Clean Eyes

It’s cold on Wednesday night. Maybe that’s why Kihyun’s brain leaps over ‘ridiculous’ and lands on ‘concerned’ once he realizes what Hoseok is wearing.

Kihyun takes the passenger seat and ogles his friend up and down, almost failing to grab the handle when he tries to slam the door shut. “What happened to the bunny costume?”

“Freak kitchen fire,” Hoseok smiles widely, putting the car into drive. His (massive, muscled) arms are bare, and he’s wearing what can only be a pineapple suit. With a hat. And grape trimming. On his lap is a single, long, plastic banana. It’s not a small car, per say, but Hoseok claims the space and leaves little to waste. “It’s fine, though! There was a shop still open to rent and--well, I mean, everything is out because it already kind of is Halloween, but they still had this!”

Kihyun fumbles with his seat belt, giving Hoseok another dubious once over. “Well, sure, but aren’t you cold?”

“Not yet,” Hoseok says cheerfully, the fake plastic leafs on his hat pressing up against the top of the car. “Plus, I could just borrow your cape later. Be some sort of fruit science experiment.”

“No, no, no.” Kihyun frowns, gestures to his ensemble. “This is a look. You can’t just borrow the cape.”

Hoseok juts out his bottom lip, making a distressed little sound. “Fine. I’ll find a yeti or a chewbacca or something to seduce and keep me warm,” he jokes. 

“You could’ve texted, you know.” Kihyun pauses to stare out the window. At this point, not many things surprise him anymore. Still... “How did you even manage set the kitchen on fire?” He asks, glancing back at Hoseok. "And why the hell was your bunny costume in the kitchen?" 

Hoseok winces. “Er. I couldn’t find my oven mittens so…” Hoseok straightens up, clearing his throat. “It’s not important. The kitchen is fine. I’m fine. There was an emergency pineapple. All is well.”

Kihyun snorts, shaking his head. “You know, I am usually skeptical with the paranormal but… you really have the worst luck. Like, wardrobes fall on you. Your car breaks down more reliably than it starts. Exams get cancelled. Emails get lost… I could go on. For hours.”

Hoseok stops at a stop street, checks left and right three times before he drives again. Hoseok doesn’t like to test his luck as much as he likes to ask it nicely not to throw him a pop quiz. “I’ve told you, I’m used to it. But you’re not wrong. You look nice, by the way. Good--” he looks over like he’d forgotten, or maybe just needs a refresher. “--Vampire.”

Kihyun grins and waves his hand dismissively when he almost says something like ‘You too’. “I even got the teeth--No! Don’t look! Eyes on the road!”

Hoseok squeaks and grips at the steering wheel, eyes wide, front and center. “Sorry! I don’t know why you let me drive!”

Kihyun heaves a sigh. “Because, between the two of us, only you look cool driving. And don’t make me repeat myself.”

Hoseok smirks and makes to run his hand through his hair, but he’s wearing the hat and just sort of tugs on it. “See, I’m not that unlucky. My bad luck only kicked in after my parents made me handsome.”

“Thankfully. Otherwise, you’d feel pretty bad all the time. Hanging out with handsome-ol'-me.”

Hoseok scoffs a laugh and Kihyun glares and Hoseok clears his throat and nods adamantly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Thanks for coming, by the way, to the, er, the party. I’d feel awful walking in there on my own. Even without the pineapple suit.”

It’s the other way around, Kihyun thinks. He’s the one who’s thankful. If not for Hoseok, Kihyun would probably never get around to experience life as much as he does. He practically loiters around the house the whole day when he’s not busy with work. And, when he’s busy with work, he’s all work work work.

“How long is this thing supposed to last, anyway?” He asks, the portfolio he has to ready for next week already scratching at his brain like a cat wanting to be let out of the house. 

“Don’t already sound like you wanna go home,” Hoseok grins. “But as long as you want, really. We’ll see how it goes but it shouldn’t go on too long. Just come pester me when you wanna leave, as usual.”

“Oh, I will.”

There’s a few minutes of comfortable, uninterrupted silence where Kihyun almost complains about the jingle on the radio when Hoseok announces excitedly, “We’re here!” and parks behind quite a lengthy row of cars leading down the road. “Try to last at least an hour this time.”

“That’s what he said,” Kihyun sings as he unlocks his seatbelt.

“It’s really sad if that’s what he told you.”

“Oh, I make the joke and suddenly it has bearing on my life, you make the joke and it’s all ha ha.” Kihyun opens the car door and glares through the window once it’s shut. Hoseok just rolls his eyes and gets out, too, gesturing them both towards the house at the end of the line of cars, decorated like a Halloween cliché. Cheap fog machine, what looks like a coffin with a hastily painted pentagram propped up against a tree. Styrofoam tombstones and pumpkins that don’t take as well to the cold weather as they should. A skeleton hangs off the room like there’s any point to holding on to the side of the roof as to not die when one is already an actual skeleton. All in all, there is a definite lack of pineapple.

“See,” Kihyun gestures towards the house and pulls at his collar. He’s not nervous. Why would he be nervous. “You’re supposed to be dressed like something... scary.”

Hoseok slides his hands down his pineapple costume (it’s almost sensual, the way he does it) and smiles. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m pulling the eccentric but cute card.”

“Ah, yes, the official dress code for Halloween around the world. ‘Cute’.”

“You say that but you appreciate the sexy costumes. If sexy is allowed, cute is allowed.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Your arms are enormous. Adorable, really.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes right back. “What, you want me to help you get some tonight? I can try--”

Kihyun stops by the front door and looks over his shoulder. He needs to raise his voice a whole octave over the loud music coming from inside the house. “I hope you don’t mean with you.”

Hoseok stops too, hands on his hips, dipping the hard material of the pineapple costume concave. It’s really funny. Kihyun barely manages not to laugh. “Of course not. But see? This outfit even works on you.”

“Come on,” Kihyun scoffs, then, living with being on the cusp of a smile and beckons at Hoseok to follow him inside. “Someone needs to tell Yoongi… really, Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’ is not a good Halloween song.”

Hoseok laughs, and looks around excitedly once they’re inside. There’s not enough people for Kihyun to feel claustrophobic, but enough for him to want to escape to the kitchen or bathroom or secluded area by the swimming pool (whichever, really) almost immediately. “Must have put Jungkook in charge of the music. Keep an ear out for Troye Sivan.”

Kihyun opens his mouth to say something like ‘whipped’ but closes it right away as Halsey’s ‘Colors pt. II’ starts. He almost groans. Now, that’s more like it.

“Er, Kihyun, get yourself a drink or something, I should probably go find Yoongi and greet him so he knows we actually showed up,” Hoseok says, patting Kihyun on the back and disappearing into the crowded living room.

Usually, the trick to parties, Kihyun finds, is the atmosphere. If done right, it pulls him right in like a magnet. Layered purple lights, whatever that creepy text on the wall says, good music and alcohol.

So, it’s the way people circle around him as he tries to reach the other side of the room. The way one drink is suddenly three and maybe then four because someone’s going to the kitchen and they might as well give him a refill. But then nobody’s going to the kitchen and he still wants that refill so he might as well go.

And it’s like a slap back into the real world. Because there’s no ambiance light in the kitchen and his eyes hurt with the sudden amount of white.

Did the world just spin? Nope. No, it didn’t. It really didn’t. There’s a sharp ring in his ear, just for a second. And if the world didn’t spin before, it surely doesn’t spin again, forcing Kihyun to avert his gaze somewhere else. It’s a weird sensation once everything comes back into focus and he finds himself staring at someone who, in turn, is ogling the microwave like he wants to eat it.

Kihyun must have stumbled, because he's holding onto the counter and the guy is looking at him now. Also kind of like he wants to eat him.

“Hello,” the stranger says, like the word is new to him. “It's nice to meet you. I'm a demon.”

Kihyun stares at him for a few seconds. Is that supposed to mean something or…?

“Sorry,” Kihyun says. “Sorry, I just stumbled here. I’m not drunk, I promise. Somehow my head just…” He loses track of what he wants to say and settles with staring. It’s not a bad way to pass the time. He might be a microwave enthusiast, but he’s striking. Black hair that almost falls in his eyes, wide shoulders and a profile Kihyun would want to draw if he could. Stunning could be another word for this random boy in a kitchen at a party, and Kihyun would use it if he didn’t already feel mildly frozen where he stands.

The stranger nods very seriously. “Well, yes, that can happen, considering the circumstances.”

“Right,” Kihyun agrees without knowing what the fuck that means. “Right.” He looks away for a second before looking back. “What kind of demon are you supposed to be, though? Were you aiming for something--someone from Supernatural?”

The boy shrugs, leather jacket looking heavy on his frame but not... Bad, exactly. “There are the demons that used to be human but got their souls corrupted by hell, there are fallen angels, princes, sins twisted into corporeal form, consigned human souls that chose to be demons, all types. I'm not too sure which one I am, apparently something new. What's Supernatural?”

Kihyun looks at him like he just grew another head. “Wha--What.” He frowns. Is this guy roleplaying or what? And where the fuck did Hoseok go? “Riiiight…” Kihyun says rather uncomfortably. “What was your name again?”

“Changkyun,” he says quite confidently. “That's what they tell me, anyway.”

“Changkyun,” Kihyun mumbles. “Right.”

“You've said that a lot. The word ‘right’. Four times, actually.”

Kihyun laughs a little awkwardly. “Who’s counting, right--I mean…”

“Five.”

This is… weird. Kihyun is not good at dealing with weird. He looks away again, huffs a laugh because he’s uncomfortable and licks his lips. “Okaaay, well.” He steps back and smiles at Changkyun. “It was really nice meeting you.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Kihyun. Although I doubt you came into the kitchen to meet me. I assume you want--” Changkyun blinks at the table of alcohol, picks up a red solo cup and hands it to him. “This. Everyone has one.”

Changkyun frowns at the table again and takes another solo cup and just holds it in front of him, like an extra in a movie.

Kihyun feels, and probably looks, baffled. “My name…” he starts, looking aimlessly at the red cup. “I didn't tell you my name. Have we met before?” He looks up. “I’m so sorry… I don’t remember you.”

“We haven't met before,” Changkyun says, and wiggles the solo cup. “Do you not want this? Is this one defective. You can have mine.” Changkyun switches the cups quickly.

Kihyun smiles a little and reaches for the cup. “Thanks,” he says.

Be polite, be polite. Don’t be an ass.

“Sorry, I--” he stops when he looks up, his eyes locking with Changkyun’s unnaturally dark ones. And there it is again, that pull Kihyun felt when he entered the kitchen. This time, however, he doesn’t stumble. His feet root him right where he is. “What.” He says rather confused. “What did you say?”

Changkyun blinks. “I said: hello, how are you, I’m a demon. Well, yes, that can happen under the circumstances --”

That’s not it, Kihyun thinks. That’s not it. But he shakes his head to forget. “Yeah. Wow, what the hell is wrong with me today.”

“Now that’s what I keep asking myself,” Hoseok says from behind Kihyun and Kihyun jolts. “Sorry. I was looking for you.” Hoseok places a hand over Kihyun’s shoulder and smiles. “Who’s your... friend?” He asks, eyes crinkling, too, when he turns his smile to Changkyun.

“Ah, this is…” Kihyun trails off to let Changkyun reply.

“I’m Changkyun. I’m a demon. Do you want a cup, too?”

Hoseok beams and Kihyun frowns. “Yes, I do!” Hoseok says just as Kihyun mutters “No, he doesn't.”

Changkyun hands him an empty cup and Hoseok frowns, gently taking Changkyun’s cup and grabbing a bottle of brandy. “Ki, you want some?”

“Yes, please,” Kihyun breathes out. “I think I need it.”

“I like your demon outfit,” Hoseok says, making small-talk. He has always been good at that. “Where did you get it?”

“Hell,” Changkyun says and Hoseok laughs and Kihyun’s neck itches.

“Yes, yes. Very funny.” Kihyun says. “Where the fuck have you been?” He kicks Hoseok’s leg. I’m dying over here and this hot weirdo keeps being nice to me, he screams with his eyes.

Hoseok looks at him. “Uhm. Here,” he says, handing Changkyun his cup. “Just add some cola and--”

Changkyun chugs the drink and puts the empty cup back on the table. “Thank you for the alcohol.”

“Right--” Hoseok starts.

“Six.”

Kihyun starts to roll his eyes but stops when he catches Changkyun looking at him again. Be nice, be nice. “Right--I mean… ugh, whatever.” He pushes his body against Hoseok’s, “Nice to meet you, Changkyun. We gotta--” He gestures towards the living room and Hoseok manages to catch the obvious clues he’s throwing out there, grabbing their drinks and following Kihyun out of the kitchen.

In the living room, Hoseok takes one look at Kihyun’s face and laughs. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know!” Kihyun stresses. “He’s weird, right? Anyway, thank god you showed up.”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him, handing him his drink. “Thought he looked your type, honestly.”

Kihyun gives him a look. “I don’t wanna hear that from you. You look like a… a…”

“A giant, misnamed coalesced berry?”

“Yes! A beefy one, even! Ugh. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Let’s forget about Changkyun or… or whatever his name is.”

“Alright, alright,” Hoseok says, steering him with one hand on his shoulder towards a couch in the living room. “He’s hot, though, you gotta admi--don’t hit me.”

“Ten bucks he would make a joke about hell…” Kihyun scoffs. “Really. He took the roleplaying way too seriously.”

“So you didn’t wanna neck him, Mr Vamp?”

“Gotta love how we have this conversation every time I talk to some hot dude.” Kihyun glared and if it’s at someone, it’s pure coincidence. “It just changes decoration with the seasons. It’s beautiful, really, this friendship…”

Hoseok sighs wistfully, pulling him down to the worn couch, pushed to the side of the room so people could dance. “Yeah… You just admitted he’s hot, by the way.”

“I did no such thing.”

“Do you need me to pester you much longer or can I go play with the other fruits now?”

Kihyun regrets taking his drink to his mouth because he chokes, hard, the second Hoseok finishes that sentence. “Wha--” He coughs. “Christ. Just go!”

Hoseok laughs, giving him a hard pat on the back and only leaves once Kihyun stops coughing. And then it’s just back to the lights and random people in random costumes dancing way too close to each other. He winces at the burn of brandy, remembers the way Changkyun hadn’t even blinked throwing the entire cup down his throat, and then shakes his head to get rid of the thought, and the low ringing in his ears.

Someone falls down next to him, and it is neither Hoseok, or the weird roleplayer from the kitchen.

“Hey,” the guy says and it sounds like what grease tastes like.

Kihyun arches an eyebrow at him, “Hey yourself.”

The guy looks him up and down, smiling. “So you’re a vampire, huh?”

Yoongi’s friend list is looking quite eclectic from where Kihyun's sitting right now.

“Yes,” Kihyun replies before taking his cup to his lips, but opting not to drink in the end. “And you? Who or what are you supposed to be?”

“I can be whatever you want me to be,” the guy says, winking and watching Kihyun’s lips really quite obviously.

“Huh,” Kihyun tilts his head and gives the guy a wry smile. At this point, he would take weird over, well, this… whatever this is. “I’m not drunk enough to be swayed by one-liners. But kudos for trying.

The guy looks him up and down, and Kihyun has to suppress a feeling pushing against the back of his throat. “I could always get you another drink and try again?” The guy says.

“Er." Kihyun stares at his cup, sighs. Whatever, right? “Yeah. Sounds good.”

“Then I’ll be right back, sweetheart,” the guy drawls and gets up and Kihyun suppresses the full body shiver. Of all the people to be hitting on him tonight--

There’s a weight on the other side of the couch again and it’s too early for the pick-up line abuser dressed as what looks to be James Dean to be back already--

“You shouldn’t talk to him.”

Kihyun jolts and what's left of his drink shakes inside the cup. “What the fuck! Changkyun!"

Changkyun doesn’t even blink. “I would really recommend we leave before he comes back. I wouldn’t want to garner any unnecessary attention.”

“What? Wait… is this a pick-up line ?”

Changkyun frowns. “I could pick you up, if you’d like.”

Kihyun blushes in spite of himself. “What?” He repeats, a little louder this time. “ No , thank you,” He looks away. What the hell is going on? Why is everyone serving shitty one-liners?

Ah, right. Because it’s a party. And that’s what people do at parties, right?

“Can we leave now? He’s going to be back in a minute and a half.”

“A minute and a… do you hear yourself when you speak?”

“Yes, otherwise I’m just thinking.” Changkyun glances over his shoulder and leans into Kihyun’s personal bubble without touching him. “And I’m thinking we should go. But out loud. So you can hear me.” They look at each other for a second, Kihyun in borderline amused incomprehension, and Changkyun doesn’t blink. Kihyun’s stomach pulls. “We should really go.”

Is this what his life has come to? Hot-weird guy number one and normie-semi-grease guy fighting for his attention? Kihyun leans back to look at Changkyun. “But why? I haven--”

“Hey!” Great. The normie is back. “I think this seat is taken, buddy.”

Changkyun doesn’t seem to realise that he’s this ‘buddy’, and continues looking at Kihyun. “He’s back. This is problematic.”

Kihyun glances up and then looks back at Changkyun. “I’m--” He laughs. “What are you talking about?”

“Dude, seriously--” the normie shoves at Changkyun’s shoulder. “I was sitting there, get a damn move on.”

Changkyun sighs and looks at Kihyun quite seriously, leaning in to whisper. “Pretend that we are engaged in regular mutual carnal pleasure. He will leave.”

Kihyun feels his eyes widen in reflex and his hand moves up to stop Changkyun where he is. “Woah! Wow! Okay!” He looks up at the normie. “Firstly, no need to be rude. And secondly,” he looks at Changkyun, or glares, whatever his eyes are doing at this point, “stop getting closer and stop speaking like this is the eighteenth century.”

Changkyun frowns but leans back completely, and says, “Don’t drink what he gives you,” and leaves.

Kihyun frowns as he watches Changkyun’s retreating figure. Frown growing harsher when the normie plops himself down next to him again. “You didn’t have to be rude,” Kihyun informs him, again. 

“What, to that weirdo?” The guy scoffs. “I saw him in the kitchen earlier, setting the microwave timer to ten seconds and staring at it until it beeps. And then I think he was trying to beat the beep.”

Kihyun laughs, empties his cup and puts it down on the nearest, reachable flat surface. “What? Really?” Sounds about right.

Normie raises his eyebrow. “Yeah. Like a weirdo. Here’s your drink,” the guy adds, shoving a drink in his hand.

Kihyun looks down, smile receding just slightly. “Thanks,” he says. The words ‘Don’t drink what he gives you’ echoing inside his head. He glances over to where Changkyun disappeared in the crowd. Where the fuck is Hoseok when you need him? Kihyun’s heartbeat increases speed. He’s anxious.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I should… I should probably go find my friend.”

The guy frowns, putting a hand on Kihyun’s leg. “What, so soon?”

At first, Kihyun’s mind goes blank. He looks up, very slowly. Then, he glares. “Hands off.” He says, not even waiting for an answer and getting up to leave in one swift movement. He can take shitty one liners and weird dialogues all night. But this? No. No way in hell.

He walks towards the dancing crowd, leaving the suspicious cup atop the first flat surface he finds. Any more of this and he will be asking Hoseok to leave. In the meantime, however, he needs a drink--well, a new one.

“Yo, Kihyun!”

Yoongi. Finally. You’d think this wasn’t his house. Kihyun sighs, feeling himself relax at the sight of a familiar face. He smirks and greets his friend with a punch to the shoulder and a loud “Hey!”

Yoongi deflates. His hair is pointing in every which direction and the bags under his eyes look permanent. “God, hey, sorry, I’ve been literally everywhere. I just had to stop Taehyung and Jungkook from--” a haunted sort of look crosses Yoongi’s face and he shivers loudly, if shivering could be loud, this was it. “On my bed. Anyway. How’ve you been? How’s the party?”

Kihyun raises his eyebrows and looks away. “Great,” he lies confidently. “Although I gotta admit… you have really strange friends.”

Yoongi laughs quickly. “Oh, come on, Jin’s eccentric at best. And you’re hardly normal, either.”

“I am just about as normal as you are.”

“Funny. Can I get you a drink?” Kihyun nods and follows him. He glances at the microwave. It’s slightly open. “Why strange, though? Who’ve you been talking to?”

“Changkyun,” Kihyun says absentmindedly.

“Who?” Yoongi asks.

“Hello,” Changkyun says from right next to him and Kihyun jumps a little, probably visibly so, because Changkyun looks at him. Kihyun tries to pretend Changkyun didn’t just scare the shit out of him, but his heartbeat is up to his ears. “Did I scare you?”

“Nope!” Kihyun is doing a lot of lying lately, isn’t he? The smile he gives Changkyun, however, is genuine. “Him,” Kihyun tells Yoongi. “Changkyun.”

Yoongi looks up between the two of them, and smiles a little as he hands Kihyun his drink. “Er. Hey, Changkyun, it’s nice to meet you.”

Changkyun frowns. “Everyone keeps saying that and then two minutes later I’m alone. Meeting doesn’t last long, does it.”

“Depends,” Kihyun’s mouth says for him. “Depends on how good the first impression turns out to be. Which, in my defense…” He trails off and sighs. “Nah, nevermind.” He says instead before downing that much needed drink in one go.

“I gave you my cup,” Changkyun mumbles.

“Right!” Yoongi says and Changkyun says “Eight,” out loud and Yoongi pays it no heed. “Going to go, er, make sure I locked my door properly. Enjoy!” Yoongi walks past Kihyun and leans in to whisper, “Have fun.”

Kihyun is already eyeing the brandy again when Changkyun talks.

“We should probably discuss the situation.”

Kihyun looks up without moving his head. “Right.” He says just because he knows there is no point in arguing with this weirdo. Weirdy-weirdo. Not-so-bad weirdo. “So,” Kihyun places the cup down and crosses his arms. “What’s the situation?”

“I will try to be candid and succinct.” Changkyun walks closer--he keeps looking Kihyun in the eye, and Kihyun decides to just play along for now. “You are in near constant danger, Kihyun. I have to protect you, and keep you safe.”

Kihyun blinks, slowly, and then nods. “I see. Yes, I do feel--” He scoffs to the side “--The danger.” He laughs to himself. “Anyway, thanks for earlier.”

Changkyun nods. “I assume you didn’t drink what he gave you. You would be dead if you did.”

Kihyun snaps his attention back to Changkyun. “What!?”

“I would have stopped you,” Changkyun says. “I have you protect you, remember? Hang on, I should find that drink before anyone else drinks it--” Changkyun slips out of the kitchen and Kihyun gapes.

What the fuck. 

“Got it,” Changkyun says once he’s back, holding up the cup.

“Riiiiiiight… So what's in there? Rat poison?”

“Pride.”

Again, Kihyun just stares at Changkyun. “Pride.”

“It’s a sin. One of the big ones. Capital sin, actually. Bit diluted, though.”

“You read the bible a lot?” He scoffs, then smiles. “Sorry, I shouldn’t joke about that. My bad.”

“No, it’s just what I was taught,” Changkyun says, walking over to the sink and throwing out the drink. And then throwing the cup out the window.

“What you were taught… in hell,” Kihyun says, eyes shifting to stare at the third pair sexy bunny he sees tonight. Good thing, Hoseok came as a pineapple. He would be feeling really self-conscious once he realized he wasn't the only sexy bunny in the house.

“Yes,” Changkyun nods and walks over to him, “Are you alright? I saw he touched you.”

Kihyun looks at Changkyun and blinks. “You saw? Uhm. Question. When you go away do you, like… hide in the crowd and spy on me or something?” Ugh, that sounded a little narcissistic. But Kihyun doesn’t backtrack.

“You’re in near constant danger,” Changkyun reiterates.

“So you keep saying… But you haven’t answered my question. Not directly, at least.” This time, Kihyun is the one leaning slightly into Changkyun’s personal space. “So?”

Changkyun leans back. His eyes dart to Kihyun and the floor and back to Kihyun. “I… I wasn’t in the crowd, I was behind the plant.”

Kihyun stares and stares and stares. He lets his head hang and laughs, a lot. “R--Right.” He looks back up. There are tears in his eyes from laughing. “You know… You’re weird as fuck. But somehow you’re not so bad to talk to.”

“Oh.” Changkyun looks taken aback. Honest to god taken aback. There’s even a trace of a smile on his lips. That’s new. “Thank you.”

Kihyun crosses his arms and circles around Changkyun until they’re standing side by side. He elbows Changkyun. “So? Am I in so much danger you find the need to hide behind the plant to watch me?”

“Definitely,” Changkyun nods. “Sorry about that.”

“S’okay,” Kihyun says tilting his head back and giving Changkyun a shy smile.

And now, it seems, it’s Changkyun’s turn to stare at him. He looks at Kihyun’s face, at his lips, and Kihyun realises after a moment of gay panic, is imitating the way he’s smiling. He even tilts his head the way Kihyun does.

“Kihyun!” Hoseok calls. “There you are! Oh, hello again, Changkyun."

Changkyun turns that smile toward Hoseok. “Hello.”

Hoseok smiles back and then throws Kihyun a questioning look. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, finding his throat way too dry for the amount of liquid he’s been having. “Yeah. Where were you?” He looks over Hoseok’s shoulder. “You’d think finding a pineapple in the crowd was easy…”

“There’s a Reaper too,” Changkyun adds.

Kihyun rolls his eyes but smiles. “Right. What he said. Anyway, I am starting to get tired of this so tell me when you’re ready to leave.”

“Now, actually,” Hoseok winces. “Sorry. I know you’re talking to Changkyun now…” Hoseok gives him a look. Kihyun does not and has never appreciated being on the receiving end of that look.

“No, no. Let’s go,” Kihyun pats Hoseok’s massive bicep. He looks at Changkyun one last time before starting to push Hoseok out of there and says, “I’ll see you, weirdo.” Though he knows he will probably never see Changkyun again.

“Not--” Changkyun tries for a smile again, shifting from foot to foot. “Not if I hide behind a plant." A short pause. "That’s… That’s a joke.”

Kihyun hadn’t realized he was wearing a smile until he feels it fading slightly. “Yeah,” he says, laughing. And turns to follow Hoseok out of the house. Who, again, gives him a look.

“What, not even gonna get his number?”

“Nah. I bet it’s something like 666. No way I can dial that.”

Hoseok laughs. “What? What, is he the devil or something?”

“Yeah. Something.”

“Uhm,” Hoseok frowns, patting at his pineapple costume. “I’ll meet you at the car, I think I dropped the keys in the house.”

“What!? Fuck, really? Goddamn it, Hoseok.”

“You’re surprised. Look who’s talking,” Hoseok grumbles and backs away back to the house. “God, my luck. I’ll just be a sec, I’m sorry, Ki.”

Kihyun sighs, crosses his arms, walks to the car and turns to lean his back on the passenger door. Eventful. That’s how he would describe every night out with Hoseok. Eventful. Goddamn it. Does the pineapple costume even have pockets? Only Hoseok would lose his car keys at a party.

It’s cold and Kihyun’s breath puffs when he breathes out through his mouth. He wills away a ringing in his ears and tugs at his cape. “Vampity-vamp,” he mutters to himself and smiles small. “Weirdo.”

“Who you talking to, sweetheart?” a voice asks, coming, truly, from nowhere. Grease.

“You again.”

“Me again,” he says and smiles, eyes roaming Kihyun and putting his hand on the car next to Kihyun. “I see your little friend isn’t around anymore.”

“Little?” Kihyun laughs humourlessly, looking down at his nails. “Which friend are you talking about?”

“Not the pineapple, the demon.”

“Ah. Him.” Kihyun leans away from the car and takes a deep breath. He looks the guy up and down. “Do you need something?”

“Yes, actually,” he says, and before Kihyun can process anything, he’s been picked up by his stupid vampire costume, and thrown to the side.

It’s black and then it’s white. And the first thing Kihyun is aware of is pain. He swallows hard against the sickly churning in his gut. It hurts. And when his vision comes back into focus all he can do is gasp for air. Shit. 

“Don’t necessarily need to be alive, though,” the guy says, walking closer lazily. “Easier if you’re not.”

What. What? Kihyun falls forward then and lands on his elbows. He coughs. “The fuck…” There’s a metallic taste in his mouth. He probably bit his tongue.

The guy grabs at the front of Kihyun’s shirt and lifts him up like it’s nothing. He pushes him back, hard, against the tree Kihyun must have hit when he was thrown. He grins, leaning forward and breathing in against Kihyun’s neck. “So pure…”

Kihyun’s eyes dart upwards and he sees the sky.

Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic, damn it!

He shuts his eyes closed and slams his forehead as hard as he can against the guy’s head.

“Son of a--” the guy groans in pain, letting go of Kihyun, who falls to the ground, his head feeling like it’s just been split in two.

Instincts kick in and Kihyun starts trying to get up, even as his brain swells against the walls of his skull. His vision is blurry. Everything is spinning. But he needs to get up. Get up and get out of there.

Something pulls him back. Grabs him by his collar and tugs and he loses his balance and falls and it’s a terrible thing, fear. It’s cold and terrible and difficult to truly grasp fully, but he feels it under his skin, in his bones. He kicks. He screams and tries to turn to break his grasp and it’s blurry and horrible, but he knows he can’t just--just die here.

Somehow. Someone. Just. Someone. Fucking help!

And suddenly everything stops. No more tugging. No more running. Kihyun feels his breath catch up and he turns to look over his shoulder. He can almost feel his irises blow wide as he tries to focus on Changkyun’s back.

Changkyun’s standing between Kihyun and the guy--the guy who, he looks not right somehow but Kihyun doesn’t know how to process it. He tries to focus, on Changkyun, on the hand he has held out, on how effortlessly he pins the guy down.

But his brain feels like a power plant. And the world moves too fast. One second they’re five feet apart, and the next Changkyun is right there. Holding his hand out for Kihyun to take. Like it’s the natural thing to do.

“Wha--” What are words when you need them. “You…”

“He’s gone,” Changkyun says, soft and right there. “You’re safe.”

Kihyun’s breath hitches and he takes Changkyun’s hand. What are words when you need them, really. What are words when you can just show exactly what you want to say. And so, Changkyun helps Kihyun up. And Kihyun doesn’t lose time wrapping his arms around him. And it feels like gravity, like hitting the floor after falling for too long. “Thank you…” He whispers. “Th...ank y--y...ou.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Weirdo.

“I’m not that weird,” Changkyun says. “You’re thinking out loud. Cry if you want, it’s okay.”

Kihyun’s chin wrinkles where it rests over Changkyun’s shoulder. But he doesn’t cry. Not really. Maybe just a little. “Shut up,” he says. “You’re so weird.”

“Kihyun?!” Hoseok calls from closeby. “Oh, god, Kihyun--what--what happened.”

Kihyun sniffles little, but he’s definitely, definitely not crying. He breathes in and then out before stepping back, his arms falling without resistance. “I… I don’t know… I was…” He glances at Changkyun looking for answers. “What. What happened?”

“Ki, is that blood!?”

“Huh?” Oh, right. The metallic taste.

“He’ll be okay,” Changkyun says. “Should lie down, though. Did you find your car keys?”

Hoseok blinks. “What?” He looks at the keys in his hand. “Oh, yes! I did!”

“Good, start the car,” Changkyun says, and Hoseok nods sort of numbly and turns away to the car. Changkyun side steps. And that’s when Kihyun sees it. Black to deep, muddy red on the floor, just a few feet away from them.

“What…” Kihyun’s breath hitches again, everything coming back at once. He gives a step forward, eyes searching what looks and (suddenly) smells like putrid muck. That thing ... What is that thing? Kihyun’s hand moves on its own and slaps loudly against Changkyun’s. “What is that?”

“Dead,” Changkyun says, hand twitching inside Kihyun’s. “That’s all that matters.”

Kihyun frowns. He tries to move his head but he can’t look away. “You killed him--it! You killed it!?”

“In a way. I sent it back. The body just… doesn’t go with.” Changkyun pulls at his hand, looking at the ground.

“The body,” Kihyun repeats. The body doesn’t go where. What the fuck is going on? He looks at Changkyun. “What are you?”

“I--I told you,” Changkyun frowns. “A few times, actually. You’re still bleeding, you know.”

This has to be a Halloween prank. That’s it. A bad prank. “No. You can’t--He. It can’t be…” No. No, no, no, no. “No,” Kihyun gives a step back, everything hurts, but he doesn’t let go of Changkyun’s hand. In fact, he squeezes, hard. “No. Just… no.”

Changkyun steadies him, and Kihyun realises he’s not exactly steady on his feet. “Kihyun? Are you okay? Is it the bloodloss?”

“No”, Kihyun says as he shakes his head. There’s no way this is happening. “No, I’m not… I… I don’t know what’s going on. Why was he on me. Changkyun,” Kihyun looks Changkyun in the eye, “He was on me , he was going to…”

Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic.

“He wanted to,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun feels a hand squeeze his arm. Mayhaps a bit too hard. “You’re bleeding, and not breathing very well and you’re having trouble staying upright. I’m gonna pick you up.”

“Wait. What?” Kihyun doesn’t even have time to step back because there’s a hand there, stopping him. Changkyun runs his hand down Kihyun’s back until he hooks his arm under his legs and lifts him up like Kihyun weighs nothing.

“He--hey!” Kihyun complains. “What?” He glares at Changkyun’s face.

“Sorry, do you want to walk?” Changkyun asks and there’s sass. Sass or teasing or whatever it is, Kihyun doesn’t appreciate it.

“Fine,” he says. “Fine…” The second time he says it as a whisper. Kihyun’s not even holding onto Changkyun, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem. Kihyun’s head still pounds, but then he’s being loaded into the back of Hoseok’s car and--

“You can’t--you can’t just--”

“I have to monitor your pupils,” Changkyun deadpans and shuts the car door behind him.

“My wha--”

“Changkyun?” Hoseok chirps over his shoulder. “You’re coming with?”

Changkyun blinks. “We can’t just leave his pupils unmonitored.”

“That is… a very strange pick-up line.”

Kihyun wants to agree but suddenly he feels sick. “I… I think I’m gonna puke…”

Hoseok screams and slams on the breaks. “NOT ON THE BACKSEAT!”

Kihyun feels the motion way too much and needs to slam a hand over his mouth. He feels sick. So sick. But he breathes anyway. “I’m okay… can you just open the window for me, please? I’ll just throw up on the guy behind us if I need to…”

Hoseok whimpers softly, but puts the car back in drive. Changkyun locks the door, unlocks it, locks it again, finds the window button, and opens the window. Kihyun almost teleports there, a breath of fresh air, finally.

“Do you--” Hoseok starts but Kihyun’s kind of outside the car, so he raises his voice. “Kihyun, do you need to go to a hospital?”

“Home,” Kihyun manages to say. “I wanna go home.” He wants to go home and forget.

Hoseok looks back at the two of them for a second and shakes his head as he turns back to the road.

“Seriously, Ki? I know he’s hot and all, but just get his number, reschedule--”

“Oh, come on don’t tell me you didn’t see it!” Kihyun shouts as he slumps back on his seat. He looks down. No, he really doesn’t want to remember. “Nevermind,” he mutters. “I’m fine. Just take me home. I need to sleep.”

“I didn’t--I didn’t see anything,” Hoseok swallows. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

Hoseok asks that, just as Changkyun leans back into Kihyun’s personal space, eyes on his without saying anything. Kihyun stares back for a few seconds. The saturation in Changkyun’s eyes is unlike anything he’s ever seen.

And then, Kihyun looks away. “Are you going to…” He whispers. “Are you going to try…” He frowns. Why can’t words work the way he wants them to? “Nevermind.” He sighs and leans away from Changkyun.

“Your pupils look fine,” Changkyun says, and then leans over to Hoseok. “His pupils look fine.”

“Are you a medical student or?”

“Human physiology isn’t difficult.”

Kihyun crosses his arms and stares out the window. He holds himself tighter when he feels his eyes burn. He blinks the feeling away. The emotion, however, stays, like deep red vitriol in his chest. Whatever happened, shouldn’t have happened. Whatever happened didn’t happen. If only he could forget the ghostly touch of that thing on his skin.

“Just hurry up,” he tells Hoseok. “I wanna get home fast.” And shower. And then sleep.

It feels longer, somehow, getting home than it does having left home. Hoseok stops the car by the entrance to Kihyun’s apartment building and it’s much darker than when they’d left, and it looks… wrong, off kilter. Except that nothing’s changed.

“Do you need any help?”

“No,” Changkyun says, opening the door and getting out of the car. Hoseok stares at Changkyun, and then at Kihyun.

“I’m really very, incredibly confused right now, Kihyun.”

Kihyun sighs. But stops before he exits the car. “We can talk tomorrow. If you want. I’ll call you in the morning.” He looks over his shoulder. “And please don’t blame yourself. I know you. I know you will.” He smiles. “It’s not your fault, okay?”

Hoseok’s features crumble, bottom lip trembling. “I really have the worst luck, Ki.”

“No, you don’t. I mean, you do but... You have me, so…” Kihyun rolls his eyes at himself. “Anyway. Don’t cry. Don’t make me, like, go over there right now.”

“Okay, I won’t,” Hoseok says with a sniffle. “Promise you’ll call?”

“Promise,” Kihyun says with a smile he hopes is reassuring, before he finally gets up and closes the door. And then Changkyun is just standing there. Looking at him. And it’s easy. It’s easy to look at Changkyun straight in eye, ignore the pull in his gut, frown and then just look away. Look away and pass him by as if he’s not there at all.

“Kihyun?” Changkyun calls, and once Kihyun’s far enough away, quickly runs to his side. “Kihyun, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be alone, you’re in near constant danger.”

Kihyun reaches for his keys and drops them. He sighs and leans down to pick them up, ignoring the word vomit Changkyun is throwing at him. He opens the front door, gets inside and walks fast towards the elevator, limping slightly along the way.

Changkyun must have slipped in, too, because when Kihyun presses the button for the elevator, Changkyun’s hand stops just short of his. He pulls back, holding his own hand in front of himself.

“Don’t--don’t let anyone in,” Changkyun mumbles. “Hoseok is good, you can let him in, but don’t trust anyone else. No one else.”

The elevator is not coming fast enough. Kihyun feels his heart pick up speed. He eyes Changkyun for a moment. He looks at his face. Then at his hands. And finally at his feet. “Does that include you as well?” He asks, voice devoid of emotion.

Changkyun frowns, in what looks like honest to god confusion. “I can’t hurt you.”

Kihyun looks away. “I don’t know that. You say that but I don’t know if you mean it.” The elevator dings and the door opens, but Kihyun doesn’t move. “One moment there’s this asshole chatting me up. The next he looks like mud on the floor.” He glares at Changkyun. “How do I know you’re…” He shakes his head and groans. “Forget it.” He steps inside the elevator. “Stay away from me, okay? Just… just stay away.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says softly. “I just... I have to protect you. So just...” Kihyun straightens up as the elevator doors start to close. “Be safe, Kihyun.”

Eventful. That’s how most nights out with Hoseok can be described. Eventful. And today, from weirdy-weirdo to Changkyun, from random stranger to whoever saved his life… Today was eventful, too. Eventful and scary to the point of numbness.

Kihyun feels numb when the door to his house finally closes behind his back. He feels numb when he steps into the shower with his clothes still on. And later, when he gets in bed and throws the blanket over his head.

Forget. Forget. Forget. But sleep doesn’t let him forget.

There is a scream-gaped mouth and then a hollow corpse on the floor. And then Kihyun falls down into nothingness. In one hand he holds a name and in the other a key to a door Kihyun remembers but can’t quite recall from where.

And so, he falls. He falls into a scream-gaped mouth. And in a corner of his mind Kihyun knows he’s falling into eternity. He’s falling and only hell awaits.

‘So pure,’ a voice says. And Kihyun wants to scream but no air comes out.

Nothing. He’s falling into nothingness.

And then, ‘Kihyun’. And it’s soft and warm and deep. And the only thing Kihyun needs to do is answer back.

Chang--

“--kyun.”

Kihyun’s eyes are open when he comes back to his senses. He’s staring at the ceiling, heart jackhammering in his chest, breathing like he just ran a marathon. A tear rolls down his face.

Sometimes, forgetting is not enough.

“Kihyun,” Kihyun hears again, and it’s soft and warm and deep and--and right there.

Kihyun sits up in a jump. “How…” No. It doesn’t matter how. “Changkyun," he says. There. That’s easy. Easy to say and easy to accept. Everything else can wait.

Sometimes, forgetting is not enough. Sometimes, lying helps.

“You… you said my name,” Changkyun says, and he sounds and looks awkward, standing there at the side of Kihyun’s bed in a leather jacket, hands twisting. “You said to leave you alone but then you said my name. The, er, latter took precedence.”

Kihyun runs his thumbs under his eyes to swipe those damn tears away. He sniffles and looks around the room. “I did, didn’t I?” He says just to fill the silence, that gap Changkyun’s voice left. “Sorry… I know I told you to leave but…” He looks at Changkyun. “Can you stay?”

Fear is an ugly thing. Kihyun doesn’t know if he means what he’s saying. But he really wants--needs Changkyun--someone to stay. 

“Yes,” Changkyun says quickly and moves forward just a little before stepping back. “Are you…” Changkyun pauses. “Sorry, I don’t know what to do.”

Sometimes, forgetting is not enough. Sometimes, lying helps. And sometimes, a lie doesn’t have to be spoken to be real.

But back to the start: it starts with a word...

“Well…” Kihyun laughs a little and it tastes like lying, bitter but sweet. Bittersweet. “Maybe… take off your jacket.”

“It can come off?” Changkyun asks, and tugs at the collar for a second and then slips the jacket off his shoulders. He looks smaller in just a t-shirt and jeans. He looks around and carefully puts the jacket on a neat heap on Kihyun’s dresser.

Kihyun watches Changkyun move around the room. There’s a prickly feeling under his skin. Kihyun just showered but he suddenly feels like he needs another shower. He shakes his head and sighs. “You really are weird,” he mutters. And so am I, it seems.

Changkyun smiles. It’s the same one he’d practised earlier. Earlier, at the party. Forget, forget, forget. He walks to the other side of the bed, studies Kihyun who’s under the covers, kicks off his shoes, and just climbs right in.

“Question,” Kihyun says, needing something to help him forget, to distract him, his voice sounding a lot more natural than it had just a few seconds ago, “Do you like movies? Or do you prefer series?” He reaches across the bed, arm stretching in front of Changkyun’s face, and grabs his laptop. “I’m not sleepy. So we can just… watch something. Unless you feel like sleeping. Then I’ll go to the living room.”

“If I have to stay, you have to stay,” Changkyun says with a nod, wiggling where he’s sitting and pushing down the plush of Kihyun’s duvet until it puffs up again.

Kihyun laughs. “Right. Well, movie or series?”

“Uhm.” Changkyun’s eyes widen a little. “I don’t know?”

“Movie it is,” Kihyun announces. Forget, forget, forget. He opens his laptop, loads Netflix, and shifts closer to Changkyun. “I will just scroll down. Tell me if anything catches your eye and we’ll check it out.”

Changkyun leans in and watches the screen as if trying to take in everything on the screen. He points to one of the thumbnails. “A lot of humans were doing that at the party.”

Humans. Party ... Just forget, damn it.

“What. Kissing?” Kihyun asks.

Changkyun nods. “Yes. A lot. Sorry, you seem uncomfortable, I think I’m going to stop talking about kissing.”

“Right…”

“Fourteen!” Changkyun says, smiling. It falters quickly. “Sorry. I am a bit weird, aren’t I?”

Kihyun stares at him. “Yeah… A bit. But it’s fine. I like it.” He flinches and looks away. “I mean... I don’t mind that you’re weird. I’m weird too, apparently. I hardly know you and here you are, in my bed. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you how weird that sounds.” He sighs. “It’s fine though. Today is weird and… it’s fine.” Forget, forget, forget.

Changkyun wiggles further into the covers and looks at Kihyun with those big, oddly coloured eyes. “This is weird?”

Kihyun mimics Changkyun and slides down next to him. “Yeah,” he mutters. “Really weird.” He clicks on a random thumbnail and watches the screen change.

“Hm,” Changkyun hums. “Doesn’t feel weird. Just feels soft.” Soft. Yes. And warm. So warm Kihyun’s eyelids feel heavy.

“Changkyun,” Kihyun starts without knowing where he wants to go with it.

“Kihyun?”

“Earlier…” Kihyun trains his eyes on the screen but he’s not really paying attention. He’s just vaguely aware of the Netflix logo as it fades and something starts. “How did you know? And before… at the… party. How did you know?”

Changkyun’s quiet as the movie starts, some generic scenic shots and indie music playing softly on Kihyun’s relatively crappy laptop speakers.

“Remember when I told you I have to protect you?”

“How could I forget when you keep repeating it so often?”

“It’s important,” Changkyun says, and then stays quiet for a moment longer. “When you’re scared, I feel it. Well, I know it. It feels like knowing. And you only saw what the demon looked like after I killed him, but for me, he looked like that on the couch, too.”

Kihyun feels a pull south of his body, his blood rushing down and then suddenly back up. Fear. “And you? What do you look like right now?”

“I look like what you see,” Changkyun says. “He was borrowing a body. But this is mine.”

“Okay,” Kihyun says, letting go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Okay,” he repeats.

“Does that mean you believe me?”

Kihyun lets his eyes close and leans his head on Changkyun’s shoulder. “No. It doesn’t. But… I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.” After all, people don’t just teleport seven floors above the ground because someone else called their name in a dream.

Forget, forget, forget. But remember what needs to be remembered. Remember what matters.

“Thank you,” Changkyun says softly, leaning his cheek against Kihyun’s head. “I’ll keep you safe, I promise. Doesn’t matter if you believe what I am, just believe that.”

Simple enough. Good enough. “Okay,” Kihyun whispers. His eyelids flutter, he feels drunk with the images passing fast on the screen. So, he just closes his eyes. “Okay.”

It’s soft, and warm, and when Kihyun falls asleep way faster than intended, in bed with a stranger, he sleeps better than he has in years.

Waking up turns out to be an embarrassing affair, because the first thing Kihyun sees is the question in Changkyun’s eyes and when Kihyun looks down and registers what’s going on he gives a shout like he’s been electrocuted and jumps out of the bed.

“Why were we cuddling!?” Kihyun asks, half in desperation, half in surprise.

Changkyun’s hand falls onto the bed from where--Kihyun realises in abject horror--Changkyun had had his arm around him. “You fell asleep and initiated it.”

Kihyun feels his eye twitch. “Initi--” He stops to facepalm, hand sliding down his face as he speaks. “Look... I don’t even know what to tell you. Just… let’s just act like that didn’t happen. Okay? If someone asks you, you slept on the couch.”

“I don’t sleep,” Changkyun says, smiling--it looks more natural, somehow--and turns the laptop around to face him. “I watched some stuff. People cuddled and they seemed happy, but you don’t seem particularly happy but I assume it’s just because we didn’t have sex beforehand--”

A heatwave flows from Kihyun’s chest to his face. “Se --You know what?! No.” He closes his eyes and throws both hands up. “I am going to the bathroom. Then, I am going to make coffee. And then,” he wags his finger between them. “We talk.” He turns around and walks out of the room, muttering to himself “No way, no way, no way…”

“Do you mind if I watch the last five minutes? They’re on their honeymoon!”

“I don’t care!” Kihyun shouts from the corridor in a pitch he’s not proud of.

“Thank you!”

An incredible amount of questions float around Kihyun’s mind. And some have a lot to do with the reason why he avoids looking at his own reflection in the bathroom and then, later, in the kitchen.

He really wishes he could just forget. But, every time he zones out, a voice crawls over his back and whispers against his skin. Kihyun finds himself slapping his neck a lot in the three minutes he waits for the water to boil.

By the time he pours coffee into a mug, Changkyun is by the door, eyeing him up and down like he is seeing Kihyun for the first time. “You look nice.”

Kihyun side glances at Changkyun and frowns. “Sure,” he says. He takes the mug up to his lips before he can say something back like ‘You too’, which wouldn’t be a lie but, right now, is not... really appropriate.

“Is that coffee?” Changkyun asks with wide, curious eyes as he pads closer.

“Yes,” Kihyun says. “Would you…” He looks at his own feet. “Do you want coffee?”

“Yes!” Changkyun says with a bounce, and then coughs and folds his arms, speaking much lower. “I mean, yes. The humans on your laptop really like it. Always going to houses and upstairs and having some. Inviting people over for coffee. Things like that.”

Kihyun bites his upper lip to avoid smiling and reaches over the sink to grab a clean mug. “I should warn you, though… It’s strong,” he says, eyeing Changkyun as he pours. “Don’t you dare to spit it out once you put it in your mouth.” Now there’s a sentence, Kihyun.

Changkyun smiles and takes the cup of hot coffee and before Kihyun could think of his second warning (it’s hot, don’t burn yourself), Changkyun’s thrown it all down his throat and puts the now empty cup back on the counter.

Kihyun is gaping. “That was… scalding hot! What the hell are you made of?”

Changkyun frowns and smacks his lips together and sticks out his tongue. “That stings. You enjoy this?”

“You’re not supposed to just--just drink everything in one go!” He rolls his eyes and groans when he throws his head back. “God, I can’t believe this.”

“You’ve said,” Changkyun says, eyeing the coffee pot as he sits down at the counter. He looks around Kihyun’s kitchen and living room and nods thoughtfully. “You have such a nice place.”

Kihyun sighs and leans back against the counter. “How many episodes did you watch?”

“After the movie? Fifteen.”

“Fifteen!? Just how long have I--” Kihyun eyes the clock on the wall. He almost jumps. “What the fuck! It’s so late!”

“Time isn’t real,” Changkyun hums, still looking around. “Are you late for a particular moment of time?”

This is going to take a lot of time to get used to. “No,” Kihyun replies. “Not really.” He just… Never sleeps this late. Has never slept this late. He should probably check his email. But that can wait.

“Then chillax, bro,” Changkyun says like it’s a normal thing to say.

“Bro?” Kihyun grimaces. “Ugh.”

Changkyun holds up two fingers in a peace sign and smiles. “Dude.”

“Honestly? I preferred you better when you spoke like a 18th century nobleman. But whatever.” Kihyun places his cup down. “I have questions.” He looks Changkyun in the eye. “And I want answers.”

Changkyun lowers the peace sign and nods again, still with a small smile on his face. His leg is jumping a little on the chair. “Noted. I’ll answer to the best of my abilities.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches into a smile. There we go. “Well,” he looks down. “First, let’s start with you. What are you, really? Yes! A demon! But… I don’t know…” He looks up. “I don’t know what that means exactly.”

Changkyun nods thoughtfully. “I mentioned there being many different types, but in all honesty, I don’t know which one I am. But I’m strong, and immortal, and derive my power from Satan.” Changkyun smiles and his cheeks dimple. “What would you like to know?”

Immortal. Is that spelled with one or two M’s, Kihyun forgets. And...

“Satan?” Kihyun jokes. “Oh, this just keeps getting better…” He mutters to the floor.

“Oh, well, you see, Satan was an angel of the Lord, and when he rebelled--”

“Yes, yes. I know that story. Okay. Next question.” Kihyun looks up and licks his lips. “I can’t believe these words will come out of my own mouth but… last night. Last night you just… materialized yourself in my room. How does that even work?”

“Oh,” Changkyun’s shoulders relax. Like it’s an easy question, and not one of the hardest Kihyun’s ever asked. “You said my name.”

“And you say that as if I should know what it means…”

“My name is my summon. You summoned me.”

“Summoned…” Kihyun looks around. “Why did I ask… Oh god. Okay. Next.” He pauses when he spots his reflection across the room. His hands feel icy. “That… thing,” he manages, voice tight. There are whispers behind his ears. “Why me? What did it want from me?”

Changkyun shifts in his seat. “Uhm. Are you sure you want to know? It’s not... pleasant.”

Cold. Everything feels cold. “It’s dead, right?”

“It’s…” Changkyun shifts again. “Gone, yes. Demons don’t die, but I sent it back.”

“Back to…”

“Hell,” Changkyun says and pauses, moving his hands up to lay palm down on the counter. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Kihyun laughs bitterly. “Right. I doubt you know what ‘sorry’ means but. Okay.” He manages to catch Changkyun’s eyes and feels it, that strange gravitational pull. It takes Kihyun conscious effort to stay where he is. “Next question,” he forces. “How many more? How many of those… things?”

Changkyun opens his mouth just to close it again. He looks away from Kihyun and swallows. “Can--can we go back to the bed, I--I think the next episode looks interesting--”

“Changkyun.”

“I’m already here,” he mumbles.

Kihyun sighs, closes his eyes and leans away from the counter. He walks up to Changkyun and sits down next to him. “I know,” he says. “I know.”

“There--” Changkyun looks up at him, eyebrows knitted together. “A lot of things happen in fifteen episodes of a sitcom.”

“You’re right,” Kihyun agrees, pressing one finger on the counter and drawing a circle. “One last question, then. Is that okay with you? Just one.”

Changkyun watches Kihyun’s finger and with the hand on the counter, starts to do the same. He nods minutely.

“Why does looking at you make my head spin?” Kihyun turns to look at Changkyun’s face. “Before, when we met and then after. Last night, too. And… now, too.”

Changkyun draws over an invisible circle Kihyun had left. Changkyun looks him in the eye and he feels it again and when Changkyun answers with a smile, it doesn’t pull, it tugs, sharply.

“We’re connected,” Changkyun says simply.

While that would explain why fear-punch drunk Kihyun let a stranger into his bed, it still doesn’t say a lot. It’s something, but nothing at the same time.

Kihyun blinks and looks away. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll take that answer… for now.”

“It’s true,” Changkyun mumbles, almost petulant. “There’s… Kihyun, there are a lot them. I don’t know how many, now. But they won’t stop. They want your soul. I have to protect you.” Kihyun sees movement--as frozen as he feels, he sees Changkyun reach and hover over his hand. “So we’re connected.” Changkyun swallows again. “I’m sorry I drank all your coffee in one go.”

“You,” Kihyun starts, his heart racing. “You always do that.” Kihyun turns his palm up but doesn’t touch Changkyun’s. “Is it some sort of… rule?”

Changkyun frowns. “I’ve only drank all your coffee once.”

Kihyun looks at him and smirks. “Not that.” He raises his hand slightly and his fingers brush on Changkyun’s palm. “This.”

“Oh. It is a rule. I can’t touch you without your consent,” Changkyun smiles, moving his fingers carefully and watching the way they brush over Kihyun’s skin. “Or unless you touch me first.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking at their hands for a while longer before softly slapping Changkyun’s hand away. “Okay.” He gets up. “Do you eat? I’m assuming you eat.” He snorts. “If you drink…”

“So far I’ve had coffee,” Changkyun smiles, keeping his eyes on his hand before folding his hands in his lap. “But I don’t think that’s food. I don’t need to eat, though.”

“Well,” Kihyun gets up. “In this house if I eat, you eat. So, we’re eating.” He says before he walks up to the shelves nearby. “Hey, be nice and bring me bacon and eggs. Everything is in the fridge.”

What’s more normal than bacon and eggs, right?

“Bacon and eggs, bacon and eggs…” Changkyun mumbles, follows Kihyun’s eyes to the fridge, and opens it and starts rummaging through the fridge. Kihyun thinks it might be better to just… look away.

“I assume these are both solid objects?”

Jesus Christ. “Come here, you shit.” Kihyun bosses as he reaches for his phone over the counter. He ignores Hoseok’s missed calls and texts and googles ‘eggs’. It would have been faster to just walk to the fridge himself, but no one is there to point that out. Changkyun certainly won’t. “Eggs,” he says, almost shoving his phone in Changkyun’s face once he is close enough. “The bacon is the only pink stuff I have in there. Also, milk.”

“Ooooh, I saw those!” Changkyun says excitedly, turning back to the fridge and, miraculously, placing a few eggs, milk and a packet of bacon on the counter. He points at Kihyun’s phone. “I like that thing.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun says absentmindedly. “Have your way with it.” He waves Changkyun away. Maybe Kihyun will be able to fry those eggs and bacon in peace. Maybe.

And he does; he cooks in peace, and Changkyun is quiet as he sits by the counter, glancing up from Kihyun’s phone every now and then, just long enough to make Kihyun’s neck itch.

But, when Changkyun speaks again, he’s not looking at Kihyun when he says: “You look cute.”

Kihyun is in the process of flipping an egg and almost sends the spatula flying. He looks over his shoulder, eyes wide. “What?”

Changkyun says it again, like it helps, “You look cute,” and turns the phone for Kihyun to see.

Kihyun turns the heat off and slowly, very slowly, places the spatula down. He turns around with the biggest frown he has forced in a long time. “Give me that,” he points at the phone. “Now.”

Changkyun blinks, holding the phone closer to himself. “But I haven’t had my way with it yet.”

“Please don’t say that while looking at my selcas!” Kihyun complains, walking up to Changkyun and making a grab for the phone. “Give me that!”

Changkyun holds it just out of reach. “Does having my way not include your selcas? Just eggs?”

Kihyun claws his fingers around Changkyun’s arm and tries to pull. “Just give me that!”

“I’m much stronger than you, you know,” Changkyun adds helpfully. His arm doesn’t even fucking budge . “I wanna see them. You look cute.”

The face Kihyun makes probably suggests embarrassment. He can feel it burning so he looks away. “I’ll trade.” He points at the stove. “Food for the phone.”

“I don’t eat,” Changkyun smiles, wider than Kihyun’s seen so far, and wiggles the phone in his hand. “Why would you take the pictures if you didn’t want someone to see them?”

Kihyun slaps his hand over Changkyun’s mouth. “Stop. Don’t talk. And when you feel like talking, don’t.”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows, glancing down at Kihyun’s hand and Kihyun can feel him pouting.

Kihyun tilts his head, trying to will the blush away. “I cooked for you,” he whines. “Will you really not eat it?” He lets his hand slide down and fakes disappointment as he steps back. He gives Changkyun one last pitiful look before looking away.

And then something pokes at his arm. Changkyun’s still pouting as he softly jabs the phone at Kihyun’s arm. “You’re cuter when you’re not sad.”

An eyebrow climbs on Kihyun’s forehead and he hums, taking the phone. “How do you even know what cute looks like,” he mutters to himself. But, before he steps away, he holds the device up and smirks. “Hey, demon,” he calls and when Changkyun looks at him, pout and puppy eyes and everything, Kihyun snaps a picture.

He looks at it for a moment and then turns the phone in his hand. “See? Now you have one, too.”

Changkyun immediately smiles and leans in to see the picture. “Woah. Who took all yours?”

“I did,” Kihyun says, a hint of pride in his voice. He places the phone on the counter and walks back to the stove.

By the time he slides a plate with two eggs, three slices of bacon and a toast on it in front of Changkyun, the clock already hits three pm. What a wasted morning.

“Eat,” Kihyun tells Changkyun and passes him a fork and a knife. Then, he frowns. “Do you even know how to use these?”

Changkyun smiles and rolls his eyes. “I didn’t know how cuddling worked either, but I’m a fast learner and you’re a good teacher.”

Kihyun pauses. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs. “Right,” he says and waits.

Changkyun looks at him in deep thought for a second before proudly announcing: “Seventeen.”

At that Kihyun laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling, too. “I knew you’d say that.”

Changkyun watches Kihyun and the more he does, the wider he smiles. “Well, you were right.”

“Eighteen,” Kihyun says as he sits down in front of his plate.

“But who’s keeping count, right,” Changkyun says, still smiling very widely and looking right at Kihyun.

Kihyun licks his lips and smiles back. “Nineteen,” he announces. And then tilts his head up. “Come on, eat. It will get cold.”

Changkyun holds his fork the way Kihyun is, nodding with determination. “I’m ready.”

Kihyun snorts and starts eating. Changkyun watches him closely, taking bites just after Kihyun does and counting the bites so they match. He runs out eggs just a little bit before Kihyun does and just stares at his plate. Kihyun really tries not to laugh. Or find it endearing. He’s a clueless demon eating his eggs.

“Do you like it?” Kihyun asks, a little anxious about the answer for some reason.

“Tastes like molecules,” Changkyun says. “Nice molecules. Bigger picture it tastes--” Changkyun frowns and then his eyes go all wide and his mouth pulls up at the corners and, if Kihyun didn’t know better, he looks happy.

The feeling that had been weighing on Kihyun’s chest since he woke up flows out as he breathes. He looks at Changkyun for a while longer and then down at the food in front of him.

They eat in silence. And Kihyun doesn’t dare break it. Not even when he leans to pick up Changkyun’s plate and place it atop his own. And not when he takes them to the sink to rinse.

“Can I ask you a question?” Changkyun asks, then, soft and handing him a plate. It’s clean, and doesn’t need to be rinsed, but, you know, it’s the thought that counts.

Kihyun stares at the clean plate. “You just did,” he says. Smiling small when he looks up at Changkyun. Shit. Is his humour contagious or what. Kihyun takes the plate to wash anyway. “But sure. Ask.”

Changkyun watches him clean, as close as he can get comfortably without touching Kihyun. “Do you not like being called cute? People called things cute in the things I watched and the things they thought were cute remind me of you, so I called you cute but you don’t like it.”

Kihyun wets his lips and stares at the very sparkling-clean plate in his hands. “I don’t dislike it. But… It’s embarrassing. Rather than being called cute I…” He trails off. And looks up. “I don’t think I’m cute. But,” he looks at Changkyun. “I guess you are.”

“Well, there was another word they used,” Changkyun adds helpfully. “That also fits.” He pauses. “I’m cute?”

The shrug Kihyun gives suggests he doesn’t agree nor disagree. He moves on, “What other word?”

“Sexy.”

Kihyun turns around so fast he almost sends the plate flying across the room. “Sexy!?” His voice cracks a little at the end.

“I… cannot gauge this reaction as either positive or negative.”

Face burning, Kihyun looks down. He feels it, a shiver and grimaces a little as it runs down his body. “Ugh, Changkyun…” He places the plate back in the sink before it slips through his hands. “In other circumstances I would accept the compliment but…” He eyes Changkyun up and down. “This is weird…”

Changkyun winces. “I’m sorry, Kihyun. I can’t really... tell.”

Kihyun laughs in embarrassment. “Wait until I tell Hoseok I cuddled with a random demon last night and then he called me sexy after I cooked him lunch.” He shivers again. “He is going to love this.”

“I think I’m getting a better grasp at humor, but I can’t tell if you were joking or not,” Changkyun says, smiling… Awkwardly. Awkward, embarrassed. Kihyun can’t tell. But Kihyun is sure he’s seen more emotion and expression on his face in the last ten minutes than he had for everything that happened last night.

“See?” Kihyun gesticulates at Changkyun’s face, “That right there. Cute.”

Changkyun frowns and gesticulates right back. “That right there. Anger. I am confused at the anger.”

Kihyun snorts. “Okay, champ.” He sighs and checks the time. “I need to check my email. And you,” he pokes Changkyun’s chest, “Need to shower. I’ll lend you some of my clothes for now. I should also call Hoseok, just in case…”

“Shower,” Changkyun nods. “In the shows, people showered. I can shower.” He nods. “I think.”

“Just don’t flood the bathroom. That’s all I ask of you…”

Changkyun smiles brightly. “I’ll try my best,” he says, and unbuttons his jeans and pulls them off before Kihyun can even try to react.

Kihyun looks down and then up. And then away. “Right, I’ll…” He points towards the bathroom, “get you a towel.” Goddamn it. “And bring your jeans with you, don’t just leave them there!” The domesticity feels weird. Very weird. But Changkyun does as he’s told, and doesn’t take any more clothes off until he’s at least in the bathroom and Kihyun can throw the towel at him and close the door for any and all sense of remaining modesty.

Christ. He needs to talk to a human. Changkyun’s weird shenanigans barely phase him at this point but did he have to take off his pants? So fast, too.

Kihyun rubs his hands down his face and sighs. Nevermind. Check his email, call Hoseok, and put some damn slacks on.

He rushes to the kitchen to get his phone and then goes back to the bedroom, throwing himself over the bed and resisting the urge to crawl back under the covers. He pulls his laptop over his lap and stares at the new amount of shows under Netflix’s suggestions. Changkyun really ruined his feed...

Kihyun glances at his phone for a second, his thumb hovering over Hoseok’s number. He calls.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee--

“Kihyun? Damn, I really thought you’d died, why are you calling so late? I told you to call when you wake up.”

Kihyun leans his cheek on the screen and holds the phone with his shoulder. “Sorry… I overslept. I saw you texted but there was, uhm, something I had to take care of first. Again, sorry."

“It’s--It’s fine, you slept until when?! I’ve never seen you not up before seven.”

“I know, right? I’m as baffled as you are.” He pauses. “I guess… maybe it’s because…”

“Did you hit your head really hard? Dammit, Kihyun, I told you to go to the hospital--”

“Hoseok.” He says, looking over his laptop. “Last night… what did you, uhm, what did you see?”

“See?” He hears some movement on the other side of the phone. “Well, I, er, saw Changkyun--I don’t know, pin this guy that was attacking you but once I got there you were clinging to him and, well, you were there for the rest.”

Kihyun hums. “I see… and what about the other guy? Do you remember what happened to him?”

“Uh, I don’t, I don’t really know, dude, we just left him there. Are you okay?”

Breath hitching a little, Kihyun tries to focus on a spot on the wall, but everything is white. Everywhere he looks, he sees white. “I don’t know, Hoseok… Changkyun, he, he said some things… I am trying not to think much of it but, ahhhh, I don’t know.”

“Oh, yeah, shit, Changkyun--what, what did he say? Do you, er, need me to come over? You sound a bit… shaken.”

“He said… shit. This is ridiculous.” Kihyun laughs for no reason. “Hoseok, if I tell you I left him downstairs, down-fucking-stairs, and then he showed up in my room in the middle of the night because I--I thought of him… would you believe me?” He pauses. “I’m not sure I would believe me… I’m not sure I do...”

“He what --fucking hell, Ki, do I need to call the police?!”

“Yeah, sure. Call the police and tell them what? Oh hey! This kid I met last night turned some freak into a puddle of mud and then followed me around, kinda preaching the bible, you know, oh, and then broke into my apartment or more like teleported himself there!” Kihyun needs to breathe after rambling everything out.

Hoseok is quiet for a second on the other side of the phone, long enough for Kihyun to feel just a little silly.

“Not… not a lot of that made sense, uhm. What, er, what did you do about Changkyun, then? Since you clearly didn’t call the police.”

Kihyun stops. His whole body stops. His heart, too. “I, uhm, look. It’s not what you think--” Hoseok squeaks something. “No, wait! I haven’t even said anything--it’s just… there is a, uhm, what the fuck do I even--I don’t know! He was there and I was… We fell asleep… or, I fell asleep…”

“You slept with him ?! He breaks into your house and you sleep with him?! I know you don’t get laid often but--”

“Please! Don’t say it like that! Nothing happened!” Kihyun feels his face burn, and the sound of the shower running feels like harsh static in the back of his head. “It’s not like that! I promise!” His brain almost implodes searching for words. “Look, e--every single time I look at him it’s like…” He trails off. How can he make it sound real and not like a quote from a stupid movie. “Can you… can you come over? I think it’s better if you see for yourself.”

“I think it might be, yeah. Shit, Kihyun… This is…”

Kihyun feels a shiver, Changkyun’s words echoing in his head. “Scary… This is scary.” He admits. And it is. It is really, really scary.

“Yeah. I’ll be there soon, okay.”

“Hey… yesterday. Was everything okay? Before we left. You usually wanna stay, I’m the one who always wants to leave first…”

“I,” Hoseok sighs. “There was just a lot. Nothing was going right. I’m used to bad luck, but this was ridiculous. And then I even… I left my keys there and you almost died, Ki.”

“Oh. You know I don’t exactly blame you for tha--”

“Hey, Kihyun?” Changkyun asks from the doorway and Kihyun looks up and--

And. 

And apparently demons really have no shame.

“Ohmygod, he’s naked,” Kihyun whispers to the phone, eyes wide.

“You said I could borrow some clothes?” Changkyun asks, ruffling his wet hair as Hoseok screeches over the phone.

“He’s what?!”

Kihyun’s eyes dart to the ceiling. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look. “Ohmygod, Changkyun just--” He gestures towards the wardrobe, “In there, something, just dress yourself--clothes--something!” Kihyun’s ear is about to bleed with the way he clutches his phone closer and Hoseok screams.

Changkyun pads closer and in the corner of Kihyun’s eye he can see him turning around to dig through Kihyun’s cupboard. Don’t look, don’t look, dear god.

“Hoseok, get your--” Don’t say ass, don’t say ass, he freaks out “Butt over here, right fucking now!”

“He better not be naked when I get there,” Hoseok says and puts the phone down and suddenly there are no distractions between Kihyun’s near irredeemable gay panic and the reason for it. Great ceiling they have here.

“Are you dressed yet?” Kihyun squeaks and then clears his throat with a wince.

“This sweater is really soft.”

“And on you, I hope.”

“Yep!” Changkyun announces and Kihyun lets out a breath.

Whatever peace of mind he’d managed to achieve, however, sprints out the window the moment he lands eyes on Changkyun. “Hey,” he says, voice calm, brain screaming.

“Hey,” Changkyun mirrors, standing there in--admittedly, a sweater. Mind you, only a sweater. Fortunately, quite a big sweater.

“You remember the clothes you had on before you undressed? Right--” Twenty one, “Replay that in your mind and see what’s missing, please.”

Changkyun frowns for a second, looks around, and grabs the leather jacket he’d taken off last night, putting it on. “This?”

“No, you pillock,” Kihyun hisses, “Boxers! Pants! Human decency!”

“Never had that last one, but I’ll do my best.” Changkyun smiles a little--inappropriate!!!--and walks over to Kihyun’s drawers and finds a pair of boxers, at least. Again, Kihyun has to look away.

“By the way,” Kihyun says to take his mind off things, “Hoseok is coming over.”

“Cool. Should we start baby-proofing the apartment?”

Kihyun glares down at his laptop and starts typing his email and password compulsively, hitting the wrong keys a few times. “What a fucking nightmare,” he mutters to himself. Unfortunately, there’s nothing new in his inbox.

“I tried to make a joke,” Changkyun says, plopping down on the bed in, Kihyun notes, a really old pair of ripped jeans he used to wear to concerts. “It wasn’t very good.”

“Want a good joke? Have a try at my life.”

Changkyun blinks at him with a little frown. “That seems a bit sad. But I’ve never laughed at anything, so I’m not a very good judge for humour.”

Kihyun glances at him, “Not that many jokes down there, huh?” He snorts. “Hell must be boring.”

“The torture takes your mind off things,” Changkyun says cheerfully. “Not that I’ve done that. I’m new.”

Torture!? Kihyun suddenly feels like he needs to add praying to his to-do list. “Right…” He says, pouting.

“Twenty two,” Changkyun hums and lays down on his side next to Kihyun. “And don’t worry, you’re not going to hell.”

“You can tell?”

“Mhm,” Changkyun hums. “People don’t automatically go to hell. You have to have made a deal with a demon, have a corrupted soul, or have done things to really deserve eternal damnation. But yes, I can tell. All souls look different.”

Kihyun tries to meet Changkyun’s eye. “What does mine look like?” Somehow, he already knows the answer to that question.

“There’s…” Changkyun frowns. “There’s a reason they want your soul, Kihyun.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun sighs, “Must be from showering all the time…” He jokes. Changkyun blinks up at him in silence and Kihyun smiles. “So, demons feel no joy?”

“No,” Changkyun says simply. “We don’t.”

“So all that smiling you’ve been doing since I woke up… Research?”

“I’ve been practising,” Changkyun smiles.

Kihyun hums and closes his laptop without taking his eyes off Changkyun and then slides over the bed, stopping just close enough. “So… if I poke you right now… you won’t laugh? Not even a little?”

“Poking is funny?”

“Well,” Kihyun’s smile falters a little, “Depends...” he says, considering the situation for a moment and then just going for it. He sticks his finger out and pokes the side of Changkyun’s torso.

Evidently, confusion is a universal feeling extending even to the depths of hell. Changkyun makes a little, high pitched noise, and frowns, wiggling a little on the bed.

The corner of Kihyun’s lip goes up and he tilts his head. “Not the reaction I was expecting but amusing nonetheless.” He bites at his lower lip. “And now I’m glad you can’t touch me without my permission. No way I want one of those back.”

“Why, what would happen?”

Kihyun tries to go very, very serious and almost, almost manages. “I would die.”

Changkyun’s eyes widen perceptively. “I wouldn’t poke you that hard!”

“I am glad you’re naive, really, so glad. The things you say… damn.” Kihyun looks away. “Anyway, I need to get dressed. Otherwise, Hoseok will never shut up.”

Changkyun nods seriously. “You do need pants.” Kihyun rolls his eyes and gets up. “Hey, can I poke Hoseok? I promise I won’t kill him.”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “Can you touch him without his permission?”

“I’m your guardian, not his,” Changkyun says, nuzzling his face into the pillow. “I have to protect you from others, so I don’t need their permission. Couldn’t exactly have asked that demon’s consent to kill him.”

It pulls again and Kihyun needs to look away before he loses his balance and falls. “You can poke him if you want…” He mutters. “Doubt it will have any effect, though. He wears muscles for clothes.” He says and circles around the bed to go get those pants.

“I’m guessing he can’t take those off, though.”

Kihyun laughs. “No, no. He can’t.” He grabs the first pair he finds and is satisfied with what he gets. Black. He laughs again a few seconds later as he buttons his jeans. “Sorry, I’m still thinking about it…”

Changkyun sits up, folding his legs on the bed and hands in his lap. “I’m glad that was funny. In shows there are laughter tracks. That helps.”

“Glad, huh,” Kihyun repeats. He looks at Changkyun, “Trying to make me laugh?”

“Yeah, it’s nice. Warms my cold, damned soul.”

Kihyun snorts. “Okay, yeah, sure.” He’s heard more pick-up lines in the last 24 hours than he has his entire life. “Maybe one day you’ll be self-aware, Kyunie,” he mutters. Then stops to look at the wall, hoping his glare ricochets and burns through him in the process.

“Is that why you’re trying to make me laugh? Minus the damned soul thing.”

“Maybe,” Kihyun says, “I guess I was curious.”

“Yeah, so am I.”

Kihyun’s phone vibrates with a text and before he even opens it, he knows it’s Hoseok. Someone rings the doorbell and both Kihyun and Changkyun’s heads snap in the direction of the front door.

“I’ll wait here?” Changkyun asks. As he sits on Kihyun’s bed. In Kihyun’s clothes.

Kihyun eyes him for a second, more than one actually, and a word crosses his mind. He leaps over it before it comes out of his mouth and says, “Maybe it’s better if you wait in the living room.”

Changkyun hops off the bed without another word, and smiles before slipping past him into the living room.

The bell rings again and Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Coming, coming!” He shouts and then grimaces at his own words. Hoseok barely looks at him, never mind greets him, before slipping in and looking around.  

“Hello to you too,” Kihyun glares over his shoulder, closing the door. “I am fine, thanks for asking.”

“Is he--” Hoseok looks back at Kihyun and laughs a bit nervously. “Hi, sorry, freaking out.”

Kihyun sighs and waves towards the living room, following Hoseok in just a few feet behind. He really wishes he were tall enough to see what’s going on, because Hoseok feels like a castle wall barring him from entering the room.

“Hello, I’m Changkyun,” Changkyun says with a practised smile Kihyun sees once he finds his place on the couch. He feels very tired for some reason. “We’ve met. Kihyun calls me Kyunie.” Shit, the little shit noticed that.

Hoseok turns to look at Kihyun and it’s not just any look. It’s the look.

“What.” Kihyun looks back, arms crossed and shrugs one shoulder, “His name is huge.”

“Yeah, his name.”

“You know, I won’t even get mad right now… I’ll just tell you how stupid you sound because I kinda shortened his name?”

The look intensifies. “Cuddled, Kihyun. Don’t even deny it.”

“It’s pointless to explain everything to you, really, so,” Kihyun looks at Changkyun.

Hoseok sighs and really, properly messes his hair up as he runs his hand through it and ruffles. “Okay, okay, fine. You were freaked out over the phone, what do you expect.”

“You’re freaked out?” Changkyun asks. “Is it because of the soul thing?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and sighs. “Okaaaay, let’s start again.” He glares. “Changkyun. Outside. Now. Out the door.”

“I have excellent hearing, you know.”

“Not the point. Go outside and close the door. Take the elevator if you want.”

Changkyun shrugs and gets up and pauses at the doorway to say, “Kyunie won’t work if you wanna summon me. Just thought you should know,” before going outside and closing the door. Kihyun supposes he’ll find out if he used the elevator later.

Hoseok taps his finger on his own elbow. “What are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to show you.” Kihyun runs his hands down his jeans. “Because I know I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.” He looks up. “So… ready to lose your shit?”

Hoseok blinks. “What.”

“Changkyun.”

“I literally just left.”

Hoseok was not ready.

Kihyun wasn’t exactly ready either. Changkyun appears but this time, Kihyun isn’t waking up. He’s fully awake and he’s pretty sure that all he’d done is blink, and he’d missed it.

“Shit,” he hisses, jumping way more than he’d like to admit.

“How did you--” Hoseok twists around in the couch, pale as a sheet. “How did he--”

Changkyun pokes Hoseok on the torso, under the ribs, and Hoseok yells, flying over the couch in one swift, loud move. Changkyun looks over at Kihyun. “That was admittedly a bit funny.”

Kihyun heaves out all the air in his lungs and crouches down. “Is it socially acceptable to get drunk before 5 pm? Asking for a friend.”

Hoseok stands up with little grace from behind the couch. “I--he--You’re really a demon?”

“Yup,” Changkyun says, popping the ‘p’ and swaying from the heels to the pads of his feet.

Hoseok nods. “Yeah. Still have wine on the top shelf?”

“You joking? I’ll let you pop the champagne,” Kihyun replies, suddenly finding that spot on his wooden floor quite interesting. So, so, so circular. And brown.

“Hah,” Hoseok laughs without laughing at all. “Right.”

“Twenty three,” Kihyun and Changkyun say in sync.

“You can read minds?!” Hoseok shreeks in Changkyun’s direction.

“No, just souls.”

“Ri--” Hoseok starts and stops immediately. “I’m going to choose not to believe any of this and continue living my very, very unlucky life. You know what--this is a prank.” Hoseok is pacing. He obscured the brown, circular spot on Kihyun’s floor for a second there. “This is really, really good prank. Well done.”

Changkyun throws his hands in the air with surprising dramatism. “What does a demon have to do to be believed around here?”

Kihyun looks up at him, “Give him the benefit of the doubt.” He says. “He’s doing a lot better than I thought he would.”

Hoseok whimpers a little bit.

“See?”

“Benefit of the--” Hoseok stops his pacing, hands on his hips and looking at Kihyun. “You believe he’s a demon? Like. An actual demon. And he’s wearing your sweater. You believe he’s a demon and he’s wearing your sweater?”

Kihyun gets up at that. He’s not angry, not really, just a little (a lot) anxious. “Hey!” He points at Hoseok. “I had to endure what seemed like an eternity of--of…” He closes his eyes and snaps them open again, “Of grease all over me… That thing tried to kill me! He--It wanted to! And this,” he gestures at Changkyun, “Guy just…” His voice softens considerably, “He saved me, okay? Not just once. Twice.” He looks down and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I dreamt I was falling and, considering what I’ve seen so far, I do believe I was… And he,” Kihyun finally looks at Changkyun. “He saved me.”

Changkyun frowns softly, and when he speaks, it’s even softer. “I did?”

Kihyun looks away. He might’ve just blurted out something personal. “Y--Yeah… somehow, I knew that if I called your name you’d… nevermind.”

There’s a hand on his arm and he almost jolts, but he knows, knows it’s Hoseok. Has to be, considering. “I’m… I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Kihyun shakes his head. “No. You see?” He glances up. “You are the last person who needs to apologize to me.”

Hoseok’s hand falls and he opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything for a minute. “I… Okay. Okay, yeah, let’s just. Figure this out, okay?”

“Okay,” Kihyun breathes. He looks at Changkyun again (who is closer than he’d thought, at first) and... “Okay.” He says a little more confidently.

“Okay?” Changkyun asks, looking between the two of them.

Kihyun lets his hand slide out of Hoseok’s sight and touches Changkyun’s leg with his pinky. “Okay.”

Changkyun’s lips tug up in a smile and, as much as Kihyun knows it’s practiced, it’s something Changkyun does because it’s expected and normal , it doesn’t feel like that’s what it is. It feels like that same tug that makes Kihyun want to look at him, but also look away as fast as possible. Changkyun reaches out hesitantly before putting his hand on Kihyun’s back and smoothing it up and down. Hoseok looks at them a second more, a soft frown knitting his brows together.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did have to see it for myself.”

The bubble around Kihyun’s brain bursts and he looks at Hoseok. “Huh? Oh--yeah, well. Sorry.” Kihyun rubs his pinky where it’s pressed against Changkyun’s leg for a while longer before sighing and pulling away. “Which reminds me…” He looks down, his face going ominous suddenly. “I have work tomorrow.”

“Oh no,” Hoseok says, features suddenly lack. “What are you gonna…” Hoseok gestures to nothing in particular, but mostly at Changkyun.

“I don’t know,” Kihyun admits. “But I can’t possibly take him with me and I don’t know if I like the idea of him being alone… No! Not like that, goddamn it, Hoseok!”

Changkyun’s arm stills on his back. “You know I don’t need constant supervision, right?”

Kihyun gives Changkyun a look. “Twenty four. And, for the record, when I met you you looked like you wanted to get inside the fucking microwave, idiot!”

Changkyun pouts. Pouts the way he did when Kihyun had taken the last picture on his phone.

“I prefer Kyunie. And I know how microwaves work now. I think.”

Kihyun turns to look at Hoseok now. “He is going to burn my house down. I feel it.”

“Does he have to stay in the house?” Hoseok shifts in place. “He’s not a puppy. Pretty sure a, er, demon can take care of himself.”

“I can take care of myself.”

Kihyun sighs. “And what are you going to do on your own from nine am to five pm?”

Changkyun deadpans. “I don’t know, Kihyun, what did I do from three am to one pm today?”

“Don’t get cocky with me,” Kihyun hits at the back of Changkyun’s head. “But sure. Still, just in case,” he glances at Hoseok, “Can you come by at some point just to… see if I still have a house?”

“I… guess,” Hoseok says, looking between the two of them again. Kihyun’s really starting not to appreciate it. Hoseok glances at the hand on Kihyun’s back and frowns. “Kihyun, you seem oddly okay with this, but--” Hoseok sighs. “But honestly, he… he can protect you. I saw it. And you two seem… Good. I don’t know. It’s weird, but stranger things have happened.”

Like a wardrobe falling on him. Or lamps randomly exploding over his head. Like that, yes. All thanks to Hoseok’s infamous luck.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating. But whatever…” Kihyun grumbles something else to himself. “If you can’t beat them, join them, something like that…” He tosses his thumb over his shoulder. “He watched 15 episodes of I don’t even know what, and 1 movie, and started calling me ‘dude’ and ‘bro’. You think I have any power over this?”

By this, he means Changkyun.

Hoseok laughs, short and deep, before crossing his arms. “Fine. I’ll come check in on your live-in demon.”

“I hate how domestic that sounds.”

“He’s dressed like you when you were in college, Kihyun.”

“He would be naked otherwise, Hoseok. I know you’re eager to ogle someone up but not in my house, you won’t.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Yeah, alright. I actually was at work, though, so if you’re sure you’re okay…?”

“I will be, I guess. I just wanted someone--you to know…” Kihyun says, looking everywhere but at Hoseok. “Someone human, I mean. And in whom I trust.”

“Yeah. I’d tell you, too. I’d be too overwhelmed otherwise,” Hoseok laughs softly and opens his arms. “Hug?”

Any other day Kihyun would have rolled his eyes. But today he doesn’t. Today he just leans in slightly and waits for Hoseok to wrap his arms around him. “Never change,” Kihyun mutters.

“Adapt to survive, my friend,” Hoseok says, giving him a tight hug and stepping away. He looks at Changkyun again, nods like he’s trying to accept some big, unexpected news, and makes to leave. “Call me anytime, yeah? But don’t let me distract you from Netflix and Hell.”

Kihyun almost manages to throw cushion at him, almost, almost. He takes too long to dismantle the sofa and Hoseok just leaves.

And, again, they’re alone. And Kihyun can’t help but feel like he needs to relearn everything. Like he forgot how to act or talk, which, in fact, it is kind of what happens, in a disturbingly awkward way.

Changkyun blinks at him for a second, looks at the door, and opens his arms. “Hug?”

With one last tug, the cushion finally comes off and Kihyun throws it at Changkyun. “No.”

Changkyun catches the cushion and hugs it instead, resting his chin on top of it. “You know you’re not responsible for me…”

“Is this the part when you say you are responsible for me?”

“I don’t think responsible is the word?” Changkyun lets go of the cushion and throws it back. “I come when you call. What would you call that?”

“Bullshit,” Kihyun says, catching the cushion and putting back. “I get it. You have something you need to do. I don’t know much but I get that.” He glances at Changkyun. “But I don’t like owing people, or demons. And I don’t like one sided relationships.” He sighs. “If you have to… care, in your own fucked up way, then like it or not you’re gonna get ‘care’ back.”

“So I save your life,” Changkyun says. “And you cook me bacon. Right?”

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah. That.” He looks up. How many ‘rights’ was that just now? “Twenty five?”

Changkyun smiles back. “Twenty five.”

“So,” Kihyun glances at the clock, but he doesn’t really have to. The sun looks different with how it shines dimly through the windows. “I have to go out. Grocery shop.” He looks at his nails. “Wanna come? We can watch something later if you want…” He should cut his nails .

He almost sighs. Wow. He really is clinging to what feels normal . Denial? Not really. Just a... strange kind of acceptance.

Changkyun winces, swinging his legs where he’s sitting on the counter. “Did I eat all your bacon and drink all your coffee? I’m sorry.”

“I thought we could buy snacks.” Kihyun smacks Changkyun on the arm (who then promptly slides off the counter) and points at the big TV on the wall across the room. “You wanna watch your show on the big screen?”

“Buy…” Changkyun echoes in thought, before nodding. “I guess? I don’t mind. The bed was comfortable.”

“I kinda would like to avoid a repetition of last night… that’s all.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Kihyun says, rolls his shoulders and starts to walk away. “That’s the problem…” He mutters. “Hey, did you see… nah, of course you didn’t.” He snorts. Where the fuck is his wallet.

“I have excellent eyesight as well,” Changkyun nods. “Also, what are snacks?”

Kihyun thinks that one over and then turns to look at Changkyun. Changkyun, who never says or does what he expects him to but then again, what is there to expect. They've known each other for one day.

“Come here…”

Changkyun looks confused but does as he’s told, hands twisting in front of him.

“Hold your hand out.”

He does, palm up.

“So,” Kihyun says, getting closer, “a snack would be something like…” He brushes his fingers over Changkyun’s hand. “A meal feels more like,” and then Kihyun holds his hand, looking up, “Do you get it?”

Changkyun looks at their hands. He turns their hands over, looking at the way their fingers are intertwined. “And hungry is wanting to do this?”

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah. Exactly.”

Changkyun stares a second longer. “I’m hungry.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. There he goes again. Unexpected . “You know…” He lets go of Changkyun’s hand. “When you want something…” Kihyun spots his wallet on the counter. “You ask for it. Like… hm, when I call your name I ask for you. I guess.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says and then, as he is a literal demon and giving people hell must be part of the job description, asks, “Hug?”

Kihyun stops, hand hovering over his wallet. “Christ,” he sighs and glances over his shoulder. “Come here…”

Changkyun, again, not to Kihyun’s surprise, does as he’s told. He stands in front of Kihyun and looks at him. Looks right at him, and again, Kihyun’s feet feel like they’re on uneven ground.

How does hugging work again? Kihyun struggles, thinking. Or not thinking, really. At this point, what are thoughts if not a verbal diarrhea. His lips thin out and he looks away, stepping closer and slowly bringing an arm up to wrap around Changkyun’s neck. Changkyun gets pulled against him and if thinking was hard before--

Except now he has his arm around his neck.

“This doesn’t look a lot like what you and Hoseok were doing.”

Kihyun bores a hole through the window across the room with his eyes. Or so he would like to think. “Shut up,” he says. “I forget how this works…” He says and just pulls at Changkyun until their chests clash and their heads are over each other’s shoulders.

“Oh,” Changkyun breathes. He lifts his arm, trying, obviously, to mimic what Kihyun is doing, as he wraps his arms around his waist, and the other across his shoulders.

Kihyun flinches and stays right where he is, mind gone blank. He opens his mouth to say something and frowns when nothing comes out. So he just stays right where he is. He might forget to breathe and eventually die. But death sounds pretty good, right about now.

Especially as Changkyun lets out a breath and relaxes, leaning his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder. He pulls Kihyun just a little bit closer with the arm around his waist, and moves his hand up to have his fingers by the fine hairs at the back of Kihyun’s neck and into his hair.

“ Uhm ,” Kihyun manages, “Why do I feel like a lab rat?”

“Because this is my only hug,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun can feel his voice.

It makes his heart sink a little. ‘Only’ is not the same as ‘first’. So, maybe just this once, it’s okay. He sighs and lets his chin rest over Changkyun’s shoulder, pouting slightly. “If you tell Hoseok I let you hug me, you’re sleeping on the balcony…”

“I don’t sleep,” Changkyun mumbles. “But point taken. How long do hugs usually last?”

