Children's Motrin

“13… shit.”

Jeongguk was slumped in the corner of his bathroom, the sink plopping with the little drips from the faucet. He held the dollar bills in his hand, staring at the now empty money can he stuck under the sink. He pulled himself up, groaning as his sore feet from standing at work all day welcomed him.

He walked into their living room, his eyes softening at the sight of his little brother.

Jimin was holding a stuffed puppy in his tiny chubby hands, snuggling into it quietly. Jeongguk bit his lip as he took in the flushed cheeks and glassy eyes and sniffles on him.

“Hey, Jiminnie,” he says gently, his little brother looking up curiously. “We’re gonna go to the grocery store, okay? I know you’re tired, but we don’t have anything here to eat for dinner.”

“‘Kay…” Jimin says quietly as Jeongguk makes his way over. Their heater wouldn’t go up any higher, so Jeongguk left Jimin’s puffy jacket on him. He slipped tiny tennis shoes on the 4 year old and gingerly pulled him up. He tries to shake away his worry as Jimin didn’t jump and squirm like he usually does, instead immediately resting his cheek on Jeongguk’s chest and clinging onto his jean jacket.

---

Jeongguks drags the shopping cart behind him, Jimin sitting in the seat in front. Jeongguk feels awful, looking at how miserable Jimin appears. He hates leaving him at that day care for so many hours, especially if the other kids are making him sick. The 4 year old whines, his lip quivering dangerously. Shushing Jimin softly, he leans down to stroke his cheek.

“Just a little longer, okay, buddy?” Jimin nods.

Everything’s okay.

He makes his way over to the bread, eyes immediately scanning the bright yellow price tags. He found the cheapest loaf on sale for 2 dollars. Going to pick it up, he hears Jimin let out a tiny gasp. He looks over, expression softening when he sees Jimin reaching for the bread with the cartoon puppies printed on the front. He looks over at it, sighing when he sees it’s 3 dollars more.

“Hey Jiminnie, we’re gonna get this bread, okay?”

“B-but, I want the one with the puppies, hyung!” Jeongguk bites his lip at the precious sound of Jimin’s tiny voice in his ears.

“I know, honey, I know, but we… w-we’re…” his stomach drops again when he sees tears fill the child’s eyes, whimpers slipping out of his lips. Jeongguks leans towards the cart again, stroking his hair and calming him down.

“We’re gonna play a game, okay, buddy?” Jimin stares up at him, more big wet tears threatening to slip down his chubby cheeks. Jeongguk nods to himself.

“Let’s count to five, yes?” Jimin stares at him. He looks a little calmer now, a little excited to show what he’s learned. They both count together.

“1...2...3...4...5!” Jeongguk grabbed Jimin’s tiny fingers and lifted each one with each number. Jimin giggles when Jeongguk blew a raspberry into the palm of his tiny hand.

“What’s the smallest number?” Jeongguk asks. Jimin looks up, thinking. He looks back at his brother, smiling, his eyes squishing up. Jeongguk’s heart melted. He hasn’t seen it all day.Jimin holds out one finger. Jeongguk smiles exaggeratingly, clapping. Jimin giggles warmly.

“We’re gonna find the food with the smallest numbers, okay?” Jimin nods, interested. Jeongguk points to the cheap bread.

“What number is that, Minnie?” Jimin shrugs.

“That’s a two.” Jeongguk held up two fingers. He points to the puppy bread, which Jimin still eyes longingly.

“What number does that say?” Jeongguk asks gently. Jimin shrugs again.

“That’s a five. Which number is smaller?"

He watched Jimin play with his fingers. He feels proud of how smart Jimin is.

Jimin points to the cheaper bread. Jeongguk jumps up and down a little, squishing Jimin’s cheeks. Jimin giggles, bringing his hands up to his face.

“We have to pick the smallest one, okay?” Jimin nods, staring at Jeongguk adoringly.

I don't  deserve that look from him. Jeongguk puts the cheap bread in the cart, moving away from the puppy bread as fast as possible.

After Jimin stops giggling, Jeongguk looks at him again, the little boy staring at him with glassy eyes. He makes his way over to eggs, pulling out his cracked phone and using the calculator to figure out the tax. He comes to a halt when he hears a phlegm filled cough. He looks over at Jimin, who’s smashing a little fist into his tired eyes. He looks miserable. Jeongguk lays a gentle hand on Jimin’s forehead, teeth pulling in his bottom lip when he feels the heat coming off him.

He needs to get medicine.

The older brother made his way to aisle, looking for cold & flu. He finds Children's Motrin and his stomach drops at the price.

$9.89.

His hand rubs against his wallet in his pocket, the 13 dollars mocking him inside. He stares back at the cart, where Jimin was once again looking at his brother, his eyes looking like he was asking for help. He looked inside the cart, the food sitting in there. Jeongguk takes a deep breath, cringing at the shakiness of it. He runs a hand across his face, staring at the medicine.

“Hyung…”

Jeongguk closes his eyes at the sound of Jimin’s voice. He’s so tired, he’s so tired…

“Jeonggukie hyung… I wanna go home…” Jimin says.

Jeongguk slumps down on the floor, his head resting in his hands. He sobs quietly, mixed with laughter. How pathetic he must look. The dam finally burst, huh?

Jimin stares down at his brother, confused. He doesn’t usually see his brother look like this.

Jeongguk pulls on his hair, letting out a particularly loud sob.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Jeongguk’s head shoots up, and his eyes meet another boy.

The fluorescent grocery store illuminates around his face, lavender hair framing it perfectly, carmel skin complementing it.  Piercings decorated his ears. His eyes looked concerned, huge - doll-like, and gentle; they looked like they sparkle. His face was gentle, beautiful. He blinked softly, long eyelashes dusting across his cheeks for just a moment.

Jeongguk shook his head to clear it, wiping his eyes quickly and exhaling loudly.

“N-no, I’m fine. My contacts were just irritating me, I’m fine…”

The other boy didn’t answer, his eyes wandering to the little boy in the cart.

“How old is he?”

“Four.” Jeongguk answers, a bitterness in his voice to all the questions.

“How old are you?” Jeongguk stares at him for a moment.

“I’m 19.” The lavender haired boy’s smile grew, giving it a box shape

“So am I! Is that your son?”

“He’s my little brother.” Taehyung nodded, his smile growing a little softer.

Jeongguk is appreciative the other boy didn’t ask where his parents are. He was sick of explaining the burglary. Sick of sympathetic looks, gentle stares, worried eyes, quiet whispers they think he can’t hear. He’s sick of rude people approaching him, asking if he was the ‘baby daddy’, or asking if ‘she’ left him and ‘his child’. He was sick of it all.

The other boy held his hand out. Jeongguk shakes his head and gets up on his own. They stare at each other awkwardly before a whimper interrupts them. They both look over and see Jimin reaching his tiny arms out to Jeongguk, his lip trembling. The whimpers turn into cries, filling the aisle of the store. Jeongguk’s strong, defensive expression immediately turns gentle and loving, reaching over to the cart in heartbeat and picking Jimin up, cradling him in his arms. He shushes him gently, kissing a wet, chubby cheek and pushing his hair back from his forehead. Jimin immediately calms.

The boy beside them coos at Jimin, reaching his hand out. Jeongguk immediately tightens his grip on his brother, holding him closer. The lavender haired boy pulls his hand back, apologizing quickly.

“W-what’s his name?” he asks.

“Jimin.” Jeongguks says. He looks down at the little boy, whose cheek was pillowed on his brother’s strong chest. He hiccuped, a fist on the collar of Jeongguk’s shirt. Jeongguk rubbed his back and pulled his hand me down jacket tighter around his shoulders when he feels the tiny body shaking. The other boy studies Jimin for a moment, noticing the glossy eyes and the cough.

“Is he alright?” Jeongguk sighs, his eyebrows furrowed into a worried expression.

“I… picked him up from daycare and I think someone got him sick…” Jeongguk watched the other boy stare at the little rip in the sleeve on Jeongguk’s t-shirt and jeans, not intended for style, and watched his eyes move to the cheap food in the cart. He feels himself get upset; go into defensive mode. The other boy looks up at him, his big eyes looking reluctant.

“I-I hate to ask this, but-”

“Stop. We don’t need your help.” Jeongguk held his brother tighter.

“I know you don’t,” the other boy says, holding his hands out defensively. “I want to help. I want to.”

“Well sometimes we don’t always get what we want, do we?” Jeongguk snapped back regretting it when he saw the other boy look down, using his hand to pull some hair behind his ear.

Jeongguk stared at the boy in front of him. He took in the designer ripped jeans and sweater, oversized and knit with beautiful quality. Doc Martins dressed his feet, and his hair looked too good to not be dyed by anyone but a professional.

Was he tempted to drop to his knees and beg for help? A little. But will he? No. He’s not abandoning his pride for some pretty boy. Jeongguk nods his head at him.

“What’s your name?”

“Taehyung,” the boy says softly. It rang nicely in Jeongguk’s ears.

“Jeongguk.” He says back.

Jimin lets out another whimper, squirming in Jeongguk’s arms. He repositions him, using the sleeve of his jean jacket to wipe the snot of the little boy’s runny nose. They should get tissues too…

The older brother looks at Taehyung. He sighs.

“I’ll pay you back.” he whispers. Taehyung smiles again gently.

“I won’t charge you interest.” he says, his voice sweet.

Taehyung reaches for the children’s Motrin, dropping it in the cart. He also grabs an adult one, and the vitamin C tablets right beside that.

“Just in case you catch it, too,” Taehyung says, dropping them in the cart. He watches Taehyung pick up the cheap bread and begin to make his way down to the other aisle.

“Hey, we need that!”

“You need better quality than this. You want Jimin to eat bleached flour and cardboard crust?" Jeongguk eyes him defensively, gingerly putting a sleepy Jimin back in the cart now that he was calm, and followed Taehyung with the cart.

Taehyung gets vegetables and fruits and juices, and puppy bread, and gummy vitamins and yogurt and free range eggs, fancy milk and alkalized water. He got them the good quality cereals and chicken breast and a little tub of ice cream. Jeongguk is overwhelmed.

The three of them make their way to the checkout. Jeongguk pulls out his 13 dollars and hands them to Taehyung, who smiles softly and shakes his head, pushing the money back to Jeongguk, whose annoyed his stomach has butterflies. He watches Taehyung pull out his debit card, and he can’t help but admire Taehyung’s beautiful, delicate long fingers.

He gasped at the 128 dollar total. He immediately reaches to something, anything on the conveyer belt to reduce the price. Taehyung grabs his wrist, shaking his head.

“Please.”

“Please.” They both say, with different meanings to each one.

Jeongguk bites his lip, cringing when Taehyung slides his card.

---

“Do you need help carrying these to your car?”

“Um, we took the bus…”

Taehyung’s frowns, and he points over to an old van, painted pastel blue. It looked a little sketchy and a little bit from Scooby Doo, but it was something that seemed very ‘Taehyung’ to Jeongguk.

“Oh, no no-”

“Why not? Who wants to take the smelly hot bus with your little baby at 8 o’clock at night?”

“Me. I do.” Jeongguk replies. Taehyung rolls his eyes, landing them on Jimin, who sleeping on his hip. Jeongguk eyes him, protective.

“Jimin needs a carseat.”

“I have blankets in my car… we can stack it up so he gets some height. Where do you live?”

“The yellow apartments just off the freeway.”

“Oh! By the elementary school? That’s like a 3 minute drive! I can help you put your groceries away-”

“ No. ” Jeongguk steps back, fear crossing his face quickly. He doesn’t want Taehyung to see the apartment and he doesn’t want him to see the one bedroom they share and he doesn’t want Taehyung to see the tiny kitchen with one burner and the cracked TV-

“I’ll just bring it to your front door.” Taehyung interrupts his thoughts. Jeongguk must’ve made it obvious he didn’t want a stranger in the house, or Taehyung’s just good at reading him. Probably both.

Jeongguk sets Jimin in the car, pulling the seatbelt snug around him. He sits beside him instead of riding shotgun.

Taehyung gets them to their house safely, yanking out the bags that scattered the back of his van. Jeongguk hasn’t seen this many grocery bags since…

Taehyung drags them inside the lobby of the apartment complex, managing to carry 90 percent of the bags, while Jeongguk carried a sleeping Jimin on his hip and bags in the other arm. They make it to the brother’s apartment door on the fourth floor, and Taehyung drops his bags in front of it and takes out his phone.

Jeongguks unlocks the door, pushing some of the bags in carefully with his feet.

“I actually live on campus nearby here…” Taehyung starts. Jeongguk leans on the side of their front door, rearranging Jimin in his arms. Taehyung continues,

“I go to Southwestern University, so it’s not too far from here!” Jeongguk hums in interest.

“What’s your phone number?” Taehyung asks, his phone at the ready. Jeongguk stares at him, stopping himself from the screaming his number to the other boy.

“7946. 0893,” Jeongguk says softly, kissing the crown of Jimin’s head when he let out a phlegmmy whimper in his sleep.

Taehyung nods, and sends Jeongguk a text.

“Now you have mine!” His smiles faded again, and he looks at the both of them.

“I-if… if you need anything ,” he holds a finger up to stop Jeongguk, who was about to protest. “Anything. Just call me, okay?” Jeongguk nods. Taehyung nods at Jimin.

“Get him inside, it’s cold out here.” Jeongguk nods, about to made his way into the apartment before Taehyung leans in, hugging Jeongguk gently. Jeongguk couldn’t help but lean into it.

He’s so soft…

Jeongguk lets out a whimper when Taehyung pulls away, but Taehyung doesn’t comment on it. He instead reaches out a (beautiful) hand and strokes some of Jimin’s fluffy hair out of his eyes.

“Bye, guys!” He says quietly, his voice bright. Jeongguks smiles back. He watched Taehyung turn around; watched him walk with a rhythm to it as he made his way to the elevator.

Jeongguk closed the apartment door over, immediately going over the couch. He pulled Jimin’s shoes off, running and coming back quickly with fluffy socks to switch him. He pulled off Jimin’s puffy jacket, putting a flannel pajama shirt over it, and wrapping him in a fluffy blanket.

The movement causes him to wake up, droopy eyes staring up at his brother.

“Hi, baby,” Jeongguk says, his voice cracking in the middle. Jimin reaches out one of his hands to Jeongguk, grabbing onto the collar of his shirt.

“I’m gonna get your medicine, okay? It’ll help you feel better.” Jeongguk says, feeling bad when he pries his little brother’s hand off of him. He immediately goes to the bags, shuffling through them to find the Children’s Motrin. He reads all the instructions carefully, like his mom always used to, and pours the measurement before going to Jimin, who was dozing off a little.

“‘Kay, bub, I’m back,” Jeongguk says, sitting beside Jimin and pulling him into his lap. He stroked Jimin’s hair out of his face, his bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead. He holds the cup to Jimin’s lips, Jimin drinking it obediently. Jeongguk chuckles quietly when he sees Jimin’s face contort in disgust at the taste.

“Good job, buddy!” He says, pulling Jimin to his chest. He pulled the blanket around Jimin’s tiny body, gently pulling him off of his lap once Jimin dozed off again, and walked over to groceries. He shuffled through the bags - the only sounds in the room are the buzzing of the crappy heater, Jimin’s gentle breaths, and the crinkling of plastic bags. Jeongguk pulls out the cold things, putting them in the refrigerator. He hasn’t seen it this full and colorful in a long time. He opens the package of juice boxes, taking one out and setting it on the counter for when Jimin wakes up again.

Jeongguk slumps on the floor, running his hands through raven black hair, staring at the fluorescent light above him. Groaning, he thinks about how he’s gonna have to take off work for the next day or two for Jimin. At least it wasn’t the end of the month. He eventually pulls himself off the floor, like he always does, and makes his way over to the couch.

Once he gets there, he’s surprised to see Jimin awake, droopy eyes staring at him.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” He says, gentle like the atmosphere of the apartment. He hears the thump of someone running on the floor above them.

“Can we go to the store with Taehyung again?” Jimin says. Jeongguk smiles, tired.

“I’m sure we can one day. Go to sleep now.”

“You didn’t sing…” Jimin says, his voice croaky and small.

Jeongguk smiles and pulls Jimin up, the blanket still wrapped tight around him. Jimin laid his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder, a tiny hand playing with the gauge on his ear. Jeongguk rubbed his back, making their way to their room. He hummed quietly, ignoring the yelling of the drunk college boys a couple doors down from him. He hummed tunes of Jimin’s favorite songs, watching his eyes droop, long eyelashes stuck his sleepy tears fluttering closed, opening less and less with each try. Jeongguk pulled them both into bed, pulling the covers around them. He stopped humming when he heard Jimin’s deep breathing through his mouth, since his nose was all stuffed up.

He stared at the ceiling, so tired. But his mind was running too fast to sleep. He pulled Jimin close to his chest sighing softly.

Everything’s fine.

“Don’t run around too much today, okay? Keep your sweatshirt on.”

“M’kay!”

“And drink the orange juice i gave you, yes?”

“Kay!”

“And if you don’t feel good, tell Hoseok. Don’t keep it a secret, yeah?”

“No secrets!” Jimin says, bringing a finger to his lips and shushing exaggeratingly.

Jeongguk held protectively onto his little brother on the rickety bus. He was settled into his lap, facing Jeongguk, babbling random songs and sentences, Jeongguk shushing him quietly when he’d yell too loud and cause someone to give him a dirty look. Jimin’s fever broke two nights ago, but Jeongguk wanted to give it one more night just to be sure he was okay. Even now he dreads the idea of dropping his Jimin off for the next 13 hours without him.

But it’s nice to see his little brother smiling again. Seeing him with rosy lips and fluffy hair and giggles this morning was much better than the glassy eyes and pained whimpers.

The bus breaks shrieked at the stop. Jeongguk quickly made sure Jimin’s backpack was still zipped and on his back, and repositioned him on his hip to get off the steep metal stairs of the bus.

Once they got off, he let a squirming Jimin slip to the ground, taking his hand. He ran as fast as his little legs could take him compared to Jeongguk’s long ones. They pass all the usual things they see every day - the coffee shop, the library, the fancy apartment buildings. They take the left side of the city street because on the right there’s a puppy store, and Jeongguk would’ve had to leave with Jimin two hours ago in order for him to make it to work in time.

They reach the daycare building, looking similar to many of the buildings around it.

“Can you stay and play with me, hyung?” Jimin asks, his eyes staring up at Jeongguk.

“I can’t, buddy, I have to go to work. We can play when I pick you up, okay?”

“How about you stay for just, like--like… 2-2...31 minutes,” Jimin asks.

“Not today, Jiminnie, sorry.”

Jimin sighs as they walk in the door, but his face lights up again at the sight of the man at the front desk.

“ Hobi!!!! ” Jimin yells, yanking his hand out of Jeongguk’s grasp and running to the front desk, where Hoseok was basically laying down in the office chair, his boots propped up on the side of the desk, black hair spiked. He looked up from his laptop, his face lighting up and smiling a heart shaped smile.

“Oh my gosh, is that who I think it is?” he asks dramatically, rolling out of the chair and leaning down to Jimin, who has wobbled his way over to the other side of the desk.

“It’s the little bean!” Hoseok says, gathering Jimin’s face in his hands and squishing with cheeks. Jimin giggles profusely. Jeongguk smiles to himself. He used to go to high school with Hoseok, and even though he was a freshman and Hoseok was a senior, they were in the same dance class. Hoseok takes classes at a college nearby, and he’s taking the semester off to save up some money, but Jeongguk hasn’t thought to ask the name. When he found out he works here full time it helped relieve some of the dread of leaving Jimin with strangers for so long.

“Are you feeling all better, Jimin?” Jimin grinned, messing with one of the buckles on Hoseok’s leather jacket.

“Yep! All gone!” Jimin says, swooshing his hands in the air. Jeongguk’s heart melts at the sound of Jimin’s voice. Jimin was a late talker, not really saying full sentences until he was around 26 months. It’s really fun for Jeongguk to have conversations with Jimin, to hear the little things he has to say and his thoughts coming out in like squeaky babbles.

“Alright, go play now, go play!” Hoseok pats Jimin, who runs, dangerously close to flopping over, to the open door that leads to the playroom. He turns and runs back towards Jeongguk, hugging around one of his knees, before running away again. Hoseok turns to Jeongguk, handing him the clipboard to sign him in.

“So he’s feeling better, huh?” Jeongguk nods, smiling.

“Yeah, he wasn’t feeling too good about halfway through the day the last time he was here, and he knocked out and slept for two hours on the couch. Jeongguk sighed, making a little ‘aw’ sound at the exhale. He looked up after filling in the sign in info.

“The first two days were rough, cause I’ve only dealt with him being sick that one time he had an ear infection a couple months ago… His fever broke the second night but I stayed home with him yesterday just to make sure he’d be 100 percent today. I think he ran away with his backpack but I put orange juice and tissues in there for him, and an extra blanket in case he wants to take a nap. Just… can you make sure if he’s running around too much, tell him not to overexert himself for today, and-”

“Jeongguk, slow down. I got it. Orange juice. Tissues. Blanket.” Jeongguk looked sheepishly at his shoes.

“Sorry, I just… I just don’t want to him to feel worse again, I…”

Hoseok leaned on his elbows at the desk, eyeing Jeongguk curiously when he went silent for a moment.

“It was my first time being alone with him sick like this and I feel like I didn’t do good enough.” Jeongguk admits, his voice soft. Hoseok shakes his head.

“No, no, Kook, don’t say that-”

“He asked for her.”

Hoseok’s eyes narrowed. Jeongguk continued speaking before he could ask.

“In the middle of the night, he was crying cause, h-he wasn’t doing too good… and even though I was holding him he… he asked for our mom…” Jeongguk says, his voice turning into a whisper at the end. Jeongguk leans against the desk, rubbing profusely at his eyes.

“Oh, Jeongguk…” Hoseok says, putting his hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb.

“Just because he cried for his mom doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Also, he had a fever, he may have not even known what he was saying, especially if he hasn’t mentioned it again-”

“That’s what I’m saying. In a moment where he needed someone most he didn’t want me.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Hoseok says, his voice gentle. “He just turned 4. Okay? He literally just turned 4. Of course he’s gonna cry for his mom, that’s what little kids do. You know he still doesn't fully understand what happened to you guys that night. It doesn’t mean that you’re not important. Your mom was the one who carried him for 9 months and fed him and dealt with him screaming all night, so of course he’s gonna be attached to her. But, don’t you dare think that that makes you any less important or any less of a big brother.” Jeongguk stared at him, his expression still a little unconvinced. Hoseok sighs.

“You chose this, Jeongguk. You’re the one who deferred your admission to an amazing university and signed those papers to keep him. You didn’t let him get dropped off at some aunt’s house or some foster home. And for that, I respect you more than you can ever imagine. You’re the most badass big brother I know.” Jeongguk can’t help but smile - just a tiny bit.

“He loves you so much.” Hoseok says, his voice quiet.

“I know, I know...” Jeongguk whispers.

“He literally spends all day talking about you. All day. Hyung is this. Hyung did that. I love hyung. I’m sick of you before I even see you.” Jeongguk chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

They sit in a somewhat pleasant silence before Jeongguk glances up at the clock.

“Shit, I have to go.” he says, pulling himself up.

“Jeongguk, hey-” Jeongguk turns around. “What?”

“Don’t doubt yourself, okay? Don’t doubt yourself.”

---

“Breathe in… okay and exhale.”

Jeongguk pushed the needle through the girl’s ear, eyes squinted in concentration. He hears her hiss when the cartilage cracks.

“Alright, you wanna do anything else?” Jeongguk asks playfully. The girl laughs and shakes her head, her mouth grimaced in pain. Jeongguk smiles at her and motions to the back desk.

“Okay, it’ll be 45, pay up at the front there.”

After the girl exits, his section of the parlor is empty except for him and his coworker. Jeongguk wanders over to the front desk, leaning against it.

“You’re back,” the other by at the desk mumbles, concentrated on a tattoo design.

“Yeah, Jimin’s feeling better.”

“Oh, that’s good.” The other boy says, finally looking up after finishing a section, pushing pastel green hair out of his eyes.

“I have good news for you. Our manager never came until late last night, so he doesn’t know you weren’t here. And since yesterday only one kid came in for a piercing I just did it and checked you in and out. So, thanks to me, you’ll be getting a full day of pay for something you never did.”

“Wait… really?”

“Yep. And you didn’t think I cared about you and your kid.” the boy smirks, turning down to his paper again. Jeongguk’s jaw was dropped.

“How do you do it?”

“I have my ways.” Jeongguk’s expression softens, and Yoongi does the same.

“Thanks, Yoongi.” Yoongi waves his hand like it’s no big deal.

Yoongi nods, flicking his head to two boys who came in.

“He had an appointment,” Yoongi says, dragging himself out of his seat and making his way over to the customer.

---

Yoongi’s in the middle of a tattoo, the buzzing surrounding the building even with the music playing, when Jeongguk gets a phonecall. He stumbles to the back.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jeongguk?”

“Hi, Mr. Lee.”

“You’re finally coming into work today, yes?” Jeongguk nods, and then remembers this is a phonecall.

“Yes, sir.”

“Yeah, Eunbyeol called in sick, and the dinner shift is going to be crazy. We have so many reservations already, can you come in early to help?”

Jeongguk grimaces, looking at the time.

“Like… now?”

“Yes, like...now,” the manager says, condescending in his tone. Jeongguks stares up at the time again. 1:36. He usually doesn’t come until 4, right after his shift ends at the tattoo parlor at 3:30. He really hates this restaurant and its manager, but he needs that fancy restaurant paycheck because Jimin deserves it. Jeongguk fake gags before he puts the phone back to his ear.

“Yes sir, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Don’t be late.”

Jeonggu groans as the other hangs up on him. He runs into the bathroom with his bag and rips out his black slacks and dress shirt, shoving them on him before he jogs over to the tattoo section, where a boy sits in a chair working on a sleeve.

“Yoongi, La Nourriture called me and they want me to come in early.”

“Ew.”

“I know.”

Yoongi wipes the tattoo, turning back to look at Jeongguk.

“Don’t look so stressed, you always ask for more hours anyway. I’ll cover for you here, don’t worry.” Jeongguk thanks Yoongi again, waving to him before walking out the door, turning it into a sprint when he sees the bus approaching.

---

“I would like the grass fed burger. No cheese, the onions glazed. Wrapped in lettuce, olive oil on the side, no bun. I want my tomato slices to be thin. No bigger than 1cm.”

Jeongguk stares at the woman, his pen and paper in his hand. Do you want me to tell it a bedtime story too?

“Yes, ma’am, that will be right out.” He nods to her and the man sitting beside her.

Jeongguk ever so carefully enters their orders into the computer. His manager kept motioning him to stay a little longer, and it’s felt like he’s been here for 27 hours. He takes a second while he’s in the back to let out a loud groan, drop to his knees, then quickly get up and go to the kitchen to get someone’s order. While he’s setting plates down, he glances up at the golden clock on the wall and sees the time. 8:45.

“ Shit, ” Jeongguk whispers, one of the old woman at the table looking up, seeing if she heard right. Jeongguk smiles and bows slightly like nothing happened, briskly walking to the back and ripping his phone out of his locker.

