Lacuna.

Changkyun was anxious often.

Just like at that moment, as he laid in his bed, eyes trained on the ceiling. To anyone else, he could’ve been the picture perfect model for calm and quiet.

On the inside, he was the exact opposite. All he felt was uncomfortable. It was like there was something trying to crawl out of his chest, trying to rattle at his rib cage and push aside his heart. He didn’t know exactly what to call the feeling other than uncomfortable. Yet, even labeled like that, uncomfortable didn’t feel like enough.

Uncomfortable described awkward get-togethers with the friends of your friends, situations where you’re stuck in a silent room of people, antsy occasions where you have to socialize with relatives you haven’t seen in a while.

This was more than uncomfortable. This was the feeling Changkyun got when thinking about the relationships he had with his groupmates and the future of the group they’ve formed. This was full-bodied anxiety, sweaty palms and heart beating fast, pumping adrenaline and panic through his veins till his blood felt too thick, his skin too sensitive, his head zooming so fast that he couldn’t think straight.  

He thought it was ungrateful of him to feel that way, though.

After all, he won No.Mercy. Out of twelve trainees, he had been picked to debut, to join a group, to finally be the musician he had always wanted to be. Not Gunhee, not Seokwon, not Yoonho. It was him. He beat the odds. Despite the fact that he was the most hated member, the least liked trainee, he still won.

So, why was he scared instead of relieved? Why didn’t he look forward to the dance practices and the studio sessions? Why did he have to be so ungrateful like this?

Debuting was his dream. He had never been so close to his dream before. Most people would be happy.

Changkyun wanted to sigh but, instead, he turned to face the wall. He wrapped his arms around the pillow beside him, hugging it close to his torso.

He hated nights like this, when sleep eluded him and all he could do was drown in his thoughts and all of this worrying, all of the stupid feelings he had, all of the anxiety. He wished all of it would stop, that everything would stop

His phone lit up beside him. Half of it was covered by his pillow but the other half was bright and lit the darkness around him.

Changkyun quickly snatched it up, eyes narrowing, unused to the light since he had been lying there for hours without it. After unlocking his phone, he quickly turned the brightness to the lowest setting. He then checked his newest notification.

Changkyun couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. The familiar username and the somewhat sweet message made him feel a little better.

It was always a good night when Changkyun was able to message his friends from SpecialK, the people he almost debuted with, his 'ex-members'.

Before, it was hard to because Starship had told Changkyun to take down a lot of his social media just in case. They didn't want a scandal to break out over anything stupid. They also didn't want him to message anyone too much. Fans could interpret it as something unfavorable.

Now, though, No.Mercy was over and, after all the working and practicing, Changkyun finally had time to reconnect.

Without even hesitating, he clicked on the notification and was immediately redirected to KakaoTalk.

Tae ♪ Hyung
I absolutely cannot sleep… I have a feeling that you can’t either?

Tae ♪ Hyung
You should be sleeping since you are going to be debuting now, right? You need all of your energy.

Changkyun had to cover his mouth to hide the giggles that almost escaped his lips. He didn’t want to wake up any of the other people in the room who were, most likely, sleeping soundly. Yet, he really couldn’t help himself.

His hyung was too cute. Taehyuk always worried about him, about all the members. He almost seemed like a mother hen at times, fussing over his little chicks. Seeing this eased Changkyun's mind of the anxieties that had plagued it only minutes before.

Changkyuu ♡
hyung, what should i do! you’ve woken me up! i’ll never be able to go back to sleep at this rate!

Tae ♪ Hyung
Is that so? For some reason, that’s hard to believe.

This time, Changkyun let out a quiet snort. His hyung knew him too well, knew that he stayed up late on nights where nobody would force him to sleep early, and Changkyun really couldn’t hide how he truly felt.

Changkyuu ♡
taehyuk-hyung, you’re so perceptive ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

Tae ♪ Hyung
Of course, you brat. If I wasn’t, what kind of hyung would I be?

Tae ♪ Hyung
Anyway, what’s wrong? Why are you still up? Are you having trouble sleeping again?

The answer came naturally to Changkyun. His ex-members really did know him well, especially Taehyuk. They weren’t just familiar with his sleeping patterns like his hyung was. They were also familiar with his tendency to overthink.

After all, they've spent nights together, just the five of them, quelling those very thoughts that haunted Changkyun

Changkyuu ♡
hmmmm, ya, i guess

Tae ♪ Hyung
I was having trouble too. My hyung senses were tingling.

Changkyuu ♡
hyung senses? are you like spiderman now or something?

Tae ♪ Hyung
You get them after years of taking care of four brats. Don't change the subject.

Tae ♪ Hyung
What’s wrong?

Changkyun didn’t even hesitate. His fingers typed the words almost naturally. It was hard to believe, really. He didn’t think he could put his feelings into words much less tell someone else about them. Yet, apparently, he could when it came to his hyung. It was easier, he supposed, since Taehyuk understood him so well.

Changkyuu ♡
debuting under starship is making me anxious, just like before. except, this time, i can’t persevere.

Changkyuu ♡
before, the thought of debuting with you guys made me want to work harder. the thought of debuting with these guys only makes me more anxious.

Changkyuu ♡
it makes me feel ungrateful. i finally get the opportunity ive always wanted and now i don't even feel happy abt it?

Changkyuu ♡ 
i can't help it though? they hate me. they wish i wasn’t the one chosen to debut. i just know it.

Changkyuu ♡
its all i can think about.

Tae ♪ Hyung
That’s really shitty.

Changkyuu ♡
(；￣Д￣) hyung

Tae ♪ Hyung
In moments like this, I’m filled with regret and melancholy. Melancholy because of the things that have passed and regret because of the things that I’ve done. Yet neither stop me.

Changkyun almost furrowed his eyebrows at that, lips forming an automatic pout. Sometimes Taehyuk made little to no sense with all the philosophical things he spouted.

Still, he wouldn't be Taehyuk if he didn't act like the oldest, like the leader, always using big words and big metaphors to make his former members feel better.

Changkyun couldn't help but wonder if this was Taehyuk’s attempt at cheering him up.

Changkyuu ♡
ahhhh hyung! that’s so poetic!

Tae ♪ Hyung
Listen, forget what I just said… You know you’re really lucky, right?

Somehow, Changkyun’s heart dropped a little at the sight of Taehyuk’s message. He knew that his hyung meant well but it made him feel even more ungrateful. The anxiety that Taehyuk's messages had pushed away seemed to come back all at once. He felt shitty. Though, in reality, he probably should feel that way.

After all, unlike Changkyun, Taehyuk’s future wasn’t assured. Taehyuk had said it himself. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to debut under another group. Nu’bility had been his third try and, now, it felt like nothing would ever click. Yet, here Changkyun was, complaining to him about how bad it felt like to be so much closer to debuting?

It was the same for everyone else. Byunghwa, Jeongwook and Jongyeon; none of them were sure if they would ever debut. All five of them had dreamed of pursuing music, yes, so Changkyun didn’t doubt that the other four would keep trying.

But the industry was rough and Changkyun really was lucky. None of them knew what was going to happen to them but Changkyun’s future was clear. He was going to debut, no questions asked. Why was he complaining about it? Why was he so worried about being lucky? About being chosen?

Tae ♪ Hyung
Hey, I’m sorry I said that.

Changkyun snapped out of his thoughts and focused back on the screen in front of him. Slowly, his anxiety faded since he quickly turned his attention to what Taehyuk was trying to explain.

Tae ♪ Hyung
You know I meant that with all of the love in my heart.

Tae ♪ Hyung
None of us are bitter that you are going to debut ahead of us so get that out of your head.

Tae ♪ Hyung
You’re not ungrateful either.

Tae ♪ Hyung
Not about this, anyway.

Changkyuu ♡
(￢ ￢)

Tae ♪ Hyung
You brat, listen to your hyung.

Tae ♪ Hyung 
It's understandable that you're worried.

Tae ♪ Hyung 
After all, anyone would worry about debuting with an entire group that didn't like them.

Tae ♪ Hyung 
There's nothing ungrateful about that, is there?

Changkyun considered his hyung's words carefully. Logically, they did make sense. Taehyuk was right, just like always. At least, Changkyun would like to believe that he was. After thinking about it for a second, his reply ended up being short.

Changkyuu ♡
i guess

Tae ♪ Hyung 
You're not belittling your chance at debuting, you're just worried about the people you're debuting with.

Tae ♪ Hyung
Don't let them stop you from achieving your dreams, though. You deserve to be there just as much as they do.

Tae ♪ Hyung
Also, no matter what happens, no matter how much they hate you, how much they want to tear you down and discourage you, Jongyeonie and your hyungs are here for you.

Changkyun couldn’t help but blink a couple of times. He read the message over and over again, letting the meaning of it completely wash over him. It was like he was trying to ingrain the message into his brain, make sure he could never forget it.

Tae ♪ Hyung
Your ups and your downs, all of it we’ll share together, okay?

Changkyuu ♡
okay hyung (｡- ω -)♡

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Ah!! I was wondering who was spamming the group chat!! I should’ve known it was Taehyuk-hyung and our Changkyunnie!!

Changkyuu ♡
ahhh, jeong-hyung, you use !! too much

Byung ♫ Hyung 
Are your new groupmates really treating you that badly? We can fight them, you kno.

Our Maknae ☆
ψ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ

Our Maknae ☆
nobody gets in the way of my hyung’s dreams

Changkyun almost laughed at that. It was funny how jokingly overprotective his friends could be and how easily it cheered him up when they were. Their concern for him made his heart feel a little lighter.

Changkyuu ♡
no, it’s okay. they’re not treating me badly on purpose. they’re just not used to me.

He typed that out, a smile on his face. Changkyun really couldn’t believe that his friends managed to cheer him up even more. Their concern just seemed to melt away all of his anxiety. Now, it was like all of his problems just disappeared and the weight on his shoulders completely vanished.

Byung ♫ Hyung 
Hyung has a point, tho? Even tho we didnt get to debut, well always be NuBility.

Byung ♫ Hyung 
NuBility isnt just a music group, its the five of us finally living the dream.

Our Maknae ☆
woah byung hyung, that was way deeper than what tae hyung said.

Tae ♪ Hyung
It’s the exact same? He just reiterated it?

Jeong ♬ Hyung
I agree, though!! We’ll always have each other. The bonds we made as trainees and as Nu’bility can’t be broken easily and, even if SpecialK didn’t debut us and even if we don’t get to perform as Nu’bility, we’ll still be Nu’bility.

Our Maknae ☆
wow all the hyungs are being so #deep

Our Maknae ☆
its true though? so dont let your new members discourage you chang hyung!

Our Maknae ☆
changkyun hyung hwaiting

Byung ♫ Hyung
Changkyun hwaiting!!

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Changkyunnie hwaiting!

Tae ♪ Hyung
Changkyun fighting.

Changkyun had assumed that, when he woke up later that morning, he’d still have that light feeling of having no problems on his shoulders. He had felt it so strongly when he was messaging his friends and something he felt that much couldn't just go away in a few hours.

Changkyun was wrong.

When he woke up, he was greeted by Kihyun’s rather sour expression.

That didn't entirely erase the feeling, of course, but Changkyun couldn't exactly find it in himself to even cheerfully greet Kihyun much less regard him with anything more than a sleepy poker face.

“Let's go, we have schedules.” Kihyun told him with a slightly angry tone in his voice, a tone Changkyun didn't know what he did to deserve.

Kihyun was one of the less emotional members in that he didn't really mind Changkyun all that much. He let the kid be most of the time and he treated him like one would treat a mere acquaintance.

It wasn't a good relationship but it wasn't a bad one either.

Changkyun sat up as quickly as he could but his body was still sluggish from sleep “Uhm, okay, hyung.”

“Are you going to be okay today?” Kihyun suddenly asked.

Changkyun had to blink a couple of times before tilting his head a little to the side “Yeah… Why?”

Kihyun definitely didn't like that answer because he scrunched up his nose almost like he got angrier “I saw you. You were up at like two in the morning”

Changkyun almost winced at that but, instead, he just nodded “I… couldn't sleep…”

“If you can't sleep, don't get on your phone. It'll make it even worse. What time did you even go back to sleep?” Kihyun was nagging now and, unlike how all the other members would probably feel in this situation, Changkyun couldn't sense any care behind his words.

Kihyun then suddenly let out a sigh as if he was just absolutely tired with the maknae already “You're debuting now. Do you even know what that means? You need to be more responsible.”

Changkyun quickly nodded, wanting the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. It felt like the more Kihyun talked, the worse Changkyun felt.

Which, really, wasn't Kihyun’s fault. He had a point. Changkyun shouldn't be up at ungodly hours of the day, eyes glued to his phone. He needed his energy to prepare for their debut. He needed to give this his all.

Kihyun’s eyes flickered over Changkyun’s face for a second but, thankfully, he just gave a rather disappointed look before he walked out of the room.

Changkyun then quickly noticed that he was the last person to get up in their little dorm room. The bunk beds around him were empty. If his hunch was right, he was probably the last to wake up at all. That wasn’t really anything new. In the dorms, he was usually the last to do almost everything. 

He had tried to talk about that with Byunghwa since it made him feel really shitty, like he was left out or that he was just an afterthought. Byunghwa had explained that Changkyun was probably looking too much into it but, at that moment, it didn't feel like that at all.

The morning just kept getting better and better.

Changkyun grabbed his phone, checking to see if he had any battery left. He almost cried then and there from relief when he saw that it was 100%. He must've plugged it in. Thank you, half-asleep Changkyun. At least one thing was going right.

He would've gotten out of bed right then but Changkyun couldn't help himself. He had to check his notifications.

His chat with his old members trickled to a stop last night and he wanted to see if they had kept talking after Changkyun had fallen asleep. Not to check if they were saying anything bad but, rather, because he wanted to see what they got up to.

Byung ♫ Hyung
Is Changkyun asleep?

Jeong ♬ Hyung
I think so…

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Changkyunnie??

Tae ♪ Hyung
We should all be asleep.

Our Maknae ☆
before we sleep, though! we should leave chang hyung good morning messages for when he wakes up

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Ah, our maknae, always looking out for his hyungs

Our Maknae ☆
its because chang hyung is my favourite hyung ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Byung ♫ Hyung
You brat!

Tae ♪ Hyung
Good morning, Changkyun. Don't be an idiot. Don't half-ass anything. Your Nu’bility members are supporting you so you better do your best.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Taehyuk Hyung, as poetic as ever

Tae ♪ Hyung
Listen, Changkyun always complains about me saying really poetic shit. He always sends ‘???’ because he doesn't get it.

Byung ♫ Hyung
Were ready to fight your members! So dont mind them and do your absolute best no matter what! You can do it! Make this day count! Have a good morning!

Our Maknae ☆
good morning hyung. i hope you have a super spectacular day. don't let those haters get you down. instead fight the haters. chang hyung hwaiting forever. nothing can bring you down nothing can stop you. have a great day

Tae ♪ Hyung
What did I just read.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Ah, I ended up being the last one so now I feel burdened. I don't know what to say. Everything has already been said??

Tae ♪ Hyung
Just say whatever.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Changkyunnie, we're proud of you!! Like what Byungie said, you can do it. Good days start with good mornings and good thoughts!!

Changkyun’s heart absolutely swelled at the sight of the messages. It gave him the same feeling from last night. Maybe, now that he was actually about to face his new members, it didn't feel all that strong. Still, he really did feel like, if he tried hard enough, everything would go his way.

Changkyuu ♡
i need to hurry really quick but good morning to you guys too! all of these messages has made my heart swell up so much that i don't think i can practice properly (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

Changkyuu ♡
i would wish you guys good luck in whatever you needed to do today but, actually, im pretty sure you guys don't need it! you guys are always the best in whatever you guys do

Changkyuu ♡
forreal, all of you are seriously the best and id never be where i am now without you guys

Changkyuu ♡ 
(altho you guys are hypocrites becos you guys always complain about me staying up but you guys stayed up way later than i did)

With that, Changkyun scrambled down the ladder of his bunk bed, phone in hand. He went over to the drawers with his clothes and picked out ones appropriate for all-day dancing.

Their only schedule for the day was to work on their debut. That meant that they’d meet up with dance instructors, voice coaches, teachers, etc. who were already informed of what their debut was going to look like. All Changkyun had to do was learn from them.

On days like this, Changkyun found out that the best thing to wear was just anything comfortable. Baggy shorts, comfortable t-shirt, nice hoodie. Something he could sweat in but also something else to put over that just in case they didn’t have time to shower between dance practice and voice lessons.

Once he had everything he needed to freshen up, he turned to leave the dorm room.

Usually, it took him a while of sitting and staring at the open door of the room but, today, Changkyun didn't feel too anxious about facing everyone else.

He didn't walk out of the room with his chin held high, though. He wasn’t that confident yet. Someday, he hoped to be but today wasn’t that day. Instead, he walked a little hurriedly, eyes kind of trained on the ground.

“Changkyun-ah.”

Changkyun abruptly stopped right in front of the kitchen where everyone was seated, all doing something different. From the looks of it, Kihyun had made breakfast again and everyone had already ate. Which, of course, left Changkyun the duty of finishing up breakfast and putting everything away.

The one who had called out to him was Hyunwoo who simply continued once Changkyun’s eyes were on him “Hurry okay?”

Changkyun never knew where he stood when it came to Hyunwoo. It was just so hard to read anything off of him. Like right now, Changkyun couldn't tell whether Hyunwoo was angry or irritated or if he was just gently reminding the maknae.

He knew he wasn’t on bad terms with Hyunwoo, that was for sure. After all, Hyunwoo always tried to include him in a lot of different group things. So, obviously, Hyunwoo didn't hate Changkyun. But, still, he didn't seem to like him either.

Either way, Changkyun quickly nodded “Of course, hyung.”

With that he walked away and entered the bathroom. He was glad to be in there, away from the prying eyes of his new members. It wasn’t as if he hated them, of course. Changkyun wanted almost desperately to please them, to prove to them that he deserved to be there.

He just didn’t like how they seemed to scrutinize over everything he did.

With a sigh, Changkyun pushed the thought away and decided to just get ready for the day.

“Really? He stayed up that late?”

Kihyun sighed but nodded, worried expression on his face as he glanced at the closed door of the bathroom “He said he was having trouble sleeping.”

“Do you think there’s something wrong?” Minhyuk asked another question, still looking just as surprised and a little concerned.

Jooheon himself glanced at the bathroom door “He’s probably anxious about our debut.”

“We’re all anxious about our debut.” Hyungwon quickly shut that idea down “You don’t see any of us staying up that late.”

“We could ask him.” Hyunwoo suggested only to sigh when Minhyuk waved the question off, adding “We can’t just assume things.”

"Listen, we can't help him unless we know what the problem is. We won't know what the problem is if we don't talk to him." Hyunwoo continued, preaching in that leader-ly town of his.

“He doesn’t like talking to us.” Minhyuk frowned as he pointed it out. However much Kihyun didn’t want to think so, Minhyuk had a point.

Wonho, however, disagreed “He doesn’t like talking to us because he thinks we hate him.”

There was a silence then. Kihyun himself couldn’t disagree with what Wonho was saying, either. After all, it was true. They had treated him badly during No.Mercy and, because of that, their maknae walked around them like he was surrounded by eggshells.

There wasn’t anything they could do to erase what they’d done, though. They regretted it now but, at the time, everything was just so intense, so emotional, they hadn’t thought through the consequences.

“We should’ve known he would make it.” Jooheon finally broke the quiet though he couldn’t look anyone else in the eye “We should’ve known and we should’ve made sure to treat him right.”

“We shouldn't have treated him like that even if we were sure he wouldn't make it.” Hyungwon glanced at Jooheon, absolutely looking like he was ready to fight for his opinion. “We were idiots.”

The slightly hostile tone had been unnecessary, though, because Hyungwon had basically just voiced what the entire group had been thinking and what they, obviously, were too scared to admit.

“It’s so stupid now that we look back at it, right?” Kihyun’s laugh was bitter and his smile was bittersweet “Nobody deserves to be treated like that.”

"Maybe we should make more effort to be nicer to Changkyun. That would certainly make up for how we've treated him before." Hyunwoo spoke gently, already knowing that everyone would be willing to do whatever it took to get Changkyun to feel better.

Hyungwon nodded slowly at that, scowl still present "It's shitty that we have to make up for anything in the first place."

"Funny you should talk, you were one of the meaner ones." Kihyun couldn't help but point out as a way to remind Hyungwon that he was just as at fault as everyone else.

Obviously, since Kihyun was right, Hyungwon said nothing and just sat there, looking guilty which he was.

“It was really hard to imagine the long-lasting consequences at the time, huh?” Wonho piped up again, still looking just as solemn “Who would've thought we would end up like this, in this situation?”

Then, a second bout of quiet spread through the room, giving each of them a little peace as each member considered what Wonho had said.

“Honestly, I didn’t think he’d make it.” Minhyuk waved his hand as if to emphasize what he was saying “I thought he was added to spice things up and then he’d be eliminated.”

Each member nodded in turn. Changkyun had been an underdog, an unexpected winner, someone that persevered hard and reaped his rewards. Really, nobody thought he was going to make it. But he did. Kihyun was amazed by that.

Jooheon’s loud sigh gained everyone's attention.

“I know exactly what you mean, hyung. Standing up there, on the podium, it felt like…” Jooheon hesitated to say it and, from the look on his face and the way he stared down at his lap, Kihyun could already tell it was bad “...like they’d call Gunhee’s name.”

There it was. Kihyun understood, though. Jooheon and Gunhee were a set and it was so unbelievable and so unfortunate that they were separated. The two had dreamed of debuting together, of being a duo.

“I should’ve known. Mad Clown totally wasn’t a fan of Gunhee after all.” Jooheon turned it around and made a small joke, even going so far as cracking a small smile.

It made all of them smile and Wonho even went ahead and gave Jooheon a playful shove. The rather somber atmosphere lit up, just a little. They’d be alright. They’d have to be. After all, they were a team now.

That team included Changkyun.

The faucet of the shower closed with a rather irritating squeak that Changkyun was slowly getting used to. He pushed aside the shower curtain and that squeaked too. Changkyun winced both times but decided to brush it off.

Instead, he dried himself up and dressed as quickly as he could. He just wanted this to be over with. He'd get out there, eat, clean up and they'd go. The day would end just like it started; not exactly good but not exactly bad either. In fact, Changkyun was hoping for that. He didn't want to deal with anything else

Before he left the bathroom, though, he couldn't stop himself from checking his phone.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Actually, I think all of us have a big day today? Were all trying out for different companies again

Our Maknae ☆
o ye i forgot all of us are doing that today

Changkyuu ♡
holy shit how are you guys going to survive? you only slept for a couple of hours

Byung ♫ Hyung
Weve went thru worse

Tae ♪ Hyung  
It's not really a big thing, either.

Tae ♪ Hyung
We've tried out for almost all the companies out there at this point. One more isn't going to make a difference.

Our Maknae ☆
and theres our pessimistic tae hyung

Changkyun laughed softly at that one. Taehyuk wasn't really being pessimistic though. He was just being as straightforward as he usually was.

He continued watching as his friends replied to one another, bickering a little and joking around. He didn't look up when he went to reach for the door, so focused on the phone in front of him.

He wished he focused harder. Maybe then he wouldn't have heard all of his hyungs talking.

At first, he really couldn't hear what they were trying to say. Their voices came out like a weird murmur through the door. He was curious, though. And, as the saying went, curiosity killed the cat. So, really, he should have refrained from doing anything.

