, opening it just a crack to check the coast is clear. The last thing he hears is Karma snicker at his caution, before he darts out. After all, they did ditch a whole party. The last thing he wants to do is run into one of the guests and have to explain himself! Once he’s far from the building, and the coast is clear, Nagisa flicks open his LINE app and hovers over Nakamura’s contact.

Nagisa: Who’s Wickham and why is he an ass?

Nakamura: Well aren’t YOU up late?

Nagisa: I’m not a child you know!

Nakamura: Anyway

Nakamura: I thought you’d never ask.

Nagisa's fetish table, part two

His vision is a flurry of red. That’s all he can possibly see, though he can feel the hands. Pressure, trailing down the plains of his stomach. He’s not even sure where he is, all he knows is how good he feels. Full and satisfied about just an arm’s reach from some sort of higher awareness. How can he not fall into it? When insistent lips press against the juncture of his neck, and there’s only one word on his lips. ‘Karma…’

Recently, Nagisa has dreams like these.

It’s like they’re crafted specifically to torment him. Without fail, he wakes up hot and sweaty and uncomfortably hard. It’s not the kind of morning wood he can just ignore away either. Needs must, he tugs himself out of his pyjamas and gets it over with. No matter what, though, he still thinks about him. Maybe that’s normal, since it’s the only thing he has to go from, but it still makes him feel awkward. Thankfully, when he wakes up like this, he’s usually pretty close already.

After washing his hands off, Nagisa takes a moment to splash himself in the face with cool water, his body still buzzing. How long can he survive like this? It’s ridiculous. It can’t just be his body trying to make up for lost time now it knows what it was missing out on, not anymore. Karma has well and truly broken his sex drive. Once a week might not be enough anymore.

It’s a weird day. He has to go to work, but none of his students are going to be there. A part of him just kind of wishes it was granted as a day off. But of course, it’s hard not to be slightly bitter so early in the morning. He cheers up a little anyway, once he’s made himself a quick breakfast, made his hair slightly more tame, and pulled his work clothes on. All in all, it’s just another morning.

And then his phone vibrates.

Karma: You up?

That throws Nagisa through a moment of confused panic. Why is Karma even texting him so early? And why does it matter?

Nagisa: Yeah.

It’s about then that Nagisa realises the message didn’t come from their usual chat thread, but then there’s a knock at the door.

“Uhm, hi-“

Nagisa gets cut off by Karma shoving him against the wall, awkwardly trying to manoeuvre his shoes off in the entrance as he kisses him hard on the lips. A part of Nagisa wants to say that it’s too early for this, but the part of him that very much enjoys kissing Karma gets its way. He’s caught up like that, trapped in the heat of Karma’s body.

He walks him back slightly, narrowly avoiding tripping over the step into the apartment. Nagisa is too dazed to do anything but let himself be pushed. Is he still dreaming or something? But Karma feels so real. And even though he got himself off just recently, already he starts to feel himself strain in his trousers. What is this?

Evidently it’s not going to take him long to find out, because Karma finally releases his head, but replaces it with a grip to his shoulders, twisting him around with force. By instinct, Nagisa catches himself, palms just catching himself as he’s pressed up against the wall and oh, okay, this is some sort of surprise sex thing?

Karma doesn’t seem interested in taking his time, mouthing at the back of his neck like he’s hungry as his hand creeps round, undoing his belt and trousers with expert precision. Nagisa moans into it at first, only just having the sense after the fact to turn his head and try and cover his mouth with his arm. It’s better than nothing.

Karma hums like he’s pleased at that, though ignores his erection as he pulls his trousers and underwear down. It feels weird, though. Looking over his shoulder, just for a moment, Karma’s bending down with it, clearly not happy to just let his clothes pool at his ankles. In the moment like this, Nagisa happily obliges, stepping out of them.

Naturally going with the flow, he lets his body bend and his legs come apart, which elicits a hiss from Karma. He sounds out too, though, when Karma roughly grabs his ass again. Perhaps this is a little much, so early in the morning and completely out of nowhere, but Nagisa can’t bring himself to care too much. Vaguely, there’s thoughts of places to be, but…

What he’s not really expecting is Karma’s (thankfully lubricated) thumb pressed against his entrance. His body is working on its own, though, and he practically backs into it. It’s even better than his dream, especially with the way Karma holds the rest of him still, like some sort of warm barricade. Thankfully, Karma doesn’t tease him for too long.

Nagisa’s really grateful for his thinking with the placement of the arm over his mouth, because he’d be letting out all kinds of keening noises otherwise. Actually, he’s a little surprised Karma’s allowing him that, but maybe he’s just preoccupied.

He does let out a gasp, when Karma suddenly rams into him properly with his fingers, and almost immediately his eyes roll back. He’s already at the point, surprisingly, where it’s not quite enough. But it still feels good, and Karma knows exactly how to work his fingers like this. Nagisa might be slipping already, his legs starting to shake with the effort of keeping upright.

When Karma withdraws from him, he feels near giddy with anticipation, but then he’s turned around instead. Maybe he should have felt a little embarrassed, but more than anything he feels heat, especially with the hard way Karma’s looking down at him. Rather than something like untameable lust, Karma looks like he’s very much holding back, but unmistakeably turned on. Nagisa can only lick his lips.

Karma’s throat sounds dry. “I have something for you.”

Nagisa just blinks, and watches as he takes something out of his work bag. “What’s that?”

A smirk grows on his face. “Don’t you remember? It’s one of the toys I got you.”

Nagisa’s head quirks for a moment. Honestly, Karma bought a lot of stuff that day, and he hadn’t recognised what everything was. It looks kind of similar to the vibrator he’d used on him before, though one end is very distinct, dipping in before flaring out again. A part of him is slightly disappointed, to not be getting all of him, but he’s also curious.

Karma twists it around his hands like a baton. “It has a very specific purpose you see.”

Everything happens at once. Nagisa finds his legs kicked even wider apart, knocking him slightly off balance. Karma seems prepared for that, though, reaching out with his spare hand to pin Nagisa’s arms back against the wall, above his head. With his other hand, he quickly reaches between his legs and shoves the toy into him, facing very little resistance.

It feels really weird to be standing up with this kind of sensation. Karma starts pumping it in and out, not exactly slowly, and his head slams back against the wall too, biting down hard on his lip to attempt to contain himself. It doesn’t feel as good as Karma’s actual erection would have, but he can’t complain about the feeling.

“You look like you’re already pretty close,” Karma says lowly, basically covering his body with his entire form.

Nagisa ends up nodding, turning his head.

But then Karma lets go, and takes a step back. “Good. The base is made like that so you can just keep it in all day.”

Did he hear that right? “W-what?”

Karma just walks away from him, stepping over to the kitchen sink to wash his hands off. All Nagisa can do is gape at him. Is that it? Is he just going to leave him like this? He feels trapped somehow, unable to do much more than breathe. Nagisa should try and regain control of himself, but he just can’t take his eyes off Karma.

“What’s that look?”

What kind of question is that?! “Why?”

Karma crosses back over to him, pinning him back against the wall. “Because I want you to think about me all day,” he says into his ear, before going right back into his nonchalant demeanour. “You think you can do that?”

Nagisa can’t look at him anymore, afraid of what his answer could be.

“I have something else,” he says. “First of all, you’ll probably want this,” he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small bottle of lube. “Just in case it dries out eventually. I also got these, they’re the real cherry on top, don’t you think?”

Ordinarily, Nagisa would have had the capacity to be horrified at the implications Karma’s actually making, and the fact that he’s now holding lacy underwear in front of his face. Lingerie?! Really?! Though, as Nagisa squints at the unopened packaging, he notices a very aggressive ‘for men!’ plastered across the front. This… exists?

Karma doesn’t actually seem interested in waiting for his opinion, opening it up to pull out the black lacy pair, which actually look more in the shape of boxer briefs. Nagisa’s not sure how to feel, because on the one hand they’re literally panties, but in a really twisted way he doesn’t want to unpack, he feels something for the fact that Karma went to the effort of finding a pair aggressively gendered. Nagisa doesn’t buy into such marketing ploys, but at least…

The next thing he knows, Karma’s bending down again, and basically freely moves Nagisa’s legs into a position he can manipulate. Still dazed, Nagisa just goes with it, watching as he gently slides them up his legs and finally over his ass. At least they feel pretty soft? Not that Nagisa puts much thought into underwear ever. But then his trousers are being pulled back up for him too, and when Karma buttons them up, it’s like nothing ever happened.

“See you after work,” he calls, and just lets himself out.

It’s a miracle Nagisa doesn’t just collapse on the floor.

He’s stunned, to put it simply. It’s hard to get a grasp of the reality that any of that really just happened. Just what had he agreed to? When he attempts to take a step, he can most certainly feel the plug inside him. He clenches almost instinctively, though it doesn’t appear to be going anywhere… maybe that’s part of the design.

Logically, he knows he can just take it out and forget all of this happened, but there’s something stopping him. It doesn’t make any sense, it really doesn’t. But then there Nagisa is, taking just a quick drink of water before he heads out of the door. He does have work after all. Except, walking properly is even more weird, though he starts to become oddly accustomed to it.

It feels like everyone’s staring at him.

Nagisa knows, somewhere in his head, that can’t be true. There’s no reason for anyone to pay any attention to him. But, despite being fully clothed, he feels like he may as well be naked. There on the train, he feels like every awkward movement he makes exposes what’s going on inside him, as though there’s something distinctive in what he’s doing.

He’s not fully sure how, but he does make it to work. Nagisa can only be glad that none of the students are going to be there. He can just go and sit on his own, with some peace and quiet, and hide his own shame. Thankfully, he manages to do just that when he gets inside the school, B lining for his own classroom so he doesn’t have to actually speak to anyone.

Except, sitting down is even weirder. Realistically, it’s not like it feels bad in the physical sense, but the situation he’s in just makes his stomach twist every time. He thought he’d be able to concentrate, if he just made it to work, but now he’s here all he can feel is hyper aware of how he’s being touched.

The more he tries to ignore it, the more he can feel, and already it feels like he’s on the edge of something. This is what Karma wants, isn’t it? For Nagisa to be forced to think about him all day… his stomach churns at that. Later… he’ll be happy, won’t he? Plus, if he’s thinking about Karma, maybe Karma’s thinking about him all day too…

That doesn’t stop this from being super embarrassing though!

Nagisa manages to at least make a start on grading the pile of homework he left to fill out his day. Thankfully, it’s enough of a distraction that his current situation isn’t the first thing on his mind. And for the most part, his students have actually done pretty well! He feels pride shoot through him, the more circles he’s able to mark. Looks like they’ll do well on their exams and pass through to next year after all…

“Hey, Shiota san, I thought you’d skipped out on the day.”

Nagisa almost falls out of his chair, to see his co-worker standing right there. “U-uhm hi-“

Inoue smiles wide. “I wouldn’t blame you, a few people have definitely called in ‘sick’.”

He shifts automatically, and with the jolt of the plug inside him, remembers why that’s a bad idea. “It’s not like I didn’t have work to do here… Why did you come in?”

“Eh,” he lets himself in, flopping himself down on one of the many free chairs in the room. “We PE teachers still have responsibilities, you know! Plus, I came for the pudding.”

“The pudding?”

Inoue nods enthusiastically. “Don’t tell me nobody’s told you about the pudding?!”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think so?”

“They’re selfish,” he scoffs. “Keeping it to themselves, of course. You see, there’s only a select few days a year when us staff can get our hands on it, what with the students getting priority. You’ve never spoken to Shokuji san? She’s worked in the cafeteria here… maybe for thirty years now? Nobody really knows, actually.”

“I usually just bring my own lunch,” Nagisa admits. “So... the pudding’s special?”

“It’s the best pudding,” he states like he truly does mean it. “And she’s taking that recipe to the grave. She only makes a limited amount each day, so coming in when there’s no students is the best tactic.”

“She makes it even when students aren’t here?”

“Like I said, every day, without fail for at least thirty years.”

Nagisa finds himself smiling. “It must be some pretty great pudding.”

Inoue tilts his head. “Won’t you come to lunch with me? You shouldn’t just take my word for it.”  

A part of Nagisa’s soul dies. “Y-yeah, okay.”

He immediately regrets agreeing, but what else is he supposed to do? He doesn’t have a good excuse for skipping out on the experience… at least not an excuse he can actually speak about. Thankfully, at least, Inoue starts walking right in front of him. That gives Nagisa the capacity to cringe as he moves to stand up, trying to keep his cool as he follows him.

The school isn’t fancy by any means, but Nagisa supposes the cafeteria is a pretty nice place. He knows most of the other teachers do choose to eat in there too, but he’s always preferred to just take the extra time to get some work in. It’s not that he intentionally avoids the others… He grabs his own lunch, anyway.

Despite that, it’s not like he’s never gone in there, and it’s certainly strange with no students and a very reduced set of staff occupying it. Inoue doesn’t hesitate, though, rushing straight over to the counter. Nagisa feels a little awkward, just standing there with the small amount of food that he brought with him. Besides, he knows Kayano would murder him if he passed on trying out supposedly famous pudding.

“Are you ready?” Inoue comes back over to him, two cups of the stuff in hand.

Nagisa finds himself nodding. “Sure.”

It’s awkward, though, as he sits himself down on a lunch bench that’s far less comfortable than his work desk. It doesn’t help that the plug shifts again, and he has to bit down on his lip and screw his eyes shut for a moment. If Inoue notices anything weird, he doesn’t say anything about it, just humming for a moment as he unwraps a salad he brought.

“This makes me feel like I’m in high school again,” Nagisa says absentmindedly.

“You’re native Tokyo, aren’t you?” Inoue seems to smile as he says it.

“Well, not really,” Nagisa turns his head. “I’m from Kunugigaoka.”

“That’s basically Tokyo,” Inoue laughs lightly. “You went to a high school in the city?”

Nagisa nods. “It was my best chance of getting into a good university.”

“I’m from a small town in Aomori,” Inoue says, though he doesn’t sound resentful, “I used to dream about how much more fun Tokyo schools would be. Well, I got to go to university here too, but that’s kind of different.”

That grabs his interest, though. “You don’t really have an accent?”

He smiles. “I guess other people rub off on me easily. It was tricky, though. I had to give up the idea of becoming a physical therapist to get the grades to come here. I like teaching a lot more, though, so it worked out in the end.”

Nagisa finds himself nodding again. “That makes sense.”

“Hey, Kunugigaoka? Isn’t that where that crazy stuff with the alien went down?”

His heart drops a little, and he looks at the table. “Yes, we’re pretty famous for it. The city used to just be known for having a lot of schools… but that’s a little different.”

It’s not exactly easy to have state secrets. It was something everyone had had to deal with for the first few years, countless journalists and conspiracy theorists sneaking up on them to try and get to the bottom of the story. Karasuma had done what he could, but you couldn’t stop everyone. The level of interest had certainly died down eventually, especially when nobody actually cracked. It’s just frustrating that the entire world views Korosensei as some kind of monster, and there’s nothing Nagisa can do to defend him.

Inoue nods seriously. “The reports were crazy.”

“I- I don’t really remember.”

“I guess it was a long time ago,” he hums. “Ten years?”

“Nine.”

“Ah,” he takes a sip of his drink. “Well, anyway, it’s probably pudding time, right?”

He’s finished the food he was eating, so he nods. “I’m excited to try it.”

Admittedly, it is really good. Nagisa’s not the biggest pudding fan ever, but he can definitely understand why a bunch of people might be crazy about something like this. He’d eat it again, if he got the chance. It basically melts in his mouth. Maybe he should talk to some colleagues more often… if there’s secrets like this.

“It’s the staff party soon,” Inoue says. “It’s pretty much tradition to try and get the recipe out of her. You want in?”

Nagisa looks in the direction of the kitchen. “There’s probably a pretty good reason she’s keeping it a secret though.”

“That’s true,” Inoue says after a moment. “I don’t think she minds though. If anything, I think the only reason is she finds it funny to watch everyone fight over it.”

Maybe that’s true. Their conversation winds down after that, though. There’s not much else to really say to him, after they’ve exchanged some basic conversation. It’s not that Inoue isn’t interesting enough to talk to, but there’s definitely a level Nagisa isn’t sure about crossing. They work together, but it’s not like they’re friends. There’s only a certain amount of personal stuff you can really get out.

Also, it doesn’t feel right to be having a casual conversation… like this.

At least he can expect to have an uneventful afternoon. If anything, he’s actually even getting used to the feeling of the plug. He’s thankful that it’s in a situation where he doesn’t really need to see anyone though. He’s on edge of course, about people knowing, but he can relax with the fact that there’s no real danger.

But he knows. And it is embarrassing. Nagisa just can’t believe he’s actually doing it. The fact that he went to work with a butt plug and (male) panties just because Karma told him to. This is so far from him… Except Nagisa knows that it is really him doing this, letting this happen, and maybe he even partly enjoys it. Maybe he’s just been some kind of deviant all along.

As if on cue…

Karma: How’s it going?

Nagisa: You know exactly how

Karma: Please go on

Karma: Enlighten me

Nagisa: There’s only so many ways a plug and panties can feel

Karma: You kept it in then?  

Karma: You can take it out soon

Karma: Once you get here

His thumb hesitates above the phone screen. Is he… anticipating this? This all has to lead to something after all. It’s still intensely embarrassing though, to say the least. Even though Karma’s the one who put them there, the idea of facing him like this…

Maybe he should play him at his own game. There’s no dignity left to lose at this point.

Nagisa: What are you going to do?

Karma: Take what I prepared, of course

Nagisa: What if I just keep it in? You’ve made me sit here like this for so long. Maybe I got used to it.

Karma: If you want to plug your ass every day, all the more power to you

Nagisa: That’s not what I meant!

Karma: Nice try x

He glares at his phone. Not only because Karma out manoeuvred him, it seems he’s never going to get away with the teasing thing again, but because of the ending of Karma’s message. That little x character… does he mean it as a kiss? That’s what people do in texts, isn’t it? Nagisa doesn’t really understand why it supposedly represents a kiss, but he knows it does and there’s no good reason for Karma to be attaching it to his messages.

Sure, he adds emojis sometimes. There’s a whole thread of messages in their ‘special chat’ which is just a string of phallic looking vegetables. But kisses? Why is this getting to him more than any other kind of explicit flirtation?! Nagisa’s face is scalding red at this point. Which means that whatever Karma’s trying… probably is working.

Predictably, he spends the rest of the day annoyed.

Once he finishes all his grading and planning, he knows he can leave, but he doesn’t even really want to. Even when the clock ticks down, and technically the work day is over, he still finds himself sitting in the room. Well, there’s no point in going home. But there’s only so much Nagisa can do, especially with his limited range of movement.

He decides to write a notecard.

Hisaishi san,

Once again congratulations on your recent birthday.

I wanted to write this card, not only since I couldn’t give you a proper birthday card before, but also to apologise for causing a scene at your birthday party. It was incredibly rude of Karma and I to leave so suddenly and

Nagisa’s hand stills as he’s writing. There’s no good way to say it. In fact, there’s not even a neutral way to say it. Maybe it’s ridiculous that he’s even writing a card like this. Although, Nagisa knows he’d feel even worse if he just leaves it. But there’s no real way to describe his apology for sneaking off during her gathering to have sex with Karma which was most likely incredibly audible, and thus likely ruined the atmosphere.

It might just be better to get on his hands and knees and bury his head in the dirt.

-and cause such a disturbance. I hope that you were able to have an enjoyable party despite all of that.

Sorry again,

Shiota Nagisa.

For some reason, Nagisa also stamps it with his hanko as though it’s a formal document.

Maybe it’s a little overkill, but he doesn’t want this weighing on him any longer. With that, Nagisa decides it’s finally time to leave work, but that makes him feel even more nervous. Not only because that means walking a significant distance, amongst a bunch of people… but also what’s going to happen to him when he actually makes it.

Somehow the process is even worse than in the morning. Maybe it’s because Nagisa’s far more alert at this point, but he knows he’s walking incredibly weird. He also definitely looks like he’s up to no good, but it’s hard to try and not be suspicious. The most Nagisa can do is attempt to try and keep his head down for most of the ride.

It’s safe to say he’s on edge by the time he’s posted the letter through Hisaishi san’s door, and knocks on Karma’s.

“You made it in one piece,” Karma takes him in.

Nagisa half shoves past him, kicking his shoes off in the entrance, happier now he’s not in a public place anymore. “Don’t sound surprised.”

Karma just laughs at him. “Don’t act like you hated it if you didn’t.”

“I-“

He steps closer to him. “Did you? Hate it.”

A wave of heat washing over him, Nagisa shakes his head.

Apparently that’s the right answer, because Karma turns, just grabbing him by the wrist as he practically drags him into his bedroom. Not that Nagisa wouldn’t have come willingly… As slightly annoyed as he is by all of this, it’s not like it doesn’t feel good. Especially right here, in a place where he can actually allow himself to feel it.

As though he’s checking him over for something, Karma stares him up and down, before unbuttoning his shirt. Just like earlier, Nagisa’s kind of dumbstruck, just standing still and allowing himself to be moulded. He’s being weirdly gentle, though, actually letting the shirt pool to the floor rather than tossing it off into the distance. Following that is the trousers, which leaves him there with just the underwear.

Slowly, Karma’s hand creeps behind him and caresses his ass. Or, more the material covering it. For most of the day, the lacey things had been at the back of his mind, with more pressing things to focus on. They are comfortable, and very soft, but Nagisa still feels really weird about wearing them. They’re not quite over his limit though…

“Turn around,” Karma tells him.

It’s just like their position this morning, with Nagisa leaning against the wall and Karma behind him. He doesn’t actually remove the underwear, though, instead electing to pull them to the side, and then Nagisa feels a tug on the plug. Since it’s been there all day, it somehow feels even stranger to have it forcefully moved.

Apparently Karma’s not in the mood to just mess around with him, though, pulling it all the way out of him and putting it… somewhere. Nagisa doesn’t get much of a chance to think about it, because now he feels exceptionally weird. He’s far too open all of a sudden, like somehow he just adjusted to having something there and now he’s just empty.

He hears a bottle he assumes is lube clicking open, before finally he has Karma’s fingers in him and oh. Nagisa’s more accustomed to sex nowadays, and there’s far less hesitation needed. But, there’s still usually a bit of discomfort initially. But with his muscles being loosened all day, it feels more like Karma’s fingers are meant to be there and he can’t help but groan at the sensation.

“Looks like you’re ready,” Karma observes, turning him around again.

He only looks at him for a second or so before Nagisa finds himself lifted off the ground. Karma has a habit of doing that, but it still manages to surprise him, especially when, in one frightfully fast manoeuvre, he pushes all the way into him, the underwear still just shoved to the side. It’s much better than just his fingers, causing Nagisa’s head to flip back and bang into the wall.

He knows Karma’s strong, but this is almost scary. He has one arm braced against the wall, but the fact that he can easily hold Nagisa’s weight and pound into him… Admittedly, the angle is a little strange, though Nagisa finds he has some control over it based on the way he squeezes his thighs around Karma’s hips.

The best thing about it, though, is that their faces are actually aligned for once. They’ve been through a lot of different positions at this point, admittedly, but this definitely feels the closest somehow. For once, Nagisa actually takes the initiative and steals a kiss, because how can he not when Karma’s lips are right there.

Not that it’s much of a real kiss. They’re more just panting into each other’s mouths. It still makes Nagisa feel hot all over. The kind of hot that threatens to burn him up from the inside out. He has to concentrate, though. From this position, he still needs to put some effort into holding himself upright, rather than just letting go. It creates a new sensation in his core.

In fact, as much as he knows Karma can pretty easily hold him like this, the psychology of not being flat on the ground remains, causing him to hold on even tighter than he normally would. The fact that he’s pretty much squeezing around Karma makes him feel even better as he moves inside him, setting his nerves alight.

The kiss breaks, but there’s no distance between them as they breathe, and Karma’s forehead presses against his. For reasons he can’t really rationalise, that breathing makes him want to squirm. As opposed to how intense it can feel sometimes, like he could die from the overwhelming pleasure at any moment, this is more like something he’d be more than happy to feel forever.

The fabric of the underwear is also doing something. Especially as he gets closer, and even more sensitive. It creates a kind of friction with every movement, which is weird considering how soft the material is. The way it rubs against his erection makes his toes curl.

He lets out a sigh of Karma’s name, digging one of his hands into his hair.

“Are you okay?” Karma slows down briefly.

Nagisa’s dazed at even being asked, but he nods. “Y-yeah?”

There’s a look on Karma’s face. “You don’t usually-“

He cuts himself off, groaning and burying his face in Nagisa’s shoulder. His hot, almost wet breath somehow feels amazing on his shoulder, and Nagisa finds himself sighing his name again. As if that’s some kind of motivation, he starts pounding him even deeper, and those sighs turn into definite moans. Karma’s name, though, is kind of an inconvenient amount of syllables, so it turns more into just the ‘ah’ sound eventually.

Without much warning, Nagisa suddenly finds that the wall is no longer supporting his back, and before he can even really complain about Karma pulling out of him, he finds himself flung flat on the bed. It takes him a few moments to process, blinking out his confusion as Karma’s suddenly standing over him, simply staring as though he’s planning his next move.

“Nagisa,” Karma’s throat sounds dry, almost like he’s in pain. “Can I…” he shakes his head, like he’s trying to convince himself out of something.

Nagisa surprises even himself, when he leans up on his elbows. “Whatever you want.”

There’s a moment of dumb shock on Karma’s face, before he pounces. Somehow, Nagisa ends up with one of his arms pinned above his head, though Karma doesn’t seem bothered about maintaining it. Nagisa keeps it there anyway, though, as his hands are used to caress the length of his body, before stopping at the hem of his underwear.

Karma swallows, visibly, before yanking the condom off. That does actually raise Nagisa’s nerves a little, but then Karma kneels between his automatically open legs, peels the underwear up just a little, and lines their lengths up together under the fabric. The heat of him, combined with the sensation of soft material, makes Nagisa’s head spin.

What’s more, like this, he can feel just how much Karma’s throbbing. Even though Nagisa’s aware of how empty he now feels, he can’t be mad about it when this feels so good, especially when Karma actually moves. He finds his back arching up almost instantly, dizzy from how close to the edge he really is.

Karma stays on his knees, rather than leaning over him. Nagisa doesn’t have the capacity to look at him too much, but he’s definitely concentrating mostly on their lined up crotches. With the way his mouth is parted, eyes heavy lidded, and the parts of chest that’s uncovered beaming red… this might be the most purely turned on Nagisa’s actually seen him.

Safe to say, neither of them last much longer. Karma gets off first, practically whining as his thrusts pick up, and Nagisa’s close enough already to follow. There’s the slight hint of a kind of gross sensation amongst the underwear, both their releases mixed up there, but the thing about the afterglow is how easy it actually is to forget about that kind of thing.

Karma practically collapses on top of him, just about having the courtesy to try and shift in a way that’s not preventing Nagisa’s lungs from functioning. Nagisa doesn’t really mind, though, content to leave his legs kind of coiled around him. It’s actually a pretty nice sensation, in a way that’s not even entirely sexual. Karma’s chest pounding against his… maybe it’s even comforting in a way. Though, it’s about then that he properly notices Karma barely even got undressed. His trousers must have slipped off properly when they were against the wall, but he never took off the shirt. It’s a weird sensation against his skin, especially when he’s hyper sensitive like this.

“’m sorry,” he gets out eventually, “but seeing you in those… You’ll wear them again, right?”

Nagisa turns his head to the side, feeling himself go red. “I-I think you ruined them, though.”

Karma rolls off him just enough to inspect the damage, which Nagisa is a little frightened to look at. He doesn’t actually say anything else, simply rolling onto his feet and looking at him again, long and hard, before he reaches out and finally takes the underwear off, leaving Nagisa completely naked for the first time.

He has no idea what Karma actually does with it, and maybe that’s for the best, but he can only watch, bleary, as he steps out of the room. The next thing he hears is the spray of the shower, and Nagisa lets go of his weight, just staring up at the shoulder. It’s not like he needs Karma to babysit him or anything.

But then, he realises, the buzz hasn’t truly left him, and he feels kind of uncomfortable. Having been stretched so thoroughly all day… he still feels empty, not entirely satisfied. The more the thought strikes him, the more he thinks about how good it felt to be pounded against the wall. Just like that, to his confusion, he stirs to life and is somehow sporting a semi.

As if twice in one day isn’t already more than enough?

Nagisa thinks about it for a moment, and there’s clearly something possessing him or something because he finds himself shakily getting to his feet, and crossing over to the bathroom. He’s especially surprised that he doesn’t hesitate about opening the door, closing it gently behind him and he approaches the spray himself.

He reaches out, taking Karma’s wrist in his hand, and directing it behind himself. “I want this,” he says.

For a moment, Karma just gapes at him, before his eyes narrow. Maybe Nagisa can beat him in a proper fight under some cases, but at times like this he’ll always be outmanoeuvred. In one easy move, Karma manages to reverse his hold, so now Nagisa’s the one being pinned by the wrist. He doesn’t mind, though, as Karma’s lips crash down onto his.

He’s oddly efficient about the whole thing, as though he’s reading Nagisa’s mind. His fingers slip in with no resistance, moving with skilled purpose. Nagisa instantly moans into his mouth when he strikes his prostate in barely any time at all. Karma’s other hand grasps at his fully revived erection, in perfect tandem both inside and out.

Perhaps he should be kind of scared, at just how easily Karma knows how to drive him to pleasure. It’s like he knows him entirely, exactly which buttons to press and when. Then again, Karma’s always been an insanely fast learner, and Nagisa supposes they literally went through this, right when their thing started. Still, it makes him think Karma must have been holding back all of those times.

Nagisa really cries out, when Karma strikes savagely against his prostate. All the while, keeping him engaged in their kiss. Nagisa’s surprised he’s even upright at this point, since he’s forced on his tiptoes to help close the distance. But he knows it won’t last much longer. That’s clearly not what’s trying to be achieved here.

He can’t even really give any warning, when his second orgasm explodes over the edge, and the next thing he knows, he’s on the floor panting. Somehow, it’s even more intense than the first, and the water raining down on him feels like its own kind of torture. What got into him just then? Though, Nagisa can’t practically say he minds, the true satisfaction finally washes over him.

