There’s a certain way people look at you.
Some showing care, some showing disgust. So many different possibilities.
Sometimes the look affects you, for better or for worse is up to you. How it impacts your life is totally your doing, because you control your emotions, right?
But it’s the way that someone stares at you like you’re the only thing in the world that matters, that is the look everyone is searching for. It exists somewhere, some people just have a harder time finding it. But, when you do find that person it’s such a relief, knowing that someone loves you no matter what. That this is the moment your whole life has been leading up to, that you took the right steps in life to get where you are.
That you have finally found the person that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and not regret a single second of it.
It’s a lie though.
This whole thing is a lie.
No one cares.
Why would they care?
You’re so unlikeable.
Like a speck that someone can’t seem to get rid of.
It’s your fault for being this way.
Your fault.
Always your fault.
No denying that.
Always
Your
Fault
A burden to the world, how can you live with yourself? You just take up space, better off without you here.
No one would miss you.
No one.
-
-
Eunwoo is the kind of person who always smiles. No matter what happens, there’s always a smile on his face even if he’s screaming in his head.
But that’s all a façade, right? There’s no way someone can be like that 24/7.
Eunwoo would tell you that you’re wrong. But on the inside he couldn’t agree more.
He’s truly unhappy with his life, hasn’t amounted to anything, lives in a small apartment, has a mediocre job with minimum wage. Is wasting his money on college.
Who would hire him, anyways? He thinks to himself. Which is a question he’s been asking himself recently. If he doesn’t care, then who will?
It doesn’t stop there, though. No. Eunwoo has to make it harder on himself, because if he doesn’t then how will he get anywhere? You have to work through the hardships in order to become successful, right? That’s why he isn’t getting anywhere, because he has it too easy.
Way too easy.
Always too easy. Taking the easy route every. single. time.
It’s been worse lately, he’s been realizing a lot more than usual. Which, of course, every thought that comes to his head is true, but he doesn’t want it to be.
Jinwoo tells him to relax.
Eunwoo says he can’t.
Jinwoo asks why.
Eunwoo says he doesn’t know.
Jinwoo asks how he can help.
Eunwoo says he can’t.
And finally, finally, Jinwoo leaves it alone. What Eunwoo has been hoping for the whole time. He doesn’t want to burden Jinwoo with his stupid problems, even if he said he can come to him for everything. Everyone knows that when someone says that, they don’t truly mean it. Why would they?
He’s known Jinwoo for most of his life yet he still can’t let him in. He’s tried, it just doesn’t work. The thought in his head telling him that no, Jinwoo can’t be burdened with this, you need to help him instead.
So, he always steers it away.
Jinwoo questioned it for the first time in high school and quickly learned that there’s no getting around it. He learned to deal with it and that was the first time Eunwoo was truly thankful.
It’s a quiet night, Eunwoo has just gotten back from his shift.
He’s tired and wants to sleep.
Sleep is always what he wants.
Sleep is his best friend.
When Eunwoo opens the door, he finds Jinwoo sitting on the couch. The television in front of him isn’t on and it looks like he’s been staring at the door for some time now. Eunwoo feels bad that he had to make him wait.
“Eunwoo,” Jinwoo says, standing with a smile. “How was work?”
Eunwoo shrugs off his jacket and holds it in his hands. “Okay, I guess. Just work.” He doesn’t know why Jinwoo is interested in things like these, but he always asks. Eunwoo thinks he should stop since he probably doesn’t actually care anyways.
“Nothing interesting?”
“Nope.”
It’s silent for a few moments, Eunwoo can tell Jinwoo wants to say something else, opening and closing his mouth and shuffling his feet on the floor.
“What’s up?”
Jinwoo snaps his head up, Eunwoo feels bad for putting him on the spot. “There’s a party. Rocky’s throwing it and he said I could bring you.”
Rocky, also known as Minhyuk, is Jinwoo’s friend. Best friend probably. “Why would he want me there? He barely knows me.”
“Believe it or not, he actually wants to get to know you.”
“But why?”
Jinwoo sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Because some people actually want to be your friend, Eunwoo. They don’t really need a reason behind it. Just wanting to be friends is reason enough.”
“But why?” Eunwoo asks again, moving across the small living space to his bedroom, throwing his jacket on his bed and starting to change out of his work clothes. He pulls out a pair of pajama pants and an old shirt.
“Don’t tell me that’s what you’re wearing.” Jinwoo says, appearing in the doorway.
“It’s normal to wear pajamas to sleep, right?” He responds, folding the shirt he had just taken off.
“You’re not going to bed, though. You’re going to this party.”
Eunwoo looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware that I’m going.”
“Look. We’re almost done with school, and every time I’ve tried to get you to do something you’ve come up with some bullshit excuse and I’ve let it slide every time. I’m not letting it go anymore.” He crosses his arms and Eunwoo feels bad for making him angry.
“I don’t make up excuses. I just don’t see why people would want to hang out with me. I don’t want to waste their time, so why go?”
“Believe it or not, Eunwoo,” Jinwoo steps forward, taking the pajamas out of Eunwoo’s grasp and pushing him back, putting the clothing back in his dresser and digging through the other contents. “Some people genuinely want to be friends with you. I know you don’t believe it, but give it a chance. I can’t be your only friend forever.”
“You didn’t have to be my friend in the first place.” Eunwoo mumbles, feeling more exposed than ever. He tries to cover up his bare chest, just watching as Jinwoo makes a mess of his well-organized dresser.
“But I want to, that’s the thing. And other people want to, too, but you just push them away.”
“Because I know if they get to know me then they’ll rethink their decision.”
“I didn’t.”
“You’re different.”
“How?”
“Because we’ve known each other forever.”
Jinwoo sighs and turns to look at Eunwoo. He throws a shirt at him. “Just try it, please. Do it for me. It’ll make me happy. Plus, Rocky is the only one I know there and I know that I won’t be able to cling to his side the entire time. I need someone else there and I want you to be that someone.”
Eunwoo has just finished putting on the shirt when Jinwoo throws a pair of skinny jeans at him as well. “Fine. I’ll go for you.”
“Good.”
Eunwoo still doesn’t like the thought of going to a party. Like, what if he ruins it? What if he somehow manages to shut off the power to the entire building? What if people think he’s weird.
He’s just doing this for Jinwoo.
He would never do it for himself, that would just be selfish.
-
-
Jinwoo holds his wrist tightly the entire walk there, as if to make sure Eunwoo doesn’t run away.
Which, yeah, he wants to, but why would he make Jinwoo go through that?
As soon as they enter the building, Eunwoo can hear the music and he feels a ball of anxiety starting to form in his stomach. This isn’t an uncommon feeling, but Eunwoo has never experienced it because he’s about to enter a party. Because he’s never been to a party. Because he’s never wanted to go to a party. And now he’s being forced too, it just feels all wrong. He doesn’t want to be here so why is he here. Just taking up more space than he should. He doesn’t need to be there. He’s never needed.
“We’re almost there.” Jinwoo says, grip somehow tightening as they walk to the elevator.
The elevator starts too fast for Eunwoo’s liking. Making the ball of anxiety develop even faster. He can feel his heartbeat in his throat.
The elevator stops on the fifth floor and the music is tremendously louder, Eunwoo wants to cover his ears but one hand isn’t very effective and Jinwoo has his other one. The door to the apartment is already open with people wandering in and out, some holding red cups, some holding other people. He’s amazed at how many are just standing in the hallway. Eunwoo finds himself wanting to join them.
However, he is dragged inside the apartment to be greeted with even louder music and he can barely hear himself think.
Which probably isn’t a bad thing considering that his thoughts are what ruins his life, but that’s not the point because the sound just makes him even more anxious and he can now feel his heartbeat in his eyes, vision throbbing.
“JINJIN!” A yell, somehow louder than the music, greets them when they’re not even ten steps inside. He recognizes the person as Minhyuk. He’s holding a red cup and hair is messed up, but messed up like he did it on purpose. He’s wearing a huge grin and a sleeveless shirt that Eunwoo things looks kind of silly but also good at the same time.
“ROCKY!” Jinwoo yells back, finally letting go of Eunwoo’s wrist in order to hug the other. They seem happy.
“Hi, Eunwoo!” Minhyuk says a little quieter after letting go of Jinwoo. He holds out a hand in order to do a ‘bro hug’ but Eunwoo just shakes it instead. Minhyuk frowns at the action and Eunwoo immediately regrets his decision, but it’s too late to do it now.
He nods his greeting and Minhyuk then turns away from him, turning all of his attention to Jinwoo and excitedly talking to him. Eunwoo immediately feels unwelcomed.
Before he knows it, Jinwoo is being led away, he’s looking back at Eunwoo apologetically but Eunwoo can’t say anything, he doesn’t want to be rude.
Immediately, he feels isolated.
Completely alone in a room full of people.
What was the point of coming? He thinks to himself. It was for Jinwoo, but now he’s not here so why are you?
He runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, trying to control everything he’s feeling.
“HEY!” Someone rudely interrupts. Eunwoo doesn’t even realize they’re talking to him until the person is right in his face. He’s wearing a backwards baseball cap. A trend that Eunwoo has never really understood. He doesn’t know the person, but he’s standing in front of him, giant smile on his face, like he’s happy to see him. Like they’re friends and not complete strangers. He supposes the guy could just be mistaking him for someone.
Eunwoo peers behind himself, seeing if someone else was there and that he was just in this guy’s way. He points to himself, questioned look on his face.
“Yes you!” The guy laughs. “What’s your name?”
A million scenarios flow through Eunwoo’s mind. Why does this guy care who he is? Why does he want to know? Did someone set him up to this and it’s going to end up being some horrible prank. He frowns. “Why do you care?”