“I don’t know… but I’m starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.”

Lies .

“Oh,” Changkyun says, but doesn’t exactly stop playing with his fingers in Kihyun’s hair. “We can stop, if you want.”

It's warm. It feels warm. Aren't demons supposed to feel cold and distant? Like… like grease. Like the one that--

“Kyunie,” Kihyun starts with a sudden thought, “if you can send other demons back… can’t they do the same with you?”

Changkyun's fingers still. “In a way. I told you, they… borrow bodies. I don’t.”

That. Right fucking there. Is what is not okay. Kihyun frowns and breaks away from the hug, glaring at Changkyun for a moment and then somewhere else. “I don’t like that…” He says and steps away. “A life is not worth a life. No matter how… pure .” He says the words like it tastes horribly in his mouth.

Changkyun frowns, deep. “They… They can’t borrow bodies of people who aren’t condemned, if, if that’s what bothers you?”

Kihyun finally grabs his wallet and walks away to go get his shoes. His feet suddenly feel heavy. And it weighs in his chest. Like a responsibility that he can't seem to shake off. A life is never worth another life.

He might joke about it, he might talk shit… But at the end of the day, Kihyun knows everyone is worth something for as long as there's will in their minds and air in their lungs.

Beyond that, technicalities. And then, the memory of losing someone. The memory of hurting and seeing others hurt. Kihyun has been through that before. He's not going to go through it again. Not even for someone he barely knows, someone like--

“If you get killed, I’m killing you, again .”

“I don’t see how… That would work,” Changkyun frowns even deeper, looking at the ground.

“I told you, I don’t like owing people.”

“You’re worried I’m going to die?”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder from where he is tying his shoes. “Worried is not the right word… More like, I don’t like the idea of carrying around a debt I will never be able to pay.”

“Oh. Oh, you’re not worried about me dying, you’re worried about me dying for you.”

“Something like that.” Mayhaps a tad more complex.

“I have to protect you, Kihyun. It’s okay if I die, if you’re safe.”

Kihyun gets up. “Don’t say that… It doesn’t sit well with me.” He grabs his keys and walks towards the front door.

“Okay,” Changkyun says, and looks down. “I need to put shoes on.”

“Just grab ones from the drawer,” Kihyun gestures at the compact drawer near the entrance. “Unless you have massive feet, they should probably fit.”

Changkyun nods, not looking up as he finds a pair of All Stars and slips them on with little to no problem and then running up to Kihyun at the door. “Snacks!”

Kihyun forces a smile, “Yeah, snacks.” And opens the door for them.

They stay quiet as they walk, Changkyun looking around at almost everything. He winces as they get to the elevator.

“I don’t like this thing. The doors close even when I don’t want them to.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, the weight in his chest slowly evening out. “The hell are you on about?”

“That,” Changkyun says as they step into the elevator and the doors shut behind them.

“Does it matter? You don’t really need doors, do you…”

“No,” Changkyun says, mumbling a little and talking to the ground. “But I’ve only got two days to remember. To have memories from. This isn’t a good memory.”

Kihyun stares at the doors, searching his mind. And then it hits him. “Oh,” he says, quickly remembering to press the right button. He glances at Changkyun’s feet. “Because I told you to… stay away?”

Changkyun nods. “Because I didn’t know if you were okay.”

Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust seems necessary.

“For a demon,” Kihyun’s eyes go up to Changkyun’s face, “you kinda suck at… well, demoning .”

Changkyun shrugs. “There’s never been a guardian demon before. I guess ‘guardian’ takes precedence. Doesn’t change what I am, though.”

“Thrilled to be part of the demo,” Kihyun jokes bitterly.

“Would you like me to be more demon?”

The doors open and Kihyun regrets not bringing a jacket. “I don’t know,” he says stepping out. “Dealing with you as it is already drains me this much… I don’t know if I need you jumping around while shouting ‘I am the antichrist’.”

“I’m a demon, not a liar,” Changkyun teases. Teases .

As they step outside, Kihyun feels the cold breeze and shivers, shoving his hands in his pockets and struggling to fit both the keys and his wallet in as well-- shitty skinny jeans .

“So, you don’t lie. Like ever?” He asks.

Changkyun shrugs, taking off his jacket and being careful not to touch Kihyun as he puts it over his shoulders. “Haven’t yet. Probably can, but I don’t see the point.”

Kihyun stops, eyes on him. “What are you doing…?”

Changkyun stops, too, blinking. “You looked cold.”

With a sigh, Kihyun continues walking. “You saw that on Netflix, didn’t you?”

“I don’t exactly have a wide range of reference, no.”

“You know,” he looks up and sees a star or two in the low sunset. Venus, was it? The sun sets too early, lately. “When humans want something, they lie. We could tell the truth. It would be easy, so much easier, if we told the truth. But we don’t. Everyone lies. And usually, you can tell when people lie…” He looks down. “You, on the other hand, showed up all weird, being weird like you are and… telling the truth. Sure, I didn’t buy any of that demon shit… I think I still don’t, not entirely, but…” He looks at Changkyun. “I trusted you because you didn’t lie. And I guess I trust you now because you don’t lie.” Feelings put into words, finally.

“Thank you,” Changkyun says. “I don’t know if that’s a weird thing to say since, as you said, I am weird, but thanks for trusting me.” Kihyun scoffs lightly. “Do you lie? Have you lied to me?”

Kihyun blinks and then looks down. “Yeah… I guess I have.” Maybe I'm doing that right now.

“Oh,” Changkyun says. And it really feels like he’s been saying that quite a bit. “What… Can I ask… What did you lie about?”

Kihyun laughs a little. “If I lied… do you really think I want you to know the truth?”

“Probably not. Can I ask a different question, then?”

“You will ask anyway, won’t you? Go ahead.”

“I don’t have to ask consent for it, but I like to,” Changkyun smiles. “You said people lie when they want something. You lied. So what did you want?”

Kihyun stops, again. Eyes on the supermarket just across the street. He tugs at Changkyun’s jacket over his shoulders when the breeze blows a little harsher. “Sometimes, I… want something and I will say the opposite of what I want, just because I don’t want to get hurt or… expose myself, I guess, like I just did! Ugh…” He sinks right where he is.

“Then… how do you get what you want? If people lie to get what they want, but you don’t tell people what you want cos you’re telling them the opposite...” Changkyun shakes his head.

“We don’t. Sometimes we lie to get what we want and sometimes we lie to avoid what we want. I don’t know why… self-preservation I guess…”

“You can see why I might have a difficult time understanding this, right?”

Kihyun laughs. “Humans are complicated…” He sighs. “I know you probably won’t judge me. But I will judge myself. And sometimes telling the truth feels like putting your heart out there for people to step on… Like,” he looks at Changkyun, “like when I told you to stay away. You were right there, telling the truth and I stepped all over that.”

“That’s okay,” Changkyun says, reaching out before dropping his hand. “You didn’t believe I was a demon, because humans lie. If I was a human, I could have lied to get what I wanted.” Changkyun frowns. “I think I get it now. If I’d lied, you might not have told me to stay away.”

“Lying is a two-edged sword. Because if I found out you were lying, it would probably be way worse in the end.” He looks both right and left before jogging to the other side of the street and then waits for Changkyun, who mimics exactly what Kihyun just did. “So, it’s fine like this.”

“I’ll let you know when I start lying, okay?” Changkyun says, leaning into Kihyun’s space like he was going to bump his shoulder, and leaning away like he did.

“I hope you never have to,” Kihyun says lowly. “I hope you never feel like you have to lie…”

“I could say the same,” Changkyun smiles, and the supermarket doors open as they approach. “Hey, Ki?”

Kihyun blinks and looks up. “Y--Yeah?”

Ki . Only Hoseok calls him like that.

“I like these doors.”

It feels like...

“Kyunie,” Kihyun starts before his brain catches up.

“Mm?”

His heart races in his ears. Like it did every time he had to tell his father a truth he didn’t want to hear. Like it did whenever Hoseok managed to pull honesty out of him. Like it did every time Kihyun had to look at himself in the mirror and admit to certain things. Like it did when he told Changkyun to stay.

“I like these doors, too.”

Truth.

Changkyun looks at him and there’s that pull and it feels like falling but--but he’s not too sure what Changkyun could possibly do about it. He smiles and Kihyun wonders about what Changkyun had told him, about demons not feeling joy. It’s perhaps the only thing Kihyun wants to be a lie.

“Come on,” Changkyun says, walking in. “I’m starting to get hungry.”

Kihyun’s heart pounds in his chest, louder, adrenaline surging like lava out of a volcano and somewhat belatedly running through his veins before dissipating. He looks down and lets his hair cover his eyes as he passes by, purposely brushing his shoulder against Changkyun’s. He only looks up again once he is at least three steps ahead.

“Yeah,” he says, looking around, “Me too.”

Kihyun feels almost consistently taken aback. Changkyun keeps saying the right thing… again and again and again, no matter how weird it might sound. Being effortlessly honest, naive... he doesn't knock down walls. He doesn't need walls. It's been a day and Kihyun already feels him fifty steps closer to--

“Ooh! Wait, I know what to do, I’ve seen this,” Changkyun says, looking around and jogging over to the shopping trolleys and pushing one over. He looks at Kihyun, as if for approval, and Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Is this one defective?”

“No,” Kihyun says quietly, knowing Changkyun will hear him anyway. “Bring it.”

Changkyun smiles widely and follows Kihyun, looking around at the shelves packed with food. “How do you even choose what you want? They’re all so colourful.”

“You just pick whatever you need,” Kihyun mumbles, eyes scanning a box of cereal. The expiration date is close so he puts it back and tiptoes slightly to reach for one at the back. “I guess I’ll be feeding you cereal for at least a week or two,” he says, throwing the box into the trolley.

“Is it better than bacon?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and tugs at the trolley. “No. But it’s sweet.” He glares at a lady who’s in the middle of the aisle and then looks at Changkyun, “If you eat too much bacon you’ll die.”

“Pretty sure that’s true of anything.”

Too much of you and I’ll die, too, Kihyun thinks. Frowning at the lady as they pass her by.

“You know,” Changkyun chirps, “it’ll take one hundred and ninety five bananas to kill you from potassium chloride poisoning if you eat it all in one sitting.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“There was a book in the kitchen at the party,” Changkyun shrugs. “The more you know.”

Kihyun flinches slightly and then sighs, shoulders still tense as he guides Changkyun. They need milk, too. And fruit. And more eggs. And…

“I forgot to ask… how did you end up at Yoongi’s party? Did you know I’d be there?” Kihyun doesn’t look at Changkyun as he speaks.

Changkyun’s holding a brightly coloured box and blinks at him. “I don’t remember getting there, just being there.” Changkyun shakes the box a little. “What is this?”

Kihyun stares at him and then looks away again. “Jell-o. It’s sweet.” He pauses, spots the milk a few feet away and tugs at the trolley again.

Changkyun smiles softly and puts it back on the shelf (at the wrong place, but the intent is nice). “Humans like sweet things, huh?”

“Depends. But usually, yes.” Kihyun nods. “Did you know?” He eyes someone in the aisle ahead as they rummage through packs of milk.. “Did you know who I was when you saw me for the first time?”

“Yeah. I felt it.” Changkyun tilts his head, looking past Kihyun.

Kihyun stops. “So, do you feel it, too?”

“I stay still but the ground doesn’t,” Changkyun says, looking at Kihyun with a quick smile and walking closer. “If that’s what you mean.”

“Is that why you say we’re connected? Because the world spins...”

“Is that why you believe me when I say it?” Changkyun tilts his head with a smile, tongue caught between his teeth.

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat. “Maybe…” He looks away and softly kicks the trolley. “We need milk.”

“Ooh, I remember milk!” Changkyun darts out from behind the trolley and points at exactly the milk Kihyun had finished earlier. But when he looks back for a response, the smile falls off his face in a split second.

“What’s wrong?” Kihyun asks, frowning.

“There’s--” Changkyun shakes his head, jaw set, and takes the milk, putting it in the trolley. “Come on.”

Kihyun turns to look where Changkyun was looking behind him but sees nothing. He frowns. “Hm,” he hums. He turns again to push the trolley. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not keen on scaring you, Kihyun,” Changkyun says, not looking at him. He rolls his shoulders and looks around, sticking close to Kihyun’s side. “What’s next?”

“Fruit,” Kihyun says, looking around, “maybe apples…” He’s starting to feel uncomfortable. Like, suddenly, there are a hundred eyes on him. “And then eggs and popcorn… and maybe crisps… and that’s all for now.”

“Good. We shouldn’t stay long.” Changkyun sucks at his cheek, chewing it inside his mouth. “I’m trying to think of a way to describe it.”

Kihyun sucks in a silent breath and shivers slightly. “Okay…”

“Do you remember when you touched my hand, just lightly?” Changkyun takes a breath. “It feels… like that. But not. Like there’s nothing touching you but you still feel it. But colder.”

Kihyun nods and looks at Changkyun. “Does it scare you?” Maybe that’s a stupid question, but he doesn’t feel stupid for asking.

“Yes.” Changkyun looks at him. Really looks at him. “But demons don’t scare me.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “Right.” And looks away. “Of course not.”

“Twenty seven. Are you scared?” Changkyun puts his hand on the trolley, too, grip tight next to Kihyun’s hand. “I’m here, you don’t need to be.”

Kihyun looks at their hands, just millimeters away. “If demons don’t scare you then why are you scared?”

“Because I was almost too late, last time,” Changkyun says lowly. “And then you got hurt.”

The eyebrows on Kihyun’s forehead almost knit together. “You’re unbelievable… and unfair.” He complains, stretching his pinky to touch Changkyun’s. “You’re here now. You don’t need to be scared. I, on the other hand, have no idea what the fuck is eyeing me up right now.” He glances at Changkyun. “Apart from you, that is.”

“I’m not--” Changkyun says, before snapping his mouth shut and moving his hand over Kihyun’s. He keeps glancing around, and it makes Kihyun’s neck itch.

“I like this version of you. You get all tongue-tied and for once I am not the one screaming inside my brain.”

“I make you scream inside your brain?” Changkyun asks, shoulders tense. “We really shouldn’t forget the snacks…”

“I told you. Popcorn and crisps,” Kihyun tries to move his hand inside Changkyun’s. “Uhm… Can you… let me go now? I won’t get hurt, I promise.” He pauses. “Unless a shelf suddenly falls on me,” he jokes, remembering Hoseok.

Changkyun narrows his eyes, moving his hand up Kihyun’s arm before letting go. “Well, since you promised. ...Which I hope isn’t a lie because you wanted me to let go.”

Kihyun laughs a little at that. “Maybe it was,” he winks at Changkyun before going serious again. “There,” he points at the popcorn.

Changkyun frowns slightly, before walking over and grabbing a few boxes of microwave popcorn. “You know,” Changkyun says conversationally. “Not one shelf has fallen on us. Luck might be on our side.”

“Might be. Ok. Crisps and eggs and we’re done.” Kihyun taps his chin to think. “Maybe… we should grab a coke on the way out, too.”

We , huh. Ugh...

“Lead the way,” Changkyun says, walking back to his side and putting his hands in his jean pockets. “I’ll keep a look out.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “A person trying their damn best to forget and you go and remind them, greeaaaat,” he mutters to himself. Something drops something into the trolley and Kihyun has to actually put effort into not laughing.

“I’ll try not to mention the demons,” Changkyun smiles, and something else falls into the trolley.

“You’re one, too, you know…”

Changkyun sighs. “A demon trying their damn best to please their human and then they go and remind you.”

Kihyun stops. “Is that what this is? I am your human pet or something?”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t I the one sleeping at the foot of your bed, Kihyun?”

You don't even sleep, you freak!

“Keep acting cocky and you’ll sleep on the floor.”

“It’s better than the balcony,” Changkyun quips as a bag of gummy bears plops into the trolley.

Once they finally reach the cashier and Kihyun looks at the cart, he feels the corners of his lips go down. “This is… a lot.” He says, glaring at the pile of things Changkyun threw inside. Kihyun takes a few things out and watches in dismay as Changkyun puts them back in while maintaining eye contact.

“You…” Kihyun starts but doesn’t finish.

“Don’t have to remind you what I am,” Changkyun says and… blinks. Except that’s not… exactly it.

“Was that… an attempt at winking?”

“The word attempt suggests I didn’t succeed. I will make sure to practise.”

Kihyun snorts. “Of course you…” He frowns, feeling a familiar ringing in his ears. “Of course you will.”

“So, will you be taking the… four bags of jelly babies?” the cashier asks, hesitating before scanning and looking between the two of them with the kind of smile only those in retail wear.

Feeling too old for his age, Kihyun sighs and nods. Eye twitching slightly when the ringing in his left ear increases slightly. “Yes,” he says. “The fo--what?” He glares at Changkyun. “Four!?”

Changkyun blinks at him innocently and the worst part? He probably means it. What do demons know of the crushing weight of capitalism, really. “We could adopt less?”

“Adopt…” Kihyun quickly turns to look at the cashier and smiles small. His eyes are screaming for help, though. “Just. Just scan everything…” He says, giving up. There goes his salary.

The cashier smiles down at the various, various items as she scans them. “Movie night?” she asks conversationally.

“You could say that, I guess…” Kihyun mumbles, smile still small and polite. He moves his jaw a little, trying to ease the ringing in his ear, and then reaches for his wallet.

“Kihyun? Are you okay? You’ve twitched twice in a minute.”

Kihyun smiles wider at the cashier after he pays and starts stuffing everything inside the bags. “Just a ringing in my ears. It happens sometimes.”

“Ringing?” Changkyun muses out loud, frowning. “Oh. Oh... Of course. You wouldn’t know, why would you know…”

“Hey, will you keep standing there looking cute or will you help with these?” Kihyun complains, frowning.

The cashier laughs quietly, helping to put the last eggs in a bag and holding it out for Changkyun. Who looks confused but takes it anyway. “Have a nice night, you two.”

Kihyun bows slightly and kicks Changkyun when he doesn’t. “Be polite, idiot.” He growls and then turns to look at the cashier and smiles apologetically. Changkyun bows a bit awkwardly and even with the cool air on their faces as they make their way outside, Kihyun still feels a little pink.

Kihyun changes the bags from one hand to the other and sighs. He rolls his shoulder and feels a pinch behind his ear. “Damn it,” he winces.

“Do the voices hurt?”

“Hm?” He turns to look at Changkyun and that’s when a shudder chopps down his spine. The wind blows in his ear and the ringing is deafening.

--ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS--

Kihyun closes his eyes and slaps his ear. “S-Sorry… Did you say something?”

Changkyun’s eyebrows knit and he moves closer, tugging at the bags in Kihyun’s hand and letting his hand hover over Kihyun’s wrist like a question. And Kihyun looks at the way Changkyun’s fingers curl around him the second he nods. They touch and--

--lookathimlookathimlookathim so so so so pure so pure let me have it look at it LOOK AT IT LOOK LET ME HAVE HIM--

Kihyun yanks his hand away and steps back wide eyed. “Wha--What was that…” His voice sounds really small. And Changkyun stands there with his hand still stretched out and every shopping bag hanging off his one arm.

“You need to know something, but I… I’m gonna need you to trust me.”

Trust...

With his heart thundering in his chest, Kihyun tries to take a deep breath. The ringing is getting louder again. “Okay…”

Changkyun quickly glances around. He reaches out and pinches some of Kihyun’s shirt between his fingers and tugs softly, looking towards the nearest alley way. Kihyun frowns and reluctantly follows Changkyun. The ringing growing louder and louder. Kihyun bites at his lower lip, hard. Maybe it bleeds a little. But it keeps the ringing at bay.

Changkyun gently puts the bags down and faces Kihyun. His face is serious, calculative. But he suddenly looks much too small for his clothes.

“This isn’t going to be pleasant,” Changkyun mumbles. “You’ve always heard the… the ringing.” It’s not a question. “It’s not bad until it is and then you think about it, and the more you do the louder it gets.” He… He knows?

It takes Kihyun every ounce of strength to stand right where he is. “What…”

“It’s not just sound, Kihyun,” Changkyun says, looking at the ground and hand twitching before holding it out. “Take my hand. And listen to them. I… I’m sorry.”

Kihyun swallows, his heart skipping a beat (not the good kind). For someone who probably doesn’t even know what being sorry actually means, Changkyun certainly apologizes a lot to him.

He raises his hand and frowns slightly when it shakes. He stops just a few inches away before the tips of his fingers brush over Changkyun’s skin and--

--whereisssshe where issss he I have tofindhimfindhim find take take take I CAN SMELL HIM so pure so pure sweetsweetpure--

Kihyun curls his fingers back but doesn’t pull his hand away. It stays, hovering over Changkyun’s while he stares at it, eyes frozen but burning at the same time. Changkyun looks at him but doesn’t say anything.

Pure… that's him. That's Kihyun. Right…?

Eyes still frozen, Kihyun opens his mouth to say something but his bottom lip trembles so he closes it again. He forces his head down and crouches, chin to his chest and hands slowly coming up to his head.

“Make…” he starts, “Make them stop…”

“I can’t,” Changkyun says softly. “ You can, though. You can learn to.”

Kihyun flinches slightly when the ringing increases again and then sighs when it goes away. “It’s… It’s you isn’t it? I can… I can understand them because of you…”

“I’m a looking-glass, in a way,” Changkyun says. “You needed to know so you’d know when… when it isn’t safe. When you should go until the voices--until the ringing goes away.”

“Changkyun,” Kihyun says, voice hollow, “I’ve been hearing ringing in my ears since fucking-forever … At school, sometimes at night, at work…” His heart is so loud right now he can barely hear himself. “At… at the party, too. And seconds before…” He finally moves to look up. “Seconds before I met you.”

Changkyun bites at his bottom lip, nodding lightly. “You didn’t hear it this morning. Or last night. Or when I was throwing things into the cart without asking.”

Kihyun holds his hand up, open. An invitation. “Why didn’t I?”

Changkyun shifts, and reaches out. But his hand seems stuck, millimeters away, like they’re both touching a sheet of glass. “You listened to what the voices said?”

Tonguing the wound on his bottom lip, Kihyun looks at their hands for a moment, moving his fingers without touching Changkyun. “Yeah…” He says but almost doesn’t.

“I would never say that. I could never mean it. I would never hurt you.”

Trust. Trust. Trust.

“Hold it,” Kihyun says, softly. “I want to but… I don’t think I can…” He laughs a little at himself.

Changkyun puts his hand against Kihyun’s, his fingers slipping in between Kihyun’s and--

-- bright blinding minemineminemine let me have it savour devour eat mine mine mine--

“Kihyun, focus on me.”

And Kihyun looks at Changkyun’s face and… and it tugs, slightly, before it pulls. He vaguely hears something, distant, behind the voices in his ears. It’s not saying anything in particular. But if Kihyun focuses enough, past the crushing din of ugly, ugly chatter, there it is…

Clean eyes.

He sees a pair of dark, clean eyes, and hears a word and it sounds a lot like… it sounds a lot like ‘Kihyun’.

“I am,” he finally replies, blinking. “I am.”

Changkyun squeezes his hand, and when he smiles, Kihyun can see it in his eyes.

“Good,” Changkyun says softly.

Kihyun looks away and it feels like he’s been stolen a breath. “You…” he whispers. “You speak, too. But… you’re not loud, like them …” He sighs. “It’s nice, I guess.”

“It doesn’t help to yell at thunder.”

Trust. Trust. Trust. And something else, too. Something that tugs a little more than usual, even when Kihyun is not looking.

“Right,” Kihyun huffs, finally managing a smile. “I feel like I just aged a hundred years,” and maybe a hundred more.

“Maybe just twenty eight ,” Changkyun says and Kihyun laughs, and Changkyun’s hand does this odd thing where he lifts it and lets it fall and lifts it just one last time, to brush some hair out of Kihyun’s eyes. His hand falls again. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Home. Safe. Safety.

Right, that feeling that tugs even when Kihyun is not looking. Home. Safe.

Changkyun helps him up by the hand, loading all the shopping onto his arm again. “Can you still hear it?”

“No,” Kihyun says, letting go. “Just you.”

And it sounds a lot like ‘Kihyun’. It anchors him, somehow, as much as he hates to admit it.

“You can… Well, I mean, I’m not sure how well it’ll always work, but when your ears ring, when you don’t feel safe, I’m just a word away.”

Safe .

“Hey,” Kihyun takes a deep breath and gestures at the bags. “I know you’re like super strong and all but, let me help.” He frowns. “Seriously.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, shifting two bags off his arm and holding it out. “I’m being profound and reassuring over here, and that’s what you think about?”

Kihyun slips past Changkyun’s arm, face really, really close and serious and throws his hand back to grab the bags. “Yeah, I know. Thank you.” And then yanks them from Changkyun’s hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

Trust, trust, trust. And home away from home. It’s not right. But it doesn’t feel wrong. It just feels . And if Kihyun’s legs weren’t so shaky as he tries to pick up the pace, maybe he wouldn’t be as confused as he is.

Changkyun doesn’t speak, just follows next to him as they walk in silence. Kihyun’s grateful. He’s not sure what he’s thinking, or feeling, or how he’d answer a question, any question.

All things considered, arriving home feels like waking up after a nightmare. Except there are enough bags atop the counter as proof that it wasn’t just a bad dream. Like everything that’s been happening in the last 24 hours. It’s surreal, but real at the same time.

And then there’s Changkyun, like a damn bridge between what is and what shouldn’t be. Changkyun, obliviously eyeing the shopping bags like nothing bad happened on the way home. Naivety. Such naivety…

If only Kihyun could feel as blissfully unaware...

Kihyun kicks his shoes off at the door, and Changkyun follows suit. Changkyun takes the milk out of the shopping bag and puts it in the fridge where he’d gotten it before.

Naive, maybe. But a quick learner at that.

Kihyun sighs and starts bringing things out of the shopping bags. “You still wanna watch something?” He hopes for a ‘no’ because he’s fucking tired and confused. But he knows he’s not getting what he wants. Not exactly, at least.

Changkyun, though, nods enthusiastically. He even reaches over and grabs a bag of jelly babies. “I liked the movie you chose.”

“Oh? We can… watch something like that, if you want.” Kihyun throws the bags of jelly babies to the sofa and takes a pack of popcorn to the microwave. He stops before he closes it, though, and looks over at Changkyun. “Wanna do it?” He points at the microwave.

Changkyun glances between Kihyun and the microwave before his cheeks dimple in a smile and he hurries over. “Yes yes yes yes yes!” Changkyun pauses. “What do I do?”

Kihyun smiles small. “Close the door,” and Changkyun does, “Now here you set the timer. Always check how long it takes, it’s usually in the package.” He grabs Changkyun’s finger and presses the plus button three times, “3 minutes for popcorn.” He lets go. “Now press the big one.”

With borderline delight ( impossible, Kihyun reminds himself), Changkyun presses the button, and watches the popcorn through the little window. “I really don’t know why I like these things so much.”

It’s the first bright smile Kihyun makes in a while. And all the tension remaining in his body dissolves as a laugh bubbles in his throat. Kihyun looks down and suddenly he feels like he has nothing to say. Nothing at all. He frowns at the feeling, or at himself, or at the floor, he doesn’t know. It’s like being sad, but not really.

“Is it supposed to be doing that?” Changkyun asks, pointing at the microwave.

Kihyun looks up, blinking. “What, popping?”

Changkyun gasps. “Is that why it’s called popcorn? Wow. Jelly babies aren’t really babies, are they?”

“Uhm,” Kihyun tilts his head in contemplation. “Not… not really, no.”

“Good. I’m not that kind of demon,” Changkyun says, leaning forward to prop his chin up with his hand and continue staring.

Kihyun absently runs his tongue over his bottom lip and feels the dent where he’d carved his teeth just a few minutes ago. It stings. “What kind of demon are you then?” And that’s an answer Kihyun knows already.

“The squishiest kind,” Changkyun sing-songs.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you just said that about yourself…”

Changkyun hums. “Mm, neither can I. I’m impenetrable, you know.”

Kihyun physically hurts himself when he rolls his eyes. “Of-fucking-course you are…”

“But it’s the inside squishiness that counts,” Changkyun nods, and looks over at Kihyun with a small grin.

Kihyun hides his face between his hands and groans and then peeks from behind his fingers. “Do you… Are you aware of what you just said?”

“The words, yes,” Changkyun blinks. “Is there a meaning I don’t know about?”

The microwave beeps and Kihyun playfully shoves Changkyun away. “Just shut up, oh god…”

Changkyun pouts, getting on his toes and pushing the open button for the microwave and reaching in. “I just meant I can’t get stabbed.”

“Changkyun, for the love of everything that is good in this world, drop this subject!”

Changkyun falls back onto his feet, holding the bag of popcorn. “I’m sorry...”

Kihyun sighs. He grabs a bowl from the cupboard and gestures at Changkyun. “Here.” He says, placing it atop the counter and then pacing to the freezer to grab a few ice cubes. He stops, then, looking over his shoulder, eyes haunted with a sudden thought. “Hm,” he hums. “Hey, pass me two glasses.”

Changkyun nods with confidence. And then looks around in confusion, peeking into one, two cupboards before opening the one with the cups and glasses and taking two out and placing it in front of Kihyun with an an enthusiastic, “Ta dah!”

Grinning slightly, Kihyun drops the ice cubes into the cups and reaches for the coke still inside the shopping bag. He stabs the inside of his cheek with his tongue to avoid smiling and gives Changkyun a glass full of bubbling coke.

“Not all at once?” Changkyun asks, taking it and eyeing it skeptically. “Last time you got mad.” But Kihyun shrugs one shoulder dismissively, like he doesn’t care.

Changkyun mirrors the action before chugging the drink. He gets about halfway before he blows up his cheek, and scrunches up his face. He puts a fist over his mouth and looks at Kihyun.

Kihyun snorts and then throws a hand at the counter to hold himself as he laughs. He laughs so much he needs to kneel down or he is going to fall anyway. And then Kihyun hears a tiny squeak and a burp and Kihyun’s on the floor.

“ Why? ”

“Be--cause,” Kihyun laughs again when he looks at Changkyun’s face and rolls on the floor. “Because your fa--face!”

Changkyun pouts and looks between Kihyun and the drink, and shrugs dismissively like he just does not care, chugs the rest, and the reaction is the same, except now he’s just… glaring at the glass like it did him a personal injustice.

Kihyun is lying on the floor, arms over his face, still laughing from time to time. “S--Sorry,” he manages and then laughs again. “I needed that…”

Changkyun puts the glass down, hard (it doesn’t break, at least) and wipes at his mouth, glancing at Kihyun. “You did? Laughing helps?”

Kihyun peeks at Changkyun and then moves his arms to fully cover his face. “Yeah. It does. It’s… normal.” But before Changkyun can question him, Kihyun sits up and sighs. “Come on,” he says, “bring the popcorn.” He jumps to his feet, grabs the coke and the two glasses and nods towards the sofa.

Changkyun glares at the coke, but puts the popcorn in the bowl anyway, following Kihyun and sitting down on the edge of the sofa.

Kihyun places the glasses atop the small table in front of them and sits back, reaching for the remote and throwing the jelly babies between him and Changkyun. “Have you tried the popcorn?” Kihyun asks, turning the TV on and starting the Netflix app. Changkyun shakes his head and picks at the bowl, putting popcorn in one for one.

“Hmm,” Changkyun says. “It’s nice. I think. What are we watching?”

“‘The Fundamentals of Caring’,” Kihyun announces. “Somehow,” he glances at Changkyun, “I guess it fits you just perfectly,” he jokes.

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, throwing a single corn into his mouth with perfect aim. “I care .”

Kihyun wets his lips. “Sure, you do. About doing your damn job or whatever you call it,” he mumbles and hits play once he finds what he was looking for.

Changkyun shifts where he’s sitting ( barely on the couch, stupid demon) and grumbles under his breath.

“Hm?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, nothing,” Changkyun sing-songs (is this a habit now?), stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Kihyun stares at Changkyun’s shoulder. “Is that a lie?” And then looks at the TV and sighs. “You’re stressing me out, sitting like that. Can you--I don’t know, look less tense?”

“It’s…” Changkyun shifts back a little. “I didn’t--Ugh, fine, it’s a lie, I lied, I said ‘you don’t know how much I care’ and now I’m just--” Changkyun shakes his shoulders and moves his head side to side, letting himself slump down into the pillows.

Eyeing the TV for a while longer, Kihyun crosses his arms. He runs his tongue over his teeth and thinks about everything and nothing at the same time. “Sorry,” he mumbles, almost inaudibly.

They watch in silence for a while, Changkyun’s eyes not leaving the TV. And then he holds out the bowl for Kihyun. “It’s okay.”

Kihyun glances at the popcorn and grabs a few with his hand. “You said a while go you’d tell me if you lied.”

“I was… trying to tease you.”

Kihyun frowns. “It’s just…” He sighs and shoves the popcorn into his mouth. “Nevermind. Now I’m just being unfair, really. And probably projecting, too. Sorry.”

Changkyun pokes him with the bowl. “I can’t judge whatever you say, you know.”

“I already told you, though. Before.”

Changkyun pokes him again. “Look at me?”

Kihyun’s heart jumps and the frowns harder. Then slowly turns to look at Changkyun, lips thinning slightly when it tugs. “What.”

“I’m sorry I lied, even just for a second,” Changkyun smiles softly. “I don’t want you not to trust me. I’ll never lie again.”

“Okay,” Kihyun sighs and looks away, shivering slightly when it tugs again. He looks at the TV. Then he looks out the window. It’s dark outside. And when he focuses on his reflection it rings softly in his ears.

Kihyun breathes in and says, “Hey,” eyes on the TV again.

“Mm?” Changkyun hums around a mouth full of popcorn.

“Can you…” Kihyun scrunches his nose and tries to avoid shivering, arms tightening around himself. He doesn’t finish. Just bites at his lip instead and waits for the Earth to crack and swallow him whole.

“Probably.”

Kihyun flinches. “What?” He looks at Changkyun. Who doesn’t look back. Or eat. Just glances at the TV and once at Kihyun.

“Well, I don’t know what the question is, but…” Changkyun shrugs. “Probably.”

A little white light in a sea gone black.

Kihyun sighs and relaxes slightly before shoving his hand in front of Changkyun’s face and waving. “Hand,” he mutters like a caveman.

Changkyun smiles a little at Kihyun’s hand. “You know the rules, Kihyun,” Changkyun teases.

And Kihyun probably turns three different shades of red before slapping Changkyun with the back of his hand. “There.”

Changkyun, faster than Kihyun is sure is possible, grabs his hand before they break skin contact. He pulls his hand down, entwining their fingers in a now nearly practiced way and onto his lap. “Definitely.” With the other hand, Changkyun shoves some more popcorn into his mouth.

A little white light in a sea gone black, without the sun or moon.  Denial works until it doesn’t. Because the thing about being haunted by unseen horrors is that normal is normal until what haunts him is also holding his hand.

And so Kihyun lies. He lies to himself and squeezes Changkyun’s hand, eyes darting to the screen again where he trains them for the remainder of the movie. Even when Changkyun’s thumb traces over the back of his hand and squeezes a little at the more emotional (confusing? For him?) part of the movie.

When the clock hits nine pm, Changkyun is back to watching his series and Kihyun is looking at the ceiling, feeling his eyelids heavy and his body numb. The remaining bags of jelly babies are on the floor and Kihyun has his legs crossed on top of the sofa.

And with every little friction of Changkyun’s finger on Kihyun’s skin, Kihyun’s head drops slightly. The movement startling him awake every now and then. Kihyun’s face presses against Changkyun’s shoulder and he’s just--he’s so tired . And he moves a little, just a little, to get rid of that uncomfortable kink in his neck but then Changkyun carefully unlaces their fingers, trailing his hand up Kihyun’s arm, over his shoulder and down his waist to pull him closer, to pull him to his chest.

“Wha’re you doin’?” Kihyun mumbles, eyelids heavy and eyes closed.

“Lies aren’t always words,” Changkyun says, soft. “I made a promise, didn’t I.”

Always saying the right thing...

Kihyun opens his eyes slightly and stares at a blur. He pulls back just enough to look at Changkyun’s face for one single second before leaning his head on Changkyun’s chest and tugging slightly at his waist to pull him closer.

It pulls. But Kihyun is so tired he can almost ignore the feeling.

And when Changkyun’s fingers leave feather light touches on his waist, the other carding through his hair, it’s very easy to ignore just about anything.

Changkyun knows, from experience, the moment Kihyun falls asleep. His breathing goes even, his heartbeat slows just a little, and the tenseness he wears in his shoulders (Changkyun’s wanted to ask if he knows he does it) melts away. And Changkyun knows when Kihyun is about to wake up. He knows for about five minutes, at which point Kihyun’s hand on Changkyun’s chest twitches just a little, eyes moving under his eyelids. Kihyun licks at his lips where his mouth had been open through the night. That was a bit new. Kihyun hadn’t, well, leaked on him before.

But Changkyun knows for about five minutes. An hour and twenty seven minutes ago the series had stopped playing and Changkyun didn’t know nor care about starting something else. But it’s the five minutes where Changkyun knows, that he reaches out to gently run his thumb along Kihyun’s cheek.

It’s better like this. No ringing, no voices. No questions asked or answered that leaves Changkyun unsure and confused, and sometimes, with a bit more understanding, and always with a lot more questions. But it’s not Kihyun’s job to teach him. It’s not Kihyun’s anything, and yet here he is, on his couch. It’s one of those things he understands up to a point, but doesn’t want to ask about too much.

And when five minutes turn into five seconds, Kihyun frowns and his entire body shivers in what, Changkyun thinks, looks like a stretch but isn’t. And then Kihyun’s hand is flat on Changkyun’s chest and his eyes are wide open. But he’s not moving. Or breathing, for that matter. Which is of some concern, considering normal human function. Something’s wrong, if Kihyun’s heartbeat is anything to judge it by. Changkyun hopes he’ll get better at telling what it is, soon.

“Kihyun?”

“Don’t talk,” Kihyun mumbles. He sounds strained.

‘Okay’, Changkyun wants to say, but figures that counts as talking. And then he watches with immense curiosity as Kihyun slides from him to the floor, pulling at the hem of his own shirt, and ducks away really fast before closing the door to the bathroom behind him.

He emerges not even fifteen seconds later. Face wet, hair clinging to his forehead and dripping. There’s something quite nice about it, but Changkyun can’t place it.

Kihyun looks at him, eyes sharp but also kind of glossy. And then looks away. “Hey,” he says, looking at the wall where that strange ticking comes from.

Changkyun opens his mouth to greet him back--it was customary, and Changkyun kinda liked it--and then snaps it shut. Greeting counts as talking. Well, maybe not always. Changkyun raises his hand and waves for a second, smiling softly.

Kihyun walks around the kitchen, moving things around, like plates and those called ‘cereal’ he’d told Changkyun about, and places everything on top of the counter. “I gotta go shower,” he announces. “You should eat something.” He looks up, face puffed and serious. “Also… you can talk, you know…” And he looks away.

Changkyun opens his mouth again to do just that, to tell Kihyun that he really doesn’t need to eat anything, ever, and remembers--

It’s nice. It’s normal.

If I eat, you eat.

So he stands up, and walks over to the kitchen to eat, to be normal. “The cereal looks nice. I think,” Changkyun adds, because the cereal doesn’t look much like anything but it is colourful so it doesn’t not look nice.

Kihyun finally smiles a little. “Add milk. It will get better.” And then leaves to the bedroom to grabs a few things and goes back to the bathroom. Changkyun lets out a breath like he’s been holding it.

Okay. Okay, maybe he didn’t do anything wrong.

The cereal box paints a clear picture, and although it’s a different colour to the one on the box, Changkyun finds a bowl, and takes a few minutes to wonder whether he was meant to put the milk in first or the cereal. Add milk, Kihyun had said. Not add cereal. Okay.

Once Changkyun gets over the taste of molecules, it’s not all bad. He looks toward the sound of Kihyun showering and it takes no effort or memory induction or practise to smile softly at the sound. And just as Changkyun finishes eating, the sound stops. And eight minutes later Kihyun opens the door and walks out, dressed, towel over his head. He looks at Changkyun and then at the ticking wall again.

“It’s early,” Kihyun says softly, sliding the towel from his head to his shoulders. “But I have to leave in an hour or so…” He walks to the counter and sits down next to Changkyun. And maybe Changkyun didn’t do anything wrong. But something seems off again. The frown Kihyun usually wears is not this soft.

“Do you not… want to?” Changkyun asks, trying to understand. “I really won’t burn your house down.”

Kihyun hums in reply, eyeing the bowl in front of Changkyun and pulling at it before dumping milk and then cereal in. Changkyun doesn’t know why that makes him frown.

“I know you won’t,” he says, and uses Changkyun’s spoon to eat the cereal, cheek puffing a bit when he does.

A familiar word comes to mind. But Kihyun had said he doesn’t like when Changkyun calls him that. He remembers the conversation with Hoseok.

“You have to go to work,” Changkyun frowns. Work. Away. Potentially dangerous.

Kihyun hums again. “Yeah,” he says after he swallows. “I’ll be back before sundown.” The words leave his mouth so slowly it doesn’t even sound like him.

Something’s wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Changkyun doesn’t know what, doesn’t know what to do or how to do it or how to even say it, but he knows--

“I… wanna help you,” Changkyun says softly. “Are you…” Okay. Stupid question.

Kihyun stops the spoon halfway to his mouth and then puts it back down. “Later,” he says after too many seconds. “Hoseok might come by to check on you. And then when I’m back we can…” He looks down and then up at Changkyun. “Is there something you’d like to do?”

Hoseok. Yeah, he likes Hoseok.

“I’d like to do something you’d like to do,” Changkyun smiles softly at the nearly empty bowl of cereal. “Not too sure what I like yet. But I’m sure there’s more than just Netflix and…” Later .

Kihyun nods. “I’ll think of something…” He starts tapping his finger on the counter at an uneven rhythm and then glances over his shoulder at the TV. “How long?” He asks. “How long were you waiting for me to wake up?”

“An hour and thirty two minutes. After the people on the TV stopped.” And despite the surprise on Kihyun’s face, Changkyun still sees soft edges everywhere.

“You waited… an hour and thirty two minutes…” Kihyun rolls his eyes, softly. “Wake me up next time, idiot…” He shakes his head and there’s a little tug at the corner of his lip but it doesn’t tug enough to form a smile.

“I didn’t mind,” Changkyun admits. He didn’t. It was nice, just the quiet and Kihyun’s heartbeat, peaceful. It’s what Changkyun is protecting, after all.  

“Well, I do.” Kihyun says faster, pushing the bowl away from him and then looking at Changkyun again. “Wake me up…” He pauses. “Next time.”

“I’ll wake you up if the people stop,” Changkyun promises, sitting up a little straighter. “The next time.”

The next time, Changkyun decides, is better than the only time .

Kihyun leans back slightly glances at Changkyun’s sweater. He frowns a little harder then. “Is that drool?”

Changkyun glances down at the sizable, slightly damp patch on his sweater. “Yes. You made a few noises too.”

Kihyun tilts his head down and looks at Changkyun through hooded eyes. “I--what.”

Changkyun nods. “Yeah, it was like,” Changkyun thinks and tries to imitate the sound. Breathes in until it vibrates in his throat. “That. Kind of.”

Two seconds later, Kihyun snorts and laughs into his hand. “Oh god…” He huffs before looking away. “Okay, okay. Just take that off and put on a new one. I’ll wash it later.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says, reaching down to pull the sweater over his head. But Kihyun grabs his hands before he can. And when Changkyun looks up Kihyun’s face looks… different from the ones Changkun has seen so far. Soft but not... really. Something else, too.

“In the bathroom, Kyunie...”

“I will… remember that, in the future,” Changkyun says, and feels a bit warm. Like when Kihyun holds his hand, or looks him in the eye. He slips off the chair, into Kihyun’s room for a shirt, and into the bathroom. He buttons it up the way he’s seen in shows and on Kihyun, but it tugs a little, so he undoes a few at the top, rolls his shoulders, and it feels fine, so he wanders back to Kihyun.

And when Kihyun turns around he lets his head hang a little. “You know… this one is my totally my fault.” He says and Changkyun frowns, confused. And Kihyun stares at him for a while longer before sighing and gesturing at the counter. “I got you something… Found it in a drawer. Figured you’d like to have it.”

It’s small, rectangular, and looks a lot like what he used to find-- ”Eggs?” he asks, rushing forward to pick it up and turn it in his hand.

“It’s a cellphone, idiot. But yeah, my old Samsung, it works like mine” Kihyun says, waving his phone in his hand. “You can take, uhm, pictures, if you want. And…” He slides a thin card over the counter. “If you want, I can put this inside. And you can call Hoseok or… me. If you want.”

“Call you?” Changkyun asks, eyeing the little piece of plastic. “The way you call me?”

“Not exactly but kind of…” Kihyun frowns. “I guess the teleporting takes a little longer…”

Changkyun frowns and taps at the screen the way he’s seen Kihyun do it, and there’s--there’s a lot. Random pictures and things he has no idea about but he grins, something bubbling at the back of his head. “Thank you, Kihyun. I’ll try and learn how to use it.”

Kihyun nods and smiles a little and then looks at the ticking wall again. “I guess I should probably…” He trails off, eyes slowly going down.

There it is again . And Changkyun’s smile falters because he hates it, not knowing what to do. “Yeah,” Changkyun hums. “Can I ask you a--” You will ask anyway, won’t you? Go ahead. “Uhm. Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, I just,” Changkyun bites down on his lip.

The look on Kihyun’s face when he looks at Changkyun is the same he had when he stopped him from getting undressed in the middle of the kitchen. “What?” His voice sounds higher than before, too. “No. What the fuck are you talking about?” He holds his hand out. “Come here.”

Come here . Something Changkyun doesn’t have to think about. He walks forward, his mind loud, hand slightly held out. “I don’t know --all I have is what I know and when you act in ways I don’t, I don’t know how to react and--” He bites his lip again. Kihyun does that, when he stops speaking in the middle of a sentence. Like it stops him. Changkyun thinks, thinks , he gets it now.

And then Kihyun takes his hand and pulls him into a hug. “Don’t be stupid.” Kihyun says and it’s soft. And when he holds tighter he adds, “I’m sorry.”

Changkyun thinks. He tries to think, but Kihyun’s warm and he’s not used to much and he’s not used to this and he’s not sure he ever will be and again, he thinks, next is better than only .  Changkyun wraps his arms around Kihyun, and says, “But you didn’t do anything.”

And Changkyun closes his eyes and reaches for it again, that little something that had sparked like a match inside him the first time Kihyun had hugged him. He finds it, and it’s brighter than before.

Kihyun sighs and just for split second Changkyun feels something brush his neck. Feeling . That’s new, too. And now touching feels like something, not just a brush of warmth against his skin. But then it’s gone and Kihyun is pulling away and looking away and…

“I made you worry,” He says. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Worry,” Changkyun says. Elevator doors closing, a drink in Kihyun’s hand, alone at a car. “So that’s what that was.”

“What was what?”

“Before, when I didn’t know if you were safe. And… this,” Changkyun breathes. “Promise you’ll call me if anything happens.”

Kihyun frowns and looks at Changkyun. “Call you or… Call you?”

“Call... my name. Call me ,” Changkyun stresses it, puts his hands on Kihyun’s arms from where they were around him, looks at him like he needs to understand, because he does, he has to.

Kihyun looks down and he seems soft again. “Yeah, I promise.”

Changkyun has to. He has to, he has to ask. He reaches up with both hands, one first to keep the touch and then the other, and brushes his fingers lightly over Kihyun’s cheek. “You keep…” He doesn’t have to ask, he just wants to, so he won’t. “You have to go.”

Kihyun flinches slightly at the touch and then looks up, eyes really wide. But before Changkyun can ask about it, Kihyun pulls one of Changkyun’s hands down. “Ah, don’t worry, really,” he says looking away, eyes still really wide. “I don’t mind going. I actually like my job, you know. There’s just… a lot on my mind right now.”

“Completely understandable,” Changkyun says, pulling his hand back, reluctant to let go with the other. “Considering the circumstances.”

Smiling a little, Kihyun’s face leans into the touch even as he says, “You shouldn’t do that, you know.” He looks at Changkyun in the eyes. “Considering the circumstances…”

Changkyun smiles into his eyes, into the pull, moving his thumb just a little. It reminds him of this morning. He wishes he had five minutes, now. “And why’s that?”

Kihyun’s pupils dilate and he looks away, this time stepping back. “Because… I have to go to work.”

Changkyun nods. “I’ll… be here, I guess. Take a shower, watch some show, you know. Chill .”

Kihyun quickly grabs what is now Changkyun’s phone and Changkyun watches him crack the back open and slide something in before he closes it again. He taps on it for a few more seconds and then places it back on the counter.

“Hoseok’s number is in there. So is mine,” Changkyun notices Kihyun avoids talking about himself first every time he mentions the phone. “But don’t call unless it’s…” Kihyun pauses. “Urgent. Like me-calling-you-urgent. Get it?”

Changkyun waves him off. “I can handle demons. Now go. Before you say you have to go again.”

Kihyun runs to the bedroom to grab a long coat, the likes Changkyun had only seen on TV yet. And brings a blue folder under his arm, too. He grabs his wallet, his phone (almost takes Changkyun’s by mistake) and his keys. He’d barely just shoved his feet into his shoes when he stops by the door and looks over his shoulder.

“Don’t burn the house down,” he’s not smiling but Changkyun can hear the playfulness in his voice.

“Wouldn’t even really know how,” Changkyun says, and waves a little.

“Quick learner,” Kihyun reminds and then leaves.

And Changkyun is fully aware that there is a lot he can do. That there’s a lot he can do inside the house, outside in the big wide world. But that’s not really important right now. He hops off the chair and looks around. At the pictures on the walls, the ticking thing that made Kihyun leave, the books and the furniture and the things he assumes are out of place because they look it. He wanders back to the bed (and sees Kihyun, there, what feels like forever ago, in the dark, a name on his lips) and to the bathroom that smells like… Well, he’s not sure what it smells like, but the bottles had said strawberries and he wasn’t too sure what those are but-- but .

Changkyun darts back to the kitchen and taps at the phone Kihyun had given him, already open on where Kihyun had typed eggs. Google. He could remember that. Google, google, google. So he googles strawberries. He looks around the house and finds things he knows, things he doesn’t, sees pictures from places he doesn’t know. There’s a very big picture--a mural--of a city against a wall and at the bottom it says Venice so he googles that, too.

Quick learner.

He learns about Venezia, about a period in European history called Renaissance (the statues are beautiful, and beautiful is a concept he’s still truly trying to grasp), and then he learns about industry and the production of goods or related services within an economy (and everything is somehow related to this money humans like so much, but Kihyun did use it to get them popcorn and he quite enjoyed that).

And the ticking on the wall keeps going in a rhythm that, Changkyun is starting to understand, feels like time, passing, fleeting, five more minutes.

Counting time and understanding time are two different things. But five minutes , Changkyun understands that.

He closes the internet tab on famous Renaissance painters, sees strawberries, and is reminded to shower. Showering is something he isn’t sure if he needs, but it’s normal, human, nice. He folds Kihyun’s clothes once they’re off (the pile from the day before isn’t there anymore) and tries the other faucet this time. It feels different. Cold, he thinks, could be the word. Strawberries, closing the tap, and then he’s wet. This happens when he showers and he doesn’t see the point.

Some fluffy, closeby material helps him dry ( towel ) and then he’s rummaging in Kihyun’s cupboard again. Underwear, Kihyun has said, is important, so he does that first. And promptly plops down in front of the cupboard. Was this going to be an everyday thing? Could he not just wear the same thing every day? It would be so much easier.

A sound that makes Changkyun feel anxious for some reason comes from the entrance and he remembers, doorbell. Doorbell. Door. Hoseok.

He rushes over, remembers how Kihyun had opened for Hoseok last time, and smiles. “Hello, Hoseok.”

But it’s not just Hoseok. So Changkyun frowns, and says, “Hi, I’m Changkyun, it’s nice to meet you.”

Hoseok is looking, staring, eyes wide and a gap between his lips. He eyes Changkyun up and down and then looks to the side, where Changkyun had been frowning at. “Er, right.” He looks at Changkyun’s face. “We have already met twice, though…”

“Twenty nine,” Changkyun mumbles, and looks again. There’s a blonde man in a long, black coat, standing not too far behind Hoseok. Changkyun had seen him before, at the party. And now his eyes are wide and looking at Changkyun like it shouldn’t make sense to see him and it shouldn’t, Changkyun notes, because humans can’t see Reapers.

Hoseok tilts his head. “Can I… Can I come in?”

Changkyun narrows his eyes at the Reaper, and steps aside. The Reaper backs away and Changkyun grabs his wrist ( “Hey, what the he--!” ) and throws him into the house, almost all the way across the hall and into the living room, like he is a weightless ghost.

Changkyun smiles at Hoseok who turns around at the sound of the door closing. “Can you help me? I’m trying to get dressed.”

“Oh,” Hoseok mouths. “Sorry. This is still a bit weird for me…” He laughs and scratches his cheek. “But yes, I can…” He looks at Changkyun. “I can try. But I don’t know… You look... broader than Ki, somehow. And-- damn, is this what Kihyun has been cuddling every night!?” Hoseok gestures at Changkyun. “Are the two of you… Ugh, I keep forgetting you’re a… a…”

“Demon,” Changkyun finishes helpfully.

“Kihyun has: scored!” Hoseok says but his tone doesn’t match his face. He sounds pleased and looks horrified at the same time.

Changkyun frowns, trying to remember something. He’d seen it on the shows and movies he’s watched, and even teased Kihyun about it. “When you say that, are you insinuating that I’m ‘sexy’?”

The Reaper looks at him and almost laughs. He would ask about that, later, when Hoseok wouldn’t see him talking to air.

“ Anyway , clothes, hm,” Hoseok looks around and then points towards Kihyun’s bedroom. “Alright. Let’s see if we can get you something decent from the disaster that is Ki’s wardrobe.”

“I like the soft things,” Changkyun says.

Hoseok laughs in his throat. “Do you mean the clothes or Kihyun?”

“He’s only soft in certain places,” Changkyun says, remembering for a moment.

Looking over his shoulder for a second, Hoseok frowns. Then his face scrunches and he laughs, loud, mouth wide open. “Damn, how are you still alive… Say stuff like that in front of Kihyun and you’ll be… well…” Hoseok shakes his head and disappears into the bedroom. “Give me a few seconds!” He shouts.

“Thank you!” Changkyun shouts back, and turns just as the Reaper tries to phase through the door, grabbing at his arm. “ What are you doing here?” The Reaper winces, trying to move away. “Hoseok is alive. There are no spirits here.” He’s still trying to make a run for it, so Changkyun pulls him back completely. “You were at the party, too.”

“Hey, Changkyun!” Hoseok shouts from the bedroom, making the Reaper startle and stumble. “Do you prefer-- damn! Kihyun has one of these!? Stealin’ --White or blue?”

“White!” Changkyun calls back. He tilts his head at the reaper. “You’re following him. He’s a living soul. You can’t do that.”

“Says you,” the Reaper speaks and his voice is husky and hushed. Odd, knowing Hoseok can’t hear him. “You’re a demon and you’re locked with a human.” He frowns in, what Changkyun assumes, is disgust and points at his forehead, finger sharp. “You shouldn’t even exist to begin with, whatever you are.”

“I’m a guardian,” Changkyun almost growls, soft, because Hoseok actually can hear him.

And the Reaper dares to laugh. “You?” He leans closer and looks into Changkyun’s eyes, the Reaper’s a molten amber. “And what are you guarding exactly? Your taint?”

Changkyun grits his teeth, reaching forward to grab the Reaper by the shirt. “What the hell do you know of it?”

“Of hell?” The Reaper smiles and it looks like Death. “Not much. There’s a dog at the gate.” He rolls his eyes in a way that makes Changkyun’s instincts flare. “Of you? I know enough.” And his face goes serious.

Changkyun glances over his shoulder and Hoseok is still in the room. “Since you apparently make a habit out of following this human around, I assume you know Kihyun.”

“Who do you think has been keeping his pure ass safe all this time, guardian… ”

“Don’t lie to me ,” Changkyun whispers, harsh, letting go of his shirt. “If you could have done anything about the demon at the party, you would have, instead of making Hoseok miserable.”

“Uh,” the Reaper looks slightly taken aback. But just slightly. Which only makes Changkyun feel even more… what is he feeling, anyway? “Interesting. You’ve changed.”

“I--” What is it, what is that feeling, what is it . “I’m Kihyun’s guardian.”

“And I am Hyungwon,” the Reaper says, finger up again to poke Changkyun’s chest. And it’s cold, really cold, colder than anything Changkyun has felt before. He didn’t know Reapers had names. “And you are feeling, aren’t you? Demons don’t feel. But you...”

Changkyun’s gut twists (it’s horrible, uncomfortable, unfamiliar) and he grits his teeth. “And you’re not? Reapers don’t make a habit of paying heed to souls that aren’t their direct responsibility.”

A shadow crosses Hyungwon’s face but it vanishes before Changkyun can think much of it. “It tugs and it tugs. And the more you feel, the stronger the pull… It’s thorny, by the way.” He gestures at thin air. “Very, very, thorny… interesting.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Changkyun admits, unfortunately out loud. “Stay. Go anywhere and I’ll tell Hoseok.”

Hyungwon raises both arms, looking over Changkyun’s shoulder when Hoseok steps out of the bedroom with a pile of clothes in his hands. But just before Hyungwon steps back, he leans in, his voice just a breath away from Changkyun’s ear. “I know why,” he says close and then far away like he was never close at all, phasing through the small table in a mist and reappearing farther away.

Thorny .

“Thanks,” Changkyun says, grabbing the clothes and going to Kihyun’s bedroom, trying to understand why it feels like there’s no air in his lungs.

“You could’ve dressed in here, you know…” Hoseok says.

“I didn’t know, actually,” Changkyun grumbles, pulling on the clothes and breathing until it feels normal again. Thorny. He gets up and his pants feel loose and his shirt feels tight. He walks out again and Hoseok is still there. Hyungwon is there, leaning against a wall, shadowed. He laughs a little when he sees Changkyun. It doesn’t feel like when Kihyun had laughed at him.

Hoseok gapes. “God. I think my soul is about to cross the threshold…”

“I wish,” Hyungwon mumbles from the darkness.

“We…” Hoseok shivers. “Ugh, it’s cold. Anyway, we… damn! This is a disaster!” He throws his hands up.

Changkyun looks down at himself. Shirt, pants, underwear. “I have shoes around here somewhere.”

Hoseok sighs and looks around the living room. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t let you walk around looking like a fashion disaster!”

Hyungwon scoffs. “Never says anything about Kihyun, but no, the demon has to look good.”

And as if he’d heard it, Hoseok braces around. “Look at that face!” He gestures at Changkyun. “You need to look--like--more, woah! You know? Aren’t you a demon? Demons are supposed to dress expensive!”

Expensive. He knows that. Knows it needs money. “I don’t have money,” Changkyun says. “I’ve read banks have some, though, I could go get some?”

“ Some ,” Hyungwon chuckles. “Some, he says…”

“I’m thinking,” Hoseok announces.

“That explains the smoke,” Hyungwon says in what sounds like, like when Kihyun said ‘ In the bathroom, Kyunie’ . A bit warm, a bit soft. But when Changkyun turns to look, the Reaper’s face looks stone cold.

“What is that?” Changkyun asks them both.

“Affection,” Hyungwon says knowingly at the same time Hoseok says, “I know!”

And when Hoseok turns to verbalize, Changkyun still hears Hyungwon sing in a low, low tone, “A sky without stars, from Venus to Mars, it tugs and tugs.”

Changkyun shivers (it’s cold, not like how Hyungwon’s touch felt, or the shower earlier, deeper, somehow). “What… What are you thinking?”

Hyungwon smirks and Hoseok speaks. “Let’s go shopping!” He says, and Hyungwon’s smirk vanishes into disgust again. It’s very contrasting, how a single subject is received between the two of them. But Changkyun doesn’t know what shopping is , and he likes Hoseok.

“Let’s do that,” Changkyun says, and looks around for his shoes. “That’s buying stuff, right?”

Hoseok grins wide and it feels like… sunlight. “And once we’re done we can surprise Kihyun at work. Sounds good?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes and Changkyun swears he can hear it. “I hate this. Everything about this. I hate it.”

“Sounds very, very good,” Changkyun smiles, making sure to direct it at Hyungwon as well. He finds his shoes (the ones from the party) and pulls them on. “What are we buying?”

“Clothes,” Hoseok says, stressing the S sound in a weird way. Changkyun’s heard it before but never this strong. “I’m thinking… black!”

“Sounds fitting,” Hyungwon mumbles.

“I like black,” Changkyun says, walking towards the door. “Why does your ‘s’ sound like that? Kihyun does it, too. But softer.”

Hoseok tilts his head. “Hm?”

“He likes black,” Hyungwon says, “explains the color…” What is he talking about?

“Oh!” Hoseok beams. “You mean that! Yeah, we have a lisp!”

“Lisp,” Changkyun says, without one.

“It’s like watching a toddler learn to walk,” Hyungwon grumbles. Changkyun doesn’t know enough to truly regret anything, at this point, but he regrets making Hyungwon stay.

Car keys in hand, Hoseok throws his arm up. “To the car! We’re on a mission!” But as he takes a step forward, Hyungwon vanishes and reappears by the small table, where Hoseok ends up slamming his foot. “Shit!”

“My bad,” Hyungwon mumbles.

Changkyun glances at the table. Hadn’t Hyungwon walked through that, earlier?

Hoseok stands up, cheeks just a little red, and walks with a slight limp until they’re outside. “Don’t mind that,” Hoseok laughs, waving it off and locking the door.

“You’re a very unlucky person,” Changkyun says, not even bothering not to glare at Hyungwon. “It’s like misfortune follows you around.”

“I’m used to it,” Hoseok says with a small smile. “Somehow,” he looks down, finger reaching to call the elevator. “Being near Kihyun helps.”

Hyungwon frowns slightly. “He’s... bright. It hurts a little.” He looks at Changkyun then. “You, on the other hand…” And smirks.

“Kihyun has that effect,” Changkyun says.

Hoseok glances at Changkyun. “Is that why you… is that why you’re here?”

“What?” Changkyun asks. Hoseok probably doesn’t mean the elevator. “Oh. No. I’m his guardian.”

Hyungwon scoffs. “Is that a sentence you learned at Satan camp? Repeat it whenever asked a question.”

Hoseok nods. “Somehow, that makes sense.” There’s a ding, the elevator doors open and Hoseok waits until they close to speak again. He doesn’t look as sunny now, though. “You know, Changkyun… I believe all kinds of shit. If you’d told me you were a mermaid and then flipped a fake tail, I would probably believe you for a second there but--”

“Oh, look, he’s self aware,” Hyungwon says.

“--but Kihyun is not like that… So, that’s why I think it’s very weird... “ Hoseok looks at Changkyun. “I don’t know what it is and I don’t know what the two of you know… but be careful with him, please. He is my best friend and I only have one of those.”

“Be careful with him?” Changkyun asks, curious.

Hoseok shrugs, “I’m not saying I know what goes on in that head of his, but… I can tell he is lying to himself right now. To make things seem normal, maybe. I’m just saying, you might not like it when that explodes in his face.”

“Now that is a fascinating scenario,” Hyungwon nods.

I like it. It’s normal.

“We watched movies last night,” Changkyun mumbles. “I think I understand what you mean.”

Hoseok sighs, his shoulders slumping down. “I hate being right…” There’s another ding and the doors open, but Hoseok doesn’t exit right away. “You know, if we look at it from his point of view, if things hadn’t gone to shit that night, you would probably be just a guy he would have found nice-looking, he would have gotten your number, you would have--maybe gone to his house and…”

“And…” Hyungwon says even though Hoseok can’t hear him.

“And that would have been normal,” Hoseok finishes.

“Except that it isn’t,” Changkyun says, scratching behind his neck. “Kihyun says it’s weird. That I’m weird. And considering the circumstances--” Changkyun stops himself, remembers Kihyun in the kitchen.

“Uhuh,” Hyungwon pops his head from over Changkyun’s shoulder, who tenses . “So thorny… Can I touch it?”

“ What does that mean?! ” Changkyun snaps and then… stops, again. “Uhm.” He shakes his head. “Normal.” Changkyun swallows. “What does normal… even mean.”

Hoseok throws a hand at the elevator doors before they close. “Normal… normal means human, Changkyun.”

“For you, maybe,” Changkyun sighs, walking out. “So far I’ve liked what Kihyun calls normal, and then something happens and it’s weird and it’s nice but it also, sometimes it’s not. Ugh.” Changkyun closes his eyes, rubbing at his temples. “Humans are hard.”

Hoseok chuckles, walking ahead. “Not all of them, no. And not all the time either.” But before Changkyun can follow, or reply, he sees dark.

And dark, darkness leans in, fingers wrapping around something Changkyun can’t see. And when he looks up, Hyungwon looks different, eyes neon yellow and face blank.

“If I pull,” he whispers and Changkyun feels a slight tug in his chest, like someone just tried to pull the air out of his lungs, “you feel it…” Hyungwon’s fingers squeeze harder. “And every time you feel something, there’s a thorn stabbing your heart.” He looks Changkyun in the eye. “It’s thorny because it shouldn’t exist. You , shouldn’t exist.”

“Stop it,” Changkyun manages, barely. He’s not sure how to speak without air in his lungs.

When Hyungwon pulls away, there’s blood in his hand. And he looks at it in a way Changkyun is not sure he likes.

“Someone has been messing around, I see… Whoever they are,” Hyungwon looks at Changkyun again, “I hope you win, for whatever it’s worth.”

Win? Changkyun opens his mouth and then Hoseok is there, eyebrows knit together in… concern. It’s concern.

“Changkyun? What is it?”

I like it. It’s normal .

“I don’t like elevators.” It’s not a lie. “Let’s just… go.”

“Can we make a quick stop at the hospital?” Hyungwon asks the wind. “I think I’m bleeding to death-- Oh, wait. Ha ha.”

Changkyun pushes past him, out, before the doors can close. It’s cold outside. He understands that now, cold.

“Hey!” Changkyun hears Hoseok call. “Hey, Changkyun!” And before he can turn around, there’s a hand around his arm.

It feels like touching. And that’s all. Hoseok’s hand is big, bigger than Kihyun’s, and his own. It’s warm and somewhere in the back of Changkyun’s mind, he knows. At least, it feels like knowing. He wants to go back to the couch, to the five minutes. It didn’t feel like this.

“Hoseok?”

Hoseok squeezes Changkyun’s arm and frowns at it for a second before looking at him. “Yeah? Are you… Are you okay?”

Changkyun looks up, sees Hyungwon there, and then nods a little. Lying isn’t always words.

“Yeah,” Changkyun nods. “Yeah, sorry, these, er, pants keep falling down, though.”

Hoseok sighs, letting Changkyun go. “God, I feel like a father…” He says a little in distress but also with a tad of amusement. “Anyway, to the car,” he points, and Changkyun walks with him, getting into the car, quiet. He taps his fingers on the small armrest of the door, the rhythm Kihyun had done on the counter.

“Stop doing that,” Hyungwon complains from the backseat, just as Hoseok starts the car, (Ugh, right. The shadow.) “It tugs when you do that and then it wiggles around! You want to stab me in the face, too? Demon .” The last word comes through gritted teeth.

Changkyun taps his fingers just a little harder. And thinks about Kihyun’s laughter in the kitchen. Just to make sure.

“Hoseok, Wonho,” Hyungwon calls even though he knows Hoseok can’t hear him, “next time, schedule the baby-sitting somewhere between the 8th of never and the 16th of never-gonna-happen! Thank you!”

“So…” Hoseok starts, dragging out the word, glancing at Changkyun for a short moment,. “Do demons have taste or?”

“Well. Kihyun likes his popcorn salty.”

“True,” Hoseok nods and smiles. “And…?”

Changkyun sees Hyungwon swatting at air in the backseat.

“And?” Changkyun shifts in his seat. “Coke. It bubbles and he thought it was funny to make me drink it. Bacon, eggs, cereal, coffee.”

“I don’t want to be near you when all of that decides it’s time to come out…” Hyungwon mumbles, swiftly dodging something Changkyun can’t see.

Hoseok laughs in his throat. “I see.” He glances at Changkyun quickly before training his eyes on the road ahead. “Do you… like him?”

“Now that would be questionable taste,” Hyungwon grumbles, sinking down in the seat.

“I’m not really sure what that means,” Changkyun says, smiling at Hoseok a little. He has such a good soul. “Liking things isn’t something I’m used to.”

Hoseok hums a little, smile growing wider, even when he almost takes the wrong turn and then almost bumps into another car when he tries to steer away. “Christ…” He sighs. “Wha--what I mean is… Sometimes, it’s not something you know. It’s something you feel.”

“How long have they even known each other…” Hyungwon grumbles.

“Anyway, I wasn’t really talking about what Kihyun likes. I was asking about what you like… fashion wise.”

“Clothes?” Hoseok nods. “Mm. I liked what I was wearing at the party. I just sort of started my existence in those.”

“I’m surprised with whoever made you, really.” Hyungwon mutters from where he’s lying down, eyes darting left and right to watch something . “Meddle with the order of the universe? Check . Send the kid naked to a Halloween party? God forbid.”

“Oh, yeah, the demon costume…” Hoseok hums and then shrugs. “Well, you like soft stuff too, Kihyun excluded, so we’ll see what we find.”

“Stuff him in a Satan costume. I’m all about the irony of life,” Hyungwon throws into the conversation.

“We should go with something that fits your eyes,” Hoseok nods.

“Like… death?” Hyungwon asks and then gasps when Changkyun turns to glare at him.

“Is that why you were thinking black?” Changkyun asks after a moment, thinking about Kihyun’s cheek under his fingers just to watch Hyungwon yelp and duck away from, apparently, a thorny something Changkyun can’t see.

Hoseok slams the breaks and Changkyun feels his body go forward and then slump backwards. “I think…” Hoseok huffs, eyes on the lady crossing the road, “I think black suits you.”

Colour. There were a lot of colours in the grocery store, there are a lot of colour outside. He hasn’t given much to any thought about any individual colours. He knows his hair is black, so are his eyes. He knows Kihyun’s eyes are dark, too, but warm. The walls of his house are light and the hoodie he’d put on for work this morning was beige. He thinks of colours and he has no real affinity for any of them. Not really. And then he thinks of the pink he’s seen on Kihyun’s cheeks, the brown in his eyes, and suddenly he can’t choose.

“I am glad no one else can see what I’m seeing,” Hyungwon mutters, “it would have serious implications in the porn industry-- Stop wiggling!”

Changkyun makes a mental note to google what porn is.

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

“You--” Hyungwon starts but stops “ --great . I think I lost my eye.”

Changkyun looks back around to roll his eyes. Hyungwon sticks out his tongue. All in all, a very mature exchange.

“You know a lot about fashion,” Changkyun says more than asks, sinking into his seat. Hoseok nods and grins from ear to ear.

“I do! I’ve always liked clothes, I used to--” Hoseok stops, coughs lightly and continues. “Uh, yeah, so I’m what you call a fashion buyer. I keep an eye on trends and then meet with designers and decide which clothes are gonna sell at specific retailers or shops that I’m in contact with and you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

Changkyun smiles out the window. “I’m a quick learner. Didn’t know anything about Venice when I woke up today. Didn’t know what strawberries looked like, just what they smelled like--” Hyungwon groans in the backseat. “And now I know Kihyun scored and I look good in black.”

Hoseok hits the breaks again. “What. What!?” He looks at Changkyun wide-eyed. “Did he really score or are you just quoting me now? How does that… Do you have…”

“Oh. My. God.” Hyungwon groans.

Changkyun turns to blink at Hoseok, eyebrow raised. “I was quoting you. Do I have…?”

“Nevermind!” Hoseok kind of screams.

Changkyun kind of smiles, asking a question he knows the answer to (it’s not exactly lying…). “Hoseok, what does ‘scoring’ mean?”

Hoseok opens his mouth and closes it. And then Hyungwon reaches forward, head appearing in Changkyun’s field of vision.

“It means sex,” Hyungwon deadpans. “Even I know that.”

“You’ve been around longer,” Changkyun says. “Can’t expect me to know every human word for sex. There’s an incredible amount, going just off the Netflix I’ve seen.”

Hoseok blinks. “Ri--Right. I guess I have been around longer…” His face goes serious all of a sudden. “Wait. How old are you?”

“That is very hard to say,” Changkyun answers. “Time doesn’t work the same way in hell.”

“Does sex work the same way in hell?” Hyungwon asks, eyes going from Changkyun to Hoseok and then back to Changkyun. “Joking.” He says without any hint of a smile before he slumps back into his seat.

“How is it?” Hoseok asks. “He--Hell, I mean…”

“You don’t remember hell when you’re not in it,” Changkyun says, looking out the window. “You’d go insane. Even a demon, would. I know it. I know how it works, where things are, the seven domains, Pandemonium. Basic facts of what happened, but.” Changkyun shrugs.

“I would love a tour,” Hyungwon offers.

Hoseok sighs, fully turning the steering wheel to the right. “I hope you don’t have to go back. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, really.”

“I, on the other hand,” Hyungwon says, brightly, “think too soon is not soon enough.” He leans forward again. “Seriously, go away.”

Changkyun closes his eyes, sits back, and thinks of the pull in his gut. Really, really, just… focuses on that thing.

“ Christ , fine,” Hyungwon complains loudly and leans back, flailing lightly. “Jesus, just stop that, nobody deserves this shit.”

Changkyun smiles a little. “Yeah. Don’t worry, you have a good soul, Hoseok. Wherever we meet, it wouldn’t be there.”

It’s faint, almost inaudible, but Changkyun is certain he hears it, the whisper that comes from behind. “Thank you for that…” Hyungwon mumbles. And it sounds like the truth. It sounds sincere.

Changkyun opens his eyes. Affection.

Changkyun wonders idly if Hyungwon feels a tug, too.

“Oh,” Hoseok says, and the car stops as he pulls them next to the side of a building. He only bumps lightly into the pavement. Changkyun wonders, then, if this is bad luck or if Hoseok just doesn’t know how cars work. “That’s… I mean, that’s good. Th-thanks? Heck, let’s just go get you your own underwear.”

“Oh! They’re sharing underwear! How did that not occur to me before!” Hyungwon says out loud. “I’m seriously, seriously, seriously,” He glares at Changkyun, “wondering right now… Did you possess Kihyun?”

Changkyun glares back, eyes narrowing. Hoseok, blissfully unaware, hums as he unbuckles the seatbelt and gets out of the car.

“I did not possess him,” Changkyun grits out. “He insisted I put on underwear.”

Hyungwon opens his mouth, blinks, closes his mouth, blinks again (faster). He licks his lips and opens his mouth again. “ Look . I’ve known Yoo Kihyun since he was five years old. There’s no way in hell , he’d let you anywhere near the laundry. But there’s no way in heaven, he’d let you wear his underwear.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “I don’t have to prove anything to you,” he says, and locks the car door before he closes it behind him. Though even with the car locked, Changkyun watches in disapproval as Hyungwon trespasses the car and stands up next to him in less than two second.

“Rude,” he says.

Hoseok smiles excitedly at Changkyun, gesturing to a store in front of him. “So, this is where I work! Not, well, not today, obviously, but we have a lot of really nice things--” Hoseok laughs again. “Well, I pick what we sell so obviously, yes, but anyway --” Hoseok tugs at Changkyun’s arm to have him follow. “I’m sure we’ll have a lot of nice things for you.”

Changkyun lets himself be dragged. “Thanks,” he says, having to pull his pants up a bit.

The place they walk into is light, simple, clothes everywhere. Lining the walls, in little islands around the place. There are a lot of colours. “Uhm,” Changkyun says. “Does Kihyun get his clothes here, too?”

“Sometimes,” Hoseok says, smiling. “That underwear I have totally not glanced at is, indeed, from here.”

Hyungwon makes a displeased noise and Changkyun frowns down at the underwear peeking out from the jeans low on his hips. He shrugs and looks at Hoseok, who’s already going from one piece of clothing to the other.

“This has some green… This isn’t black but it’s soft enough to make an exception… Oh, and underwear, obviously, lemme cheeeeck--” Hoseok laughs. “Calvin Klein. That works. CK’s for CK. Catch.” And Changkyun does. He frowns down at the little box. “Don’t know if demons get wrinkles, but you need to stop frowning so much, Changkyun.”

“He is learning from the best,” Hyungwon sing-songs. “Yoo Kihyun, Frowning Master. He does have the eyebrows for it, though.”

“Does Kihyun frown more than average?” Changkyun asks, catching a coat as Hoseok chucks it over.

Hoseok looks over his shoulder for a moment. “Well, I guess you don’t have much to compare… but he is one of the most expressive guys I know. If he’s happy, he smiles. If it’s funny, he laughs…” Hoseok shrugs and looks away. “If he’s sad he looks distant. And if he’s angry he will definitely let you know.”

“You make it sound easy to know what he’s thinking,” Changkyun says, feeling the material of a shirt between his fingers.

“I’ve known him for a long time, Changkyun,” Hoseok says with affection. “I’m sure you’ll be able to read him just fine in the future.”

Changkyun frowns and then stops, at odds with what he’s learned then and what he knows now. “Sometimes I think I did something wrong but he says I didn’t, but it feels--”

“ Feels ?” Hyungwon points out and Changkyun ignores it.

“Like I did.” Changkyun frowns, and means it this time. “And then he calls me an idiot.”

Hoseok grabs a pair of socks and stares at them. “Why does it feel like that? Does he do or say something in particular?”

Changkyun tries to think back. Hyungwon wacks at the air and moves to stand somewhere else. “There’s just... A look on his face that I don’t know yet, I’m sure.”

“Changkyun,” Hoseok calls and when Changkyun looks at him, Hoseok smiles. Changkyun looks down again. “Do you wanna see him? Like, right now?”

“I’m going to die,” Hyungwon deadpans, as Changkyun looks up from the clothes on his arm, a little skip in his chest.

“But we’re shopping?” Changkyun asks, despite the word ‘yes’ being right there. “And he said only to call him if demons threaten my life.”

“I am asking if you want to, not if you’re going to,” Hoseok explains.

Five more minutes .

“Yes,” Changkyun says, like the word wanted to be said more than Changkyun could say it. Want is a really, really strange concept. It’s like greed, but… but ...

“Did it hurt just now?” Hyungwon asks.

“Yes,” Changkyun says again.

Hyungwon sighs. “I think it did for him, too. Just a little.” He says. “If it pulls for you, it pulls for him, too. And vice versa.”

“Then!” Hoseok says, brightly, pushing Changkyun towards the back of the shop where it reads ‘FITTING ROOMS’, “Let’s hurry up. So we can go see him once we’re done! Okay.” They stop, and a girl waves at them before they go in, greeting Hoseok by name. “So. You’re not going to try on the underwear. Just see if the clothes fit, and show me if they do, okay?”

“It’s hard, being a single father,” Hyungwon muses, and Changkyun slips into the rooms, sighing at the big pile of clothing and sliding the curtains closed.

“Could have just gone to hot topic, but noooo,” Hyungwon complains again and Changkyun looks up but doesn’t see him reflected in the mirror even though he knows Hyungwon is there. Because, of course, he is.

“Don’t you have a human to follow around?” Changkyun asks as he starts shedding clothes.

“In all my years as an agent of death--yes, I just said that--I have never seen something like you, or this wiggling thing. So, I am obviously curious. Also, slightly cautious.”

“ Wiggling thing ?” Changkyun winces, shrugging on a shirt. “How would I know what it is. I’m Kihyun’s guardian. We’re connected. That’s all I know.”

“So… you mean you know… literally nothing.” He deadpans.

“Condescending,” Changkyun grumbles, and steps out of the room for Hoseok. Who gasps and claps his hands together. So it must look good. He gives Hoseok two thumbs up and goes back in.

“Nephesh,” Hyungwon says. “It’s what we call it. In a way, you are connected. But the reality of it is a little more complex.” He shrugs. “It tugs because it needs , because it breathes when you breathe. In a way, it has a will of its own. And it reacts to you and what you feel.”

Changkyun silently pulls on a big hoody, stepping into some jeans. He takes a deep breath and looks at himself in the mirror. “It doesn’t make you feel, just reacts to it,” Changkyun mumbles, and glances around at Hyungwon. “You’ve never seen it?”

Hyungwon’s eyes go down and he looks at Changkyun’s chest in the mirror. “No. I’d heard of it. But I’d never seen one before. Whatever you think it is, however, I should tell you: you are connected but your connection is forbidden.” He looks at Changkyun. “Kihyun has been here the entire time. But you? Someone made you. And that someone broke a lot of rules.”

“What did you expect of a demon?” Changkyun asks past the lump in his throat, a lump that reminds him that all he knows, he knows from what he’s heard, from what he’s learned and been told. But also that people lie. Demons even more so. Except--

It stings. A thorn pricking skin.

Except for him.

“Which is why,” Hyungwon looks away, “I kinda hope you win.” He looks Changkyun in the eye. “No matter your true purpose. Don’t forget that in this domain you have freewill. It doesn’t matter what someone else told you. What matters is what you decide to do with it.”

“I was told ,” Changkyun says, looking away and shrugging on another item of clothing. Black and green. He likes it. “To protect Kihyun. Sometimes interests align.”

Hyungwon hums, “And how exactly are you going to do that with all this taint inside you?” He shrugs. “You protect Kihyun. And… who protects Kihyun from you?”

Changkyun bites the inside of his cheek, turning to glare at Hyungwon. “I get the feeling you’re trying to get rid of me,” Changkyun says, and walks out to show Hoseok the newest piece of clothing before walking back in. Hyungwon did not, miraculously, decide to give him peace and leave.

“Of course I am,” He states, straightening up and crossing his arms. “Just win and leave.” He looks away, eyes narrowing at the mirror, at himself, but not really. He has no reflection. “Kihyun and Hoseok have suffered enough…”

Changkyun takes a breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “You’d prefer I let a demon break Kihyun’s body and drain his soul? What’s the point of free will, then. True purpose be damned.”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon calls and it’s the first time he’s said Changkyun’s name. “You better win. But don’t forget you’re fighting yourself, here.” He smiles and it’s not a good smile. “If you keep thinking like that, you’re going to lose Kihyun both in the metaphorical sense and… well. You know.”

Yeah, I do . “Because following Hoseok around until he dies will work out so well for you,” Changkyun snaps, grabbing the rest of the clothes and glaring, eyes dark, at Hyungwon. “Now will you shut up .”

Hyungwon looks himself up in the mirror, again seeing nothing. “He talks to me first and then tells me to shut up the moment I speak the truth…” He looks at Changkyun. “I was perfectly quiet until you forced me to talk, demon .”

“You were also following Kihyun’s best friend, Reaper, ” Changkyun rolls his eyes. “And I had no idea you’d be this…” He gestures at Hyungwon and makes a face.

“Yes, death does that to you, you know…”

“The exposure or the experience?” Changkyun asks without waiting for an answer, rushing out and shoving all the clothes into Hoseok’s arms. “I want to see Kihyun now.”

To remind himself. And also to forget. He’s not too sure which.

Hoseok beams. “You’re taking those?” He points at the new clothes Changkyun has on.

Changkyun looks down, and nods. The jeans remind him of the first pair he’d borrowed from Kihyun, although why they’re ripped and new at the same time, Changkyun’s not sure. And the black sweater he has on is soft, so he wants it. The jacket isn’t completely black (green, white, he knows those) and nods again. “If I can. I like it... I think. Still getting used to liking things.”

Hoseok smiles wider (if that’s even possible at this point) and shows Changkyun his thumb. “Consider it an early Christmas present from mua .”

“I can’t believe he’s talking shop with a demon,” Hyungwon mutters and raises his eyebrows when Changkyun glares at him. “Shutting up,” Hyungwon says with a shrug. “Shutting up now.”

“Thank you,” Changkyun says with a smile towards Hyungwon and Hoseok. The one with his mouth closed, where his cheek dent in.

Hoseok gasps. “Dimples!”

“Oh, god hel--” Hyungwon starts and Changkyun twitches. “Sorry, I am not talking. Bzzzzzzzzzz , mosquito….”

Changkyun keeps smiling, unsure. “Thank you..?”

Hoseok grabs a few more clothes and dumps them in a bag, quickly handing it to Changkyun. He laughs. “Don’t show Kihyun that face.”

Hyungwon leans closer. “ Bzzzzzzz , please do, bzzzzzzzz .”

“Kihyun doesn’t like dimples?” Changkyun asks, poking his cheek, looking into the bag.

“The opposite, in fact,” Hoseok informs as he beckons at Changkyun to follow him and smiles small at the lady outside the proving rooms.

Hyungwon sighs. “I need to vlog about today, really. You think DeathTube will give me a following?”

Changkyun keeps following Hoseok, who plops him down on a chair. “Close your eyes.”

Changkyun does not close his eyes. “What? Why?”

“Oh god,” Hyungwon gasps but it’s a fake gasp. “He already looks like a Desire Demon, Wonho, for fuck’s sake…”

“I’m sure Kihyun isn’t blind ,” Hoseok says, ruffling Changkyun’s hair. Changkyun wants to frown, but Hoseok’s soul is just so blindingly good . “But I don’t even think you’ve combed your hair.”

“Kihyun is a rat, Wonho.” Hyungwon informs. “He appreciates the nest.”

“Oh. Sure,” Changkyun agrees, and Hyungwon groans, so he smiles, closing his eyes. “Do whatever.”

“Later,” Hyungwon points out, “when that thorny vine in your heart wiggles like crazy, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. 'Cause I didn’t. I really didn’t. I’m letting this happen because I can’t physically stop it, ugh!”

“If you’re going to protect Ki, you need to look the part.” Hoseok nods.

And Changkyun can almost hear Hyungwon roll his eyes as Hoseok starts… Well, Changkyun isn’t too sure. It smells funny and when Hoseok does whatever he’s doing by Changkyun’s eyes, Changkyun wonders if this doesn’t hurt if you’re not an impenetrable demon.

“I feel like I am in a movie,” Hyungwon complains. He does that a lot, complain.

“Mmm, can you get piercings?” Hoseok asks.

Pierce. Mm. “I’m impenetrable,” Changkyun says and Hyungwon chokes.

“Really?” Hoseok rubs Changkyun’s earlobes between his fingers. “But it’s so soft…”

“And death is sweet,” Hyungwon deadpans.

Changkyun raises an eyebrow and Hoseok lets go with a cough. “Just called a demon soft,” he mumbles. “You can open your eyes, just gonna try and comb your hair. I wonder if that’s…” Hoseok pulls a hair off Changkyun’s head. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Yes, demons can go bald. But penetrated? Apparently not,” Hyungwon laughs to himself. “Oh, man, wait until you start hearing yourself. Demons are hilarious.”

Hoseok combs and fluffs at Changkyun’s hair, before smiling and stuffing a few more things into Changkyun’s bag. “Okay, let’s go see Kihyun.”

“Oh, I can’t wait,” Hyungwon says without any excitement. “I love being semi-blinded and poked with thorns.”

Changkyun looks at the buildings as they pass them. People and trees and cars and structures. He tries to train his mind on them, thinking of things to look up on his phone later, but Hyungwon’s voice, even though he isn’t currently saying anything, pokes at the back of his mind. Contrasting ideas, similar purposes.

They wander into the building where Kihyun works and Changkyun gawks at the huge amount of books that cover from floor to ceiling, in what looks like--crystal shelves? Everything is shiny and clean. Edgy, in a way, and white. Really, really white. Cold, with hard edges. Devoid of colour and feeling. It doesn’t feel like Kihyun at all… Because Kihyun feels like…

Warmth. Soft. Soft-bubbly-warmth.

And it’s big. Kihyun’s not big. His soul reaches to every corner of every room he’s in, but Kihyun, himself, is no bigger than the body Changkyun has.

“Kihyun works here?” Changkyun asks, turning as he looks up at the ceiling. Blue. But through glass. The sky.

“He is an architectural photographer,” Hoseok replies, guiding them through the long, broad corridors like he’s been here a hundred time before. “He also freelances, sometimes.”

“Photographer,” Changkyun echoes. “There were pictures on his phone. He didn’t want me to look at them.”

Hoseok looks over his shoulder, “Next time, ask him to show you his portfolio.”

Changkyun recalls Kihyun taking a blue folder to work, but before he can ask, they turn a corner and Changkyun sees him . Kihyun. Laughing at something. And Changkyun smiles. It doesn’t tug, but Changkyun walks towards him without waiting for Hoseok.

And he watches as Kihyun notices something in his field of vision and then turns to look. Eyes fasting towards Changkyun’s and stopping with a quiet click. Just like gravity, a string pulled taut. Just like magnets.

“Wha…” Kihyun starts, his eyes finally moving to look behind Changkyun and then at him again. “What?” And Changkyun feels like he hasn’t heard Kihyun’s voice in a long time although he knows that’s not true. “What are you doing here?” Kihyun asks, giving the person next to him a quick smile before he walks towards them.

“Hoseok got me clothes, and asked if I wanted to see you,” Changkyun answers, smiling. Dimples. He looks at Kihyun and ignores the way thorns wrap around the pull.