Karma holds out a hand, and he ends up taking it, being pulled back up to his feet.

The rest of the washing process is mostly silent, with Nagisa not contributing much. He hisses, though, when Karma’s hands brush against his stomach to rid him of the evidence of their releases. Finally, too, his ass has definitely had enough. Rather than the empty feeling, he’s just starting to ache. And then Karma turns the spray off.

“That was fast,” he says, blocking any chance to exit.

Nagisa almost ducks his head. “I don’t know…”

He tilts his head. “I almost want to see if you can get it up again.” He chuckles at the horrified look on Nagisa’s face, though. “Hm? Maybe next time.”

“Next time…” Nagisa tries to process what exactly that’ll mean for him.

Karma just stares him up and down, though, before backing him back up against the shower wall and kissing him again. Nagisa lets his eyes slide shut, keening into it. He almost feels, just for a moment, that he doesn’t even want to wait until ‘next time’.

I wanted to share some more amazing art by Bluberry! 

The photobooth

A part of the party scene 

“Nagisa Sensei?”

Nagisa lowers his book, looking at his student. “Are you alright?”

Watanabe’s face screws up as she looks down at the paper in front of her. “I’m kind of confused.”

Called to action, he gets up, sliding into the empty desk beside her. “Hit me.”

She looks at him. “This whole ‘transience of beauty’ thing. I don’t get it. Like, I understand what it means. But why do people… like it?”

“Well…” Nagisa thinks for a moment. “I think it’s complicated. You know how special it feels when the cherry blossoms are out?” She nods. “Imagine if they were always like that. They wouldn’t really be so special anymore, right? The part that makes things like that stand out to us is the fact that it only happens for a short amount of time. In fact, it’s usually the shortest things, whether that’s an object or an experience, that leave the biggest impressions.”

“I think it’s better when things last,” she shrugs.

He gets that. “It’s a balancing act, really. When things are just normal… some people would say that makes them less.”

Watanabe shakes her head. “Those people are stupid, then. If you can’t see how good normal actually is.”

“Maybe I should make you write an essay about it,” he jokes.           

Something about her words strikes a bit of concern in him, though. Nagisa suddenly feels unsure… although it’s been quite some time since he was thirteen, he knows that kids that age sometimes speak with a certain dark depth because they think it makes them cool or something. But he’s not sure that’s quite what’s going on with her. It’s not quite bloodlust in her eyes… but something else sinister.

He knocks himself out of it. She’s barely even a teenager. She’s probably just saying things. And yet… Nagisa finds himself tuning into his senses properly anyway. It’s something he’s learnt quite a lot of control for, over the years. He can ignore it when he wants to, but other times, if he really focuses… There’s no malicious intent that he can read from her, at least, but there is something unsettling there.

“Death isn’t beautiful,” she says.

Nagisa blinks, and he remembers exactly where he is. “I’d have to agree with you there.”

He lets her get back on with her work, but rather than resuming his book, he ends up observing her. There’s just something chilling. As though she’s not just thinking, she’s speaking from experience. But in what way? Nagisa really can’t be sure. Maybe it relates to her incident a little while ago, the reason she’s even skipping out on PE.

“Watanabe san,” he says with a sudden burst of conviction. “I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything you like. And I know how that must sound,” he winces, “but I really do mean it. No matter what it is, I’ve definitely seen worse, and I can be a good listener sometimes.”

She stares at him for a moment. “Alright.”

But it’s not enough. He scribbles down his phone number, and hands it over to her. “I mean it. But this is only in emergencies.”

There’s something not quite right about this, he knows that, but this is what his instincts are telling him. There’s only so much he, a mere human, is capable of. As always, his mind drifts to Korosensei. Flying at Mach 20 had a few benefits, and that included being able to help him when he really needed it. Nagisa can’t travel at such speeds at every hour of the day… but at least he can do this. Even if he knows it’s very much against protocol, there’s this feeling in his gut.

The bell rings, though.

By the time the rest of the day has passed, the whole thing migrates somewhat to the back of his mind. After then it’s home briefly, a quick shower, and then heading out the door again. Nagisa can’t say he minds this routine, though. He feels like maybe he should, all things considered, but really, when it comes down to it…

He shows up at Karma’s house with good timing. Not too late, but not too early. That is, as it usually goes between them anyway. Though, when he rings the doorbell, it seems to take a good amount of time for him to actually answer it. Is something wrong?

“Hey,” Karma’s still pulling a grin, despite Nagisa’s concerns.

“Hi,” Nagisa meets his eyes for a moment, before pulling them away to take off his shoes.

Recently, he’s felt more frantic whenever they meet, like he has to get his clothes off as soon as possible. But right now… he’s not really getting that. Not that he minds. They’re still friends after all! Well… whatever that is for them nowadays. The point is, it’s not like every part of their interactions needs to be sex based.

But still…

“Are you okay?” Nagisa asks a few minutes later, sitting on his sofa after some silence.

“Of course,” Karma says, “why wouldn’t I be?”

There’s something off about him though. He looks… tired? Almost? Not necessarily angry or else affected like that by anything, just… maybe weary is the right word. Nagisa shifts uncomfortably. Karma finishes work later than him, and he knows for a fact that his work days are far more stressful than Nagisa’s. If he feels under some sort of obligation to see him in those rare off times…

Nagisa doesn’t know what exactly to do, though. He’d feel bad if he just ignored it. But everything else seems weird for them, especially if his verbal questions will just be dismissed. Maybe he should just kiss him or something. But it doesn’t feel like the mood for that, and that would probably just lead to them definitely ignoring it.

“Were you watching something just now?” Nagisa looks over at the TV.

“Nothing important,” Karma shrugs.

Is TV usually important? “Oh,” Nagisa lets out.

But apparently Karma’s decided to give up. “Just One Piece reruns. It was on a random channel.”

Now that is a warning sign. Instantly, Nagisa’s staring at him with the most subtle yet intense detail he can pull off. Karma’s not exactly what you’d call an anime fanboy, at least not really. And if he ever is, he’ll claim there’s something about the cinematography. But One Piece? Most of all, that’s a childhood comfort for him. Nagisa’s established that he doesn’t know the minor, practical facts about Karma’s life too well, but he does know him. Whether Karma’s actually aware of it or not, he only watches One Piece when there’s something really wrong with him.

When he was waiting on the results of his university admission, he had a solid three day marathon.

“I don’t mind,” Nagisa says, “if you want to turn it back on.”

Karma’s shoulders slump at that, and he does it almost like he’s been ordered to. But Nagisa continues to watch him. He’s going to have a hell of a time actually figuring out what is wrong. Not that he needs to know, necessarily, but he’s already committed to it at this point. And Karma’s definitely not the type to freely discuss his feelings.

He’s shocked, then, when he feels Karma’s head on his shoulder. This is new.

Admittedly, Nagisa panics a little. It’s rare he sees Karma like this as it is, but this isn’t something he does. Maybe it’s his own way of comfort, if he doesn’t want to use his words? Nagisa decides not to acknowledge it, if Karma wants to rest on him. It feels like he should do something, though? He’s not sure what… the only ideas he has involve patting him on the head, or else wrapping his arm around his shoulders. But those seem incredibly ‘boyfriendish’, so.

Considering that Nagisa doesn’t exactly have a lot of muscle there, and his shoulders are therefore kind of boney and not the most comfortable, Karma slips off him eventually. Though, rather than sitting up again, his head actually lands in his lap. Is he asleep or something? Nagisa doesn’t think so, based on his breathing. But this is definitely new.

When Nagisa nervously reaches and touches his hair, Karma doesn’t react much. Debating it, he lets his hand rest there, only indulging in just the slightest amount of stroking. His hair just feels so nice between his fingers! It’s kind of a funny position, though, with Karma turning so he’s mostly lying on the sofa, though he’s too tall for it and his legs are half dangling off the end.

Nagisa’s just about ready to question if he’s really going to have to sit there and watch One Piece in silence for an unknown period of time, but then his hand strays a little, and he feels the heat on Karma’s forehead.

“You-you’re really hot?”

Karma turns his head slightly, looking up at him blearily. Though, he gives him a dazed kind of smile. “Thanks, but you’re hotter.”

Nagisa ignores that, pressing his hand to his temple properly. “You’re burning up! You didn’t say anything about being sick?”

“I’m not,” he groans, and sits up properly. “I’m just, kind of worn out from work.”

“Stay there,” Nagisa almost orders, “I’m getting you water.”

Karma does actually follow the instruction. It doesn’t take long for Nagisa to fill up a glass and hand it to him, but now he’s unsure of where to go from there. He’s never really seen Karma get sick. Well, that wasn’t his own fault from alcohol at least. Fluids are important, he’s already got that covered. Maybe he should figure out if he’s actually running a fever or not? And medicine!

“Where’s your medicine?” He asks

Karma gives him a flat look. “I said I’m fine-“

“Where?”

“I don’t have any,” he turns his head, almost in slight shame. “I don’t need that stuff.”

Nagisa glares. “You at least have a thermometer, right?”

Silence.

“Right?”

“If I get sick, I just sleep it off for a day.”

He’s unbelievable. Karma, who seems to be weirdly domestically talented in certain areas, has no means to really take care of himself. Has he been lucky enough to never get the flu before? Maybe Nagisa’s overreacting a little, and maybe he’s using his teacher voice a little bit too much, but this feels important.

Or maybe it’s because nobody’s shown him how to take care of being sick before.

That thought sending a chill through Nagisa’s body, he’s filled with determination. “You need to rest, at least. Let’s go to bed-“

Karma lets out a mixture between a cough and a laugh. “But if you come to bed with me, I won’t be resting.”

If Karma thinks flirting with him will get him out of this, then he has another thing coming. “Fine, but at least lie out on the sofa. And watch something relaxing.”

“What, One Piece isn’t relaxing?”

“I mean, if you think so…”

He appears to think about it for a moment. “I want to watch a movie.”

Nagisa finds himself waiting patiently, as Karma digs around in his DVD collection. Can’t they just find something on Netflix or something? Though, with how much Karma privately likes movies, he might consider a question like that blasphemy. It’s almost painful to watch, though, as he’s clearly shaking and unsteady. At least he relaxes himself on the sofa afterwards, again using Nagisa’s lap as a pillow apparently.

“Lost In Translation?” Nagisa asks sceptically.

Karma just shifts slightly. “You haven’t seen it.”

He’s not entirely sure why this is his choice. Even though there are subtitles, a couple of hours of English are probably the last thing Nagisa would want to hear whilst sick. So it must be a pretty good movie? Not that Nagisa really gets that. For the most part, it just seems to be two very boring American characters going to a couple of places in the city, mixed around some weird romance plotline, which feels kind of off-putting given their clear age gap.

Karma’s actually paying a lot of attention to it, though, and since he owns a physical copy he must thing it’s good for some reason. Maybe it’s just because Nagisa’s more of a fan of action, rather than romances with confusing but apparently meaningful storylines. It’s also pretty long, and by the conclusion, he realises there’s not much movement from Karma at all.

He should be glad that he’s sleeping, right? That’s definitely the goal here, as opposed to anything else. Nagisa manages, using all of his grace, to slip out from under him, setting Karma’s head down gently on the cushion. But now what? Nagisa should probably just leave and let him sleep, surely, but then guilt comes rushing through him. He can’t be comfortable, if he sleeps for a long time in this position… plus he clearly doesn’t have the means to actually look after himself.

Maybe it’s even worse, but he really hopes Karma won’t mind when he digs around in his jacket pocket for a moment, finds a set of keys, and takes them. It will be a while, if he faces any backlash, before that can even happen anyway. Considering he’s overall doing a good thing… he decides to slip out of the apartment, locking the door behind him.

He’s not going to go far, of course. There’s a Seven Eleven barely five minutes away. All he needs is just a few supplies. Once he feels the air on his face, he feels a tiny bit better in himself. But that’s what happens at a time like this, Nagisa’s always functioned best when there’s a goal.

“Ah, Nagisa kun,” Hisaishi san says, letting herself down from the last step out of the building. “How are you?”

Nagisa swallows down all the shame he associates with seeing her. “I’m doing great, thank you.”

She looks at him curiously. “You seem to be in a hurry?”

He’s at least glad she’s not bringing up the apology letter. “Karma’s sick,” he admits, “I was going to pick up some things.”

Hisaishi san gives him a smile. “I needed to buy some vegetables. Walk with me.”

Nagisa doesn’t exactly have a problem with that, not really. Even though he’s sure neither of them need an escort, it feels a little nicer to have some kind of company. Plus, despite all the embarrassment, there’s something about her presence that makes him feel relaxed for whatever reason.

“So,” she says, “he’s sick?”

Nagisa nods. “I don’t know what from.”

She hums. “From the sounds of things, he works hard. Maybe it’s stress.”

The thought makes Nagisa’s stomach turn. “I hope not.”

“He should be careful about that,” she appears to think aloud. “I see it far too often in your generation. It’s like you’re born, you grow, and then you work to die.” She looks at him properly then. “Japan was a very different place, when I was young. I had a normal secretary job at a time, but I didn’t see the point. What exactly was I working for? So I found my own way through life… It just seems that the light dims out far faster than it used to nowadays. But anyway, let’s not be morbid, hm?”

Nagisa feels chilled at her words, but simply nods along as they enter the store. For some reason, he finds himself essentially shopping with her, but that’s fine too. He’s after a pretty random assortment of ingredients anyway. Bonito flakes, spring onions, tofu, miso paste, energy jelly, a thermometer… It must seem pretty random. He also thinks about it, and throws in a carton of strawberry milk because why not?

“It looks like you’re taking good care of him,” Hisaishi san says, after she’s paid for her own shopping.

He’s not sure if it’s a compliment. “He’s passed out on his sofa. I couldn’t just leave him like that.”

“You’re both pretty stubborn, aren’t you?”

His face morphs in confusion. “Excuse me?”

She waves him off lightly. “I don’t mean to pry. It’s just not a dynamic I see work often, so it’s interesting to me. Fire burns fire if you’re not careful…” she looks up at the sky. “And you will be careful.”

There’s nothing much else to say after that, until they make their way to the apartments. Nagisa doesn’t have much of a response for that. He’s never thought of himself as stubborn. Or related himself to fire either. Karma’s neighbour really is a nice woman, he gets that, but he wishes she’d be less cryptic sometimes.

Karma’s exactly where he left him, at least.

Perhaps it’s bad, but Nagisa un packets the thermometer like a weapon. It’s only an ear one, at least, so it should be pretty easy to use. Nagisa’s very good at sneaking up silently, and soon enough he’s right by Karma’s side, thermometer ready to go. He’s gentle, of course, not wanting to hurt him in anyway. When it clicks with a reading, though, he’s almost disappointed. Predictably, it’s pretty high. At least it’s not hospital high?

Nagisa’s content to just let him sleep, anyway, as he sorts out his bag of items. He’s watched Karma cook enough times to have a vague idea of the layout of his kitchen, and it’s not like Nagisa’s about to do anything particularly complicated. Losing most of his qualms about messing with his stuff at this point, he decides to just get down to it.

The thing is, he’s not a chef at all, but he is pretty decent at making a traditional breakfast – namely because he did it almost every morning as a teenager. That, more often than not, involved miso soup, which also tends to be a great option for when you’re sick. Plus, it’s only a few simple ingredients, so it wasn’t too bad to buy.

He starts by making the dashi broth, which couldn’t be much easier if he tried. Thankfully, Karma has a proper stove top, and it’s easy to control the heat as he pours water and a couple of slits of kombu into a saucepan and watches it heat up. Honestly, he doesn’t really cook this for himself, but it comes back to him like muscle memory. Wait until you see some bubbles, remove it from the heat, remove the kombu add the flakes. Once they’ve sunk to the bottom of the saucepan, he strains it over a sieve lined with a paper towel. There’s more than he’ll really need, but dashi is a useful ingredient, so he’s sure Karma won’t really mind.

Nagisa wonders if he’s eaten anything, even. Probably not, right? He winces, before rummaging around in his cupboard. If only Karma owned less… exotic ingredients. At least he does seem appear to own some sort of generic rice. And, thankfully, it seems even Karma doesn’t consider himself above owning a normal rice cooker either. With that done, and the dashi strained, he supposes he may as well get on with the rest of it.

But then, oof.

“What are you doing?” Karma asks, voice clearly strained with sleep, basically leaning his entire body weight on him.

Nagisa squirms out of it. “I’m making soup.”

Karma cocks his head. “Why?”

“It’ll make you feel better,” Nagisa gestures, spoon in hand.

Karma, on the other hand, looks like he’s staring at some kind of mirage. “Hm.” 

“You look terrible,” Nagisa says, “go lie down again.”

Karma groans, looking like he really doesn’t like that plan. “But-“

“In your bed,” his tone is firm. “Otherwise you’ll hurt your neck or something. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

Looking slightly dejected, he walks off like he’s been scolded. And perhaps he has. Nagisa really didn’t mean to sound harsh. Well, he’s sure Karma will end up appreciating it when he feels better, if not right now. Nagisa’s only got his best interests at heart, after all. And that includes plain rice and soup.

He pours the strained dashi into the saucepan again, and brings it to a boil. Then, a small amount at a time to make sure it dissolves properly, he adds the miso paste. Judging the amount isn’t the easiest thing, but he has a decent enough eye for it. After that, he adds just a few small chunks of tofu, and some chopped spring onions. From the smell, at least, it seems like a pretty decent effort. Conveniently, that’s about the time the rice cooker beeps at him, too.

He makes sure not to spill anything, traversing his way to Karma’s bedroom. He’s still completely dressed, but at least he is actually lying out on the bed, looking incredibly dazed. Well… maybe eating something will help. He perks up, at the very least, when Nagisa walks in. Though, that’s probably more of a response to the food.

“You really cooked,” he looks down at the dishes dumbly.

“I do know how to,” Nagisa defends. “Anyway, you should eat it before it gets cold.”

There’s something glassy in Karma’s eyes, but he nods, accepting the soup first. He sighs, drinking it down. Maybe it’s a little weird to just watch him eat, but Nagisa doesn’t really have anything else to do. And maybe he’s just a tiny bit pleased that Karma doesn’t just spit it out in disgust. He always cooks amazing food for him, as it is, so it feels fair that he can at least give him something edible. Besides, once he’s done with that, it’s pretty hard to mess up cooking rice.

“There’s more soup,” Nagisa eyes his empty bowl, “if you want it.”

A grain of rice is stuck to Karma’s lips. “Maybe later.”

Nagisa almost tells him about it, but ultimately doesn’t. “You should also have some Vitamin C,” he says, handing over the energy jelly, “if you refuse to take actual medicine.”

Karma doesn’t thank him, but he puts the rice bowl on his nightstand when he’s finished, digging into the packet of jelly. Nagisa’s not sure how good those things actually are for you, but they do taste good, even though the semi-liquid texture can be kind of weird. It’s strange, but he almost feels better on Karma’s behalf after everything.

Then, he frowns. “Where did you get this?”

“I went out,” he admits, “you were asleep for a while.”

Karma doesn’t seem to remember. “Oh.”

“I also thought you’d want this,” he presents the strawberry milk shyly. “I’m not sure if it’s even still your favourite, but…”

A real smile breaks on his face as he takes that, too, and sips it down with a heavy sigh. Now Nagisa really doesn’t know what to do. How to be helpful? He’s made sure he’s had something to eat, and now he’s in bed… That’s pretty much it, isn’t it? Clearly, Karma just really needs to sleep, and Nagisa doesn’t need to be here for that.

“You shouldn’t sleep like that,” Nagisa gestures his clothed form.

“Second draw,” Karma just says plainly.

That sets a spike of nerves through him. Though he’s sure Karma won’t have anything particularly weird and incriminating in his dresser, it still feels like a lot to be rummaging through it. Even though he’s basically been given direct permission at this point… It’s only weird if Nagisa makes it weird, right?

Hoping he won’t judge his selection of pyjamas, he makes a blind grab for some basic looking bottoms and a plain T shirt. He’ll be fine from here, won’t he? He puts them down on the end of the bed, but Karma makes no effort to move, just blinking slowly, almost like he’s zoning out. Before Nagisa can stop himself, he crosses over to him, offering a hand for him to take, and just about pull himself up to his feet.

“You can barely stand,” Nagisa comments, mostly just verbalising his own thoughts.

Karma just groans, swaying as he attempts it.

Nagisa bites his lip, fills himself with conviction, and reaches for Karma’s torso. He has to tiptoe to get a good grip on it, but he manages to loosen his tie, and then pull it off. It’s not like Nagisa’s never undressed him before, even though this is a completely different context. He feels somewhat alarmed, though, at how caked in sweat his shirt is once he’s unbuttoned it and got it off. The trousers come next, though Nagisa does everything he can to not linger with it, which leaves Karma in just his underwear. But the amount of sweat… that’ll be pretty gross, won’t it?

“You should probably get in the shower,” Nagisa swallows, and then instructs.

He basically has to lead him there, and it’s almost like they’re doing some kind of blindfolded trust exercise. At least, this might help with the fever? Nagisa tests the temperature, making sure the water is lukewarm. Making it too cold would do the opposite of help, and a hot shower isn’t good in this situation either.

Nagisa really hesitates, then, as Karma stares at him dumbly. It feels really awful to be doing this. As much as he believes Karma does trust him, and it’s nothing he hasn’t already seen multiple times at this point, it still feels wrong to be undressing him when he’s clearly not entirely lucid. Still, Nagisa does his best to avert his eyes, and strips his underwear off, pushing him gently under the spray.

If he had to compare Karma to anything, it would be a wounded puppy, with the almost pathetic expression he shoots his way. Nagisa could just leave him now, but he’s kind of worried he’ll slip over or something. Considering the way he’s swaying… Though, apparently Nagisa stands there just a little too long, before something in Karma’s face shifts, and suddenly he’s yanking him, still in possession of his physical strength, right under the spray with him.

“Argh!” Nagisa yelps, because how else is he meant to react to being dragged suddenly under the water?

Karma manages to laugh, but only weakly. It’s almost heart shattering. Nagisa can’t even really be mad.

Just perfect.

At least, even though he’s now apparently a part of this shower, it’s not so far gone that he needs to assist in the washing part. No, as it turns out, he’s like a glorified post for Karma to steady his stance on. Nagisa can’t say it’s the worst thing ever, but it would have been a lot better if he wasn’t fully clothed for the experience. Not that Karma holding his shoulders in a death grip is a sexy concept, exactly, more that his clothes wouldn’t have to be sacrificed.

So as not to drip water over Karma’s entire apartment, Nagisa’s basically forced to strip off his own clothes, though he leaves his boxer briefs on. Meanwhile, he manages to get a towel wrapped around Karma’s waist, and guides him back to the bedroom, sitting him gently on the end of the bed. Is this what it was like, those times Karma broke him to the point he could barely even speak?

He forgoes finding new underwear for him. Pyjamas are one thing, but Nagisa’s definitely going to draw the line at rummaging around through that draw. At the very least, Karma does appear capable of drying himself. Though that leaves Nagisa still half naked and dripping wet himself. Considering it’s February… he’s also kind of cold.

“Fourth draw,” Karma finally says this time, “jumpers.”

He swings around, semi crawling as he reaches for the pyjamas and works on getting them on for himself. That’s good, at least? Nagisa turns his head nervously, not fully sure what he’s implying, before he realises. Nagisa can’t put his own clothes on. Unless he wants to sit around like this… he has to borrow. His cheeks turn red immediately. Wearing Karma’s clothes? He forces himself not to look, blindly selecting the first item he can, which is about medium weight, and a plain muted maroon colour. It smells kind of nice…

He shakes his head, casting that thought out immediately. Well, as a temporary solution, it’s not that bad. When he throws it over his head, embarrassingly it’s so big that the hem only stops about mid thigh, and the arms are just their own kind of ridiculous. Now more than ever, he hates how much taller Karma is. It also means any kind of trousers are an immediate write off, because Karma’s legs are significantly long.

Basically every part of him is just that. Long. And there’s only one part that actually benefits.

Anyway, Nagisa really should go now, right? Except… his clothes are now wet, so he’s not sure how that’s going to go for him. He figures Karma won’t die in a minute or two, at least, so he crosses back over to the bathroom again. Thankfully, Karma’s apartment is fancy enough to also come with a dryer. Nagisa has more priorities than worrying about his clothes, at this point, so he just tosses them all in, cringing at the fact it’ll take a couple of hours.

Karma seems to have finally come to some sort of sense, because he’s tucked himself under the covers at least, curled up in a nice restful position. So Nagisa knows it’s best to just let him sleep, now. Even if he’s now kind of stuck here… he’s done all he really can with the nursing. He’ll… just go and sit in the living room or something

“Nagisa,” he says weakly, “c’m ’ere.”

He goes to his side. “Are you okay?”

Considering it happened just minutes ago, Nagisa really should have seen it coming. But still, somehow, Karma manages to get one better on him and yank him down by his wrist, so he lands next to him roughly on the mattress. There’s only so much his pity for a sick person will stretch…

Karma slings an arm over him, though, so it seems like he has no intentions of letting Nagisa go anyway.

“You need to rest,” Nagisa says again.

Karma groans into his shoulder. “You’re such a buzzkill.” 

“Was there even a buzz to begin with?”

He doesn’t get an answer, other than Karma essentially snuggling up to him, head finding a place in the space between his shoulder and his own head. It forces Nagisa’s chin into an awkward position, since he has to make room, but he supposes he’s okay with it. The most important thing is that Karma actually relaxes, and if this is how he wants to react.

“Nagisa~” he draws out. “Pay attention to me.”

Nagisa shifts with what little space he has. “How am I not paying attention to you?”

“Hey Nagisa,” he says again, “is it hot in here? Or is it just you?”

So they’ve cycled back around to the flirting now? “You’re the one with a fever here.”

“Nagisa,” he pokes him this time. “That jumper looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I.”

He ignores him.

“I think my dick just died, can I bury it in your ass?”

Maybe he shrieks at this one, sitting up, more than a little scandalised. “This is not relaxing!”

Karma just snickers, which turns into another cough again. “But it is making me feel better.”

“Hmph.”

He wraps his arms around his waist, tugging him back down again. “That’s the point, right, nurse?”

How did this end with his embarrassment? “I’m never doing anything nice for you again.”

Karma squeezes him tighter. “Does that mean no cooking?”

“…Maybe.”

He doesn’t say anything else for a moment, and when Nagisa checks, he’s somehow completely knocked out again. How does that work?! Whatever. Nagisa decidedly likes him better when he’s not talking.

…That’s not exactly always the case. In fact, Karma has moods sometimes where he just doesn’t feel like talking at all. They’re a lot less common nowadays, or so Nagisa thinks. But definitely when they were younger, walking to the station with him after school, it would always be Nagisa talking, trying to fill the space, with Karma just commenting here or there. It’s better when he feels like having an actual conversation. If only it didn’t have to be quite like this.

Additionally, with Karma’s tight grip surrounding him, he’s absolutely stuck in this position. Perhaps he could try and worm his way out, if he really put his mind to it, but he doesn’t want to disturb his rest. It’s not like Nagisa can go anywhere without his actual clothes, anyway. It does mean he’s pretty much limited to just lying here, though. Staring at the ceiling is far from a good way to pass the time. If anything, it just makes him think too hard.

The alternative would pretty much just be watching Karma sleep, though, and that would be creepy.

He wakes up again eventually, though Nagisa’s not fully sure how long that actually is. Except this time, he honestly looks even worse somehow. He’s sweating visibly from his forehead, at least, and he won’t stop shivering. There’s not much Nagisa can do, aside from tucking the covers in better, but he still hates to watch it.

His eyes flash open, wild and alert in appearance, though he knows better. “Water,” he gets out.

“It’s on the side table,” Nagisa says gently.

With his new found freedom, he pulls himself up, and traverses over to the bathroom. The machine is still running, which means there’s some time left on his clothes. That’s not his current priority, though. He rummages for a second, before finding a small flannel, and rinsing it under the cool water. He’s not sure how much it will actually help… but maybe it will feel nice.

“I think this will help,” he says, and thankfully Karma lets him rest it on his forehead.

“You left,” he says, accusingly, like there’s some weight to it.

Nagisa swallows. “Only to the bathroom.”

“Stay,” he practically commands.

A weird smile creeps onto Nagisa’s face. “I’m here right now, aren’t I?”

Karma peels an eye open, almost like he doesn’t believe him. “You’re not going anywhere next weekend.”

“Huh?”

His face falls. “I didn’t ask you yet?”

Nagisa cocks his head. “Ask me what?”

Karma groans dramatically. “It’s a whole thing, Nagisa! My boss… and his divorce… depressed about his valentines plans being cancelled. So I took them off him since they were going! And now,” he points a finger, like that’ll prove a point, “we’re going to an onsen.”

“We?”

“Mmhmm,” he nods. “It’s a luxury resort we don’t have to pay for. Of course you’re coming.”

So not only did Karma… not actually invite him to this ‘plan’, but now he’s also accepting it on his behalf? That is, if this even exists in the first place. For all Nagisa knows, this is the ramblings of a mad man, and it’s all some kind of elaborate fever dream. Though, the logistics appear to make too much sense to just be plucked out of nowhere?

Unfortunately, Nagisa ends up falling into it. “Why?”

“Did you hear ‘luxury resort’?”

He shifts. “But why would you want me to come?”

Karma looks at him like he’s stupid. “It would be a little pathetic if I just went alone.”

Maybe that’s true.

“Besides,” Karma grabs his hand, lurching forward, and gazes at him with his eyes almost sparkling like he’s about to sing a love ballad or something. “Hotel sex is fun and there’s no way you’ll agree to a love hotel, so.”

So this is some weird part of his education plan? “I-“

“It’s a practical trip,” he nods to himself.

Nagisa’s really not sure about this. But Karma’s giving him literal puppy dog eyes… “Okay.”

He practically grins from ear to ear, before shuddering again, a seriously pained look on his face. Nagisa springs forth with concern instantly, supporting his back to make him lie down flat again, though he keeps his head propped up on the pillows. Karma’s such a contradiction… it’s near irritating at times.

Maybe he’s banking on him not remembering any of this.

“Be careful,” Nagisa tries to make it gentle. “It’s okay if you need to sleep.”