The guy shrugs. “You looked lost.” Before Eunwoo could respond, he’s speaking again. “Plus my friend ditched me so I’m kind of alone right now.”
“Oh,” Eunwoo licks his lips, trying to think of something decent to say. “My friend ditched me, too.”
“Aha! So we can be ditch buddies!” Before Eunwoo can say anything, the guy is linking their arms together and pulling Eunwoo away. He doesn’t feel the need to tear away, because he doesn’t want to upset this new acquaintance. He still doesn’t fully understand why he picked Eunwoo of all people to talk to. It’s not like he particularly stands out, more of a wallflower that observes. That observes and tries not to get in the way even if it’s requested because who would truly want him in their lives?
When his arm is finally released, the spot they’re in is tremendously more quiet and Eunwoo is thankful for that. It doesn’t feel like he’s going to go deaf anymore.
“So, what’s your name?” The question is repeated. Eunwoo frowns at it and then the guy does as well. “You okay?”
Right, right he can’t make this guy think that something’s wrong. Then he would ask about it, which he probably doesn’t actually care and is only doing it to be polite. It’s what everyone does, why would this guy be special? So, Eunwoo puts on his smile, the smile he wears practically everywhere like that one article of clothing that’s so old that people question why you still use it. And the answer is simply: I don’t feel like I can get rid of it. The smile is a part of him, it’s not genuine, it’s not special, he uses it because he can’t get rid of it.
“Yeah, fine,” He responds. “I’m Eunwoo.”
“YOU’RE EUNWOO?!” He yells, excitement crossing through his expression. “Wow, Jinjin talks about you all the time! You’re like a legend, I can’t believe I’m just meeting you now!”
“Jinwoo talks about me?” But why? Maybe it’s just to complain about how much of a brute he is, how much he can’t believe that he’s somehow stuck being friends with a total waste of space. But then why would this person be so excited about it?
“Yeah! He always talks about how great of a friend you are and how selfless you are. It’s so nice, I want to be like you.”
Why would anyone want to be like me? He thinks. Selfless? He hadn’t even asked the guy his name, how is that selfless? “What’s your name?” He steers the conversation back to the guy.
“Oh! I’m Moon Bin, you can call me Bin!” He seems proud, like introducing himself should earn him a metal.
“Bin.” Eunwoo repeats, making sure he memorizes the name immediately. Forgetting someone’s name is troublesome to both him and the person. Not to mention it would disappoint them and why would Eunwoo want someone to be more disappointed in him than they already are?
“Jinjin says you’re not much of a party person so I’m kinda surprised to see you here. I’m glad you came though, I’ve always wanted to meet you. My roommate is Rocky, I’m pretty sure you’ve met him since he goes over to your place a lot. He and Jinjin are really good friends! I’m kinda envious, it’s almost like I’m being replaced,” Bin laughs as he rambles. Eunwoo is hanging onto every word. “That’s okay, though, maybe we can become really good friends so it’ll even it out!”
“Oh, um,”
“You seem a bit uncomfortable,” Bin’s smile falters a bit and Eunwoo immediately feels bad for being the source of that trouble. “I’m sorry if I’m coming on a bit strong, I tend to do that sometimes. I guess I’m just trying to make up time because I used to be really intimidated by everyone, too. Which, I guess is why I decided to seek you out! I know what it’s like to be lost in a crowd.”
Eunwoo nods along. “You’re not coming on strong. If you want to be friends, then we can.” He smiles and Bin’s smile returns. “But, you room with Minhyuk? So you live here? It must be a pain to clean it all up, do you need help after it’s over?” He changes the topic, deciding to offer his services. If he’s going to be a burden on someone, might as well try to make up for it. He’s contributing to the mess that’s bound to be a result of the party even if he doesn’t throw anything on the ground. Him just being there is blame enough.
“You don’t have to worry about it, it’s not that bad.”
Eunwoo bites his lip, the anxiety in his stomach returning. “I insist. I don’t want you and Minhyuk to have to do this alone.”
Bin raises his eyebrows. “It’s really not that big off a deal, Eunwoo. You don’t have to worry about it.”
“Right, sorry I asked.”
Whatever positive energy Bin had had, has disappeared and Eunwoo knows that he’s the cause. He shouldn’t be here, he knew that something like this was going to happen.
“And now I’m just ruining everything.” Eunwoo mutters. “I’m just going to go.” He says louder this time, turning away to navigate himself out of the apartment. He’ll just text Jinwoo that he’s leaving. It’ll be nice for him to not have to try and find Eunwoo at the end of the party just so he can head home. Frankly, if anyone’s selfless in this friendship then it’s Jinwoo. Eunwoo is far from it. Selfishly heading home. But, then again, it would also be selfish of him to stay. It’s a lose-lose situation, just like most things in Eunwoo’s life.
“Why are you leaving?” Bin asks with concern, catching Eunwoo’s arm to stop him from walking away.
“Because I don’t see the point in me being here.”
“This is for having fun, there doesn’t need to be a point.”
The words jump back and forth in Eunwoo’s head. Of course there needs to be a point, Bin doesn’t have any idea what he’s talking about. Eunwoo needs a point for everything, if he doesn’t have a point then he’s even more useless than usual. “I need a point.”
“I think you’re getting overwhelmed, come on, let’s go outside for some fresh air.” And then, Bin is leading him out just the way they had come. Eunwoo decides not to protest, Bin is already going out of his way, thinking that he’s overwhelmed and trying to help. It’s stupid. Why would he think that? Why would he care about that?
They’re quiet in the elevator as the music gradually fades out, Bin is still holding onto Eunwoo and Eunwoo can’t find it in himself to pull away. If he did, what if that made Bin angry? What if he’d give off the wrong message by pulling away? What was the message he was trying to give off in the first place, anyways?
As soon as the doors are open and the chilly air hits them, Eunwoo realizes just how suffocating it was in there. It feels so good, like this is the thing he needed most in life. However, Bin is still standing next to him, and that falters his mood.
“It’s really nice out.” Bin comments, finally letting go of Eunwoo and looking up at the sky. “It’s a nice night for a party, but I wish the party could be outside.”
Eunwoo stares at Bin instead of the sky, thoughts flowing through his mind a mile a minute.
“I know we just met, but can I ask you something kind of serious?”
Eunwoo nods without a second thought.
“You walk with such lack of confidence, why?”
Time comes to a stop and Eunwoo feels like he has just been punched in the stomach. Heartbeat going way out of control, feeling it in places he didn’t even know was possible. “That’s…”
“Jinjin talks about it a lot, too. How he worries about you because you don’t know how much he cares about you and that you just brush it off because you’re ‘not good enough,’ but from the short time that I’ve known you, you’ve seem like a pretty good person, someone I actually want to be friends with.”
He’s having a hard time breathing. He can’t believe he’s been so self-absorbed as to make Jinwoo worry so badly about him. He needs to apologize later, no doubt.
“I know it’s kind of a deep question, you don’t have to answer right now, but I’d like an answer someday.”
Someday. Like they’re going to be friends in the future. Like Bin isn’t just going to drop him after tonight.
“Like, I understand—“
“Don’t.”
“What?”
“Don’t pretend like you care, we just met, why would you?”
“What?”
“Like, you’re pretending like you genuinely care for me even though I haven’t even known you for more than an hour. I don’t even believe Jinwoo genuinely cares for me and I’ve known him the majority of my life. I can tell when people care.”
Bin frowns. “Alright.” He responds quietly.
Eunwoo is breathing hard from the small outburst he had. “Glad we’re on the same page.” He mutters, biting on the inside of his cheek, a coping mechanism that he’s learned to use when he’s nervous.
“We’re not, but I can accept that you’re not ready to talk about this kind of stuff yet.”
Eunwoo shakes his head and moves to sit on the steps that lead to the entryway of the apartment building.
Bin sits next to him and places a hand on Eunwoo’s shoulder. He knows it’s supposed to be comforting, but right now he’s just so on edge that he can’t appreciate someone going out of their way to be nice to him. “One day.”
“One day?”
“Yeah, one day you’ll trust me enough to tell me what’s up so I can help you out.” At this, something else other than anxiety stirs in Eunwoo, he doesn’t know what it is. Maybe appreciation? He still doesn’t know why Bin is so persistent on this, still doesn’t know why he thinks he cares, but even if Eunwoo’s being lied to, he can’t help but feel… good.
“Thanks.” Eunwoo responds after a few moments of silence.
After this, they stay out there.
The fact that Bin didn’t spend his time at his own party made Eunwoo feel bad, that he had taken this time away from him, even though Bin didn’t seem to mind.
But again, it’s all lies, probably.
Probably.
He can’t let himself believe that he cares about him. Again, they’ve only known each other for a few hours now, that’s not enough to trust someone.
Eunwoo’s lost track of how long they’ve been out here, Bin making comments and Eunwoo responding every so often, when Jinwoo finally comes out.
“There you are!” He hears the familiar voice behind him and he turns to be greeted by a smiling Jinwoo covered in sweat.
“Hey.”
“Jinjin!” Bin shoots up and tackles Jinwoo in a hug.
Jinwoo is laughing and just looks so happy, Eunwoo wants to cherish this moment but also can’t help but notice that he didn’t contribute to this happiness. He’s never made Jinwoo smile like that.
“Hey, Binnie, so you’ve just been out here the entire time?”
“Yeah! I got to know Eunwoo a little bit, he’s just as amazing as you say he is.”
Jinwoo’s smile widens as he shifts his stare to Eunwoo, wiggling his eyebrows a bit. “I’m glad you guys could talk, Eunwoo really needed something like this.”
“Anyways,” Eunwoo interrupts, which he usually wouldn’t do but at this moment he just feels embarrassed. “Are you ready to go, is that why you’re out here?”
