It´s an enigma to the rest of them, how Dipper can´t seem to get it. Wirt´s eyes glow a multitude of colors in the dark, sometimes his breath smokes and his sclera turns black when he´s upset. He can´t stand unicorns either, but Mabel insists that´s because unicorns are assholes, not because Wirt is weird.
However, Dipper always seems to miss these things. He´s sleeping, cuddled against Wirt while the latter´s shadow projects an antlered shape on the wall, or loving the fact that his boyfriend is so modest about his own appearance to realize that Wirt never bothers to look at himself in mirrors because he has no reflection
Love makes fools of us all, they figure
---
There was a certain something that drew Dipper to Wirt. When they first met, he thought it´d been the teen´s nerdy looks, his stupid sweater so unfit for Gravity Falls´ weather, his ruffled black hair.
When he finally asked him out, he decided it was his endearing awkwardness, the way he fiddled with the cutlery at Lazy Susan´s dinner, how he behaved towards Greg, always an eye on the boy and a fond, shy smile on his face.
The way he seemed to always know where they were in the woods, even when Dipper himself had gotten all turned around.
"There´s something weird about your boyfriend" Mabel said after a few months of Wirt and Greg settling down in Gravity Falls.
Dipper nods absently with what he just knows is a goofy grin on his face "There´s something wonderful about my boyfriend"
---
"Do you think he will take long?" Wirt asks. He´s fidgeting nervously with the hem of his sweater as he always does when there´s nothing else calling for his attention, and Wendy gives him a sympathetic smile. Sure, the guy may activate all of her primitive prey instincts just by being alone in a room with her, and the scent of sulfur is getting to her, but he´s awkward and a dork and she still finds him endearing.
"Dunno, but you can wait here for him. If you want, I mean" she says, and flips the page on her magazine. She looks over, and gives Wirt a smile when she sees he´s still fidgeting. He notices, and gives a soft, shy curve of lips in return.
"Thank yo-" he tries, but is interrupted by a sneeze so big Wendy´s surprised it fit in his body in the first place, possible supernatural creature or not. The glass on the windows gets opaque for a second, like it´s the middle of the winter instead of a steaming hot Oregon summer. Wendy shrugs it off; none of them have figured out just what Wirt is, but they accept his oddities as they come.
And so, because she wasn´t raised in a freaking barn, Wendy responds with an amiable "Bless you"
It happens immediately, almost too fast for Wendy to catch, but she´s looking up at the moment, so she has a first row seat when Wirt flinches, hissing in pain and black smoke comes out of his mouth, ears and luminescent eyes.
Wendy is, understandably, stunned. And then, the biggest, proudest grin takes over her face as she connects all the pieces.
Wirt´s hands shoot up to both cover his mouth and fan the black smoke away, and his wide eyes, still a myriad of neonlike colors, drift sideways to Wendy.
"Dude! So a demon, huh?" she not quite asks. One doesn´t have to be too into the supernatural to know things that hiss and burn when touched by holy things, or words in this case, are the real deal.
"Please don´t tell Dipper!" he says immediately, hands up in a begging motion. The lights are flickering like crazy, and the antlered shadow is back on the wall. "I´ll give you anything! Please!"
"Wirt chill out" Wendy rolls her eyes "You´re going to break the lightning bulbs and Stan will make me pay for them. I won´t tell Dipper if you don´t want me to, why would I?"
Wirt frowns, but since the lights are back to normal and the shadow no longer has alarming tendrils of darkness, Wendy assumes it´s confusion rather than something mroe dangerous.
"Be... cause I´m a supernatural creature? And I´m... We´re dating?" he attempts to explain, and by his tone Wendy can tell he never expected to be in this position.
"Pffft... Dude we all know you aren´t human. Well, except for Dipper, but he´s just too far gone to notice anything" Wendy laughs "Also Mabel used to have a long distance something with a possibly married merman prince? Mixed relationships are A-ok in this household as long as no one´s hurting anyone dude"
Wirt blinks
"Now, you did mention giving me anything, so I´ll take a flannel shirt that looks a little bit different each time I wear it, so everyone thinks I have unlimited flannels" she winks.
"I... What?"
"Come on Bambi" she mimicks antlers with her fingers behind her head "You promised me a deal, are you a self respecting demon or what?"