Karma sighs. “I don’t want to sleep.”

Then what does he want, to play charades?

Nagisa just looks at him for a moment. “I’m not sure you have a choice?”

Karma just groans, and rolls over, mumbling something.

“What was that?”

Nagisa has to lean in close to actually hear him, and which point he’s basically kneeling at his bedside. “Cold.”

He presses his lips tight together. “You’re pretty wrapped up already.”

“But you’re here.”

Nagisa blinks. “You really want…”

Apparently, even sick out of his mind like this, Karma can’t actually say it. He just gestures, and Nagisa ends up following. It’s different to how they were before, though. If Karma wants his heat… It feels really awkward, but Nagisa ends up behind him, chest pressed to his back. With their height difference, there’s no real way for Nagisa to cover him properly, but maybe this will do.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Nagisa admits, but it seems to go unheard.

He’s never held anyone before. Maybe it would be better if Karma wasn’t clearly feverish… One arm wraps over him, doing the holding part, but what’s he meant to do with his other one? If he tries to connect them, won’t he just cut off his circulation? It’s also a little awkward trying to find somewhere for his head. He ends up having to squirm further up the mattress, and figures Karma’s shoulder is a good enough place.

But now what? Nagisa squints as he thinks, trying to place what they’re doing. He’s… comforting Karma right now. If this is what he wants. He tries squeezing him a little firmer, and his hand seems to have a mind of its own, stroking slowly against his arm. He’s not sure if that’s right or not, but it’s the only part of this that feels natural.

“Will you stay until I fall asleep?” It’s almost a whisper.

“I promise.”

This time, it seems to take quite some time for him to sleep again. Nagisa can tell from his breathing, even if he doesn’t have the position to really check. He can also feel the way the tension from his body just drops all of a sudden, and he seems to press back into him more. For a moment, Nagisa feels like he could join him.

But then he comes to his senses.

Karma asked him to stay until he fell asleep. Until implies that request has a time limit. And here Nagisa is… maintaining things. Slowly, when he’s sure that Karma definitely isn’t going to stir, he manages to free himself from the position. In his sleep, Karma curls into himself, as though he’s trying to maintain the warmth, and something in Nagisa aches.

He drifts into the living room, where his bag still is, and finally digs his phone out. It’s then that he gets a look at the time, and his heart sinks into his stomach. The final train of the night will be due in five minutes or so. There’s no way he can make it to the station in that time. So what? Splash out on a taxi or something? They won’t resume again until 4am…

Maybe he should stay for just a little bit longer, just in case Karma wakes up again.

Nagisa would feel bad leaving things like this, anyway. He creeps back into the bedroom, where Karma looks peaceful at least, and grabs the bowls from his side table. Of course, Nagisa knows to clean as he cooks, but there’s still some things displaced in the kitchen too. Though, doing the dishes isn’t an activity that lasts for hours.

He hesitates for a moment, oddly displaced, before he ends up in the bedroom again. Things were never really put into order, and the light is still on. So Nagisa decides to fix it, before finally returning to his original position. It is winter after all, and the heat of Karma’s body is nice. But despite everything, Nagisa knows he can’t sleep.

So then he should lie like this for hours?

An indefinite amount of time later, he flicks on the lamp, and decides he may as well just read to pass the time. It’s probably better than just staring into the abyss of his phone, anyway. He’s about halfway through the story, so he’s shocked when a proposal happens, and when it’s rejected – though he doesn’t really blame her by the sounds of things.

The way they just dance around their feelings… it’s kind of frustrating.

Even if he can’t sleep, though, Nagisa’s still exhausted. And with the plot of his book getting more… complicated, his concentration starts to wain some. At least Karma hasn’t woken up again. Nagisa tests the situation cautiously, reaching over to feel his head again. It’s definitely not quite as bad as it was before. He goes to retrieve the thermometer and confirms it. It’s still a little high… but much closer to normal range. Good.

Karma looks a lot more peaceful, too. It’s kind of irritating, actually. Nagisa would have preferred it if he snored super loud, or if he drooled, or if his face contorted into some weird position. Of course, it’s not like he hasn’t slept in the same room as Karma countless times before… albeit in a very different context… So he should already know all of this. But it’s just occurring to him how he looks just as attractive as always, if not more so. With his facial features relaxed like this… he’s cute.

At the thought, Nagisa forces himself to turn away again. This is crossing into a territory that’s plainly wrong. Besides, his job is most definitely done, now the fever has passed. That’s not to say Nagisa doesn’t still find tasks for himself… such as setting Karma’s phone on charge, and putting a fresh glass of water beside the bed.

He almost feels reluctant when goes to retrieve his clothes, putting his work trousers back on, and folding his shirt and other upper body items to go in his bag. Even though the jumper still does look ridiculous on him, at least he’s now actually clothed. And, when he checks the time again, it’s reasonable to start heading to the station. 

This is for the best, right?

He does find himself lingering in the doorway of the bedroom, though, a lump in his throat. Should he check his temperature again? He decides against it, though he does send a text through to actually let him know that he left… in case he doesn’t process that by the next time he wakes up. With the fever down… he’ll surely be okay.

Nagisa nods, almost as if to affirm that for himself, and turns on his heel. The only things left are to put on his shoes, which doesn’t take long at all, and to grab the keys again. Like that, suddenly he’s braced with the night sky, and he only hesitates for a second before locking the door and posting the keys through the letterbox.

The empty darkness beckons.

Nagisa can’t help but feel like curling up into himself slightly. He’s not fully sure why, other than some basic nerves, but he keeps shifting around in his seat. Beside him, Karma’s looking at something or other on his phone. Nagisa’s almost curious to ask him if it’s interesting, but he decides not to.

He honestly hadn’t expected this trip thing to even happen.

Karma had recovered, of course, and it really was looking like some sort of stress thing. He’d thanked Nagisa for the soup, but nothing else in particular. Not that Nagisa needs any grand gesture! Perhaps he was a little embarrassed about the whole situation… Karma had, though, taken his agreement to this whole heartedly, and it would have been the worst if he backed out. Plus… it could possible help with the stress…

So that’s how Nagisa ended up on a train to some romantic getaway thing the day before Valentines Day. It’s just situational though… he knows that. The entire reason this trip existed was to take advantage of day, it just happened to get interrupted by adulteries and babies. And why wouldn’t Karma snap up the free fancy trip offer anyway? It’s not like any of this was ever planned… but still.

Weirdly enough, Nagisa’s horniness is getting him through this. Since the sickness incident, they haven’t had sex for two weeks. Nagisa managed to go 24 years without caring about sex, but now he can’t handle even a week without it apparently? It was bad enough that he… semi initiated a barrage of incredibly inappropriate messages mid-week, the log of which he’d had to delete the instant it was over for his own sanity. Unfortunately, it had only been a temporary fix.

Is there something appealing about getting the whole weekend to make up for lost time? Absolutely. It’s appealing another to almost entirely drown out the other thoughts he has, anyway. When did he become the kind of guy to think entirely with his dick? Nagisa has no clue. It’s like he skipped over a whole part of puberty and now it’s sneak attacking him twice as hard.

Karma’s leg presses against his for a moment and Nagisa’s breath hitches. He forcefully shakes his head after that, trying to think of anything else. A train is not the place to be getting turned on, especially with Karma. Karma might legitimately try and drag him to the bathroom or something and Nagisa would probably end up just letting him and… nope. That train of thought isn’t helping the situation.

“Chocolate?”

Nagisa jumps, his face burning up. Way to make things even worse?! But then he sees that Karma is merely eating from a packet of M&Ms, he’s not talking about Valentines chocolate. “Thanks.”

He doesn’t know why he’s being like this. Even though it’s embarrassing to admit… he was kind of excited for Christmas Eve. That’s just as romantic as Valentines Day. And that time he’d specifically arranged something with Karma, unlike now, where events just happened to fall into place like this. So what’s the big deal here?

He wasn’t fully aware of the way he felt back then, he supposes. There’s always hindsight, but he knows he hadn’t processed those… feelings yet. At least not fully. Now it’s like he has to question everything. It also feels like he’s somehow taking advantage of a situation. He’s playing into some kind of fantasy that plainly doesn’t exist.

Nagisa’s stupid, idiotic feelings… they’d probably get a whole kick out of this thing happening on purpose. As if Karma would actually, legitimately take him to some fancy hotel for Valentines Day. They’d probably love it. But no matter how much Nagisa tries to shove all of that down, it keeps springing back up again. So it’s a bad idea to just let it happen.

But, again, horniness has replaced his logical reasoning nowadays.

It’s not entirely his fault, right? It’s Karma who keeps putting them in these situations. He’s the one who had to be all ‘not into relationships’, even though Nagisa’s pretty sure whatever they are isn’t really just a hook up thing. Talk about mixed messages! Though, Nagisa still doesn’t know how any of this works. The ‘signs’ to tell if someone likes him…

Eventually, the train rolls into the station, and from there it’s only a quick transfer before they’re finally there. The onsen district of Hakone. At least Karma seems to know where he’s going? It’s not like they’re super late or anything, but it’s definitely the evening at this point, so it’s pretty dark out. Nagisa can still see the traditional style inns lining the street, though. Even when they eventually come to a stop, it’s outside a similar style inn. Though, Nagisa can tell it’s definitely not as old as the rest.

This looks… slightly different.

“I think this is the one,” Karma seems to say, mostly to himself.

It turns out it is, and it looks entirely different on the inside. Although it’s clearly been made to blend into its surroundings, the inside is far closer to a five star hotel… not that Nagisa has been to any of those. The environment honestly makes him feel nervous, his sense of belonging even further diminished.

He ends up shuffling behind Karma awkwardly. It kind of looks like Karma’s committing some sort of illicit affair like this, but Nagisa can’t feign confidence at a time like this. The actual check in appears to go smoothly though, even though the receptionist does shoot him just the hint of a weird look, smile tight on her face.

Despite the external appearance of the place, the room is much like the main foyer they’d just stepped into. Though, there seems to be some kind of traditional element kept in, like a modern take. There’s an actual bed, as opposed to futons, but it’s very low and sleek. Needless to say, this differs from basically anywhere else Nagisa’s ever been.

The most impressive feature, by a long way, is the onsen itself. It’s almost framed from the entrance of the room, accessible outside through large glass doors. It’s not a natural pool by any means, but it looks like it could be, and it’s pretty large for something meant for two people. Considering the winter month, the steam coming from it is super visible. Although it’s definitely private, the entire outside area almost backs out onto an actual forest.

It all feels like too much. Nagisa’s not sure how to approach this situation at all. Do they just have sex now? That’ll be distracting.

It seems like Karma has the same idea, because he’s kissing him once the door is locked. Nagisa drops his bag in immediate submission, melting into it. He ends up following eagerly, as Karma walks him backwards, until they topple down onto the bed. Naturally, the mattress is perfectly soft, enough so that they bounce a little.

Making out is always a good option. He forgets how good it is sometimes, Karma on top of him, his lips on his. He makes room for him automatically, wrapping his legs around Karma’s hips. There doesn’t need to be much pretence here. He can’t hold back his groan with their slight grind against each other, and he can already feel himself swelling.

As much as his desire for everything else is ignited, Nagisa feels like he could kiss Karma forever.

Karma reaches down between them, dragging his hand over the fly of Nagisa’s trousers. His hips arch up immediately, definitely ready for more than just a tease. He wants them off, for Karma to stroke him properly. It doesn’t look like he’s going to get that, though, with the way Karma’s hand journeys straight back up again. It’s barely begun but it’s already maddening.

He breaks the kiss, fingers playing with Nagisa’s shirt collar, close enough to his neck to make him shudder. “Seems dumb to ignore the fancy onsen.”

Stunned, Nagisa attempts to nod. “Okay.”

He assumes he means together. Nagisa’s frustrated at the way Karma simply climbs off him, but he can’t exactly be too disappointed about the prospect of full nudity. It’s kind of crazy, since he’s been to an onsen with Karma before. He definitely didn’t care back then, even though he would have been in the height of puberty at the time.

But here he is, now, mouth practically watering as Karma strips off his shirt. Of course he’s possessed to follow. The actual onsen is set outside in some kind of patio area, but before that is a small washing area. Right. Shower. He can do that. They’ve done that before, even. Granted, those times were when he was already tired. Right now, however…he’s more than hot and bothered.

Has Karma’s ass always looked this… good?

Nagisa finds himself cocking his head to the side, just staring. He supposes he doesn’t really look at it much, surprisingly. Logically he’s not fully sure how an ass can look good, but Karma’s definitely does. It’s annoying. It also kicks his brain into gear that he’s fully removed his clothes. Nagisa practically scrambles to catch up at the realisation, almost tripping over his own trousers.

By that point, Karma’s already started to the process of washing. Even in the midst of this modernity, the main set up is still the same. Nagisa’s about to do the same, but something in him pauses. Karma’s right there, after all… He swallows, feet moving on autopilot as he ends up behind him, hands coming down on his shoulders.

Of course, Karma’s head whips around.

“I… uhm…” Nagisa turns his head away. “Helping?”

Karma just sighs, shoulders relaxing. “I didn’t say stop.”

He bites his lip though. Now he’s actually reached this point… washing his back isn’t so odd. He watches in fascination for a moment, at the way water rolls down Karma’s skin. Nagisa traces after it with his fingers, which maybe has some sort of resemblance to actually washing. He does it properly eventually, though, introducing proper pressure to his touch.

Karma doesn’t quite moan, but he does let out a slight hum, so Nagisa hopes it feels good. There’s only a certain amount of clean a back can get, honestly, but he finds he’s in no hurry to stop. There’s something quite calming in it. Karma, though, eventually decides to turn his head around, somehow managing to capture Nagisa’s lips in the process.

More than anything, it just feels nice. Kissing Karma always does, but there’s weirdly no rush in this. Just the smooth, almost intoxicating feel of his lips against his. Of course, Nagisa ends up shifting his body around a little, making the angle just a little bit more comfortable. He barely notices at first, but it ends with him almost falling into his lap.

Karma breaks the kiss and clears his throat. “Your turn.”

Just like that, they switch positions. Nagisa tries his absolute best to focus on the real task at hand. It’s a little hard to care much about cleanliness, though, with Karma’s hands on his back. To his credit, he does seem to be putting more effort into the actual cleaning part than he did, rather than just touching, but maybe that’s just the hint of impatience.

“C’mon,” Karma says, “it’ll get cold.”

A part of Nagisa wants to protest that’s not how hot springs work, but he’s aware that Karma definitely knows that, and he doesn’t really want to argue with him anyway. The actual cold February air does hit him like needles, though, making the visually steaming water look all the more inviting. There’s not much room for hesitation.

The water itself is pretty clear, but the steam is obscuring a lot as they climb in. Nagisa can’t hold back his loud sigh as it hits his skin. Honestly, it’s been a while since he’s done anything like this. Of course, those times he was surrounded by a lot of people, not just Karma. That’s a whole kind of different heat, though, flowing below the surface of his skin.

Karma makes no attempt to touch him, though. There’s also a little bit of distance between. Not much – it’s a small pool and they’re not opposite or anything – but he’s hardly rubbing shoulders with him either. It’s not too dissimilar to any other time they’ve been to an onsen. Once again, though, Nagisa knows he’s staring. He can’t help it, with the way Karma’s hair clings to his forehead, and the clearly pleased expression on his face. The fact that he’s tall enough the water doesn’t cover his chest, where it’s up to Nagisa’s neck. The pink tint to his expression…

“Nagisa,” Karma says slowly, his eyes closed but still with a half smirk on his face, “I hope you don’t stare at everyone in the bath like this.”

Nagisa blinks himself out of his daze. Karma’s senses are sharp, he should have remembered that. “N-no.”

He peels an eye open. “How am I supposed to relax like this?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”

Karma laughs, looking a little surprised. “Touché.” He reaches out, grabbing Nagisa by the arm to pull him closer. “It’s still one of those crimes against onsens.”

“And manhandling isn’t?”

A glint appears in Karma’s eyes, and he yanks him even closer, so his lips are pressed to Nagisa’s ear and he’s practically in his lap. “If you want manhandling I’ll show you manhandling.”

Nagisa wishes he could return with a remark of his own, but in reality he just shudders, and with all the steam going to his head, he actually does end up collapsing into Karma’s lap. At least like this, more of his body is out of the water too, now he’s kneeling. He’s unsure why he feels so competitive, but it’s annoying that Karma’s clearly winning whatever the case.

He knows him well enough to know he can’t keep his cool forever though.

This is something Nagisa’s come to understand recently. Karma’s only like that if Nagisa lets him. But when Nagisa takes some initiative, when he doesn’t just go with the flow? It’s perfectly easy to fluster him. Maybe it’s something he knew under the surface all along, and he’s just becoming conscious of now, but it’s nice to know the amount of control he really has.

It’s something that should leave him embarrassed, red in the face, and hiding under his bed for weeks… but the shame just doesn’t materialise. He likes this, he likes Karma, this is fun for him. Not just the sex part, he’s figured that out already, but this. He still can’t quite call it seduction exactly, but… he likes making Karma want him. It stirs something in him.

Like now, where he’s ended up in his lap. Even though a quarter of his body is exposed to the cold, all he feels is hot. He’s practically pressed against Karma chest to chest like this, arms draped over his shoulders like an unintentional hug. And their breathing, both of them, there’s labour to it… The literal heat is making him dizzy.

Nagisa plants his hands more firmly on Karma’s shoulders, though, giving himself leverage to hold up his own torso weight. From this angle he’s still sat on his lap, but even though they’re naked that’s neither here nor there right now. And there he is, staring at him again. There’s something defiant in it, but like he’d said, Karma can’t pretend he doesn’t like it.

A part of him wants to just kiss him already, but he likes this just as much. If kissing will open the floodgates, then this is the tension. Maybe it’s a little bit weird, to not being saying anything, but that’s what makes this feel so heavy. There’s no knowing who’s finally going to cave. It’s like they’re looking at each other, and they just know. They know exactly what’s about to happen the second one of them does crack and here they are, confirming it with just this gaze.

Eyefucking, perhaps.

Karma’s hands grip at his waist, then, and Nagisa hisses. That pressure… it’s been too long. Karma’s eyes are half lidded at this point, but he can still sense the rapid calculation going on in there. Nagisa’s only response his squeezing his legs ever so slightly against the side of Karma’s thighs, because it’s very much still his move.

Rather than a rapid move, Karma’s actually pretty relaxed as he twists them, though the way the water makes him float probably helps with that. Nagisa finds himself only a little in the water, though, his legs just dangling as he’s basically sat on he edge. He’s actually looking down at Karma like this… which is still a somewhat rare opportunity.

Karma pushes his hair back from his forehead, which is easy enough since it’s wet, and presses down on Nagisa’s thighs before he leans straight down to Nagisa’s crotch. Of course he’s almost fully hard already at this point, though he hadn’t been consciously thinking about it. The air is so cold, but Karma’s tongue is so warm as he licks his length, before finally taking it into his mouth.

Nagisa moans loudly at the sensation, one hand gripping the side of the pool, and the other working its way to Karma’s hair. It feels like a while since he got to feel this too. Karma’s being lazy about it, but that’s definitely intentional. Rather than the sudden explosive feelings, it’s more like the tide slowly rolling itself in.

Most of the time, Karma usually insists he watch his every move, but he doesn’t raise any complaints about Nagisa letting his eyes fall closed. Based on their surroundings, it’s even more relaxing this way. Even when Karma takes charge to spread his legs further open and drape them over his shoulders, or when he reaches to press on his chest, forcing Nagisa to lie back against the stone. Rather than the near painful edge of too much… this is about perfect.

He does stop sucking him eventually though, momentarily replacing his mouth with his hand. Nagisa can’t be too upset about that, he knows how tired the jaw can get. But rather than returning after his short break, Karma lets him go, hands moving instead to his ass. Nagisa ends up pushing with his elbows, so he can actually see what’s going on, but he almost falls straight back down again when Karma’s tongue presses against his entrance.

It’s not the first time this has happened. But, Nagisa had been kind of out of it before. Not only had he been still in recovery mode from some pretty rough sex, but he was also having an emotional crisis. Right now he’s a completely different kind of sensitive and he has no idea how to actually react.

From their positioning, Nagisa’s still semi in the water, though Karma’s basically holding him above it. He can’t really see much, though, mostly just the top of Karma’s head. When Karma drags his tongue over him, though, Nagisa’s tentative posture collapses and he practically slams back down, eyes rolling up.

All of the tension, plus how long it’s been since Karma’s touched him… he’s basically hypersensitive. On absolute autopilot, his hips grind right into it, and Karma only responds. He doesn’t remember it feeling quite this good. When Karma pushes in properly, though, he practically shrieks, feeling around desperately for something to grab onto.

It feels like his whole body is vibrating, and he whines pathetically with every sucking motion. Maybe he could even cry. A part of him wants to yell that it’s too much, but it isn’t in reality. At least, not yet. He can’t handle it, but he also wants deeper. He wants the satisfaction of being pounded until he chokes on his own breath. He wants him.

“I’m right here,” Karma pulls back for a moment to say.

Nagisa’s not sure how much he must have said out loud, but he doesn’t care, only responding with noise.

Rather than returning with his mouth, though, Karma instead traces him with his index finger, dipping in slightly. Not that water is a good lube replacement, but it doesn’t hurt given how relaxed he feels. Even in this state, Nagisa’s aware that they’re going to need it to be a smoother glide than this, but it’s just enough to scratch the itch.

Just like that, his erection twitches, and Karma clearly sees it too. “Not yet.”

Nagisa whines again, because that’s not fair. He’s so close.

Karma backs away a little, though, catching his breath. “Let’s go get some towels.”

Of course he wants to complain. How does Karma think he can possibly walk like this? Is he really going to torture him again? What’s with all this stopping and starting? But maybe by sheer will power alone, he manages to get up. Walking around as hard as he is isn’t exactly fun at least, and it takes him away from the edge. Just a little. At least this definitely means sex.

Nagisa’s vision feels all blurry, but he’s faintly aware that Karma’s just as hard as him. That’s satisfying at least, since as far as he knows he hasn’t even been touched yet. Nagisa could fix that… Not that he gets the chance, though, because Karma wraps a towel around him the instant they’re inside. This is far less calculated, though, and it’s clear that he’s rushing to just get them both dry.

“Karma,” he says eventually, when it feels like his skin has been rubbed raw.

“Hm?” Karma lets out, though even from that Nagisa can sense the voice strain.

He looks at him properly in the eye. “Hasn’t it been long enough?”

Karma’s lips part. “Go sit on the bed.”

Nagisa has no reason to argue. His legs shake as they take him there, but there’s not much he can do to stop that. At least the bed feels nice. He wishes he wasn’t alone on it. Though, from the way Karma’s bent over his bag… Nagisa finds himself relaxing even further when he sees the condoms and lube in his hand, like some kind of trophy.

He doesn’t waste any more time after that. Nagisa fit around him automatically as he climbs on top of him, a new kiss between them becoming almost frantic. It feels almost too good, though. Finally, with Karma’s weight on top of him like this… Nagisa’s already losing touch on everything. He can’t go this long without it again…

“You might regret this,” Karma says. “If you want it this badly, then I won’t stop.”

Nagisa’s not paying too much attention to the meaning of his words.

Karma twists his head, making him look at him properly. “Even when you come, I won’t stop until I want to. Even if you beg me to.” He pauses, pulling his weight off just a little. “Remember your word?”

It only takes Nagisa a moment or two to search his brain for the right answer. “Fish?”

Karma nods. “You got all of that?”

He can’t stop his back from arching. “Yes.”

He slams into him.

Nagisa’s not fully sure what happens after that. Only that, whilst definitely not an orgasm, he definitely crossed some kind of satisfaction threshold. Maybe it helps that he’s already pretty close to the edge, and Karma doesn’t seem particularly interested in keeping him there. His movements are hard and piercing, angled so perfectly right at his prostate, and it’s only a matter of time.

To be fair to himself, at least, there’s been a lot of foreplay. Nagisa still tries his absolute best to hold it back when he realises, though. He doesn’t want this to end so soon. Not after all this time… Unfortunately, there’s still a significant difference in skill between the two of them. Karma just has to shift his hips in one specific way, and then there’s nothing Nagisa can do.

Karma keeps going through it, which seems to make it last forever. It’s like light flashing over his eyes, and he finally completely lets himself go with a high groan. Karma doesn’t pull out of him, though, and whilst Nagisa’s semi-used to him getting his own even after Nagisa’s already come, he doesn’t seem that close at all, and it’s starting to hurt… in the too good its painful region.

But Karma just speeds up.

It’s about then that Nagisa realises exactly what he meant with his warning. He’s not going to stop. But this is already far too much, isn’t it? Nagisa can’t actually keep going like this. The more he moves, the more painful it gets, and he’s sure Karma’s not mistaking his whimpers for something good. It’s like sandpaper. At least there was also pleasure, there last times Nagisa’s felt pain…

But… faintly, he’s still rocking his hips into it. He has no idea how, he’s just… doing it. He’s definitely not hard anymore, either, but like he’s trying to make some kind of point, he grinds his hand down onto him. Nagisa feels like he could cry, honestly. It hurts. But… even though he knows he could get out of this, the word to make it all stop, he can’t bring himself to say it.

It’s like Karma’s carving him apart, honestly. And that alone… The more he tries to focus on that directly, the more it becomes bearable. He’s vaguely aware that he’s digging his nails into Karma’s back pretty hard, but somehow that’s helping. The more he concentrates on the good parts… Nagisa tries to focus in on his breathing.

Weirdly enough, he starts to feel that familiar sensation again, even though it’s not really centred where it usually is. For one, he’s definitely still soft and can’t see that changing any time soon really. But still… there’s something building. And now it’s definitely not feeling so bad anymore… He finds himself giving into it.

Karma’s movements become a little less calculated, but at that point Nagisa just wants more. He finds himself moaning again, tightening his grip everywhere. He can’t handle opening his eyes to look at the situation, but he thinks maybe Karma’s surprised at that. Before he can do anything about it, though, something in him just snaps, though it feels somewhat forced out of him.

It feels different to a normal orgasm, because there’s none of that centralised heat, but it appears to roll through him like thunder. He writhes through it, as it seems to go on for far too long, before he settles into what he can only think of as a kind of daze. Karma, too, is hovering over him, still finally and trying to catch his breath.

Even his lips hurt when Karma pecks them briefly, and he almost screams at the sensation of him pulling out. Now it’s unbearable. Even the feeling of the sheets against his skin is far too much. It’s not helped by the shakes that are going through him, which he’s slightly concerned to discover he really doesn’t have much control over.

“Shh,” Karma hushes, pulling his fringe back out of his eyes.

Nagisa wants to tell him that even his forehead is too sensitive for this, but he stops himself. Karma’s heat feels nice. Very carefully, he finds himself rolling over, and thankfully Karma gets it. He lines up snug against his back, draping his arms over his body. It’s still near painful, but the warmth is far better than the cold of the rest of the room. Karma’s also saying something to him, not that he can hear with his ears ringing like this, but it’s nice and grounding.

He’s truly not sure how long he’s in that state for. Almost… he’s convinced they could have fallen asleep. He knows that didn’t happen, though. Regardless, it’s much like exiting a dream, if only more gradual. Perhaps with the way Karma’s heart beats against his back, he’s calmed himself into a nice rhythm. The sensitivity fades too, just a little, allowing him to be far more aware of the world around him.

He ends up shifting, switching directly so they’re facing each other. “Hi,” he gets out.

Karma looks back at him. “Hi.”

Nagisa swallows. What now? It’s not like he can get up and prepare to leave. Do they just keep lying here like this? He’s not fully sure on this part of the procedure, even now. Is Karma tired? He doesn’t necessarily look like it… more relaxed than anything.

He settles for just kissing him, which Karma appears to eagerly accept. It’s a little more than nice, actually. Nagisa can hardly imagine feeling more at peace than this. Though, it’s pretty doomed. Once they start, it’s very hard to stop. It’s ridiculous, considering all that literally just happened. But here Nagisa is, swelling pressure in his groin.

Even Karma looks a little confused, because he can obviously feel it. Well, it really had been a while? He’s pent up, maybe. Surprisingly, Nagisa doesn’t care to feel embarrassed about it or anything. In fact, he finds himself reaching down between them, and wrapping his hand around Karma. He needs him to be hard for this too.

Karma doesn’t appear to argue with that.

Before long, he finds them rolled over, Karma on his back this time. That’s okay with him at this point. His head falls back when he sinks down on him, and he lets out a sigh of relief. Yes. He’s faintly aware that he’s a mixture of sensitive and sore already, but that only makes it feel better. Just like Karma’s fierce grip on his hips. It almost makes him feel owned.

Somehow, they manage to go on like that. A round of sex, a break, sex again… Now that the idea of going anywhere is removed from Nagisa’s mind, there’s nothing stopping them. Well, aside from the limits of their own bodies really. But this feeling is just too addictive. Knowing he can just have Karma, as much as he wants, however many times… He’ll never be able to return to the real world after this.

His fingers swirl their own pattern on Karma’s chest, during yet another necessary break. Is he satisfied yet? Outside, the sun is just about starting to rise. He’s so tired, but yet… He ends up pressing himself tight against Karma’s side. He’s not so sure about his capacity to move much more at this point.

“I don’t know if I can,” Karma says, voice strained.

Nagisa’s lips brush against his cheek, and then down the side of his jaw.

“Nagisa.”

“Karma.”

He looks at him seriously. “Only one more.”

Nagisa finds himself grinning, rolling over to his back. Before doing anything, though, Karma kisses him deeply. Even Nagisa’s lips hurt at this point. Every part of it’s worth it. Though, he can sense Karma really is tired himself. Just one more… He tries to remind himself of that, anyway, when he pulls off him a moment to reach for the bedside table.

“Oh,” Karma says.

Nagisa gains the energy to lean his head up. “What do you mean, ‘oh’?”

Karma hesitates for a moment. “We ran out of condoms.”

That’s not good news. It’s ridiculous, because in order to do that, it’s proof that they’ve already had more than enough sex at this point. But Nagisa’s all worked up again already… He doesn’t want this to just end quite yet. But what exactly can he do? He’s pretty sure he’s not walking any kind of substantial distance, and there’s no way he’s going to convince Karma to go looking for a store either.