“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late.”
Eunwoo pulls out his phone to realize that, yes, it is extremely late and he can’t believe that he stayed out this long. Can’t believe that he stayed out with Bin this long. “Right. Yeah, shit, it is late.”
“Which is why we should go.”
“Yeah.”
Jinwoo hugs Bin goodbye and walks forward, Eunwoo follows close behind. But it’s only a few steps when he stops. “You’re not gonna say goodbye to Bin?”
Wow, how rude can Eunwoo get, honestly. He feels his cheeks heating up as he turns, Bin is just staring at him with a sheepish grin and Eunwoo can’t help but think that Bin didn’t want to say goodbye. That if he wanted to, he would have done it himself. Eunwoo retreats his few steps until he’s standing in front of Bin.
“It was nice meeting you.” He says, nodding at him.
Bin laughs with a grin before enveloping Eunwoo in a hug.
It’s surprising, Eunwoo feels himself tense up, he can’t believe this is happening, honestly. Makes him think back to earlier when he had the chance to hug Minhyuk and didn’t take it. Even though Bin isn’t Minhyuk, it still kind of feels like he’s making up for it. He doesn’t pull away, but he also doesn’t hug back, which Bin doesn’t seem to mind.
When Bin does pull away, he holds onto Eunwoo’s arms at his sides and gasps. “You should give me your number!”
Eunwoo stares at him. “Why?”
“So we can talk, obviously.”
He hears Jinwoo behind him laughing and stating “he’s so clueless.”
“Friends talk, Eunwoo.” Bin elaborates and Eunwoo just bites his lip, nodding and seeing Bin pull out his phone, so he does the same.
They exchange their contact information and once again, Eunwoo is enveloped in a hug, he still doesn’t hug back, but he feels better about it this time.
They finally part ways, and he and Jinwoo are walking back home. All Eunwoo can do is stare at the contact that Bin has put himself under: Ditch buddy <3
“You seem happy,” Jinwoo comments after a bit of walking. “I’m glad I got you to come.”
Eunwoo finally puts his phone away and sighs. “Yeah, I’m glad I came, too. I’m sorry for being so stubborn about it.”
“Don’t be, you were unsure about it, I just had to get you out of your comfort zone. But apparently you were fine on your own.”
Eunwoo snorts. “That’s thanks to Bin, though.”
“But you didn’t run away like you usually would.” Jinwoo shoves him lightly and laughs.
“I suppose you’re right.”
“When am I not?”
“That’s fair.”
They’re quiet after that. Not an awkward silence, it’s frankly very comfortable. Eunwoo staring at the empty streets as Jinwoo stares at the sidewalk in front of him, it’s peaceful.
“So, are you gonna do it?” Jinwoo finally asks after a while.
“Do what?”
He takes a bit to respond. “Be friends with Bin.”
Eunwoo hesitates. “Does he even want to be my friend?”
“Eunwoo,” Jinwoo stops and grabs Eunwoo’s arm, stopping him as well and making him face him. He places his hands on Eunwoo’s shoulders forcing them to lock eyes. “He wouldn’t have asked for your number if he didn’t want to be friends.”
“What if he was just trying to be nice, though?”
“Binnie’s a nice person, but he’s also genuine, if he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t have made the effort. Now can you please believe that someone besides me wants to be your friend and please don’t ruin it because I think this will be really good for you. Plus Rocky always talks about how Bin needs other friends than him.”
Eunwoo opens his mouth to respond but closes it immediately. How does he reply to this? How does he tell Jinwoo that he’s blatantly wrong? All this stuff that Jinwoo is saying is starting to make Eunwoo have this false hope that someone in life actually likes him for him, and that they don’t just want to use him, that their friendship would have no purpose other than wanting to hang out together. It’s how Jinwoo forced himself into being Eunwoo’s friend, Eunwoo shoved him away for so long but Jinwoo was just so insistent that eventually he gave in.
He doesn’t really regret giving in, but he also feels like Jinwoo regrets his choice to be so persistent, then again, Jinwoo rarely regrets anything. However, if there’s one thing he does regret, it probably has something to do with Eunwoo. Frankly, it’s something he thinks about every day and he knows that Jinwoo would probably be disappointed if he were to find out that these are his daily thoughts. Even though he doesn’t really have a doubt that Jinwoo already knows. Even though Eunwoo rarely shares anything about himself, Jinwoo somehow knows everything. Maybe it’s because they’ve known each other for so long, maybe Jinwoo’s just really good at reading people. Either way, Eunwoo wouldn’t be surprised.
“I know you’re doubting this right now, but you’ll believe me. I promise.”
Eunwoo bites the inside of his cheek and tries to look away. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. But he’s not one to say that. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
Jinwoo grins and finally lets go to continue walking. “Good.”
Eunwoo stays behind for a second, thinking over the conversation before Jinwoo turns back around and signals for him to continue on with him.
-
-
It’s been a few days since the party yet Bin still hasn’t tried to contact Eunwoo. He hadn’t tried to get his hopes up, but with all the words from Jinwoo, he stupidly let go of his doubt even though in the back of the mind he knew that this would be the turnout. He doesn’t blame Jinwoo, he was just trying to be his optimistic self. Eunwoo just feels bad that he decided to waste that optimism on someone like himself.
Things like this aren’t that surprising, though. Even if it does make his heart drop a bit, he’s used to disappointment by this point, honestly. He’d rather he be disappointed rather than someone who actually matters.
Eunwoo wants to blame Bin for not trying to contact him, but frankly Eunwoo has an equal amount of blame, if not more. He hasn’t tried to contact him either, and while he’s not someone to text first anyways, he should make the effort. He can’t put the pressure on people’s shoulders to contact him. It’s not that he doesn’t want to contact them first, he doesn’t want to burden them with his presence, he doesn’t want to force people into talking to him.
He does have the urge, though. He really does want—
“Just text him already,” Jinwoo says, knocking Eunwoo out of his thoughts. He sits next to him with two cups of coffee, passing one to Eunwoo who hesitantly takes it. “You’ve been staring at your phone since we got back from the party.”
“Sorry…” He apologizes, taking a sip and flinching at the temperature.
“You don’t need to apologize for this,” He sighs. “I just know that you’re stressing when all you need to do is talk to him. You can risk being the first one to text every once in a while, you know.”
Eunwoo resists the urge to apologize again, instead, he sighs. “I just don’t—“
“’Want to force him to talk to you,’ I know the drill, Eunwoo. Truly, you won’t be forcing him. Trust me.” Jinwoo interrupts.
Eunwoo snaps his mouth shut and, again, resists the urge to apologize. “Okay.”
“Text him.”
“I will.”
“When?”
“Later.”
“Do it now, what are you waiting for?”
As they bicker, Eunwoo’s phone vibrates and he immediately looks at it.
From: Ditch buddy <3
HEY!!! sorry for not messaging sooner, i had a really big project to work on and rocky took my phone from me bc i “wouldn’t stop looking at it” (his words, not mine)
From: Ditch buddy <3
but i’m here now!!! i hope i didn’t give you the wrong idea ^-^
From: Ditch buddy <3
i hope you’re having a good day!! maybe you’re busy tho, sorry for disturbing you if you are i’ll stop spamming now ):
“That him?” Jinwoo asks, grin slowly spreading across his face.
“Yeah…” The word barely makes it out of his mouth as he stares at his phone in disbelief.
“What’d he say?”
Eunwoo shows him the messages and Jinwoo’s smile somehow manages to get larger.
“Message him back!”
“What do I say?”
“I don’t know it’s your conversation.”
Eunwoo sighs and stares at his phone for a second before typing out a message.
To: Ditch buddy <3
Don’t worry about me. Your project is more important, I’m glad you got to work on it. You’re not disturbing me either and I’m sorry for not messaging you first. I hope you’re having a good day too.
He clicks send and immediately Jinwoo snatches the phone, reading over the message.
He groans and throws it back at Eunwoo. “This sounds so passive aggressive.”
“You’re the one who wouldn’t tell me what to say! You’re the only person I’ve really ever talked to!” Wait. “No, wait, sorry. I didn’t mean to say that, I’m sorry—“
“There’s nothing you can do about it now, Binnie isn’t one to pick up on these kinds of things very fast, just get the conversation on a better track; you’ll be fine. Don’t gotta apologize, I know you, I know how you are, I get it.”
Eunwoo can’t help but think that he’s angered Jinwoo. He wants to say sorry but Jinwoo doesn’t want that either.
“You got this,” Jinwoo’s tone of voice has completely changed and now wears a look of sympathy. “You’ll be fine, just message him. Take a deep breath, don’t overthink it, getting worked up over a friendship isn’t worth it.”
Eunwoo does take a deep breath, feeling himself starting to calm down. But then his phone vibrates again and all that disappears.
From: Ditch buddy <3
i am having a good day!!! :D it would be better tho if you decide to go get some coffee with me! ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭
“He asked me to go get coffee with him and that it would make his day better if I did.” Eunwoo feels something in his chest that isn’t anxiety or sadness for what’s been a long time. He feels happy.
“Good! You’re going, right?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re going.”
“Okay.”
To: Ditch buddy <3
Ok, what time? Where?
From: Ditch buddy <3
i’m free rn if you are!! :D & at that coffee shop just outside campus, you know the one?? my friend works there so we can get a discount :DDD
To: Ditch buddy <3
Ok, I’ll be there.
From: Ditch buddy <3
GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ╰(◕ᗜ◕)╯╰(◕ᗜ◕)╯╰(◕ᗜ◕)╯
“I’m going to a coffee shop right now.” He states.
“Oh, cool! It’s probably the one MJ works at, have fun, him and Binnie together are really something.”