---
"So you really haven´t noticed anything odd about Wirt?" Wendy asks. She promised not to tell and she´s not, but hinting at it was never explicitly forbidden. Honesty is good in a relationship, in her defense.
"Now that you mention it..." Dipper begins, and Wendy leans forward over the counter "He made dinner for us last night. I swear there was like... zero salt in that chili. I think he might be one of those low sodium geeks"
Wendy holds back a sigh. "You know what? That is weird"
Dipper looks at her with a furrowed brow "Is that a new flannel?"
---
"WIRT!" a flurry of hurried steps are the only warning Wirt gets before Mabel breaks into the living room and perches on the arm of the couch he´s reading in. It´s late at night, Dipper´s out in the woods talking to some werewolf about noise complaints, Greg is on a sleepover with Wendy´s youngest brother and Wirt thought he could get a quiet night. As if. "The worst thing just happened Wirt! I ran out of GLITTER"
"Mhm... Can you not buy more?" Wirt mumbles. This book is just now getting to the best part, and he just can´t stop. He´s aware Mabel needs something of utmost importance, but nothing´s on fire, so it can´t be that bad.
"It´s two in the morning Wirt, maybe you have some sort of Fantasy Costco that never closes but we humans can´t just go out and buy glitter at two in the morning!" she exclaims. Wirt has begun to relax when Dipper´s family make allusions to his true nature, as Dipper seems to not even hear them. "I would give anything for some glitter right now"
"Oh?" Wirt replies, more out of politeness than real comprehension. He´s hearing Mabel, he´s just... Not listening.
"Yeah..." Mabel turns to him, hands extended towards him as she gesticulates with them "I´d give out the ultra super duper secret recipe of my Mabel Juice for it!"
It´s a reflex. An instinct, really. This is what passes for nourishment for demons, and ever since the Unknown it´s been hardwired into Wirt´s brain to not waste an opportunity.
This is why his hand´s shaking Mabel´s outstretched one before he even considers her words, and his own mouth is speaking for him.
"Deal" he says, and two things happen.
The first is that a list of exponentially worrying "ingredients" appears in his mind, erased out from Mabel´s forever. He doesn´t understand what these things make, and honestly he doesn´t want to, but for the first time he feels like he made a selfless deal by removing this monstrosity from the collective human conscience.
The second is a puff of black smoke that dissipates leaving a 50 lb bag of glitter in Mabel´s arms. Huh. Maybe this so called "Mabel Juice was actually valuable.
"... Well that´s a way of getting it" Mabel says after a full minute of silence that feels like an eternity, especially coming from her. "Maaaaan, I´m going to have to invent a new trademark drink"
"I´m... sorry?" Wirt´s mind still reeling over the implications of the supposed beverage whose rights he just acquired, but a part of it has enough control to be scared shitless that he revealed himself to Dipper´s sister. "Uhm... Are we... Are we good?"
"Huh?" Mabel turns over to look at him, and Wirt pays attention this time. "Of course! I mean yes, I´ll miss my super cool drink, but now I´ve got glitter so the balance of the world is still stable"
"... So you don´t care that I´m a demon either"
Mabel blows him a raspberry. "Come ooooooooooon nerdy pants, you´re not the first demon I´ve dealt with!" she slaps him on the back and ouch, demon or not, Mabel´s strength is deceptive. "And considering who the others were, you´re surprisingly nice."
"Uh, thanks?"
"Welcome. Anyways, I´m gonna go finish this scrapbook. Thanks for the hook up!" and Mabel prances away like she didn´t just have information intimately taken from the depths of her mind, stolen forever, all over a bag of glitter.
Wirt is beginning to get worried he´ll never understand this family.
---
"So how long have you know Wirt´s a creature of darkness?" Mabel asks next time they go visit Pacifica. She´s wearing a glittery headband and glitter covered shoes, and her nails shimmer in the sunlight with a thousand million reflective flakes.
Dipper rolls his eyes "Could you guys drop that? You´re going to make him feel bad, it´s not even funny"
Mabel shrugs, and pulls out her fun-sized pot of homemade lip balm. It has glitter in it.