Missed call: Hoseok (4)

He was supposed to pick Jimin up at 7:30. He was supposed to pick his Jimin up at 7:30. Jeongguk takes a wheezing breath, immediately tapping Hoseok’s contact and shaking his leg up and down.

“Jeongguk-”

“Oh my gosh, Hoseok, I’m so sorry, I lost track of time, my manager is on my back, and he kept telling me to keep working, it’s been so busy and I lost track of time, and I didn’t see, oh my go- oh no, is Jimin okay? I’m so horrible, I-”

“ Jeongguk! Yah, answer me!”

Jeongguks snapped out of the panic he was in just enough to understand Hoseok’s yelling.

“He’s with me. My shift ended at 8:00. I didn’t want Sunni to charge you for picking him up late, so I took him back to my apartment. He’s here right now.”

Jeongguk whimpers, banging his head once against the locker. His eyes burn, but he blinks it away, because he’s not going to cry twice in one week. His face crumples, but he tries to keep his voice composed.

“Is he okay?”

“Who, Jimin? Oh he’s great, I have the Lion King on Blu Ray, what else does he need?” Jeongguk chokes out a laugh. He just wants to hear his little voice.

“C-can I talk to him?”

“Sure!” he hears Hoseok pull the phone away from his face. “Hey squirt, your hyung’s on the phone.” Jeongguk’s stomach drops when he hears Jimin yell out in excitement.

You don’t deserve him. You left him there.

“Hi Jeonggukie hyung!” Jeongguk lets out a sob when he heard his brother’s voice, covering his mouth after it came out.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Jeongguk says, satisfied with how strong it came out despite his trembling insides.

“I’m at Hobi-hyung's house!”

“I know, are you having fun?”

“Yeah! Yeah! You come here, too! You-you come here and play!” Jeongguk closes his eyes, and just listens to the sound of his voice. Jimin still can't say play well, and it tends to come out more like "pay". He’s silent for a moment.

“I’m on my way now, okay?”

“Kay!”

“Can you give the phone back to Hobi, Minnie?” Jeongguk hears the phone shuffle.

“Hey.”

“Hey, I’m gonna check out and leave right now and I’ll take the bus. I’ll be there within a half hour, I just don’t know how long the bus is gonna take.”

“Okay, well, we won’t go anywhere.” Jeongguk lifts his head from the locker.

“Hoseok, I’m so sorry-”

“Jeongguk. Don’t you dare beat yourself up for this. Please don’t.”

Jeongguk’s fist are clenched, his breathing heavy. Why am I so bad at this?

“Please, Jeon. Don’t.” Jeongguk sighed, grabbing his bag and dragging himself out of the locker room to check out. He’s not gonna beat himself up for it. He’s not gonna beat himself up. Jimin is fine. Jimin is fine. Jeongguk wants to throw himself into a wall but Jimin is fine.

“Okay, I’ll text you when I get off the bus.”

“Okay.” Hoseok’s voice is gentle, he sounds sad.

Jeongguk is about to make his way out of the restaurant before a voice stops him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jeongguk turns around, his manager standing above him, his eyes squinted with the same condescending look he always has towards Jeongguk.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lee, I really have to go. I can’t stay any longer-”

“Why? You gotta go to some party? Take a nap maybe?” Jeongguk tries not to scream. His manager doesn’t know about Jimin. He’s never told him about Jimin, because, well, why would he?

“I need to pick up my brother, I was supposed to get him at 7:30, and I can’t wait any longer.”

“Can’t you just get your mom or dad to pick him up?” Jeongguk grinds his teeth.

“No. They can’t.” His manager rolls his eyes, not an ounce of sympathy.

“Get out. If you decide to leave whenever you want again, you’re fired. I’ll let you loose this time.” Jeongguk’s stomach drops. He needs this job. He needs this job.

“Yes, sir, I’m sorry, sir.” Jeongguk quickly bows and runs out of the restaurant.

---

The bus ended up taking longer than he planned, and by the end of it he’s about to set himself on fire. Once he gets to Hoseok’s apartment complex, he’s basically sprinting up the stairs three at a time. As he’s about to open his door, it opens up.

“I could hear you trying to kill the stairs.” Jeongguk pants, falling into Hoseok’s arms when he reaches out for a hug. Hoseok laughs sadly.

“Jeongguk… buddy… just take a deep breath. Come on,” he pats Jeongguk’s back while Jeongguk just holds onto him. Jeongguk leans back raking his hands through raven black hair.

“Kook, he’s fine-”

“My manager just threatened to fire me.”

“Wha-why?”

“Cause I told him I had to leave even though my shift ended at like, 6.”

“What an ass.”

“I know.”

They sat there in silence for a moment.

“Don’t make such a stressful expression, gosh. You’re gonna get frown lines before you’re 21.” Jeongguk sighs, running his hands down his face.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a really rough week, okay?”

“Ya think?” Hoseok asks, his eyebrow raised. “What’s gotten you so clogged up, Kook? You’re usually a little stressed, but this week, let’s be honest here. You’re a mess.” Jeongguk groans, sliding down the wall of the entryway.

“I couldn’t afford his medicine.”

“Hm?”

“At the grocery store. When he was sick, I didn’t have enough money for medicine....”

“That’s alright. Don’t beat yourself up for it. He healed just fine.”

“No, I still got the medicine for him.” Hoseok’s eyes widened.

“Don’t tell me you stole it,” he whispered. “Gosh, you should have called me. I’m not rolling in money but-”

“I didn’t… I didn’t steal it. Someone bought it for me.” Hoseok’s face lightened a little.

“Oh, that’s nice! Who bought it for you?”

“A stranger.”

“Awh, that’s so nice! How did they know you needed it?”

“Well, I was fetal on the ground with a sick child right in front of the medicine. How much more embarassingly obvious can you get.” Hoseok laughed, a sympathetic one.

“Was it like an old lady? They know everything.”

“Actually, he was the same age as me.” Hoseok’s expression suddenly turned playful.

“Ooh~ he ?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just asking! That doesn’t sound like something you kids would do these days-”

“You’re like, a kid, too.”

“I’m 23, you idiot. I’m grown. Anyway, was he cute, that all I’m asking-”

“He was beautiful.”

Hoseok’s jaw dropped, which transitioned into a smile. He watched Jeongguk’s face change from a casual face to a horrified one, realizing what he said. Jeongguk shook his head, standing up quickly.

“U-um, where’s Jimin?” Hoseok didn’t finish the conversation, since he knew his friend had a rough day and he didn’t want to bug him.

“He should still be on the couch.” Jeongguk almost ran into the living room. Hoseok smiled when he saw Jeongguk’s expression - it was filled with just pure love and adoration and protectiveness.

Jimin was asleep on the couch, even completely sprawled out he didn’t take up half the cushion. One of this hands was tossed near his head, the other holding the blanket his brother put in his bag that morning. His hair was all frazzled and his breathing was deep, his long eyelashes dusting across his small soft cheeks. His fuzzy socks on tiny feet were tucked into the blanket, and he had his sweatshirt on, making him look incredibly cozy. Jeongguk sighed, this time not one in exhaustion, but love. He walked carefully over to Jimin, reaching out to stroke the bangs out of his face. Jimin’s nose twitched, and then soft brown eyes opened.

“Hi~” Jeongguk says, his smile real and huge. Jimin’s eyes widened, and he reached out for his brother, a sleepy smile on his face. Jeongguk immediately wrapped his arms around his brother’s body, holding him snugly to his chest. He buried his face into Jimin’s soft hair, smelling like his coconut conditioner. Jeongguk kissed the crown of his head, and set him back down on the couch.

“You ready to go home?” he asks, melting at Jimin’s big yawn. Jimin nods.

Hoseok helps Jeongguk grab all of Jimin’s things scattered around the apartment. Jeongguk swung the little backpack around his shoulder, and his duffle on the other. He went back over to the couch, where a sleepy Jimin was watching him with interest. Jeongguk zips up Jimin’s sweatshirt, helping him put his velcro shoes on and wrapping the blanket around him before pulling him to hip.

“Okay, we’re gonna get going.” Jeongguk says to Hoseok. Hoseok smiles, walking over to Jimin, poking his cheek. Jimin giggled, smashing his face into the spot between Jeongguk’s neck and shoulder.

“Bye, Minnie,” Hoseok says.

“Bye bye!” Jimin says back sticking his arm far out to wave. Hoseok leans in to hug Jeongguk when he hears him whisper “don’t doubt yourself.” Jeongguk nods at him, looking down at his brother and repositioning him on his hip.

---

The bus was quiet around this time, only some sketchy people on the bus and some students. Jimin fell asleep, the motions of the bus and being in Jeongguk’s strong arms lulling him to sleep. Jeongguk kept the blanket around him tight, almost hiding his face from anyone who would look over at them, and shielding him from the cold air outside.

They finally make it to their stop, and Jeongguk got up quickly and made his way off the bus and up to their apartment. He tucked Jimin into his bed (without forgetting to sing to him like he always does) and rolls into his own bed, his body screaming in relief. He rolls over and looks at his brother’s bed at the other side of the room, and he scoots to the other side of his bed so he can be closer to him.

“Beautiful. Can you tilt your head just a little bit more forward - yes! Perfect.”

Taehyung burned holes into the camera lense with doll-like eyes as the photographer focused it with expert hands.

“Okay, we got the shot! Jin, can you come in here for a couple more photos?” One of Taehyung’s few friends in the industry was standing next to the set - blank white canvas drawing the attention to only the model in front of it - head popping to the photographer when he heard his name. Nodding, Jin walked over to Taehyung, who smiled at him brightly. They both turned back to the camera, their faces transforming to their model characters, posing to the camera with lips and legs and hair.

After about 3 more hours, they were dragging themselves off the set of the magazine shoot, Taehyung begging Jin to go to the pizza parlor down the city street (“that’s processed, Tae”).

They somehow end up in the brick building, Taehyung peeling off the mushrooms of an 8 topping pizza and placing them on Jin’s plate.

“So, Namjoon is going to be expanding his camera shop in a couple weeks, and he’s gonna need some more workers there to help with the load. Do you know anyone?”

“I know a lot of people, Jinnie! I’m sure I’ll be able to help think of someone to help your little boyfriend’s photography business,” Taehyung said happily, his mouth stuffed. Jin pursed his lips, shaking his head and pulling out his phone.

“Are you gonna go to Paris this month?”

“Nah, I have homework. You?”

“Well, duh, I can’t miss Marc Jacobs. Chanel’s doing a show this summer, have you been asked to do that one?”

“Chanel? Oh yeah, I got asked! I’m gonna do that one since I’m out of school May 30.”

“Oh, thank God - doing runway alone is a nightmare - you won’t believe some of the glares these boys are giving me backstage.” Jin shakes his head, currently sticking a fork in his glass for the best ice cube to chew.

“Trust me, I believe it. Last year Kim Suho looked at my purple hair like it was a wild animal. But don’t worry, they’re just jealous I can still get jobs with bleached hair and that you’re so stunning you open the show every time you do one,” Taehyung says playfully, reaching for his 3rd piece.

“You’re face is gonna swell with all that sodium. That sauce is not organic.”

Taehyung shrugs, grabbing the salt shaker and shaking some onto his pizza slice, to Jin’s horror.

“I think this whole college life is getting to you.”

Taehyung grins a boxy grin, handing the piece to Jin, who can’t help but chuckle and take the piece, cautiously taking a bite. His face scrunched up like a lemon when the unhealthy amount of salt hit his taste buds.

“That’s nasty, Tae.”

---

Jeongguk is placing orders into the computer when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He refuses to keep it in his locker since that dreaded day last week. He strides into the staff bathroom after punching in the rest of the order, locking the door and answering when he sees it’s from the daycare.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hi is this Jeon Jeongguk?”

“...Yes? I see this is from the daycare, is everything alright?” Jeongguk asks, hesitant.

“I’m so sorry if this is an inconvenience to you, but can you make it do the daycare as quickly as you can?” Jeongguk’s stomach drops.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Jimin? What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s… he’s having some trouble here right now. We’re all trying to calm him down, but he really needs you right now. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. Jeongguk? Are you still there?”

Jeongguk couldn’t move, he felt his feet glued to the ground. He nods, realizing they can’t see it. Jimin is not an inconvenience. Everything else is.

“I’m on my way.” Is all Jeongguk says before hanging up and pulling himself out of the bathroom. It may not be anything serious. Trained professionals at a daycare are calling him saying they can’t deal with his brother, even though they worked with tantrum filled two year olds all day. But it can’t be anything serious. Jimin just probably needs a change of clothes. Maybe he wasn’t feeling too good. Maybe he wanted to show Jeongguk a picture.

“Where are you going, Jeongguk?” Jeongguk turns around to see his manager’s menacing eyes glaring at him. For some reason, he didn’t feel afraid.

“I have to go.”

“If you just storm out again, you’re done here.”

“Then I’m done here.” Jeongguk says, yanking off his black apron and notepad, pulling out his phone and then shoving the first two items to his manager. He scoffs, laughing almost.

“Have fun at whatever party you’re going to tonight. Hope it was worth your paycheck.” Jeongguk clenches his fists at his sides, begging himself not to punch the man in the face.

“You don’t know me.” Jeongguk adds, before turning and making his way out of the restaurant. So yeah, he just handed away his highest paying job, but Jimin needs him. So hopefully this adrenaline rush will help prevent a mental breakdown.

---

Jeongguk practically yanks open the door to the daycare, the woman the front desk worrying her bottom lip.

“Ah, you’re here.” She says, relieved. Jeongguk isn’t paying attention, because even back in the lobby he’s in, he can hear his baby boy’s screams coming from one of the rooms. He immediately runs to the sound, clad in black slacks and a black dress shirt from the restaurant.

Usually, if Jimin is having an outburst (he’s picked Jimin up crying before when he gets off work - when he’s tired and the days are long and he just wants to see his big brother.) his cries immediately will calm down when he sees Jeongguk walk into the room.

Jeongguk feels anxiety when that doesn’t happen.

Jimin is slumped on the ground, flinging his legs, one of his shoes kicked across the room. His face is tomato red and completely wet with countless, never ending tears. Jimin wails and screams, even after seeing Jeongguk. Hoseok is next to him, trying helplessly to soothe him.

Jimin rarely ever has tantrums. He’s always been what passersby call him - an angel. Even in his worst moments, he will calm quickly when he cries, always trying his best not to throw tantrums. Jeongguk honestly thinks it’s because Jimin knows Jeongguk has enough to deal with already. So no, Jimin wasn’t just being a brat. Something was wrong.

Hoseok looked helplessly at Jeongguk, shocked at Jimin’s out of character behavior. Jimin picked up a toy beside him, chucking it against the wall, broken cries choking his throat - a couple other children in the room stood by the door, watching.

After absorbing all of this in a matter of seconds, Jeongguk runs up to his little brother.

“Hey, hey, Jimin.” He grabs onto Jimin’s flying hands, pulling his into him. He held Jimin a little tighter, his grip still gentle as Jimin screamed and flailed in his arms. Jeongguk shushed Jimin, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Jimin surprisingly calmed down a little, the flailing stopping and turning just into crying.

“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” Jeongguk asks, pulling Jimin back a little. Jimin smashed his eyes with his fist, cries coming out more broken than when Jimin’s fever got at its highest. Jeongguk stroked his cheek.

“Jimin. Look at me. Are you hurt?”

His stomach drops even lower when Jimin nods. He immediately starts feeling over the tiny body, eyes scanning every inch he could. Hoseok, who was still beside them, went forward to look as well.

“Honey, where does it hurt? Can you point to where it hurts?” Jeongguk asks, his eyes wide.

Jimin nods, pointing to his head. Jeongguk pulls up a little to look through Jimin’s hair, frustrated when he can’t find any bumps or bleeding or bruises. Jimin shrieks and begins to cry harder, frantically pointing to his head, rocking slightly in Jeongguk’s lap. Every wail is like a needle stabbing into Jeongguk's skin as he tries to focus right where Jimin is pointing in the center of his forehead, sobbing. He can tell Jimin is frustrated.

“Jimin, does it hurt inside you head?” Jimin nods, cries calming down just a little.

“Does it hurt like someone hit you in the head or does it hurt like someone said something mean?” Jeongguk asks softly, rubbing Jimin’s back.

“L-l-like s-someone s-said s-somethin m-m-mean,” Jimin hiccups, a tiny fist clinging to the collar of Jeongguk’s shirt.

“Why does it hurt? Did something make you sad?” Jimin nods, face crumpling again.

“M-miyeon t-took the t-train! I al-lways pl-play with the train!” Jimin break into full sobs again, clinging onto Jeongguk’s shirt tighter.

Jeongguk just stared at Jimin. His eyes looked a little blank, even. So Hoseok stepped in.

“Jimin, we have to share toys, remember? Everyone gets a turn.” Hoseok turns to Jeongguk when he heard a sharp breath. He’s shocked when he sees Jeongguk’s eyes welling up.

“Hey, hey, hey, Jeon. Are you alright? Hey, talk to me.”

Hoseok felt like it was slow motion when Jeongguk quickly blinked the unfallen tears back into his eyes, then he looked back at Jimin, who seemed to be waiting for him to say something - his sobs had quieted to hiccups. Jeongguk looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t get it out. Hoseok is surprised when he sees Jimin turn and face Hoseok, his cries ceased, but his face still sad, completely wet with tears.

“Hobi, I need the train cause when mommy comes back we have to look at the trains.”

Hoseok looked back at Jeongguk, whose lip was trembling - he looked younger than when he met him freshman year.

“Wh-when…” Jeongguk whispered, Hoseok leaning in and rubbing his back. “When we were - when Jimin was little, mom used to walk him to the train tracks so he could look at the train in the morning.” Jeongguk whispered, blinking away tears again. 

“I can drive you guys home.” Hoseok says, softly.

---

“When are mommy and daddy gonna be back? How much longer do mommy and daddy have ‘tuh stay in heaven?” Jimin asked Jeongguk. His small voice came out a little wobbly and scratchy from screaming. Jeongguk was lying in bed gently raking his hands through Jimin’s hair, who was lying on his chest. Jeongguk sighed. He knows kids aren’t stupid. Everyone says Jimin doesn’t know what’s going on, that he doesn’t know what happened.

Jimin may not fully understand, but he knows.

Jeongguk looks up at the ceiling, holding onto Jimin tighter.

“When people go to heaven, they do something called pass away.” Jimin sits up on Jeongguk’s chest, looking down at Jeongguk, whose eyes meet his.

“Do you remember when our fish, Sam, was upside down last year? And we had to flush him down the toilet?” Jimin nods sadly, remembering.

“He passed away. It’s because his body didn’t work anymore. It was done here on earth.” Jeongguk gently grabbed one of Jimin’s small hands in his, holding it against his heart.

“Your heart doesn’t beat anymore, and you’re body stops working. You feel it thumping right now?” Jimin nods, fascinated feeling his brother’s heart under his hands.

“That means it working.”

“When will your heart stop working, Kookie?” Jimin whimpers, his lip trembling dangerously. Jeongguk shushes him, pulling his close to his chest so that his cheek is pressed against his heart.

“Oh, baby, not for a really long time. You’re going to be an old old man, and my heart will still be beating. I promise.” Jimin nods, sloppily wiping at a tear.

“So we had to flush mommy and daddy down a toilet because their hearts stopped beating?” Jeongguks chuckles wetly, rubbing Jimin’s back. The lights were off, the sunset shining a soft orange light around the room.

“Fish get flushed down toilets. People get buried and put in the ground. Mommy and daddy… when their hearts stopped beating, we put them in a holder so we can put them in the ground. Do you remember that? You were really little.” Jimin shrugged, nuzzling into his brother.

“So, Jiminnie… they’re…” Jeongguk takes a breath, his voice thick. He begs himself and God and everything for him not to cry right now. “They’re not gonna come back.”

“Mommy and daddy can’t come back?”

“No, they can’t come back, sweetie.”

Jimin grips onto Jeongguk tighter.

“So I can’t show mommy the train?” Jeongguk sniffles, he doesn’t really care a tear slipped down his cheek. He shook his head.

“Oh.” They’re silent for a moment.

“But mommy can still see you. And daddy. And even Sam.” Jimin squirmed in his chest - he was sitting up again.

“Where? I don’t see em?” Jimin asks, his voice sounding every bit like a child.

Jeongguk points up at the sky.

“They’re up there, right now, watching over you, protecting you. Even though you can’t show mommy your train, she knows you want to, and she knows you love her. Same with daddy.” Jimin’s eyes brightened slightly.

“Really? They can see from all the way up there?” Jeongguk chuckled slightly, nodding.

“I guess so, huh? And one more thing, Jimin. We’ll see them again, one day, okay?”

“But you said they’re not coming back?”

“One day, a super duper long time from now, when our hearts stop working and our bodies stop working here, we’re gonna go to heaven too. And guess who’s gonna be there?” Jimin smiled.

“Mommy and daddy?”

“Mhm.”

“And Sam?”

“Even Sam.” Jimin’s expression faltered.

“But I wanna see them now.”

“I know, baby, we all do. That’s the worst part. We want mommy and daddy to be with us instead of heaven, yeah?” Jimin nods, pouting.

“That’s the worst part, I know,” Jeongguk stroked Jimin’s hair, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. They’re quiet again for a moment. Oddly enough, the atmosphere had a lot of peace.

“Do you have any other questions?” Jeongguk asks. Jimin nods.

“Are you my daddy now?”

Jeongguk pauses for a moment, then nods.

“Kind of. I’m still your big brother, but I’m gonna take care of you like mommy and daddy did. You can still call me Jeongguk, you don’t have to call me daddy.” Jimin nods. He’s sitting up in Jeongguk’s chest, using his tiny hands to play with Jeongguk’s jet black hair, fluffy from rolling around in bed.

“Which means…” Jeongguk sits up, holding Jimin and moving him to his lap.

“I have to give you all the hugs and kisses of mommy, daddy, and me combined.” he says, leaning forward playfully, eyes soft. Jimin’s eyes widened, giggling and screaming in delight when Jeongguk begins to pepper him all over with kisses and raspberries.

“I love you so much, sweetie, okay? Remember that.”

“I love you, too, Jeongguk.”

---

Jeongguk is sitting in the balcony of their apartment, the sounds of the angry car horns and city lights keeping him distracted from the fact that he's going to have to job hunt tomorrow. He was able to make Jimin his favorite dinner and read him a story before he fell asleep. He was worried  he wasn’t going to sleep well tonight. He knew he was going to have to give ‘the talk’ eventually, and he had thought about how he was going to explain death to Jimin. He didn’t want to be vague about, because Jimin would just keep asking questions. He’s always worried on how Jimin will deal with the grief, since it can still be so hard for him to express himself. He’s frustrated he didn’t understand Jimin’s outburst at first, and frustrated that he keep bottling up his own grief.

He doesn’t know how he got here, but suddenly his phone was out and he was scrolling through his contacts, tapping ‘ Taehyung ’ , holding the phone against his ear and the ringer waiting.

“Helloooo~~” a cheery voice came from the other line.

“Hey, it’s… me-”

“I know! I have caller ID! Hi Jeongukkie! How is everything?”

“I’m sorry, if this is weird, I just… I don’t know why I called, I just needed someone one to talk to. I’m sorry, I can call someone else, I - ugh.”

“ I gave you my number, Jeongguk. I want to talk to you okay?” The boy on the other side of the line’s voice soften. Jeongguk melts at the sultriness of it.

“Is everything alright? How are you and your baby?”

“I-” Jeongguk’s voice cracks, and the next thing he knows he’s sobbing. Drowned by the city sounds, he cried into the night, over everything. He wants his parents just as much as Jimin. He wants his mom to hold him in her warm arms and he wants his dad to take him to a baseball game. He wants to go to college, and watch Jimin grow up with awesome parents and not get sick and live in a big house and be able to watch the trains with with their mom.

But no, some selfish fuckers took his parents too early.

They didn’t think or care that while they robbed the house, there was a 3 year old sleeping over at their grandmother’s house that night, and they didn’t think that there was another son out at a party.

They probably didn’t even hesitate when they shoved the knife through the father who was about to do a great deal with the company and get a great job to provide for his oldest son about to attend university and their baby who they didn’t expect to have - the baby that was told their mother wouldn’t be able to carry to term, after trying for years and years for another.

They didn’t hesitate when they shot the bullet through the skull of the mother who spent so much time teaching children in elementary schools, make incredible, warm dinners and rock her baby while talking on the phone and doing the laundry Jeongguk could’ve done himself. The mother who endured all of her son’s harsh words and teenage antics, always there to hold him when he came home broken.

Jeongguk realized, to his horror, he had been saying it all out loud, to the boy on the phone. He went silent.

“Do you want me to come over?” Jeongguk hears on the static-filled other end of the line.

“Y...yeah.”

Jeongguk is lying on the kitchen tile and staring at the fluorescent lights above him when he hears a gentle knock. Groaning, Jeongguk rolled over the pulled himself up, dragging his feet to the front door.

When he opens it, his eyes spot Taehyung. His hair looks unstyled, but effortlessly fluffy. He's wearing baggy pants similar to what a painter would wear, with a soft off-white cardigan. 

Taehyung smiles at him, huge but gentle, and it sent a butterflies through Jeongguk’ stomach.  He flings up a shopping bag he has in his hands, but Jeongguk can’t make out what’s in it.

Dropping the shopping bag on the ground, Taehyung opens his arms and pulls Jeongguk into a hug. Jeongguk is surprised how natural it felt for Taehyung do just do that, but it felt too comforting for him to pull the other away. Jeongguk wrapped his arms around Taehyung, letting Taehyung lay his head in the crook of his neck, his soft lavender hair tickling against his jawline. Their bodies seemed to fit so well in each other, Taehyung’s delicate frame held against Jeongguk’s strong one. They hadn’t spoken any words yet, but Jeongguk appreciated the silence.

He doesn’t know how long they stood there before they both felt ready to pull apart. He immediately cringed when he saw Taehyung’s eyes peeking around the apartment curiously, remembering at that moment why last time he didn’t want Taehyung to walk into here.

“You know you don’t have to talk to me ever again. You can just leave now.”

Damn it.

“Huh?”

Jeongguk grimaced when he saw the other boy look at him oddly.

Jeongguk doesn’t mean to start talking again, but for some reason, Taehyung’s deep eyes egged him on to become some kind of motormouth, talking a mile a minute. 

“Because I literally just told you my entire mid-life crisis on the phone, and I barely know you, and my house is hideous and I’m embarrassed, okay.”

Taehyung stared at him for probably 5 seconds, but it felt like 5 hours for Jeongguk to really collapse into embarrassment. Taehyung blinked.

“What are you talking about? This house is beautiful! I mean look at that. Look at that crack in the wall. It looks just like the Nile River. Gorgeous - absolutely stunning.” Taehyung grinned again, spinning around the room once childishly. He turned to look back at Jeongguk, his eyes sparkling sweetly.

Jeongguk cracked up, rolling his eyes and avoiding Taehyung’s.

“Can we go out on the balcony? Jimin’s asleep.”

“Sure!” Taehyung replied, his voice a little softer. He picked up his shopping bag and all but skipped to the creaky sliding glass door.

“ Wow!” Jeongguk heard Taehyung’s voice through the gentle night breeze. Taehyung was leaning over the balcony; Jeongguk had to try hard not to grab his hand and pull him back, because he’s worried Taehyung would fall.