Nagisa swallows. “It’s not like we have to worry about pregnancy.”

There’s something dangerous in Karma’s eyes. “Nagisa.”

Apparently he really is that horny. He leans up on his knees. “R-right?”

Karma looks baffled, though his jaw is clenched. “You don’t really mean that.”

“Why not?”

His mouth hangs open a little like that, almost as if he’s trying to think of a reason. “You shouldn’t just-“

Of course, Nagisa does know that there are more reasons for protection than just pregnancy. He’s not an idiot, he knows STDs exist. But… he supposes he hasn’t thought about it before. Considering he’s only ever slept with Karma, and he assumes he’d know about it if Karma had some kind of disease. Though… they’re not always visible, right? And maybe… maybe there’s no reason to assume that he hasn’t slept with other people since this whole thing started.

“It isn’t safe?”

“No,” Karma affirms, “it definitely is. I haven’t- nobody else…” he starts muttering something, which is odd for Karma. “It’ll be messy.”

“I don’t mind,” Nagisa says, not really thinking about the logistics of where the mess is going to be at this point.

Karma practically pounces over him. “Are you sure?”

Is he? “I-it’s okay,” he says, lying back. “Karma…”

He still looks like he’s having some sort of internal conflict, but he nods, and then he’s lining himself up again. It’s exactly what Nagisa needs, satisfaction traversing him in waves as he pushes in. Nagisa finds himself gripping him tight, surprised that Karma’s going slow enough to give him the opportunity, but by no means disappointed.

Karma doesn’t move, though, when his hips are flush to his. It’s not like Nagisa really needs much adjusting time at this point… But Karma’s panting hard above him, and when he looks, his eyes are squeezed tight shut. Actually, if Nagisa concentrates, it does feel quite different. It still feels like how sex between them always does… just slightly more high definition if anything. Though, he can definitely feel the way Karma’s practically throbbing.

Has he never done it like this before?

It certainly looks like he’s trying particularly hard to hold himself back. Strangely enough with the way this all started, Nagisa doesn’t actually know what condoms feel like. Maybe it really does dull the sensations quite a lot? Or maybe Karma’s just being dramatic… it’s not unheard of for him. Nagisa decides he kind of likes it, though. Especially the idea of being Karma’s first something.

When he finally decides to move, as much as Nagisa can feel the amount of tension, it still feels like exactly what he needs. He cants himself back into it eagerly, not bothering with any kind of pretence. This is worth everything. And strangely enough… it makes him feel just that tiny bit closer to him.

This is a lot slower than usual, honestly. Is it because Karma’s trying to hold himself back? Nagisa likes it, but… it’s edging on too much, just like everything else. Like this he has too much time to think. Though, all he can think about is Karma. As if to make matters worse, he shifts the way he’s bracing himself, and Karma’s hand catches his.

It’s probably not intentional. But all the same, he doesn’t let go. It feels… nice. Maybe too nice. Nagisa clutches him right back, in the end, though he twists his head for a moment. The way Karma’s looking at him is far too heavy. That doesn’t last long, though. He can’t keep his eyes open through everything.

As the pace picks up, there’s the definite sense of desperation. He can even feel the way Karma shakes, between his legs. Is he okay? That question ends up answered for him instantly. Karma kisses him wetly, losing the way he was bracing himself above him. Nagisa doesn’t mind that either, happily drowning in it.

There’s literally nothing between them now. Only the cap Nagisa put on his own heart, and even that… he can feel loosening. He moans against Karma’s lips, free hand digging into his back again. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want this to end. It’s good like this, here in this room, with the dawn light radiating in on them. If only this could be forever…

“C’mon,” Nagisa gets out, softer than he intended. “It’s okay.”

Karma groans into the pillow beside his head.

Nagisa can feel how close he is though. So he tightens his body around him as much as he can. “I want it. Karma-“

With a low moan, he finally lets go, and it catches Nagisa off guard. Even when his hips lose any semblance of rhythm, and he’s in some kind of frenzy, he squeezes tight against that hand. It’s all warm inside him – literally. Physically he’s not sure if it feels good or not, but right there he doesn’t mind either way.

He even ends up coming too, somehow.

That is, when the cloud of heat surrounding them dissipates a little, it’s just the sound of them breathing. Karma doesn’t rush to pull out of him, and Nagisa doesn’t want him to, just kissing him instead. It’s slow, though, almost innocent feeling. He’s not sure how long they stay like that, but it’s long enough to present Nagisa with a dilemma. He could happily spend an eternity just like this too.

He does need to pull out of him eventually, though. Nagisa winces at the feeling like always, especially as this time it’s accompanied by a sickly trickle sensation he definitely doesn’t like. Weirdly, though, he’s far too exhausted to care much about it. It’s like everything hits him at once. Karma too, it seems is just as worn out. He doesn’t go far, though, rolling off Nagisa so he can breathe, but still holding him tight in his arms.

And everything goes black after that.

When Nagisa wakes up again, it’s already dark outside, and the first thing he registers is intense pain. It radiates everywhere, deep inside, rather than something like a simple bruise. Almost like he spent hours getting his guts rearranged. It’s about then that he notices the breathing noises, and the fact that his pillow is moving.

“You drool in your sleep,” Karma says.

His voice sounds rough. It also makes Nagisa lurch up – causing even more pain – as he remembers exactly where he is. “I-I-“

Karma just laughs. “At least you don’t snore.”

It’s not like they’ve never slept in the same room before. Though, Nagisa really takes the context of… this into account, and his face turns red. They fell asleep cuddling. They’re still kind of doing it. Apparently Nagisa drooled on him?! Before he can go too far down that rabbit hole, though, the pain returns. On top of that, the unpleasant sensation radiating around his… ass…

Nagisa attempts to get himself out of bed, but immediately the pain shoots through his legs, and he almost doubles over. They definitely overdid it. Karma lurches out to grab him, just about making it in time, though he winces too. To make matters worse, this angle makes the sensation of Karma’s release sliding out of him even more obvious. At least he knows now why condoms are still a good idea.

“I don’t think you’re running away any time soon,” Karma comments.

He’s right, he wouldn’t get far. “I just want to clean up a bit.”

Karma turns his head. “There’s a big bath outside.”

It’s not exactly what Nagisa meant, but it certainly looks appealing. Besides, the more aware he’s becoming… the more unpleasant the smell in here is. Still, walking is awkward, even with Karma attempting to hold him up a little. That and he’s having to clench very hard to prevent too much slipping out, or so it feels.

It’s almost blurry, how he ends up in the onsen, leaning his back against Karma’s chest. He can’t complain at all, though. This is a different kind of enjoyment to last night, where he’d mostly just been incredibly horny. There’s nothing left in him now, so instead he can just appreciate the calm feeling of the hot water, and Karma pressed against him.

Karma kisses his shoulder lightly, and Nagisa lets out a heavy sigh.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

Nagisa nods, turning his head a little. “Are you?”

Karma appears to think about it for a moment. “I don’t think I’ve been this sore before.”

He’s not too sympathetic to that, since he’s definitely in worse shape. “I hope it was worth it.”

He kisses his neck, then, and it feels good in a way that might have stirred him under different circumstances. “So worth it.”

Nagisa turns his head properly, and just like that they’re kissing. He’s not sure why. They’ve pretty much established sex is off the cards. And yet… Karma’s hand feels so nice when he cups his cheek with it.  It’s okay. This has to be okay. And yet, there’s a tug in Nagisa’s chest that’s far more uncomfortable than anything else.

“This might be weird,” Karma says, not meeting his eyes, “but please stay away from my dick.”

Nagisa grins in amusement. “Ditto.”

“Are you hungry?”

Nagisa looks down. “Maybe a little. But… are we really going to get anything like this?”

Thankfully, they’re in the kind of place that has free yukatas. Before that, though, Nagisa admires Karma’s back as he gets out of the water. It looks like he’s been dragged through a rose bush, with the amount of visible scratches. Nagisa feels embarrassed, because he did that, but also oddly pleased. His breath hitches at the way he can still see the hint of red skin, since the yukata doesn’t fully cover the nape of his neck.

Next, once they’re dressed, they work on changing the bed sheets. Nagisa can’t face the idea of anyone having to do that. Anyone seeing this. He’s thankful the room had some spare ones tucked away, at least, and the dirty sheets can be shoved away out of his sight. At least some movement makes him feel a little better.

Once presentable enough, room service comes, which is admittedly delicious. Even though the dining situation requires sitting on the floor, which means Nagisa’s on top of two pillows. This has been fun, but never again. Or… at least where his mind is. Maybe he’ll reconsider that conclusion in a year or so.

There’s nothing much for them both to do, after that. They’re not exactly going anywhere, and Nagisa is already tired again. He’s more than happy to fall back into bed, though. Once Karma grips onto him from behind, all of the pain seems to dissipate. This could be his forever.

That entire day passed like a dream. The next morning – and it is actually morning – Nagisa feels thrust back into a strange reality. They’re not just having sex here. He’s slept in Karma’s arms twice now and he doesn’t want to sleep any other way again. He likes the firm heat pressing against him, the calming breathing.

This time, Karma’s still asleep, and Nagisa’s able to wiggle himself out into a better position. This way, he gets to look at him properly. He’s even more attractive when he’s asleep, with his facial features at peace. The way the light bounces off him, too… it’s something ethereal. Nagisa can’t help himself, playing with a strand of his crimson hair.

He yawns, a dumb smile on his face as he rejoins the land of the living. “Is your ass still out of commission?”

Nagisa blinks, before squinting in mild annoyance. “You literally just woke up.”

Karma maintains his lazy grin. “But I haven’t taught you about the joys of morning sex yet.”

“Not with your breath like that.”

He kisses his neck. “I don’t need to kiss you on the mouth.”

As if to prove a point, he twists Nagisa around where they are, so he’s spooning him. Lined up like this, it’s relatively easy to grind his obvious morning wood against his ass.

Nagisa winces, though. “M-maybe not.”

Karma hums. “Mind if I take care of it then?”

“Right here?”

“It’s your fault,” he kisses him again, on the back of his head, which makes him shudder.

He gets his head on straight, though. “There’s no more spare sheets, Karma.”

He laughs lightly. “Priorities.”

“Just go do it in the onsen or something.”

Karma laughs properly this time. “You want me to go jerk off in the onsen.”

“Yes.”

“But,” he grabs him tightly by the hips. “Your ass is in here.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Nagisa.”

He flips, then, annoyance catching up to him. He knows this is just what Karma wants, to get on his nerves. But fine, he’ll get what he wants. Karma even looks a little scared, when he rips open his yukata, but Nagisa’s full on his single minded goals. He’s going to regret all of this teasing, someday, Nagisa swears.

Karma lets out a curse when he sucks him into his mouth. He doesn’t stop, though. No, Nagisa’s going to make sure he gets it. He sets a savage pace, leaning over him, knowing exactly where to put pressure. He likes the way Karma lets his voice ring out, honestly, only making him want to go faster and faster.

Safe to say, Karma really doesn’t last very long.

He pants to catch his breath afterwards. “Wow.”

Nagisa cringes at the taste on his tongue, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “Now you can shut up about my ass.”

Karma pulls him down into a hug again. “I’ll never shut up about your ass.”

They have to get up eventually, though. This place does have a required check out time. It’s not just a check out from a physical location, though, it’s this. This can only exist in this room, right? It’s a heavy weight to swallow. Nagisa can wish all he wants to wake up every morning like this, but that can’t happen. This trip is going to end.

He’s not sure if Karma feels like that too, but he doesn’t say anything about it. And there the bitterness rushes into his heart. They’re not a thing. Despite every time they act like a thing being so nice. No matter what, though, they have to leave. A part of him almost suggests, pathetically, looking around the scenery of this place a little. But what’s the point? The train station is fine, isn’t it?

Is this better than nothing? Nagisa can tell himself that, but… this almost feels like goodbye. Once they get off the train, they’ll be back in Tokyo, and go their separate ways. He clenches a fist in his lap. Ignoring things and just going along with it have only stood to make this ache inside him so much worse.

He’s going to tell Karma about his feelings, even if it means never seeing him again.

So Kayano would probably yell at him for this.

Fortunately, she’s not here. And Nagisa’s already on season two.

Why is he binge watching one of her love dramas again?

Nagisa’s not sure if this is some kind of pathetic attempt to hype himself up, in all honesty. It seems almost ironic, how well he understands sex now, but the lovey dovey fluffy feeling stuff is alien to him. Is it a little weird that he’s watching one of his best friends fake fall in love with some idol who’s trying to break out into the serious acting market? Perhaps. It’s probably less educational and more of a coping mechanism. Pride and Prejudice had started to get a bit too depressing for him.

There’s something entertaining in this at least. Again, it’s a little weird watching love scenes acted by one of his closest friends, but this is research. Plus… it’s kind of cute. Kayano’s a good actress, after all, so he can suspend his disbelief to forget who she is. So what if the bakery scene is getting to him just a little?

Nagisa just… this is all really backwards? But he doesn’t understand romance somehow. It’s weird, because he always thought if something like this every happened, that would be the part that came easiest to him. But no, because if he mentally puts himself and Karma in those positions, he kind of dies internally.

Hence slamming his laptop screen down, and curling up into a ball. What can he even say? I like you Karma but if you take me to buy pastries I might burst into flames? Judging from Karma’s personality, that’s exactly what he’d try to do. And Nagisa’s no masochist. Well, sometimes, apparently, but that doesn’t extend to emotional torment!

Which brings him back to what he actually wants from this. That’s like a big dark cloud dancing around above his head. But no, he clenches his fist, that can’t even matter. He needs to just come clean with everything, to get it out there finally no matter what happens. He’s even had to talk himself out of just writing a text message several times.

Eventually, though, he does have to remove himself from his bed. His job as an educator comes first, after all. Besides, exams are next week, so he really has to be there for his students, if only to reassure them. Given their age, they’ve only taken a few serious exams, and last time appeared to be a shock to the system. He doesn’t want tests to be something they learn to fear.

It’s a lot easier to focus on that, anyway, than Karma related things. He’s not even opening the message he sent this morning! In fact, he tucks his phone away completely once the train journey Is over. More pressing issues. Like work! Nagisa loves work. Even though he’s aware he’s not exactly acting like it.

At least a kind of calm washes over him when he actually makes it into the school building. He’s not sure why, but it’s something about this kind of place. The chatter of his students when he walks in also helps fill his mind. Is there a part of him that’s still a little bitter they don’t respect him enough to fall quiet when he enters? Maybe. But he knows where to cut his losses.

The morning register goes off without a hitch, but he finds himself frowning at the empty seat in the room. It’s not like he’s never had a student absence or anything, but there’ll usually be some kind of explanation. He can’t explain it, but the lack of Watanabe fills him with a certain kind of dread. Perhaps he’s just being a little dramatic, but he worries about her enough already…

Nagisa does have an entire class of other young minds, though, so he can’t dwell on it for much longer. There’s nothing wrong with the lessons, but it turns out to be one of those days that just drags, and he’s exhausted by lunch break. For once, he actually kind of wishes they’d throw some sort of projectiles at him just to shake things up a little.

“Hey, Sensei,” one of his more energetic students, Kishida Ken, approaches his desk, “we brought you some tea.”

Nagisa blinks, looking at the transport mug. “What’s in it?”

Arino Yuki, the girl accompanying him, flips her hair casually. “We can’t even bring you a present? Quit being so suspicious.”

The ever so slight hint of almond scent suggests otherwise, though. “Cyanide?”  

“Aw come on,” Kishida complains, “I got my mum to buy me cherries and everything.”

He locks eyes with the boy, taking a small sip before setting it down again. “I’m afraid the cherry stone thing is more of a myth. It’s highly unlikely you’d be able to extract enough poison for a lethal dose from this. Cyanide is far more effective in its gas form anyway, though,” he thinks for a moment, “I suppose that would be a lot harder to get hold of… I’d suggest ricin next time.”

“N-noted.”

Nagisa respects the solid attempt at least. It shows he at least did a bit of research into this. Maybe Kishida would continue his interest in science, it’s usually his highest grade. He does confiscate the cyanide laced water, though, sending them on their way for lunch. It’s far from a lethal dose, but he probably shouldn’t just let them handle the poison.

So at least his day’s at least a little interesting.

It’s not like it happens all the time, but Nagisa himself ends up going to the lunch hall. Ever since the day with the pudding, he’s been a little less hesitant to go in the space. It also helps to prevent him from overthinking, at least a little bit… At least, he feels a little better when Inoue waves him over to where a few of his other co-workers are sitting.

“Ah, hey, running late after class?”

Nagisa shifts, feeling eyes set on him. “They had a chemistry question.”

One of the second year teachers snorts. “Your students actually ask you things?”

He tries to brush that one off. “Sometimes. It’s not exactly always about class, though.”

“It’s all in the same,” he says.

Inoue takes a bite of his salad. “I hope you didn’t wear them out too much for me.”

One of the other teachers looks up on him. “Ah, you’re harsh on your students?”

Nagisa laughs awkwardly. “I hope not too harsh.”

“They’re the best behaved bunch,” Inoue claims, and Nagisa tries not to feel too proud about that. “I don’t know what he does, but…”

Well, it’s the opposite of what anyone probably expects. He’s far from strict with them. There’s obviously a limit, but they always seem to do better when he doesn’t try and cage them in too much. That’s how Korosensei used to teach him, anyway. Nagisa can’t just let them run wild on a mountain, but he can let them have their own opinions at a minimum. Maybe some extra motivation also helps…

“Maybe I just got lucky,” he shrugs.

“Hey, Shiota kun,” the second year teacher, Sumida, leans forward. “You’ll be coming to the end of year party, right?”

Somehow he’d been hoping nobody would bring that up. “Yes, hopefully.”

“This year feels like such a blur,” he sighs.

The conversation picks up after that, thankfully not really involving Nagisa so much, so he can mostly just concentrate on eating. It’s not like he’s had a problem with any of them, but making friends has been the last thing on his mind. Well, maybe Inoue’s his friend? Nagisa’s not sure about that, but he’s definitely the closest thing.

It’s not like it’s painful or anything. He chimes in every now and then. It’s easy enough to zone out though, especially with the general chattering surrounding them. He doesn’t regret coming, at least. It’s a decent distraction from whatever else would have been overrunning in his mind otherwise. Before he even knows it, the period is over just like that.

Of course, that does actually lead him to an hour of his own company, since his class does actually have PE. It’s not so bad though, since he actually has some grading to do. It’s the last homework he gave them this year, since exams are so soon and he wants to let them relax a little bit after that. Even from this, though, he can tell they’ve come far.

Reality catches up with him when the day ends, and he has to go home. That just leads to even more nervousness. He’s already made his decision though, hasn’t he? No matter what happens. Even if it’s the last time he sees Karma ever. The idea of that makes him feel like crumbling, but maybe that’s better than whatever this is.

Nothing stops Nagisa pacing when he actually does get home, though. He’s near uncontrollable. None of this bodes well.

Somehow, all of the freaking out manages to take him up to the point he has to leave. Even that causes a panic, since he practically has to shred his work clothes off to change into something more casual, and he didn’t even get to plan what he’s going to say properly. It’s not like Nagisa needs a mental rehearsal, but it would make things easier.

He feels like he needs a bail out or something.

Unfortunately, he finds himself standing outside Karma’s apartment in no time at all. Can he really go through with this? No matter how stupid he knows he’s being… There’s a part of him that still wants to run away as fast as his legs will carry him. This isn’t like him. Shouldn’t be like him. And yet?

Karma opens the door. “Why do you look like you’re on the run from the law?”

He laughs awkwardly, staring at his shoes as he takes them off to avoid his eyes. “Why would you say that?”

“You just look like you’re expecting something to pop out at you,” he shrugs.

His own heart maybe.

“I’m fine,” he specifies, “really.”

“If you’re sure,” Karma looks suspicious.

Thankfully, he doesn’t actually push it, and Nagisa sets himself down determinedly on the sofa. That already makes this feel far more formal than it needs to be. A part of him has just given up at this point, though. It’s probably always going to feel this uncomfortable, with something so intense on his mind.

“You’ll never guess what,” Karma slings himself down, and if he feels on edge he’s doing an amazing job of hiding it.

Nagisa humours him. “What?”

“There was drama at work again,” he almost sounds proud.

It seems counter intuitive, but letting Karma just talk does wonders for Nagisa’s nerves. He’s not exactly listening to it, but that’s neither here nor there. He’s sure whatever’s going on in his co-worker’s lives is immensely fascinating. Karma’s voice is nice though, and it’s much easier to just think about that.

“Nagisa?”

He’s been caught, then? Nagisa’s heart starts to thud against his ribs at that moment, before turning in his panic to kiss him. It’s also much easier than talking, and Karma does nothing to stop him. It’s one of the few moments Nagisa wishes Karma could just straight up read his mind. What he wants to say is too complicated to demonstrate just like this.

At least if Karma decides he never wants to speak to him again, he still has this.

Frankly, Nagisa’s not fully sure how he ends up on Karma’s lap, only that he clearly turned at some point. There’s nothing abnormal about this anyway, it’s been a whole week. And of course, Nagisa gasps and shifts at his precise touches. That’s just how it is with Karma. All Nagisa can do is clutch at the back of his head and dig in deeper.

It’s about this moment, though, where it occurs to Nagisa he’s falling right back into the cycle.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he reminds himself.

“Oh,” Karma leans back. “Me too, actually.”

That catches Nagisa off guard. Is it important? As important as what he’s about to say? Is it information that could change his opinion? Nagisa’s not sure what would at this point. Maybe if he admits to murdering a puppy or something? Though… he considers this isn’t the right moment for this. People don’t really confess things whilst straddled.

Karma looks really serious, though, like he’s trying to gauge him for a reaction. That just makes Nagisa swallow, averting his own eyes. Karma can’t possibly… have the same thing to say, right? That would be crazy. He can’t let himself even think about it. But… it latches onto him anyway, especially when Karma opens his mouth.

Is this really it?!

“I think you should try being on top sometime.”

…

…?

Huh?

For a moment Nagisa legitimately thinks he hears brakes screeching.

“What?”

“What?”

Don’t look so casual! “I-I-“

Karma tilts his head. “You don’t want to?”

“Don’t just- out of nowhere-“

And because of course Karma takes any opportunity to make things worse, he just laughs. “What, did you want me to write you a formal letter?”

“Maybe an email.” Nagisa averts his eyes.

Karma chooses to ignore him. “It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“You…” Nagisa takes a deep breath and tries again. “You really want that?”

He looks at him blankly. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Nagisa just stares at him, at a loss for words.

“Hey,” Karma strokes his arm in a potential attempt to comfort him or something. “It’s fine if you’re not into it.”

“I didn’t say that,” he hisses.

In truth, Nagisa’s in a slight state of shock. Here he is, finally ready to talk to Karma about his feelings, and Karma chooses now to offer up his ass?! And okay, it’s a nice ass, objectively speaking. Nagisa has no problems with the ass. It’s his feelings. Though… it’s not like he’s actually said anything yet.

So maybe Nagisa needs to re-examine the situation at hand here. Even outside of their current circumstances freaking him out… the actual question freaks him out too. Nagisa just got used to how sex usually works between them. That’s his only point of reference. It’s not like he’s been missing something he hasn’t experienced… and he supposes he just hasn’t had much of a reason to think about it. Distantly… maybe it makes sense. If he’s meant to be trying everything… Though Nagisa has no idea how to…

Karma clears his throat. “I don’t know if you’re having a debate with yourself or what, but it’s been like five minutes.”

He physically shakes his head, like that’ll snap him out of it. “S-sorry.”

Somehow he just looks amused now. “Careful there, you’ll make me feel unwanted.”

Nagisa scoffs. “Your ego’s too big for that.”

“Well now I’m wounded.”

He cracks a smile, at least. “I can live without it,” he finally declares. “Don’t worry about teaching me thoroughly or anything.”

Karma rolls his eyes. “Did you leave your critical thinking skills at home or something?”

Now he’s really lost. “What do you mean?”

He shifts to sit up more properly, so they’re making direct eye contact. “You like the way it feels, don’t you?”

“T-that’s…”

Karma’s hand strokes against his waist in a way that feels particularly calculated. “I know you’re height deficient, but our basic anatomy matches up, hm?”

“What do you mean, ‘height deficient’-“

He ignores him though. “So then, you can put two and two together, and realise it’s probably not so bad for me either.”

It finally feels time to get off his lap. Nagisa manages to squirm free, twisting to sit on the sofa properly, though his head is hung in a kind of shame. His stomach is twisting itself apart in jealousy. Karma’s not actually just being theoretical. He knows this from experience. It shouldn’t bother him, but the thought makes him burn up inside.

“You’re just as experienced with that, aren’t you?”

“Probably,” he says cheerfully enough, before he stiffens a little. “Something wrong with that?”

“No,” he tries to press clearly. “I just… wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Sure you do,” Karma says, “you’ve observed.”

“I was a little busy. It’s still unbalanced.”

They come to an uncomfortable pause at that. Nagisa doesn’t care about Karma’s past. He doesn’t. He just doesn’t know about it. There’s so much he’s clearly missing. It’s not like he could judge him or anything, but now it’s biting away at him. Nagisa can’t help himself now, the damage has already been done and his mind won’t stop.

“I don’t know anything, though,” Nagisa says. “You literally never spoke about it with me.”

It’s clear he understands what he means.

“I don’t know? It’s hardly the kind of thing you just bring up in a conversation.”

“Most guys do.”

“You’ve never been just a guy friend-“ He trails off at that, pausing to catch his breath. “I thought you found that kind of thing stupid anyway.”

Unfortunately, Nagisa knows he is right. He’s acting like a bit of a hypocrite right now. And yeah okay, he doesn’t have too much to be upset about here. Not that he had one, but he supposes even back then it wouldn’t have felt natural to just start talking about his sex life with people. And aside from overhearing things every now and then, he can’t remember a time where he discussed that kind of thing with anyone else either. He’s choosing not to count Nakamura, because she’s a whole other case.

What does he mean by ‘just a guy friend’?

“…Is it really important for you to know?” Now he just looks subdued.

Nagisa feels like being torn apart. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

But he presses. “You want me to, though.”

“I don’t know,” he wants to curl in on himself.

“You can ask,” Karma says, but he doesn’t actually seem so sure. Too bad Pandora’s box is wide open at this point.

“…How many?”

Nagisa regrets it as soon as it leaves his lips.

“I don’t know,” he answers.

“How can you not-“

“I don’t exactly keep a spreadsheet.”

That comment feels like it’s meant to lighten the mood, but there’s a certain bitterness to his tone that makes him uncomfortable. It’s at least more than ten, then. Probably more than twenty. In fact, considering how good Karma is at maths, it has to be a pretty high number for him to lose track of it? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. But… If Karma lost his virginity when they were still in high school, then he can just think about the four years in university. If he slept with someone once a week, then that’s… Nagisa thinks, since mental maths isn’t his strong suit. It’s over 200, isn’t it? That makes him feel faint. That doesn’t even account for the years following their graduation. But maybe there could have been some spots of regularity?

“And you’ve never dated anyone?”

Karma sighs. “No.”

A kind of frustration washes over him. “Outside of whatever you consider a relationship, you’ve never had a regular thing with someone before?”

“Well yeah,” he says, “but that’s not dating.”

“I remember,” Nagisa just about breathes, “you said you don’t do relationships. But why? It feels like something must have happened to reach that conclusion.”

“What, I can’t just not like the idea? It doesn’t have to be the default, you know?”

Nagisa does know, but it doesn’t feel like that’s it. “I know you’re holding something back.”

“Why do you want to drag it up so bad?!”

With the raise of his voice, Nagisa naturally flinches. In his bout of frustration, Karma pulls himself to his feet, turning sharply away from him. Nagisa definitely pushed too hard. He hasn’t been trying to upset him or cause anything like this. But he can tell how much Karma’s even holding it in like this, evident from his heavy breathing.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

Karma visibly tenses.

“I didn’t care about dating,” he finally says. “Or anything like that. And neither did anyone else I hooked up with. I don’t exactly radiate wholesome energy, so it’s not like anyone asked me. Sometimes we’d hang out more than once, but I can’t say I liked them enough to put in the effort of being their ‘secret’ for long.”

There’s an uncomfortable twisting in Nagisa’s stomach. “Why would you be someone’s secret?”

He doesn’t turn back. “Lots of reasons. I wouldn’t get along with their friends, they weren’t comfortable with the whole gay thing, married, once-“

“Karma.”

He finally looks at him. “What? I was stressed.”

That doesn’t feel like a good excuse. “Okay,” Nagisa says, trying to process it himself. “I remember you mentioned something else a while ago, though. A guy you were hanging out with for a while.”

“Why does that matter?”

Nagisa’s already pushed hard enough. “It doesn’t. But… it seems like it’s on your chest.”

“He was just an exchange student.”

He’s already said that.

“Just?”

Karma sighs. “It was nothing. They always put on mixers for incoming students. And everyone knows they’re kind of boring, so there’s always the after mixer as well.”

He shifts uncomfortably. “The after mixer?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. It was just a hook up. He was hot, and he came onto me, so. I just didn’t expect he’d be in one of my classes. It’s not like it was a small university,” Karma rubs the back of his neck. “We mostly just argued about politics anyway.”

A bitter taste begins to grow in Nagisa’s mouth. Is that what he wants? Nagisa almost scolds himself, because he knows how ridiculous he’s being, but… He wasn’t smart enough to go to a university like Karma’s. He wouldn’t be able to debate something like politics, not more than surface level anyway. Wouldn’t Karma end up being bored with him?

“Anyway,” he continues finally, “it just happened. I’m not lying about it not being a relationship, it never was.”

“But did you want it to be?”

Karma remains silent.

Nagisa remembers how much it seemed like they were dating. Or, well, he didn’t know. He’s not oblivious to the abnormality of the way Karma was acting back then. It wasn’t like he said anything that automatically meant they were more than friends. But Karma being that level of interested in a new person? Whatever the case, Nagisa’s not going to get anywhere with these kinds of questions.

“…Was it exclusive?” He tries.

Karma exhales. “I didn’t have time for anything else.”

“On both sides?”

He just shrugs.

Nagisa feels a weird determination to get this out of him now. “The other people you hooked up with… did they ever mean something to you?”