Eunwoo doesn’t know who MJ is, but if it’ll making going there a more fun experience for Bin, then he’s glad he’ll be there.
He quickly goes to his room and throws something more decent on and when he walks out, he can’t help but notice the fond smile Jinwoo has on his face.
-
-
Eunwoo has been walking for a few minutes now, no longer than ten, when he hears a voice behind him.
“EUNWOO!” He recognizes the voice and turns around, seeing Bin exiting the building of his apartment and waving at him frantically with a smile on his face.
Eunwoo waves in a small motion and waits for Bin to catch up.
“Such a coincidence! I’m glad we can walk there together!”
Frankly, Eunwoo doesn’t really know if it’s a good thing. He hadn’t prepared for them walking there together, he didn’t have any conversation topics for them, they’d be walking in awkward silence because Eunwoo couldn’t pick a topic of conversation.
“I go to this coffee shop so often even yet I still don’t know the name of it, so stupid, right?” Bin talks as they’re walking. Eunwoo is holding onto every word. “My friend MJ works there, so that’s why I’m there so often. He works a lot on top of having classes so we can’t really hang out. It’s kinda sad because he’s the only other friend I have aside from Rocky,” He smiles and turns his head to Eunwoo for a second. “But now I have you so I guess everything turned out fine.”
Eunwoo wants to know why Bin being friends with him would change his life for the better. Still doesn’t quite see why Bin wanted to hang out with him in the first place. Though, he supposes that Eunwoo has never really had friends aside from Jinwoo, so maybe this is how it works.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Bin asks with a laugh. “That’s okay, I can hold a conversation for the both of us.”
Eunwoo nods, not because he doesn’t want to respond, rather he doesn’t know how to respond. Never been in this kind of scenario, in his 23 years of life, 23 years of pathetic life that has nothing to show for. Sticking to the walls and just trying to remove himself from the eyes of others. Now here’s Bin, telling him that he’s going to make an impact in his life even though he barely knows him. He’s pretty sure that, texts aside, he hasn’t said more than ten words to him.
“MJ’s working now, I think you’ll like him, he really knows how to make a show of things, he’s so overdramatic and I love it. He also loves having an audience so he’ll definitely like you since you observe more than commentate.” Bin is talking animatedly and Eunwoo can’t help but feel out of place.
He continues to ramble and Eunwoo just nods along, but Bin doesn’t comment on that. He looks so happy and Eunwoo wants to… smile at it, so he does and he can’t help but notice the blush spreading across Bin’s cheeks.
“Has anyone ever told you that you have a really nice smile?” Bin asks, like he’s not embarrassed by his blush.
“I don’t know.”
He grins. “Well you do and if I’m the first person to tell you that then I’m glad because you always remember your first everything.”
Eunwoo doesn’t understand. He’s confused by Bin’s words, that he’s complimenting him and then saying he wants to be remembered by Eunwoo. Looking into the future isn’t something Eunwoo spends his time thinking about. And he definitely hasn’t thought about Bin being in his life for longer than a week.
“Here we are!” Bin states before anything else can be said. He excitedly runs to the door, opening it up and signaling for Eunwoo to go in first.
He mumbles a quiet “thank you” before ducking his head and walking in, immediately greeted by the smell of coffee and a bit of chatter with machines running in the background. A nice calm atmosphere that Eunwoo tries to soak in.
Bin then passes him, going up to the register and happily greeting the cashier.
“BINNIE!” The employee, that Eunwoo assumes to be MJ, yells. Gaining looks from some of the other customers. “Is this the guy you keep talking about?” He meets eyes with Eunwoo.
Getting closer, Eunwoo sees that his nametag says ‘Myungjun,’ he commits the name to memory.
“I don’t keep ‘talking about him,’” Bin makes quotation marks with his fingers as he speaks. “I simply mention him from time to time.”
For the first time that day, Eunwoo lets out a laugh. He doesn’t know why he finds it so funny, but he does, closing his eyes and really letting it out. When he finally stops, he sees both Myungjun and Bin looking at him, Bin’s mouth hanging agape.
Myungjun then reaches across the counter and grips Bin’s arm. “You’re screwed, dude.” Words barely audible.
Then Bin seems like he’s embarrassed by the fact that he’s blushing, and that’s a first. There are a lot of firsts today. “Shut up and just take our orders.” Bin mumbles staring down to pull out his wallet. “You order first, Eunwoo, I’m paying.”
His mind comes to a halt. “I can’t let you do that, let me pay for the both of us.”
Bin quickly gets over his embarrassment and looks to meet eyes with Eunwoo, frowning. “No, I’m the one who invited you, I insist.”
“No,” Eunwoo pulls out his wallet. “I really can’t let you pay for me,” I don’t deserve it. “Please, just let me do it.”
“I’m just trying to be a good friend.”
“Well you’d be a better friend if you just let me pay,” He spits out, harsher than he meant for it to be. He then realizes his mistake and straightens himself out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, um, please. Just let me pay for my own drink.”
Bin stares at him, eyes wide like he can’t believe what he had just seen.
Eunwoo feels bad for putting him on the spot like that. He should apologize again.
“If you guys don’t make a decision then I’ll pay for you both, you’re holding up the line!” Myungjun interrupts the tension and Eunwoo looks behind him to see that, yes, he was being an inconvenience to the people behind him that surely matter more and their order is more important.
Eunwoo takes a deep breath and looks away from the people, meeting eyes with Bin. He reaches out to grasp his arm and leans in so close and whispers, “Please, just let me do this, I don’t want to be an inconvenience to these people than I already have been, so please.”
Bin waits for a second and Eunwoo feels the anxiety welling in his stomach, the anxiety that had subsided for so long.
“Fine.” Bin says, still in disbelief.
So they order their drinks and wait by the pickup counter, in a very tense silence that Eunwoo hasn’t found himself in in a while.
They finally have their drinks and Bin says goodbye to Myungjun, Eunwoo nods at him, and they go to a free table.
When they sit down, Eunwoo fully expects Bin to ask him what that was all about, he’s making up excuses in his head, playing out a conversation, hoping that Bin will go according to script. But then they sit in silence. It takes a few minutes, but Bin eventually starts talking and… it’s not about him.
Of course it’s not about Eunwoo. Why would it be about Eunwoo? Why does everything always have to be about him?
Selfish
Selfish
Selfish
“Eunwoo,” Bin interrupts his thoughts, looking at him in concern. “Are you okay?” Scrap the script. Write a new one.
“Fine,” Is his automatic response. He puts on his smile. “I’m fine, how are you?” He tries to steer the conversation away from himself.
“I’m not asking this as a casual question. Are you okay?”
He’s not going according to script. Why isn’t he going according to script? No, no, it needs to be about Bin, not Eunwoo.
Bin hesitates and then sighs. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here, okay? I don’t know what’s up with you, but I want to help if I can.” Before Eunwoo can say anything, Bin is speaking again. “Anyways, I didn’t invite you here to interrogate you. I wanted to have a nice time with you, so let’s do that.”
-
-
When Eunwoo gets home, Jinwoo is in the same spot he had been in when he left.
“How was it?” He asks with a smile, closing the homework he had been working on.
Eunwoo doesn’t answer and walks straight to his room, slamming the door shut. He throws himself on his bed, and right as he does it, he hears Jinwoo beating at the door.
“Eunwoo? Eunwoo, what happened?” He can hear the concern in his voice.
Then, of course, Jinwoo realizes that the door isn’t locked and comes in.
“Eunwoo…”
Eunwoo roles over, staring at the ceiling, a huge grin on his face. A huge, genuine smile.
Jinwoo is still obviously confused and carefully takes a seat on the bed.
“It was so good,” He covers his face with his hands. “Jinwoo, it was so good.”
Jinwoo then starts repeatedly hitting Eunwoo. “You made me think something awful happened!” He yells, still hitting him as Eunwoo curls into a ball and starts laughing. “Why the hell did you shut the door so angrily?!”
“Stop hitting me!” After a few more seconds, Jinwoo does stop hitting him. “I did it because I am emotionally drained right now and don’t know how to contain my feelings and I didn’t want you seeing me like this because you were working so hard and I didn’t want to interrupt it so I tried to go as fast as I can to get to a place where I can just relish in how great it was.”
Jinwoo stares at him. Then hits him again. “You doing that made me worry more! My homework can wait!”
“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble—“
“I was about ready to go out and beat Bin up!”
Eunwoo starts laughing again, and even though he feels bad about doing this to him, he just couldn’t stop himself. “I don’t think you could take Bin, honestly.”
“Is that a bet?”
“Please don’t go beat up Bin.”
Finally, Jinwoo is smiling. “You know I never would.” He shakes his head. “God, I wanna hear all about it.”
Eunwoo’s smile fades and he purses his lips, sitting up. “You sure? You have homework—“
“Eunwoo.”
“I’m just saying!”
“Tell me about it, I could use a break, I’ve been working on this for a while.”
Frankly, Eunwoo has never found himself wanting to tell someone something about his life. Always thinking that it’s too selfish, and while he knows he’s probably going to regret this later, right now he’s just so excited. More excited than he can ever remember being. He had had such a good time.
And so, he goes on to tell Jinwoo about his time, watching for Jinwoo’s reactions, trying to make sure that he isn’t getting bored and that, yes, he truly wants to listen. He’s talking so happily, and Jinwoo looks so interested, so happy that Eunwoo has somehow gone out of his comfort zone and it was all thanks to a single person. A single person that he hadn’t known for long, a single person that Eunwoo decided he could trust.