“Your view is so beautiful, Kookie!” The butterflies returned to Jeongguk’s stomach at the nickname. He never really registered how beautiful the view really was. The sight of Taehyung turning around to face him, his silhouette gently caressed by the lights of the city. The breeze ruffled his soft hair around, mimicking the miniscule amount of trees below them. Taehyung’s smile was soft, something Jeongguk hasn’t seen yet - just a gentle curve to his full lips. Taehyung turned back to look at the cars below them, all following the formation of the roads, jammed in traffic even in the late hours at night.

“I-I… yeah… it’s n-nice,” Jeongguk choked out.

Damn it. Pull it together.

Taehyung sat down where he was, his back leaning against the balcony bars. Jeongguk pulled himself next to Taehyung, sitting beside him. Taehyung was reaching for his shopping bag, pulling out a tub of chocolate coconut ice cream and two plastic spoons. He also pulled out two milk sodas and a bag of cookies and tissues. Jeongguk raised one eyebrow. Taehyung shrugged.

“What? I didn’t know how emotional you were gonna be when I got here. I thought I’d prepare.” Taehyung carelessly opened the ice cream carton, a layer of melted ice cream from the trip over covering the frozen. He hands Jeongguk a spoon and uses his own to jam it into the new container, moaning when it reached his mouth.

“Did you buy this for me or for you?”

“Oh, shut up, you.”

Jeongguk took some ice cream so that he didn’t have to say anything. They were quiet for at least a couple minutes. It was a comfortable silence, one that didn’t feel heavy or awkward. It was peaceful, comforting almost. Jeongguk was the first to speak.

“Taehyung, I… I’m sorry for my dramatic phone call. That was really immature. And rude, to be honest. I shouldn’t have dumped all of that on you.”

Taehyung turned his head so that his eyes met Jeongguk's.

They’re so big.

“Oh my gosh, don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for having feelings. I gave you my number, remember?” Jeongguk nods.

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to. But can I just say one thing?”

Jeongguk had to pry his eyes away from Taehyung’s. They were hypnotizing. He nods.

“I just wanted to say you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever seen. That’s all.”

Jeongguk’s jaw dropped in shock. Taehyung was still giving him and innocent expression, his mouth now full again with ice cream.

“Please. That’s really sweet, but please don’t give me that title. I can’t live up to it.”

“It’s not a title. It’s nothing you have to hold, and nothing you even technically earned. It’s something you already have.”

“What do you do for a living?” Jeongguk suddenly asked; what Taehyung had just said to him was a big load for him to take in and he didn’t want to focus on it too much right now. Taehyung didn’t seem to mind he changed the subject. If Jeongguk were to meet Taehyung’s eyes again, he would see the understanding in them.

“I’m a student.”

“Oh yeah, you said you go to Southwestern. I meant like, do you have a part time job or anything?”

“Oh, I’m a model.” Jeongguk swallowed.

Well that explains it.

“What kind of modeling do you do?” Jeongguk chokes out, his eyes glued to the ice cream he’s shoveling down his throat. He thinks he may be choking a little. He might be dead in a couple minutes and he doesn’t really understand why he’s acting this way.

“Runway mostly. And I do some magazine work as well.”

“Why choose runway?”

“I love walking.” Taehyung smiles to himself, reaching over to their bag and opening a box of the soft cookies. The dyed pink frosting and yellow butterfly sprinkles - they can’t help but make Jeongguk smile. Taehyung pulls the cookie in half, putting an entire half in his mouth.

“How are you eating this stuff if you’re a model? I know some people have blessed metabolisms, but… won’t you break out or something?”

Taehyung’s head tilted to the side, his cookie-filled cheeks.

“I only break out when I’m stressed. The trick is,” Taehyung hands his other half to Jeongguk, who takes in awkwardly, “to be happy. If I eat this cookie with happy thoughts, the fake sugar won’t make me break out. Your body is too busy being happy to remember to make acne. That’s the secret.” Jeongguk hums thoughtfully, taking a bite of the cookie.

“And your major? Are there modeling majors?”

Taehyung giggles. Jeongguk realizes he’s one of those people who rolls onto the nearest person when they laugh.

“Nah, I... actually don't know yet.” Jeongguk cocks his head, interested.

“Oh yeah?”

“I have to decide before junior year, but I can't make up my mind yet. Modeling is,” Taehyung fiddles with his cardigan sleeve, "I don't know." He looks down into his lap. 

Jeongguk nods, a small smile on his face.

“You must be a great model.”

This is the first time he saw Taehyung act shy. He pulled his left shoulder up a little, his eyes drifting away from Jeongguk, eyelashes dusting across his cheeks. His chin ducks down as well, and a bashful smile squishes on his face.

Jeongguk is melting.

“So how is your little brother? Jimin, is it?” Taehyung asks quickly, changing the subject. Jeongguk nods.

“That’s right, the last time you saw he was sick. He’s good now. Kind of… um…”

Taehyung set his spoon down in the ice cream tub, turning to face Jeongguk again. Jeongguk can’t help but stare into those eyes. Their faces are centimeters apart.

“I called you a couple hours ago because… Jimin had kind of an… outburst today.” Jeongguk explained everything that happened that day to Taehyung, his eyes glued to the others. Taehyung listened to every word, nodding slightly after every couple of sentences. He explained what happened at the daycare, how he felt, what Jimin was doing, how he had to explain the pure rawness that death is to a four year old.

“I’m proud of you.” Taehyung says at the end, his eyes glimmering, but now they also looked sad. Jeongguk didn’t really like sadness on Taehyung’s happy face. Jeongguk raised his eyebrows.

“You did a really good job today. Kids are really smart, and they deal with grief in a way that adults can’t always understand. And usually, kids know more than you think. So just being straightfoward about it is what you have to do.”

“I just wasn’t completely ready for him to ask yet, you know? I didn’t think it was going to be for at least maybe a year… he hasn’t brought it up too much, but he must’ve been holding a lot of it inside. I'm worried about him.”

Taehyung hums, sympathetic.

“Can I ask… do you work?” Taehyung’s voice is soft, almost nervous to approach it.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Oh! Where?”

“A tattoo and piercing parlor.” He doesn’t want to talk about what happened today yet.

“Cool!” Taehyung says, eyes lighting up.

“I wish I had met you earlier, I would’ve had you do my piercings.”  Taehyung playfully pulled his hair away from the ear facing Jeongguk, decorating with piercings.

“They’re beautiful,” Jeongguk says, looking closer to examine it from a piercer’s perspective.

“Oh! I could’ve had you do my tongue! The dude who did mine was in Paris last summer, he was a real creep.” Taehyung giggled sweetly.

He studied Taehyung’s face. The tall but soft curve of his nose, those eyes, those eyelashes.

Jeongguk gulped.

“I lost my job.”

Damn it.

Taehyung pulled his tongue back in his eyebrows drawing into a concerned expression.

“You don’t work there anymore?”

“I had a second job, at La Nourriture. You know the place?”

“Of course.”

“I was a waiter. Once, my boss made me work overtime, and I ended up having to pick up Jimin from a friend’s house. He brought him home from daycare for me. I didn’t even have my phone to answer where I was… and now today, I had to leave early to make sure Jiminnie was okay, and he told me if I left I would be fired. He thinks I’m going to parties or something. So I said that was fine and I gave him my apron and left.”

“That’s badass. You didn’t get fired, you quit, sir.”

“No, it’s not. Because now I don’t have enough money to feed Jimin this week and our water’s gonna get turned off. So I’m a fucking idiot - why are you smiling?” Jeongguk glares at Taehyung, who was smiling ever so slightly, his eyes glittering in the city lights.

Jeongguk is staring at Taehyung again. He can’t look away. There’s something captivating about him, entrancing, enchanting. There's so much in Taehyung's eyes that he doesn't know. 

“Because - I already found you a job.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen.

“What?”

Taehyung grins, bouncing a little where he’s sitting.

“So my model friend Seokjin, his boyfriend Namjoon is in the photography business. He’s been working on some camera designs and has a little shop. It’s doing really well, and he’s expanding, and they need more workers - to mage and work on designs with him. Not just cash register work. If I put in a word for you, you’ll totally get it.  And I’m just saying this job, it’s not minimum wage. You could have benefits if you want to do full time!”

Jeongguk's stomach was on the floor, and so was his heart. 

"I - I don't... I don't know what to say." 

"You don't have to say anything." Taehyung smiled softly, his head slightly tilted as he looked into Jeongguk's eyes. Jeongguk had to use the strength of his ancestors to drag his eyes away, before they snapped back to look at him again. 

"When can I see you again?" Jeongguk whispers. 

"We could get breakfast tomorrow?" Taehyung says sweetly, starting to stand up from the ground on the balcony. Jeongguk followed him, the wind blowing more prominently in their hair as they stood up.

“I really want to but… I can’t. I don’t have anywhere to drop Jiminnie off and even if I could I don’t want him to be without me after what happened today.”

“Then take him with you! I want to see him again, I want to see what he’s like when he’s feeling better!” Jeongguk chuckled dryly.

“Yeah. A four year old is the ideal for a perfect breakfast date.”

“Who said it had to be perfect? Let’s meet tomorrow at The Breakfast Club at 9, bring you and Jiminnie, okay? Please, please, please?” Taehyung pouted and adorable pout, hands clasped together and begging in front of him. Jeongguk sighed.

“Fine.”

---

After Jeongguk closes the front door as Taehyung walks out, Jeongguk wrung his hand as he stumbled into his bedroom. He was met with Jimin, who was still sleeping soundly, snuggled in blankets, a chubby cheek squished against a pillow. Jeongguk closed his eyes for a second, composing himself and walking to the bathroom.

When he switched the light on, he was met with his face. His eyes were glistening, his cheeks flushed. Jeongguk felt terror wash over him again, and he felt sick.

Jeongguk doesn't like where this is going at all. 

There's no way Jeongguk could be loved, let alone liked. He’s a joke. Weighed down by thousand of burdens heavier than anything he’s ever felt before, a child that looks up to him like he’s the whole world. Jeongguk has always thought when he gets that look from Jimin that he doesn’t deserve that look from him. Because he’s not good enough.

He has spent too much time falling down, yanking himself back up. He was a mess of explosive emotions and broken dreams and childish wishes for his parents.

And secondly, Jimin is first. How selfish of it would it be for him to drop Jimin off with someone for him to go on a date. If he’s all Jimin has, how selfish it would be to spend more time on his love life than developing his child’s life. And besides, who would want to spend time with a guy who constantly walks around with a babbling, bouncing child, where Jeongguk always has a bag of snacks and toys and Jimin's blankie. He has a toy score discount card on his key ring. He used to carry extra pullups in a backpack in case Jimin had an accident. Why would a boy who models in Paris and smiles like an angel and laughs like an angel and has the heart of an angel and the body of a flower choose him when he probably has every option in the world.

The answer: he wouldn’t.

Jeongguk’s head shot to the apartment entrance when an angry knock shook the old front door. Stomach twisting, Jeongguk slowly got up, the banging quiet for a couple seconds before smashing again.

Jeongguk’s eyes clicked to the old electric clock, green letters flickering.

3:06.

Jeongguk glanced back down the hall by his and Jimin’s bedroom before shakily stepping to the door. He felt like he couldn’t walk straight, and for some reason he kept walking too slow for comfort, unable to pull his legs faster.

Once Jeongguk finally reached the doorknob, it felt like it opened itself, revealing two tall, business-looking men and two women. They were all dressed in a murky red.

“Hello.” One man said, eyes almost yellow. Jeongguk just stared.

“We’re from the Child Protective Services. Please take your brother and give him to us now.” The man’s voice sounded glitchy, coming out like an old broken radio. Jeongguk went to open his mouth to speak. It felt like his tongue was made out of sludge.

“N-n-n-o. Nnno.” Jeongguk gurgled, trying to block the doorway. The people at the door all smiled wickedly, one of the women starting to push the door open more and move around Jeongguk.

“N-n-” No more sound was coming out of Jeongguk’s mouth. He began falling, falling, falling.

Suddenly he was lying on the ground, on his right side, his face turned towards the hallway.

He felt unimaginable horror wash over him intense waves, crashing over and over; he watched the four people run glitchily down the hallway.

Jeongguk took a gasping breath when he heard Jimin’s small cries.

“Hyung! Hyung! Jeonggukie! HYUNG!’ Jimin’s wails echoed through the hallway, desperate screams rolling out of his mouth.

“N-n-n…” Jeongguk felt like someone was sitting on his body, pushing him down from getting Jimin.

Jeongguk felt a strange, sobbing, thick scream come out of his mouth when he saw Jimin. His small body was being carried in one lazy arm of the yellow eyed man. Jimin was weeping, screaming for him over and over, but the weight never lifted off of him.

“Jeonggukkie hyung?”

Jeongguk’s strange, heavy scream continued to echo through the home as he watched the four monsters walk out the front door, fading into the fog, Jimin’s screams becoming more distant.

“Jeonggukkie hyung!”

Jeongguk’s eyes shot open. Above him was Jimin, eyes large and curious, poking his cheek.

Jeongguk stared at Jimin for a few seconds, trying to remember the dream he just had - it was already beginning to fade, but Jimin’s screams still kept bringing chills down his spine. But seeing Jimin in front of him, he forced himself to recover quickly, and the comfort of seeing his baby boy in front of him helped him calm.

“Jeonggukkie we’re gonna be late for daycare!”

Jimin was still in his pajamas, baby blue with clouds patterned all over them. His hair was all tossed around in a hundred different directions and puffy from sleep.

Jeongguk sat up, Jimin sliding from his stomach to his lap. He begins to go through his head everything he needs to do to get Jimin ready, but remembers.

Breakfast. Right. Breakfast… date. Yeah.

“Jiminnie, guess what?” Jimin’s head tilted curiously.

“You’re not gonna go to daycare today.”

“Huh? Why?” Jeongguk chuckled as Jimin’s exasperated tone.

“Because you’re gonna spend time with me. We’re gonna go somewhere special today.”

Jimin gasped, eyes growing into saucers.

“Special?! Where, where?!” Jimin jumped up and down on Jeongguk’s lap, hands flying.

“It’s a surprise. But you have to promise me something, Minnie, okay?” Jimin nodded, his face instantly switching to complete 4 year old focus.

“You have to be a super good boy, okay? Or you’re gonna get a consequence.” Jimin nodded, his lips squished into a pout.

“Okay, hyung.”

Jeongguk pinched Jimin’s cheek.

“Alright. Let’s comb that poof on your head.”

---

“Are we gonna get a puppy?”

“Nope.”

“Are we gonna see a movie on the giant TV?”

“Nope.”

“Are we gonna… uh… gonna... go to the store?”

“Nah.”

“Are we gonna eat?”

“Hmm… maybe…” Jeongguk smiled, his strong hand keeping a sturdy hold on Jimin’s tiny chubby one. Jimin jumped up and down, squealing. His little feet thumped as fast as he could down the city sidewalk, light up sneakers flashing against the gum-stained cement.

Jimin hugged himself around Jeongguk’s arm, since Jeongguk wouldn’t let go of his hand.

Jimin was gasping for air a little bit later in the walk, letting out exaggerated sighs.

“You doin’ okay? Want me to carry you?”

“No!” Jimin yelled, instantly straightening up and picking up his pace again.

“This is a long, long walk, hyung! This is an abenjure!”

“Aventure, Jimin. Adventure.”

“Abenjure!”

Jeongguk smiled slightly when he saw the sign of the restaurant come into view. He turned to the side, looking at a random window beside him to try to adjust his hair. He wiped something crusty out of his eye and tried to to straighten his wrinkled shirt. Jimin watched, leaning on Jeongguk’s legs.

He grimaced at his reflection, turning away quickly.

What on earth did I get myself into.

He took Jimin’s hand again, making his way to the restaurant entrance.

The girl at the front counter greeted them.

“Hi. Um.. is there someone here with purpley hair? Maybe he said party of 3…?”

“No, there’s not. Guess you got here first!” she giggled, pulling three menus out on the bin and looking at expectantly.

“One kids menu.” Jeongguk says. The waitress’s mouth made an ‘oh’ shape, glancing down where Jeongguk had just glanced, eyes coming across the little boy next to him.

“Aww! Hello!” she said, waving her hand slightly.

“Hii!” Jimin said, hand waving dramatically. She grinned, grabbing a kid’s menu and a box of crayons before leading them to a table.

“Can I start you too with something to drink?”

“Uh… just three waters is fine,” Jeongguk says distractedly, opening the box of crayons for Jimin, who was currently just smacking it against the table when he couldn’t get it open.

She nodded, walking away. Jeongguk pulled out his phone, about to text Taehyung when he heard Jimin’s voice next to him.

“Hello!” Jimin yelled, waving again. Jeongguk looked up.

Why does my stomach keep dropping? Knock it off.

Taehyung was above him. He was wearing an oversized jean jacket, looking super comfy and soft on him. His hair was starting to fade to a grey color.

Taehyung’s smile glowed at Jeongguk then at Jimin.

“Hi, Jimin!” Taehyung said, taking a seat at the booth across from them.

“Do you remember me, Jimin? I’m Taehyung.” Taehyung was still smiling blindingly, watching Jimin giggle and scrunch his shoulders up. Jimin waved again, turning to smash his face into Jeongguk’s arm.

“Hey,” Jeongguk said softly, a gentle smile on his face. Jeongguk felt a little blush when Taehyung’s sparkly eyes turned directly to him.

“Hey,” he said, voice melodic. “So glad you were able to come.” Jeongguk nods.

“I-I just got you water, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure!” Jeongguk tried not to grimace. He hasn’t really had social interactions like this in a while, and he’s sure he must be more awkward than ever. Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind, head turning to Jimin, who is coloring diligently on his paper menu.

“What are you coloring, Jimin?” Jimin looked up shyly.

“A flower.” Taehyung gasped, making Jimin’s eyes squish when he smiled.

“That’s awesome! What’s your favorite flower?” Jimin shrugged, trying to hide behind Jeongguk again.

Taehyung grinned at Jeongguk, a hand on his heart. ‘Oh my gosh’, he mouthed. Jeongguk couldn’t help but smile back.

Once their waters came, they figured it was a good idea to look at the menu.

“What do you like, Jimin?” Taehyung asks.

“French toast!” Jimin yells a bit too loudly, causing a couple heads to turn. Jeongguk chuckled, shushing him gently.

“Jeongguk, what do you want?” Jeongguk looked back up at Taehyung.

“Oh, uh… I usually just let Jimin pick and then I’ll eat a little bit of his.”

Taehyung eyes got a little sadder. Jeongguk remembers he doesn’t like that look on him. Before Taehyung is allowed to say anything, Jeongguk raises a finger. ‘No.’ He mouths. He’s not gonna freeload off of Taehyung. Again. Taehyung doesn’t say anything for a moment. It looks like he’s thinking. When Jimin is looking unwaveringly at a stack of French toast at another table, Taehyung leans in to whisper at Jeongguk.

“How about this. Because I know you’re out of a job this week,” he whispers, eyes continuing to check to make sure Jimin isn’t paying attention. “You pay for Jimin’s food, and I’ll pay for yours.”

Jeongguk immediately shook his head. Taehyung bit his lip.

“How about we share something and split the price. How’s that?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk wants to say no again, but staring into the other boy’s sparkly eyes, big and begging, he finds himself nodding. Taehyung smiles softly, thumping a menu in between them.

“Okay. What do you like?”

---

The ‘date’ went... well. They couldn’t talk about anything too serious because Jeongguk didn’t want Jimin to hear, and they couldn’t talk about anything too elaborate or long because Jimin kept stopping them to show them a picture he drew or colored in, or he’d get too rowdy, or he’d try to get up and explore the restaurant. He’s relieved there were no tantrums or tears, though. He’s glad Jimin’s a well behaved child, but he had a rough day yesterday. Children are blessed with a decent ability to move on from some things quickly, he thought.

Jeongguk would pull Jimin back into his seat, apologizing to Taehyung, who giggled and would blow it off.

Once Jimin got his french toast to pacify him, Taehyung did talk to Jeongguk about the job at the camera shop. It technically opens in three weeks, but Taehyung said he could talk to Namjoon and talk to him about coming in a week, to help him figure out and train himself in what he will need to do; he also said he would throw in some puppy dog eyes for Jeongguk to start receiving his paycheck then.

“We should do this again sometime!” Taehyung says brightly as they make their way out of the restaurant. Jeongguk had Jimin against his hip, who was content sucking on a lollipop the waitress gave him with the bill.

“You really want to?” Jeongguk asked, his voice a little quiet.

“Absolutely!” Taehyung says, jumping up and down a little. Jeongguk smiled.

“I’m sure we’ll figure out something.” Jeongguk looked down at Jimin, pushing a piece of hair behind his ear gingerly.

“Did you have fun, Jimin?” Taehyung asks. Jimin nods, giggling when Taehyung reached over and tickled him playfully.

“Okay, my car’s that way, so I’ll see you later?” Taehyung says. Jeongguk nods again. Taehyung placed a delicate hand of Jeongguk’s shoulder. They stared into each other’s eyes, no words spoken but full of meaning. Jeongguk still couldn’t help but be hypnotized by Taehyung’s him.

---

“How do I date?”

“Huh?”

Jeongguk rolled over on the couch in Hoseok’s apartment, Hoseok staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I think I’m forgetting how to date. I don't know how to be all young and free anymore.”

“What makes you say that?” Jeongguk grimaced at Hoseok.

“If I tell you you can’t freak out. You always freak out.” Hoseok’s expression was blank until an imaginary light bulb lit up his brain.

“Did you go on a date?” He asks, his voice rising. Jeongguk shushes him sharply, motioning to the other room, where Jimin was occupied with a DVD on the TV.

"Kind of? I took Minnie with me.”

“Aw, did you really? Who was it? Do I know them?”

“You know how that boy paid for my groceries?” Hoseok gasped, pushing himself to the end of the couch.

“Shut. Up. You guys went on a date? When?”

“This morning. But it didn’t really feel like a date at all.”

“How come?”

“Because I have a four-year-old with me. And I was just… so… awkward. ” Hoseok laughed, moving to sit next to Jeongguk. He playfully slumped his arm around him.

“You know, you could have dropped Jimin off here. I’m off on Sundays, remember?” Jeongguk sighed, rubbing viciously at his eye sockets.

“Yeah, I could have, but that would mean I’m abandoning my child for my personal gain.” Hoseok guffawed, looking his with his jaw dropped.

“Do you really think that, Jeon?” He nods.

“Oh, buddy… dropping Jimin off with me is not abandoning him.”

“He’s already at daycare so much all day-”

“You need to take a moment for yourself. It’s okay to do that. You can't become a shut-in at 19. I’m sure the bean will understand. Besides, I’m the best babysitter in the whole world.” Jeongguk rolls his eyes.

“I’m serious, Jeon. You’re gonna burn out before Jimin turns 5. Then what will he do? You have to relax. Buy a bath bomb or something. You may be a parent, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have a good time, be the sexy young man you are."

Jeongguk stared at Hoseok like he offered him moldy bread.

“I’m not sexy.”

Hoseok’s jaw dropped again.

“Hell yeah, you are!”

Jeongguk, whose face was still sour, looked down at the ketchup stain on his shirt from when Jimin threw a sauce-covered chicken nugget at him an hour ago.

“Oh yeah, Hoseok, I’m really just a magnet, thanks.”

“I’m serious! Look at these arms!” Hoseok smacked one of Jeongguk arms, making Jeongguk yell out a little. “Look at those forearms. Supporting the weight of carrying a child for a year. Each of Jimin’s kissable cheeks must be at least a pound each.

“Those abs you got under there-”

“Can you shut up?”

“You can cook-”

“I can use a rice cooker.”

“You can cook! You can clean-”

“Well, who else is gonna do it!?”

“What else is sexier than a young man who is responsible and can juggle so many things, all while staying so hot and with a dashing personality.” Hoseok has risen from the couch, smiling hugely at Jeongguk, who is still staring at him like he asked him to eat a raw potato. He knows Hoseok is trying to hype him up on purpose, but it's not working.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but trust me, no one’s gonna be on the lookout for this, thanks.”

“Well, what about the boy you went to breakfast with?”

“I think he must only ask me to do things with him because he feels bad for me,” Jeongguk sighed.

“Can I at least know his name?”

“I thought I already told you-”

“You didn’t. What’s his name?”

“Taehyung. Kim Taehyung. Why, you know him?” Hoseok looks up for a second, thinking.

“Is he a student?”

“Yeah, he goes to Southwestern.”

“Southwestern?! I  go to Southwestern!”

“I didn't think to mention it because you're on a gap year. Are you sure you know him?”

“Are we talking about purple haired Taehyung? The really gorgeous one -- okay, judging by that look on your face this is the right Taehyung. Yeah, I’ve heard of him more than seen him. Like, he wouldn’t know me but trust me, I know who Kim Taehyung is.”

“Yeah, okay, can you see now why I’m humiliated every time I step foot in a room with him?” Hoseok laughed, throwing his head back.

“You’re kidding. Taehyung is way too good of a catch for you to just pass up.”

“But like I said, I don’t know how to date.”

“What about all those boys you ‘hung out’,” Hoseok overdramatized air quotations with his fingers, “with at parties, hm? What happened to that smooth kid? And don’t tell me it was Jimin, cause it wasn’t.”

“I’m just not appealing anymore, okay? Did you know Taehyung models?”

“I've heard girls talking about it, I wasn't sure if it was legit.”

“It is.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me the boy who paid for your groceries was Taehyung!”

Jeongguk groaned, throwing his head back on the couch, arms flopping.

“This conversation is going nowhere.”

Hoseok sat back down next to him.

“You know… how I said you doubt yourself too much?” Jeongguk nodded solemnly.

“That’s all that’s holding you back. If Taehyung asked you to breakfast, you and your brother, and said that he would do it again, why on earth would you think he hates you?”

Jeongguk kept his mouth shut about the phone call he made to Taehyung.

“I just… embarrass myself in front of him so much. I’m humiliated every time I step in front of him.”

They sit in silence for a moment, the sound of Jimin’s giggling in the room over and the childish voices on the TV soothing Jeongguk.

“You need to stop acting like this boy Taehyung is some perfect human. I’m sure he’s done plenty of stupid things in his life. You’re acting like he’s this perfect angel and you’re a piece of dried of gum.”

“But that’s exactly what it is.”

“Stop, no it’s not! If you have this perfect picture of who this boy’s going to be… that’s just not going to be good for either of you. Just… at least fake it til you make it. If you don’t think it, at least pretend you’re sexy as fuck the next time you see Taehyung. Really sweep him off his feet. Drop Jimin at my house for the night and do something for yourself for once.” Jeongguk had stopped rolling his eyes, too tired to stop listening now.

“You deserve this. You deserve to have someone in your life - a real relationship. You deserve it more than anyone else. You’re not letting Jimin down, you’re not letting me down, or your parents… and most importantly you’re not letting yourself down.”

Jeongguk rubbed a hand across his face.

“I’m just… scared, okay?”

“How come? It’s okay if you embarrass yourself. Have you seen me?”

Jeongguk chuckled dryly. His palms got clammy now.