Unfortunately, that just makes Karma look annoyed again. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

“Well-“

“Yeah,” he cuts him off, “I didn’t care about everyone. So what? People just have sex sometimes. It’s not like it always has to be some huge romantic drama. “

Nagisa finds himself on his feet. “You don’t think I know that?”

He stiffens immediately. “I do,” he laughs humorously, “trust me.”

“You cared about some people, then,” Nagisa decides to ignore whatever he meant by that comment, “so. Uhm,” he thinks, “I know this went on with, uh, Sergei? For a while. I know something happened.”

Karma scoffs. “He went back to Russia, I already told you that.”

“And that didn’t bother you at all?”

For a moment, Karma just stares blankly at him, and it’s like the air in the room is growing toxic. It’s almost… blood lust? No, something different, but it still makes Nagisa’s blood turn cold. He’s really done it now… Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut? Though, there’s a part of him that never would have been settled, without knowing.

“Nagisa.”

He sits back down in a slope. “I just want to know what’s wrong. Whatever happened. I know you don’t have to tell me, but…”

“You won’t stop obsessing until I do?”

“I’m not obsessing-“

“You don’t always have to fix everyone.”

“When was I trying to fix you?”

Karma rubs his head with his hands, but he looks a little less angry. “He was an asshole, okay? We were in the same class, but he acted like I didn’t exist. And I get it, it wasn’t the first time something like that happened. It’s not like I was running over to chat to him either. But then a group of people wanted to hang out after class, and I guess we were both close enough to end up invited. He spent the entire time hitting on me, though, and one thing led to another… I think that’s when he actually asked me for my name,” he wrinkles his nose. “Some things happened after that, like I showed him around a little, and helped with some class stuff since his Japanese kind of sucked.”

There’s a lot of things in that Nagisa needs to translate. If he works out the events in his head. So, things started out normal, but somehow, by chance, they ended up crossing paths again. It leaves a bitter taste, though. What exactly was Karma getting out of this? Aside from… gratification. Nagisa doesn’t want to think about that though.

“We kept hanging out,” Karma shrugs again. “And yeah, it crossed the line a few times. But Sergei had his… friends, and I had mine… He didn’t want to date, he made that clear, but sometimes it was like he expected those things. He used to get so jealous,” he scoffs. “And then mad if I made fun of him. I just pushed him too far one time.” Karma moves to stare at the floor. “We argued about it for a while. He said I was dumb for thinking it could have ever been a thing, and I felt dumb. Anyway, I didn’t really speak to him after that, and then he left.”

It’s like a chasm opening beneath Nagisa’s feet. There’s still a lot missing, that he knows, but… There’s a lot that also makes sense. To Nagisa at least, it sounds like a lot of confusion. Like a relationship in all but name? And then to end so suddenly… Karma doesn’t let people get close to him often, so it was probably a really big betrayal.

“Well? Are you happy now?”

Is he? ‘Happy’ sounds far from the right word. If anything, Nagisa’s still frustratingly aware that Karma’s still skipping over a lot, and this is probably the most he’s ever going to get out of him. But he understands him better now. Or, at least, why he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s still carrying around a lot of hurt. Karma. He’s just scared of getting hurt again.

He’s sure it’s a bad decision, but he finds himself wrapping his arms around him. Nagisa has no idea what to say in words anymore, but this… feels like it.

“What are you doing?”

Nagisa squeezes him. “Has anyone ever just hugged you?”

He’s still stiff as he stands there. “Were they meant to?”

“I don’t know,” Nagisa admits. “It’s not like anyone’s hugged me like this either.”

Karma’s arms slowly wrap around him too, and it’s one of the most peaceful things he’s ever felt. Even with the nagging feeling threatening him… He does everything to drown it out. It feels like the tighter he holds Karma, the better that feels. It’s only the nagging guilt that creeps in… and the question of what he should actually do next.

Nagisa’s phone starts to buzz from his pocket.

“It’s probably not important,” he says. Definitely not when Karma clearly needs him more.

But then it buzzes again.

“It’s okay,” Karma lets him go, but he doesn’t sound so sure.

Unknown caller?

“H-hello?” Nagisa answers it cautiously.

There’s a bout of heavy breathing. “…Nagisa Sensei?”

For a moment, that takes him aback. Who? The voice is young and feminine for sure… And then he remembers that he gave his number to Watanabe to use in emergencies. Watanabe who was the only student absent from class today. Judging from her personality, she wouldn’t misuse his number. That had to mean that something was genuinely wrong.

He attempts to keep his voice firm but calm. “Are you alright? Did something happen?” 

More heavy breathing. “I-I did something…”

“What?” 

“I… Look, does it matter!? I don’t know what to do. B-but I had your number! And you always know what to do!”

Nagisa forces himself to breathe. “Are you in any danger right now?”

There’s a pause. “No, not at the moment.”

He doesn’t like the sound of that. “Where are you?”

“I don’t know exactly,” she says far too steadily. “The drive felt long… There’s a bunch of these creepy old buildings.”

“How long?”

“More than ten minutes? I don’t know! I wasn’t counting!”

So not too far? Nagisa still doesn’t know exactly what happened, only that she’s clearly in some sort of trouble and doesn’t seem like she’s going to give him any details like this. There’s only one option that sticks out to him. He’s probably going to have to go and find her himself.

“Try your best to stay calm,” he says. “You promise me you’re safe?”

“I promise…”

“Okay,” he swallows. “I’ll come get you.”

She seems to recognise something in that. “P-please hurry…”

Nagisa hangs up the phone, adrenaline pumping through his body, but his mind completely clear. There’s not much time, but this is a situation he has to be able to deal with.

Karma looks serious. “What happened?”

“One of my students,” he’s moving immediately, right over to his shoes. “She’s in some sort of trouble.”

Karma just nods. “Do you know where?”

“I can find out-“

“I’ll drive,” he says.

Nagisa pauses. “You don’t have a car?”

“No,” he says, “but I know who does.”

He’s not going to reject his help. Nagisa knows better than something as small as pride right now, and he and Karma have always worked well together. It’s only seconds before they’re swinging open the door, and he feels everything. The winter wind screaming at them, the flickering of the lights in the apartment complex… it’s like his senses know.

He’s surprised, though, when Karma only walks a couple of paces and knocks on his neighbour’s door.

Hisaishi san looks confused at the sight of them both. “Is something the matter?”

Karma smiles falsely. “Say, do you remember when I helped carry your bags last week, and you said ‘I’ll pay you back for all this someday’? I was hoping I could get an advance on that.”

Her eyes narrow. “You better not have killed someone.”

“Why would you think so low of me?”

Hisaishi san folds her arms. “I’ve heard some odd things in my lifetime. What do you need?”

“Your car keys,” he flashes another clearly fake smile. “C’mon, we both know you never drive that thing anymore.”

She remains still. “If you’re about to do something illegal and it gets traced back to me…”

“I promise-“

Sharply, she reaches for some keys behind the door, before looking directly at Nagisa. “He won’t, right?”

“W-we really do need it,” Nagisa says. “We won’t damage it.”

“Not a scratch,” Karma beams.

She hands over the keys. “Be careful, whatever you’re doing!”

Nagisa barely has time to bow in his gratitude, before Karma grabs his wrist, pulling him off. Nagisa didn’t even know this building had a garage. Though, when they come to it, it seems pretty obvious. Karma only looks for a moment, before racing off again. Unfortunately, they seem to be approaching the loudest looking car of the collection.

“Karma…” Nagisa squints. “This is a sport’s car.”

He nods. “It’s a Porsche 911, to be exact.”

“It’s hot pink.”

“Lady has weird tastes,” he unlocks it. “Aren’t you coming?”

Nagisa doesn’t have much of a choice, so climbs into the other side. “It’s just… we might be going somewhere dangerous. Won’t it… stand out?”

“Are you really complaining right now?”

That’s his cue to shut up. Besides, there’s a slightly more pressing issue than the getaway car. Well… the ‘go-to’ car? Nagisa still has to figure out where that is, anyway. And they don’t have the luxury of much planning time. For that, he unlocks his phone screen.

“Ritsu,” Nagisa addresses, “I need a bit of help.”

Her avatar appears on his screen immediately. “Nagisa! Long time no see!”

He wishes he could join in her joyous mood. “Do you think you can track the phone call I just had?”

Ritsu rubs her virtual hands together, before a map shows up on his screen. “This is the closest cellular tower,” she narrates. “The phone is around six hundred meters in this direction,” a red dot glows on the map. “There’s some interference, but it should be in this dot.”

Karma looks over at it. “Chiba?”

“Looks like the boarder…” Nagisa thinks. “I don’t know, it’s not in a dense area. This could be anywhere.”

He squints. “I know where it is.”

“How?”

“There used to be a factory there,” he steps down on the ignition, and suddenly they’re off. “It was abandoned about a decade ago. I had to write a report on suggested demolitions last year,” he grits his teeth. “I guess it was just busy work, if it’s still standing.”

Trust him… Nagisa really isn’t going to complain, though. If it’s helpful informa- “That was a red light!”

Karma rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry, I thought this was urgent?”

“Well yeah, but-“

“I’ll pay her fines,” he says casually.

Nagisa can’t help but think Karma’s been searching for an excuse to pull something like this. Knowing him, he’s probably having a great time on some level. Nagisa can’t pretend that Karma doesn’t care, though. That much is clear. He’s never even met Watanabe, but he seems to be right here with him. He can’t help but be at least a little bit thankful for that.

Their speed never feels unsafe, but Nagisa suspects more than a few laws have been broken. He decides not to try and make conversation for that reason, he doesn’t want to distract him or anything. Soon enough, they’re out of crammed streets of Tokyo proper, and heading in the direction of that small dot.

“This is creepy,” Karma comments, as they approach a small turn in the road. He pointedly turns the headlights down.

Nagisa looks down at his phone. “It looks like we’re in the right place.”

“Yeah,” he says, “just ahead.”

When he looks up, it is admittedly pretty obvious, even in the darkness. It mostly just looks like a collection of warehouses, but he can already tell they’re long abandoned and broken down. In other words, it’s absolutely not the place for a child. Nagisa’s worry increases tenfold, which Karma seems to sense, reaching over for his shaking hand.

“We’ll find her,” he says.

Nagisa just nods, and gets out of the car. He should try and think more clearly, about everything. They can’t just run into the big creepy abandoned building guns blazing. Watanabe said she was safe, didn’t she? And there’s something… some feeling inside him that tells him she wasn’t being forced to make that phone call. But there’s no way this isn’t bad.

Speaking of guns, they don’t even have weapons…

“You have your hands,” Karma suggests.

Was he speaking all of that aloud? Nagisa shifts in his place, knowing Karma’s not suggesting a fist fight. It’s been a long time, since he’s had to use his stun clap. Nagisa’s not even wholly confident he knows how to anymore. He’s never forgotten anything he was taught back in 3E, but some strong willed kids are completely different to a genuinely dangerous situation.

He’s at least thankful Karma doesn’t suggest splitting up.

They flow naturally together as they approach the building, and Nagisa knows they’re probably having the same thoughts. There’s no real sign of activity. That’s either a positive, or a sign that they’re smart and well prepared for intruders. Nagisa hopes it’s not that. As they approach the door, though, taking a good look at their surroundings, it quickly becomes clear that it’s basically impossible to see anything.

“Hey, Ritsu,” Karma says quietly, “feel like using my phone’s infrared?”

Nagisa looks at him. “What are you-“

But then Karma shows him, waving his own hand underneath his camera lens. Sure enough, it becomes visible, though only in weird colours and a bit glitched out. But when he holds it up to the room… it’s not perfect night vision or anything, but it’s a lot better than his own eyes. He’s not even going to question how it works. Unfortunately, Nagisa doesn’t have much time to be impressed by that. At least they know the place isn’t crawling with criminals or something.

“Let’s check the next warehouse,” he says.

It turns out to be completely empty, aided by the camera. At least they’re not far apart. In the next one, however… it takes a second, because they’re far, but… yes. He can definitely see a person’s shape. Though, rather worryingly, there’s also the shape of what appears to be someone lying down. Nagisa’s stomach knots itself in two before he pulls his own phone and turns on the light, rushing over.

“N-Nagisa Sensei?”

Relief washes over him immediately as he finds her, looking physically unharmed. “What happened?”

“I…” she points somewhere behind him.

“Nagisa,” Karma’s voice comes from that exact direction, like a warning.

He looks at his student, her face barely visible. “Watanabe, you need to tell me exactly what happened.”

She shudders. “The knife… I think he might be dead?”

If she’s telling him she killed a person…

“Okay,” Nagisa tries his best to appear calm in this situation. “Karma?”

There’s a pause. “I don’t think there’s a pulse.”

Watanabe looks like she’s about to throw up. Nagisa automatically whips off his coat, wrapping it over her shoulders, as though that’ll make some kind of difference.

“What do you mean, you don’t think?”

“It’s kind of hard to tell.”

It’s about then that Nagisa notices the blood covering Watanabe’s hands. Surely not. He knows she got into trouble for punching one of her classmates, but… she’s no killer. And from what Nagisa glanced on his way over to her, it seemed to be an adult man. Nagisa knows all too well how even someone small can take on someone so much bigger, though…

“It’s cold,” Karma reasons, “maybe…”

Nagisa hears a thump, and manages to put the dots together. CPR. Will that really work? Even if she called him right after whatever happened… it took them a while to get here. Probably longer than an average ambulance, counting for the extra distance. Ambulance. Right. He turns his phone over and dials 119.

“What’s your emergency?” A voice asks immediately.

He doesn’t even know where to begin. “I’m in an abandoned factory with someone who’s been severely wounded,” he tries, before attempting to recite the address from his memory. “M-maybe you should ask for police too.”

“How has he been wounded-“

Even without the light, Nagisa senses panic all over Watanabe. “No!” She tries to make a grab for the phone. “Not the police. Please, I-“

In the commotion, Nagisa seems to have hung up. Well… the most important part is done? If anything, they’ll probably speed the response up a bit. “I have to call the ambulance.”

“I could have done that,” she says. “You shouldn’t have-“

“Hey,” Karma turns over his shoulder for a moment, “I know you’re having a crisis here kid, but it’s really important you tell me how long he’s been like this.”

Watanabe blinks. “Uhm… I don’t know. I-I called when he stopped talking.”

“Right,” Karma says. “You know how long it takes someone to die when they stop breathing?”

“Uhm-“

“Fifteen minutes? Maybe thirty if you’re really lucky.”

Nagisa starts to feel anxious. Even if she’s being irrational here, she’s still a child. “Karma-“

He ignores him though. “So unless you want this guy to go from ‘maybe dead’ to ‘definitely dead’, I suggest you stop worrying about the police.”

Watanabe promptly bursts into tears.

All Nagisa feels like he can do is hold her in that moment. No matter what… she decided to trust him in this moment, and he’s not going to go back on that. Even though it definitely came across like he’d murdered someone to that poor call handler. Well, she has to have heard worse, right? That’s most definitely a problem for later, though.

“Try and count to eight,” he says. “Hold in your breaths, and then let them go.”

That just seems to annoy her, but he does feel her trying, with the way her rib cage alters in size. That’s good. The last thing he needs is for her to start truly panicking. Unfortunately, though, he’s not sure what else he can do in this situation. And potential murder, as far as he knows, isn’t really something Korosensei ever had to deal with. There’s not much he can imagine him saying either.

“I tried to stop the bleeding,” she finally whispers. “I-I tied his shirt around it! He told me to just go but I froze here. I let Mum down, and now him… I’m useless. He’ll be dead and it’s all my fault.”

Nagisa cringes at a cracking sound, which may well be Karma breaking one of his ribs. “This is your Dad?”

She nods slowly.

It feels like a heavy weight crashing into him, like far too much. But he has to ask. “Did he try to hurt you?”

Watanabe jolts, but violently shakes her head, which sets some cool relief through him. “Not in the way you think.”

“In what way?”

“He’s not a bad person,” she insists with determination. Though, it’s hard to take that seriously when her face is now streaked with the blood.  

Karma, panting slightly now, decides to interject. “His chest is covered in tattoos.”

Suddenly Nagisa begins to put the pieces together. Most likely Yakuza. Just having a few tattoos isn’t enough to incriminate someone in this day and age, of course, but given the rest of the situation… There’s a lot that becomes chillingly clear. Especially why Watanabe might have been so hesitant to call the police. If it’s what Nagisa thinks… then she’s probably had it drilled into her for a long time that she should never do that.

“You didn’t do this?”

“No!” She looks horrified. “W-why-“

“Okay,” he tries to soothe her. “I believe you. I just need to know what really happened here.” He tries his best to think about everything he knows. “What happened with your Mum?”

Watanabe stares down at the ground. “Prison.”

Nagisa’s not sure whether to be relieved that she didn’t kill someone, or even more concerned with the extra bit of information. This aside, shouldn’t he have heard about that? It seems like something pretty vital. The poor girl… she must have been trying so hard to not show all of this was happening, it’s no wonder she was withdrawn a lot of the time. He just wishes he’d paid closer attention to it.

“Do you know who did this?” He tries.

Her eyes are still glued on the ground. “A co-worker.”

“You’re sure they won’t come back?”

She nods. “No reason to. They didn’t know I was here. My Dad… he thought it would be better if we left here. The others… I think they agreed, but only without him.”

Nagisa’s not sure how anyone could justify taking their child to a place like this. No matter if they’re affiliated with the criminal underworld… Nobody at her age should have to see trauma like this. But whilst she’s definitely in a kind of shock, she’s being weirdly communicative. It makes him wonder how used to this she is, how much she might have seen…

“The main thing is you’re safe,” he says.

“Not for long,” Watanabe’s eyes flash. “They’ll find out about this! A-and me. They’ll know what I saw and they’ll know it’s too much!”

There it is. A sense Nagisa never wanted to pick up from a student of his. She truly thinks she’s about to die. In a weird irony, though, it gives him the opportunity he needs. Quicker than she’s able to pick it up, he finds his way into her consciousness, jabbing her hard under her jaw. It’s enough to make her dazed and unaware, a step short of paralysis.

“Do you need me to take over?” Nagisa asks, noticing now how much he can hear the exertion in Karma’s breathing. How long has he even been doing this for?

Karma doesn’t even respond, apparently deep in concentration. To be honest, at this point, there’s not much Nagisa could probably do to help in the situation. He just hopes it’s enough, that they somehow made it in time. Even if the man ends up in prison, at least Watanabe won’t have to live with the burden of witnessing his death. It’s not a lot, but it’s something.

Despite the very real possibility that he ends up being arrested, Nagisa can’t say he’s not relieved at the sound of sirens. He feels weak, even though keeping Watanabe upright isn’t the hardest job, but he waves his phone torch around to try and get their attention. It might help them look at least a tiny bit less guilty too.

Everything happens very quickly. First the torch light, and the first time Nagisa really gets a look at the situation. Including the man’s horrific injuries, and the blood all over Karma’s hands, his own clothes, and Watanabe in general. At the paramedic’s word, Karma moves back, giving them the space to set up some kind of defibrillator. That’s not so important, though, what he needs to focus on is Watanabe, who currently looks horrified.

“Stay back,” an officer shouts.

Nagisa holds his hands up, but looks at Watanabe. “It’s okay.”

She looks even more shocked than before. “He didn’t do anything!”

“I’m her teacher,” he tries to explain. “She called me and I found her here, so I called for an ambulance.”

The officer glances between them both, before nodding. “Can someone get a blanket over here?” He looks back at them. “I’m still going to have to ask you some questions.”

One of the paramedics, a young looking smiley woman, approaches them. “Hi there, can I get you warmed up?”

Watanabe looks over at him nervously.

“It’s okay,” Nagisa says again. “Let her take care of you. I’ll be fine here.”

It’s like the adrenaline is draining from his body all at once, and he might just slump on the ground. Of course, though, he wants to help the police as much as he can. Knowing the situation, it probably won’t happen, but if there’s any chance of the person who did this getting caught… He’s going to try his best.

“Are you injured in any way?” He says, looking pointedly at the blood.

“No,” Nagisa brings himself to his feet. “This is from comforting her.”

He looks like he’s sizing him up. “And who are you, exactly?”

“Shiota Nagisa,” he swallows. “Twenty Four. Originally from Kunugigaoka.”

“You must be aware you’re at the scene of a crime,” he says. “Even if you’re not a suspect yet, I have to inform you that anything you say could harm your defence in court and you have the right to remain silent.”

Formalities.

“We have a pulse!” One of the paramedics shouts.

The officer seems to forget about him. And Nagisa’s more than okay with that. Relief spreads over him. At least someone didn’t die here today. No doubt because of Karma… Nagisa finds himself whipping his head around, trying to find him. It takes him a second, hard to make out even with the slight light now, but Karma’s tall enough to stick out.

He falls to his side, of course. “You really did it.”

Karma catches him. “Don’t sound so surprised.”

“Don’t,” Nagisa shoves at him, “don’t joke around at a time like this.”

“Hey!” The police officer stalks over to them again. “You didn’t finish with the questions. And who’s this?”

Karma looks at him blankly. “The guy who just spent the last age doing CPR. Akabane Karma,” he lowers his head with a hint of sarcasm. “I work for the government.”

That’s one way to put it…

“And you’re her teacher?” The officer raises an eyebrow.

Nagisa gulps. “That’s right.”

“Well…” he scribbles something down. “How exactly did you find her?”

A fake laugh suddenly sounds out from Karma’s mouth, as he slaps the officer so hard on the back he splutters. “Don’t you think that’s enough questions? We saved a person’s life here,” he squeezes hard on his shoulder. “I mean, we practically did your job, in a sense.” He laughs again, obnoxiously. “What a crazy story, huh? I don’t know how I’m going to stop myself from telling all my co-workers. Though, maybe my boss would just be concerned, and I wouldn’t want you to face any budget cuts.”

Sweat trails from the man’s forehead. “R-right, of course. You’ll have to come back to the station though.”

“Have a nice evening!” Karma beams as he scuttles off.

Nagisa looks up at him curiously. “You have the power to do that?”

He shrugs. “Don’t think so. But he doesn’t know that.”

“I’m not condoning it.”

“Didn’t ask you to~” Karma clears his throat, though. “I was worried for a minute there, if I’m honest. Is the girl okay?”

“I’ll go find her.”

Nagisa’s a little surprised he’s not immediately handcuffed for trying to leave. Even though he’s not going far… There’s still a lot of commotion going on. It seems like only one ambulance was brought, by the way it seems to be speeding off. Well, getting him to the hospital is most definitely important. He finds Watanabe sat sideways in the police car, the doors open as a different officer crouches next to her. She looks really small there, with a metallic heat blanket wrapped around her, but at least someone washed the blood off.

“It sounds like she was really brave,” the officer comments when he notices him. “You don’t know about any suitable guardians, do you?”

“Apparently both her parents are unavailable,” he states. “I can’t remember any other contact information.”

“Well,” he says, “taking an interview isn’t the top of our priorities now. You’ll have to of course. I’m assuming you’re happy to stay until a guardian is contacted?”

“Of course,” he says. It’s not a hard choice.

The officer nods. “I’ll go talk to my colleague. There’ll be a lot more police arriving shortly, but there’s no reason for us to stay here.”

That leaves him alone with Watanabe. Her eyes are planted on the mud underneath her. She’s been through so much. Nagisa doesn’t even know what to say. It reminds him a little of the way Kayano had been savagely killed, on Korosensei’s last night. The horror at seeing that amount of gore, the hopelessness, desperation to just do something. And barely any time to process anything. At the very least, nobody died tonight, but he can’t help but feel like it won’t make too much of a difference.

“Why are we leaving?” Watanabe finally asks.

Nagisa squats down next to her. “Criminal investigations can get pretty complicated. They’re probably about to start forensics, since they don’t know who did it. You can’t think of a name, can you?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t like, know them.”

He worries his lip for a moment. “Did he involve you in this kind of thing often?”

“They tried not to,” she says. “But I guess that’s kind of hard when your parents are both…” she thinks for a moment. “It’s not like they were raising me in the lifestyle or anything.”

“The officer asked an important question,” he thinks. “Do you have anyone you could stay with?”

Her eyes seem to glass over. “My Dad doesn’t have any family, and Mum always said she’s not welcome in hers. But… I think she had a sister? I don’t want to go away though!”

Nagisa winces, because there’s a high chance that’s exactly what’s going to happen. “The most important thing is that you’re safe. Without your parents here, that’s the only thing they can do.”

“…What happens now?”

“Well,” he decides that it’s best to just be honest. “Your Dad’s in hospital now, but assuming he lives, there’s a good chance they’ll arrest him. The police will take us to the station, and probably need to talk to me and Karma about everything. You’re younger than fourteen, so they couldn’t really punish you. If you’re clearly willing, though, they might want to ask you some questions too. After that… they’ve probably already contacted social services. They’ll work on tracing your family first, but… they might put you in a temporary home if that fails.”

“A home?!”

He winces. “Let’s just hope for the best. There’s a lot of things that can happen now, but it’s better to deal with them when they come.”

She blinks for a moment. “Is Karma the other guy who came?”

A smile grows on Nagisa’s face. “Yeah. Sorry he yelled at you.”

“…He saved Dad’s life.”

“Quite possibly,” Nagisa says. “He’s a pretty good person to have around, in times like these.”

She clenches a fist. “I tried to stop the bleeding… But I didn’t know how, and he kept shouting at me… I tried.”

“Hey,” he says, “this isn’t something you should have to know yet. You were really brave, to do everything you could. The important thing is that everyone got here in time, right?”

She nods, as though she’s trying to make herself believe it.

“So it looks like the other guys are about to arrive,” Karma’s voice comes from behind him, causing Nagisa to turn.

Watanabe looks up at him. “You saved my Dad.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he brushes her off smoothly. “It’s no biggie.”

“Akabane Karma,” Nagisa explains.

She lowers her head, which makes the trembling all the more clear. “T-thank you, Akabane san.”

“Eh, like I said,” he shrugs, “no biggie.”

Watanabe starts glancing between them, then, before a worrying smile grows on her face. Even at a time like this. “I think I get it now.”

Unfortunately, Nagisa catches on. “Wait, that’s not-“

She just smiles. “Let’s make a deal, Sensei. Your secret for my secret? For real, it’ll be super lame if anyone finds out about this at school.”

They both seem to understand she’s not coming back to school, though. But he plays along. “I guess you have a deal.”

“Can you go find out how long they’re going to take? I’m getting cold here.”

So now they’ve been exiled, huh?

“So,” Karma says when they’re far enough away, “she’s okay?”

“Looks like it,” he replies. “As okay as anyone can be, at a time like this.”

He nods. “She’s lucky to have a teacher like you.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t know why you gave her your number,” he says, “but you felt the need for some reason. And that lead to at least two lives being saved tonight. Even if you can’t fly halfway across the world at mach 20, that was never why we loved Korosensei so much, was it? I’m just saying, I might have turned out a lot better, if I had more teachers like you.”

Nagisa pauses in his step to look at him. “I’d say you turned out okay.”

“Oh really?”

“You saved someone’s life today too, after all.”

They have a task at hand here, but this conversation feels pretty heavy. He’s not sure how to take Karma’s words… it’s probably one of the most sincere things he’s heard him say. Nagisa’s not even sure if he’s deserving of it, if he could even call himself close to a match for Korosensei. It does mean a lot, though, coming from Karma. He finds himself leaning closer to him naturally, like finding something that makes sense.

“You two.”

Of all people, Nagisa had not been expecting to see Kimura Justice. It’s hardly surprising, of course, since he is also a police officer. But they’re not exactly in a small place. The chances of him being specifically deployed to this case… Well, it looks bad, doesn’t it? At least he probably can’t talk about much of this off duty?

“Yo,” Karma says, “long time no see.”

He stalks over. “I was wondering how long it would take till I ended up arresting him,” he points at Karma. “But you, Nagisa kun?”

“It’s… a long story.”

His eyes flick between them both, and Nagisa realises the pose he must have found them in. Ah. Unless Karma’s been gossiping about it (unlikely), the only person who knows about their thing is Sugino. It’s hardly the principal thing Nagisa’s worried about in this situation, but… they weren’t exactly standing like normal friends would.

“Do you know what time we’re being taken away?” Nagisa asks. “My student wanted me to find out.”

He stares between them again. “Right now, actually.”

Karma meets his eyes. “Say, Kimura, can you do me a favour?”

“If it involves breaking the law-“

He holds his hands up. “Make sure they look after the car! That’s all I was going to say!”

“That’s yours?”

“Looks like duty calls~” Karma turns on his heel.

A lot of things happen in quick succession after that, so much so that Nagisa barely even registers it all. At least this is the first time he’s been in the back of a police car? It’s hectic when they’re brought into the station, though, and he’s simply handed a bunch of paperwork. The most ‘exciting’ part is probably getting their fingerprints taken, which makes sense considering they’re probably all over the crime scene. At least they’re not in handcuffs? They are given new clothes, though, since their old ones are technically evidence.

The interviews don’t take too long, either. Nagisa omits the Ritsu part of it all, but he decides it’s better to just be straight forward about the night’s events. When Watanabe decides she wants to help, though only if he’s allowed to sit next to her, he’s at least a little proud that she’s straight forward too.

That pretty much leads them to dawn, crammed together in the waiting room. Karma yawns intermittently, but doesn’t say much. It’s not like he has to be here, but Nagisa can’t help but feel glad he is. Watanabe looks like she’s fighting sleep at every moment. And Nagisa… his eyes just feel incredibly sore.

“Watanabe Meiko?”

A woman in a stiff looking suit looks around the room, and appears to spot them immediately. She seems like the type of person who can smell fear. Though… he can’t read any ill intent from her.

“Meiko chan,” she sits across from them. “I’ve been acting as your social worker so far. We managed to contact your aunt, and she’s just arrived. The police are happy to let you go with her now. You should get some rest.”

Nagisa immediately finds concern. “Will she be taking her far?”

The social worker forces a neutral smile. “I’ve been told she’s found a nice hotel to stay in whilst she makes arrangements. But yes, the idea is that you’ll stay with her, at least until the Family Court make a decision on custody. That process can take a long time, though,” she refocuses her attention, “so just worry about settling in.”