He knew eavesdropping was rude. He knew. Yet, even with that, he couldn't help but press against the door to try and hear exactly what they were saying. They were probably just chatting about what they'd have to do that day or the latest news or the fact that someone ate Hyunwoo's pudding again.

Sadly, that wasn't what he'd heard

“Honestly, I didn’t think he’d make it.”

They were talking about him, Changkyun. There was no doubt about it. There couldn't have been anyone else.

“Standing up there, on the podium, it felt like… like they'd call Gunhee’s name.”

He pushed away from the door and, instead, leaned against the wall next to it. He pressed his back further against it as if he wanted to be absorbed into the material.

Changkyun didn’t know if he wanted that because he wanted to phase right through, to yell at everyone in the kitchen, to push everything off of the counters and just scream. Didn’t they know how thin the walls were, how loud they were, how he could hear them from the bathroom?

Or, maybe, he just wanted to disappear

Either way, that good feeling he had earlier that morning was absolutely gone.

Changkyun’s lungs burned. He swept his hair back, taking shallow breaths in through his nose and out of his mouth. He was exhausted and sweaty and he thanked God they were finally getting their break.

“Changkyun-ah, you did good.” Wonho suddenly appeared out of nowhere, hand crashing onto Changkyun’s back. “Nice moves.”

Wonho was like Kihyun in that, usually, he didn’t mind what the younger did. Usually, Changkyun was ignored when it came to Wonho. Like Kihyun, it wasn’t a terrible way to treat a teammate. Wonho wasn’t physically doing anything or going out of his way to be mean.

However, it wasn’t exactly nice either.

This was different. Wonho never really used to compliment Changkyun like this. At least, he never used to go out of his way to do it. It wasn't as if the compliment was strange, of course, it was just that Wonho was acting uncharacteristically nice.

Still, though he felt suspicious of the kind behavior, Changkyun would take whatever he could get “Thanks, hyung.”

Wonho then somehow produced a water bottle, handing it nicely to Changkyun “Break is over in fifteen, okay?”

Changkyun nodded at that, thanking Wonho again but, this time, for the water bottle. He didn’t hesitate in downing the entire thing in one go, especially since he was sure he sweated just as much water during practice.

Quickly, he glanced at where everyone else was. They had sort of just collapsed right where the choreography ended. Hyungwon and Jooheon seemed the most exhausted since they were literally laying down, panting up a storm.

Kihyun and Wonho were the only ones up and that was because they were making sure everyone was hydrated. It was sweet of them and Changkyun didn’t expect any less from the mother hens of the group.

Instead of joining them, though, Changkyun’s gaze fell to his phone. It was perched on top of his hoodie, right against the wall. With one last glance at the team, Changkyun walked away from them and picked up his phone, placing his now empty plastic bottle right next to his things.

There were new notifications for a lot of things. Of course, he didn’t pay attention to those. His eyes immediately focused on the alerts for KakaoTalk.

It was just his friends, as usual, and their conversation seemed casual. Going through the entire chat and backreading, Changkyun could pretty much tell that there wasn’t anything serious that happened after he had stopped replying a while ago.

Changkyuu ♡
aaa i only have a few minutes to talk but how are you guys?

Changkyuu ♡
im dying so that’s that ( ; ω ; )

Changkyuu ♡
dance practice? more like training for the military

Our Maknae ☆
o dont die hyung i still need to beat you on lol

Changkyuu ♡
that’s such a funny joke jongyeonnie ah

Our Maknae ☆
hyung!!11!

“Changkyun-ah!”

Changkyun was definitely surprised by the sudden call of his name, head suddenly snapping over to look at everyone else.

It was just Jooheon and there didn’t seem to be an emergency. In fact, Jooheon was just sitting there on the ground, looking at Changkyun expectantly.

“Yeah, hyung?” Changkyun shifted from one foot to the other, wondering what he had managed to do this time. 

It was a bad way of thinking, really, always assuming that they would only talk to him if something bad had happened. They weren't like that anymore. Jooheon even more so.

Before, when Changkyun had first entered, Jooheon really didn't acknowledge him unless absolutely necessary. Now, Jooheon was somewhat kinder. He says one or two words to Changkyun here and there, at least.

Whatever the case, they didn’t seem to have called his name for anything bad so Changkyun quickly glanced at the clock, still looking rather confused “Is… break over?”

Kihyun frowned disapprovingly at that which, of course, made Changkyun feel even worse. Did he forget how long break was supposed to be? But, Wonho had said that break was fifteen minutes long. It had been, at most, two to three minutes. Did Wonho give him the wrong information?

“No, break isn’t over Changkyun-ah.” Hyunwoo saved the day by interjecting and waving off Changkyun’s worries “We were just wondering if you were going to sit with us for break?”

They were inviting him to sit with them for break? It wasn’t as if that had never happened before. It was just odd because, usually, he invited himself and, even on those occasions, he would just sit on the sidelines.

Changkyun wasn’t going to throw away this opportunity, though. So, obviously, he nodded, a small smile gracing his face “Yeah, hyung, I was just grabbing my phone.”

Changkyuu ♡
im going to literally die now of awkwardness and embarrassment

He sent that last message before jogging over to where he had been about a couple of minutes ago. Not knowing what else to do, Changkyun simply plopped down, phone still in his hand though, now, he was gripping it almost like a lifeline.

“Ah, how many more hours of practice.” Hyungwon broke the awkward silence that practically joined them as soon as Changkyun had sat down.

Jooheon, thankfully, continued the conversation from his position laying down on the floor “Too many hours.”

Minhyuk chuckled at that, playfully punching Jooheon on the shoulder. In response to that, Jooheon gave a loud shout, rolling over and grabbing at his arm as if he was actually hit by a real punch.

Everyone laughed at that and Changkyun even cracked a smile. Eventually, of course, he was quickly distracted by his phone.

Our Maknae ☆
hyung!!11!1!

Our Maknae ☆
dont die hyung!

Our Maknae ☆
dying of awkwardness is the worst way to die!

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Is it your members?? Do you need back up?? Byungie will take care of them

Byung ♫ Hyung
Theyll pay for making Changkyun feel awkward!

Changkyun’s smile widened even more and, before he knew it, he was already grinning. His response was quick but happy.

Changkyuu ♡
( ￣ρ￣ )

“Woah, Changkyun-ah!” Minhyuk, who had been a ways away from Changkyun, was suddenly right beside him “You have dimples!”

Changkyun looked up from his phone, his grin falling into a shy smile “Oh? Yeah, uh, I do.”

“That’s so cute, Changkyunnie! I thought Jooheon was the only one who had dimples.” Minhyuk didn’t hesitate in pinching Changkyun’s cheek, wide grin on his face.

Changkyun was reminded of all the times Minhyuk had done the same to Jooheon as a way to tease him about his dimples. This was the first time he’d ever done it to Changkyun, though.

With Minhyuk, Changkyun had thought he knew where he stood. Minhyuk didn’t like him. In fact, Minhyuk didn’t like him the most out of everyone.

Why Minhyuk was suddenly acting so friendly was beyond Changkyun and, at the moment, he honestly didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t used to exchanges like this with anyone, much less Minhyuk.

“Hyuuung.” Changkyun decided to whine, pouting a little as he did.

He didn’t know where this sudden kindness and friendliness from everyone was coming from but Changkyun definitely wasn’t going to wave it away. After all, it wasn’t unwelcomed. In fact, he was happy for it.

It was a little awkward but it was something in the right direction.

Minhyuk snickered in response to Changkyun’s complaint but let go anyway “Ah, our maknae is cute.”

Something fluttered in his chest then. Changkyun wasn’t sure what it was but it was definitely not something random or coincidental. Had his heart perhaps skipped a beat? Maybe because of what Minhyuk had said?

“Who are you messaging?” The question unexpectedly came from Hyungwon who was now leaning on his elbows and looking at Changkyun.

Changkyun was pulled away from his thoughts to the phone in his hands. It had closed from inactivity but he could practically see his old members fretting over him like the usually did.

“Just… my me- mm… uhm, friends.” He stumbled over the words he ultimately decided to use but, thankfully, he didn’t think any of his group mates thought anything of it.

However, they still continued to stare at him almost expectantly so he slowly continued, feeling a little timid “Uh… I haven’t seen them in a while and I wasn’t allowed to contact them during No.Mercy so… we’re kind of… catching up.”

That wasn’t a lie. In fact, that was the complete truth. Still, Changkyun felt as anxious as if he did lie. He didn’t know why he felt that way. Maybe it was because of everyone’s eyes on him, watching his every move at that moment.

“Oh, were they the ones you were messaging last night?” Kihyun spoke up this time and Changkyun’s eyes flitted to his hyung.

He cringed a little since he hadn’t wanted everyone to know that but, still, he nodded “Talking to them… helps me sleep.”

Kihyun’s face morphed from a curious expression to one of irritation perhaps? He couldn't pinpoint what it exactly was but it was a common expression Kihyun wore when it came to Changkyun. Changkun didn’t understand why he’d be irritated by anything but kept that to himself just in case pointing it out resulted in anything bad.

“Why are you having trouble sleeping?” It was Hyunwoo’s turn to ask a question and, suddenly, Changkyun was hit by the feeling that he was being interrogated.

That couldn’t be the case, though. He hadn’t done anything that would’ve justified this treatment. He’d been good all day, doing whatever they wanted and keeping his head down. He hadn’t given them a reason to question him.

“Uhm, I-- I don’t? Know?” Changkyun’s voice grew higher at the end of both questions, his shoulders shrugging almost on their own. “It’s been a problem I’ve had for a while.”

That was a lie. There was nothing true about what he had just said. He didn’t have a choice for that, though. What was he supposed to say? That he couldn’t sleep because of them? Because he was too anxious by how they treated him?

He would never be able to live saying that down. Changkyun didn’t know them enough to be able to even guess at how they would react to something like that.

“Maybe you should talk to PD-nim and see if they have some insight.” Wonho looked concerned enough and Changkyun couldn’t help but wonder why.

He still nodded, though, thankful for the members’ input “Yeah, that’s a good idea, hyung.”

That seemed to be enough for the entire group because, after that, they were focused on Hyungwon and trying to figure out why he still felt sleepy despite sleeping early last night.

Of course, instead of joining, Changkyun immediately checked his messages.

Our Maknae ☆
hyung?

Our Maknae ☆
hyung!!11!1!

Our Maknae ☆
o no they got him!!11!1

Tae ♪ Hyung  
I swear, the two of you are the only ones that understand those weird emojis.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Isn’t that the sleepy emoji??

Byung ♫ Hyung
How is that a sleepy emoji?

Jeong ♬ Hyung
He’s used it as a sleepy emoji before??

Our Maknae ☆
obviously its a dead emoji

Our Maknae ☆
theres blood coming out of its mouth

Changkyuu ♡
only our maknae understands me

Our Maknae ☆
╰(*´︶`*)╯

Changkyuu ♡
╰(*´ ▽ `*)╯

Tae ♪ Hyung  
On a more important note, are you okay?

Changkyuu ♡
oooh yeah hyung im good

Changkyuu ♡
they're acting nice all of a sudden and im really happy they are

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Maybe they're finally coming around?

Changkyuu ♡
maybe (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)  

“Okay, break is over.” Hyunwoo suddenly clapped to get everyone's attention and, just as he did that, their dance teacher entered the room.

How Changkyun felt at that moment was a stark contrast from how he felt that morning. Though he definitely didn't feel like sunshine and rainbows, he did feel as if there was suddenly a light at the end of the tunnel. Sure, he still had worries that his members hated him but, it seemed, they were making efforts to be kinder. That had to count for something.

He quickly jogged over to his things to plug in his phone and leave it behind.

Before he did, however, he couldn't help but send a quick message to his friends

Changkyuu ♡
dance practice is about to start up again so i have to go!!

Changkyuu ♡
i think today is going to be a good day tho

Changkyuu ♡
i hope it's a good day for you guys too

Changkyun’s mouth almost watered at the thought of lunch. Finally, dance practice was completely over and it was time for them to fill their stomachs again.

Thankfully, their manager, Jinwoo, was kind enough to actually bring them their lunch. Changkyun wasn't sure he could actually get up and walk anywhere to get food.

“Okay, you guys, eat slowly. You have enough time before vocal practice.” Jinwoo reminded them since they've had episodes before where members managed to choke a little. Changkyun would've laughed at the memory if he didn't feel a little somber himself.

This time, surprisingly enough, it wasn't because of his members.

Instead, it was because he kept getting things wrong in the choreography. It was a stupid thing to be mad over because everyone was making mistakes. Sadly, it felt like he was the one that made the most.

Hyungwon told him that it didn't matter, he was in the back most of the time anyway, but that only added insult to injury.

It was to be expected, though. Like Minhyuk, Hyungwon had good friends eliminated in No.Mercy. He, too, most likely, found it unfair that Changkyun entered in the middle of the show.

In any case, Changkyun really couldn't blame them for being angry, now could he?

Ah, today really was a rollercoaster ride. He felt good this morning and then not so good but, then, his members were nice to him and he felt good again. Now, he felt terrible. Just thinking about the absolute whirlwind ride his emotions were giving him made Changkyun dizzy.

“Changkyun-ah.” His name was suddenly called and, when he focused on the scene before him, Changkyun quickly realized that it was their manager.

He had Changkyun’s lunch. Happy to get off the floor, get his lunch, and then hole up in a corner away from the group, Changkyun quickly stood, walking over.

Before he could grab his lunch though, Jinwoo grabbed his arm with his free hand, grip gentle but firm and expression similar to that of a scolding mother’s “Sit with the group.”

“Hyuuung.” Changkyun tried to whine and get himself out of it but Jinwoo only looked at him sternly.

“I sat with them during our break.” Changkyun tried to argue out of what almost felt like a death sentence but Jinwoo didn't relent.

Sure, they had been kind earlier but, really, did Changkyun want to push it? Of course not.

Instead, the manager shook his head, sighing a little “Changkyun-ah, how can you expect to be a part of this team if you don't try to hold your hand out to them?”

It wasn't his fault, though. That moment this morning, when they were talking about him, crossed Changkyun’s mind. They were the ones distancing themselves. He couldn't blame them, either.

He wanted to be there for them, wanted to be a team with them. He really did. Changkyun just thought that, perhaps, they needed their space too.

No.Mercy was fresh in their minds and they were still angry. They just needed time.

He wanted to say all of this and the words felt heavy against his tongue. However, he didn't want to get his members in trouble. As far as Jinwoo knew, it was Changkyun who was holding back. He didn't want to give Jinwoo a reason to think otherwise.

So, Changkyun sighed, finally giving up on arguing “Okay, just let me get my phone.”

Jinwoo didn't seem like he liked the idea of Changkyun bringing his phone but, of course, he let him. It was the little steps that counted, after all.

Changkyun was thankful for that and jogged back to his pile of things. First, he slipped his hoodie on since, after dance practice, the dance room always felt too cold. Then, after that, he slipped all of his things into his hoodie pocket.

When he returned to Jinwoo, the manager reluctantly handed Changkyun his lunch “At least try and talk to them”

“I do.” Changkyun pouted, huffing a little. Jinwoo said nothing back and, instead, ruffled Changkyun’s hair.

Before Jinwoo could leave, though, it was Changkyun’s turn to grab his arm “Wait, hyung, can I ask you a question?”

Everyone sitting in the middle of the dance room felt tense and uneasy. Jooheon himself was the most nervous of all of them since, most of the time, he had the tendency to overthink things.

This time, he didn't think he was making a big deal out of the situation. In fact, he was sure everyone else in the group agreed too.

Changkyun and their manager looked like they were having a pretty serious looking talk. The only thing that went through Jooheon's head was the worst case scenario. Worse case scenario being that Changkyun finally snapped, finally got tired of them, finally wanted to quit.

Jooheon despaired at the thought. The group had finally decided to get over their emotions and stupidity. If Changkyun quit now, they could never be able to fix their mistakes. Jooheon could never truly get to know Changkyun. The opportunity would be gone.

That was just a possibility, though. The group could only guess what they were talking about. The two were too far away and none of them could read lips. So, really, they could be talking about almost anything.

“Do you think Changkyun is asking to be moved groups?” Hyungwon suddenly appeared next to Jooheon, scaring the hell out of the poor boy. “Starship has other groups of trainees they've promised to debut. They could just put him in one.”

After recovering from the shock, Jooheon nodded slowly as if letting the information settle “I heard Starship is debuting another boy group after us.”

Wonho shook his head though, firmly disagreeing “After enduring everything, he'd just quit like that? No way.”

All of them nodded in agreement to that. It made sense, after all. Changkyun went through hell and back trying to stay strong through No.Mercy, he wouldn't just throw all of that away.

“Do you think… he's complaining about us?” Minhyuk spoke up from Jooheon’s other side and Jooheon could see how nervous the thought made him.

Kihyun shook his head before sighing “Even if that's the case, he has the right to. We were in the wrong.”

Minhyuk nodded in agreement at that but it didn't seem to lessen how nervous he felt. Jooheon silently wrapped his arm around the older boy’s shoulder, as a way of comforting him somehow.

“It might just be the sleeping thing.” Wonho tried to ease everyone's fretting “You know, we did tell him to talk to PD-nim.”

That was also a good possibility.

“I wonder if he's having health problems…” Hyunwoo was the next to speak up and he sounded concerned which, pretty much, reflected the mood of the entire group.

“Aish, this kid worries me.” Hyungwon seemed to say aloud the words that everyone was thinking. “What’s going on with him?”

Jooheon just hoped that everything could be solved in the end.

Changkyun felt a little bit better after his talk with the manager. In fact, his worries seemed to melt away just a little bit because of it.

That didn't make facing his members any easier, though. He had faced them earlier, yes, but this felt like a much different and much more daunting task.

“Ah, Changkyun-ah, are you joining us?” Hyunwoo suddenly asked Changkyun once he got close enough to the little circle everyone had formed.

At the mention of his name, though, everyone seemed to straighten. Changkyun immediately felt panicked, wondering exactly why everyone looked pretty on edge.

He was sure it wasn't that big of a deal. After all, they had been nice to him before. It would be absolutely odd of them not to be nice to him only a few hours later. Had he really managed to push his luck?

Slowly, Changkyun managed to nod, pushing aside his anxiety “Unless, of course, you guys don't--”

“Of course not.” Kihyun quickly shook his head and gestured for Changkyun to sit between him and Hyungwon “We'd love for you to join us.”

Changkyun was glad, even if he only felt a little relief. At least their nice streak was holding up. Of course, now that they've said it and now that they've even offered him a spot, Changkyun couldn't leave. So, he sat down next to Hyungwon and Kihyun, hesitant smile on his face.

When he did, everyone started opening their own lunches and eating. So, Changkyun did the same. Nobody talked for a little while, all happy to enjoy the food in front of them.

“By the way, did PD-nim want something?” Minhyuk suddenly asked, breaking the quiet that had encompassed the group for a minute.

Changkyun looked up, cheeks a little puffy from the food inside of them. He looked confused for a second before his face morphed into more of an understanding expression.

The thoughts that followed made his stomach churn. He wanted to convince himself that it was just the anxiety talking, nothing else. It just couldn’t be. Yet, the thoughts still managed to slowly fill his mind.

Was that the reason they so readily invited him to sit? The reason they had stiffened when Changkyun had stepped over? All Changkyun could think was of course. They were worried that he had complained about them or talked about them to Manager Jinwoo.

What else would he expect, though? After all, he himself thought that they were only just starting to be friendly with him. Something like this was expected. They still didn't trust him, still didn't like him completely. Yet, even with that way of thinking, it still made Changkyun feel shitty.

Why would he even complain about them in the first place?

Either way, it all made sense now. Why else would they have welcomed him into their lunch circle?

“Uhm, no, I was just asking him if I could stay here instead of going to vocal lessons with Jooheon-hyung.” Changkyun opted to tell the truth, mouth still slightly full with food. He chewed a little more and then swallowed “I wanted to practice the dance more.”

Everyone’s expressions turned from worried to curious. All Changkyun could really focus on was the feeling of anxiety that coiled inside of his chest.

Then, if this act of kindness was a ruse, were the previous acts of kindness ruses as well? Was there something behind the nice way they treated him? Were they only being nice because they had to be? Not because they finally wanted to befriend him?

Changkyun’s thoughts flashed back to his messages. Taehyuk had suggested that, maybe, his members were finally coming around. Now, Changkyun didn't know what to think.

“Changkyun.” Kihyun’s hand on Changkyun’s arm made him flinch and he quickly looked up.

Kihyun’s expression wasn’t curious anymore. It was something else. If Changkyun hadn’t known any better, he would’ve said it was irritation or maybe concern. But, would Kihyun ever truly feel concern for him? Would any of them?

“You shouldn’t skip your vocal lessons.” Kihyun’s voice was gentle but his expression conveyed the exact opposite “You deserve some rest from dancing.”

“But I--” Changkyun couldn’t find the words quickly enough, slightly taken aback by the nice tone in Kihyun’s voice.

He cleared his voice a little, trying hastily to find the words “I did really bad, I kept making mistakes. You were right this morning. I should take debuting more seriously.”

It was Kihyun’s turn to look taken aback and Wonho seemed to nudge him as well.

“Changkyun, that wasn’t what I-- I mean…” Kihyun looked a little distressed before sighing softly “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad with what I said this morning. That wasn’t my intention.”

“I know that.” Changkyun practically waved the apology off “You were just telling the truth. The debut should be taken seriously.”

Kihyun looked a little constipated for a second with the way his face scrunched up. Changkyun didn’t know what that expression meant so, instead, he put more food in his mouth, opting to ignore it and stuff away the anxiety he felt with food.

He didn’t understand the fuss the others were making about him staying after. It wasn’t as if he could really be of use to Jooheon during their vocal lesson. Usually, Jooheon did his own thing and Changkyun did his. There would be no difference if Changkyun stayed here.

Weren’t they glad that he hadn’t complained about them? Shouldn’t they just leave it at that?

“Changkyun-ah, you know that you should always put your health first, right?” Hyunwoo decided to speak up next and Changkyun raised his head to look at their leader.

Slowly, he nodded as he swallowed his food “Yeah, I know.”

“We’ve been practicing for six hours, Changkyun. You can’t practice another four hours.” Wonho sounded exasperated and Changkyun stiffened a little at that.

“I-I’m sorry, I just--” Changkyun was panicking a little now. “I-I just thought that you guys would want me t-to dance better?”

“I mean, I know I’m in the back but…” At this point, Changkyun was just blabbering a little, frown clear on his face.

The ball of anxiety his chest practically doubled and he didn’t know what to say or do at this point. Just go with whatever they tell you. Just nod and keep your head down and --

“Changkyun-ah.” This time, it was Hyungwon. He put a gentle hand on Changkyun’s knee and the tone in his voice was even softer than Kihyun’s albeit a little more nervous sounding too “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Changkyun looked up, a little confused “Huh?”

“What did you say, Hyungwon!” Minhyuk, who sat on the other side of Hyungwon, gave the poor boy a little shove.

Hyungwon grunted a little from the impact and, because he was pushed, he scooted closer to Changkyun. Rubbing his arm, he sighed “I told Changkyun that he shouldn't be so concerned, he's in the back most of the choreo anyway.”

Minhyuk continued to sound indignant and rather offended “Why would you say that?”

Changkyun didn't know whether or not to feel confused because Minhyuk was, technically, defending him or happy because… of the same reason.

“I've seen Changkyun dance before. He's really good at picking things up really fast.” Hyungwon’s expression was irritated as he regarded Minhyuk, despite the fact that the latter was older “I thought the reason he kept making mistakes was that he was nervous.”

Hyungwon then turned to Changkyun, expression much softer “You’re a good dancer, Changkyun. I just thought that, if I told you that, you’d feel less nervous. I’m sorry.”