"Gotcha Dipdop"
---
"Wow, either my ears or my head must be going bad because I don´t remember asking if today was your day off" Stan whacks Dipper on the back of the head. "I said-"
"-Get my luggage off the truck, I´m on it Gruncle" Dipper repeats with a resigned voice and a fondly exasperated eyeroll in Wirt´s direction. Wirt smiles back. Dipper loves his family so unconditionally he can practically feed off the feeling. It´s much better than deals, and he thinks he might be getting addicted to the taste of Dipper´s emotions.
A hand lands suddenly on his shoulder and turns him around roughly. He has enough presence of mind to keep his eyes human, but his nails have begun turning to thorns until he sees it´s just Grunkle Stan, staring at him intently.
"So how powerful are you kid?" he asks, eyes narrowed and shooting a look over Wirt´s head every few seconds, probably to make sure Dipper hasn´t come back.
"Excuse me?" Wirt feels his eyelid twitch with anxiety.
"Yeah, don´t bother with feeding me the crapsoup, Mabel told me of your little deal" the old man spits back at him "Gotta say, you can´t be that bad if you erased her nightmare coffee from existence. Now tell me, what else can you do?"
Wirt considers denying everything, attributing it to Mabel´s overly active imagination, say he just happened to have a bag of glitter at hand. But he takes one look at Stan´s eyes, old and tired yet remarkably cunning, and he knows he´s lost before he even started playing. He deflates, utterly defeated.
"Anything" he confesses "If I get the right pay"
"Well well well, I´ve got a few things I´d like to negotiate with you" Stanley grins. When Wirt catches sight of the page-long list the old man pulls from his pocket, he contemplates for the first time if moving to Gravity Falls was the smartest choice.
---
"... Why do I feel like I should be mad at you?" Dipper asks
"Probably because I just snatched twenty dollars out of your wallet" Grunkle Stan replies in a plain, casual tone while chugging his beer
"Oh. That´s ok." Dipper really feels like he should say something else, but he can´t think of a suitable answer. "So when´s Grunkle Ford coming home?"
"A week or two, give or take" Stan gets off the table to take his nachos out of the microwave and goes to sit on his armchair. It changes to accommodate his frame perfectly and when he places his beer in the brand new cupholder it fills back up immediately. "By the way, I like your Wirt guy. A nice fella, that one" he calls back to the kitchen
"So you don´t think there´s something weird or supernatural about him?" Dipper comes to stand against the kitchen door´s threshold, an eyebrow arched in curiosity.
"Kiddo, who amongst us can claim to be really normal?" Grunkle Stan leans back. A chime from his phone announces him of a bank transaction. The pugs have made it across the border. They´re physically and magically untraceable. His money´s safe. "I think the kid´s just right for you"
---
“I don´t know, like, if you ask me? I like Wirt. The dude is nice, Dipper likes him, and he makes my dude happy, so that gives him a high rank on The Soos List” says Soos, screwdriver in hand. “He did fix that leak in the roof last time, and I´m preeeetty sure he only like… Looked at it. Sometimes I smell sulfur when he comes into a room, but maybe that´s just his natural scent you know dudes? I wouldn´t like it if someone judged me on how I my natural musk, it´s just not right”
He takes a moment to twist the screw tight into the new shelf he´s building for the shack. There´s a new shipment of Stan bobbleheads coming in tomorrow, and he wants to give them a special place.
“Mabel said he´s a demon but hey, even if he is I still think he´s a nice dude you know? Abuelita taught me to never judge anyone before knowing them, and Wirt is good. We just have to make be careful around him, for example when he sneezes you can´t say bless you-” he cuts himself short as a hissing noise and wisps of black smoke come from the chair next to the shelf. “Because he does that. Funny dude”
“Soos… Why are you recording this again?” Asks Wirt, coughing out smoke and blinking until his eyes go back to normal. He´s holding the shelf´s edges together so that Soos can finish assembling it, and at first he thought the camera on the tripod was just a Soos thing he did. Now he´s not so sure.
“Oh, it´s for my vlog dude!” Soos smiles at him “Fixin´it with Soos! I teach people to repair things”
“... Then why are you talking about what I am?”
Soos´ expression turns solemn, and he places a hand on Wirt´s shoulder.