They meet halfway, Kihyun stopping just two feet away. “Clothes?” He frowns and looks Changkyun up and down. “Oh,” is all he says before he shoots a glare over Changkyun’s shoulder. “This is your doing.”

“Obviously,” Hoseok replies, hand over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Come on, he looks so good!”

“Debatable,” Hyungwon says, stepping closer to look at the air between Changkyun and Kihyun. “Fascinating,” He mumbles, squinting like Changkyun did when he saw light for the first time.

“Sexy or cute?” Changkyun asks, looking at Hoseok. He knows there was a difference. He knows Kihyun has varying opinions on what he likes to be called.

Kihyun. Who looks like he is struggling with words. “I’m-what-- He! What have you been teaching him!?”

Hyungwon hums. “About the bees and the, uhm, er… bees?”

Hoseok waves a dismissive hand. “Nothing!”

Changkyun, wanting to tease, says, “I know what ‘scoring’ means, now.” Changkyun looks at Hoseok. “Who did you say scored again?”

Hoseok opens his mouth to reply when Kihyun glares at him, eyes wide, but no sound comes out so he closes it again.

“Oh, beautiful,” Hyungwon laughs. “I love this. Joking. I hate it. Let’s go before--”

Kihyun leans closer to Changkyun, “Don’t even.” He says like it’s a warning.

Changkyun tilts his head. “I don’t think that’s a sentence.”

“At least tell him he looks good, Ki,” Hoseok whines. “He tried!”

“So did you, Wonho,” Hyungwon nods. “So did you. But I would stress the ‘tried’.”

“You look nice,” Changkyun says, even as Kihyun turns to glare at Hoseok. “I said that yesterday but not today, but you do.”

Kihyun shoves a hand over Changkyun’s mouth. He seems to jolt for a split second before glaring again. “Shut up, I’m at work! And that doesn’t make sense. Shut up.”

“Shit,” Hyungwon hisses. “What…” He looks between Changkyun and Kihyun, squinting. “It grows when you touch?” He gestures at Kihyun with a wince. “Jesus, I need to go… It’s too bright!”

Changkyun smiles again Kihyun's hand, as Hyungwon phases away in a little puff of black, and the tug settles into a pull like the tides.

“It’s just a compliment, Ki,” Hoseok pouts, letting go of Changkyun’s shoulder. “I don’t see the big deal…”

Still not letting Changkyun go, Kihyun moves to glare at Hoseok. “You can’t just dress him up--” He eyes Changkyun’s face for a moment before looking back at Hoseok “--put makeup on him and bring him for a stroll.” He says between gritted teeth.

“Oh, why not,” Hoseok defends. “He had fun! At least, I think he did, I’m not entirely sure, but it’s not like…” Hoseok gestures. “He goes around eating babies or whatever it is demons do.”

Kihyun leans back slightly, eyes narrowing for a moment before he lets Changkyun go. “Whatever,” He mumbles and looks away with the same face Changkyun had seen on him this morning.

“Besides, he was going to tear your shirts,” Hoseok chuckles. “Amongst other things.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I’m not saying I disapprove! I’m just saying… you didn’t have to come here.”

“I know,” Changkyun chirps. “You’d call me if you need me.”

“Ah, but Changkyun said he wanted to see you!” Hoseok beams like he just remembered something good.

Kihyun blinks and then looks at Changkyun and hums. “Well,” he looks away again. “You’ve seen me now.”

Changkyun opens his mouth, and there are a lot of things he can say.

See you at home.

Five more minutes?

Seeing doesn’t feel like enough.

Hug?

He doesn’t say any of that, though. Mostly because half-way through the thought, something small, red, and sharp pokes at the back of his head as he sees what can only be a demon. What kind of demon, he… he doesn’t know. The poke stabs . Not knowing isn’t good, for many, many reasons.

“Kihyun, you forgot these,” a woman says, approaching them with a smile on her lips. A smile that falters once she lands eyes on Changkyun, who almost growls somewhere in the back of his throat.

Kihyun seems to jolt awake and looks at her, face suddenly soft. Changkyun hates it. “Oh! Thank you.” He says, facing her and smiling. “I keep misplacing them for some reason. I’m sorry I made you come all the way here.”

The woman shows a flash of teeth when her smile grows, but it’s not directed at Kihyun. No. It’s directed at Changkyun. “Friends of yours?” She asks, handing Kihyun a bundle of clipped papers.

“Oh, uhm,” Kihyun looks anxious all of a sudden. “Yes. Hoseok,” he gestures at Hoseok, “childhood friend. And, uhm…” He looks at Changkyun with what looks like surprise. “And Changkyun.”

“A pleasure!” The woman smiles again. “Kim Eunseo, Yoo’s supervisor. Nice to meet you .” She stresses the ‘you’ when her eyes land on Changkyun.

“Likewise!” Hoseok chirps.

Changkyun narrows his eyes, trying to see but he can’t. He doesn’t know what she is. Or what she wants, but he can guess. He watches her, watches the hand she has on the counter close to where Kihyun’s standing that wants to reach out and Changkyun moves himself between them, red, sharp, stabbing at his mind. She retracts her hand.

Kihyun blinks at him, the corner of his lip twitching upwards slightly. “What are you doing?” He asks quietly.

“Protecting you,” Changkyun whispers over his shoulder.

Kihyun raises an eyebrow and smiles a little. It’s the first smile he’s directed at Changkyun ever since they arrived. “Okay?”

Eunseo smiles tensely at the two of them. “How… How long have you know him, Kihyun?”

“Eh, uhm,” Kihyun looks at Changkyun and Changkyun sees panic in his eyes. “There was a, uhm, p--party.” Kihyun nods and looks at Eunseo. “And, uhm…”

“Changkyun is Kihyun’s boyfriend!” Hoseok almost shouts and when Changkyun looks at Kihyun he looks like of those statues Changkyun saw on google this morning: petrified.

“ Oh ,” Eunseo says, eyes looking between the two of them. “Well, he seems quite… protective of you.”

Kihyun lowers his head and holds his temple against his hand, sighing. “Kill me,” he whispers and only Changkyun hears him.

“Aw,” Hoseok starts, “you know young lovers these days.” He says smiling with his eyes, too.

“True,” Eunseo says. “Well, I’m glad,” she says, and Changkyun hears it, the lie. His eyes narrow again and he’s wished it before, wishes it every time he can’t, but Changkyun wishes that he could touch Kihyun. His hand reaches behind him anyway.

“Uhm,” Kihyun starts.

“If your friends came all the way here then maybe you could leave with them,” Eunseo suggests and Kihyun looks up at her in surprise. She smiles at him with a fondness Changkyun hates. Because even that, in itself, is a convoluted, twisted lie. “It’s almost five, anyway. And you worked hard today. Even if you kept forgetting those in every room you went.”

Kihyun laughs and looks at the papers in his hands. “I apologize.”

“No need.”

“Then, I’ll…” He looks at Hoseok and then Changkyun before looking at Eunseo again. “Get my things.”

“Alright,” she smiles and then looks at Hoseok. “It was nice to meet you, Hoseok.”

“Again, likewise!” Hoseok says. And Changkyun hears him whisper a “Sorry,” when Kihyun passes him by.

“I hope,” Eunseo says in a voice that sounds more like the wind whispering, “you’re not here to stay.” Her mouth hasn’t moved. But Changkyun can hear her. And she’s looking at him, and her eyes glint black like marble. “I saw him first.”

Changkyun shivers, hand grasping into a fist as his shoulders tense. He hates it. Her words, her connection to Kihyun, all of it. And he hates the way she looks at him, smiling without it reaching her eyes, before slipping away.

“Heeeey,” Hoseok calls. “Earth to Changkyun!”

Changkyun looks over, and it’s a second between looking at Hoseok and quelling the fire behind his eyes, but Hoseok’s face falls. Changkyun closes his eyes and lets out a breath. He puts on a practised smile as he looks at Hoseok again. He remembers something he’s heard on television. “Sorry, I zoned out for a second there.”

Hoseok smiles small, “Got a text from hell?” He laughs.

There’s a shadow over Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’ve seen her before,” says Hyungwon. “She’s been around for a while.”

Changkyun looks at Hyungwon, eyes narrowing. Finally, he’s saying something useful. “Hell doesn’t have cell-service,” Changkyun says, looking to where Kihyun had gone to fetch his things. “How long has…” Careful . “Kihyun worked here.”

Hoseok hums, caught of guard. “Let’s see…”

Hyungwon steps forward, his arms brushes against Changkyun’s. “She’s eaten quite a lot. That’s why you can’t see her.”

“Ah!” Hoseok shoves his fist in his other palm. “Four years! Sorry, I’m bad at maths.”

“Four years,” Changkyun mumbles. I’ve heard a ringing all my life... At work. Changkyun breathes. She must have been waiting. Protecting him from others, even, just so she could get him.

I like it. It’s normal.

“And you only meet her now?”

Hoseok snorts. “I knew the previous supervisor. Funny guy. But he quit a few months back.”

“Eaten,” Hyungwon corrects. “She had a banquet last Christmas.” He shifts and looks down. “There was a party. The company organized everything.” He glances at Changkyun. “I… Hoseok had an, ehm, accident. So, Kihyun couldn’t attend.”

Changkyun fidgets, playing with the buttons on his coat, popping them out, in, out. “I want to go,” Changkyun grits out.

“Then, let’s go,” Kihyun says. And when Changkyun looks up, he’s right there, huffing, cheeks a little pink, jacket already on, hands full with papers and the blue folder from this morning.

“Did you run here!?” Hoseok laughs.

“No,” Kihyun frowns, huffing. A lie .

Changkyun looks back to where the demon had disappeared, and he… He looks at Kihyun. Pink in the face. He can’t tell him. It’s not a lie, not to tell. Is it?

“Home?” Changkyun asks instead.

Kihyun blinks and then laughs a little, palm turned up like an invitation, “Yeah, home. Come on.”

“And you chastise me for calling you boyfriends…” Hoseok shakes his head and then shouts when Kihyun kicks his leg.

Changkyun looks at Kihyun’s hand and feels his shoulders relax. Safe. He’s safe when he’s by his side . And Changkyun tries his best to believe that.

He holds his hand just above Kihyun’s. It looks like an invitation, but Changkyun can only ever get as far as the door. Open or not, Kihyun has to let him in.

And Kihyun doesn’t look at him, already turning around when his fingers brush up against Changkyun’s. “Do you wanna eat with us?” He asks Hoseok who beams back at him.

“I hate today,” Hyungwon complains, and yelps as Changkyun entwines his fingers with Kihyun’s.

Kihyun looks over his shoulder once they exit the building and locks eyes with Changkyun. “You look nice, by the way.” And then looks away.

Warmth. Soft. Soft-bubbly-warmth.

“Thank you,” Changkyun says, voice and the way he squeezes Kihyun’s hand, soft. “You too.”

All demons lie. Except for him .

---

Hoseok is going to hell, is the first that comes to mind. Kihyun slides his glance over, trying to look like he’s not staring. But is staring.

And the truth is, Hoseok has both excellent and terrible taste. But fact remains, he nailed it. He nailed Changkyun’s... style, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.

“Did he pay for those?” Kihyun asks behind his mug. He is totally not eyeing the coffee, and that’s a terrible way to start a morning.

Changkyun looks over from where he’s reading something on his phone. Changkyun, who had woken him up in the middle of the night because he didn’t know that the phone needed to be charged and was worried he’d broken it. “Mm? For the clothes?” Changkyun looks down. The hoodie looks to be at least two sizes too big, and his jeans are just.... tight. Hoseok is going to hell . “I don’t remember him giving anyone money. Which--” He shakes the phone. “Is stealing. But! I think he was allowed.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, taking the mug to his lips and wincing when he burns his lips. Too hot. “Right.”

“Thirty one,” Changkyun says, holding the phone up and sticking his tongue out.

The corners of Kihyun’s tip upward. “We should get a board,” he says, looking away to think . He hasn’t been doing much thinking since 4am.

“So we don’t get the wrong amounts of ‘rights’?” Changkyun says, smiling a little at him before winking at his phone. He presses a button and frowns. “Hmpf.”

“Did the phone not wink back?” Kihyun laughs in his throat.

“Phones don’t wink,” Changkyun says, pointedly. “I checked.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and looks at the coffee foam swirl in his mug. He smiles small. “Then what’s wrong?” He hasn’t been doing a lot of thinking. But at least he feels better than yesterday. So, he smiles wider.

Changkyun sinks back into the couch pillows, and leans forward to frown at his phone. “I’m trying to--” He smiles so his dimples show. “Take pictures but you’re--” Changkyun winks at the phone. “Much better at this than I am.” And then, Changkyun pouts his lips like he’s waiting for a kiss. And holds his phone out for Kihyun.

Kihyun thinks it takes him an hour to react. He knows, however, it was just a second.

He places the mug down, sighs, and circles the table. He sits down next to Changkyun at the same time he takes the phone. “You want me to teach you, I assume…” He trails off. Frowning when he looks at the little thumbnail displaying the gallery. “Wait.” He frowns harder. “These… these look really good!” His mouth says for him as he looks through the pictures.

“They do? The ones I just took?” Changkyun asks, schooching closer to look at the phone, a curious look on his face.

“Did you get these the first try? Cuz if so then I am jealous.” Kihyun looks at Changkyun and hands him back the phone. “Why would you think they’re not good enough?”

Changkyun hums, flipping through the pictures. “I don’t know what they’re supposed to look like, am I.” He locks the phone and leans back, slowly sliding down the couch. “But if you think they’re good… I mean, I’m not a building so it’s hardly your specialty…”

Kihyun chokes on air and leans forward, laughing. “What?” He glances back up, biting at his lower lip. “Of course you’re not a building, what the hell.”

Changkyun blinks. “Neither are you,” Changkyun says, and points at the wall. “You take pictures of buildings. And you like those. You put them on the walls. Haven’t seen one of your pictures of you or me on the walls.” Changkyun shrugs. “Just saying.”

“Why would I hang a picture of you on my wall, Changkyun. Jesus .” Kihyun looks away. “Anyway, I don’t just photograph buildings. I freelance as well. And that means people pay me to photograph whatever they want… within my limits, of course.” He pauses, frowns and then looks back at Changkyun, straightening up. “Are you…” He trails off. Jealous of buildings?

“Mm?” Changkyun asks, tilting his head.

“Nevermind,” Kihyun mumbles.

Changkyun smacks him with the phone on the arm.

Eyeing the device, Kihyun shoves at Changkyun’s arm a little before he says, “Hey, give me that.”

Changkyun holds the phone at a distance, narrowing his eyes. “Only if you don’t say ‘nevermind’ again.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, drifting them to Changkyun’s then. “I was going to take a picture of us together. But! Nevermind!” He teases.

Changkyun gapes. He holds out the phone, shaking it. “Take it take it take it.”

Sticking his tongue out, Kihyun slaps the phone away from Changkyun’s hand. He leans back and looks over for a moment. “Come here?”

Changkyun pouts, but scooches closer nonetheless. And Kihyun leans closer, holds the phone up high, smiles a little and (once Changkyun stops looking like a kicked puppy), snaps a picture.

He throws the phone over Changkyun’s lap then, and leans away. “Done.”

Changkyun stares at the phone, at the picture. His smile grows slowly. “Thanks,” he says, and starts tapping away at the phone. Quick learner. “Do I have to pay you now?”

Kihyun makes a face, trying to contain the laugher that is bubbling inside him. “Yes,” he manages.

Changkyun lowers the phone, looking at Kihyun with wide eyes. “I can wash the dishes?”

“Deal,” Kihyun smiles, or doesn’t. He’s trying to hold it, biting his lip, but it’s not working very well. “So? Off you go,” He gestures.

“Oh, now? Okay, I can do now,” Changkyun says and nods, putting his phone down next to Kihyun and jumping up. Kihyun lets himself smile now that Changkyun can’t see. Kihyun had taught Changkyun how to do the dishes last night, after an interesting dinner with Hoseok. Changkyun had, surprisingly, not broken anything.

Leaning back, Kihyun sighs. He stares at the TV for a while (even though it’s been off since 7am). And thinks . He hasn’t been doing a lot of thinking. But maybe he should.

“Kyunie,” His mouth says before he can scold himself for speaking out loud. “Can I… ask you something?” Just ask, you coward. “Don’t take it the wrong way…”

The sound of plates and mugs clinking against each other in Kihyun’s sink stops for a second. “I’ll try my best no to. Shoot.”

“What…” Kihyun closes his mouth again, glaring at the TV. He munches it over for a few more seconds. “What are...we?” He shivers once the question is out. It sounds bad now that it’s out. “I don’t mean it like that,” he backstracks and glances at Changkyun’s back, “I mean… you weren’t here three days ago. And now you are. And there’s… there’s no explanation, really. But suddenly you… live here.” He sighs and looks at the ceiling. “So, what I’m trying to say is…” He smiles at the fly stuck in the lamp. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, ha.”

“Well,” Changkyun says after a moment. “I could use some help drying these dishes,” Changkyun glances over his shoulder with a little smile before going back to the dishes. “Ki, I wasn’t on Earth three days ago. My normal is what I’m given.”

Normal.

Normal... ‘Normal’ haunts something else at the back of Kihyun’s mind. But once he catches himself letting it drift forward, he gets up. Dishes , he thinks instead.

“It just feels like,” Kihyun mumbles as he gets closer, “like I’m lost in a dream. And at some point, I’m going to wake up.”

“Dreaming, huh? I’ve seen you asleep,” Changkyun smiles. “And you look pretty awake right now.” Changkyun looks up, and flicks a bit of water at Kihyun’s face, making him wince.

Kihyun pouts a little, rubbing his face with the back of his hand. “That is the creepiest thing you’ve--actually, no. It’s not.” He’s about to grab a glass when his phone beeps from the counter. Kihyun mimics the sound, looking over his head. He turns around. His face going sour when he finally reads the text.

“It’s my boss…” He mumbles.

Changkyun stops and Kihyun glances at him. He bites his cheek,takes a breath and rinses a mug. “Kim Eunseo?”

Kihyun looks back at his phone and leans, hip to the counter. “Hn,” he nods. “She wants to meet up in a few. Something about yesterday’s file…” He glances over and glares at the cupboard by the entrance. “I brought something of hers with me, it seems.”

“Can’t she come get it here,” Changkyun says to the sink, and his voice sounds… different. Forced, somehow.

Kihyun sighs. He types something back and then rolls his shoulders, placing the phone back atop the counter. “Well, some people have busy lives, Changkyun. And considering I am free today…”

“You haven’t dried the dishes yet,” Changkyun grumbles. He rinses the last few plates and shakes his hands.

Kihyun looks at him again and leans away from the counter. He gets closer, slowly and then shoves his finger on the back of Changkyun’s neck, poking. “Complaining, are we…”

“Nyeh!” Is kind of the sound Changkyun makes, flailing lightly and turning around, hand clasped to his neck. “What? No. You haven’t , I was just…” Changkyun gestures, looking around as he rubs at his neck.

“Gonna miss me that much?” Kihyun asks, tilting his head.

Changkyun bites his lip. It looks like deliberation. “Yes. I have a question.”

“Just one?” Kihyun laughs, crossing his arms. He tilts his head again, “I call that ‘progress’.”

“For now,” Changkyun says. “Is… Is not telling someone something also lying?”

Kihyun blinks. He looks up, blinks some more, and then looks back at Changkyun. “Depends.” He shrugs, stepping closer and reaching behind Changkyun to grab a plate and the cloth nearby. He steps back, then, drying the plate until he hears that annoying, annoying rubbing noise. “Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t. There are… things you don’t know about me. Things I haven’t told you. But that doesn’t mean I’m lying to you, does it?” He eyes Changkyun.

Changkyun chews his lip. He taps his fingers on the counter in a familiar rhythm. “As much as I’d like to know you, I don’t think so,” Changkyun sighs. “ Ugh. You trust me. Right?”

Kihyun stops. He looks down at a button on Changkyun’s button down and then up at Changkyun’s eyes. “Yeah,” Kihyun can’t help the eyebrow twitch when he feels the tug.

Does he, though? Or is that another lie he’s feeding himself?

He sets the plate down on the counter and throws the cloth over his shoulder. “Yeah, I do.” He repeats just in case. “Why?”

The side of Changkyun’s mouth twitches up. “I… want you to trust me. So. Don’t… don’t trust your boss.”

Kihyun frowns and opens his mouth to contest. But he finds he has nothing to say. And deep, deep, deep down, he knows why.

“If you ask her to come here, she will.”

Something swells in his throat and he looks down. “Is… is it related to…” Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. Normal. He shuts his eyes. And then opens them again, staring Changkyun in the eye. “Do you trust me ?”

Changkyun’s eyebrows pull together, and he swallows as he looks back at Kihyun with a small nod. “Of course I do.”

Kihyun smiles. “Then you have nothing to worry about.” And he fists his hand, lightly punching Changkyun’s shoulder. “Okay?”

Changkyun seems to deflate. His lips part but he doesn’t say anything, and the skin between his eyebrows crease like he wants to frown but he’s trying not to. “ Ki ,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun’s phone beeps and lights up with a new message.

Kihyun looks over his shoulder and mimics the beep. Eyes glancing at Changkyun for a second as he smiles and then looking away as he turns to reach for his phone again. “Yeah?” He asks absentmindedly, eyes on the screen.

“ Please. ”

Kihyun flinches. His heart squeezes. And he looks up, eyes wide. “What?”

“I trust you,” Changkyun says. “But please. Don’t…” Changkyun squeezes his eyes shut. And sighs.

What are they, really? Why does it pull so much? And why does it make Kihyun feel like the entire world is too big for him? It’s like blinking wildly into the darkness and seeing only hot white blotches. Confusing. Unknown. But not… scary.

“ Come here. ”

Changkyun opens his eyes and his features fall and he does, he walks fast towards Kihyun with his hand already outstretched.

Kihyun frowns, his own hand slapping on Changkyun’s and pulling him into a hug. Except it’s not like last time. Because now Kihyun is the one clinging like he needs it.

There’s a ringing at the back of his ears, but it’s quiet, soft. And it sounds a lot like ‘please’. So, Kihyun hugs tighter and breathes , something, he realizes, he was forgetting to do.

“Don’t be stupid,” he says. And even though it’s only been a moment. Even though it’s just a stranger. It feels like it’s been a lifetime. “Just… let me. Really. I have to. If I don’t then…” I’ll feel like a bird in a cage.

Changkyun’s hand finds its way into his hair again, and he buries his face in Kihyun’s shoulder. “Okay,” he says, muffled against him.

Kihyun laughs a little and hides his face in Changkyun’s shoulder as well. “Damn it. I hate you. You make me feel sentimental all the fucking time.” He hits Changkyun’s head with his fist once, before letting it go limp over his neck. “You sure you’re a demon?”

“Yeah. My bad,” Changkyun says against shoulder. “You hate me?”

“Yep,” Kihyun says, squeezing a tad more.

“Mm, hate doesn’t feel all that bad,” Changkyun says, squeezing back, and Kihyun swears he can hear the smile on his lips.

Kihyun leans back slightly, eyes down to avoid looking in Changkyun’s. He lets his hands slide off his shoulders and sighs. “Don’t burn the house or something. Even if it feels justified.”

“Don’t be stupid?” Changkyun asks, looking at the floor.

Kihyun lets go, his shoulders going up in a cringe reaction and he shivers, pouting slightly when he does. “Yeah, yeah. Smartass…” He looks around the room. “But seriously. Don’t burn the house down.”

“Only flood it, gotcha,” and that earns Changkyun a meaningful, strong punch to the arm.

---

Easier said than done.

Part of him, the loud conscious part, knows he is doing this to prove himself ‘normal’. It’s just a day like any other. Just another day. Just another Saturday. Just another errand. But then there’s that feeling, that instinct at the back of his head. The one that told him to accept Changkyun. The one that told him to be strong and not freak out. The one telling him now, ‘you know how this is going to end up’.

Kihyun eyes the tall, predominantly glass building in front of him and feels his gut twitch. He’s glad he only had coffee this afternoon because otherwise he would be throwing up right now.

He feels sick to his bones. And the slight ringing at the back of his left ear doesn’t sound like Changkyun anymore. It’s acute. Meant to hurt the louder it gets. And suddenly it makes sense. Suddenly, everything makes sense. But Kihyun still doesn’t want to believe it. Not entirely…

He takes a deep breath and takes a reluctant step forward. And as he does, the ringing screams.

Not again.

It’s a low hiss, but it’s so sharp it feels like madness .

The ground feels unstable and Kihyun swallows his instincts as he steps forward. The place is deserted and that only aggravates Kihyun’s anxiety. He tries the front door. Waves in front of the laser sensor twice. But nothing happens. He looks around and then decides to try a side-door.

‘ONLY WORKING STAFF AUTHORIZED’, it reads. And once Kihyun grabs the handle, the door flings open without any effort on his behalf.

“Right,” Kihyun tells himself. There is literally nothing to worry about, he thinks to himself. He is just going in there to deliver something. And then he will leave. He will go home. Home .

Kihyun has never seen this building so devoid of life. He’s worked here for four years. There’s always someone around. Always. A security guard. Someone doing extra hours. An idiot who forgot his jacket (that would be Kihyun himself)... there is always someone around.

But today? Nothing.

And it feels like an eternity to get to the third floor. The corridors seem to want to swallow Kihyun alive every now and then. He knows that’s just mild claustrophobia, which seems ridiculous considering the size of the place.

But eternity is not a thing when one has a countdown over their heads. And Kihyun’s is very close to zero when he stops, hand hovering just a few inches away from the door he’s supposed to knock at.

The ringing has stopped. Which both relaxes him and makes his subconscious scream.

It’s the only light he’s seen in the building. He pushes open the door with a shaking hand that he tries to still in the other. Eunseo turns around and smiles. It looks like just another late Monday night.

“Oh, hey, Kihyun,” she greets, waving him in. “Thanks for coming in so late. On a Saturday, even.”

“Y--Yeah, I mean, yes.” Kihyun bows slightly and tries for a smile. “I hope you didn’t have to wait long.”

“Nah, you’re always fast,” she smiles, and gestures to the cappuccino machine next to her desk. “I know it’s late, but do you want something to drink?”

The door closes behind Kihyun, and he tries to remember if it always used to click when it closed. “Uhm,” he starts. “Yes, please, thank you.” He stops just as he starts moving and looks at the papers in his hands. He glances up. “This is what you wanted, right?” He asks, stepping closer to place the them over the desk.

“Yes,” Eunseo says without looking. She smiles as she presses a button on the machine and places a cup. “You’re alone?” she asks. “Boyfriend staying at home?”

Boyfriend? Oh .

Kihyun chokes on air. “Ah, we, uh… Yeah. Yeah, he’s… home .” He sighs. “Sorry about that, by the way. They just stormed in here yesterday and… I have enthusiastic friends. Troublesome, too.” Friends… is that what Changkyun is, too?

“Oh, it’s alright,” she agrees amicably, stirring the coffee as she brings it over, staying close to his side of the desk. “It happens to the best of us. Take a seat,” she says, standing herself. And Kihyun does, frowning a little at the commanding tone.

“Is… everything alright?” He asks, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, everything’s fine,” she waves off, hands on the edges of the desk. “I just want to talk.”

Kihyun mouths a little ‘o’ and nods, looking down. “Sure.” He looks up and smiles, effortlessly this time. “What do you... want to talk about?”

She pushes away from the table, walking up to Kihyun as if to walk around it. Towards, and a little bit to the right. “We’ve known each other a long time,” she says, smile tense. Like her lips are working separately from the rest of her face. “And yet, I know nothing about you. Not even something as,” she shrugs. “I don’t know, simple as you having a boyfriend.”

Kihyun looks away and laughs a little. “It’s… recent.” He lies. Well, not exactly. “Is it a problem, though?” He looks up expectantly and finds Eunseo a lot closer to him than she was just a few seconds ago.

She laughs, a sharp, hoarse thing. “Problem,” she laughs again. “Now, why would it be a problem .”

“I don’t… know?” Kihyun leans back where he seats. “Hence the question…”

She reaches out, sudden, to push his shoulder against the back of the seat. Kihyun feels his heartbeat pick up, speed up as if he’s running really fast. The ringing in his ears turns sharp, insistent. “Does he know?” she growls. “He claimed you, didn’t he? The scum .”

Kihyun feels his eyes widen, the face in front of him contorting into something… something . Until there is nothing to look at.

She has no face.

It rings. And it hurts. His shoulder. His head. Everything .

“I…” Kihyun tries, breathing fast. He reaches up, fingers around the wrist (bony, white) that pins him to his seat. “Eunseo…?”

The grip turns painful, as nails dig into his chest, hurting, breaking through clothes and skin. She speaks and Kihyun isn’t sure where it’s coming from, behind him, from this thing , the back of his head... It leans in, and there’s breath on his face, warm and thick, but when he looks, there’s nothing there.

“I CLAIMED YOU. YOU WERE MINE!! How dare he!!”

Kihyun breathes in through his nose, sharp and kicks the floor, chair swinging back with him on it. He lets out a pained huff when his back meets the floor and rolls back, landing on his knees.

He tries to get up, but he can’t. He can’t get up. He is free but he can’t get up. So, he falls back and slides away from the faceless form in front him, stretched and disfigured. It screams, primal and sharp and somehow behind him. There’s a fast figure around the room, suddenly, and a crash. “ MINE!!! I WANTED TO WAIT!! NOT NOW!! MINE!!” A weight bares down on his chest, heavy but invisible, knocking the wind out of him.

The back of his head hits the floor but, somehow, it doesn’t hurt. He tries to breathe, but he can’t . The weight on his chest keeps pressing, harder, harder, harder , and it feels like it’s going to break.

This is different. This is real. This is not a lie. And he can’t escape the truth.

Kihyun feels the gag reflex at the lack of air, his eyes crossing just slightly and…

Home .

Knowing. Knowledge. Death . He is going to die and all he can think about is going home .

So, he lets his arms go limp on the floor and screams even though no air comes out. He can’t hear his own voice. But there’s a ringing behind his ears. A new ringing. And it sounds a lot like… madness .

Home. Home. Home. Home. And it’s mad. It’s feeling. It’s right there at the back of his ear. And it makes his chest heave, makes him gasp just a little, just enough and-

“Changkyun!” It’s a whisper. A silent scream.

He thinks the name. He thinks of home. He’s calling out for home. And then the weight is gone. He sucks in a painful breath, and coughs off the weight. There’s a crash and a high pitched yell in the room. It rings so loudly it hurts.

Kihyun feels his hands shake as he tries to sit up, coughing as his lungs expand inside him. His whole body feels numb and prickly. And a ball of fear in his chest presses against his ribs.

He looks up, vision blurred and he sees...

Changkyun is holding the creature up by the neck, black trails and patterns of something on his skin, his eyes completely black. He growls somewhere deep in his chest, and the creature screeches. “ OFF ME DEMON SCUM!”

Changkyun squeezes at its neck, voice deep and the opposite of a ringing noise in its low bass. “Don’t you dare fucking touch him.”

Kihyun’s head slumps forward. His eyes burning hot with tears. Not again, not again, not again . He grits his teeth, shuts his eyes, and tries to quiet the voices in his head.

‘You knew from the start.’

Not again.

‘I told you so.’

Not again.

‘You’ve always known…’

“I don’t…” He breathes, voice cracking. Breathing hurts. “I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die, I don’t-- ” His breath hitches and he feels something hot and liquid run down his face. “I wanna go home… home… home… ” He can’t see. He can’t see. He feels nauseated, his chest hurts. He can’t see and the world feels like it’s spinning.

There’s a scream, a single scream, but somehow it’s everywhere, everything, from every corner of the room. A scream and a primal, deep growl. And then, like flipping a switch, there’s nothing. Absolutely nothing .

And, in the silence, everything comes back at once.

Twenty years ago, the whispers in the darkness he was told to forget.

Ten years ago, the ringing in his ears he was told to forget, too.

Six years ago, the hallow over his friend.

Four years ago, death and wings.

Three years ago, loud ringing, ugly ringing… and…

Three days ago…

And it feels like dying. Because a lie is a two-edged sword. And if Kihyun didn’t die with the truth, he dies with the lie.

Madness. Madness. Madness. It’s dark. He’s drowning in a pool of tears and sobs he can’t control. A crushing feeling of helplessness. Alone where the light won’t reach.

And then a voice calls to him, pulls him, and everything he’s been ignoring, repressing, denying the last four days, pulls him completely underwater.

Madness .

Kihyun doesn’t look up. But even if he did, he wouldn’t be able to see a thing. He can’t discern anything else apart from his own mumbling.

Secrets. Lies. Fear .

And darkness. Fear feels like darkness. It crawls from his heart up to his throat to choke him. It leaks from his bones into his muscles to freeze him. It runs down his face, liquid and wet, to show him. It tastes sour.

And it’s maddening.

The voice pulls again, and it feels like everything gravity does, pulls him, crushes him, doesn’t stop him as he falls. It’s warm and while fear feels like darkness, this pull, his pull , feels like light.

“Kihyun,” it breathes into his muscles, warm, into his lungs, free, down his cheeks, safe . “ Ki ?”

Kihyun’s breath hitches and he hears his heart in his ears. “I used you…” he manages, looking up at… nothing. Just a blur. “I used you… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

“Shh, it’s okay, Ki. Ki, breathe …” And he feels a weight next to his face, moving the air but not touching.

“No…” He says. But he breathes, anyway, hiccuping when he does. “No, you shouldn’t… I used you… you shouldn’t.” He rubs at his eyes, hands trembling. “You shouldn’t…”

“Look at me,” he, he , says, and it smells like his bed, like strawberries and fabric softener. “Come here…?”

Kihyun doesn’t know if he can move. He doesn’t even know if this is him, speaking, or if it’s all in his head. So, he lets his head tip forward until his forehead hits something. And it’s not the hard floor. It’s soft and it steadies him.

“I’m sorry…” He says. “ Changkyun… I’m so sorry.”

“If… If you’re sorry, look at me and say it. Please, Kihyun, let me…” A warmth close but not quite by his cheek again. “Let me see you…”

Eyebrows knitting together, trying to keep the tears in, Kihyun takes a shaky breath and slowly, slowly leans back just enough, eyes on Changkyun’s face.

Kihyun feels his bottom lip shake so he presses his lips in a thin line, frown growing harsher. And when their eyes lock, the world clicks back together. And so does madness .

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun whispers.

“Don’t…” the pull breathes, and tugs, gently, questioningly. “You’re okay, Ki. You’re safe. Let’s go home.”

Home .

Kihyun breathes out a shaky laugh and looks down. “Home.”

“ Home . Come here, Kihyun. Let me take you home.”

He takes the hand between them and closes his eyes and it feels like sleeping. Except it only lasts a second, or maybe two. And when Kihyun opens his eyes again, he is home. Away from the havoc. Away from the madness. Away from the truth. But not in the comfortable, perfect lie he’d been building so carefully.

“Changkyun…” He says, his eyes feeling puffy, tears stilling.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Changkyun says softly, and there’s a smile, a little dent in the cheek his side of his face. And it yanks at him. Everything feels clunky and clumsy as it yanks him around. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Kihyun lets his shoulders slump down, head tipping forward and landing on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I know…” He sighs, closing his eyes, taking a moment to take another breath. “I know. I’m sorry. And… thank you. For… trusting me and… for saving my life. Again .”

He breathes and Changkyun breathes with him, hand gentle as it soothes over his back, his hair. “I was…” Changkyun’s voice is thick, heavy, somehow. “I was so worried about you, Ki.”

“I know,” Kihyun says, voice shaky. “So--Somehow, I’ve always known…” He turns his head slightly, vision going out of focus on Changkyun’s neck. “Somehow, I’ve always known. From the start. I just… I just didn’t want to believe it, I guess…”

Changkyun’s ministrations slow, arm around his waist pulling just a bit tighter, hand in the fabric of his shirt. “I didn’t want to tell you about her. I wanted your life to be… normal. Even with me in it. You like normal.”

Kihyun frowns. “No, you… I mean, yes. I like normal. Or at least I like to believe I do.” He swallows and takes a deep breath. “My life has never been what most people would call ‘normal’. Even without you in it.”

There’s a pit inside his chest. So, Kihyun clings a little more. Hand turning into a fist on Changkyun’s back.

The truth feels lonely.

“When… when I was a kid I remember seeing…” He says. “In the corners, in the shadows, even in broad daylight… always there.” He shrugs awkwardly. “But when I told my father he just… he told me to forget. So… I forgot .” Or he pretended he did.

“You wanted normal, so you lied to yourself?” Changkyun asks, voice soft and close. “Turned the voices into ringing.”

Kihyun nods wordlessly, hiding his face on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…” He says a few seconds later.

“You keep saying that,” Changkyun says, sighing softly against him, helping him up.

And feeling tired and too heavy in his own body, Kihyun finally lets go. He steps back, stumbling a little, and looks up at the ceiling to blink a few times.

The lights are on and it’s dark outside. It’s like having an out-of-body experience. Kihyun is looking at the ceiling but he is aware of everything around him. His feet are touching the floor but he can’t feel it, his own weight. And he can’t feel himself breathe even though he is aware he is breathing.

“Why me,” he hears himself asking. “Why do they want me?”

Changkyun stays quiet for a moment, and says, with an unreadable tone. “You’re... pure. They’re tainted. Dirty and broken. And you… A soul like that, for them, it…”

“Pure,” Kihyun hears himself repeat. “And that’s why you have to… protect me.” It’s not a question. His eyes drift down and he sees Changkyun. “Why? Why do you have to protect me?”

Changkyun’s face reads something, says something but Kihyun can’t think about that. “Light doesn’t exist without dark. And dark without light. There’s a balance to things. And there’s already enough dark in the world, Ki. You’re… a light. In a sea of black.”

Kihyun sees the floor, which means he is probably looking down. But he can’t tell. He can’t think. “Changkyun… I can’t forget again. Don’t…” He blinks and he’s seeing through his own eyes again. “Don’t let me forget.”

Changkyun frowns, soft. “I’m… I’m not sure what you want me to do. Do you need me to--to go?”

Something Kihyun quickly recognizes as fear swirls all the way up to his throat. He looks away and frowns. “I can’t… use you.” He says. That’s all he can say. Between all the possibilities floating around, waiting to be randomly picked and thrown like ‘stay away’, ‘leave’, ‘stay’, ‘don’t go’, none is as real as the truth. “I won’t use you, or anyone, to hide myself from the truth.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “I don’t understand. How are you using me?” Changkyun takes a tiny step forwards. “Why are you sorry?”

“This,” Kihyun moves his finger between the two of them. “We can’t do this.”

And Changkyun takes a tiny step back. “I don’t…” Changkyun shakes his head. “Ki, you don’t know , you don’t understand how worried I was when you left…” Changkyun looks down, blinks hard and nods. “I can leave. I’ll go if you want me to. But I… I don’t want to.”

Kihyun looks everywhere but at Changkyun. “I was…” He rubs his palms on the side of his jeans. “Normal. Trying to make it normal was…” He notices the door to the bedroom and trains his eyes there, it makes it easier to breathe. “I was starting to like you, like really like you… And that’s not even… You’re not...” Words are fucking useless .

“Normal,” Changkyun finishes, voice flat, monotonous. “Human.”

“You probably don’t even understand what I mean…” Kihyun says, hurting himself with his own words.

“Just because I can’t touch you,” Changkyun starts, looking down. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and it’s bitter. It tastes bitter. He tilts his head of a second, eyes still on the bedroom door. “And of course you had to go and say that…” Always saying the right thing .

Changkyun’s features fall and he turns around, hands up in his hair and letting out a frustrated groan that makes Kihyun flinch.

“I’m…” Kihyun reaches up and touches his own chest where he still feels a little, faint pressure. “I just don’t want to…” Words. Words. Words. “I don’t want to use you, that’s all.” He sighs and turns towards the bedroom. “I need to sleep…” Not to forget, but to remember.

Changkyun rushes forward, grabbing at the material of Kihyun’s shirt before he notices what he’s doing and lets go. “Okay,” he says, nodding, voice small. “Okay, just… tell me what you want from me. I don’t understand what you mean--when you say you’re using me. I want to protect you. I want to. You can’t use me if I want to , right?”

Kihyun smiles a little. “You don’t even sound like you mean it. But that’s not what bothers me. You say you learn quickly. And you say you only have what you see and hear to learn from. If all I show you is… this , then you will never know the difference. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

Changkyun nods, blinking lightly, tonguing at his cheek as he slowly steps away. “Okay,” he nods again, swallowing and looking away. “Just… Just remember that I’m just a word away. Please don’t make it more than that.”

The truth feels lonely. Very, very lonely.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Changkyun smiles. And it’s sad , and it looks a lot like ‘ I trust you ’. And before that fact can hit Kihyun straight in the chest, Changkyun’s gone.

It comes crashing down like a tidal wave. Kihyun doesn’t feel his knees hit the floor. He doesn’t hear his own voice as he cries. He doesn’t remember breathing in when he breathes out. What was right is wrong and what is wrong feels right. But in the end, he’s alone.

He looks up, vision blurry, hands on the floor searching for something to hold onto, but there’s nothing. The one thing, the one person that could help him right now, the one who’s been there from the start, is gone. Gone. And even when Kihyun thinks about the only other person in his life that could help him stand up right now, he knows that he can’t do that to them.

There’s a window. A bed. A door right next to him. And a voice inside his head, telling him to hold on. But there’s nothing to hold onto. Nothing. Not even when he reaches the bed and pulls the covers down over his head, curling into a ball on the floor.

“S--I’m so...rry…” He hears himself hiccup. Twenty four years. That’s what weights on him now. Twenty four years of lies and smiles. And he did that to himself.

There’s a ringing in his ear, soft but far. And it won’t hear him when he calls. But at least, if he focuses on that, he can almost fall asleep. Even if he knows what awaits him once he closes his eyes.

Just a word away feels like too far away.

It seems silence has a ring to it, too. And in a remote corner of Kihyun’s mind, he swears he can hear the static. It wakes him up in the middle of the night between cold sweats and shivers and tears on his face. But Kihyun closes his eyes again and forces himself to sleep.

He sleeps until the sun comes up. And then sleeps until it sets. He sleeps through a full moon of plagued dreams and whispers, unmoving, curled up on the floor of his bedroom, bed sheets over his body. And it takes everything, everything , every inch of will left in his bones, to move a finger and sit up once morning comes again.

Monday.

Kihyun looks at himself in the mirror and hates what he sees. His eyes shift to the razor atop the cabinet and he doesn’t even think twice. He grabs the razor and slides it across his palm, as deep as he can. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it bleed? Yes. But it heals, too. In five seconds there is a white scar. And in another five, nothing.

Truth.

That day, he takes a shower and goes to work. Mostly in a catatonic state, but people seem too busy to notice. Too busy to care. He doesn’t even need to pretend he’s okay. Not even when he finds himself in an empty office with a dented wall, tears on his face, longing in his heart.

Tuesday.

A night plagued with nightmares and ninety minutes between them. Kihyun keeps waking up with a name on the tip of his tongue. A name he doesn’t dare call. So, he ignores the whispers in the dark and keeps counting the days. Maybe it will help.

Wednesday .

Just another day. Kihyun feels numb. A full week has come to pass since everything started. Thus, back to the start… Loneliness . He texts his best friend hoping to feel a little color, hoping it will help.

And it does. It helps. Because who wouldn't want to smile? Who wouldn't want to feel the warmth that comes laughter? Who wouldn't want someone to believe in them no matter how crazy it sounds?

Thursday.

Kihyun looks at himself in the mirror and he knows he will be okay. Lonely, in a truth he didn’t ask for. But he will be okay. No more lies.

The house feels a little empty even though Kihyun has lived alone for the past six years. His extra toothbrush is gone. The bag Changkyun had left in a corner of Kihyun’s wardrobe, full of clothes, is gone, too. And only Kihyun’s old phone was left behind, with a picture of them as locked screen wallpaper.

Which is precisely what Hoseok is looking at right now, eyebrows almost knit together in a frown.

“Well, this looks cozy,” he says, falling down onto the couch and holding up the phone.

Kihyun frowns, feeling a cold weight on left shoulder and a shiver down his spine. “Did you even listen to anything of what I just said?” It feels… normal to have Hoseok around. Not in the way ‘normal’ works as a lie, but in the way Kihyun feels like he needs to be strong, needs to be okay for someone else’s sake.

Hoseok sighs, turning the phone off and tossing it aside. “Yeah. Sorry, it’s just a lot, y’know. Your boss being a demon and all.”

Kihyun shifts from one foot to the other, knees a little shaky. He really doesn’t feel like sitting down, though. “You know what bothers me? Ch-- He broke a table when he slammed her against the wall…” Kihyun frowns harder,a tight knot on his throat. “And no one, not even her superiors have mentioned a thing… It’s like… it’s like it never happened. But I went there on Monday and the table was gone. And the wall was… well, dented.”

Hoseok raises his eyebrows, leaning forwards where he sits, hands twisting. “You think there are more of them?”

Kihyun shrugs uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I can’t tell.” He sighs. “I can’t see them, I can only hear… whispers. And it sounds… like a pit of snakes, to be honest.”

“Jesus,” Hoseok breathes and then winces. “Sorry. Not so much supportive and understatedly horrified.” He glances at the phone again. “What… What are you gonna do, if something happens again?”

Kihyun looks down, his heart almost jumps up to his throat. “The--There’s not much I can do, is there?” He sighs exasperatedly and it almost sounds like a groan. “I mean! When you get sick, you take a pill or two and… you do something about it. If you fall, you get up. You can do something. This is just… I can’t do anything about it! It pisses me off…” He frowns as the words leave his mouth. Pissed off, yes . That is something. It feels like something. It’s not just numbness surrounded by fear. It fuels him.

“There’s no manager you can talk to about the demons,” Hoseok mumbles. He sighs. “I just… don’t see how sending him away was a very safe decision…”

“I needed some distance from him, that’s all.” Kihyun mumbles and then bites at his lower lip, smiling a little when he remembers something. “Think… think Satan will pick up if I dial 666?”

“Probably put you on hold for fuckin’ ages,” Hoseok laughs. And that. That’s what Kihyun needs right now. Something that sounds alive, warm, familiar. “Sounds like hell to me.”

Kihyun tilts his head a little and smiles. “The phone bill would be beyond me, really.” He sighs. “Where are… where are the good guys in this story, really. I mean, there’s demons and whatnot.” He looks at Hoseok and points up. “What about the ones up there?”

Hoseok hums. “You know, actually, that’s a great question. Why give you a guardian demon? Were all the guardian angels on leave or…?”

“Or maybe we’ve been lied to and there’s no heaven…”

“Did you ever ask him about heaven?”

Kihyun frowns. “I barely asked him about hell. I wasn’t exactly… thinking straight--ha ha.” He snorts. “Go ahead, joke.”

Hoseok laughs, scratching at the back of his head. “Oh, I want to… You think all demons look like that ?” Hoseok gestures like there’s anything to point at. “Or just the ones they send to guard disaster gays?”

Kihyun snorts a laugh despite the tight knot in his chest. Guilt. “Want me to ask him about his friends next time? Are you lonely? Aw…”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “You know full well I--” He stops.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry.”

Hoseok shakes his head and looks up, smiling widely, mischievous. “I made him too hot, didn’t I. Go on, it’s more a compliment for me than him.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose and shivers. “Ugh, I hate you so much…” He pauses then, glancing at his friend. Silly, silly conversations, something Kihyun will never take for granted again. “Not like you were sculpting something from mud, you know? That was… some quality clay.” He grimaces after he says it, but it feels good to talk about it like… like it’s normal. Like it’s not crazy. Like someone believes...

Hoseok smiles with one side of his mouth. “Well, hell isn’t exactly cold.” Hoseok winks, picking up the phone, his phone, and pokes around on it. Kihyun has to stop himself from stopping Hoseok. There’s no reason, to, after all. “Did you…” Hoseok looks up from the phone, and shakes his head as he goes back to scrolling. “Ah, nevermind.”

Kihyun looks out the window, squints slightly at the blue sky and then finally walks to take a seat next to Hoseok. He slumps back on the sofa and picks at hangnail. “What.”

Hoseok lets out a dramatic breath (typical), and leans back, tipping the phone over to Kihyun. “We’ve known each other a long time, my friend…” Hoseok starts. “Remember when we had dinner? The day I gave him all those clothes. That he took, by the way, ” Hoseok huffs with no real annoyance. “He just, like, really sucked at that spaghetti. He looked so confused but he just soldiered on. And it just… didn’t stop.” Hoseok turns to look at Kihyun. “And you were laughing. Really, really laughing.”

Kihyun feels a familiar sinking feeling. He breathes over it. Leaps over it, really, and thinks ‘parkour!’ before smiling a little and then looking away to hide his face from Hoseok. “What’s your point?”

Hoseok smiles, poking at his arm. “I’m the only person who’s ever shared a bed with you, Ki. And I guess technically I still am… I’m just…” Hoseok frowns.

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “What makes you think I’m…” He stops, trailing off. “You’re just what?” He looks over. “Concerned? Worried? I’m fine.”

“Curious,” Hoseok says, smiling a little. “I’ve never seen your walls come down like that. You two… I don’t know. It’s like I could see the little red thread between you.”

Kihyun fakes a gag reflex. “You’re… ugh! They really should’ve cast you for Twilight. I swear!” He shivers. “You’d be a fantastic Edward Cullen.”

“That’s a really, very gay thing to say, Kihyun.” Hoseok laughs.

“ You made me watch the movies!” Kihyun throws back, elbowing Hoseok in the arm.

“Didn’t make you reference them, though,” Hoseok says, elbowing him back. “And I don’t appreciate the change of subject, but I suppose it can’t be helped.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, honestly…” Kihyun sighs, opting to stare at the TV instead of Hoseok’s silly face. “He… I mean, there was a load of bullcrap there, really, and that’s on me. But… I kinda…” He bites at his lower lip. Stop talking . “He was… is weird.”

Hoseok laughs, a high pitched puff of amusement. “No shit, Kihyun. I can feel a but , though. Yeah?” Hoseok pokes him again. “Am I right? Is there a but?”

“I have knives in the kitchen and the kitchen is right there,” Kihyun warns.

“Now that sounds like something a demon would say…”

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah, well. Isn’t that what Hyu--hm…” He coughs. “Thank you for coming, by the way. It’s been…” Kihyun sighs, looking around, “an interesting couple of days.”

Hoseok reaches out, patting Kihyun on the head. “You know what’ll help?”

“Death?” Kihyun jokes, feeling a cold weight on his shoulder again.

“I seriously doubt it. But no, no, my idiot friend,” Hoseok pats again. “Chicken.”

Kihyun perks up and turns to look Hoseok in the eye. He can’t see his own reflection but he knows he probably looks like an exclamation point. “Yeah?”

Hoseok rolls his eyes fondly. “Chicken really is your soulmate. Come on,” Hoseok smacks him on the knee and stands up. “It’s on me.”

“I’ll hold you to that!”

---

And he does. It’s bad to say, as Kihyun probably could have really taken the opportunity as it is and made Hoseok take him to an expensive restaurant, but no. There’s a bar (a bar!!!) that probably has the best chicken wings in the world. So that’s where he takes him.

“Am I... seeing this right?” Kihyun tries to say without slurring, blinking and squinting at the seven? Seven bottles of soju between them. “Wait. No. N’eight. Seven!”

Hoseok lifts his head, propping it up with his hand, elbow on the table. “I’ve been taken avda--avada keda-- advantage of ,” Hoseok says, scooching a bottle over. “This isn’t chicken.”

Kihyun snorts. “What?” He leans closer, squinting harder. “You sound like you, you say it like... like I am a terrible person and forced you do to… to do! This.”

“M’mazed you haven’t gotten drunk before now, factually,” Hoseok squints, too.

“Hmm, well,” Kihyun munches the air in his mouth and looks down. “Not big on… you know.” He shrugs. “With dad and… you know. Old habits die hard.” He blinks and then snorts. What is he, five?

“Hmpf,” Hoseok grumbles. “Need ‘nother bottle, this is getting sthad--” Hoseok says, and waves his hand around before letting it fall. It hits the side of the table and Hoseok mumbles an “Ow’.” He looks at Kihyun, points at him. Well, tries to. “I should take advantage of you too.”

Kihyun makes a face. “I hate the sound of that…”

Hoseok sticks his tongue out. “No! Ugh, no, ew , listen, listen. You’re--when you’re drunk you just--” Hoseok gestures at Kihyun. “Candle. Wait, no. Comman...do? No! Candid !”

“Hmm, okaay. What does… do, I mean,” Kihyun sighs, crosses his arms over the table where he leans his chin, looking at Hoseok. “I can’t form… sen tanaa ces.” He stops. “You! Can’t form sentences… sentences… Why does the word sound funny to me...”

Hoseok scoffs, lisp thick. “That’sth not a word. You--” He points again. “Yoo,” he giggles. “You like them weird. ”

“Shuddup! ”

“Not that you--” Hoseok hiccups. “Liked a ‘ot of peeeeople.”

“I like you,” Kihyun raises an eyebrow, “does’tha make you weird, too?

Hoseok waves his arm around like there’s a fly annoying him. “You don’t like me like--like--” Hoseok sticks his tongue out, flops his arms down on the table and glares over at the bar. “Whass’at thing.”

“Ass?” Kihyun snorts. Yep, he’s five. They’re both five.

“Yeah! You don’t like my ass!” Hoseok proudly proclaims, before frowning. “You don’t like m’ass? Thought it’as nice.”

Kihyun closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Nah, I,” he smacks his lips and shakes his head again, this time scrunching his nose, “Naaaaaaaaah. Never even, uhm, lo--looked.” He pauses. “Maybeeee, once. Sorry. But but but but! There wassa stain.”

Hoseok gapes, hand up to his chest. “I’m offended!” Hosoek snorts, slumping down again and blinking at him. “M’sorry I looked at his ass.”

Kihyun tilts his head, frowning again. His? His… His!? “Cha--You... did?” Kihyun looks down and blinks. The images coming back are not exactly SFW. He can feel sobriety knock at the door, all of a sudden. “I… change of subject.”

Hoseok pouts at the nothing he’s staring at, cheek pressing against his hand. “So pretty. Not--not the ass--well the ass too--” Hoseok narrows his eyes. “S’been a while.”

Kihyun scans the bottles over the table. He needs more alcohol. “Not much ass-checking lately?” He hears the voice inside his head scream at him to change the subject. “Let’s just…”

Hoseok waves his arm again, looking over at the bar as if to call attention to himself. “Sorry,” Hoseok mumbles. “Kinda grew attached there for a sec.”

A spike of anger attached to guilt fuels what comes out of Kihyun’s mouth next. “Can you stop bringing up Changkyun-- Shit!” Kihyun slaps his hand over his mouth and leans back, eyes wide, locked on Hoseok’s.

Hoseok leans forward, accidentally tipping a few bottles. Fortunately they’re empty. “Is he… Is he here now.” Hoseok looks around, eyes wide, peeking over the booth they’re in and whispers loudly, “ Maybe his phone is off. ”

Kihyun snorts, hands still over his mouth and he leans down to laugh into his palm, shoulders trembling as he tries to muffle himself--or suffocate himself, really.

“Your order?” Kihyun hears (just before the familiar sound of a soju bottle hitting the table), and it sounds… it sounds like-- oh shit.

He looks up at Hoseok first, eyes wide (hand still over his mouth), and then slowly turns to look at… at… fuck . Fuck his life.

“ Jjaaa angkyun?” Hoseok chirps, smiling wide.

“About seventy percent there, big guy,” Changkyun grins, tilting his head to look at Kihyun, who ducks his head down, eyes down, too. “You don’t look like you’re in terrible danger. Unless, of course, you just couldn’t wait any longer for your drink. The service here, really.” Changkyun tuts. “Lacking.”

“ Whhe ereas’th have you been?” Hoseok asks, gesturing at Changkyun to sit down next to him, stop looking, Kihyun!

Changkyun leans back where he sits, tilting his head. “Oh, a little bit of everywhere. Interesting civilisation you guys have up here. You two look busy .” And Kihyun can feel it, Changkyun’s eyes on him.

Kihyun finally drops the hand from his mouth to his knee, but doesn’t look up. He tongues at the corner of his lower lip, searching his mind for something to say but finds nothing. Zero. There’s nothing he wants to say. So, he stays quiet.

“You said my name by accident, didn’t you,” Changkyun says, he doesn’t ask it.

“He did,” Hoseok replies and Kihyun is glad. “Daaaaaamn, you aaare… hm, er, putting tha’ christmas present to good use.”

Changkyun looks away and Kihyun feels like he can breathe again. Changkyun scoffs, deep in his throat. “You didn’t choose them for me to blend in, did you.” He tilts his head. “And thanks. You’re not the only one that thinks so.”

“Ohoh?” Hoseok beams. And Kihyun doesn’t see him but he knows Hoseok is looking at him now. “ Been’aking friends, have weeee?”

Kihyun slowly moves his hand to reach for the new bottle of soju, trying to avoid being noticed.

Changkyun raises his eyebrows. “Me? Make friends?” He scoffs again, looking to Hoseok’s right. “Many reasons that wouldn’t work, don’t you think. But no. Humans are just…” Changkyun bites his cheek. “Apparent.”

“Hmph,” Hoseok pouts at the same time Kihyun finally grabs that bottle, “well, I’m yo’friend.” He stops and Kihyun braces himself for what’s coming. “So’s Ki!”

Changkyun’s quiet. He leans forward, with his arms on the table as he looks at it. “So that’s what we are,” Changkyun says, voice deeper than Kihyun’s heard before. “Friends.”

“Wha’ould we be instead if no’friends?” Hoseok asks.

“Now there’s a question,” Changkyun says, looking over at Kihyun again.

Kihyun fills his glass and picks it up, looking at a random someone behind Hoseok, and snorts. “‘Friends’ isn’t the word,” he mumbles before he drinks the shot glass all in one go.

“Maybe there isn’t a word for it,” Changkyun muses. “Haven’t found it yet.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches up just slightly as he stares at the bottom the glass, as if it has all the answers to the question he hasn’t thought of just yet. “We agree on something…” He mutters and it’s almost inaudible.

Changkyun scoffs again, grinning widely. “Oh, come on, it’s not like we ever argued .” He pushes at a bottle on the table. “How drunk are you, on a scale from none at all to ‘I didn’t mean to say that last thing out loud’?”

Kihyun leans down to snort again. “Yeah, that .” He places an elbow over the table and his temple with his hand. There’s a very unwanted feeling bubbling in a corner of his mind.

Changkyun looks at Hoseok, a small smile on his lips. “So. Why were you talking about me?”

Hoseok shrugs and speaks even after Kihyun sends him a pleading glare. “Ki likes’em weird.” He says and Kihyun lets his head fall back onto his hand.

Changkyun laughs. It breaks out of him like a dam wall breaking. It’s a loud, high pitched yelp of a giggle. A deep chuckle as it ebs.

Kihyun looks up at that, eyes wide and finally on Changkyun. It’s easy to ignore the little tug this time. But it’s not easy to ignore how surprised he feels because… Changkyun just laughed .

“It’sthrue... ” Hoseok mumbles sluggishly.

Changkyun looks back, smiling and it’s there, in his eyes, with a lot of other things Kihyun doesn’t care to name. “Not even sure what weird’s supposed to mean,” Changkyun says, chuckling softly. “What’s normal for a demon makes me weird, and what’s normal to a human…”

Kihyun is still staring. Eyes wide. It feels… He feels different, somehow, but Kihyun can’t pinpoint the where, the how and the why… well , maybe the why is a tad obvious.

“Are you…” He starts before he notices he is talking, out loud. He looks down. “How have you been…?” Kihyun can feel Hoseok’s eyes and smirk. He ignores him. “Since… you know.”

Changkyun’s smile softens, along with his voice as he leans in just a bit. “I’ve been homeless, Ki.”

And Kihyun doesn’t know what to say. He feels his lip pout just slightly at the sudden guilt. So he says what seems like the only option. “Sorry…” And then he remembers ‘me too’.

“Don’t be,” Changkyun says, leaning back. “It was never mine to begin with. What kind of demon needs a home anyway?” He scoffs, and then closes his eyes in a soft sigh.

“Right…” Kihyun says looking down. “I guess you weren’t… hiding behind the plant…”

“Thirty three,” Changkyun laughs, shaking his head as he gets up, sliding out of the booth.

Kihyun frowns, glares even, at his own laces. He is really bad at dealing with weird . Really, really bad. That hasn’t changed but…

But Changkyun can laugh, now .

“You left your phone there,” Kihyun blurts out. He sighs at himself. “At… home.”

Changkyun stops, pausing next to the table. Hoseok tries to balance two bottles on top of each other with minimal success. “That…” Changkyun starts, scrunching his eyes closed. “Was for me to call you with...”

Kihyun feels his heartbeat pick up speed all of a sudden. He trains his eyes forward. “Doesn’t matter. I gave it to you. It’s yours.” He notices he’s been feeling quite sober for the past few seconds.

Changkyun leans onto the table, hands splayed and he looks down at it. And then he looks up at Kihyun, and there’s a look he doesn’t recognise on Changkyun. “I… I miss you, Kihyun. I can’t just… Worry. And wait.”

“Interesting,” Hoseok mumbles a lot more sober as well, eyeing the bottle. “This one look’slightly bigger than this’one.”

Kihyun swallows, staring at the bottles. His mind feels very quiet for some reason. It should be screaming right now. He knows it should. But it’s not.

“He misses ya, too, by the waysss,” Hoseok says, looking up when Kihyun glares. “What. If you don’have the balls to sa’it, I will.”

Changkyun looks down, but when Kihyun looks, he sees the way Changkyun’s cheeks puff in a smile. “I didn’t expect you would,” Changkyun says.

Kihyun frowns, annoyed. “And why the hell not?” He leans back, crosses his arms, and slides his glare to Changkyun.

“Because you said my name by accident .”

“And now,” Hoseok puckers his lips, “kiss ‘n’ make u-- Ouch! ” He winces, “You just kicked me!”

“You deserve it.” Kihyun growls. “I’m leaving,” he announces right away, grabbing his jacket, his phone and his wallet and standing up. He smirks at Hoseok and tilts his head up, “Don’t forget to pay,” and bows, “thank you very much, ass.”

Hoseok holds up an empty bottle. “Yoo’re welcom’!” The bottle slips from his hand and lands on the table with a heavy thud. “Ah, shit, that’sth loud…”

Kihyun snorts, pulling his jacket by the collar over his left shoulder. “I’ll see you,” he tells Hoseok. “Don’t get lost on the way home. I’d hate to find you in a ditch.” When he turns around, however, Changkyun is right there, in the… way. And Kihyun doesn’t really know how to deal with how awkward that makes him feel.

It’s only been four days. Four very long days. But four days is not enough time to get past certain things.

“Uhm,” Kihyun starts, ignoring Hoseok’s backstabs.

Changkyun nods slowly, like he’s answering a question Kihyun didn’t ask. His lips pull into a line, and he steps out of the way.

Kihyun walks by, stuffing his wallet in his pocket and then stops at the door, looking over his shoulder. No more lies, right? So maybe he should stop lying to himself first. And maybe it's not too late to start again.

“Hey, weirdo.” He barks, almost. Changkyun looks up with wide, surprised eyes. “You left your phone--aish.” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Do I need to tell you everything twice?”

Changkyun’s shoulders relax and a smile tugs at his lips. “Maybe just every now and then.”

“ Well?” Kihyun stresses, eyes going between Changkyun and the door.

“Yes, sorry, I’m coming,” Changkyun chuckles, looking pink in the cheeks and glances over at Hoseok as he walks. “Take care, okay?” Hoseok gives him a big toothy thumbs up and slumps forward onto the table.

They’re greeted with a cold breeze once they step outside. Kihyun shivers and hurries to dress his jacket, almost bumping into a tree in the process. He stops just a few centimeters away and glares at the large oak as if it’s the source of all his problems.

“Not today, Satan,” he mutters.

“I’m sure he’ll reschedule the tree,” Changkyun ( not Satan, but close) responds, helpfully, amusement thick in his voice.

Kihyun scoffs and softly kicks the tree. “Hear that? Reschedule.” He scrunches his nose a little before turning to walk away.

Changkyun follows, hands in the pockets of a long, black coat and looking up at the sky. Kihyun looks up, too and takes a deep breath. The air smells crisp and clean, despite the soju in his stomach.

Kihyun stumbles-- since when was that step there, were they on the sidewalk or --and Changkyun tugs at his jacket to get him back on the--yeah, it’s a sidewalk.

Ignoring the sudden pull that almost makes his eyes dart towards Changkyun, Kihyun makes a face as he watches the silhouette of the bridge ahead.

It feels… different, somehow. But not that different, at the same time.

“You sound…” He tries, tilting his head while his brain flashes neurons to search for the correct word, “mature…” He raises an eyebrow at the distance and then side-glances. “It’s been four days and you sound like… hm.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. It looks surprised, but cocky, somehow. “Well, you only knew me for two, three days. A lot can happen in a day.”

Kihyun snorts and licks his lips. “Tell me about it, ha…” He looks down. “Quick learner, was it?”

“Could be quicker, but yes,” Changkyun chuckles. “I’ve... done a lot. Learned a lot. And yet,” Changkyun smiles over at him. “If I actually learned from my mistakes, I wouldn’t be this close to you right now, would I.”

Kihyun stops walking, eyes on the ground. His eyebrows almost knit together. “You… don’t have to, you know.” He blinks and frowns harder. “You can just get the thing--the phone and…” He sighs. “I know I, uhm, I don’t know, actually, but I know I probably, in some weird way--or however it is you work--I hurt you. But… I can’t apologize for sending you away.” He looks at Changkyun. “I needed… perspective. And being near you wasn’t helping.”

Changkyun smiles with one side of his lips. “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he says. “I don’t mind that you sent me away. I trust you to call me if you need me, if you’re in danger. Because I do trust you, and you know that. And you were right,” Changkyun shrugs. “If that was all I ever had… Well, like you said. Perspective.”

Shoulders slumping down a little, Kihyun lets a little smile out. “Yeah… I…” He looks away. “This is hard. Awkward.” He laughs.

“Is it?” Changkyun muses. It’s teasing, and he sways as he walks. “I hadn’t noticed…” He flashes a smile. “It’s fine, Kihyun. Seriously. I basically stormed into your life, and you wanted normal. Awkward is normal after all, right?”

Thirty-four. They’ve said the damn word ‘right’ thirty-four times and Kihyun remembers it, for some reason.

He looks down, thinking. Then up, thinking. He gives a step forward and wills himself to walk but he doesn’t try to catch up. He knows he doesn’t have to. “Yeah…” He sighs and shrugs. “Yadda yadda, would do it all again.” He jokes. “Minus almost dying, twice .”

Changkyun scoffs, holding up his hands to make air quotes. “‘ I would like to avoid a repetition of last night’. ”

“You…” Kihyun glares, but he’s smiling. He needs to quell the urge to kick Changkyun right there. “I told you. Sometimes people lie. I don’t think you know what I was talking about, though…”

“No, I knew,” Changkyun says, biting his tongue between his teeth as he grins. “You could have gone to bed, after all.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Oh, look. He flirts and teases now. Great .” He shivers. “As if having Hoseok up my ass wasn’t--no… don’t take that in the literal sense, please .”

Changkyun snaps his fingers and points at him, still grinning. “Sarcasm. I get that now.”

“Yeah! It’s a thing. People use it a lot… Sarcasm.”

Changkyun smiles at the ground. “So. The perspective thing…” Changkyun glances at him and he looks almost shy. “How’s that going?”

Not bad , Kihyun thinks. Mental breakdown aside, dealing with things is a lot easier when he tackles the problems head-on. It still feels surreal. And memories are foggy, foggy things in his mind. Especially after what happened last time. So, despite the growing nightmares, the cold sweats and the defensive flinches, being alone helped. Talking to Hoseok helped, too.

Numbness turned to color. That is a victory in Kihyun's book.

They cut a corner and Kihyun sees his building at the end of the street. And some part of him, a slightly delirious part, he’d say, really wishes that street would suddenly grow a whole five kilometers longer.

“It’s…” He starts, slowing his pace, “It helped. There’s a lot I don’t understand. About me, about you and… about what’s happening. But fretting about it won’t solve anything. So, I’ll take what I’ve got.” He sighs. “And right now I have… voices in my head, freaky nightmares, demons coming at me from god-knows-where, a whole history of weird to go by, myself, Hoseok and…” He looks up, “You.”

Changkyun walks slower, and Kihyun can see him run a hand through his hair, bite down on his lip. “I’m sorry. This was… unavoidable, but…” he shakes his head. “Anyway. I’ll take what I get, too,” he chews on his lip and looks over at him. “Nightmares, Kihyun? You really want me to worry, don’t you.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Kihyun scoffs, making the lie obvious. “You know,” he takes a dramatic tone, “give me a few more nights and I’ll be an expert in this whole falling into hell business.”

Changkyun takes a deep breath and Kihyun swears he hears a growl at the back of his throat. “That’s not something I want you to get used to, you know.”

“Don’t see why not. You’ve seen my house. And now apparently I have to see yours.” Kihyun shrugs, face going serious. “Don’t worry, really. Jokes aside, I’d rather fall every night than… well.” He sighs, stops walking and looks at Changkyun. “My point being: no more lying.”

Changkyun glances at him, eyebrow raised. “No lying at all?”

Kihyun looks down, thinks that one over, and looks up again. “Well, white-lies don’t hurt anyone… but… Hey! I don’t wanna discuss philosophy right now. You know what I mean! Or… at least I hope you do…”

“I do,” Changkyun says, chuckling lowly. “Was asking for your benefit.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure thing.” And starts walking again.

The buildings are taller, one after the other, and Kihyun’s is just a few feet away. He starts moving his keys inside his pocket, nibbling on a bit of dry skin on his lip.

“We’re taking the stairs, by the way,” he announces, because that will take longer and he could use five more minutes. A fucking seven floors climb , he can do that.

Changkyun scoffs. “Aren’t you drunk? Am I gonna have to carry you five floors?”

Kihyun points at him, almost, almost shoving a finger in his face. “For your information, I have good--I mean , strong legs. And great stamina. And I didn’t--almost did, but didn’t hit my head today!” He makes a face and waves Changkyun away, “So no. Thank you. ”

Changkyun laughs. Laughs . Seriously, what the hell is that about. “You first, then. So I can keep an eye on those legs of yours.”

Kihyun gapes. Seriously , even leans back to just stare . Then, after the full body shiver, he rolls his eyes and starts walking towards the stairs. “Aren’t you the gentleman…” He mumbles. “I was just trying to be nice. You hate those doors anyway.”

“I do,” Changkyun agrees easily. “I could warm up to them, though, if given the chance. If... given better memories.”

“Noted,” Kihyun says, already regretting his choice after the first block of stairs. At least that will pump enough adrenaline into his system to eat away the remaining effects of all that soju he drank.

It’s pain until the 4th floor. And gain after the 5th. Which is why he is getting rid of his shoes and then his jacket the moment he gets home.

“You’re breathing a bit heavy there, Ki.”

“Try doing this drunk. Would love to watch,” Kihyun bites back, not even looking and just throwing his jacket over the couch. He points at the small table in the living room. “Hoseok left it over there. Your phone.”

Changkyun hovers at the doorway. He tongues at his cheek where he’s leaning, hands in his pockets before he nods, walking in, directly to the couch. “Yeah, thanks,” he says and Kihyun barely hears it.

Kihyun walks to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The sudden silence feels like a knife stabbing his back so he chugs that water down before he tries to fill it with something stupid.

“Kihyun?”

“Hm?” Kihyun looks around, and Changkyun’s standing by the couch, phone in his hand. He’s staring at the lockscreen; Kihyun can see himself smile up at from the screen.

“Did you stop?” Changkyun asks, and when he looks over, Kihyun… He can’t recognise the expression on Changkyun’s face. His brows are drawn and his eyes are oddly serious and he barely keeps them on Kihyun. Like he’s trying to keep him in the corner of his eye. Because when he looks, he frowns and looks away. Like… like it hurts to look.

Kihyun slowly places the glass down. “Stop…?” His chest feels a little tight.

“You said…” Changkyun turns off the screen, pocketing the phone and speaking to the floor, even as he turns to Kihyun, walks towards him slowly. “You said you started to like me.”

Mouth opening just slightly and then closing again, Kihyun looks down. He can feel his face go red. Color . Because that’s right, he might have blurted that out. And the truth is, despite the easy lie that helped him embrace the feeling, nothing’s really changed on that front.

“Does it matter?” He asks just in case.

Changkyun’s eyes dart up, narrowed. “To you, or to me?”

Kihyun keeps glancing up and down for a bit before looking away and shrugging one shoulder. “Does it matter?” He repeats.

“Does it matter,” Changkyun repeats. “Does it matter that I’ve looked in every shadow, in every stinking hole in this city for anything that could get to you, and stop it before it does? Does it matter , that I can feel your fear at night, and I can’t do anything ?” Changkyun puts his hands on the table, gripping at the edges. “I don’t care that you sent me away, Kihyun. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care at all.”

Despite the glare that formed on its own as Changkyun spoke, Kihyun is feeling everything right now but angry, or sad, or confused. Maybe a little stressed. Definitely a little happy. Mostly frustrated. But does it even matter? Does it matter? Should it? It shouldn’t. Afterall, no matter how normal Kihyun still wishes things to be, this is everything but .

Fact remains, however. Nothing’s changed. There’s just a lot more truth to things.

“Come here,” he says, walking closer himself.

Changkyun’s features crumble. His hands fall and he looks at Kihyun and finally, Kihyun recognises the expression. Desperation .

“No more lying?” Changkyun asks, and there’s a wavering in his voice that… that Kihyun wouldn’t have thought possible.

Kihyun stops just two feet away and looks Changkyun in the eye for a heartbeat, a skipping heartbeat, before looking down. It pulls. It always has. But now, Kihyun realizes, it’s not because it pulls. It’s because it feels .

“I didn’t stop.” He says, finally answering the question, eyes somewhere on Changkyun’s chest. He smiles a little. “It’s been four days, Changkyun. It’s not that easy to forget that you’re not so bad to talk to.”

Changkyun laughs softly, in a burst and from his chest like he can’t help it. “Time isn’t real. Four days shouldn’t feel like years.” And Changkyun takes a small step forward and suddenly two feet turns into almost nothing. “I didn’t lie. I never lie. I really did miss you.”

A ghost of a smile crosses Kihyun’s lips before he can force it down. He frowns, heartbeat loud in his ears, eyes everywhere but on Changkyun. “You really suck at this demoning thing.”

“Are you complaining ? I could always go back to hunting lesser demons in the street. Give you a baseball bat and hope for the best.”

Kihyun snorts and turns his face away just slightly to lick his lips. “Yeah, you’re not really helping your case right now.” He side-glances at Changkyun’s face. “Calling me useless with so many words.”

Changkyun chuckles softly. “If you were useless , I’d have given you a gun. A baseball bat requires some effort, you know.”

Kihyun is very aware of how close they are right now, so he keeps his eyes focused somewhere over Changkyun’s shoulder. It’s different from before. Slightly different. Now there’s an urge to… something . And Kihyun is barely managing to keep his own body from moving like it wants to.

He swallows thick. “Are you…” He bites his upper lip for a second. “Leaving?”

“Not… really my choice to make,” Changkyun says. Soft. Right there. “But I don’t want to miss you again.”

Kihyun snorts, the motion almost making them touch. “That sounds a lot like you…” He notices his own hand climbing slowly, ghostly trailing up Changkyun’s arm but never touching. He stops, suddenly aware that he is probably three different shades of red right now. “Weird and clumsy…” He mumbles. “But very you.”

Changkyun takes a breath, hands twitching by his side. “And that’s… okay?”

“You heard Hoseok…” Kihyun smiles, eyes very still on something (he doesn’t even know what, he’s not really looking) over Changkyun’s shoulder. “I like them weird.”

Changkyun laughs, soft and warm and Kihyun can feel it. “I… Well, I don’t know as much as I should, about everything, about you, even. I don’t know what I feel half the time and I don’t know how to deal with… well, most of it, but there’s things I know and they come from experience, from learning, from… perspective. And you’re one of the few things I know . I know that hollow feeling in my chest is because you’re not there. I know that home isn’t a place, it’s you.”

Kihyun feels his breath hitch a little. “Fuckin’ sappy,” he mumbles, head finally tipping forward, forehead almost landing on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t let you spend time with Hoseok… he’s rubbing off on you…” Kihyun is only barely aware of his fingers ghosting around Changkyun’s wrist. His own heartbeat so loud he can barely hear himself.

Changkyun lets out a breath and Kihyun can feel him leaning closer, a hand hesitant at the small of Kihyun’s back. “What I… What I mean is…” Changkyun huffs. “What I’m trying to say is…”

“Changkyun…”

“Can I touch you?”

Kihyun flinches. “Y--Yeah…”

And he can feel it, that desperate look he’d seen on Changkyun before. He can feel it in the way Changkyun pulls him close, like that first time in a brightly lit living room, but somehow feels like Kihyun’s bedroom, too dark, too damn lonely until a name brought him a semblance of solace.

Changkyun pulls him close and hugs him tightly. But constrained. His hand balls into a fist at the small of his back, the other weaving into his hair. Like last time. Like the first time. And suddenly Kihyun doesn’t need to be strong for someone else’s sake. Suddenly, it’s just… this.

“Thank you.”

Slowly, Kihyun melts a little right there. “Whatever for…?”

“I was starting to forget what solid ground felt like…”

Kihyun snorts. “Been out for a swim?”

Changkyun laughs and Kihyun feels it against his chest. “If that’s how you wanna put it…”

“I’m…” Kihyun turns his head slightly, forehead pressing against Changkyun’s neck. “Going on a hunch here… but you mean that. When you laugh. You mean it. I’d… never seen you laugh before. Or heard...”

“No more lying, remember?” Changkyun breathes. “Yeah, yeah, I mean it. I like it. It’s warm.” Changkyun squeezes, just a little.

“You know what’s funny…” Kihyun starts, his heartbeat pacing down, “I’ve been knocked against a tree, hit my head hard , almost got my ribs broken--there was a really creepy bruise on my chest, by the way, but it was gone the next morning--and you still touch me like I’m made of glass.” He sighs. “We both know I’m not. I don’t know if I told you but… I never get sick, like, nope, never. And my wounds heal really fast too... “ He pauses, shifting a little, and remembers the cut on his palm, the one that healed in ten seconds. “I’ve been wondering if that is why… if that’s got something to do with this being-pure business.” He breathes out harsh, stopping when he remembers what--or against whom he’s breathing on. “Anyway, what I mean is… I won’t break…”

“You have seen me break a table with one hand, right?” Changkyun asks, leaning back just a little to look Kihyun in the eye, face unreadable.

Kihyun squints. “Thirty-five,” he mutters, looking away. “And yes. But I don’t expect you to…” He slowly looks at Changkyun again. “You wanna…” He frowns. “You don’t want me to end up like the table, I hope…”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, mouth quirking up in a grin. He moves his hands, smoothing them slowly down to Kihyun’s waist, touch firm. “Not particularly, no,” he says, voice low. And, as if that wasn’t enough to make Kihyun feel like he’s just been fucked over with a look, Changkyun picks him up, spins him around and puts him on his kitchen table.

“Wha…” Kihyun manages, wide eyed.

“You said you wouldn’t break,” Changkyun grins up at him. Right at him. And Kihyun notices now, under the light, a tint of brown where everything used to be black. Changkyun’s eyes are lighter than Kihyun remembers them.

“And…” Kihyun starts, needing to force the words out. “I also told you you shouldn’t do… that .”

“ That ?” Changkyun teases, grinning, eyes flicking over his face, seemingly lingering everywhere, hands steady on his waist.

“Yeah, that .” Kihyun says a little annoyed (but not really). “Act all damn perfect and shit. Damn it, you’re making me use expletives!” He looks away. And then at Changkyun. “Demon.” He says. “Don’t make me like you more, for fuck’s sake.”

“Mm, liking me more doesn’t seem like a bad thing from where I’m standing,” Changkyun says, as he stands in Kihyun’s kitchen, between his legs. “And besides,” Changkyun breathes, as one hand moves up, gently, up Kihyun’s chest and to his neck, fingers light, barely touching, giving Kihyun goosebumps. “I’m not what perfect looks like...”

Kihyun frowns and stays very, very still. He looks at Changkyun once, feels that something again, that urge to.. to… He looks away. “Sure…” He mumbles. Head raging with a storm of emotions. Whiplash .

He thinks about it. Like seriously thinks about it, in the available seconds, in the available silence. In less than a second there are ten possibilities. And one second later, twenty more. Which he reduces to three in the next heartbeat.

‘Go’, ‘stay’, or say nothing. The easiest choice is to say nothing. But he scratches that one out, too. Which leaves… the lie and the truth.

And right now the truth is…

“Stay.”

With that, Changkyun moves his hand up, cupping Kihyun’s cheek. Made of glass . He smiles, wide, cheeks dimpling and eyes going into crescents. “It’s your turn to do the dishes.”

“Domestic,” Kihyun mumbles, slowly pushing Changkyun away and jumping off the table. Kihyun looks at him once and steps away. “Can’t believe I just agreed to this…” He mumbles. “My life has officially become one of those fan fics Hoseok reads all the time.”

Changkyun shrugs, looking down from where he’s standing by the table, ears… pink. “Well, I mean, you don’t have to do the dishes if you ask me nicely.”

Kihyun takes his phone out of his pocket, looking between the sink and the screen as he quickly types something for Hoseok. “I’ll do it. It’s just like one pot and one single plate.” He glances over his shoulder, and Changkyun looks like a kid waiting by the walls around the dancefloor at prom. “Sad, right?” He says before he turns to frown at his phone again.

He shoves his phone back in his pocket and stops to stare at the pot he’d used this morning to cook lunch. “Pissin’great.”

Changkyun pauses, half-way reaching to the pot, suddenly right fucking there . “Uhm. Okay?”

Kihyun almost darts to the ceiling. “Jesus!” He startles. “Why are you here? I said I’d do it.”

Changkyun puts his hands up and walks out of the kitchen. “I will never understand humans.”

“Don’t worry,” Kihyun mumbles, “It’s mutual.”

“You know,” Changkyun says, “I didn’t mean immediately.”

Kihyun is already mid angrily scrubbing the pot, somewhat lost in thought, when he remembers to look over his shoulder. “What?”

“The dishes,” Changkyun smiles, head tilting and looking at Kihyun through his bangs. “I was just…” He gestures vaguely. “Trying to…Break the tension.”

Kihyun stops. Glares. “And I am being…” He glares at the ceiling for a moment and then at Changkyun again. “Trying to be… a responsible human right now.” He says before turning back to scrub. Fucking sinful.

“Huh,” Changkyun huffs, and walks over, leaning against the counter and watching Kihyun, eyes looking him up and down.

“What.” Kihyun says, not really looking.

“Will you still almost kill me with a plate if I call you sexy?”

Kihyun stops again. “Changkyun… there’s a whole pot in my hands right now…” He glares over his shoulder. “Your head fits in here.”

Changkyun grins, tongues at his top lip. “I won’t break.”

“There is… a limit… to the teasing I can take before I snap your head, really.” Or mine .

Changkyun laughs, standing there with his arms crossed. He tilts his head. “Is that you teasing me or is that not how this works?”

Kihyun rinses the pot and puts it to dry. “This what , exactly?” He picks the plate and starts scrubbing again.

Changkyun, the absolute shit, leans in, and says, voice deep in a whisper like someone might hear, “ This .”

Kihyun drops the plate and it splashes. He doesn’t even move when his shirt gets wet. He is pretty much petrified where he stands. “I’m… not sure you know what this means…” He mutters, still not moving.

“Tell me, then,” Changkyun says. “I’m a quick learner.”

“I’m… not sure that’s a good idea…”

Changkyun leans back, laughing a little, says, “I know what it is, Kihyun,” and pushes away from the counter.

Kihyun lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. And looks over his shoulder, trying to sound more composed than he feels. “Then… why are you…?” Nope, fuck composure. Especially when his stomach suddenly feels tight, like it’s knotting on itself.

Changkyun shrugs, smiling down at his phone as he falls down onto the couch. “Cute.”

“ Demon .”

“ Demoning enough for ya?” Changkyun laughs softly, flicking through his phone.

“Too much.” Definitely, too-fucking much .

“Sorry,” Changkyun says and Kihyun supposes it sounds mildly sincere. “You shouldn’t have let me out into the big wide world,” Changkyun sing-songs.

Kihyun puts the plate to dry. “I am starting to regret that, yes…” He isn’t. But kinda is. Thoughts are difficult. After four days of nothing, having everything again feels overwhelming. And it's so easy… it's so easy to forget. Kihyun can feel it right there, the lie, the choice to lie, the choice to forget. Because who wouldn't want this over nothing? Who wouldn't want color to be everything ?

But… No lies. No more lying.

He dries his hands and sighs, massaging his forehead. “I think I’m… going to sleep. If you don’t mind.” He gestures. “Sleeping has been complicated and I’m tired and you … you tire me.”

Changkyun winces, putting the phone down and looking over. “My bad,” Changkyun mumbles. “Do you want…” Changkyun sighs, getting up and fidgeting with the phone in his hand. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about the awkward thing, huh.”

Kihyun blinks, eyelids heavy. “You think?” He turns towards the bedroom and pulls his shirt over his head. “Do whatever, really. Just…” He stops to look at the wet stain. “No funny business.”

“Uh,” he hears Changkyun say. “I, I wouldn’t…”

“What now,” Kihyun asks, looking over his shoulder. He turns to the wardrobe then and fetches a clean shirt. “Where did the cocky-smartass go?”

“Sorry, I just…” Changkyun looks at him. Looks back at him. “You’re beautiful.”

Kihyun stops mid pulling the shirt over his head, then just popping his head through the collar, hair messy, and looking at Changkyun. “What?” He heard that. He really did. He’d rather pretend he didn’t.

Changkyun smiles softly and looks away, cheeks pink. “You’re beautiful. Felt like a lie to think it and not to say it.”

Heart dropping just slightly, Kihyun finishes getting dressed and looks down. He searches his mind for something to say and the only thing he comes up with is, “Thank you…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, voice higher than Kihyun’s heard before. “I, uhm, I’ll… Be right outside.”

Kihyun watches Changkyun close the door and lets out a long breath when it clicks. “Sure…” He tells the sudden darkness, reaching with his hand to flick the light switch.

He fetches a pair of shorts to pull over after throwing his jeans across the room and smirking just slightly when they land on the chair. And then rushes to the bathroom, not even looking at Changkyun when he passes by, and rushes back in the bedroom ten minutes later.

Hitting the mattress feels like a blessing. Kihyun lies there like a starfish for a few minutes, feeling his whole body relax, before he crawls under the bed covers.

Blessing or not, however, he knows how it’s going to end.

No matter how tired he feels, he wakes up every ninety minutes, breathing like he’s been running non stop, fear under his skin. Every ninety minutes. Sounds rather specific. But he’s been counting.

And it’s a strange feeling, the fear of knowing how it ends, but having no power over himself to stop his eyes from closing, to stop the conscious part of his brain from shutting down.

And so, he falls asleep.

And again, the dream is the same.

He falls in the darkness. Sometimes, it’s a very long fall. Sometimes, it’s a scream-gaped mouth. But every time it feels like falling into hell.

And every time, before he shoots up, sitting up, breathing heavily, he feels them: scorching hot, hot and heavy… wings .

Kihyun stares at his own hands, taking a glimpse at the bedside clock. Ninety minutes. Every single time. Ninety minutes.

He takes a deep breath and lets himself slump back, eyes on the ceiling. “I think I need a therapist, or a priest, ora preacher ,” He mumbles, turning on his side. Maybe he should call his father. But the thought dies as Kihyun's mind drifts off.

And again , it feels like falling. Except this time he’s barely closed his eyes. So he startles awake again with a little gasp.

“Kihyun…” he hears, and for a second he thinks he’s still dreaming.

Kihyun uses his elbow to prop himself up and looks over his shoulder. “When… when did you get in here?” He asks, blinking and then looking at the closed door.

“Just now,” Changkyun says. He talks like if he speaks too loudly, the walls themselves would wake up. “I… couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“What.” Kihyun sighs, smiling a little. “Bad Netflix show?”

“Horrible, really,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun feels a hand at the duvet, just a soft movement.

Kihyun turns to face Changkyun and leans his head back on the pillow. “Sorry to hear that…”

“That’s okay, it can’t all be Stranger Things,” he says, sitting down slowly, reaching out. “Can I?”

“Yeah…”

Changkyun lies down on his side, as well, facing him and gently running his fingers through Kihyun’s hair, frowning, concerned. “How bad is it?”

“There’s…” Kihyun leans a little closer. “Just… the fall and… I don’t know. I think I’m used to that by now but… then there’s…” He blinks and looks at Changkyun, “Wings… burning. Really, really, hot. But they’re… not mine. At least… I don’t think they are.”

Changkyun frowns, trailing his fingers down the hair behind Kihyun’s ear to his neck. He looks at his hand and back at Kihyun, but looks away. “I wish I could help, tell you what it meant... Or just take them away.”