Changkyun’s head snapped to look at Hyungwon, eyes slightly wide. That ball of anxiety seemed to grow smaller and the pressure in his chest seemed to lessen. Could it be that the members were actually concerned for him? Could it be that his thoughts from earlier were just that, just thoughts fuelled by his anxiety?

Was Kihyun actually concerned? Did Minhyuk truly mean to defend him? Did Hyungwon actually care?

“Changkyun, why do you look so surprised?” Hyunwoo looked almost as if he was about to reach across the circle, to reach out to Changkyun

Changkyun shrugged, swallowing down a prickling sensation in his throat. His eyes hesitantly moved away from Hyungwon to the takeout box in front of him “I just thought-- You guys-- I thought you still--”

Hated him. Wanted him gone. Didn't want him as their rapper. Wished Gunhee was there instead. He didn't know why he couldn't form the words.

His mind felt like a jumble. He didn't know where he stood anymore. Before, he knew that they didn't like him, that he'd have to stay quiet, that he would always be the outsider. He had dreamed of being accepted by them, of course. But that was just a far away dream, some unachievable goal too distant for him to even think about.

Now, it wasn’t anymore. It was an actual possibility. Something that was within arms reach. Hyungwon seemed genuine in his apology, Kihyun seemed to actually concerned, all of them did.

Kihyun squeezed Changkyun’s knee, garnering the attention of the boy. Kihyun truly looked apologetic, like he really did feel worried for Changkyun. Like he actually cared for Changkyun.

“I'm so sorry, Changkyun.”

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Changkyun, have you eaten?

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Changkyun?

Our Maknae ☆
maybe he's still practicing?

Byung ♫ Hyung
I hope he isnt tiring himself out. You kno he always does that.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
He knows we'll kick his ass if he's neglecting himself!!

Our Maknae ☆
hyung!!1 your life is in danger!!

Changkyuu ♡
they apologised

Tae ♪ Hyung  
They apologised? They? Apologised?

Byung ♫ Hyung
Do you mean your members?

Changkyuu ♡
they apologised

Tae ♪ Hyung  
What did you say?

Changkyuu ♡
i

Changkyuu ♡
accepted their apology

Jeong ♬ Hyung
How come you don't sound happy then?? Did it not seem genuine or something??

Changkyuu ♡
i was just so surprised they apologized

Changkyuu ♡
i don't know how i feel right now

Jeong ♬ Hyung
They hurt your feelings. Even if they apologized from the bottom of their hearts, they should still be held accountable

Changkyuu ♡
i

Jeong ♬ Hyung
You don't think so??

Changkyuu ♡
don't know

Byung ♫ Hyung
Changkyun, you kno you didnt deserve the way they treated you!

Changkyuu ♡
they were angry and emotional tho

Tae ♪ Hyung  
That isn’t an excuse. They’re all adults and should’ve acted like it.

Changkyuu ♡
it doesn’t matter now. they apologized.

Tae ♪ Hyung  
It kind of matters. How do you feel?

Changkyuu ♡
i really don’t know how i feel

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Changkyunnie, talk to us

Changkyuu ♡
i feel happy. relieved. it feels like those days where we’d sit around and talk abt the future. after those talks, i always felt like all of you had taken the weight off of my shoulders. this is kind of how it feels?

Changkyuu ♡
its the same feeling as after we performed in myeongdong

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Even though we didn’t perform our own songs, it was still pretty amazing, right?

Changkyuu ♡
it felt so right. like it was meant to be. like it was the proof i needed to know that i really do belong.

Tae ♪ Hyung
They apologised once and, suddenly, you feel like you belong?

Byung ♫ Hyung
Tae hyung.

Tae ♪ Hyung
I’m not saying this is bad. I just want Changkyun to be cautious.

Tae ♪ Hyung
I’m glad you feel this way with your members now. I’m really glad they apologized and I’m glad you’re able to forgive them for what they’ve done.

Tae ♪ Hyung
Maybe now I can get more sleep because I won’t have to worry about you anymore

Changkyuu ♡
thanks, hyung (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)   

As soon as Changkyun opened the door to the practice room, Jooheon greeted him casually “Hey, Changkyun-ah.”

Jooheon had, most likely, been waiting for Changkyun for a few minutes now. Changkyun, on the other hand, had only arrived because he had stayed behind in the dance studio to help their manager clean up after lunch.

Changkyun would've continued to stay in the dance studio but he had agreed with the group that he wouldn’t. He needed a break from dancing. The reason why he wanted to stay behind, however, wasn't because he wanted to continue to practice. At least, not anymore.

Rather, he wanted to stay behind to avoid being alone with Jooheon. But, then again, when Changkyun really thought about it, he would've had to be alone with one of the members eventually. It was unavoidable.

He kept trying to push back the inevitable, though. He even got to the point where Jinwoo all but insisted Changkyun leave, telling him to hurry and go to vocal practice.

Finally, he couldn't avoid it anymore.

Changkyun didn’t even know why he was so nervous or why he felt the need to avoid Jooheon in the first place, anyway. It wasn’t as if he had done anything wrong. The members had each apologized and he accepted each apology, despite vehemently believing that they really didn’t need to apologize.

So, really, his anxiety needed to calm down. He needed to calm down.

“Hey, hyung.” Changkyun finally replied, sitting down in the chair right next to Jooheon, a hesitant expression on his face. His voice wasn’t as even as he had wanted it to sound. Instead, he ended up sounding much more nervous or, perhaps, anxious. Which he was.

Jooheon seemed to see this because he quickly placed a hand on Changkyun’s leg “Changkyun-ah, I’m sorry.”

“Like I said, there’s nothing to apologize for.” Changkyun quickly waved it off like it was nothing, sad smile on his face as he stared at Jooheon’s hand.

Slowly, he placed his hand on top of Jooheon’s “Do you… remember that talk we had? During No.Mercy? In this room?”

Jooheon nodded. Changkyun could’ve guessed just as much. He wasn’t completely sure, however. To some people, that talk was just a small segment of No.Mercy, a one or two minute part where Jooheon had a little chat with the new trainee that everybody hated.

He didn’t know what that talk meant to Jooheon, how much it impacted Jooheon, but Changkyun sure as hell knew what that talk meant for him.

That talk was a turning point. In Changkyun’s mind, it had been what helped him push past all of the barriers that had tried to hold him back. Jooheon unknowingly became Changkyun’s strength.

If Jooheon managed to get over his emotions, managed to talk with Changkyun, lay his emotions bare for Changkyun, then the other members could too. If Changkyun just waited long enough, held his hand out long enough, eventually, they would have to take it.

“After that talk, I thought… since you still acted kind of coldly… that you had just said all those words to look good on camera.” Changkyun couldn’t stop that bitter laugh that left his lips and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Jooheon, to take his eyes off of their hands “I’m just so relieved--”

Jooheon suddenly yanked his hand away, surprising Changkyun. He was about to look up, to ask what was wrong, but he was quickly stopped. Jooheon had moved his hand to hold Changkyun’s.

Their hands intertwined so tightly, fingers laced, Jooheon’s palm warm. It sent something aflutter inside of Changkyun’s stomach. It wasn’t the same as his usual feeling of anxiety. It was similar, of course, but this one felt pleasant, felt comfortable.

“I meant what I said when we had talked.” Jooheon’s voice was firm and he sounded sincere but Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to look at his face “We’re a team.”

“I’m really really g-glad you said that, hyung.” Changkyun’s voice cracked but he kept his gaze down on their intertwined hands as if it gave him strength not to cry.

And, at that moment, Changkyun really wanted to cry. Not of sadness but of relief. Earlier, he had felt that same exact way, felt the prickle up his throat, the wetness in his eyes. When Kihyun had apologized, it took everything in him not to sob.

He cleared his throat, trying his best to make his voice even “Hyung, that talk… It really helped me… It meant a lot…”

“That's why you don't need to apologize, hyung. You told me your feelings, you let me understand and, now, I understand.” Changkyun finally got to his point, smile small as he gave Jooheon’s hand a reassuring shake

“I’m glad it helped you, Changkyun-ah. I’m really glad.” Jooheon answered back, returning the small shake “But, still, you need to know that we're really sorry, that we really regret what we we did.”

Changyun quickly nodded, head still bowed. When Jooheon squeezed his hand, though, he couldn’t help but look up hesitantly, eyes meeting Jooheon’s gaze.

Jooheon’s expression was something else, something Changkyun couldn't have even imagined. There was a warmth in his eyes like he was regarding Changkyun with a sort of fondness. His lips were pulled back into a small smile, showing his infamous dimples.

“We’re a team.” Saying it made it feel real to Changkyun who still couldn’t wrap his mind around this situation, around what exactly was happening. “We’re a team now.”

There was a pause of silence and the two of them just sat there, staring at each other, Changkyun’s heart rattling inside of his chest, his stomach twisting in a way that made him feel pleasantly uncomfortable.

Suddenly, Jooheon laughed which, in turn, of course, made Changkyun laugh. The anxiety he had felt in the beginning was overtaken by something else, by that warmth that he had felt when Jooheon held his hand.

Changkyun couldn’t help but think that he could survive anything as long as Jooheon held his hand like this, laughed with him like this, smiled at him like this.

Even a couple of days later, Changkyun was still rather unused to the sudden new changes that were happening around him.

His members were definitely much nicer to him. It was honestly a huge relief that it wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing for them, that they honestly meant their apologies. No matter how much of a relief it was, though, it still took some getting used to.

Minhyuk was definitely much nicer now. He loved talking to Changkyun about whatever happened to cross his mind and it was nice to watch Minhyuk with his bright enthusiasm and his broad grins. It was infectious and, whenever Changkyun felt a little lonely, there was Minhyuk to cheer him up.

The new Minhyuk was definitely the exact opposite of the old one, the one that wanted to ignore Changkyun and push him away. Changkyun was thankful but it took some time to get used to.

However, the change in Minhyuk wasn’t the only difference. Kihyun’s usually rough words were now coming off as caring. They might’ve sounded mean but he could now see that there was definitely affection behind them. Changkyun quickly learned that the irritated expression on Kihyun's face was just how he showed his concern. He didn't mean to look angry, it was just how he always was.

Changkyun finally understood what the other members meant when they said that Kihyun was just mean on the outside.

Even Hyunwoo didn’t feel so stoic. Changkyun managed to get closer to him, to really talk to him. Hyunwoo turned from scary to honestly sweet and kind. He always laughed a little at Changkyun’s jokes, always encouraged him to participate. Hyunwoo even went as far as sharing food with Changkyun and it definitely made him feel cared for. It was nice.

Changkyun pushed all of those thoughts away, sighing a little. Everything felt so right.

His phone buzzed, signaling another message from his friends. It made Changkyun almost laugh when he read it.

Our Maknae ☆
hyung, whatr you up to

Changkyuu ♡
vocal practice

Our Maknae ☆
hyung wanna play hookie and get online

Our Maknae ☆
i can finally beat you

Changkyun actually laughed out loud at that, leaning back in his chair.

Changkyuu ♡
you wish you could beat me at anything

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Be nice

Our Maknae ☆
yeah!! be nice!!

Our Maknae ☆
i kno smth you don’t kno

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Maknae.

“Changkyun-ah, you really don’t know how to rest, do you?”

Changkyun had been so focused on what Jongyeon had messaged that he hadn’t noticed that the door had opened so, when someone suddenly spoke to him, he flinched, almost dropping the phone in his hand.

His head swirled over to look at who it was and, to his surprise, it was Hyungwon. Usually, the expression on Hyungwon’s face was bored or neutral. At that moment, he had a small smile. That meant that Changkyun hadn’t done anything wrong recently to make Hyungwon go after him. However, that made him wonder. Why was Hyungwon still there?

Changkyun didn’t know. He had thought that everyone else had headed back to the dorms and that he and maybe a few stragglers had stayed behind to work on more stuff. Did Hyungwon want to accompany him?

“Hyung.” Changkyun finally gathered his thoughts together and started scooting his chair over just in case Hyungwon wanted to take the other chair and sit down “I was just-- there was a part that I wanted to get down.”

Hyungwon didn’t hesitate in sitting down in the empty chair next to Changkyun. He didn’t hesitate in scooting the chair either until the arm of the chair pressed against Changkyun’s chair.

When Hyungwon did that, Changkyun couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious. He shouldn’t have been. After all, the practice room was small and, to sit comfortably, the two of them had to sit rather closely. He’d done so more than a handful of times with Jooheon.

Maybe it was because it was Hyungwon. The two of them had never had the opportunity to be this close before. The only other time was earlier that week, during lunch, and that was because Minhyuk had pushed Hyungwon closer.

Hyungwon seemed to sense Changkyun’s apprehension because he gave him a reassuring smile “Listen, I just wanted to make sure that there weren’t any hard feelings between us.”

“Hard… feelings?” Changkyun couldn’t help but ask, raising a small eyebrow “Why would I have hard feelings towards you, hyung?”

“Ah, Changkyun-ah, you’re really nice, you know?” Hyungwon didn’t seem all too pleased by Changkyun’s answer, mouth twisting into a small frown “Someone could take advantage of that.”

Changkyun grew even more confused “Hyung, I don’t--”

“We treated you really badly. I treated you really badly.” Hyungwon quickly interrupted Changkyun, making the boy frown. Hyungwon didn’t stop there though “We were petty and you didn’t deserve that.”

Changkyun paused for a second before shaking his head and waving his hand as if to shoo away the apology “It’s no big deal, hyung. I completely understand how you guys felt.”

“Just because that’s the case doesn’t make it any less wrong, you know.” Hyungwon didn’t accept Changkyun’s words

“I know all of us are kind of acting like nothing ever happened but… we really shouldn’t act like that.” Hyungwon continued, face crumpling a little as if it was difficult for him to produce the words that he wanted to say “We were in the wrong.”

Changkyun knew that. He really did. Yet, when he tried to make sense of it in his head, he couldn't help but consider everything else.

They had been pressured by No.Mercy, had lost friends, had been stressed out. How could Changkyun ever blame them for what they did when, in that situation, he might've done something similar?

When Changkyun hadn’t responded for a few seconds, Hyungwon sighed a little before placing a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, comforting expression on his face “How are you feeling?”

Changkyun could easily answer that question without even thinking “Relieved.”

That was all he had really felt since they’ve apologized, all he could really wrap his mind around. There were so many other emotions he felt, so many different things he could say, but relieved was the biggest one.

“Relieved?” Hyungwon looked confused at that “You’re relieved because… we apologized?”

Changkyun nodded fervently at that. He had explained it to his ex-members earlier through his messages and he had touched up on it with Jooheon. However, it felt harder to put his feelings into words right at that moment.

He wanted to tell Hyungwon how much he had dreamed of talking to them, of being comfortable with them, of feeling like a group. It relieved him to see them finally taking his hand after he had held it out to them for so long.

Changkyun really couldn’t say it, though, and, instead, the words sat heavily on his tongue. “I was worried that… I’d bring the group down… because we don’t all get along…”

“Really? You were worried about that?” Hyungwon looked like a mix between absolutely surprised and amused “I thought you were cursing us in your head or something.”

“How could I?” Changkyun chuckled a little at the thought “Like I said, I understood how you guys felt.”

There was a brief silence between the two of them. Hyungwon’s hand traveled down from Changkyun’s shoulder. Instead, it rested on his arm and it felt reassuring, like that feeling of Hyungwon’s hand there anchored Changkyun.

Eventually, however, Hyungwon spoke “Have you ever… wanted to debut with someone? And then, you didn’t?”

Changkyun didn’t even hesitate before he nodded. In his instance, none of them debuted. Instead, the five of them had been pulled apart, separated. They had been promised to debut and they had worked so hard towards it but, in the end, it had all been in vain.

The thought of it brought that same feeling in Changkyun again, that prickling sensation of almost crying.

Unlike No.Mercy, however, there hadn’t been anyone who came in and suddenly ruined everything. Changkyun could imagine, though. If someone had suddenly come, suddenly threatened his hyung’s or Jongyeon’s chances of debuting. He would’ve been furious.

“You don’t have to tell me about it.” Hyungwon’s voice pulled Changkyun out of his thoughts.

Changkyun felt confused for a second, eyebrow raising in question.

Hyungwon’s hand moved from Changkyun’s arm to his cheek. “You looked like you were about to cry.”

That definitely brought Changkyun back to the present. He froze, suddenly not knowing what to do or how to breathe properly.

Hyungwon’s palm was rough but gentle against Changkyun’s cheek. His fingertips brushed against Changkyun’s ear, his thumb just below Changkyun’s eye. If he hadn’t known any better, it looked like Hyungwon was ready to wipe away his tears. All Changkyun could think was that he hoped Hyungwon couldn’t feel how hot his cheek felt.

Most likely sensing Changkyun’s sudden nervousness, Hyungwon pulled his hand back, looking rather bashful “I’m sorry.”

“N-No, it’s fine.” Changkyun cleared his throat, hand going up to rub at the nape of his neck “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for.” It was Hyungwon’s turn to wave Changkyun’s apology away “Just know that you can talk to me if you want.”

“About anything. Not just whatever looked like it was about to make you cry.” Hyungwon quickly added afterwards, that small smile from earlier returning.

Changkyun nodded at that, returning the smile “Thanks, Hyungwon-hyung.”

Hyungwon seemed relieved at Changkyun’s answer and he showed as much when he wrapped his arm around Changkyun’s shoulders “Now, c’mon, you’re not spending another minute here. Let’s get back to the dorm.”

When Hyungwon and Changkyun arrived at the dorms, it was just as Changkyun had expected.

Kihyun was in the kitchen, cooking something for dinner. Hyunwoo was on the couch with Minhyuk, watching something on the TV. Jooheon sat at the dinner table, chatting with Wonho who sat across from him and, occasionally, to Kihyun as he cooked.

After so long living with each other, they’ve all developed a sort of schedule. Guessing what every member was up to wasn’t so hard when every single one of them followed their little unspoken schedule to a perfect ‘T’.

“Oh, Changkyun-ah.” Jooheon turned and quickly directed his attention to Changkyun as soon as the boy had entered the dorm “I thought you were going to stay a bit longer to practice that part?”

Changkyun smiled a little, approaching the dinner table “Hyungwon-hyung wouldn't let me…”

“Hell yeah I wouldn't. You've had enough practice today.” Hyungwon agreed, reaching over to ruffle Changkyun’s hair.

“Unfair, why do you listen to Hyungwon and not me?” Jooheon pouted, voice just a tad whiny. Hyungwon simply shot him a smirk before heading to the couch.

Changkyun let out a small laugh before he decided to continue to the kitchen instead of following after Hyungwon.

Usually, Changkyun would follow his own little schedule too. His schedule, of course, was built around avoiding the members as much as possible. He wanted to believe that he also tried interacting with them as much as possible but, really, he was often too scared to.

Even after everyone had started getting closer to him, he still hesitated to press his luck. Changkyun didn’t know what was too much so, if they didn’t give him a sign, he usually didn’t even attempt anything.

If Changkyun was following his old schedule, after practice, he would head to his bed to avoid everyone. He'd hide there until dinner was called and, even then, he would wait the last possible second before he went.

It was different now, though. After his talk with Hyungwon and after considering everything that had happened, Changkyun didn't want to avoid them anymore. He wasn’t scared of how they would react to him anymore.

They haven’t rejected him so far the past few days. They’ve been welcoming. It was time for him to initiate some things too.

“Kihyun-hyung, do you need help?” Changkyun stopped right at the threshold of the kitchen, hesitant and nervous but hopeful.

Wonho let out a small chuckle from his seat at the dinner table behind Changkyun “Ohhh, our Maknae can cook?”

“A little.” Changkyun glanced over his shoulder, feeling bashful but his smile was less shy and more cheeky.

Kihyun seemed to find that amusing because he chuckled too before taking Changkyun gently by the arm “C’mere, help me chop these vegetables up.”

Changkyun used his free arm to give Kihyun a salute as he took his position in front of the cutting board. There was a giddiness bubbling inside of his stomach and he couldn’t hold back the smile on his face.

He was glad for his members’ acceptance and for the fact that they weren’t acting odd around him. They were treating him like they treated everyone else.

“Before you start...” Kihyun suddenly bent over, ruffling through the cabinet below the kitchen sink before producing a cutely decorated pink apron. “You need to wear this.”

Jooheon and Wonho let out a laugh at that, apparently finding it funny. The apron matched Kihyun’s but his wasn’t pink. Instead, Kihyun’s was blue. It had somewhat the same pattern but less cutesy.

Changkyun didn’t have any qualms with wearing it, though. He had no protests as he let Kihyun put it on for him and he even did a little twirl so that Kihyun could tie the back into a nice ribbon.

“Ahh, our Maknae is so cute.” Wonho’s tone was teasing but Changkyun couldn’t find it in him to feel embarrassed.

The praise was a little flustering, however, and he could feel the tips of his ears turn hot. He still wasn’t going to complain, though, so he simply turned to the cutting board, skillfully cutting whatever vegetable Kihyun handed to him.

“What are you guys up to over here?” Changkyun didn’t have to turn around to know that Minhyuk had wandered away from the couch to join Wonho and Jooheon.

Jooheon laughed  “Watching Kihyun-hyung and our adorable Maknae cook.”

Even though Changkyun was only listening in on their conversation, he couldn’t help but feel warm inside. There was that feeling coiling inside of his chest again, that same feeling he had when he was with Jooheon and with Hyungwon.

It made him so happy that they were referring to him as their Maknae, happy that they were joking around with him and treating him well.

“Kyun-ah?” Kihyun’s voice pulled Changkyun out of his thoughts.

Changkyun turned to him, curious expression on his face. Kihyun looked concerned and Changkyun quickly realized that it must’ve been because he had stopped cutting for a second.

Without hesitation, Changkyun smiled softly “Yeah, hyung?”

Kihyun seemed relieved at the sight of his smile and, suddenly, Kihyun’s hip bumped against Changkyun’s “Hey, just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you get to slack off. C’mon, we need to eat dinner.”

Changkyun didn’t respond though his smile widened considerably. Instead, he hummed softly before turning his attention to the vegetables in front of him, cutting every single one of them with a light heart.

“What are you guys up to over here?” Minhyuk suddenly appeared behind Wonho and Jooheon, both of whom were sitting at the dinner table. In front of those two was a clear view of the kitchen. Like usual, Kihyun was there cooking but, this time, it seemed that someone had joined him.

“Watching Kihyun-hyung and our Maknae cook.” Jooheon’s answer was simple but it still made Minhyuk raise an eyebrow.

“Changkyun can cook?” He asked “He’d never cooked before.”

Wonho and Jooheon just shrugged but, after a second, Wonho frowned a little “Well, he wasn’t exactly comfortable with us enough to offer.”

That made the three of them somber up a little. Things looked like they were getting better though. Changkyun had felt uncomfortable around them before but, now, next to Kihyun, that anxious Changkyun was gone.

“I really like him.” Jooheon muttered after a pause, voice almost a whisper but it was loud enough for both Wonho and Minhyuk to hear “He’s such a good kid.”

Wonho nodded immediately in agreement “I’m seriously happy that he’s forgiven us.”

Minhyuk felt the same. Though he didn’t think he deserved to be forgiven, he was glad that he had been. Now, he’d get the opportunity to get to know Changkyun, to see what he was like past that shy exterior that he usually put up around the other members.

It felt a little awkward, Minhyuk could admit that. They were shifting away from just reaching out to Changkyun, trying to get him to join them and participate. Instead of that, Changkyun was finally actually joining them, actually reciprocating.

Minhyuk honestly didn’t know how to act now.