“I´m teaching them how to repair deeply ingrained prejudice, dude. It´s an important lesson”
“Uh… I see” Wirt looks back down at the desk. The last remaining screw twists itself in place after he frowns at it, confused at the warm feeling in his chest. “Thanks Soos”
“Whoa, that´s much quicker than my screwdriver dude, you have to become a regular on the show”
---
Guys being guys, eating chips, watching Duck Detective, just being friends. Dipper enjoys this. Years have gone by and his friend is Mr. Mystery now, but he´s still good old Soos.
“What do you think of Wirt?” Dipper asks. He can´t help the nervousness he feels, not after this stupid joke about Wirt his family has been pushing on and on these past weeks.
Soos swallows a mouthful of chips, hand already on its way back to the bowl.
“He´s a cool dude”
Dipper smiles “Thanks Soos”
---
“Gregory, I need to know you understand the gravity of the matter” grim-faced and tense, Stanford takes a seat by the table. Across the flat surface, Greg´s looking intently at him.
“I understand, Mr. Stanford Sir” the child says with clenched fists and narrowed eyes
“Sir is ok. Or Mr. Stanford. No need for both” he corrects
“Yes, Sir Mr. Stanford”
Stan sighs.
“Child, I need your honesty, and I need you to know that no matter what happens, I can protect you. I might not be able to say the same of your brother, but I will try to get him back to you” Stan promises. He knows what it´s like to lose someone. Back during Bill´s brief reign, he even got a look at what it felt like to lose his brother.
“Oh, that´s very nice Sir Mr. Stanford, but I think Dipper will get him back just fine.” Greg smiles “I think they went to get some takeout for the movie night, we´re watching Star Wars! I´m really hoping the Sun will win, she´s my favorite star!”
Stan doesn´t have the time nor the patience to explain on just how many levels the child is fundamentally wrong, so he just moves on with his interrogation. There´s a life to save. “Gregory… Is your brother possessed?”
Greg blinks, then frowns.
“Um… No? At least I think he isn´t, I mean he hasn´t mentioned being possessed and I think I´d know if my brother was possessed, Sir Mr. Stanford, thank you very much” and he crosses his arms with an offended air
“I… no Gregory, if your-”
“Sir Mr. Stanford?”
“Yes?”
“What´s possessed?”
This is… much harder than he expected it to be, Stanford thinks. However, he takes a deep breath before continuing.
“It means there´s a demon inside his body, and if that´s the case, we need to get it out as soon as possible”
Realization dawns on Greg´s face, and he smiles. Ford smiles back warmly. He´s never happiest than when he can help innocent people be rid of problems too big for them. However, his smile freezes with the child´s next words.
“Well Sir Mr. Stanford, that will be a problem” Greg says, so sure of himself he could be declaring the sky is blue “Because my brother is a demon, and if you get him out of his body, we´ll have to find a new body for him to use. I hear spare bodies are quite hard to find these days”
---
“Dipper, we have to talk”
Dipper looks up to his grunkle in confusion. He hadn´t expected him to break the comfortable silence they had settled into while setting the board for a game Dungeons, Dungeons and more Dungeons. The fact that he looked so serious just raised more alarms in his mind. Maybe he´d run into a creature so dangerous he needed Dipper´s help? Or maybe Dipper had fucked up an incredibly important part of living in Gravity Falls and interacting with its many supernatural beings and grunkle Ford was disappointed in him? Maybe-
“Dipper, please stop hyperventilating before you work yourself into a fit” right. Right, this was probably something much simpler, Dipper thinks, trying to calm himself under the man´s watchful gaze. “All set?”
“I´m alright grunkle” Dipper smiles weakly, chest still heaving a little. “What… What is this thing you need to talk about?” he gives a casual chuckle, leaning on the wall next to him. Unfortunately, the wall is two or three inches farther than he´d calculated, but he thinks he does a good job of not panicking when the feeling of falling continues for a terrifying second.
“This is… Hard to say” Grunkle Ford rubs the back of his neck, sighing. “Dipper, first of all I want you to understand this is not your fault, and that there are probably arcane forces at work keeping you from realizing this sooner”
“Ahhaa?” Dipper asks. His voice cracks a little.
“I believe your boyfriend Wirt is a demonic creature”
Dipper blinks. “What?!”