Is this what it’s always like? As bad as it sounds, he’s never felt this way about Jinwoo. Yes, Jinwoo is the only friend he’s ever had. Yes, Eunwoo is incredibly grateful that Jinwoo has the patience to put up with his stupidity. So many things that he can’t even begin to explain about this person Park Jinwoo. It feels like he’s weighing it. On one hand, he has Park Jinwoo, the guy that’s been there through everything and actually cares enough about Eunwoo that he’s persistent enough to force his way into his life to make sure he’s okay, and portray that, yes, he’s cared for even if Eunwoo can’t believe it himself.
On the other hand, is Moon Bin, the guy he’s known for less than a week, and has talked to for an even smaller amount of time. He just came into his life because he saw Eunwoo looking lost in the crowd, bonded over how they had both been ditched by their friends, he claimed they were “Ditch Buddies”, and Eunwoo found himself hanging onto every. single. word. that Bin had to say.
Eunwoo always hangs onto words, it’s his nature, he’s afraid of forgetting things and then upsetting the person because of his doing.
But… this time it was different, and Eunwoo can’t tell if it’s wrong. What if he’s making this all up? That his mind has had enough of itself and is making up this false scenario and that, actually, Bin doesn’t care.
Maybe he was just trying to be nice.
As he nears the end of his story, these thoughts are really starting to make sense.
He’s becoming confused. He’s becoming confused and Jinwoo is starting to notice it and… fuck.
He’s doing it again.
“Eunwoo, you’re doing it again.”
I know I’m doing it again. “Doing what?”
“You’re doubting yourself. Doubting that Bin cares, and that I care. You haven’t known Bin for long, give him a chance, give him a chance to prove himself. Rocky has known him for a long time, Rocky always talks about how great he is. I know that you guys will be great friends, I just need you to play a part in it, I can’t do all the work for you.”
I didn’t ask for you to do anything. “I’m trying.”
“I know you are. And I’m proud of you.”
Proud of me for doubting myself? Proud of me for selfishly thinking that I’m actually good enough and allowing myself to become excited because of it? “I’m trying.” He repeats.
Jinwoo gives him a gentler smile, reaching out to grasp Eunwoo’s shoulder. “Good.”
-
-
From: Ditch buddy <3
eunwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
From: Ditch buddy <3
hang out with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
From: Ditch buddy <3
i want food and don’t wanna go aloneeeeee plsssssss
His phone keeps buzzing, maybe it’s important. Eunwoo checks the phone, reading the messages, looking around to make sure that any customers didn’t need any help.
To: Ditch buddy <3
I’m at work. But I get off soon. You can come if you want. I work at the school’s bookstore.
From: Ditch buddy <3
!!!!! :D omw!!!!
“You’ve seemed really happy lately.” His coworker, Sanha, comments several minutes after reading the messages.
Eunwoo looks up from his phone, seeing him in front of the register that Eunwoo is managing. He was supposed to be restocking books.
“It’s really nice! Did something happen?”
Eunwoo hesitates and bites the inside of his cheek. “I guess.”
Sanha’s expression lights up considerably and claps his hands together. “Tell me!”
“You don’t want to hear about it.”
“I do! Please, it’s so boring in here, please I need some excitement in my life, hyung, pleeeeaaasssee!”
Sanha is only a first year. They haven’t known each other for long, but for some reason, Sanha is very connected to Eunwoo. He’s never tried to ‘be friends’, but… he turns his head every time Eunwoo walks into work. It makes him feel important for about two seconds before Eunwoo realizes that technically he’s in charge and was the one that ‘trained’ him; so maybe he’s just trying to suck up.
“I just made a new friend.”
Sanha gasps like this is the only news he’s ever heard. “I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE OPEN TO NEW FRIENDS!”
“What..?”
“Like, I’ve always wanted to be your friend! Like I think about it on a daily basis! I talk about you all the time! But I’ve always thought that you didn’t want friends! Can we be friends?!” All this information is suddenly being thrown at Eunwoo is very overwhelming. It also doesn’t help that Sanha is leaning so far across the register counter that Eunwoo can now count individual eyelashes.
Luckily, before Eunwoo has the chance to respond, the door entering the store is opened, the bell sounding. And Bin walks in.
Saving grace, Moon Bin.
“Eunwoo!” Bin greets, grin on his face.
Sanha’s attention is immediately moved. “Are you Eunwoo’s new friend?!”
Bin bites his lip, scratching the back of his head but still managing to look happy. “Yeah, I guess. I’m Bin, and you are?”
“Sanha! I work here with him! He’s super great! You’re lucky to be friends with him!”
Bin looks past Sanha, meeting eyes with Eunwoo. “Yeah, I really am.”
Eunwoo feels his cheeks heating up and he bites the inside of his cheek.
“My shift is done in, like, ten minutes. I’m sorry for making you wait here.” Eunwoo finally says as Bin walks over to the cash register, Sanha close behind.
“I don’t mind waiting, it’s fine,” His smile is still there, like he can tell what he did to Eunwoo. “I can just look around or I can stay right here and keep you company.” He leans across the surface, smile turning into a smirk.
“Hyung, I could probably cover for you, you and Bin hyung can just go now, I’ll be fine! Heejun comes in soon anyways, I wouldn’t be alone for long.”
Eunwoo hesitates and looks at Bin, trying to get his opinion. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure! Only if you agree to tell me about it later, though.”
He’s still not quite sure why Sanha is so interested in his life. It’s not like he bothers Eunwoo about it every day, but it is quite often. Does it annoy him? No. It’s more confusing than it is annoying.
“He’ll do it.” Bin answers for him, looking at Eunwoo expectantly.
“Just… let me go get my bag from the back room…” He finally gives in, sighing and looking at Sanha. “You’re sure you’ll be fine.”
“Hyung, I’m sure.”
He sighs. “I’m really sorry about this.”
Before Sanha can respond, Eunwoo is already exiting, going into the backroom that’s just behind the register. He tries to hurry, unlocking the locker that’s holding his bag, and clocking out.
When he’s back out, he walks in on Bin laughing at something. He wonders if it’s about him. But of course it’s not about him, they would never talk about Eunwoo together, Eunwoo isn’t interesting enough for that; isn’t important enough.
It’s really suspicious that they both immediately stop when they realize that Eunwoo is back, faces becoming straight, Sanha coughs.
“Ready to go?” Eunwoo asks after a moment of hesitation, he settles the bag over his shoulder as he walks around the counter.
“Ready.” Bin confirms, holding out his arm for Eunwoo to link onto.
It takes a second for Eunwoo to realize that’s what he was doing, but he eventually does. He’s already caused enough trouble for him, might as well give into the one thing he asks of him.
They’re right next to the door and Eunwoo turns to the counter. “You’re sure—“
“Hyung, with all due respect, get out of here.” Sanha laughs and so does Bin, and finally Bin pulls him outside.
“I’m pretty sure it’s been ten minutes, anyways.” Bin whispers to him when the door closes behind him.
Eunwoo laughs.
-
-
“Let me pay for lunch.”
“I can’t let you do that.”
“Why?”
“I just can’t.”
“I just want to do something nice for you, it’s not that expensive.”
Because the idea of you paying for me makes me feel like I’ve wasted your time and money, you don’t need to waste your money on someone like me. “It’s not that expensive, so let me use my own money.”
“Fine…”
-
-
“You should come over.” Bin says as they exit the restaurant.
“Why?”
Bin shrugs. “To hang out more, plus I kind of want you to see what my apartment looks like when it isn’t being used for a party.”
Eunwoo licks his lips and stares forward. He can practically feel Bin waiting for his answer. “Okay, fine.” He has a lot of homework to work on, but making Bin happy is more important.
They walk together, Bin talks like usual and again, Eunwoo is hanging onto every word.
He finds himself wishing that Bin would link arms with him again, longing for that physical contact that he’s never craved before. But he can’t be the one to initiate it, because what if Bin doesn’t want it? What if he accepts it just because Eunwoo wanted it? Or even worse, what if he flat out rejects him? If that happens, Eunwoo doesn’t even know what he would do.
“Eunwoo,” He had been so distracted, and then Bin just grabs his hand and pulls him aside. “You gotta watch where you’re going; you almost walked into a lamppost.”
“Oh, sorry.” The only thing he notices is that Bin doesn’t let go of his hand, Eunwoo can’t find it in himself to mind. In fact, this is better than linking arms. But what if he’s just holding onto his hand because he feels like he has to? Maybe Eunwoo can be selfish for just a few minutes. “I’m sorry.” He repeats.
Bin shakes his head. “Don’t be, I’m just looking out for you because I’m a good friend like that.”
Eunwoo side-eyes him, seeing the small grin on Bin’s face.
It makes Eunwoo grin, too.
Soon, they arrive at the apartment building, and Bin lets go of Eunwoo’s hand to unlock the door. Eunwoo misses the touch and wants to reach out to hold his hand again, but since Bin doesn’t make the move, neither will he.
They stand in the elevator together and Bin starts humming. It sounds nice, it’s not a familiar tune, but Eunwoo can appreciate it. Finds himself wanting to hear more, almost like how he wanted to hold his hand more. This weird connection to Bin that Eunwoo can’t help.
He wonders if this is what Sanha thinks about him. This unexplainable connection that makes you want to be near the person, makes you want to talk about the person, makes you want to smile all the time… Of course, Eunwoo can’t let himself believe that this is how Sanha thinks and that if he does believe it then ‘wow, how selfish can you be?’ he knows the drill, and it’s getting tiresome…
He’s known Bin for over two months now, and as the friendship progresses, he just feels himself becoming more and more selfish yet… he doesn’t mind as much as he used to. He still has these awful, plaguing thoughts that are probably right. Yet, he lets it continue, he lets his correct thoughts subside for the time being, but then they beat him up later, when he’s lying in bed, or more when he’s by himself. When he’s by himself is when he’s most vulnerable so he starts seeking the company of others. Eunwoo wants to halt the thoughts. He doesn’t need them in his mind. He doesn’t want to know the truth for once.