“You ok, Hyukkie?” Wonho’s attention was suddenly on Minhyuk and Jooheon’s followed quickly after.

It was hard to answer that question. Though everything was looking up for the group, for Minhyuk, Minhyuk himself couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more they needed to overcome.

Changkyun had forgiven them too easily. There was no way that was it. Yet, here they were, doing the domestic things Minhyuk had only dreamt of being able to do as a group.

Minhyuk just let out a little sigh “I’m just glad that everything’s starting to look up.”

“Woah, we’re going all out tonight.” Was Hyungwon’s immediate response to the sudden spread in front of them.

Changkyun didn’t think it was that big of a deal. All they had were a few side dishes and then seafood kimchi soup with rice. Apparently, nobody else thought so because even Hyunwoo looked rather impressed.

Changkyun was just glad that he hadn’t messed anything up. Then again, it was hard to make a mistake when all he had to do was chop up some ingredients.

“Changkyun-ah helped.” Kihyun moved past everyone, placing bowls of rice down in front of all of the seats at the dinner table.

“Hyung. All I did was cut vegetables.” Changkyun quickly waved off what Kihyun had said “You were the one cooking.”

Nobody noticed what he said though, especially not Hyunwoo who passed by Changkyun, ruffling his hair “Nice job, kid.”

Changkyun pouted a little at being called a kid but he couldn’t help but feel glad that, like everybody else, Hyunwoo was treating him nicely. Nobody even looked at him oddly when he sat down at the table.

Eventually, everyone was seated. Wonho was to Changkyun’s left and Hyungwon was to Changkyun’s right. Sitting like that, with all of them, made Changkyun grin.

“What are you looking so happy about, Kyun-ah?” Minhyuk, who sat across from Changkyun, grinned right back at him, chuckling a little.

Changkyun just shrugged, picking up his chopsticks “I’m glad I’m eating dinner with all of you is all.”

When Changkyun had woken up in the middle of the night, he hadn’t expected anyone to be awake. That was why he was surprised to see a light coming from the bottom of the other bunk. He knew who slept there. Minhyuk.

Changkyun sat up, rubbing away the sleep in his eyes. He checked for the time on his phone, frown decorating his face. It was one in the morning. Whoever was awake, it couldn’t possibly be Minhyuk, who was a heavy sleeper--

“Changkyunnie?” The person had whispered and Changkyun’s heart honestly really did skip a few beats in surprise.

Squinting into the dark, Changkyun raised an eyebrow “Minhyuk-hyung?”

“Changkyunnie, it’s 1 o’clock in the morning.” Minhyuk’s tone changed and he sounded more like he wanted to scold Changkyun. Changkyun could almost imagine Minhyuk’s face scrunching up in cute disapproval.

Leaning over the edge of his bunk bed, Changkyun continued to attempt to get a good look at Minhyuk “Hyung, you’re one to talk. You were awake before I was.”

Minhyuk scoffed indignantly at that but, of course, he couldn’t continue to deny it “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

“Hey, I’m older than you.” Minhyuk added quickly, voice raising slightly.

Changkyun laughed quietly before shushing Minhyuk, despite the fact that Minhyuk was older “Don’t be so loud, hyung. You’ll wake everyone up.”

There was a small bout of silence after that and Changkyun almost thought that Minhyuk went back to sleep. However, soon enough, Minhyuk responded “Come down, spend time with me.”

Changkyun was definitely taken aback by that. Out of everyone, Minhyuk really had been the one that hated him the most. Changkyun remembered watching the episodes of No.Mercy, of watching the specific episode where he came in.

Minhyuk had said that there was no way he could ever work with Changkyun. Minhyuk had said Changkyun had ruined everything. Well, maybe not those exact words but it felt like that in Changkyun’s mind. That was how it stuck to him.

He knew for a fact that Minhyuk was kinder now, though. Minhyuk tried his hardest to always interact with Changkyun, be it messing around with him or teasing him or just simply always talking to him about random things.

“Changkyunnie?” Minhyuk called out again.

Despite the anxiety that he suddenly felt, Changkyun still hummed before getting up and climbing down the ladder of his bunk bed as quietly as possible. When he reached the bottom, he looked over his shoulder and there Minhyuk was, laying in bed with his phone screen lighting up his face.

Minhyuk seemed happy to see Changkyun and even went so far as scooting back so that Changkyun had some space.

It felt awkward at first when Changkyun laid down beside Minhyuk. After all, they had never really done this before. In fact, thinking back on it, Changkyun can’t remember a time where he’d been alone with Minhyuk, period.

“So, hyung…” Trying to make conversation, Changkyun tried to scramble for words “Why are you up?”

“Oh, I couldn’t sleep.” Minhyuk waved the question off, phone still in hand, the screen still lighting up everything around them in a soft blue glow.

Changkyun nodded but, before he could say anything else, Minhyuk beat him to it “Are you usually up at this time?”

Changkyun didn’t exactly know what to say so, instead, he hummed, shrugging “Kind of.”

“Really?” Minhyuk’s face crumpled a little and he honestly looked extremely worried and concerned. Changkyun could understand. After all, waking up at such an ungodly time every single morning might’ve seemed unhealthy

He couldn’t justify it, either. All he could really say in his defense was that he was used to it by now. That wasn’t really a defense, though, more like an excuse.

“Do you have nightmares? Is that why?” Minhyuk continued to ask Changkyun questions and, by now, Minhyuk’s phone had closed.

They were close enough that Changkyun could still see Minhyuk’s face though, could still make up the small features on his face. Changkyun could bet that Minhyuk could see the same on his face and, suddenly, he felt a little bare.

Pertaining their conversation, though, Changkyun didn’t know what he was allowed to say. They only started getting closer. Though he was relieved that they were accepting him now, he still wasn’t sure where he exactly stood. After all, he was on thin ice and anything he said could make them change their minds about him.

He knew he decided to return the sentiment by also trying to get closer to them but it was hard to gauge what was good and what was too much. He felt so wishy-washy, vascillating from wanting to be impossibly close to them to fearing what would happen if he tried. Everything felt too nervewracking.

“Yeah, sometimes.” Changkyun decided to leave it at that.

However, Minhyuk continued to prod “About what?”

Changkyun bit his lip a little, hesitating, before deciding that, perhaps, he could take a small leap of faith “About things.”

“Sometimes, I have nightmares about the future. Sometimes, about the past.” He decided to be more specific, lips twisting into a small frown.

Minhyuk’s hand suddenly found its way to Changkyun’s chest “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Changkyun silently prayed that Minhyuk couldn’t feel his thumping heart, couldn’t feel how nervous Changkyun truly felt. “I mean, I won’t tell you more if you don’t want to hear.”

“I want to hear.” Minhyuk’s answer was fast and his words felt careful but sincere “I worry about you, we all do. We wish you’d tell us about what bothers you so much.”

Before, what had bothered him so much was everyone else. It bothered him that he was so close to them yet so far away, that, no matter what he did, he couldn't gain their trust, their affections, their friendship.

Slowly, those bothers were starting to fade but, still, remnants of them stayed near the back of Changkyun’s mind. He wanted to be able to tell them about all of it, clear the air, find out where he really stood with them.

Those words stuck in his throat, though, and he couldn’t get them to leave.

“I used to be a part of a different group. Under SpecialK entertainment.” Changkyun’s voice suddenly felt small, just like how he felt, and his hand found itself on top of Minhyuk’s, right over his chest “We were supposed to debut under the name Nu’bility.”

“It’s short for the phrase New Ability or something.” Changkyun chuckled a little at that and he couldn’t believe that, after all this time, he couldn’t remember things as well anymore. “We had trained for so long.”

“We had five members. We were like a family.” That prickling sensation came back to Changkyun, tickled his throat, tried to pry itself out of his mouth, but he forcefully swallowed it down “SpecialK went bankrupt.”

Changkyun ran out of words. How ironic it was that he was a rapper, a lyricist, and he couldn’t even find the words he wanted to use to express how he felt. Wasn’t that the entire point of writing music?

There was a minute of quiet between the two of them but, then, Minhyuk spoke, turning his hand so that their fingers were suddenly intertwined “I’m sorry.”

“There’s-- There’s nothing to be sorry about. All the hyungs keep apologizing but, really, there really isn’t anything to apologize for.” Changkyun waved away the apology without even hesitating. “This is why I say I understand how you guys feel. This is why waiting for you guys to accept me wasn’t that hard.”

That was a lie. It had been really hard for Changkyun, all those weeks and days where he just kept hoping, just kept waiting. It wasn’t a complete lie, though. Thinking about how they might’ve felt, putting himself in their shoes, it made it feel less lonely for him.

"I've waited all this time to be a part of another group, another family, one that will actually debut, one that I can share this experience of being an idol with." Changkyun tried his hardest to prevent his voice from cracking, his words slow and deliberate "That's why it's fine if you guys needed a little bit more time to get used to me."

After all, if he just thought that it wasn’t his fault or their fault, that it was just that they couldn’t help it, that all they needed was more time, it was a little easier for him.

“Changkyun.” Minhyuk spoke and his voice wavered like he was about to cry except, why would he?

There was a sniffle and Changkyun quickly realized that Minhyuk really was about to cry.

“Changkyun. I’m so sorry. I’m-- I’m so-- I’m so--” Minhyuk’s hand around Changkyun’s tightened considerably and, suddenly, Minhyuk was pulling Changkyun closer, their chests pressed against the other’s, Minhyuk’s chin resting against Changkyun’s shoulder.

Minhyuk wasn’t crying, not yet, but he honestly sounded like he was close.

Changkyun quickly wrapped his free arm around Minhyuk, pulling him impossibly closer if that were even possible. They laid like that, side by side, with no space between them.

“Hyung. A lot of things have bothered me in the past.” Changkyun spoke and, suddenly, that worry about what Minhyuk might think or that worry about saying something wrong disappeared.

All Changkyun could think about was how comforting it was to have Minhyuk so close.

“Now, though, now that I have my hyungs, now that you guys are accepting me, I don’t think anything can bother me ever again.” The words left Changkyun’s mouth in almost a hurry and, hearing himself speak, they sounded almost cliche.

Lim Changkyun had been reduced to a cheesy mess. What would his friends say.

Minhyuk didn’t seem to mind, though, because he squeezed Changkyun, held him close, didn’t push him away. It felt right, laying there, in Minhyuk’s arms.

Suddenly, sleep came much easier for Changkyun.

“Changkyun-ah.”

Changkyun groaned a little, shifting to bury his face further into whatever was in front of him. His brain couldn’t tell who was talking or what he was clutching at so tightly. All he knew was he was asleep a second ago and he wanted to go back.

There was a laugh somewhere, maybe from above him, maybe somewhere next to him. He didn’t know where, couldn’t get his mind to work so early in the morning.

Wait, what time was it?

Changkyun suddenly turned, eyes snapping open. He leaned up on his elbow, vision a little blurry as he did.

In front of him was Kihyun who looked amused “Good morning, Changkyun-ah.”

Changkyun, obviously surprised, flinched, eyes wide “H-Hyung.”

Kihyun seemed to laugh at how Changkyun’s voice cracked. Changkyun himself felt a little disoriented and unused to seeing Kihyun crouch down.

Usually, Kihyun was struggling to climb the wooden ladder up to Changkyun’s bed. Usually, Kihyun woke Changkyun up by yanking at his foot or pulling at his blanket from the floor. How then…?

The events from last night suddenly flooded Changkyun’s brain and he turned to look behind him only to be met face to face with Minhyuk’s big grin “Morning, Kyunnie.”

“Mo-Morning, hyung.” Changkyun slowly replied back, brain still seemingly trying its best to work so early in the morning.

He blinked once and then twice before turning back to Kihyun “Hyung, what time is it?”

“Ah, it’s five in the morning.” At that question, Kihyun looked sheepish “Usually, I wait to wake you up last but you were wrapped so tightly against Minhyuk…”

Changkyun felt his brain short circuit a little at that. He didn’t know what he had trouble wrapping his mind around though. Was it the fact that Kihyun purposefully woke him up last? Or was it that he had clutched onto Minhyuk like a lifeline?

The second one he didn’t feel embarrassed about. It was just a fact of life. Water was wet, fire was hot, Changkyun always needed to hug something at night or else he couldn’t sleep.

“You can sleep a little longer, if you want. I know you usually sleep late and I usually give you a lot of time to sleep.” Kihyun took Changkyun’s silence as a sign of something. Changkyun could guess that it was a sign that his brain wasn’t working.

Kihyun would’ve been right. His brain especially felt fuzzy at the further explanation of why Kihyun woke him up late. Was that right? But Kihyun had always woken Changkyun up last. Did that mean that Kihyun had been caring for him for that long?

That only supported Changkyun’s new found belief that Kihyun really was soft on the inside.

Changkyun had always thought that he was an afterthought to Kihyun, that Kihyun might not have wanted to spend too much time with Changkyun and that was why he always woke the youngest up last.

Now, however, he had been wrong. Changkyun couldn’t help but wonder what other things Kihyun had done for him that he had mistaken for something mean.

Changkyun quickly gathered his thoughts and, finally, shook his head “No, I’m good, hyung. Thank you.”

“Woah, Kyunnie. I’m so surprised. Your morning voice makes you sound like you’re older than Hyunwoo-hyung.” Minhyuk suddenly spoke up, reminding Changkyun that he was trapping Minhyuk in.

Changkyun chuckled a bit nervously before moving to leave the bunk. Kihyun stepped aside to make way for him. Soon enough, Changkyun was standing up, stretching his arms high above his head.

Minhyuk followed right after him, laughing softly “Changkyun-hyung has a bit of a ring to it, huh?”

“Ah, hyung.” Changkyun only grew flustered at that, voice a soft whine “It’s too early in the morning for this.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Minhyuk, of course, apologized but, from the tone of his voice, it didn’t sound like he felt apologetic at all.

Changkyun simply smiled at that before following Kihyun and Minhyuk out of the room.

Typically, Changkyun woke up the latest. That meant that everyone was already finished with showering and eating and preparing for the day. That was why he was a little taken aback.

Instead of being met with the usual sight of everyone eating breakfast at the table, he stumbled upon hurried older members trying to get ready.

Wonho was drying his hair, toothbrush in his mouth. Hyunwoo had a towel wrapped around his waist as he moved from the bathroom to his room. Jooheon looked absolutely dead as he laid his head down on the dinner table. Hyungwon looked the exact same except, instead of positioning himself at the dinner table, he was draped across the couch.

“Hyungwon.” Kihyun snapped as he passed by the couch, hand hitting Hyungwon’s leg repeatedly “I didn’t wake you up just so you could move from your room to the couch.”

“And you too, Jooheon!” Kihyun then turned his attention to Jooheon who sat up like a fire alarm was sounded.

Changkyun laughed a little at that and so did Minhyuk.

At the sound of Changkyun’s little giggle, everything paused. Jooheon and Hyungwon looked back at the youngest as if he had grown two heads, Hyunwoo peeked out of his room, even Wonho paused to look.

“Changkyun-ah, you’re awake.” Jooheon stated the absolutely obvious.

Changkyun couldn’t help but smile a little bit wider at that, nodding “Yeah, I am.”

“Oh, I thought Kihyun was too whipped to wake you up this early,” Wonho spoke, voice a bit hard to understand because of the toothbrush in his mouth.

Kihyun bristled at that, stepping forward as if ready to fight Wonho. Wonho just laughed and escaped to the bathroom, smirking all the while.

“Changkyunnie, you shower first.” Minhyuk turned to Changkyun with an amused expression before yawning softly.

Changkyun slowly nodded, muttering his thanks to the older member before heading back into his room to get clothes.

Today was another day of dance practice and vocal lessons. So, of course, Changkyun chose simple clothes as usual. Also, as usual, he quickly grabbed his phone to check his messages. Unlike how it always was, he hadn’t fallen asleep messaging his members so they were probably a little worried.

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Hey, Maknae, watch it.

Our Maknae ☆
i dont trust them! is that so wrong??

Jeong ♬ Hyung
It’s not wrong, Jongyeonnie, but they haven’t done anything bad yet so, for now, let’s trust them, okay?

Jeong ♬ Hyung
They’re making Changkyunnie happy

Our Maknae ☆
i guess

Our Maknae ☆
im tired. im going to sleep.

Changkyun scowled a little at the messages he’d just read.

He understood where Jongyeon was coming from, he really did. But, weren’t his members better now? Hadn’t they apologized?

Changkyun just hoped his friends would understand. He didn’t want to have to choose sides if his Nu’bility members couldn’t find it in themselves to forgive Changkyun’s new group members. That was the last thing he would ever want.

Byung ♫ Hyung
What about your morning message to Changkyun?

Our Maknae ☆
chang hyung, i trust your decision. if you want to trust them, ill support you. if they betray you, tho, theyre dead.

Our Maknae ☆
them --> ( ￣ρ￣ )

Our Maknae ☆
have a good morning hyung. changkyun hyung hwaiting!!1

Byung ♫ Hyung
No matter what, Jongyeon is so nice to Changkyun. I feel a little jealous.

Byung ♫ Hyung
Have a good day, Changkyun. Hope today is better than yesterday.

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Continue not to half-ass anything today. We’re here for you. Also, remember: We’re kicking your ass if we find out you’re tiring yourself out getting ready for your debut.

Jeong ♬ Hyung
Good mornings start with good thoughts, Changkyunnie ♡

Changkyun’s scowl lightened considerably after he finished reading all of the messages. It seemed that he didn’t have to worry about any sort of rift forming between the two most important groups in his life.

With a lighter heart, he typed out his response.

Changkyuu ♡
thanks for trusting me, guys. i know its stupid but i want to give them the benefit of my doubt, you kno?

Changkyuu ♡
anyway, i hope you guys have a day as great as you!! which probably isn’t possible but you can try can’t you? you guys can achieve anything!!

Changkyuu ♡
except you jongyeonnie, you can never beat me at lol no matter how hard you try ( ˙꒳ ˙ )

With that, Changkyun picked up all of his clothes and headed to the shower, steps light and his smile returning to his face. At that moment, it really felt like nothing could go wrong.

Jooheon loved rapping. He loved rapping more than almost anything else. What he didn't love, of course, was having to practice parts he couldn't perfectly perform.

Usually, that didn't happen. He didn't know why. Artists just always liked the first take and he never had to do a second. Even in No.Mercy, all he had to do was perform the way he thought they wanted him to and the producers ate it up.

This time, it was obviously different. He kept stumbling over a couple of words, having difficulty pronouncing them. He didn't know what was wrong with him.

Which was obviously why he was there, in the sound booth, in the recording studio, not in the dance studio, where everyone else was. Where Changkyun was.

Jooheon sighed, breath ragged as he ran his fingers through his hair, slicking it back.

He hoped that everyone was treating Changkyun well, that they weren't ignoring him or skirting around him like they always had. They’ve stopped doing that for a while now but, every now and then, Jooheon still worried that his members went right back to how they used to be.

He was getting off-track again. That was happening more and more often now, especially when his thoughts drifted to Changkyun. He needed to stop doing that, to stop and focus .

Jooheon shifted in his seat, adjusting himself so he fully faced the mic in front of him. The music was in front of him too, on the music stand, and he could read it, understand it.

Apparently he couldn't rap it.

Suddenly, the door to the sound booth opened, startling Jooheon.

“Holy shit.” The words slipped out of Jooheon’s mouth before he could stop himself and his hand flew up to press against his chest, right over his heart.

“Did I scare you?” Gunhee poked his head in, grinning widely before fully moving his body in to stand completely in the sound booth.

Jooheon didn’t respond at first but, from the rather irritated look on his face, it was obvious that he didn’t like what his friend had just done.

“I’m trying to get work done, man.” Jooheon grumbled, heart rate slowly but surely going back to normal “How did you even find me?”

Gunhee merely shrugged before walking over to where Jooheon was “What are you up to?”

Jooheon pushed Gunhee back and turned away from the mic “Chill out, I’m recording.”

“Ohh, you can’t get a part down?” Gunhee’s smile softened a little at that but he still looked absolutely happy to see Jooheon. “Something must be on your mind.”

Gunhee was right about that. When Jooheon had something on his mind, he always got too distracted. Maybe that was why he couldn’t get these parts down.

“Ah, I know what it is.” Gunhee’s grin went from soft to mischievous, his tone teasing and his fingers poking at Jooheon’s arm as if trying to get a reaction from him.

Of course, Jooheon reacted, swatting away Gunhee’s hands. Jooheon didn’t doubt that Gunhee knew exactly what plagued his mind. After all, Jooheon told Gunhee everything. They were as close as best friends could be. Gunhee knew Jooheon better than Jooheon knew himself.

There was a small bout of silence before Gunhee interrupted it “How's plan ‘Tolerate I.M’ going?”

Jooheon knew Gunhee was just joking. Still, there was a small part of Jooheon that got irritated at the mention of that joke. He wasn’t irritated at Gunhee, though. Gunhee was just playing around, was just trying to get a reaction from Jooheon

“Shut up.” Jooheon decided to say, Gunhee laughing a little before Jooheon continued “Where did you hear that from?”

“Minhyuk-hyung.” Gunhee answered simply, that mischievous grin still on his face “He said the group was planning to just pretend to befriend I.M and pretend to like him just so the managers are pleased.”

That joke was so old and yet, still, it continued to anger that small part of Jooheon. Jooheon remembered making it back when Changkyun had first joined. The joke had only been between him, Minhyuk, Hyungwon and Seokwon.

Apparently Minhyuk had told Gunhee about it without Jooheon knowing. But that was beside the point.

The joke wasn't made to be purposefully mean to Changkyun. It was just a way to make light of their situation. They were never going to say it near Changkyun or even let Changkyun know about it. They had just been playing around.

Now, though, things have changed.

Jooheon suddenly looped his arm around Gunhee’s shoulders, inching away from the equipment around them just in case they actually started to rough house. “Don’t joke about it like that.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Gunhee laughed, grin wide as he tried to escape from Jooheon’s arm but to no avail.

“It’s plan 'Befriend I.M' now.” Though Jooheon kept his arm there, trapping Gunhee, his voice was soft and his tone a little more caring.

He couldn't help it. He was absolutely soft for Changkyun, the boy that made something stir inside of his chest.

He had changed so much now. Just the thought of anyone using the ‘Tolerate I.M’ joke made Jooheon more than a little irritated. Changkyun had gone through so much, he deserved more than being simply tolerated.

If he had told that to his past self, the one that was still in No.Mercy, old Jooheon would've laughed.

“Ah, is that what it is?” Gunhee’s teasing tone pulled Jooheon out of his thoughts and the grin on Gunhee’s face only turned more and more mischievous.

Gunhee knew about how Jooheon felt towards Changkyun, about the sudden affectiom the rapper felt towards the other rapper of the group, and, more recently, decided to frequently tease him about it.

Though Jooheon couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed about it in front of Gunhee, he still didn't want Gunhee to joke about it too much.

“You’re an idiot.” Jooheon decided to say, tightening his arm around Gunhee until the boy was laughing loudly as Jooheon held him in a headlock. Jooheon himself couldn't help but laugh too.

Eventually, though, Jooheon had to let Gunhee go and Gunhee straightened “No, forreal though.”

“It’s going great.” Jooheon returned to his position from earlier, smile absolutely sweet and his eyes turned into crescents “Changkyun’s really starting to get closer to us. I think he really trusts us a lot now.”

Gunhee seemed to pause a little in awe before snickering “Oh, so, you could say that the plan is going smoothly?”

Jooheon rolled his eyes, foot suddenly finding its way against Gunhee’s shin. Gunhee pouted, rubbing at the spot and dusting away any dirt that came from Jooheon’s sneaker.