Kihyun feels his eyelids heavy but he keeps his eyes open and on Changkyun’s face. “I’m sure it’s something… but, just like everything else so far, we won’t know until it’s here.” He smiles a little. “I didn’t tell you before because I hadn’t thought much of it until a few days ago but… The night before Halloween? I woke up at, like, 4am, starving… so I got up, ate something and fell asleep on the couch. And…” He looks away for a second. “I dreamt there was a, uhm, thorny line... Doesn’t make much sense, I know but… when I think about it, it looked like what I feel when I look at you.” He looks back at Changkyun. “So, in a way, I guess I dreamed of you, or whatever…”

“Thorny,” Changkyun mumbles, frowning and his hand stills. And moves closer, letting his thumb gently brush along Kihyun’s cheek. “Remember when I told you that we’re connected?” Kihyun nods faintly beneath Changkyun’s touch. “I read about a red string of fate. It’s a popular belief, apparently. A red string between two people. I think… I think we have one of those. Except, maybe, it’s not thread, it’s thorns.” He frowns deeper, hand still as he cups Kihyun’s cheek. Like glass. “Wrapped around our hearts and souls.”

Kihyun blinks, heavily. He smiles a little, leaning forward, his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Soulmates, huh?” He closes his eyes and laughs in his throat. “I’ll let you get away with that one for now.”

“Tell me when I don’t anymore,” Changkyun breathes, moving his hand to the back of Kihyun’s neck, fingers in his hair. “You can control the voices, stop them. They’re only dreams, Kihyun. It’s okay. Because even if they’re not, I’m here…”

Kihyun frowns, eyes still closed, and slides an arm over Changkyun. “Yeah, I know…” And that’s the last he remembers before falling asleep and not waking up ninety minutes later.

It’s just one, slight touch. But it’s enough to spark something in Kihyun’s body that startles him awake. And after the initial shock, that doesn’t last enough to send his brain into overdrive, the warmth actually feels welcome, familiar, grounding.

Kihyun blinks, his face just a few inches away from Changkyun’s, their feet still touching after Kihyun’s light morning kick. He stares for a while, waiting. But Changkyun doesn’t even budge. At most, his eyebrows twitch a little. And Kihyun is beyond bemused because… the little shit is sleeping!

Demons don’t fall asleep, right? Changkyun’s said that a couple of times. So… unless he's meditating, making contact with hell through… well, thoughts, whatever demons do… This...

This is new.

And Kihyun is immediately, incredibly curious.

Changkyun breathes slowly, lips slightly parted. Kihyun notices how they tip slightly upwards at the corners, in a way that explains the constant puppy face--and also that fucking ridiculous smile that makes Kihyun want to throw his beating heart out the nearest window.

Kihyun moves his foot away, slowly, the rustling of the sheets sounds almost deafening. But Changkyun still doesn’t move.

Slowly, Kihyun sinks further down, bringing the covers up to his nose, eyes out to stare. He moves his hand a little under the covers and grabs Changkyun’s pinky. Changkyun’s lips curve upward, sofly, barely noticable if Kihyun wasn’t looking.

He lets go, hand coming up to pull the covers over Changkyun’s shoulder, trying not to wake him. Kihyun stills, though, when he looks up again and spots the round dot on Changkyun’s neck.

So… demons have moles, too. Interesting .

Kihyun moves his hand back, legs curling up a little, eyes still just peeking over the covers to stare. It’s the first time he’s been able to look without feeling like he needs to look away the next second. It’s the first time he’s been able to see him . And… well. Considering the demons Kihyun has had the displeasure of meeting, this one certainly sets himself apart...

Changkyun shifts in his sleep, moving closer, nuzzling himself into the covers and closer to Kihyun and Kihyun needs to lean his head back just slightly so his vision doesn’t go out of focus. So he brings his nose up from under the covers just to take a fresh breath and then dives back in. He knows he needs to get up, he needs to go to work. But he’s afraid of turning around just to check the bedside clock, much less leave the bed.

One thing is for certain, though; he slept the whole night. Again, probably thanks to Changkyun. If the guy wakes up and tells Kihyun he can also cure cancer, Kihyun might actually believe him the first time.

There’s a few more minutes, of soft light through the windows and trying to ignore the fact that he was letting the minutes pass, unchecked, before Changkyun frowns, softly, shifting with a little groan and eyes scrunching. He blinks his eyes open, clearly sleepy, clearly a little confused, and finds Kihyun’s with adorable confusion.

And Kihyun blinks a little, eyes thinning to match the smile he’s hiding under the covers.

“Wha…” Changkyun starts, blinking with heavy eyelids, voice even deeper with sleep.

“Sleep well?” Kihyun mumbles and he can’t help the amusement in his voice, noticeable even if a little hoarse from disuse and muffled.

“I was sleeping...?” Changkyun asks, trying to lift his head, his body, and just falling right back into the pillows with a soft groan, eyes closing again.

“Like a baby,” Kihyun replies. He brings the covers around himself closer, tighter. “Thought demons don’t sleep but…”

“You think you’re surprised,” Changkyun grumbles, half into the pillow.

“It was, and don’t quote me on this, cute .”

Changkyun opens his eyes to peek at him, with, if Kihyun’s eyes weren’t playing a mean trick on him and his heart, pink cheeks. “So, I didn’t, like,” Changkyun wiggles a bit ( embarrassment ?). “Sleep wrong, or something..?” He scrunches his eyes and groans into the pillow again. “Ignore me.”

Kihyun snorts. “Hoseok sleeps with his mouth wide open. I quite literally got my drool all over your-- my sweater… and you’re asking me if you slept wrong…” It’s not a question. Probably because he is too busy trying to sound serious.

“Well, I don’t know!” Changkyun defends, voice breaking a little at the pitch.

“How do you… feel, though?”

“Warm,” he mumbles, pulling the covers closer and pulling his knees up. He peeks at Kihyun, hair messy from where he’d nuzzles his head into the pillow. “Don’t wanna move. It’s weird, but it’s… nice,” he smiles then, soft, eyes still sleepy, a pillow crease light on his cheek.

“Yeah,” Kihyun huffs, “that’s what waking up feels like after a good night’s sleep. And yeah, definitely cute.”

Changkyun smiles a little wider, eyes flitting over his face. “I thought we weren’t supposed to call each other cute?”

“Well, you’re not. But I can.”

“Mm, but I wanna,” Changkyun wiggles in the covers again. “I really, really wanna.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Can’t be both beautiful and cute. Too much pressure.”

“No wonder you’re so tense all the time.”

Kihyun hits Changkyun with his knee. “That’s because I gotta deal with little shits like you.”

Changkyun pouts and it looks incredibly on purpose. “I wake up for the first time in my life, get called cute and I’m not even allowed to quote it and then you hurt me ?” He pouts harder.

“Problem?” Kihyun asks, finally bringing the rest of his head over the covers to nod at Changkyun rather defiantly.

Changkyun retracts his pout, biting down on his lip instead with a sly smile. “None at all. Cutie .”

“I’m…” Kihyun says, eyes narrowing, a fist tightening around his pillow before he slides it from under his head and slams it against Changkyun’s face. “Going to suffocate you with this pillow!”

Changkyun laughs, making a grab for the pillow unsuccessfully. He tugs at the covers, and Kihyun feels himself being tugged closer with them. “I’m not sure who’s underestimating who here.”

“Obviously I’m going to lose but at least I can say I fought bravely,” Kihyun grumbles, shoving the pillow further against Changkyun’s face. “Gonna die a hero. Watch me.”

Changkyun, somehow, despite Kihyun’s valiant efforts, manages to snatch Kihyun’s weapon, his shield, his goddamn pillow . Kihyun barely has time to throw his arm between them when his face falls so close their noses touch.

Kihyun breathes in, quick, mouth snapping closed, eyes going wide. If he wasn’t awake before, he is very awake right now. And the way Changkyun swallows, eyes flitting across Kihyun’s face, just makes his heart beat even louder.

Kihyun freezes for a second before his brain rewires and he manages to lean away, sitting up in the process and taking a look at the bedside clock. The day has just started and his heart is already deafening in his ears.

“Do we have to get up,” Changkyun pouts again, in a little ball under the covers as he looks up at him, ears a little pink.

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches slightly. “I do. You don’t.” He sighs. “I need to go to work in a few…”

Changkyun sits up, with, Kihyun notes, an impressive amount (also his first case) of bedhead. “I’m not really in the mood to hunt mazikeen, but I suppose it could pass the time.” He blinks, looking around Kihyun’s bedroom like he’s seeing it for the first time. “Mazikeen? Mazeki?” he mumbles to himself.

Kihyun sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Whatever that means, sure…” He grabs the covers and flings them high enough to throw them over Changkyun’s head before sliding to sit at the edge of the bed.

“I feel like that was just a little unnecessary,” Changkyun deadpans from under the covers.

“Quite the opposite,” Kihyun informs him, getting up. “I was tired of looking at your face.”

“Too cute?” Changkyun asks, trying to find his way out of the covers and managing to peek his head out.

Kihyun throws and arm up, his other hand coming to grab at his elbow as he stretches. “Yeah, yeah. Something .” He scrunches the face and makes a little sound before letting his arms slump back down. He blinks, then looks out the window and then over his shoulder at Changkyun.

“What?” Kihyun asks, noticing the wandering eyes.

“You keep making me wanna touch you,” Changkyun breathes, looking at Kihyun for a moment longer, eyes wandering a bit before he looks away, to his own hands tangled in the sheets.

Kihyun frowns first and then snorts, looking away. He scratches his navel under his shirt. “You can, though.” He mumbles, eyes still somewhere out the window. “If you want to. As long as it’s nothing that will make me wanna kick your groin.” He adds with a bit of a warning.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, right? It doesn’t. But...

Kihyun hears the sheets ruffling behind him, feels a soft tug on the end of his shirt. When Changkyun speaks, he feels it on the back of his neck. “That simple, huh?”

Kihyun shivers, hand almost instantly slapping where he’d felt Changkyun’s breath on him. “Jesus,” he gasps before turning around slightly, eyeing Changkyun up and down. “I haven’t even had coffee…” He pouts a little, looking away then. “But… yeah. You don’t… if there’s something I don’t want you to do or something that I don’t like or, whatever, I’ll tell you. I know you still have to ask, anyway. But…” He shrugs one shoulder.

Changkyun’s so close and Kihyun can feel his eyes everywhere. Changkyun’s hand hovers there, the end of Kihyun’s shirt pinched between his fingers and he lifts it just a little before tugging it down. “Why do I feel like I’m losing my mind,” Changkyun laughs softly.

Kihyun needs to fight the urge to move his body the way it wants to, but like really, really, really fight. He looks at Changkyun, mouth open to say something, and then realizes he doesn’t know what to say. He sure as hell knows what he wants to do. But it’s not even nine am and, considering the circumstances, everything he wants to do right now seems highly inappropriate. What are thoughts, though? Kihyun’s a little lost in his own.

He raises his hand and curls his fingers around Changkyun’s wrist, lightly touching. “I was going to ask you the same question…” … last night .

Changkyun breathes out as Kihyun touches him, the fingers tugging at the end of Kihyun’s shirt smoothing out over his skin ( like glass) , half over and half under the material, before it’s more under than over, thumbing there, and Kihyun can feel the goosebumps climbing up his arms.

“Maybe crazy and weird go well together...” Changkyun breathes and Kihyun’s breath hitches and his eyes go wide, gaze flicking over to Changkyun’s face.

“You’re…” Kihyun blinks to keep his conscience right there with him, but is barely aware he’s leaning into the touch. His heartbeat skips for half a second before it picks up and he forgets about what he wants to say. You’re doing it again , his subconscious screams at him. But Kihyun just uses his mouth to breathe.

It feels like the entire planet’s gravity is focused just on that place where Changkyun’s touching him, hand smoothing down to the small of Kihyun’s back, the other brushing by Kihyun’s cheek, thumb dangerously close to his bottom lip. “Don’t go to work,” Changkyun speaks and it feels like a touch. “I wanna show you something.”

Frustrated is an understatement. Kihyun’s eyebrows almost knit together and he needs to swallow the thick feeling bubbling in his throat before he speaks. “I’m the one who’s losing my mind right now…” He huffs out, leaning a little more into Changkyun’s hand on his face. “What... do you wanna show me?” He asks to keep in brain on track.

Kihyun feels Changkyun’s hand tense at the small of his back, feels his nails scratch there, just a little. And Kihyun feels it, Changkyun’s thumb brushing, barely there, over his lip, before he steps away, letting Kihyun’s shirt fall over, shit , over exposed skin.

Changkyun pulls at his own bottom lip (and Kihyun follows the movement, as Changkyun’s hand leaves his face and turns to his own) and the little shit grins . “As much as it pains me to say it, get dressed first.”

Kihyun blinks. His face feels hot and his heart is so loud Kihyun is sure the entire neighborhood can hear it. He gestures vaguely at the bedroom door. “C--Can I… get my coffee first?”

Changkyun laughs and turns heel. “Sure. I’m gonna go get my clothes,” he says, looking over his shoulder. “Mind if I take a shower?”

Kihyun’s brain takes flight. His eyes look everywhere in the room to search for his phone. He needs, really, really needs to call Hoseok right now. Otherwise, he is definitely going to need to schedule that session with a therapist.

Shitty, sinful, sexy demon .

“Y--Yeah,” Kihyun nods, not really paying attention. “Go ahead.”

“Pack your camera,” Changkyun says. Kihyun blinks and Changkyun is gone.

Kihyun practically catapults himself all the the way to the door. He sees his phone above the table and makes a run for it, pressing the switch on the kettle along the way.

He ignores Hoseok’s stupid reply to last night’s little freakout and slides his thumb right over the screen.

“Pick up, pick up, pick u--”

“Hrnmpf,” he thinks is the sound he hears over the phone. That’s a hungover best friend for you.

Kihyun stares at the balcony through the window in the living room and starts walking there, ignoring the click the kettle makes once it reaches boiling point. “I’m… I’m dying, Hoseok…”

There’s a sound like movement on the other end of the phone and a groan. “Don’t joke about death when you’ve almost died twice, dude, how am I supposed to tell when to care.”

Kihyun slides the window open and steps outside. “I’m… fucked.”

A pause. “What, actually? Nice.”

“No!” He leans over the rail, his mind a mess of thoughts. “You don’t get it! I…” He swallows. “I really wanted to… but…” He breathes. “He is not making this easy for me and I can’t tell if he knows the effect it has on me. I am outside Hoseok! It’s cold! And I am outside! In shorts and a fucking t-shirt!”

“Wait, shit, this is like--” more movement and a thud. “Ow. Look, listen , you wanted to ? Wait, dude, what effect, you gotta like--” Movement. “Spill. Tea. Etc.”

“It’s… are you okay in there?” Kihyun asks, frowning.

“I’m fine! I’m great! I fell off the bed! I wanna hear about your sexual frustration!”

Kihyun’s hand grits around the phone. “I fucking hate you! You’re lucky I have no one else to talk to… and I really need to talk… I… shit . I wanted to… kiss him…”

A low whistle. “Damn. Why didn’t you?”

“Would you?”

“What, kiss Changkyun?”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “If he kept fumbling under your shirt? Teasingly!? And then just… fucking… walks away! I hate everyone on this fucking planet right now!” He growls.

“Not Changkyun , I’m sure, but that does sound…” Another low whistle. “You’re a strong man, Yoo Kihyun.”

“Wait…” Kihyun stills. “Stop saying his name! He might show up there!”

“Then he can give me a glass of water and a breakfast burrito or some shit,” Hoseok grumbles. More movement. “I don’t see him. But fair point. Now go on , would you.”

Kihyun sighs. “I wanna throw this phone across the street and hit the old lady I am looking at right now. She’s in the kitchen. I think… that’s a kitchen… otherwise she’s just butchering someone or something in the bathroom-- anyway! ” Kihyun lowers his voice. “I really am dying… he touches me like he wants to but does he?” He frets. “I have bigger things to worry about right now, like, like, like my life!”

“Sounds like you could use some stress relief, to be honest.”

“You are not being helpful.”

“I’m just saying! What’s the worst that can happen?”

Kihyun looks down at the street and feels the vertigo. “I don’t wanna… get hurt. It’s already enough having demons throwing me around like a football. And I care, I actually do care so… Ugh , why are you making me say these things…” He sighs. “You know he’s not…”

“You know,” Hoseok says. “That I wouldn’t care. If it was me, if it was… If I could have him back, I wouldn’t care.”

Kihyun sighs. “I… I don’t know what that’s like, you know? And this… this is not the same thing. This is just… frustrating the shit out of me and testing my patience…”

“You really like him, huh?” Hoseok asks, with a knowing sigh and Kihyun frowns. ‘Really like’ wouldn’t be his choice of words but... “Shit. Look, I know it’s not the same thing but… Hah, I’m not sure what advice to give you, really. Romanticism meets pragmatics.”

Kihyun throws his arm over the railing, watching his fingers as he moves them through the cold breeze. “Yeah, well… honestly, I just…” He looks up at the sky. “My life is so fucking weird… let’s go on vacation… I need it. You need it.”

“And get killed by a foreign demon? I’m okay, actually.”

“Not even if they speak French?”

“ Especially if it’s French.”

Kihyun laughs a little and looks down again. It shouldn’t be complicated, he shouldn’t have to think much less worry about something like this. And beyond just the rugs of tugged feelings that formed with a rather interesting first impression, grew with a lie and now spill with the truth, there’s a ton, a ton of things Kihyun knows should take precedence. And yet, here he is, freaking out. It would be a lot easier if Changkyun didn’t look like he wants to … too.

“Hoseok…” Kihyun mumbles, bringing one foot up to warm up against his leg.

“Mm?”

“If it gets bad… you won’t mind if I… stay over there for a while, right?”

“I mean, yeah, of course not, but that’s not… you know it’s…” Hoseok groans. “How do I say this... Seriously, tell me how to say this without you threatening to kill me... again.”

“Just go. Say it. I know I don’t wanna hear it but… Go on.”

“He… he went away because you asked him, too. And now you wanna go away. He literally can’t touch you without your consent, right?”

Kihyun looks up and then down, rolling his lower lip between his teeth. He frowns, thinking and… and . “Just because he can’t touch me, doesn’t mean I don’t want him to…”

Hoseok pauses and then sighs, barely audible. “Then let him. He can only get to the doorway, Kihyun. The rest is up to you anyway. No matter where you go, or send him.”

“It should be his choice… to go… or stay,” Kihyun says. “It should always be his choice, not mine. And that’s why… I don’t know, Hoseok. I just… really don’t want to get hurt. Emotionally . I am past trying to ignore the fact that my paper cuts heal in less than five seconds.” He sighs. “It’s already a lot to deal with… this whole… demon business and… I don’t know if I can take much more than what’s already weighting on my mind. I’m… really trying my best to keep it together and...”

“Yeah…” Hoseok breathes on the other end of the phone. “Yeah, I know, Ki. I just… feelings are weird, and complicated, and whatever you’re feeling is only going to weigh more and more because you’re carrying them alone. I just don’t want you to deny yourself something--and I’m not just talking about sex okay, give me some credit. I might not get the demon business and the freaky immune system you walk around with, but I get what looking at someone and… That feeling like it’s almost too much to handle? I know what that feels like.”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips. “Hm,” he hums. “Yeah… I know. I know you do… Thanks…” He pauses, licks his lips and lets out a breath. He needs to ask. He knows he shouldn't’. But he needs to ask. “Hoseok… would you… would you still have loved him even if you knew what would happen?”

“A million times over,” Hoseok says, and he sounds so… vulnerable. Like the wound just won’t ever heal. “If I could.”

Kihyun feels his lower lip come up just slightly. The guilt comes up, too, and he blinks the burn behind his eyes away. “Okay…” He says. “Thanks…” And please don’t hate me .

Kihyun hears the shower turn on, and tenses for no real reason.

“Anytime,” Hoseok says, quiet, and when he breathes, Kihyun hears it shudder.

“I…” Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “I gotta go but… hey… you know you have me, right? Always.”

“Yeah, you big dummy,” Hoseok mumbles. “Don’t get yourself killed or anything because then I really won’t have anything.”

“I won’t,” Kihyun smiles. “But just for you-- ugh! I just cringed. Bye.”

Hoseok laughs. That big, boisterous laugh Kihyun remembers missing for quite a while. “Yeah, yeah. Text me next time you don’t know what to do with your libido.”

“ Great .” Kihyun hisses and hangs up. He turns around, rolling his eyes and groaning a little before going back inside.

He closes the window behind him and sighs. Then throws his foot back to kick the window. He doesn’t need coffee. Coffee is not going to help. He needs a ticket to Mars. Maybe there are no demons in Mars.

“Kyunie!” He shouts. “Hurry up, I wanna go too!”

“Nothing stopping you!” Changkyun laughs from the bathroom and Kihyun wants to kick the door again. “I’m rinsing!”

Kihyun sighs. “Let’s see where all that bravado goes one of these days…” He mumbles to himself.

“Did you make coffee?” Changkyun asks, and the water stops.

“No,” Kihyun replies, looking around as he crosses the living room, knowing Changkyun will hear him anyway. “Hey, where the fuck did you keep your stuff? You took a while.”

“Hoseok’s.”

Kihyun stops on the way to the bedroom to glare at the bathroom door. “What… Oh. Right.” Cold sweats. That means sickness, right? Yeah. Finally. Embrace it, Kihyun. “I, uhm, how long have you been back?”

“Why? Were you talking about me?” he teases, chuckling from the other side of the door. “Hoseok was. Felt my name, right there at the back of my head.”

Kihyun looks down. “Maybe we were… Wait. Hoseok’s? Did he know?”

“That I kept my clothes there?” Changkyun asks and it sounds like he’s… hopping? “Yeah.”

“ Traitor ...” Kihyun mumbles and storms into the bedroom to grab a few clothes. “Go ahead. Tell me you were staying there too.”

“I wasn’t,” Changkyun says, and it’s not from the other side of a door. He ruffles his hair, still wet, and Kihyun stops in his tracks from where he’s rightfully storming about because, well.

“Pink?” He blurts before he snaps his mouth shut.

“Yeah, pink,” Changkyun says, shrugging with the hint of a smile, looking down at his clothes. “I won’t burst into flames or anything.”

Kihyun frowns. He can feel the little ball of anger that had formed inside him throughout the morning start to melt down. Maybe that’s the pink. Or maybe that’s Changkyun in a pink hoodie. Both are plausible. And, surprisingly, none adds up to his frustration.

“Looks nice,” He acknowledges before looking away. “You didn’t answer my question, though.” He grabs a pair of jeans, a white button down and some random yellow sweater he found in the middle of that mess of a wardrobe and closes the drawer with his foot.

“And you didn’t make coffee,” Changkyun smiles, turning to the kitchen.

“Your point?” Kihyun asks, trailing after him.

“Don’t put the kettle on and then don’t make coffee,” Changkyun says, flipping the kettle on again. “Is my point.”

Kihyun frowns. “So… you heard that.” He’s not asking. He’s not entirely sure, but he is not asking.

“I didn’t mean to,” Changkyun smiles at the ground, sheepish, mouth in a line. “Sorry for teasing just then, totally knew you were talking about me. And I stopped listening. Didn’t feel right”

Kihyun eyes the bathroom for a moment, sighs and then places his clothes over the table. “And…” he walks closer, eyes on Changkyun. “At what point did you get that amazing epiphany?” He stops a whole arm’s length away and breathes, noticing his tone just in time, before he lets his distress get to him again .

He is not angry. Not really. And he needs to stop sounding angry when he’s not. “I’m not… upset that you heard whatever it is I said. I just want to know.” Truth. Truth. Truth . “I want to explain…”

Changkyun bites down on his lip, looking up at Kihyun through his lashes. “I think there’s something you should know,” Changkyun starts. “About what I heard.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes for dramatic effect to mask how he suddenly wants to hide under a rock. “Should I sit?” It’s not even nine a-fucking-m.

Changkyun frowns. “Uhm. No? I don’t know.” He rolls his shoulders, and looks at the ground. “Despite… What I want,” Changkyun glances at him and then back to the tiles. “What you might want. It’s… incredibly ill-advised, to kiss a demon.”

Kihyun stares and then slowly turns to look away. He lets out a little “Oh” before the whole thing catches up to him. “You…” Kihyun knows the expression he is wearing right now, he feels it, so he groans and crouches down to hide it between his hands. “You heard that…”

“I… did. Sorry,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun can almost hear the wince in his voice.

Kihyun waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Don’t worry. Just… forget about--wait.” He looks up, eyes wide. “Despite what you want?”

Changkyun licks his lips, shifting on his feet, face turning a shade darker than his hoodie. “Well. Yes. Ob-obviously, yeah.”

“What do you mean , ‘obviously’!?” Kihyun gets up and gives a step closer before he remembers he should stay right where he is. “Why didn’t you--wait. I didn’t tell you either…” He looks away. Confused. This is now how it was supposed to go. Not how Changkyun was supposed to know. Although now it doesn’t really matter, does it?

“I feel… dumb.” Kihyun says turning around to grab his clothes. “Let’s forget about this, minus the not kissing part.” He shivers. “Got it. Gone from the mind.” He says before he rushes to the bathroom.

“Oh--” Changkyun starts and Kihyun closes the door. “Kay…”

Incredibly ill-advised, huh? Well, that… that makes things a lot easier for him. Out of sight, out of mind. Out of mind, out of the heart.

Kihyun cringes and slides down the door, sighing once he meets the floor. Again , it’s not even nine am and he already feels like he’s been awake for two days in a row.

He looks at his phone from behind the clothes now sitting on his lap and types to Hoseok.

He’s not sure how long he sits there. Long enough for his phone to vibrate in his lap.

Kihyun sighs and gets up, almost tripping and slumping back down. Almost . He didn’t. He’s not that clumsy.

He’s not sure how long he stays in the shower. He finds himself spacing out and then coming back to his senses more than once before he realises he hasn’t washed his hair yet. And then he also spaces out, sitting on the floor, wrapped in a towel like a burrito, snapping back once he realises he needs to clean the bathroom. And the house. Vacuum the entire thing! Twice! With his two, very expensive vacuum cleaners.

Yes. That’s what he needs to do. After he gets dressed and sees whatever Changkyun wants to show him. Yes. Sounds good.

So, that’s what he does. Emerging from the bathroom almost an hour later, pulling the blow dryer cord with him as he peeks out into the living room.

“Hey,” he calls Changkyun, waving the blow dryer around when Changkyun looks up at him from where he’s eating cereal by the kitchen counter. “Do you need this?”

Changkyun shakes his head and lifts a hand, carding it through his hair. That is straight, yet somehow fluffy and… is dry. An hour. Right. “I’m fine, thanks...”

Kihyun hums in reply, going back into the bathroom to put back the blow dryer, dump a few dirty clothes in the washing machine (and mimicking the little noises it makes as he taps the buttons), grab his phone and walk back out, slowly, until he reaches and counter and leans on it.

He blinks at Changkyun for a while and then at the window across the room. “So,” he starts after a few moments of silence, finger tapping over the counter. Let’s try this again . “You said you wanted to show me something…?”

Changkyun nods, glancing at him with soft eyes and pointing at a bowl of cereal with his own spoon. “You should eat first. I didn’t put the milk in yet so it won’t be soggy.”

Kihyun looks down at the bowl. “Sometimes I forget you’re actually a functional… being now.” He says and grabs a clean spoon and the milk next to him.

“ Being is time-consuming,” Changkyun grumbles. “Do you know how many hours you sleep away? Just, like, poof , gone.”

“I know,” Kihyun muses and stuffs a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. He shoves it all to one side before he speaks with a puffed cheek. “And it’s great. Life doesn’t fall apart when you’re sleeping…” He stops munching and adds, “Unless you’re me, of course.”

Changkyun purses his lips together, cheeks puffing. “You slept, though?” Changkyun asks. “At the end there? Didn’t wake me up, anyway.” He points a spoon at Kihyun. “Which you should, by the way.”

Kihyun shrugs, smiling just a little. “You’ve watched me sleep a few times. Let me catch up and then we talk.”

“Not…” Changkyun blushes down at his cereal, stirring lazily. “Really what I meant, but...”

Kihyun looks at him and breathes out quickly through his nose when he looks away, laughing a little. He swallows. “I did sleep, though. Thanks to you, I think.”

Changkyun looks confused, even as he smiles. “I… helped? Huh,” Changkyun shoves a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “Noice. Should be sappy more often, then.”

“And now you are not helping.” Kihyun rolls his eyes and pokes the cereal with his spoon. He stops to think. And looks up with what he hopes is a sincere expression. “I know I give you a lot of shit but you do help. Never forget that.” He looks away, frowning. “I mean, you have saved my life three times…”

Changkyun shrugs, still smiling down at his cereal. “Yeah, but who’s count--” He stops, mid spoon-to-mouth. “Not me. I’m not counting.”

“I am,” Kihyun sighs, leaning back. And he is. Because that’s one of the things that weighs on him the most. “We should really get a board… for the, uhm, ‘rights’.”

‘ Thirty-five, ’ Changkyun mouths quite obviously, and grins. “Sure,” Changkyun agrees. “But no ‘life saving’ board. Deal?”

“Sure,” Kihyun mimics Changkyun. He knows he doesn’t need a board for that one. His conscience won’t let him forget. He sighs. “I should probably call…” He says, looking around and then at his phone right next to him. “Call in sick… I never get sick…” He snorts a laugh.

Changkyun drinks the milk from his bowl and stands up to put it away. “Then you must have a lot of sick days you can cash in on, right?”

Kihyun laughs a little, grabbing his phone. “Yeah… and holidays. I’ve been covering Christmas ever since…” He trails off, licks his lips and sighs. “I’ll text. Too sick to talk. Lost my voice, yadda yadda.”

Changkyun hums, a soft smile apparently ever-present. “Lose your voice? Perish the thought.”

Kihyun looks up from the phone, face unmoving. “And what are you implying right now?”

“Not sure,” Changkyun shrugs, looking up thoughtfully. “That you have a nice voice? Thought it was a compliment.”

“You…” Kihyun blinks. “Think I have a nice voice?”

Changkyun leans onto his hand from where he’s standing at the counter, weight on one leg, staring into the distance. “Even if my name on your lips wasn’t a summon to your side, I’d follow the sound anywhere if it led to you.”

Kihyun almost, almost took the spoon up to his mouth but stopped just in time to spit a laugh as he shivers. He leans over the counter to hide his face and laugh. “S--Sorry… oh god.”

Changkyun laughs with him, giggling, almost. “That bad, huh?”

“Sorry, I…” Kihyun waves a hand in the air, face into the crook of his arm. “I can’t look up right now.” He laughs. “Seriously.” He laughs again, his voice spiking a little before he can muffle it.

“Laughed at. Shunned for my art,” Changkyun sighs dramatically. “Heart laid bare and stomped into pieces.”

Kihyun raises his head a little, face a little hot but serious, before he snorts and leans back down to laugh. “N--Never change, Changkyun.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Changkyun mumbles around a smile. “Finish your damn cereal.” And Kihyun does, after spending another fifteen minutes dealing with uncontrollable laughter.

By the time Kihyun finishes tidying the kitchen, Changkyun is already looking at him with impatient eyes, fully dressed and ready to go. Kihyun throws the cloth over the counter and walks by, then towards the entrance where he sits near the shoe cupboard.

“So where are we going exactly?” He asks.

Changkyun hops over, like he was unleashing an excitement he’d been doing a terrible job of keeping at bay. “Okay, okay, so I thought about this! Had time to think, etcetera, etcetera.” And he holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers.

Kihyun stares at his hand and finishes tying his laces. He squints. “This is going to be weird, isn’t it?”

“Embrace the weird,” Changkyun wiggles his fingers some more, grinning. “Love the weird.”

Kihyun smiles despite the obvious eye roll. He shoves his phone in his pocket and gets up, raising an eyebrow when he leans a little into Changkyun’s space to reach for the wallet and the camera on the cupboard behind him.

“You probably couldn’t take it if I did.” He says, smirking before he clasps his hand on Changkyun’s.

Changkyun laughs, swinging their hands a little. “Close your eyes.” And Kihyun looks at him quizzically before complying. And feels the soft press of lips on his cheek. It makes his heart skip an unpleasant beat.

There is a soft ringing behind his left ear. Kihyun breathes, sharp and opens his eyes.

First, he sees Changkyun, looking at him like… like he can’t remember anyone having ever looked at him before. He can’t place it. And he doesn’t find the time to ponder it as he blinks, turning his head to look around and… and…

“No way,” he gasps softly.

He sees the counter-facade. The Chapel of the Crucifix just a few feet away. And when he looks at the far end that stretches to his right he sees it, Frari Assumption. And it’s…

His eyes rush back to Changkyun and he squeezes the hand he is still holding. “No way…” He breathes out. But Changkyun nods, real and warm in his hand and if that’s real, then…

“It’s early,” Changkyun says, and glances around. “Almost three in the morning. So it’s all yours.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and beams at Changkyun. He can’t help it. He also can’t help the little gloss in his eyes that vanishes after he gives a quick squeeze on Changkyun’s hand.

He lets go, pulls the camera over to slide the strap over his head and looks around. “It’s… beautiful.” He whispers, afraid to break the silence with the way his voice echoes.

“Yeah,” Changkyun agrees before looking around, shoving his hands into his pockets and shivering somewhat. “Thought you might like it...”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says softly, already walking ahead. It echoes slightly in the big space. It’s dark. Like, really dark. And the little presence lights are not enough to show the church’s splendor. But Kihyun has a camera. He has a camera, good instincts and good eyes.

He almost can’t believe it, but it’s real. Even after everything that’s happened so far, even knowing he’s seeing it with his own two eyes, Kihyun really can hardly believe he’s standing right in the middle of one of the most prominent churches in the city of Venice.

And ahead, one of Titian’s masterpieces. Kihyun remembers it from History of Arts. It’s so much bigger in person… So much something ‘at the end of her earthly life’, he remembers being said.

No flash , he thinks to himself when he takes the shot. ISO just high enough to light up the entire place when Kihyun looks at the preview on his screen.

“I think I found the light-switch!” Changkyun calls from somewhere in the dark, voice echoing off the walls.

“Shhhhhh,” he hisses over his shoulder at the dark.

“Sorry,” Changkyun says, then, from right next to him and Kihyun needs to slap a hand over his own mouth to muffle the little surprised ‘ heeeeck’ . “About that, too,” Changkyun chuckles softly. “No idea how much you can see in the dark.”

Kihyun glares at him, taking just enough time to note the way the little presence lights cast shadows on Changkyun’s face. “I can see enough,” he mutters, looking away. “And I have a camera. Look.” He leans closer. “Looks a lot brighter here, right?”

“ Trentasai, ” Changkyun mumbles, leaning in. “Oh, wow.” He looks between the Frari Assumption and Kihyun’s camera. “You really are good at this.”

“Oh, you don’t need to tell me. I know .”

“Yeah, but compliments make you stand a bit taller,” Changkyun teases, and looks up at the painting. “You know, I read about this place on the internet. After I saw the art on your wall of Venice. I’m… glad you like it.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, stepping back a little, slowly, quietly, and taking another shot just before Changkyun turns around. “I still can’t believe it, to be honest but… I’m learning, like I told you, to work with what I’m given.” He looks down when the screen flashes at him and he smiles at the preview. “ Yeaaaah , I really am good at this,” he laughs.

Changkyun looks back at him and smiles wide. “Anywhere else you want to grace with your photography prowess?”

Kihyun tilts his head, eyes on his camera. “Maybe… but I’m letting you pick. Your idea. Surprise me.” He snorts. “Though I guess that’s not too hard for you.”

“Being able to surprise you is all I got,” Changkyun says, walking over and offering his hand.

“That and,” Kihyun sighs and lets the camera down, taking Changkyun’s hand, “really shitty one-liners. Since day one.”

“I barely knew anything, there is no way I was using cheesy pick-up lines on--” Changkyun stops, letting their hands drop as he stares somewhere over Kihyun’s shoulder like God is standing there, judging him. “A pick-up line. I could pick you up, if you want . Wow. Wow .”

Kihyun snorts. “I know right?” He laughs, “Imagine how I felt.” He sighs. “So?”

“You know I could pick you up. Kinda did already.”

“Don’t test it. I know I’m smiling but I really wanna kick your ass right now.”

“I really, really wanna see you try,” Changkyun laughs. “And come on, you know the drill.”

Kihyun chews at his bottom lip. He doesn’t know if he likes this ‘drill’ but he can’t say he hates it either. “You’re insufferable,” he mumbles, closing his eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll find I am incredibly sufferable,” Changkyun says, lifts Kihyun’s hand in his, and there it is again, on the back of his hand this time--the soft feeling of lips against skin. Kihyun frowns when his heart skips a beat. If it keeps doing that then he will develop a severe case of arrhythmia.

There’s a slight shift in gravity and a blow of fresh air. And when Kihyun opens his eyes again, they’re outside and his eyes quickly focus on the massive ghostly-white bridge behind Changkyun.

He unabashedly pushes Changkyun aside to step forward. “Oh, come on , you gotta be joking…” He laughs. Because no fucking way. That’s the bridge! The Rialto bridge! The huge picture he has hanging on the biggest wall of his living room.

“Terrible sense of humour you must think I have,” Changkyun says, smiling at Kihyun. Kihyun. With the fucking Rialto Bridge right there! Fucking demons.

“Shrewd little minx,” he mutters. “That’s what you are.”

“No idea what that means so I’m gonna take the compliment,” Changkyun says, actually doing the effort of looking around.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun kicks his leg softly. “Now. Walk. In front of me but like five feet in front of me. Be useful.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, amused. “ How is that useful?”

“Because,” Kihyun starts, raising his voice dramatically, “you are actually good looking and you’re good material for silhouette photography. So shut up and walk.”

Changkyun laughs, sounding somewhere between abashed and giddy. “Alright, alright, enjoy ,” Changkyun says as he walks forward, doing a little spin to wink ( when did he learn to do that, for fuck’s sake ) and strolls , hands in his pockets, probably exactly five feet in front of him.

And Kihyun can’t help the smile on his face when he looks down at the ten shots he took in just three minutes. At night, the bridge truly looks like the gate to the afterlife, if there is such a thing.

They cross the bridge, stopping right in the middle to look at the canal. Kihyun flashes his camera a few times, illuminating the whole place. And they just stand there, leaning over the stone railing, silently looking as Kihyun flips through some of his photos. Kihyun can’t say he likes the smell of still waters bathing his face but he has to admit it adds to the experience. And it’s… actually quite nice, just having the company, not feeling like he has to say something to fill the silence. Hoseok probably would have talked his ear off, but Changkyun just looks contemplative, smiling a little every now and then but otherwise nearly as still as a statue.

Kihyun doesn’t know how long they stand there. But Changkyun follows quietly, too, as Kihyun gestures for them to carry on, jumping a few steps ahead all at once.

Kihyun stops at the last of the steps, looks ahead, sees Changkyun who’s naturally walked five feet ahead of him again, looks to his left, sees the bridge and… “Hey… I wanna ask you something… things .”

Changkyun turns to face him, walking backwards slowly. “Hit me.”

Kihyun tilts his head and snorts a laugh. “I could but…” He shakes his head. “Your face…” He looks down at his own feet. “Last time you were… you say you look like what I see. And I believe you. But there’s also… something I don’t see, isn’t there? Somewhere in you.”

Changkyun bites his lip, walks slower before he turns around once he’s next to Kihyun. “Ah, that.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Kihyun sighs. “I just… I am trying to understand how it works, slowly. Sorry…”

Changkyun’s head snaps to him, eyebrows raised. “You saw the taint on my skin, share a bed with me, but you’re worried about asking about it, not worried about… touching me? About...” Changkyun gestures at himself, but says nothing else.

Kihyun makes a face. “Taint?” He frowns. “Ah… I guess that makes sense.” He turns to look at Changkyun, leaning closer. “Is that why your eyes are so dark?”

“Probably,” Changkyun mumbles. “I don’t really know what I am. I know I’m tainted. I know what I can do, that this body isn’t borrowed, it’s mine. I know myself but I also know that what I am…” Changkyun frowns and shakes his head. “It’s different. New. I don’t know why or how, but I know that, too.”

Kihyun watches him until he stops talking and then after he stops talking. “Is that why you said… this morning…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says so softly Kihyun almost doesn’t hear it. “I don’t… That taint, it hangs here,” he continues, fingers pinching at his bottom lip. “I can’t do that to you.”

Kihyun looks down. His chest feels really tight but he can’t tell why. He can’t tell which feeling is taking charge now. There are so many. There have been so many feelings, lately. It’s becoming difficult to tell them apart.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Like I said, thought gone from the mind.” He smiles a little. “So, don’t… don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll worry about it for as long as it’s on my mind, not yours.”

Kihyun looks away, heart suddenly loud. “Oh.”

“Oh,” Changkyun echoes, smiling down at the floor before breathing deeply, and when he speaks, his tone is careful. “But like I said, I wouldn’t… do that to you. Even if I could. So you don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t,” Kihyun mumbles, softly kicking the floor and then the step behind him. “I trust you. So… do you?” He looks up. “Trust me?”

Changkyun frowns. “Of course I do.”

“Your turn then. Close your eyes.”

Changkyun’s frown evens out. He looks at Kihyun with so many questions there Kihyun could count them, but does as he’s told, not asking even one. Trust .

Kihyun shifts the camera around to the side, passing it under his arm to his back where it hangs tight to his frame. His heart is so loud he can barely hear his thoughts, or the soft ringing behind his left ear, or even the other ringing, the hurtful one, behind his right ear. It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter right now. Because…

‘A million times over .’

Slowly, Kihyun steps closer, his right hand reaching up to Changkyun’s neck where it slides up to his jaw. He presses his thumb over Changkyun’s lips--heart louder than before, especially as Changkyun’s lips part in a little gasp--and tiptoes just slightly to press his own lips on the curve of Changkyun’s nose.

It only lasts for a second before he lets go, eyes darting down in embarrassment. But he manages to stay right where he is, going as far as to ignore the sudden urge to run away. Or throw himself in the canal. He just crossed a line, the line. No turning back now.

“C-can--” Changkyun starts, swallowing the high pitch in his voice. “Can I open my eyes now?”

“One second…” Kihyun says hurriedly as he tries to will the blush away from his face.

“Good,” Changkyun laughs, breathy. “I wasn’t ready anyway.”

“Okay… yeah, yeah… you...” Kihyun ducks his head down. “You can.”

Kihyun’s not looking but he can only assume Changkyun’s looking at him, at the way his cheeks betray him. And then Changkyun tugs. Little, sharp little tugs at his sleeve.

“You can do that too,” Kihyun laughs softly and Changkyun rushes forward, arms around Kihyun’s waist as he lifts him in a spin, laughing as he does. And he’s beaming . He puts Kihyun back on the ground and beams at him, hands on the sides of his face. “Told you I could,” Changkyun laughs, stands on his tiptoes, kissing the bridge of Kihyun’s nose. And when all Kihyun does is blush furiously and let him, Changkyun moves to kiss his cheeks, his forehead and his nose. And it’s there again. The tight feeling in Kihyun’s chest, the one he can’t figure out. As if happiness is suddenly ten kilometers tall and keeps stepping all over his heart.

Happiness shouldn’t hurt and yet...

And Kihyun wants to be angry. He does. But he can’t. He glances away, bites down a smile and breathes out through his nose. “You really are insufferable…”

Changkyun laughs. “I like you, too.”

“Of course you do…” Kihyun mumbles, face melting a little between Changkyun’s hands even as he frowns. “What’s there not to like.”

Changkyun shakes Kihyun’s head a little between his hands. “I’m looking. I’ll keep you updated.”

“You know…” Kihyun feels his cheeks puff as he melts a little more between Changkyun’s hands. “I don’t know how this helps our problem,” he looks up. “ This . What is it? Have you found a word for it yet?”

“Still looking for that, too…” Changkyun says, eyes so soft they’re almost brown. “Any ideas?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “Not really, no.” He laughs. “I’ll keep you updated.”

“Good,” Changkyun says and leans in again, lips lingering on his cheek for a moment before letting go (one hand sliding down his shoulder, staying on his arm). “Hey. The sun’s about to rise. Wanna go up that tower there?”

The ringing on Kihyun’s right ear sounds just a little louder. He looks over his shoulder for a moment, face serene. “Yeah...” he says, eyebrows climbing just slightly when the ringing turns to words Kihyun can’t quite understand. He looks at Changkyun. “This isn’t stupidly giddy yet, gotta step up.”

Changkyun laughs, lifting his hand to cover Kihyun’s eyes. “You’re not scared of heights, right?”

Kihyun snorts. “Ask me that again next time Hoseok is with us. You won’t regret it. But no, I’m not. Not really.”

And Changkyun doesn’t take his hand off Kihyun’s eyes, moving to stand behind him (carefully moving Kihyun’s camera, he notes, somehow), holding him steady around the waist as gravity shifts and Changkyun’s hand finally falls to reveal-- ”Oh my god .”

It stretches as far as the eyes can see. The sky, filled with pastel colors, and a whole city beneath them. The cold breeze has Kihyun’s eyes water a little in reflex, and every time he blinks he feels like his eyeballs are frozen. But they’re moving and he can see everything so clearly…

And then the sun peeks out. Shyly just above the horizon. It doesn’t hurt to look. And it feels like looking through a scope as it rises quickly, enough to shine and reflect on the pavement of St Mark’s Square, tinting everything in yellow tones.

It’s beautiful. And it weighs on Kihyun’s chest, too, along with words he should say, so he does.

“I trusted you because you told the truth...” he starts, quietly, as if speaking too loud will rob him of the view, “And I believed you because I knew . I let you stay because I needed you. Crazy or not, your truth or my lie, I needed you.” He sighs and Changkyun’s quiet, as he rests his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder and listens. “I’m not stupid. I know there’s shit I can’t fight. And that’s why I want to know things… I want to understand. I want to figure it out. So…” He bites at his lower lip, watches the sky shift in colour gradually. “I’ll probably ask you a lot of questions. And I know you won’t be able to answer them, not all of them. And…” It weighs. “You told me before that I’m like a white light in a black sea. Well, you’re like the damn sun. And,” Kihyun adds, mumbling. “Hoseok is the little boat because he will be very butthurt if I don’t include him in this metaphor...”

The sky shifts, from soft yellows to dark pinks. “I’ll… I’ll answer what I can. There’s a lot I don’t know. Why I feel like this, how I can,” Changkyun sighs. “How anyone can feel this much without losing their minds. But… But I need you, too. And that feels… It feels like knowing. I look at you and I know and I feel and I’m not sure where the one ends and the other begins, but I feel it and… I know.”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun shrugs the shoulder Changkyun is leaning on, “I am, apparently, great demon bait,” he snorts and Changkyun laughs in tandem.

“Is that you calling me a catch?”

“You have a lot of competition. But,” he laughs, “at least you’re good looking. The others were… lacking . I’m sorry, can’t cope if I don’t joke about it.”

“You’re welcome to, since I’m getting compliments out of it, after all.” Changkyun’s arms around him squeeze lightly. “I wanted to show you some beautiful things. I think this…” Changkyun breathes, eyes forward before he smiles sideways at Kihyun. “Is very nearly as beautiful as you.”

“It’s a long way down, Changkyun.” Kihyun warns without bite, eyes trained forwards like his life depends on it. “Don’t make me throw you.”

“You’d have to fall, too, then,” Changkyun laughs. “And you know what I’m gonna say about that .”

“ Ohmygod , shut up. You’re worse than Hoseok!”

“You know I have no idea what Hoseok is like, right,” Changkyun chuckles softly. “Although I am starting to understand this jealousy thing humans are always going on about, since you keep bringing him up ...”

Kihyun pauses. Then shivers. “Ew.” He shivers again. “Ewwww . I mean… he’s great but I… I’m not…” Kihyun flails like he’s trying to get an insect off of him while not knowing where the damn thing is. “Ew! Take this out of my mind… erase, erase, erase!”

Changkyun laughs, and it ebbs into a giggle. “Okay, okay… My bad.”

Kihyun lifts his camera and angles it a little before taking the shot. “Although…” He tongues at the corner of his mouth to contain the smirk. “We have shared a bed before.”

“Low blow, Yoo Kihyun,” Changkyun deadpans, turning his head a little to narrow his eyes at Kihyun.

“Hm, well. Geographically, hell is lower. So, I don’t know.”

“I feel like this isn’t entirely off your mind yet.”

Kihyun frowns, the camera clicking another little noise when it flashes. “What isn’t? Wait. Ugh , you made me think about it again!”

Changkyun laughs, and Kihyun realises he can feel it on his neck, there at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. Changkyun noses lightly at the exposed skin above his sweater, and kisses there with barely any pressure, just a brush of his lips against him that has Kihyun shivering all the way down.

He raises his shoulder and leans his head forwards, eyes squeezing shut. “Ahh, jesus…” He hisses. Shivering again when his neck sinks into his shoulders. “Y--You can’t just…” He shivers again, lips thinning into a line to muffle the soft moan.

“I can’t?” he asks, trailing a kiss up to behind Kihyun’s ear.

“I am going to murder you ,” Kihyun growls, knowing fully well he can’t move all that much. “Wanna try that again,” he shivers, “when we’re back on solid ground?”

“Now that just sounds like an invitation,” Changkyun chuckles, leaving a kiss on Kihyun’s neck and pulling away. “Solid ground, huh? Don’t know her.”

Kihyun blinks, though, and they’re in the courtyard he’d just been looking down on. He looks around first, face relaxing, shoulders slumping down a little before he remembers the squid pasted to his back and frowns, turning around in Changkyun’s hold just slightly to shove a hand at his face.

“Listen here, you little shit--” Kihyun starts and stops. A familiar hiss nearby. He lets his hand fall, gaze averting slightly to where the sound comes from. “Hey… have you… been hearing that? It’s been following for a while.”

Changkyun frowns, face immediately serious. “I can’t hear them as well as you can. Can you make it out?”

Kihyun steps back, holding Changkyun’s hand, eyes on a street nearby. “Not really… It’s weak. And I can’t quite catch its meaning.”

Changkyun bites his lip, looking around. “So. Obviously, since there is danger afoot and all I can just zap us back home. But …” Changkyun shakes his head. “No, terrible idea, we’ll just go--”

“What idea?” Kihyun asks, quickly looking at him.

Changkyun rolls his shoulders. “Well. I would have been able to sense anything bigger than a mazikeen, and a mazikeen isn’t that dangerous. Not to me. Not to you, if…” Changkyun groans, throws his head back, shoulders slumping as he leans it back forward to hang there. “Hey, do me a favour and talk me out of this.”

“Talk you out of…” Kihyun tilts his head. “Me the bait, you the, uhm, whatever it is you do at night when you’re bored?”

“Netflix does sound like a good idea, actually,” Changkyun grumbles. He glances up at Kihyun. “You wanna learn, right?”

“Joy of joys… but yes. I do. Although I am not sure what exactly is there for me to learn when it comes to fighting demons. What do you want me to do? Throw rocks at them?” Kihyun looks around and doesn’t find even one pebble. “Or…” He looks ahead. “Drown them in the canal?”

“All wonderful ideas, but no, not exactly,” Changkyun looks around, looking neurotic. “I was thinking that it would be better for you to… Desensitise, maybe? Seen one lesser demon, seen ‘em all.”

Kihyun looks down, a small recollection of memories jumping at the front of his mind. “Maybe…” He frowns. “Maybe you’re right. Last time I…” He looks further down in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Sorry?” Changkyun asks, tugging him by the hand, eyes searching and alert.

“No. You’re right.” Kihyun looks up in the direction of the sound. “If this is a thing now then I can’t… have mild panic attacks every time something actually happens.” He says that but takes a small step back, like his body is fighting him even as he decides.

Changkyun stops, turning to put a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder, looking him in the eye. “No matter what I show you, they’re demons . They can and will kill you. When something happens, you call for me .”

It weighs.

Kihyun frowns. “I know. But I can’t just not do something. Last time I…” He shudders. “Last time I could barely even call for you.”

Changkyun’s hand tightens on his shoulder. “I… I know.”

“I don’t wanna go through that again…” Kihyun laughs bitterly. “I can’t.” He gestures at his own head. “Won’t go well up here. So, I really can’t…”

“Neither can I…” Changkyun lets go of his shoulder, breathes, tugs him forward. “Come on, then. Let’s go kill something, take the edge off.”

“Ha ha,” Kihyun mocks to make light of his own fear, the sudden anticipation boiling inside his stomach. “This way.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, a bit sheepish. “Lead the way, I guess.”

“Demons, can’t do anything right.”

The ringing in his ears is annoying as incessant as it is, and they’re hiding behind a crate in one of the most prominent cities in the world.

“Uhm,” Kihyun starts, squinting, “why are we… hiding?”

“Reconnaissance,” Changkyun whispers back.

The city isn’t as quiet as it was, like it woke up with the sun. There’s the far off sound of people, music, shops opening. The ringing pauses and then starts again, louder, pausing one more time before it turns into a whisper.

“I think… it’s sneezing,” Kihyun mutters, shoving a finger into his ear. “Annoying…”

“See, told you this would be fun,” Changkyun peeks over the crate again, hops a little where he’s haunched. He has his hoodie pulled up over his head (pink over black, honestly ). He frowns, sniffs the air. “Why isn’t it smelling you…”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun frowns. “Maybe I overdid the perfume this morning…”

Changkyun pauses, looking over, lips parted in a tiny gape. “ That’s what that is?”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Do you like it?”

“I don’t…” Changkyun looks away, shrugs nonchalantly. “Not like it. Pretty sure he just thinks you smell like whatever I am, though.”

“No one told you to rub all over me like a dog, you weirdo.”

“And then you say I’m not self-aware.” Changkyun teases peeks over again. “Seriously, what is it doing .”

Kihyun shoves a hand in Changkyun’s face to push him back, pulls his hood down while he’s at it. “I can’t listen with you talking over my ear. You forget you have two voices and I can hear them both.”

‘ Sorry’ the one voice says and Changkyun holds up a hand as if in surrender, falls back on his haunches.

Kihyun squints, head leaning forward slightly and turning with the sound. He gets up when it lights up like a light on a board. There . “Come on. It’s closer.”

“You still okay with this?” Changkyun asks, following. “I won’t let it hurt you, but it’s still not a pretty sight to behold.”

They stop at an intersection while Kihyun looks everywhere. The streets they’re in are still empty. “I can always bleach my eyes later.” Kihyun pauses. “Or spend like a good fifteen minutes staring at the sun. Works as well.”

“You joke, but my concern is very real.”

“Hm. Hey, what’s a mazikena … mazikeen…” Kihyun huffs before he starts walking again. “Where d’y’all come up with these names anyway?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “It’s Hebrew. Could mean anything from a, I don’t know, demon that makes you stub your toe or serious danger. Generally somewhere in between, though.”

“Ah,” Kihyun scoffs. “Is that what you speak in hell?”

“Nah, Latin. We’re purists.”

“I thought I was the one carrying around the pure soul…”

“What, demons can’t have goals ? Dreams ?”

They turn a corner, and it’s louder , stabbing at the back of his head until it comes crashing down like a headache.

Kihyun holds a hand to his head and stumbles a little, his other hand quickly flinging towards the nearest wall. “Uh… I feel sorry for whoever will have to dissect my brain. It’s turning to putty.”

“Ha ha,” Changkyun says in a way that sounds familiar. “Can’t fight a demon with a pudding brain. Come on,” he says, somehow teasing and gentle. Stupid demon .

“Am I sensing sarcasm...” Kihyun mumbles, following just one or two steps behind. The headache increases, the ringing getting louder and louder and louder until-- “Stop.” Kihyun says, freezing right where he is. “It’s here.”

Changkyun spins around backwards, arm out like a protective barrier in front of Kihyun.

“Oh, look,” a figure mocks from a shadow. “A stinky little guard dog.”

A second voice rings inside Kihyun’s head, a lot louder, a lot scarier, too. It whispers things. Things Kihyun can’t really understand. But he can feel them.

“Funny,” the figure shifts in the darkness, “didn’t know that three headed hag had puppies… And this one is out for a walk.” And then it shifts from mockery to something darker. “And it’s got something I want… ”

Kihyun sees them, the black lines on Changkyun’s skin. Sees them on the back of his hand, his neck, the bit of his face he can see, like ink spilling through water, or climbing up a wall like vines made of tar. The taint…

Changkyun growls at the back of his throat. “Don’t even think about it. You’re small . Inconvenient at best.”

The figure takes a wobbly step forward and Kihyun sees an unnatural smile stretch on its face. It’s… human. But, somehow, disfigured. Broken. Almost gone .

“Inconvenient… looking in the mirror are we? Dog.”

Changkyun sighs in frustration, shoulders tense even as he aims his words over them to Kihyun, eyes forward. “You see what I have to deal with... “

“Come on, little light…” The… thing tells Kihyun and he feels a shiver down his spine. “I just need to borrow you for a while… took me too long to get here and this… vessel is… crumbling.”

Kihyun takes a step back. “It…” He breathes out, shakily. “It’s talking to me, right?”

“Scare tactics,” Changkyun says, hand in a tight fist. “The more scared you are, the stronger they are…”

“Yeah?” Kihyun laughs a little. “And why is that not as reassuring as you probably want it to sound...?” It burns slightly at the back of his head and in his chest. A memory. An office, a woman he trusted, a dented wall nobody seems to acknowledge. “I’m… wow , okay,” he breathes. “I’m fine.” Or trying to be...

The figure takes another step forward. “You… You’ve been touched before, little light…”

Another deep growl. Changkyun. He grits his teeth as he speaks, deeper, rougher than usual. “Tell me I can kill this fucking thing already.”

“Touched…” Kihyun repeats. Heart loud.

And the shaky figure bends forward with a laugh, voice high and mocking. “Come here… the little light says, and lets the taint tease, tease, tease ...” And Kihyun’s breath hitches.

“Okay! I think I’ve had enough…” He says hurriedly, taking another step back.

“ Good ,” Changkyun growls, and Kihyun barely sees him lurch forward, fast and strong. The figure shrieks, a high pitched scream, as Changkyun grabs it by the throat. It scratches, desperate, ripping at Changkyun’s arm and digging in its claws.

Kihyun takes another step back, into the wall behind him. He opens his mouth to breathe as an avalanche of memories stumble back from a corner of his brain. A very, very dark corner. It pulls him in, slowly. And it almost feels like he’s about to fall into it until his fist slams at the wall to keep him right there.

Remember why you’re doing this. Forget what doesn’t matter, remember what does.

Kihyun frowns, taking a deep breath and giving a reluctant step forward. He can’t do that again. He won’t be able to take it if he lets himself fall . Maybe he can’t do something about the demons Changkyun fights, but he can do something about the demons inside him.

“ GREEDY MUTT!” it screams. “WANT IT ALL FOR YOURSELF!!!”

Changkyun lifts the demon by the throat, throws it down and the bricks crack on impact. The figure’s limbs crack out of place and back into it with horrible, crunching snaps. It tries to lift itself, and Changkyun slams his foot down on the thing’s torso, and the bricks break on impact.

“I AM NOT GOING BACK! I DESERVE THIS CHANCE!”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes out with every bit of courage he manages to pull, and Changkyun pauses, foot on its chest. “Desperation. It makes for strange bedfellows.” He glares at Changkyun’s back like he’s looking through him. Through him and straight at that thing. “Believe me, I know. ”

Changkyun bends down, reaches for its neck and with a sickening crunch and a scream Kihyun only hears in his head, the creature stops moving.

Kihyun breathes out and lets his knees hit the ground. He stares down at his hands, shaky with the adrenaline in his system. It’s not pretty, but it’s real. And that’s what Kihyun will have to learn to deal with.

“It’s gone,” Changkyun says, soft. At a distance. “You’re safe.”

Kihyun looks up from his hands. And it’s just like the first time. It weighs . It weighs because he knows . He knows it's only matter of time until something bigger and stronger shows up. Kihyun is not dumb. He is many things, but not dumb.

All he sees is Changkyun’s back. Just like the first time. At a distance Kihyun might never be able to reach.

And a life for a life is never worth it.

“Changkyun… come here?”

“Kihyun…” Changkyun says. He sounds small. He sounds so far away. So out of reach. “I’m…”

“I said…” Kihyun breathes in and his voice sounds a lot stronger when he continues. “Come here. ”

It takes a moment, but Kihyun hears Changkyun walk closer, head down as he falls to his knees in front of him.

“Hey,” Kihyun says softly, tilting his head a little to look at Changkyun’s face, “look at me.”

Changkyun’s head hangs. There’s black, inky veins on his hands. “I don’t want to be a part of what you fear, Ki…”

“You already are,” Kihyun says, reaching, touching Changkyun’s face with the tips of his fingers before he lets his hand slide up his cheek. “But not in the way you think.” He thumbs the corner of Changkyun’s lips and then drags the finger up and down before his hand slides further back to pull Changkyun closer.

Changkyun finally looks up. His irises are stretched, blown up across his entire eye. It’s black. As black as the lines that work their way down his cheeks, his neck. They intertwine and change, slowly, not noticeably, really, unless you can’t look away. Kihyun smooths his thumb there, and they slowly ebb away.

“You…” Kihyun smiles. “You’ve seen me at my worst. Quite literally. And… I don’t know what you’re so afraid of.” Kihyun sighs. “I think… I think I’ve told you this, maybe with different words, but I think you’re beautiful the way you are. So don’t hide.”

The lines twist, turn, dissipate as Changkyun smiles, eyebrows knitting together and he falls back on his haunches, reaching up to put his hand over Kihyun’s. “It’s… It’s not exactly a sunrise…”

“Not really, no. At least I can look at you for ages without needing eye surgery the moment I look away.” Kihyun huffs a laugh and Changkyun’s shoulders relax, just a little more. “But if you wanna go all melodramatic… then… maybe a sunset.”

Changkyun closes his eyes and chuckles, leaning into Kihyun’s touch with a shake of his head. “I don’t deserve this,” Changkyun mumbles. “Thank you...”

“Well,” Kihyun starts, lets go, gets up. “You’re welcome.” He stares down the empty Venitian street, sees the blue peek out between the old buildings. “And for what it’s worth, what you deserve or not from me is for me alone to decide, and for you to deal with.”

Changkyun runs his hands over his face, and when he looks up, he’s smiling, and it’s the eyes Kihyun had woken up to not a few hours ago. “Deal with?” Changkyun muses, looking down at his hands as the last of the black ebs away. “I guess I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Great.” Kihyun bosses, feeling slightly better. “Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. I’m the useless one here and I am doing a great job, mostly at being useless, but hey. Small victories.”

Changkyun brushes the dust from his pants as he gets up. “I’d be a bit lost without you,” Changkyun smiles, rolling his shoulders. “Doesn’t sound too useless to me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe you wouldn’t know what bacon and eggs actually tastes like.”

“Nevermind the demons, now that ’ s scary,” Changkyun says, glancing back at the dead figure anyway. One of its’ legs twitch, like a spider that’s been stepped on.

Kihyun shakes his head to look away. “I’ve noticed people can’t see them once they… you know.”

“The vessels don’t last long after the soul descends,” Changkyun says. “No humans will be tripping over it or anything, if you were worried.”

Kihyun hums. “Well. Fine.” He looks away and rubs at the back of his neck. No loud ringing. Just the one , soft, caring, reassuring.

“So, my VISA card still works…” Kihyun mumbles, looking at the far end of the street. He can see people passing by, can smell fresh food in the air, bread, bacon, eggs.

“And you’re suggesting…?”

“Food?” Kihyun says, side-glancing Changkyun a little shyly.

“Mmm,” Changkyun hums. “This sounds like you’re asking me on one of those…” Changkyun snaps his fingers, looking around as if in thought, lips threatening to pull into a smile. “Oh, what’re they called again…”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Definitely not.” He huffs and waves his hand in the air. “ This . Not that. This is… breakfast for lunch.”

“Brunch?” Changkyun tuts. “Nah, that’s not it either.”

Kihyun kicks Changkyun’s leg. “I told you that it’s not whatever you think it is, either. Now come on, move your ass.”

“Alright, alright,” Changkyun laughs, having the decency to at least look like the kick hurt and walking past him. “Let’s not go on one of those ‘whatever-they’re-called’s.”

“Remember the pillow?” Kihyun grumbles a few steps behind, cheeks pink as he glances up at Changkyun’s back. “You’re still not safe from that. So watch it.”

“I remember,” Changkyun says, not sounding particularly threatened. “Apparently I sleep now, so maybe I should be a little scared of you and that pillow… One eye open and all that.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “You never know who might try to kill you in your sleep.”

“Again, you joke, but my concern …” Changkyun looks around as they enter a much busier street. It’s still early but there are people walking every which way, restaurants setting up little tables outside, Italian written on chalkboard stands. “So. Food. I’m thinking... Italian ?”

Kihyun walks a little closer, smirking when he is close enough, and leaning in from behind Changkyun to say a little “Mhm,” behind his ear before giving a little jump to his side. “You’re in charge here.”

Changkyun smiles at him, amused. “Aren’t you paying?”

“Yes,” Kihyun sighs. “And the cambio is gonna put a hole right through my savings. But hey. Worth .”

“I suppose you’re morally opposed to eating and,” Changkyun snaps his fingers. “ Poof .”

A breeze runs behind them and Kihyun shivers a little, stuffing his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and leaning just a little bit closer. “We’re here now and I took the day off. I am very, very sick. This is medicine. We’re not going anywhere.”

Changkyun sighs. “Good influences. Who needs ‘em.”

“Should’ve thought of that earlier. Like… about a week ago.” Kihyun elbows Changkyun. “Come on, just a little. I do want to clean the house when we’re back and I need sunlight for that.”

“Quickly, then,” Changkyun laughs with a little tug at his sleeve.

“Yeah, come on,” Kihyun grabs his hand and pulls him, “time for your morning walkies.”

The truth is never as scary when someone is there to face it with you. Maybe that's what Kihyun needed all this time, someone strong enough to help him face unseen horrors without losing himself along the way.

---

“You know I’m not actually a dog,” Changkyun tries, again, as Kihyun scratches behind Changkyun's ear and it feels like he’s mocking him.

“You do look like a kicked puppy when you pout, though.”

Changkyun sucks back his bottom lip with a frown, ears pink.

“And you look like a hamster when you eat.”

Kihyun places the keys over the cupboard next to his camera and crouches to undo the laces on his sneakers. “What do you mean? I am, obviously , a shark.”

Changkyun blinks at him for a second. He doesn’t know that one yet, so he takes his phone out of his jacket pocket, taps around for a minute and then bursts out laughing.

“I’m just going to ignore you right now,” Kihyun mutters, sighing as he gets up and walks by.

Changkyun can’t help it, but he manages to quell most of the laughter. How is this big grey fish even a little bit like him . Ridiculous. “S-sorry, I just,” Changkyun laughs again, pocketing his phone and waving his hands around. It doesn’t help.

Kihyun has his back turned when he pulls his sweater over his head and throws it over the sofa, pulling at the sleeves of his button down. “Sure,” he mumbles absently and Changkyun watches him, reminded of their morning, the slither of skin Changkyun had seen and touched between his shirt and pants and--

Changkyun shakes his head at himself. He doesn’t know what that twist of want in his stomach is, or what to do about it, but he can definitely not think about it right now.

“How about…” Changkyun tries, thinks through the things he’s seen, remembers something and smiles. “A fox?”

Kihyun’s expression doesn’t change except for the single eyebrow climbing on his forehead. Changkyun notes, however, he’s not fumbling with his sleeves anymore and is just blatantly staring at them. “A fox,” he repeats.

“A fox,” Changkyun says again, walking closer. “Sharks are… big, sure. Scary, if the teeth are anything to go by, but they’re not…” Changkyun grins. “Well, that word that nearly got me thrown off a bell tower.”

Kihyun turns just enough to openly inspect Changkyun up and down, eyes guarded. Changkyun knows that look, but he doesn’t recognize any tension or anxiety in his expression. And then he sees it, a little tug at the corner of Kihyun’s lip that he tries to hide by looking away.

“Fair,” he says.

“Gonna keep calling me a dog, then?” Changkyun laughs.

“Maybe,” Kihyun admits, shrugging one shoulder as he walks towards the kitchen. “I am curious, though. Why would they call you… what was it,” he pauses, “that…” he gestures in the air.

“A guard dog?” Changkyun tries, sitting down at the kitchen counter. “Well, I only ever saw it once, but hell’s entrance is guarded by Cerberus. It’s this big, three headed dog. Really big.”

Kihyun opens one of the cupboards and brings out a-- what is that contraption?-- “Oh,” he starts, placing the thing down and looking at Changkyun with big eyes. “Oh! I get it! It’s because you’re both guardians!”

Changkyun feels the warmth in his chest before he lets out a small laugh. He really needs to figure out how to control that thing. “I, well, yeah, that’s exactly why,” Changkyun says, rubbing at the back of his neck. Warm.

“Eh,” Kihyun grabs one of the tubes connected to the thing on the floor and stares at it, “That’s actually pretty cool, now that I think about it…”

Changkyun stares. Seriously, what is this thing . “What, a giant three-headed dog?”

Kihyun shrugs. “That too but…” He looks up. “You, too. I mean, the guardian thing alone is a bit… Eh . But if I really think about it, now that I have something I know about to compare it to, I have to admit it sounds pretty cool.” He pauses and then adds, “Although protecting me probably pales in comparison…”

Changkyun scoffs. “Seriously? Your kitchen, and this might surprise you, is a better work environment than the gates of hell .”

“If whatever crawls out of there is anything to go by, I believe you.” Another pause just to add, “Except for you. But we’ve already established that.”

“Yeah, but I still like hearing it,” Changkyun grins, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands. “Makes me feel all special and gooey inside.”

Kihyun makes a face but then laughs. He turns to point the tube at Changkyun. “Right. Well, I am going to vacuum. You stay put.”

“Oh, a vacuum! That’s what this is!” Changkyun exclaims. “When you were talking about having two vacuum cleaners, my understanding was very limited and my phone was just a tad out of range so I couldn’t google anything!”

“Top quality vacuum cleaners,” Kihyun corrects, pulling at the chord and reaching a little behind Changkyun, face just a breath away and surprisingly quite relaxed, to plug the thing in.

Changkyun’s stomach twists again. He needs to learn to control that, too.

“Mwah,” Changkyun says, then, with Kihyun’s lips right there. Because he can’t kiss him, can’t even touch him, but he can pretend.

Kihyun stops and stays right where he is, eyes going down slightly and then back up and away before he pulls back. “Don’t test me,” he warns but his cheeks look slightly pink.

“Enjoy the--” Changkyun tries his best to mimic holding a tube like the one in Kihyun’s hand. “Sucking.”

The reaction is immediate and wonderfully expected.

“I am going to vacuum you too, you shit!”

Changkyun laughs, ducking out of the way for a half-hearted swing at his head. “Staying put. Staying quiet.”

And he does. He stays put and quiet while Kihyun moves around the house with the vacuum cleaner. He vacuums the bathroom three times, (Changkyun notes, as he looks up from his phone every time Kihyun moves about in view) the bedroom twice and the rest just once. For the last round, he switches vacuum cleaners. That’s when Changkyun almost doesn’t stay quiet with the need to tease . Almost , but he manages.

By the time Kihyun is done being thorough with his cleaning and plops down on the sofa next to Changkyun, eyes on the ceiling, he looks a little lost in thought. And perhaps a bit tired, too.

Changkyun turns a little to his side, smiling softly at Kihyun, at the little sweat at his hairline, at his parted lips and pointy nose. “You look contemplative. Wondering if the bedroom might need another round?”

Kihyun makes a non-committal sound, eyes still on the ceiling. “Just thinking. About today,” he says too many seconds later.

Changkyun rolls his bottom lip between his teeth. “The… good part? Or the bad part?”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun replies absently, “it was all good, I think.”

That… doesn’t sound right. He did fight a demon, right? He didn’t imagine that?

“What are you thinking, then?” Changkyun asks, carefully.

“You, for the most part.”

Warmth. Warm bubbles sink to somewhere in his stomach. “M-me?”

Kihyun sighs and looks down at his hands. “Yeah, apparently that’s a thing I do now.”

“Well, I mean,” Changkyun says, and he doesn’t know why, or why it’s so fast or how to stop it, really. “You didn’t really know me at all before we met so it wouldn’t have made all that much sense if you’d thought of me before we, er, met.”

“Painfully obvious, I’d say.” Kihyun sinks down a little and runs a hand through his hair. “But today… today was nice. So, thank you.” He still doesn’t look up but he smiles a little, hair falling back over his forehead.

Changkyun shifts where he’s sitting, ignoring that twist in his gut again. “It was nice to see you so happy,” Changkyun admits. “There was this look on your face, when we were in the church…” Changkyun smiles to himself through the terrible, burning warmth .

Kihyun shifts a little, using his hands to climb back up and sit straight. “A look on my face?” He asks, finally looking at Changkyun. And that’s a tug Changkyun couldn’t ignore even if he wanted to.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, swallowing around a lump in his throat. Would he ever get used to this? “Throw me off a tower all you want, but yeah.”

“I can always throw you off the sofa,” Kihyun muses, tilting his head.

“You mean, you can always try to throw me off the sofa, but I know you can’t.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Changkyun shrugs, grinning. “It’s a fact.”

There’s a shift so sudden Changkyun can almost feel it in the air change around them.

Changkyun feels a hand slide up his neck and pull, and his heart almost jumps to his throat when he sees Kihyun’s face right there and it looks… looks like he is going to kiss him. The hand at the back of Changkyun’s neck pulls him closer again instead, lips on his jaw, slightly parted, hot and climbing up to his ear. The warmth in his chest feels so hot he’s not sure it won’t burn him from the inside out, the twist in his stomach unavoidable. He momentarily forgets how to breathe, definitely doesn’t know how to process anything at the moment. “Wha…”

“Told you I needed solid ground,” Kihyun whispers in his ear, his other hand pushing Changkyun down until he falls back on the sofa and is staring up, right into Kihyun’s eyes. Kihyun is not smiling. Not really. Changkyun is not sure what kind of face he’s seeing because he’s never seen that one before. But the look in Kihyun’s eyes alone is enough to send an unfamiliar shiver down Changkyun’s back. He needs to… he needs to react , needs to actually do something --

“Doesn’t feel very solid,” Changkyun breathes, bringing his hands up to Kihyun’s waist, fingers holding probably a bit tighter than he should. But Kihyun doesn’t wince, not even a little, the corner of his lips coming up just slightly.

Changkyun’s heart almost stops as Kihyun leans down, elbow next to Changkyun’s face to hold himself up. And he’s close. So very close. So very close that if Changkyun didn’t trust him not to kiss him… “I did say it was gone from the mind but….” He says, peering into Changkyun’s eyes before he’s coming down again to kiss Changkyun’s jaw and then slowly down his neck.

And it feels.. It feels . Changkyun feels Kihyun’s lips on his skin and he swears he can feel them everywhere. It’s overwhelming. But still, Changkyun wants. He doesn’t know what, but he wants . Changkyun tugs Kihyun’s shirt out of his jeans, suppressing another shiver as he feels Kihyun’s soft skin under his hands and Kihyun’s almost silent gasp on his neck when Changkyun moves his up Kihyun's back. Overwhelming, he thinks, and then, More.

All hell breaks loose all over his mind when Kihyun goes up to his ear again and bites , a leg coming up between Changkyun’s.

Changkyun makes a sound he didn’t know he could. He throws his head back and whines lowly, letting his nails drag down Kihyun’s back but he stops, almost lets go.

“I told you,” Kihyun mumbles and his voice sounds different, deeper than usual, “I don’t break that easily.”

Want. Lust, greed, all rolled into one.

“And I told you,” Changkyun gasps, as Kihyun keeps pushing, adding pressure with his knee that makes Changkyun shiver as he moves his hands, grips again at Kihyun’s hips. “I’m a very quick learner.”

He’d barely even noticed the hand at the hem of his hoodie until he feels Kihyun hook his thumb in the soft waistband of his boxers, peeking just slightly over his jeans, Kihyun’s nail lightly scraping at the jut of his hip-bone.

It’s so close to too much it hurts. It hurts because he wants more.

And then loud, abrasive, and with an incredible amount of inconvenience, the doorbell rings.

Kihyun stops, pulling up just slightly, eyes somewhere on Changkyun’s neck, and he immediately misses the soft, warm pressure of his lips. A shadow crosses Kihyun’s face for a second and Changkyun knows it’s not a good one despite the pink on Kihyun's cheeks. But once it’s gone, it’s gone and Kihyun’s eyes flick up to Changkyun’s face for a moment before he smiles and ducks his head down to laugh and finally move away once the bell rings again.

The warmth in Changkyun’s chest doesn’t go away, though. It spreads to his cheeks, to his neck, and he shifts with a pout and a whine as his stomach knots into itself. His pants feel incredibly uncomfortable , all of a sudden. He wants… he wants Kihyun to do it again.

The doorbell rings again .

Changkyun groans, gripping at Kihyun’s shirt. “Do we have to answer that.”

“It’s not like we’re busy,” Kihyun says with a short laugh and gets up, leaving Changkyun alone with his thoughts in a suddenly very lonely sofa. How the hell was that ‘not busy’?

“You didn’t actually get me off the sofa, though,” Changkyun grumbles, looking at the door, hugging a throw pillow for some sense of comfort. He doesn’t need to be able to see through doors to know who it is, though. Hoseok featuring his perpetually prickly Reaper pet.

“Yet,” Kihyun says over his shoulder before he opens the door and is almost run over with the way Hoseok throws himself at him.

“Kihyun! They said you were sick. You’re never sick!” Hoseok pulls away and squints at him. “You’re warm. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun says stepping back. He pauses for a moment and Changkyun can almost hear his brain struggle to work before it clicks into place. “Wait. Were you at the department? I’ve told you a hundred times I don’t like you storming into my workplace just like that.”

“I called! There was no storming, I promise.” Hoseok leans in a little, putting his hand on Kihyun’s forehead. “You’re sure you’re not sick?”

“I’m not,” Kihyun says with a little exasperation. “We were just…” He throws a finger over his shoulder and then turns to look at Changkyun. “He wanted to show me something.” And then he turns around again really fast and Changkyun really wishes he could see Kihyun’s face right now, what with how excited he sounds. “That’s right! You won’t believe where we’ve been!”

Changkyun smiles a little at the excitement in his voice, hugging the pillow closer and--

“You have got to be kidding.”

Changkyun almost jumps. Almost. But he does glare next to him, where there was nothing and is now an annoyance . “What,” Changkyun hisses under his breath.

Hyungwon gestures around and then a little at Changkyun’s chest. “What is this strange gooey substance that you’re… you’re,” he grimaces, “cooing about?” He leans in a little, vanishing and reappearing again closer, staring into Changkyun’s eyes and then slowly down. “Oh no, it gets worse.”

Changkyun smacks him away, hard. And Changkyun is distantly aware of Kihyun enthusing about Venice to Hoseok in the doorway but he can’t make it out over the sound of his heart in his ears.

Hyungwon reappears again by the nearby corner, holding himself tight. “This thing you’re doing? Not the best ingredient to couple with that thorny vine coming out of your soul.”

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Changkyun announces, getting up and rushing away. He almost slams the door, and when he glares at his reflection (hair in disarray, cheeks a bit red) he hisses, “ Hyungwon .”

“Yes, you do look like you’ve been fucked into next week.” Hyungwon says from where he sits on the toilet. He gestures vaguely. “Which makes me wonder…”

“What? If you enjoy this?” Changkyun gestures to, he assumes, the thorns Hyungwon can see but he can’t.

Hyungwon makes a face. “ Enjoy? I am not particularly fond of being stabbed or playing laser tag with this… this… plant.” He pauses and then glares. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you’re not… actually… with … Kihyun…”

Changkyun looks away from his own eyes. “He made it abundantly clear that… we didn’t go on a date , and…” He turns around, and Hyungwon’s lips are pull for a second like something smells. “What does that even mean, with Kihyun? Are you with Hoseok, since you’re joined at the damn hip?”

“Hm,” Hyungwon muses, tapping a finger over his chin and crossing his legs. “He is rather… well . It's beyond me.” He shrugs and then glares again. “You know, among all the shit you spew, the part that troubles me the most if the shit you don’t say with your mouth but scream with all your being.” The glare intensifies. “You wanted it to be a date… whatever it was.”

Changkyun feels his shoulders tense. “Even if I did, it doesn’t look like you particularly approve.” Changkyun scoffs, trying to shake his shoulders loose. “What’s it to you, anyway.”

“You are aware that you’re a demon, correct?” Hyungwon scoffs. “And there’s taint all over you. I can see it, even when it’s not feeding you power.”

A demon . Taint . “I know,” he says, softer than he would have liked. “So does he.”

Hyungwon frowns, eyes looking around. “If this thing flourishes I am going to quit this job,” he mumbles to whatever Changkyun can’t see. “Oh, he knows does he…”

Changkyun says nothing. He crosses his arms, grits his teeth, thinks about the taint under his skin, the pull at his heart. “What…” Changkyun sighs, sitting down on the edge of the bath. “What does it look like?”

Hyungwon’s face softens considerably. He looks at Changkyun and then around and then back at Changkyun. “You want to see it?”

Changkyun blinks. “What, seriously?”

“You might not like it…” Hyungwon winces. “It’s not… pretty, looking through my eyes.”

Changkyun shivers and looks away. He hates to think about… about his connection with Kihyun being anything other than the way Changkyun feels when he looks at him, but there are facts. Facts that are difficult to face. Facts that turn red strings into thorns, and a kiss into coal.

“I don’t want to see it,” Changkyun admits, feeling small, feeling dirty as he leans forward with his head in his hands. “Shit...”

“You like him.”

He laughs, grips at his hair. “Like is… too small a word. Too trivial. And no, before you ask, I don’t know what the word should be, what it is, so don’t, okay? Just don’t .”

“I don’t need to,” Hyungwon sighs. “Honestly, I know most of the answers to the questions I ask. I just love being annoying.”

Changkyun scoffs. “You’re doing a wonderful job of it.”

“Kihyun would agree,” Hyungwon says softly.

Changkyun lifts his head, raises an eyebrow. “What the hell did you mean, ages back, when you say you’ve known Kihyun since you were five.”

Hyungwon shrugs. “Following Hoseok around has its perks. And its downsides. I need like three pairs of sunglasses to be able to look at Kihyun straight in the face. He shines too damn bright.”

Changkyun feels himself smile and stops it halfway. “Hah. You’re protective of him. Seeing it now...”

“They’re both good people. And they’ve both suffered a lot.” Hyungwon looks at Changkyun, pointed, sharp. “There’s a lot you don’t know about. And there is a lot that is beyond your small existence. Which is why I’m wary of you.” He frowns. “Guardian demon is still a demon. And unless you can prove me wrong… Well .”

“What am I proving, mm?” Changkyun snaps. “That… that I care beyond whatever purpose I was given? That I’m…” Different?

Hyungwon sighs. And then he’s not on the toilet, he’s lounging inside the bath, right behind Changkyun. And it feels like the coldest stare. Like death is right there, watching him, and in a way, it is. “You want a word.” Hyungwon mumbles. “But what I see is…” He chuckles. “You’re in for a ride, demon. And it will hurt more than hell.”

“Is there a reason ,” Changkyun grits out, ignoring the cold in his bones. “You talk like this?”

“Yes. You’re incredibly easy to tease. And, I am a Reaper. I know things. Things I can never talk about because my punishment is… well, it’s a bit lonely when no one you want to talk to can hear your voice.”

Changkyun opens his mouth to bite something back, to tell Hyungwon that, hey, he’s not a big fan of hearing his voice so he can zip it , but… But Changkyun speaks, and Kihyun hears him. Changkyun can touch him, hold him. He can make him smile. Hyungwon, on the other hand--

“Hoseok,” Changkyun says, looking around. “That word I don’t know. You know it. With him.”

“I feel it,” Hyungwon says, stares up at nothing. “Every day. And my punishment is to feel it forever until it consumes me.”

Changkyun’s chest feel tight, lungs smaller. “I… I can’t even imagine it.”

“Well,” Hyungwon laughs and it sounds bitter. “I made my choice. And I would do it again. No matter what.” He sighs. “A million times over.”

Changkyun feels itchy. Feels the thorns dig into him, squeeze around his heart, fill his chest with warmth--with what feels like blood. “It’s…” He breathes, and his lungs expand and the thorns dig in. “It’s no wonder you’re so damn annoying, then.”

Hyungwon actually laughs. Laughs . And it’s brighter than everything else Changkyun has heard come out of his mouth. “Eternity does that to you.” He sighs and it’s longer than any sigh he’s heard before as it stretches in the silence. “Please don’t hurt Kihyun.”

Changkyun sits back, lets the cold of the tiles into his clothes until he feels it on his back. “I don’t… want to.”

“Who would’ve thought…”

More silence. More cold.

“Hyungwon,” he admits softly. “I don’t know how not to hurt him anymore.”

Changkyun blinks and Hyungwon is in front of him, eyes yellow like tourmalines. “ That’s the fight you’ll have to win. No matter what.” He looks down at his own hand and when Changkyun looks, too, he sees it fading slightly. “We are what we are, you and I. Where we come from, there’s no such thing as free will. I have souls to collect and you…” He reaches slowly, hand ghostly moving to Changkyun’s chest where it stops just a few inches away, and it’s so, so cold. “You will have to do what you were created to do. And only then decide what to do, how to fix it if it needs fixing, how to make up for it otherwise. In this realm you have free will, but you will never grasp it fully as long as you're tied down to a duty that comes from the depths of hell.” He looks up as if to ask for permission, hand frozen where it is.

Changkyun lifts his chin, as his heart squeezes itself to a pulp. He can’t breathe. He wants to swallow but he can’t move, but he can nod.

“When you do,” Hyungwon smiles a little, but it doesn’t look sunny, “remember that you don’t feel because of it. It feels because of you .”

And when the ghostly hand crosses Changkyun’s chest, the whole room turns grey and cold and there is a forest of dark thorns around them. Changkyun breathes the air in, sharp, and it’s cold, it stings, like ice. “The way I see the world is lifeless,” Hyungwon says, voice sounding distant. “And souls look…” He stares at Changkyun’s chest and there is a hunger in his eyes. “Warm. Yours, however....”

“S-stop,” Changkyun pleads, and he tries to breathe, tries to move.

The light in Hyungwon’s eyes dims. He looks to his left, irises focusing on something past the tiles, past the walls.

“He likes you, too.” Hyungwon says and then he’s gone.

Changkyun gasps for air. It burns... it’s so cold. He can’t think beyond demon, demon, demon ; can’t see beyond the thorns at the back of his eyes, not there but clinging there, like an after-image. He lifts his hands to his hair as they shake, because all he needs, all he wants to do is--

He screams. And it sounds like a word, like a name. And it feels like a summon, too. Because it's not even a second before he hears--

“ Changkyun? ” It’s a question. But it sounds close. And then again, right there. “Hey! Look at me, you idiot!”

He wants to. He wants to stop shaking, to stop pulling at his hair. But he can’t think beyond demon, demon, demon . Can’t see beyond the black in his eyes, beyond the taint.  

“I swear to god…” The voice says.

And then there’s a faint touch over his hands, slowly bringing them down to his lap, squeezing just slightly in the end.

“Hey… you’re actually worrying the shit out of me right now,” Kihyun says. Because it’s Kihyun. Of course it’s Kihyun.

“Is he okay?!” Hoseok shouts from somewhere.

The afterimage of dark and ice and thorns... it fades, and Changkyun feels the warmth on his hands and he lets it spread, lets it move up his arms, into his chest. He says something. He’s not sure what. But it feels warm, too.

“Come here,” Kihyun says, tugging slightly at his hands, and Changkyun can see. He blinks and the black melts from his vision, and all he sees is light. It feels like light. But it’s Kihyun, looking at him with an expression Changkyun doesn’t recognise, but Changkyun recognises him , recognises that warmth, and lets himself fall into it, as close as he can get, as much as he can.

And then there are arms around him, a hand at the back of his head, and his face lands on the crook of Kihyun’s neck.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kihyun asks him, concerned, so, so worried. “If you wanna do weird summoning rituals then rent a damn stadium. Not in my bathroom!”

“Can demons even have panic attacks?” Hoseok mumbles from the doorway.

Changkyun clings to Kihyun, and feels himself breathe. “I… I wasn’t… I’m not…” He closes his eyes, presses his forehead against Kihyun’s chest. “Thank you.”

There’s a breath, heavy, out through Kihyun’s nose, and the soft, reassuring press of lips at the top of his head. “You’re welcome.”

“Kihyun, are you…” Hoseok mumbles again. “You know what, I’m gonna… wait in the living room.”

“Told you,” Changkyun hears Hyungwon say, this time without bite. Just soft, like a whisper.

“Great,” Kihyun mumbles, leaning away just slightly to cup Changkyun’s face and look at him in the eye. “Now I have to explain that, too.” He frowns. “What happened…?”

Changkyun scrunches his eyes shut for a second. No lying. “I… I saw it. The… the connection between us, I saw it.”

“You saw it?” The frown on Kihyun’s face grows harsher. He looks down then, thumb absently soothing over Changkyun’s cheek. “What… Why? How?”

Changkyun breathes again. Deeply, trying to shake the feeling of Hyungwon’s eyes looking straight at his soul. Sometimes a lie is no words at all. “I had to look my taint, my soul right in the eye and I was just…”

Kihyun sighs. “Can’t I have a peaceful day…” He says that but smiles at the end. “It’s okay. I don’t… I don’t need to know. Just… be okay? How the hell are you supposed to protect me if you can’t even protect yourself, hm?”