He looks at Watanabe. “I’ll come with you until that point, okay?”

“Okay…”

“He’s a pretty good judge of character, you know,” Karma says. “You’ll see him freak out if she has bad vibes.”

“Karma.”

It makes Watanabe smile, though, and that’s the main thing. She nods, sliding out of the seat, and he and Karma follow close behind. If Nagisa’s feeling anxious, he can only imagine what it must be like for Watanabe. Even if this is probably what’s best for her, it’s a massive upheaval… plus, he can’t help but feel a little sad this could be the last time he sees her.

What they find is a relatively happy looking woman, around thirty years old if he had to make a guess. She’s dressed well, though looks understandably exhausted. If she lives far away, then she probably travelled through the night… That’s a good sign, isn’t it? Nagisa’s practically scrutinising her… but there’s nothing right away.

“Meiko!” She says with excitement. “I’m sorry it had to be like this, but I’m happy to finally meet you!”

Watanabe looks scared, looking up at Nagisa anxiously.

He crouches a little to her level. “I think you’ll be okay from here.”

The smallest smile creeps onto her face, before she throws her arms around him briefly. “Thank you,” she says, and then bows in Karma’s direction. “Thank you.”

Nagisa smiles properly. “Don’t keep her waiting, hm?”

She approaches her aunt. “H-hello.”

The aunt puts her hand lightly on Watanabe’s shoulder, drawing her just close enough. “I think we have a lot to talk about, but we’ll get you something to eat and some rest first.” Her eyes meet Nagisa’s, before she bows fully in half. “I apologise for the inconvenience my family caused.”

“It’s no inconvenience,” Nagisa reassures. “I was just doing my job.”

She nods. “Thank you anyway. I don’t want to keep you any longer.”

“Goodbye for now,” Nagisa says, “Watanabe san.”

“Goodbye,” she returns, and like that she’s led off.

Nagisa looks up at Karma. “She’s going to be okay, right?”

“I think so,” he says. “She’s kind of badass if you ask me.”

There’s no reason for them to be there after that, not when they’re free to go. Even though there’s a brief moment of joy when Karma discovers the car was actually taken to the station, and yes he is allowed to take the keys back, the drive back into the city is mostly silent. It could be from the exhaustion, but there’s not much that truly needs to be said in words. Before he knows it, Karma’s pulling into a temporary parking spot next to Nagisa’s apartment.

He can’t help but be a little glad that he automatically gets out to walk him to his door, honestly.

“You’re okay, right?” Karma finally asks.

“I should be the one asking you that,” Nagisa averts his eyes. “You did all the hard work.”

Karma rolls his eyes. “Quit that. We both know we make a great team.”

“I think that’s true,” Nagisa looks at him.

He looks at him, and it’s almost too much. There was too much that got cut short, too, by everything that happened. It puts things into perspective, though. There they were, going on and on about the specifics of something so not important. It doesn’t mean there’s not things they really need to talk about, though. Right now, though, he can just appreciate that he had Karma there. Has him here.

Nagisa finds himself grabbing him by the strings of the dumb grey police hoodie and kissing him, leaning up on his tiptoes. It conveys more than he can actually say, at least. It’s an apology, and a thank you, mixed in with a lot of other emotions he can’t quite put words to. Karma seems to understand, though, equally treasuring the raw feeling of their lips pressing and pushing.

Karma doesn’t make fun of him, doesn’t make a teasing comment, doesn’t do anything. Nagisa’s not sure if he wants him to, though. It’s like they already said everything they needed to, including goodbye. His eyes openly slowly, before his arms unwind, and just like he was a ghost, Nagisa’s alone in the morning light.

“If it isn’t our local hero!”

Nagisa’s moved from not really spending much time in the staff room to outright avoiding it. It shouldn’t be surprising, that everything ended up on the news. After all, it was a pretty significant incident. Unfortunately, this isn’t his first media circus, and he knows all too well what not to say. But at least back then, the attention was spread evenly across their entire class. This attention is focused entirely on him and Karma. In fact, mostly him, because ‘local school teacher saves student’ is a catchier headline apparently, even though he maintains Karma did most of the actual saving.

The praise feels wrong, though. Nagisa was just doing his job, the best way he knows how to. Watanabe’s empty seat reminds him of that every day. Even though she’s in a much better home now… He can’t say he doesn’t miss her presence. Besides, no matter what, this is still awful for her. Even though her Dad lived in the end, she still lost both her parents, and the entire life she knew. That doesn’t feel like something he should celebrate.

“Say, Shiota san,” the headmaster drapes an arm over his shoulder. “We’re thinking of bringing the end of year party forward to this week. We should celebrate you!”

He’s been loving the attention on the school, naturally.

Nagisa squirms his way out. “A-actually I’m a little busy tonight, sorry.”

“Ah,” he waves him off, “your social calendar must be full… Well, we’ll just wait until next week, then! But don’t think we’ll forget about this!”

He wishes he could burry his head in the sand. At least nobody’s made the connection with The Kunugigaoka Incident yet. The attention from that only really died down a few years ago, and he doesn’t feel like being psychoanalysed anymore than he already has been. Maybe he really should have just changed his name like his parents suggested…

Speaking of people with multiple names, he wasn’t lying to his boss. To be fair, Kayano had reached out to him, asking him to meet. He hasn’t seen her in what feels like an age. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, but he always feels guilt creep up on him. She’s a super busy actress now, and he never wants to bother her. He can’t say he’s not relieved, though. Even though he already knew he was going to see her in just a couple of weeks anyway, he still misses her.

There’s a small café, not so far from where he works. Of course, Kayano being a celebrity complicates a lot of things. He also worries about that… if her being seen hanging out with a guy would make things difficult. But she’s pretty talented at disguises, and the location is inconspicuous enough that it wouldn’t be anyone’s first choice to investigate. That, and Kayano really likes the dessert menu.

She waves him over cheerfully when she sees him. “You might be more famous than me recently.”

Nagisa sighs as he finds his seat. “I just want it to die down.”

Kayano hums, playing with the rim of her water glass. “It probably will now. It’s not like there’s going to be many new updates, right?”

At least he can count on her to be rational from time to time. “You know much more about publicity than I do.”

“It’s a blessing and a curse,” she jokes. “It is pretty impressive though, what happened.”

His lips press together. “I guess.”

Kayano smiles. “And the girl was okay?”

“I think so,” he says honestly. “As okay as she can be. Seeing all of that…”

“I know,” Kayano says solemnly.

And of course she does. He forgets, sometimes, with how positive Kayano can be. But she saw her own sister get speared at that age, and she didn’t live to tell the tale. He just hopes the justice system will be enough for Watanabe, as opposed to physical modifications and deadly super abilities. At least he knows Kayano’s fine nowadays.

“You want to talk about something,” she says.

“Huh?”

A smile creeps on her face again. “You’re a lot more obvious than you realise, sometimes.”

Nagisa shifts in his seat. “You’re… a really talented actress.”

“Thank you,” she says. “But I don’t think you’re planning on becoming one?”

This feels near painful. “Acting is… a skill. But, if I watch the dramas you’re in, it doesn’t feel like acting. The love interest you’re with, no matter who they are, your feelings come across as so genuine. How easy is that? To fake… I mean…”

Kayano sits back properly in her seat. “Are you ready to order?”

“Huh?”

“I need sugar, if we’re going to have this conversation.”          

Anxiety spikes in Nagisa’s chest, but he ends up ordering fruit parfait. He doesn’t even like fruit parfait. Maybe Kayano’s right, though, and he does actually need sugar. Even if it only feels like it’ll weigh him down as he digs his own grave. He really shouldn’t have said anything. He’s confused as it is anyway, and this isn’t a weight he wanted to put on her. If she can even help. What a weird question anyway!

She takes a spoon of her pudding, a determined look on her face. “You’re right,” she finally says. “Acting is a skill.”

“Ah,” he nods.

“But,” she says. “TV isn’t just about the actors. There’s the director who chooses the right angles and shows how he wants things to look, the editors who fix it all together in the right way, the perfect music chosen to heighten emotions… It’s a lot of tricks, to convince an audience the actors are in love, but that’s not what it’s actually like. When you see actors portraying that, it’s only an approximation. You can’t compare acting on a show to a real person faking their feelings. The skill I had to learn in 3E… it was miles apart.”

Somehow that only gives him more questions.

“I might not be the most helpful for this,” Kayano continues, “but it would help if you told me what you’re really talking about here.”

He takes that’s a fair point. Nagisa isn’t exactly helping himself here. In fact, he feels rather helpless. Would it be so bad to open up to her? Most of this, he’s just been keeping inside, tight to his chest. But with the way Sugino reacted? Nagisa physically shakes his head. Kayano’s not like that, is she? At least, maybe she’d hear him out a bit more? It’s not like this kind of thing is easy for Nagisa to talk about, though…

“It’s quite a long story…”

She leans forwards on her elbows. “I have time.”

Where does he even start? “Things have been… weird, between me and Karma recently-“

Kayano splutters at that, choking on her sip of water. Following that, she continues to cough, like she’s desperately gasping for air. Is she actually choking?! Nagisa’s about to stand up, but she holds a finger up, as though commanding him to stay put. Gracefully, she regains her posture, and takes another sip of water to soothe her throat.

“I think,” she says, “you started in the middle of the story. What do you mean by ‘weird’?”

Nagisa’s face turns red. Is she really going to make him say it. “Uhm… We’ve been, uh, s-se… stuff. We do stuff.”

Kayano stares at him. “You mean-“

“Maybe…”

“YOU WERE GAY THIS ENTIRE TIME?!”

Nagisa looks around the room nervously. “Do you really need to shout that?”

“Oh my-“ she slumps back in her chair like she’s had three too many highballs. “It makes sense.”

“What?”

She starts laughing like she’s legitimately lost her mind. “It’s not like it was even subtle?”

“But-“

“I mean,” she continues, “you’ve always attracted other guys. I thought they just weren’t looking close enough, especially when you had the longer hair, but this whole time. It was the gaydar.”

“The what?”

Kayano cackles some more. “I’m not even disappointed.” She wheezes. “I wish you’d told me sooner. The last co-star that met you begged for your number for weeks.”

Nagisa doesn’t know how to process this. “I-I think you might be making a mistake.”

“Huh?!” She looks almost like a wild animal now.

“I don’t think I’m gay.”

More than anything, she just looks confused. “Okay not that I’ve checked, but I’m pretty sure Karma’s-“

“Yes,” he hisses, really hoping nobody’s still look at them. “I know that.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do.”

He regrets everything. “I don’t know, okay? B-before this, I didn’t feel this way at all. Now that I do, I realised that before… it was completely different. I could tell if someone was attractive or not… but I didn’t feel any kind of pull. I think,” he looks down, “if Karma were a girl, it wouldn’t change anything. And it’s not like I’ve felt this way about anyone else. So I don’t know what that makes me.”

Kayano’s gaping at him a little. “Well,” she says eventually. “I guess it doesn’t have to make you anything?”  

“Huh?”

She nods, like she’s thinking it through. “Maybe you’re just Nagisa. It’s not like there’s a law or anything.”

The logic of it washes over him. She sounds right. It’s not like anyone’s forcing him to declare a side. Maybe it doesn’t have to be either/or. Though… it’s not completely reassuring. If he accepts that he just happens to only ever like Karma, then what does he do if… when… Would he never get to feel like this again?

“So,” she looks mostly at her plate. “You and Karma?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “It just kind of happened.”

She thinks for a moment. “You made it seem like you’re not really together, though.”

“It started out that way…” Nagisa swallows.

Skirting around as many of the details as possible, he makes his best attempt to summarise what happened. Through it all, Kayano is almost completely silent. It’s hard to describe it all to her, though it gets a bit easier when he gets to the more recent things. How Karma seems so set in being against relationships, but sometimes it feels like he wants to be in one.

“I see,” Kayano says when he’s about caught up. “Would you be okay with me punching him?”

“Absolutely not.”

“He deserves it though.”

Nagisa looks down. “I-I don’t think so.”

She grimaces. “Well,” suddenly, a sharp kick hits him under the table. “I didn’t say you were innocent in this either.”

“Ow?”

She really does look angry. “The reason I’m angrier with Karma is he acts so high and mighty with his ‘wisdom’. At least you’re known to be oblivious.”

Somehow he feels like he’s in a lot of danger.

“Someone needs to lock you in a cupboard with some plastic swords or something.”

“…why?”

“Because the only time you two actually talk is when you’re fighting,” she says exhaustedly. “We can arrange that, you know? The reunion is kind of planned already, but I can easily get Isogai in on it.”

Nagisa takes a deep breath. “I’m not sure if that would help much.”

Shoving a heaped spoon of pudding into her mouth, Kayano’s eyes widen. “We haven’t even talked about how you feel.”

As if Nagisa even knows how to put words to that. “I feel… it’s not straightforward.”

“Go on.”

“At first,” he reasons. “It felt like how I’d imagine a crush. But… I don’t know when, but it started to get heavier and heavier… and then it fell out of my hands. Now I feel like I can barely breathe if I go too long without speaking to him. Even if I see him every weekend, I still can’t…”

Kayano takes a moment. “Those sound like really serious feelings, Nagisa.”

He nods, coming to terms with how that sounded. “I think so.”

“Then,” she seems like she has something on the tip of her tongue. “You’re really worried Karma might be faking it? And you feel all that?”

“I don’t even know how he feels,” he admits. “At first… I thought it was pretty clear, and one of us would just spit it out eventually. But it got… complicated. I don’t think I should say too much, but… Karma had some past experiences. He pretty much straight up told me he’s never going to want anything more. Not that I even know what this is. I don’t know how it feels… when someone likes you.”

Kayano laughs again. “You never change, do you?”

“Hm?”

She grows a little bit more serious, though. “Again, I don’t know, but… I don’t see what reason Karma would have to fake something like that. If he doesn’t want a romantic relationship, I mean. If anything, I’d expect him to try and act colder than he actually feels. I think… if it seems like he likes you, then he probably does. But… that’s not the hard part of this.”

Nagisa shifts. “I tried to tell myself I’m okay with this, but… it keeps feeling like it’s not enough?”

Kayano looks almost stoic. “So, you’re the type who needs a clear relationship.”

“I don’t know.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” she hums. “Some people need limits to make sense of things. I understand that. Sometimes… endless possibilities can feel like no possibilities. That doesn’t mean it has to be black or white, but to me it seems like you want to establish that this isn’t just friends with benefits.”

“I can’t make him want something just because of me,” he affirms. “But I don’t want to,” he winces, “stop this, either.”

She nods. “I’m not sure what advice I can give you, that’ll be helpful anyway. But… you guys usually work it out eventually, right?”

Somehow that doesn’t do much to reassure him. Kayano’s not wrong, but it’s never been as complicated as this. Their relationship has never been so impossible to define. Despite her suggestion of ‘eventually’, Nagisa still feels like it’s pretty urgent. Nagisa can’t live like this for much longer or else he’ll legitimately go insane.

At the very least, it feels nice to speak to someone about this. Having his thoughts somewhere outside of his head… it makes him feel a little less heavy. One of the things that sticks out to him, though, is what she said about clear relationships. He supposes… No, he doesn’t know. And apparently, Kayano’s adviceless. That probably means this isn’t a great situation.

She looks at the time on her phone, then, and winces. “Are you coming to the meet up?”

Nagisa looks down. “Yeah, probably.”

A smile sets on Kayano’s face. “We’ll talk more then, okay?”

The message is clear enough. She wants an update on this. Potentially for him to make some sort of decision. He lets out a heavy sigh, though, as he watches her leave. Now that the floodgates are open… it’s almost like he wants to say more. Get all of this out of him… Though, it would probably be better to actually talk to Karma for that.

Nagisa used to anticipate, but now he’s hesitating.

It’s not like Karma’s directly inviting him or anything. In fact, it’s mostly just become an assumed arrangement, he’s expected to come. But still. Even that’s a weird part of their relationship, isn’t it? It would be nice, he thinks, to step out of that grey zone. Maybe he’d even be able to come over on different days somehow…

Nagisa’s weak though, so he ends up on Karma’s doorstep regardless. This time, though, he feels significantly more grounded. As much as he still wants to get his feelings out of him, it feels like a lot of things were put into perspective, and the entire situation is muddy and unclear. At least Nagisa doesn’t jump him on sight. In fact, they just end up sitting silently in front of the TV, clearly not watching whatever show it is.

“Did you think about it?” Karma asks after a while.

“Hm?”

Karma sighs. “What I suggested last week.”

He mentally traces back through the conversation. With everything that happened that night, Nagisa can barely remember what kicked off their argument. That Karma would actually want to bring up, at least… Even before the crisis, there had been a lot on Nagisa’s mind, and a week on he’s not the best rested…

“Nagisa~” Karma stretches over him, invading his personal space in a way that reminds him of a cat. “Are you gonna screw me or what?”

Karma’s lucky he doesn’t have a drink, because he would have spat it out. “Jufu-“

He has the nerve to bat his eyelashes. “Well?”

Oh, so he’s doing this on purpose. So it turns out he’s really serious? Honestly, Nagisa barely even processed the request. In another situation, he would have spent the whole week researching. Nagisa can’t just… do it like this? Maybe he can try and sneak into the bathroom to Google it? That’s not much time, though. And Karma may as well be in his lap at this point. Where is this even coming from.

He nods, his nerves showing. “If it’s what you want…?”

Karma backs off him a bit. “Only if you also want it?”

Nagisa never actually had the chance to process this! To be honest, he can’t imagine any kind of sex with Karma being bad. He just doesn’t know what he’s doing. If he’ll be able to make Karma feel as good as he makes him feel… though the prospect of doing so… Well of course, this definitely isn’t a bad situation. Karma’s insanely attractive, after all.

He nods again.

For some reason, Karma kisses him like he’s relieved, but it’s also very gentle for him. Almost… shy? Nagisa can’t help himself… he’s analysing. What’s got into him recently? Nagisa can’t rule out straight up horniness, but… It’s actually a little hard to think with Karma kissing him insistently. He hopes this is okay.

If they’re doing this, doesn’t Nagisa have to take more of the lead? It’s not like he’s never been the one to drag him off to the bedroom. Unless he wants to do it right here… it seems a little advanced, though. Nagisa presses forward with his tongue, because he can at least do this. Karma meets him back where he is, and he lets himself fall into it.

In the end, he’s not fully sure who ends up leading who, but they end up backing away into the bedroom eventually. Nagisa’s still presented with multiple problems, though, like what taking the lead actually entails. Should he undress him? Push him down onto the bed or something? Nagisa wouldn’t even know how to follow that up without straddling him.

Should he be touching his ass more? It’s just not how Nagisa usually kisses him. He’s accustomed to grabbing his back or waist, if he’s not hanging around his neck. But butt grabbing… this is probably the most appropriate time. It’s thematic. But Nagisa’s hand barely trails an inch in that direction before he ends up stopping himself out of some kind of shame. None of this bodes well. Karma would probably like it if he grabbed it too… Nagisa kind of likes it…

The front, he thinks, that’s manageable no matter the context.

He lets his hands drift around his hips, and works on pulling his belt open, followed by the button of his jeans. There’s good reasoning for this approach, at least. It’s hard to get trousers off when they’re already horizontal, and Nagisa would prefer to avoid extra complications at a time like this. Karma goes with it, moving in a way that helps them pool to the floor easy enough as he steps out of them. Right.

Nagisa doesn’t mean to push, but from the way he’s leaning, it ends up with Karma stumbling a little to sit on the edge of the bed. It should have made things easier, but now it’s even more puzzling. At least the kissing angle is a little easier, since Nagisa has just a slight height advantage like this. Though, the actual positioning of his body is a little awkward.

Karma seems to get tired of it, because Nagisa finds himself being toppled forwards regardless, dragged hard enough onto the bed too. Except, Karma’s legs are spread a little, so he’s between them as opposed to straddling him. This is weird. He feels like he’s being thrown in the deep end here. Just because he’s experienced this from the other perspective doesn’t mean he has any clue…

It’s not like it feels bad, though. At the end of the day, they’re still kissing, and he can do that. Karma’s legs are also making him feel quite warm. Consciously or otherwise, he finds his body moving at least a little bit. It’s far from an alien sensation, and yet Nagisa feels so distinctly strange. It really shouldn’t matter this much, right?

Even the basic things, Nagisa feels woefully unsure of. Maybe because he’s shorter, and has less arm, but bracing his weight feels completely unnatural. Is he meant to touch him somewhere else? If he doesn’t, then he’s not sure how this is meant to go past kissing. It’s barely even bordering on making out. But how is he meant to touch him with no free hands?

He lets his lips get ever so slightly lower, to begin with. That doesn’t require too much effort. Following that, he lets them trail from his jaw to his neck. Karma’s breathy sighs surprise him a little. Does it feel so different to anything they’ve done before? Nagisa can hardly complain about hearing it, though. It gives him a small burst of motivation.

This is doomed, if he’s this bad at foreplay.

Karma tilts his head back a little. “Sit up for a second.”

Of course, Nagisa obeys immediately, pulling away from him. Is he under scrutiny now? Does Karma just need space for some reason? This situation is hard to read, maybe because of how ridiculous it is. He realises mostly when Karma reaches for his own belt, tugging it away. Nagisa only got as far as removing Karma’s trousers, otherwise they’re both completely dressed.

Rather than try and strip him, though, Karma just reaches into his underwear. Nagisa can’t say he minds, suddenly caught off guard. Admittedly, he’s been so lost in his thoughts he’s not exactly hard… but this will do it. It doesn’t escape him this is meant to be reversed, though. Did Karma just get fed up?

Even if it’s just his hand, it still feels pretty incredible. Nagisa’s almost boneless, when he presses into him, pulling him out properly through his fly. His eyes sink shut, sensations spreading through him. This is admittedly a lot better. What’s Karma actually getting out of it, though? He feels like asking, before Karma’s hand is suddenly on his sternum, and he gets pushed back onto the mattress.

So he really just gave up then.

Nagisa doesn’t get much of a chance to think about it, because in a pretty fluid movement, Karma yanks everything off his lower half and bends down to take him into his mouth. Nagisa’s hips jump at it immediately, but he forces himself to stay calm. This isn’t something he’s new too, though maybe their position is a little weird.

He’s not sure why he forgets how good Karma is at this. In a sense, though, it kind of works. At least this way, he’s pleasantly surprised. Karma’s barely even teasing him either, simply going down on him like he has a one track mind. Of course he’s powerless against it. The most he can manage is a weak hand in his hair, but he’s hardly in any sort of control of this.

“K-karma,” he says, “too close…”

If anything, Karma just doubles down, swallowing around him in a way that sends tingles right through to his feet. Nagisa tries, he really does, but with Karma on a mission apparently? All it takes is the flick of his tongue in a certain way, and his hips jerk up as his grits his teeth and comes surprisingly hard down Karma’s throat.

He lets him go with a pop, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I wanted you to relax a little,” he says, “but also… it’ll last longer now.”

Nagisa’s ears are ringing, so he doesn’t fully comprehend him. He’s out of breath now. But… Karma’s right. He feels a lot more relaxed now. If Karma wants him to return the favour… he’s going to have to wait a second. Honestly, he has no idea how to take any of this.

“You’re flushed,” Karma basically caresses his cheek.

He feels his eyes narrow. He thought he was getting better at this, but it’s like he’s back to square one. Clearly. Something like this shouldn’t make him flushed.

Nagisa’s not sure how that pulls him together, but he’s not going out half assed. He twists, grabbing Karma’s wrist as he pins him down again. Though… he’s still not sure what goes next, now that they’re here. Karma looks at least a little surprised, eyes wide in what could be minor alarm. But he’s back between his legs again, so he kisses him, trying to ignore the new taste there.

Now that he just lets himself feel it, he finds his hand creeping its way down Karma’s chest. His fingers loop under the hem of his jumper, and before he knows it he’s tugging. Admittedly… it doesn’t quite go off without a hitch. The clothing article ends up getting stuck around Karma’s head, causing quite a bit of fumbling, and now Karma’s hair is even more messed up.

He looks funny like this.

It comes off, somehow, and now he’s shirtless. Nagisa really does like it when he’s shirtless… He leans back, stripping off the remainder of his own clothes because it feels kind of weird otherwise. Now it’s just Karma in his underwear, but… one step at a time. Besides, it’s weird, but there’s something a little thrilling in the way he can see him straining against the fabric.

So, what’s Nagisa’s plan?

It’s not like it takes him super long or anything, but he can’t get it back up again this fast. Even though there’s some sort of stirring internally… Whenever they’ve done this before, everything just flowed together. Or at least, that’s how he remembers it. So when it comes to something like foreplay, he’s a little lost on what it fully entails.

Karma uses his fingers, sometimes. He remembers him saying it wasn’t always necessary, though. He supposes there was that time with the vibrator… Maybe he could go get it? It doesn’t seem like the situation for that, though. Karma can do whatever he wants with the sex toys in his own time. In fact, does he? He has them here… That’s a fun image he’s going to have to remind himself of later.

Okay, that’s a good step one at least. Fingers. It occurs to him that absolutely involves ass touching. But first, lube. Even Karma looks at him in question, when he lurches to go looking for it. Where is it usually, again? Karma seems to just materialise it in times of need. They’re kind of in the middle of something, so he attempts to just feel around for it, but whatever he’s touching feels kind of weird.

“Other side,” Karma says, his voice low.

Right.

Nagisa’s hand shakes around the object for a moment. Somehow this is worse than the time Karma wanted to watch him. But he can do this, right? He reconsiders the situation. No use getting lube all over his hands right away. That’ll make things even more difficult. Karma still has his boxers on, for one.

Putting the tube down, he places his hands on Karma’s stomach. Okay, maybe that’s a bit weird, like he’s giving him a doctor exam or something. Is it tender here? Haha… Nagisa certainly hopes he didn’t say that one out loud, because Karma’s looking at him a little weird. That could also be because he hasn’t actually done anything, though.

Nagisa can at least take his underwear off, though. Or at least he thinks.

In fact, he’s so distracted by completing that task that he doesn’t really register the fact that he’s naked now. That’s neither here nor there. He turns his body a little, picking up the lube again because he’s not sure what else to do. Meanwhile, Karma contorts weirdly as he grabs one of the pillows from the other side of the bed, changing his position to get it under him.

“What are you doing?”

“Making your life easier,” he says, adjusting the pillow under his hips so they’re raised. “Unless you want me to turn over.”

Nagisa definitely can’t handle the concept of Karma shoving his ass in his face on his hands and knees. Whether it would be too hot, or just too weird, he’s not sure… but no. Speaking of his ass… it is pretty nice. Nagisa just doesn’t look at it much. Not really. He glimpses, every now and then, but it’s not like he’s scrutinised it.

Well, he has to deal with the ass touching now, doesn’t he?

Admittedly, Nagisa hasn’t seen many (if any) people’s butts from this angle. He’s slightly intimidated that he can’t exactly see his… though maybe that would be weird? Does he just spread it or something? He’s pretty distracted when he’s on the receiving end of this, which he regrets because maybe he could remember a little more.

He ends up going for his semi. At least he can’t mess that up, and it’s the general area. Karma doesn’t seem to mind, letting out a short breath. It’s not like Nagisa doesn’t know what he likes. In fact, he should be pretty confident about that, by all means. He’s just being uncoordinated. He lets his other hand rest on his inner thigh, enjoying the slight twitchy feeing that comes from it.

Rather than just give him a half hearted hand job for some period of time, Nagisa decides he has to just go for it. With caution, he lets his free hand run upwards, tracing its way underneath. And there. There he is. He has his hand on Karma’s ass and it didn’t burst into flames. That right there feels like an accomplishment.

Huh. It’s firm, actually. Nagisa’s not sure what he expected, but… Well, Karma’s pretty much muscular all over, so it makes sense. But given the size… he could probably use this as a weapon. Not that hitting people ass first is a particularly graceful way to fight someone. But if, hypothetically, it happened… it would probably hurt a lot. He’s kind of thankful he doesn’t want to ride him.

Karma’s looking at him, though. “You okay?”

“Right,” Nagisa realises that he’s just been squeezing it for however long. “Sorry!”

At least he looks amused?

Admittedly, he panics a little, because he’s committed now. He has to make a decision on what to hold, and the ass part is definitely more important right now. Intentionally or not, he may still be squeezing a tiny bit as he searches around for wherever he dropped the lube, finally brandishing it like a prize. Unfortunately, he has to let his butt go too, just to get it open and coat his dominant hand.

Karma catches his wrist before he can come near him, though. “Warm it with your fingers first.”

That’s definitely worth remembering. Nagisa does his best, though he’s not sure about the science behind rubbing the gloopy substance around at seemingly random. The only experience he has is when Karma wanted to watch him do it to himself. He’s going to give it his best shot, but… he swallows hard. Now or never.

The positioning feels weirdly complicated. It’s like he has to weigh up being contorted really awkwardly, and visibility in general. He’s thankful for the pillow now, because he has no idea how else he would have accessed it? Karma seems to manage it every other time though. The lube only gives him a limited amount of time, at least, so he has to make a decision.

He goes for the ass cheek again, pulling it back slightly, and makes a blind reach with his other hand. From balls backwards, he decides, he can’t go wrong. It’s only a second or two before, yes, texture difference. Heat. He adds pressure with his index finger, mostly to make sure, and he feels some sort of muscle tension. The actual forcefulness of it is a little surprising, like he’s being pressed back at.

Karma sighs, when he essentially rubs around it. That’s good, maybe? It’s a step up from a heavy breath. It’s almost like he can feel more movement there as well? Anticipation? He’s not sure, but he finally lets himself push in a little, really having to put a bit of strength behind it. At least the lube makes it a little easier, he can only imagine how difficult it would be with natural friction to contend with.

Tight. That’s probably what takes him the most by surprise. He hasn’t even got it the whole way in, but he’s so tight. Almost suffocating. And if it feels like that just with one finger… He’s not sure if that makes him slightly turned on or terrified. Maybe both? At the very least, Nagisa knows he can be considerate, so he gives him what he thinks is enough adjustment time before pushing further, until eventually he can’t go any further.