It’s stupid.
They enter the apartment and it’s quiet. The exact opposite of the apartment he had been introduced to.
Within their almost two months of friendship, Eunwoo still hadn’t been over to Bin’s since the night of the party that they had first met at. They always met other places and mostly talked through text rather than in person. It’s something that Bin automatically understood about him.
Which leads him back to thinking that… is this how all friendships are? Is this what he’s been missing out on all these years?
“You can sit down,” Bin signals to the couch and Eunwoo follows his instruction, sitting on the edge with his bag in his lap. “Do you want something to drink? And I know we just ate but do you want something to eat?”
Eunwoo bites the inside of his cheek and shakes his head.
Bin nods in acknowledgment and moves to sit next to Eunwoo. It’s a lot closer than necessary. The couch isn’t big by any means, but it could tightly fit three people if they really wanted to try. Bin is sitting where the middle person would have sat. Eunwoo can’t say that he’s uncomfortable by it. In fact he wants Bin closer.
It’s quiet, awkwardly so. The television sitting in front of them blank.
Eunwoo starts to question why Bin wanted him to come over. He had claimed that it was because he wanted to ‘hang out more’ and wanted him to ‘see his apartment when it isn’t being used for a party’, but if there’s nothing to do, then what’s the point? Who would want to just sit in Eunwoo’s presence for however long?
Bin starts humming again and Eunwoo can’t stop himself. “That’s a really nice sound, what song is it?” He asks.
Bin immediately stops and huffs out a laugh. “It’s not an actual song, I make music in my spare time, it’s a song I’m working on.”
That’s not something that Eunwoo expected out of Bin. He didn’t think of him as someone to have this kind of hobby. He should have asked about his hobbies sooner.
But then again, Bin is a pretty open person. He talks so much so maybe he didn’t want this to be open information.
These are all assumptions, though. This isn’t something Eunwoo should be doing. He had wrongly just pried into Bin’s life without his permission and maybe forced him to share this information he didn’t want to share and now that’s Eunwoo’s fault, probably making him feel uncomfortable.
“Did you want to hear some of it?”
“Um,” What if he’s forcing him? “Sure?”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“Only if you want to.”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t.” Bin stands up and holds his hand out toward Eunwoo, giving him a friendly smile. “Come on, it’s in my room.”
For once, he does something without hesitation and grabs Bin’s hand, letting him help him up and doesn’t let go even though Bin does. When Eunwoo shows that he does want to hold hands, though, he realizes that Bin doesn’t try to pull away again, he accepts it and grasps Eunwoo’s hand right back, giving it a squeeze. Eunwoo feels warm.
Bin leads them through the apartment until they get to a door that Bin opens up and lets Eunwoo go inside first.
Inside Bin’s bedroom is, of course, a bed with a maroon bedspread, but aside from that the room was fairly empty, only holding a small dresser and then right in the corner is a desk with so much equipment that Eunwoo can’t even name, hooked up to a computer with a huge screen. It looks terribly expensive, but that isn’t Eunwoo’s place to judge.
Bin walks to the desk and pulls out the chair, and gestures for Eunwoo to sit down. He bites the inside of his cheek as he does what he’s been told. The smile on Bin’s face makes Eunwoo smile, like he’s excited to share his work, and Eunwoo’s excited to hear it.
He takes the seat and scoots the chair in, and then Bin leans around him. Placing a hand on his shoulder and using his other hand to jiggle the mouse and get to what he wants to show, he is uncomfortably close. Instead of watching what Bin’s doing on the computer, Eunwoo finds himself staring at Bin instead. Analyzing his face, noticing him slightly sticking his tongue out in concentration, seeing the reflection of the screen in his eyes.
He seems happy.
Eunwoo wants Bin to be happy like this all the time.
Then Bin turns his head and he’s somehow even closer and Eunwoo’s breath hitches and… they just stare at each other.
Eunwoo feels the anxiety in his chest but for once it’s a good anxiety.
Bin bites his lip and Eunwoo can feel his breaths and they’re so close that they have to dart their eyes back and forth, having to choose which one to focus on.
He’s never been in a situation like this, but Eunwoo can’t say he minds. He doesn’t exactly know what it’s supposed to mean, he’s never done something like this with Jinwoo and… he’s glad… he’s glad that this is something that he’s only felt with Bin, he’s glad that this friendship isn’t the same as it is with Jinwoo, that it’s different. Variety, a variety that Eunwoo never thought he’d experience because he didn’t know that experiences like this exist. He’s glad that something is finally clicking in his mind that allows him to let Bin experience what he’s like and not hide away and willingly does things. Something he could never see himself doing in the past but now… it’s just so good. And he wants it to last.
He can’t tell how long they’ve been sitting like this. It feels like it’s been ages, it feels like it’s been long enough for him to memorize every detail about Bin’s face, and he’s absolutely beautiful…
He sees Bin’s hand move from the mouse in his peripheral vision and comes to carefully cup Eunwoo’s cheek and Eunwoo’s breathing gets faster and he can feel his chest moving from how hard his heart is beating. There’s a noise of a door opening and closing in the background but neither of them could care less because right now feels so important.
“Eunwoo…” Bin whispers, glancing down at his lips. “I’m going to do this…” And Eunwoo slightly nods his head, just enough to give his answer.
“HEY BIN, YOU’RE HOME, RIGHT? CAN I BORROW YOUR CHARGER, I LEFT MINE AT JINWOO—oh my god I’m interrupting something I’m so sorry.” Minhyuk’s voice comes in so suddenly and Bin jumps back so quickly that he couldn’t let go of Eunwoo’s shoulder quick enough and ends up tipping the chair over and Eunwoo goes crashing to the floor and Bin trips on the corner of his bed and there’s such a loud thump from both falls.
Bin groans. “Charger… plugged in… next to bed…” He says, voice a bit strained.
“I will… come for it later…” Minhyuk slowly backs out of the room. “Please, close your door next time.” And after that’s said, Minhyuk breaks for it and runs off to his room just next to Bin’s and he hears laughing.
“So, um,” Eunwoo finally speaks up, he’s still ‘sitting’ in his chair, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating his life choices.
“Yeah.” Bin responds, he’s still on the floor. Eunwoo didn’t even bother to check if he’s okay.
“I will… Listen to your music later…” He finally moves to stand up and picks the chair up, neatly sliding it back into the desk place. “I gotta… go…”
Bin grunts his answer and Eunwoo can’t get out of that apartment fast enough, he quickly grabs his bag off the couch and goes to the door, fumbling with the lock because his hands are shaking and can’t hold anything.
When he’s finally out, he closes the door behind him and just leans against it, taking a few deep breaths and just balancing himself against the wall because frankly his knees are just as shaky as his hands. He closes his eyes and slides down to sit on the floor.
“What was that?” He whispers to himself.
After a few minutes, he’s still a bit shaky but he decides that if someone were to come into the hallway, they would think he’s weird for just sitting there. Using the wall for support, he stands up and takes another deep breath and walks to the elevator.
The walk feels longer than it had before, he can’t find a way to keep his hands occupied but they feel clammy. All he can think about is Bin’s face right in front of him, he can still feel the hand on his face and other hand on his shoulder and his breath from speaking right before they were interrupted.
Interrupted?
What was interrupted?
When Eunwoo gets home, the apartment is empty and Eunwoo can’t tell if he’s grateful for that or if he actually wanted Jinwoo to be home, that he really needed someone here for him. It’s probably a good thing that Jinwoo isn’t here, though, he knows that his mind is just jumbled right now, isn’t thinking straight. Plus, if Jinwoo were here, Eunwoo has no doubt that he would be willing to listen, which maybe he doesn’t want to hear it.
He goes to sit on the couch, and then he sees the charger plugged in right next to it.
Eunwoo sighs and goes to his room instead.
-
-
It’s been a few days, and Bin and Eunwoo have at least texted a bit. They were awkward texts though, forced texts. Bin hasn’t tried to organize them meeting up, and if Bin didn’t then that sure as hell means that Eunwoo hasn’t either.
The day after it happened, Eunwoo went into work and Sanha immediately bombarded him with questions. Eunwoo stared hard at the ground. “Um… I don’t know…” He responded. Sanha didn’t ask him any more questions after that.
“Do you know what’s up with Bin?” Jinwoo asks as he comes through the front door.
Eunwoo is standing at the stove in the kitchen, making ramen. He picks out another packet to make some for Jinwoo too. “No,” He hesitates. “Why?”
“Rocky said he’s been laying on the floor a lot recently and isn’t talking as much as he usually do. I went over today just to visit Rocky and Bin was locked away in his room, he usually keeps the door open and even if he’s working on something he’ll come say hi to me but he didn’t do that today. I’m worried.”
“Um,”
Jinwoo sighs. “You know what’s up, don’t you?” He leans on the small counter space connecting to the stove and stares at Eunwoo with an unimpressed expression.
“I have an idea, I guess…” Eunwoo bites the inside of his cheek as he avoid eye contact, concentrating fully on the ramen instead.
“Well, tell me.”
Eunwoo waits a bit before responding. “I went over to his and Minhyuk’s apartment the other day and Bin wanted to show me his music so we went into his room and he was so close to me and—“
“YOU GUYS KISSED?”
“No, that’s what I’m getting to. I think we were about to but then Minhyuk came in asking for a charger or something because he left his here and totally interrupted us and Bin reacted really quickly and we both fell on the ground and… I just got up and left.” Saying this makes Eunwoo feel both better and worse at the same time. “I don’t know why he would want to kiss me but I can still feel his hand on my face and I feel so bad for just leaving him like that—“
“Okay, wow,” Jinwoo laces his fingers behind his head and starts to pace back and forth. “Wow, okay, like I was proud of you for making a friend but I didn’t know that you actually liked him—“
“I don’t.”