“S-stop exposing my weaknesses,” Changkyun breathes out, feeling himself wanting to smile. “I told you I needed you, too, remember.”

Kihyun kisses Changkyun’s forehead. “Yeah.... Okay,” he says, pulling at Changkyun’s hand as he stands up. “I know I cleaned the floor but…”

Changkyun stands, his legs feeling oddly stable as he squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “I didn’t dirty it, I promise.”

“Come on,” Kihyun says, tugging at his hand again.

“Tomorrow,” Changkyun mumbles, walking easily with Kihyun’s tug, “Tomorrow will be peaceful.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun laughs in his throat. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Tonight, at least.” Changkyun nods, like a promise. “At least tonight.” And he smiles, small, because he can again.

And really, the thorns barely hurt, not when Kihyun looks like that, looks at him like that.

“Hey,” Changkyun hears from the wall as they enter the living room. He blinks, glancing up, and Hyungwon is looking at him, expression guarded but somehow soft at the edges. “Don’t forget,” he says, smiling a little. “And I’m sorry… Dying is not… funny.” He jokes.

“It’s okay,” Changkyun says, softly and when Kihyun frowns at him, he squeezes his hand reassuringly.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says, smile still there but eyes somewhat sad, “He really does like you.”

“I’m still here, by the way,” Hoseok mumbles from the sofa. He flips a throw pillow in his lap.

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “One drama at a time, please. I can’t split myself in half,” he grumbles and Hyungwon laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s heard all year.

Hoseok flips the pillow again and looks up at the two of them, and smiles at their hands. “I don’t mind that much.”

And Kihyun lets go, looking away. “Don’t be ridiculous…”

Changkyun crosses his arms, walks over to the couch and plops down. He’s tired. He sleeps once and now suddenly, things are tiring . “Sorry for the… screaming and such.”

Hoseok leans in a bit. He has such an incredibly soft face for someone who easily takes up more than half of the couch. “Are you okay though?”

And Changkyun leans in too. Hoseok’s big. Warm. Different. “Difficult question,” he mumbles. “Don’t wanna.”

“Aw,” Hoseok throws an arm around him. Big, warm, different. “It’s okay. Happens to the best of us. And considering… recent events, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often.”

Changkyun lifts his head. “You also scream and forget to breathe because you have to look your demons in the eye and realise they’re yourself?”

Hoseok blinks, eyes moving to Kihyun who crosses his arms and frowns. Hoseok looks back at Changkyun. “We all have demons inside of us. And…” The corners of his eyes thin and he smiles wider. “Every day is a battle. And we always have to win.”

“You sound like him,” Changkyun mumbles, closing his eyes. “S’stupid.”

“You know I’m right here,” Hyungwon complains from a corner.

“So stupid,” Changkyun adds with a lazy smile.

“It’s okay,” Hoseok squeezes. “Ugh, he is adorable. Can I adopt him?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Sure. Why the hell not.”

“Still not a dog,” Changkyun mumbles, glaring without any malice.

“Says the puppy, clinging to a bunny,” Kihyun snorts and looks towards the kitchen. “So, do we still open that cake or did the mood drop too much?”

“Cake?” Changkyun asks, lifting his head a little but he can’t see anyway so he lets it fall back onto Hoseok’s arm. Big arm. His arm really is very, stupid big.

Hyungwon sighs, gestures. “The demon gets cake and I get… This .”

Kihyun walks to the table and grabs a knife. “Well, I’m getting cake. You can both stay there and rot in the sugar you leak yourselves.”

Hoseok laughs, leaning in to whisper to Changkyun. He whispers very loudly for someone trying to whisper. “Are you aware of the concept of ‘jealousy’?” And the noise the knife makes when it hits the plate echoes in Changkyun’s ears.

“I can hear you,” Kihyun warns. “Stop putting ideas in his head.”

Hoseok scoffs. “Which ideas could that possibly be?”

There’s more noise and then Kihyun is walking over with a plate and… and a colourful food in it. “Here,” He mumbles, offering the plate to Changkyun.

Changkyun has to talk himself into the physical act of sitting up. Effort. His limbs feel heavy. “Cake?” he asks again as he takes it.

“Cake,” Hoseok replies over Kihyun and Kihyun frowns at him. Changkyun squints at the cake and stabs it with the little fork, and chews.

“This doesn’t taste like bacon at all,” Changkyun says, nodding. “But I will forgive it. It’s nice.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, sitting down on the other corner of the sofa with a plate of his own.

“Hey!” Hoseok complains. “What about me?”

“Hm?” Kihyun turns slightly, mid stuffing the entire slice in his mouth. “This doesn’t have enough protein for you.”

Changkyun puts down his plate, thinks ‘cake is nice’, and leans back again between the two of them. Kihyun moves, his leg brushing Changkyun’s, who smiles in thought. Protein. Big arm. Small arm. He pokes them both.

Hoseok looks mildly amused while Kihyun just swats Changkyun’s hand away while he munches. Hamster . He should look up what foxes look like when they eat.

“M’tired,” Changkyun mumbles, leaning into the slight touch Kihyun allows him. He aims for Kihyun’s shoulder, but his head keeps… slipping. And Kihyun doesn’t seem to mind, or at least he does a pretty good job at keeping himself relaxed, when Changkyun’s head lands on his lap. Changkyun lets out a little sigh. It’s soft, and warm. Again, different.

Better , he thinks.

“Better,” he mumbles, as well.

“That’s…” Hoseok says. “Really cute.”

And Kihyun’s fingers thread through Changkyun’s hair when he says, softly, almost a whisper, “Yeah.”

“That, too,” Hoseok laughs. “A lot can happen in a day, huh?”

“A million times over,” Kihyun mumbles, fingers playing with the ends of Changkyun’s hair.

That sounds familiar , Changkyun thinks, somewhere in the back of his foggy, muddy, slow mind. Tired. Tired .

“A million times over, but it always starts from zero,” Hoseok says with a soft sigh.

“Would y’all shut up?” Changkyun hears Hyungwon grumble. “I’m trying to watch the TV.”

“The TV’s not on,” Changkyun mumbles into Kihyun’s lap.

“Precisely,” Hyungwon replies. “I am trying to turn it on with the power of the mind. I think I’ve almost cracked it.”

Changkyun giggles lightly, nuzzling into Kihyun. “S’stupid.”

“Kihyun, I think your demon’s broken.”

“Came defective. I just decided I like it like this.”

“So… you did, then? You made a decision?”

“Yeah, I…” Kihyun’s breath shakes a little, “Yeah.”

Changkyun wonders if this is what it feels like, to fall.

“It will definitely flourish…” Hyungwon mumbles. “Maybe we even get a rose out of it…”

Changkyun’s heart squeezes, and it hurts. But it’s okay. It’s almost… good. And he knows why. He shifts, just a little, forcing his eyes open before he can’t open them at all anymore ( so heavy ) and smiles. He reaches up, poking lightly at Kihyun’s cheek.

And Kihyun looks down, frowning. “What.”

“Just reminding myself…” Changkyun mumbles, letting his hand fall and his eyes close.

“Weirdo.”

“Should I… go?” Hoseok chuckles lightly.

There’s a finger soothing over Changkyun’s cheek and then slowly tracing his jaw. “Nah, let’s watch something. Then you can leave if you want.”

“Sounds good, lemme just…”

Changkyun grumbles as Hoseok shifts and lifts Changkyun’s legs onto the couch. Changkyun curls into a ball, kicking Hoseok’s legs in mild retaliation for the manhandling.

“There,” Hoseok chuckles again. “That looked a bit uncomfortable, even for a demon.”

“Great, now he’s all over me,” Kihyun grumbles.

“You wish,” Hyungwon says bitterly.

“You wish,” Hoseok says, and Hyungwon laughs.

“This is my house. My sofa,” Kihyun complains and Changkyun hears the TV turn on, the ‘ badump ’ of Netflix starting up. “Spare me the commentary.”

“Well, you’re spared half of it,” Hyungwon says.

“My favourite hobby is leading the peanut gallery,” Hoseok chirps. “Now pick us a nice rom-com or something, I feel like a good coo and cry.”

Kihyun sighs. “I’m not sure we need two babies but sure.”

They say something else. They talk over the TV, with it, until Changkyun can’t differentiate, can’t even fathom opening his eyes. Kihyun’s fingers in his hair lull him and he falls asleep, for the second time ever, thinking of warmth, of a kiss on his nose, of a sunset in Venice.

The first thing Kihyun is conscious of is a voice he recognizes, soft, at the back of his ear, pulling him back into the world from the depths of sleep. The second thing he realises is how he feels; back sore, legs prickly, stuck in a sitting position because someone decided to fall asleep on him.

His neck protests when he tries to move it, cracking at all the wrong places, and even when he looks down at the unmoving ball of ‘evil’ and the word he thinks of is ‘cute’, he has to agree with the rest of his body: he’s had better mornings.

Not that this isn’t almost entirely his own fault. Kihyun remembers the movie he watched with Hoseok last night, not moving an inch throughout the whole thing and being mocked for it right before Hoseok left. He remembers playing with Changkyun’s hair, wondering how something straight from hell could be so soft , but he doesn’t remember falling asleep there, on the sofa.

He sighs, head slumping back, mind foggy with sleep among other things. Things like sending Changkyun away. Sleeping a whole twenty-four hours the next day. Nightmares. Slapping himself awake and going to work. Changkyun again. Venice. Warm kisses. Demons everywhere.

Whatever this is, it’s nothing like the typical slice of life. It’s different, it’s weird and therefore calling it something has Kihyun’s head spinning like a fan. He doesn’t know what to call it. Changkyun almost certainly doesn’t. And calling it something also means making it real, inviting change under whatever he’s decided to call it. And for now, Kihyun likes things the way the are, just whispers at the back of his ear. Not demons, no. Not even Changkyun’s other voice. Just the voices inside Kihyun’s own head.

He looks down again, hand reaching to trail small circles over Changkyun’s cheek, and sighs. Whatever this is, might be worth fighting for in the end. But maybe it doesn’t need a name just yet.

Looking away, Kihyun’s eyes catch on the cloudy sky outside the window. It’s going to rain. He knows. He knows, mostly, because the entire house feels humid, as if he had an inside pool just around the corner.

“It’s going to rain,” he tells the silence and is greeted by a soft groan as Changkyun shifts. His hand tugs in its hold at Kihyun’s jeans, stretching out his legs.

“Mhhhmpf,” Changkyun makes to blink groggily at him before he lets his head fall again.

Kihyun looks down and smiles, tilting his head a little. “Heeey,” he says softly.

Changkyun shifts, bringing his legs in again, nuzzling into Kihyun. “Goo’ mo’ning, Ki…”

“To you, maybe. My neck is killing me.”

“Hm?” Changkyun lifts his head, blinking himself awake with heavy eyelids. He notices their position and scrambles up clumsily. “You! Why did you! Why didn’t you!”

Kihyun snorts, looking Changkyun up and down. “Why would I?” He pauses, glances away to think and then looks again. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Changkyun opens his mouth to say something before he snaps it shut. “Too early for riddles,” He mumbles, reaching up to rub at his barely-open eyes.

Bringing his legs up with a groan and then stretching, Kihyun lets himself fall limp on the sofa, sliding down just a little. God, it feels like years since he last laid down. “Not going to work today either, by the way.”

Changkyun peeks at him with one eye, hand stilling as it tries to rub sleep out of the other. “Oh?”

“Got a three days leave,” Kihyun informs, gesturing around with a lazy hand. “My voice is dying. Throat burning. Can’t talk. Also, maybe diarrhea. I don’t know. I typed a lot into one message. I’ve never been sick before, I don’t know how it goes.”

“Lying to get what you want,” Changkyun hums, looking like he’s trying not to yawn. “I’ll let it slide because I want you to stay, too.”

“It’s not like I’m lying to you…”

Changkyun chuckles, getting up and seemingly attempting to touch the ceiling with the way he stretches. “Mhm, exactly.” He lets his arms fall, looking over his shoulder. “Wake me up, next time.”

Kihyun throws himself on the rest of the sofa with another groan. “If I feel like it, I will.”

“You know, I vaguely remember you telling me to wake you up…”

“Mh’air enou’fff,” Kihyun mumbles against the cushion.

Changkyun chuckles, leaning in to hover centimeters away from Kihyun’s face. “You’re adorable when you wake up,” he whispers.

The little shit…

Kihyun flickers his gaze up, storing energy to finally move his mouth away from the cushion. “I am also dangerous. A menace .”

Changkyun’s lips stretch into a smile, biting his tongue between his teeth. “I should really have a word with whoever made this stringent consent rule…”

“Mmm,” Kihyun moans, slumping his face back down into the cushion (his neck really is killing him), then turning just slightly to speak without sounding like he’s drowning. “I don’t mind. You know you just have to ask.”

“Takes the spontaneity out of it, though,” Changkyun hums. “May I?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “I think it’s kinda hot-- don’t quote me on this later. And yeah, you may.”

The sofa dips a little where Changkyun sits down, trailing his fingers over Kihyun’s neck before pressing lightly. “How about quoting you on it right now?”

The shudder is unavoidable, but Kihyun still manages to keep a clear voice when he speaks. “You sure? Yesterday you kinda… went into the bathroom to face your demons and then, well. I hope I didn’t awaken anything weird.”

Changkyun sighs softly, thumbing and pressing at the tense muscles in Kihyun’s neck. “That… was bad timing, is all…” Changkyun’s other hand trails lightly up his arm. “Maybe tell Hoseok you’re not actually sick today, either, mm?”

Kihyun snorts. “It’s not like we--” he shivers “--were busy.”

“Then I shudder to think what busy must be,” Changkyun says, low and soft and with a last little squeeze before leaning in to kiss the back of Kihyun’s neck and letting go.

Kihyun’s brain fizzles a little. “I’ll let you know when… if we get there.”

Changkyun laughs softly, getting up. “I’m sure I’ll know. In any case, I’m pretty sure I know how mornings work around here now, so feel free to take five more minutes.”

“Yes, dad,” Kihyun mumbles into the cushion, shivering one last time.

A relatively heavy bunched up ball of material hits Kihyun’s back. “Not a dog,” Changkyun laughs. “Not your dad , either.”

Kihyun raises his head, frowning and reaching behind his back. Pink? “Did you just throw your hoodie at me?” He grumbles sitting up, his back cracking in the process (he can almost die and survive without a scratch, but the sofa suddenly becomes his kryptonite).

From inside the hoodie falls a white shirt and Kihyun pauses, staring at it while his brain struggles with a simple thought process. He looks up, eyes questioning, when his mind fails him anyway.

“Evidently,” Changkyun grins, and Kihyun knows he’s grinning because he’s looking right at him. Except Kihyun can’t help the wandering eyes, all the way down to the dents between Changkyun’s hipbones and his navel.

“Wha… what are you doing?” Kihyun asks once he manages to unglue his tongue from his palate. He’s barely there, really, and he’s fully conscious of how his blood suddenly dropped . “Why are you half naked?”

“It’s morning,” Changkyun shrugs, lifting one foot at a time and reaching down to pull of his socks. “I shower in the morning.”

“And what did I tell you about… stripping in the middle of the…” Kihyun is still failing at keeping his eyes on Changkyun’s face so he opts to look down at the hoodie instead. So pink...

“Mm,” Changkyun hums, tilting his head. “Not to?” Changkyun looks at him as he undoes the top button of his jeans, turns to the bathroom, and kicks the door closed.

Kihyun stares at the bathroom door for a few seconds before dropping the hoodie and slumping back down, face buried in the cushion. “Tease…” And against his will, his mind throws him back into a memory from a week ago with Changkyun cluelessly walking out of the bathroom, fifty percent more naked that he’d just been. “M’ fucked,” Kihyun mumbles to the sofa.

A thought crosses his mind and, before he can judge himself too hard, he pulls the hoodie (and the shirt) from the floor and throws them over his head, turning his face just enough to feel the cotton on his skin and a soft, almost sweet-like scent.

Yes. So very fucked.

So very, very fucked, body sore and hoodie soft. And he’s so busy trying to figure out why the heck Changkyun’s scent feels so addicting, that he doesn’t take care to listen to the sound of the shower turning on and off.

“If you wanna wear it, just ask me.”

Kihyun flinches a little, just a little. “M’fine, thanks,” he says from under the ball of clothes over his head.

And then it isn’t over his head. Changkyun lifts it up enough to peek at him with a little grin. “It’s only fair, I borrowed your clothes, after all.”

Kihyun blinks blearily, eyes locking the the amount of exposed skin. The amount of wet exposed skin. Fuck his life, why don’t you. “You’re dripping,” he says, voice a little rough, eyes roaming everywhere and then stopping at the towel around Changkyun’s waist.

Changkyun ruffles his wet hair at Kihyun and drops the bundle of clothes back onto his face. “I’ll get dressed, then, go get us some breakfast somewhere. Or make it.” Kihyun hears him walk away, to the bedroom, probably. “I still need to figure out how to get some damn money.”

“You can use mine,” Kihyun says, tugging at the clothes over his head just enough to peek at Changkyun’s back. Kihyun can’t tell if he’s jealous or if he wants to… Well. Sinful . “We could…” He muses, brain cranky and definitely going south. He shakes his head and throws the clothes back over his face.

Think of something else!

“We could?” Changkyun calls from the bedroom, and it doesn’t help, because Changkyun’s voice alone --

Anything else!

“Busy, right now. One sec.” Kihyun mutters. He thinks of unicorns. Of wardrobes falling over Hoseok. Pigeons, because why not. He hates the little flying rats. He thinks of the claustrophobic carriages during rush hour. He thinks of cute dogs. About anything between cute and horrible.

“I swear you haven’t moved since I went to shower,” Changkyun notes, and Kihyun hears the kettle switch on.

He looks up, clothes hanging over his head and frowns at Changkyun. Who is wearing shorts. Shorts! “You realise it’s going to rain today, right?”

Changkyun pauses, a mug in his hands. “Yeah? Nothing I have is waterproof anyway.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and lets his head fall back down. And again he thinks of pink fluffy unicorns, Hoseok slipping on a banana and hitting his head and oh it’s bloody, so bloody.

“Besides, I won’t be out long,” Changkyun shrugs. “Just don’t want you to always be making food for us, I feel bad.”

“I don’t mind,” Kihyun says from under the clothes, eyes glinting just slightly when the sun reflects from the window to the cupboard and the into the little hole he’s using to peek at Changkyun. “Maybe I should shower… I thought we could… go together.”

“Mm,” Changkyun says, walking over a cup of coffee he carefully puts on the table next to the couch. “Like in Venice?”

“Like in Venice… Minus the demon fight, if possible.”

“Any ringing and we leave immediately,” Changkyun says, moving forward a little to bend down next to where Kihyun is on the couch. Changkyun tugs at the hoodie again. “Morals be damned, we can go back to pay. I promised a peaceful day.”

Kihyun laughs. “Hardly peaceful so far…” He side-glances at Changkyun.

Changkyun tilts his head. “Did you run into a troublesome demon while I wasn’t looking?”

“Woke up with one on my lap, more like…” Kihyun says, finally sitting up but not even removing the clothes from over his head. He’s fine, really. Everything is fine .

Changkyun laughs, tossing the clothes to the other side of the couch. “Troublesome, huh? I’m offended .”

“ I should be offended! You’ve been teasing me the entire time.” Kihyun gestures at Changkyun. “This. Everything. Offends me.”

Changkyun’s eyebrow shoots up. “Teasing you?” He tilts his head with a damn near wicked grin. “You’re the one who couldn’t get me off the couch.”

Kihyun frowns. “I was interrupted.”

“Excuses, excuses. I assume this won’t be a date, either, then?”

“Is that what you want? A date.”

“No idea, apparently I’ve never been on one.”

“Then,” Kihyun says, flicking his finger on Changkyun’s forehead, “don’t complain.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, smiling as he looks away. “Now do you need to be carried to the bathroom or…”

“Shut up,” Kihyun mumbles, finally getting up. He can’t believe he slept in his jeans.

“My lips are sealed,” Changkyun quips, already walking back to the kitchen. “I have coffee to drink and stuff to Google, anyway.”

---

Kihyun tugs at the black cap over his head and glares up at the cloudy sky. It makes his head hurt. He fixes his hoodie and then his long coat before throwing a look over his shoulder. “Are you coming or not?” He asks, noting Changkyun still has his eyes glued to the phone.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Changkyun says, shoving the phone into his shorts’ pocket, jogging quickly to his side. “Hey, do you think it’s funny that you’re wearing all black and I’m not?”

Kihyun looks Changkyun up and down (probably for the fourth time today). “Maybe. I’m mourning, though. I have an excuse.”

“Nobody we know has died,” Changkyun deadpans. “What could you possibly be mourning.”

“My sanity,” Kihyun mumbles, squinting. “Should’ve brought sunglasses. The clouds are too high and this white light gives me headaches.”

“Where do you keep them? I’m really handy.”

Kihyun snorts. “Yeah, sure thing.” He sighs. “Top drawer, in the bedroom. The black ones. Because I’m mourning .”

Changkyun snorts. “Whatever you say, cutie.” And he’s gone. The absolute fucking--

Deep breath. One. Two. Three.

“Here,” Changkyun says, appearing again and holding out the black sunglasses, wearing one of Kihyun’s other pairs, round and reflective. As far as he can remember, Hoseok had given him those because they were ‘fashionable’ but Kihyun couldn’t go out in the things, he felt ridiculous.

“You look funny,” Kihyun laughs, taking the glasses, taking just one last glance (the fact that Changkyun doesn’t actually look terrible in those things both irritates him and makes him want to roll his eyes because of course not ). Kihyun laughs to himself before flipping his own glasses on. “Almost normal.”

“We look like those people in the shows,” Changkyun says, looking around, over and under the glasses. “The ones that are either always being taken pictures of, or almost definitely have a gun.”

Kihyun throws his head back and laughs. “You’re ridiculous.”

Changkyun pushes the glasses up with a finger. “Shut up, I could be famous. I could have a gun .”

Yes, definitely ridiculous , but totally worth it. At least the headache is gone.

Kihyun snorts. “Yes, and I hide a bat under my coat.

“Now, that’s not a terrible idea,” Changkyun laughs brightly.

Kihyun nods and starts walking. “You say that now, but we both know I would just use it to knock some sense into you, half the time.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “I walk around naked one time --”

“And one time was enough.”

“You say that now --” Changkyun laughs, ducking out of the way of as Kihyun swings half-heartedly at him. “Yeah, maybe a bat isn’t the best idea.”

Kihyun shrugs and slides his hands into the pockets of his coat, kicking a pebble in the middle of the sidewalk. “Yeah, well. So, tell me. Where do you wanna go?”

“What, like… Paris, New York, or the cafe at the end of the street there?”

Paris and New York? How is Kihyun supposed to compete with that next time he wants to impress? This can never become a thing. Relationship, date, whatever. Nope! His wallet is going to cry and then probably quit on him.

“I… I was thinking the cafe near the intersection…?” Kihyun says a bit unsure. He is probably making a face right now. Yes , he is totally making a face right now. Thank the heavens--or Changkyun, in this case, for the sunglasses.

“That sounds perfect,” Changkyun says brightly, however, reaching out to pinch the fabric of Kihyun’s coat between his fingers, just by his wrist.

A slick, silver sports car speeds up the street and Kihyun startles, stepping slightly to the side and stopping to stare at Changkyun and his hand that stays awkwardly stretched between them.

“What.” Kihyun frowns, embarrassed. “Right now?”

Changkyun winces, hand moving away even more and shoulders tensing. “Uhm. No?”

The sunglasses slide down Kihyun’s nose just a little when he lowers his head to stare at the floor for a few seconds. Not. A. Date. Is what he tells himself. But maybe…

He sighs, gives a little step forward and grabs Changkyun’s hand, lacing their fingers together, and shoves their hands in the pocket of his own jacket. “Let’s go.”

Changkyun leans into him almost imperceptibly, visibly more relaxed and cheeks dimpling as he tries not to smile. “You didn’t have to … I can tell you’re embarrassed.”

“Just… because you can’t touch me doesn’t mean I don’t want you to,” Kihyun mumbles.

“That sounds a bit familiar,” Changkyun says to the ground as they walk. He kicks at a pebble, sends it rolling into the street.

Worth noting, Kihyun thinks, looking around, that the trees are finally , completely stripped down. Which means Winter is around the corner. Which means…

The year is almost over… And he owes his father a visit.

“It’s the truth,” he says absently. “But it’s also new to me so I don’t… know how to deal with it. Bear with me a little.”

“Bearing,” Changkyun hums, squeezing his hand. “If I can ask,” Changkyun says. “Are you embarrassed because of my, er, state , or just… because of all of this. In general. I know you and Hoseok aren’t and weren’t ever…”

“We weren’t. And will never be,” Kihyun snorts. “At best, we will adopt cats and share a house when we’re both old and cranky. And dogs, because I love do--uhm. I meant. No, we’re not.” He sighs and folds his thumb on Changkyun’s hand, softly scratching his skin. “And both. You and… this. It’s not like I haven’t tried but it never works out.”

“Why… not?” Changkyun asks, careful, almost… insecure. “I mean, I’m happy it didn’t but, er.” He coughs lightly and looks away.

“Happy, huh?” Kihyun mocks.

“I’m happy it’s me.” Changkyun flushes. Flushes! “Not… not anyone else.”

Kihyun smiles, tugging at Changkyun’s arm a little just so their shoulders bump. “That is the most ‘human’ thing you’ve ever told me. I’m proud.”

Changkyun tugs at Kihyun’s hand a little more, quickly leaning over to smack a loud kiss on his cheek.

“Don’t make me buy a bat, you weirdo,” Kihyun says without bite, looking down at the ground. Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t cringe .

“I’m embarrassed and now you have to be, too,” Changkyun grins, and then falls back onto his feet from where he’d stood on tiptoes to reach.

“And this is why,” Kihyun finally says, reaching to flick his glasses off. “It never works. Because you’re like this and… it feels natural. Because people lie. You don’t.”

“More reason never to lie,” Changkyun chirps, smiling widely and looking over at the small cafe, small tables almost leaking onto the pavement under a bright red and white awning. It smells like coffee and cinnamon. “Is this it?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, and he’s not sure whether it’s just the way the light is falling over Changkyun, but he’s practically glowing as he smiles. “Wanna pick a table or order and walk around?”

“Up to you.”

Kihyun looks around a hums a little song. “We can… stay for now and then order something to take home with us. For later.”

Changkyun smiles. That wide one where his cheeks scrunch into his eyes and his cheeks dimple as he shows his teeth. “Perfect! Come on,” and tugs him in, pushing his sunglasses up to his head.

“Actually, I have a question,” Kihyun says, mind suddenly flashing, as they sit down at the table Changkyun excitedly --what a puppy--picked for them. He lets go of Changkyun and drags the chair a little once or twice until he’s comfortable, looking up with mild curiosity. “Why a guardian demon? Why not a guardian angel? Are angels even… real?” He laughs. “Sorry, Hoseok and I have been wondering…”

Changkyun holds his own hand on the table, fiddling his thumbs as he hums. “If there’s a hell there’s a heaven and with demons come angels. Lucifer is a fallen angel, after all. So are the princes. So, yeah, they exist.” Changkyun shifts a little. “And, uhm, you just… didn’t have a connection to an angel.”

Kihyun tilts his head. “Oh? You know we were making bets, right? Hoseok and I. Wondering when some idiot, self-entitled guardian angel was gonna swoop in and challenge you to a duel or whatever. Which I kicked him for, by the way--Hoseok, I mean. I’m not a damsel in distress.”

Changkyun laughs, loud and a little high pitched as he falls back a bit in the chair. “I’m not laughing becau--because of that, I just--” He laughs. “I’d never win against an angel . And imagining a duel is--” He laughs some more. “ Very amusing.”

“Why the hell not?” Kihyun reaches across the table to lightly punch Changkyun’s shoulder a couple of times. “You have me, I can help. See? Punching!”

Changkyun laughs a little more, letting his head hang in a chuckle. “Yes. You punch ‘em in the wings and I’ll avoid having my soul smote to shit.”

“You know Hoseok lifts? He’ll be your shield or something. Or he can just lift you and throw you. Wings are overrated when you have a friend like Hoseok.”

Changkyun giggles some more, hand over his mouth and looking at Kihyun. “So you’d fight angels for me, then? The agents of God himself. For a demon that’s horrible at being a demon.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, folding his legs back and crossing his feet under the chair, “You fight demons for me. It’s only fair I die trying to protect you from divine judgement. Two sides to the same coin.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “Nah, deal’s off. Not letting you die for me even in a hypothetical, three to one duel.”

Something heavy, familiar, weighs inside Kihyun’s chest but he ignores it. Not now .

He leans forward eyes on the menu over the table. “So? What’s your theory? Why do you think I don’t have a guardian angel?”

“Balance, maybe?” Changkyun leans back, looking at the back of Kihyun’s menu. “The connection thing, too, obviously, but…” Changkyun chews on his bottom lip. And shrugs. “Besides, demons are a dime a dozen. Angels are really special.”

“You know I don’t really care, right?” Kihyun peeks over the menu. “About the… connection thing.”

Changkyun frowns, not looking up. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

“I mean I don’t think it should…” Kihyun looks down and frowns at the menu, eyes on the hot chocolate options. “It shouldn’t matter. I don’t like to think that this has anything to do with that, even if, in a way, it does. I like you because you’re you. Not because there’s an invisible umbilical cord between us, or whatever.”

“You don’t feel because of it,” Changkyun says, sounding far away. “It feels because of you.”

Kihyun makes a face before he puts the menu down and leans back on his chair. “I bet it’s ugly as fuck, as everything else I’ve seen so far. Supernatural fire poker, is what it is.”

“It’s not pretty,” Changkyun admits. “But roses are. Thorns and all. Right?”

Kihyun smiles faintly and gets up, “Are we roses in this scenario?” He asks, shrugging his jacket off before he sits back down.

“I’d like to think so,” Changkyun says with a soft smile. “I don’t mind the thorns. Not too much. It means it’s… safe, in a way. It’s what thorns are for, after all.”

“Awfully deep of you,” Kihyun chuckles, throwing his arm over the table and wiggling his fingers in front of Changkyun.

Changkyun grins, reaching out, tapping his fingers close to Kihyun’s. “Just to clarify; the wiggling means yes?”

“Touch me?”

Changkyun does, lifting Kihyun’s fingers with the tips of his to lace them together. “So, that’s a yes,” Changkyun smiles at their hands.

Kihyun smiles a little, motioning his hand right and left to make theirs hands swing over the table. “I told you already, but I really like that we have to ask. People really take touches for granted until they can’t touch anymore.”

“ I have to ask, yes,” Changkyun says, thumb brushing lightly at the back of Kihyun’s hand. “You don’t. But I… I think I understand what you mean...”

“Privileges,” Kihyun shrugs, eyes on the waitress walking towards them. His first instinct is to withdraw his hand but a rather stubborn and surprisingly strong part of his brain manages to quell the little urge. So Kihyun just smiles wider, wiggling their hands over the table as if it helps.

Changkyun’s giggling softly when the waitress approaches them, smiling brightly. Her little name tag reads Euntak . “Good morning. Can I get you two anything to drink?”

Changkyun looks up and at Kihyun, blinking down at the menu he hadn’t even touched. “Er.”

“A mint hot chocolate for me and a vanilla latte for him,” Kihyun says, smiling at her. “Thank you.”

She nods with a polite smile, holding a little notepad in front of her that she doesn’t actually write on, despite Kihyun’s order. “Right away. We have a buffet open if you guys wanna do that.” She leans forward a little, and winks as she says. “There’s a couple’s discount if you share.”

Kihyun perks up, mind leaping right at the word ‘discount’. “Can we get take-away, too?”

She looks over her shoulder, and cups her mouth with one hand as she speaks. “If you don’t get me in trouble, I might look the other way. So should I bring you plates? Otherwise you can go help yourselves.”

“We’ll do it. Thank you!” He smiles. “But I wouldn’t mind a container or two if you can spare them…”

She nods very seriously. “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll get you those drinks.”

Changkyun blinks at her and then at Kihyun as she walks away. He wiggles their hands. “So…” he grins, waggling his eyebrows. “A couple, huh?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I knew you were gonna mention that.”

“Well, you weren’t,” Changkyun laughs, squeezing his hand. “Don’t worry,” he leans in to whisper. “I won’t say anything. Wouldn’t wanna lose our discount.”

It weighs again and this time Kihyun frowns, unable to ignore the feeling. He looks away at the street and watches a few cars pass before he looks at their table instead. “Give me some time to think about it… if that’s what you want.” He shrugs one shoulder. “If not then it’s whatever.”

Changkyun looks at him, eyes slow as they move down to their hands. “You know. The great thing about learning everything from practically scratch… Is having no expectations.”

Kihyun’s eyes move to meet with Changkyun’s. “But is that what you want? Or are you just…”

“I want…” Changkyun starts. Bites his bottom lip. Stares at their hands. “I mean, I don’t want… I mean just…” Changkyun scowls in frustration, the words choppy on his tongue. He takes a breath and looks Kihyun in the eye. “Don’t... hold hands with anyone else.”

“So,” Kihyun leans down and rests his chin over the table, raising an eyebrow. “Can I kiss ‘anyone else’?” He looks up with what he intended to be innocence, but knows he most likely just smiled like the devil.

There’s a flash of something over Changkyun’s face. It looks like… hurt.

“If you…” Changkyun starts, voice small. “Want to…”

“That’s it?” Kihyun asks, perking up and then sighing and leaning away from the table, pulling Changkyun’s hand with his, and throwing his head back to stare up. “You’re no fun when you go all puppy-eyed on me…”

And Changkyun tugs at their hands, pulling Kihyun closer. “Kihyun.”

“Mm?” Kihyun looks at him, head slowly slumping forward again with laziness.

“Those… those other demons, they,” Changkyun almost sneers. “Called your theirs. ‘ Mine ’. And I hated it. I’m glad I got to kill them, take those words with them. I’m not going to be like them and try to lay some sort of--sort of claim on you.” Changkyun looks away, jaw tense. “So you can. Obviously, you can, you can do whatever you want.” Changkyun sighs, looking back at him. “Doesn’t mean I want you to.”

‘Claim’. That sounds nothing like what Kihyun has in mind. What he thinks of is softer, selfish but lighter and rather free, too. Free to the point it just feels whenever and however it wants without Kihyun having any power over it.

“Claiming sounds a bit too strong,” Kihyun laughs. “But I won’t mind if you’re a little selfish. I know I certainly am.”

Changkyun’s expression relaxes, his shoulders slump. “You… are?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun admits, looking down. He plays with the hem of his hoodie with his free hand to distract himself from what he says next, “a lot, actually.”

“About…?” Changkyun asks, leaning forward a little to copy what Kihyun had done earlier, to rest his chin on their hands.

Kihyun shrugs nonchalantly, “Like you said, people can do whatever they want. But… that doesn’t mean that… Well, feelings can’t be helped. And respecting someone else’s feelings is what,” relationships are all about , “counts. Personally, I think I’d be really upset if you… well, you know.”

“No,” Changkyun smiles. “Can’t even fathom it.” He laughs softly. “Why would I even want to hold Hoseok’s hand, or anyone else’s.” Changkyun smiles with a long breath out. “I’m all yours.”

And that did not, repeating, did not just make Kihyun’s heart beat in every direction possible. It really didn’t. It also didn’t make him smile as Changkyun spoke, not really. It didn’t. It didn’t because some things still weigh heavy on his chest and this both helps and doesn’t.

“Same,” Kihyun mumbles. “S--Same.”

And Changkyun beams. Beams right at him. Because it’s a choice. It’s belonging with someone. Not to them. Not something one claims, but something one accepts. And it’s free. It’s not a prison or a duty or the after-effects of some connection the universe decides for you.

“Your drinks,” the waitress chirps, putting the drinks down in front of them. It’s oddly sobering, and Kihyun leans back a little, smiling politely around the pink in his cheeks.

“Thank you,” Changkyun says, still beaming at Kihyun like an idiot.

---

It’s been a riptide of feelings lately. So, today feels like in the eye of the storm. Being back home feels even better with the way the clouds threaten the earth with rain. And maybe to contrast a little, Kihyun actually feels quite happy.

The things Changkyun manages to do--manages to make him feel are… piling up. Building a wall around the weigh in his chest. It’s there, Kihyun can feel it. He can feel it when Changkyun looks at him and Kihyun hears ‘stay’ and thinks ‘don’t go’. And he can feel it in the small touches, too. But he can’t see it. He can’t see it and he knows it’s only a matter of time…

Just like a clock. Tick-tock tick-tock . And Kihyun really wishes time wasn’t real.

But there’s a clock on the wall of his kitchen to remind him.

“So, I’m not saying we’re having pastries for dinner,” Kihyun starts, placing the small plastic bag atop the table, “but that is exactly what I’m saying.”

Changkyun reaches for the plastic bag, peering inside. “I don’t understand why certain foods have to be eaten at certain times and others can’t be eaten at others.”

“It’s not a science, really. Mostly just culture. Everyone also thinks dairy milk will strengthen your bones but have you seen a cow drink their own milk in the morning? Yet their femur is almost as thick as my whole leg. Eat grass. Eat a cabbage. But nooooo, milk.”

“What did milk do to you?” Changkyun laughs, sitting himself down on the couch and getting out his phone again. Should never have given him that thing.

“Nothing,” Kihyun shrugs, taking off his jacket. “Milk is okay. But facts are facts and I am just trying to sound smart right now.”

“To a guy who doesn’t know what a cow is,” Changkyun teases.

Kihyun laughs, short but loud. “Google it. They’re actually quite cute. It’s the eyes, I think. It’s always the eyes--windows to the soul, yadda yadda.”

Changkyun laughs, lying down on the couch and tapping away at his phone. “Let’s see… Whenever I have to look up animals I always look at what the babies look like. I don’t know why, but it’s always cute. Every animal. Think I might just be looking for an exception by now.”

“You know sharks eat their own siblings inside their mother’s womb, right? Start’em early why don’t you.”

“I… Did not know that.” Changkyun taps away and coos. “Aw, cows! This one’s pink, is it real?”

Kihyun strolls to the bedroom to throw his jacket over the bed. “Probably edited. I doubt there are pink cows out there in the, uhm, wild.” He walks back into the living room but stops to lean on the wall, next to the sofa. “Uhm, farms. Whatever.”

Changkyun hums and types, mumbling. “Farms…” He looks up, cheek squished against the couch. “Sorry, did you wanna sit down?”

Kihyun blinks down at him. “No, it’s fine,” he says, walking around to sofa to sit on the floor in the little space the small table allows. He leans back, head back as well. It bumps on Changkyun’s arm. “See? I’m fine.”

Changkyun shows him his phone. There’s a whole google image page full of pictures of farms. “This looks nice.”

“We can visit, one day. If you want.” If we can .

“There are cows there?” Changkyun asks. Excited. About cows. Unbelievable.

Kihyun smiles, “Among other things, yes.”

Changkyun hums, retracting the phone. “Hey, did you know I found you on google, too?”

“What?” Kihyun frowns. What the fuck does he mean . “How so?”

“Look,” and Changkyun shows him his phone again. It’s the google image result for the term ‘cute fox’. And despite the little squeeze in his heart-- unnecessary --Kihyun really tries to keep a serious face.

He fails, but not monumentally. There is just a hint of a smile, threatening, and he needs to bite at his upper lip to keep it from showing. “Hm,” he says because he can’t open his mouth.

Foxes are fine. At least they’re pretty.

“Oh wait,” Changkyun says, leaning in to scroll through the pictures from were he’s lying on the couch. “Iiiiis that us?” Changkyun asks, pointing at a picture.

Kihyun snorts. “How come you’re a wolf and I’m… a fox.”

“A wolf?” Changkyun asks, shifting on the couch so he’s lying on his front, legs kicking. “I thought it was a dog.”

“In a way,” Kihyun turns slightly and props his elbow over the cushion to point at the screen, “same family. But--and this is my personal opinion here, I think wolves are a tad smarter.” He shrugs. “Also untamed. And big.”

“Hmm,” Changkyun says, in thought. “They’re… pretty. Anyway,” Changkyun says, dangling himself off the side of the couch and blinking at Kihyun with a little smile. “What do you wanna do?”

Kihyun’s brain misfires a little so he blinks in reply at first, until his neurons stop flashing like crazy. “I don’t have… I don’t--Whatever you want.” He says, looking away with wide eyes because, What the fuck, Yoo Kihyun. You’re an adult! Act like one!

Changkyun kicks his legs in the air a little, propping his head up with his hands. “Mmm. Lemme think. Things we do. We sleep, we eat, we go to foreign countries, we kill demons, we get interrupted by Hoseok…”

Kihyun brings his hand to his forehead, eyes boring a hole on the cushion where he’s had his glare intensify as Changkyun spoke. “So many things, so little time,” he says just to fill in the silence. He suddenly wishes they weren’t home.

And then Changkyun sneezes. Loud and sudden and into the couch cushion. “What the he--” He sneezes again.

“Are you getting sick?” Kihyun asks, looking up. Can demons even get sick? Maybe. Considering Changkyun also sleeps now.

“No,” Changkyun says, nose scrunched up in displeasure. “Can’t get sick.”

Kihyun lightly touches Changkyun’s arm with the tips of his fingers, mostly for reassurance. “Hey, I’m serious, though. If… if you feel sick or weird, tell me.” He gestures towards the bathroom. “I don’t get sick but I have medicine in the cabinet, just in case… Mostly because Hoseok gets sick whenever he catches a tad of wind.”

Changkyun scoffs. “Gets cold easy, too,” Changkyun pauses, and plops off the couch to sit next to Kihyun. “What do you mean by ‘weird’?”

“I mean weird er ,” Kihyun says with a smile. “Like, not in pain but funny in a strange way. Sickness doesn’t always hurt. Sometimes it’s just bothersome. So… if you, you know, feel weird or whatever… tell me.”

Changkyun hums, leaning his head back on the sofa. “Well. Yesterday… When you...”

It skips a beat. And then it jackerhams in his chest. But Kihyun keeps his head down even if the only thing he can hear right now, besides Changkyun’s voice, is his own heartbeat.

“When I…?” He really shouldn’t be asking. He should be making coffee. But a small part of him is curious. And a greater part wants it. Which beats everything else, even reason. So, in a way, he really hopes Changkyun doesn’t mean what Kihyun wants him to mean. If that makes any sense.

“Tried to get me off the couch,” Changkyun says, eyes on the ceiling.

“What about it?”

“Feeling things is very close to wanting things,” he says, low, licking his lips. “Being tired means you want to sleep. Being hungry means you want to eat. I’m not sure what I was feeling, but it… wanted.”

It’s slow and faint, but Kihyun knows his hand is moving. He knows he’s touching Changkyun’s fingers even if he can’t see them. And he knows his heart is really, really loud. “And what did it want exactly?” He asks, softly.

It’s a strange feeling, wanting something but not wanting to feel it.

“You,” Changkyun breathes. “More of you.”

A beat of silence pulses between them. Kihyun bites at his lower lip and takes a deep breath through his nose. “And... now?”

Changkyun slowly shifts, turning to face Kihyun. And Kihyun can feel his eyes there, on him. Changkyun moves his fingers, slowly, carefully, not doing anything other than commanding attention. “Now… Now I want, too, but it’s different. Different but the same.”

Kihyun stops breathing altogether when it dawns on him what he is doing, what he wants to do. As if Changkyun’s little (big) confession wasn’t enough, having him right there pretty much switches gravity for his body.

Blood goes south, sanity a little as well, and Kihyun lowers his head further down, releasing a slow, shaky breath. He takes another one, another deep, steady breath to gather his courage--because it actually scares him to death, not Changkyun, not this but himself--and leans forward.

“Changkyun…” Kihyun trains his eyes somewhere down. “Touch me.”

The fingers on Kihyun’s hand tense, and his gaze shifts as Changkyun moves his hand up Kihyun’s arm, up to his shoulder, pulling at the material and ducking in to softly kiss the skin there at his neck, making Kihyun shiver, his breath hitch.

Hand reaching for Changkyun’s elbow, Kihyun pulls him closer. Because he needs him closer. This… this is not enough. He, too, wants more . And Changkyun responds eagerly, pulling away to move, to throw a leg over Kihyun and straddle him, hand coming up to his neck. Changkyun looks him in the eye as he licks his lips.

And it’s still not good enough. It needs more… something .

Kihyun’s lips part with a breath and he grabs Changkyun’s shoulder, pulls him closer to kiss his jaw up to his earlobe, his other hand sliding under Changkyun’s sweater and then trailing the skin up his torso, feeling every dent of muscle. Changkyun gasps at the touch, curling into Kihyun and leaning his head back to expose his neck.

And it still needs more… something .

Changkyun shifts, kneeling between Kihyun’s legs. He breathes heavily when Kihyun doesn’t stop kissing at his neck. And then hands grip at Kihyun’s legs and move up to his waist. Changkyun lifts Kihyun up, and, somewhere between careful and rough, throws him on the couch.

Kihyun knows he’s looking at Changkyun with a rather fathomless intensity. But he doesn’t care. He leans back on the sofa and pulls Changkyun along with him, on top of him, but before Changkyun can do anything more than look, Kihyun pulls at the hem of his sweater, first tugging and then up to pull it over Changkyun’s head. Changkyun helps, raising his arms and pulling at it as well, and throws the sweater across the room. He’s still looking at Kihyun when he leans in, scratching his hands over Kihyun’s stomach as his hands move under the thick hoodie. He kisses at Kihyun’s neck and then… and then laughs softly into Kihyun’s ear.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Kihyun brings his hand up Changkyun’s naked back up to his neck, trailing small circles along the way. “Quick learner, remember?” Kihyun says a lot more breathless than he’d expected, his other hand tracing the waistband peeking from under Changkyun’s shorts. “Plus, I don’t mind... if it’s you…”

Changkyun pulls away enough to look at him with those soft, puppy eyes, and then grab at his hoodie, pulling up and shifting down to kiss the soft skin of his stomach. And Kihyun snaps his mouth closed, breathing out through his nose.

There’s a familiar burn in his lower abdomen. Kihyun props himself up just enough to pull his hoodie and his shirt over his head at the same time, letting them fall on the floor. He flops back onto the sofa and when Changkyun kisses all the way up his chest, Kihyun grips at Changkyun’s waist, eyebrows almost knitting together, eyes flicking to the ceiling when he bucks his hips.

Changkyun growls, somewhere deep and low at the back of his throat. He breathes out once, then kissing down Kihyun’s chest, his stomach, his hip-bones... Moving up his chest again and, when he reaches Kihyun’s collarbone, nipping there as he pushes his knee up between Kihyun’s legs, breath hitching with the sudden, breathy almost quiet “Ah” that comes out of Kihyun’s mouth.

Changkyun’s hand tightens at his hip, the other propping himself up to look at Kihyun, eyes dazed.

But Kihyun quickly pulls Changkyun back down, their chests pressing flush. “Do you trust me?” Kihyun asks, lips on Changkyun’s ear.

Kihyun can feel Changkyun shiver against him, feels him nod slightly. “Yeah… Of course I do.”

One finger teasingly sliding under Changkyun’s waistband, Kihyun drags it from his lower back to his side and then between them, using his thumb to unbutton Changkyun’s shorts and then tug at them, down.

And what are thoughts, really. Kihyun doesn’t have thoughts at this point. Or questions. There’s just… this . And him .

And that’s it.

With one movement and a surprisingly well-timed reaction, Kihyun sits up, hand on Changkyun’s chest to throw him back, knocking Changkyun’s breath out of him and inverting their positions.

Changkyun blinks up at him, eyes wide and cheeks practically red. He squirms a little, restricted by the shorts around his thighs. Kihyun leans over and pulls them down, first a hand and then with his foot, before he starts kissing down Changkyun’s neck, hand sliding from his abdomen to his crotch, palming and then pressing.

Changkyun gasps a sound, high and breathy. He fumbles before gripping at Kihyun’s arm. “K-Kihyun, ah .” Changkyun bucks his hips up into the touch and it feels like electricity, running through Kihyun’s body.

It hits him like a tidal wave: the something that he wants has nothing to do with him personally. It’s not about him, not really. It’s about Changkyun. It’s about making Changkyun feel . It’s about… pride .

With that in mind, Kihyun comes up just to leave a quick, chaste kiss on Changkyun’s forehead before kneeling down between Changkyun’s legs.

There’s one second in which Kihyun breathes just to gather himself and then there’s the kisses he trails from Changkyun’s bent knee by his side, down to very last bit of exposed skin Changkyun’s boxers aren’t hiding, where he sucks and bites, hard , knowing it won’t leave a bruise. And with every bite and kiss, Changkyun gasps or groans softly, or grips a bit tighter, breathes a bit harder.

And Kihyun doesn’t waste time with thinking , much more worried with doing , when he brushes his lips over Changkyun’s covered and already hard dick, just enough pressure to tease and not enough to relieve. “I…” Changkyun gasps. “Ki, what…”

Kihyun glances up, eyes hooded and locking with Changkyun’s for a split second before he opens his mouth around Changkyun and tongues the fabric, this time pressing, moving his teeth up as well, scratching just enough. And when he pulls back to look at Changkyun one more time, he palms his crotch again, fingers curling around the waistband and under the fabric and he feels it, smooth on his fingertips. Changkyun whines softly, curling in before falling back down. His hands fumble, reaching for something and finding Kihyun’s neck, his shoulders.

But Kihyun pays that little mind, tugging at Changkyun’s boxers, pulling them down his hips just enough to free his dick. It holds close to Changkyun’s body as Kihyun pulls the boxers down. First just slightly, using the tightness of the band to hold everything taut, and then slowly pulling them all the way down and away.

Kihyun breathes out through his nose. His face feels a little hot. It’s been a while, he thinks. But then again, he’s not the type to overthink when he can just act . He leans down to press a hard lick from the base to the tip,

“Kihyun!” Changkyun gasps, grip moving from Kihyun’s shoulder and pulling at his hair.

“Yeah?” Kihyun asks, voice barely there, hovering for a moment when he notices the mole on the left side of Changkyun’s dick before he trails his lips back down.

Changkyun’s grip doesn’t relax, and he pants through his words: “It feels… so much.”

Kihyun laughs deep in his throat. “I know…” He says, mind gone blank, and licks his lips. “I know…”

He trails up with wet lips and a scrap of teeth before closing his lips around the head of Changkyun’s dick, whose voice breaks in a cry he tries to muffle. And Kihyun can’t fight his own muffled moan as he slides his mouth as far down as he can manage. With his eyes watering a little as he swallows, throat closing around Changkyun to avoid the sudden gag reflex.

His mouth waters on instinct and he breathes in through his nose once before he grips at the base and laps from his fingers to the tip, flicking the end of his tongue beneath the head.

And Changkyun’s groaning as Kihyun moves on him. He’s groaning deep and loud and breaking into little whines and pants as he grips, almost tugs at Kihyun’s hair. “Fuck!” Changkyun cries out, hips bucking up. “I-- Kihyun …”

Kihyun’s breath hitches loudly and he almost chokes, needing to hold a hand on Changkyun’s hipbone to keep him down. “Christ--you’re--” Kihyun breathes. There’s so much to go on, but Changkyun reacting to him so openly feels like throwing gasoline into a fire.

Then again, this is not about Kihyun. So he ignores his own uncomfortable boner, again , sucks in a sharp breath and opens around Changkyun once more, swallowing him down to the hilt. Changkyun shakes under him, breathing heavily and arching slightly, even as Kihyun pushes him down. And moans. Deep and uninhibited, and it sounds like a prayer; it sounds like ‘ Kihyun ’.

Gliding his swollen lips up Changkyun’s dick and pressing a sloppy, wet kiss to the tip, Kihyun looks up at Changkyun with his lips parted, struggling for breath. And Changkyun looks back, flushed and panting, eyes dark. “Ki…” he whines softly, hand in Kihyun’s hair.

And Kihyun goes down again, further down each time until there are solo tears hanging on his cheek. And he sucks harder, listening to Changkyun panting erratically, out of rhythm as Kihyun quickens his pace. Changkyun cries out, then , loud . He clings to Kihyun, hands in his hair, and he arches, moan breaking as he screams through his first orgasm. And Kihyun doesn’t really mind the way Changkyun holds him fast down before he could have warned him. He just shuts his eyes closed and concentrates on swallowing, on giving Changkyun something to remember.

Something to feel .

And whichever sin possessed him to say what he says next should probably stay down before it climbs all the way up.

“Did you…” Kihyun leans back, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth,a bitter taste on his tongue, gaze on Changkyun with his lips parted as he breathes, eyes dazed and on the ceiling, “did you feel good?”

Changkyun scrunches his eyes closed for a second, catching his breath. “That felt…” he looks at Kihyun, the corners of his lips teasing up, chest still moving up and down with slow, deep breaths. “Amazing. I don’t even… Wow. ”

Kihyun licks his lips and looks away fast. Great, now he is feeling embarrassed, chest swelling a little with pride. “That’s… good.”

Changkyun sits up, running his hands through Kihyun’s hair and leaning his forehead against Kihyun’s. And then down his arms, pulling him closer. “Come here.”

“Wha --What.”

Changkyun pulls away to blink at him. His hair is in… absolute disarray, sweat beading his hairline. “I want to touch you, too.”

Kihyun presses his forehead harder against Changkyun’s, a little playfully even if his smile is not big enough to match. “I’m okay, though…” More or less okay, at least .

Changkyun smiles softly, but pulls him up, closer, to fall back as Kihyun ends up on his lap.

“You know your dick is still out, right?” Kihyun deadpans even though he doesn’t really mind. Not as much as he thought he would, at least.

“Well, yes, yours isn’t, though,” Changkyun frowns, moving his hands up and down Kihyun’s legs. “I remember that being a bit uncomfortable.”

Kihyun chuckles. “I’m okay. I didn’t… do it to get something in return. It’s not about me right now.”

Changkyun laughs a little, letting a hand trail to Kihyun’s waist. “Well. If you insist. And… thank you, then, I guess? I had no idea .” He laughs again, cheeks red.

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and looks away, somewhere out the window (thank god he lives on the 7th floor and his building is the tallest). “Good thing I am a great teacher, then. And you’re a good student.”

“I didn’t…” Changkyun flushes, shifting a little. “ Do much.”

“And you think I care? It’s not about me. It’s about you. And I’m fine .”

“Again, if you insist…” Changkyun says, reaching out to trail his fingers softly over Kihyun’s cheeks, his lips. “Not now. But not… never?”

Kihyun bites at Changkyun’s finger and Changkyun’s breath hitches. Kihyun closes his lips around it and tongues the pad before he lets go and leans down, holding his tongue between his teeth for a second. “I’m free later…”

Changkyun swallows, clearly vying for a teasing smile but his eyes wander to Kihyun’s lips instead. “I… I mean, yeah, that--that works, that’s good for me, I don’t have any--any plans or--” He swallows again. “What was I saying.”

“Something between the lines of ‘I’m cute and beautiful’.” Kihyun leans back again and shrugs. “Oooor something,” he shivers a little, cringing just slightly at himself.

Changkyun pushes himself up, smiling at Kihyun with a terrible amount of sincerity. “You are. Cute. Beautiful,” Changkyun pokes Kihyun’s nose. “ Sexy .”

Kihyun shoves a hand at Changkyun’s face and pushes him back down, going down with him, too. Their noses touch and Kihyun smiles a little, looking Changkyun in the eye even if a bit out of focus. And it tugs, just slightly, but it’s a feeling so familiar at this point Kihyun finds himself forgetting it’s there. “See? Now I’m taking the compliment. Because I just did that. And you just did that. So…”

Changkyun moves his face so their noses brush against each other and grins. “If I told you you’re beautiful every time I thought it, I’d never shut up.”

“I’m glad you don’t then. Ever say a word too many times until it starts sounding funny as hell--wait, hell probably isn’t all that funny but… stupid sayings…”

Changkyun giggles softly. “Never change.”

“Shut up,” Kihyun says, frowning, leaning his forehead on Changkyun’s, “or I’m gonna start thinking about kissing you again and… we can’t have that.”

“No…” Changkyun barely whispers. “No, we can’t…”

“Don’t go sad on me, I just did that!”

Changkyun smiles a little. “I’m not sad. Because I know what sad means now and… and I’m really happy, Kihyun,” he says, pinching softly at Kihyun’s cheek with an almost wicked grin. “Just wish I could kiss you like they do in movies.”

Kihyun puffs the cheek Changkyun is pinching. “Now you’re making me sad…”

“Well,” Changkyun starts, trailing his hand down Kihyun’s chest until he’s gripping at Kihyun’s waistband and grinning. “I could always…”

“You sound like a horny teenager. I am actually amused right now.”

Changkyun waggles his eyebrows. “Well, you did just technically take a demon’s virginity…”

Throwing his tongue on to fake a gag, Kihyun shivers again. “Ugh, you just had to go and say it.”

“Say what?” Changkyun laughs, pinching lightly at Kihyun’s side. “I am very happily taken.”

“Satan must be rocking his brain against his skull downstairs. Sorry about that. Maybe not that sorry.” Kihyun pauses and looks at Changkyun. “Am I still going to heaven or did I just buy a one way ticket to hell?”

Changkyun shakes his head, pointing at his own lips and tapping them lightly. “This is the seal. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, leaning really, really close, his lips just a breath away, Changkyun freezing, and then he just blows on them and smiles. “Noted.”

“I don’t know why I feel so tired,” Kihyun mumbles from where he just collapsed, sprawled all over the bed like a starfish. “We did nothing. Nothing . Yet I feel like we just faced something twice our size.”

“Mm,” Changkyun hums, lying on his stomach on the bed and scrolling on his phone. He looks up as Kihyun falls, smiling a little before going back to whatever he does on that thing. Look up cows. Shit like that. “I think the term is ‘lazy’.” Changkyun pokes Kihyun’s side with his phone. “Lazy.”

Kihyun scratches his leg where his boxers have been pinching at his skin for a while. “I work two jobs, you know. There’s food on the table. And a roof. And a bed.” He pauses. “I’m making no sense right now, ignore me.”

Changkyun crosses his legs at the ankle, swinging his legs back and forth. “No, no, there’s some sense in there. I should get a job or something. Put some more things on the table besides food, a roof and a bed.”

“Don’t forget me. You might have put me on the table too, at some point.”

“Huh, now there’s an idea,” Changkyun says, grinning.

Kihyun frowns and turns his face to the other side to smile. “Not a fairly new idea, I’m sensing. Anyway, you know what I mean. And no, you’re not getting a job.”

“Oh, why not? You don’t think I could…” Changkyun gestures. “Job? Or whatever.”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘work’ and that is not really the problem. I know you can do whatever you set out to do. But,” he turns again to look at Changkyun, “what happens when… I need you and you’re doing a pizza-delivery, hm?”

Changkyun grins, biting at the plastic cover of his phone on the corner ( Great , he’s eating the phone now, too). “You know, I could deliver pizza really fast.”

Kihyun rolls to his side and frowns. “And what if people found out?”

“You worry too much,” Changkyun murmurs, tapping at his lips once with the phone before he continues his scrolling. “I wouldn’t wanna make a burden of myself. Eat all your food, sleep in your bed and… whatever you do with roofs.”

Not laughing is nearly impossible, but Kihyun tries to keep to a minimum. “I worry because if I don’t then no one else will. And because I care . Or do you want me to tell you you worry too much next time I start hearing voices and creepy things…?”

Changkyun grumbles to himself before admitting, quietly, “Point made. I’m just a bit more… durable, is all. So my worry has to, I don’t know, adapt. So does yours. A fitting amount of worry.”

It weighs, again, and Kihyun frowns, again . “I don’t like this subject…”

Changkyun squints at Kihyun, and rolls off the bed. Literally rolls, plopping down on the floor before jumping up and pointing at Kihyun. “I wanna show you something. And it’s not,” he wags his finger for emphasis. “A city in Europe.”

Kihyun contemplates the situation, frown growing harsher, and he sits up. “I’m skeptical, now.”

“You aren’t always?”

Little piece of--

Sighing with perhaps too much exasperation, Kihyun gets up from the bed. “Go on, what is it.”

“I just want you to worry a bit less,” Changkyun shrugs, walking backwards out of the bedroom. “Come on.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and follows after Changkyun, arms crossed to show how very close-minded he is about the entire subject. “Going, going.”

“Okay, so don’t get mad,” Changkyun starts, walking into the kitchen. “I’ll replace it.”

“That is a terrible way to start this,” Kihyun warns, tone an octave lower. “Go on.”

Changkyun laughs, opens a drawer, and takes out probably the biggest knife Kihyun has. While still smiling. Like a fucking psychopath .

“I am not sure I like where this is going…” Kihyun says, glare shifting from the knife to Changkyun and then back to the knife.

“Eh, it’ll be fine,” Changkyun says, and points the knife right at his chest, both hands on the hilt. And thrusts it right into his chest before Kihyun can even process what’s happening. Except that isn’t what happens. The blade shatters with the force of it and Changkyun looks very pleased with himself.

Kihyun, however, is beyond pissed. “What the actual fuck are you--What did you just--?”

Changkyun’s smile falters into confusion. “I’m gonna get a new one, really.”

“A new--” Kihyun rolls his eyes and throws his hands up, the familiar, invisible weigh on his chest a lot heavier. “I give up. Do whatever you want. See if I care.” He says, turning around to walk back into the bedroom.

“Wha--Kihyun, hang on, wait--” Changkyun somehow manages to step in front of him, holding a hand out to the wall to stop him walking. “Why are you mad?”

Kihyun glares at him. Why , he asks. Why indeed. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“I? No? I just showed you I couldn’t get hurt--”

“That you know of!” Kihyun startles himself with how loud his voice sounds and quickly backtracks, looking away. “I’m… sorry. I just… I know, okay? Better than anyone, I know what you can do. But I also know there is always someone better than us, than you . Always. And I don’t... “ He sighs. “I don’t like this subject.”

Bad things happen to the people who try to protect him. Kihyun knows that. He knew it then . He knows it now. There is a reason he doesn’t go back home anymore, after all. Home- Home.

“Kihyun, I’m not reckless . Or stupid.”

“You are,” Kihyun says knowingly. “You are if it’s me, or am I wrong?” He glares. “Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong.”

Changkyun looks at him for a second, before looking away, at the wall, at whatever. “Give me some credit. I can’t protect you if I’m dead.”

“I don’t…” Kihyun looks down. “I really don’t like this subject…”

“I’ll never regret dying for you, Kihyun” Changkyun says, letting his hand fall and moving forward to walk past him. “Do with that what you will, but it’s true.”

It weighs even more now. To the point Kihyun needs to make a conscious effort to breathe. “Don’t say that…”

Changkyun stops. He’s next to Kihyun, not looking at him. “If Hoseok was standing in the road, and there was a car coming, and you could save him, push him out of the way, but you’d die, would you?”

Kihyun really, really doesn’t like this subject. And it the weight keeps adding, growing. “I…” He looks up, not at Changkyun. “I’m going to bed.”

“Can I…” Changkyun breathes. “Join you? Not… not now... Later.”

Stopping at the foot of the bed, Kihyun stares at it for a while before turning his head just slightly but not enough to look over his shoulder. “Do what you want.”

---

It’s already past midnight and Kihyun can’t fall asleep. He’s scrolling down his emails just to pass the time, looking through old documents and old photographs for old projects. It’s nostalgic, keeps his mind off things and actually manages to bring a small smile or two to his face every now and then.

He rolls to his side, folding an arm under the pillow where he has his head. He remembers taking some of those photographs. Others belong to some of his coworkers. All in all, he has to admit he’s better at it than every single one of them. But maybe not as so good with… relationships. Even if that’s not really what this is.

Kihyun fumbles a little more with his phone before dropping it near his pillow and turning to face the ceiling, throwing an arm over his face, too.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, soft, unsure, from the doorway. And Kihyun feels the knot in his chest fall loose, hanging, almost gone but not entirely.

“Hey,” he says back, unmoving.

“I…” Kihyun hears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about… how it would feel, if you were me. If you told me those things.”  There’s a dip in the bed, at the foot of it. “I didn’t think… I still don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”

Kihyun lets his arm fall from his face, his eyes staring up at the dark ceiling. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” He sighs, trying to untangle that last little thread. “Come here…”

Changkyun moves on the bed, slips under the covers next to Kihyun and pulls lightly at the thin material of Kihyun’s shirt. “Still. I’m sorry...”

“Me too,” Kihyun says, throwing his arm around Changkyun to pull him closer. “But,” their foreheads bump, “today was… nice. I don’t want to ruin it. Just today--well, yesterday, it’s past midnight, my judgement fails me.”

Changkyun breathes a little out of his nose in a laugh, smoothing his hand over the slight dip in Kihyun’s waist. “I promised you a peaceful day. And then I go and be stupid.”

“You are a bit stupid, but no news there.” Kihyun smiles and, just like that, the last thread, gone . “I knew what I was signing up for, more or less…”

“Just because I’m a dummy doesn’t mean you can be mean about it,” Changkyun grumbles without bite.

“Mean? Me?” Kihyun laughs, breathy. “Perish the thought.”

“Well, I mean, I did know what I was getting into… More or less.”

Kihyun blinks, eyes out of focus somewhere on Changkyun’s face, and he leans back a little just to open his mouth around Changkyun’s nose and chomp .

Changkyun startles, and Kihyun can almost see the surprise in Changkyun’s eyes, before he bursts out a laugh. “What the hell?! Is this a thing people do?”

“No,” Kihyun says as serious as he can, “It’s a Kihyun thing.”

Changkyun giggles some more, shaking his head and pinching the little roll of baby fat at Kihyun’s waist, making him startle.

“Are you--” Kihyun starts, propping himself over his elbow to look down at Changkyun. “You wanna fight for real?”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows. “Fight? What do you..?”

Kihyun sits up, rolling the covers up when he does, and throws himself at Changkyun’s feet, locking his legs around Changkyun’s one and tickling at the palm of his foot.

Changkyun yelps, laughing in a high-pitched panic. “Ah! Wha--stop it!” Changkyun kicks, and Kihyun knows that if Changkyun actually tried, Kihyun would probably be on the other side of the room, smashed over the wall like a cookie. Changkyun turns as much as he can, poking Kihyun’s sides.

“Yield, you little shit!” Kihyun laughs at him.

Changkyun laughs back, lifting Kihyun off his leg with far too much goddamn ease, tossing him just enough to the side to take the advantage from him, but rolling with him as he does. “Never!”

Kihyun knows he might have to start accompaigning Hoseok to the gym and take a shot at those protein bars if he wants to have a chance at winning these fights. Which is never going to happen, so he might as well dream.

He lets himself lie on his back. Except now Changkyun is on top on him, looking down. And the way Kihyun’s brain processes priorities goes from relevant information to ‘touch Changkyun ’ in first place with the very bottom of the list ending in ‘we just had our first real fight, keep it in your pants, Yoo Kihyun’ .

“You know I can hear your heartbeat, right?”

“And…?” Kihyun asks, chastising himself when his heart gets even louder inside his chest

Changkyun leans forward, grinning. “Oh, no reason.” And shoves his hands under Kihyun’s shirt, tickling at the sides of his torso.

Kihyun spits a laugh, quickly grabbing Changkyun’s wrists. “You know, this is very unfair. You’re stronger than I am. Physically . Stronger.”

“You initiated it,” Changkyun laughs, letting Kihyun hold onto his wrists as he ducks down and blows a raspberry on Kihyun’s stomach.

Pulling at his wrists until Changkyun stretches back up, Kihyun manages to lift his head to (softly) headbutt him. “You are so annoying…”

Changkyun laughs again, flipping them around so swiftly Kihyun almost yelps. “Better?”

“Much better,” Kihyun says with a chuckle, leaning down do kiss Changkyun’s forehead. “But you’re still annoying. You’re just lucky I like you,” he adds.

“If I was really annoying you wouldn’t like me, though,” Changkyun smiles up at him.

“If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t like me. Luckily,” Kihyun presses his thumbs on Changkyun’s wrists, slowly bringing his arms up and then pinning them down onto the pillow, “I am not picky. I like everyone. Except the assholes.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, shifting under Kihyun to slot his hips with Kihyun’s, slowly moving against him. “Everyone? Here I thought I was special.”

Kihyun lets out a shaky breath, rolling his hips once and leaning down to press his forehead against Changkyun’s, Kihyun’s hands sliding up to lock their fingers. “Don’t you feel special?”

Kihyun can feel Changkyuns arms tense, like he wants to move but doesn't. He does, however, continue to be an almost frustratingly fast learner, and practically grinds up into Kihyun, moving his head to duck forward, biting softly at Kihyun’s ear and whispering in a low, deep voice. “About time you feel special, then. Wanna make you feel special, Ki...”

And that did not just stab at Kihyun’s lower abdomen like a sharp knife. Not at all .

Finally, after a really loud breath, with his heartbeat up to his ears, Kihyun lets go of Changkyun’s hands and leans down until their chests press, one knee between Changkyun’s legs pressing just as Kihyun slides his lips on Changkyun’s jaw with slow kisses.

Changkyun sucks in a breath, sharp and shaky. His hands grip at Kihyun’s shirt, tugging a little and then just moving down, slowly, to grab at Kihyun’s ass over his boxers, pushing them together, closer, and Kihyun groans a little, pressing himself closer, too, breathing out over Changkyun’s neck as he moves his hips, hoping to get some friction.

Groaning in tandem, Changkyun’s one hand reaches up to Kihyun’s hair, the other still firm on Kihyun’s ass as he grinds up, holding Kihyun there. “T-tell me what to do,” Changkyun groans into his ear, squeezing at Kihyun’s ass. “Wanna make you feel good, too.”

Kihyun’s hips jerk almost in response. He loses himself a little in the rhythm before he says, “Just touch me. Touch me.”

“ That I can do,” Changkyun growls, matching Kihyun’s rhythm but pulling insistently at Kihyun’s shirt, kissing at Kihyun’s neck. “Wanna see you…”

Kihyun gasps at that, head coming up almost immediately. He looks Changkyun in the eye for a moment, frowning when he feels the familiar gravitational pull, and then sits up just enough to pull his shirt over his head.

Changkyun blinks, letting out a little breath as he reaches out, fingers dancing, gentle, over Kihyun’s chest and down to his stomach. “Beautiful.”

Eyes wide before he drops his head onto Changkyun’s shoulder, Kihyun lets his hand trail to Changkyun’s back, sliding between him and the bed, then ghostly climbing up when Changkyun arches to the touch, feeling his back, his neck, until he fists them around a handful of Changkyun’s neck. “I really wanna… kiss you right now,” he whispers, breath hot, his stomach quivering just a little under Changkyun’s fingers.

Changkyun grips at his waist and his hair, pulling Kihyun closer. “I… Yeah, me too,” he whispers back, before pressing a soft, lingering kiss on Kihyun’s shoulder.

And Kihyun shivers. “Touch me, Changkyun , touch me,” he says again, opening his mouth on Changkyun’s neck and biting, pulling at the skin with his teeth.

It’s not kissing, but it’s something .

“Fuck,” Changkyun groans, sitting up and, more gently than the last time, perhaps more gently than really necessary, moving to lay Kihyun down and kiss down his jaw, his neck, hands on Kihyun’s waist, his chest, his legs, like he’s trying to touch as much as possible, before tugging at Kihyun’s boxers even as he grinds down.

It makes Kihyun feel wanted. And, in a way, allowing himself to feel wanted drives him beyond the fire burning inside him. Because he wants, too.

He turns his face just slightly, breathing on Changkyun’s ear once he comes back up to kiss Kihyun’s face, and says it. Even if saying it makes his heart stutter before if goes back into that frantic loud beating. Even if saying it makes him want to crawl--he doesn’t.

“I want you.”

And saying it feels vulnerable, but good, because it’s true.

“You have me,” Changkyun breathes into his ear with a shiver. And keeps kissing, keeps touching as his kisses trail lower, and he nips at Kihyun’s collarbone, moving both hands down to lift Kihyun’s hips and pull his boxers down.

Kihyun’s back arches just slightly, his eyes darting up, his gaze locking somewhere on the dark ceiling. His heart is so loud. So fucking loud.

Changkyun chuckles softly, throwing Kihyun’s boxers god knows where, kissing by the swell of Kihyun’s left pectoral, right over his heart. “So this is what being special feels like,” he breathes, and Kihyun feels small, kittenish licks at the nub of his nipple.

His breath hitches before he can slap a hand over his mouth to muffle a moan that comes out as “Mmmf!” instead.

Changkyun pauses, giving a lingering, experimental lick, his other hand trailing down, nails scratching lightly over Kihyun’s stomach as he does. And Kihyun’s eyes snap closed, his eyebrows knitting together, and he breathes loudly through his nose with his hand still over his mouth.

Changkyun stops, reaching up with the hand not currently very, very close to where Kihyun very shamelessly yet shamefully wants it, to wrap gently around Kihyun’s wrist.

“Don’t. I like your sounds.”

And Kihyun lets Changkyun tug at his hand, lets him move it down where he lets it fall limp over the bed. His other hand still tangled in Changkyun’s hair. “O--Okay…” He says out of breath.

Changkyun’s hand falls from his wrist to trace his thumb over Kihyun’s bottom lip and Kihyun instinctively takes it in his mouth and messily curls his tongue around it, and Changkyun stares, eyes dark, for a long moment before pressing a kiss to his cheek, his neck. And then reaches down with the same hand, wrapping his fingers around Kihyun’s dick.

Kihyun breathes out a whispery “Oh god,” looking up and away at something, anything .

Changkyun kisses down his chest again, lingering at his stomach, nipping at Kihyun’s hip bone as he presses his thumb into Kihyun’s slit, slowly moving his hand.

Arching his back just slightly, Kihyun bites down on his lower lip as he lightly pushes Changkyun’s head down. And with a last pull of skin between his teeth, Changkyun does move down, licking up the underside of Kihyun’s dick before closing his lips around the tip with his fingers still wrapped around it.

With a soft, needy (shameless) gasp, Kihyun parts his lips, his face feeling hot, his whole body feeling hot, even more when he spreads his legs further apart for Changkyun, sliding his calves over Changkyun’s shoulders.

Kihyun’s hand around Changkyun’s hair loosens up and lets go, immediately giving Kihyun the feeling of a loss of control, the frustration adding to the burn in his lower abdomen.

Changkyun looks up at Kihyun through hooded eyes- -fucking sinful- -as he slowly sinks lower onto Kihyun’s dick, lips wrapped around him, sucking lightly, and Kihyun grips at the sheets. Changkyun drops his gaze and shifts, taking Kihyun fully into his mouth, hands moving to grip at Kihyun’s ass, raising him up.

“ Ah-- shit!” Kihyun’s eyes go wide again as he tugs at the sheets.

Changkyun groans around Kihyun, bopping up and down Kihyun’s dick and pulling off with a hard suck, lapping at the tip of his dick, and Kihyun’s voice fills the room with a moan he really wishes he could’ve held back.

It’s messy and Changkyun coughs a little, lips puffy and slick, clearing his throat (a sound Kihyun had no idea he liked until now) before licking at Kihyun again, tongue curling, licking from base to tip.

Changkyun teases his tip with his tongue, licking and lapping and adding pressure there, making Kihyun hiss desperately, before taking him back in, fully, the tip of his dick hitting the back of Changkyun’s throat, who relaxes, taking him in even more, to where his nose nuzzles at the coarse hair at Kihyun’s base.

Unable to keep his hands away, Kihyun quickly grabs a fistfull of Changkyun’s hair, heels digging on Changkyun’s back almost involuntarily pulling down. And Kihyun gasps, “Oh god, I--” He tugs at Changkyun’s hair. “C--Chang--kyun, I’m gonna--a…”

Changkyun swallows around him and Kihyun shudders, his nails raking down on Changkyun’s neck as Kihyun snaps his mouth closed again and rides the stars behind his eyelids when he spills hot and hard down Changkyun’s throat. Changkyun presses down, groaning loudly as he swallows and slowly raises his head, releasing Kihyun with a soft ‘pop’.

He licks at his lips, thumbing at the corner to wipe off some remaining cum. Fucking sinful.

One of Kihyun’s legs slips off Changkyun’s shoulders. Kihyun can feel the sweat on his skin when it does.

He looks up, breathing evening out, blinks sluggishly for a few times before he breathes out sharp and sits up. He looks at Changkyun and he knows he probably looks dazed. His mind feels dazed. But he still has at least one or two neurons flashing around.

“Do you…” He asks, his voice raspy. He blinks because he doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. Scratch two neurons. It’s just the one.

“I’m okay,” Changkyun answers, voice much deeper than usual. “I, er, need to go… change.”

Kihyun’s blinks. Change? But he --oh. Oh! His one neuron flares. “Oh,” he glances down. “O--Okay… I…” He looks around to search for his boxers.

Changkyun ducks down the side of the bed, reaching out and tossing Kihyun’s boxers over with a stupidly shy smile. Considering .

“I’ll…” Kihyun grabs the boxers and squints, trying to figure out where’s the front and the back. “Be over here…” Of course you will, you dimwit.

“Yeah. Good, then I,” Changkyun points a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” Changkyun says, looks to the bathroom, and then quickly crawls over the bed to kiss Kihyun on the forehead, before hopping off the bed.

Kihyun is definitely on cloud nine. He knows because it takes him way too much time to dress his boxers the right way and he doesn’t even bother to look for his shirt. He lets his back hit the mattress and stares up, bringing arm up and looking at his hand as he opens and closes it a few times.

“Definitely,” he mumbles to his own thoughts and lets his hand fall over his face. Definitely fucked . And he would be feeling slightly scared if it weren’t for the fact that he just received the best blow job of his life. From someone who’s never given a blow job before.

Kihyun rolls to his side. Yeah, he must be a great teacher after all.

The bed dips again with Changkyun’s weight and he hovers his hand over Kihyun’s arm, laying down behind him. And Kihyun reaches for Changkyun’s wrist and tugs, letting Changkyun hold him. Changkyun relaxes, breathing softly against Kihyun’s neck and molding himself around Kihyun’s back, legs tangling. He places a soft kiss on Kihyun’s shoulder and Kihyun shivers.

“Can we…” Kihyun mumbles, his second neuron finally giving signs of life, “Can we just stay here forever?” He laughs. “I don’t mind not going outside and just…” He sighs and sinks in Changkyun’s hold.

Changkyun pulls him closer, forehead pressing against his back. “Yeah… Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Great. We can just… curl into a ball and stay.” Kihyun mumbles and then pauses. He sighs. “I’m glad I… asked you to stay. I’m glad you stayed.”

Changkyun lets a shaky little breath out and it dances over Kihyun’s back, over skin Changkyun softly kisses. “I’m glad you let me.”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way, would you.”

“Not even if forever was just a night.”

Kihyun laughs. “You’re so fucking sappy. I am not throwing you off the bed right now because I am actually comfortable with you here.”

Changkyun chuckles, soft. “I adore you. Allow me the means to say and show it without threatening exile.”

“Obnoxious,” Kihyun mumbles as he curls up some more.

Changkyun hums, thumbing softly at the back of Kihyun’s hand. “You wanted a peaceful day… I think this one was perfect.”

“Yeah, you are,” Kihyun says and then bites at his lower lip to keep the grin away.

Changkyun pauses. He curls into Kihyun and squeezes Kihyun’s hand and Kihyun realises he’s giggling . “You--you just said--” He presses his forehead against Kihyun’s back, wiggling his head against him as he giggles .

“I meant it, though.”

Changkyun presses his face into the crook of Kihyun’s shoulder. It feels warm. “I’m not… But thank you.”

Kihyun reaches back with his hand to comb through Changkyun’s hair. “You don’t know what I mean.” He says, because Changkyun’s really doesn’t know. “You think perfect means flawless? It doesn’t.” He sighs. “You… great , my turn to be sappy… I like you as you are. Flaws and all. So, through my eyes, you’re perfect.”

Changkyun turns his face into Kihyun’s shoulder, hand squeezing Kihyun’s hand, holding him like he could disappear at any second.

“I…” Changkyun breathes, voice thick but small.

Kihyun wiggles a little and then turns in Changkyun’s hold, arms around his neck to pull him closer. And… “Are you…” Kihyun blinks, his eyes on Changkyun’s teary ones. “Are you crying?”

“N-no,” Changkyun sniffs, blinking fast and turning his face to rub it against the pillow.

“No, no, no,” Kihyun scoots closer, “look at me.” He slides his fingers up Changkyun’s neck, to his ear. “Please, look at me.”

Changkyun turns his head just slightly, enough to peek at Kihyun with one eye before sniffing again, letting his cheek squish against the pillow, bottom lip slightly jutted out and eyes reflecting in the little moonlight coming in from the windows.

Adorable.

Thumb running up and down on Changkyun’s cheek, Kihyun leans down to kiss his left eyelid when it flutters closed. He leans back then to look at Changkyun and smiles. “You’re beautiful…”

Changkyun scrunches his eyes closed and laughs softly. “You--” he sniffs again, biting his bottom lip back when it juts out again. “You want me to cry, don’t you.”

“Ugh,” Kihyun circles his arms around Changkyun’s head and squeezes. “Adorable…” They made this kid in hell, right? Kihyun needs to replay a few memories to remember because there’s no way hell looks this adorable, or feels this smooth and soft under his fingertips. And if hell feels anything like the way his chest aches as Changkyun nuzzles into him, holds him close, maybe eternal damnation isn’t all that bad.

He snorts. And then trembles with the silent laugh bubbling inside his chest. “I really…” He tries, actually laughing this time. Wanna kiss you .

“Yeah, me too,” Changkyun mumbles against him.

And it’s the first time Kihyun falls asleep holding Changkyun in his arms. And not the other way around. Because, somehow, home isn’t home without you .

---

Kihyun presses his feet on Changkyun’s back but makes little effort to push him off the bed even when he says with a laugh, “Come on, off you go. You shower first. Go. Leave.” The sun is still peeking over the horizon and the whole bedroom looks like a golden box of cereal.

Changkyun tips forward enough to just, just get off the bed before falling back, arms out like a starfish. He points dramatically at the ceiling. “Forever isn’t over yet!”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and then crawls over him, looming over, considering. “If you don’t leave now, you’re not leaving in the next thirty minutes.”

Changkyun deadpans. “The problem. I don’t see it.”

“The problem? I’m looking at it right now,” Kihyun laughs again, leaning down to press his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Seriously. Go . Or I’m not gonna let you leave until I’m done with you.”

Changkyun’s eyebrows jump up and he blinks. “You… are not helping.” Changkyun slowly slides away, “But you’re scaring me just a bit so I’m just gonna…” he slides off the bed and laughs as he lands on his ass.

Kihyun slumps down on the mattress and moans blissfully. “A whole bed just for me, greaaat. ” He lifts one hand just to wave Changkyun off. “Have fun in there.”

Changkyun peeks over the edge of the bed. “More fun with two,” he teases, practically waggling his eyebrows. Kihyun stares at him, blinks, the hand out of Changkyun’s field of vision moving to grab a pillow and then he swings it at Changkyun’s face.

“Don’t say that twice,” Kihyun laughs.

“You hurt me,” Changkyun says, muffled into a pillow as he splays out on the floor.

Kihyun slides just a bit closer to the edge of the bed to be able to look at him. “Do I need to go over there? You know I clean this floor, right? I don’t mind. Going over there.”

“Forty,” Changkyun says from under the pillow before flinging it right back and hitting Kihyun straight in the face before jumping up. He smiles as he walks backwards to the bathroom. “We’ll resume forever later, yeah?”

Kihyun grabs the pillow and hugs it. “The longer I look at you the longer it hurts. Seriously, go! ” He is serious. He really needs some peace of mind. Because suddenly everything reminds him of… of… ugh . Forever.

Changkyun puts his hands up in surrender before turning around, not even bothering to close the door behind him, slipping out of his briefs and into the shower.

“I saw that!” Kihyun shouts before rolling onto his other side and turning his back to the bathroom. He could’ve done that the moment he saw what Changkyun was doing, but no. Of course not. Fucking hell .

“You’re welcome!” Changkyun calls back, voice echoing on the tiles with a little laugh over the sound of the water.

Kihyun reaches for his phone and notices he has a text from Hoseok. Well, a few, actually.

Changkyun hums in the shower, a melody Kihyun doesn’t recognise and Kihyun’s phone vibrates in his hand again.

“Hey,” Changkyun says and Kihyun looks up from his phone. Changkyun ruffles his wet hair and smiles at him from the doorway. “Mind if I try to actually make breakfast? I’ll watch something on YouTube.”

Kihyun smiles small. “Sure.” He looks back down and then frowns, looking back up again. “Wait. Don’t…” He trails off and sighs, looking away again. “Don’t burn the house down.”

“And he still doesn’t trust me” Changkyun sighs dramatically, and calls on his way to the kitchen. “Get the fire-department on speed dial! I’m wild!”

Kihyun snorts. “I’m yet to see that,” he mumbles to himself and then rolls his eyes at himself, too.

Kihyun moves his arm back with the intention to throw his phone across the room, but lets it fall onto the bed instead. He rolls with the blanket, stopping face down. And then, after thinking about his life choices, rolls again until he is a burrito and is falling off the bed all rolled up with the sheets.

“Uhm,” He starts when he notices he can’t move his arms. “Shit.”

A pause. A sound in the kitchen, and then the sound of feet padding closer.

“Wow.”

“Don’t laugh…”

“Am I?” Changkyun asks. Silence.

“I know you want to. But I should let you know I will get my revenge once… once I’m free.”

“Ah, now there’s the catch,” Changkyun says, bending down to smile widely. “Hey. Don’t kill me for this but I’m totally gonna pick you up. Because there’s blankets so I won’t technically be touching you...”

Kihyun moves his head and glares . “Don’t you dare…”

“He didn’t threaten my life so here we go...” Changkyun rolls Kihyun around and then he apparently just can’t help himself as he laughs, high-pitched and eyes scrunching. “Aw, come here.”

“I swear!” Kihyun wiggles around. “I am going to murder you!”

“With what, a knife?” Changkyun laughs and scoops him up with far too much ease, draping him over his shoulder. “So where will I be taking you, sire?”

“To the kitchen, where the knives are,” Kihyun grumbles. He is not mad. Not really. Not at all. But he has some honor left to defend.

“Anything you can murder me with in the bathroom?” Changkyun asks, ducking so Kihyun won’t hit his head on the doorframe on the way out of the bedroom.

“Why? Planning on giving me a bath?”

“I mean, I could --hey, wiggle one more time and I will let you fall.”

Kihyun stops but gasps dramatically. “You wouldn’t…”

“I’m wild , remember?” Changkyun laughs, bouncing Ki on his shoulder lightly, pushing the bathroom door open with him foot. “Come on, shower time, you still smell like forever.”

“You say that,” Kihyun sing songs, “but you like it-- wait, what was it… that word… ‘adore’?”

“Oh, but I can’t quote you ,” Changkyun laughs, gently propping Kihyun up against the bathroom wall and pulling the sheets free from their hold. “There. You’re free. Do with me as you wish.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, looks at Changkyun for a beat and then turns his head slightly to look at the wall. “Hm,” he hums. “What if I want it the other way around?” He asks, looking at Changkyun again and biting at his upper lip.

“Right now…” Changkyun says, licking his lips before smiling widely, cheeks dimpling. “I want to feed you and put you in a biiiig fluffy sweater so you’re soft when I hold you watching TV.”

Kihyun snorts and waves him away. “Well, then leave so I can wash the… ‘forever’--it really makes me cringe when you say it like that…” He adds, shivering and grabbing the sheets to make a huge ball in his arms before he throws it at Changkyun. “Shame you can’t touch me unless there’s something around me. No doing what you want.”

Changkyun leans in and talks softly. “It’s five times better when you want it, too.”

“Should I start walking around naked?” Kihyun laughs, eyeing the shower.

Changkyun tongues at the inside of his cheek, taking a deep, almost contemplative breath. “Should I?”

“Fair,” Kihyun says, biting both lips in. “Now go,” He gestures. “Go, go.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes as he turns around and walks away with a little wave. Not closing the door behind him. Fair enough. Two can play at this game.

---

Leaning back on the sofa and pulling his legs up over the cushion, Kihyun lets himself melt a little in the- -ugh- -big fluffy sweater Changkyun picked for him. Kihyun pulls the sweater over his knees where he places his chin and stares at the images flashing on the screen.

“It pains me,” he mutters, squinting at the TV, “It pains me so much when people shake the damn polaroids…” He sighs and scrunches his nose. “Amateurs…”

“What, those picture thingies?”

“Yeah, they’re instant photos. And people are stupid and impatient. Ugh, seriously…”

Changkyun laughs a little, glancing over. “Haven’t seen you use one. Only that big black one you took to Venice.”

“Because I am a pro, duh-uh,” Kihyun scoffs. “Joking. It’s just different. Also, my camera allows me to switch lenses and it has a lot of options I can adjust. Advanced options.” He sighs and lifts a hand to gesture at the screen, “Polaroids are the result of a diffusion process. The dye migrates from the negative to the image layer. If you bend and shake the film while the process is on going you just--it can cause loss of resolution and underdeveloped spots.” He rocks himself from left to right. “These hipsters are killing me, change channels, please!”