Though the atmosphere felt lighthearted, Jooheon couldn’t help but sigh, breath heavy with worry.

Gunhee quickly picked up on that “What? It isn’t?”

“Well, it is, I guess.” Jooheon shrugged, tone noncommittal.

“What, you had a bad day? Something go wrong?.” Gunhee leaned against the wall of the sound booth, eyes slightly wide and hands finding their way into his jacket pockets.

Jooheon shook his head, though, as if to disagree “No, it’s not that.”

Gunhee grew confused “Then… what?”

“A couple of days ago, Minhyuk and Changkyun were in bed together.” Jooheon finally let the words leave his mouth and, at Gunhee’s scandalized expression, he quickly added “They were talking , you pervert.”

“Oh. About?” Gunhee’s expression was quick to turn from a smirk to a more curious and cautious one. Jooheon couldn’t blame him.

“Changkyun… he… he was supposed to debut before, with a different group. They trained for a really long time, apparently.” Jooheon felt like he was breaking some sort of trust just telling Gunhee all of this but he honestly couldn’t help himself. He needed to get it off his chest, needed someone else’s opinion on what to do.

Gunhee didn’t seem like he knew any better than Jooheon, though “Well, damn. Here we were treating him like a new trainee but he’s been through this before.”

“He said nothing would ever bother him anymore because he has his hyungs.” Jooheon looked into Gunhee’s eyes when he said this, tone almost heartbroken or, maybe, something he couldn’t exactly pinpoint.

Gunhee was silent, probably didn’t know what to say.

Jooheon just sighed, hands flying to his face as if to cover his suddenly red cheeks “I think I’m in love with him.”

“Changkyun-ah, you’re too stiff.” There was a laughing tone to Wonho’s voice as he moved Changkyun’s body into the right configuration for what felt like the hundredth time that day “You look like you’re actually going to fight someone.”

Jokingly, Changkyun steeled his face, scrunching it up into the angriest expression he could muster at that moment. Looking at his reflection in the mirror of the dance studio, Changkyun could confidently say he had a pretty gangster looking face.

Wonho didn’t seem to think so, though, because he just burst out laughing, going so far to even bend over, arm around his stomach as if Changkyun’s expression was absolutely the most hilarious thing he’d ever seen.

Changkyun, of course, pouted at that “Hyung.”

“Sorry, sorry. Was that supposed to be your tough fighting face?” Wonho straightened, clearing his throat a little.

Changkyun’s bottom lip stuck out even more and his pout deepened “Yeah.”

Wonho continued to look absolutely amused “That’s not a very good fighting face. It’s not even scary.”

Changkyun absolutely couldn’t believe that. How could he when he was pretty sure that he looked downright threatening when he really tried? And, trust him, he had been trying at that moment.

“Anyway, that doesn’t matter.” Wonho waved the subject away “You’re doing good with memorising the dance but you’re not… dancing .”

Well that absolutely made no sense to Changkyun. He stared at Wonho’s reflection in the dance studio mirrors, eyebrows pressed together in confusion.

Wonho chuckled, looking sheepish before attempting to explain “It’s just… when you dance, you have to own the choreography. You aren’t just following someone’s steps. Make it your own.”

That made a little more sense to Changkyun but he still felt a little confused. What was the difference between dancing his own dance and following someone else’s? Did it really matter either way?

“You don’t get it, do you?” Wonho didn’t look irritated. Instead, he was a lot like the dance teachers that taught them the dance; Wonho looked patient and kind, ready to teach Changkyun whatever he needed to for Changkyun to learn.

Changkyun sighed, nodding a little before turning to Wonho “Thanks for helping me one-on-one anyway, hyung.”

“Hey, I haven’t helped yet. You’re going to get this dance down and it’s going to look absolutely great.” Wonho quickly pushed the thanks away and, instead, placed his hands on Changkyun’s shoulders as if he was about to reposition Changkyun into a pose from the dance.

Before he could, the dance studio doors opened. Their manager, Jinwoo, entered, white bags in his hand that he promptly dropped off right on the chairs right next to the doors. “Early lunch.”

“Huh?” Changkyun looked a little confused.

“Since all of you have been doing really good all week, we’ve all decided to give you a free day.” Jinwoo explained simply before raising an eyebrow “Where is everyone else?”

“Oh, well, Minhyuk and Kihyun went to practice vocals and Jooheon went to practice a part of the rap he couldn’t get down.” Wonho answered easily as he walked over to their manager “The dance coach gave them permission.”

Jinwoo nodded slowly before smiling softy “Hyungwon, Changkyun, can you please go get them?”

Changkyun shared a look with Hyungwon who looked absolutely like he didn’t want to get off of the floor. Changkyun laughed a little at his older member’s lazy tendencies.

“C’mon, let’s go, you two. The faster we get lunch done, the faster you guys can get to the dorms.” Jinwoo clapped as if that would hurry them up “Don’t you want to get back to the dorms?”

“Of course.” Changkyun answered quickly enough, even going so far as saluting to their manager, before walking over to where Hyungwon was and helping him up.

“Uh, let me just put on my hoodie.” Changkyun quickly turned and went over to his things. He easily put on his hoodie, his favourite one that had ‘Girl Power’ in big bold letters. He also slipped his charger and his phone into his pocket, not wanting to just leave both lying on the floor.

Without any more qualms, the two set off, Hyungwon in one direction to the vocal practice rooms and Changkyun towards the recording studio.

Though he had only been to the recording studio a handful of times, Changkyun still managed to find it. It wasn’t as if he was bad at directions but, at times, he got stuck inside his own head and didn’t pay attention to his surroundings.

Which was why he was thankful that the building was organised to make sense. The practice rooms were on one side, the broadcast rooms and recording studio on the other, the higher floors for less important rooms, the bottom floors for more important ones.

When Changkyun entered the studio, he didn’t really expect anything to be going on. The recording studio was as he remembered it. There were benches pressed against the wall on one side and the sound booth across from that.

It seemed that Jooheon wasn’t alone though, something that hadn’t even crossed Changkyun’s mind. It took him a second to place the familiar voice and, when he had, Changkyun instinctively pressed against the door.

If he stayed completely still and didn’t move a single step forward, he would be absolutely hidden from the sound booth windows. He knew that, had been inside of the sound booth enough to know.

Changkyun didn’t know why he felt the need to hide but, maybe, it was because Jooheon was talking to Gunhee.

The same Gunhee that Changkyun had replaced, the same one that was supposed to debut with Jooheon but, in the end, they hadn’t. Instead, Jooheon was stuck with Changkyun.

No, that wasn’t right. Jooheon apologized, they were over this. Everything was fine now. Changkyun had no reason to be scared of Gunhee, no reason he needed to hide from them. Still, he hid.

Apparently, Jooheon was still recording. Whenever the sound booth was recording, anybody outside of the sound booth could hear whatever went into the mic. It was so that producers could hear the singers or the rappers, could critique them or comment on their performance.

That also meant that Changkyun could hear their conversation. Jooheon probably forgot to turn it off after he finished rapping. He did that sometimes when he was too distracted to remember.

Gunhee and Jooheon weren’t right next to the mic though so, really, Changkyun couldn’t make sense of some of the words they were saying. He could understand a great majority of it though. Their conversation seemed casual enough, like a conversation between friends.

“How is plan Tolerate I.M going?”

It took his brain a second to process the words but, when they finally clicked, all he could do was frown. It didn't make sense to him at first but the eventual realization felt heavy inside of his gut.

Changkyun felt sick. He actually physically felt sick. He could taste bile in his mouth, could feel his stomach coil and twist unpleasantly. He felt absolutely sick.

“Shut up.” Jooheon and Gunhee laughed loudly “Where did you hear that from?”

“Minhyuk-hyung.”

This time, Changkyun actually had to swallow down something that attempted to crawl up his throat. He didn’t know if it was the familiar prickling urge to cry or if it was the disgusting urge to throw up. All he knew was, at the moment, he felt like his chest had caved in.

He had to look up, blinking away the sudden wetness in his eyes. When that didn't work, his hands flew up, the heels of his palms digging into his eyes.

“He said the group was planning to just pretend to befriend I.M and pretend to like him just so the managers are pleased.”

Was that what it was? Was that what everything was? Just a ploy? Just some way of convincing the managers?

Changkyun had thought that Jinwoo hadn’t known, that Jinwoo wasn’t going to interfere. Had their manager said something to the group about how distant Changkyun was?

“You’re an idiot.” There’s another bout of laughter and then a scuffle like someone had brushed against the mic or, maybe, walked past it.

Changkyun didn't care. All he could think about was how he couldn't cry, not here, not now.

His face would get all blotchy and red, everybody would ask what was wrong, they would worry, and Changkyun didn't want them to.

Would they even worry? Would they even care if he never came back to the dance studio? If he found some far off bathroom on the other side of the building to cry and scream and just let it all out?

No, he couldn’t. They wouldn’t be able to go back to the dorms without Changkyun. Jinwoo would insist that all of them go look for him. The last thing he wanted was for them to find him huddled in a corner of some bathroom with a red face and a sore throat.

It would be even worse if they found him where he was standing, crying quietly like some sort of weirdo. He was supposed to be getting Jooheon, telling him they needed to go eat lunch.

Even with the fear of being discovered, it was hard for Changkyun not to sob.

He let out a ragged breath before blinking rapidly to try and get rid of the tears that started pooling in his eyes.

There had to be a mistake. He had to think about this rationally. There must be some sort of mistake, some sort of misunderstanding.

After all the days where they’ve been getting along, after all the time they’ve spent together, finally interacting and getting closer. Changkyun had knocked his walls down for them and he had thought that they had done the same.

“Anyway, it’s going great. Changkyun’s really starting to get closer to us. I think he really trusts us a lot now.”

Changkyun’s body felt hot under his hoodie, his ears felt scalding, his cheeks were probably bright red. It wasn't his hoodie that made him feel hot, though.

It was the absolute embarrassment running through his body. It was his body telling him he needed to cry but he just wouldn’t.

The past week suddenly ran through his head like a blooper reel.

He had opened up to Jooheon, had opened up to a lot of them. He even had the gall to hold Jooheon’s hand, the gall to hug Minhyuk close.

Changkyun wondered how everyone felt. Did Jooheon laugh with Wonho about how Changkyun held his hand and talked about their stupid talk during No.Mercy? Did Minhyuk joke with Kihyun about how pathetic Changkyun was, clinging onto him for dear life last night?

He had even told Minhyuk how nothing else would bother him anymore now that they were finally getting close.

All of this didn’t make sense. It just didn’t fit. Part of him believed the words he was hearing but another part of him, the part that wanted more than anything to trust his members, couldn’t wrap the thought of them doing this around his head.

“Oh, so, you could say that the plan is going smoothly?”

Changkyun couldn't listen anymore. If he listened further, he was sure he'd throw up or something . His head was just all jumbles and he couldn’t think. His thoughts needed to calm down, he needed to calm down.

He quickly and quietly exited the room and the world around him spun a little, making him brace against the door. He needed to take a few deep breaths, needed to cool himself down, needed to just let go of this absolute desire to bawl and cry and scream.

“Changkyun-ah?”

Changkyun’s head snapped up but it was only their manager looking at him with a concerned and confused expression “Did you find Jooheon?”

Slowly, Changkyun nodded “But, uh, he's talking to someone and I-I didn't want to interrupt.”

The lie smoothly left Changkyun’s mouth, like he was used to it. Technically, after so long of hiding his feelings from everyone, of pretending he was okay, he might’ve actually gotten used to it.

Jinwoo rubbed at the nape of his neck before sighing “It doesn't matter. You need to go.”

Changkyun froze at that “Go?”

“The real reason you guys are having a break today is because Kim Shidae-nim needed to talk to you.” Jinwoo’s words felt like ice inside of Changkyun’s body, cooling him down from the embarrassed heat he had earlier.

Changkyun had only ever talked to Kim Shidae once. That was when his audition was accepted and he had to sign his contract. Even then, there was a bunch of other people like a lawyer and Jinwoo himself.

He doubted that he would be meeting with the CEO of Starship Ent. by himself. He wasn't that important. But, still, the possibility loomed over Changkyun’s mind and it made him feel uneasy.

Jinwoo’s hand suddenly found itself on Changkyun’s shoulder “Don't worry, okay? It's nothing bad. I bet you'll even really like the news.”

Changkyun’s face scrunched up in confusion at that but he slowly nodded, pretending to understand.

Jinwoo just sighed before giving Changkyun’s back a couple reassuring pats “Go on, I'll get Jooheon. You go up. It's on the sixth floor. Someone should meet you at the elevator.”

“Okay.” With those instructions, Changkyun gave his manager one last shaky smile before heading to the elevators, heart heavy and mind swirling.

At that very moment, Changkyun could only feel anxious.

He had gotten to the elevator easily enough. It was everything after that. Like the big scary looking guy in the dark suit that escorted him to the empty room he now sat in.

The room itself wasn't very threatening. In fact, it looked like the same exact room he had sat in when he had first joined Starship. The long white table in front of him seemed just as familiar too.

This time, however, there were definitely more chairs. There wasn't any cameras either. The camera thing made sense to him before because he was about to join No.Mercy and they might use the footage then. So, no cameras now was a good thing.

Changkyun sighed, breath ragged. He stared at his hands resting on the table top, watched as he played with his own fingers.

Today was, decidedly, the worst day of his life.

Not only was he still feeling emotional from the situation with Jooheon and Gunhee but, now, he was afraid of what was about to happen to him.

What could the CEO of such a big company want? What could they possibly need from someone like Changkyun? It must have been something important. At least, important enough that the CEO felt the need to personally see Changkyun.

Suddenly, the door opened, making Changkyun flinch. His head snapped up, looking to see who was entering. He wasn't surprised to see it was Kim Shidae, the CEO Changkyun had been so worried about. Behind him was another black suited man.

“Hello, Im Changkyun-ssi.” Shidae greeted Changkyun who scrambled up to stand.

Of course, out of respect, Changkyun bowed, forehead almost touching the table in front of him “Kim Shidae-nim.”

Shidae laughed a little before reaching over the table and patting Changkyun’s shoulder “It's okay, Im Changkyun-ssi. You don't have to be so stiff, I'm here to bring good news.”

Oh, did Changkyun need a few of those today. It seemed that he only encountered bad luck after bad luck, bad decision after bad decision. If he didn’t get good news at all today, he honestly didn’t know how he’d continue.

“Yes, of course.” Changkyun pushed away his despairing thoughts and answered quickly enough before straightening himself and sitting down.

“Well, good news and bad news.” Shidae added once both he and Changkyun had settled down into their chairs “I’ll give you the bad news first.”

Of course . Changkyun cursed fate or whatever gave him all of these terrible situations. It just kept piling, one after the other. Changkyun was sure he’d drown after one more bad thing.

Shidae seemed to sympathize because he smiled sadly at Changkyun and pressed a comforting hand against the table “As you know, you won No.Mercy.”

Changkyun nodded quickly, frown deepening even more. Was there a fluke? After all this time, he wasn’t actually going to debut with the group? The thought made his heart sink into the depths of his stomach.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry, you definitely won No.Mercy.” Shidae seemed to read Changkyun like an open book but that comforting expression didn’t leave his face “However, you won mostly because of the judges. They gave heavy recommendations for you.”

That made things a little better. The judges were all professionals so they must’ve seen something in Changkyun that was worth putting onto the group. There must be something about Changkyun that would be worth keeping around.

“The fans, on the other hand, weren’t so kind.” Shidae continued and, as he did, Changkyun’s heart kept breaking and breaking, more and more, and the hope that there was something about him worth keeping was slowly crushed.

He was completely aware that he wasn’t exactly the favorite trainee. A lot of fans didn’t hesitate to comment things about his late appearance and how it was hard to like him when they hadn’t known him for as long.

Some fans even went so far as to start rumors like how his father was a high ranking employee in Starship to how his father had enough money to get Changkyun a spot. People needed a reason, something to explain why he was there.

It didn’t help that Gunhee was a fan favorite too and a lot of people, his members included, thought Changkyun took Gunhee’s spot.

“So--” Changkyun’s voice cracked so he paused really quick to clear his throat “So, I’m not-- I’m not going to-- I’m--”

“No, Im Changkyun-ssi. You won No.Mercy. We are not going to take that from you.” Shidae quickly shook his head, holding up his hand as if to stop Changkyun’s bad thoughts “This is where the good news comes in.”

Changkyun really really needed that good news.

“You see, we are thinking of debuting another boy group after debuting your group.” Shidae was slow as if he didn’t want Changkyun to misunderstand anything and Changkyun sat there, listening carefully.

“Before today, the group had only two members. Now, it has six. We need seven, however, so we were thinking of adding Gunhee to the group.” Shidae kept his level voice, pausing every once and a while to let Changkyun absorb the information “However, we wanted to give you the opportunity, if you wanted, to choose to debut with this group instead.”

Shidae lost Changkyun on that last sentence. Changkyun couldn’t help the way his eyebrow suddenly raised and he stared at Shidae as if trying to carefully process this information.

Thankfully, Shidae gave Changkyun a moment to continue processing the information and, when he did, all Changkyun could do was stare at the white table in front of him.

Of course they were giving him a choice to debut with the other group instead. After all, if he debuted with the other group, they would be able to replace him with Gunhee who was the fan favorite that everyone wanted.

“I know this is a lot to take in.” Shidae’s voice pulled Changkyun out of his jumbled thoughts “There’s a reason we picked you, however.”

“It’s because I’m the least liked member.” Changkyun’s answer was quick and almost automatic.

Shidae frowned at that, shaking his head as if he was sad to hear Changkyun’s words “No, that’s not… why, Im Changkyun-ssi.”

Changkyun predicted, in his head, what he expected to be a well-practiced explanation of why they picked him. All of it would be a lie, though. After all, the most important decider in the industry were the fans.

No matter how good Changkyun was, no matter how well liked he was within the company, the fans didn’t like him in that group. They wanted Gunhee. That was all the reason they needed.

What Changkyun didn’t expect was the knock on the door. He stared at it, slightly bewildered.

Shidae took his confused expression as a good sign, apparently, because he was suddenly smiling a little “Maybe you should meet the four members we recruited today and see for yourself the reason why we chose you.”

Changkyun only grew even more confused at that but nodded as slowly as possible. At Shidae’s permission to come in, the door opened.

Now, everything made complete sense to Changkyun.

“So, tell me again, what happened?”

Hyungwon sighed, sounding almost irritated as he laid across the couch “Changkyun was supposed to go pick up Jooheon for lunch but he never came back.”

“I didn’t see him at all after I went to go practice my lines.” Jooheon quickly added after from his seat on the floor right next to the sofa “Jinwoo-hyung came in to tell me that there was an early lunch.”

Kihyun resumed his pacing in front of the sofa, face scrunched in either confusion or concentration “It’s been four hours.”

“They wouldn’t decide anything without telling us.” Hyunwoo reassured Kihyun from the floor where he sat, legs crossed and expression just as blank as usual.

“He went to go talk to the CEO of Starship Entertainment! And he’s been gone for four hours!” Kihyun sounded exasperated by this point and, honestly, all of them were feeling the same exact way.

They had all been told that the reason why Changkyun couldn't join their lunch was that he had been called up by the CEO . Apparently, he had an unexpected meeting and just went up per instruction from Jinwoo, their manager.

After lunch had ended, they all practiced for an hour more as an attempt to wait for Changkyun. However, when the hour was over and Changkyun still hadn’t returned, they were all forced by their manager to head home and wait for Changkyun there.

Then, two hours had passed since Changkyun had left and he still hadn’t come back. The lunch they had saved for him had gone into the fridge at that point.

After the third hour of not seeing their youngest, Kihyun had finally snapped. He managed to gather everyone into the living room and that was when he began pacing, practically wearing a path into the floor of their dorm.

“His things are still here so…” Wonho crossed his arms, looking just as concerned as Kihyun but, instead of pacing, he just kept bouncing his leg up and down.

Hyungwon, whose legs rested against Wonho’s thighs, didn’t find the movement very appealing but didn’t say anything in fear of further winding Wonho up.

Minhyuk, their resident loud mouth, hadn’t said anything since Kihyun had started and, instead, leaned against Hyunwoo, staring a hole into the carpet.

“Listen, he won No.Mercy.” Jooheon tried to reason with all of them as a way to lighten the atmosphere of the somber room “They can’t kick him out. He won .”

“But the fans… they don’t like him…” Minhyuk finally said something and, when he had, his voice sounded so unlike it’s usual sunny tone.

At that, everyone quickly stopped what they were doing. Even Kihyun’s pacing stopped. Instead, they all stared at Minhyuk, expressions ranging form absolutely shocked to completely heartbroken.

“What? You know I’m right.” Minhyuk didn’t move from his spot but his tone had changed from somber to obviously defensive.

“The fans don’t like him. They like Gunhee.” Minhyuk continued as if unable to read the atmosphere around him, as if unable to see how much his words affected everyone in the room “They think Changkyun is an intruder.”

“Don’t say shit like that, hyung .” An angry expression decorated Jooheon’s face and his tone was anything but friendly “You sound like you’re bashing Changkyun.”

Minhyuk seemed to freeze for a second before making a face and shaking his head “No, no , I’m not bashing him, okay? This is just-- I’m just-- These are facts! I would never bash Changkyun on purpose, never, ever --”

Minhyuk was cut short by a small pat on his head from Hyunwoo “Okay, okay, we understand, Minhyuk.”

“ No! You don’t understand! Changkyun has been through so much! I wish I could change the fans’ minds, I really wish I could! ” Minhyuk’s face scrunched up even more but, this time, it wasn’t a scowl or a frown. Instead, he looked like he was about to cry. “I just-- Fans-- They-- I--”

Hyunwoo sighed but moved his hand to rub comforting circles onto Minhyuk’s back “They’re not going to take Changkyun away from us, not before telling us.”

“Then why did the CEO want to talk to him, hyung! Why else would a CEO want to talk to him!” Kihyun didn’t at all help with the situation and, instead, made it just a little bit worse.

Wonho sighed, leaning back on the couch, arms still crossed and leg going back to bouncing up and down “I don't know.”

There was a silence then and they couldn't hear anything but the shuffle of Wonho’s leg. Each one of them seemed to suddenly be absorbed in their own thoughts. Even Kihyun, who stood at the very middle of the living room, seemed deep in thought.

“So, we can all agree that we care a lot about him, right?” Hyunwoo was the first to interrupt the quiet and, with the nod of everyone in the room, he continued “Then they can't take him from this group.”

Hyunwoo then added, smile barely there but still as comforting “He's our maknae. If we protest enough, if we give them our opinion and we demand they listen, they can't do anything we don't want.”

Just as Hyunwoo finished with his rather emotional speech, there was a shuffle at the front door of their dorms. Everybody immediately perked up at that, expecting it to be Changkyun.

However, the voices that spoke didn't sound like Changkyun’s or, really, anyone that they knew personally.

Wonho was the first to stand up and the first to approach the front door to see what was happening. Everyone else hesitated, confused and feeling a little emotional.

“Changkyun-ah.”

At the mention of Changkyun’s name, all of them tried to shuffle into the rather cramped front part of the dorm.

What greeted them only confused them even more. Changkyun was there, of course. That relieved them. He even looked absolutely happy, big grin on his face that looked pretty cute.

The confusing part was everyone else behind Changkyun. There were four strangers there, all looking pretty friendly with Changkyun and getting much too close to him.

It definitely sent a possessive tingle down Jooheon’s spine and he could easily tell that it was the same for a couple of the other members.