“You do.”
“He doesn’t.”
“He does.” Jinwoo shakes his head as he continues pacing. “It makes sense, it honestly does. Like, you’ve been grossly happy since you met Bin and you’re starting to not be so hard on yourself and I’ve never been able to do that no matter how hard I tried. You guys are good together, you make sense together, you need to get together—“
“Bin is the only other friend I’ve had besides you, friendships can be different, they’re not all the same.” Eunwoo stops stirring the ramen and pulls the pot off the heat. He bumps into Jinwoo when he moves to get utensils. “You and Bin are completely different people; of course our friendship would be different.”
“You know what, you’re right. But I also know you. I feel like I know how you’d act around someone you like and someone you only like as a friend.”
Eunwoo carries the pot over to their table, setting it in the middle and taking a seat, waiting for Jinwoo to do the same before he picks up his chopsticks. “I don’t know what it feels like to like someone.”
Jinwoo takes his seat and sighs as they both pick noodles from the pot. “Well, I can tell you that you don’t usually want to kiss someone if they’re just a friend. I mean maybe, but someone with your personality wouldn’t.”
“That’s the thing though, I hadn’t thought about kissing him until we got into the situation.”
“That, my friend,” Jinwoo points his chopsticks at him. “Is because you push all your thoughts away. You don’t think about things unless you’re forced to. That is, unless they have to do with you thinking negative things about yourself, which that you fit into regular, everyday thinking.”
Eunwoo stops. Closes his mouth, sets his chopsticks down. Folds his hands in front of him. And stares at the stain on the table that he could never get rid of. Jinwoo is right and he knows it.
“I think that someone who can change someone else in such a short amount of time, like Bin did, is someone really special. I’ve already told you this, but he somehow made you… have more confidence in yourself. Like you really matter, which you do, and I’m glad that Bin could get you to realize it even if you don’t feel like you’ve changed yourself.” And Jinwoo continues eating like they were talking about something as casual as what’s on television tonight.
The words are bouncing all over in Eunwoo’s head. He’s trying to make sense of it, pull out the information he really needs to pay attention to.
Someone really special. He knew Bin is different, but not in a special kind of way.
Somehow made you… have more confidence in yourself. A confidence that never existed no matter how hard anyone tried to help.
Like you matter. A thought that Eunwoo had been and still is neglecting to this day.
Bin could get you to realize it. Had he?
Even if you don’t feel like you’ve changed yourself. How could Eunwoo not realize that he’s changed? He feels like this is something that he would have noticed happening.
And then he remembers what Sanha said.
You’ve seemed really happy lately. It’s really nice! Did something happen? Yes. Not something, but someone.
And then what Jinwoo had said to him no more than ten minutes ago.
Like, you’ve been grossly happy since you met Bin. He’s right.
“Did I screw this up?” He whispers, holding his face with his hands.
“What?”
“I think I screwed it up, he probably hates me now.” God, why did he have to screw up? Why did he have to go through so much just to realize something so simple?
“I guarantee that Bin doesn’t hate you,” Jinwoo laughs and shakes his head. “Now eat the ramen before it gets cold.”
-
-
The next day, Eunwoo goes into work. There’s still a lot on his mind as he walks through the door and is greeted by a familiar voice.
“Eunwoo-hyung!”
Eunwoo purses his lips and nods at Sanha before going into the backroom to do what he usually does before actually getting to work. He goes out and stands next to Sanha at the register. It must be a slow day if he isn’t restocking books.
“You seem kinda tired, did you sleep okay?” Before Eunwoo can answer, Sanha is speaking again. “You must be busy, right? Bin-hyung came in yesterday and asked if you were working so I’m guessing you’re so busy that you can’t spare any of your time? Wow, I have been there, we talked for a bit and he seemed kind of concerned so I got kinda worried too.”
Bin had come in to check on him? Why hadn’t he just texted him? Frankly, Eunwoo can’t say that he would have answered, but after the conversation he had with Jinwoo, it’s really made him think. He’s spent the past… what… twelve or so hours contemplating that conversation, going over it in his head and just thinking. Thinking so hard about what he really wants and what he needs to do to make it happen, trying to set goals of trying to savor whatever he and Bin have and/or had.
“I mean, if you don’t wanna talk about it, I understand. You usually don’t want to talk about things, I don’t want to pry.”
Eunwoo takes a deep breath. “Screw it.” He mumbles. “Bin and I almost kissed a few days ago but we didn’t due to certain circumstances and I left without an explanation, we’ve texted a bit since then but there’s obviously tension and I don’t know what to do about it. I think I like him but I have never liked anyone in my life and have only had one friend in my life besides Bin so I don’t know if I’m just misinterpreting things or what but it’s annoying and I just want to hang out with him like normal again.”
Sanha stares at him, mouth agape, eyes wide.
“I’m sorry if it’s over sharing, but you asked so I gave it to you.” Eunwoo huffs and leans on the counter.
“It—it’s not over sharing! I’m just—I’m just really surprised that you decided to share that much! I’m really happy that you shared!” Sanha puts his fist under his chin and stares hard at nothing in particular. “Hm… I don’t know too much about friends because all my friends were made through Heejun, but I do know a thing or two about crushes and what I do is just throw myself out there. I don’t know if that’s the best way to go about things, it hasn’t worked yet but he at least is starting to seem interested so I’m taking that as a positive sign to continue.”
“Huh… that actually makes sense, thank you, Sanha.”
Sanha beams at him, Eunwoo is happy that he was the cause of it. Maybe Sanha isn’t so bad after all.
The rest of his shift goes by smoothly, every once in a while customers coming in and then Heejun eventually joining them. Sanha updates him on what’s happening, which he apparently always does and Eunwoo’s just never been around long enough to hear it.
“You know,” Heejun says, smirk crossing his face. “That’s almost the same predicament that my friends Seungjun and Jihun were in. Spoiler alert, Youjin and I were the ones to walk in on them, but damn they weren’t just ‘almost kissing’ wow you should of seen it,” Heejun shudders at the memory. “Anyways, they didn’t talk for a while until Inseong literally forced them to and now they’ve been dating for almost three years. You just gotta do it. Or get someone to give you the extra push, just find something that works.”
Eunwoo doesn’t know any of these people but… he’s glad that something like what’s happening to him worked out in the end. It gives him hope that he’ll actually be able to do something about it.
Frankly, now that so many people know what Eunwoo’s going through, he doesn’t really see the point in trying to hide it anymore. He feels like it’s going to get around to Bin at some point. He doesn’t know how well Sanha or Heejun can keep a secret, and he doesn’t want to risk it. He doesn’t want the information to get to Bin and he think Eunwoo is a coward for not saying it himself.
Shortly after the conversation, Eunwoo’s shift ends and he goes to gather his things and leave the store. Sanha and Heejun wish him good luck as he exits.
To: Ditch buddy <3
Can we meet up? Please? As soon as possible please
Eunwoo takes a deep breath, throwing in an extra ‘please’ just for good measure, finger hovering over the send button. He’s debating whether he should actually do it.
He hits send.
Now all he has to do is wait. And seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days.
Three hours later, Eunwoo’s phone buzzes. He’s sitting outside on the ground, resting against a tree. Just sitting there. He jumps when he feels it and quickly takes it out, fumbling with putting in the password.
From: Ditch buddy <3
ok. where?
Shit. He hadn’t gotten that far.
To: Ditch buddy <3
The coffee shop
He just types whatever comes to mind first. Bin doesn’t respond to the text, but he hopes that he got it and that they’re both on their way and Eunwoo won’t get stood up.
He was already fairly close to begin with, so he’s walking inside within five minutes. He sees Myungjun working and tries to avoid eye contact but it’s too late and Myungjun is already yelling for him to come closer.
“Hey! It’s been a while!” Myungjun’s smile is wide, like he’s happy to be at his job, like he’s happy to see Eunwoo.
“Yeah.”
“Bin was just in earlier today and said something about you guys being awkward. Actually today wasn’t even the first day he’s done it, he’s been doing it for a few days now. What happened?”
Eunwoo bites the inside of his cheek. “I’m actually meeting him here to talk it out.”
Myungjun hums and taps his fingers against the counter. “I hope everything goes well.”
“Me too.”
“Because he like, really likes you. I haven’t seen him like someone this much in a long time, he talks about you so much, sometimes I have to tell him to leave me alone so he won’t get me fired from my job.” His eyes shift to something else briefly and then back to Eunwoo, and winks. “You guys are cute, I’m rooting for you. BINNIE, HEY!”
Bin walks to the counter with a smile on his face; it seems a bit strained, like he’s forcing it. “Hey.”
“Eunwoo and I were just talking—“
“I’ll have an iced mocha, please.” Bin interrupts, digging into his pocket for his wallet.
Myungjun’s mouth snaps shut and smile falls. “Is that all?”
“Actually,” Eunwoo joins in. He looks at Bin. “I forgot my wallet at home, can you pay for mine by chance?”
Bin stares at him, eyebrows raised. “Um,” Maybe this was a bad idea. “Sure, yeah, get whatever you want.”
Eunwoo orders the least expensive drink and he has to hold himself from objecting when Bin hands over the cash.
They wait in silence for their drinks to be made. It’s awkward, Eunwoo doesn’t know how to start conversations since that’s usually Bin’s job. But Bin isn’t making the effort to start one, so Eunwoo thinks that maybe he doesn’t want to talk.
When they have their drinks, they go and sit down at the same table they did last time. They sit there for a few more minutes of awkward silence until Eunwoo finally thinks of something.
“That drink’s different from the one you got last time, do you change up your order each time?” It’s a stupid question, but it’s something.