Grunkle Ford´s face is twisted in sad concern, and he makes as if to place a hand on Dipper´s shoulder, but he flinches away from his reach. He sighs.
“Dipper, I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but I believe we can bind Wirt´s powers by-”
“Oh no, not you too!” Dipper groans and turns just like that, leaving grunkle Ford and his ridiculous theory in favor of slamming the backdoor open.
His family is all gathered there around grunkle Stan and his grill, laughing and talking and looking like they haven´t been trying to make Dipper second guess the best relationship he´s been in.
“Ok everyone, I want you to stop and listen to me!” he exclaims. All sounds stop immediately save from Waddles´ rolling around in the dirt. Dipper feels his anxiety escalate exponentially with every pair of eyes that settle on him, but he´s angry, and this ends here “I know you guys think it´s funny and you wanna make a joke out of it but honestly? It´s freaking insensitive!”
“Uh… What´s going on?” Wendy asks with a raised eyebrow. She´s wearing a new flannel, how many does she even have?!
“What´s going on is that I go wrangling supernatural creatures on a daily basis, that I had my body hijacked by a demon, that I had to go toe to toe with Bill Cipher to save us all, and yet you all think it´s harmless fun to joke about my boyfriend being a demon!” Dipper tries to control his volume, but he´s just so pissed off it comes out much louder than he expected.
“But Dipper…” Mabel takes a step towards him, and she looks so worried that Dipper fears for a moment he really overstepped. “We´re not joking, Wirt is a demon. We don´t mind though, he-”
“Come on guys!” Dipper snaps again, throwing his hands up “I thought you all liked Wirt!”
Grunkle Stan lifts his spatula in a placating gesture “We do kid, is just that-”
“You are so dense dude, we are afraid you wouldn´’t realize until you were getting married and he started smoking on his way down to the altar” Soos intervenes. Dipper stares at him.
Mabel slaps her forehead “...really Soos??”
“What? We were all thinking it, I just said it” Soos just shrugs
“Ok, this is enough” Wendy shakes her head and places her can on the foldable table they dragged out for the occasion. Dipper looks at her thankfully.
“Yes, thank you Wend-”
“Wirt, get over here, it´s time you tell him” and she proceeds to walk to the edge of the forest and it´s only then that Dipper notices Wirt has been standing there the entire time, sipping a bottle of lemonade and he wants to die because of course they would invite him to the cookout, he´s Dipper´s boyfriend why not have him over?!
He´s considering passing out just to escape the awkwardness of the situation, when he sees Wirt is not doing so well himself as Wendy drags him forward.
“Haha, I don´t know what you´re talking about Wendy” he smiles nervously. Dipper loves his smile, but even he has to admit there´s something that feels almost feral to the nervous curve of it this time, like a cornered animal looking for an out. “A demon? Me? I don´t believe in those things, Dipper you know that, don´t you?”
Dipper gives him an encouraging smile “Of course Wirt. They´re just… I don´t know, they think it´s funny but it´s not, I know it´s all a bunch of lies”
“Yeah, of course! Thanks for-” that´s when Mabel lifts out a cross she´s made out of two bendy straws and a rubber band and shoves it at Wirt. The boy takes a step back and Dipper frowns. That´s weird, but he knows Mabel can catch people off guard.
“Grunkle Stan, I think your burgers are burning” Dipper gestures at the whiffs of black smoke coming from the grill behind Wirt. “Mabel leave him alone, you´re going to poke one of his eyes out with that thing”
Mabel groans in defeat, but she allows Wendy to pull her back as she herself steps up to Wirt.
“I´ll give you my firstborn if you can get me concert tickets that work for every concert I ever want to go to, first row, every time” she says, arms crossed and narrowed eyes on Wirt.
Now it´s Dipper who groans. “Wendy please, it´s not funny anymore. Can we please just forget about… Wirt are you ok?” he asks, taking a couple worried steps until he´s crossed the distance between them. Wirt´s hands are shaking by his sides, his fists are clenched so tight his knuckles are white, and his teeth are digging into his bottom lip. “Babe?”
“I´m good” Wirt manages to say a few seconds later. His voice sounds hoarse, probably from the smoke still coming from Grunkle Stan´s grill.