“I… I just really think I'm in... I really like him. If Taehyung actually does have feelings for me too, I…” Jeongguk played with one of his sleeves on his hands. He could see Hoseok smiling dorkily out of the corner of his eye.

“You can’t let this chance go, okay?”

They sat in silence again.

“Do you really think I’m sexy?”

Hoseok nodded before both of them laughed out loud, rolling around on the couch. Jeongguk pushed Hoseok’s shoulder.

“You’re so weird.” He mumbled.

“Jeonggukkie?”

Both of their heads turned at the little voice coming from the doorway. Jimin was standing there, his stuffed puppy clutched in one of his arms. Jeongguk stood up.

“What is it, sweetie?”

“I’m thirsty.”

“I have juice!” Hoseok yelled, jumping to the kitchen and chucking a juice box at Jeongguk, who caught it while blocking Jimin from getting hit.

“So, Minnie,” Jeongguk starts, unwrapping the straw. Jimin is swaying back and forth on his feet, his dough eyes staring at Jeongguk. “I was wondering if you like Taehyung?” Jimin immediately smiles, nodding.

“Yes? You like him?”

“Mmhm!” Jeongguk smiles, poking the straw into the box.

“How would you like if I spent more time with him? Would you like that?” Jimin nodded, excited.

“Are you gonna have a paydate?” Jimin asked.

“You mean a playdate? Yeah, sure, we’re gonna have a playdate.” Jeongguk hears Hoseok chuckle behind him. Jeongguk pushes some of Jimin’s unruly hair behind his ear. He lets Jimin go when he sees that the little boy has focused his attention on something else. Jeongguk stood up, staring at Hoseok for a second before going to the bathroom.

He pulls out his phone and finds Taehyung’s name in his contacts.

Jeongguk: hey, whens the next time ur free??

Jeongguk screams a little inside when he sends the message. His stomach flops when he sees the three dots appear.

Taehyung: i’m free next saturday! why… do you wanna do something together??? :D

Jeongguk: meet me at the lighthouse at 8:00 pm. i wanna take you out.

Jeongguk almost threw his phone against the bathroom wall once it sent. He sat on the bathroom floor for a couple of moments before looking down at his phone again.

Taehyung had texted him back a string of emojis. He assumed it was a positive thing.

“So we can discuss the goals for my work and what I would like accomplished. Taehyung told me you don’t have much experience in the photography field, or the business field, but he did say you’re a hard worker, so we can do the best we can with that!”

“Ah, thank you, Namjoon, sir. I’m sorry I’m not as experienced, I’m going to work my hardest,” Jeongguk says. He’s in the kitchen, hunting in the refrigerator.

“Oh, you don’t have to call me sir - you make me sound old. Just call me hyung.”

“Ah, okay hyung. Thank you so much for this.” Jeongguk pulls his head out the fridge, his eyes meeting with Jimin, who is holding at least 4 stuffed animals in his arms.

“Yah, I should be thanking you. I’ve found some big people to work with me, but it’s been hard finding some others who aren’t control freaks.”

Jeongguk chuckles into the phone, then pulls the mouthpiece away from his mouth.

“Jimin,” Jeongguk whispers. “You know the rules. One stuffed animal.”

“Are you alright coming in on Monday for an interview and meeting?”

“Absolutely. What time?” Jeongguk gave Jimin pleading eyes when Jimin held his animals tighter.

“Is 10:30 alright?”

“No!” Jimin cried across the room, pouting.

“I-I’m so sorry Namjoon hyung, can you hold on for just a second? I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine!”

Jeongguk muted his phone, making his way over to Jimin, whose eyes were watering.

“Jimin, I’m on a very important phone call right now. You can take one stuffed animal, or none. If you have too many to carry, you’re going to lose one.”

“No! I won’t leave one behind!” Jimin’s lip trembled dangerously.

“If you don’t put these back, you’re going to get a consequence.”

Jeongguk sighed when fat tears dropped down Jimin’s cheeks. Jeongguk softened his voice.

“Why can’t you just take one, Minnie? You take one all the time.” He wiped the tears off one of Jimin’s cheeks with his thumb. Jimin wailed out something undecipherable.

“What’s that?”

“I-if I d-don’t take P-puff, h-he’ll get l-lonely. A-a-and… i-if I don’t take Pr-princess, she’ll f-fight with Ch-Charlie, and if I don’t t-take Hap-Happy F-face, h-he won’t b-be happy!” Jimin sobbed, holding his stuffed animals tighter.

Jeongguk sighed, head turning to his phone lying on the counter.

“C’mere,” Jeongguk picked up his small child in his arm - “Can I finish my phone call, and we’ll talk about this after?”

Jimin’s cries quieted when Jeongguk held him. Jeongguk shushed him gently, pushing some hair behind Jimin’s ear and pacing over to grab his phone. Jimin whimpered again.

“Shhh…” Jeongguk shushed softly, pressing a quick kiss to Jimin’s temple. When Jimin wasn’t calming down enough, Jeongguk quickly grabbed Jimin’s pacifier from the dish rack and handed it to him. He watched Jimin sniffle, placated, before unmuting his phone.

“Hyung, sorry, are you still there?”

“Yeah, hey. Where were we?” Jeongguk made his way over to his desk in the corner of their living room. Jimin rested in his lap, sniffling, cheek pressed against Jeongguk’s collar bone.

“Um… we mentioned meeting on Monday? At 10:30?”

“Right, right! And that’s okay with you?”

“Absolutely.” Jeongguk stroked his fingers through Jimin’s hair.

“Awesome. Thank you for your help.”

“Oh, gosh, I should be thanking you. I can’t thank you enough.” Jeongguk looked down at Jimin, who was still sucking on his pacifier quietly, eyes puffy. Jeongguk rubbed his back and pulled him closer to his chest.

“I’ll let you go, I’m sure you’re busy.”

“Oh yeah,” Jeongguk laughs. “Thank you, I’ll see you Monday. Taehyung texted me the address.”

After exchanging their goodbyes, Jeongguk set down his phone and lifted Jimin’s face by cupping his cheeks. The red face from Jimin’s tears had faded considerably. Jeongguk sighed, using a thumb to brush gently across one of Jimin’s soft cheeks.

“Let’s get your shoes on, okay?”

---

Jeongguk can usually tell if it’s going to be an ‘easy’ day or not by the bus ride. Even if Jimin is having a grumpy early morning, as long as he’s looking at world curiously or giggling on the bus, Jeongguk knows what kind of day it’s going to be. And other times, he knows Jimin’s going to need a longer nap that day when his head keeps dropping down during the trip to daycare.

There are also days like this one. The days that make Jeongguk’s stomach hurt.

The days when Jimin cries almost the entire trip, and Jeongguk can’t seem to figure out why. And his sobs and wails earn them dirty looks from all the students and businessman on the bus. Some looks from older women, like they’ve had children before, are sympathetic. Others, from mid 20s men and snotty people give them looks like they’re going to smash a window out of the bus and throw them out of it.

Jeongguk will sit for hours, googling it, reading books, ripping his hair out trying to figure out what’s wrong. Jeongguk likes to tell people that even 4-year-olds can just have some days they are sad. He thinks that Jimin may just want to lie in bed and eat ice cream all day sometimes, too. He also thinks it’s because Jimin misses their mom and dad - Jeongguk worries that he is simply just not enough.

And there are some days that Jimin just cries and cries with so much despair in it, and Jeongguk will try everything - snacks, taking him to the bathroom, giving him a nap, playing him music, even going out and buying him a new toy, and just holding him tight. These things might calm him for just a moment, but not long enough for his eyelashes to dry before the next wave.

Jeongguk knows he really needs to help Jimin say goodbye to the pacifier. Hoseok has told him repeatedly that 4 is the imaginary set age limit. 2-3 is when it’s time to take them away, and 4 is pushing it. 5 is out of the question. It can mess up their teeth, and cause ear infections - Jeongguk knows if he doesn’t get rid of it soon, he’s going to regret it. But sometimes, he thinks it’s one of the things that reminds Jimin of their mother - just like toy trains and cookies and R&B music. He just doesn’t want to start trying to get rid of it for the simple reason that he doesn’t want to see Jimin even more sad. Sometimes, Jimin is sad for so many hours that Jeongguk legitimately fears he’ll never see his squishy smile again.

But of course, there are happy days. The majority of days are absolutely all smiles. Jimin runs around, singing (Yoongi is convinced Jimin is going to be a ballad singer one day), dancing, playing just like any other child his age - eyes squished into an eye smile and tiny teeth shimmering at everyone. He is always wiggling out of Jeongguk’s protective arms so that he can run around and explore. After he gets past shy introductions, he draws pictures for everyone he meets, reminding Jeongguk he has to make everyone their ‘birthday card’, even though their birthday happened 4 months ago.  

Jeongguk loves seeing Jimin happy so much, that seeing him sad is like being lost in the middle of a forest when he meant to go to the city.

---

Jeongguk drags his feet into the daycare, after staring at the entrance for about 2 minutes before making his way in. Jimin is cradled in his arms, lashes clumped with tears, hair muffled and gripping to his big brother’s jean jacket.

Hoseok is at the front desk, his bright face that looked up fading.

‘Bad day?’ Hoseok mouths. Jeongguk nods solemnly.

“Hi Minnie,” Hoseok says softly. Jimin lifts one of his tiny hands slightly, waving a little. Jeongguk signed in quickly, and then turned to his friend, handing him a lunchbox.

“He wouldn’t eat breakfast this morning, can you please make sure he eats this within the next hour or so? And make sure he eats all his lunch?”

Hoseok nods. They both have a look in their eyes that is almost like silent communication.

It’s alright.

No, it’s not.

“You promise?”

“I promise, I’ll make sure he eats it all, okay?”

Jeongguk nods, biting his lip before he leaned his head down to Jimin.

“Sweetheart, I have to go now, okay?” Jeongguk felt nauseous - he knew it was coming but it still hurt the same when Jimin’s face crumpled again, breaking into a fresh set of tears, muffled by the pacifier in his mouth.

Jimin gripped onto his brother’s jacket tighter, shoving his face into his chest and letting out loud cries. Jeongguk shushed him softly, kissing his hair.

“I’m gonna be back before you know it. I’ll see you real soon, okay, angel?” Jeongguk’s voice was thick. Jimin nods, still crying. Hoseok walked around the desk, nodding at Jeongguk before reaching his hands out gently to take Jimin. Jimin let out a particularly loud wail when Hoseok pulled him from Jeongguk’s arms.

Jeongguk felt like a monster when he had to pry Jimin’s tiny hands from his jacket.

“J-Jeong-gukkie hy-hy... D-don’t go!” Jimin cried.

“I love you, angel. I love you.”

“I-I l-love you m-more,” Jimin whimpered. His cries had calmed a little bit. Hoseok was holding onto him tightly, rubbing circles on his back leaning his forehead on Jimin’s temple.

“We’re gonna have lots of fun, okay, Minnie? Today’s gonna be a really happy day.” Hoseok says to Jimin. Jimin nods again resting his head on Hoseok’s collar bone.

“Say bye to hyung.” Hoseok says; Jimin waved at Jeongguk, who leaned down and kissed Jimin’s tear-stained cheek. He couldn’t say anything because his throat was completely clogged with pain.

Jeongguk turned around slowly, then walked out of the daycare building without looking back. He hastily wiped the forming tears in his eyes at sound of his child calling his name when he reached the door.

---

Hoseok: i’m gonna pick u up from work so u don’t have to take the bus today. ill bring jimin. Do u get off at 5?

Jeongguk: ya

Jeongguk: how is he?

Hoseok: he’s doing just fine. I promise. He ate all his breakfast.

Hoseok: ♡

“Are you alright?”

Jeongguk looked up from his phone, Yoongi standing above him. They didn’t have any customers at the moment.

Jeongguk shrugged, sagging in his stool.

“Is it Jimin?”

“He’s having a bad day.”

Yoongi pulled a stool beside him, sitting next to him.

“What can we talk about to get your mind off of it?”

Jeongguk shrugged again, rubbing at his eyes aggressively.

“I haven’t seen you since Friday. You said you lost your job at the restaurant? Do you want more hours here?”

“Yeah. But don’t worry, I found another job.” Yoongi’s eyes widened.

“Already?”

“Yeah, a… friend offered me one at this photography shop opening? The owner is offering me am assistant position if I do alright at the interview.”

“That’s awesome! Do I know the friend?”

“Um.. probably not. He, um…” Jeongguk pushed some hair out of his face. “I’m actually gonna take him out this Saturday night.”

Yoongi dropped a pen he was using to work on a design.

“ What? ” Jeongguk sighed.

“I don’t know if I should go, though… I still just feel like it’s selfish.” Jeongguk shivered when Jimin’s screams from his nightmares and the sound of his name being called as he ran out of the daycare echoed in his head.

“What? It’s not selfish at all! What are you talking about?”

“I’m just gonna drop Jimin off so I can have fun?”

“Well, yeah! Is there someone gonna who can watch him? I can help.” Jeongguk laughed.

“I have someone. I don’t think I trust you with him just yet. You’re not very… domestic.” Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“You don’t know my personal life, Jeon.” Jeongguk raised his eyebrows.

“So, your date. What do you want to do? Is it your first date with him?”

“Kind of… we went out to breakfast but I had to take Jimin with me.”

“Okay, so this is your guys’ first date just the two of you?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you have planned?”

“I don’t… really know yet. I haven’t done this stuff in like, a year.”

Yoongi nodded, thinking for a moment.

“What kind of date do you want? Like, what kind of guy is he? Are you guys the same age?”

“Yeah, we are. He’s… really kind. And sweet. And smart. He’s, like… very soft.”

Yoongi laughs out loud, chewing on his pen.

“He sounds great.”

“He really is… He bought groceries for me and Jimin. That’s how we met.” Yoongi wanted to make fun of Jeongguk for the dreamy, lost look in his eyes, but Yoongi can’t remember him ever looking like that, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Okay, so like, this isn’t a ‘take him out to a club and do shots’ kind of date.”

“God, no. I don’t want that.” Jeongguk looked at the floor. “I really… I really want to impress him. Just show him he’s a really great guy, and… that I… yeah.” Jeongguk didn’t look up to see Yoongi’s expression.

“I think I have some good ideas for you.”

---

Yoongi was finishing a receipt for a customer when he saw a boy with slightly spiked black hair step into the building. He assumed he was another customer until he saw a little boy beside him, holding his hand, just reaching a bit past his knees in height.

“Is that, you, Jimin?” Yoongi asks, handing the receipt to the other customer and thanking them quickly before stepping over to the little boy.

Jimin smiles shyly, wobbling closer to Yoongi.

“Wow, you’re so big!” Yoongi says, ruffling Jimin’s hair.

“You’re brother’s working on someone in the back. He’ll be done in just a couple minutes.” Jimin clings the leg on the boy he came in with. Yoongi finally looks over at him.

“Hi,” Yoongi says shyly.

“Hey! You’re Yoongi, right? Jeongguk talks about you!”

“Oh does he? Well, sorry if you heard anything weird.” Hoseok laughs brightly, making Yoongi subconsciously smile.

“No, you seem great! I’ve seen some of your tattoos, you’re seriously amazing! If I get anything, it’ll definitely be from you.”

Yoongi looks down, flattered. Mumbling a thanks, then turns to see Jimin peering curiously at some of the tattoo needles on a table he had just worked on.

“Hey, hey, don’t touch that.” Yoongi says hurriedly, running over to him and pulling his arms gently to get him away. Startled, Jimin squirmed out of Yoongi’s hold and ran over to Hoseok, who picked him up with more practiced arms.

“You’re… really good with him,” Yoongi says quietly. Hoseok smiles brightly again, a little softer now.

“I work at his daycare. So yeah, hopefully I’m good with kids!”

“Do you really?”

“Yes! Children are my life! I love them so much, they’re so cute…”

“I know!” Yoongi slipped out excitedly, embarrassed when Hoseok grinned wider, his eyes sparkling with something more than common friendliness.

“Jimin? ”

Jimin gasped, pushing himself out of Hoseok’s hold and running to Jeongguk, who had just walked out with another boy who was holding something on his tongue gingerly.

“I can ring you up, sir.” Yoongi says quickly to him.

Jeongguk runs to Jimin, pulling him into his arms and holding him tight. The feeling of Jimin in his arms felt like taking a breath after being underwater all day.

Jeongguk blew raspberries and kissed Jimin’s cheeks repeatedly, making Jimin giggle, making the older brother calm his constant anxiety.

“I missed you,” Jeongguk says to Jimin softly, who was looking up at him with big eyes, smiling.

“Did you have a good day?”

“Yep!”

“That’s good. Did Hobi drive you here?”

“Yes! He plays music in the car!”

Jeongguk giggled, making his way over to Hoseok, who was talking to Yoongi.

“Have you two met yet?”

Yoongi shook his head. Jeongguk had never seen him act this shy and awkward before.

“Jimin’s great, by the way, he’s feeling a lot better,” Hoseok leaned in to pinch Jimin’s cheek.

“Are you ready to go?” Hoseok asks.

“Yeah, I just have to check out.”

Jeongguk adjusted Jimin on his hip, walking over the other side of the store and checking out.

“Is there something you want for dinner, Minnie?”

Jimin shrugged looking curiously around at the tattoo examples on the wall. Jeongguk hopes Yoongi hasn’t hung anything weird or too scary lately.

“How about… sandwiches.”

“But we had samwiches yesterday!”

“You have a point, there.”

---

“What on earth is your hair? This is a disaster, you have so much potential.”

Jeongguk sat on Hoseok’s bathroom counter, feeling self-conscious when being stared down by Hoseok and Yoongi. Jimin was staring up instead, sitting on the closed toilet seat, uncontrollable giggles escaping him.

Hoseok ruffled around Jeongguk’s hair exaggeratingly, ravishing in the sound of Jimin squealing harder. Jeongguk swatted his hands away, turning to face the mirror.

“Well what do you want me to do about it?”

“Hoseok,” Yoongi adds, “get me your straightener. And the eyeliner. Also, get those leather pants you mentioned to me earlier. And the matching jacket. I brought skincare.”

“I’m on it.” Hoseok ran out of the bathroom, a curious Jimin running after him, the sounds of clunky combat boots drowning out the tiny socked feet.

Yoongi pulled out a sheet mask from his backpack in the corner, unwrapping it and putting in on Jeongguk’s face.

“Don’t move or talk too much.”

At least Jeongguk could still roll his eyes.

“This is gonna scare Jimin,” he says, sounding awkward from not moving his mouth enough. Yoongi cracks up.

“Listen, you wanna impress this guy or not? What if he goes to touch your face and he feel some dry, cracked face? Now picture when he goes to touch your face and feels a moisturized, collagen mask soft face. You’re gonna owe me.”

He heard the sound of Jimin’s screechy giggles coming from the other side of the apartment, Hoseok’s yelling carrying throughout as well. He could tell they were going through the closet.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jeongguk asks.

“Stop asking that. Please. You need to do this. You need to get out more. You deserve it.” Hoseok returned, Jimin running behind him. He was holding an entire outfit in his hands, along with a straightener, hairspray, and a handful of makeup Jeongguk couldn’t recognize.

Amidst the screaming Jimin at the sight of Jeongguk with a sheet mask on his face, Hoseok yelled out.

“We got two hours. Let’s do this.”

---

Jeongguk felt sticky.

The leather pants on him were a bit too tight (they were Hoseok’s), and hugged his thighs a little too much for comfort. He got to keep on the white t-shirt he already had on, and Hoseok’s black leather jacket was heavy on him. He guessed each buckle on it was about 30 pounds. The feeling of eyeliner softly lining his eyes felt sticky. His hair felt sticky from all the styling they did. His hair was pulled back, showing his forehead and waving slightly.

Jeongguk felt sticky. And felt pretty hot.

“Here, one last touch.” Hoseok yanked off his combat boots, shoving them at Jeongguk, who quickly slipped them on.

He looked up at Hoseok and Yoongi, who were staring at him with wide eyes.

“You look-”

“Amazing. ” Hoseok finished for Yoongi.

“Can one of you just drive me to the lighthouse?” Jeongguk asks. “I’m gonna be late if we don’t leave in 2 minutes.”

“I’ll drive you, Hoseok is way better with Jimin.” Yoongi says. Jeongguk looked over at Jimin, who was out on the couch, snuggled in the blanket and stuffed animals Jeongguk brought for him to the apartment. He fell asleep about 15 minutes ago when his sugar rush and excitement of the evening had caught up to him.

“Okay. Hoseok, remember, I’ll be back by 11:00-”

“How about midnight?”

“11:30. If he wakes up, tell him I’ll back soon. Please, call me if something’s wrong or even if he wants to talk to me. Nothing is more important than him.”

“Alright, I will.” Hoseok leaned in to hug Jeongguk tightly.

“You can do this, okay? Don’t think about Jimin too much, just this once. Concentrate on yourself. If you really like this boy and you want to impress him, you can do this. You look amazing, you smell amazing, and most importantly you are amazing. You’re gonna do fine as long as you be yourself and you don’t act too awkward. There’s no need to be.”

Jeongguk smiled softly instead of rolling his eyes.

“Thanks, Hoseok.”

“It’s been three minutes, Jeon.”

Jeongguk turns to Yoongi, who is standing by the open apartment door, swinging his car keys around.

Jeongguk paces over to Jimin, kissing his forehead and tucking in his blanket quickly before running with Yoongi to the car. Once they were all buckled in, Yoongi started his car.

“You ready?”

“So I heard it’s your birthday today?”

Jeongguk looked up from where he was sitting on the couch to see a girl looking down at him, her eyes sultry. Jeongguk smirked.

“Why do you ask?” Jeongguk had to yell it over the deep bass of the music flooding the room. The girl smirked back, leaning down so they were face to face.

“Well,” she traced a finger along his jawline, “maybe I could give you a little present.”

Jeongguk laughed, leaning back to be further away from her.

“I only just got here, you know.” The girl stared at him with an unreadable expression.

“Meet me on the balcony at 1. Hopefully no one else is up there.”

Jeongguk’s friend beside him laughed obnoxiously, alcohol filling his system when the girl walked away and disappearing into the crowd of people.

“Damn, Jeon, you are one lucky young man.” Jeongguk rolled his eyes, grinning.

“Gimme that.” Jeongguk snatched the beer bottle from his friend’s hand, gulping down the rest of it.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he didn’t feel like answering.

“You’re gonna have to stay at my house tomorrow if you keep drinking like that.” Jeongguk’s friend grinned, handing Jeongguk another bottle.

“Sounds good to me,” Jeongguk drawled, popping open the bottle before speaking again.

“I’m 18 now. I’m finally fuckin’ free. I can get out of my stuffy house in this stuffy city and go do something with my life, you know?” His friend’s face had a hint of seriousness on it now.

“Did you end up accepting that scholarship?”

Jeongguk hissed as he took another sip and nodded.

“I’m… really nervous to be honest. Nervous but excited. I like new things, you know?”

“Sure,” his friend lit a cigarette, and offered it to Jeongguk, who shook his head. The friend took it for himself.

“I wonder why everyone is so obsessed with running away.”

Jeongguk shrugged, secretly eyeing some of the boys dancing. It took a second before he spoke.

“I think it’s 'cause we’re all scared.”

“Of what?” Jeongguk shrugged again, wiping some of the condensation off his glass. He swatted away some of the cigarette smoke blowing on him.

Jeongguk’s phone vibrated again, but he ignored it.

“I think we’re all scared of getting too attached. If we stay in the same place too long, we always become too attached to everything, and it makes it hard to escape. And everyone always wants the easy way out. Or some people just want to prove people wrong.” His friend rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Are you sure you’re not high right now?” Jeongguk hit him, laughing.

“Shut up. Why do I even talk to you?”

They sat in comfortable silence when Jeongguk felt his phone vibrate a third time. Groaning, he pulled it out, confused when he saw his grandmother was calling.

“Hey,” Jeongguk smacked his friend, who was in a daze from the drinks and cigarettes.

“I’m gonna go outside for a sec.” His friend mumbled something Jeongguk didn’t understand.

Jeongguk wandered around the house, opening doors throughout and looking for an empty room. Grimacing at what he saw when he opened some of the doors, Jeongguk finally found an empty bathroom in the wealthy home, locking the door. He felt an eerie sense of calm when the music became muffled and there was only a fluorescent light shining above him peacefully.

As he was about to call back, his phone vibrated a fourth time. Jeongguk picked it up.

“...Grandma?”

“J-Jeon-J-” Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrowed when he heard uncontrollable sobs coming through the other end of the phone.

“Grandma, wh-what’s going on? Are you alright? Jimin’s with you, right?” Jeongguk felt a slow, rising panic when the crying didn’t stop. It sounded like she was suffocating but trying to let everything out at the same time.

“J-Jeong-guk… y-your p-parents… s-someone was in your house, h-he…” Jeongguk’s eyes widened.

“Wh-what?”

“H-he… they’re g-gone Jeongguk. They’re both gone, they’re both gone, they’re gone, oh my God they’re gone…”

Jeongguk felt ice travel through his body - starting at his stomach, spreading down to his feet and up into his head, stuffing his throat so he had no air. His grandmother’s crying was shrill in his ears, and the next thing he knew, he was on the ground.

“Hey!” An angry knock was at the bathroom door. “Are you gonna be done in here soon? I need to puke!”

❀❀❀❀❀

“Uh… Are you gonna get out?”

Jeongguk gripped the sides of his seat, staring at the lighthouse in the distance.

“Just give me a second.”

“You said that 10 minutes ago. You’re gonna be late. He’s gonna think you stood him up.”

“Stop, you’re scaring me.”

Yoongi groaned slumping against the steering wheel.

“Are you going back to Hoseok’s house after this?” Yoongi tensed and shook his head.

“I have to go work on some of the receipts at the parlor, actually. A-and I need to buy some… water. Yeah. Water, for tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?”

“Nothing, I just need to stay hydrated.” Jeongguk groaned.

“What does that even mean? Why won’t you - ohh, I see…” Jeongguk smiled dorkily, leaning in closer to Yoongi, who was looking at his with a disturbed expression.

“Are you telling me you're into Hoseok?”

“Get out of the car.”

Jeongguk laughed loudly, laughing harder when Yoongi leaned over the center console and opened Jeongguk’s door, starting to push him out.

“Alright, alright I’m going,” Jeongguk giggled, leaning down to see Yoongi in the car, who was looking at him bitterly. "I'll set the reservations for you."

“I’m not picking you up. I'm gonna rip our your gauges.” Jeongguk rolled his eyes, waving goodbye and slamming the car door shut, hit with reality again who he was about to go see. Adjusting his (technically Hoseok’s) leather jacket, Jeongguk walked down the sidewalk up to the front of the lighthouse, eyes searching for him.

“Woah.”

Jeongguk turned sharply at the sound of his voice, not able to suppress a grin with what he sees.

Taehyung is dressed in his paint-splattered jeans, a shirt with cute cartoon characters on it, and his oversized jean jacket blanketing his small frame. His lavender hair had faded to a soft blonde, lingering lavender in the undersides of it.

“H-hi, Jeongguk.” Taehyung says sweetly. Taehyung blushed, a deep red dusting across his soft cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He swirled one of his worn-out tennis shoes into the ground, fall leaves swirling around him on the pavement.