Bin flinches a bit, like he hadn’t been paying attention. “Oh, um, no. I get iced mochas when I’m stressed.”
Eunwoo opens his mouth but Bin cuts him off.
“Listen, it’s not because of you. I got into a fight with Rocky yesterday, he’s pissed at me, I’m pissed at him. Things there aren’t really that great right now and I’m just trying to deal with it.”
Eunwoo bites the inside of his cheek. He wonders if Minhyuk had had the same conversation with Bin as Jinwoo did with him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to meet with me.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s probably good that I got out of the apartment for a bit.” The way Bin speaks is making Eunwoo… sad. Him not being his usual, perky self, is something that Eunwoo has never experienced, and he misses it.
“What did you guys fight about?” When he asks, Bin just looks at him. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”
“We fought about me and you,” He mumbles, chewing on his straw. “We talked it out and everything was fine until he said one small thing, one small, stupid thing, that made me angry for some reason and so I started yelling at him about how he likes Jinjin so he has no room to talk—“
“Minhyuk likes Jinwoo?”
Bin huffs out a laugh. “I thought it was obvious. Well, to everyone but each other and apparently you. But, yeah, they like each other.”
Hearing this information doesn’t really surprise Eunwoo, but what he focuses on is that they were fighting over Bin and him, he wants to know what was said. Nothing else in the world matters right now except knowing what was being said about Eunwoo behind his back. Were they good things? No, of course not if they got in a fight over it. By coming into Bin’s life, he caused conflict between two friends without his knowledge, one of his biggest fears, being the reason that people get hurt, had come true.
Eunwoo rests his head on his arms on the table. “This is all my fault, I’m sorry.”
“Eunwoo,” He sighs. “It’s not your fault. We’ll get over it soon, we just need space. It’s not like we’ve never gotten in fights before, we’ve been in fights over even stupider things. Truly, it’s okay.” Bin reaches over and gently pats Eunwoo’s arm.
He turns his head to look up at Bin. “Thanks.” He says quietly.
“For what?”
“Being you, reassuring me. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you.” Someone really special.
“I could say the same about you.”
Eunwoo sits up. “I’m not that great. If anything I’m—“
“You’re not an inconvenience or a burden.” Bin says, cutting him off, slight smile starting to spread across his face. It doesn’t seem forced this time. “You’re a good person that doesn’t give yourself enough credit. Or, at least you are to me. And I know you are to Jinjin, too. Probably Sanha as well, that kid really looks up to you.”
Eunwoo closes his eyes and frowns. “I don’t understand—“
“Jinjin raves about how much I’ve managed to change you, I didn’t realize I was doing it, but it made Jinjin really happy. That I’ve somehow managed to give you confidence that you’ve never had.”
He shakes his head. “Just how much has Jinwoo told you about me? Like… I know you said he worries but…”
Bin reaches across the table and cups Eunwoo’s face with both hands, making his head straight and he feels obligated to open his eyes. “Jinjin more than worries about you. I know so much about you because of his worries that he shares because he doesn’t know who else to go to. Albeit,” He lets go of his face and leans back. “He was usually talking to Rocky about it and I just ‘happened’ to overhear, but when you and I actually became friends, Jinjin came to the both of us. Started asking me things about you that he could never get you to say.”
“So you’ve actually been trying to change me…?” Everything clicks.
Bin’s smile drops. “What? No—“
“I knew it was too good to be true…” He shakes his head and moves to get up. “God, why did I listen to anything…”
He turns and begins to walk away, Bin gets up and follows him, he grasps Eunwoo’s arm but he yanks away and keeps walking.
Eunwoo doesn’t spare Myungjun a glance as he exists the coffee shop, neither does Bin because he just keeps following him.
“You don’t need to waste your time on me.” Eunwoo says over his shoulder. Jinwoo lied to him, Bin lied to him, the two most important people in his life lied to him. They spent all this time on him, time that Eunwoo didn’t and doesn’t deserve. He doesn’t want to be anyone’s project… he doesn’t want to be anything.
“Eunwoo, you’re being irrational. You’re blowing what I said way out of proportion.” Bin says fiercely, again grabbing onto Eunwoo’s arm but this time yanking him back. “This is stupid, maybe even stupider than what Rocky and I are fighting about—“
“Glad that I can be the person to take that spot.” He mumbles bluntly.
“I didn’t mean it like that…”
“Then how did you mean it?” He shakes his head, facing Bin. He crosses his arms and refuses to meet eyes.
“I mean that it’s dumb that you think that I had the audacity to treat you like some kind of project, that you can’t genuinely believe that I actually care about you and that I’m not out to hurt you and that,” Bin’s speaking so passionately, so animatedly. “That you think you’re not worth anything but you don’t give me the choice to say that I actually like you, that you’re making up my mind for me and assuming things that aren’t your right to assume! I need a voice, I need you to let me have a voice, let me be that voice in your head that tells you that you’re worth something! Let me be the self confidence that tells you that you matter to a lot of people and people actually need you! And that you’re not just scum on this Earth and I need you and I like you and I’m that special person that can get you to realize that if you just let me do it.” Bin is breathing so heavily by the end, chest heaving.
At that, Eunwoo is stunned into silence. This is so much different than any lecture that Jinwoo has ever given him it’s just… the tears well up in his eyes and he can’t stop them from falling down his face and he just drops to his knees.
“Eunwoo…” Bin mumbles and he drops next to Eunwoo’s side and just hugs him, pulling him in. “Eunwoo, I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? I’m so… I’m not crying because—because I’m sad,” He starts hiccupping, wiping at his eyes. He lets Bin hug him. “I don’t know. I’m just rea—really happy right now.”
They stay quiet after that for a bit. Bin runs his fingers through Eunwoo’s hair, humming the song that Eunwoo never got to listen to.
Eventually, Eunwoo hugs back and Bin kisses the top of his head.
“You know,” Bin whispers. “We’re right out in the open, I wonder how many people witnessed this,” He laughs. “I bet MJ at least saw it.”
Eunwoo sniffles and laughs as well. “Do you think he made up his own dialogue?” Voice muffled by Bin’s chest.
“Probably. Sounds like something he would do.”
They’re quiet for a bit longer after that, just being in their presence. It’s so peaceful that Eunwoo feels like he could fall asleep.
“Hey, Bin,” Eunwoo speaks up. “We didn’t even talk about what I wanted to talk about.”
“Do you want to talk about it now?”
Eunwoo tears away and sits on his knees. He rubs the heels of his hands in his eyes. “Well, I don’t really want to say what I was going to originally, but I do want to talk about it.”
“Shoot.”
“Were you actually going to kiss me?”
Bin visibly stiffens, Eunwoo smirks at it. “I mean…” His face is turning red and he starts rubbing the back of his neck. “Obviously if you didn’t want to I wasn’t going to but… you didn’t pull away so…”
Eunwoo scoots closer to him, making their knees touch. “So…”
“Fuck, are you trying to tell me to do it now?” He fumbles over his words and it makes Eunwoo laugh. “Stop laughing at me!” Bin lightly hit’s Eunwoo’s arm and Eunwoo catches his wrist.
He stares right at Bin, the biggest, most genuine smile he’s ever had and watches Bin’s expression change in a span of half a second. He cups his face and strokes Bin’s cheeks with his thumbs. Feeling Bin’s breath hitch just gives him more confidence as he leans in, Bin’s eyes fall shut, he gets so close and… he kisses Bin’s forehead and pulls back.
Immediately, Bin opens his eyes with a pout on his face. “What was that?!” He whines.
Eunwoo shrugs. “I want my first kiss to be more special.”
“Oh my god,” He groans, throwing his head back. “Isn’t this pretty damn special?” Then he stops. “Wait, you’ve never kissed anyone before?”
Eunwoo shakes his head. “Remember, you and Jinwoo are the only friends I’ve ever had and I’m sure as hell not kissing Jinwoo.”
“Aw, after all that we’re just friends?” Bin is pouting again, he even sticks out his bottom lip.
He grins and leans forward, licking his lips and staring at Bin’s. “I don’t know, what’re you suggesting?” Eunwoo keeps moving forward, Bin closes his eyes again, Eunwoo kisses his cheek and pulls back.
“You’re such a tease!” And finally, Bin leans forward himself and grasps Eunwoo’s shoulders, staring into his eyes. “Can I please kiss you?”
Eunwoo pretends to contemplate before smiling. “I suppo—“ Before he can finish his word, Bin fully pulls him in and finally, finally, their lips meet. Bin is kissing him and Eunwoo feels like his chest just bursts but in a good way.
He pulls Bin closer by grabbing his shirt in his fists. Bin sighs into the kiss and moves one hand to the back of his head, the other to his waist and Eunwoo lies down in the grass, pulling Bin on top of him as he loops his arms around his neck instead of his shirt.
And suddenly… Eunwoo is laughing, and Bin laughs with him, and they laugh as the continue kissing until they’re laughing so hard that they can’t move their lips together anymore. They both pull away from the kiss and Eunwoo just hugs him.
“This is the first time you ever initiated a hug with me, you know.” Bin whispers, his mouth right next to Eunwoo’s ear.
“OH MY GOD, FINALLY!”
They both know that voice all too well. Slowly, they pull away from each other and stand up, Bin wraps an arm around Eunwoo’s waist as Myungjun comes walking up to them.
His grin is as big as Eunwoo’s ever seen. “I don’t know what happened but that was great there was like a whole crowd in the shop watching you guys and I was like ‘I KNOW THEM!’ and we were like, rooting for you guys, it was great.”
They just stand there for a bit in silence until Myungjun gestures to them to speak, waiting for some kind of confirmation.
Eunwoo turns his head to look at Bin. “It was truly something special.”