Even as he rolls his eyes, Changkyun still leans forward to press around on the keyboard. “You know, you generally sound like you know a lot just because my learning comes from you and Google and, like, experience--but that sounded really smart.”

“Are you implying I am not really smart in general?”

“ No , but that appears to be what you’re getting from it,” Changkyun says, picking up the keyboard and leaning back, scrolling through Netflix. “I should be careful about the media I consume, right? Just in case I accidentally shake a polaroid once.”

Kihyun looks at him. “I might forgive you… just once.”

“Do you… have one of those… polaroid camera thingies?”

“Hoseok gave me an Instax last Christmas. But I never use it…” Kihyun blinks, eyes still on Changkyun. “You… You can have it, if you want.”

Changkyun’s head snaps to him. “What? No! Hoseok gave it to you and--and I don’t even know how to take pictures besides what I’ve taken on my phone and--”

“All I hear is,” Kihyun mumbles, leaning in but ending up falling on Changkyun’s lap. He is still curled up in his sweater and he stays curled up in his sweater. “All I hear is, ‘Thank you, Kihyun, I lo-” Abort, abort, abort “-adore, you’.”

“I do…” Changkyun lets his hand fall onto Kihyun’s head, fingers in his hair. “You’d really give me a camera?”

“I lo--love photography… so…” Kihyun shrugs awkwardly in the position he’s in, “If you wanna give it try, an Instax is a fun way to go at it. It’s easy to use and… I can teach you whatever you wanna know.”

“Well, then,” Changkyun cards his fingers through his hair. “Thank you, Kihyun, I adore you.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip. “Do you… wanna see?”

“See? See your--Oh!” Changyun bounces a little where he sits, jostling Kihyun slightly. “Hoseok mentioned a portfolio, that I should ask to see it.”

“You shouldn’t have to ask but…” Kihyun bounces a little in his little ball and then uses the momentum to bounce back up. He nods towards the cupboard near the entrance. “It’s over there…”

“Blue, right?” Changkyun asks even as he gets up and walks over.

“Yeah. The thick one.”

A few seconds later Changkyun falls down next to him, crossing his legs and propping the portfolio open on his lap, on the first page. “I like it already…” He turns a page. “Why photography?”

“Hm,” Kihyun looks up, thinking. “Memories are tricky, you know… A lot of the things you remember in the long-term are only half truths. And sometimes you forget, too. But a photo can last forever. It’s not changed as time goes by. And years later you can look at the pictures you took and remember, really remember.” He looks back down and bounces back and forward. “It makes me smile. Even if sometimes they bring back bittersweet memories, they always make me smile.”

Changkyun stopped turning the pages for a moment there, but smiles softly to himself and continues, slowly, looking at everything. “And all of these are memories… Makes sense...”

“Nothing lasts forever and sometimes memories is all we’ve got.” Kihyun leans his cheek on his knees. “I am a memory collector, or something like that.” He snorts.

“I look forward to helping, then, I guess,” Changkyun mumbles, flipping through the pictures, slowly, until he stops. He stares, eyes wide, hand hovering over the page.

Kihyun blinks at him and then down at what he’s looking at. His heart stops frozen for longer than what should be considered normal. Some memories really are bittersweet. “What…” He says anyway.

Changkyun parts his lips to speak but nothing comes out.

Eyes, flicking back to Changkyun, Kihyun slides his feet down, sweater quickly shifting closer to his torso. “Changkyun?”

“Who is this to you?” he asks softly, hand falling, fingers on the picture at the middle of the page.

Kihyun tries to smile, but the smile he manages is probably not the happy one. “Childhood friend…” His heart squeezes painfully tight and he looks down. “He… uhm, used to model for me when we were younger. Actually, I got started with photography because of him…”

“He… He died.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes out softly.

“Can you…” Changkyun says, soft and careful. “Tell me about him?”

Kihyun leans back and lets himself slide down a little, fingers busy with the ends of his sweater. His heart slow and heavy with each beat. It’s been a long time since he’s had to revisit those memories. Always avoiding, trying to forget… always... regretting.

“We met when we were kids,” Kihyun starts. “I think I was five at the time.” He laughs bitterly and looks out the window. “We hated each other. He was… so annoying. I threw mud at his face once,” he laughs again.

Regret...

There’s a lump in his throat that doesn’t seem to go down no matter how many times Kihyun swallows. “Then, one day, they told us there was a new kid joining our class. Hoseok. He was really, really small and… you have no idea. Such a cry-baby.” Kihyun sniffles a little but turns to look at Changkyun with a small smile as he gestures at his own face, “He had snot on him all the time. It was really gross.” Kihyun looks away again. “He was-- still is really, really… good . So, he talked to me and… we became friends. Someone had to kick his ass for crying all the time, right?”

Kihyun picks at a thread on his sweater, pulling the line as it makes the fabric wrinkle slightly. Changkyun’s quiet, head hanging as he looks at the picture, glances at Kihyun but quickly looks away again.

“But of course he became friends with everyone, too. And,” Kihyun gestures at the pictures, “those two, really… You could tell. Everyone knew, deep down, even if they didn’t a--accept it…” He licks his lips. “They really, really grew to… lo--love each other.” His breath feels shaky but he goes on. “And… I… honestly, I gave them so much shit, but mostly because they were so damn annoying. In the beginning when, when they started dating, it was nearly impossible to be near them. Ugh, gross as fuck…”

Regret and… Cold? So cold...

Breathing hitching just a little, Kihyun looks out the window and Changkyun finally looks up, stares at nothing, biting at his lips as he listens. “After high school, they…” Kihyun sighs and looks at the pictures again. “I think it was around Christmas of my first year, he came to me and told me that he wanted to… propose… to Hoseok. And I… I was honestly so, so, so happy for them. I mocked him when he went all sappy and decided he was getting a ring. It's not like it was an actual thing…? It was symbolic. Shit like that only happens abroad. Not here. But of course Hoseok would melt for that sappy crap. And in the end we went together and bought the damn thing…” Kihyun sighs and sniffles again. “I kept it. He didn’t want Hoseok to find it. Until one day he came by and told me he was going to go through with it.”

Kihyun feels his eyes burn and his breath hiccups. He looks away. “There’s something you need to know first…”

“I… I’m sorry for asking, Kihyun,” Changkyun finally says, voice heavy but soft. “You don’t… have to…”

“I can see them…” Kihyun mutters. “Not all of them, I think but… there’s…” He raises his hand and moves it in a circular way around his own head. “Hallows… black and… they come and go. I don’t know why or how but… I know what they mean…”

Death .

He leans down, his forehead to his knees. “The day we met Hoseok. It was there. Then, it was gone. When they started dating. It was there. And then, again, gone.” Kihyun sobs. “I… I knew… the d--day he came here I… I knew. It was… huge. Black and… and all over him.” He shuts his eyes closed. “And when I gave him the damn ring… I saw it, like, like, li--like black wings and… I knew. I fucking knew! I knew and I let him go! And… and…”

Regret brings about shame. A sense of loss, a distress of mind. A pain that turns to anger, too.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and lets it go. “A truck. Bad tire. He… He didn’t get to propose in the end… he died because someone didn’t do their damn job right and because I… let him go. That damn ring…” Kihyun sighs, his heart too tight. “The Hallow… every time he thought ‘I am going to marry this person’, the Hallow was there.” He bites at his lower lip. “Hoseok found the ring later on. He asked me about it and… I said I didn’t know… I said I… I lied.”

Changkyun’s quiet. Just a quiet, warm body next to his and it’s something, better than nothing, better than the sudden cold that rolls over Kihyun like a breeze.

“It’s… It’s not your fault. The Hallows, they’re…” Changkyun swallows. “A Reaper’s Mark. For them to… to follow. And once a soul is marked... There’s nothing you could have done.”

“I could have done something, I don’t know what but… something.” Kihyun sighs and his body shivers. “ A million times over … that was… their thing. I should’ve never let it become real. They shouldn’t have to try a million times over just to get one of them right… But Hoseok does, inside his own head. And… I’m sure some of them are happy, happy scenarios… Except none of those is the truth.”

The portfolio closes and Changkyun slides it off his lap. “I… I have to go, I…” Changkyun stands up, reaching up to grab a little at his hair. “I have to talk to…”

“W--What?” Kihyun looks up, sniffling, blinking. “Go where? What?”

“I don’t know!” Changkyun snaps, voice small, pacing a little. “I don’t--I can’t lie to you but I don’t--I don’t know if I can do this --”

Do… this? What?

Kihyun feels his eyes water a little. “H--Hey, I…” He looks down. “H--hug?”

Changkyun turns, eyes wide, a little panicked, looking at Kihyun. And then Changkyun’s entire being melts, falls forward to gather Kihyun into his arms and Kihyun clings, arms coming around Changkyun’s neck.

His eyes feel tight and, when he closes them, a few tears roll down his cheek. He feels a little silly, but he knows why he's crying. He's crying because he misses a friend. Because he blames himself. And because it weights . Because he doesn't want to lose someone again. Because when Kihyun told Changkyun to stay he also meant live. Stay alive. Because when Changkyun said ‘this’, Kihyun thought it meant them. And he feels so guilty, so, so guilty, that for a brief moment his insecurities made him feel like he wasn’t worth it… this… them.

“Can you… stay?” He asks. “Just a bit… I don’t know what you mean but… Just a bit…”

“Forever,” Changkyun whispers, “I’m… I’m so sorry, Kihyun, I was just--I won’t go.”

Kihyun sniffles but laughs a little at the same time, hiding his face in the crook of Changkyun’s neck. “I will descend to the depths of hell to kick your ass if you… if you don’t stay...” … alive.

“Can’t have that,” Changkyun murmurs against him. “I… I need to tell you something. Not now,” he squeezes. “Later. But if I don’t tell you, it’ll feel like a lie, and I can’t lie to you…”

“Okay. As long as it’s not about you leaving… it’s okay.” Kihyun shivers. “Damn it, I sound so fucking needy right now. Ignore me, it will pass.”

“Well, it’s just unfair if I’m the needy one all the time, isn’t it....” Changkyun breathes against him. “Together. Whatever happens.”

“Goddamnit,” Kihyun laughs a little breathlessly, “I really like you, sappy and all.”

Changkyun laughs, too, sounding on the edge of something. “And I really like you, needy and all.”

“Sorry… for getting… emotional. You’ve seen me cry twice and I am here surviving with one from you… Where’s the equality.”

“Well,” Changkyun says, leaning back a little to smile at Kihyun and then somewhere at the ground. “Firsts and onlys should count more, I think.”

Kihyun leans his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Then you’ll be glad to know you’re not the only one getting firsts out of this. Or onlys, for that matter.”

Changkyun tilts his head, blinking curiously. “Really?”

“Really…” Kihyun says, the weight on his chest shifting slightly and, somehow, growing heavier. He feels, however, better. And maybe that has something to do with Changkyun. Happiness really shouldn't hurt. But maybe that’s what this is all about. “Ask me some other time. Maybe I will overshare.”

“Okay,” Changkyun nods, smiling softly and thumbing lightly at Kihyun’s cheek and laughs softly. “I am astoundingly curious, though.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and lets go, leaning back to rub his hands over his face before slapping them back down over his slacks. He blinks. “Okay. I am fine again.” He looks at Changkyun, something at the back of his mind, pinching. “What did you mean, though? When you said… you had to go talk to someone…?”

Changkyun falls back on his haunches, nodding. “Still think I should do that first, but…” Changkyun bites down on his lip, hard, looks to the side and Kihyun tilts his head.

“Who… who is it?”

Changkyun looks up again, and the room is cold. The sun’s still shining in by the window behind them, Kihyun still covered in a stupidly big sweater, but he’s cold. Right down to his bones.

“It’s… him…”

“Him?”

Changkyun swallows, reaching back over to the portfolio, opening it and laying it down on Kihyun’s lap. And when Kihyun looks down, that familiar, terrible feeling of knowing festering, fast in his chest, the picture that looks back at him is--

“Hyungwon.”

“Hyungwon,” Changkyun says and it tastes horrible. It tastes like the tears on Kihyun’s face and the thorns that dig into his heart. And he can’t look at him. Neither of them.

“What the hell are you doing?” Hyungwon asks from somewhere behind him. Changkyun almost shivers at the cold, at the fear in Hyungwon’s voice.

“Y--You know of him,” Kihyun says and it doesn’t sound like a question. There’s no tone of surprise. No excitement. No happiness. No sadness. Kihyun doesn’t even sound angry, he just sounds .

“I… I know him.”

And when Kihyun speaks again after a sharp intake, he sounds demanding. “Where.”

“Don’t--don’t, you son of a bitch ,” Hyungwon says, harsh, voice shaking.

And Changkyun can’t lie. He doesn't want to. Hyungwon’s name tastes bitter, but it’s nothing compared to trying to lie to Kihyun.

“Here…” Changkyun swallows. “He’s, he’s… He’s here right now, and he really wants me to stop talking.”

There’s a sniffle and, when Changkyun glances up, Kihyun is not crying anymore. He’s looking at him with eyes so intense Changkyun struggles to breathe.

“Since when.” And again it doesn’t sound like a question. It just sounds .

Changkyun glances back, sees Hyungwon standing there like a statue. “Uhm, five minutes ago. But I--I met him the second time Hoseok came over. He’s never here when Hoseok isn’t. Kihyun, I’m--I’m sorry, I didn’t know about...”

Changkyun hangs his head a little as Kihyun looks down and blinks. Kihyun probably doesn’t realise his thumb is stabbing nail deep into his index finger. “You…” He breathes out sharp. “You’re... asking me to take a lot on faith…”

Take a lot on faith…? Does he mean ‘trust’? Trusts are broken when lies are told. And Kihyun trusts Changkyun. Right? Right… Then, why say ‘faith’?

Changkyun takes a breath, closing his eyes. And Hyungwon laughs humorlessly behind him.

“Stubborn bastard.”

“The…” Changkyun hates this. His tongue tastes like blood and his hands don’t want to stop shaking . He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses Kihyun’s trust. But trusts are broken when lies are told , and Changkyun’s never lied, and he won’t now, either. If Kihyun’s going to take anything on faith, Changkyun, at least, wants Kihyun to have faith in him. “The day Hoseok came over, when you’d gone to work, there was a Reaper behind him. I can’t see Hallows so I was… It didn’t make sense. So I pulled the Reaper aside, and it didn’t make any sense.. . Why a Reaper would shadow an unmarked soul...”

Kihyun looks up, eyes on Changkyun but not really looking at him. “A Reaper…? Like… the Grim Reaper?”

Changkyun almost smiles. “Kind of. There are a lot of souls so there are a lot of Reapers and… it’s a punishment, Kihyun,” Changkyun says. “For choosing not to move on.”

Swallowing, Kihyun finally blinks himself back. Changkyun can see his irises move and refocus. “The cold…” Kihyun says knowingly. His eyes flash glossy and he looks down, face down, and laughs small and bitter. “Sounds… Sounds a lot like something he’d do…”

“What, make you cold?” Hyungwon grumbles, walking from one side of the living room to the other. “Jesus, you just had to go and tell him…”

Changkyun looks up, knotting his fingers in his own hair. “He showed me the connection. In the bathroom the other day. It’s why I…” He lets his hand fall. “I should have told you, I’m sorry.”

“So… all this time…” Kihyun says, again just sounding , his voice small when he speaks again. “All this time…?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says. Changkyun glances over his shoulder again.

“Yeah,” Changkyun echoes, looking back.

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “Hoseok’s bad luck…”

“A Reaper following an unmarked soul is a recipe for near constant disaster,” Changkyun mumbles.

A long, silent pause follows. Kihyun keeps looking down, eyes shifting between different spots on the couch. Changkyun can almost hear the wheels turn inside Kihyun’s head, like he’s trying to connect the bright dots of an almost invisible constellation.  

And suddenly, Kihyun gets up. He glares at the TV first, jaw set. Then, he turns his head to look out the window before slowly making his way there where he stays, quiet, seemingly calm. But when Changkyun listens for Kihyun’s heartbeat, he finds it erratic, fast, so, so , fast.

Hyungwon speaks, first, and he sounds near pleading. “I don’t want Wonho… Hoseok . I don’t want Hoseok to know, Changkyun…”

“Wonho?” Changkyun mumbles to the ground, feeling numb. He’d called Hoseok that, before, too.

Hyungwon almost pleads again when he says, “Changkyun…” Takes a reluctant, quiet step forward, like he’s about to say something else but doesn’t, just stays there, like a hanged ghost.

Kihyun’s heart seems to jump into a strange arrhythmia, suddenly, before it evens out. Like he’s been struck with a fast and furious anxiety that Changkyun feels in his own chest, too, like empathy.

“I always gave him shit,” Kihyun starts, then, his voice serious, “Always. For making decisions without considering how they might affect others. For saying too little and sometimes too much. But maybe we’re not so different after all.” He turns his head slightly first and then looks over his shoulder. But he is not looking at Changkyun when he speaks. “Are we?”

Changkyun blinks, follows Kihyun’s eyes as they lead to Hyungwon, frozen. Staring.

“You…” Hyungwon starts, taking another small step forward and wincing as he looks at Kihyun. Kihyun… who’s looking right back, eyes a little wide, lips parted, like he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing.

“You can see him,” Changkyun says. “Kihyun, you can…” This… is this possible?

“Everyone has a voice,” Kihyun says, frowning slowly as he speaks. “Yours…” He glares at Hyungwon. “Is the miserable one.” He turns and he looks angry. Sounds angry. “You asshole.”

Hyungwon gapes, mouth open before bursting out a laugh. “I… this is so fucking typical ,” Hyungwon laughs, bending to grip at his stomach. “Christ, Kihyun, of course the first thing you’d do is fucking scold me.”

“ Scold you?” Kihyun bawls. “How dare you! You fucking--” He takes a step forward, grabs the nearest pillow from the sofa and throws it at Hyungwon, not even flinching when it goes right through him “--You can’t just- -I will fucking murder you! ”

“I’m sure you’ll find,” Hyungwon says, straightening his jacket. “That I am quite incapable of being murdered. But nice effort, there, with the pillow.”

“He blames himself!” Kihyun snaps, taking another step forward. “You left and he blames himself! And yet he keeps saying he would do it all over again--because of-fucking-course he would… You--He-- God!” He turns around to look out the window again. “Why me… I…” He sighs and it’s shaky, his heart is loud and fast.

“You think I don’t know that ?” Hyungwon snaps back. “That I wasn’t there for every single moment when he--he begged the universe for one more chance, when he beat himself up, cried through the night--” Hyungwon breathes in deep, and sharp. “Christ, Kihyun, you make it sound like I wanted to fucking die.”

“Why did you stay then!? If you die, you die! You shouldn’t--people need to be able to move on! And yet you stayed for what--? Some selfish little desire to watch over him? When he can’t do the same for you!?” Kihyun’s voice waivers but still sounds angry. Really, really, angry. Changkyun has never seen him like this. Not this sort of outright anger. Not even when his hands were shaking, stopping him in the hallway because Changkyun was a reckless asshole who broke his knife.

“You know why,” Hyungwon grits out, not looking at him. “It’s not exactly the smartest thing I’ve ever done but you know why .”

And when Kihyun turns around again, his eyes go from Hyungwon to Changkyun. And then back to Hyungwon.

Kihyun opens his mouth, then closes it. He still looks angry but when he speaks, he falters, “I don’t--”

“Yes. Yes, you do, I can see it and… Shit, I know what I did, okay,” Hyungwon says, crossing his arms, tightly. “I know better than you. I’ve lived it. It’s… stupid, and cold. And lonely. For fuck’s sake, the first near decent conversation I’ve been able to have for the last four years is--” He gestures with his head to Changkyun. “This idiot.”

Kihyun’s heartbeat speeds up again for a few seconds before it evens out. “I…” He looks down, hair sliding to cover his eyes. “I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have let you leave… You should’ve stayed. I knew it then and… I know now...”

“It’s not your fault.”

And Changkyun looks up, looks at Hyungwon because of course. Of course they’d go and say that at the same time.

Kihyun laughs a little, short and breathy. “It sure feels like it is…”

Hyungwon winces again, looking away from the both of them. “Yeah, well. It’s not. So stop being a damn idiot…”

“Says the dead guy…”

“I’m a Reaper , thank you very much. Spiritual downgrade and all, but still,” Hyungwon paces, into the kitchen, out, in. Changkyun watches him, looks between Hyungwon and Kihyun and slides his legs out underneath him to sit down, crosses his legs. He wonders if he should go. Give them space. But then he remembers Kihyun asking him to stay and he wouldn’t dare.

“What do I do?” Kihyun asks the floor. “Hoseok, he--” He looks back up. “Shit. He is coming here and… He said he was coming…” He looks at Hyungwon. “Why are you here right now? God, I wish I could turn it off...” Kihyun grabs at his own hair, eyebrows almost knitting together and climbing a little. Frustration . “I don’t… I can’t deal with this.” He closes his eyes.

“You’re telling me... I’m not going to let you talk about me behind my back, though, am I?” Hyungwon scratches at the back of his head. “Hoseok will probably be here in a few minutes.” Hyungwon sighs. “You can’t tell him.”

Kihyun scoffs, lets his hand fall limp by his side and opens his eyes to glare at Hyungwon. “You mean lie. Again.” He shakes his head and chuckles bitterly. “Of-fucking-course.” He turns his glare to Changkyun. “You sure I’m not going to hell? Cuz I’m pretty sure I am on my way there, already.” And looks away. Changkyun wavers, wants to reach out, open his damn mouth and say something that’ll help but… What could he possible say?

“Well, I mean, not unless you two,” Hyungwon stops, coughing, grimacing. “ Ugh . No, listen, it’s not… It’s not lying, not really. Not like he’s going to walk in here like, ‘Hey, have you seen Hyungwon around recently’!”

Kihyun snaps again and this time he takes a step forward. “Take it back!” He slaps at his own head. “I don’t want to hear it anymore! Take it away!”

Changkyun looks up, eyes wide. “Ki…” Are you okay ? No, Changkyun, of course he isn’t. He’s hearing the voice of a friend he’d lost four years ago, blamed himself for, of course he’s not okay.

Hyungwon sighs and glances at Kihyun once before he looks away. “No one told you to listen for it in the first place. Those voices of yours are weird.”

Kihyun turns to the window, fists his hands by his sides. “Shut up…”

Hyungwon seems to debate with himself for a moment, like he’s trying to come up with something to say, trying to say the right thing. “It’s fine… I hear them, too. Not like you do, but...”

Kihyun takes a deep breath, lets his hands relax again and looks over his shoulder before he turns around again. “Fucking supernatural fire poker…” He grumbles before he shifts his gaze to Hyungwon again. “It still feels like lying… If he smiles and I… even looking at him will feel like lying, Hyu…” He pauses, eyes wide, before softening a little, “Hyungwon…”

Hyungwon smiles a little. “It’s been a while, huh.”

Changkyun hugs his legs, sits against the couch, presses his mouth against his knees.

Hyungwon takes another breath, squinting a little as he looks at Kihyun. “He can’t see me, Kihyun. He can’t. You can because of your whole--” Hyungwon gestures at Kihyun, at Changkyun. “Situation. It was just a matter of time, but you were always so damn good at looking away, ignoring me when I talk. And that was before I died,” Hyungwon smiles softly, lets his head hang. “But... Hoseok can’t see me. Can’t hear me, can’t touch me. Sometimes it feels like he… like he knows, but he can’t, not ever.” Hyungwon smiles but it looks…. It looks so sad . “Can you even imagine that.”

“I know…” Kihyun says softly, eyes down. “I know that but… I also…” He sighs. “I suddenly wish I--No… no that would be a lie, too,” He scoffs, pulling his index finger closer to his palm with his thumb. It makes a cracking sound and Kihyun winces a little, sighs and lets go.

Something tugs at Changkyun’s insides. Somewhere under his ribs. He hugs his legs a little tighter. Because it’s stupid. Because emotions and feelings and all those new, wonderful, terrible things, are at terrible odds with what Changkyun knows, with what he can reason out. Because Hyungwon would still be here, would still be dead, a Reaper, even if Kihyun had never met Changkyun. But if they hadn’t met, Kihyun wouldn’t have known about it. Wouldn’t have been hurt, too, like he is right now.

It tugs. It hurts. It hurts Changkyun, too.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon sighs. “Shit. Are you… I can’t stop you if you do, even as I beg you not to, but… I can’t see Hoseok cry like that again. I just, I can’t.”

Kihyun sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “My life is a shitshow,” he mutters, slowly walking towards Changkyun and stopping in front of him, eyes on Hyungwon. “I won’t. You’re right. I can’t. But…” He looks down. “I would want to know if I were him. If…” His gaze drifts to Changkyun. “I would want to know. So… for now, I won’t. But I am not saying ‘forever’.” He looks at Hyungwon again. “Not to you. Because Hoseok doesn’t have forever to wait…”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon swallows. “That’s the worst part, isn’t it. That and… that I’d wanna know, too.” He sighs. “Fucking hell.”

Kihyun looks down, shifts his weight from one foot to the other, thinking about something. He frowns, probably at himself. At nothing? And then pouts a little before letting whatever he’s thinking about go. He looks at Changkyun even when Changkyun tries to avoid looking back. But in the little seconds their eyes locked, for a brief moment, it felt soft and warm, reassuring almost, as if Kihyun had felt his desperation. But it’s gone the moment Changkyun averts his eyes, tears threatening to blur his vision.

“For whatever it’s worth, though,” Kihyun kneels down and leans, his head on Changkyun’s legs as he looks at Hyungwon, “I am a little glad that you’re… well, just a little. Even if it makes my whole life a living hell.” He smiles, a little sheepishly. “I’m glad you’re here… And sorry… for what I said before.”

“You weren’t completely wrong,” Hyungwon shrugs, looking away from them with a wince. “So I’ll forgive you this time, hamster.”

Kihyun laughs in his throat. “When I thought I’d be free from that one…” He shakes his head, glances at Changkyun and then at Hyungwon again. “You can see it…? That obvious, huh? Sorry. Your turn to suffer. I certainly did for 21 years…”

Hyungwon groans, glaring over at them with very little actual bite. “Ugh, you have no idea. At least we didn’t literally smack you in the face with it.”

“Excuse me…?” Kihyun scoffs. “I had bruises! Invisible bruises. Your kissing noises hurt me.”

Changkyun bites at his lips, ignoring the want to push his face into his knees and try to fall asleep. Because he’s still there, just trying to sort through every stupid emotion he’s feeling, whether reasonable or not. There’s warmth, hurt, here where Kihyun sits next to him. And there’s cold, dread, hope from where Hyungwon leans against the wall. But he leans into the warmth instead. Hides his face there, instead.

“At least that won’t be a problem, anymore” Hyungwon grumbles, ducks away from something Changkyun can’t see. Kihyun, neither, most likely. Changkyun lifts his head a little but Kihyun’s just looking at Hyungwon. No thorns, then. He lets his head fall again, then, takes a deep breath and it smells like strawberries.

“Looking at you makes my eyeballs freeze,” Kihyun says. “What are you swatting at…? God, I wish I could delete you from my brain...”

“Rude,” Hyungwon says, looks over at the window. “But it’s not like I can turn you off either.” He sighs. “This,” Hyungwon motions around. “Was a fluke. Because you two decided to, to gossip about me.”

Kihyun slides an arm under Changkyun’s legs and tugs at them to hug them. “What’s it like? Being you. Being… there.”

“I can’t really show you, like I did with loverboy over there, but,” Hyungwon shrugs, plopping down on the single couch and Kihyun frowns when nothing makes a sound. “It’s cold. I’m sure you can tell. It… feels a lot like when you think there’s another step but there isn’t and you fall but you don’t, you sort of jolt. It feels like that but stretched thin, slow motion, or something.” Hyungwon shrugs again. “I’m used to it.”

“You don’t see them, do you?” Changkyun can hear the smile on Kihyun’s face. “Behind you…”

Hyungwon pauses. “What now.”

“Black,” Kihyun says, sighing. “Black wings.”

“Oh,” Hyungwon breathes. “Oh, that . Fuck, Kihyun, I thought you were gonna tell me there’s archangel or something ready to beat my ass, Jesus.”

“Ugh! It pisses me off that you went and died and still look like you just walked out of a fashion show. And now wings… Seriously. Give me a break.”

Hyungwon laughs, tugging at his tie. “You’re still on that. I’m not the one who…” Hyungwon gestures at them, scrunching up his face. “Fucked a demon.” Hyungwon grumbles. “Is that what you did, it looks different.”

“T--That’s not…” Kihyun looks down. Changkyun still doesn’t find any words, find any need to speak up, but he can feel himself blush. “Shut up. That’s not what happened.”

Hyungwon grimaces again. “Well, whatever it was, I don’t wanna know, and--oh god, Hoseok is going to ask you,” Hyungwon groans into his hands.

“And now that I know you are here, I might just tell him,” Kihyun says with a shiver.

“I miss when you were a complete... virgin dork.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “You died. You lost track of things. Shit happens.”

“I know,” Hyungwon grumbles. “I was here. For every ‘ Hoseok, there was just no spark’ and ‘ I guess it was okay, Hoseok ’...”

“I’m… I wanna throw Changkyun at you right now… maybe that will actually hit you…”

“It would,” Hyungwon grumbles. “But don’t. I wasn’t there for everything, I do have an actual… job. If you can call it that.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes and then laughs. “I should probably quit mine and dedicate myself to this supernatural hocus pocus. Seriously, when I think I’ve seen it all...”

Changkyun perks up at the same time Hyungwon does. Sound nearby. Another heartbeat.

“Hoseok,” Changkyun says and Kihyun flinches, his hold around Changkyun’s legs tightening a little.

“Ki,” Hyungwon warns, yellow eyes on Kihyun.

“I know,” Kihyun says. He looks up, eyes on Changkyun. “Later… let’s talk.”

Changkyun blinks, pulled back to the conversation like he was standing outside a window and now he’s in the middle of the room. “Me?”

Kihyun smiles, “Yeah…”

“Ugh,” Hyungwon groans, and he’s gone.

“What,” Changkyun starts and feels it again. He’s been thinking as long as they’ve been talking and he thinks, he thinks , it might be guilt. “What about?”

Kihyun gets up, still smiling and leaning in to rub his nose over Changkyun’s just as the doorbell rings. “About how much I adore you? And hugs. I want hugs.” He still makes a face when he pulls away, cringing at himself. He adds, under his breath, “Gonna need’em…”

Changkyun keeps blinking, like reality isn’t there, like he needs to find it behind his eyelids and bring it forward. “Y-yeah, as much as you want… Even… Even though I didn’t tell you?”

“You did, in the end,” Kihyun sighs, turning to walk towards the door. He stops to pick up the pillow from the floor and throw it back over to the sofa. “Thank you for telling me.”

Changkyun smiles a little, into his knees as he hugs them again. Warmth. It’ll be okay. So he smacks himself on the cheek a bit, and gets up. “He brought cake,” He says as the doorbell rings. “I’ll boil the kettle.”

“You really are a dog,” Kihyun mumbles before he grabs the handle, twisting it. Changkyun can tell when Kihyun lands eyes on Hoseok, even if he’s not there to see it happen. He can tell because even when Kihyun speaks like he usually does, his heartbeat skyrockets like it does when he lies. “Hey, that was fast. Are you--What the fuck are you wearing?”

“It’s a fanny pack ,” Hoseok says brightly. “Got all my things in it, and look, you can adjust it so it can go over my shoulder--” Changkyun laughs to himself at the unbridled excitement in Hoseok's voice, setting out three cups. Kihyun had shown him how to make coffee by now, at least. And he didn’t actually burn down the kitchen trying to make french toast.

“You’re--Okay that actually looks smart,” Kihyun admits, closing the door. “Is that cake?”

“You asked for cake,” Hoseok says, “I bring you cake. So we can--” He whispers, like Changkyun can’t hear him anyway. “Celebrate.”

“W--What are we celebrating exactly, you massive piece of shit?” Kihyun kicks Hoseok loudly.

Hoseok laughs, something like ohohoho , “Well, only the best bl--” Hoseok laughs again. “Can I please put this down before you assault my leg?”

“Shut up,” Kihyun hisses.

“Alright, but I’m still gonna--” Hoseok walks into the kitchen, grinning widely. “Changkyun! Making coffee?”

Changkyun laughs, especially at the look on Kihyun’s face. So red. “Yeah. Want some?”

“Yes! Thank you,” Hoseok chirps, dragging a chair from the table. “Aw, Ki… He looks so, so, so--”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Kihyun warns.

“Aw, but I wanna know,” Changkyun pouts. “Sugar?”

Hoseok winks at Changkyun, “Yes, please.” He leans over the table and whispers loudly. “Boyfriend look? Spot-on.”

“I am going to the bathroom!” Kihyun announces in a strange pitch before he paces there and slams the door shut.

Changkyun laughs. “Yes, leave me alone with him, good idea!” Changkyun rolls his eyes, handing Hoseok his coffee. He leans forward, sipping at his own.

“But I’m harmless!” Hoseok laughs.

“Yeah, but you know things,” Changkyun sips. “Like whatever a boyfriend is.” Changkyun has a vague idea, from TV, but the concept still seems a bit… unclear. He gestures at the cake. “And whatever that is for.”

Hoseok taps his finger over his chin and looks up. “Am I going to betray my best friend?” He hums for a while and then smirks. “Maybe a little.” He points at the cake, smiling wide. “This is to celebrate the be--best blow j--job,” He cracks laughing.

Changkyun feels his eyebrows dart up, his cheeks flare red. “Well, I don’t--I’ve only ever had the one so I don’t know, b-but--”

“Not yours,” Hoseok laughs again, loud and deep, as if there is an egg stuck in his throat. “His,” and throws a finger over to point towards the bathroom.

Oh. Oh. “The--the one I?” He points at himself and then at the bathroom. “Was the--” Oh. “ Oh .” He blushes harder, stands up a bit straighter. That’s… something. It makes his chest all warm and his lips quirk up on their own accord. Pride. “Huh.”

“Oh, he’s going to kill me,” Hoseok snorts, looking away and then back at Changkyun. “But he would probably never tell you. And, well, you deserve to know. It’s a big deal, right?” He asks dramatically.

Changkyun scratches at the back of his neck. “Well. Yeah.. .“

“Cute.” Hoseok grins. “And a boyfriend is whe--” The door to the bathroom opens and Hoseok looks over to smile at Kihyun “someone with whom you have a romantic or sexual relationship, or both!” He turns again to look at Changkyun. “Someone you like. Or lo--”

“Lee Hoseok,” Kihyun growls. “I’m gonna have to stop you right there.” He turns his face to grumble to himself. “I can’t fucking believe today…”

Changkyun smiles into his coffee. He still doesn’t really… know what this boyfriend thing is, but hey, quick learner, he has time. But he’s also not going to get Lee Hoseok killed for it. Where is his phone, anyway? Oh, and, “Here, I made you coffee,” Changkyun says, putting it down in front of him. “It might not be the best coffee you’ve ever had but…”

Kihyun walks by and keeps going towards the window. “I am going to throw myself off this building, I swear.” He stops, hand on the glass, to look over his shoulder when no one says anything. “Good to know you care. Thank you for stopping me. I am going to do it,” And he opens the window, steps out and… sits down on the balcony. On the cold floor.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, picks up his coffee and gestures for Hoseok to join him.

“Don’t say that,” Changkyun starts, sitting down next to him. “Don’t know if the rules will cancel out so I can grab you and stop you so, shhh.”

Kihyun looks down. “It’s hard to lie, Kyunie…” He whispers, voice a little desperate. “Even if I’ve been doing it all my life… suddenly I--”

“Uh! It’s cold out here,” Hoseok says as he sits down.

“Then shh, I got this,” Changkyun whispers back, holding out his hand for Kihyun and looks over to Hoseok, on his other side. “You can feel the cold through all that?” Changkyun asks, poking at Hoseok’s bicep.

“Well, my face is still bare, right?” Hoseok chuckles. “Makeup isn’t cold-proof. Yet.”

Kihyun touches Changkyun’s fingers with his fingertips and sighs. “It is cold… But I thought you liked the cold.”

“I do,” Hoseok hums. “Reminds me of… Anyway,” Hoseok pokes Changkyun’s cheek. “Are you using the makeup I gave you?”

Changkyun shrugs, smiling a little as he squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “I think I’ll be saving it for special occasions. Wouldn’t wanna give this one heart-problems.” And as he says that, Kihyun’s heart does skip two whole beats before it starts bombing like crazy.

“I am not that easily affected,” Kihyun says and it sounds like… ‘bullshit’ . Changkyun smiles a little to himself, chest feeling warm.

“Oooh!” Hoseok says, smacking Changkyun’s arm. Changkyun recognises that if he wasn’t nearly unbreakable, that would have hurt. “We should dye your hair!”

“Dye his hair!?” Kihyun’s voice spikes. “Why? What are you…” He looks down contemplatively and then his eyes widen and he moves them to Hoseok. “Please don’t.”

Hoseok ruffles Changkyun’s hair. “Blonde? Maybe? Mmm… Your hair’s pretty long, actually.”

“Yeah, it is…” Kihyun agrees without looking and then flinches. “Blonde?”

“Yeah! Not like 2005 emo kid, like…” Changkyun raises an eyebrow as Hoseok keeps ruffling. “I don’t know. Nice.” Hoseok laughs, letting Changkyun go. “But I mean, if you’re forbidding it... As totally not his boyfriend…”

Kihyun glares at both of them. “He can do whatever the fuck he wants…” And looks away. “But I don’t trust you when it comes to hair dyes--you dyed my hair pink! Pink!”

Changkyun perks up. Blinks at Kihyun. “Your hair was pink?” Cute , Changkyun thinks, imagining it. “Cute,” Changkyun says, having imagined it.

“I don’t li--”

“Oh! It was gorgeous,” Hoseok beams, pulling at his phone. “Look! I have pictures!”

Changkyun immediately leans over. “Ooh, I wanna see!”

Kihyun tugs at Changkyun’s hand as he tries to run his own hand through his hair, only then remembering that he can’t. He stares. “I was… He said he was going to dye it and I thought he meant something natural. But no…”

Hoseok shows Changkyun a picture and his heart honest to Satan does this thing . “Oh my god,” he says out loud. Because people say that when things are just Too Much. And he cohoes. Out loud. Because he can. “Why didn't you like it?” Changkyun says. “It's so cute.”

“I…” Kihyun looks at him. “You think so?”

Changkyun nods, looking over to smile at him. “Yeah. Makes you look sweet, like candy.” And he watches in pure delight as Kihyun’s eyes widen slightly and his cheeks and ears turn pink before he turns his face away.

“I--I guess.”

“We could dye yours, too, Ki!” Hoseok chirps. “Aren’t you tired of brown?”

Kihyun grabs a few strands of hair between his fingers, pouting just a little. “I like the brown…” He lets go, frowning when the hairs don't fall back into place and just spike to the front instead. He blows up at them. “But if you have any good ideas, I might… hear you out. Doesn’t mean I’ll do it.”

“Deal,” Hoseok grins, sticking out his hand. Changkyun puffs up at his own hair too, wondering if they’d do the same as Kihyun’s. Which, actually--

“Do you think I can get pink hair?”

Kihyun turns to look at Changkyun and raises an eyebrow, looking him up and down. “I don’t think it goes with your skin tone but if you really want to…” He sighs and looks away and then leans forward to glare at Hoseok. “Like I said, he can do whatever he wants.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes, retracting his hand to ruffle at his own hair. “I’ll try not to ruin his whole demon aesthetic too much, promise.” Hoseok turns to Changkyun, who’s still puffing at his hair, head leaned slightly forward. “Actually, are you sure he’s a demon?” Changkyun stops puffing to glare. “Hey, just making sure.”

Changkyun puts his coffee cup down, leaning his head on Kihyun’s shoulder. “Ki, defend my honour as an agent of darkness.”

Kihyun snorts and then laughs . He hadn’t laughed in a while... He bumps his head on Changkyun’s a few times, as if giving him little slaps. “He tried to stab himself and broke the knife.” Kihyun turns his face up and looks at Hoseok over Changkyun, chin on Changkyun’s head. “He’s stupid but he is definitely not from around here. Which, at this point, I don’t care.”

Changkyun lifts his head a little to glare. “Defend my honour, not disparage my intelligence.”

“I called you stupid, not dumb,” Kihyun says. “And when I call you dumb I just…” He trails off, eyes narrowing a little at nothing in particular before softening. “Only I can call you dumb.”

Changkyun drops his head again, nuzzles. “M’gonna go do some math, just you watch.”

Hoseok breathes out sharp from his nose next to Changkyun who isn’t looking as he smiles down at the ground. “You two really are gross. I can see why you always bitched about it. I don’t mind, though,” Hoseok says, reaching over to ruffle Kihyun’s hair.

Changkyun feels Kihyun freeze a little, hears his heartbeat spike, too. But when he speaks, Kihyun sounds happy. “My turn to give you shit.”

“ Hilarious that you think I’m not going to give you shit,” Hoseok laughs. “You’re all soft , how am I supposed to not .”

Changkyun moves a little under Kihyun’s chin, just enough to look at Hoseok. There’s something in his chest, then; a reminder, maybe. That Hoseok used to have… this. From what Kihyun said, he had this for a long, long time. And then… Changkyun bites down on his bottom lip to stop it from wobbling as he turns back to bury his face in Kihyun’s sweater.

“See?” Kihyun laughs, hand coming up to comb through Changkyun’s hair. “A puppy. How am I not supposed to be all soft. It’s his fault.”

“Even I’m soft…” Hoseok grumbles, pushing himself up. “Ugh. Gross. I’m gonna get the cake. Try not to get married by the time I get back.”

Kihyun laughs a little, but Changkyun can hear the bitterness. And when Hoseok walks back inside, Kihyun’s shoulders slump a little and he moves, nose into Changkyun’s hair. “It’s also your fault that I suddenly hate lying…” He mumbles. “Take some responsibility…”

Changkyun laughs, short and soft, just a breath. “I am. Trust me, nobody wanted to lie more than I did an hour ago… Still didn’t actually want to, though.” He grumbles. “Fucking sucks.”

“Later…” Kihyun breathes in deep and then out. “I am probably going to freak out a little and… yeah. Apologizing in advance. Don’t hate me too much… if I cry again .” He sighs. “I really need to stop doing that… seriously.”

I would literally die for you , Changkyun thinks, knowing if he said it, Kihyun would throw him off the building, and you’re apologising for a few tears.

Instead, he lifts his head and places a quick kiss on his chin. “Would never hate you. Are you… I mean, are you gonna freak out because you’re telling him or just because… of everything.”

“I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. It’s not… easy. And when the time comes, because I will tell Hoseok, eventually, I might actually… lose a friend, Kyunie… And…” He sighs. “Let’s not talk about that right now. Later.”

“Okay,” Changkyun agrees, lips pursed in a smile. “Whenever you’re ready. Now come on, he made us a whole celebratory cake, it would be rude not to go eat it.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “If I told you what we’re celebrating, you’d laugh…” He says, getting up.

“Oh, no, I know,” Changkyun grins, pulling Kihyun up with him so they’re standing close, almost flush. “Let’s just say I hope Hoseok likes baking.”

And Kihyun reacts in two completely different ways: his eyes go wide, his pupils move and then he turns really red and kicks Changkyun’s leg, hard .

“I am surrounded by idiots!” He shouts and Changkyun laughs, a lot .

“Birds of a feather!” Hoseok calls from the kitchen.

---

Kihyun stuffs a piece of cake in his mouth and lets his cheeks puff. It really is a good cake. And the only reason why he hasn’t tried to bake it on his own is because this gives him an excuse to call Hoseok over. And also because Kihyun knows Hoseok’s mother loves baking. And being praised for something you’re good at feels… nice.

He taps the fork on the plate, softly, and then looks at Changkyun, who’s sitting on the couch where Hoseok had left him after giving him an obnoxiously long lesson on hairstyling, typing something on his phone-- that damn thing, does he have a Twitter account or does he type whatever comes to his mind on the Google search bar?

“He…” Kihyun starts and swallows, “didn’t come back.”

Changkyun stops typing for a second. “Uhm. I think Hoseok said he was going home…?”

Kihyun looks down, placing the fork down on the plate. “I didn’t mean Hoseok…”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, softly before sighing. “Yeah…” Changkyun shifts on the couch, lying down and facing Kihyun, feet pointed at him, crossed at the ankle. “Maybe he had a soul to go reap..?”

“Maybe…” Kihyun says and his stomach knots. Maybe he shouldn’t have finished the whole cake. “There’s a lot, isn’t there?” He looks at his hand and starts counting. “So far I’ve seen demons, you, weird dream crap, Reapers… But there’s more. And it’s a lot… I keep wondering where I fit in all this. I can’t be just… it’s not random. And all these things I can hear and see… I just…” He sighs and drops his hand to the table again. “My dead childhood friend is alive, but dead? A Reaper. And I’m…”

“Hey,” Changkyun says from next to the table. He must have walked over while Kihyun was having his little… thing . Ugh. “You’re not… a puzzle piece. You don’t have to fit into anything, really. Some things just are , and any patterns people see are… Well, just that. People see patterns.” Changkyun gestures vaguely, sighing. “Etcetera.”

“Yeah but…” Kihyun looks at him. “You have a role… and Hyun--Hyungwon has a role. And all those weirdass demons have a role. What is mine? Sit here and look pretty while everything happens?”

Changkyun’s eyebrows knit and he shakes his head. “I… I don’t know,” Changkyun purses his lips in a sympathetic smile. “Besides, I don’t really know what--” he holds up his fingers and mimes quotation marks. “--’Role’ you think I’m playing here.”

“You are the one who keeps saying you have to protect me…” Kihyun says, looking down. And never shutting up about it. And saying irresponsible things like… like… He sighs and looks over the table, “I guess I am just having a bit of an existential crisis,” grimacing, “I ate the whole cake…”

Changkyun laughs, slowly scooting the plate away from Kihyun. “Yeeeah, maybe that wasn’t the best idea…” Changkyun leans forward on the table, “Existential crisis? Do you mean, like, the meaning of life and all that?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun laughs and looks up and down between Changkyun and the table. “Told you I was gonna freak out…”

“Yeah, but I thought you were gonna cry, not doubt your place in the universe or whatever,” Changkyun chuckles. “Or am I prematurely noting the lack of tears, here?” Changkyun moves a little closer, giving Kihyun’s sweater a little tug.

The knot in Kihyun’s stomach moves up to his chest and he reaches for Changkyun’s hand. “Maybe the second… I don’t know… I just…” He sighs, smiling small at their hands. “In two weeks I have experienced so much and learned so much… I don’t know. Maybe I should be banging my head against the wall at this point. Maybe I already did,” He laughs. “And… now this… How am I supposed to--it just won’t get inside my head. I lost a friend. I mourned that asshole. And then suddenly I learn that he has been here the whole time but… but not really here?” Kihyun sighs and it’s shaky. “How am I supposed to tell Hoseok that I… lied to him before. That I’m lying to him right now and… and expect him to look me in the face ever again?”

Changkyun squeezes his hand, walking up behind him, taking his other hand, too, pulling them in as he wraps his arms around Kihyun, kissing the top of his head. “Because when people lie it’s because they want something. And you just… wanted to spare him some hurt. And I get that. But he’ll stay, because you still told him, in the end.”

“Okay…” Kihyun breathes, swallowing the knot that had suddenly lapped all the way up to his throat. “Okay… I… yeah…” He rubs his face on Changkyun’s sleeve. “Thanks.”

Changkyun brushes the back of Kihyun’s hand with his thumb. “Always…” Another soft, lingering kiss at the crown of his head. “It’ll be okay, you know.”

‘Always’ sounds a lot like ‘forever’. But ‘forever’ is curled up in bed where the world doesn’t reach. And Kihyun knows they don’t have a ‘forever’. They just have… right now. And ‘right now’ is like a fresh new breath after staying underwater for far too long. ‘Right now’ is like coming home after a long day. ‘Right now’ is not a lie, it’s the truth.

The past hides shadows in dark corners. The future probably awaits with tears Kihyun doesn’t want to cry. Because he knows nothing is ever easy or peaceful, or without hurt. So, ‘right now’ is where he wants to be. Because that’s where he’s happy. Accepting things as they are. Because tomorrow you might not be there with me. Neither of you...

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah…” It’ll be okay. He turns and presses his face on Changkyun’s hoodie and then shifts just slightly to peek at him. “Hey,” he calls all muffled by the fabric. “Hey, hey, hey,” He pokes Changkyun’s side with his finger.

Changkyun looks momentarily baffled before laughing, squirming a little. “What, what, what?”

“Nothing,” Kihyun hides his face again. “Just wanted to make you laugh.”

“ You just --” Changkyun gapes, voice high pitched. “Hey, no fair, look at me while I blush! Take responsibility!”

And Kihyun peeks up. And… right now. Right now sounds damn good. So he looks back down again, rubbing his forehead on Changkyun’s hoodie. “No can do, sorry. I’m… embarrassed now.”

“You always hide when you’re embarrassed,” Changkyun points out, nosing at the top of Kihyun’s head. “You get all red and you cringe and it’s adorable , now look at me, dammit.”

“No, no can do!”

“Drastic measures it is, then,” Changkyun laughs, reaching down to pick Kihyun up, wrapping Kihyun’s legs around his own waist. Changkyun laughs even harder at the sound Kihyun makes even as he throws his arms around Changkyun’s neck. He’s not proud of that little display, but who cares? “Look at me and I’ll put you down.”

Kihyun snaps his mouth closed, looking Changkyun in the eye and then away. He feels his face red. And his heartbeat is up to his ears. “You know…” He starts and his heart falters just a bit.

“Not good enough,” Changkyun sing-songs on the way out the kitchen, doing a little spin with Kihyun in his arms. “I know?”

Kihyun really wishes he could stop himself from saying stupid things all the time. But lately that seems nearly impossible. “If you do that… this… then I’ll--” He stops himself, biting at his lower lip.

“Then you’ll…?” Changkyun asks, tone teasing and light as he hikes Kihyun up a bit.

Face suddenly feeling too hot for a Winter day, Kihyun tries to hide his face in the crook of Changkyun’s neck. “Then I’ll…” Can his heart stop being so fucking loud all the time?

And Kihyun almost startles, as his back hits the wall of his small hallway. Changkyun turns his face, brushing his lips over Kihyun’s neck and Kihyun gasps a little. “Yes, Kihyun?”

It’s involuntary, the way Kihyun wraps his legs tighter around Changkyun’s waist and tilts his head just enough for Changkyun to kiss his neck even if it makes him shiver. It’s involuntary, but Kihyun doesn’t really mind.

Because right now he wants…

“You…” Kihyun whispers. “I wanna feel you.”

Changkyun groans, pressing Kihyun against the wall and moving his hands down his chest and gripping at Kihyun’s thighs, sliding up to his ass. “You really know how to make me feel like I’m losing my mind,” Changkyun growls against his neck.

Kihyun leans his head back on the wall and looks up, laughing a little. “Well, I…” He shivers, closing his eyes when Changkyun pulls at the skin with his teeth. “I meant it, though. I-- ah … I want you.”

And Changkyun sucks and pulls at the skin before kissing, hands gripping almost painfully as he presses closer. He kisses behind Kihyun ear, nips at his earlobe before whispering, deep and husky; “I need you.”

“Mmm--,” Kihyun muffles with a shiver. “I…” He lets his head tip forward and, with his arms locked around Changkyun’s neck, pulls himself up just enough to move his hips. He sighs at the friction, eyebrows furrowed. “Then what the fuck are you waiting for…”

Changkyun’s breath hitches and he pulls Kihyun closer by the hips, walking backwards to the bedroom and laughing a little as he almost fumbles and trips at the doorway. “Fucking hell, Kihyun…”

“Less talking,” Kihyun murmurs against Changkyun’s neck, “more doing .”

Changkyun throws Kihyun down on the bed, grinning and pulling him to the edge of the bed, dragging his nails down his thighs. “Well if you insist…” He leans forward, nosing at his neck even as he undoes the buttons Kihyun’s pants. “Any requests?”

Kihyun breathes out sharply through his nose. “Maybe… But you… What do you want? I wanna know what you want.”

“You,” Changkyun says, because of course he does, as he pulls Kihyun’s jeans down to his knees, pushes his sweater up his chest. “As much of you as I can get,” he breathes against Kihyun’s stomach, making him quiver. “Just because I can’t kiss you on the lips doesn’t mean I can’t kiss every other part of you…” So, he kisses, soft, lingering by the elastic of his boxers. “I want you to scream my name...”

Kihyun throws his arms over his face. He can feel it burning. And Changkyun is sinful and shameless. But… but… it makes Kihyun want him even more . Maybe Kihyun is the shameless one.

“Then make me.”

Changkyun grins against his stomach before he yanks Kihyun’s pants off completely, throwing them aside and pulling his underwear down with his teeth, palming at Kihyun’s ass. “So beautiful,” he breathes and Kihyun frowns, letting out a sound. Changkyun moves up again to pull at Kihyun’s sweater. “ Off. ”

Fast learners...

Kihyun hunches forward just enough to pull his sweater over his head and then lets himself fall back, the air in his lungs huffing out, forcing him to take a loud breath in. He’s not even thinking about anything that isn’t Changkyun right now. Changkyun, who keeps his eyes on Kihyun, roving over his body, his face, as he quickly pulls his hoodie over his head.

It tugs when their eyes lock. And maybe it’s because they’re both craving more that it pulls, too, sharply, with a need of its own.

“You--” Kihyun’s breath hitches and then quickens, his chest going up and down as he stares at Changkyun’s face. It feels like… Kihyun sees him, his eyes, and he feels it… like fear but not really. And it gives him a rush. “Changkyun … hurry… I...”

Changkyun quickly leans forward, grazing his teeth over Kihyun’s nipple. “Okay, Ki…” Changkyun says against him before biting, sucking at the nub, reaching down to squeeze at Kihyun’s dick. “Do you trust me?”

Kihyun nods first, mouth shut, breathing uneven. But then realizes Changkyun probably didn’t see him. “I- -ah! Y--Yeah…”

“Good,” Changkyun says with another squeeze, laving his tongue over Kihyun’s nipple before pulling away, looking down at him and running his hand through Kihyun’s hair. “Turn around.”

Yes, it’s definitely fear, the fear that anticipates, the fear of giving control to someone else, the feeling that runs down his spine before it gives him a rush. And Kihyun swallows thick, licks his lips and nods small before turning around, Changkyun’s hand trailing down his skin.

His heart is all he can hear the moment he sees the top of the bed. He's pretty sure he is red from head to toe. This… this is a first, too, giving control away. And maybe it doesn’t mean much to Changkyun, but to Kihyun himself it means trust . The kind he hasn’t had in anyone, ever.

Changkyun leans down, kissing at Kihyun’s shoulder blades, at his spine, making Kihyun arch his back, shuddering as Changkyun palms at Kihyun’s ass before raking his nails down the back of Kihyun’s thighs.

Changkyun pushes Kihyun backwards lightly and Kihyun’s arms shake as he falls to his elbows. “Gorgeous,” Changkyun whispers, lips brushing at the base of Kihyun’s spine.

And Kihyun gasps, his dick twitches, already painfully hard, his head ducking as he grabs at the sheets and pulls them closer.

“I wanna hear you…” Changkyun says, soft as he places a kiss there. “Don’t hide from me.”

Kihyun just nods breathlessly, hoping Changkyun sees him this time.

“Good,” Changkyun breathes again. He grips at Kihyun’s ass, spreading him open and pressing the tip of his tongue lightly against Kihyun’s hole.

“Ah--Wha- -" Kihyun flinches, presses his forehead down, his face burning. He pulls at the sheets again, pulls them to him and grips at them.

Closing his mouth to muffle a moan and then opening it again with a gasp, Kihyun is beyond mortified, beyond embarrassed when he suddenly pushes back against Changkyun. Changkyun, who flattens his tongue against him and licks, hard.

Kihyun closes his eyes and-- “Changkyu--hah, just…” His voice sounds so high. And he knows he's making little sounds without having any control over it as Changkyun curls his tongue, moves in patterns Kihyun couldn’t possibly predict, before leaning back, taking a breath, spreading Kihyun even more and pressing his tongue into Kihyun.

“I-- fuck,” Kihyun breathes, pressing back again. He finds himself needing one thing, only. To lose himself in the feeling of being so full that there’s nothing else, no thoughts. “You… I want you…” If only there were condoms and lube in that useless nightstand right now…

Changkyun hums and presses in probably as deeply as he can, moving his tongue inside of him and Kihyun can feel Changkyun’s nails dig in lightly at the skin of his ass. And then it’s just the one, as Changkyun moves his tongue in and out of him, hand trailing over his skin, his thighs, his stomach. Like he’s made of glass. Even as he relentlessly licks into him.

Kihyun shivers. He needs to… touch. One of his hands slowly reaches down but he stops, fisting it on the bed.

“Touch me…” He breathes out as a whisper more than anything. Changkyun growls again, that oddly primal sound at the back of his throat as he gives Kihyun another long, deep lick before pulling away to kiss up his back. Kihyun hears Changkyun fumble with his jeans before his hand is reaching around to grip at Kihyun’s dick.

Kihyun yelps. Even if expecting the touch, he hadn't expected the strength of Changkyun's hand around him. Changkyun kisses up to Kihyun’s shoulder, slotting his hips against Kihyun’s ass, and Kihyun can feel the hardness of Changkyun’s dick pressing against him, and his underwear even feels expensive. Changkyun groans loudly against Kihyun as he moves, matching his grinding with sharp pumps at Kihyun’s dick.

And Kihyun moans as he moves back against Changkyun, trying to match his rhythm. An urgency in Kihyun's abdomen willing him to move faster, push back harder. Changkyun groans again and it breaks into a whine against Kihyun before he bites at Kihyun’s shoulder, breathing fast and heavy. “F-fuck,” Changkyun groans, gripping tighter and pumping faster. “ Kihyun .”

And Kihyun’s eyes widen just before they close and he groans a little with the shiver that spreads through his body. “--Kyun--Changkyun, I--I’m gonna…”

The sting in his shoulder, where Changkyun bites harder , peaks. “ Ah--Changkyun! ” Kihyun presses back on Changkyun and bites at the sheets as he comes.

Changkyun cries out against his shoulder, stroking Kihyun through his orgasm as his hips stutter against him.

Kihyun shivers again, his legs quivering and losing whatever remaining strength he had. But he still presses against Changkyun, beyond caring about anything else, moving his hips in circular movements and propping himself on one elbow to look over his shoulder, eyes glossy and on Changkyun. Changkyun, who looks back at him, eyebrows furrowed and lips parted in pleasure. And as their eyes lock, Changkyun’s own scrunch closed and his mouth falls open in a loud, deep groan as his hips stutter against Kihyun, warm as he comes against the fabric of his boxers.

Strength faltering again, Kihyun lets himself lie down slowly as Changkyun leans over him.

Kihyun's grip around the sheets tightens even as he feels himself relax. His dick still giving small twitches, making him shiver slightly.

He collapses just a few inches away from the top of bed and winces a little when he feels the wet covers on his stomach. That bed will need a change of sheets.

Changkyun rolls off of Kihyun, to the side and pulls Kihyun down with him. “Weshudprobashower,” Changkyun mumbles. Or, well, something like that. “Chaisheetstoo.”

Kihyun laughs breathlessly. “You… you're,” He licks his lips and takes a shaky breath, “Gonna have to carry me…”

“In a minute,” Changkyun laughs, warm breath against Kihyun.

Kihyun moves, groaning when his muscles burn, and turns to face Changkyun. “What happened to strong, immortal, yadda yadda--power derives from Satan…?”

Changkyun gestures lazily around the two of them. “Fucked.” And laughs. “Absolutely fucked.”

“Not really,” Kihyun laughs, smiling lazily, “But almost…” He sighs, surprised when his heart doesn't flutter (although after all that, maybe it's not so surprising). He scoots closer, nose in Changkyun’s collarbone--he smells like sex-- “You're… you're amazing.”

Changkyun squirms a little, reaching to wrap his arms around Kihyun in, Kihyun assumes to be, the first steps to carrying him to the bathroom. “I’m… I’m glad you liked it.” He holds him a bit tighter. “You’re not all that bad yourself.”

Kihyun scoffs, poking Changkyun. “When did you get this cocky?” He looks up. “And how did you even know how to do that? Is that what's on your Google search history?”

Changkyun laughs. “I would like to say they’re both just simply in my nature, but no, yeah, totally did some research there.” Changkyun grins. “Knew it would be worth it.”

“Oh?” Kihyun tilts his head and scoots closer again, grinning. “Worth it, is it?”

Changkyun hums. “Mhm. Everything I do is worth every sound you make.”

“Voice kink?”

“You kink,” Changkyun smiles widely, tilting his head.

“Yoo kink,” Kihyun snorts, hiding his face closer to Changkyun. “I… I've never…” He sighs. “I told you I was getting a lot of firsts out of this, too. This was one. And…” A familiar feeling stretches inside Kihyun’s chest but he can't quite put a finger on it. “I'm glad it was with you.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, in actual, honest to God ( honest to Satan? ) surprise. “Oh. That…” Changkyun smiles. It’s the oddest expression, so close to Kihyun’s face, but so… open. “That makes me happy… Really happy.”

Kihyun looks at him as if it's the first time all over again, heart finally giving signs of life as it speeds up just slightly.

He touches Changkyun’s face, thumb soothing over his cheek. “It's weird… I spend my days worrying about the future while living in the past. Anxious about things that will never happen and things that have happened but,” he smiles brightly, “You… Ever since day one, all you ever make me think about is the now . The present. Today. And… you. And I'm learning slowly to just take one day at a time. And worry about things as they come. So, thank you. Thank you for teaching me that.”

Changkyun leans into Kihyun’s touch, eyes shiny in the dim light as he smiles at him but not quite. There’s a pull between his eyebrows, slight but… not quite. He’s looking at Kihyun like… like something. Like a little white light in a sea gone black.

“I never thought I could feel this much…” Changkyun closes his eyes. “Thank you for giving me that.”

“ A million times over,” Kihyun says as the nameless feeling in his chest makes his heart squeeze.

Ah. So, that's what it means. And funnily enough, it doesn't surprise him. After all, a lot can happen in just a few minutes. A lot more in one day.

But then time does that funny thing where it passes by unnoticed and the next moment Changkyun stretches his legs, nuzzles into Kihyun’s hand and nods. “I believe I have regained clarity of mind and body.” He sits up, quickly maneuvering Kihyun into a position so he can pick him up. “Le’s go.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Let's go to the shower or let's do that again?” He shrugs. “I'm fine with both, too.”

Changkyun laughs, light and standing up, effortlessly lifting Kihyun-- bridal style, of all things . “At the same time, then.”

“That is if you can keep up,” Kihyun says, ignoring the urge to kick Changkyun (even though he couldn't do it even if he tried, considering the current situation).

“I am offended ,” Changkyun laughs, kicking the bathroom door closed behind them for good measure and turning to grin at Kihyun, so close he’d kiss him if he could. “See if I put you down any time soon.”

Kihyun frowns. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means , I guess,” Changkyun says, letting go with one arm--which, even knowing it’s possible, it's still pretty impressive (not that Kihyun will admit to it right now, so he forces the frown on his face)--to open the shower faucet. “That I don’t exactly have to put you down.”

And for some forsaken reason, that sends Kihyun’s brain into overdrive again. His heart speeds up and his blood rushes south.

Well, he asked for it…

“Oh,” He says as he tries to quell the sudden panic and actually own up to it. “Then…” He traces Changkyun’s bottom lip with the tip of his nose. “I'll allow you, this time.”

“ This time ?” Changkyun scoffs a laugh, stepping out of his boxers and mercilessly walking forward to put Kihyun’s head under the shower spray. “We’ll see about that.”

Kihyun shivers a little, lips trailing down Changkyun's neck, “I said ‘this time’ because ‘next time’ I am having my way with you .”

It’s true. Kihyun has always been good at looking the other way, ignoring, forgetting what needs to be forgotten. And, in a way, he knows that’s what has kept him alive all this time. But now, clearly, there are things Kihyun can no longer ignore. Therefore, no more lying. That’s what he promised himself. That’s what he promised Changkyun.

Acceptance doesn’t always come easy, though. Some things are easy to swallow. Others, take time and effort. And time is what Kihyun has decided to give himself. Time to let it sink in, taking effort in trying to understand that sometimes not everything needs to make sense…

This , however…? This warmth that welcomes him the moment he gets home...? That’s something easy to accept. Something that makes sense. Something nameless but real. Something scary. Something he can’t control.

“You really need to stop doing that.”

Changkyun bounces with an over-exaggerated pout. “But I missed yoooou,” he whines, tugging at Kihyun’s jacket.

Stupid little heart twinge. “You literally saw me this morning,” Kihyun says despite the smile on his face. Why is he smiling? He really needs to stop smiling all the damn time.

Changkyun waves his hand about. “That was ages ago.”

Adorable.

Kihyun snorts, pausing to look Changkyun up and down before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Come on, I gotta get changed. And if you keep acting cute then we won't be going anywhere.” And no matter how much Kihyun likes Changkyun, there’s no way he's going to pass up the opportunity to eat at the fancy restaurant Hoseok finally ( three years later) managed to get reservations from. There’s no way…! Right...?

Changkyun looks down at himself, clad in one of Kihyun’s oversized t-shirts and a pair of boxers. “I can go like this, though, right?”

Kihyun stops on his way to the bedroom to look over his shoulder. He actually considers the idea (Ugh!) . But then smiles and looks away with a shrug. “No. Only I can see you like that.”

Changkyun follows after him, fingers still holding onto Kihyun’s jacket. “Well, what then. Hoseok gave me clothes but I don’t know what’s--” he lets go to do mime quotation marks. “‘ Fancy ’.”

“I'll help,” Kihyun says, shrugging his jacket off and hanging it in the closet before he starts undoing his black button down. “Plus, I can always lend you something of mine. We are pretty much the same size except…” He pauses on that last button. Except Changkyun has really broad shoulders and Kihyun can't tell if he wants to kiss him or murder him for it.

“Except?” Changkyun asks, eyes curious and--not on Kihyun’s face.

“Except,” Kihyun looks up, undoing the last button and letting the shirt slide down his back. He taps his own shoulder and nods at Changkyun. “Shoulders. You have broad shoulders.”

Changkyun frowns a little, looking down at his own and rolling them before shrugging with a little smile. “Do you like it?” He teases, eyes flicking down from Kihyun’s face.

Kihyun looks away for a moment. Does he like it? Oh , he does. For various reason.

He smiles and turns to the open wardrobe again. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Changkyun laughs lightly from behind him. “Well, I like yours. A lot. Also,” Changkyun adds, “What are these things? These small dots. You have a lot of them.”

Kihyun looks over and then down at himself. “Dots? You mean moles? Ah. Everyone has them. They're…” he laughs a little, “sun kisses.” At least that’s what his father used to say.

“Wouldn’t that hurt?” Changkyun asks, suddenly alarmed.

“Not really,” Kihyun says, turning and tilting his head, eyes on Changkyun’s neck. “You have them, too.” He adds, poking the one over Changkyun's throat. And Changkyun responds by reaching out and gently poking at the side of Kihyun’s top lip.

“That one is my favourite.”

“Why?”

Changkyun shrugs lightly, smiling a little sad. “It’s precious.”

Kihyun blinks, then frowns when his heart squeezes. “Now you sound like the Gollum from Lord of the Rings,” he kicks Changkyun’s leg. “Don't go sad on me… I… like you happy. I don't mind you sad but it's not,” he looks away and gestures at his own chest. “It makes me sad, too.”

The hand by Kihyun’s face reaches out again, poking, rather, at his cheek before falling back to Changkyun’s side. He smiles, the sadness in it gone, and nods, “You have plenty of other moles I can kiss. How could I possibly be sad about that.”

“You… Wanna kiss my moles?”

“I’ve already kissed a few,” Changkyun admits, swaying slightly. “The one by your knee… The ones on your back… And others.” He laughs. Others. Others? Oh! That one… the one on his… Yes, self, there are moles on your ass, own up to it!

“I'm…” Kihyun looks down and lets go of a long breath. He face palms. “How am I supposed to leave the house when you say shit like that.” He turns back to the wardrobe. “You better start getting ready, or we're not going anywhere!”

He's lost it. He is willing to trade a good meal ( chicken! ) for time with this idiot. He's definitely lost it.

Changkyun sways forward onto his tiptoes to look over Kihyun’s shoulder. “I found a new one, though.”

“A new one?” Kihyun asks, raising his shoulder to bump Changkyun’s chin.

“A mole I haven’t kissed yet,” Changkyun smiles, wide. “Not getting dressed until I do.”

Kihyun turns around, rolling his eyes as he slides his hand down Changkyun’s arm and stops by his elbow. “Go ahead. Make it quick. And not sexual, please. I really want to go out tonight.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, too, mimicking Kihyun’s action but doesn’t stop, trails his hand all the way to Kihyun’s and lifts it up to his lips, pressing them against the mole at the side of Kihyun’s hand.

Kihyun sighs. His heart does that thing again, like it’s trying to tell him something in a different language, a foreign language. And it dawns on him, the moment he opens his mouth to say it and stops himself just in time.

It’s not a nameless feeling. It’s not just caring. It’s… That obvious, huh? Maybe. Definitely.

“S’that it?” He asks, looking between his hand and Changkyun.

“Well, I mean, if you’re giving me further opportunity…” Changkyun hums, unfolding Kihyun’s fingers to kiss the mole on the back of his index finger. “There.”

Kihyun laughs and shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable, really.” He bends back a little to move his leg up behind Changkyun and clumsily kick his ass. “Now get dressed.”

Changkyun laughs. “Give me something to wear, then!”

“Hmm,” Kihyun looks over Changkyun’s shoulder at the clothes he has over the bed and then looks back towards the wardrobe. “What colors do you like? Do you… like blue?”

“Blue’s good,” Changkyun hums, tossing the t-shirt he’d been wearing into the laundry basket and starfishing onto the bed.

“Is that--” Kihyun looks over and frowns. He really needs to stop thinking about… that . What did Changkyun call it…? ‘Forever’? Ugh. It’s gross. It makes Kihyun’s face go red like a tomato. “Ok. Blue it is. Navy.”

---

Navy was a terrible decision. Not only because the damn suit fits Changkyun like a glove, but also because it makes him look expensive and completely out of Kihyun’s league.

Not to mention that, lately, Kihyun has been noticing a few things… (More like, finds himself noticing a few things…) Like the way Changkyun carries himself. The way he straightens his back, hands in his pockets, when he’s deep in thought or just randomly looking around. How stoic his face looks until something interesting catches his eye. How he goes from zero to one hundred in just a few seconds, from the softest frown between his eyebrows to the most scrutinizing gaze Kihyun has been under.  The way Changkyun sticks his tongue out and holds it between his teeth when he is being silly and a tad cocky. The way he smirks, nothing close to sunny until he is smiling and beaming like he means every little wrinkle on his face. How he’s quiet when there’s something he doesn’t like. How opinionated he is when it’s something he cares about. The little dance moves he makes on the couch when he sing songs to whatever Kihyun is listening on Spotify (that goddamn super-hearing). How he watches Kihyun and smiles small when he thinks Kihyun can’t totally see him by the corner of his eye. His little bursts of confidence, quickly melting down the moment Kihyun tells him the things he wants to hear, but doesn’t really know he does until they’re out there. Etc…

There’s so much… The little things, the important things and the things in between. In so little time, there is enough to fill his heart for a whole month, maybe more, and yet… it feels like nothing compared to what it could be. Because nothing lasts forever…

And ‘right now’ has more meaning than ‘later’. ‘Right now’ has more meaning than any insecurities Kihyun might have. ‘Right now’ wins over embarrassment. And right now…

“Hey,” Kihyun says as he steps into the elevator, “stop tugging at it, you’re going to ruin all my good work.” He slaps Changkyun’s hand away from where it was just a second ago, fiddling with the tie around his neck.

“Your good work is strangling me slowly,” Changkyun mumbles as he lifts his chin and reaches up again to loosen the tie just a little.

Kihyun presses the wrong button and then smiles as he presses all of them all the way down. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” He says, feeling quite pleased with himself as the doors close.

Changkyun turns his face to Kihyun and looks entirely unimpressed. “Exactly how does--I don’t know, getting maimed or having all your bones squished make you stronger--” Changkyun sticks out his tongue in mild disgust at himself. “God, anyway .”

He does that, too, now. Nevermind the cursing words. Now he, too, calls to ‘God’ for help. Which, all in all, is quite, quite funny. So, Kihyun laughs a little.

“Shout at Him. Maybe He will actually hear you.” Kihyun jokes, turning his head slightly to look as the number counts down once they reach the next floor and the doors open and close.

Five more to go!

Changkyun sticks out his tongue again, before laughing softly. “Odd, the things I’ve taken to saying and doing because of what I see you say and do. You, Hoseok, the people on the screens. Even Hyungwon.” Kihyun flinches a little. That… is going to take a lot of time to get used to. Hyungwon… Hyungwon… still doesn’t sound right. Nevermind, feel right.

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking down at his shoes. “Do you ever feel like… You’d like to meet more people? I don’t know, expand your horizons …?” He asks casually, glancing as the number on the screen next to him changes from 6 to 5.

Changkyun shrugs, glancing at him before grinning, leaning against the side of the elevator. “Quality over quantity. You only ever bring Hoseok around, after all.” He cocks his head at the doors. “Is there a reason they’re doing that?”

Kihyun tilts his head, eyes still down, and grins. “There is a reason, yes. And, take my advice here, do what I say and not what I do. I seriously should make more friends. Yet it seems that whenever I actually try, they are one smile away from turning into a supernatural freak.” He snorts a laugh. “Takes the joy out of it, you know…”

Changkyun taps the side of his head. “Listen to yourself. The voices. You hear them , demons, better than I do. What about that Yoongi guy, from the party?”

Kihyun shrugs. “I don’t make it a habit of making too much conversation with potential exes.” He pauses. “I underline ‘potential’ there. It was nothing, really.”

Changkyun tilts his head. “Exes..? You two...” He gestures nonsensically, clearing his throat a little and looking away. “ Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool .”

“I said it was nothing… went nowhere, really. Also felt like nothing,” Kihyun shrugs again, frowning. “Okay, maybe that’s just me being an ass right now…” The number on the screen turns from 4 to 3. “Anyway,” he looks up, eyes on Changkyun as he walks closer and stops just a breath away from his face. “Three floors. That gives us two minutes.”

Changkyun cocks an eyebrow, gaze flickering across Kihyun’s face. “F-for what?”

Fingers curling around Changkyun’s tie, Kihyun pulls at him, carefully leaning back just slightly when their lips almost clash. “To make a good memory,” he mumbles, eyes on Changkyun’s lips, before he ducks his head and starts trailing Changkyun’s jaw with short and soft kisses.

Changkyun breathes out, shaky, leaning back against the wall. “O-oh,” Changkyun says, hands coming up to Kihyun’s waist. “Isn’t this a bit, er,” Changkyun laughs, almost nervously, one hand leaving Kihyun to reach back and steady himself. “Public.”

“I don’t see anyone else here but us,” Kihyun mumbles against Changkyun’s neck, eyes on the way his throat bobs when he swallows. “But you can always tell me to stop.”

The doors open and close again and, once they do, Kihyun licks over Changkyun’s throat.

“Never,” Changkyun breathes, hand on Kihyun’s waist pulling him closer, groaning softly, leaning his head back to expose his neck.

“Then, shut up or I’ll kiss you.”

Kihyun trails his hand down Changkyun’s chest and curls his fingers around his belt, then trails them all the way to his lower back. And the elevator doors open and close again.

Changkyun tries to press against Kihyun with his knee, pulling them flush. And Kihyun gives him another lick, all the way up to his ear as he presses himself against Changkyun’s leg and lets out a shaky breath.

And then there’s a ding . And one moment Kihyun is nibbling on Changkyun’s earlobe, and the next he is already three steps away, tugging at his own coat as he steps out of the elevator.

“Come on,” he says, looking over his shoulder.

He has to smirk to himself at the time it takes Changkyun to fall into step with him.

“And they say demons are evil…”

“Maybe that is the reason why I need a guardian demon. And not just a guardian angel.”

Changkyun clears his throat, tugging at his tie again before shoving his hands in his pockets. Almost defiantly. “Here I thought I was the shameless one.”

Kihyun laughs, short, and licks his lips. The front door closes behind them and he slows his pace just to watch Changkyun walk in front of him. “I’m just as surprised. It’s your fault, really. You make me like this.”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows over his shoulder at Kihyun but keeps walking, looking ahead. “I make you like this? Didn’t make you press all those buttons… Didn’t make you press me against a wall in an elevator…” Changkyun tuts. “Shameless.”

“Passive actions are still actions,” Kihyun says just because. “No one told you to look hot in a suit but here we are.”

Changkyun hums. “And no one told you to look ravishing in a suit, but here I am, ravenous.”

Kihyun snorts and bends forward to laugh. “Oh god, why do I--” He stops himself and smiles, looking up. “How are your feelings towards the elevator doors now?”

Changkyun laughs, loud and uninhibited. “Still opening even when I don’t want them to…”

“I’ll do something about that next time. Can’t have you hating the poor elevator. It works day and night for us peasants, carrying our sorry asses all the way up. And down.”

“You say the oddest most unexpected things,” Changkyun says softly, almost as if he doesn’t want Kihyun to hear him. “Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.”

“Thankfully, I never shut up. Always nagging, or so I’ve been told,” Kihyun laughs.

“Put the laundry in the basket and you don’t nag. Help with the dishes and you don’t nag,” Changkyun shrugs. “I don’t mind. It’s just a different way of caring.”

Kihyun stops walking, eyes on Changkyun’s back (he really has broad shoulders). The nameless feeling inside Kihyun’s chest makes his heart stutter again. Kihyun looks down and smiles small. He really can’t keep up with his feelings. One moment they say ‘kiss him’ and then next they say…

“Stay alive and I won’t nag.” And it sounds a lot like ‘I love you’.

Changkyun looks back as Kihyun stops, turning a little. He holds out his hand with a smile that looks a lot like ‘I love you, too’. At… at least, that’s what Kihyun sees. Thinks. Sees. “Yeah, but you will nag if we’re late. Come on. I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Kihyun laughs and rolls his eyes. And, when he looks back up, he sees it, like a flash, like he dreamed it. But did he? Did he see it… or…

A dark shadow… a Hallow?

His smile falters a little. “Yeah… we wouldn’t want that…” And as he walks his brain screams at him to put that damn smile back on. Because ‘right now’ matters more than ‘later’.

Kihyun takes Changkyun’s hand and laces their fingers together, swinging their hands a little as they walk. “Seriously,” his voice sounds way brighter than he’d expected, “Three weeks with you and you know me back and forth. Took Hoseok a whole decade. And I won’t even mention that other traitorous asshole because he just won’t ever get it.”

Changkyun squeezes Kihyun’s hand, rolling his eyes. “Have you told that traitorous asshole everything you’ve told me? Never lied?” Changkyun smiles a little at the road next to them, cars passing under the streetlights. “Or maybe it’s just indefinable. I can hardly return the sentiment; there’s not much of me to understand.”

“You’re wrong,” Kihyun says almost immediately. “Even now I still feel like I hardly know you…” He looks at Changkyun. “But I want to. Slowly. One day at a time. And as for the asshole… He would laugh in my face if I told him an ounce of truth… And I hate feeling judged like that for, for things that matter to me.” He shrugs. “It’s fine, though. Everyone is different. And… my truths are not the ones he cares about.”

“And what are those?” Changkyun asks gently. “Your truths.”

My truths? You mean my vulnerabilities...

Kihyun sighs. And, when he speaks, it’s soft. “I am fucking terrified of everything I have no control over. I try really hard to keep a smile on my face because if I don’t then what’s the point. No one gives two shits about warm towels, but I do. It’s important, it’s comfortable. I like to organize things because it gives me peace of mind. I care, beyond words, about my friends. I cry more often than I like to admit. I am not angry all the time but sometimes I sound like I am. I’ve liked you from the moment I saw you because you were funny, weird but funny and really, really pretty. Even though I have spent my life lying to myself and to others, suddenly I can’t shut up with the truth. I--” love you “--care about you… so fucking much… and… it’s barely been a month. And I really, really hate sappy conversations but… at the same time, crave them like dry land craves water. So… those. Those are my truths.”

Kihyun purses his lips. He doesn’t want to take the words back, but the air around them feels different. Every car that passes feels different, somehow. Every little sound. A slight shift in axis that he can’t pin down. Blinking and seeing everything just a little clearer. A drop of something small in a pond.

But Changkyun squeezes his hand again and it feels exactly like what it should be. Different isn’t always bad, after all.

“Well, there you go, then,” Changkyun says, soft. “ I care about your truths.” He smiles, glancing over at him and away. “It’s who you are. I hate lies, so I guess that puts truth into perspective.”

“Yeah… I… I’m learning that, too.”

Changkyun takes a deep breath, a soft frown between his brows as he watches the cars, the buildings, their hands. “I haven’t had a lot of time to… I don’t know. There are things I know about myself, about how I feel and how I see the world, and I guess those are truths.”

Thumb soothing up and down on Changkyun’s hand, Kihyun tugs at him, pulls, making their arms touch. “It’s fine that you haven’t had a lot of time. It’s enough that you’re here. Time is… irrelevant when there are other things that matter.” Like ‘right now’.

“Yeah,” Changkyun agrees easily. “Of course there’s that .” He pushes at Kihyun a little playfully. “I feel a lot like I have this… I don’t know, a canvas. Bigger than--” He gestures. “The side of that building there. And I have all the colours right next to me and the smallest brush you could imagine.”

“I am terrible with artsy stuff…” Kihyun says, huffing a laugh. “But… a sunset. I can paint a sunset.”

Changkyun laughs, leaning over to press his lips to Kihyun’s cheeks. “I didn’t say the canvas was empty.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, smirking. “It’s not. But it seemed a little dark. A pretty night sky with no moon. So,” he pouts and shrugs again, “a sunset. Just to give it a little light.”

Changkyun kisses his cheek again. “The oddest, most brilliant things.”

---

“There you are!” Hoseok huffs, ‘concern’ written all over his face. “You’re late,” He squints his eyes, gaze shifting between Kihyun and Changkyun and then staying on Kihyun. “You’re never late.”

“His fault,” Kihyun says, shrugging nonchalantly. “He pressed all the elevator buttons. See what I have to deal with?”

“ That ,” Changkyun points between the two of them. “Is a lie.”

Kihyun lifts a hand to gesture dramatically, “The more buttons the thing had, the more he would have pressed!”

“I made reservations , Kihyun,” Hoseok whines. “ My buttons are pressed. Pressed, I say!”

“Wow,” Kihyun raises both hands and looks to Changkyun. “I swear I didn’t touch him.”

Changkyun laughs a little, leaning in to whisper loudly, finger-gesturing in little sideways motions at his chest. “It’s probably those .”

And Kihyun snorts, his forehead bumping slightly on Changkyun’s when he laughs. “Well, I didn’t touch them.” He bites at his upper lip and looks at Hoseok. “I’ve had my hands busy the entire time.”

“Children,” Hoseok says, shaking his head at the two of them, hands on his hips. “I am conversing with infants.”

“Says the biggest baby around,” comes the familiar cold voice. Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches slightly but he doesn’t turn to look. Avoidance? Maybe. The feeling, though, the one that voice fuels inside Kihyun’s chest? Kihyun has been so long without it that he doesn’t know if he wants to feel it anymore. But it’s there, like an invasion. And Hyungwon has never been one to care about how inconvenient he can be sometimes. So, he goes on, “So gross, though. So gross.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “See what I meant,” he tells Changkyun. “He doesn’t get it.”

“Not sure I do, to be honest,” Changkyun laughs a little and Hoseok rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up and turning to walk into the restaurant again.

“Come to the table or eat on the pavement, hell, eat the pavement, couldn’t give a damn.”

“He would totally come back for you like a cat-lady would for two stray cats.” Hyungwon mumbles.

“Nice to see you again,” Changkyun says, smiling, cheeky, at Hyungwon. “Thorn in your eye?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I think there’s one up my ass, to be honest. It’s not a good feeling.”

“I am leaving you here,” Kihyun tells Changkyun and then follows after Hoseok.

“Ignoring me won’t free you from me,” Hyungwon says loudly, smirking when Kihyun flips him the finger. Definitely an invasion… That asshole.

“Yeah, but it’s fun,” Changkyun says, giving Hyungwon a little pat on the cheek as he walks past. Hyungwon bats at it with both hands, startling back.

“Hands!”

It really is a fancy restaurant, all the way up with a scenic view of the city’s lights through large, glass windows. Someone at the door collects their coats and they’re offered drinks while they wait for their names to be called.

(“ My name,” Hoseok makes sure to remind them. “Because I made the reservation.”)

Changkyun chugs a glass of champagne and Kihyun laughs as the little burp clearly takes him by surprise.

“They should put warnings on these things,” Changkyun grimaces, pushing the glass aside on the counter.

“Not really,” Kihyun snorts, then smirking around his own glass. He takes a sip (no way he is going to risk it with an empty stomach), and looks around, elbowing Hoseok. “The waiters are nice…” Kihyun says, knowing that will spark something.

And Hyungwon actually chokes on something nearby, probably death . Wouldn’t do him bad to choke more often. “W--What are you do--” he coughs “-- doing …”

“I know!” Hoseok beams.

Hyungwon wheezes, leaning on the bar. “ Why …”

Changkyun laughs into his hand, ostensibly crossing his ankles where he’s half-sitting on a barstool, and manages a good kick in and Hyungwon stumbles at the contact. Changkyun is clearly trying not to laugh, by the way his lips pull into a line and his cheeks dimple as he looks over at Kihyun and Hoseok just as the waiter leads them to the table.

Making Hyungwon’s ‘life’ a living hell might be Kihyun’s slow and strange way to accept it. Accept him. And it seems quite fair, too, considering...

Changkyun seems genuinely confused by most everything that’s happening but does a decent impression of someone who belongs there. Back straight and he looks good. Expensive. But maybe Kihyun is just biased. Changkyun pokes a little at the--admittedly small--entree but looks much more impressed with the plate of food he gets soon afterwards.

“You’re welcome , by the way,” Hoseok says, all previous (even if teasing) annoyance gone as he smiles.

Kihyun sighs blissfully, melting just a little over his seat. “I love chicken… and I have eaten some good chicken before but… I bet this one shat golden eggs. ‘Cause… Damn!”

Hyungwon sits over the back of Hoseok’s chair as if gravity is not a concept in his book. “I just imagined a chicken shitting golden eggs.”

“Gold doesn’t taste very good,” Changkyun says around the food in his mouth.

“I take it you speak from experience?” Hyungwon smirks.

“I haven’t tried it, but the molecule arrangement sounds nasty ,” Changkyun adds, stuffing some more of yet another elaborate chicken dish in his mouth. Well, what’s left of what Kihyun didn’t generously ‘taste’, in any case.

“Whatever you say,” Hyungwon shrugs.

“No offense,” Kihyun starts, “but gold tastes quite good… when it’s in your pockets.”

“It’s also heavy,” Changkyun points out. “But I think I get the metaphor. This chicken tastes amazing, by the way.” He turns to point his fork at Hoseok, now. “Good shit.”

A faint ringing starts behind Kihyun’s left ear. He rolls his shoulders and smiles a little when it stops. And again, by the corner of his eye he thinks he sees… But did he? Why all of a sudden…? Hallows are not that common. Kihyun can’t see all of them. Why does he keep imagining them now? On Changkyun, of all people…

Fear, maybe, he thinks. A Hallow on Changkyun is not a thought Kihyun wants to spend any time on, though, so he doesn’t.

Hyungwon groans. “Death is salivating over here… and you don’t want to make me hungry. I will be eating all of your souls for breakfast.” He gestures to Changkyun and Kihyun follows the movements vaguely before looking down at his plate. “You know what that feels like now,” Hyungwon says, almost whines.

Changkyun gives a full-body shiver and Hoseok laughs. “Damn, that good?”

Changkyun stuffs some more food in his mouth. Kihyun wants to roll his eyes.

And then he hears it again, faint scratching over his left ear. But it sounds far away. Kihyun rubs a hand over his ear and sighs.

“It’s a bit chilly in here, don’t you think?” Hoseok mumbles, pouting.

“Not really,” Changkyun says, rolling up his sleeves as if to physically manifest the irony of it. He glances at Kihyun with a small frown. “You okay?”

Hoseok looks up the moment Kihyun opens his mouth. So, Kihyun smiles small and lies, “Yeah, fine.”

Hyungwon leans over Hoseok’s shoulder. “Wonho… eat your veggies.”

“I swear they put the aircons on,” Hoseok mumbles, stuffing a forkful of pumpkin into his mouth. “By the way,” he points at Kihyun with his knife, “Are you busy next weekend?”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking down. “Depends. Why?”

“Saturday. What are your plans for Saturday?”

“Oh,” Kihyun looks up and down and shrugs one shoulder, “I was thinking of taking him to the Aquarium.” He tilts his head in Changkyun’s direction.

Hyungwon scoffs. “That’s gay , Kihyun.” And Kihyun frowns at his plate, probably stabbing the potato a bit too hard and watching even more annoyed as it crumbles.