“Hey yourself,” Jeongguk said softly. He looked curiously at a paper bag held in Taehyung’s hands.

“O-oh, I, um, made you some cupcakes! I’m sorry if the frosting got smooshed, I did the best I could packing it.” Taehyung held out the bag, Jeongguk took it gently.

“It’s strawberry.” Jeongguk smiled tenderly, thanking him. Taehyung pushed some bangs out of his face, leaning back and forth on his feet.

“You look… really good.” Taehyung said shyly, smiling wide then biting his lip in an attempt to stop it.

“So do you.” Taehyung looked embarrassed and shuffled again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I should dress up,” Taehyung looked to the side, pulling his jacket and trying to cover his immature shirt. Jeongguk walked closer to him, delicately taking his hands away from the jacket.

“I think you look adorable.”

Taehyung’s shoulders scrunched up a little; he looked like he had no idea what to say.

Jeongguk thought that because he was a model, people would be telling Taehyung he was adorable every day. Was it not the case?

“So… what do you want to do?”

Jeongguk looked at Taehyung, who was eyeing him with excitement. Taehyung’s childish excitement reminded him a little of Jimin’s.

“I was thinking, since you told me you’re not really from around here, would you wanna go explore the city for a little bit?” Taehyung nodded, a small smile on his face.

❀❀❀❀❀

Taehyung ran over to one of the booths that were at one sidewalk in the city. He bent over and picked up a longboard, grinning ear to ear.

“Do you know how to ride?” Jeongguk shrugged awkwardly.

“I… can go forward?” Taehyung giggled, handing money to the man at the stand and grabbing a second board.

“Sounds good to me!” Taehyung yells from the booth, running sloppily over with two longboards in his arms. Jeongguk suppresses a laugh when Taehyung smacks his face with one of the wheels, but is too excited to notice.

“Here you go!” Jeongguk took it sheepishly, heart swelling as he watched Taehyung run to a more open pathway, motioning the other over.

“Come on!” Taehyung hopped on his board effortlessly, giggling at Jeongguk walking over. Jeongguk’s main goal of this date (at least in his top 5 goals for this date) was to look cool. This was not going to help him accomplish it.

Jeongguk shakily stepped on his board, arms flinging to help him regain his balance.

“Yay! Let’s go this way!” Taehyung flung himself forward down the empty sidewalk, illuminated by the street lights above him. Once Jeongguk’s muscle memory kicked in, he managed to balance enough to go forward and catch up to the other. Both of them rode next to each other.

Jeongguk watched as Taehyung was glowing gold from the streetlights, his hair blowing wildly in the wind, but never looking out of place. He turned back, riding backward on the board, and looked back at Jeongguk - whose heart swelled at the sight of the boy rushing in front of him, staring back with the freest expression in the world.

The moment ended as quickly as it lasted when Taehyung didn’t notice the road ending into a patch of grass at the park. Taehyung’s board stuck into it, flinging him off and slamming him into the grass.

Jeongguk ran off his board, sprinting over to Taehyung, relief washing over him when he saw Taehyung’s face-down body shaking with laughter. Taehyung rolled over to look at Jeongguk, grass strands stuck to his face.

“That was so fun!” He giggled, jumping up and grabbing his board. When Jeongguk’s protectiveness settled down, he smiled softly, jogging over to grab his board that had rolled to the other side of the road.

Next to the park was another line of stores. Jeongguk saw Taehyung looking at one of the windows, his eyes widening in a somewhat nervous way. Confused, Jeongguk quickly made his way over to him and saw Taehyung looking at the huge glass window. Through the window was a large print with several boys on a street corner by the ocean. Jeongguk's eyes immediately lock to Taehyung in the picture. He was leaning against one of the other models, dressed in jeans with holes cut from mid-thigh all the way down to his ankles, rolled up at the bottom. He wore a rumpled white t-shirt and over it, a denim jacket was messily buttoned and pushed to one side, revealing his collar bone. He was dressed in polished black loafers and his hair was gelled and tousled perfectly.

Jeongguk studied Taehyung’s face in the photo and realized he liked Taehyung’s face in real life more. Although it wasn’t too different from the photograph, he missed the sun-kissed rosy glow on his cheeks, the happy eyes, the freckle on his nose, and the crookedness of his grin. In the photo he definitely looked more like a ‘model’ to be stared at and admired for only the features of his face, perfectly edited and lightened to their liking.

"Woah," Jeongguk whispers, mesmerized by the photo, for the first time registering Taehyung’s "side job". When he looked over at Taehyung in the flesh, his eyes were filled with something Jeongguk couldn't decipher. It looked sad, and maybe a bit sick.

“How about we get something to eat?” Taehyung says abruptly.

“Mm, I…” he watched Taehyung’s eyes dart to the picture of his own body and back, “I’m actually not too hungry right now. I’ll just watch you eat something.”

Concerned etched Jeongguk’s face. He chewed on his lip worryingly.

“How about you just eat a little something? Just a bite of mine?” He smiled sadly when Taehyung nodded.

❀❀❀❀❀

“You said just a little something!”

Jeongguk felt a little better when Taehyung’s smile was genuine. They were making their way back to the lighthouse, arms full of gas station candies, day-old fries thrown back into the fryer, fast food pancakes, and the soft cookies with the pink frosting Taehyung liked (Jeongguk picked them out).

“What? This is nothing, kid.” Jeongguk says, putting some of the food into the backpack he had on, which he made sure to not smash Taehyung’s cupcakes with.

Taehyung giggled, pointing at the lighthouse when he saw it. Jeongguk looked at him with the definition of heart eyes.

“I wanna show you something,” Jeongguk says quietly, confident enough to take Taehyung’s hand and cheering inside when Taehyung squeezed back.

“I always used to go here before…” he trailed off before leading Taehyung to the back of the massive lighthouse. Taehyung stared, interested at the detailed graffiti decorating some of the lighthouse walls.

“This has been abandoned since, like, the 80s because ships don’t come by here anymore. They go to the port the other side of town. But the light still works!” Jeongguk handed Taehyung the backpack before going to a specific window, opening it easily. He propped himself up and climbed through it, turning around to Taehyung, who handed him the bag and the single french fry he was holding. Taehyung clutched on the windowsill, letting out a squeaky sound when he tried to pull himself up.

“Need help?” Jeongguk asked softly. Taehyung nodded sheepishly. Jeongguk reached down out the window and grabbed Taehyung’s waist, pulling him up effortlessly through the window. When Taehyung got his legs to the ground, they were still wrapped in each other’s arms, Jeongguk holding onto him tightly. They stared into each other’s eyes for a minute before breaking apart. The room they were now in was almost like a basement. It wasn’t at all scary, just quiet, the sound of waves outside echoing through the walls. A couple books still rested dusty on the shelves, along with some dated machinery. Jeongguk motioned to the cement staircase in the corner.

“Follow me.” Taehyung took Jeongguk’s hand as he led him up the staircase, coming to a skylight. Jeongguk unlocked the latch and pulled open the tab, and they both pulled themselves up.

Taehyung gasped as he could see the entire city skyline from one side, and a dark ocean from the other. Jeongguk set his backpack down, walking over to a huge latch. Realizing what it was, Taehyung yelped out something and ran over to it.

“Can I do it?” Taehyung asked. Being completely honest here, Jeongguk wanted to do it - it’s his favorite part. But those eyes looking at him…

“Sure, Taehyung. Just yank it down, it’s heavy. Be careful of that corner though, it’s pointy.” Taehyung nodded, gripping the big handle with both hands, yanking it down. A screeching, rusty sound was overridden by a huge thunking sound. Taehyung’s eyes were saucers, a smile splashed onto his face immediately when the giant lighthouse light switched on, blinding them even though they weren’t facing it. They backed up and watched it start to spin, a little squeaky sound happening at a certain point of every rotation. Taehyung wiped his forehead with his wrist, then wiped his hands on the thighs of his jeans.

“This is so cool.” Taehyung says brightly, turning back at Jeongguk, who was smiling softly at him. Jeongguk motioned to Taehyung again, sitting down at a corner of the little space they had at the top of the lighthouse, overlooking the ocean.  Jeongguk followed after, sitting next to him. Jeongguk pulled out all their food, unwrapping one of Taehyung’s cupcakes.

“It’s so dark.” Taehyung whispers, looking at the ocean in awe.

“I know, right?”

“Would you rather go the bottom of the ocean or the middle of space?” Taehyung asks, opening the container of ice cream. Jeongguk shivered.

“God, neither.”

“How come?”

“Because they’re both so, like, unknown. I’m so scared of the unknown. What if you get sucked in a black hole? Or what if a giant bottom dwelling sea monster eats you slowly? No way.” Taehyung pursed his lips, tilting his head to the side.

“You have a point. But, let’s say you have a protective layer. Like, nothing can get to you. Where would you go?”

“Maybe space, because I wanna look for other planets. I also wanna know who lives at the bottom of the ocean, too. But, I don’t know, I don’t really always like new things, to be honest.”

❀❀❀❀❀

Jeongguk couldn’t stop shaking. Even when he gripped the sides of the police station chair, all it did was make the entire chair shake.

Jeongguk’s grandparents were next to him, his grandfather’s eyes clouded and distant. His grandmother’s eyes were pained, scared. In her lap was Jimin, who, although it was hours and hours past his bedtime, was wide awake. Pacifier in his mouth, Jimin played with the pearl necklace around his grandma’s neck. Even though he had no idea what had just happened, Jeongguk looks back on this day and thinks Jimin just felt the energy of the room. Jeongguk had repeatedly left the room over and over, walking into the bathroom, the cafeteria, outside, then back into the chair, then to the bathroom, then back outside, then back to the chair. When he was asked questions by investigators, his voice was completely hoarse from screaming. His eyes felt sticky from tears.

After his most recent trip to the bathroom, Jeongguk returned to a fussy Jimin. He was squirming in their grandma’s lap, whimpering. She shushed him, stroking his hair. Jimin didn’t calm down, only letting out more cries. Jimin turned to the returning Jeongguk, reaching out his tiny arms for him. Jeongguk sighed, picking up Jimin delicately and bouncing him a little in his arms. Jimin significantly quieted down.

“Where's mommy? 'Want mommy,” Jimin whimpered, clutching onto Jeongguk’s shirt. Jeongguk swallowed.

Me too, Minnie.

Jimin had a couple more crying fits before Jeongguk was able to get him a snack and to fall asleep. After two hours of waiting, the sun started to rise, and they were called in by a social worker and some police officers, maybe some investigators. Jeongguk didn’t really know. He didn’t really care.

Jeongguk was half listening, everything felt like a dream when they were told where his parents’ bodies were located now. Not where his parents were. Just their bodies. He heard something about a man being in their home, and that there were a couple of other acquaintances. That some of them were brought into question. He heard his grandparents speaking back to them. He came back into more focus when he heard his name.

“For you, Jeongguk, I see you just turned 18 yesterday. So I don’t know exactly how you want to do living arrangements. As of right now, your parents didn’t have a will written yet. We don’t know exactly what could’ve been left for you.”

Jeongguk stared at him, eyes red-veined and puffy, dark circles painted under. His head was pounding.

“For Jimin, he’s two, yes?” He saw his grandmother speak out of the corner of his eye.

"He's turning three in a month."

“I always ask first, are you able to take care of him? Do you want to have custody?” Jeongguk looked from the social worker to his grandparents, who both of their eyes welled up. They both looked at Jimin, who was sleeping soundly in Jeongguk’s arms.

“I… we can’t. I’m turning 73 this year, I can’t raise him, and my husband isn’t doing so well, health-wise, I - I can’t.” His grandmother wiped her eyes, letting out a gentle sob.

“Okay. Is there any other relatives we can contact that you think will be willing?”

“There’s Jieun, but she’s in France working. A-and Eunhye is starting her new company. I don’t think they can take him. Oh God,” his grandfather’s face fell into his hands.

“Okay,” the social worker pulled out a couple papers. “We can change this if someone from the blood relatives are willing to adopt within the next few months, but right now, until then, we’re going to have to register him in the system and put him into foster care. We can do our best to place him in a home near you, but we don’t have full control over where the government places each child into for their group home. A lot of younger ones go to the other side of the country. For people willing to adopt him, we can also discuss if you want it to be an open adoption, closed adoption, etcetera.”

Jeongguk held onto Jimin tighter.

No.

He looked down at the tiny boy in his arms, snuggled in a police office blanket, pacifier half falling from his mouth, cheeks warm.

No.

He watched in a haze as he was his grandmother sob, his grandfather reaching forward and pulling one of the papers towards him.

No.

He held Jimin even tighter, pulling the blanket around him to cover some of his face from everyone else. If Jimin leaves now, then Jimin will have lost his parents, his brother, and his whole life in the blink of an eye. He would live in someplace with random people he doesn’t know, in a crappy system where he may never be adopted.

If Jimin leaves now, then Jeongguk will have lost his parents and his brother, too. His whole life in the blink of an eye.

No.

“No.” Jeongguk croaked out.

All the heads in the room shot towards him.

“I-I’m sorry, honey, b-but there’s nothing -”

“I’ll take him.”

“Baby, you can’t just give up your-”

“I’m an adult. Give me the papers. I wanna adopt him, right now.”

❀❀❀❀❀

“I get what you mean. New things can be really scary, but, sometimes they’re not as bad if you have a protective layer, right?” Taehyung poured a salt packet on the container of French fries.

“I wish I had a protective layer right now in my life,” Jeongguk said softly, looking watching the light spin once more. He saw Taehyung shift out of the corner of his eye.

“Can I ask you something kind of personal?”

“It depends. What is it?”

“Why did you adopt Jimin?” Jeongguk sighed, setting down his cupcake.

“Well… no one in our family could easily do it, to be honest. A 16-year-old? Maybe. But a three-year-old, that’s a lot of work, you know? They need constant attention. My grandparents were old, my other aunts and uncles were busy…

“If no one could adopt him in our family, he was going to go into some crappy foster system. He could have ended up on the other side of the country with some weird foster family. I might’ve never seen him again.” Jeongguk picked up a loose pebble of concrete, throwing it off the balcony.

“I needed him. I lost… everything. I mean, yeah, me and Jimin weren’t super close, because siblings with that big of an age gap are never like best friends or anything, but… I don’t know. I just did it. Now he’s like my baby, you know?” Taehyung smiled gently.

“He’s all mine. Which I really love, but… it’s hard, cause… I know his life would’ve been so amazing with our parents here. I took everything for granted, everything.” Taehyung scooted closer to Jeongguk, until their sides where pressed together. Jeongguk picked his cupcake back up.

“I hope my parents knew I loved them. I was sort of emo in my last years with them. Every day I kick myself that I didn’t tell them how much I loved them every single day. I wonder if they knew.”

Taehyung rested his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder. Jeongguk lifted his hand up to run through Taehyung’s hair. They leaned in to rest their foreheads together.

“They knew.” Taehyung whispered to him. “Trust me, they knew.”

❀❀❀❀❀

“This is the building, right?” Taehyung asks, turning down the blasting music. Jeongguk nodded, settling down his laughter.

“I had a good time, Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung said, putting the car in park. Jeongguk smiled at the nickname.

“Me too.”

Jeongguk leaned in to hug Taehyung, pulling him in tight.

“Ow, you’re smashing my ribs into the console - ow.” Jeongguk laughed, letting Taehyung readjust and pulling him back in.

“Thank you,” Jeongguk whispered into his ear. “For everything.” Taehyung looked into his eyes, nodding.

“Have I ever told you yet… you… you have the most beautiful eyes.” Taehyung blushed, looking down. Jeongguk shook his head, placing his fingers delicately under Taehyung’s chin and lifting it up.

Jeongguk softly placed his lips on Taehyung’s.

It was like sitting in front of the heater on a cold morning. Like trying a cookie right out of the oven. It was like Taehyung himself. It felt exactly meant to be. 

Taehyung sighed, melting into the kiss. Jeongguk stroked Taehyung’s hair softly.

When they pulled apart, it felt too soon.

“So, I’ll see you next week?” Jeongguk nodded.

“Good luck with your interview on Monday!” Jeongguk grinned, waving as he stepped out of the car. Taehyung waved back, grinning a boxy grin, his eyes still kind, before turning up his music up full blast again and pulling out of the parking lot.

Jeongguk probably stood in the parking lot for about 4 minutes with a dorky smile on his face before he finally turned and made his way into the apartment complex, climbing the stairs to get to Hoseok’s building.

Opening the door gently, he was met with Hoseok in the kitchen, Jimin on his hip. Hosek grinned when he saw him.

“You’re way past your curfew, young man. You said you’d be back by 11:30 and it is almost 1:00. You’re grounded.”

Jeongguk grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry, I lost track of time.” Hoseok’s eyes went a little softer instead of playful. Jeongguk looked down at Jimin, who was resting his head on Hoseok’s collarbone, eyes drooping constantly.

“This little guy woke up over 3 hours ago and he refused go back to sleep until 'Jeonggukkie hyung' came back. He’s trying real hard here. He’s so tired I don’t even think he realizes you’re here.”

Jeongguk chuckles sweetly, leaning over to take Jimin tenderly. Jimin immediately clung to him. Jeongguk closed his eyes, kissing Jimin’s hair and holding him close.

“Hi, baby,” he whispered, kissing Jimin’s chubby cheeks. He could see a tiny, sleepy smile on Jimin’s face.

“Daddy,” Jimin whispered, nuzzling closer into Jeongguk and finally willing himself to fall asleep. Jeongguk’s head shot up to Hoseok’s whose eyes were widened. Was he calling Jeongguk daddy? Or was he too tired to realize Jeongguk was there, and not their father. Almost reading his mind, Hoseok dismissed it with a swing of his hand.

“Don’t think about that right now, he’s half asleep.”

Feeling another surge of protectiveness at the name, Jeongguk held Jimin tighter to his chest, walking over to the couch and sitting down with Jimin in his lap.

“Did you have a good time?” Hoseok asks, sitting down across from him.

Jeongguk nodded. A slight smirk grew on his face. Jeongguk repositioned Jimin on his lap.

“Hey, Hoseok… are you interested at all in going out somewhere with someone with the name of Min Yoongi?”

Jeongguk groaned in confusion at the loud beeping that woke him up. Rolling quickly on is bed, he turned the alarm off his phone - he wasn’t used to it waking him up. Usually at 5:30 his alarm is a 4 year old poking his face.

He turned and saw Jimin sound asleep beside him and stared at him until his snooze went off.

4:37.

Why did I set my alarm for this early?

Jeongguk’s confusion ended with him bolting up in bed.

The job interview.

Shivering away a nervous chill, Jeongguk pulled himself out of bed, tucking the blankets back over Jimin and getting in the shower. He took deep breathes as he shampooed his hair, thinking about this interview. If he doesn’t get this job, he’s basically doomed for all eternity. If he can’t do the big work and ends up working a minimum wage position, Jeongguk knows that it’s not going to work either. He was paid a couple dollars more per hour for his restaurant position, and even with that he knew what an absolute disaster that was. And so were the jobs before that - teaching dance classes, standing outside handing out flyers, and online survey taker for infomercial products.

Jeongguk groaned, frustrated with himself. It was getting harder and harder to support the family of two. Jeongguk didn’t want to ask for government support, because he’s worried he’s going to be named an unfit parent. And secondly, he just didn’t want to admit he failed. He wants to go to school, but he doesn’t know how he could do that with Jimin. He’s considered online classes, but even then the tuition gives him stomach aches.

Jeongguk stepped out of the shower and stared at his reflection. In the past year, something has formed in his eyes that he can’t seem to make go away, something he never used to have. It was this unending, constant worry and anxiety over everything. Like the emotions in his brain were too heavy so they seeped into his eyes.

Shaking off his thoughts, Jeongguk wrapped a towel around his waist and walked back into their bedroom, the bed now empty. Raising his eyebrow, Jeongguk quickly got dressed in this nicest clothes he owned - one of his dad’s old white dress shirts and jeans that didn’t have any holes in them - and went out in the living room to find Jimin sitting in front of the cracked TV, hair all over the place and footie pajamas still on.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jeongguk says playfully. Jimin whips around, eyes wide with shock, then giggles.

“C’mon, you’ve gotta get ready!” Jimin stared at him while lifting up one finger, bringing it closer to the channel button.

“Jimin.” Jimin brought his finger closer.

“If you do this-” Jimin pressed the button, changing the TV to Pokémon. Jeongguk gasped and pouted at him, but it carried no weight. Jimin giggled again. Jeongguk knows why Jimin is doing this, because whenever he doesn’t turn the TV off the -

“The tickle monster is coming.” Jeongguk says with a villainous voice, and Jimin screams, running and hiding behind the couch. Jeongguk chases after him, scooping him up in his arms and dumping him gently on the couch, tickling him. Jimin squeals in delight, using his hands to try to block his brother’s.

“Okay, okay, you win.” Jeongguk scoops up a grinning Jimin again, snuggling him to his chest.

“You need breakfast.”

Jeongguk sits Jimin down at their table before opening their refrigerator. Covering his face with door to hide his worry, he stares at the almost empty fridge. The food Taehyung got them is almost out, and he’s saving his money from the tattoo parlor for everything else they need right now.  If Jeongguk gets this job, he can get his first paycheck by Friday. He just has to make it for 5 days. That is, if he even gets it.

Pulling out one of the only eggs left, he smiles at Jimin, who is sitting quietly watching the still on TV. Putting the egg on the stove, Jeongguk pulled out the puppy bread and brought it to Jimin.

“Okay, sweetie, pick which one you want.” He doesn’t know why, but Jimin always wants to pick which piece of bread he wants. Jimin’s expression brightens, and he sticks his face in the almost empty bag and pulls out the awkward end piece. Jeongguk cracks up.

“Alright then.” Jimin gives him a squishy smile before biting into it. Jeongguk was going to toast it, but that’s okay.

Walking back over to the stove, Jeongguk winds up the bread bag and starts scrambling the egg.

“Guess what, Minnie?”

“What?”

“Since we’re leaving a little early today, you’re gonna go to Hobi’s house first before daycare. And then, you’re gonna leave early, and come to work with me after my job interview, okay?” One of the main reasons for this is that Jeongguk couldn’t afford Jimin’s daycare for more than a couple hours a day right now. He doesn’t want to think about it.

“What’s a job inner view?” Jimin asks, lips in a little pout.

Jeongguk dumped the eggs on Jimin’s plate, ignoring his own growling stomach.

“A job interview,” he sets the plate down in front of Jimin, “is when you want to get a new job. You talk to the person who can give it you, and they see if you’re a the right person for the job.”

“So are you gonna try to get a new job?” Jimin says before he starts eating.

“Yep. So I’m gonna talk to a guy called Namjoon, and he’s gonna see if I’m good enough to work for him.”

“I think you’re good at doing jobs.” Jimin says gnawing on his bread and looking up at Jeongguk with big eyes. Jeongguk smiled softly.

“Thank you, Minnie.”

After Jimin finishes eating, Jeongguk guides him to the bathroom. Jimin turns on the faucet, sticking his hands in it and splashing water around. Jeongguk grabbed onto his hands, turning the faucet off. He got Jimin’s toothbrush ready and held it up to his mouth.

“Open.” Jimin held his lips tighter, shaking his head. Jeongguk asked him again, and he sighed and opened it.

“Can you show me with your fingers how many stuffed animals you can bring today?” Jeongguk asked while brushing Jimin’s teeth. Jimin held up one finger.

“Good job. Are you gonna be a good boy for me while I’m gone?” Jimin nods.

“Alright. You’re all done.” Jimin eagerly spat out the toothpaste while Jeongguk stuck his head out in the hall to see the time. He needed to give Jimin a bath this morning since he was, to put it simply, not cooperating last night.

“Do you want strawberry or birthday cake?” Jeongguk asks as he turns on the water, holding up two bottles.

“Birthday cake!” Jeongguk poured the liquid into the running water, smiling at his little brother’s excited expression as the bubbles formed. He turned it off as soon as he could for the sake of their water bill, even though he wished he could fill it all the way to the top for his brother.

Jeongguk laughed at Jimin’s thoughtful expression as he helped him wash his hair.

“What are you thinking about?” Jeongguk guided Jimin’s head back as he rinses the shampoo out with a cup.

“Is being a daddy a job?” Jeongguk smiled, squirting conditioner out of the bottle. They were almost out.

“Definitely. You don’t get money for it, though.”

“Did you have to get an inner view to be my daddy?” Jeongguk paused in his motions of putting conditioner in Jimin’s hair.

“Uh.. yeah! Kind of. I had to do a lot of paperwork. And they had to see where we were gonna live and stuff.”

“Oh.” Jeongguk filled the cup again with water.

Jimin called him daddy when he came home after his date with Taehyung, he said it Saturday when talking to Hoseok, calling Jeongguk “my daddy”, and again yesterday when he fell on the sidewalk, crying it out.

“Hey, Jimin. Remember how I said that because daddy isn’t here anymore, I’m like your new daddy now? Even though I’m your brother?”

“Yeah.” Jeongguk rinsed out Jimin’s hair to stall time.

“Do… what do you think I am?” Jimin shrugged.

“I don’t know. My daddy brother.” Jeongguk laughed at the name before biting his lip.

“You called me daddy two nights ago. Do you remember?” Jimin shrugged again.

“People at daycare call you my daddy.” Jeongguk nods, remembering that on the paperwork he’s listed as a guardian father. He’s not just a brother anymore. Jeongguk didn’t know how to word the question, and it felt awkward when it came out.

“You… do you wanna call me that? Or do you wanna call me hyung?” Jimin seemed confused by the question and Jeongguk wondered if it was too complicated for him. Helping Jimin step out, he wrapped Jimin in a bundle of towels and picked him up. Jimin was surprisingly quiet.

“I really want a daddy.”

Jeongguk stops walking, and stares at Jimin, who is looking up at him sadly. Jeongguk knows that most of Jimin’s memories of their parents are more of emotions than memories. He knows that it’s getting more confusing for Jimin, and as much as he’s scared to say it, Jeongguk is now probably much more of a father to Jimin than his real one. Blinking away the burning in his eyes, Jeongguk rests his forehead against Jimin’s.

“I’m gonna take really good care of you, okay? If you wanna call me daddy instead of Hyung, you can, alright? You can call me whatever you want. Just… remember our first daddy loved you so much, too, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

“And your second daddy loves you so much, too.”

“I love you more.” Jeongguk kissed Jimin’s forehead, then took him to their closet to get him dressed.

♥♥♥

“Hey! You’re here 10 minutes early!” Hoseok opens the door to his apartment, smiling at Jeongguk then wider at Jimin. Jimin waves back.

Jeongguk walks in, helping Jimin get settled.

“So I’ll pick him up at the daycare at 11?”

“Yeah, we’ll be there!” Hoseok paused, noticing the worry in Jeongguk’s voice.

“Jeon, I seriously think you’re gonna get this. I mean, come on, you were recommended by the boyfriend’s best friend. I think you’re gonna be fine.” Jeongguk rubbed at his face, looking at Jimin to make sure he wasn’t listening.

“I’m just so worried… If I don’t get this job then I don’t think I could pay for our apartment anymore, and we’re running out of food, I…”

“Worst case scenario you come and move in with me. There you go, now there’s nothing to worry about.” Jeongguk rolled his eyes, knowing Hoseok has suggested this since they reunited.