It’s time to take in the situation again. He has a finger in Karma. Karma in general… he has his eyes closed now. There don’t seem to be signs of pain, though there’s not much of a good sign either. Not only is it very tight, he’s also crazy hot. Realistically, Nagisa knows intimately that it’s not going to feel incredible just like this. Though… recently it’s been taking less and less time for him. It was only really the first time he felt something like this it took him so long to wrap his head around. Maybe it’s been a while, but Karma’s definitely at least a little used to this.

The logical conclusion is therefore that he can probably do a little more, right? From the way he can feel clenching around him… maybe? He attempts to concentrate. What would he want, if their roles were reversed? Probably not what he’s doing right now, which turns out to be some sort of circling motion. He thinks… he probably likes the in and out a lot more, unless it’s against that spot.

The spot.

For some reason it feels like it’s going to solve all of Nagisa’s problems. Though, there’s some logical issues too. Positioning? He attempts to angle his finger a bit more, but it means he has to twist his wrist and it’s not the most comfortable. Also, he can’t help but think it’s a bit weird if he just… gropes around with his finger like this. It needs to be a combination.

He starts with small shifts, before they eventually grow and he’s sort of pumping it in and out. It makes searching around pretty difficult, but at least if he just tries to find the right angle? He doesn’t even know. And then Nagisa realises that he’s not really being attentive with his concentration so focused in like this.

It’s hard to keep the motion up, but he tries to get a look at the situation. Karma’s eyes are still closed, and he’s not really doing much. He’s still hard at least, so it probably doesn’t feel terrible, but… It doesn’t feel good enough. Especially if he apparently likes this? There’s probably some motion or something that would help, right?

“Karma?”

He peels an eye open. “Hm?”

Is he bored? Meditating? Nagisa bites down on his lip. “Is it… okay?”

Karma looks at him properly. “Add another. You won’t break me.”

It takes him aback, a little, like that’s probably the least helpful option. Still, Nagisa’s fingers aren’t exactly thick… He goes with it, at least, pulling out completely to add more lube first. This time, unsurprisingly, there’s a little more resistance. Nagisa has to trust himself, though. There’s something about what Karma just said that makes him a little nervous. What about breaking him?

As a natural consequence, his breathing starts to become heavier. Slowly, he pushes the fingers in further again, until they’re eventually at their hilt. If anything it’s even tighter, now, but there’s more capacity for… stuff. And then Nagisa thinks, now the hard bit is over, he doesn’t really need to be holding him anymore. He knows this kind of thing feels better with a distraction.

Karma appears to agree, when Nagisa wraps the hand around his erection again. It’s a bit like trying to pat his head and rub his stomach, where the motions don’t line up too well, but at least it’s something. His breathing is heavier. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be much he can do about the prostate search. Try as he might, he’s just not sure he has the right angle here. In lieu of that, he lets the fingers speed up a bit, and the resistance is dropping at least a little.

He looks kind of… pretty isn’t the right word, but it’s something to that effect. Like this, his features aren’t so tense, and his muscles aren’t flexed from bracing above him. It’s not like the only time he’s seen him vaguely like this, but… Nagisa thinks he likes it. If his mind wasn’t racing so much… No, even now, it’s definitely causing some natural heat to crawl down his body.

It almost feels like it shouldn’t be happening like this. He’s surprised he’s even managing to get hard again, with how much he’s definitely not relaxing. Maybe that’s just how effective Karma is at this point. He causes Nagisa’s body to rebel against every other piece of logic. And it’s not like he doesn’t want him, it’s just… he’s really not sure it’s going to be good.

It’s kind painful at this point, though.

He winces, trying to breathe as he thinks about the words. “C-can I…?”

Karma opens his eyes again. “Go for it.”

Just like that? Nagisa processes it for a minute, before he pulls the fingers out. Now what? Condom? Logically, that’s next to where the lube was, right? Karma just seems to materialise them sometimes. He really should have paid more attention this entire time… He slips a little, trying to find his balance again as he leans over.

“I’m cool with it,” Karma suddenly says, “if you want to go without.”

Nagisa freezes.

Is that… really okay? Sure, it happened, but that was only because they didn’t have the choice. They’d established that it was okay with safety, he supposes. Is this just what happens? Once the condoms go they go forever? Maybe that makes sense? It would certainly be cheaper… But the mess, right? Nagisa had been out of it, but he was aware enough at the time to know the aftereffects weren’t exactly fun. Even though it did feel good… He also knows that Karma definitely hasn’t done this before. It feels wrong that the realisation stirs him, but…

If this is what he wants…

Nagisa fumbles, admittedly. Even though it’s a process with only a few steps. He gets hold of the lube, probably squirting a bit too much onto his hand before covering himself with it and – ouch, okay, he gets why Karma told him to warm it up. Not that it matters. He can barely touch himself without feeling close to the edge suddenly. That doesn’t bode well.

If the fingering thing was hard, then this feels even more like Tetris meets extreme sports. Logically, he can’t just put it up against him and hope for the best. Unfortunately for him, though, the alternatives don’t seem much better. He tries, with one hand at least, to grab his ass again. If anything, this is where he needs the visuals. With the other, he holds himself, deciding it’s probably better here to be precise. Like threading a needle.

When he can’t go any further forward, he tries his best to line up. He has to be a little more aggressive with the ass grabbing but then there it is. He can finally see his entrance clearly. All of the blood in his body seems to pool down to his legs, a tight knot binding itself in his stomach. It’s enough to mostly drown out his freaking out. It’s the same story with himself, too, when he runs out of room eventually.

Like that, he presses, and he has to bite down on his lip so hard it almost bleeds. Just feeling him pulse against him, it’s enough to drive him to insanity. But it’s not going to just go in, not like this at least. Considering he had to put a little force behind just his fingers… He grips himself, and uses the strength of his arm. Of course there’s resistance, and even that feels like he’s going to explode. He tries holding him even harder with the other hand, almost pulling him towards him, and tries again. It feels like it’s not going to fit, not without hurting him or something. He takes a deep breath, though, and pushes once more.

Nagisa’s brain pretty much implodes then and there. It’s literally only the tip, and he knows it’ll just come out again if he lets himself go at this point, but that doesn’t seem to matter because he might actually die. If he thought it was tight and hot around his fingers… It’s like his mouth times ten. It also takes Nagisa every single shred of his willpower to not just go further.

It is, though, very much a losing battle. It’s almost like he’s being sucked in. He forgets how to breathe, at this point, just doing his very best to at least slow it down as much as it feels possible. It doesn’t help that the explosive feeling keeps happening with every bit of him that ends up sheathed. He runs out of room for his hand, eventually, and instead he has to desperately reach out for a bit of mattress to brace himself with, finally hunched over Karma’s body when he can’t go any further.

He feels… so warm.

It’s strange, because he’s used to feeling things with his whole body, where this is far more centralised. It’s already too intense and he hasn’t even moved yet. Maybe it’s not too late to grab one of the condoms? Like that’ll make it more bearable. He’s not sure, but it’s a miracle he hasn’t straight up lost it already. Staying still like this is like torture, too, but the idea of moving is too much. And then there’s the pulsing around him.

“Hey, Nagisa…”

He hears him, but his eyes are clenched shut. “Don move,” It comes out like a slur.

Karma laughs, then, jiggling in his body in a way that makes everything worse. “What’s wrong, Nagisa~? Don’t you feel good?”

He glares at him in annoyance, but that’s a big mistake. Oh no. Now his throat’s dry. Karma’s still being Karma… but he looks difference. Maybe because everything’s blurry right now. But… his hair’s all fanned out, like a red halo. His eyes look bigger than usual, open and shiny, even though his gaze is a little half lidded. And his lips… they’re parted just a little bit, letting out some short but heavy breaths. There’s a flush all over his chest, too, creeping up his neck all the way to his cheeks.

Nagisa’s never wanted anything more in his life, which is ironic considering he’s already literally in him already.

And because Karma’s a sadist, he apparently decides to squeeze around him in a way that Nagisa just knows is purposeful, and it almost makes him scream. It’s already hard enough to keep himself upright. There’s challenge in his eyes. Is he going to keep this up just to torture him? Is that why he wanted to do this in the first place?

He won’t go down without a fight, at least, and tries what at least feels like a natural shove as hard as he can manage. Somehow, it does the job, and Karma’s eyes widen with legitimate surprise as a moan spills from him. It’s not like he’s ever intentionally quiet in bed, but this feels different. It’s so much lighter, even with a higher, ringing pitch. Nagisa’s desperate to hear it again.

As it turns out, it’s incredibly hard to stop now he’s started, and his body seems to have a mind of its own. At least he’s pretty confident he’s not hurting him. That one bit of consciousness stripped away, it feels like there’s not a lot he can do. It’s like some kind of latent instinct, and all he can do is drive in and out, the friction of Karma’s internal walls set to blow his mind.

“Too fast,” Karma says, grabbing his hips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He’s dazed, almost drunk feeling. If Karma wasn’t so strong, he might not have been able to pay attention. Something, thankfully, knocks him out of it. Right. It’s just the amount of guilt he needs for his sanity. It’s not exactly polite to just go at it like this, he does know that. Besides, he’s only thinking about himself here, isn’t he?

“Here,” Karma attempts to show him, “take your time.”

He rocks his hips, much more purposely, and Nagisa feels like he might die again. Despite that, though, he thinks he understands. He needs to calm down. He has to use all of his focus, but he tries to mimic it on his own, moving a lot more deliberately. It feels like he’s going to burn, but he thinks he’s managing it, and the way Karma sighs and lets go of him.

Nagisa’s never been particularly talented with something like rhythm. He used to play the trumpet, as well as a preteen can, but that’s about where it ended. Even something as basic as dancing goes completely over his head. So, it’s pretty much inevitable that he’s going to lose count of anything steady at a time like this, especially with the sensations overwhelming him. He needs something to distract him, maybe.

Like an old friend, it creeps into his head. Pike, scallop, herring… When he needs it the most, here it is, haunting him. Fish fish fish. Karma would never forgive him if he found out that Nagisa’s thinking about fish at a time like this. It’s actually doing the job, though. Nothing could stop him from feeling good right now, but thinking about the fish song is just enough to bring him back to a remotely more neutral position. Just as long as he doesn’t say anything out loud.

Garfish, shrimp, octopus. It’s working, but then Nagisa realises that he might have started moving at the tempo of the song. Is that better than before? Tuna, salmon roe, conger eel, striped jack… Just as long as he drops it before the end, right?

Nagisa’s probably never going to be able to eat sushi again after this, but somehow it feels worth it.

Karma even groans, next, and he feels a burst of pride rush through him. He’s a little more capable, at this point, of taking more things in. The way that Karma’s legs brush around his hips, for example. That alone… He can’t help but want to see more of him. As nice as his face is to look at…

It feels a little advanced, but he goes with it, uses all of his core muscles to pull himself more upright. Now, he’s almost standing on his knees, but he has free hands now. Karma looks up at him, a mixture of expectant and potentially a little confused. It feels natural to place a hand on the subtle curve of his waist, if only to balance himself.

Looking at him like this is interesting, though. Nagisa finds himself almost entranced by the tensing of his stomach muscles, his other hand raking down them before he can stop himself. Speaking of muscular, though, Nagisa remembers his earlier discovery. Both hands slide their way down and around, gripping his ass. It’s a little hard to worry about touching it at this point.

As expected, the flexing of the muscles there… it makes him feel something like hungry. He’s not sure what exactly possesses him, but he uses all of his strength to essentially pull him back with him. He’s rewarded with that ‘caught off guard’ moan again, and it crawls up him like a fire. Arabesque greenling, short-necked clam, bonito.

He understands why this is different to before. He can do it harder like this, but it’s okay when it’s not aimless. And apparently, Karma seems to like it like this, given the way he arches his back up, and one of his hands seems to grasp at the sheets.

“Harder,” he breathes out. “C’mon.”

Nagisa’s seriously panting with exception at this point, but he does it, as hard as he thinks he physically can at this point. It results in a harsh smacking noise between their bodies, but it’s hard to tell with the breathing. And then there’s a string of noises coming from Karma that he could honestly play on repeat for days.

“Close,” he somehow gets out of himself, though words are extremely hard. He doesn’t want it to be over yet, though.

“S’okay,” Karma responds, and then reaches to wrap a hand around himself.

A part of him wants to bat it away and do it himself, but Nagisa knows that’s probably above his current ability. He keeps going, but something makes him hesitate. It still feels like they’re a little apart right now. And… he can’t help but continue to look at him. Maybe it really is selfish, but somehow Nagisa doesn’t want to do it like this.

He lets himself fall forward again, where he may as well be lying on him. But he likes this… it’s so much closer. Nagisa wants to kiss him so badly… he’s not convinced it’ll go well, though. He makes his peace with presses his lips against his neck, essentially sucking on his pulse. Maybe he slows down a little, too, but it feels more right.

He shifts himself slightly, in an attempt to be closer still, and Karma clamps down around him with his legs and free arm like a vice.

“There,” he sounds so desperate. “There. Don’t you dare move.”

Nagisa wants to live, so he doesn’t move. Not much at least. He makes his best attempt at a grinding motion, without changing the position of anything else. He feels the shaking in Karma’s legs, and then the equally shaky whining. He really must be pretty sensitive. He only wraps himself tighter.

To be honest, Nagisa’s not sure he actually can move much anymore. Karma’s legs are actually pretty heavy, and they’re weighing down his back like this. It’s not like he has the capacity to care, though. It’s like he can sense every part of it all with him. He experiments a little, finding that slow, circular movements are actually the way to go, so long as he stays nudged up against his prostate like this. A little hard with some of the thrashing, but he tries.  

He lets go of his back with his arm, then, flinging it uselessly somewhere next to them. At least it gives Nagisa a little more room, sacrificing the heat of his body to look at him some more. He’s just so full of awe. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Karma lose it to this extent before, and it strikes him that he loves it. He wants to see this expression on him forever.

He doesn’t just like Karma. He loves him.

At about the same moment, Karma suddenly seizes, almost looking alarmed before his back seems to snap up, and Nagisa feels this spasming around him. Somehow, he gets the message to speed up through it, not particularly fazed by the splash of warm come hitting his stomach. He’s not sure exactly what Karma’s crying out, maybe his name or just something else incomprehensible, but it hits him. That, and with the way his muscles are fluttering around him, make it physically impossible to hold himself back any longer. It’s a miracle he lasted so long in the first place.

He mentally apologies, because he can’t control his hips anymore, essentially driving into him with every ounce of energy he has. Whatever noises he makes get buried into Karma’s neck, and he holds him as tight as he can. Karma seems to let out another whimper at the sensation, as he spills and spills into him until there’s something left.

Then, it’s just the beating of their hearts and the sound of their breathing.

Nagisa feels so sensitive it hurts, but he doesn’t want to pull out of him. Like any sort of separation at this point could kill him. He’s not sure how long it actually is, but he doesn’t really get much of a choice in the matter as he softens and slips out anyway. He’s certainly not moving anywhere, though.

Well, he takes the opportunity to drag himself further up the bed slightly, shifting so he’s not lying directly on top of Karma’s chest, and finally they’re kissing again properly. It feels more necessary than anything else, his hands tight in Karma’s hair and unwilling to let go. In other words, the whole thing turned out marginally better than his original expectation.

There’s a part of him, as he slowly comes back down, that’s aware of the situation. He suddenly feels so tired, like he can’t do anything except sleep, but he knows that’s not how it goes. Karma always checks if he’s okay, after this. He helps him clean up, at least, offers him water… That feels like part of it.

He tries to shift out, but Karma grabs him right back. “No.”

“Shouldn’t we clean up?”

“Don’t care.”

He’s probably going to care, in the morning, but that’s his problem if he doesn’t want to do anything about it. Maybe Nagisa should be firmer. But… thinking about it… if this is what Karma needs right now, he can’t say no to it. Maybe it’s what he needs too. Even if they’re not kissing, he likes the way Karma’s snaked around him, how he keens subtly when he strokes against his arm.

It’s not helping the heaviness of Nagisa’s eyes, though. Every moment he swears that he should do something, at least, Karma just curls into him tighter, and it makes his heart sing. Eventually, he lets them fall closed properly, and Karma’s soft breaths take on the form of a lullaby. There’s not a lot that he thinks could make him move at all at this point.

Not even the subtle seed of dread that takes root in his chest, just moments before he finally falls asleep.

He can’t believe he’s in love with Karma.

How could be so stupid? So blind? So overly confident that he wouldn’t get attached?

That is, even, if he didn’t straight up already feel this way before he even touched him. It feels far less like he fell in love with him, and more like he was just forced to comprehend something that was already deeply buried within him. How long has it even been? A year? Since university? Sometime during 3E? Maybe even before that…

It’s not just a crush. It never was. Catching feelings wouldn’t have been weird. Even if things had gone south, maybe Karma would have spared him. He’s basically his first everything, so it wouldn’t be completely left field. Sure, it would have been awkward when he found out, and maybe he’d find distance between them, but there would have been some hope of getting over it eventually.

There’s no coming back from this, though.

Nagisa’s not sure how long he slept for, only that he woke up only a little before the sunrise. He hasn’t been able to bring himself to move since then, partially because Karma’s half on top of him. The idea of leaving him makes him ache, though. And this has been his only thought the entire morning, this panic growing and growing in his mind.

It’s all his own fault, too. He knew he shouldn’t have kept sleeping with him, when he was even remotely aware that he had any kind of feelings at all. But no, he just went and made it worse for himself. It feels like taking advantage, letting himself pretend and live a reality that wasn’t even there. The worst part about it is this isn’t just about him.

He can never know anything for certain, with Karma, but whether he likes him romantically to some kind of extent or not, he knows that somehow he means a lot to him. Anything he does now is going to end up hurting him too. And again, that’s all Nagisa’s fault, and it’s tearing him to shreds because he loves him.

They have nowhere to go from here, now. And Nagisa even thinks… maybe it’s better to just keep his mouth shut. They can’t keep doing this, but maybe what Karma doesn’t know will only end up hurting him more…

He’s still so tired.

When Karma finally yawns, twisting slightly in a sign of being awake, Nagisa feels like crying. It’s easy enough to freak out beside asleep Karma, who can’t respond much. Awake Karma is a completely different story. And Nagisa’s scared, because there’s every chance that anything he says will destroy his will power.

“Hi,” is all he says, but it still makes Nagisa’s chest feel like it’s exploding.

He takes a moment to clear his throat. “Hi.”

Karma pulls him closer. “What time is it?”

His eyes skirt around the room, looking for something with the time. His phone was left in his coat. To his side, though, on the closest table, he catches a glimpse of Karma’s. He taps the power button, not really needing to unlock it.

“Almost eight,” he says.

Karma groans, pulling the covers over his head. “Too early.”

Despite everything, it makes Nagisa smile. “You still hate mornings.”

“I have to get up so early nowadays,” he complains, “the weekend is the only chance.”

“You can go back to sleep,” he says.

He shakes his head. “I’m awake now,” he twists a little, “and… it feels kind of gross.”

There’s a part of Nagisa that wants to say ‘I told you so’, but he holds it in. There’s another part of him that feels… unsettlingly hot at the thought of him being marked somehow, but he bites it down. Even when he sees the possessive hickeys on his neck. There’s no way he’s hiding that under a shirt, either…

Karma flops back down. “Wanna take a shower?”

Say no. “Sure.”

There’s nothing that bad about just being naked. As long as they don’t do anything sexual. That’s kind of hard, since he’s incredibly attracted to Karma, and Karma’s apparently handsy in the mornings. He rolls out of bed like it’s painful, and Nagisa can’t help but stare. His ass looks even better in the morning light. Nagisa can hardly believe that he was there not so long ago. He can almost feel it still.

No.

No! No no no no no.

“Are you coming?” Karma looks over his shoulder. Who gave him the right to sway his hips like that?

He would, but apparently he’s developed a delayed morning wood. Ugh. He bunches the covers up around him and nods, though he doesn’t truly believe it. Think unsexy thoughts. Do not think about Karma’s ass. Do not think about going anywhere near that ass. He’s not fully sure why, but the ‘least sexy thing’ he can think of is apparently a mental summary of The Minions Movie. Nagisa wasn’t aware he’d even seen that movie, but apparently he has all the key plot beats tucked away somewhere in his brain.

Thankfully, it does the trick, but he’s going to have to be careful.

Eyes above shoulders only.

He steps into the shower, chin raised up. Unfortunately, Karma has a soft smile on his face, and beams as he lathers a handful of shampoo into his hair. His hand feels so nice on his scalp… Think about the minions! The minions! Things start to get weird, when he wonders what Karma would look like as a minion, but that’s about enough to get him through it.

“Do you feel okay?” He gets out. He barely had the chance to check last night.

“Mmm,” Karma hums, and then stretches his arms. Minions! “Sore.”

He almost looks down shyly, but that would go against his shoulders and up plan. “S-sorry.”

“Did I say I was complaining?” He laughs lightly. “It’s been a while.”

The water gets shut off quickly after that, which is good because Nagisa doesn’t have much more he can really say. He does cringe, though, after picking up his clothes from the floor. One major disadvantage to a sleep over is the fact that he has to turn his underwear inside out, and there’s definitely evidence that there was a wet patch the night before. If anything, that’s the ultimate nail in the coffin for the boner situation.

Nagisa feels awful, honestly. He knows he’s acting distant. It’s not fair if he doesn’t actually explain why. But explaining why is potentially worse anyway. He hates this. He doesn’t even know exactly what he’s going to do here. It would be wrong to just lie and go along with everything just like normal, even as just a quick fix. There’s literally no good time to… do whatever he needs to do. Talk?

It’s just going to get worse, the longer it goes on.

He finds himself tucked up awkwardly on the sofa. It makes him feel more like an unwanted guest than anything else, a weird uncomfortable feeling like he shouldn’t be here. But there was no reason to him to sit around and make small talk as Karma dresses himself. He’s decided that, now. Part of the reason he’s in this mess is pretending like everything was just going okay.

“Are you okay?” He hears Karma’s voice, light in tone but failing to hide the concern.

Nagisa can’t even look at him.

How could he even begin to?

This entire thing between them was doomed from the start. But everything he’s done since then… just made it so much worse. But Nagisa can’t… he can’t keep going on like this. He can’t make Karma want the things that he wants. They’re just fundamentally different, and nothing can change that. Karma needs something from him that it’s too painful to give.

Nagisa’s known this for a while, but he’s been stringing it along, selfishly. He’s allowed himself to fantasise, to pretend that this is something it’s not. Nagisa needs labels. He needs the stability, the reasoning, to be able to figure out where he belongs. And Karma… he needs to air to breathe, no matter the level of intimacy surrounding him. Even if he tried to step down to Nagisa’s level, he’d only be suffocating him.

He should have just ended it the first time Karma made it clear they’d never be together. Maybe even before that. Surely there was a point… somewhere… where things were clearly wrong? Where they drifted away from anything resembling friendship? It doesn’t feel as simple as ‘catching feelings’, though. It’s more like those feelings were already there, and got dug up.

When exactly did they stop the whole teaching pretence anyway?

And now Nagisa has to hurt him. He has to hurt him now because it’ll hurt them both even more if this keeps going on. Either way, he’s going to lose Karma. It’s gone too far now to even attempt to salvage. Was any of this even worth it? If he could go back in time, even, and keep him as a friend instead of ever sleeping with him… He’s not sure. It’s not like he’d know what he’d be missing.

Maybe he’s just being dramatic. He doesn’t know any of this. Besides, Karma initiated most of the other stuff. Nagisa’s not wrong in treating this like the arrangement it explicitly was. Karma promised to teach him about sex. Well, he knows everything he really needs to now, doesn’t he? The gaps in his knowledge aren’t ones that require instruction. It’s for the best like this. It’ll only be worse if he digs into the depths of his feelings.

“We should probably end this,” he says.

He can sense a lack of comprehension. “What?”

Nagisa clenches his fist, and forces himself to turn around. He deserves that much at least. “I don’t think there’s anything else you can teach me.”

“Teach you?”

“That’s the point of this, right?” Nagisa tries so hard to mean it. “My health classes were over months ago anyway, but I think I’ve learnt everything I need to by now. T-thanks to you, I have a really good understanding of everything. B-besides,” he swallows down a feeling close to vomit, “I can’t take up any more of your time.”

Karma’s eyes sharpen like daggers. “You’re worried about my time.”

“Partially.” Stay calm. “We both know we can’t just do this forever.”

The silence that weighs between them threatens to choke him. Nagisa wants to take it all back already, but it’s too late now. It doesn’t feel much like the weight off his shoulders at all. If anything, he feels like he’s being crushed. There’s nothing he said, though, that’s not the truth. At the very least he has that.

It’s better to do it like this, he thinks. Telling Karma the extent of how he feels will make it so much more complicated. He’s saving them both more pain like this. If he’d told Karma, he’d have been conflicted, and put in an awkward position. Nagisa can see it pretty clearly at this point; their separation is inevitable either way.

“Oh, so you’re an expert now, huh?”

“I didn’t say that.”

He can practically see Karma’s mind race, as though he’s searching for an argument. Nagisa doesn’t doubt he’ll end up finding one. But that’s because he’s speaking logically, and he thinks that Karma knows it. Even if it’s probably the way he’d want things, Nagisa can’t do it anymore. He can’t keep sleeping around with him and pretending like he doesn’t have a choke hold over his heart.

“Go, then.”

Nagisa wasn’t expecting that. He’d prepared for anything else. “B-“

There’s the anger. “Am I forcing you to be here?”

“No, but-“

“Then leave?” He folds his arms. “If that’s how you want things to be, then that’s how they are. You want to end it? Then it’s done. Why are you still standing here?” 

That’s a pretty explicit way to kick him out. How else did he want Karma to react, anyway? If anything this looks like he’s taking it pretty well. But Nagisa can see through at least that. If he leaves now, then it’s going to just be more pretending. The pretending is what’s suffocating him. He wants it out of him now.

“Well?” Karma raises his voice.

“I-“ Nagisa stares at the floor, and now it’s him who can’t speak properly. “It doesn’t feel right to just leave like this!”

“You’re the one who started it.”

He clenches his fist again. “I didn’t mean it like I just leave and we pretend like this never happened. We… I think we need to talk about it.”

“Funny,” he says with false coolness, “I can’t think of anything I want to talk to you about.”

“Y-you don’t mean that.”

“No?” He takes a step towards him, and Nagisa feels something like fear. “Then what do I mean?”

He’s never felt worse than this. “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

Karma’s eyes narrow. “You said it, right? This is all for your health classes, that aren’t even happening anymore. Why would that hurt me?”

“T-that’s all this ever was,” it slips out of him, barely audible.

“You’ve made that clear,” he says. “Glad to know we’re on the same page then. So, what’s the matter? There’s not much of a difference to our lives, if we stop hooking up for no reason.”

There’s a part of him that thinks Karma’s just lashing out or something, but he can’t even tell. Karma’s usually very obvious about that kind of thing. Maybe… it could be that Nagisa really is imagining this whole thing. It’s Karma, after all. Sometimes he just acts a certain way because he follows his own moral code. It’s perfectly plausible that everything really was just a casual arrangement for him.

“It felt like more than hooking up,” he gets out.

Karma practically has him backed up against the back of the sofa at this point. “Maybe quit it with the mixed messages. You just told me two completely different things.”

“You told me,” he tries, “you said that’s all you ever do. So it can’t be more than that. I-I need to be with someone who does want more.”

Somehow he knows that was the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, so that’s what you want, huh?” Karma looks at him like he’s a cockroach. He laughs humorously. “I get it now, thanks for clearing that up. Can’t be fooling around with me when you need your skills for someone else, right?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I heard you loud and clear, though,” he shrugs. “Do it then. You think I care who you sleep with? As you say, I was only helping you out, right? Then fine. In fact, tell me all about it! Maybe I’ll even cheer you on.”

“Stop it.”

“I’m just repeating what you said you wanted.”

Nagisa regains his stance as confidently as he can. “You’re not even listening to me!”

“I don’t need to.”

He’s close to throwing a punch at him. It takes every ounce of self-restraint to hold himself back, and that’s honestly a bit frightening. He thinks Karma can feel it too, backing away at the hint of his bloodlust. It feels like a chasm opening up between them, and he’s not sure it can be undone now.

It can’t be true. Surely not. Everything… it really meant nothing to him? Or, maybe not nothing, but definitely not how Nagisa felt. The thing is, it was when things started to slide away from their original arrangement that he noticed his feelings. Maybe Nagisa just subconsciously wanted him enough that he’d lied to himself this whole time. It’s horrifically possible.

“Then what do you want?!” Nagisa realises he’s shouting, and it’s strange in his voice. “How am I meant to know, Karma? You’re the one who keeps saying time and time again. You don’t do relationships. I get it. But don’t get mad at me when I try to do things the way you want.”

“When did I ever say this is what I want?!”

“I don’t know,” he gets out, “because you don’t tell me.”

“Like you tell me anything either!”

“I tell you plenty!”

“I don’t even know your original family name,” he says firmly. “It’s impossible to even guess what you’re thinking half the time.”

Nagisa feels unsteady all of a sudden.

“Like you’re any better.”

There’s a lull in their fight, where the weight of everything starts to feel far too heavy. It’s almost like he’s about to choke. A part of Nagisa still really wants to take it all back, but he knows that he had to say this, one way or another. He doubts Karma would have reacted any better than this, anyway.

“I think you’re mistaken,” Karma says cruelly. “According to you, you know more than enough about how I think.”

“Then be honest with me!”

“I have been!”

Really?

 Maybe Nagisa’s being hypocritical. He’s not exactly being honest either. But he doesn’t feel like expressing his feelings, not like this. If Karma’s really being honest, then he doesn’t feel the same way as him. It’s not even about preserving their friendship anymore, it’s something like pride now. As if he has any of that.

Suddenly, they’re twelve again, and Karma’s shooting down his fifth invitation to hang out in a row. The first few texts got a bit of a response, but now Karma’s just ignoring him. Why? Is he mad? Did Nagisa do something? He’s been trying so hard not to mess this up. To be cool, and daring… to be worthy of standing next to Karma. So he approaches him in person, and Karma doesn’t even turn his head to look at him. Can’t, he says, I’m busy with things. Then, how about next week? Of course Nagisa presses, even though he knows he looks desperate. Even though some of their classmates have noticed, and they’re watching him now. Karma glares at him, then, like he’s a corpse. Get the hint. It bites through him, ringing through his ears like a shock. It’s the last time they say even a word to each other, until 3E.