“Hey, hyungs.” Changkyun finally spoke up after he removed his shoes and put them away, gesturing to the four people behind him “These are my friends.”

His friends took this cue to bow to everyone though rather awkwardly seeing as there was little to no space for them. As a polite gesture, Wonho and everyone else reluctantly bowed back.

“Why are they here, Changkyun-ah?” Wonho looked like he was trying his best to sound polite but his expression was strained and so was the tone in his voice.

Changkyun either didn’t notice or he did and decided not to say anything “They’re here to… help me talk to you guys.”

That only further confused everyone. In fact, it didn’t just confuse them. It also made them worry. Why would Changkyun need help talking to them? What was going on? What had happened during his meeting with the CEO.

Changkyun didn’t answer any question at all and, instead, gestured to the hallway leading to the living room “I think you guys need to sit down for this.”

As soon as everyone had settled down in the living room, with most of Changkyun’s members taking the couch and most of his friends sitting a ways away from the couch, Changkyun spoke up.

“We should start with introductions.” Changkyun gestured to his friends whom sat on either side of him, meek expression on his face. “These are my friends, like I said.”

First, it was the friend farthest to Changkyun on his right. He bowed a little, obviously showing that he was willing to be polite “Park Byunghwa, 21 years old. It’s good to finally meet all of you.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to finally put a person to a name.” The friend directly on Changkyun’s right was next, smile slightly forced but he bowed anyway “My name is Shin Jeongwook, also 21 years old.”

Changkyun had to nudge the person to his left and, after that, his friend finally spoke up “Kwak Taehyuk, 24 years old.”

The friend next to Taehyuk didn’t hesitate to go next, voice more clipped than the person that came before him “Han Jongyeon. 16.”

“And you know my hyungs, right?” Changkyun felt a little awkward but he had to ask and, of course, all of his friends nodded.

“We watched No.Mercy.” Jongyeon also added, expression hard and, though his words weren’t rude, his tone definitely implied something.

Changkyun’s members obviously didn’t take that very well. Jooheon even looked like he wanted to beat Jongyeon up and Hyungwon’s face looked absolutely irritated.

All Changkyun wanted to do was hide. There was obviously a tense vibe between the two groups that he didn’t like being in the middle of. He couldn’t understand it, though. Why would his members care that he had friends?

He sighed before quickly pushing that thought aside. It was better to think about that later. There were more important things to think about.

“So, as you all might already know… I met with Kim Shidae-nim today.” Changkyun had started out slowly which was appreciated by everyone around him “He gave me a proposition.”

“What kind of proposition?” Kihyun sounded cautious as he spoke, face already scrunching up into a confused expression.

Changkyun decided to just give them the news like ripping off a bandaid “He said that, if I wanted , I could… debut with a different group.”

There was a bout of silence, as if his members were letting the words settle in. Eventually, though, Wonho cut in, expression almost like Kihyun’s “They’re giving you a choice?”

Changkyun nodded and, at his response, everyone but his friends seemed to relax and he didn’t exactly know how to react to that. He glanced over to Taehyuk, unsure of what to say. Taehyuk only gave him a supportive expression.

Minhyuk saw the look that the two of them shared and immediately looked extremely worried, that quick relief from earlier vanishing entirely “Wait, that’s not it, is it?”

Changkyun nodded, biting his lip a little before continuing “I… want to.”

“You want to?” Wonho’s voice was rough and his tone not entirely friendly “What do you mean you ‘want to’?”

Obviously taken aback by the rather angry tone, Changkyun took a second to compose himself before answering “I want to… go debut in another group.”

There was another silence then but, this time, it was a harsher silence. There was a thickness in the air that unsettled Changkyun and he honestly couldn’t understand his members’ expressions, couldn’t understand why they looked so stunned.

Didn’t they want to get rid of him? Didn’t they want Gunhee instead of him?

The past few days didn’t exactly make that clear. Before, Changkyun knew where he stood. He was the outsider, the person looking in. After everything that had happened though, after getting close to everyone, it was harder to determine what he was to them.

But, if he took into account what Jooheon had told him, didn’t that make it clear?

Wonho’s voice was still rough, interrupting Changkyun’s thoughts “No.”

It was Changkyun’s turn to look absolutely shocked “It’s-- It’s not going to affect your debut. They’ll take me out of the lineup and replace me with Gunhee. You guys still have enough time to teach him, it’s--”

“No.” Wonho repeated, voice firm this time like he wasn’t going to repeat it again.

Changkyun didn’t know what to say. He only kept getting more and more confused. They wanted to keep him here, in this limbo, in this place of not belonging anywhere, of not knowing where he stood, and, though part of him was happy, another part of him felt frustrated.

Jongyeon had enough “Excuse me but--”

“You have no say in this.” It was Hyungwon’s turn to speak up and his tone was almost angrier than Wonho’s previous one.

Changkyun was taken aback by this new side of Hyungwon that he had never seen. Hyungwon was always so mellow, only ever expressing emotions a little bit. Not a lot. Seeing Hyungwon express this much anger perplexed him.

“Actually, we do.” Taehyuk quickly came to Jongyeon’s defense, looking personally offended that Hyungwon interrupted “He’s joining our group. He’ll be our member.”

“Like hell he will.” Wonho’s voice was still as firm, still as sure, as if he was the one making the decision and not Changkyun.

Jeongwook reached over Changkyun to press a hand against Taehyuk’s leg as if already predicting that Taehyuk would try something after Wonho had replied so rudely.

Hyunwoo did the same with Wonho, pressing a hand to his back as if to calm him “What Wonho means is that we want him in this group. He’s not leaving.”

Even Hyunwoo seemed to express some sort of anger or, maybe, irritation. Changkyun desperately wanted to know why, desperately wanted to scream at them to explain themselves.

He couldn’t understand this sudden protectiveness over him. Gunhee had said it himself. They only tolerated him, only befriended him because of the managers. They didn’t really want him here, did they? Then, why were they fighting against his choice to finally leave?

“You don’t get to make these claims.” Changkyun finally spoke up for himself, voice cracking just a little as he tried to make sure he didn’t sound too emotional.

“Yes, we do.” Kihyun stated that a-matter-of-factly as he scoffed “We’re your members. This is our group too. This decision affects us.”

The sudden realization that they did, in fact, get to make that decision for Changkyun made Changkyun’s heart drop just a little bit.

Wonho must’ve seen the change in Changkyun’s demeanor because he quickly spoke up “You really want to go ?”

Changkyun knew the answer. He knew that he needed to separate himself from them, needed to put their happiness before his. Yet, what was the key to their happiness? Despite not knowing this, Changkyun slowly nodded.

Apparently, that wasn’t the answer that Wonho wanted because he stood, expression the angriest Changkyun had ever seen it “No, you don’t get to do that.”

“After all that we’ve been through, after everything, you don’t get to make the decision to leave us.” Wonho started stepping forward, finger pointing directly at Changkyun “You’re staying with us, here.”

Changkyun almost cowered away from Wonho, eyes slightly wide. Jeongwook had instinctively pulled Changkyun close, Byunghwa didn’t hesitate in reaching over to Changkyun and Taehyuk looked ready to jump in.

Seeing this, Kihyun firmly grasped Wonho’s wrist, yanking him back into his seat, angrily whispering his name. Wonho reluctantly complied though his expression showed that he was obviously still angry.

All Changkyun could think about was what he put them through. He didn’t understand what Wonho meant by that. What had Changkyun put them through? It made no sense to him. If Changkyun had put them through anything then wouldn’t that just be another reason for them to get rid of him?

“Changkyunnie.” Jooheon suddenly spoke up, pulling Changkyun out of his thoughts, and, when Changkyun looked at him, there was a heartbroken expression on his face as if he was in terrible pain or like he was about to cry. “I thought we were a team.”

Changkyun’s mouth felt dry and he quickly looked away, staring at something on the floor or maybe Byunghwa’s knee. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t exactly sure why he suddenly couldn’t meet Jooheon’s eyes, either. There was something stirring in Changkyun’s chest at the sight.

He knew for sure that he cared a lot for his members.

Changkyun loved them more than he could ever love a lot of things. Which, of course, was a rather odd sentence coming from someone that they had been treating like a stranger until only a few days ago.

Still, they all had their moments and Changkyun loved them for that. He understood them, put himself in their shoes, knew why they felt the need to push him away. Maybe that was why it was so hard for him to hate them.

This was the reason he had to leave though, the reason he needed to join a different group. They didn't want him here, only ever tolerated him here. He didn't want them to keep having to pretend to like him. Changkyun knew that they would much prefer Gunhee. Changkyun would rather them be happy than have to pretend to like him all the time.

How ironic it was that the reason he needed to leave was also the reason he wanted to stay.

“Maybe we should… sleep on this. We’ll be much calmer in the morning.” Hyunwoo decided for everyone when tensions only kept rising, same patient expression on his face.

Slowly, everyone nodded. It made sense and it would give Changkyun the time he needed to straighten his thoughts. He had been kind of convinced of the fact that he would be leaving this group to join another.

The odd reactions from his members and the way they seemed to really want him to stay struck some hesitance inside of him. Add the fact that he’d been shaky about his decision to begin with and he found himself wavering.

Still, despite the fact that he now felt hesitant, he knew he had to leave. Maybe, if they just gave him some time, he would be able to.

All of Changkyun’s friends started standing up and getting ready to leave since, obviously, they would need to go to their dorms. Changkyun followed after them, dusting himself off after standing up.

“Changkyun-ah, Where are you going?” Hyunwoo looked confused.

Changkyun couldn’t meet his eyes either and, instead, stared at the floor “I-I asked their manager and our manager. They said it’s okay for me to… spend the night in their dorms.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hyungwon stood as if ready to fight tooth and nail to keep Changkyun in the dorm.

However, Hyunwoo held out his hand as if gesturing for Hyungwon to stop “Okay.”

“Okay?” Wonho sounded like he was in absolute disbelief.

“Yes, okay. Don’t forget to meet us downstairs for practice in the morning, though, okay?” Hyunwoo’s voice was calm and he even ruffled Changkyun’s hair “And don’t forget to do your nightly routine too.”

Changkyun was oddly reminded of a caring boyfriend and that thought quickly made him feel a little embarrassed. So, he quickly ducked his head, nodding rapidly “Yeah, I won’t. They have extra stuff. It’s fine.”

And, with that, Changkyun walked out of the living room, following his friends out the door. His members didn't see him leave, of course, but the sound of the door shutting behind Changkyun felt resolute.

As soon as Changkyun had left, door closing behind him, Hyunwoo slammed his clenched fist against the wall. It made everyone in the living room jump in surprise.

It was odd to see Hyunwoo angry like that. Usually, if he wasn’t being stoic, he was being silly or cute. Even though he was the oldest, he enjoyed playing around with the younger members and even sharing jokes with them.

He was never like this.

“Hyung.” Kihyun stepped forward, pressing a comforting hand against Hyunwoo’s shoulder blade. Though he understood how Hyunwoo must’ve felt at that moment, Kihyun knew someone had to stay calm.

There was a period of silence then and Kihyun could’ve sworn that everyone was staring longingly at the end of the corridor where Changkyun had just exited.

“Who the fuck do they think they are?” Hyungwon exploded next, breaking the quiet and jolting everyone but Hyunwoo, his anger much more volatile “Coming in here and brainwashing him into leaving!”

“Shut up.” Jooheon’s response was much more unexpected and it definitely silenced the entire group, especially Hyungwon.

Jooheon didn't even have to get up from the couch, didn't have to clench his fists or stand up tall. They could still tell that anger radiated from him. It was a different kind of anger, though.

Jooheon leaned forward, elbows resting against his knees, and his fingers clutching onto his hair as if he was frustrated “This was our fault.”

Hyungwon reacted almost immediately, glancing back at Jooheon “What are you trying to say?”

“No, he's right. It's our fault.” Hyunwoo stepped away from the wall, away from Kihyun, but his eyes were still glued to the end of the hall “This is what we get for the terrible way we treated him.”

“Hyung, you didn't treat him badly.” Kihyun frowned at that though he felt the guilt deep in his chest.

Kihyun let everyone else ignore Changkyun. He saw how they tiptoed around him. They didn't exactly treat him very badly but they didn't exactly treat him very well either. He saw all of that happen, right before his very eyes.

Yet, he did nothing. Just went on with his day, pretended like there was nothing wrong, like the little gestures of kindness he did for Changkyun was enough. It wasn't enough.

Hyunwoo, on the other hand, wasn't like that. He tried to include Changkyun into the group, was the one who cooled everyone down from their emotions, was the one who balanced everything. He initiated the effort to finally include Changkyun into their team.

Surprisingly enough, Hyunwoo himself disagreed “I should’ve tried harder… I didn’t think-- I never thought--”

“Nobody saw this coming.” Minhyuk was obviously holding back tears, his face scrunched up as he put a brave face on. Despite that, he still looked like he was on the verge of crying, ready to mourn Changkyun as if he would never come back.

Even with that, it wasn’t Minhyuk who cried first. It wasn’t even Wonho, the most emotional of them all.

Jooheon bent over even more as if he was desperately trying to curl up into a ball. The heels of his palms dug into his eyes, most likely trying to stop the onslaught of tears. It was no use. His body wracked with sobs, breath shuddering and voice wavering.

“Jooheon…” Wonho, who had been sitting right next to the poor boy, scooted closer wrapping an arm around Jooheon’s shoulders as if to console him.

It didn’t help at all. In fact, Jooheon resisted the hug, pushing Wonho away with his elbow as if refusing to feel anything but frustrated and miserable.

Even Hyungwon, the member closest to Jooheon, stepped towards him, about to try his luck in making the boy feel better “Jooheon, c’mon.”

Jooheon, of course, denied it. Instead of welcoming sympathy, he pulled one damp hand away from his eye and stared down at it, disgusted by his tears “H… He held… held my… my hand…”

That was the last thing any of them had expected him to say and it definitely bewildered Kihyun “Huh?”

“H… He held my… my hand.” Jooheon looked even more heartbroken, face contorting as his ears turned red and tears streamed down his glistening cheeks “He said… he said…”

Jooheon couldn’t get himself to continue. The words stuck in his throat, clogged up inside of his chest, built up inside him so much that it hurt. It choked him, prevented him from breathing, made him hold everything inside until all he could do was cry it all out.

Changkyun had told Jooheon that the group had helped him, that Jooheon had helped him. He told Jooheon that he understood them, that he was thankful for them, relieved that they were finally accepting him.

How could he say that to Jooheon’s face? How could Changkyun smile that beautiful smile of his right in front of Jooheon’s face, hand warm and fingers tight around Jooheon’s own?

How could Changkyun lie to Jooheon like that?

He knew he deserved it. Though he hadn't been as bad as some other members in ignoring Changkyun, he sure as hell didn't tell them off. He acted relatively nice to Changkyun, all the while turning a blind eye to how Minhyuk and Hyungwon treated him.

So, yes, he knew that he had it coming, somehow. That didn’t make it any less painful.

Jooheon had grown to love Changkyun, had grown to absolutely adore him. He had a great sense of humor and a sweet disposition. He was a hard worker that only strived for absolute perfection, that didn't hesitate in taking the load off of other people's work so they didn't have to work as much. He was a great person.

Now, none of them would be able to get to know him. Jooheon would never be able to tell Changkyun about these newly discovered feelings of his, would never be able to hold Changkyun’s hand ever again.

Jooheon coughed violently, face all red and swollen from crying so much, from just trying to get everything out.

Wonho, worried for the younger boy, wrapped his arm around Jooheon’s shoulders a bit more tightly “Jooheon… Jooheon, breathe.”

Of course Jooheon followed the order, couldn’t do anything but that. He had cried so much that the lack of oxygen made his brain dizzy and his head pound. He needed to breathe, needed to calm down.

Kihyun watched on, obviously worried and concerned. Though, when he heard a small sniffle, he looked over only to be met with the sight of Minhyuk sobbing as well “Oh, Minhyuk.”

He walked over, pulling Minhyuk into a tight hug. Minhyuk didn’t push Kihyun away. Instead, he returned the embrace, crying into Kihyun’s shoulder, volume almost rivalling Jooheon’s.

Hyunwoo looked confused, his own eyes watering but his willpower proving to be stronger than his desire to cry.

“H… He.... He said… He said… We were…. We were…” Jooheon hiccuped, desperate to get the words out, to let his other members know “He said… We were… a team.”

That only made Minhyuk cry harder. “He’s never coming back! He’s never-- We’ll never see him-- never see him--”

“Minhyuk, no.” Kihyun sighed, rubbing at Minhyuk’s back more and more “He’ll come back, we won’t let him go. We won’t let him leave.”

Minhyuk wanted to desperately agree with Kihyun but there was no way. After all, they had to let him go. If Changkyun wanted to leave that badly, they would only hurt him more by forcing him to stay.

After all, he would be happier with his friends, the same exact people who he stayed up all night to message, the same exact people who knew him better than they ever could.

The same exact people he had worked so hard to debut with before.

Changkyun hadn't said it out loud, no. He called them his friends, only his friends, nothing else. But Minhyuk knew better. He saw the way they looked at each other, the way they fit together.

It reminded Minhyuk of all of the trainees he wanted to debut with, all eleven of them. What kind of monster would they be to take Changkyun away from that?

“Those people--” Minhyuk pushed away his thoughts, words still coherent or, at least, more coherent than Jooheon who was simply a mess of tears. “His members-- They’re-- his members--”

“No, we’re his members.” Even Wonho’s voice wavered, a sign of oncoming tears. He kept them in, though, shoulders square and expression firm “We’re not going to lose him.”

At that, Hyungwon suddenly fell into a squat right where he stood, hands flying to cover his face. Though he was quiet, it was obvious exactly what was happening. He, too, was crying. The entire living room had turned into a crying room where either people were crying or comforting people who were crying.

Hyunwoo looked at all of his members, face scrunching up as he let out a shaky breath. Though they had spent so much time skirting around Changkyun, he had unexpectedly managed to really burrow his way into their hearts.

The thought of losing him at that point was absolutely heartbreaking.

After such an emotional night, the entire group agreed to taking out their mattresses and moving them to the living room. It had been Hyunwoo’s suggestion after Jooheon admitted that he didn't think he could sleep alone tonight.

Jinwoo, their manager, had reluctantly agreed as long as they managed to sleep enough to practice in the morning.

The collection of mattresses laid out on the floor were enough to fit all six of them, surprisingly. They all had also brought out their blankets and pillows, anything they needed to sleep.

What a sight it was, twenty-something year olds, having some sort of sweet sleepover to comfort each other.

All Jooheon could think about was that this kind of thing was right up Changkyun’s alley. He would've enjoyed this sleepover more than anyone else.

After everyone had settled down into their respective places, Jooheon was the first to speak, back against the mattress and eyes directed to the ceiling “Can I tell you guys something?”

“Yeah, of course.” Kihyun, who was to Jooheon’s left, didn't hesitate, nodding quickly. There was a similar response from everyone else, too, all of them ready to hear what Jooheon had to say.

Though he was given the okay to speak, Jooheon still hesitated a little before continuing “If Changkyun is… happier with his members… shouldn't we let him go?”

“Yeah…” Hyungwon muttered to Jooheon, despite Minhyuk laying between them, before sighing and sitting up “But the thing is… I don’t understand why he wants to go .”

“I-I… I had a talk with him before… He… He said he was relieved that we were finally accepting him.” Hyungwon continued to speak, face scrunching up a little in what looked like confusion “If he felt that way, why would he want to leave us?”

Minhyuk sighed too, moving so that he was laying on his back as well “It’s because those people were his members from before.”

“What?” It was Wonho’s turn to sit up, bewildered expression on his face as he scoot forward a little to sit side by side with Hyungwon.

Hyungwon nodded despite his constant confused expression “He mentioned not being able to debut with people he wanted to debut with…”

“He told me that he was supposed to debut under another group but his company went bankrupt.” Minhyuk elaborated for Hyungwon, the memories of that night fresh in his mind.

Minhyuk snatched Hyungwon’s pillow without even hesitating, frown on his face only deepening.

Changkyun had been so close to him that night, close like how this pillow was close. They were side by side, pressed against each other, and Changkyun had laid himself bare in front of Minhyuk. He put down his walls for Minhyuk.

It was hard to imagine that, now, it was all for nothing. That, in the end, they would lose Changkyun.

“This is really hard for me to say but… if he wants to, we should let him.” Kihyun’s voice betrayed how difficult it really was for him and his words were heavy with a sort of sadness that resonated with everyone else.

Hyunwoo nodded from beside Kihyun but there was a disturbed expression on his face “I’m all for that but I’m worried that he won’t debut.”

“What? Why wouldn’t he?” Wonho raised an eyebrow at that.

Hyunwoo seemed to hesitate before he answered, shrugging a little “Well, our debut is assured. Fans voted for us and they’d be angry if we didn’t.”

“However, Changkyun is joining a group that might debut. They haven’t done any promotions, Starship hasn’t mentioned anyone else debuting other than us.” Hyunwoo continued, face only growing more and more concerned as the words left his mouth.

There was a second of silence as everyone let that information sink in.

“So, if we let Changkyun go, he’ll be with people he wants to debut with but he might not even debut?” Kihyun sat up in frustration, eyebrows scrunching together almost in anger.

“I don’t want Changkyun to go.” Hyungwon quickly interjected, obvious frown on his face.

Wonho gave Hyungwon a playful shove “Nobody wants Changkyun to go.”

“Obviously. We got close to him, we finally got him to be a part of the group.” Minhyuk rolled his eyes at Wonho’s words, sigh escaping his lips

“Which is why I don’t understand why he’s choosing not to debut with us.” Hyungwon crossed his arms, grumbling but there was an undertone of hurt in his words.

Minhyuk looked up at Hyungwon before shaking his head “Who would you rather debut with? People who only started being nice to you or people you’ve known for years?”

Hyungwon said nothing, obviously quickly seeing Minhyuk’s point.

They didn’t have much of a fight when it came to Changkyun. His friends have never treated him the way they’ve treated him and, obviously, Changkyun has never had a problem with his friends.

When it came to his members here, however, it was an entirely different story. They were all idiots that couldn’t see past their own emotions. It lead to them mistreating someone they ended up really caring about. Now, they couldn’t turn back time.

“Before we assume anything, we need to properly talk to Changkyun first, okay?” Hyunwoo quickly put his thoughts in, voice firm.

“What’s the point?” Minhyuk huffed out, sounding almost like a petulant child “He’ll chose them. We have no chance.”

“We don’t know that.” Hyunwoo disagreed almost immediately “They might be closer to Changkyun than we are but we’ve been through things with him too. We at least have a fighting chance.”

There was another bout of quiet after that and everyone let the words sink in. They all wanted desperately to believe that was the case.

“If we tell him our reasons for wanting him to stay, he has to at least consider staying, right?” Kihyun offered, reassuring smile more sad and small than anything.

They all nodded hesitantly like they really did want to be able to agree with Kihyun but they all still had their doubts. Kihyun saw this and clicked his tongue, feeble reassuring smile turning into a frown.

“Hey, stop being so down. If Changkyun is anything, he’s considerate.” Kihyun whacked the nearest person to him which, unfortunately, was Jooheon.

Jooheon let out a yelp, rubbing his arm where Kihyun had striked “Why me?”

Minhyuk turned to face Jooheon, grin threatening to appear “You were the closest.”

“Kihyun has a point, though. If our reasons are good enough, he’ll have to listen and he’ll have to at least seriously consider staying.” Wonho glanced down at Minhyuk and Jooheon before smiling warmly at Kihyun “We won’t lose our Maknae.”

Kihyun nodded enthusiastically at that “We won’t lose our Maknae.”