“Kay, I’ll see you later.” Hoseok gave Jeongguk a quick hug.

“Bye Minnie!” Jeongguk calls to Jimin, who is playing on the floor.

“Bye Daddy!”

Jeongguk shivered with the weight of the word, the responsibility it carried. Hoseok’s head shot to Jeongguk, his mouth dropping slightly.

“He… I tried to ask him what he wanted to call me, since he keeps trying to call me… that. It feels so weird, I don’t know, I just-”

“It’s scary, I know. It just defines more what you are now.” Jeongguk sighed, watching Jimin play.

“I’ll just miss him calling me Jeonggukie hyung, you know? I feel like a fraud.” Hoseok laughs sympathetically, patting Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“He’ll always be your little brother. You know that, right?”

“Yeah… I just... feel like it’s really saying goodbye.”

♥♥♥

Everything happened so quickly and it didn’t help Jeongguk’s nerves at all.

When Jeongguk stepped into the address he was given, his eyes widened at how beautiful the building looked. There was no sign out in the front yet, and he could see a couple ladder from construction. Jeongguk could smell the fresh paint, and see how everything wasn’t 100% done. There was a golden chandelier in the center of the lobby and photographs of all kinds lining the walls.

“Hi! You’re Jeongguk, right?”

Jeongguk’s eyes met a young man in front of him. He had bleach blonde hair perfectly parted and styled, tall with beautiful eyebrows and lips. Jeongguk knew that this must be Taehyung’s model friend.

“I’m Seokjin. Taehyung’s told me about you!” Jeongguk shook his hand, smiling shyly.

“Namjoon’s in one of the back offices. Do you like it so far? We’re still trying to figure everything out.”

“It looks beautiful,” Jeongguk says, following Seokjin to the back.

“Thank you!” Seokjin knocked on one of the doors and opened it.

There was another handsome man at the desk in there, two people talking to him and handing him paperwork.

“Namjoon, this is Jeongguk.” Jeongguk swallowed before getting out a smile.

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Namjoon smiled at him. Saying goodbye to the two people in front of him, watching them get up and leave before shaking Jeongguk’s hands. Jeongguk felt a little more relieved, he seemed really nice.

“Nice to meet you too! Would you like to sit down?”

♥♥♥

Jeongguk wiped the falling tears from his eyes as he found a seat on the bus. Lip trembling, he pulled out his phone and found Taehyung’s name.

“Hi Jeonggukie! How did it go?” Jeongguk smiled at the sound of his voice, and he let out another sniffle.

“Oh, no, is everything okay?”

“I got it, Tae. I got the job.” He heard Taehyung yell in delight on the other side of the phone, then an apology following to someone next to him. Jeongguk laughed, letting out a happy sob. He ignored a couple glances from people around him and turned away from their direction.

“I got an assistant position. I… I think it’s gonna be really good.”

“I knew you would get it! I mean, I really made sure to talk up how great you are to Jinnie hyung and I knew you would get it! Ah, do you start tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I do. I’m really nervous for the actual job part now.” Taehyung giggled.

“Where are gonna be tonight? I finish classes at 4:30.” Jeongguk wipes the leftover tears from his eyes, calming down.

“Oh, I’m at the shop tonight. Jimin’s gonna be with me until 7:30.”

“Okay. Good to know.”

“Why do you ask?” Jeongguk asks suspiciously. He’s not gonna admit he wants to see Taehyung. He’s still trying to look cool.

“Oh, no reason! 7:30. ‘Kay, I’ll see you later! Ah, I’m so excited for you!! Did I already say that?”

“I think so? But thanks anyways?” Taehyung laughed again.

“Okay, I gotta go I have class.”

“Okay. Bye, Tae.” He could almost hear Taehyung’s soft smile.

“Bye Jeonggukie!” He heard another squeak before he hung up the phone.

♥♥♥

“Why are your eyes red? Don’t tell me.” Hoseok’s eyes were as wide as saucers, panic on his face.

“I got the position.”

Hoseok shrieked, hopping over the front counter and taking Jeongguk into a massive hug.

“I can’t breathe.” Jeongguk laughs, and Hoseok lets go.

“Oh my god, that’s fucking amazing.” Hoseok whispers.

“And, they said I can keep Jimin there too if he doesn’t cause too many problems. Since I’m not working with people all day and doing a lot of computer stuff, I can work from home sometimes and also be with him more and not always in daycare.”

“You mean not always with me.” Hoseok pouts. Jeongguk grins, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll go find him.” Hoseok runs down the hallway, coming back out with a giggly Jimin.

Jeongguk practically runs to him and swoops him up in his arms.

“Guess who got a new job?”

“You!” Jimin squealed and wrapped his arms around Jeongguk’s neck. Jeongguk jumps, making Jimin’s squeals bounce with it. He laughed at his little brother’s happiness, knowing Jimin really didn’t understand the significance of this.

“We’re gonna go see Yoongi now, okay?” Jimin nods, squirming out of Jeongguk’s arms to go get his bag.

Jeongguk flailed in excitement, making Hoseok laugh loudly.

“Oh my God , this is gonna help so much.”

“You should try to save up move out of that nasty apartment with your stupid neighbors.” Jeongguk groaned at the memory.

“Ugh, last Saturday I couldn’t get Jimin to bed until 11 because of their screaming. And that was early for them. I think they ended up going out.” Hoseok guffawed.

“I don’t think those students are here for an education.”

Jimin comes running back, hugging around Jeongguk’s leg.

“You ready?” Jimin nods.

“We should all go out to dinner tonight to celebrate! Ah - don’t make that face, I’m paying.” Hoseok said, ruffling Jimin’s hair.

“Hey, you work with Yoongi, right? We can invite him too!” Jeongguk laughs at the idea.

“I’m sure he’d love that. Why don’t you come to the shop and ask him?”

“That sounds like a great idea! Hey, do you wanna invite Taehyung? Does he have class?”

Jeongguk shakes his head, Jimin getting bored and sitting down on the floor next to his brother.

“Oh, he’s done at 4:30! I think he’s gonna come to my work actually. He’s not good at hiding things.”

“Awesome! And the bean is coming, too, of course.” Hoseok playfully pokes his shoe at Jimin, who giggles and pushes it away.

It had been a strange four weeks. Jeongguk had finished signing all the papers three weeks after his 18th birthday. And somehow four weeks after that, Jeongguk managed to distance himself from his entire extended family, get a cheap apartment using all the money he could salvage, defer his college admission, and start to raise a child he used to just babysit. Jimin’s third birthday wasn’t celebrated. He didn’t even tell Jimin what a special day it was, because he was too sad.

Jeongguk learned he was honestly uncomfortable. And he didn’t know how to do this.

“Stay right here, Jimin.”

“Hold my hand, Jimin.”

“Jimin, don’t touch that.”

“Jimin, don’t eat that.”

Jeongguk couldn’t stand to be in their old home. They could never live in it knowing what happened inside. He brought basically nothing for himself (75% of his clothes were stolen, along with his laptop, music software, record player, graduation money, electric keyboard, tablet. Jeongguk hopes that stuff was worth his parent’s lives. He seethes at the thought of them enjoying his possessions - to them, it was worth the blood on their hands.) His parent’s belongings were mostly gone, too. The only thing he saved of them was his father’s favorite suit, his mother’s favorite cake holder, and their wedding rings, which he tied together on a string of floss that he keeps tucked away. Thankfully, robbers don’t seek out sippy cups and sing-along books, so Jeongguk stuffed the car with everything he wanted Jimin to keep.

But he couldn’t stand that home. Everything felt haunted.

It made him sick when he heard Jimin’s tiny footsteps around the home, trying to show his daddy a picture or give mommy a flower, calling out every couple of minutes -

“Mommy?”

“Daddy?”

“Jeonggukie hyung, where mommy go? Did mommy go bye-bye again?”

Jeongguk would practically rip his hair out, bite his lip and just stare at Jimin wailing helplessly. It echoed through the empty, dead to Jeongguk house. He would finally kneel down -

“Jimin, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” he would say desperately, more to himself than Jimin. Jimin would then reach his little arms up and wrap them around his brother’s neck, and Jeongguk couldn’t help but pull him up into his strong arms and hold him.

Sure, he would hold Jimin before. He pop him from out of his mother’s arms and hold him real quick when she needed two hands. When he was 15 years old, he went to the hospital and held the newborn bundle in his arms. When he finished his homework early he would sometimes play with Jimin; toss him around and play blocks with him, stopping when he was bored.

He wasn’t allowed to get bored anymore.

It feels different now, holding him. As the weeks past and Jimin still couldn’t find his mom anywhere, he would hold onto Jeongguk tighter, cling to him when he was afraid and look up at him when he was in pain like Jeongguk was the medicine. Jeongguk would try to imitate the movements of his mother and cradle him and sing to him, feeling an odd feeling of protection and a new instinct rising from inside him.

When Jeongguk used to go out, people would smile at him. They’d look at his parents and smile softly and coo at the baby in a carrier, and they would tell Jeongguk Jimin was lucky to have a big brother like him.

Now the looks were different. Jimin would have his legs hooked around one of Jeongguk’s hips, settled with a candy in his mouth and a squishy grin on his face. He’d wave exaggeratingly with an untrained hand at passersby.

But now, Jimin wouldn’t get cooing and little waves and compliments. They immediately don’t look at Jimin, but at Jeongguk.

They notice the extra bag he drags around and the dark circles under his eyes, and their lips would curl back, or they’d chuckle mockingly. They’d roll their eyes, and Jeongguk’s absolute favorite was when they would just shake their head. That one made him feel an unbelievable amount of shame for something that was never his fault.

Jeongguk looks back a year later and suspects that the main reason he’s still alive is because of Jimin. The desire to grab a knife from the kitchen drawer and see his parents again was forever tempting at the time. The desire to grab a knife from the kitchen drawer and find the survivors of the robbery and put it to good use was even more so.

After he would rock Jimin to sleep, Jeongguk would sit in the bathroom and fill up the sink with water, splashing his face over and over, dunk his mouth into it and make himself choke. He would try to put his mind in the mind of the murderers. How they came to steal some expensive things, and when they saw people that might get in the way, they just kill them. Just like an ant on your arm. Just flick it away hard enough. Stomp on the little spider in your driveway. Wash one down the drain before a shower. Just a quick little inconvenience.

He wonders why they chose his house. Was it random? Did they seek it out? Did they know that less people were home that night? Was it something so specific, or did they just flip a coin? Draw a card?

If Jeongguk was there that night, would he have died, too? What if just Jimin was home? Would they have ignored him? Kidnapped him and sold him? Shot him in the head?

Jeongguk would get horrible chills down his spine and he would gag, wash his hands until they chafed and nearly bled. He’d grip the piercing guns and tattoo pens in his fists as work and let waves of heat rush through his spine.

Jeongguk’s real therapy was Jimin. When he’d come home with achy legs and shaky hands, he would hold the baby in his arms and feel a rush of calm rest in him. After six months, Jeongguk fully registered he was Jimin’s entire life - his food, his home, his education, his manners, his speech, his happiness, his future, his past, his present - it was all in Jeongguk’s hands now. Jimin wobbled over to Jeongguk, slumped on the couch and rubbing at his tired eyes, with a wildflower he picked from the front of the apartment and held it up to Jeongguk. Jeongguk registered it when Jimin looked up at him with huge eyes, looking at Jeongguk like he was absolutely anything and everything - completely reliant on him.

Jeongguk would never cry in front of Jimin. In some rare cases, he would run home before picking up Jimin from daycare, walk into their apartment and just scream and cry and sob. He would lie on the ground and wail like Jimin for the 8 minutes he allotted. Then, he would pick himself up, splash water on his face and put his mask back on and pick Jimin up. But he would never do it in front of Jimin.

When Jimin held up that flower, he couldn’t help but let the tears from his eyes glop down his crumpling face. He watched through blurry vision that Jimin ran away. He was mortified with himself for that moment. Before he had time to think more about it, he saw Jimin run back up the hall and back up to Jeongguk.

This time he held up not only the little flower, crumpling naturally in his chubby little hands, but Jimin’s favorite teddy bear.

Jeongguk felt such an unbelievable feeling of love rise in him, it was unbearable and Jeongguk couldn’t help but gasp for air like the love was crushing him. He pulled Jimin up in his arms with such delicateness and sweetness that Jimin felt weightless. Jimin stared up at him with slightly confused eyes, his head tilted slightly as he watched, fascinated at Jeongguk’s sobs.

“I love you. I love you. I’m so sorry. I love you.” Jeongguk whispered like a prayer as he held the small body to his chest, gasping for air and Jimin held onto his shirt tightly. Jeongguk loved his parents, he loved his friends, he loved music, but never had he ever felt so much love for something, someone in his entire life. It was an overwhelming, indescribable feeling that can only be felt through something like this. One that is so hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have a baby of their own. Jeongguk thought he knew love until this exact moment, and it was suffocating him, overpowering every other emotion in his heart.

Jimin pulled back slightly, to Jeongguk’s disappointment, until Jimin puffed up his cheeks and made a 3-year-old attempt at a funny face. Jeongguk laughed thickly, heart melting and an unbearable swelling in his chest. It was so big it was smashing his lungs, suffocating him. Jimin giggled, snuggling closer to his brother. In that moment, Jeongguk felt like something healed. Like someone cleaned a cut on him, like someone massaged his sore muscles. Jimin felt like his angel, his gift that was given to him to keep to save him from his pain. He’s so thankful Jimin wasn’t home that night. He’s so thankful he signed those papers. He so fucking thankful he didn’t use the kitchen knife. There was nothing more he wanted than to protect the little angel that Jimin didn’t even know he was.

---

“Daddy, I want the pretty drink!”

Jeongguk turned his attention from Taehyung the sound of Jimin’s voice. For Jimin, the name he called Jeongguk is second nature to him now, a simple, comforting change, a child’s ability that Jeongguk has been jealous of this past year. For him, the name is bizarre - an out of body experience, like it feels wrong for him to answer to it.

Jeongguk’s eyes follow where Jimin’s finger is pointing, to a bright blue (Jeongguk is sure alcoholic) drink at a table across from them.

“Not today. That’s a grown-up drink.”

“But I want it…” Jimin pouts.

“Jimin, trust me. You won't even like it.”

Jimin’s tears come quickly. His older brother apologizes to everyone at the table - Yoongi sitting stiffly next to a sympathetic Hoseok, who’s smiling at Jimin solemnly. Taehyung, who’s next to Jeongguk, asks him if there’s anything he can do to help. Jeongguk quickly walked out with a wailing Jimin to the bathroom, heads turning in the booths as he passes by. Taehyung turns to Yoongi, whose eyes are darting to Hoseok every couple of seconds.

“Do you guys think we should just order a giant pizza? And then we can just share everything!” Hoseok laughed.

“I think that’s a great idea! What’s your favorite toppings, Yoongi?” Hoseok turns to Yoongi, a soft smile on his face. Hoseok’s hair wasn’t spiked up like it normally is, instead his soft black hair was resting across his forehead gently.

“Uhm, what’s yours?” Yoongi asked, reaching for his water.

“Pepperoni and pineapple. And spinach. And extra cheese.”

“Me too.” Yoongi said quickly. Hoseok looked a little perplexed for a moment, then looked at Taehyung, who was holding in laughter. Taehyung nodded his head to Yoongi, who had his face smashed in the menu.

“ He likes you ,” Taehyung mouths, holding in giggles. Hoseok’s eyes widened, and his head darted to Yoongi, who was still hiding behind the menu. Hoseok’s cheeks flushed pink slightly, and his smile grew to an even brighter one.

Yoongi lifted his menu away when Jeongguk returned with Jimin, with a red nose and sucking his pacifier. Jeongguk sets Jimin down in the booth next to Taehyung, the little boy looking up at Taehyung with big, curious eyes. Taehyung smiles sweetly, booping Jimin’s nose and making him giggle slightly.

“So we were thinking of getting a giant pizza, with extra cheese and pineapple and pepperoni and spinach.” Yoongi says to Jeongguk, who nods in agreement. Hoseok hides a grin.

“That sounds really good, actually. Minnie, baby, do you want some pizza? Yeah?” Jimin nodded shyly, snuggling into Jeongguk’s side.

When the food comes, all the boys are ravenous, stealing multiple giant slices from the center. Before Jeongguk gets his, he pulled out a piece for Jimin, using his knife to cut it into smaller pieces; pulling Jimin’s pacifier out of his mouth and tossing it in his backpack. Jimin eyed the pizza with wide eyes and couldn’t help but grin.

“Oh my god, Taehyung, what are you doing?” He hears Hoseok say. Jeongguk looks over at Taehyung, who’s vigorously shaking salt on his pizza. He looks up at him and shrugs.

“What?”

---

Dinner was really nice. When Jeongguk first met Taehyung at the restaurant, Jimin waved wildly, yelling - “Hi Taehyung! Hi Taehyung!” Taehyung giggled, bent down and hugged Jimin cutely, then reached up and wrapped his arms around Jeongguk. Jeongguk had sighed at the warmth Taehyung gave.

“I’m so happy for you,” he whispered, resting his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“Thank you.”

Most of the dinner was spent with goofy conversations, nothing really important. It was just nice for him to go out in peace, to not worry so much about what’s ahead for a moment.

Taehyung and Jeongguk constantly exchanged little stares and soft smiles, laughing harder than anyone at each other’s jokes.

After the dinner, Hoseok had said something to Yoongi before Yoongi got in his own car. All Jeongguk saw was a bashful (unfitting for Yoongi) expression on his face before he quickly rolled up the window, to Hoseok’s amusement. And with only one meltdown from Jimin, he was quite pleased with the outcome of the night. The only thing that was sad was that Taehyung had to leave so quickly - his roommate was apparently having ‘an essay due at 11:59’ crisis.

Hoseok was driving carefully, looking back in the rearview mirror to a sleeping Jimin every couple of minutes, music playing quietly through the speakers.

“So, you start tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I do training this week and then I start officially this Monday.” Jeongguk says softly.

“Are you getting paid this week?”

Jeongguk looked back at Jimin, then shook his head.

“It’s only one week. And you’re still working at the shop this week, so you’ll be okay, I promise.”

“We’re running out of food. I had to pay the electricity bills and the water bill and the rent and now I’m basically out again.” Jeongguk left out the part that dinner was the first time he’d eaten that day.

Hoseok bit his lip worriedly.

“If you ever need anything to eat, just know my house has food and I’m not going to miss it.”

“Thank you, but I can’t.”

“Jimin needs to eat, Jeon-”

“Of course he does. But I can make it this week. I think there’s enough for him, especially if he eats lunch at daycare-”

“Jeon, seriously. It’s okay to ask for help every once in a while. You work hard every single day, don’t you dare think you’re a freeloader. You can ask for help.”

Jeongguk sighed thanking him quietly. It was drizzling slightly, the orange streetlights reflecting off the drops on the dashboard.

“Speaking of which… have you talked to your grandparents lately? Since… you know?” Jeongguk shook his head.

“Why haven’t you?”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Are they mad at you?”

“No, not at all! I just… it’s my fault, I know. But now I’m scared to face them again.”

“You can call them. I’m sure they’re worried.” Hoseok turned on Jeongguk’s street, pulling into their apartment complex lot.

“I will…” Hoseok smiled - “later.” then he sighed. Jeongguk held up his hand, stopping him.

“I’m serious. Just - let me figure out this job first and gets things rolling before I call them.”

“Do you want to get out of the cart, Jimin?”

Jeongguk gently lifted a squirming Jimin out of the cart seat, placing him on the ground and letting him run around the ceramic tiles.

They were looking for coats. The weather was getting colder and colder, and since Jeongguk had saved up enough money from work the past two weeks, he was proudly able to head to the mall and look for a coat for Jimin. The kid kept growing and his three year old sized one was not going to cut it.

“What colors do you like Jimin?”

“Blue! Blue and purple!”

“You want blue and purple? Okay, let’s look for blue and purple.”

Jeongguk watched Jimin run up next to him as he started searching the coat racks. After a couple minutes of hunting, he came across a purple winter raincoat with a blue hood. Grinning, he turned to show Jimin.

But when he turned, Jimin wasn’t there.

“Minnie? Hey, where’d you go?” Jeongguk asked quite playfully, turning a couple corners around the racks.

“Jimin? Hey, Jimin, this isn’t funny. Come out.”

His stomach started to drop further and further when he didn’t see his little boy anywhere. No giggles, no fluffy black hair, no padding of little shoes.

“ Jimin! ” Jeongguk yelled out, dropping the coat and running through the aisles and aisles and coming across curious eyes, but no Jimin. He wasn’t with him. He wasn’t anywhere. He wasn’t anywhere around and Jimin always answers him.

He’s gone. He’s gone.

Blinking away the burning in his eyes, he ran up to a woman restocking shoes. His voice came out thick.

“Please help me, my little brother, he - he was next to me and now he’s gone, and I don’t know where he is. P-please, I don’t know where my baby is, please find him -” The woman’s eyes widened in surprise and she pulled out her walkie talkie.

“Okay, sir, we can lock the doors and send some workers around the store to look for him.”

What if he’s hurt, what if someone took him - sntached him up and threw him in the trunk of their car, what if he ran off to look at something and he’s somewhere in the middle of a huge mall, with no one there to help him find home-

“Please, hurry, h-he doesn’t normally do this, I-”

“Daddy, can I get it?”

Jeongguk’s head shot with an unimaginable force at the source of the tiny voice.

Jimin was a couple feet away, at the other side of the store, far from where Jeongguk lost him. Jimin was holding a bouquet of faux flowers in his arms, looking at Jeongguk hopefully, oblivious to the situation he was in.

“Jimin.” He’s here. He’s here. He’s still here. Jeongguk ran over to him, his heart racing madly. “You do not run off like that, do you hear me? You scared me half to death, I thought I lost you, oh my god-”

Jeongguk’s voice mumbled on, as he gently pulled the flowers out of Jimin’s arms and pulled him into his own.

“You stay with me, okay? Always tell me when you want to go somewhere. You don’t just leave without asking. I’ll think something bad happened to you.” Jeongguk whispered brokenly into Jimin’s hair.

I can’t lose you too.

Jimin pulled back in the Jeongguk’s arms and stared at him with wide, eyes, nodding slightly. He looked overwhelmed from all the words thrown at him at once.  Jeongguk took a shaky breath.

“You need to stay close to me, okay? If I don’t know where you are, I can’t keep you safe.”

“Sorry, daddy,” Jimin said softly, looking down at his shoes. Jeongguk bit his trembling lip, trying to calm the fear going down him in waves. Everything that just happened felt so fast and so much like a dream.

Jeongguk nodded to the worker who saw that he found him okay. He looked to the side at the little box of flowers.

“Do you want the flowers, Jimin?” Jimin nodded, guilt still in his eyes.

“Let’s get them. I think they’ll be really pretty in our house, huh?” Jeongguk was trying to calm down, but everything still felt off and shifty for him. He doesn’t lose Jimin. He’s better than that.

Jimin smiled softly, picking up the flowers bundling them in his small arms.

“Here, I’ll hold them so you can hold my hand. Is that okay?” Jimin nodded, looking up at him with big eyes and handing him the flowers. Jeongguk took them and took hold of Jimin’s hand snugly.

“Okay, love, let’s go get your coat. I - I found a purple one I think you’ll really like.” Jimin smiled, his pace picking up a little bit and forgetting he did something he wasn’t supposed to.

Jeongguk used his wrist with the hand holding the flowers to wipe the forming tears in his eyes. He tried to breath through his trembling breaths, but for some reason he felt like he was suffocating. Even though Jimin was back next to him, safe and sound, he felt like he was holding in something he needed to let out.

Jeongguk couldn’t believe he lost Jimin.

--- One week later

It had been three weeks since Jeongguk had seen Taehyung. The first week, he had been so busy with his new job, that the idea of having any social time besides him and Jimin felt like too much to handle. The second week was Taehyung’s midterm week. And now on the third week, Jeongguk knew Taehyung was doing a photoshoot this Friday, but he wasn’t answering his phone. It wasn’t like him.

Jeongguk cut the crust off of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Jimin. It was all Jimin wanted to eat for dinner the past 6 days, and Jeongguk needs to figure out how to fix that. He’s worried that if he makes Jimin eat something else, Jimin will cry, and Jeongguk just doesn’t want to see it. He knows it’s bad parenting. He’ll figure it out later.

Jeongguk set the plate on the table next to Jimin, who grinned cheekily and immediately starting eating.

Things were honestly going really well. Jeongguk had learned more about business in the past three weeks than he had ever had, and he’d been trying his hardest to be the best possible at his position. Sometimes, on easier days, he lets Jimin come to the office. Jin asks Jeongguk if he can take pictures of him, since Jimin has such beautiful eyes. Jeongguk agrees - it’s like looking at their mom.

Jeongguk was able to get the coat and flowers for Jimin, and now he was hoping to save up enough money to buy them tickets for the amusement park in their city. Ever since Jimin saw the advertisements for it once when they bought takeout for dinner, it’s been Jeongguk’s dream and ultimate determination to get them tickets. Even if it takes him a year to get those stupidly overpriced tickets. Just one dollar per paycheck, one at a time.

Watching Jimin eat and color at the same time (which is quite the sticky process), Jeongguk ate spoonfuls of peanut butter and stared at his cellphone. He really would like to call his grandparents. But he’s just downright afraid. He’s scared that they’ve forgotten about him, or that they’ll be mad at them for not letting them see Jimin, for giving them no contact in the past year.

It’s so easy to close yourself off from everything, and it makes it that much harder to just be able to swing back into it. It’s not easy to just call his grandmother and just pick up where they left off. Or any of his friends. All his friends in universities and different jobs, people in community colleges and exchange students in other countries. The people he partied with. He hasn’t spoken with anyone. So easy to shut everything out. So easy to put yourself in a shell and convince yourself that doing it makes life easier.

He could call Taehyung. Taehyung’s super close with his grandparents. He would know what to do.

---

“I know we said we’d use him earlier, but I changed my mind. His hip measurement is larger than it was last month, and his face isn’t plain enough. Draws attention away from the clothes.” The casting director said to an agent, like Taehyung wasn’t even in the room. Taehyung nodded and smiled politely, thanking them before collecting his portfolio and briskly walking out of the room. He transitioned to a run and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and meeting his reflection in the mirror.

Taehyung’s eyes watered and tears slipped down his cheeks. He knew he felt a little chubbier since he last done castings. He wondered why some of the people who used to take him last year by just looking at his name on a paper wouldn’t even take him in person. Or people that casted him now decide to change their minds? Was he looking older now? Maybe he didn’t have the exact baby-faced look they want anymore. Or maybe he was born ugly this whole time and just no one noticed until now.

Taehyung breathed in shakily, embarrassed. It didn’t matter if his mother told him he was beautiful, or his grandparents or the photographers a couple months ago.

Taehyung jumped at the vibration of his phone in his pocket. Pulling it out, he chewed his lip at the sight of Jeongguk’s name.

What would he think? How does Jeongguk feel about his appearance? Jeongguk is the most beautiful boy in the whole world. He should be a model, not Taehyung. Taehyung didn’t even get any castings anymore anyways.

Jeongguk’s name disappeared as the phone went to voicemail, and Taehyung sniffled hopelessly.