I’m not good enough for him. Nagisa had clung to that thought back then. And, he thought he was over it too. When they had that fight, it was like a catharsis. Nagisa won. Whatever it was between them, he and Karma were equals. Everything had been great, after that. Then… how did he end up back here? Karma wanted to date someone at least once, whether he admitted it directly or not, so then why not him? Why can’t he be enough?

Of course, he supposes, Karma’s not giving him enough.

Nagisa doesn’t get it. This should be what he wants to hear. It’s not like he wanted Karma to be upset, that would be terrible of him. He didn’t want Karma to beg for him to stay and start spouting romantic gestures. So then, why does it feel like he’s dying from the inside out? It’s bitter, and it’s hollow, and it’s too late.

“I guess that’s it.”

And he really means it. This might even be the last time he sees him ever.

“Leave, then.”

“I am.”

There’s a second, there. Just the slight twinge of ease in the air. It’s like they both reconsider at the same time. Is this really what I want? But it passes too soon, and Nagisa’s in the hallway, pulling on his shoes. Karma doesn’t walk him out. Nagisa doesn’t bother looking over his shoulder. All he knows is swinging the door open, and slamming it shut behind him.

Thud.

And now it’s over.

It takes until about two metro stops away from Nagisa’s station for his blood to stop burning. Until just before the turning to his apartment when he realises how fast he’s actually walking, not even stopping to breathe properly. And when he gets home, it’s almost mundane. He locks the door behind him like normal, grabs a glass of water, and strips off yesterday’s clothes before entering the shower.

A voice inside him knows this isn’t quite normal. Not with how frantically he’s scrubbing at himself, turning his skin a reddish pink. But it’s done, then, and he finds himself dressed it neat pyjamas, his hair a little wet still but on its way to dry. That, and the silence. He decides to grab himself another glass of water, taking a sip before he sits down on his bed.  

Why do his eyes feel so sore?

Oh, tears.

Nagisa doesn’t want to cry over him. He really doesn’t. But it looks like it’s happening regardless. This is stupid, isn’t it? All of this is his own fault anyway. He should be relieved, if Karma really never had any kind of feelings for him. At least he doesn’t have to worry about hurting him. But that still feels like a stab to the gut. Nagisa really liked him… Liking people sucks.

Sugino would say “I told you so”. Or, he probably wouldn’t, because he’s too nice of a person to hold something like this over his head. He’d definitely think it, though, and he’d be right.

He takes a deep breath, forces himself to stop. I’m not weak. At least, that’s what he tries to remind himself. Finally, there’s a sense of control, as he soothes his consciousness. It’s flat, then. Unnaturally flat. It’s better than the alternative, though. Better to feel nothing at all, to keep moving forward no matter what.

Eventually, he has to go to school again. Nagisa’s not sure how much time passes until that point. More than anything, he feels like a ghost, just existing until something forces him out. The silence of his phone is painful, too. But what could he expect? This is his doing. And now that he knows the truth, he can’t be anything but thankful he got himself out of it. It’s literally, by definition, not even a break up.

At least, in his one silver lining, Nagisa still knows how to focus. By the time he actually sees his class, everything else just melts away. Who cares about Karma when he has more important things to do? It’s the last week of the school year, anyway. This is a super exciting time, no matter what. He can feel the relief amongst them, now that they have no tests for at least a while.

Admittedly, they’ve begun to bloom like the cherry blossoms outside. Nobody’s fully there yet, but they’re starting to show their skills. He can’t hide his pride over their final scores, at least. The lowest grade anyone has is a B. Actually, on average his class has the highest scores in their year group. That’s all on them, though.

It means he gets to let them have a bit of fun, for the rest of the week. He’s expected to start teaching them some of the content for next year, and of course he does, but there’s nothing wrong with cutting them a little bit of slack! Even if it does mean he has to spend his last afternoon with them dodging wild flurries of spit-balls, as a last ditch attempt to take him out. They all get As in assassination anyway, as far as he’s concerned. He’s so proud. And, actually a little sad when he wishes them a happy break, and good luck for their next year.

“Shiota san,” the head teacher says as he makes his way out into the corridor, “we’ll be heading out in a bit so don’t run off anywhere~”

The celebration.

As much as Nagisa hadn’t felt any kind of particular urge to go, it’s not like he intentionally forgot or tried to avoid it. Celebrations just haven’t exactly been in the forefront of his mind… Though, he supposes it could be a good idea. Now that he has a fairly extended break from school, it could be a decent enough distraction.

“Okay,” he nods. “I’m waiting.”

“But first!” He says, a false smile appearing. “I forgot to mention it, but a reporter wanted to speak to you!”

That rings alarm bells. “Oh, I-“

“Won’t say no,” he says, “because you understand how great an opportunity this is! Perfect! Don’t worry, it’s only a local paper! It’s not like you’re going to end up on NHK or anything!”

It seems like Nagisa doesn’t have a choice, then, as he’s half pushed towards one of the few private offices in the building. He just didn’t want to speak to any reporters. Putting himself in Watanabe’s shoes for a second, it would definitely leave a bitter taste in his mouth if someone was benefiting from a genuine family tragedy. Besides, Karma still did most of the work, and he really doesn’t want to talk about Karma.

“Shiota san!” The reporter has his face in his notebook. “Please, take a seat.”

He does, a little awkwardly. “Um, I don’t think I’m going to have much to say, but-“

The dark head snaps up immediately. “Nagisa?!”

Nagisa blinks slowly, recognition washing over him. “Y-yuuji kun?!”

“Woah,” his jaw drops a little. “Long time no see?”

He can’t tell if this is better or worse. “Y-yeah,” swallows. “I didn’t know you became a journalist?”

“Well,” he scratches the back of his neck, “my food blog was really taking off, you know? And I figured I actually like writing a lot, maybe more about the things that matter? I could have got any job, I guess, but it’s kind of fun to work hard on things. I used my mum’s surname, anyway, and I’m going to work my way up from the bottom.”

Nagisa finds himself smiling. “That’s… really good to hear, actually.”

“This newspaper is pretty shitty, though,” he says honestly. “Like being two weeks behind on this story.”

He flushes. “S-sorry.”

“Maybe you can make it interesting for me,” he jokes, “this is pretty much an exclusive, right?”

This feels like a totally different Yuuji to the one he met in junior high. Whatever small part in that Nagisa might have, he’s glad it happened. Though, that day they met had been a weird time overall. It’s not every day you have to fight several professional assassins in order to save your classmates from… a moderate case of food poisoning.  

“Okay,” Yuuji clears his throat. “I won’t ask you to run me through the events or anything. But, how did you feel when that student called you?”

He swallows. “Well… I just felt scared, and like I had to do something right away. She chose to trust me, so I knew I had to do my best.”

Yuuji hums. “Some of the reactions to this story have been critical about a teacher giving their phone number to a student. What do you think about that?”

It’s dumb. “I think… people would criticise a lot of the ways I teach.”

“Oh,” Yuuji leans forward, “go on? Actually, from what others have said about you, and your results, it seems pretty successful.”

“It’s nothing much,” he says. “I just like to find unique ways to motivate my students. As much as some people can just sit in a classroom and absorb information… that doesn’t always work for everyone.” The fact that Nagisa’s meant to be answering an actual question begins to escape him, as his urge to get his thoughts out takes over for once. “Every year, I think we expect more and more out of our students. We get so preoccupied with preparing everyone for the future that we forget that they’re just children. When you try and cram too much into their heads at once, they’ll never actually remember it all. Exams are important, but they’re a means to an end, from their perspective. When they have a common goal they can all understand and work towards, they end up working harder and taking in more at the same time. That kind of blood lust… it’s useful.”

“Blood… lust?”

“In a healthy way, of course,” he insists. “It’s not like I encourage violence. But, it’s just human instinct at the end of the day, and you can’t really drive that away completely. So, I let them work on ‘assassinating’ me – not with anything that could really harm anyone of course! But even if it’s just trying to hit me with a toy sword or something, most students really rise to the challenge.”

When Nagisa pauses for a second, he realises Yuuji’s frantically writing.

“So,” he grasps his pen, “you tell you students to act like they want to kill you and that actually improves their grades? That’s… original?”

He shifts awkwardly. “It’s not like I invented it. But it’s how my favourite teacher taught my class, and I remember those days the most… Of course it isn’t the only thing students need to improve their grades. But it gives them the drive they need to take exams seriously, along with the teamwork. It seems ironic, but the more they try to ‘kill’ me, the more they trust me, I think. They’re more open, too. Children need someone they can depend on, and when that’s not their parents, a teacher can be a really great option, as the adult they probably see the most.”

Yuuji nods, and sets his pen down. “Thank you so much for your time.”

Huh? “B-but,” he protests, “I didn’t really talk about anything that happened.”

Yuuji just grins. “Don’t sweat it. This is going to be a much better story.”

“What story? I was just rambling-“

He starts to pick up his things. “Like I said, it’s much better. But I’m going to have to research some things!”

Seems like he’s defeated. “Okay.”

Yuuji smiles again. “You look really different with short hair, by the way. I definitely couldn’t get you mixed up anymore.”

That makes Nagisa beam, admittedly. Just a little. “You look different too. More… grown up?”

“Maybe because I ditched the caps?” He moves to open the door, holding it open. “Anyway, maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Sure,” he says, “I’d like that.”

Unfortunately, though, Nagisa doesn’t have much time at all to dwell on the unintentional reunion.

At least the chosen izakaya isn’t far from the school building, although it feels a little weird to be walking there in a group like this. It seems it’s just the regular location, since every other event had also been there. He doesn’t dislike it, though, even if it’s not somewhere he’s consider going to otherwise.

The staff greet them all warmly, leading them off to the private room they’d booked for the function. It’s decently sized, and relatively traditional with its tatami floor and long table. Nagisa’s not sure how traditional the rest of the place is, though, considering they keep offering ever changing pop idol ‘inspired’ highballs.

“You should sit over here,” his boss says to him, “not only for your heroism, but your classes’ exam results. Don’t worry,” he winks, “it’s tradition for our top scorer.”

Nagisa still can’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable. His co-workers look at him as he attempts to skirt around the rest of the room, traversing from the position closest to the door he’d naturally drifted towards as the most junior one there, to the seat next to the headmaster on the other side. It’s not like the school’s huge, but the people around him definitely aren’t the teachers he’s spoken much to before.

“So, Shiota kun,” the man opposite him begins, who Nagisa thinks has a few extra roles aside from teaching. “I can’t help but say I’m surprised we haven’t spoken much before.”

He laughs, feeling the awkwardness. “I haven’t been able to come to many of these events.”

“We’re glad you’re here now,” the head teacher smiles.

Honestly, Nagisa isn’t. It’s not like he has a problem making conversation usually, but he’s really not in the mood for small talk with mostly strangers. He feels even more displaced like this, anyway, so it’s like an extra layer of discomfort. A small voice in the back of his head tells him it’s a bad idea, but he ends up ordering a stronger drink than he usually would, like that’ll make things easier.

It goes down like acid, but he kind of likes the burn in this context. At least holding a conversation is easier, and even enjoyable by the second drink. In fact, judging from the air in the room, everyone’s having a significantly better time. Nagisa finds himself laughing at their anecdotes, adding a comment of his own here or there. It’s the first time he hasn’t felt this weight on his chest in what feels like forever.

It turns out quite a few of them have families and other responsibilities to go back to, though, so the party gets smaller and smaller. Nagisa can’t think of much of a reason to leave himself, though. It’s warm here, plus he has drink left. Even if he’s not exactly picking up the cup, more leaning over it and licking at the liquid with his tongue…

One of the other first year teachers laughs. “You really need more to drink, Shiota?”

“Huh?”

Inoue clears his throat. “I don’t know, I think maybe everyone’s done at this point?”

There are a couple of groans around the room, but people start to stand up and move. Nagisa finds it funny, for some reason. He can’t quite remember how to stand? It’s like his limbs aren’t connected to the right mental signals. And, hey, how long has the room been spinning? He wants nothing more than to slam his head down on the table and go to sleep.

“Hey… Shiota kun?” Someone says.

“Present,” Nagisa mumbles.

“Aw, he thinks it’s roll call! How cute!”

“Is he okay?”

“Maybe we should just buy him another drink?”

The only voice Nagisa really recognises is Inoue’s. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere like this. I’ll take him, make sure he actually makes it to his train in one piece.”

Nagisa sticks up his hand in defiance. “’m fine!”

“…Like I said,” Inoue continues, “get home safe, everyone!”

He feels himself being shaken by a hand, and as much as he wants to bat him away, it feels nice in a way he can’t explain. Even warmer… Despite the shaking, it makes him even more determined to get some sleep.

“Hey, Shiota kun, you can nap in a little bit, hm?”

“Ugh,” he complains, but he lets himself get pulled to his feet. Standing feels a lot harder than it should, and he ends up leaning on Inoue for physical support. “Hi.”

He laughs. “Hi, you feeling good?”

Nagisa’s head hangs. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Inoue waves him off. “It’s good to see you have fun. Though… maybe you overdid it a little?”

“Hmph.”

His smile extends across his face. “C’mon, lets get you some fresh air.”

Outside is a lot colder, much to Nagisa’s dismay, hitting his face like a brick. He’d like to wrap his arms around himself and curl up, but he’s pretty much hanging onto Inoue like a crutch at this point. Faintly, he recognises this is pretty embarrassing, the high mostly over now. He can’t bring himself to care too much, though.

“Hey, Shiota kun, I think we should probably get some water? I can’t leave you when you can’t even walk.”

Maybe Nagisa nods, or maybe he doesn’t, but they end up next to a vending machine regardless. The bright lights make him squint, making him want to hiss and hide away. At least the water tastes good, soothing his throat after Inoue hands it to him. He chugs it like he’s on some kind of mission, sighing when he’s finished with the whole bottle.

“Okay, that was almost impressive.”

“Throat exercises.”

“Huh?”

He scoffs. “Don’t worry about it.” Then his face falls. “I really need to pee.”

“Well yeah, considering how you just chugged that.”

Motivated by his bladder, he squats, thinking about it for a moment before his hand goes to unzip his fly.

“Wait no-“ Inoue sounds panicked. “You can’t just- you’re in public, remember?”

Oh, yeah.

He falls back into a sit with a small thud, and manages to find that funny. He was really going to pee on some street corner. He could have been arrested. How did he end up in this mess, again? Honestly, this is hilarious.

Inoue’s laughing too, at least. “I can’t believe you almost just did that.”

“I still need to go though.”

His face drops for a second. “Right, yeah, there’s a toilet close to here I think.”

Thankfully, it is pretty close. Nagisa manages to stumble his way in unaided, even if it takes pretty much all of his concentration to not fall head first into the urinal. He feels a lot better, though, just a little stabler as he washes his hands. He splashes his face with the water, too, realising just how much of a mess he looks – if his reflection’s anything to go by.

“Shiota kun,” Inoue greets him with a smile. “You made it in one piece!”

“Please just call me Nagisa,” he says suddenly. “I really hate my family name.”

Inoue blinks. “Huh. Really? How come you never brought it up before?”

He shrugs.

“Well,” he says, “if it makes you more comfortable. But you should use my first name too, otherwise it’s just weird.”

“Tsukasa… kun?”

He nods. “I think I like the sound of that.”

“It’s probably right,” he thinks, “since I almost just peed in front of you.”

“Oh, so that’s the standard is it?”

Nagisa finds himself thinking about it. “It’s better than getting into a fist fight.”

Inoue – Tsukasa, laughs again. “I don’t think I’d stand much of a chance, so please spare me.”

Something hits Nagisa, then, so hard that he finds himself clutching at the wall for support. Karma’s the last thing he wants to think about. But once the thought’s there… he can’t get rid of it. It grows and grows, like a virus. Then, all at once, it’s like he’s feeling every emotion at once and he can’t control it. It just bursts out of him, and with so much overwhelm he realises he’s crying – pretty openly too.

“Hey, uh,” Tsukasa says, “if it really means that much I did a bit of karate back in Middle School!”

Somehow that just makes it worse. “You’d let me fight you because I’m sad?”

“Yes?”

He lets out an especially ugly sob. “You’re so nice.”

Tsukasa taps him awkwardly on the arm like he’s attempting to comfort him. “I don’t know if you’re just really drunk right now, but it sounds like you’re going through something. I just want you to know… if you need to talk about it, I’ll definitely listen.”

“This literally isn’t even fair!”

“What isn’t fair?”

“You’re-“ Nagisa waves his arms to gesture what he can’t quite verbalise. “Look at me! I’m inconveniencing you! I’m a mess! I’m crying! And! And!” He feels like screaming. “You’re still being so nice!”

Tsukasa has the nerve to look amused. “It’s a karma thing, I guess?”

A chill goes through his bones. “Karma is not nice.”

“Huh?”

“In fact,” he clears his throat. “He’s an asshole! I hate him!”  

“I think you’re scaring the birds, Nagisa kun.”

He scowls. “Who does he think he is, anyway? He spent so long lying.”

Tsukasa looks confused for the moment, before his features finally relax. “Ah, I get it now. So you’re going through a break up?”

“Not a break up,” he folds his arms. “I don’t care, anyway.” Suddenly, a great idea strikes through to him. “I should text him! Right now! Just to tell him how much I don’t care.”

“Woah woah,” he gently holds a hand to Nagisa’s wrist, before he can tug his phone out of his pocket. “Look, you shouldn’t text your ex when you’re like this. Trust me, I did that in university once and her cousin ended up threatening me with a replica katana.”

“He’s not even my ex,” he mutters.

Tsukasa sighs. “Whatever the case, don’t do something you might regret.”

It’s enough to make him hesitate. “This sucks.”

“Yeah, I get it. It does suck. But, hey, if it helps… It’s better to talk about these things than keep them all up in your head. You’ll never deal with it otherwise.”

“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

He laughs again. “Way to make me sound like some kind of serial dater.”

“S-sorry!”

“Don’t be,” he says. “How are you feeling right now?”

“I’m mad,” Nagisa realises. “I’m never mad.”

“Admittedly,” Tsukasa says, “I can’t picture you angry, not easily anyway. You’re kind of like sunshine.”

He looks down. “Most think I’m the opposite.”

Nagisa’s never really minded his reputation. At first, he found the whole blood-lust thing confusing to handle, but it turned out to be really useful. Useful… for assassination, at least. This is a completely different field. Despite Bitch Sensei’s extensive lessons, he’s not sure how good this kind of natural skill is for things like relationships. If anything, it’s actively making it worse. But nobody’s ever told him he radiates positive energy.

He knows how much Karma doesn’t like it.

“What’s wrong with me?” He lets it out like a whisper. “Why can’t I be enough?”

Tsukasa swallows, his voice neutral with a hint of restraint. “If someone really made you feel like that, then they’re not worth it.”

“But-“

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re attractive, and smart, and really easy to talk to. Those are like, three super important qualities right away, and I knew those things about you in maybe five seconds? So someone who’s lucky enough to date you… If they don’t appreciate that, then they probably don’t deserve you.”

Nagisa stares at him blankly for a moment, much of what was actually on his mind slipping away. He doesn’t know how to take compliments, at least not well. And that was rapid fire. He can’t make excuses for everything! Not on the spot like this. It almost makes him want to cry even harder again. Nobody’s ever told him something like this… and he wants so badly to believe him.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he ends up wrapping his arms around Tsukasa, uncaring that he definitely didn’t sign up for this.

“You can’t mean that.”

Surprisingly, he hugs him back, though it seems more like he’s steadying him. “Pinky swear?”

“There’s no way you’d date me,” he insists.

“Why not?”

Nagisa pulls back a little. “All of this.”

“I don’t know, I’ve definitely had worse nights.”

He gulps, looking at him. Is he being serious? Nobody’s ever said they’d date him before. If he’s really telling the truth here… It’s not like he has anything left to lose at this point. Nagisa finds himself leaning towards him, a certain determination flooding him. And his heart quickens when Tsukasa does the same, and then he can feel his warm breath on his face-

“Nagisa,” he says, “you’re drunk.”

“Mhm.” His eyes fall closed. He’s missed being held like this.

“And it sounds like you’re still dealing with this break up.”

“Maybe.”

Tsuakasa sighs, and puts distance between them. “So, it’s probably not the best idea right now.”

He finds himself feeling unsteady all over again. “Right now?”

He winces. “Let’s see how you feel when you’re sober. But- if this is still what you want, then I’d like nothing more than to take you out. Here,” he extends out his palm. “I’ll exchange contacts with you. Okay?”

“Yeah, alright.”

Finally, he smiles again, imputing his number as easy as breeze. “Now let’s go get that train.”

There’s a lot that Nagisa regrets.

Considering he spent his morning with his head hanging over the toilet, it’s safe to say his liver regrets it too.

Once he’s managed to keep water, and painkillers for the headache, down though, that’s when he starts to regret everything else. If he’d just said some embarrassing things, he’d eventually get over it. But, unless he’s mistaken, he just agreed to a date with his co-worker. Or, kind of agreed to it? The details are a little fuzzy.

They almost kissed.

It’s stupid, but Nagisa feels guilty about it. He has no reason to, though. It’s not like he was dating Karma, not like he owes him anything, least of all loyalty. Especially loyalty. Didn’t Karma say he wanted him to date a bunch of people, anyway? Maybe it’s just the hangover he’s feeling.

If there’s one person in the world Nagisa should never take dating advice from, it’s Maehara, but he can’t help remember something he said to him once, when he asked about how he went through girls so quickly. Rebounds: they’re the best way to heal the heart. It sounds stupid, even now, but he knows it is a thing.

To Google?

Unfortunately, when Nagisa opens his phone, he finds a brand new LINE contact, and a message alongside it. Right. The memories are flooding back to him.

Inoue Tsuka: Hey! (^０^)ノ

Inoue Tsuka: Hope you’re not feeling too bad this morning! Make sure you get some water! Try and eat a banana if you can, it should be easy on the stomach and give you a boost of energy! (o˘◡˘o)

Inoue Tsuka: Sorry for the teacher rant, haha. By the way, let me know if you haven’t changed your mind! (^_<)〜☆

The conflict stirring internally almost makes Nagisa angry. He doesn’t even know how he feels about any of this. He should know? As he wipes his face off, satisfied that nothing else from his stomach is going to make an appearance, he tries his best to think. Does he really want to go on a date with him?

Inoue… or maybe he should think of him by his given name now… Tsukasa’s definitely a nice guy. Nagisa’s just never even considered it for a second. Nobody’s ever… asked him out before. How’s he even meant to react at a time like this? Has he liked him for a long time? Or… maybe this is just opportunistic? Honestly, it makes Nagisa feel a little weird. Why would someone like him?

He’s a good person, Nagisa reminds himself. The real question should be why wouldn’t he go on a date with him? He’s nice. At the very least, conventionally attractive. Most of all, he actually asked Nagisa out directly. That’s… refreshing. Even if he still doesn’t quite know how to handle it… He needs to say something, though.

Nagisa: Sure.

Nagisa: I mean, I haven’t.

He closes the app again, almost afraid to read his response. He’s still really embarrassed about trying to kiss him. He has no clue why he did it. Maybe it was literally just the alcohol, but still.

Abandoning the phone entirely, he decides he may as well take a shower. Though, it takes more effort than he realised to not just get lost in thought. He just doesn’t know how to handle anything remotely like… this. Not that the spray of water helps him as much as he’d wish, though.

One of the worst things about not having work, especially at a time like this, is there’s basically nothing for him to do. Nothing for him to want to do. Nagisa’s probably read the files on his students for next year ten times already. He’s not good at just doing nothing even at the best of times, let alone when he actively wants to take his mind of things.

He even finishes Pride and Prejudice.

Honestly, though, he’s just annoyed. This is so unrealistic. Happy endings don’t happen. It would have been a much better book, in fact, if they’d just stayed far apart. At least it would have subverted expectations or something. He’s pretty sure he can’t ever share this opinion, though, otherwise Nakamura might legitimately murder him.

Although it feels like the days are seriously dragging out, the day of the agreed date (following just a few more messages of agreement) approaches as quickly as blinking. And the day itself, too, fades away somewhere in the midst of him spiralling over and over in his mind about everything. To the point he almost decides to try and get out of it at least three times.

This is his first actual, nobody doubts it, date date. And despite everything, he’s convinced he’s going to mess it up somehow.

It’s taken most of his mental capacity to even settle on an outfit that doesn’t look terrible. He knows he shouldn’t care, really, but he should aim to make some sort of impression, right? Not that Nagisa could ever fool anyone into thinking he’s cool or fashionable… passable, though, he should be able to manage that at the very least. At least it’s raining? He can cover it up with a coat, for the most part, and it’s hard to hate on a coat…

Weirdly, the only thing that interrupts his thought is a knock at his door. And it’s not like Nagisa gets visitors ever.

“Nagisa.”

It’s like every part of him freezes up all at once. It’s like meeting eyes with a ghost. Or, well, an alarmingly dishevelled looking Karma. But it feels like a ghost all the same. What’s he doing here? And, why is he just wearing a t-shirt? It’s cold, and it’s not like it’s light rain. Did something bad happen to him?

But then Nagisa reminds himself about everything else that happened, and his sympathy vanishes.

“What are you doing here?”

Karma stands up straighter, peeling his wet hair out of his eyes. “I just… came.”

That’s hardly an answer?! Nagisa really doesn’t want to, but he’s not inhumane. At the very least, he doesn’t want to just slam the door in his face, but he can’t just leave him standing out there like that either? He thinks it over for a moment, but at least steps aside, giving him the minimum permission he can to enter.

Even if he’s now dripping rainwater all over his floor.

“Well?” He prompts, arms folded after Karma does nothing except stare at him for a disconcerting period of time.

He shakes his head, almost like a wet dog. “I didn’t actually get that far…”

“What?”

And then they go right back to the silence again. Well, Karma shouldn’t complain about Nagisa assuming what he means sometimes! What else is he meant to do? When Karma literally won’t even speak he needs to fill the silence somehow. How much longer does he need? Why did he just randomly drop in without any kind of warning?

“Look,” he says firmly, “I don’t have time for this right now.”

Suddenly Karma looks defiant. “Then make some.”

“Did you ever consider I might just have plans?”

“Why,” he tilts his head, “you have a hot date or something?”

“…”

“…Do you?”

It was clearly meant to be a joke, based on his tone, but the follow up question is sharp, and the mood has definitely changed. Well… what right does he actually have to be mad? Karma essentially instructed him to go out with someone else. He’s the one who kept telling him to leave! Nagisa doesn’t owe him anything here, especially if he just shows up like this.

“That’s none of your business.”

Somehow, Nagisa knows it’s not the best thing to say, but he can’t bring himself to feel that bad about it.

Karma glares at him. “No kidding.”

The thing is, Nagisa really doesn’t want to let him pick his way into a fight, but he’s nearly ready to boil over at this point. Who does Karma even think he is, anyway? What was the point of even coming here? One last chance.

“Why are you here, Karma?”

His gaze hardens. “I don’t know.”

That’s not a good enough answer, and they both know it. Nagisa’s about to blow his lid in frustration. “You clearly had something to say.”

“Maybe I did,” he says, before turning. “But I don’t anymore. Looks like I made a mistake.”

He’s about to leave?!

“Wait,” Nagisa says, with about as much authority as he can muster.

Admittedly, he’s a little surprised when Karma actually does pause. Maybe out of curiosity? Nagisa’s not sure, but he’s not going to push his luck. He’s already on limited time. It’s just… he can’t just send him back outside like that. Nagisa digs around in his wardrobe for a second, finally finding the jumper he’d borrowed from Karma that one time he got all his clothes wet. He’d been meaning to give it back before, but it’s comfy…

“It’s cold outside,” he offers it out, “and I’ve had this for ages. Don’t make yourself sick.”

“Right,” he takes it, yanking it violently out of his hands. “Can’t have anyone else’s things around, huh?”

He’s picking again, but Nagisa’s too annoyed to just ignore it. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m ridiculous? This,” he gestures, “isn’t you.”

“You literally just showed up here,” he starts. “Without warning. With nothing to say? And now you’re mad at me for doing the thing you explicitly told me to do?”

He’s surprised even at himself.

Karma half gapes at him, before turning. “Fine, I’m out.”

“Fine.”

Maybe it’s the teacher in him, but he’s even more frustrated at the way he purposely slams the door. He has half a mind to go out there and make him come back to close it properly. What even was that anyway, huh? Karma has no right to be comment on his life anymore. None! He’s the one who said everything between them was meaningless to him, anyway. Why does he even care what Nagisa does? And why just show up here?

Unfortunately, Nagisa wasn’t making up the whole date thing, and he actually does have to go to it.

Perhaps this kind of thing would have been considered a mood killer, but if anything it makes him even more determined. He’s going to go out and have a great time! Because he has the right to. He doesn’t need nor care about Karma’s approval. And… Well, Tsukasa doesn’t seem like the type to just show up in places and act like that. Maybe Nagisa needs that kind of energy in his life!

Admittedly, he slams the door too, but he has an excuse. Mainly, the small keyring Karma won for him at the arcade. It’s cute, and he’s used to it bringing at least a small smile to his face. It’s a nice morning memory. But right now, its face is taunting him. He ends up yanking it off, though he doesn’t have the heart to do more than push it (violently) through his letter box.

Dumb little panda keyring.

It helps him cool off a little bit, at least, and by the time he’s on the train he feels more level-headed. And least he’s not anxious anymore? He’s a lot of things, for sure, but definitely not that.  This is going to be fine, anyway. Worst comes to worst, it can still be fun to hang out with someone, and he’s been home for days already.

At least by the time the train arrives in Ikebukuro station, he figures he looks calm enough. There’s only so calm he can appear, after the mayhem of that station, but he makes it outside at least. The area directly in front of the station is unusually open, so it’s a convenient place to meet with someone. It doesn’t take long to find him, at least.

“Hi!” Nagisa says, possibly a bit too loudly.

Oh no. What does he do? What’s the procedure? Does he have to hug him or something? How do people commence a date normally?!?!

Tsukasa smiles. “Hey, you made it.”

All he can do is nod like a crazy person. “Just about.”

“It’s not far from here,” he says, “should we walk?”