There was a period of silence again but, unlike the previous two, it wasn’t stifling or suffocated by worries and stress. This one was more comfortable, was more hopeful, like they couldn’t find it in themselves to think pessimistically.

If they tried hard enough, if they showed Changkyun how important he was, they wouldn’t lose their Maknae. Even if they did, he would be happy and, really, wasn’t that the end goal?

“Oh, I have another reason why he should stay.” Jooheon suddenly spoke up, breaking the quiet and attracting everyone’s stares. They all looked pleasantly curious, obviously wondering what Jooheon could’ve thought up.

Pausing for a second, Jooheon smiled almost softly before he continued “I’m really actually very much in love with him.”

There was another pause.

“Excuse me, what???”

Changkyun’s head was an absolute mess. He had left the dorm hours ago but, even now, his thoughts have only been squirming and tangling in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking , couldn’t clear his head, couldn’t think clearly .

He was glad his friends’ other group mates were visiting family so they weren’t in the dorms. It was bad enough that he was acting this way, Changkyun didn’t want to have to act like this in front of people he barely knew.

After all, sitting in the middle of the living room, back pressed against the sofa, the clock reading 11:03 pm, wasn’t exactly something that sane people did and the last thing Changkyun wanted was his friends’ members thinking he was insane.

“Changkyunnie, are you okay?” Jeongwook suddenly sat in front of Changkyun on the floor of the living room, his hands grasping Changkyun’s in a reassuring gesture.

Changkyun momentarily wondered where Jeongwook had come from but, from the shuffle of feet, he could tell that the others were quickly following.

Jongyeon came right after, sitting on one side of Changkyun “Are you still worried about your shitty members?”

“Yeah, you’ve been quiet.” Byunghwa could only agree as he walked over but he didn’t sit down, just stood beside Jeongwook, looking down at Changkyun with a worried expression.

Taehyuk said nothing, just positioned himself next to Changkyun. His expression, like everyone else’s, was understanding but there was also something there, under that concern and worry that Changkyun just couldn’t pinpoint.

“How about we have a talk, huh? We haven’t had one of those in a while.” Byunghwa finally sat down next to Jeongwook and, with the five of them there, they had formed what looked like a lopsided oval.

Changkyun knew that this was their attempt of getting him to talk about his jumbled thoughts. Whenever he talked about them out loud, they seemed to sort themselves out and his head didn’t feel so cluttered.

However, he didn’t know where to start, didn’t know how to begin this talk of feelings.

“I’ll start.” Taehyuk suddenly volunteered after a period of silence, surprising and confusing Changkyun. “I’m really happy that you have the opportunity to join our group, I really am.”

“You’re so important to us, Changkyun. You’re the fifth piece of Nu’Bility.” Taehyuk continued but his comforting expression slowly morphed to one of maybe sadness “But, the thing is, I… I don’t want you to debut with us anymore.”

It took him a second but, once the words clicked in his mind, Changkyun felt his heart crumble into little pieces. All his mind could think was ‘What?’ like he couldn’t exactly understand the words despite knowing what they meant.

The tangled ball of his thoughts made only seemed to grow worse. They buzzed in his head, one thought after the other passing too fast, distracting him, preventing him from thinking .

“Hyung! How could you say that?” Changkyun could faintly hear Jongyeon scream, obviously angry, but Changkyun couldn’t pull his eyes away from Taehyuk.

Slowly, tears started falling down Changkyun’s eyes. There was one, then another, then a third tear until his tears cascaded far too fast for anyone to count. They wet his cheeks, made tracks down his skin.

Quickly, Changkyun snatched his hands away from Jeongwook to cover his face, sleeves helping him absorb the salty tears that hurt his eyes. He didn’t want them to see him cry.

“Changkyun, listen to me.”

Changkyun didn’t want to listen to Taehyuk, didn’t want to listen to anyone. Instead, he wanted to scream until the shambles of his thoughts finally fixed itself, until everything was quiet, until he didn’t have to listen to anything ever again.

Suddenly, there’s a grip on Changkyun’s wrist. He’s pulled so hard that he can’t fight back. Before he knew it, he was cradled into someone’s arms, face pressed into someone’s shoulder.

“Changkyun, please.” He could hear Taehyuk’s whispered voice against his ear, could feel his breath brush against his skin, could feel his arms wrap around him so tightly.

There was a shuffle before Byunghwa spoke up “Taehyuk-hyung.”

“Listen to me, okay.” Taehyuk ignored Byunghwa completely “It hurts me to say this to you, it really does, but you should debut with them.”

“They’re backed by the entire company and they have the support of all of these artists. If you debuted with them, you’re sure to succeed.” Taehyuk continued to talk but Changkyun could only half listen.

Instead, he buried his face into Taehyuk’s shoulder and cried. He cried for the fact that he couldn’t debut with his friends. He cried for the fact that he couldn’t debut with his members. He cried for the fact that he belonged nowhere, that he never seemed to fit anywhere, that he always felt like some sort of misplaced puzzle piece.

“I just--” Changkyun started pushing away from Taehyuk, crying dying down as he forced himself to completely stop “I just-- don’t know--”

“They obviously care about you, Changkyunnie.” Byunghwa decided to put in his few cents, smile still more forced than anything “Did you see how scared they were of losing you?”

Changkyun didn’t see. He couldn’t see it, not anymore. Maybe, a day or two ago, he would’ve believed Byunghwa. But, now, everything was confusing and messy. Everything was just too much, nothing seemed to make sense, nothing fit.

“They only… they only tolerate me.” Changkyun managed to get out, eyes still a little wet as he stared down at the floor in the very middle of their pathetic circle “I overheard them.”

“I doubt it.” Taehyuk scoffed at that, shaking his head in disagreement “Dude, you should’ve seen how hard Wonho-ssi glared at me. I thought he was seriously going to murder me.”

At that, Changkyun surprisingly couldn’t help but smile, small grin threatening to spread across his lips “Really?”

“Yeah, even Jooheon-ssi looked like he was going to burn a hole into my face. I was so shook but I had to pretend it didn’t faze me.” Jongyeon added too, arms wrapping around Changkyun in what felt like a comforting back hug “Your members are scary.”

Changkyun let their words sink in “They just didn’t want to have to teach Gunhee-hyung the moves. He’s really bad at choreo.”

Byunghwa groaned in response, almost falling back as he leaned so that he looked at the ceiling “You’re a piece of work, Changkyunnie.”

Though the words were rough, Changkyun could only feel the teasing tone of it. He shrugged in response, though, almost as if admitting that it was true.

“Listen, what happened?” Taehyuk crossed his arms, expression shifting into one of confusion and disbelief “One day, you were all rainbows and butterflies and belonging. Now, you’re all dark and stormy and sad.”

“I was supposed to pick Jooheon-hyung up for lunch because he was in the recording studio. I overheard him talking to Gunhee about how the entire group just tolerates me for the managers.” Changkyun let out a ragged breath though his tone sounded like he was reading out of a book rather than talking about something that seriously upset him.

There was a period of silence then. Jongyeon seemed to only hug Changkyun tighter, face buried between Changkyun’s shoulder blades. Even Taehyuk, their ex-leader that always seemed to know what to say, lacked any words at all.

“It sounds… sketchy.” Jeongwook broke the quiet, sigh escaping his lips as he continued to stare up at the ceiling as if it held the answers he wanted to find “But I don’t exactly know them well enough to be able to tell.”

Byunghwa chuckled, giving Jeongwook a small shove “Did you see how sad they looked when Changkyunnie left? They all looked like kicked puppies. I doubt they only tolerate him.”

Jongyeon nodded, cheek rubbing against the back of Changkyun’s shirt “Hyung is hard not to love.”

Changkyun couldn’t help but feel happy by the comments but he also felt rather angry with them. He gently pushed Jongyeon’s arms away, shifting so that he leaned against the sofa again, knees pulled up to his chest and arms crossed “No way.”

“Okay, so, you told us Jooheon-ssi held your hand and Hyungwon-ssi totally reenacted an entire drama scene with you where he touched your cheek.” Byunghwa looked indifferent as always despite the embarrassing things he was saying “If that’s the case, why would they do that?”

“To pretend that they’re getting along with me?” Changkyun cocked his head to the side, feeling a little confused.

Jongyeon shook his head in disagreement “If they were just going to pretend to get along with you, they don’t have to go to those lengths. They just have to pretend to be nice.”

“From what you’ve said though, they’re not just pretending to be nice.” Byunghwa nodded in agreement to what Jongyeon had said “They don’t have to cook your favourite food or wake you up last so you get a lot of sleep or hold your hand or be cheesy sweet with you.”

Now that Byunghwa had listed it all out, Changkyun couldn’t help but feel embarrassed a little “They didn’t-- They didn’t cook my favourite food.”

Jeongwook chuckled at that, turning his full attention on Changkyun “Right, they just coincidentally ate seafood for like four days in a row.”

Changkyun’s face scrunched up at that like he didn’t understand and, honestly, it all slowly started to click in his head but, unfortunately, all of it didn’t click quite yet.

His members shared a collective sigh which only further confused Changkyun. He knew he was being difficult but, really, it all still made a jumbled mess in his head.

So, his friends were saying that his members didn’t hate him? But, then, why did Gunhee and Jooheon have that conversation? If they didn’t hate him, then did they really want him to stay? Did they really want to debut with him?

Changkyun couldn’t help but sigh too, suddenly burying his face into his hands “I don’t know.”

“C’mon, maybe Shownu-ssi was right. You need to sleep this off or something.” Taehyuk stood first before offering his hand to Changkyun.

Changkyun peeked up before nodding and relenting. Maybe, in the morning, he would have a revelation or something that finally straightened out his thoughts. For now, the measly talk would be enough to calm his mind for one night.

--

“Is Changkyunnie asleep?” Jeongwook whispered to Taehyuk who was peeking through the door where Changkyun and Byunghwa were.

The two had decided, foolishly, that they would share the small lower bunk and, though Taehyuk had believed it to be impossible, they managed to fall asleep despite how uncomfortable it must’ve been.

Taehyuk finally nodded before sighing and turning to Jeongwook. Behind Jeongwook, Jongyeon stood but he looked almost hunched over like he wanted to be as small as possible.

“You okay, kid?” Taehyuk stepped forward, pressing a hand behind Jongyeon’s head to press him forward. Jongyeon’s head momentarily rested against Taehyuk’s chest and they stood like that, silent, for just a second.

Jongyeon eventually pushed away, face screwed up like he was obviously upset “Do we have to let go of Changkyun-hyung?”

“I know how you feel about him, kid, trust me, I know.” Taehyuk sighed, his expression understanding but also a little heartbroken “But his happiness comes first, right?”

Jeongwook looked back and forth between the two of them, obviously understanding the situation but not exactly understanding enough to be sympathetic. Though he cared for them both, this was a subject that Jeongwook and Byunghwa could never help them with.

Thankfully, Jongyeon’s stormy expression gave way to a more determined one “His happiness comes first.”

Taehyuk looked pleased with that “Now, c’mon, I think they can fit one more person on that lower bunk.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright, hyung?” Jongyeon fretted, as always, as the five of them walked towards the dance studio on the first floor of the building.

Changkyun, of course, nodded, chuckling a little “C’mon, Jongyeonnie, you know I’ll be fine.”

“I worry too, you know.” Byunghwa spoke up from Changkyun’s other side only to have his hood yanked back by Taehyuk.

“Didn’t the kid say he’ll be alright?” Taehyuk’s tone was firm and his expression almost blank but there was a smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips.

Byunghwa flailed a little before finally freeing himself. Once he had, he pouted, obviously unimpressed by Taehyuk’s occasionally childish antics.

Changkyun himself couldn’t help but laugh. Though, Byunghwa and Jongyeon did have a point.

Changkyun could feel his heart hammering against his chest in anxiety. After all, last night had been a really emotional night and all his members knew was that Changkyun wanted to leave the group.

Soon enough, the door to the dance studio was in sight. Changkyun didn’t hesitate in entering. Sadly, once he had, all of the noises in the dance studio seemed to screech to a halt. Before Changkyun could look, however, he was turned around to face the doors.

His friends had entered too and they all looked at him so hopefully that Changkyun couldn’t help but want to believe that everything would be alright.

--

The group had been in the middle of reviewing the steps to their choreo. The unfortunate part of it was that there was only six of them. The seventh spot was empty, something they weren’t at all used to and didn’t want to get used to.

Before they could continue, however, the door to the studio opened. Hyunwoo hurried to pause the music and everyone stopped right in their places.

It was Changkyun. Of course it was Changkyun. After all, Changkyun was still one of their members. He hadn’t stopped being their member yet .

What made most of the group a little annoyed were the people that followed after Changkyun’s entrance. It was his ‘friends’ or, rather, potential group members.

Hyungwon couldn’t speak for everyone but he definitely didn’t like the fact that they were there.

“Good days start with good thoughts and good mornings.” One of them, Jeongwook perhaps, stepped forward first, hugging Changkyun tightly as he did “We’ll be cheering you on so do your best.”

After he had backed off, another one, the rude one from last night, didn’t step forward but he did reach over to ruffle Changkyun’s hair “Don’t half ass anything and you’ll hear from us if you overdo it, got it?”

Changkyun nodded almost cutely, definitely sending a flutter to Hyungwon’s heart but also sending a pang of jealousy through his chest.

Then, the next one was the relatively polite one, Byunghwa maybe, and he just took Changkyun’s hand and started practically shaking it “You’ll do great, I know it. Don’t worry too much and you’ll be fine. I believe in you.”

The last one, another rude one possibly named Jongyeon, suddenly surged forward, looping his arms around Changkyun’s neck. He was a little bit taller than Changkyun which, of course, didn’t seem to bother Changkyun because he didn’t even hesitate before returning the hug.

Hyungwon swore that he saw the brat smirk over Changkyun’s shoulder.

“Hyung, don’t let the haters bring you down, okay? We’re here if you need back up.” The kid said his piece and pulled away from the hug but not before giving Changkyun what looked like an extra big squeeze.

Changkyun didn’t seem all that perturbed. He in fact even reached up and ruffled the kid’s hair “You’re too affectionate, Jongyeonnie.”

“Only for my favourite hyung.” Again, Jongyeon, maybe, possibly, smirked the group’s way, further frustrating Hyungwon. He was sure now that he were pissing them off on purpose.

Minhyuk even seemed to believe so because he tugged at Hyungwon’s hand and whispered into his ear “Did you see that?”

With gritted teeth, Hyungwon responded, obviously more than just a little bit angry “I wish I hadn’t.”

“Calm down, you two, they’re riling you up for a reason.” Kihyun walked over, pressing a hand to both of their shoulders. It didn’t help calm them down but Hyungwon certainly forced himself to chill out a little.

“Ah, Changkyun-ah, I’m so glad you could join us.”

--

Changkyun looked a little embarrassed but he nodded slowly “Sorry about my friends, by the way. They started this weird ritual where we always have to greet each other encouraging things in the mornings.”

That was supposed to be a funny thing but, rather than lightening the atmosphere, it only made it feel heavier and more nerve wracking.

“Uhm--” Changkyun scrambled for something to say, maybe an apology or something, but his mind seemed to blank out and he couldn’t get anything out.

Thankfully, Hyunwoo saw this and gestured to the group “We were just practicing the choreo--”

“Oh, okay.” Changkyun perked up, accidentally interrupting the older member “We can start from the bottom and I can join--”

“Wait, Changkyun-ah, we don’t want you to.” Wonho stepped forward, concerned expression on his face as he held his hand up as if to physically stop Changkyun from joining.

Changkyun frowned and his thoughts from earlier return ten-fold. He knew that everything would be different now, that they wouldn’t want him after he had admitted not wanting them, that everything would never go back to the way it was before.

Kihyun seemed to sense this because he, too, stepped forward, much closer than Wonho had dared to “No, Changkyun-ah, it’s not as if we don’t want you to join. We just, maybe, want to talk?”

“Talk?” Changkyun responded slowly, confusion increasing “About… what?”

There was a period of silence and, though everyone looked like they wanted to speak, Changkyun spoke up first, a sudden look of realization on his face “It’s fine. You guys, for whatever reason, don’t want me to leave. It’s fine.”

For some reason, Changkyun didn’t want to hear the reason, didn’t want to hear why exactly they didn’t want him to leave. He was too scared to hear it.

If he heard it, if they told him, Changkyun might be able to see through their lies. He was good at seeing through people, good at telling when they were bullshitting him. Nothing was scarier than affirming the fact that they really honestly only wanted him around for superficial reasons.

It was fine hearing it when he eavesdropped. That was fine because it wasn’t in his face and there was something separating them and they wouldn’t be able to see him vulnerable and sad.

“Changkyun--” Jooheon spoke up this time but Changkyun shook his head, held out his hand to stop Jooheon from continuing.

“It’s fine. We should practice, right?” His words were sharper this time but he hadn’t meant to make them seem like that. He wanted the subject dropped, wanted it completely gone.

Changkyun had tried to clear his thoughts last night, obviously. But, by the time he had woken up, they were still jumbled and tangled and in absolute chaos. Nothing still made sense. It felt like nothing would ever make sense.

He told himself maybe it was better that way. Ignorance was bliss wasn’t it? It was better to be wondering whether or not they hate him than knowing for sure that they really only tolerated him. It was better this way.

It seemed that his words were enough to convince all of them because Hyunwoo slowly nodded “Okay, let’s practice the entire choreography three times and then take a break. Is that okay?”

Nobody spoke up but nobody disagreed either so they took their positions. At least, here, Changkyun could pretend he fit into the puzzle that was their group.

Changkyun was exhausted. He had thought three whole repetitions of their choreography wouldn’t be so hard but, back to back like that, without break in between, it had taken a big chunk of his energy. He knew that he could survive another but he hoped that he wouldn’t have to.

“Okay, it’s break time.” Hyunwoo clapped to gain everyone’s attention and, as soon as he heard that, Changkyun walked away to his pile of things. It was just his hoodie and his phone which was plugged into the nearest outlet.

He quickly checked his messages. He wasn’t exactly expecting anything big but he did want an excuse to avoid the rest of the group. If he looked busy enough, they wouldn’t invite him over, right?

Byung ♫ Hyung
Jongyeon I’m literally in the kitchen, you weirdo

Byung ♫ Hyung
Stop messaging me and just talk

Our Maknae ☆
i cant believe tae hyung and jeong hyung left us to die

Tae ♪ Hyung
We left you to get food, you brat

Our Maknae ☆
i wonder what chang hyung is up to

Byung ♫ Hyung
Probably practicing for his debut

Tae ♪ Hyung
If not that, Changkyun is most likely checking his messages as an excuse not to talk to his members.

Changkyun felt his face redden at that. He made a mental note to remind himself of this moment if he ever felt like his members didn’t know him well enough. Obviously, that was a lie. At least, Taehyuk knew him pretty well.

Changkyuu ♡
hyung! don’t expose me like this!

Tae ♪ Hyung
Maybe I wouldn’t if you just faced your fears and talked to your members.

Tae ♪ Hyung
I don’t understand what you’re so scared of.

Changkyun didn’t even have to consider it for a second. He would most likely rather die than consider something like that. So, instead, he sat down, hoodie in a crumpled pile beside him, legs crossing as he did.

Changkyuu ♡
expose me all you want then

Tae ♪ Hyung
Changkyun.

Tae ♪ Hyung
What the fuck.

Byung ♫ Hyung
Cannot believe I raised you to be like this??

Changkyuu ♡
you didn’t raise me, hyung

Byung ♫ Hyung
The audacity??

Just as Changkyun was about to reply to that message, he heard footsteps approaching. He looked up and quickly felt flustered by the fact that his members were approaching him. Suddenly, he felt rather small.

Maybe it was because they were standing and he was sitting on the floor.

Thankfully, they sat down beside him, making an almost perfect circle. Changkyun couldn’t help but pull his legs up to his chest and, in all honesty, he felt a little vulnerable like this.

“Oh, man, I think I landed on my ankle wrong earlier.” Hyungwon suddenly spoke up, interrupting the small bout of silence that had spread across them for a minute.

Changkyun raised an eyebrow at that, confused and obviously a little flustered by whatever his group mates were trying to do. In fact, he didn’t exactly know what they were trying to do. All he knew was, suddenly, they had sat down near him.

Wonho seemed to hesitate a little but he answered Hyungwon with a casualness that was almost awkward “You should’ve told us, we could’ve stopped.”

“We were doing so well, I didn’t want to stop that.” Hyungwon waved the suggestion away almost as if he was the same age as Wonho, as if they were the best of friends and, like usual, Wonho ignored it and laughed.

From what Changkyun could tell, this was the usual banter they had with each other.

What didn’t make any sense was the fact that they moved from the center of the room to Changkyun’s little corner. He didn’t understand why. Weren’t they tired, didn’t they want to just rest? Why make the effort to walk all the way here just to sit next to him?

Changkyuu ♡
they all sat next to me

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Ha.

Tae ♪ Hyung  
I’m glad your members are braver than you. Maybe then you might be forced to face them.

Changkyuu ♡
they’re acting like nothing happened

“By the way, Changkyun, you did really well.” Hyunwoo suddenly spoke directly to Changkyun, snapping him back into the conversation at hand and surprising him all at once.

Sheepishly, he bowed his head a little, pressing his phone against his chest “Th-Thank you, hyung. It means a lot coming from you.”

After that, the conversation distanced away from him again. Something about how Minhyuk needed to stop eating leftovers that weren’t for him. Changkyun didn’t really pay attention to it all that much. He was busier trying to find a reason as to why his members were acting this way.

Kihyun’s hand to his leg garnered his attention. He looked to his older member, looking especially confused.

“We know you don’t want to talk.” Kihyun seemed to see right through Changkyun’s confusion, understanding expression on his face and voice such a soft whisper that Changkyun was sure he was the only one hearing it “We want to take things your pace so, if you don’t want to talk, it’s fine.”

That was extremely considerate of them and it made something in Changkyun’s heart ache but not exactly painfully.

“That being said, we also want you to understand that we don’t want you to feel as if you’re not a part of this group.” Kihyun added, that understanding expression on his face scrunching up slightly as if the thought of Changkyun not belonging made something in Kihyun angry or frustrated.

Changkyun’s mind started buzzing again, just like it had last night, just like it always did whenever he had too much on his plate, too much to think about. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Kihyun wanted Changkyun to belong yet Gunhee had said that Changkyun was simply tolerated.

Kihyun saw this apprehension and leaned a little closer, eyebrows scrunching in concern or, perhaps, confusion “Is there something wrong, Changkyun?”

Everything felt wrong. He knew two things to be true and, yet, those two things conflicted.

He knew that his members loved him. Kihyun woke him up the latest because he wanted Changkyun to sleep more, Jooheon called them a team, Hyunwoo always tried to include him in things. There were so many different things they’ve done, so many different ways they made him feel like they were a team.

But, then, behind doors, when Changkyun wasn’t around, they were different. They said things like how he was only tolerated and nothing more, how they all believed he was nothing but an addition to spice things up, how they wanted Gunhee . If this was the truth, why did they try so hard to make him feel included?

“No, nothing’s wrong.” The words left Changkyun’s mouth before he could stop himself and, suddenly, he was standing, face crumpled as if he was trying his hardest not to betray his emotions by showing them on his face.

“Changkyun?” Hyunwoo looked up at Changkyun, obviously worried for him.

Changkyun didn’t respond, quickly looked away, tried to calm the way his heart just kept hurting and squeezing “It’s been fifteen minutes. Shouldn’t we start practice up again?”

All of the members looked clearly concerned but said nothing. They just stood up, nodding and agreeing with him. They all seemed to want to say something but, instead, they just walked past Changkyun, each patting his back or his head or not doing anything at all.