Jeongguk rubbed roughly at his burning eyes. He had currently been investing himself in sorting order forms for work. He was allowed to bring them home so he could leave earlier to take care of Jimin and then work on them after he put his brother down for a nap. Jeongguk was about to turn to the second to last form to complete until he heard a sniffle.

Turning curiously, his eyes met a miserable looking 4 year old in the doorway, clutching a stuffed turtle in one hand and his blankie in the other.

“Hey…” Jeongguk got up from his seat and made his way over to his brother, “what are you doing up?” Jeongguk tucked a piece of hair behind Jimin’s ear and used the back of his index finger to softly caress Jimin’s cheek.

“My head hurts.” Jimin whimpered , reaching forward to grab onto Jeongguk’s shirt collar, taking a clump of it into his grip.

“Oh, honey,” Jeongguk said softly, lifting Jimin while standing up and snuggling him to his chest. Jimin hiccuped, rubbing his head into Jeongguk’s collar, who shushed him gently and rocked him.

Jeongguk bit his lip in worry. Jimin’s been complaining of headaches for a little too long now.

---

“He’s having trouble with shapes and letters, especially.” Jeongguk wrung his hands together, staring at one of the daycare workers with wide eyes.

“What do you mean by ‘trouble’?”

“Well, during group learning, he tends to seem very lost. He doesn’t seem to understand what’s going on, and he is not improving. He does a bit better with individual instruction, though.” She spoke softly.

“He also is starting to do something recently in the past month. He keeps bumping into walls. And he has trouble recognizing people. We will call him over, and he looks very confused.”

Jeongguk looked out the window to watch Jimin. All the children around him ran screaming, throwing leaves at each other and smashing toy trucks into the sand. Jimin sat by himself next to the sandbox, looking very concentrated. In one hand, he held a pile of little wildflowers and clovers. He was sorting them, the clovers in one little pile and the wildflowers in another. Once those were sorted, he sorted them by color.

“Jeongguk, are you listening?”

Jeongguk looked back at her sharply. He cleared his throat.

“Sorry, I zoned out for a moment.”

“I think…” she said softly, with reluctance. “You should have him tested. For possible learning disabilities. I also see some signs of possible ASD. You might want to take a look at that. I know he’s experienced a lot of trauma in 4 years of life.”

Jeongguk moved to sit on his shaking hands, eyes watering.

“I-Is H-Hoseok h-here?”

“He gets in in about a half an hour.”

“So you think something’s wrong with him?’ Jeongguk’s voice was thick. His eyes were on Jimin now, watching himself get up to look for more flowers, head turning back every couple of seconds to make sure nothing has happened to his other flowers and clovers.

“I’m not qualified to diagnose, Jeongguk. I’m only qualified to refer him.”

---

“He has myopia.”

Jeongguk’s lip trembled.

“My… my - what?”

“Myopia.” Jeongguk watched Jimin rock playfully on the rocking horse in the corner of the doctor’s office.

“Wh-what does that mean?”

“He’s nearsighted.”

Jeongguk stared at the doctor for a moment.

“O-oh. That’s it?”

The doctor laughed, typing a couple things into the computer.

“Yep, that’s it. Many times, it’s mistaken for a learning disability or worse because he’s not understanding anything he’s learning. The reason isn’t that he can’t comprehend it, he just can’t see it!”

Jimin ran over to Jeongguk and handed him a block from a bin. Jeongguk smiled at him and thanked him. Jimin ran back over to the bin. Even with the relief it wasn’t something worse, Jeongguk still felt impending guilt.

“Is it my fault? What could have caused it? I’ve never let him sit too close to the TV, I-”

“It’s so hard to say. Sometimes it’s just something that happens. Just try to focus on your goal now. I’ll write you a referral to the pediatric optometrist. If they have a spot open, you can take him today. Just try to make him wear his glasses as much as possible. Otherwise he can develop a lazy eye or his eyes could get much worse. Aim for all day. If you need to build it up, try to make him wear it in two hour increments with one hour breaks. You can get a little strap for them so he won’t lose them.”

Jimin ran from the bin back to Jeongguk, now handing him a single lego. Jeongguk giggled and thanked him again, taking the lego and placing it next to the block beside him.

“Thank you so much.” Jeongguk says, walking over to drop the two toys back in the bin and to take Jimin’s hand. The doctor closed his binder and stood up.

“Oh, of course. I’m glad to help.”

---

Jeongguk ran over to the front door at the sound of it knocking. After seeing where the box was from, he grinned and made his way quickly back to kitchen. Jimin was sitting at the table, eating oatmeal and watching Jeongguk run around curiously.

“Jiminnie, guess what?”

“What?”

“Your glasses are here!” Jeongguk opened the box carefully with a pair of scissors.

“My glasses!” Jimin shouts excitedly, making the word sound more like ‘gasses’. He squirmed out of his chair. Jeongguk pulled out the little glasses case and opened it. It was the exact glasses Jimin wanted. The frames were a bright green, with little purple flowers decorating the sides. They had a little black strap attached to them, so that if they fell off of Jimin’s face, they could still stay on his neck and he wouldn’t lose them.

“Wow, Jimin, look how pretty they are!” Jeongguk knelt down and brought them close to Jimin. Jimin’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped comically. He clapped excitedly, which made Jeongguk melt.

“Okay, love, I’m going to put them on you and we’re going to see how you like them. They might be a little weird at first…”

Jeongguk placed the strap around his neck and then gently put the glasses on Jimin’s face.

Jimin stared back at him, his face now decorated with cute green frames. He blinked a couple times, then his eyes widened comically again. Jimin’s head flew around the room, yelling out excitedly at the sight of the TV show on. He yelled out excitedly again when he looked out the window, then looked at Jeongguk and smiled the biggest smile Jeongguk had ever seen. All his tiny teeth showed and his eyes squished so much they disappeared. Jeongguk grinned back, his eyes welling up.

“Do you like them?”

Jimin jumped up and down, attempting to hug Jeongguk but more or less just running into his chest. Jeongguk chuckled, pulling Jimin into his arms and kissing him all over his face, making his glasses move all around. Jimin screamed with giggles.

“Thank you, Jeonggukkie-hyung! They’re so pretty!”

“Oh, no, you don’t need to thank me. I’m happy you can see things all clear and pretty now, right? And this won’t make your head hurt anymore.”

Jimin looked up at Jeongguk with eyes so full of love, like Jeongguk was everything in his entire little world. Jeongguk bit his trembling lip, attempting to turn it into a smile.

“Yay!” Was all Jeongguk could get out.

“Yay!!” Jimin yelled, clapping again with his little hands.

---

“Wow, Jimin, that’s beautiful! Thank you!” Namjoon smiled kindly at Jimin, who jumped joyfully as he watched Namjoon tape his crayon - drawn photo next to the photography.

“Would you like to make another one? I have more paper.” Jimin reached out shyly and took Namjoon’s hand, leading him over to the section of the floor he was drawing on.

“Do you want me to draw something?” Jimin nods and pushes all the materials to Namjoon.

In the midst of Namjoon finishing drawing an ocean, he grinned at Jeongguk, who had made his way into the room.

“Jimin, are you drawing with Namjoon hyung?” Jimin nodded, pushing his glasses higher up on his nose and leaning in to snuggle into Jeongguk’s side when he kneeled down next to him.

“What did hyung draw?”

“He drew the ocean.” Jimin said sweetly.

“Do you want to keep it, Jimin?” Namjoon asked, handing Jimin the photo. Jimin smiled shyly, taking the picture quickly. Namjoon chuckled.

“Okay, Jimin, we have to get ready to go now. I still have dinner and I need to finish a couple things at home.” Jimin sighed, pouting slightly as he started collecting some of his papers to put in his little backpack.

“Hey, Jeongguk.” Namjoon got the other’s attention.

“You know, if you’re busy tonight, we can watch him for you. We can drop him off later tonight, or he can stay the night and you pick him up in the morning. Honestly, I can drop him off at his daycare if you give me address.” Jeongguk stared at him in shock.

“Oh my gosh, hyung you don’t have to-”

“No, I want to! Being honest here, Jin’s been begging me to ask you for weeks now. He’s gonna be home tonight and I’m sure he’d love to cook something for Jimin. You need a break.”

“You always say that.”

“Because you always do! As long as you trust him with us, we will absolutely do anything to help.”

Jeongguk smiled sheepishly, watching Jimin cutely try to pull his purple coat on, his glasses getting crooked in the arduous process.

“Of course I trust you,” Jeongguk said softly, heading over to Jimin to help him.

“Great! I’ll take him home with us tonight!”

---

The house was far too quiet. Jeongguk was used to being without Jimin, but being home without Jimin is a whole new experience. His first thought when he wanted to be with someone was always… him.

Taehyung was always the one he wanted to talk to. But he hadn’t spoken to Taehyung in over 3 weeks. The last time they spoke was over the phone, when Taehyung said he was drained with studying with finals. He also rambled about a diet he was on, and that he was trying to get booked for more shows, but he spoke so quickly and feverishly Jeongguk didn’t fully catch it all. His phone either went to voicemail or Jeongguk was so occupied with work. Also having to deal with Jimin’s health and trying to figure out what was causing his struggles. The three weeks had honestly flown by him so fast he was dizzy. He couldn’t deny that he was worried that Taehyung didn’t like him or didn’t want to spend time with him anymore.

Praying Taehyung would answer, he sighed in relief when he heard a click on the other line.

“Hi, Taehyung,” Jeongguk said gently.

“Hi Jeonggukkie!” Taehyung said. He sounded somewhat happy, but also tired.

“Would you like to come over for a little bit? Jimin is staying with some friends tonight and the house is way too quiet.” Taehyung giggled quietly.

“I’d love to.”

---

The balcony was too cold nowadays, so they resort to the couch.

“How are you?” Jeongguk asked. Taehyung looked up at him with large eyes, nursing a mug of hot chocolate in his hands.

“I’m…” he sighed. “How are you?”

“I asked you first.”

Taehyung repositioned himself, then took a drink from his mug.

Then his eyes welled up with tears."

Jeongguk’s eyes widened, and he quickly set his own mug on the table next to them.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jeongguk gently pulled the mug out of Taehyung’s hands and set it down too, pulling Taehyung into his arms. It still felt strange to hold somebody else in his arms than his brother. But at the same time, holding Taehyung right now felt completely and eternally - right.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry ,” Taehyung blubbered, burying his face into Jeongguk’s chest. Jeongguk shushed him.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time.”

“Y-yes, I do-”

“No, you don’t. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“I-I’m just really s-scared and s-sad.” Jeongguk buried his nose into Taehyung’s hair, nuzzling him.

“Why? Tell me.”

“I-I don’t know… I just am worried I’m not gonna be good at school anym-more. There are s-so many kids better than me, and I don't know w-what I wanna do. A-and I didn’t get a modeling j-job because they said I gained too much w-weight, and that my face w-wasn’t right. A-and I’m… I don’t know… Everything in my life just f-feels like it’s all happening at once and I’m really mad that I’m n-not good enough…”

“Yes you are,” Jeongguk whispered into Taehyung’s hair,

“I know it’s hard, I know. Jimin… he just got glasses. I’m still trying to figure out how to pay for his glasses. I feel bad, there’s no way it wasn’t my fault… and they told me to get him tested, but I’m terrified. I took him to his pediatrician and they told me he’s nearsighted, and that solves his learning issues, but… I don’t know… I-I’m not good at saying this right. Everything’s coming out all jumbled.” Jeongguk sighed, and noticed Taehyung’s sobs had quieted a little bit.

“He has these massive outbursts of emotions sometimes, not just 4 year old tantrums. And he always has trouble talking to other kids. Every time I pick him up from daycare, he’s usually happy, but he’s always by himself. And I just…” Jeongguk’s voice cracked.

“I don’t know how to do this.” He quickly wiped away a falling tear and held Taehyung tighter to his chest, who know was rubbing Jeongguk’s arm gently.

“I don’t know how to do this. I see all these other 19-year-olds like you going out and doing things and I feel like I lost everything. B-but then I look at Jimin and I feel so terrible for thinking I deserve to do other things over him. I’m worried he’s gonna grow up to be so messed up because I’m the one who raises him now, and not my amazing parents. I still, m-miss my m-mom and dad so m-much… and… I don’t know, I-I just wish things were back the way they were.”

Jeongguk straightened his back slightly and held on to Taehyung tighter, sniffling.

“But this is what I have to do. And even though I’m so tired, and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, I’m gonna do my best. For him. And for me. But I feel like I’m not good enough either - like there’s nothing I can do to be good enough.”

“You’re a really great new dad, Jeongguk. And you’re definitely good enough. You always will be.” Taehyung said softly, looking up at him with puffy eyes.

“I’m sorry I can’t solve your problems.” Taehyung adds sadly.

“I’m sorry I can’t solve yours.”

They sit there for a moment in silence, thinking about all the jumbled words they just threw up.

“I’m also scared to like you.”

Taehyung lifts his head up from Taehyung’s chest, eyeing him curiously.

“What?”

“You deserve better.”

“You don’t get to tell me what I deserve.”

Taehyung lifts up from Jeongguk’s chest where he was resting and wipes away his tears sloppily. He leaned in and rested his forehead against Jeongguk’s, their lips brushing.

“Do you really like me?”

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” Jeongguk whispered onto Taehyung lips. Taehyung shivered.

“You have such beautiful hair, always so shiny and fluffy,” Jeongguk kissed Taehyung’s hair playfully, making Taehyung giggle.

“You have the most beautiful, beautiful eyes,” Jeongguk kissed each of Taehyung’s eyelids. “Your eyelashes are so long, like butterfly wings,” he whispered, giving Taehyung butterfly kisses.

“Your cheeks are so cute and soft,” Jeongguk placed a playful kiss on each cheek, making Taehyung giggle again.

“And your cute little nose-” a peck on Taehyung’s nose.

“And your lips…” Taehyung shivered roughly when Jeongguk swiped his tongue across Taehyung lips. He started to whisper against them.

“They’re my favorite thing about you. With them, you can smile, you can cry, you can laugh… You can tell incredible stories or not even use them at all.” He could feel Taehyung smiling.

Jeongguk leaned down and placed his ear against Taehyung’s heart. It was the first time he had heard his heartbeat.

“I might change my mind. My favorite thing might be your heart. I’ve never seen anyone with a heart like yours.”

Jeongguk pulled up to look into Taehyung’s eyes. Taehyung smiled at him shyly. His cheeks were tomato red, his eyes were filled with something Jeongguk couldn't describe with a word. Jeongguk swept down to kiss Taehyung softly before leaning down to kiss his neck.

“J-Jeongguk,” Taehyung sighed, his voice high. Jeongguk smirked slightly and fought the temptation to suck a mark into Taehyung’s neck, remembering he might have photoshoots coming up. Jeongguk swept down once more and pulled down Taehyung’s shirt collar gently, placing soft, sultry kisses on his collar bones. Taehyung moaned airily, his hands stroking through Jeongguk’s hair. Jeongguk lifted up once more, despite Taehyung’s whimper, and rested his forehead back on Taehyung’s.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung said shakily. Jeongguk kissed him tenderly, and Taehyung kissed him back, their lips connecting into one.

“You’re good enough. You’re far more than good, Taehyung.”

“You’re good enough, too. You’re far more than good enough, too.”

Jeongguk and Taehyung pulled apart just enough to look into each other’s eyes. They couldn’t say how long they sat there, just staring.

Jeongguk shuffled awkwardly into the kitchen, hands clammy with excitement and anxiety. He took a deep breath.

“H-hey mom?”

Jeongguk’s mom’s head turned around from the counter, where she was tossing salad with one arm, Jimin babbling on her hip.

“Yes, love?”

“I, uh… I just wanted to say… well… okay. I just… yeah. I got the scholarship.”

Jeongguk’s mom dropped her spoon, whipping her whole body around to face him.

“ You got the scholarship?! ” Jeongguk grinned sheepishly.

“Yeah… what? You don’t believe me?”

She squealed, running over to her oldest son and attempted to squish him tight. Jimin squeaked in the midst of it, face crumbling and a hiccup slipping from his tiny lips.

“Awhawh!” their mother laughed sympathetically, one hand remaining stroking through Jeongguk’s hair while she turned to her 2 year old.

“I’m sorry angel, did I startle you? Oh , I’m sorry pumpkin, it’s okay, mommy’s here. Shh...” she said softly, her voice high and light as she bounced Jimin, whose crying stopped, instead just taking little gasps of air. She turned back to look up at Jeongguk, who was surpassing her in height now, when Jimin settled down and rested back on her chest.

“I’m so happy for you, love. You should be so proud of yourself, you’ve worked so hard.” She popped on her toes to kiss him on the cheek, which made Jeongguk scrunch up his face and pull away, which didn’t stop her from kissing him again.

“ Ahh! This is so good!” Mom squealed, jumping up and down and making Jimin giggle. She turned back to adjust one of the burners on the stove. She gave Jimin a sloppy kiss on his squishy, baby cheek.

“Oh, Jeongguk, I’m so excited for your future. You’re gonna be amazing, you’re gonna accomplish so much, you don’t even know yet. You’re amazing!”  

Jeongguk shuffled where he was standing near her.

“I don’t even know what I wanna major in yet, though,” he mumbled.

“It doesn’t matter. Whatever you’ll do, you’re going to be amazing at it.”

Jeongguk rolled his eyes and tried to hide his smile while attempting to steal a piece of cheese. Mom swatted his hand away, then took a little piece and handed it to Jimin. Jimin took the piece gratefully in his tiny hand and started munching. Jeongguk stared back, shocked.

“Woah, woah, woah, why does he get some and I don’t?!”

Their mother laughed, pulling the block of cheese away from him to get another reaction out of him.

---

“Jimin, it’s time to wake up.”

Jeongguk made his way over to their bed. He had gotten up early to finish some paperwork he needed to get over with before Jimin woke up. He knew today was going to be a busy Sunday.

Jeongguk leaned down over Jimin’s tiny, sleeping body and stroked his hair. Jimin whined, squirming closer to the mattress.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” Jeongguk sat on the bed and pulled Jimin into his lap, rubbing his back and bouncing him a little in an attempt to wake him up. Jimin had been up until almost 11 from the thumping on the floor above them. But it was almost 9 now and Jeongguk knew if he didn’t wake Jimin up now, he wouldn’t nap later, which would start a whole new set of problems.

Speaking of problems, Jeongguk (attempted to) mentally prepare himself for what was to come.

“Okay, Jiminnie.” Jimin looked up at him with big, sleepy eyes, sucking on one of his fingers, his other taking and ever-present grip on Jeongguk’s shirt. Jeongguk pushed some of his little brother’s fluffy bangs out of his eyes.

“Remember, two days ago,” he held up two fingers, “I said that we were going to say goodbye to Binky. And then, yesterday-” he pulled down one finger, “it was one more day. And now, we’re all out of days. Which means today is a very special day. It’s when we say goodbye to Binky.” Jimin’s eyes widened.

“We have ‘ta say bye to Binky now?” Jeongguk nodded; he kissed Jimin’s hair softly and rubbed his back.

“Oh. Okay.”

Jeongguk tried not to make a face at Jimin’s simple reaction. For the past two days, it had been absolute havoc trying to wean Jimin off of using his pacifier. Jeongguk knew it was time after the last ear infection. He read that it was better to give a warning, rather than try to sneak it away or do it without preparation. Today was the third day and it was time for them to put all the pacifiers in a bag and say goodbye. After these past two days of horror, Jeongguk assumed that the day to say goodbye would be the worst. Maybe things were going to go easy.

---

Jeongguk was wrong.

“ I want Binky! I want Binky! I want it, I want it, I want it! ” Jimin screeched, kicking his small legs on the old hardwood floor beneath them.

“I know, Jimin, I know.” Jeongguk kneeled down to him. Jimin continued to sob dramatically, like his life depended on it.

“But Jimin, we need to give your Binkys to another baby that needs them now.”

Jeongguk now also realized he would have to find new solutions to Jimin’s crying because most often his solution was, well… his pacifier.

“ I need it! I need it! I need it! I need it, I need it, I need it! ” Jimin wailed, throwing himself on the ground.

“No, Jimin, I’m sorry… Come here, it’s okay.” Jeongguk carefully picked up a hysterical Jimin, who immediately starting kicking his legs when he was picked up.

“Yah! Hey, hey, hey, don’t do that.” Jeongguk set Jimin down on the couch after being pelted several times in the stomach.

“Jeon Jimin, you do not kick people, do you understand me?” Jimin continued to cry but they quited from screams at the sound of Jeongguk’s stern voice.

“B-but Gukkie - I-I w-want B-binky…” Jimin let out another sob and wiped at his nose messily.

Jeongguk sat down on the couch next to Jimin, who flopped down and smashed his face into one of Jeongguk’s thighs. He felt terrible for taking away another thing Jimin loves. They’ve already lost too much already.

But he knew he had to do the right thing. People start questioning parents when they’re two years old about still using pacifiers, let alone at four years. But Jeongguk knew he couldn’t have Jimin walking into kindergarten in a year with a pacifier, no matter how hard it could be.

Jimin sniffled into Jeongguk’s leg.

“F-first Sam, a-and then M-mommy and Daddy and n-now B-binky…”

---

“Here, baby, hold out your hand.”

Jeongguk plopped a cherry tomato into Jimin’s tiny hands, who smiled at him and popped it in his mouth. Even a baby cherry tomato looked big in comparison to Jimin.

“Is that good?” Jimin nodded, chewing contentedly.

Jeongguk turned back to the stove and stirred the sauce warming up. He was doing that while timing the noodles, which obviously made Jeongguk a Le Cordon Bleu trained chef.

They were making dinner to bring over to Seokjin and Namjoon’s house. They had invited the two over, and Jeongguk was going to surprise them with food (even though he’s guessing by Jin’s hints he’s going to be eating a lot of food anyways). But, to be honest, Jeongguk really wanted to prove himself.

“Can I stir it?” Jimin asked, looking at him hopefully.

“Absolutely. Let’s be very careful, okay?” Jeongguk carefully took Jimin’s hand and held it with his on the spoon to stir the sauce in the spot. He made sure Jimin didn’t get too close to the stove or pot where he was sitting on the counter.

“Good job!” Jeongguk said once they were finished. Jimin smiled cheekily, scrunching up his shoulders. Jeongguk was so thankful that Jimin felt a lot better after his nap.

Jeongguk had been to Namjoon and Jin’s house before. It was a beautiful little home, that both of them had worked very hard to buy together. Jeongguk wishes that one day, he will be able to get a some place like that for him and Jimin to live in, too. They had gone over for Christmas.

It was Jeongguk and Jimin’s first real Christmas since their parents died. Christmas last year was only three months after the murders, and Jeongguk was still in his slump. After regretting not even telling Jimin it was his 3rd birthday, he knew he had to do something for Christmas for Jimin.

He used a bit of money he had saved not buying lunch to purchase Jimin a stuffed animal for a gift from Santa. He took him Christmas Eve to look at Christmas lights around the city. He spent the whole rest of that night after Jimin was in bed crying by their crappy fireplace and missing the sound of his mother’s voice singing Christmas carols and his dad yelling at the DVD player to work so they could watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

He never knew Christmas could be so sad, especially when you’re trying so hard to make it happy.

So this year, he wanted Jimin’s (and his) Christmas to be great. He found himself at Namjoon and Seokjin’s doorstep, who greeted them with all the love he was craving. Was it as wonderful as it was with his parents? Probably not, but Jeongguk tried his hardest not to think of it in that way, and tried to feel the joy he was experiencing now. He was also so overwhelmed with joy that his his friends were willing to give Jimin presents.

Jeongguk was just clumsily scooping pasta into Tupperware when he heard Taehyung’s old van pulling in front of their complex. At the sound of a knock at his door, he yelled for him to come in.

“Hi guys!” Taehyung greeted cheerfully.

“Hey, Tae.” Jeongguk said distractedly as he saved a massive pile of pasta from being dumped all over the tile floor. He heard Taehyung giggle behind him.

“Do you need help, Kookie?” Jeongguk’s stomach did little jumps at the nickname. When he looked up, Taehyung looked as beautiful as always. He died his hair brown the day before Christmas. It looked so beautiful on him. It was a super cold January day, and Taehyung’s nose rose red and his cheeks were flushed just from the walk from the car to the apartment.

“Oh, I’m fine, thanks. I just need to put these in a bag and get Jimin warm and then I’m ready to go.”

“Great! I have a surprise for you, I can’t wait until you see it.” Taehyung said cheerfully. Jeongguk eyed him suspiciously, and Taehyung giggled at the expression.

“How are you? When are your midterms?” Taehyung groaned.

“They start in the first week of February…”

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” Jeongguk said as he pulled a puffy purple coat on a squirmy Jimin. He pulled a beanie over his head and readjusted Jimin’s glasses.

“Eh, we’ll see.” Taehyung giggled, which made Jeongguk smile as always.

Sometimes, Taehyung didn’t feel the same age as him. Taehyung felt so much younger than him. Jeongguk still wonders what Taehyung sees in him. Most college students wouldn’t date a boy with a kid. It just doesn't work that way. But most college students aren’t like Taehyung.

As they walked out together to the car, Taehyung ran slightly ahead of them.

Taehyung yanked open the door and Jeongguk gasped.

In the back seat was a car seat.

“Oh my go- Taehyung!? You shouldn’t have!”

“I found it at a garage sale when I was looking for jackets!” Taehyung explained excitedly.

Jeongguk felt a rush of relief. When they weren’t taking the bus, they were in Taehyung’s car. They had been using makeshift pillows and jackets for a while, since he didn’t even go in the car that often. But still, Jeongguk still didn’t like the fact that Jimin wasn’t as safe as he could be. Jeongguk blinked back his watering eyes and pulled Taehyung to his chest.

“Thank you, Tae.” Jeongguk whispered, sneaking a kiss to Taehyung’s temple. Taehyung looked up at him and smiled. Jeongguk turned to Jimin, who was on his hip, clutching onto his stuffed turtle.

“Do you like your new seat, Jimin?” Jimin shrugged, resting his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“I want Binky...” Jimin whimpered softly.

“I know, baby, you’re doing such a good job.” Jeongguk sad empathetically, setting Jimin into his seat and buckling him in.

“Where’re we goin’?” Jimin asked in a little voice.

“We’re going to Jinnie and Namjoonie hyungs’.”

“Yay!” Jimin fist bumped air while lifting his other one up, accidentally punching his stuffed turtle. He gasped a tiny gasp, immediately squishing his turtle tight.

“ Sorry, Mr. Turtle .” He whispered dramatically.

---

“Hi guys!!” Jin opened the door, grinning brightly. Jin could be wearing a salmon suit and Jeongguk would still feel mediocre in style. He realized having model friends and a model boyfriend will always be a real struggle.

All of them exchanged hellos.

“How are you, Jiminnie?” Seokjin asked, kneeling down where Jimin was standing, holding onto Jeongguk’s hand.

“I miss Binky…” Jimin whined, stamping his foot slightly. Jin knew exactly what Jimin was talking about from Jeongguk’s texts this morning, warning him about what kind of mood Jimin would be in when they came over.