“Aquariums are gay?” Changkyun asks. “And yes, I know what ‘gay’ is. Helps when googling.” The little shit… has been googling gay sex!?

“Why would you ask if Aquariums are gay?” Hoseok laughs. “I’m guessing demons don’t use labels?”

“Nah, I’d say I’m pretty gay,” Changkyun says, grinning at Kihyun (who chokes on a carrot).

“Aw,” Hoseok smiles, “A little gay demon!” (Kihyun is still coughing.)

“Say it louder, Wonho,” Hyungwon laughs. “I don’t think the old lady in the bathroom heard you.”

“Can I go with you?” Hoseok asks right away, leaning forward as he speaks. “It’s been a while since I’ve visited. I wanna go!” Like a baby… Wasn’t he calling them ‘children’ just a while ago?

Kihyun places his fork down, frowning. “Sorry. No can do.”

“What? Why--Oh!” Hoseok smirks. “Is it… are you finally--Is it a date?!”

Changkyun stops fidgeting with the fancy little folded napkins on the table, opting to rather just stare at them.

Kihyun’s heart speeds up a bit. “Well, I--” He stops, conscience zoning out as if he’s having an out of body experience. What was he going to say? What were they talking about? He forgot. And he’s forgetting… forgetting, forgetting as something else walks into the halls of his head, without asking for permission, speaking inside his brain, saying;

‘Puuuuuuuureeeee… Time to feast...’

“We actually did go on a date, before,” Changkyun says, and it sounds far away. “But don’t tell Kihyun, I don’t think he knows that.”

Hoseok says something, too, but it sounds muffled. The only sound in Kihyun’s ears is the beating of his own heart, speeding up as a familiar anxiety takes over, and the echoes of something else. Something with a breath so hoarse and so faint it comes from everywhere around him.

The air chills to ice and the breathing becomes the only sound Kihyun can hear over the ringing in his left ear. He thinks, behind me , but he knows it’s not there. He thinks, in front of me, but it’s not there either.

His left ear rings again. Loud. Louder. And getting even--

Louder.

It screams inside his head like a shriek from the underworld. Which is probably what it is. And it’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming.

It’s coming.

Kihyun doesn’t need to look. He knows it hangs from the ceiling, crawling ever so slowly towards him, dark and big and brooding.

Creak. Crrk. Creak. Crrk. Creak. Crrk. Creak.

Above.

“Changkyun,” Kihyun gasps softly. “The table…” Changkyun blinks in confusion and Kihyun turns to him, eyes wide. “Hit the table, now!”

Changkyun slams down immediately, and the crash of the table’s side hitting the ground and something hitting the table is almost simultaneous. The table snaps like a broken shield and Changkyun’s voice rings out like a siren;

“ Run!”

Screams erupt through the hall.

Kihyun’s head feels like it’s going to burst, his vision blurry with the growing headache, but he still manages to grab Hoseok’s hand and pull him up from where he’d fallen on the floor. They stumble and Kihyun almost trips on a chair nearby.

Changkyun pushes back against the splintered table, throws it and the demon across the room.

“Wha--What’s happening?” Hoseok asks, there’s fear all over his face. Everyone screams around them, pacing, pushing...

“Shut up and come with me!” Kihyun shouts at him as he tries to pull him. “We need to--” Kihyun looks around and his heart stops.

There's...

Too many. Too dark.

Hallows.

“It’s payday,” Hyungwon says darkly from his side, his eyes shining a dangerous yellow as he looks around at the Hallows with a hunger that sends shivers down Kihyun’s spine.

This isn’t real, he thinks. But it is. It’s real.

The demon--the creature--reaches out from where Changkyun had almost buried it in the now rubble of the bar with just one throw. And it’s big. Its arms stretch, thin and fingers clawed, but body bulbous, swollen, big . It screams above the noise of the people in the restaurant, panicked. It screams and its mouth stretches like a snake with its jaw unhinged, showing three rows of sharp teeth.

“Oh, fuck,” Changkyun mumbles, but lunges towards the thing as it turns its head to Hoseok, to Kihyun.

‘PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’

Breath hitching, the sudden stab at his head too strong, Kihyun falls on his knees, hands on the floor. “Shit--I…”

‘HUNGRYYYY!!!’

“Ki,” He hears Hoseok but he can’t see him. The screaming expanding like a darkness growing tenfold inside his mind. “What--”

“Do something! Get these people out of here! It’s--” ‘ SCRUMPTIOUS PERFECTION I NEED IT!!!’ “--Ah, shit… it’s too loud!” Kihyun shoves at Hoseok with one hand. “Get out of here!”

“But you--”

“Go!”

Kihyun hears a crash, the creature screaming, and the sound of the fire alarm, high pitched, almost grounding.

But he can't move. His knees shoot strings of pain up his legs. And his instincts scream at him to ignore it. But he can't move.

It’s as if the voice in his head has an invisible form, separated from what can be perceived as reality, it twists and stretches over an elongating shadow and it-- eats away the light.

Kihyun doesn’t even need to look. He doesn’t need to look to see it. Underneath the gelatinous gloop its skin is gnarled, but crumpling and folding, like stretched but loose, something dark and hungry. Something Kihyun can feel, thinks he recognizes. And, in a way, he does. It’s different, twisted with sin, but Kihyun has seen it before. He’s seen it on Changkyun’s skin. Taint . And it’s dark. It’s so dark… darker than black. And it eats, it pulls...

Through the shadow, through the absolute lack of light and sound and everything that isn’t this voice that wants to take him, drag him down, fall fall fall --Changkyun screams.

Kihyun snaps, looks up. The place is in complete disarray. There are bodies on the floor, chunks bitten out of them, and people still trying to get out. Hoseok… Where did he go? Kihyun looks and--

His heart stops. A Hallow over Changkyun’s head. Black and red mingled dripping out of his shoulder as long teeth pierce his skin. A voice icing in Kihyun’s veins as it screams inside his head. Deafening, cold. Colder, even in the background of street lights that shine through the window.

And Kihyun’s heart splits in two.

Please... don’t...

Changkyun pushes back, screaming in agony as he tries to pry the creature off of him and it’s not even a second. It’s not even a moment of Changkyun opening his eyes, the Hallow a dark shadow over his face as he looks at Kihyun.

Don’t…!

Changkyun looks right at him, features crumbled in pain, as the Hallow envelopes him and instead of pushing against the creature, he pushes himself back, shatters the window behind him, and falls.

Kihyun’s eyes dart down to the floor. There’s blood on his hands. Not his blood. Someone else’s. And then darkness swallows him, too.

It rises, a mass of tangled feelings that snaps at his emotional core. Like fear and sadness and guilt joined together and made a monster of their own, plated with a paralyzing goo seeping from black pores.

Tears flood Kihyun’s eyes when the voices in his head stop. Silence. Deafening silence. He brings his hands to his face and shuts his eyes closed. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon . He can’t move. He can’t look. And he suddenly feels utterly alone.

Black, muddy, bleeding red moves behind his eyelids. And his face crumples when he lets out a sob. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry . Kihyun feels useless. Useless and alone. The weight in his chest finally climbing over the walls he’d carefully built around it.

And it’s fear. It’s the fear of losing someone again. The fear of going through it again. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of loving a memory rather than a person. The fear of living in the past rather than the present.

There’s no escaping it. Because fear, once lodged inside a heart, takes over, pasted like moss to a tree. It’s there, always. It’s been there from the start.

So, instead of crying, Kihyun weeps in silence. And ironically, his own voice sounds inside his head and whispers, ‘I told you so’ .

“Shut up,” he tells no one. “Shut up, shut up, shut up…”

He breathes in, shaky but sharp, and raises his head, looking around without seeing .

It's too much. Too much for one person alone. The fire alarm is still raging and Kihyun wishes it were louder.

“You need to leave,” says Hyungwon, from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

And Kihyun looks around again, eyes burning, knees hurting, hands bloody, and he gets up, slowly, one leg and then the other.

“H--Hoseok?” He calls, weakly. And the thought makes his body move, his brain click. It's something. And suddenly he is not underwater anymore. He's gasping at the surface as he keeps afloat, but he's not drowning.

The alarm rings louder, there are people screaming outside, some crying and moaning in pain right next to him.

He looks around, carefully. He doesn't want to touch anything. Or anyone. And he sees him , Hyungwon, like a mist with yellow eyes, surrounded by, what Kihyun can only guess, souls. White, floating lights, clinging to him like magnets.

“Hoseok,” Kihyun says, giving a step forward, “Is he safe? P--Please, tell me he's safe…”

“Outside,” the room echoes. “He’s alive. Find him.”

Kihyun’s body moves, makes him stumble before he starts running, stopping by the nearest door, or whatever is left of it.

He looks over his shoulder, “Are you…? Okay?”

“I’m working ,” Hyungwon answers, and for a moment it actually sounds like him. Annoyed. “Go!”

And he goes.

He runs .

The elevators are not working. So, Kihyun takes the stairs. There are people running up and down the whole staircase. Kihyun jumps four steps at once and almost falls when his knees fail him. But despite the lack of strength, he's not tired. He's running and he's not tired.

And then he stops. His shoulders and chest heaving as he breathes, heavily. He lets his hand flatten on the rail.

It's so faint… but it's there. He breathes in through his nose, his eyes burning again. And he hears it… and it sounds a lot like...

‘Kihyun…’

“Damn you,” Kihyun says between gritted teeth. And he runs.

It's chaos outside. And, somehow, the police is already here?!

Shit. Kihyun passes between a few people, digs through the crowd. It's loud. So fucking loud. If only the world could shut up for one goddamn second!

“Ki!” He hears Hoseok call.

“Hoseok!” He calls back once he lands eyes on him. And it feels like his heart beats again.

They reach out between the crowd and Hoseok pulls Kihyun closer.

“Hoseok, we need to find Changkyun!”

Hoseok’s eyes widen, pulling away as Kihyun pushes. “He’s alive?! Shit--” Hoseok turns to look over his shoulder, at the crowd.

‘Kihyun!’

“He--I went to look where he would have fallen but there’s nothing, Ki--”

Kihyun shakes his head as he pushes Hoseok back against the crowd. “No, no. He's alive. I can… hear him. I know!” He winces when someone bumps against him, almost pushing him all the way back again if it weren’t for Hoseok’s strong grip.

“You can hea --” Kihyun stumbles forward pushes again and Hoseok nods, “Okay! Okay,” and looks around, lifting a hand to his hair, gripping. “Where…”

Kihyun grabs Hoseok’s wrist. “I don't know! But I can hear him. Let's--" He tugs “--There are too many people here. We need to find him be--before anyone else does.”

Hoseok nods, eyes wide, panicked. “Okay, yeah, the--the paramedics are focused on the people in the building so if he’s--if he’s out here somewhere--” Hoseok tugs him to follow. “I have an idea.”

“An idea?” Kihyun asks, nodding. “Great,” he huffs. Ideas are good. He's not sure his brain can formulate any at this point.

“Yeah, of where he could be, there was--” Hoseok swallows, pulling him along. “Blood. Come on.”

Kihyun looks at his own hands. Blood? Not his blood. Someone else’s… Kihyun really wants to wash his hands. He squeezes Hoseok’s wrist. “I'm sorry… about this. It's my fault.”

“Unless you decided to be hunted by demons, it’s not,” Hoseok says, stopping and gesturing to--to a puddle of black. Behind it, the bloated, decaying body of that thing .

Kihyun lets go, slowly stepping away from Hoseok and closer to the dead demon. It's dead, right? It better be.

His steps echo through the street, his soles stick to the floor, thick black blood sticking to everything it touches.

An ambulance rolls to a stop at the end of the street and the siren startles Kihyun, making him stop right where he is.

His breath falters a little. He looks at Hoseok over his shoulder and then back at creature.

“Ky--Kyunie?” He calls, softly, eyes darting towards every little shadow ahead.

Nothing. For a long, terrifying second, nothing.

‘Ki …’

It’s softer than before. But not fainter. Closer.

“Shit.” Kihyun breathes. “Stay there,” he tells Hoseok, and then moves closer to the wall, eyes on that horrible thing.

It doesn't budge. It doesn't breathe. And it doesn't speak . But Kihyun keeps his back pasted to the wall anyway.

Another siren startles the shit out of him. Even Hoseok whimpers a few feet away. And once the creature is out of sight, Kihyun breathes again.

“Changkyun?”

A scream. Changkyun’s voice. Just a second then it’s gone.

‘I--I can’t …. Not alone . The alley. Please .’

“Hoseok!” Kihyun shouts. “The alley, come on!” And walks fast, faster, until he turns a corner and...

And it’s Changkyun. Alive, ( alive! ) but his breaths are too heavy, his white shirt red by his shoulder, dripping down. He’s slumped against the alley wall, face contorted in pain. And Kihyun hears it. Like a prayer.

‘Kihyun, Kihyun, please.. .’

Kihyun’s legs move first, slowly, until he’s kneeling down next to Changkyun. And… and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know where to even start. He doesn’t know what to say. His hand reaches out on its own but Kihyun realises he doesn’t know what to do with it.

I thought you were-- He thinks. I saw you fall, you idiot! I saw… Kihyun looks at his own hands again. Blood. Someone else’s blood. On his hands. His heart throbs and, almost instinctively, his eyes move to Changkyun.

Kihyun doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know what to think, can’t get past ‘You were dead’. Can’t feel past the relief and the guilt of such relief.

“Ki?” Hoseok says behind him. “Ki, wha-- oh god…”

“I… I don’t know what to do… Hoseok… I don’t know what to do.”

“We can’t stay here…” Hoseok says, looking over his shoulder at the red and blue lights of the police, the sounds of ambulances. Changkyun breathes in, sharp, and coughs. More blood.

“T--That, on the floor…” Kihyun gestures vaguely at the demon behind him. “You can’t see it, right?” Hoseok looks back, shakes his head. “Okay.” Kihyun nods and breathes . “Okay, good. You--You’re gonna have to help me, I can’t… carry him on my own. He looks… he’s hurt.”

Hoseok nods quickly, pale. Pale and hands shaking a little as he smooths them down his legs. “Ye-yeah, okay. Uhm, here,” Hoseok says, stuffing his hand in his pocket and tossing his car keys over to Kihyun. “I parked in the basement. If we can--” He swallows, walking forward, towards Changkyun. “Get him to the car, at least.”

A strange, dynamic anxiety takes over and Kihyun feels his breath steadying. “Here,” he says, shrugging his jacket off. “We’ll toss this over his back. If people see the blood they-- they’ll…” He squeezes the car keys in his hand. “Come on.”

He throws the jacket over Changkyun’s shoulders and, careful, Hoseok tries to move his arm in behind Changkyun, under his legs to lift him. He manages, flinching at the pained yell Changkyun gives. Changkyun whimpers, head lolling back as Hoseok starts walking. “Christ, Kihyun… Is he gonna heal from something like this?”

Kihyun doesn’t look. He’s biting at his lower lip, eyes searching the street for… for something . Anything to keep his mind off of it. “Don’t know…” He mumbles. “I don’t know. Let’s go.”

They can’t take Changkyun to a hospital. Can they? But the only thing Kihyun knows is how to patch up papercuts. Not that his papercuts need patching up.

He glances both right and left at the end of the alley, wondering, trying to remember where to go. “Please, tell me you know how to… I don’t know… something.” He sighs and turns left. “We can’t take him to the hospital, can we? I…” He runs his fingers through his hair. Don’t panic, don’t panic. “Wha--What color was your car again?”

“Yellow,” Hoseok answers softly. “I… He’d be dead if he was human. From that height.. And he’s already bleeding a lot less than… than he should be. I think he just needs a place to heal, maybe, I don’t…”

“Home,” Kihyun huffs. “Let’s go home.” He glances at the dry blood on his hands. “A--And you’re staying.” He tells Hoseok. “You’re staying, you hear me?”

Hoseok nods, glancing down at Changkyun and nods again. “Yeah, yeah of course.”

---

Kihyun throws the keys over the table, not even bothering to take his shoes off. “In here,” he says, kicking softly at the bathroom door and flicking the lights on.

He gives the mirror a quick glance. And suddenly wishes he hadn’t.

He turns the shower on, feeling the water as it warms up. “Put him in here.”

Hoseok’s been quiet. Throughout the whole car ride, he didn’t say a word. The first thing he’s said since ‘I’ll drive’, is “Okay,” as he gently places Changkyun down.  “He’s out cold, Ki…”

Kihyun tugs at the tie loosely hanging around Changkyun’s neck and starts undoing his shirt. “There’s… there’s alcohol in the cabinet if you need to wash your hands,” he tells Hoseok. And then pauses, looking over. “You’re not hurt, are you? I’m sorry… I… I should have asked.”

Hoseok shakes his head, sniffing as he finally looks away from Changkyun. “No, I’m… I’m fine. I’m gonna,” he points his thumb over his shoulder. “Just… call me, if you need help or… Yeah, I’ll just go.”

“Okay,” Kihyun nods, looking back down as he undoes the last button on that infernal shirt. “There’s… I have an old tracksuit of yours somewhere in there. In case you wanna change into something else…” He frowns when the button doesn't slide as it should, “Fuck this,” and tugs at both ends of the shirt to pop the button.

Hand reaching behind Changkyun’s neck to pull him away from the wall as the shirt slides down his back, Kihyun tries, really, really tries to keep his mouth shut when he looks at the deep wounds on Changkyun’s shoulder. Kihyun can see them closing, healing but… but.

He pulls at the shower cord, not bothering with the water that runs over his head, too, thumb soothing over Changkyun’s neck while he watches the blood wash down.

It swirls before it’s gone. And it’s red. Red. Not black. It’s red and it feels alive. And if Kihyun didn’t know better, he’d think ‘human’, too. And Changkyun feels warmer under Kihyun’s touch as the water hits his skin. And it’s wrong. Everything feels wrong. And it serves as a reminder, once again, a life is not worth another life.

Changkyun whimpers, small and soft. Awake. “Thank you…”

Kihyun breathes out, pursing his lips together. Thank you? For what? For doing what any other person would have done? For caring? For being a useless piece in this whole ordeal? For being the catalyst? There is literally nothing he can do except… except be there. Here . And hope for the best. And that’s not good enough. Not good enough.

He looks down and then at Changkyun’s shoulder. He’s not bleeding anymore but for some reason that doesn’t make Kihyun feel any better.

What can he say? Changkyun probably already knows. So, what can he say? Kihyun can’t decide if he wants to voice his anger first, his fear or… nothing . So, he reaches with his other hand, cups Changkyun’s face, both thumbs soothing up and down on his cheeks and… and looks somewhere else, away from the pain.

Changkyun closes his eyes and winces as he breathes, reaching out to hold onto Kihyun’s arm as he leans his head forward to lean on him. “I… I’m sorry, I had to…”

Kihyun sighs and kisses the top of Changkyun’s head. What can he say that hasn’t already been said? What can he say that won’t spark a fight? It’s an endless argument. One Kihyun knows he will never win, as if that’s what arguments are all about. He knows Changkyun doesn’t want him to die. But Kihyun doesn’t want Changkyun to die either. And that… that will, maybe, pull them closer together or… dig a chasm so deep between them they will never be able to look each other in the eye again.

“Can we just…” Changkyun says, voice thick with something . “Pretend? That… That we finished dinner, and, and had dessert and Hyungwon was annoying and Hoseok wore us down so he could come with us to the aquarium and…” He grips tighter at Kihyun’s arm, breathing deep and shaking as it rasps.

Biting at his lower lip, Kihyun slowly pulls Changkyun closer into a hug. He takes a deep breath and… “No lying, remember?” He says, softly.

So Changkyun sobs. But it must hurt so he tries not to and shakes and sobs anyway. He clings to Kihyun but barely moves. Kihyun doesn’t know the extent of it--if Changkyun had broken anything, just how much it might hurt. “I’m--” Changkyun tries but it hitches and breaks and Kihyun just holds him. “It hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun says, his eyes burn but he can’t tell if he’s crying. Maybe he is, but the water running down his face might be tricking him. “I wish I could… help. But I’m here and… I’m s--sorry if that’s not enough. I’m sorry.”

For a time Kihyun couldn’t name if his life depended on it, they just stand there and Changkyun cries as his wounds mend until they look like scars.

“You’re here...” Changkyun sniffs, finally, when his breathing doesn’t hitch and his hands aren’t gripping at Kihyun like he’s the only thing keeping him there. “What did you think I was saying thank you for...”

And Kihyun smiles a little, eyes up on the ceiling. “You don’t have to thank me for that… ever. Plus, I… never really left.”

“You found me,” Changkyun says softly, taking a deep breath and trying to pull back, stand up on his own. It doesn’t work very well so Kihyun gets up to steady him, to help him, turning the shower off with his elbow.

“You called,” he says simply.

“You came,” Changkyun says in the same tone. “I…” Changkyun swallows. “Can we go to bed? I want to sleep, I’m… I’m tired.”

Kihyun pulls at one of the towels nearby and throws it over Changkyun’s head. “Yeah, sure.” He steps out of the shower, still holding Changkyun as he does. “You need a change of clothes. Also, Hoseok is… staying.”

Changkyun nods at the floor. “That’s good.”

“Can you walk?”

Changkyun takes a step and winces even as he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” Kihyun says sharply, mentally slapping himself when his tone echoes through the bathroom. “But I can’t… physically carry you out of here so…”

Changkyun looks at him and the expression Kihyun catches is there for probably less than a second, before Changkyun looks away, nodding again. He looks different. And for a moment, he looks so, so sad.

Hoseok is outside, on the sofa, wearing his old tracksuit and watching the news. Kihyun gives the TV a quick glance before he locks eyes with Hyungwon outside his window.

“Changkyun!” Hoseok leans forward, pausing as he gets up. “Are you…” He pouts. “Thank you! For saving us!”

Changkyun looks up, staring at Hoseok with big, shiny eyes. He nods lightly but his features crumble and he opens his arms a little. “H-hug?”

Kihyun smiles a little, looking away as Hoseok shoots up from the sofa and almost flies towards them, arms carefully circling around Changkyun.

“Silly, silly, demon,” Hoseok says. “No one dies on my watch, okay?” He looks at Kihyun. “No one.” And that hits home.

And Kihyun turns his face away, feeling sick to his stomach. “Y--Yeah…” He gestures vaguely at the bedroom. “I’m getting changed.”

Hoseok nods and hugs Changkyun a little closer. “You better not do that again…”

Changkyun sniffles and nods. “It was just… a really stupidly big demon, Hoseok.”

“Yeah? Have you seen me? Throw me at them next time!”

“He actually means that,” Hyungwon mumbles, suddenly from inside the house.

Changkyun laughs a little through his tears. “Silly, silly human.”

Kihyun searches for a change of clothes as he tries to keep himself from sniffling, taking quiet, slow breaths through his mouth, one hand furiously rubbing at his face while the other pulls out a clean t-shirt and some sweatpants.

“Hey,” Hyungwon says softly from the wall and Kihyun startles, ducking his head down to hide his face.

“Leave, I am trying to get dressed.”

“I’ve seen you naked before…”

“What!?” Kihyun hugs himself and glares. “You’re shitting me…” It would be great if he could switch it all off, the voices, Hyungwon… mostly just Hyungwon.

“I said!” Hoseok shouts from the living room. “They think it was a bomb!”

Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder and looks away, smiling. “I’ll leave you wondering about that one for a while.”

Kihyun looks down at the clothes in his hands, frowning. The tears have stopped, at least. “What do you want.” He thumbs at the soft fabric of the sweatpants. “I’m not in the mood for life le--”

“You worry about everyone else. So, let me ask: are you okay?”

“I’m…” The question surprised him. Kihyun looks up and then down. “I’ll be fine.” Not like he has much of a choice. “I just feel…”

“Useless?” Hyungwon asks knowingly.

Useless . Useless would be an understatement. Maybe like a failure sounds about right. Of course, this is not about him. So, Kihyun stays quiet.

Hyungwon heaves out a long, loud sigh. “Well, don’t. You saw it, didn’t you? Saw me. I can’t help it. It’s like a curse. A never-ending hunger for souls.” He laughs bitterly. “I want to help. I wanted to help. Help Hoseok, help you. Maybe--don’t tell him this--help that shitty pet of yours, too.” Kihyun laughs a little. “But… I couldn’t. I can’t. I am a bundle of angst and bad luck, really. So, please, for the both of us… get over yourself. You’re not useless. Hoseok needs you. The dog needs you. And I need you to be fine. ”

Still not good enough. But it's something. And it's nice to be reminded.

Kihyun smiles small and nods. “Sucks to be you.”

Hyungwon closes his eyes with practiced patience, breathing deeply. “You know. Dipshit . But there are two people in that living room, right now, alive, who care about you a stupid amount.” Hyungwon opens his eyes just to roll them. “For some reason.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun undresses his shirt and throws it (in theory) over Hyungwon’s head, watching in disappointment as it goes through him and falls on the floor. “Because I'm so likeable.”

Hyungwon fails to hide his grin, looking away. “Yeah, I see it now…”

“See what, how good looking I actually am?”

Hyungwon sticks his tongue out. “Good to see you can make jokes,” He tilts his head to the living room. “You know they’re cuddling out there, right.”

Kihyun chuckles, pulling the t-shirt over his head. “Is that a tone of jealousy I sense? I don't really mind…” He shrugs one shoulder. “Not too much.”

“Wow. A relationship healthy enough that even the biceps of Lee Hoseok stand no chance.” Hyungwon whistles lowly. “Impressive.”

“I know he likes me,” Kihyun mumbles as he changes into his sweatpants. He pauses, though, for a second. “I think…” He knows. But he also doesn't take it for granted.

“Insufferable. Cannot stand you. Don’t know why I’m even here.”

Kihyun sticks his tongue out and turns to walk back into the living room. “Because I am irresistible to y'all supernatural freaks.”

“Unfortunately true,” Hyungwon deadpans.

Stopping just before he steps out of the bedroom, Kihyun grimaces a little. “I can feel the aura emanating from them. Ugh. How do I even…” He mumbles.

“Face them?” Hyungwon asks, monotonous. “Pretend Changkyun didn’t almost just die?”

“I don't want to pretend. I'm tired of pretending.”

“Kihyun…” Hyungwon sighs. “You don’t… have to pretend, but,” Hyungwon walks closer, leaning against the wall close to Kihyun. “A part of my punishment or curse or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, is that I can feel it. That fear when people die. That fear when they think they will.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “And…? I feel like you're not done yet.”

“ And ,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes before looking down, crossing his arms, frowning as he looks away. “And Changkyun… He needs you right now.”

Right now. Right now wins over everything else.

“I know,” Kihyun says, biting at his lower lip and taking another deep breath. He looks at his hands, now washed clean, but sees flashes of red whenever he blinks. He wants to wash them. He wants to wash his hands. But he won’t. Not now.

Not now, Kihyun. It’s not about you.

He takes a step forward, eyes on the TV as he walks around the small table and then sits down next to Hoseok, who's holding Changkyun in his arms like a baby.

Images flash on the screen. Kihyun leans back and snorts when he reads the small text rolling at the bottom. “Some explosive chicken that turned out to be.” He leans forward, “I can’t believe they actually think that was a bomb.”

“People see what they want to see,” Changkyun mumbles with his eyes closed.

Hearing him makes Kihyun’s heart squeeze. And if he pays attention, which is what he is (actively) trying to avoid, he can feel the familiar pull.

Kihyun still looks at Changkyun, though. And he can feel his own face softening at the edges. “Are you comfortable in there? You should dress something, before you catch a cold.”

“That’s okay, I have a blanket,” Hoseok says cheerfully, pulling the blanket up around Changkyun’s shoulders.

Kihyun feels his eye twitch and leans back again. “O--Okay.” He shifts his gaze to the TV. “Do you guys need something? Tea or…” He fidgets with his shirt. “Something.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re not jealous…” Hyungwon grumbles. “You know, so I can suffer alone.”

Hoseok shakes his head but Changkyun stays quiet, eyes closed, and Hoseok laughs lightly. “I think he’s gonna fall asleep.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums. He looks down, suddenly feeling a bit left out. Though, he knows, he's got himself to blame for that one. “I…” He laughs a little and glances towards Hyungwon. “Maybe a little bit…?”

“Knew it,” Hyungwon scoffs. Hoseok looks up, frowning a little.

“Mm?” And he looks at Kihyun, at Changkyun, features softening perceptively. “You know. I actually need to go to the bathroom.”

“Bless your bladder, Wonho,” Hyungwon snorts. “And remaining bodily functions.”

Kihyun keeps his eyes forward. “Hm…”

“Kihyun, could you…” Hoseok points down at Changkyun with his eyes. And the answer is, by the way, yes.

Sighing, as if totally against his will (but not really), Kihyun moves closer. “Come here,” he says softly, hand on Changkyun's still slightly wet hair. Changkyun frowns a little, eyes opening in slits before sitting enough to let Hoseok slip out from between them, and falling back down when he’s gone.

“Hmmmn,” Changkyun mumbles nonsensically.

“You're gonna make me carry you to bed… aren't you?”

Changkyun scoffs lightly, mumbling again. “You can do that?

“You… have some gal …” Kihyun grunts, getting up from the sofa and feeling his legs hurt all the way up to his thighs. Yeah, actually… maybe that is a pretty valid question. Can you do this, Kihyun?

He kneels in front of Changkyun and touches his hand, soft fingertips over Changkyun’s skin. “In my defense, my legs are killing me right now…”

Changkyun opens his eyes to smile at Kihyun tiredly. “It’s okay…” Changkyun sits up slowly, wincing a little as he does. He waves his hand before Kihyun can even ask. “It’s okay.” The blankets fall off his shoulders. The deep wounds are now just... pink skin.

“I… wait.” Kihyun gets up, turns around and kneels back down, tapping his shoulders. “I can carry you like this. So, hop on. Piggy back for you.”

“You’re not a piggy, though,” Changkyun mumbles as he lifts himself just enough to drape himself over Kihyun’s back.

Kihyun takes and deep breath and groans as he lifts himself and Changkyun up. “God, you need to stop… eating cereal.”

“Love the cronch,” Changkyun says and then laughs out loud.

They almost fall over the small table when Kihyun’s left knee fails him for the second time today. But he manages to steady himself.

“Just picture this as… me, a very small boat in a stormy sea right now. That's,” he walks forward, “That's what's going on.”

“Why do you have the knees of an old man?” Changkyun giggles as he clings to him.

“I will drop you…”

“On purpose or…”

Kihyun stops by the bedroom door and leans against the doorframe. He huffs. “Look. I am not knife-proof. I fell on my knees. Hard. Give me a break.”

Changkyun lets go, dropping gently behind Kihyun but not letting go, moving his arms to his waist. “Alright… just this once.”

Just this once? Right...

Kihyun sighs. Hand squeezing on Changkyun’s. “I… I thought you…” He looks down, unsure. “I thought you were… but,” he laughs bitterly, “I'm so fucking glad that you're not.”

Changkyun presses his forehead against Kihyun’s shoulder and whispers. “Me too…”

“Good. ‘Cause if you bail on me, I'll personally drag your ass back here all the way from hell, or whatever, just to kill you again!”

Changkyun laughs, soft, squeezing lightly at Kihyun’s waist. “You could barely get me to the bedroom,” he teases.

“Yeah?” Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “But I can totally put you on the floor right now. I won't because I'm nice.” He gestures at his own face. “Nice person here, doing good deeds.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, before just… smiling. That smile that made Kihyun feel so sure about things, sometimes. “I’m so glad I’m home.”

Home . Home is not always a place. Home is a feeling of belonging.

So, Kihyun turns around in the hold around his waist and puts his arms over Changkyun’s shoulders. “Welcome home,” he says. And it sounds a lot like ‘you belong with me’.

Blood. On his hands.

His blood? No. Someone else’s.

And on the floor, like millions of red flowers blooming, more blood . A path. People, talking outloud, the clinking of the silverware. Yet, even though there is a path, no one looks at it. No one dares to follow it. Until eventually the rain comes and in a torrent of water it washes away the red, leaving flowers to wither and for the story to go unnoticed.

Kihyun opens his eyes and they focus, quickly, on the dark ceiling. Everything is quiet, or almost quiet. Changkyun breathes slowly and heavy next to him, sleeping, unaware. And Kihyun tries, really tries, to still the shy tears that roll down his face.

It’s my fault , he thinks, raising his hands up to look at them in the darkness. Blood. He knows, knows , it’s not really there. But he sees it every time he blinks. And he hears it, too, soundless but there, clear screams of people and a shriek so loud that just the thought of it makes his body freeze up.

It’s my fault, he thinks. All those people…

But what is he supposed to do? Turn himself in to the authorities? It would be in vain. Something would find him eventually and leave a trail of bodies in its wake. Something always finds him. Something always comes for him.

When he was a kid, his father would chase the shadows away. And one day, maybe out of spite, maybe out of desperation, the shadows burnt their house to the ground. So, his father said ‘forget’ and Kihyun forgot, turned everything to voices and whispers he always did his best to avoid whenever it got too loud.

But forgetting cost him so much… Forgetting killed Hyungwon. And Kihyun will always feel responsible because he had the power to do something and yet, out of fear, pure selfishness, he chose to look away.

It’s my fault, he thinks. And then Changkyun shifts next to him and mumbles something in his sleep, throws an arm over Kihyun and pulls him close. Kihyun hadn’t even realised he’d reached out a little, brushed his hand over Changkyun’s.

Always knowing what to say. Always knowing what to do. Even when Kihyun keeps it to himself, even when he stays quiet… Changkyun is always there, like a shadow, watching over his back.

A shadow. And a little light.

Kihyun scoots closer, nuzzles into Changkyun and smiles. You always make me feel safe, like everything is alright. And maybe that is not always a good thing. But it keeps Kihyun alive, sane. It’s why he searches for a look, for contact whenever it feels like it’s too much to bear. It’s home away from home. It’s an anchor when nothing makes sense and everything around them is chaos. It’s different from what Kihyun found in Hoseok all those years ago. It’s love but it’s a different kind of love.

Repentance , Kihyun thinks. And his brain flashes with a question, simple in nature, normal at most, but it makes his heart jump in his chest because, What if you’re moving too fast…?

But what’s ‘too fast’ when tomorrow might be the last day. ‘ If you have feelings, feel them’, Hoseok always says. ‘It’s what you’re here to do. To live. To get hurt and live again. You only have one chance. Use it. I know I would, again and again…’ A million times over.

Kihyun looks at Changkyun’s face, relaxed, squished into the pillow, and then looks down at his own hands. Clean. No blood.

Clean. Pure. That’s how Changkyun makes Kihyun feel. So, maybe Kihyun has the pure soul. But, in his eyes, he’s not as authentic as Changkyun is. Not as bright as Changkyun is.

For a shadow , Kihyun thinks, closes his eyes and smiles, You shine so damn bright to me.

---

Changkyun knows how a few things work by now. He knows of Kihyun’s habits, his idiosyncrasies. Changkyun also knows how the covers feel against his skin when he wakes up. He knows how it feels to wake up, now. And that, in itself, is almost too new to feel familiar, but it does . It feels familiar, in that same way Kihyun himself feels familiar to him, the little tug he can feel in his chest, at his soul, when they look at each other. It’s so, so comforting, to have things to hold onto when everything feels like it’s falling apart. To have someone to hold your hand while you cry. And, Changkyun thinks, it’s part of being… human, in a way.

Changkyun shifts a little in the bed. The covers move against him but that’s okay because, again, he knows how they feel now. It’s like… It feels like… like something. Safety. Comfort. And it’s odd to feel it, physically feel it, in one thing, and then look at Kihyun’s peaceful, sleeping face, and feel it as if it, too, is covering him completely. Like a blanket keeping him warm. Safe. Comfortable.

And Changkyun feels ( he feels! ) guilty, almost, at the prospect of feeling safe here. That’s not… That’s not what he’s meant to do. He’s meant to keep Kihyun safe. And he would, without a doubt, without any hesitation even knowing, now, how it feels to think beyond safety, beyond the assurance of it, he knows he would keep Kihyun safe. He’d face it again. Fall again.

But he realises he doesn’t want to risk it again. Risk leaving Kihyun again. In that selfish, terrible way where he just wants this for as long as he can get it.

Because when he dies, when he leaves, he’ll go to a place where Kihyun could never follow. To a place he’d never want Kihyun to be.

But… (so many ‘buts’, so many contradictions), Changkyun swallows, wanting to reach over to brush the dark brown hair out of Kihyun’s eyes, even knowing he can’t.

But. Letting Kihyun die would just be a different kind of hell.

It is strange to be at odds with what he feels because he knows it goes against what he’s supposed to do. Yet he doesn’t want to stop feeling all these wonderful, confusing, scary things. And he wants to protect Kihyun.

Changkyun knows Kihyun is about to stir. Changkyun can feel the anticipation, the one that pervades sleep. The sudden change in Kihyun’s heartbeat. The breath Kihyun misses as his brows knit in a frown.

Kihyun closes his mouth, turns his face to the pillow and groans. “Headache…” He mumbles with a hoarse voice, hand sliding from under the covers to rub at his eye.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, soft, own voice feeling unused. He wants to slip out of bed, go to that cupboard over the sink where he saw the medicines and find something. He wants to, but Kihyun looks so… soft, in the mornings.

Kihyun finally opens his eyes, blinking lazily at Changkyun, face puffy, lips dry. “Hey…” And even though not much can be read from his expression, Kihyun moves his legs to tangle them between Changkyun’s, showing instead of saying. Acting instead of expressing.

And Changkyun smiles a little because how incredibly Kihyun of him . Changkyun moves closer, finally smoothing out the tuft of hair pointing up from Kihyun’s head, kissing it once its down. “Can I get you a pill or something…?”

“No need,” Kihyun pulls the covers closer to his chin, covering his mouth. “I just need a few minutes… here.” He closes his eyes again and tugs at Changkyun’s legs with his own. “Stay.”

Changkyun’s heart squeezes inside his chest and his stomach does this thing and when he smiles, he knows, because he knows a few things by now; “I’m never gonna get tired of waking up with you.”

Five seconds. That’s how long it takes Kihyun to open his eyes again. “Good,” he mumbles. His gaze shifts to the mattress where it stays as he speaks. “‘Cause I actually have… something I want to ask you… although I’m not sure how to start… I...” He sighs and stops talking and Changkyun knows Kihyun is biting at his upper lip, even if he can’t see it.

He does that. When he wants to say something but he’s not sure he wants the words out there, actually spoken. It’s easy to take back a thought before it’s shared.

“However is fine,” Changkyun says, trying to reassure as his hand plays at Kihyun’s hair. Soft. Near gravity-defying, at present. “It’s very early for questions so this must bother you...”

“I was…” Kihyun’s heart beat spikes. Changkyun scratches a little at Kihyun’s head and hears Kihyun’s heart jump again before it evens out. “I was thinking--have been thinking about it… not for long. Maybe just a few hours, really. And… well, last night I thought about it a lot.” Changkyun can practically hear Kihyun’s brain making noise. “And… it is too early in the morning, ugh…”

Changkyun frowns, confused, concerned. “It’s okay, you can ask me anything…”

When Kihyun speaks again, Changkyun can finally hear the little smile in his voice, “Tempting, but…” He pulls the covers over his nose. “It’s just the one thing, really…”

Changkyun feels himself smile. It’s hard not to, when Kihyun is. “It’s gonna take me a few more days, give or take a week, to learn how subtlety works, you know.”

Kihyun looks Changkyun in the eye, irises focusing as he shifts gaze from one eye to the other before he looks down. “Yesterday…” He pauses to bring a hand up to rub at his nose and then slide it back under the covers. “Made me think about a lot of things and…” He fidgets, frowning. “Do you want to…” His eyes shift back up to Changkyun and then away. “It’s fine if you don’t want to--if you don’t get it or… it’s fine. But I guess I wanna ask you anyway… out, I mean.”

Changkyun processes. He blinks. Out? Out where?  “I thought you wanted to stay here…?”

Snorting, Kihyun pulls the covers completely over his head, just a tuft of hair peeking at the top of the pillow. “I meant-- mean ask you out as in… date.” He slides the covers down just enough to be able to look at Changkyun again. “As in… boyfriends.”

Boyfriends. Changkyun tries to remember. Hoseok has mentioned boyfriends. That a boyfriend was someone special… Which Kihyun was. That a boyfriend was someone you had romantic and sexual feelings for… Which Changkyun had, for Kihyun. He frowns a little. “You want me to be your boyfriend?” Changkyun asks. And again, he remembers the term from TV shows. From the movies he’s watched. From things he’s learned and it… it explains the warmth in the chest but...

Kihyun looks away, “It’s fine if you don’t want to. It’s not like… it’s going to change it-- this . But…” He sighs. “I just don’t want to… regret.”

“Hey,” Changkyun says again, smiling a little, shaking softly at Kihyun’s shoulder. “Be patient with me for a sec. I’m new at pretty much everything, here. And I… think I know what you’re asking, but I want…” Changkyun smooths over the covers, where Kihyun’s arm is. “I want to know what… it means to you? I’ve never seen you this nervous asking a question,” Changkyun laughs softly, past the little voice in his head that just wants to yell yes, yes, of course, yes, I’ll be your boyfriend .

Kihyun blinks at him a few times. “I’ve never… had one.” He shivers. Cringing? Maybe. He does that a lot. “A boyfriend.” He shrugs, the motion awkward under the bed covers. “And if I have to, well, give a shot at this dating thing everyone seems so happy about all the time then… I’d like to… try. With you. Which, well, makes me as much a noob as you are.”

Changkyun nuzzles further into the blankets, closer to Kihyun. “From what I know…” Changkyun reaches down to find Kihyun’s hand. “Boyfriends are… Well, from what I’ve seen ,” Changkyun laughs a little. So. This is what being nervous feels like. “It’s… this. It’s waking up together, watching movies, kissing and hugging and… being together.”

“I know,” Kihyun sighs, “I know but... It’s also…” He pulls the covers down to reveal his face and frowns. “Look. I get it. This. We,” he moves his finger between them, even with Changkyun’s hand around his, “Have a problem. A big problem and… unfortunately it’s one we might never be able to solve. We are never going to agree when it comes to… what happened last night. And that’s fine . But it doesn’t mean I won’t get angry at you or… act in ways you won’t understand. You don’t want me to die. I don’t want you to die. And we’re always going to be at odds with each other when it comes to what takes priority--we’re both right, by the way.” He takes a deep breath. “What I want you to know is that even if one day we go to bed and you think I’m angry with you. Even if I say things just to get a rise out of you because I’m mad at you… at the end of the day I…” He locks eyes with Changkyun. “I’m not leaving, or giving up on you. That’s what I mean as ‘boyfriends’.”

Changkyun feels it. Warmth. In his chest, climbing up his neck to his ears and cheeks.

Overcome with the need to look at Kihyun even though he already is, touch him even though they already are, Changkyun reaches forward to cup Kihyun’s face in his hands and smile so brightly it almost hurts.

“Then why didn’t you just say so.”

And despite the pink on his cheeks and the loud, loud, loud (alive) heart in his chest, Kihyun still forces a frown. “I just did!”

Changkyun feels a giggle bubble up in his chest and there’s no reason to pretend it’s not there. “You’re my boyfriend. I can kiss you and hold you and you won’t leave and I can’t wait for all the other things I don’t even know about yet.”

Kihyun pouts, melting between Changkyun’s hands. “You’re so sappy, even in the morning…”

In the mornings! “This morning and every morning,” Changkyun smiles. He can’t seem to stop. Slowly but quickly, Changkyun knows a lot more, and feels a lot more and there’s at least one word for it now. Boyfriends .

“Ugh,” Kihyun shivers. And after a few breaths and bites of lip he speaks again. “How are you feeling? Still… hurting somewhere?”

Changkyun takes a deep, testing breath and it doesn’t hurt anymore. He shakes his head. “I’m alright, really. Good as new.” He lets go of Kihyun’s face but not his hand, bringing it up to kiss at the little mole again. “Sorry, I can’t help it,” Changkyun chuckles, lowering Kihyun’s hand again.

Kihyun sighs, smiling small and looking down. “Hey… I didn’t get to say it and, honestly, I’m a bit mad Hoseok beat me to it but…” He looks up. “Thank you for saving my life and Hoseok’s as well. I just wish we could’ve… helped more people.”

Changkyun chest falls and he nods, glancing away. “Yeah, me too… I couldn’t… I could barely… I wish it had been weaker. Or I had been stronger. I tried but I just…”

Kihyun squeezes Changkyun’s hands. “It’s fine, you… minus the almost dying part, you did good. But… I think we should get smarter with these things and I…” He frowns. “I need to learn. I don’t know what or how but… I know there must to be something I can do. To help you. Help myself and everyone else, too.” He sighs. “Those things, they can’t think. They just want. But we have brains, well , some of us do. We should use them.”

“I…” Changkyun swallows past the lump in his throat. Fear. “I understand wanting to help but the idea of you… I almost died. And I break knives, Kihyun.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Kihyun snorts. “I have no intentions of rolling around in the mud with one of those. I’ll leave that to you. But… if I find a way to help then I will. And this is not something I want to do for you. It’s something I want to do for myself.”

I wish it had been weaker. Or I had been stronger. Changkyun nods. “I understand. Still worried out of my right mind, though.” All the time, actually .

“Well, great.” Kihyun scoots closer and pecks Changkyun’s nose with his lips. “Now you know how I feel every time you have to fight one of them.”

“Hopeless, the both of us,” Changkyun mumbles. Warmth. Warmth when Kihyun touches him, says sweet things perhaps without meaning to. “Hey, Ki?”

Kihyun stretches his legs a little, even if still locked with Changkyun’s. “Hm?”

“Are there any special privileges,” Changkyun asks, feeling the need to tease. “To being your boyfriend?”

“Uhm,” Kihyun blinks, raising an eyebrow as he looks up to think. “I guess? Hm. Maybe a few.” He makes a face. “Some quite cringe-worthy but…”

Changkyun moves forward to grip lightly at Kihyun’s arm. “Can I know them? Please please please?”

“Well, firstly and foremost,” Kihyun turns back to Changkyun, face so close their noses brush and Kihyun smirks. “You get to experience my almost nonexistent but still existent bursts of jealousy.” He hums, “Then, you get to show off. You can tell everyone--you don’t even have that many friends, but whatever. Usually, people hear ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ and think ‘taken’. I’m yours, yadda yadda- -I’m going to cringe.”

Changkyun brushes the tip of his nose over Kihyun’s, and says, in that deep, slow voice he’s noticed makes Kihyun’s cheeks flush, “I’m yours.”

And Kihyun blushes, glances away, eyes trained on the white ceiling. He gives a quick squeeze to Changkyun’s hand. “Mine.”

“Yes, you are,” Changkyun says in the same voice and watches in the utmost affection as Kihyun breathes out loudly through his nose and turns even redder.

“Great.” His voice sounds funny. “Now that we have established that, we can--”

“Hey! Love birds!” Hoseok shouts from the other side of the door, giving two small knocks on the wood as he laughs.

“Oh, yeah,” Changkyun laughs softly. “Did I mention that Hoseok was making breakfast?”

Kihyun shoots up from the bed and sits up. “In my kitchen!?” The red on his cheeks seems to have turned white. “I hope… he’s alone. I can’t have misfortune anywhere near the kitchen.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “We would have smelled the smoke, Kihyun.”

“Yes, in your kitchen!” Hoseok laughs, boisterous. “Now get off his dick before the eggs get cold.”

And Kihyun stands up. Except he’s standing up over the mattress with a pillow in his hand. “I wasn’t!” He shouts, high pitched.

“Fair, I’m sure I would have heard that--”

Kihyun swings his arm and throws the pillow against the door. Changkyun can’t see his face, but he can see his red, red ears. “I am going to choke you with those goddamned eggs!” And with that he storms out of the bedroom.

Changkyun laughs, falling back onto the bed and grinning at the ceiling.

Boyfriends .

“Boyfriends,” he mumbles to himself and thinks it might be one of his favourite words, now.

“What?! Your hand cramps and the whole neighbourhood knows, it’s a fair assumption--!”

“Shut up! You keep telling me I-- you know what?! No. I’m going to the bathroom…”

Changkyun laughs to himself, getting up to grab a t-shirt and wander over to the kitchen. Hoseok looks up, scoffing softly.

“Good morning?” Hoseok asks. “And I ask because--” he gestures to the bathroom. “Wrong side of the bed, that one. Eggs?”

“Indeed they are.” Changkyun sits down, stabbing lightly at the eggs. They look different from the ones Kihyun always makes. Messier.

Hoseok leans over the table and quickly shoots a look at the bathroom door before leaning closer, speaking lower, almost whispering. “By the way… Kihyun’s birthday is in two days. I was thinking that maybe we could… well, assuming you want to, of course, go out together to get something for him.” He pauses to glance at the bathroom again for a second. “You know what a birthday is, correct?”

Changkyun nods, only mildly uncertain. “You celebrate the years you’ve been alive and exchange gifts.” Changkyun pouts a little. He’s fairly sure he should be just a tad offended that Kihyun hadn’t told him about this annual, fast approaching event. “I didn’t know his was in two days…”

Hoseok blinks, “Oh… well,” he looks down and then up, “did you ask?”

Changkyun wants to defend himself but. “No…” He pouts a bit more. He’s being a terrible boyfriend already, he can tell.

Hoseok, however, beams. “I can help!” He whispers loudly. “I was thinking of… tomorrow? Wanna come with?” He asks, bouncing a little where he stands leaning on the table.

“For a present?” Changkyun nods, sitting up a bit straighter. “Yeah. Yeah, we should get him.... Something. He has two vacuum cleaners so maybe not that…”

“I have an idea… more or less,” Hoseok smirks. “It includes you, though.”

Changkyun nods again, more confident. “Good. I wanna be a good--”

Hoseok’s eyes widen, “A good--?” But before he can get an answer, the door to the bathroom opens and Kihyun walks out, toothbrush in his mouth, goes straight to where he keeps his cleaning products and brings out a few before he walks back into the bathroom and shuts the door closed. Hoseok blinks, gesturing slightly, “You like that , do you…”

Changkyun sighs with mock exasperation. “At least he’s pretty when he wakes up.”

Hoseok throws his head back and laughs. “At least?” He shakes his head, still laughing. “Gosh, no wonder he can’t keep them. Weirdo.” He smiles fondly for a beat, then. “A great friend, though. The best.”

Stuffing a bit more of the egg in his mouth, Changkyun nods a little, watching the bathroom door. “He’s magnificent.” He glances back. “Still a weirdo, though. But aren’t we all.”

“Some more than others,” Hoseok chuckles. “But yes. Anyway, tomorrow. Tomorrow, at eleven am. I’ll pick you up. Kihyun has work, right? So we can go and come back without him even noticing.”

Changkyun nods, smiling as he chews, cheek puffing.

The bathroom door opens again and Kihyun walks back into the kitchen to put the cleaning products away. “I think I should save some money,” he mumbles. “That bathroom really needs a ventilation system. Otherwise it’s the perfect environment for moss growth.” He looks at Changkyun and Hoseok then and frowns. “What.”

“Nerd,” Changkyun and Hoseok say in unison, before reaching out for a high five.

“You’re both weird,” Kihyun says mid grimace. He looks away, scratching at his neck and then pausing. “Ah. That reminds me,” he mumbles, giving a short run to the bedroom. He comes back not even a minute later with something in his hand. Something he places over the table between Changkyun and Hoseok.

Hoseok blinks. “Oh, this…”

“I’m giving it to him,” Kihyun informs, pointing vaguely at Changkyun. “You don’t mind do you?”

“Nope,” Hoseok says with a knowing smile.

“Great,” Kihyun leans over a little to look at Changkyun’s face and then points down. “You just got your own camera.”

Changkyun looks between them and then at the little camera. The polaroid Kihyun had mentioned wanting to give him. “Wha,” Changkyun says, feeling not exactly intelligent. He picks it up, turns it around in his hands and bounces a little on the chair. “I don’t know how this works!” Changkyun exclaims, delighted. “Thank you!”

The corner of Kihyun’s lips tips up and then slowly blossoms into a smile. “I’ll teach you. Later, if you want. We can… buy you an album so you can collect them.”

Hoseok squishes his cheeks between his hands as he leans forward, smiling at the two of them. “So cute.”

Changkyun looks at the camera in his hands, remembers what he’d seen on television and what he’s seen Kihyun do with his much bigger camera, and points it at Kihyun when he takes the picture. He thinks that’s what he did, anyway. He takes the little picture out without shaking it and…

I like it. It’s normal .

Changkyun smiles to himself, swallowing against the well of feeling in his throat. Because Changkyun knows how a few things work by now. He knows that he is not indestructible; that at the hands of a demon as strong as the one from last night, he can fight, but he could also die. He knows that there are quite a few feelings in his chest and he can name a few but he struggles with others. Affection, fear, happiness, worry, adoration, joy… safety, insecurity. And he feels them all when he looks at Kihyun.

And he wants this. Wants to cling to waking up like this every day. Wants to have this for as long as possible.

Hoseok scoffs. “You realise his entire album will just be pictures of you, right?”

“There are worse things,” Kihyun says with a short laugh.

---

Kihyun watches his hands through the transparent water. He thumbs at his other hand, rubbing the finger in circular motions over his palm. But… it's not coming off.

His hands are clean. He knows because he's washed them five times in the last forty minutes. But he can't shake off the feeling of dirt , of blood, dry blood covering his skin.

Images flashing behind his eyes, Kihyun leaves the water running and looks up at the ceiling. The bathroom really needs a ventilation system…

Kihyun thinks about moss. Then, he thinks about the crashing sound of a table hitting the floor. And then, he thinks about cake. But his brain throws him into a loop of Changkyun falling through a window, like a gif. So, he moves on to think about waking up, trying to sooth the sudden sting in his chest. But his brain leaps over that, too. And lands on death .

Dying. Kihyun doesn't want to die. But that's not what scares him the most. Not since… not since he almost did die. And then spent four days thinking about what a gift it is to feel alive. Not since…

He sighs, nail digging at his palm. The sudden cold over his shoulder feeling like an unwelcome blanket.

“You again,” Kihyun mutters, eyes on his own reflection.

“I think they’re clean, Kihyun,” Hyungwon says without looking at him.

“Are they, though?” Kihyun keeps his voice down, knowing Hoseok and Changkyun are just one door away.

“He says to the guy who had to look every one of those souls in the eye,” Hyungwon grumbles. But it’s too monotonous to be a grumble. He just sounds tired.

Kihyun looks down at his hands, at the way his nail manages to break through skin. “Now they're not…” He says and then sighs. “People died. And… I feel… like that's on me, somehow.”

“Right, so you’ve moved on from feeling useless to feeling accountable.” Hyungwon nods. “Very you. Would you like to go ahead and skip to the revenge part or?”

There's blood on his palm. A little pink. And then it heals in less than two seconds. Just like every wound. Just like every broken bone.

“I am like a lighthouse for danger. And yet I also want to live my life like everybody else does. Selfish, right?” He laughs bitterly, rubbing over where it healed. “And yet, once I go through that door,” he motions towards the bathroom door with his head, “it's no longer just about me. I know that. So, let me sort my own feelings. I've been doing it all my life. Nothing new.”

Hyungwon rubs a hand over his face. “The same way Hoseok is sorting out his feelings. And Kyun his. Fine. I’ll just---” he gestures to nothing. “Be here.”

Kihyun closes the tap and wiggles his hands around, knowing he won't hit Hyungwon with sprinkles but, hey, the thought counts.

“There's something I want to ask you,” Kihyun says, almost like a whisper. “Something that… I want to keep between us.”

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow, arms crossed as he leans back against the wall. “This ought to be good.”

It's the question Kihyun has been asking since the start. The question no one seems to be able to answer.

He turns around, lower back against the sink, and sighs. “Why me?” He looks up. “I thought maybe… there was a very complicated reason behind all this. But,” he squints, “Kyunie looks human. You look… more or less human. I look human. But… am I?” And once the words are out, Kihyun's heartbeat spikes.

Am I…?

It makes sense to say it, to ask. So far, he could never get past ‘why me?’ and now he subconsciously jumped to a different question, to a different problem.

The worst thing is when Hyungwon doesn’t answer immediately. It should be a simple ‘yes, get your head out of your ass’ or, god forbid, a ‘no’. Instead, Hyungwon looks away.

“I don’t know,” Hyungwon shrugs. “I wanna say yes, but then I look at you and my eyes burn .”

And Kihyun's heart beats louder. So, he thinks about cake. He thinks about baking a cake. Because that doesn't make his heart beat faster. That doesn't make Changkyun worry. Because, yes, Kihyun knows Changkyun can hear it, the fear, the anxiety, everything Kihyun’s system goes through. Changkyun can hear it.

“I see,” Kihyun says just because he needs to say something. “Is Hoseok…? Is he human?”

Hyungwon laughs. “He has the soul of a saint, but yes, he’s human.” He sighs. “Look, Kihyun, whatever you are, I haven’t seen it before. But it tastes like something I can’t… I don’t know, it’s like recognising a taste but not knowing what it is .” Hyungwon sticks his tongue out of his mouth. “Terrible metaphor. And hey, if it’s any consolation, I have no idea what your little demon pet is either.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, hands reaching back for the sink. “Matching, I see…”

Hyungwon laughs, then, loud, bending over lightly. “Oh, man, if you could hear yourself,” he wheezes.

“You know what's sad?” Kihyun laughs, too, “ I can hear myself. I hate it, ugh.” He pauses to look away. “There's a lot happening at the same time… it's hard to focus on just one thing. But…” He allows it, the sinking feeling from a few days ago, that guilt he felt when he told Changkyun, he allows it to manifest. “I missed you.”

Hyungwon’s laughter trickles into a chuckle. “Unexpected to hear but… Yeah. Yeah, I missed you, too. Damn terrible watching Hoseok let your ego grow unmonitored.”

Kihyun laughs and bends down to keep it from bubbling. It dies down after a second or two. “Don't die again. You wasted all my slots. Can't deal with that again.”

“Couldn’t die even if I wanted to,” Hyungwon says. “So at least there's that.”

Kihyun leans away from the sink. He swings to hit Hyungwon’s arm, expecting his hand to slip through. But…

There's a tap . And a touch. And both Kihyun and Hyungwon freeze, eyes locking on each other to stare.

“That’s a definite no on the human,” Hyungwon manages with a thin, thin voice.

“I…” Kihyun looks at where his hand is flat on Hyungwon’s arm. “I couldn't see you before either. But… then I remembered everyone has a voice… a voice I can hear.” He frowns. “And when I focused on yours, you were there with a blink.”

Hyungwon stares down at Kihyun’s hand before startling away, delayed. “This doesn’t make any goddamn sense. You shouldn’t be able to do that.”

“Touch you? Or hear you?” Kihyun breathes. “I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be able to shine like you say I do… but…”

“Kihyun, I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m a bit scared of you right now.”

“Great… that makes two of us…”

Hyungwon gives a full body shiver. “I… might have an idea. It’s a terrible idea and I despise myself for even mentioning this, but that beef steak really knows what he’s talking about, so,” Hyungwon nods, looking at Kihyun like he might explode.

Kihyun withdraws his hand and stares at his palm, frowning. Like he expects a sudden laser beam to shoot right through his skull. “Beef…” He looks up, “Steak?”

“You’ll understand when you see him,” Hyungwon sighs. “Which I suppose you should.”

Kihyun’s fingers curl into a first and he lets his hand fall. “I'm… Yeah. Okay.” He looks at the bathroom door and licks his lips. “Is he… human? The beef steak.”

“Special kind of human, but yes.” Hyungwon shifts, uncomfortable. “Seer. Expert. Demon hunter. Whatever you wanna call him. Although I’ve heard he prefers ‘Shownu’.”

“Shownu…” Seer. Demon hunter? “Tomorrow, then.” Kihyun's heart skips a beat with anxiety. “Can we?” He has work. Be he can take the afternoon. After all, he needs to know. He needs an answer the the question ‘Why me?’ and maybe one for the question ‘Am I?’.

Hyungwon scoffs. “I’ll ask him,” he says before mumbling, “Because I can actually do that. Shit, I hope he doesn’t have some… Reaper repellent artifact or something.” Hyungwon shivers. “The things I do for you.”

Kihyun raises a hand to his temple. “When I think I've seen it all…” He feels dizzy, stepping slowly towards the door, failing to grab the handle twice. “The world hates me.”

“Just be glad you’re Bad Reaper Juju repellent,” Hyungwon scoffs, and winces. “Christ, while you’re there, ask him about turning your brightness settings down, you give me headaches.”

“You give me headaches,” Kihyun mumbles as he flings the door open. “You and everyone else, at this point.”

“Don’t let your little pet hear you,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “He’s delicate.”

“I know,” Kihyun mumbles as he moves towards the kitchen. He needs more coffee. Maybe also a joint and a kick in the head. Maybe all of those at the same time. He turns the kettle on and looks over his shoulder. “I'm making coffee! Do any of you idiots want something?”

“Sure,” Changkyun smiles up, small, from where he’s still carefully looking at the camera, turning it in his hands. Hoseok shakes his head, leaning against the counter and looking at Kihyun curiously. Changkyun lifts the camera and takes yet another picture.

“He’s gonna run out of… film or whatever,” Hoseok laughs.

Kihyun chuckles, reaching for the clean mugs near the sink. His heart is still jumping around in his chest, even when he's trying his best to keep it steady. “It's fine, if he's happy.”

Changkyun looks up again, putting the camera down on the counter and frowning lightly before smiling at Hoseok. “Hey, do you wanna go find us something to watch?”

“Hm?” Hoseok looks up and then smiles. “A movie? Sure!” He hops off from the chair and walks to the living room, falling down on the sofa, switching on the TV and making to flick through movies on Netflix. And Changkyun gets up too, walking to lean against the counter where Kihyun’s trying to concentrate on making the coffee, on--well, too late for that.

“Hey,” Changkyun says gently. “Your heart’s doing a lot in there…”

“Yeah?” Kihyun laughs. “Sorry about that.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes with a smile. “Yeah, apologise for involuntary bodily functions. For shame .” Changkyun moves like he wants to bump him on the shoulder. “Just… checking up on you.”

“I'm,” Kihyun glances towards bathroom door, near where Hyungwon leans against the wall, and then down when the kettle clicks. He wants to say ‘fine’ but he chokes on the word like it's poison. So, he shuts his mouth closed.

“Yeah, me too,” Changkyun says. He looks outside, to where the clouds hang heavy in the sky, looking ready to break. “You know, I’ve been thinking… About what you said, about truths.”

“Oh,” Kihyun glances up and down as he serves three mugs of coffee. Mentally serving a fourth for his very weird, very dead, very strange friend on the wall. “What about it…”

Changkyun takes a deep, scratching at the back of his head. “Yeah, near-death experiences can do that to a guy… And I was thinking about… what you asked me this morning,” Changkyun smiles down, small. “I wanna ask but you’re gonna get maaaad …”

Kihyun sighs, putting the kettle down and glaring at the three (four) mugs in front of him. “You’re here telling me you want to ask me something even knowing I will get mad, so I’m assuming you’re going to ask anyway.” His heart is still beating like crazy. And it’s not going to slow down now.

Changkyun winces a little. “Yes? Ugh,” he rubs his hand over his face. “Shouldn’t have brought this up now, it’s really not the most important thing… at all …” He sighs and rubs at his cheeks. “Why... me ?”

That… was not what Kihyun was expecting, if he was expecting anything at all. Surprisingly, his heart slows down and he turns slightly to look at Changkyun. “What do you mean, why you…?”

“I mean…” Changkyun deflates. “I know there’s this connection and all, and that it’s my duty to protect you yadda-yadda--” The things he’s taken to saying-- “but… You’re giving me your firsts . Some of them, anyway. This one,” he points with a finger between the two of them. “And I just…” He shrugs, looking down.

It’s soft, small, but Kihyun feels it on his face before he feels it in his chest. Smile, first. Warmth, second. He takes one of the mugs and hands it to Changkyun. “There’s no reason. I just…” The words swim around in his head and Kihyun lets them swirl around until they dissipate. “It’s not because we’re connected. If we are… then I guess that’s a bonus. Although, I guess it did spark some curiosity here and there,” he chuckles, reaching out to take one of Changkyun’s hands, “why certain things felt the way they did but… It’s not, it was never about that. You could’ve been as asshole. You could’ve been a thorn in my shoe. But you weren’t. You cared. You said the right thing every time I expected you not to…” Kihyun rolls his eyes, “It helps that you look like that, too, not gonna lie.”

Changkyun, smiling throughout Kihyun’s little speech, giggles softly, looking into the coffee “Ah, I see. You like me 'cause I’m--what’s the word you said I wasn’t allowed to quote back at you? Hot? Or was it sexy?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes again, lets go of Changkyun and picks up the other two mugs, “Perfect. That’s what I called you. I like you because you’re…” He makes a face and shivers a little, “...perfect for me. Ugh!” And there is the full body shiver. Thankfully, he doesn’t drop the mugs.

Changkyun laughs some more, taking a cup from Kihyun. “And you’re my truth. That’s what I… wanted to tell you, before I got insecure and you made yourself cringe.”

And just like that, Kihyun’s heart beats at a normal pace. Even when he thinks about his conversation with Hyungwon, even when he thinks about last night, even when he thinks about cake.

Amazing what a little truth can do.

“I think I found something!” Hoseok calls in blissful ignorance of how Kihyun had just opened his mouth to almost say something really, probably very stupid. “How are we feeling about How To Train Your Dragon?”

“Oh, yes, that movie is cute.” Kihyun straightens up, pacing to the living room, “Doesn’t Toothless remind you of someone we know?”

Hoseok frowns, looking over. “Who do you--” And his eyes flit past Kihyun to where Changkyun is walking over, dipping the tip of his tongue into the coffee and scrunching his nose when it’s too hot. Hoseok laughs. “Oh, shit, yeah.”

Kihyun lets himself fall next to Hoseok, holding the mug high to avoid spilling it all over. “Half dog, half cat and now part dragon,” he jokes. “And cute.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Changkyun asks, folding his legs under himself as he sits down, eyes on his coffee. He hands Hoseok the other mug. “What’s a Toothless and… why are you looking at me like that.”

“You think he likes sushi?” Kihyun laughs as he looks to Hoseok. “We haven’t fed him fish yet.”

Hoseok laughs into his hand. “God, I can’t look at him… Just…” He laughs, gesturing to the TV. “Please just play the thing, I can’t.”

It turns out that watching the movie turns into quite the interesting affair. Changkyun seems to catch on pretty soon when Hoseok and Kihyun relentlessly go on with the comparisons, up to the point where Kihyun nearly kills Hoseok for one.

“So,” Hoseok asks, nonchalant, during the scene where Hiccup flies Toothless for the first time. “Have you tried riding him yet?”

Kihyun keeps his eyes trained on the TV and tongues the inside of his cheek. He laughs, not really laughing. And then turns very slowly to stare at Hoseok. “You… you know the window is right there, don’t you…”

Hoseok shrugs, unaffected. “You’re tiny.”

“Has anyone seen my phone…” Changkyun mumbles, looking around and patting his pants, the front pocket of his hoodie. Kihyun throws a hand over Changkyun’s chest to keep him where he is.

“Don’t bother,” he says, eyes still glaring. If looks could kill...

Hoseok laughs. “Yeah, Kyun, no need to Google it, just wait for the practical lesso--”

Kihyun places his mug down over the small table and then turns slightly to glare some more before climbing with both legs over the sofa and throwing himself at Hoseok to stick fingers in his ears. “You are sooooooo annoying!”

Hoseok laughs loudly, pushing Kihyun away and keeping him at arms’ length as he struggles. “Hey! Thank me before you attack me, you ass!”

“Why would I thank you?!” Kihyun tries to climb up some more, ready to throw a foot in Hoseok’s face. He’s laughing though, which kills the purpose.

“He sent me some keywords,” Changkyun chirps in helpfully.

“Keywords?” Kihyun throws over his shoulder, pausing in his attempt to murder his best friend. “Keywords for… Wait.” He turns to glare at Hoseok again. “You!”

“You’re welcome!” Hoseok laughs, trying to wiggle off the sofa.

“Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to me to list them,” Changkyun says, oddly calm, reaching over to pause the movie. “The top two we’ve covered already, though--”

Kihyun falls face down on the sofa once Hoseok finally manages to move away, rolling to the floor and then rolling some more and finishing in a weird, cringe-worthy kung fu position. “I can’t believe you two…” Kihyun sighs, chin over the cushion. “I’m one best friend away from committing murder and one boyfriend away from dying…” He says that and frowns. ‘Boyfriend’, is it… still tastes weird in his mouth but… it feels warm in his chest.

“ Boyfriend?! ” Hoseok screeches.

“Ah,” Kihyun waves a hand in the air, “yeah, that happened.” He feels his cheeks burn a little and turns to squish one of them against the cushion as he looks to Hoseok. “I asked…”

Hoseok screams a little into his hands and Changkyun laughs, looking over at Kihyun. “Apparently the first one.”

“I can’t!” Hoseok squeals, reaching out to shake Changkyun’s shoulder, who winces almost imperceptibly. “You! Demon boyfriend! Boyfriends!”

“Gross,” Hyungwon says from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

“You have a very interesting way of processing information, Hoseok,” Changkyun notes as Hoseok continues to squeal into his hands.

Kihyun stretches one leg down to poke Changkyun with his foot. No reason, really. But it’s not like he needs a reason now. “I only keep him around because he’s always this enthusiastic about whatever I do with my life.”

Changkyun laughs and Hoseok smacks himself on the cheeks a little. “I can’t believe your first boyfriend is a demon... “ Hoseok blinks, turning to face Kihyun. “Hang on, I thought you two weren’t allowed to kiss? I mean, the other things are great but…” Changkyun looks away. “ Aaand I’m sensing that this is a sensitive topic...” Hoseok sinks into the cushions just as Kihyun sits up. “Ignore me.”

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat. Not because his first boyfriend is, in fact, a demon. After all, Kihyun knows he himself might not be entirely human. But because… “We’re not. Or… we are but we can’t.”

Changkyun taps his lips again, the way he’d done for Kihyun before, and looks down as if shy. “Guess that’s just a first we’ll never have.” Changkyun shrugs, shifting a bit. “If he’s okay with it, then I don’t mind…”

Kihyun turns to Changkyun and slaps at the back of his head. “I asked you out! You think I mind? Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna do it. But… there are other things, too, important things.” He sighs. “Plus… you bet your ass that if any of us is two seconds away from crossing the threshold, I will kiss you.” He grumbles. “No regrets, it’s my new motto.”

“Don’t you dare ever kiss me,” Changkyun says with a little finger wag he could only have picked up from Kihyun.

“This is the weirdest conversation…” Hoseok shakes his head, blinking and softly smacking Kihyun on the back of the head. “You heard him and we have a movie to finish, cuddling is allowed, get back here.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, glaring at the TV. “Whatever,” he mumbles.

Changkyun holds out his arms, pouting. “But… Cuddles?” And Kihyun glances at him once, looking away when he reaches for Changkyun’s wrist and tugs.

“Come here.”

“So gross,” Hoseok says cheerfully, pressing play.

“So gross,” Hyungwon repeats from the walls, from nowhere-- Where the fuck is he?

---

Obviously, they all cry (Kihyun doesn’t, he just… feels his eyes burn, that’s all). The flames envelop Hiccup and Toothless and they all sniffle like babies. (Kihyun’s nose is just a little stuffy, that’s all.) Kihyun doesn’t even notice he’s holding Changkyun as close as he can until he subconsciously leans his head down and buries his nose in Changkyun’s hair.

“You,” Hoseok says with a runny nose, “you scared me last night… both of you. I--I thought…”

Kihyun brings Changkyun closer again and buries his whole face in his hair. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry… It will take a while to get over what happened last night. To accept that not everything will work as they want it to. To forgive each other. And, more importantly, to forgive themselves.

Changkyun clings, face buried in Kihyun’s chest and when the credits roll, it starts raining. It had been threatening for weeks. But besides a few night drizzles and the dark clouds during the day, it hadn’t rained in a long, long time.

Hoseok sniffles and looks down at his hands. “I… I don’t k--know how to… act. But I wa--want everyone to be happy… So, I…”

Kihyun feels his throat close, so tight he can barely breathe. Out of all the reasons why his body wants him to cry, Hoseok crying has always been Kihyun’s weakness. So then, when Kihyun finally tries to get air to his lungs, he sobs.

He sobs in that way where it hurts as it comes out of you, flawing and thick and unstoppable as it tears its way out. Changkyun squeezes his arms around Kihyun as he shakes, leaning back to wipe the tears off his face.

And the more Kihyun cries, the more Hoseok cries next to him. And while Kihyun is mostly a sobby mess, Hoseok is actually loud, so very loud and messy and so very Hoseok. Which makes Kihyun cry even more.

“Hey,” Hyungwon says out of nowhere, kneeling in front of Hoseok and smiling small. “Don’t cry, you big baby. Smile. Smile because you’re alive. Smile for me, please, because I love you, and miss you so much even though I see you every day...”

Hoseok rubs at his eyes, sniffling and hiccuping and Hyungwon nods. “There you go…”

And now Kihyun cries because of them. Because they’re a tragedy away from having what Kihyun has. Which, considering, might be what the future has reserved for him, too.

He tugs at Changkyun to pull him closer again and buries his head in Changkyun’s shoulder, rubbing his eyes on Changkyun’s shirt. And it bubbles. Like little words, like small little words carrying the weight of strong, tall, heavy feelings.

‘I love you’, Kihyun’s own voice says inside his head.

And it’s difficult. It’s really, really difficult to face everything and feel everything. Because like small words with a meaning bigger than the world, Kihyun, too, carries a lot on his shoulders.

Hoseok sniffles one last time and then tugs at Kihyun’s shirt. And Kihyun barely moves, head turning slightly, cheek pressed on Changkyun’s shoulder. Hoseok points outside and laughs a little, wet and emotional, but a laugh.

“It’s beautiful, look,” he says.

And Kihyun sniffles and leans back, the tears stilling as he looks out the window. Looks at the way the heavy, dark clouds spread the colors of the setting sun through the sky in a mix of reds, oranges, yellows and… black.

“H--Hey,” Kihyun says, shaking Changkyun a little and then pointing out the window, “Look. You. ”

Changkyun sniffles as he looks up, frowning softly at Kihyun before looking and… melting. He blinks at the sky, bottom lip wobbling and eyes shiny and he stares for a while, so long it takes Kihyun by surprise when Changkyun scrambles a little to pull him closer, pressing his lips, hard, against Kihyun’s forehead, hands in his hair.

It’s still raining. And the water drops cling to the window like gravity inverted. Kihyun laughs a little, short but there, and leans into Changkyun’s touch. And yes, gravity has inverted. For him, at least. It’s been pulling him forward rather than down for the past weeks.

“Let’s…” Hoseok hiccups. “Let’s go outside!” Hoseok says, getting up. He’s still rubbing furiously at his eyes and Hyungwon hangs his head as he passes right through him. “You’ve--you’ve not been in the rain, right?”

Changkyun shakes his head, having pulled away just enough to look at Kihyun, to smile with teary eyes. “Let’s go outside,” Changkyun agrees, thumbing at Kihyun’s cheek.

“Nice, nice, lemme just,” Hoseok stumbles (probably because his eyes are still closed where he’s rubbing them). “Get the umbrellas, and you two just--” He gestures vaguely before rummaging through Kihyun’s corridor closet, things dropping as he goes.

Kihyun leans slightly against Changkyun’s hand on his face, sniffling and looking down and sometimes up just to feel the familiar pull whenever they lock eyes. And then down again as his brain tries to quell what his feelings keep screaming about.

He brings a hand up to rub at his nose and then looks out the window again. “Get a jacket,” he mumbles, his voice a little hoarse. “Two, actually.”

And Changkyun does, nodding a little before disappearing into the bedroom, something crashing ( Hoseok… ) in the hallway. Hoseok walks into the living room. “Found ‘em,” and points right back at the front door. “I’ll jus’ wait there.”

Kihyun gets up, looking out the window one last time before crossing the living room. Changkyun runs to him with two jackets in hand and Kihyun hands him a pair of shoes. They’re pretty quiet, all and all, as they make their way out of the house, the elevator, the building. Kihyun holds Changkyun’s hand and Hoseok leans his weight on Changkyun.

And as they step outside, the humid cold air slaps them in the face. Kihyun sees the puff when he breathes through his mouth and looks to Changkyun, smiling when he starts puffing the air just to see the little smoke clouds leave through his lips.

And the entire landscape takes on a surreal saffron hue as the clouds reflect the fading sun. Everything around them looks bathed in red. And as the rain falls, it turns into a dusky brownish-orange.

Hoseok steps forward, spreading the black umbrella open over his head and then jumps over a few rain puddles. He turns to smile at them, eyes red with tears. “Don’t wait up, I’m gonna get something from the supermarket. Old tradition, remember!”

Kihyun lets go of Changkyun and spreads their clear umbrella open over their heads before he hands it over. “Your first rain, you hold it,” he says softly. And Changkyun takes it, looking up through the umbrella as they step out, rain hitting the transparent plastic. Kihyun follows close by his side.

Changkyun laughs up at the rain, dropping onto the umbrella, rolling down the sides. It’s a blissful, bubbly little thing, the joy in which Changkyun looks at something as simple as rain and laughs. He lets go of Kihyun’s hand to reach out, palm out. The rain hits his hand and he giggles again. He turns to smile at Kihyun, like he can’t keep the smile in, can’t stop himself from looking, bouncing a little and looking up at the sky through the umbrella. “I love it.” Changkyun laughs again, reaching to tug at Kihyun’s sleeve.

And courage comes when you leap. So, Kihyun breathes in slow and says;

“I love you.”

In the dark before you see . A little light in a sea gone black. A sunset in a pretty dark sky with no moon. When ‘right now’ means more than everything else.

And Changkyun’s hand falls from his sleeve and he looks at Kihyun and it’s a lot, but barely a second.

“That’s the word. The words . The ones I was looking for...” Changkyun breaths out a laugh. “I love you, too.”

Kihyun’s eyes widen slightly and then he looks down, smiling, reaching out to brush his fingers against Changkyun’s. “You’re a hundred percent sure I can’t kiss you, right? Just making sure…” His chest feels so warm, and it spreads, like a tidal wave, through his body.

Changkyun laughs again, breathy, emotional. “Yeah…” He reaches up, places a kiss on his fingers and reaches out to press it against Kihyun’s lips. And despite the skip his heart makes, despite the surprise on his face, it takes Kihyun half a second to react and press his lips on Changkyun’s finger, closing his eyes and making a funny kiss noise before leaning back and smiling.

“Come here,” he says, tugging at Changkyun’s hand, who falls into his inverted gravity like it’s the easiest thing in the world. And Kihyun reaches with his other hand over Changkyun’s mouth, tiptoeing, and presses his lips over his own skin to feel Changkyun’s kiss.

And then Kihyun lets his hand fall, their lips just a breath away and he says it again, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Changkyun says, smiling so so brightly, like the sun peeking out from the clouds. “So so much.”

Kihyun laughs, their foreheads bumping slightly. “It’s weird… suddenly I can’t stop saying it…”

Changkyun giggles. “Say it again, then.”

Rolling his eyes fondly, Kihyun cups Changkyun’s face between his hands and rubs their noses together. “I love you, you idiot. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And with another giggle and a ‘I love you’ under his breath, Changkyun gathers Kihyun up in his arms, the umbrella falling from his hand and the rain hitting their hair, their coats. Changkyun lifts him in a hug, in a little spin. And Kihyun laughs, that warmth in his chest turning into a laugh he couldn’t help even if he wanted to and then--

Then Changkyun puts him down. And over Changkyun’s shoulder, Kihyun sees Hoseok. Standing under a black umbrella in the rain, holding four popsicles and not alone, but utterly lonely. Hyungwon is there with him, a look of raw emotion, vulnerable, sad . And he leans down just a little, presses a soft kiss against Hoseok’s cheek. And then Hyungwon is gone, and Hoseok is frozen, tears silent on his face.

Kihyun breathes out short, slowly letting go of Changkyun. He walks in the rain, hair parting in strands and clinging to his forehead. He walks until he’s standing in front of Hoseok, smiling small at him. Kihyun looks down at the ice creams, slowly reaches to take one and then pops the plastic open.

“It’s been a while,” he says softly. “Soon to be five years, I think… since we’ve done this.”

Hoseok stares at the popsicles in his hand. “We… Why did I…” He takes in a deep, sharp breath. “Kihyun, I bought four ,” Hoseok’s voice breaks, and the look in his eyes when he looks at Kihyun is heartbreaking . “Why did I do that.”

Kihyun takes the popsicle to his lips, feels the cold keep his mind there, keeping it from drifting. “One for you,” he starts, his voice so soft he can barely hear himself, “one of me, one for Kyunie and,” he points to Hoseok’s chest. “One for him.”

Hoseok sniffs, shudders through a breath and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I… Sometimes I forget he’s...”

“Hoseok,” Kihyun mumbles, eyes cast down. “If…” He frowns and his heart speeds up. “If you could… speak to him now… what would you say? What would you tell him?”

Hoseok’s hand shakes, he looks up, away, at the ground. “I…”

“Wonho…” Hyungwon says from behind Kihyun, a voice that carries in like the breeze.

Hoseok drops the popsicles in his hands. “Shit, I,” he bends down to pick them up, hand hovering before he drops down. “God, I miss him so much it hurts, Kihyun,” he says to the ground. “I miss him so much…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, smiling small and looking up and over his shoulder, eyes on Hyungwon’s yellow ones. “I know.” And if I were you, I would want to know, too.

Falling to his knees in front of Hoseok, Kihyun helps him gather the popsicles. Kihyun feels the water wet his jeans, the pain that shoots up his thighs and the way his heart throbs.

“Lately,” Kihyun mutters, “I’ve… realised that not everything is black and white. And grey… I don’t know what to do with grey. But being honest helps. Saying the truth helps. And I know you try to forget. But you don’t have to, Hoseok… You don’t have to forget. You have to allow yourself to remember. Because if you don’t then you’ll be stuck in this loop forever.” He takes a deep breath, looking up over Hoseok’s frame. “I’m sure he misses you, too. More than you can imagine. Wherever he is, he’s thinking of you, always.”

“Always,” Hyungwon echoes, hanging his head as Hoseok hides his tears in his hands. “I’m so tired of seeing him cry over me, Kihyun.”

And Kihyun feels full with love and empty with nothing but the echo of his own voice when he speaks without caring, because ‘right now’ counts more than everything else. “He doesn’t cry over you… or for you. He cries because he still loves you. Like you still love him, too.” He leans back when Hoseok looks up. “If you’re tired of seeing him cry… how about you try to make him smile instead?”

Hoseok hiccups through a cry. “Kihyun, what… what are you...”

Hyungwon swallows. “I can’t… How could I…”

Kihyun looks down at how the popsicles melt in his hands. “I would want to know, Hyungwon. I think… I think he deserves to know, too.”

Hoseok breathes, heavy and fast, “Kihyun, why are you talking like this, I don’t…”

“Kihyun...” Changkyun says, softly from behind him and Kihyun looks over. “Concentrate on your light. It might just work.”

Hyungwon’s head snaps up. “Oh, no you don’t .”

Kihyun breathes out and looks down. “You made your choice,” he says, closing his eyes. He imagines a match burning in the dark. Too small, too young to do it all. “You chose what you’ve become. You don’t get to choose again.” And the little match burns brighter. A little flame and then a fire.

And in the darkness, Kihyun hears them, like hungry moths flying towards him. Because of course, there’s always a price to pay. Nothing in life comes for free. And the brighter he shines, the more whispers he hears.

Now, there’s a fire that he can’t hide. But he knows he doesn’t need to. Because the brighter he shines, the larger his shadow. And Kihyun has just the one. Right behind him, watching his back.

And he sees it, finally, around him like a forest of thorns. And it’s like looking through yellow eyes. So, maybe, he thinks, it works both ways.

It dawns on him then, a certainty he knows he needs. Something he’s known his entire life. And maybe Changkyun is not from around here but… Matching. Neither is Kihyun.

“No more lying,” Kihyun says, opening his eyes again.

Hoseok's eyes are wide. They’re wide and the tears just keep falling and then he looks at something he isn’t supposed to see, and he smiles. So little, so sad. “ Wonnie .”

Hyungwon’s voice breaks when he speaks. “Wonho…”

Hoseok must hear it, too, because he sobs, covering his mouth with a hand as his body shakes and he breathes, reaching out a hand like a child lost in the dark. “Is it… Wonnie, is that really you?”

Kihyun feels a sudden fatigue, his vision goes blurry.

And Changkyun’s voice is right there. “Count to ten and then let go, Ki…”

So, Kihyun cradles his hand over the fire like a candle, and counts against the exhaustion that wishes to extinguish it. Not clock, no. Not a timer, either. An hourglass. An hourglass he would turn around, a million times over if he could, just to keep this moment going.

One.

Hyungwon gives a reluctant step forward. “I… Wonho…”

Two .

“You were always there, weren’t you?”

Three.

“Never… Never left.”

Four.

“I knew it,” Hoseok sobs.

Five.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t stay in the way you wanted, the way you needed...”

Six .

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Hoseok breathes, shaky.

Seven.

“I know… I know… I miss you.”

Eight .

Hoseok looks at Hyungwon like he’s trying to remember his face all over again. “I’m right here…”

Nine.

“So am I… Always. I love you.”

Ten.

“You’re the love of my life, Wonnie,” Hoseok sobs, and Kihyun lets go.

His head tips forward, a numbing headache making him lose his senses for no longer than a second. And the ringing… is loud. Loud and messy and coming from everywhere. But it’s fine, Kihyun thinks. It’s fine.

“You did well,” Changkyun soothes, as his two best friends cry on the pavement. “Come here.”

Kihyun takes a small step back and feels his back hit Changkyun’s chest. He brings a hand up to his head, smiling a little despite the growing headache. “Hug?”

“Hug,” Changkyun breathes, steadying Kihyun against him. Hoseok hugs his legs where he’s bundled up on the pavement, and Kihyun notes, somewhere between his headache, heartache and the warmth of arms around his waist, that it stopped raining.

“See,” he mumbles, “told you there had to be something I could do…”

“There are different ways of helping the ones you love,” Changkyun says, a soft kiss on Kihyun’s head.

“I hope…” Kihyun says, his body suddenly too heavy, “I hope I helped…”

“You… You did.” Hyungwon says from where he’s kneeled in front of Hoseok. “Thank you.”

And when he’s gone, Hoseok takes a deep, deep breath. And the last thing Kihyun remembers is the word ‘home’ and Changkyun’s arms pulling him closer so he doesn’t fall.

Familiar covers. A lot less space than usual.

Changkyun moves just a little, and realises there’s a lot more space behind him than there was when they’d all squished themselves into Kihyun’s bed last night.

Kihyun had been… out of it, was a good way to put it. Once he’d passed out on the pavement, that was about it for him for the rest of the night, and Hoseok was, for lack of a better term, emotionally exhausted. So with Kihyun clinging to his back and Hoseok holding onto him like a teddy bear, they’d fallen asleep.

Changkyun gently moves Hoseok’s limbs, loosens his grip, and rolls away.

Soft sounds in the kitchen. Careful sounds. Kihyun.

Hoseok shifts and frowns in his sleep and Changkyun almost laughs, pushing a pillow over and Hoseok immediately clinging to it. Changkyun steps, careful, tip-toeing out of the bedroom and peeking into the kitchen.

The table is set for two people. There’s fruit, cereal, juice, milk, coffee and… and Changkyun has only seen that on TV. Usually, breakfast is a lazy meal. Today, it looks like extra care was put into it.

Kihyun is just a few feet away, pulling a red scarf over his shoulders. He wraps it around his neck and then dresses his long black coat, he does this while absently staring out the window, like he’s waiting for something, maybe the sunrise.

“Morning, handsome,” Changkyun says, clearing his throat a little when it comes out deeper and hoarser than intended, and walks over, ruffling at his hair.

At first, for about two seconds, Kihyun looks at Changkyun like he didn’t expect him to be there at all. But then, he smiles. One hand just slightly outstretched, fingers wiggling. “Come here, you weirdo.”

Come here . Changkyun couldn’t even begin to try and describe his feelings towards the phrase.

Changkyun smiles, eyelids heavy as he walks towards Kihyun, stifling a yawn. “You’re… productive very early in the mornings.”

Kihyun takes his hand, fingers first, then palm and finally stops by Changkyun’s wrist, tugging slightly to lean closer and kiss his face. “Sometimes, I forget you didn’t know me before… well, before you showed up.” He rolls his eyes. “‘Productive mornings’ are like my two middle names.”

Changkyun smiles sleepily, closing his eyes as Kihyun kisses at his face.

He could get used to this . Which is a ridiculous phrase; Changkyun would never, ever get used to this.

“I don’t mind, it looks delicious,” Changkyun hums. “Sorry I make you sleep late.”

Kihyun rubs his nose on Changkyun’s cheek. “Don’t worry… sometimes I need to sleep late, too.”

“Then you are welcome ,” Changkyun says, willing his eyes open if only too look at Kihyun a bit longer. “Leaving for work?” Changkyun asks. There are only two places set, after all, and Hoseok would probably wake up soon.

“Yeah,” Kihyun mumbles, lingering just a bit longer before he gives a step back. “It’s still a bit early but…” He looks out the window, “I don’t wanna be here when Hoseok wakes up.”