“Are you really?” now Grunkle Ford is standing next to Dipper, eyes fixed on Wirt´s face. “It is a pretty good deal. I wouldn´t be averse to one myself. Let´s say, every secret I learned in the demonic dimension in exchange for immortality?”
Now Wirt is definitely trembling, and Dipper holds his shoulder, worried.
“Wirt, do you want me to take you to the hospital? You don´t look good, I-”
“Nope, I´m… All good, all good!” Wirt´s grin feels desperate. For a second Dipper could swear there´s black tar-like oil running between his teeth, but it´s gone so fast he´s sure he imagined. “It´s just the heat hehe”
Dipper pulls Wirt out from the circle of people and helps him down onto a chair. “I´ll bring you another lemonade ok? Stay here”
He´s coming back from the cooler when he hears the others speaking.
“I could exorcise him” says Grunkle Ford, hand raised to his chin in thought. Grunkle Stan slaps him on the shoulder.
“We´re trying to out the kid, not kill him” he says gruffly, and Grunkle Ford pushes him right back.
“It was just an idea Stanley!”
“A stupid one, Sixer. Now shut up, where´s that goat when we need it…?”
“Don’t we have holy water around here?” Wendy considers the shack, but Mabel shakes her head violently.
“Wendy are you nuts?! it could melt him!”
“Like a popsicle forgotten outside in summer!”
Mabel nods, thankful. “Yes just like that Soos, we need something else, something irrefutable to prove to my bro once and for all, and-”
“Guys” Dipper says once more. He was angry before, now he´s just tired, Wirt is ill and his family is still going on with this stupid prank. “Please let it die. I really don´t find it funny, and-”
“Wirt! Look how far I climbed!”
They all turn at the sound of Greg´s excited voice and Dipper feels his stomach drop to his feet. How on earth did the boy make it sixty feet up a pine tree?! Out the corner of his eye he sees Wirt raise shakily from the chair.
“Greg!-”
“Shit someone get a ladder, we-”
“Don´t move Greg, I´m going for you!” Mabel interrupts her twin, already running towards the tree and pulling he trusty ol´ grappling hook out from her sweater. Dipper feels himself relax. Mabel won´t let anything happen to Greg, and he´s just now remembering Grunkle Stan doesn´t approve of keeping ladders in the house, a rule Soos has followed diligently. Mabel´s aiming now, they´ll get Greg down, they´ll-
That´s when Greg jumps.
There´s a cacophony of noises for a second, screams and curses and gasps, and Dipper runs towards the tree along with the rest of the people in the yard. Maybe they can catch him, maybe they can break his fall, maybe-
“Greg what the hell?! You´re going to give me a heart attack!” Wirt exclaims, and he sounds much steadier than Dipper expected him to, considering his little brother just jumped off a fucking tree and is falling to the ground, except… Except he´s not falling, he´s not falling at all?
Rather than speeding towards his untimely death, Greg is comfortably nestled in a canopy of branches that… That weren´t there a second before.
Dipper follows the branches to the source, and realizes they´re coming out of Wirt´s shadow, Wirt´s shadow that´s got large antlers and holding a lantern that glows even in daylight.
Wirt, whose eyes are cycling through a multitude of iridescent colors and whose hands are covered in black oil, turns to him.
Dipper blinks.
Wirt blinks.
“... Do you mind if I take your chair and your lemonade?” Dipper croaks out. “I think I need ´em”
---
It´s an enigma to Dipper, how he didn´t see it before. Somehow they always make it to the movie theater just in time to see the film they wanted, people who are rude to retail workers are always having unfortunate accidents whenever he and Wirt go shopping, and Wirt always smells like the snow and oil smoke.
They´re working through it, like… Wirt wasn´t born a demon, and Greg is fully human and Wirt has never taken anyone´s soul, so Dipper´s positive they can make this work, but sometimes it still catches him off guard, and he feels a terrifying surge of embarrassment when he remembers how literally everyone around him tried to get him t notice, and he just kept ignoring the hints.
He likes to think he can be excused, he thinks whenever he wakes up before Wirt and looks over him, still asleep and relaxed and looking just like an angel, his antlered shadow watching over them both with its ethereally glowing lantern.
Love makes fools of us all, he figures.