“Oh, oh, oh, I’m sure you do, sweetheart…” Jin picked up Jimin with utmost care and sat down on the couch with him. Jeongguk nodded at him and smiled softly at him before heading off into the kitchen with Taehyung to greet Namjoon.

“Guess what, Jimin?” Jimin titled his head and looked at him curiously.

“I am so, so proud of you.”

“Why?”

“Because it must be so hard to give up your Binkys, hm? Yeah?” Jimin nodded solemnly, rubbing at his puffy eyes.

“That’s so brave of you, Jimin. When you give up all your Binkys, the Binky fairy gets them, and gives them to a new baby that needs them. Did Daddy tell you that?” Jimin shrugged.

“They really go to a new baby?”

“Yeah! They do! A baby that needs them so very much, and they’re gonna be so happy you gave them yours. You’re such a good boy, sweetheart. You’re so strong.” Jimin couldn’t help but smile a little, smushing his face into Jin’s chest, who swooned.

“Do you want to eat some food?” Jimin shot up in Jin’s lap.

“Yeah!”

---

Jeongguk had Jimin sleeping soundly in his lap, one of his soft cheeks resting on Jeongguk’s firm chest. He had just put in way too much food from Jin in their fridge (for Jin, too much was never enough, especially for Jeongguk and Jimin).

They had went around the apartment and collected all of the pacifiers, washed them and put them in a package. With a tearful goodbye, Jimin watched Jeongguk write the address to a shelter on it. The four year old waved goodbye as Jeongguk put the letter in their mail stop. Jeongguk felt so proud of Jimin for sticking strong (even though tomorrow he will still probably ask for Binky. And the next day). It was also hard for him to say goodbye, too, he realized. In some ways, Jeongguk wanted Jimin to stay a little baby forever, he just realized.

Jeongguk kept a protective arm around him as he scrolled through all his emails. It was odd to have a job now that required so many emails. He felt like one of those fancy businessmen sometimes.

A particular email from his apartment complex caught his eye. One Jeongguk started reading it, he felt his stomach descending further and further into an abyss. Particular words caught his eye as well. His breathing started to pick up.

Expanding apartment complex

Rent raises

New clients

Willing to pay extra

Complaints

No longer offering discounted rates

Eviction

Taehyung spun around in his desk chair, head lolling sleepily to one side. His mother’s voice kept him awake and kept his hold on his cellphone.

“That’s exciting! Are you going to go this month?”

“I think so! I’m going to go with Jeongguk, hopefully.” Taehyung could help but smile at his name slipping off his own lips.

There was a small silence on the other line, and Taehyung heard his mother sigh weakly.

“Taehyung, love… about this Jeongguk…” Taehyung’s eyebrows furrowed; he sat up in his seat.

“What about him?” There was another pause, like his mother was reluctant to let any words come out.

“So.. you really like him, don’t you?” Taehyung nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see him.

“Y-yeah, I… I really do. Why are you asking?” There was another sigh.

“Well… Taehyung… you’re 19 years old. You’re a student. You need to be focusing on studying, and starting a life of your own. The way you’ve been talking about him, I’m worried you’re going to get too caught up in this.” Taehyung stood up from his chair, pacing around the room worriedly.

“You’ve never said anything like this with anyone I’ve talked about before… what’s wrong with him? He’s amazing.”

“I’m sure he is, don’t think I’m saying he’s not. It’s just…”

Taehyung bit his lip, knowing what was coming.

“You’re too young to be in a relationship with someone who already has a child. If you commit to this relationship, you’re basically committing to having a child of your own. Do you know how much you’re giving up by doing that?”

Taehyung slumped on his bed, still chewing on his lip. He knew this was something he’d have to face someday. Taehyung has always loved children. He’s loved babysitting, spending time with his younger cousins, and playing with children at volunteer sites. But raising your own… he knew it was different.

When he first met Jeongguk at that grocery store and saw immediately knew he had a kid, it wasn’t in Taehyung’s first or even second interest to be interested in Jeongguk romantically. Sure, maybe his stomach dropped ten feet when their eyes first met. Sure, it dropped ten feet more when he saw how broken down Jeongguk looked. And then a little more when they kissed or hugged. But at the time, his thought was just to help him. And before he knew it, he couldn’t see the other boy’s face without a rush of love going through his body.

He adored Jimin. Jimin won the award in Taehyung’s heart for the world’s best kid. But he knew he wasn’t ready to take on all that responsibility.

But, then again, neither was Jeongguk.

“Do you know how much you’re giving up by doing that?”

“I know, I just… I don’t know…” Taehyung whined.

“Taehyung, if you really, really love him, talk to him about it. If you’re willing to do this, it’s something we can all talk about, but just give some time to think about this, okay? I am not stopping you, but you can’t rush into situations like this.”

Taehyung made a solemn noise in agreement.

“Okay,” he said softly.

---

“Oh my god… Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”

Jeongguk was face first in their bathroom sink, gripping the sides with clammy hands. He shoved his face in the water he plugged up, trying to muffle his sounds. He couldn’t wake Jimin, Jimin couldn’t know.

They were renovating apartment complex. Not only would Jeongguk lose his discounted rate, but he would have to pay the highly-raised price of the original rent. He also read in the email that the apartments weren’t going to be geared towards children, and that it would be troublesome to hear him. He’d be at risk of being reported and written up more often. And not to mention the fact that Jeongguk and Jimin would have to deal with banging and blaring of construction for the next 8 months.

Shaking, Jeongguk sat down on the old tile floor he always found himself on. He pulled out his phone, staring at it with welled up eyes. For a split second, he considered resisting asking for help like he usually does, but he knew he couldn’t figure this out on his own. He missed his mom.

Jeongguk wanted to talk to Taehyung… he wanted to hold Taehyung.

But he knew that Taehyung wasn’t the right person to call right now. Taehyung was just a kid, too.

Jeongguk pressed Seokjin’s contact name on his phone and held it weakly to his ear.

“Hello?”

Jeongguk bit his lip hard to prevent a whimper from slipping out.

“Hyung, I… I don’t know what to do.”

“Jeongguk, wha – what’s wrong?”

“I… I think I’m gonna lose the apartment. It’s all just really confusing and I – I don’t know what to do, please, tell me what to do –“

“Hey, Jeongguk, shh, it’s okay.” Jeongguk didn’t realize he was crying until he was wiping tears off his cheeks. He heard Jin’s voice saying something quickly to someone by him. He assumes it’s Namjoon.

“When do you have to leave by?”

“The end of the week is when everything starts. I don’t… I don’t think I can renew this rent and honestly I don’t want to.” Jeongguk said tightly, sniffling. Even now, he hears obnoxious yelling from the floor above. He’s exhausted.

“Jeongguk, we have an extra room. Pack up your things as soon as you can and come here, okay?”

“Jin, you don’t have to-“

“Please don’t protest me right now. Don’t. You know how I’ve felt about you guys living in this complex and I think it’s a sign that it’s time to leave, okay? Just bring what you have… I know you don’t have a lot.” Jeongguk wiped his nose.

“O-okay… I’ll have to file to leave tomorrow morning. Can… I come the day after tomorrow? On Friday?”

“Come any time you want, okay? Do you need help moving anything?”

“N-no. Can you bring your car on Friday so that I can put our stuff in?”

“Absolutely, just tell me the time.”

Jeongguk took a shaky breath, wiping at his eyes. The confidence in Jin’s voice calmed him down; it reminded him of his parents when they were in a tough situation – taking every moment step by step and staying focused.

“Okay, Jeongguk? Are you listening?”

“O-okay.”

“Okay. Do you want me to come over now?”

“N-no, it’s okay.” Jeongguk sat up a little bit and pushed some hair out of his face.

“Okay. Don’t come into work tomorrow, okay? Focus on packing, I’ll still pay you for tomorrow, okay? Namjoon can handle it. Do not protest me.” Jeongguk’s face crumpled slightly.

“Th-thank you J-jinnie. You have n-no idea-“

“You’re welcome, buddy. You’re okay, you’re okay. Is Jimin okay?”

“Y-yeah, he’s asleep right now.”

“Okay, that’s good. Why don’t you drink some water and go to bed, too, okay?”

Jeongguk stood up on shaky legs. His eyes felt sticky. He heard Jin sigh slightly.

“Jeongguk? Are you sure I can’t come over?”

---

“You’re okay, you’re gonna be just fine. I know, this is so hard for you, I know. You are so brave, Jeongguk. You’re so brave. Do you know that?”

Jeongguk’s head was buried in Seokjin’s shoulder, leaving tears on the other’s shirt. Seokjin’s hand rubbed his back.

“I just don’t u-understand why this is happening right n-now…”

“I know, I know. But hey! This could be a good thing, right? You hate this apartment anyway, and now that you’ll be staying with us, I can make sure you’re not getting into any trouble,” Seokjin said, his voice light. Jeongguk sniffled into his shirt.

“Here, c’mon, let’s go to bed, okay?”

Jeongguk nodded, mumbling apologies once again that night.

Seokjin walked Jeongguk to his room, both careful not to wake Jimin, who was sleeping obliviously, looking so tiny of the bed.

Jin helped Jeongguk into bed, pulling the covers around him. Jeongguk was biting his lip so hard to prevent tears from bursting out. He couldn’t help but reach his arms out to Jin, who cooed softly and sat on the bed to pull Jeongguk into his arms again.

Jin pulled away sooner than Jeongguk may have liked, and Jin left the room. He knew Jin wasn’t leaving then because he would’ve said goodbye.

Jin returned with a blanket from the couch, and lied down on the floor beside the bed. Jeongguk made a face at him.

“Go to sleep, Jeongguk. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Jeongguk let out a little chuckle before lying back into his covers, facing Jimin. He didn’t want to admit it, but Jin’s last words to him that night made his heart swell just like it did secretly when his parents said similar things.

---

Jeongguk’s eyes opened crustily. Rolling in his bed, he smacked his lips sleepily and saw that Jimin wasn’t beside him in the bed. He couldn’t physically recall a time when Jimin or his alarm clock didn’t wake him up. Jeongguk frowned and sat up, his eyebrows furrowing.

When Jeongguk rolled out of bed and padded out of his and Jimin’s room, he heard Jimin’s babbling and Jin’s chuckles coming from the kitchen. He turned the corner and found Jimin bouncing in his seat, eating handfuls of dry cereal. Jin was leaning against the counter, nursing a cup of coffee in his hands and humoring every word that came out of Jimin’s mouth. Jin looked up and saw Jeongguk standing in the walkway and smiled gently.

“You were out of milk. And a lot of other things to be honest.”

“Hi Gukkie!” Jimin cried, waving brightly. Jeongguk couldn’t hide his smile as he made his way over to Jimin. Jimin had recently been switching what he called Jeongguk often. He usually was just calling Jeongguk his Daddy when he was in some sort of distress or with strangers. Jeongguk wondered what Jimin would call him when he was older – since their situation was so unique – but then again, he didn’t want to think about Jimin growing up.

Jimin reached his arms out to be picked up, and Jeongguk happily obliged.

“Do you have to go into work today?” Jeongguk asked, straightening out Jimin’s bedhead. Jimin poked at his cheek.

“I think I’m gonna go in around 1 and help Joonie with some paperwork, and then I audition Saturday for some shows so I need to get ready for that.” Jeongguk set Jimin down back at his seat and poured more cereal in his bowl for him.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in today?” Jin held up a hand.

“You’re fine. Namjoon and I talked about it last night. Just focus on getting ready.”

Jeongguk nodded, walking over to his refrigerator.

“Is Taehyung auditioning, too?” Jin nodded, smiling at Jeongguk’s smile he tried to hide.

“And he’s got some pretty amazing stuff booked for the summer, did you know?” Jeongguk nodded. He missed Taehyung and he just saw him the other day.

“Do you need help packing anything up before I go?” Jeongguk shook his head.

“It’s not that big of a deal. Thank you for bringing your car tomorrow.”

“Of course.” Jin walked over to Jeongguk and hugged him again, which Jeongguk all but melted into.

“Thank you. Thank you.” Jeongguk whispered. He didn’t know why his eyes were watering again. Jin didn’t saying anything; just held him tighter.

“Hugs!” Jimin yelled from his seat, squirming out of it and running up to Seokjin, his tiny arms held out as wide as they could go.

Jin’s clutched his heart.

“This child, I can’t handle it, Jeongguk!”

---

“Do you need help with that?” Jeongguk laughed brightly at the sight of Taehyung. He was basically sideways while standing up, pushing the couch with such force. He was attempting to find anything that’s been left there to die since it had fallen.

“Nope!” Taehyung squeaked. “Are you underestimating me?”
“Never.” Jeongguk walked over. He leaned his back on the near wall and used one of his legs to help lazily push the couch further.

Taehyung pouted at him playfully, and Jeongguk had to bite his tongue to prevent him from kissing Taehyung’s jutted out bottom lip.

Under the couch, Jeongguk found two of Jimin’s pacifiers, which he quickly disposed of. Jimin was currently at daycare. Jeongguk felt guilty for dropping Jimin off when he could technically be watching him himself, but he really needed time to focus and sort his whole situation out. He invited Taehyung to help when he was done with his classes because Taehyung makes everything more fun.

“I’m so jealous you get to live with Jinnie and Joonie. I want to live with Jinnie and Joonie!” Jeongguk giggled.

“I don’t know. I wonder what it’s gonna be like. What if Jin lectures me all day. And also, I’m now living with my boss. And that’s just weird.” Taehyung grins at him.

“You’ll be fine! Come on, Joon is more than just your boss. He's our friend!”

Jeongguk tilted his head in agreement.

They spent a couple more minutes sorting through a couple of things in the living room and gathering Jimin’s toys before Jeongguk took a deep breath. He noticed that Taehyung was acting a little off. Maybe it was their auditions coming up on Saturday. He knows Taehyung gets anxious about his modeling.

“Hey… are you doing okay?”

Taehyung’s head shot up, and then quickly back down. Jeongguk also knows that when Taehyung gets nervous, he tries to hide his eyes.

“Yeah, totally. Why do you ask?” Jeongguk chewed on his lip, his eyebrows furrowing forward.

“Is it me?”

“No!” Taehyung yelped. “Well, yes… I mean, I don’t know…” Taehyung slumped on the couch, still slanted from its original spot. Jeongguk walked over and wrapped an arm around him. The movement was natural as Taehyung slipped down to rest his head on Jeongguk’s chest, who lied down slightly where he was seated. Jeongguk ran his fingers through Taehyung’s soft hair, playing with the soft brown strands.

“You can tell me anything, you know that? I won’t get offended.” Taehyung just shrugged and snuggled further into him.

“Sorry to bring up that question, but… what are we?”

Jeongguk sighed, staring up at the ugly ceiling. Has he ever called Taehyung his boyfriend? He can’t quite remember. Did he ever decide in his head at least he wanted Taehyung to be his boyfriend?

“Well,” Jeongguk started, “not to bring up that other question, but what do you want to be?” Taehyung played with the hem of Jeongguk’s shirt.

“Um… my mom called me yesterday. And she was like, saying that…” Jeongguk closed his eyes tightly.

“Don’t worry, anything you say isn’t gonna be as bad as some people have said before.”

“Well, she was all like ‘you need to focus on school and you need to grow up and you shouldn’t be raising a kid’, cause she knows that… I’m serious about you and stuff. But then she said if I really do like you and want to be serious with you that we should talk about it and… yeah. Sorry I don’t know.” Taehyung mumbled something else after that, but his face was buried in Jeongguk’s chest. Jeongguk used the arm not running through Taehyung’s hair to rub Taehyung’s back, his palm flat against it. Something started in his heart when he felt Taehyung melt against him.

He knew this would happen. He expected Taehyung to leave when he realized all the crap he goes through every day. But it seemed like Taehyung didn’t want to leave, to his surprise.

“I get what your mom is saying. And… I feel like you’ve probably been thinking about all of this, too, I’m sure.” There was a pause in Taehyung’s movement before he nodded reluctantly. Jeongguk made a soft noise of acknowledgment.

“I understand if you don’t want to stay. Or maybe you just want to stay friends.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Fuck no.”

Taehyung giggled into Jeongguk’s chest, leaning up to rest his head in a position where he could look at Jeongguk. Jeongguk looked down at him, the corner of his lip turning up slightly. Jeongguk finally couldn’t resist it, and he softly dragged one finger across Taehyung’s cheek, then to his lips.

“I don’t want that either,” Taehyung half-whispered. “I’m just kinda nervous… like, I don’t know how to help you with Jimin or anything. Like, I know this isn’t the right person to be saying this to you, but I-I’m not ready to raise kids yet.”

Jeongguk’s eyes softened, and his eyebrows creased in a somewhat concerned expression.

“Oh my gosh, Taehyung… you don’t have to do any of that. Jimin is not your responsibility, I’d never put that on you. It’s not your job to raise him, it’s mine. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression…”

“Oh, I don’t think you did. I think it’s just 'cause, like, I feel like I should, I don’t know.” Jeongguk was running his fingers through Taehyung’s hair again, who was now lying on his lap facing up at him.

“I hope you don’t always feel the need to feel that way. I’m not apologizing for Jimin existing, and I never will, but I am sorry that we kind of come in a little pair.” Taehyung smiled sweetly.

“I love Jimin, though. I hope you know that.”

“Oh, I know.” Jeongguk found himself leaning down and kissing Taehyung’s cheek. Taehyung’s eyes widened almost comically, eyelashes dusting his brow bones. A little blush dusted across his cheeks and nose bridge. It made Jeongguk swoon. Every day he felt closer and closer to going crazy for Taehyung.

“Taehyung…” the name still felt fresh on his lips. He felt like a nervous middle schooler.

“Do you think… okay. I’m so happy you love Jimin, in fact I’m so thankful. But, he’s not your responsibility. If you… want to, you know, be with me more seriously… you don’t have to become a parent now, too. I’ll never ask you for anything, or for any favors, I – I don’t know.” Jeongguk buried his face in his hands for a split second and tried not to laugh at himself. He had no idea how to lead into this. Taehyung was still looking up at his with big doe eyes and long lashes, blinking softly.

He looked around at all the jumbled boxes, ugly ceiling, fluorescent kitchen and crooked couch. The jumbled mass of toys and thrown away pacifiers. The loud dicks upstairs and squeaky bed he and his brother sleep in. The cold draft from the front door, leading to the broken mailstop. Jeongguk hated it, but with Taehyung in his lap looking up at him like that, it all felt beautiful.

“You make it all beautiful.” Jeongguk whispered. Taehyung looked up at him with slight confusion, his head titled to the side slightly.

Beautiful.

A streak of sunlight creeped through the open curtain and shined right on the two like a spotlight.

“Where is my Jiminnie? I wonder where he could be?”

Jeongguk looked up at the ceiling, biting his lip to prevent a smile as he heard Jimin’s giggles coming from behind the curtain. His outline from the moonlight behind the thin curtain was blatantly obvious and giving away his hiding spot, but Jeongguk would never dare tell him.

“Aish,” Jeongguk sighed, throwing his arms up in the air, “I give up! I have no idea where he could be? He must’ve left the country!” Jimin’s giggling grew louder; Jeongguk could hear that he was covering his mouth with his tiny hands (he could see it too).

“Alright, I forfeit. I give up! Give away your position, Jimin. I can’t find you anywhere.” Jeongguk said exasperatingly, turning so that he was facing away from the curtain.

“Boo!” Jimin ran out from the curtain, running into the back of Jeongguk legs.

“I win! I win! I win!” Jimin squeals, eyes squishing tightly with a huge smile on his face. Jeongguk sat down on his heels to talk to him.

“Oh my goodness , you do win! Where were you, Jimin? I couldn’t find you anywhere! ” Jimin wailed with giggles, thrilled that not even his all-powerful Jeongguk could find a hiding spot as good as his own.

“I was in the curtain , Jeonggukie, the curtain! Not even daddy could find me!” He explained intensely, pointing to the window. Jeongguk’s jaw dropped, and Jimin jumped in place, thrilled. Jeongguk facepalmed himself.

“Wow, what an amazing spot! You’re right, Daddy would have never found you. That was amazing, Jimin.” Jimin grinned another massive grin, throwing himself into Jeongguk’s arms and wrapping his short arms around Jeongguk’s neck. Jeongguk swung him back and forth gently. After kissing the crown of Jimin’s head several times, he stood up with him in his arms.

“Okay, we’ve got to get your pajamas on, huh?” Jeongguk walked them over to one of the boxes in the corner of the room, carefully lifting the folded clothes and letting Jimin point to the ones he wanted. He picked the light blue fuzzy onesie with a little embroidered racecar on the front.

Jeongguk helped Jimin into his pajamas, helped him brush his teeth for two minutes, read him his story, and was tucking him into their new bed when Jimin’s usual sleepy expression turned to something more alert. The 4 year old sat straight up, eyes dashing around Jin and Namjoon’s guest bedroom that was now theirs.

“Daddy, where’s Puff?” Jeongguk stared at Jimin for a second before looking around the room.

“Um… here, Jimin, stay in bed. I’ll find him for you, okay?” Jimin nodded worryingly, bottom lip jutted out.

Jeongguk bit his lip as he hunted through the boxes leaned against the wall. They had just moved into Seokjin and Namjoon’s house that morning, and they hadn’t really unpacked anything yet. Jeongguk digged through the box of Jimin’s toys and stuffed animals, panic setting in his stomach when he didn’t see the beloved stuffed puppy Jimin was looking for.

Could he have left it at the apartment? There’s no way, he checked for everything… Did it fall out of the car when they were bringing all the boxes in and out? Did Jimin leave it at the restaurant Namjoon took them to that evening? Did Jimin even bring it to the restaurant?

Jimin seemed to have sensed Jeongguk’s silent panic and began to whimper.

“Wh-what if he’s lost? Daddy, what if Puff is lost?” Jimin says wetly, his eyes filling up with tears.

“No, no, no, no, Jimin, don’t cry, honey, we’ll find Puff. Do you remember where you last had him?” Jimin shrugged, his bottom lip trembling. Jimin climbed out of the bed and ran to the boxes, yelling for Puff’s name. Jeongguk knew if they didn’t find him tonight, let alone soon, it would lead to a brokenhearted Jimin, a Jimin breakdown, and a sleepless night for Jimin. Which meant all of the same would happen to Jeongguk. Jimin hiccupped and walked over to Jeongguk, reaching his arms out to be held. Jeongguk pulled his brother back into his arms, making their way out of the room and finding Seokjin prepping food for the week in the kitchen. Seokjin looked up and his face pulled with concern as he noticed Jimin’s sniffles.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongguk rearranged Jimin in his arms, looking at Seokjin with fear in his eyes.

‘H-have you seen Jimin’s stuffed puppy? He’s white with brown spots?” Seokjin leaned back on the counter, thinking for a moment.

“I think I saw it in my car earlier from all the moving? I think I brought it in, but I thought I put it in your guy’s room…”

“It’s not there.” Jeongguk said almost sharply to Seokjin, sounding just as scared as Jimin. Probably after hearing Jeongguk’s worry increasing, Jimin’s whimpers turned into cries, and the dam burst. Seokjin set aside his things in the kitchen and walked around to look in the living room for the puppy. Jeongguk wasn’t trying hard to comfort Jimin - he honestly looked on the verge of tears as well.

“It’s okay, guys. We’re gonna find it, we’re gonna find it. It’s in the house, I know it.”

“Is everything okay in here?” Namjoon walked in, a folder in his hands, which he quickly set down on the coffee table. He made his way over to Jeongguk and pulled a sobbing Jimin out of his arms. He probably could see how overwhelmed Jeongguk looked.

“Jiminnie can’t find his stuffed puppy. I swear I brought it in from the car earlier this evening, have you seen it?” Seokjin said calmly. Namjoon could tell how his boyfriend was trying to keep the situation under control.

“The brown and white one? It’s on your bedside table,” Namjoon said, rubbing Jimin’s back. Jeongguk walked quickly to their room to go and get it.

“Ah,” Seokjin snapped his fingers. “Thank you, I totally forgot I put it there.” Jeongguk walked back into the living room and gave the beloved puppy to Jimin, who hugged it tightly with puffy eyes. Namjoon had calmed him down to just sniffles. Jeongguk still had a look of panic and overwhelm to his face, which Namjoon took notice of.

“Hey, Jeongguk, I can put Jimin to bed, if that’s alright with you.” Jeongguk looked at him for a second too long before shaking his head.

“It’s - it’s okay, I can do it. I’m fine.”

“No, I want to! Jiminnie, can Joonie tuck you in tonight? Hm?” Jimin looked up at Namjoon, half of his face smashed into his puppy and nodded. Namjoon gasped excitedly.

“I can?” Jimin nodded a little bit more brightly this time.

Namjoon looked at Jeongguk, smiling softly. Jeongguk nodded slightly and walked up to Jimin to kiss his cheek and take one of his hands.

“Goodnight Jimin. I’m happy Puff is okay?”

“Goodnight. Me too. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Namjoon smiled at their interaction and gave Seokjin a look that only the two of them could read before bouncing Jimin to his bedroom, making Jimin giggle sleepily.

Seokjin made his way over to Jeongguk, motioning for them to sit down on the couch. Jeongguk sat down stiffly. Seokjin could hear his ragged breathing.

“Jeongguk, it’s okay. We found it, it’s fine.” Jeongguk nodded tightly, chewing on his lip.

“Hey, can you breathe in and out for me, Jeongguk?” Jeongguk still wasn’t looking at the other, he kept looking forward.

“Wh-what if I had lost it. Wh-what if I wasn’t able to find it, I-” Seokjin shushed him gently, and put his hand on Jeongguk’s back.

“Here Jeongguk. Breathe in when my hand goes up, and breathe out when it goes down, okay? In… out… in… out…”

Jeongguk’s breathing settled down, and he swiftly wiped a tear that slipped down his cheek.

---

“I miss Jeongguk. He did the second best industrials. I’m obviously the best, but I hate doing them.” Yoongi said bluntly as he checked out and pulled his denim jacket over his shoulders. Hoseok was leaning against the wall beside them waiting for him to check out of work.

“How’s the other guy that works here that I see on Saturdays? The blonde one?”

“Terrible. Hideous.” Yoongi motioned Hoseok to follow him outside to lock the doors. Hoseok had said he was in the area and asked if he could walk him home at the end of his shift. He overheard Yoongi drop about 30 tools before he yelled out a ‘ yes, 9 o’clock’ and hung up quickly. As Yoongi was turning the key into the glass door of the tattoo parlor and locking it up for the night, Hoseok took a deep breath and decided to go for it. When Hoseok decided to call Yoongi earlier that afternoon, he really hoped Taehyung’s whispers about Yoongi liking him wasn’t a joke. And now he really, really hoped it wasn’t a joke.

“Hey, Yoongi, so… there’s this diner that’s open until 2 am about a half a mile from here. They serve cinnamon rolls all day. You want to stop there before I take you home?”

Yoongi had just finished turning the key, and he turned to face Hoseok. Hoseok thought he looked so cute at that moment - looking so much smaller than him, pastel green hairy puffy after the long day, skin bright with the fluorescent light above them and shining on his brown eyes, which were currently a wide almond shape.

“H-how’d you know I like cinnamon rolls?”

Hoseok grinned lopsidedly. Yoongi sunk further into his jacket at the sight of the other boy’s dimples, his cheeks turning red.

“You just seem the type.”