“So you’re leaving me with him?” Changkyun teases. “Because I clearly have the emotional maturity for it.”

Kihyun smiles, eyes still somewhere else. “Don’t sell yourself short. You deal with me.” He shrugs. “Plus, between the two of us, I’d say you’re the one he won’t mind having around right now.”

“Don’t sell yourself short either…” Changkyun frowns, following Kihyun’s eyes but finds nothing there. He brushes his fingers over Kihyun’s cheek. “What are you thinking about?”

Turning his face just slightly, Kihyun’s eyes move and lock with Changkyun’s. “You.”

Changkyun blinks, feeling the heat seep into his cheeks. “Wha-what about me?”

“Everything.”

Where his cheeks were warm, now they’re practically scalding. “I--Y-you--” Were words always this difficult? He remembers having a great grasp of language. From the beginning. Talked like someone from the eighteenth century, apparently. And Changkyun’s pretty sure he can speak more than a few languages so what the hell was his tongue doing getting knotted right in his mouth.

And Kihyun smiles again, small, face leaning into Changkyun’s touch. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll…” He undoes the knot. “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.” Not waking up with you. Not wanting to kiss you. All of it. “I love you. Come home and…” Changkyun laughs a little at himself but says it anyway. “We’ll work our way further down that list.”

Kihyun is smiling but still brings a hand to his face before he laughs. “And I’ll never get used to your honesty.” He laughs again, quietly. “But it’s one of the reasons why…”

Changkyun tilts his head. Kihyun had said it was him on his mind and they don’t lie to each other but… “Why what?”

“Why I love you,” Kihyun says, tilting his head just a little before he looks away. “Say… would you still…” He frowns but it’s barely there. And then it softens and he looks back to Changkyun. “Nevermind.” He steps back again, away from Changkyun and gives a little stretch. “I should go. Please take care of him for me,” he says, nodding to towards the bedroom. “He’s a baby in an adult’s body, really.”

“He used me as a teddy bear,” Changkyun deadpans. “I am aware.”

“I want to be jealous,” Kihyun snorts, “but I can’t. It’s adorable, really. Aaaannnnd, I never said this. Never.”

“I can’t keep track of all the things I’m not allowed to quote back at you,” Changkyun laughs.

Kihyun grabs his things from the cupboard and walks towards the entrance where he sits down to put his shoes on. “And we just started dating… If you’re already losing track of things, you’ll forget everything in a month. Useless, useless,” he teases.

“You know,” Changkyun teases right back. “I was definitely joking. I have a very good memory…” He walks around to where Kihyun is kneeling, rocking back and forth from the pad of his foot to the heel. “I remember when I called you sexy and you almost broke a plate. I know we’ve, collectively, said ‘right’ sixty seven times. I remember the look you had when I told you the world spins under my feet whenever I look at you. I know I shouldn’t use the word ‘impenetrable’. I remember the look on your face when I visited you at work. I remember every sound you made when I...” Changkyun grins. “Well, I think I’ve said enough for now.”

And Changkyun knows he’d be able to see the red on Kihyun’s cheeks if he turned the light on. He knows because he can hear Kihyun's heartbeat.

“You,” Kihyun starts, giving one last tug at his laces before he gets back up. He’s looking down at his feet, but there’s a little smile on his face. “You always know what to say.” He shrugs one shoulder and looks up. “Can’t keep up with you, at all.”

Changkyun frowns at him, bemused. “Keep up with me?”

“It’s not a bad thing. I like it,” Kihyun says, the last words with a totally different tone, a brighter tone. A happy tone. Happy .

Their eyes meet again. And it’s just a second but it feels like forever and it tugs in that comforting way only Kihyun can. And then Kihyun steps closer and tiptoes just a little to kiss Changkyun’s forehead. His lips stay for a while, just long enough for Kihyun to take a deep breath before he steps back.

“See you later,” he says.

Changkyun smiles down and he’s not sure why he asks but he does. “Promise?”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder just before he closes the door. “Always.” And in the next second… he’s gone.

But Changkyun smiles, because he knows he’ll be back. He promised. And Changkyun promised he’d take care of Hoseok. Hoseok who could be very many different things when he wakes up. Changkyun can’t even imagine what he must be feeling, how it must have felt…

He runs a hand through his hair and walks back to the bedroom. No use in Kihyun’s breakfast going to waste. He kneels by the bed and reaches out to shake Hoseok gently by the shoulder.

“Hey, Seokkie. Kihyun made breakfast,” Changkyun says, soft, voice turning to a sing-song. “ Wake uuuuup .”

And Hoseok makes a little noise, his puffed face scrunching just a little before he slowly starts opening his eyes. He takes his time. He doesn’t speak. He just… stares at Changkyun until his eyes glint a little glossy and he buries his face in the pillow.

“M--Mornin’,” he mumbles.

Changkyun wonders, then. It’s a different kind of warmth, seeing Hoseok like this. Kihyun calls him his best friend. And Changkyun understands the difference between platonic and romantic and while he wants to kiss Kihyun’s face all over, he just… wants Hoseok to smile. So Changkyun pokes at Hoseok’s torso, soft but there. “Sleep well? You clung to me like I was gonna run away.”

Hoseok groans and then rolls over the bed, kicking at the covers and stretching until he looks like starfish. “Sorry… about that.”

“You’re allowed, it’s okay,” Changkyun chirps. “Want some coffee? We need to go buy Kihyun a present, remember?”

“Kihyun,” Hoseok mumbles, eyes on the ceiling. He frowns and then sits up, looking around the room as if he’s seeing it for the first time. “Kihyun. He’s not here…”

Changkyun frowns softly. Take care of him . He shakes his head. “No, he went to work a bit early...  I’m here, though.”

“Oh,” Hoseok looks down to fidget with the loose strings of his sweater. “Yeah,” he huffs before he looks back up. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just…” And in a second he looks lost and sad and in the in the next he slaps his face with both hands and gives Changkyun a bright smile. “Busy day, busy say!”

It doesn’t feel right, but Changkyun nods, smiling back and getting up. It’ll be a long day, after all.

---

Changkyun will never get used to the amount of color that assaults his eyes whenever they enter a supermarket, or any store, for that matter. It’s not bad but it’s not home.

“So,” Hoseok chirps, “Kihyun likes practical gifts. Things he can use.” Hoseok picks up a pack of razors from a shelf nearby and squints. “He’s a weirdo. I tried to be cute and romantic once and he nagged for a month!”

Changkyun’s eyebrow quirks up, looking away from the shaving foams and deodorant. “You tried to be romantic ? With Kihyun?”

Hoseok pouts and puts the pack of razors back in its respective place, “It’s a sad life for us hopeless romantics. There’s really no…” He pauses and then pouts even more “Sometimes I wanna be lovey-dovey, too! And Kihyun could be nice and indulge me. But if I ask for a hug, he rolls his eyes. If I try to give him meaningful presents, he nags. ‘Why would you waste money on something like this if it’s just going to sit there, staring at me and judging my lonely life’ , he says.”

“He’s not lonely anymore…” Changkyun mumbles, sniffing at something. It doesn’t smell like lavender but it says so on the bottle. “Maybe he’ll indulge you now. And, hey, I like hugs,” Changkyun smiles over his shoulder, and Hyungwon rolls his eyes from where he’s standing by a nearby shelf.

“Oh! Really?” Hoseok turns to him, smiling from ear to ear. “Hug?” He asks, arms open.

Something in the back of Changkyun’s head says a bit odd in the middle of a supermarket (and it sounds just a bit like Kihyun), but another voice, his own, says oh what the hell . Changkyun laughs and Hoseok is taller than Kihyun, stronger, so what the hell , Changkyun thinks and jumps at Hoseok, laughing even as he does.

And Hoseok squeezes tight and lifts him just a little before he lets go. If Changkyun needed a word for this, it would be ‘squishy’.

“Two useless, brainless idiots together,” Hyungwon mumbles as he walks by.

“Just ask, okay?” Changkyun laughs, reaching up to pat Hoseok on the head. “I love Kihyun, but I certainly am not Kihyun.”

“Thank god,” Hoseok laughs. “Can you imagine? Two of him…”

“It’s what my nightmares are made of,” Hyungwon says from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Will he ever stop being creepy?

“Everything would be really, really clean,” Changkyun nods, in the same thought holding up a bottle of bathroom cleaner and not looking at Hyungwon. “Apparently this smells like lemons?”

“You like it?” Hoseok asks, eyes already on something else just ahead.

“Kihyun might…” Changkyun mumbles, but pouts and puts it back. “I’m his boyfriend, I’m supposed to know what the perfect present for him would be, right?”

Hoseok laughs and it sounds a little dry, not like his usual laugh. But the smile on his face looks bright, exactly the same. “You’ve known him for a few weeks. You’re not obligated to know everything about him.” He shrugs. “I’m sure he doesn’t know everything about you either.” And then his voice drops a little and the rest comes out as a mumble. “And sometimes even if you’ve known them for years, it still feels like you don’t know them at all…”

And there it is. That uneasy feeling. The one he wants to talk about, the one he knows Kihyun likes to push down, push away. “You know, I’ve only been around for a few weeks, and I’m learning new things about myself everyday… But sometimes it takes a bit longer to realise things...”

“About yourself?” Hoseok asks casually as he waves at Changkyun to get closer.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, walking closer. “True about anyone, though.”

“Well,” Hoseok smirks and crosses his arms, tilting his head up a little. “What do you know about this?”

Changkyun frowns and looks up and heat floods his cheeks alarmingly fast. His heart is very loud all of a sudden. “ Uhm ,” Changkyun says intelligently. “ That --I mean--you use it for--” He buries his face in his hands. “Don’t look at me.”

“I have been possessed with the sudden urge to see your face,” Hyungwon says right next to him. “Aw, baby demon is all shy…”

Changkyun groans for full measure. “Shut up…”

Because these things in front of him are doing a pretty effective job of planting images in his head that he didn’t ask for. That he feels mildly guilty about thinking. Should he be asking Kihyun if he can think about him like that?

His cheeks get even hotter and he groans again.

“Again,” Hoseok giggles, “here’s something else I don’t know about Kihyun,” he gestures at the (possibly) twenty different types of condoms and lube in front of them. “And I don’t know if I’m happy that I don't know or sad because I’m failing as a best friend.”

Changkyun peeks through his fingers. “You’re sad because you don’t know which condoms he likes?” Changkyun shivers. Images, stop it .

“I’ve never been more glad for being able to read souls instead of minds,” Hyungwon mutters and Changkyun glares to the side for a moment.

“This,” Hoseok moves his finger around, “well, I can help you but you’ll need to think of what you already know about him.”

“He’s really ready to give the Talk to a demon, huh…”

That voice reminds him that this is a bit odd in the middle of a supermarket. “Well…” Changkyun lets his hands fall, face red. “It’s definitely a… practical gift.”

“And it’ll make you both happy!” Hoseok chirps.

“Depends. I have my theories,” Hyungwon shrugs. “One of them defends the possibility of Kihyun being reeeeeaaaally baaaaad in--”

“So!” Hoseok speaks over him, “Have fun, I’ll turn my face, er, over there,” He points at nothing, really, absolutely nothing.

“You’re paying for it anyway, so dignity be damned…” Changkyun grumbles, walking up to the shelf and snatching something to look at it in closer detail. He blushes a bit more. “Uhm. Which… Which way would, uhm.” He scrunches his face up, images, images, images. Changkyun doesn’t even know who’s going to be wearing the damn thing. Ah, more images!

“D’you have questions?” Hoseok asks, he’s not looking but he’s smirking.

“It doesn’t matter!” Changkyun squeaks, tossing the little bottle into the trolley. “Which way he--eii-either way, it doesn’t matter--” Shut up, Changkyun!

“Strawberry flavoured?” Hyungwon asks curiously, bending slightly to look into the trolley and Changkyun smacks him on the arm. “For whose benefit, I wonder…” Hyungwon shivers. “God, why am I here again.”

Changkyun crosses his arm, glares at the shelf. They’re all just colorful boxes. There’s a lot of potential to said boxes but Changkyun… He points at one, looking over at Hyungwon as if asking a question.

And Hyungwon, despite the initial look of disgust on his face, cocks one eyebrow up and smirks a little. “Depends on how much you wanna feel. Or want him to feel,” He shrugs and looks away with a cough, almost as if he’s embarrassed. “Thin. I recommend thin.”

Changkyun looks and sees it and quickly grabs it to throw it in the trolley. And thinks. And throws in another box. And another bottle. “There. Done. Don’t look at me.”

“Not looking,” Hoseok laughs. “Come on, let’s buy lunch too, since we’re here.”

Changkyun moves after Hoseok, pushing the trolley in his own embarrassment. And he’s not! It’s not like he’s embarrassed of it , of Kihyun, of… well, wanting to, so what the hell . But Hyungwon stays behind. And Changkyun only notices the lack of annoying comments once he’s already a few steps ahead.

He looks back over his shoulder and bites the inside of his cheek and calls towards Hoseok, “Go find something, I wanna…” he blushes. “Look around a bit more.”

“Oh,” Hoseok turns to him, blinking and then smirking. “Alright.” And as he turns to walk away, Changkyun still hears; “Lucky, lucky Kihyun. If only everyone was this enthusiastic…”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, pushing the trolley back to where Hyungwon is, and tries to look… casual. The lube stares back. “Hey,” Changkyun says. “We… haven’t talked about you yet but I’m sure he’ll…” Changkyun bites at his lip. Is he sure? Would Changkyun himself be okay again if this happened to him?

Hyungwon shifts a little, “Don’t worry. Not about me, at least.” He looks up and sighs. “Hoseok and Kihyun need to talk. That’s all. And… you and Kihyun might have to…” He slowly looks back down and then meets Changkyun’s eyes. “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

“Tell me what?” Changkyun asks, trying not to look too curious, or too concerned.

Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder and looks away. “It’s not… my business. Sorry. I shouldn’t say anything. Shouldn’t have said anything. Anyway, I need to go.”

Changkyun flounders internally. “No, no, no, Hyungwon, what is it, what didn’t he tell me?”

“Changkyun, do you…” Hyungwon trails off and then scrunches his nose. Like he’s struggling with himself. Like he can’t find the right words. “I can’t. Sorry.” He starts looking around. “It’s not something… bad. At least, I hope it’s not. But…” Hyungwon sighs, troubled, eyes down again and then up again and then on Changkyun’s slightly wide ones. “I’ll see you later. Take care of him for me. I… am trusting you with my heart, here.”

Changkyun’s hand grips at the trolley and he swallows, glancing once more at where Hyungwon had just been.

He didn’t tell you, did he?

But… But. Changkyun hadn’t told Kihyun about Hyungwon. They promised they wouldn’t lie and… and Changkyun trusts him. He nods to himself because he knows he does. He trusts Kihyun, even if he didn’t tell him something, even if he’d looked miles away this morning…

Changkyun pushes the trolley and takes steady breaths as he looks for Hoseok, like a way to distract himself, maybe. And just as he turns into the next aisle, the two of them almost bump into each other.

“Oh, hey!” Hoseok says cheerfully, “They were out of pork so I got us the chicken bentos!” His smile fades a little as he speaks. “Is… is everything okay?”

“Mm?” Changkyun looks up, blinks. “Oh, uhm, yeah, I’m just… Nervous.” Not a lie .

Hoseok chuckles as he carefully places the bentos inside the trolley. “Can I ask what about?” He shrugs. “If it’s about, uhm, well…” He lowers his voice and whispers, “Sex , you really don’t need to stress. ”

Well, that wasn’t it but while we’re on the subject… “I… don’t? I mean, uhm,” Changkyun laughs nervously, scratching at the back of his neck. “Maybe a little...”

“Please,” Hoseok smiles again. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. You could be really bad at it--which, and believe me, I can tell , you’re not-- and Kihyun would still…” He trails off, gesturing around the air. And when words seem to fail him, Hoseok sighs. “It’s you. That’s what counts the most.”

Changkyun looks down, blushes at the floor. “Thanks… Although, I mean, you did bake that cake for a reason, right?” Changkyun laughs, looking away. “Can’t be too bad…”

Hoseok throws his head back and laughs, boisterous and real. “Told you, I can tell. ” His features soften then and he tugs at the trolley, pointing forward with his head. “Is he gone?” Hoseok asks softly.

Changkyun’s eyes widen and his head snaps up. No way . “What?”

Hoseok smiles and it looks a little sad. “I can’t see him but… I know. And it makes sense... Why sometimes I’d hear you talk on your own when you thought I wasn’t listening.”

Changkyun’s shoulders slump. “Oh… Yeah, he just left. Told me to take care of his heart.” He breathes out a laugh. “Helped me choose--” He gestures to the trolley and all its sinful contents. “Those.”

And Hoseok laughs when he looks at the condoms. “Of course he did.” He breathes out and it sounds a little shaky. “Sorry. I… I’m still trying to…” He breathes again and shakes his head. “Anyway, good choice, good choice.”

Changkyun reaches over, squeezes at Hoseok’s arm. “Do you want… I mean, do you want to not pretend he’s not here? I don’t know how you want to deal with this.”

Hoseok stops and looks down. His lower lip trembles a little so he bites it. “I… I have so many questions, Kyun… I want to,” He breathes, “I want to ask, I want to kick Kihyun in the ass and then hug him even if he nags and I have so many questions… And… I want to see him. But,” He looks back up, “I know I can’t have everything I want, not all at once. It’s not… it’s not just me and I know that. It’s me, you, Ki and… and Hyungwon…” He sobs a little when he says Hyungwon’s name but stops himself before it turns into another sob, wipes furiously at his eyes and swallows it down. “Just… don’t keep me in the dark, please…”

“Okay, yeah, I can do that,” Changkyun soothes, walking around the trolley to put an arm around Hoseok as much as he can. “No lying. Just… tell me if there’s anything I can do, okay?” Changkyun smiles, squeezing a little as his heart itself squeezes in his chest.

“I’m a big boy,” Hoseok laughs, “I can deal with my own feelings. Have been doing so for a long time. But… yeah.” He tilts his head and smiles despite the little tears hanging on his lashes. “Thank you!”

Changkyun laughs softly, patting at Hoseok’s back. “No problem. I’ll tell you every snide comment Hyungwon feels is necessary to say out loud.”

“Is he giving you trouble?” Hoseok asks, brightly, as he starts pushing the trolley again.

“Nah,” Changkyun waves off, feeling his chest lighten just a tad. “He’s oddly helpful, in his own way. Calls me Kihyun’s pet, though. Could do without that.”

Hoseok laughs out loud again. “You know…” He laughs again, eyes cast down, smile growing wider as he speaks. “When everything happened, four years ago, I… I was so shaken I made a pact with myself to mourn silently. We never really talked about it, Kihyun and I. And, in a way, I think I… I hurt myself by keeping everything hidden, only because I thought I had to smile. And in turn I hurt Kihyun because I made him feel like he had to do the same for me. So, I’m really, really glad he met you. Because you helped him. And in turn, Kihyun helped me,” Hoseok kicks an invisible rock and laughs again. “So, thank you for helping Kihyun when I couldn’t. And thank you for helping me, too.”

Because you helped him . Changkyun nods and smiles, slowly. “I don’t know much, but… I know that you need to allow yourself to feel. But feeling doesn’t always mean good, but it’s better than the alternative…”

You’ll feel your ribs break with a fall, feel fear like you’ve never known, but you’ll also feel the gentle touch of the person you love.

“So, what is he?” Hoseok looks to Changkyun, smile wide and eyes glinting with a naive curiosity that makes Changkyun smile wider, too. “A ghost?”

“No,” Changkyun laughs softly. “No, he’s not, he’s a Reaper. Which isn’t necessarily all that bad. Ghosts are tricky, being what Hyungwon is is more of a choice than just having a lost soul.”

Hoseok hums, “I see. Sounds a lot like him,” he chirps, smiling to himself and then giggling a little. “So, a demon, a Reaper… and Kihyun.” He blinks and then looks to Changkyun again. “Kihyun is not a demon, too, is he?”

Changkyun giggles, waving his hand dismissively. “Kihyun? No, no, he’s, like,” Changkyun lets his hand drop. “Clean...” He clears his throat. “You look at him, and he looks back with clean eyes.”

“Ah! I think I know what you mean. You know!” Hoseok grabs Changkyun’s arm. He’s suddenly a lot more excited than usual. “When we were little--like around this size--” Hoseok brings his hand down to his hips and waves “Hyungwon was always getting in trouble. And I was a useless child, creative, mind you, but really, I just wanted to play all the time. And when the other kids made fun of me or tried to pick fights with Hyungwon, Kihyun would always kick their asses!” He gestures around, “Can you imagine? A kid this size, beating other kids up to defend his friends.”

Changkyun’s heart warms, because, “Yeah,” he smiles at the image. “Yeah, I can… You know, we talked, yesterday, about, well, the boyfriend thing but he also... ” Changkyun clears his throat. “He said, ‘ If I find a way to help then I will’ . He feels… I don’t know, guilty. Guilty and I think, useless.” Changkyun winces, shaking his head. “Stupid…”

Hoseok nods. “I’m not surprised. Kihyun has always been the proactive type. You can imagine what it feels like to lose control of your life. And…” He chuckles. “I think… he looks up to you, in a way. He respects you. You… make him want to, I think, take the reins back. The more you do for him, the more he will want to do for you.” He shrugs. “Look at us, I tried to befriend him because he was small and cute and had the cutest round face, and now I’m stuck with a second mother.” He jokes. “Care and you’ll get ‘care’ in return , is what he says every time, with that stupid little frown of his.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and pushes the trolley. “Yeah, I’ve heard that…” Changkyun tilts his head. “You keep mentioning Kihyun when he was a kid and I keep trying to imagine it. Then again, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine the pink hair if you hadn’t showed me.” Distract. He knows he’s trying to distract from… He respects you. Kihyun would hit him if he brought it up again, but it’s not difficult to feel dim when standing next to the sun. He shakes his head at himself. Insecurity is so terribly human.

“Wanna see?” Hoseok says around a smirk, phone already in hand.

Insecurity forgotten, Changkyun darts forward. “Show me show me show me.”

Hoseok pulls away just a little to smile like a… a little demon. “What do I get in return? You know Kihyun will kill me if he finds out, right?”

“Aw, why,” Changkyun pouts. “First I can’t look at his selcas--”

“Fine, fine,” Hoseok taps on his phone and then turns it around his hand, almost shoving it in Changkyun’s face. “Look!” He squeaks. “Cute! Baby Ki! Look at the cheeks!”

Changkyun takes the phone and stares at the picture as his heart turns itself inside out. “Oh my god.” He looks some more. “He looks--” Soft. Cute. Absolutely freaking adorable. “The same.”

Hoseok throws his head back to laugh really, really loud. “Oh boy, yes! Yes, he looks the same.” He takes the phone from Changkyun’s hands. “I’ll send this to you, but don’t tell him!”

Changkyun laughs. “I promise.” And he remembers that his phone is a thing that exists, and fishes it out of his pocket. The picture they had taken what feels like ages ago looks up at him and he smiles, before frowning at-- “Oh, that’s new,” he beams, opening the messages. Messages! From Kihyun!

Changkyun laughs a little to himself. “Cute… Hey, what does ‘fml’ mean?”

Hoseok looks up from his own phone. “Oh, uh… fuck my life?” He smiles. “Sent, by the way. Three baby pictures, one pink hair little dwarf and… a bonus for you. You’re welcome.”

He sees the messages from Hoseok, but types a reply to Kihyun first.

And the reply is almost immediate.

He didn’t tell you, did he? Changkyun pauses for a moment, and then opens the pictures Hoseok had sent him and lets a breath out he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. And then scrolls to the end and sucks it right back in again.

“Uhm.” Changkyun coughs. He coughs again. Seriously, what is that in his throat? “What is this?”

Hoseok pulls at the trolley and stops near the self-checkout. He blinks at Changkyun’s phone and smiles cheekily. “He modeled. Once. For our sportswear line. Took me a whole month of convincing and a few trips to the nearest fried chicken place. Looks good, huh?”

Changkyun stares at the picture. It… It’s Kihyun, but it… It looks… He swallows. “I… I Hope we bought enough condoms.”

Hoseok laughs out loud, wobbling a little when he does. “Y--You’re welcome!”

Changkyun texts in a haze.

A few seconds pass and…

“Come on,” Hoseok says with a nudge at Changkyun's arm. “There’s something else I need to go buy.”

Changkyun cocks an eyebrow. “For Kihyun?”

Hoseok winks. “For you both.”

---

Kihyun shoves his phone back into his pocket and breathes out sharply through his nose. The train’s automated announcement for the next stop sounds and Kihyun gets up from his seat, stumbling a little when the carriage gives a sudden bounce.

“You know,” Hyungwon starts, “If you fall, I’ll laugh.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and speaks between gritted teeth. “I told you to stop talking to me in public.”

“I know,” Hyungwon laughs. “Because you can’t talk back. That honestly might be the best part.”

The train slows to a stop and Kihyun presses the round button to open the doors. He’s starting to regret this. He should’ve just come on his own. Then again, he wouldn’t know where to go. Could’ve asked Hyungwon for a map. Talks a lot less, if at all.

“So, which exit?” He mumbles. “Right? Left? South?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes and starts walking, hands in his pockets. “Just follow me. I can at least take you to the driveway.”

“Wait. You’re not… going with me? As in…” Kihyun slows his pace. As in… he’s going alone? Oh, come on, Kihyun you were just musing about coming on your own.

Hyungwon rolls his shoulders. “I’ll ask him to put away the Reaper Repellent, but he might not budge. Just a warning.”

“Oh, great .” Kihyun says sarcastically. “So, not a friend. Just… someone.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes to look at Kihyun. “I don’t make a habit of talking to people who could kill me…” Hyungwon sighs. “He’s nice . You’ll see. Stop fretting.”

Kihyun shoves his hands in his coat pockets. “I will, won't I… Not fretting… just...” He looks around the train station and then up the stairs. Hyungwon is already two steps ahead. “Thought you couldn’t die. Aren’t you already dead?”

“He has a lot of books,” Hyungwon grumbles. “Dunno what’s in those things… Loopholes. Diagrams . I don’t know!” Hyungwon throws his hands up. “Still a soul, aren’t I!”

Kihyun frowns and looks at his shoes as he climbs the last flight of stairs. “Didn’t mean to offend…”

“You didn’t,” Hyungwon shivers slightly. “Seers puts me on edge. With their tarot cards and guns ,” he grumbles, glancing over. “Forget I said guns.”

Kihyun stops to gape. “I’ve… never seen you like this.” And… guns?! He takes a step forward and then another until he’s fallen into pace. “If you’re scared…” He shivers. There’s so much he doesn’t know. “Kyunie… I guess this must have been how he felt when he came here, to… Earth…? I mean… This? Everything feels… weird and out of reach. And the moment I start getting used to something, something else gets thrown in the way and… ugh.”

“Pretty sure that’s exactly how he felt,” Hyungwon says, sighing. “I’m not scared . I’m…” Hyungwon looks away. “I have things to ask him, too, and there are things I want the answers to be, and they could… not be, so I’m just,” Hyungwon looks over. “Feeling probably exactly what you are.”

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, to be honest,” Kihyun mumbles. He crosses the ticket barriers and frowns at how Hyungwon just… literally goes through them. “I guess being dead has its perks,” he adds to himself.

The sky is cloudy, but it hasn’t rained since yesterday. Rain. Kihyun wonders if he should bring it up. If he should ask. After all, no one’s mentioned what happened yesterday yet. And Kihyun doesn’t feel like taking the first step on this one.

“Did you tell Kyunie?” He asks instead.

“No,” Hyungwon says quickly, and then laughs. “There were other things, but no, I didn’t tell him you’re on your way to a… demon hunting seer. That you’re not human.”

“Okay, yeah, thanks…” Kihyun looks down. Not human... “T--Thanks. He would worry and… I don’t want him to worry unless it’s extremely necessary.” He looks back up. “I guess I’ll have to tell him later, though.” He pauses when his brain clicks, eyes moving to Hyungwon. “What ‘other things’ did you tell him?”

Hyungwon snorts a laugh. “You like strawberries, right?”

Kihyun frowns. “Yeah?”

“There you go, then,” Hyungwon says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Don’t worry about it, Kihyun. Sometimes you can’t just Google .”

“Wha-- Ohmygod.” Kihyun brings his hands to his face. “What… Ugh. Now I get it…” So that’s what he meant… “Why am I friends with you, people… Why do you bother me! You’re dead!” He whines to himself. “I’m going to kill Hoseok…”

“Oh, please, Kihyun, that man sincerely only has your best interests at heart,” Hyungwon says and tries not to laugh. “Whatever those interests may be…”

Kihyun sighs into his hands and then looks up. He doesn’t want to ask. He really doesn’t want to bring it up but… “Do you think he’s mad?”

Hyungwon frowns. “What, that Hoseok bought him an outrageous amount of lube? I don’t think so.”

“That’s!” Kihyun punches Hyungwon’s arm, still surprised when it hits (it hurts too, noodle arms my ass!) , “That’s not--Wait. What?” He shakes his head. “Why is everyone suddenly so interested in my sex life?”

“Oh, Kihyun,” Hyungwon scoffs. “We don’t talk about things that don’t exist. But …”

“You and Hoseok will rot in hell…” Kihyun grumbles between gritted teeth and shoves his hands back in his pockets. Suddenly, that red scarf on his neck feels too warm.

Hyungwon gestures to the side with his head. “This way, you idiot. We’re… almost there. If you need some more time to decide whether you want to top or bo--” The drink can Kihyun kicks his way passes right through him. “Nice try.”

“People need to stop throwing trash all over the place,” Kihyun says, glaring at the old can. He picks it up and runs a little to drop it in the trash can just a few feet ahead. He smiles when he hears the little clink of metal when he scores inside. “Anyway, that’s not what I meant. I was asking if… If Hoseok is mad at me. Or… you. If you are.”

Hyungwon sighs. “Kihyun. And I swear to God and Satan and that damn mutt at the gates of Hell and whatever else you want, this will be the only time I give you any sort of self-satisfaction, but ,” he looks at Kihyun, a light yellow glint in his eyes. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. So stop it.”

Kihyun blinks and then looks down. His shoulders feel slightly lighter when he rolls them. “Okay.” He breathes out and then looks around. Time to deflect because now he feels awkward. “I’ve never been to this part of town.”

Hyungwon frowns at the houses as they pass, at the white picket fences and the well-kept mailboxes. “Not unless you and Ch-- Kyunie plan on raising two point five children and three dogs, I can’t say why you would come here.” Hyungwon stops by a house with flourishing hyacinthus bushes. There’s no house number on the mailbox, and there’s an old muscle car parked in the driveway. All the windows are shuttered and there’s a rotor sprinkler on the lawn. “This, amazingly, is it.”

Kihyun looks around, frowning more as he takes everything in. “Not exactly what I was expecting. Again, I don't know what I was expecting…” He shifts from one foot to the other, suddenly feeling a lot less nervous. “Looks like someone's grandma lives here.”

Hyungwon scoffs, leaning in. “That’s because you’re not seeing what I am. This place looks like the Vegas strip of demon wards.”

Demon wards? That's a thing, too? “So, let's say I brought Kyunie with me…”

“He’d be running into the supernatural equivalent of a brick wall,” Hyungwon chuckles. “Tempting, actually.”

Kihyun chuckles. “I don't know why but I imagine that would be quite funny to witness.” He takes a deep breath.

Is he ready? Nope. Not really. There is a strange safety around the lack of knowledge regarding everything that's happening to him, to them. But not knowing won't help him, help them move forward. Not knowing is the easy route and it might get them killed in the long run.

Plus, Kihyun needs to know. He needs to know his role so he can play his part. Otherwise…

“So now what?” He asks. “Are you coming with?”

Hyungwon grunts. “Yeah. Fucker took down the Reaper warding. Told you I told him we were coming…”

Kihyun touches the rusty fence, pokes it a few times. “Is there a… Kihyun ward? I sincerely hope not.”

Hyungwon laughs. “Run, see if you bounce back.”

“You'd love that, wouldn't you?” Kihyun says, rolling his eyes. “But oh well. I'm all about tradition. Dead guy first,” he adds, dramatically gesturing towards the house.

“Wuss,” Hyungwon says, walking through the fence and down the pathway.

“I call it self-preservation,” Kihyun chirps in his own defense just a few feet behind. The fence screeches as it opens and then closes and Kihyun grimaces at the sound. He's still shivering, goosebumps all over, by the time he catches up to Hyungwon. “Weird atmosphere.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” Hyungwon frowns, up, down, left. “Like we just walked in one door and out on another continent. Probably the warding.” He stops by the door. “You’re gonna have to knock.”

And then the door opens.

“Hi,” a man says, and Kihyun remembers Hyungwon using the words ‘beef steak’ and god forbid, KIhyun has to agree. “Been expecting you.” He holds out a pack of cards between the three of them. “Hold this real quick, I have cookies in the oven.”

Kihyun blinks, holding the pack of cards with both hands and then looking to Hyungwon with questioning eyes. Because, obviously, this isn’t… this is not what he expected at all. If he expected anything at all.

The man walks back into the house, “Close the door, would you!” and disappears into the kitchen.

“Shownu,” Hyungwon gestures between the two of them as if the man was still there, speaking almost under his breath. “Meet my friend here. Yes, we would like to come in. No, I’m not uncomfortable at all.”

Kihyun takes a step in and it looks like two worlds pressed together. The couch, for instance, has probably the worst floral pattern Kihyun has ever seen ( someone’s grandma has to live here, surely ) but on the cushions, there’s an enormous crossbow. Different sizes of bookcases clustered with old, leather bound books, trinkets Kihyun couldn’t identify even at gunpoint, and--is that a skull?! It doesn’t… look human.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Hyungwon follows him in, looking down at the persian carpets. “So not just a grandma, a psychic grandma who hunts on the weekends.”

Kihyun breathes in and… cookies, was it? He looks down at the pack of cards in his hands. “And a practical witch, too…”

“I’ll be right with you!” Shownu calls from the kitchen. “There’s a table, feel free to sit down and--” he pokes his head out of the kitchen. “Kihyun. Put as many cards as you feel you have to face down on the table.” He smiles, eyes in crinkly crescents, and ducks back in.

Kihyun shoots Hyungwon a look. Because-- Wow! He is officially freaked out! “You told him my name?” He hisses lowly, walking towards the table anyway because god knows what will happen if he doesn’t.

“No!” Hyungwon hisses back. “Did you miss the slightly psychic part of my explanation?!”

“Oh, no!” Kihyun gritts out, slowly picking a card from the pack and managing to avoid slamming it face down over the table. “I am a professional! I know you meant that in the literal sense of the word!” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Been doing this for so long, too!”

“Ugh!” Hyungwon grunts, falling down onto a chair by the table. “You wanted answers! Pick some damn cards!”

“I am!” Kihyun says a tad louder, this time actually slamming two other cards down. “What does this have to do with that, though?” He places another card face down. “Is he going to read my future?”

Hyungwon points at the kitchen. “He’s the psychic,” he points at himself. “Not me! I don’t know!”

“Do you guys want some tea?” Shownu calls from the kitchen, and Hyungwon throws his hands up. Kihyun just startles and lets two other cards fall over the table, luckily face down.

“I…” Is the tea mystical as well? What hell is going on! “I… tea.” He manages, frowning at his own caveman-like language. “Tea, please!” He corrects after clearing his throat.

“Right!” There’s some movement in the kitchen, the clinking of crockery. “Sorry, Hyungwon, forgot you were dead.”

Hyungwon blinks, looks at Kihyun. “I like him.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath, finally placing the last two cards over the table. And something in the back of his mind says ‘another’, and he does. Places it to the side of the eight already there and places the pack down and tugs at his scarf, slowly loosening the knot at the front.

He drags a chair and sits down, shrugging his coat off and then finally pulling his scarf down, too. “Of course you do,” he mutters to himself, a slightly belated response to Hyungwon’s statement. He taps his finger over the table, eyes searching the room. It really feels strange... A thick atmosphere but not… not uncomfortable , really.

Shownu walks in, putting a small plate of cookies on the edge of the table, a cup of tea in front of Kihyun and glancing at the cards. Kihyun looks at him again, and he looks… Probably like a demon hunter? He’s as bulky as Hoseok, as tall as Hyungwon. Could probably be intimidating if not for the apron. Which he undoes, throws over the chair and sits down to smile at them.

Kihyun can’t help the polite little smile. He eyes Hyungwon again, quick, and then the cards before he sets his eyes on the tea in front of him. It smells like… “Green tea. Matcha?” He asks, glancing up.

Shownu nods, leaning forward to rest his arms, crossed on the table. “You still like it, right?”

Kihyun smiles but his eyes are searching for the exit button. “Y--Yeah… it’s… my favorite…” He suddenly wishes he could teleport the way Changkyun does. The way Hyungwon does. Alas, his only power is flicking like a stupid flashlight on low batteries.

Shownu reaches over, flips the first card in front of him. “The Chariot. Fantasy, pride,” he says. “Hyungwon said you had questions about what you are?”

“Y---Yes, I’m…” Kihyun looks to Hyungwon first and then down, thumbing the side of his cup and frowning at how hot it feels. “I know, I think, I’m not… very human…” He breathes out a laugh. “If that makes any sense…”

Shownu laughs, low, gesturing to the skull on his bookshelf. “That’s from a vampire. A den I found under a nightclub in the middle of Gangnam. It’s okay, you know,” Shownu flips another card, smile faltering slightly. “To be scared.” He turns the card on its side and mumbles, “The Moon. Fear, danger.”

Kihyun flinches but he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t… know what that means. So, he smiles again, small and soft. Careful. “So, vampires are a thing, too… Huh.” He’s not too sure how to process that information.

“They’re very rare,” Shownu assures. “And mostly passive. I wouldn’t be too worried,” he leans over, turns over another card. “The Hanged Man. Sloth.”

“Disgusting things,” Hyungwon mumbles. And Kihyun thinks he’s starting to understand where this is going, or coming from.

Shownu laughs lightly. “They are! I’m glad they’re rare, otherwise they’d be really annoying to get rid of.” Shownu flips another card. Kihyun notes he’s working his way up, down. Like they’re connected. “Nine of Swords.” Shownu looks up. “Nightmares.”

For three sleepless nights and all the others he didn’t spend with Changkyun. He gets it, he thinks. It makes sense, he thinks. And it scares him, too.

Pride. ‘So what’s in there? Rat poison?’, ‘Pride’.

Danger. ‘I have to protect you .’

Sloth. ‘I WANTED TO WAIT! NOT NOW! MINE!’

Nightmares. ‘You can control the voices, stop them. They’re only dreams, Kihyun. It’s okay.’

“Go on,” Kihyun says, eyes stuck on the next card. His heart is beating so loud he can almost hear the uneven rhythm.

Shownu smiles, small, sympathetic. He flips the next two cards at the same time. “The Knight of Cups, inversed. Jealousy, envy.” And Shownu doesn’t have to read the other one. Because just as he flips it, Kihyun says--

“The Lovers…” And his heartbeat slows down a little. ‘Not a sunrise. Maybe a sunset.’

“Nine of Cups, reversed,” Shownu says next, “Gluttony.” And his hand stops over the next card. And he slowly turns it to the side before turning it around. “Death.”

And Kihyun’s heart sinks. And he feels it, a familiar panic run up from the depths of his mind. But just before he can do something about it, quell it, keep it from showing, Hyungwon does what Hyungwon does best;

“Present,” he says, raising his hand and waving it around.

Shownu scoffs. “I want to indulge you on that one, but Death is a very misleading card.” He glances at Kihyun. “It means letting go of the past... Meaningful change,” he smiles softly. “It’s okay, Kihyun. He’s not going anywhere.”

Kihyun looks down and blinks. Why does he suddenly feel like crying? If he talks in the next two seconds, he might. So, he nods instead of saying something.

“You’ve touched light recently, haven’t you?” Shownu asks but he’s not talking to Kihyun. “You still glimmer a bit.”

Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder. “They don’t sell sunglasses or sunscreen, for that matter, anywhere near my usual stops.”

“Touched,” Shownu repeats. “Not seen.”

It takes Hyungwon a while longer than usual to reply. “Might’ve… That might’ve happened, yes. The other way around, though.” He looks to Kihyun and nods. “He touched me, more than once, too. I didn’t think that was possible. It shouldn’t be possible.”

Shownu hums, slowly gathering the cards on the table. All except the last one that he hadn’t turned yet. He holds them, flashes the Lovers card at Hyungwon. “I wasn’t talking about Kihyun.”

“Oh,” is all Hyungwon says, eyes shifting between Shownu and Kihyun, like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

Shownu slowly slides the plate of cookies across the table towards Kihyun. “They’re fresh out of the oven. Don’t feel obligated, but they are, objectively, amazing.”

And it’s not like he feels obligated but it’s polite to accept at least one, so Kihyun takes a cookie and gives a small bite. His eyes widen instantly and he looks up. “Lemon!”

“The pet was right…” Hyungwon mumbles to himself, shifting in his seat.

Shownu smiles, almost apologetic. “You came here for answers and I’ve been reading your tarot. There’s… truth in it, and helps me zero in on your aura, so to speak, but it’s not exactly the answers you were looking for.”

Kihyun blinks and shoves the rest of the cookie in his mouth, pushing it to the side to speak, “Wha’does that mean?” He munches, suddenly (ugh, he can’t believe cookies and tea have that effect on him) feeling a lot more comfortable and at ease. “You don’t know?” He gestures to himself. “What’s wro--I mean, what I am?”

“I might have an idea,” Shownu says, pushing the chair back as he gets up to walk across the room and open a drawer. “You only have the one parent, yes? Father? Righteous man. A preacher, reverend?”

Kihyun’s heart speeds up again, he only notices his hands have turned to fists when his palm hurts as his nails dig into the skin. “Y--Yes.” He’s not going to ask how Shownu knows about that. “A--Also a fan of drinking,” he adds. “As the years passed…”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Shownu says sincerely, and it’s quiet, until he places a small box on the table in front of Kihyun.

Kihyun looks between him and the box. “He said… once, when I rounded the courage to ask, he told me my mother left when I was just a baby.” He slides his hands under the table and nervously scratches at his legs over his jeans. “It’s… it’s got something to do with that, doesn’t it? With her…”

Shownu nods where he stands next to him. “I think so, yes. Do understand this is something I’ve only ever read about, but there is one way to know for certain,” Shownu says, gesturing to the box. “Inside is a relic. Well, part of one. A small piece from the sword of Michael. Forged in the heart of our own sun,” Shownu smiles, puts a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder. “If I’m right, you can, well, touch it. It’ll react to your soul.”

Hyungwon gets up, vanishing from where he was and reappearing by Kihyun’s other side. “And if you’re wrong…?”

“It’ll burn like a bitch.”

“G--Great thing I heal faster than a bitch…” Kihyun breathes out.

He takes another breath just in case and opens the box. It’s not… exactly what he expected. Again, a lot of things are not like he expects them to be. It’s small, looks sharp and there’s a slight nuance to the colors it reflects. Kihyun blinks once and it shines gold in his eyes. And once he blinks again he sees blue reflections all over the room.

And it…

“It sings,” he mumbles.

It’s soft, quiet, almost silent, but it’s there. And this time he hears it in his right ear, a whisper. And past that whisper a song. A beautiful song. A powerful song. And Kihyun needs to backtrack before he loses himself in it.

He blinks, hand hovering over the sparkling shard and--

“Wait!” Hyungwon grabs at his wrist. And it sends a little electric current up Kihyun’s arm. “Wait…” Hyungwon huffs and then looks to Kihyun, eyes yellow and intense. “If you do this… and it’s… you can’t go back, you know that right? There’s only forward after this.”

Forward . Kihyun is not sure of what it means. It makes him anxious, yes. A little afraid, too, if he thinks about it too much. But he knows it’s the only choice he can live with. Thinking of the present while moving forward.

“I know,” he says, feeling Hyungwon’s hold around his wrist slowly begin to loosen up. “But that’s the whole point, isn’t it?”

Hyungwon lets go. “If you’re sure…”

“I am,” Kihyun says, turning to the box again, eyes on the shard. And the truth is, he isn’t. But he needs to believe that he is.

And again, it’s not what Kihyun expects. His fingertips touch the edge of that crystal clear shard and his right ear rings like his left does when demons are up and about. He winces a little, shoulder coming up in reflex, like someone just poked his neck. But it doesn’t burn. It doesn’t burn when he slides his fingers over the shard, it doesn’t burn when he grabs the shard, it doesn’t burn when he brings it out of the box, it doesn’t burn, it just… sings.

“Wha--What does this mean?” He asks, heart loud, eyes wide and on Shownu.

“Have you ever heard,” Shownu starts, careful, taking a small step back. “Of Nephilim?”

“N--Nephilim?”

There’s a long pause. Longer than a second and shorter than a minute.

“The offspring of the sons and daughters of God and those of men,” Hyungwon says, his voice coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Kihyun scrunches his eyes shut and shakes his head. “No… Dad’s just, he’s just human ,” He says, opens his eyes slowly and stares at the shard. “Are you saying that my mother, that she was…”

“An Angel, yes.”

“Nephilim,” Hyungwon says from across the room, no longer standing next to Kihyun. “‘Those that cause others to fall’, would be the rough translation.” His voice sounds distant and he’s looking at Kihyun like he just grew another head.

Nephilim. Humans. Angels. A match. A fire. A giant on the inside.

Kihyun looks down, his mind flaring with images, with memories, with ominous flashes from a childhood he’d thought forgotten. He looks to the left and notices the strange rug on the floor and then he looks to the right and sees nothing but brown wood. There’s a shard in his hand and, despite being small in size, it weighs as much as Kihyun’s heart. He thumbs at it, not looking when he feels the edge cut through skin. He thumbs harder, then, just to feel something that will ground him there and not take his mind somewhere it shouldn’t go.

“Is…” His voice is barely there and he needs to clear his throat, eyes panicking on their way up as they search for Shownu and lock on him faster than they can focus. “Is that wha--what I am?”

“Yes,” Shownu nods, staring at the shard. “It’s… It’s the only explanation. Anything that isn’t at least part angel would be able to touch that thing. And anything that is at least part darkness wouldn’t be able to enter this house.”

Kihyun breathes in. And then out. “So… I’m…” He looks down. He is? And Changkyun is… “I’m not sure how… how to take this…” He looks to Hyungwon as if searching for help, something, but finds Hyungwon’s expression guarded. Nothing like the open, honest face he’d been looking for, nothing like the safety he always finds in Changkyun’s eyes. So, Kihyun asks, because he needs to ask, eyes shifting to Shownu again. “Is it bad? I mean… am I dangerous or… Is that why they say I’m… pure?”

Shownu purses his lips in a tight smile. “I’ll explain as much as I can. Can you, uhm, put that back? Please?”

Kihyun looks to his hand. “I… Yeah…” He quickly shoves the thing--shard--sword-- whatever! back into the box and slams it closed. He breathes, the wound on his finger is not healing. “S--Sorry…”

Shownu silently takes the box, glancing between Hyungwon and Kihyun. “You might want to bandage that,” Shownu suggests, closing the drawer and walking back around the table. “It’s not a mortal wound, it won’t heal as fast.”

Kihyun shoves his thumb in his mouth, grimacing a little at the taste of iron against his tongue. He looks down again, sucking at the wound, and then up to Hyungwon, who’s still looking at him like he’s never seen Kihyun before. So, Kihyun looks back down.

“Nephilim are rare,” Shownu starts, careful, folding his hands in front of him and watching Kihyun with a guarded but honest expression. “You are the first, and most likely the only one I’ll ever see. That this generation will ever see.”

“So,” Kihyun mumbles, slowly dragging his finger out of his mouth and then staring at the open wound. It hurts a lot more than a papercut. “That’s why...” I need to be protected? He shakes his head and licks his lips. “Rare. Pure. Shining…”

“Special,” Shownu nods. “Yes, honestly, I’m amazed you’re still alive.” Shownu shifts slightly in his chair. “It’s very precarious, balancing yourself between Heaven and here. Angels,” he frowns. “Don’t have free will. You do. You can make your own decisions, you can… fall in love. I’m not sure the full extent of it, but it’s special.”

It bubbles and then it’s out, a short, almost sarcastic laugh. Because of course. Of course he had to fall in love with a demon. He laughs again, quietly, looking at his hand before he brings it up to his forehead. “S--Sorry… I just…” His life really is a joke.

Shownu laughs. Actually laughs. “Yeah, the irony isn’t lost on me either.”

“So, you know..?” Kihyun says, dropping the hand from his forehead to his lap.

“I can see him all over you,” Shownu smiles. “Except, of course…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun smiles a little, eyes cast down. He taps his lips the way Changkyun had done for him, “He told me we can’t.”

“It’s a seal,” Shownu says. “For the taint. The last door. Kihyun,” Shownu leans forward. “You cannot let yourself be tainted.”

He expected that. At least, this one, Kihyun expected. But then it begets the question; “Why? What would happen?”

“No idea,” Shownu smiles kindly. “But it can’t be good.” He lets out a breath, leans back. “There is a lot about this that doesn’t really make sense, not to me, not from this side of the coin…”

“Why,” Hyungwon says, his voice small. His eyes dart toward Shownu and glare . “What would a Nephilim and a… demon have in common?”

Shownu tongues at his cheek. “I… don’t know.” He shrugs again. “I’m sorry, I have no idea.”

“Shit,” Hyungwon hisses, hands coming up to his hair. He takes a deep breath and then lets his arms fall back down. “I don’t… This keeps getting more and more complicated.”

“You’re telling me,” Kihyun scoffs, looking somewhere else. He notices a painting on the wall and despite the turmoil inside his brain he decides that he likes it. “So… my mother was… an angel…” He snorts. “Sorry. And, uhm, I am… a Nephilim. I shine like the supernatural equivalent of a lighthouse. Which, in turn, attracts demons that want to…” He grimaces, “do whatever. And…” He pauses, eyes snapping to Shownu. “Is that why Kyunie needs to ask? He says it’s a rule… That he can’t touch me without my permission.”

Shownu frowns, hard, leaning forward. “He has to what ?”

“A--Ask…” Kihyun blinks. “It’s like,” he looks to his hands and gestures, “There’s an invisible glass between us. And if I don’t move first or allow him in any way then… he can’t touch me.”

Shownu looks down, frowning at the table. “Kihyun, do you think you’d be in danger of being killed by demons if they had to ask to touch you?”

“I… no? I don’t know!”

Shownu reaches up, massages at his temples. “I don’t think he’s lying, if it’s any consolation to you. I just don’t… know why he’d have to ask ...” Shownu sighs. “You’re right, this is complicated. New, different, complicated… I’ll…” Shownu lifts his head, nods. “I’ll see what I can find. Sorry, but this is kind of fascinating.”

A sudden guilt spreads from Kihyun’s heart to the rest of his body. He nods wordlessly, eyes moving to give a quick glance to where Hyungwon stands. They lock eyes for a moment and Kihyun expects Hyungwon to look away. But he doesn’t. And even when he speaks, his eyes don’t leave Kihyun even as he squints.

“You… want to help?” Hyungwon asks Shownu.

Shownu thinks, turns to Kihyun. “You called yourself a lighthouse, yes? You’re not. You’re a sun.”

“A sun?” Kihyun asks. He searches his mind for something and… “I don't see myself as a sun… more like a… match. A match I can use to start a fire.”

“That's what you did…” Hyungwon says, frowning. “With me, and Hoseok.”

Shownu nods. “Exactly. But I assume, like a match, it burned out fast?”

Kihyun's eyes widen. “Y--Yes! I… felt tired. And then I was out.”

“Slept the whole night, too,” Hyungwon adds, finally looking to Shownu, who nods in understanding.

“That’ll happen. You overexerted a muscle you’ve never used before. But the more you use it, the stronger it’ll get, and so on,” Shownu says, reaching over to get a cookie and take a bite. He points the cookie at Kihyun, “You’re worried about…” He frowns, as if looking for a word. “Kyunie? Kyunie. And you,” he points at Hyungwon. “Want to know if there’s a way you can talk to Hoseok.”

Hyungwon frowns and then looks away.

“Sorry,” Shownu adds, then. “I’m psychic. I know things. Can be a bit weird.”

Kihyun looks between them. Once. Twice.

“Is it…” Kihyun starts, eyes still shifting before they stop on Shownu's face. “Me. Being a--what I am. It won't cause trouble for Kyunie, right? I'm not… uhm. I don't wanna say ‘dangerous’ but I can't find another word for it…”

Shownu laughs. “Well, you said it yourself, it’s like a fire. Useful, helpful, powerful, scary… You just have to learn how to control it. But no, it won’t hurt Kyunie. I think it’s helped him, actually. I’ve never heard of a demon that sleeps. Or loves, for that matter. Demons don’t understand or feel joy. But Kyunie does, and I think that’s...” He gestures. “Because of you.”

The antsy feeling in Kihyun's chest grows. And he suddenly feels like something is missing. Something. Someone. He really, really wants to see Changkyun right now...

“Okay,” he says, nodding. “That's… good.”

“And what about my problem?” Hyungwon grumbles lowly, like an angry cat growling at the prospect of being touched.

“I… have an idea about that. A relic that might help you,” Shownu says. “But it won’t be easy to get, if I can even find it.”

“A relic?” Hyungwon and Kihyun say in unison, glaring at each other when they do.

“Items with special powers, in a way. An artifact, you can call it,” Shownu chuckles. “Like the shard you were just holding. And I think it might function as a link between the limbo Hyungwon lives in, and our realm. Concentrated light, like what you did, Kihyun.”

Antsy but… definitely something else, too. Because he did something. There is something he can do, too. And now something he appears to be, as well.

“Can we help?” Kihyun asks as he gets up from his chair. It sounds a lot like ‘ Can I help?’

“Maybe,” Shownu nods, and Kihyun notes how kind he looks. Shownu’s big but not imposing, serious but not unkind. “For now, I think, try to… control the matches. See what you can do without exhausting yourself. And remember; light shines brightest where it’s dark. But I think you know that. That you felt it.”

A shadow behind him. And there's only the one.

“Yes,” Kihyun nods, smiling.

Hyungwon winces. “That’s still annoying, you know.”

“What is?” Kihyun asks with a frown.

“All that wiggling this thing does.” Hyungwon says, rubs at his temples, looking away. “Now take his number or something, text about your mental taekwondo or whatever, I’m not gonna pop in here for updates every day.”

Shownu takes another cookie, nibbling on the edge of it. “What you decide to do is up to you. I’m just here with my books, cookies, tarot cards and demon-killing weapons.”

“And weird Seer bullshit,” Hyungwon adds.

“Ah, yes,” Shownu sighs. “Lest we forget.”

Kihyun picks up his scarf and wraps it around his neck. He really, really, really wants to go home. But he's glad he came here. He's glad he's met Shownu, glad he knows more now, even if he’s not sure what to do with it.

“It was nice meeting you,” he admits with a small smile. A smile that doesn't dim when he adds, “But I don't want demon-killing weapons anywhere near Kyunie .”

“Could have been useful in the restaurant, but alright ,” Hyungwon grumbles. “Protective much.”

Kihyun sends him a pointed glare. “You could've been useful, too. Yet here we are.” He looks down. “Same for me, though…” Kihyun picks up his coat and glances at the table. “You… You didn't turn that last card. Why, what's it mean?”

“Ah,” Shownu says, reaching out to hover his hand over it. He looks up right at Kihyun. “This card shows your undoing. I wasn’t sure if… Do you want to know?”

Kihyun’s heart gives a loud, strong beat and he frowns as he pulls his coat over his shoulders. “I think…” He takes a deep breath, hands going limp by his sides. “I think I already know…”

Shownu nods small, slowly turning the card, pausing before he says; “The Magician.”

“Greed,” Kihyun whispers, his hand slowly coming up to pinch at his bottom lip.

Shownu nods, and the card stares up at him. It’s a card. A stupid tarot card and it shouldn’t mean anything.

It shouldn't. But deep down Kihyun knows… deep down he knows everyone has a role to fulfill.

---

The front door clicks when the key turns inside the lock and Kihyun pushes it open with his foot. He paces to the elevator, clicks the button a few times, rolling his eyes when he notices the number seven at the top.

Too long, he thinks.

“--ey… Hey! Hamster! I'm talking to you!”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “What?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I'm asking--Well, I was asking if you're going to be okay…”

“Why wouldn't I?” Kihyun mumbles, tapping his foot on the floor. He looks up again. Six. Too slow.

“Oh, Kihyun! I don't know! Maybe because--well, everything!?”

Everything. Everything is a lot more than nothing. A lot more than something . It's a lot but… but.

“I'll be fine,” Kihyun says, already turning towards the stairs. “For once, I'm sure, I'll be fine.” For once, he can say that and mean it. Because he can work with the truth. Even if it's a lot, it's the truth. “Go to Hoseok, yeah?” Kihyun calls back before he runs up the first block of stairs, slowing down a little up the second one. He thinks about everything and nothing at the same time. There are so many ideas floating inside his head… but only one of them screams louder than the others.

The elevator is too slow. And there are a lot of stairs. And Kihyun feels antsy. Anxious. Impatient.

And even when there are only two blocks of stairs left to climb, it still feels like home is an eternity away.

So, he calls;

“Changkyu-- nhuff.” His face crashes into Changkyun's chest. And Kihyun doesn't need to step back or lean back to look. He just needs to throw an arm around Changkyun's shoulders and pull him close.

“H-hey,” Changkyun laughs softly, confused even as his fingers entangle with Kihyun’s hair. “When you said you couldn’t wait I didn’t know you meant it this much…”

Kihyun laughs a little, breathless from running all the way up. “So--Sorry… I just… I needed you.”

He did. He still does. And every bit of anxiety he'd been feeling melts down to one single worry. He takes a deep breath, and it smells a little like… Like him . Like home, but he still doesn't let go.

“I’m right here…” Changkyun says, soft, kissing the top of Kihyun’s head. “Why did you need me, baby, are you okay?”

“Not… not really,” a strange, bubbly feeling swirls inside Kihyun's chest. It burns. Or maybe it just sings. Baby? That’s… new . “But I think it's… I'm better. Now.”

“Good,” Changkyun says softly. “That’s good. You can…” Changkyun’s fingers slow. “Tell me, you know. Whatever it is.”

Kihyun laughs a little and squeezes tightly before slowly letting go, hand lingering on his arm. “Maybe we should…” He gestures around them, “Get home, first.”

Changkyun glances around at the staircase, grey walls and cold steel and then it’s not. It’s home. “There. Much better. Doesn’t smell like staircase.”

Kihyun laughs, finally letting go to tug at his jacket. “And you say you're not a dog,” he shakes his head. Yes , this. He needed this. Somewhat like an anchor. Safe .

Changkyun quickly rushes to the stove, stirs at a pot, glances at his phone propped up against Kihyun’s rack of spices. “Excuse you. Can dogs make fettuccine alfredo?”

Kihyun snorts and kicks his shoes off, for once not bothering with leaving them in the middle of the living room, for once not bothering with missing the sofa and throwing his coat on the floor.

“You've been cooking.” He's not asking. “And the house still stands. I'm impressed.” He walks to the kitchen, slowly pulling at his scarf to undo the knot and then throwing half of it around Changkyun's neck and knotting it again. “Look. A red string.”

Changkyun pauses where he’s stirring, reaching up to touch at the scarf. He laughs softly, ducking his head. “So you’re still letting me get away with that, then?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun murmurs to himself, nose digging into the scarf. “Guess I am…”

Changkyun turns the heat down for the stove, puts the lid on, puts the spoon down and carefully turns around, basically pressing himself against the counter as to not touch Kihyun in the process. “Soulmates, then?” Changkyun smiles, hands trailing the scarf. “You… believe that?” Changkyun glances to the side, face a bit pink. “Too..?”

Kihyun remembers looking through yellow eyes. Cold. Grey. Devoid of light. And a forest of thorns around him. Faint but there. Definitely there.

“I don't know,” he admits, eyes on Changkyun's face before landing on something else atop the counter. He tilts his head and contemplates a silly thought. “But I believe in you. And I think… I saw it, too. And well,” he looks down and at the scarf between them. “I like this string better. It's softer.”

Changkyun blinks, eyebrows knitting together. “You saw it?”

Kihyun nods, eyes going between Changkyun's face and the red scarf. “Yesterday, just before I…” He looks to the counter again. “Kyunie… there's… a lot. It's a lot. And I don't know where to start…”

Changkyun tugs a little at the scarf. “Okay… You’re okay, though, right? That’s what’s important, the rest, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter as long as…” He tugs at the scarf again. “We have this.”

Eyes on the plastic wrap over the counter, Kihyun lets the thought hang. He nods. The bubbly, single worry in his chest slowly crawling all the way up.

“Would you…” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “Changkyun. Would you still… would you still love me if I wasn't… human?” The last word comes out as a whisper.

Changkyun blinks, head moving back a bit as if startled. “Why would you--” He laughs softly. “Kihyun, look at who you’re asking that question.”

Of course Changkyun would say that. Actually, it's something Kihyun would say too, were their roles inverted. But…

“Today,” he starts, slowly, “Hyungwon and I visited… someone. Hyungwon called him a Seer. And… he knew things. About me. About you. About Hyungwon.” Kihyun reaches out to touch Changkyun but his hand falls before he manages to, even as Changkyun just looks on in innocent curiosity. “I wanted to know… I needed to know. Things never made sense even when I tried to keep my life from collapsing in itself. There's… things I can do. I… I tried to punch Hyungwon and it didn't go through.” He laughs, eyes slowly bouncing from place to place until they land on Changkyun's face. “They called me a… Nephilim.”

Changkyun’s frown relaxes. “Oh.” He looks down. “Oh, that… makes sense.” He laughs a little. It sounds like nerves. “Explains a lot...”

Kihyun blinks. “You're not… freaked out?”

Changkyun looks up, shrugs. “Wouldn’t really be fair of me to be, even if I wanted to. Besides, all these things are kind of new to you when for a while it’s all I knew.” He rolls his shoulders, frowns again. “I admittedly don’t know much about Nephilim. Angels, yeah, but not… I don’t know. It’s a lot to process but it’s not a bad thing, I guess?”

“Oh,” Kihyun looks down. “I… yeah.” He fidgets a little and gives a short step back, stopped only by the scarf around them.

Changkyun scratches at the back of his head, frowns at the floor. “I wondered why you could… I mean, having a pure soul and everything already puts a target on your back, but I guess it didn’t really explain the voices, seeing Hyungwon, the light… Even if it was kind of instinctual, I didn’t really know why...”

“There was…” Kihyun looks at his thumb. There's a scar. It still hasn't healed. “A shard. Something important. There was a song, too. And… fear.” He sighs. “They… were afraid of me. Even if just for a second. I felt it.” He smiles small. “Hyungwon is never scared. And yet…”

“Angels are fearful creatures, Kihyun,” Changkyun says. “Powerful. I’ve… never met any, obviously, but,” Changkyun shivers. “An angel could probably think me dead. Hyungwon, too.”

Kihyun’s eyes snap back up, wide, his heart loud in his ears. “I'd never--”

“I know!” Changkyun defends quickly. “I know that.”

“I'm…” Kihyun looks down, hand reaching for the knot on the scarf. “I should go get changed…”

Changkyun sighs. “Kihyun…”

“Hm?” Kihyun looks up again as he undoes the knot and the scarf falls on the floor between them.

“I love you, okay. Truly, really love you. This doesn’t change that, or anything else. Not when it comes to me, to how I feel about you..”

Kihyun smiles and looks away. “I… I know. I think. It's just… well.” He shrugs, smiling a bit more when he remembers something. “One thing I like, though…”

“Hm?”

“I think… I know you won't lose again. Or fall, again.”

A curious expression somewhere between amusement and adoration flashes over Changkyun’s face, and then he smiles. His shoulders slump and he lets out a breath. “Not gonna need a guardian much longer, are you...”

“No,” Kihyun laughs. “But I will always need you.” He points between the two of them. “A sky with no sun or moon… is not really all that interesting. Is it? So… a sunset.”

Changkyun smiles down, ears a little red. “You’re… you’re sappy…”

“Wanna see sappy?” Kihyun takes a step back and smirks. “I've been learning a few things from you, you know?”

Changkyun snorts, still blushing at the floor. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around…”

“Switch culture,” Kihyun jokes even as his heart does a twirl in his chest, eyes on the plastic wrap again. He reaches for it, rolling it in his hand and snaps a chunk off. “Do you trust me?”

Changkyun blinks. “Well, yes, but I did just start watching Dexter…” he says, eyeing the plastic.

Kihyun tugs at the plastic in his hands until he finds the size to be… reasonably safe . “I told you I'd never hurt you. Never. Not intentionally, at least.” He pauses. “Okay… maybe a punch and a kick here and there but…”

Changkyun laughs. “And I believe you, but that still doesn’t explain the plastic wrap.”

“Come here?”

Changkyun shifts his eyes and then laughs a little again as he walks forward, watching Kihyun curiously.

“I'm ashamed I didn't think of this before, really,” Kihyun laughs as he walks one step closer and stops just a few centimeters away.

He brings the plastic up, softly pressing it over Changkyun's lips, the bottom half of his face, and then kisses him.

It's the first time Kihyun can feel Changkyun almost like he wishes he could. No doubt Greed will be his undoing.

Changkyun’s eyes are wide, almost fearful as Kihyun presses against him and… and then he melts, reaching up to cup Kihyun’s face between his hands, and presses back.

Kihyun feels himself sigh against the almost kiss. It's everything and nothing. Feels like too much and nothing at all. But there's the mold of Changkyun's lips on his. There's warmth. And it's not the soft touch of skin against skin, but it's something .

Changkyun’s hands shake slightly where they rest on his face, pushing their lips together as much as he can until he doesn’t. He pulls away and his eyes flutter open and before Kihyun can lower the plastic, he tilts his head and presses forward again. A small kiss, against his lips, light pressure against him. Changkyun drops his hands and takes a step back, looking down and touching at his lips.

Kihyun's heart is loud in his ears. He lets his hands fall and looks down. Regrets? None. Thoughts? So many.

“That… that was… nice.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun agrees as he brings a fist to his lips. “Yeah…”

And right now the world is small again. There's just this, them. No Demons. No Angels. No Reapers or Seers. Just them and a very loud heart inside Kihyun's chest.

“You’re… you’re still okay with…” Changkyun toes at the floor where he’s staring. “ Not being able to… to actually…”

Kihyun looks up, eyes wide. The hand over his mouth falls back down and he smiles. “You are enough.”

Changkyun stares at the floor a bit longer, kicking, blushing. “Sappy…” He smiles up, before quickly glancing over his shoulder and turning the stove all the way down. “You call me perfect and this is how I go an act. Insecure . How very human...”

“Well,” Kihyun laughs, balling up the plastic wrap and throwing it into the bin-- right into it, too, he notes, mildly impressed. “Insecurities, fears. You can only call yourself brave if you have them and beat them. Demons, like Hoseok said, everyone has those.” He shrugs and turns to walk towards the bedroom. “You told me you didn't want to become part of what I fear, remember? Because you're… you.” Kihyun kicks the door open and pulls his sweater over his head. “I told you something then, which I still stand for. But… I understand now. What you meant. And…” He opens the wardrobe and pulls at a clean shirt, smiling at the soft fabric between his fingers, “I hope… I don't become part of what you fear, too.” He laughs as he walks back to the kitchen, pulling the clean shirt over. “Insecurities work like that…”

Changkyun looks up from where he’s scooping pasta into two bowls and walking them over to the dining room table that… that Kihyun only now notices has a few candles, two glasses and a bottle of wine. And flowers . Where did he even get those. And how out of it was Kihyun when he got here not to even notice...

“Well, you have nothing to be insecure about,” Changkyun chirps cheerfully, gesturing to the table. “Dinner is served, my dear.”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips, trying to keep the smile away, and gestures to the table and then to himself. “You called me sappy. And you do this,” he snorts. “God, I love you.”

Changkyun laughs, cheeks pink. “Well, it’s good to have things in common,” Changkyun says, walking around the table to pull out the chair for him. “I love you more. Don’t let my pasta get cold.”

Kihyun gives a full body shiver even as he laughs, but he walks around the table anyway and sits down on the chair Changkyun pulled for him and from behind him, Changkyun leans in as if to kiss his cheek and in a world where he could, he most likely would have, instead just making a loud “mwah!” and then walking around to his side of the table and picking up the bottle of wine.

“Is this what you've been up to all day?” Kihyun asks to deflect the attention from himself. He's blushing way more than what should be considered clinically healthy.

“No, only the last hour or so,” Changkyun says, taking Kihyun’s glass and tipping it as he pours, like he’s probably seen in a video or something. “Hoseok and I went shopping, remember?” He puts Kihyun’s glass down and fills his own.

“Shopping? More clothes?” Kihyun asks to make conversation. ‘ Not so loud!’ he tells his own heart.

But Changkyun grins, sitting down and picking up his fork to start eating. “Mm, a bit,” Changkyun hums. “Just curious, but what do you think is worse; breaking a promise, or lying by omission?”

Kihyun frowns. “I feel like I'm walking myself into a trap but I'll say ‘breaking a promise’…” He pauses. “Depends. I think it depends.”

Changkyun nods in thought, taking a drink of wine and scrunching his face up as he puts the glass down. He’s clearly trying not to cough. “Ugh. Okay, then I promised Hoseok I wouldn’t tell so--” Changkyun coughs, squinting at the glass of wine even as his face scrunches up again. “Why did Hoseok buy this ?”

Kihyun laughs and brings a hand to his mouth to laugh some more. “Every… Every time…”

Changkyun sticks his tongue out. “I didn’t know what to expect, alright…” He looks at the wine again, takes another small sip and licks at his lips. “S’weird.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, bringing his own glass to his lips. “It's an acquired taste.” He takes a sip and snorts. “Not my favorite drink either but… Hoseok likes it. Had to learn to like it as well.”

Changkyun scooches his own glass away, turning to the actual food. “Next time you get the drinks and I’ll get used to what you like,” he nods, determined.

“Green tea with a slice of lemon and a teaspoon of honey. I like that. Now that I think about it… reminds me of you.”

“A drink reminds you of me?” Changkyun asks with a tilted head and a curious smile.

Kihyun smiles but looks away. “Makes me feel all warm and cozy. And it's bittersweet.” He nods, “Tastes like home.” He looks down at the pasta. “So, is that what you wanted to ask? ‘Cause I have a question, too.”

Changkyun nods, chewing around a mouthful of pasta and gesturing with his fork for Kihyun to continue.

Kihyun looks up and down and then picks up his fork. “Is this a date?”

Changkyun’s chewing slows and he swallows with a fist to his mouth. “Uhm. I. Well, we are dating so I thought you, er, might not be entirely opposed to the…” His eyes flick between Kihyun and the pasta and the flowers and the wine. “Idea.”

“I'm not,” Kihyun says softly, smiling to himself before he shoves some pasta into his mouth. He chews for a bit and then swallows. “Oh… it's good!” He looks up, “I'm impressed! After last time, well… you were just a baby back then. But still.”

Changkyun squints. “So it was bad last time, huh…” Changkyun laughs, shrugging. “I’m glad you like it. I tried to do everything the video said.” He chews a little, hand over his mouth. “Hoseok sent me some links so if you want I can try a bunch of ‘em. It’s actually kinda fun.”

“We should do it together next time,” Kihyun suggests as he shoves more food into his mouth until his cheeks are puffed. Hyungwon was right. He used to say stuffing his mouth with food felt nice and he was right.

“There’s a word for that,” Changkyun says, tapping his fork on his bottom lip. “ Domestic .”

Kihyun snorts and brings a hand to his mouth. He swallows, “Wha… What part of this, us isn’t domestic. We shared a bed the first time we met, for fuck’s sake.”

Changkyun laughs. “True! But this is, like, planned domesticity. That was all accidental.”

“So,” Kihyun says, smirking a little before he manages to quell it. He taps his fork on the plate a few times before he decides to stab another forkful of pasta, “Is that what that was? Earlier. You,” he gestures to Changkyun, “planning domesticity …? Because I’ll admit, the other… two… three times weren’t exactly on the schedule, no.”

Changkyun shrugs, cheeks pink and playing with his pasta. “I’m your boyfriend now. I want to do stuff for you…”

“Stuff for me,” Kihyun brings hs glass to his lips, “Stuff to me. Amazing how both overlap. Or…” He pauses and looks to Changkyun. “Is that not where this is going? Because earlier you said--wait, where did I leave my phone…”

“I remember!” Changkyun squeaks before hitting his chest and clearing his throat. “Hoseok showed me that--that photoshoot you did and I--hah, lost my mind!” Changkyun hides his face behind his hand. “Sorry…”

Kihyun blinks and then snorts, looking away and placing his glass back down. “I was just messing with you… But… Thanks, I guess? If that’s supposed to be a compliment.”

Changkyun groans into his hand. “I called you unbearably sexy , there’s not a lot of wiggle room there...” And then mumbles, “S’true though...”

“Considering the circumstances,” Kihyun says, poking at the pasta with his fork, “I’ll allow that.”

Changkyun peeks through his fingers. “Wait, what do you mean ‘is this not where this is going ’?” He lets his hand fall and Kihyun shoves some more pasta in his own mouth, casually looking out the window.

Changkyun squints, tilting his head again. “Where do you want this to go…?”

“Somewhere, hopefully,” Kihyun chuckles, eyes still on the window. “I don’t want to sit here forever...”

“Then finish your dinner,” Changkyun scoffs, sitting back and actually taking another sip of wine and barely scrunches his face up this time. He rolls the stem of the wine glass between his fingers and glances at him and away, biting at his lip. “You... make me want to break a promise.”

Kihyun glances back to Changkyun and then down to his nearly empty plate. “What are the consequences? What happens if you break said promise?” He moves some pasta to his mouth and cocks an eyebrow when he looks at Changkyun again.

“I show you what Hoseok bought us and we don’t leave your bedroom until tomorrow morning.”

Kihyun stops himself from swallowing his food (he would have choked if he did) and looks down. His heart is suddenly loud again. And to think he was fretting about theological beings just a few minutes ago, now that’s near the bottom of his list of concerns.

He bites at his upper lip, finally swallowing his food. Timing. Maybe this isn’t the best timing. But… if he worried about timing then he wouldn’t be sitting where he is right now. Priorities come and go. They change. And right now…

“Is that a suggestion or…” He looks up again and puts the fork back down, “Or.”

“It’s what would happen if I broke my promise,” Changkyun says. “If I don’t, though,” Changkyun shrugs, taking another drink. “It’s not very long to wait.”

Kihyun frowns, propping an elbow over the table and leaning his cheek against his fist. “And why do we have to wait? Asking out of sheer curiosity.”

Changkyun clears his throat again, looking everywhere but Kihyun. His ears are very red. “Well, I suppose I don’t mind getting you another present…”

“Present? Why would you get me a--Oh!” Kihyun leans back on his seat and blinks. He’d totally forgotten. He’d totally forgotten about-- “My birthday…”

Changkyun winces, laughing softly. “ Yeeeah , kinda promised I wouldn’t tell you I knew about that, either.”

Kihyun laughs and looks down. “Remind me to never make you keep any promises in the future.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “No fair, it’s incredibly difficult to lie to you. Even by omission.”

“So that’s what that was about…”

“Kind of...” Changkyun says and grins, glancing at Kihyun and away. “Although I’m equally tempted to keep it a surprise, and to not keep it a surprise. Both being your fault, by the way.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, “Oh sure, blame it on me. You were the one getting all horny over text!”

“Because of what you look like!”

“Have you seen what you look like?” Kihyun shoots back.

“Yeah, but I don’t exactly want to fuck myself!”

“Well, I d--” Kihyun slaps a hand over his mouth. And says the rest as he muffles himself. It comes out sounding like, “Mmfdoff.”

Changkyun blinks at him, wide eyed and red-faced. “Wh-what was that?”

Kihyun feels the heat on his face again and looks away, hand still over his mouth, “Mffnothing.”

Changkyun leans in. “Was that a lie.”

And Kihyun feels like a useless harlequin as he nods, hand still over his mouth even though he knows he’s got nothing to say. Where did all that bravado from a few seconds ago run to, Yoo Kihyun…?

And then Changkyun laughs. A bubbly giggle, hidden behind his hand as he brings it up and hangs his head. “We’re both idiots .”

“Speak for yourself,” Kihyun mumbles, finally letting his hand down. “I had a stressful day. I’m entitled to erratic behaviors.”

“And I was taken shopping with your shameless best friend,” Changkyun laughs. “And we’re tiptoeing around sex like--” Changkyun’s cheeks go red almost impressively fast. “--Well, like, like we’ve not d-done anything.”

Kihyun crosses his arms and sinks down where he sits. He pouts a little and looks out the window again. “Well, you suggested it. I teased you about it and somehow it ricocheted back to me.” He rolls his eyes, “Typical.”

“It didn’t…” Changkyun sighs a little, getting up to collect their plates. “Ricochet… I’m just always either incredibly awkward or far too cocky.” He takes Kihyun’s plate and turns to the kitchen. “Trying to find a reasonable balance.”

“We are more alike than you think, Changkyun.”

Changkyun laughs. “What, so we’re just gonna be awkward until something does happen and then fly off the rails completely?”

Kihyun laughs, poking at the table with two fingers and then scratching the polish off where it’s already a little worn out.  “Sounds like us. I’m okay with that.”

Changkyun smiles to himself as he clears the table, gripping the glasses with one hand and picking up the bottle with the other. “Yeah… Yeah, me too.”

“The question still stands, though,” Kihyun mumbles, trying to save some of his remaining guts from drowning down the whirlpool that is his mind. “Was that a suggestion, or…?”

The glasses clink as Changkyun puts them down, quiet for a moment as he does, arranging the dishes in that way Kihyun showed him. “Do you want it to be?”

“Don’t turn the question around. I asked you--Ugh, we’re doing it again…” Kihyun sinks some more in his seat.

“Switch culture,” Changkyun jokes quietly.

Kihyun throws his head back and groans before he sits back up. He looks around the room and then towards the sink. “I should be doing the dishes…” He says, mind still screaming, heart numb like it got stabbed with anesthesia. “Hey,” he starts as he gets up, “did you know vampires exist?”

Changkyun laughs, turning the faucets to get the dishes going. “I did, actually. Is this part of what the Seer told you today?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, walking closer. “It was a lot… so much. He,” Kihyun looks down, “He knew my name even though he’d never seen me before. He knew about you, too. Said he could see you all over me except for,” Kihyun gestures at his own lips and then rolls his eyes, “Then I got my 100th warning to keep my mouth away from yours, guess everyone loves to remind me. And…” Kihyun stops next to Changkyun and sighs. “He read my cards. Served me tea and there were lemon cookies, too.”

Changkyun hums, rinsing the bowls. “That does sound like a lot… Did the cards say anything interesting? I mean, I assume they were tarot cards.”

Kihyun looks at his hands and starts counting, “Pride, Sloth, Envy, Gluttony…”

Changkyun scoffs. “Well, yeah . Obviously.”

“And… Greed.”  Kihyun adds. “My undoing…”

Changkyun pauses, hands in soapy water. “ Want is not the same as Greed, Kihyun…”

Kihyun pinches at his lower lip, frowning, and then lets his hand fall. “I know… I know.”

“It’s…” Changkyun continues the dishes, and the red wine seeps through the white foam. “It’s very difficult to ignore sins completely. It’s impossible to always be productive and that lends to Sloth…” Changkyun scoffs. “Pretty sure my text had more than trace elements of Lust. It doesn’t mean they’re really ‘deadly’ sins. Or undoing anything.”

“I figured,” Kihyun nods. “I mean, look at me. I should be rotting and dripping sin all over the place,” he laughs, “yet for some reason my soul is pure.”

“That’s the angel part,” Changkyun laughs. “The lustful part of you that called me sexy is part of human free-will.”

“Ironic, isn’t it?” Kihyun laughs again, softly kicking the floor with one foot and then the other. “You, a demon and me… whatever I am. Half-assed angel.”

Changkyun gestures to himself. “Half-assed demon, remember.”

“Two sides to the same coin,” Kihyun nods and then smiles. “I don’t dislike it.”

“Me neither,” Changkyun admits, rinsing the dishes with cold water and unplugging the drain. “Coins have three sides, though. Technically.”

“I am not keen on turning this into a threesome but… if that’s what you like…” Kihyun snorts. “I’ll give it some thought.”

Changkyun scrunches his face at Kihyun, making to elbow at him. “I don’t know what I like but I’m sure it’s limited to you. Just you.”

“Lucky me,” Kihyun jokes, actually elbowing Changkyun. “I said that but I actually mean it.”

Changkyun blushes, drying his hands on a towel. “Is that something I can quote you on?”

“If you want,” Kihyun says. He places his chin over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Are you done?”

“Yep,” Changkyun says, popping the ‘p’ and taking advantage of their contact to turn his face and kiss Kihyun on the cheek. “Did I do okay? For my first planned domestic date?”

Kihyun laughs and shivers a little at the same time. “Yes. But that wasn’t your first date…”

“ Planned domestic date ,” Changkyun emphasises. “It’s not Venice or the corner cafe but…”

“Well, it’s you,” Kihyun nods awkwardly with his chin over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Are we still on a date or is it over already?”

“That’s up to you, I guess,” Changkyun says, smiling softly. “You know, Hoseok said that to me earlier today. I… asked for some advice and he said that it didn’t matter because it’s me…” He noses lightly at Kihyun’s cheek. “ It’s you ,” Changkyun quotes. “ That’s what counts the most . It’s a mutual sentiment, by the way.”

“Sappy, sappy, sappy,” Kihyun sing songs as he curls a finger on Changkyun’s jeans and tugs, “Come on, let’s watch something. Or take me to bed. I’m fine with both.”

Changkyun lets out a shaky breath and turns around, eyes narrowed playfully. “You’re really giving me the choice, huh?”

Kihyun shrugs and looks away to hide a smirk. “Well, sleeping is always an option.”

Changkyun shamelessly roves his eyes up and down Kihyun. “Afterwards, maybe.”

“Afterwards?” Kihyun tugs at Changkyun’s jeans again and gives a step back as if to pull Changkyun with him. “After we watch something? I’m actually invested in that shitty show you watch, you know?”

Changkyun laughs, eyes on Kihyun’s fingers hooked in his jeans as he lets himself be pulled. “You were asking for backstories on the characters two episodes in, Ki.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder as he walks backwards towards the living room, still pulling Changkyun with him, “Not big on slow burns. There’s too many of those, already. Also, it made no sense.”

Changkyun grins, reaching for the waistband of Kihyun’s jeans as well and tugging towards him. “I think you might be showing your hand there. Slow burns are for people who don’t know what they want.”

They stop when Kihyun’s legs bump back against the arm of the sofa. Kihyun tilts his head a little and cocks one eyebrow. “Do you know what you want?”

Changkyun leans in to brush his lips over the line of Kihyun’s jaw. “I must be doing a terrible job of being your boyfriend if you don’t feel entirely, near unbearably wanted.”

Kihyun lifts the finger curled around Changkyun’s jeans, nail scraping over skin before he curls it back down on Changkyun’s Calvin Klein boxers- -goddamnit, Hoseok, he gets the expensive underwear?-- “I guess you are doing a terrible job.”

“Well we can’t have that,” Changkyun says, kissing at Kihyun’s jaw, up to his ear. “You don’t break easy, right?”

Kihyun laughs a little, remembering the cut on his thumb. “I heal fast, just in case you have any ideas.” Doubtful Changkyun has holy shards inside his pockets --ha ha . Kihyun leans back a little, “Why do you ask?”

Changkyun laughs lightly against his neck, licking down to his throat and grazing his teeth over Kihyun’s adam’s apple and earning a gasp in return. “Considering the circumstances…”

Finger sliding from one side to other, Kihyun stops over the button of Changkyun’s jeans. He thumbs at it and it pops open, Changkyun’s grip at Kihyun’s waist tighter. “What circumstances?”

“That I don’t break easy either.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, pushing the zip of Changkyun’s jeans down with another finger, “Noted.” He says and leans back. His knees bend when the back of his legs press against the arm of the sofa and he lets himself fall back, pulling Changkyun with him.

It makes for an awkward landing, but Kihyun leaps over that, too. He kisses Changkyun's cheek first, a short peck. And then kisses his jaw with a lot more intent. And once his lips slide over the soft skin of Changkyun's neck, Kihyun bites, hard, teeth sinking into skin without really breaking through it.

Changkyun breathes in, sharp, almost a hiss, but grinds down in the same breath. He moves his hand from where it’s gripped at Kihyun’s waist, scratching up his stomach. “Fucking hell, Kihyun…”

Kihyun brings one leg around Changkyun to force him down, closer, and breathes sharp against his neck. He let’s go of the bit of skin and then licks. “Not there… yet…” He says and then laughs in his throat.

Changkyun drops his head to Kihyun’s shoulder to chuckle for a second, before roving his hands higher up Kihyun’s chest and lifting his face to grin down at Kihyun. “No, just your fucking couch.”

“There’s a bed, too,” Kihyun says, eyes on Changkyun’s neck. There’s no bruise. “But you were busy being cute. So, I brought us here.” He slides both hands from Changkyun’s waist to his torso, under his shirt, and pulls him closer again with the leg he has around him.

“I have quite amazing memories of this couch actually,” Changkyun grins, reaching up to pop open the first button of his shirt and grind down lightly as he looks Kihyun in the eye.

Kihyun lets out a shaky breath and moves his hips to match Changkyun’s friction on him. “Amazing memories?” He snorts but the smile on his face falters a little. “Glad to know.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow even as he pops open another button. “What, you don’t think you give amazing blowjobs?”

“Oh, no,” Kihyun tilts his head up slightly and looks Changkyun in the eye. “I know I do. But it’s always nice to be reminded.”

“I’ll bake you a cake next time,” Changkyun laughs in his throat, sitting up to let his shirt fall open across his shoulders, hand moving down to Kihyun’s waistband again where he’s straddling him. “So what memory do you want to make now, baby?”

Kihyun lets his hands slide under Changkyun’s open shirt all the way down to his waist. He looks Changkyun up and down and then bites at his lower lip, frowning. “Honestly, I can be persuaded to stay where I am.” Because what he’s looking at is definitely, beyond reason, a walking, mouthy sin. “But I guess that wouldn’t be fair for you,” Kihyun sighs and rolls his hips and Changkyun groans lightly at the friction, leaning his head back slightly.

“Looks good from where I’m sitting,” Changkyun breathes, looking down at him and moving both hands down to undo Kihyun’s jean button and pulling down his fly, tugging down at his jeans, eyes incredibly damn focused down there.

“What’s on your mind?” Kihyun asks, eyes on Changkyun’s chest and then his face before they go back down, and then further down to what Changkyun’s doing.

Changkyun scratches where he pulls Kihyun’s jeans down, lifting himself to pull them past his knees. And Kihyun helps with one leg and then the other, hand fisting around Changkyun’s shirt to pull him down and then flattening on his bare chest when their mouths almost clash, their lips just a breath away.

“I…” Changkyun says, breath hot against his lips. “I’m thinking…”

“About?” Kihyun questions, turning his head just slightly as if he is actually going for it. (He’s not, but the thought counts. A lot.)

“You,” Changkyun says easily and then laughs softly. “About what you… want to do.”

Kihyun moves his hand from Changkyun’s chest to the back of his neck. “You,” he says, breathing on Changkyun’s skin.

Changkyun grins, ears red. “You want to do me?”

Kihyun frowns, letting Changkyun lean back just a bit so he can focus his eyes on his face. “I don’t-- I don’t see you taking the initiative so…” Kihyun rolls his eyes, looking away when he starts feeling his face a lot warmer than it already way. “What’s with the tone of surprise anyway…”

Changkyun reaches back to scratch at the back of his neck, a look on his face not too far off from the awkward one across the table at dinner. “N-nothing! I just, didn’t wanna assume anything and then make a fool of myself either way …”

Kihyun props himself up on his elbows and looks at Changkyun for a moment. “Assume what? I’m… fine either way but…” He looks away, really considering just telling Changkyun to crack open a damn window because-- it’s too hot in here!

“You--you said switch culture earlier so I assumed,” Changkyun blushes bright, pointing with a thumb over his shoulder. “I mean! I didn’t assume! Ugh ,” Changkyun groans into his hands, oddly sheepish from where he’s sitting on Kihyun’s crotch half-dressed.

Kihyun rolls his eyes and sits up. “Hey, look at me,” he brings one of Changkyun’s hands down and then laughs. “Do you want to?” He points to himself and then then looks away when his face starts feeling all red again. They will never go anywhere if they keep this up and Kihyun is starting to feel slightly frustrated.

Changkyun looks at him, lets out a breath and with close to zero grace, pulls Kihyun’s t-shirt over his head and pushes him back against the couch. “I don’t care how , Kihyun, but I want you .” He nips at Kihyun’s jaw, kisses for a moment before he takes a deep breath, licking up his neck. “You inside me, me inside you… Who gives a damn.”

“Jesus,” Kihyun huffs with a shiver. “You just go from zero to a hundred in a split second and expect me to--what.” He tugs at Changkyun’s shirt. “Don’t take this off…”

“Whatever you want,” Changkyun says against his neck, raking his hand down, pulling at Kihyun’s underwear. “Zero to a hundred…” He nips again. “Or slow…”

Kihyun glares, “Since when have we ever been ‘slow’?”