Changkyun threw one last look at the phone in his hand before typing something out.

Changkyuu ♡
i made things worse.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.” Taehyuk took a seat in front of Changkyun, eyes rolling as if he saw it coming but still believed in Changkyun. In this case, Changkyun sorely disappointed Taehyuk.

“I don’t understand, Changkyun.” Byunghwa took his seat on Changkyun’s left, obviously exasperated “Before, all you wanted to do was ‘belong’ with them. What is up?”

Changkyun groaned, leaning back in his chair just as Jongyeon took his seat on the other side of Changkyun. Jeongwook took his seat across from Byunghwa, looking pretty much as concerned for Changkyun as everyone else.

It was hard to explain. Everything still felt confusing for Changkyun. Even after thinking on it for a couple of hours, he still couldn’t wrap any of it around his mind.

“I do want to belong.” Changkyun insisted and he looked tired or, maybe, angry. Mostly at himself. He felt like he was disappointing everyone, especially his members and even more importantly their managers.

In fact, earlier that day, during practice, Changkyun had approached his manager, Jinwoo, to ask for permission to eat lunch with his friends.

Jinwoo had agreed reluctantly. He also told Changkyun to make a permanent decision about what group he was going to debut in. It was unfair for both his friends’ group and his group right now if he kept being indecisive.

“Jinwoo-hyung said that I needed to make a decision soon too.” Changkyun told his members, that tired expression still on his face “They need to make changes if I do switch and the No.Mercy group has a deadline already so…”

“You’re choosing to debut with them, right?” Jeongwook picked up a pair of chopsticks and separated them into two, eyes never leaving Changkyun’s.

Changkyun had expected this little lunch get together to be cheerful but it was ending up more frustrating than anything else. He wanted to honestly tell his friends that he was going to debut with the group he was in now. He knew that was what they wanted, what everyone wanted.

Taehyuk sighed, reaching over and holding Changkyun’s hand “Okay, how about this. What do you want, Changkyun?”

Changkyun couldn’t hide his surprise at being asked that question. He never really considered what he wanted. Not really . He only ever considered what his team wanted, what the company wanted, how his team felt, how his friends felt.

What did he want? It took him a second to think about it.

He wanted to make music. That was Changkyun’s biggest dream. He wanted to be able to make music, to be able to write lyrics that touched people’s hearts. He had listened to music before and it had helped him through hard times.

He wanted to make music that helped people, comforted people. That was what he wanted the most.

“I want to debut.” The words left his mouth before he could really process it but, thinking about it, it was true. That was what he wanted. He wanted to debut.

Taehyuk let go of Changkyun’s hand, encouraging smile on his face “Then debut.”

Changkyun’s face scrunched up a little at that “But… How?”

“Easy. Just stay with the group you’re in now. That’s the simplest way to debut. You’re guaranteed to debut with them.” Byunghwa pointed out, wrapping an arm around Changkyun’s shoulders. “You’re also guaranteed to be successful.”

Well, he knew that already. It was what Taehyuk had told him last night. That was his friends’ reason on why they didn’t want Changkyun to debut with them.

However, thinking about it a little harder led Changkyun to another conclusion “I don’t want to debut with a group that hates me.”

“Ohmygod.” Jongyeon said it all in one breath so the sentence slurred together and, from the expression on his face, Changkyun could tell that Jongyeon was just as tired as Changkyun himself “They don’t hate you.”

“They barely tolerate me.” Changkyun insisted again, eyes narrowing at Jongyeon.

Jongyeon shook his head, not at all perturbed by Changkyun’s sharp gaze “Are you serious right now, hyung? If anything, they love you too much.”

“What was that thing Kihyun said? ‘We want you to feel like you belong’?” Byunghwa mocked Kihyun’s voice, face contorting to look like a love stricken fool. He earned a couple of whacks from Changkyun for that one.

Changkyun then sighed, obviously frustrated by everything that was happening “It doesn’t make sense, okay--”

“You know why it doesn’t make sense, Changkyunnie? You refuse to talk to them. You need to talk to them.” Jeongwook pointed at Changkyun with his chopsticks “Then everything will make sense.”

“Why do you even have chopsticks out right now? We haven’t even ordered.” Changkyun sounded exasperated at this point but he knew it wasn’t because of Jeongwook but, rather, Jeongwook’s advice.

Taehyuk clicked his tongue and gave Changkyun a little glare “Don’t change the subject. You know he’s right. You need to talk to them.”

Changkyun shrunk away from Taehyuk, frown on his face as he let the idea roll around in his head. He even stayed quiet as the group finally ordered. It wasn’t as if he was giving them the cold shoulder.

Rather, he just needed to think. He knew for a fact that Jeongwook and Taehyuk were right. Changkyun needed to make a decision but, if he made a decision now, it would be a completely uninformed decision. He didn’t want to do that.

He needed to talk to his members.

The thought of talking to them was frightening, though. He didn’t think he could do it. And what if he was right and they did hate him? Then he’d be forced to debut without the group.

Looking around the table, Changkyun decided that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. After all, the group would be mostly made up of his best friends. He would be exceptionally lucky if he managed to debut with his best friends .

That was the thing, though. What if his members did hate him and he did plan on debuting with his friends? What if the same thing that happened with SpecialK happened here, with Starship? Perhaps not the bankrupt part but definitely the choosing not do debut them part.

Changkyun ran a hand through his hair as he tried to calm his jumbled thoughts.

A bump to his side brought Changkyun out of his thoughts. He looked over to see Jongyeon except there was something in Jongyeon’s expression that Changkyun couldn’t exactly pinpoint. It was definitely an expression Changkyun didn’t see the maknae make often.

“Hyung. Stop overthinking it.” Jongyeon sternly told Changkyun as if Changkyun was the younger more inexperienced one out of both of them “No matter what happens, we’re here for you. We’ll take it one step at a time so stop overthinking it and just go with the flow.”

“I don’t know what you’re--”

“You always try and plan these things out in your head. You get stuck trying to plan for this and for that and you get all pessimistic and quiet.” Jongyeon interrupted Changkyun which shocked the older of the two. “Trust us. Everything will be alright.”

Changkyun tried to find words to respond to Jongyeon but, instead, all that came was a calmness. Not physically. Rather, with those simple words, all of the problems in Changkyun’s head was cleared.

He just had to talk to his members. If they didn’t accept him, there was another group that would. What was so complicated about that?

Well, Changkyun knew for a fact that it was much more complicated than just that. But, still, knowing his friends would be there for him eased the difficulty of having to deal with all of these problems. He would deal with everything one at a time with his friends helping him the whole way.

Jongyeon seemed to sense this from Changkyun because that indecipherable expression on his face turned into his usual childish grin “C’mon, what we ordered is coming. Let’s eat!”

“I miss Changkyun.” Minhyuk lamented a little before stuffing a full spoon of food into his mouth. He looked obviously upset but almost laughably so and he even went so far as to lean against Shownu, pouting all the while.

Though everyone else ignored it, Wonho laughed a little before shaking his head “Me too, to be honest.”

“He’s still hanging around those people…” Hyungwon added, grumbling as he pushed his food around and the action made an irritating squeak as the metal brushed against the styrofoam container.

Jooheon especially found the noise irritating and, so, he quickly moved to stop Hyungwon from continuing. “So?”

“So, obviously , he still wants to debut with them.” Hyungwon answered dryly, mouth twisted in a frown as he narrowed his eyes at Jooheon.

The look did nothing for Jooheon. In fact, the boy just shrugged “Well that or, maybe, it’s because they’re friends.”

“Don’t be dense. Obviously, he still wants to debut with them.” Kihyun finally spoke up, effectively silencing everyone.

They let the information sink a little. Of course, that was to be expected. They had a talk about it and, though the talk ended in a more positive note, it was hard for them not to be disheartened. Especially when it felt like Changkyun was trying his hardest to stay away from them.

“Well, what are we going to do now?” Wonho finally spoke up, his embarrassment slowly leaving only to be replaced with an uncertainty that everyone most-likely felt too.

Minhyuk chewed his food before swallowing and wiping away a piece of rice from his face “What do you mean ‘what are we going to do now’?”

“I mean, it’s obvious we care about him but it’s equally obvious that he still wants to debut with them.” Wonho answered the question easily enough, dropping his spoon and his chopsticks as if he lost his appetite.

There was another silence, thicker than the previous one. Nobody knew the answer to that question. All they could affirm were their affections for the maknae. They didn't exactly know what to do with those affections or with the situation they've been put in.

Realistically speaking, though they had responded rather light heartedly, it would be difficult to be in a whole team where everyone was trying to keep one person in the team and that one person didn't even want to be in that team in the first place.

“We have to let him go.” Hyunwoo broke the silence, causing everyone's gazes to snap to him.

Hyunwoo sighed after seeing all of their expressions, all confused and hurt and worried “We have to let him--”

“I mean, I know we should but I thought we were going to at least talk to him?” Kihyun’s voice wavered and the concern on his face was obvious.

Hyunwoo nodded a little before shaking his head “I wish that were the case but… he doesn't even want to talk to us.”

“He has a deadline, you know. He has to choose who he wants to debut with soon and all we're doing is wasting his time.” Hyunwoo added and his voice sounded just a little bit sad “We said we want to take things his pace but, if we do… nothing will happen.”

“So, you're saying we should… force him to talk to us?” Hyungwon asked but it was less a question and more of an angry statement. Everyone, especially Hyungwon, understood that the last thing they wanted to do was force Changkyun to do anything.

How ironic that was since they were practically forcing him to stay.

“Well, no… I think we should just… tell the managers that we're okay with Changkyun leaving.” Hyunwoo shook his head again “If we say that, they'll let him debut with his friends.”

“But that's a lie, though. We're not okay with that.” Jooheon’s voice was firm but his eyes wavered a little.

It was Minhyuk’s turn to shake his head “Hyunwoo-hyung is right. If all of us really did care about him then we should let him do what he really wants.”

“But…” Jooheon was ready to go against everything Minhyuk wanted but he hesitated. Everyone knew why.

Out of everyone in the group, Jooheon himself would’ve understood best. He knew what it was like to want to debut with a person more than anything in the world. Before, Jooheon wanted nothing else than to debut with Gunhee, to be able to make music with his best friend.

Jooheon also knew best what it was like to be forced to debut without that one person. For Changkyun, it must’ve been even harder because, for him, it wasn’t just one person. It was an entire group of people.

From what Minhyuk had told them, Changkyun knew these people and they knew Changkyun. The five of them seemed to have this unbreakable relationship that the rest of the group couldn’t even compete against.

Surely, if Jooheon was willing to do anything to debut with Gunhee, Changkyun would feel the same way. After all, if Jooheon was told to choose between debuting with Gunhee and debuting with someone else, wouldn’t he debut with his best friend?

After considering that for a second, he decided that he would choose Gunhee over and over. But, then, he also realised that he couldn’t bring himself to choose Gunhee over this group, over Changkyun.

Did Changkyun feel the same way?

Obviously not.

“We have to let him go.” Minhyuk concluded, smile sad and not exactly reaching his eyes.

Kihyun shook his head “No, I refuse. This is stupid. We need to talk to him first.”

“What would talking to him accomplish? We already know he wants to debut with his friends. He said so that night.” Wonho pointed out though it looked like it pained him to do so.

Kihyun knew that Wonho had a point but he wasn't anything if he wasn't persistent “This can't be right. We're basically making his decision for him.”

“No, we're not.” Hyunwoo covered his half-eaten lunch as if the discussion made him lose his appetite “We're just carrying out the decision he wanted.”

Changkyun entered the building, feeling a little tired but ready to take on the world. Well, perhaps not the world but certainly his members.

His friends had hyped him up and, now, he ran what he wanted to say through his head.

They all gave him a pep talk right before Changkyun walked them to their building. Then, he spent a few minutes thinking on their words as he walked to his building. Now, he felt ready.

Why did you say you wanted Gunhee more? Why did you say you only tolerated me? Why did you guys treat me so nicely only to hurt me?

The words sounded a little accusatory, something Changkyun hadn't wanted. He didn't want it to seem like he was angry at them because, truly, he wasn't.

He just wanted to clarify, just wanted to understand . Maybe, if he understood, he could become closer to them. Maybe his fear of being rejected was stupid and unfounded, just like what his members had said.

Really, all Changkyun needed was a nicer way to ask his questions. He would have enough time to think of something seeing as he needed to climb up to the dorms still anyway.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder and Changkyun turned “Oh, Jinwoo-hyung.”

Changkyun felt relieved that it was just his manager. He still needed even a minute or two to prepare himself for talking with his members. However, Jinwoo had a grave expression on his face which quickly drained the relief Changkyun felt.

“Changkyun, the members told me everything.” The manager said sadly, patting Changkyun’s shoulder “I'm sorry I never noticed.”

“Noticed?” Changkyun’s eyebrows furrowed. What did Jinwoo mean by everything?

He flushed a little, worried that his group had admitted to something bad and, with the way his stomach churned a little, he had a feeling that was exactly what had happened.

“They told me they were mean to you, that they ignored you, all because they wanted to debut with Gunhee.” Jinwoo’s tone turned cautious and, though Changkyun knew what Jinwoo was saying was in fact true, he still couldn't help but feel surprised.

Jinwoo seemed to take Changkyun’s silence as an affirmative “Don't worry, I gave them a lengthy lecture. It wasn't right, what they did--”

“Wait, hyung, it's okay now. We're okay now.” Changkyun tried to keep his voice level as he recalled Kihyun’s words.

The group wanted to take everything at Changkyun’s pace, wanted to make sure he felt like he belonged. They cared about him. If not completely, at least to some degree. They wouldn’t be doing all of the things they were doing just for nothing.

Jinwoo’s confused expression made Changkyun’s chest feel a little tight. Why was he making that expression? Did he know something that Changkyun didn't?

Sensing Changkyun’s apprehension, Jinwoo sighed before taking his hand off of Changkyun’s shoulder and running it through his own hair “Really? You're not just defending them because you feel the need to?”

Changkyun shook his head and he tried to convey his sincerity through his expression. He was never one to be able to share his feelings through his expressions, he was awkward like always, but he tried .

“ Really? Because the reason they admitted all of this was to say that they wanted you to debut with your friends.” Jinwoo told Changkyun carefully, obviously trying his best to give the news gently to Changkyun.

Suddenly, the floor beneath Changkyun’s feet felt like it disappeared. There was a swooping feeling, like his heart plummeted into his stomach or, maybe, his stomach rose to squeeze itself into his ribcage.

Either way, the questions he had been preparing, the words he readied himself to say, all of it disappeared too. His mind suddenly felt blank which, really, was the opposite of what he had expected.

Instead of the buzz whenever he had to think about something, instead of the chaos and the static, it was just emptiness.

Usually, in situations where the buzz would appear, and it always appeared, Changkyun desperately wished for it to stop. Now, though, now that it didn't appear, now that it wasn't there, now that it was only this chasm of quiet, he desperately wished for it back.

How ironic.

Even with the quietness in his head, Changkyun couldn't think anyway. It was like his brain didn't know what to think. Which would've been true. He really didn't know what to think.

Hey, at least he got his answer. Changkyun had been so scared of hearing them say they didn't want him, didn't like him, but now he knew. He knew for sure and there was no doubt left in his mind.

“Changkyun, are you okay?” Jinwoo pulled Changkyun out of his thoughts and Changkyun had to take a second to focus his eyes on his manager-- wait, no , technically, Jinwoo wasn't his manager anymore.

Changkyun nodded, though the action felt stiff “Yeah, I'm okay.”

Jinwoo didn't seem to believe him but wrapped an arm around Changkyun’s shoulders anyway, as if to lead him upstairs “Why don't you sleep early--”

“No!” Changkyun jerked back as if the thought of going back into his dorm--it wasn't his dorm anymore, he didn't belong with them anymore--was absolutely terrifying.

Jinwoo gave Changkyun a concerned expression. Changkyun just sighed, trying to calm himself “If it's okay, I want to sleep in the other dorm… with my new members…”

His new members. The phrase felt foreign, felt unwelcome. He didn't like it, didn't like how it felt. He had been so sure that he would be okay with debuting with his best friends but, now that it was the only option left, something didn't feel right.

Changkyun felt bad about that. His best friends had done nothing wrong. There wasn't anything wrong with debuting with them. They were all capable, all talented, all--

Yet, something still felt wrong. It felt like giving up to let all of this happen, to let them make him debut with another group, to let them get away with this without an explanation.

That was silly. This was what he had wanted, to stop bothering his hyungs, to debut with his friends, to belong somewhere. He belonged with Nu’bility.

This time, Jinwoo took Changkyun’s silence as sadness or maybe something else concerning “I understand. Go ahead. I'll wait a few days to talk to CEO-nim about your transfer--”

“If they want me transferred so badly, then transfer me.” Changkyun hadn't meant to make the words sound so bitter but they came out like that anyway.

Jinwoo sighed, shaking his head before directing Changkyun to the exit of the building. “I'm going to wait a few days, okay?”

This time, Changkyun said nothing.

Changkyuu ♡
i’m headed to your guys’ dorm

Tae ♪ Hyung  
What? Right now? Why?

Tae ♪ Hyung  
Changkyun?

Our Maknae ☆
hyung?

Our Maknae ☆
hyung???

Changkyuu ♡
they kicked me out

Tae ♪ Hyung  
They what???

Byung ♫ Hyung
Do you mean your members??

Changkyuu ♡
they told jinwoo-hyung that they wanted me to debut with you guys

Changkyuu ♡
guys?

Changkyuu ♡
guys?

Changkyuu ♡
uhm i’m here

Changkyuu ♡
guys?

Changkyuu ♡
can you buzz me up?

Our Maknae ☆
what the fuck.

The door to the dance studio slammed open, surprising everyone practicing inside. There was scrambling of sneakers, the music quickly stopped, then there was silence.

"I have a fucking bone to pick with you assholes.” Taehyuk started first, walking towards the group with his voice a low growl. It seemed that Jongyeon was just as angry, just as ready to start a fight, because he walked closely behind Taehyuk.

Jeongwook, one of the calmer members, quickly scrambled to the front, hands held out to push back his friends, obviously ready to prevent a fight. Taehyuk and Jongyeon hesitated, if only just for their friendship.

Kihyun was surprised at first, just like everyone else, but the surprise quickly turned to anger. He didn't understand how these people could have the gall to be in here, to want to start something with his friends, when they won.

Wonho beat Kihyun to it, though “What fucking bone do you have to pick with us, huh?”

“You don't have the right.” Taehyuk barked out, voice echoing through the studio “You don't have the right to keep pushing and pulling, to tell him bullshit like that-- Just for what? What? ”

“Tell him… who? What?” Hyungwon snapped back, just as angry, just as absolutely taken aback. There wasn’t a growl in his voice, not like Taehyuk’s, but there was certainly an edge to it.

“You know what.” It was Jongyeon’s turn to speak and there were no formalities in his words which was, of course, a clear sign of disrespect “ We don’t want you to feel as if you’re not a part of this group . Are you sure about that?”

Suddenly, Kihyun’s anger turned back to surprise as his own words were thrown back at him. Everyone else looked confused, obviously because he had only told Changkyun that. Kihyun had made sure that only Changkyun could’ve heard those very words.

“Did he-- Did he tell you I said that?” Kihyun took a step forward, his surprise not showing on his face. Instead, he looked almost emotionless, like he didn’t know how to feel. Which was, more or less, true.

Jongyeon obviously hadn’t expected that reaction but, it seemed, Jeongwook had hoped for it “He tells us everything.”

Kihyun felt a prickle of jealousy then. Changkyun was such a mystery to Kihyun, was such a mystery to all of them. Yet, here were these people who knew Changkyun better, who Changkyun could trust with his thoughts. Kihyun wanted to be one of them, wanted to be one of the people Changkyun trusted.

“Changkyun… he came back after hanging out with us all day. Your manager, Jinwoo-ssi, he told Changkyun you guys wanted him to debut with us.” Jeongwook continued when nobody responded to what he said.

At the mention of that night, Jongyeon grew angry again “He was so upset! He finally got enough courage to ask you guys why you were indecisive shits and yet you--”

“Indecisive shits?” Hyungwon scoffed, obviously not taking Jongyeon’s words seriously.

Kihyun, on the other hand, could only focus on the words he was hearing “What do you mean indecisive shits ?”

Slowly, the anger from Jongyeon faded and was replaced with the same confusion as before “You… You don’t… You don’t know?”

Jeongwook whispered something to Jongyeon and Taehyuk, something along the lines of ‘See? I told you so.’ and Kihyun took this pause to turn to his members.

“What are they talking about?” Minhyuk asked Kihyun, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Did you say that stuff to Changkyun?”

“Yeah, it was when we sat down and he looked kind of anxious and shy. I just told him-- I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable.” Kihyun quickly answered though there was a hesitant tone in his voice.

Wonho nodded before tilting his head a little, arms crossed as he tried to calm is irritation “Then why are they bringing it up?”

“Hey, listen because I’m only saying this once.” Taehyuk had suddenly shouted out, garnering everyone’s attention “I don’t know why you keep acting nicely to Changkyun only to talk shit behind his back but it needs to stop, now .”

“Talking shit behind his back?” Hyungwon sounded obviously offended. Kihyun would’ve been offended too if it weren’t for the fact that, slowly, the puzzle pieces were forming in his brain. There was something going on and he didn’t know what it was but, obviously, Changkyun’s friends knew.

Either way, Taehyuk narrowed his eyes “Don’t bullshit me, okay . Changkyun overheard you guys talking crap about him and, honestly--”

“We would never.” Hyungwon interrupted again but this time, his voice lacked the edge it did before. Instead, his tone was firm and his expression serious. It was obvious that Hyungwon despised the idea of talking shit about Changkyun.

All of them did. They cared about Changkyun, loved him even. They would never do something so stupid as to insult him behind his back.

Kihyun expected Taehyuk to quickly falter. After all, there was no way he had proof that they talked shit about Changkyun because, in all honesty, they hadn’t . However, the exact opposite happened.

Rather than faltering, Taehyuk continued on, voice angry but stance confident “ Oh really ? Whose idea was it to start the ‘Tolerate I.M Plan’?”

There was a period of silence and Kihyun let the information sink in. The phrase sounded familiar, perhaps something he heard in passing, but surely none of his own friends, his own members, who claimed to care for Changkyun--

“Oh no.” Minhyuk’s voice had sounded so small that Kihyun almost missed it. He didn’t, though, and he quickly whirled around to face Minhyuk.

“Oh no?” Kihyun asked and, this time, it was his turn to sound angry.

The worst part was not Minhyuk or the horrified expression on his face. Oh, no, the worst thing was most definitely the similar looks on both Hyungwon and Jooheon’s faces. Their lips were slightly parted, eyes wide as they furrowed their eyebrows.

“You bastards--” Kihyun barked but, before he could do anything, Hyunwoo immediately held him back.

Minhyuk shook his head and the look of horror was replaced with a lost expression “But I-- I haven’t made that joke-- We haven’t made that joke since-- since forever --”

“Ye-Yeah, we haven’t-- We haven’t made that joke since before the final mission.” Hyungwon stuttered out in support of Minhyuk’s claims “There’s no way-- We didn’t mean-- We-- I--”

“No, someone made the joke recently .” Jongyeon snapped, looking all too satisfied that it was finally his turn to interrupt someone. His gaze was stuck on one person though and Kihyun followed his line of vision to the one member in the entire group he had least expected it to be.

“ Jooheon ?”

Jooheon flinched at that and it almost looked like his eyes got wider. Quickly, he shook his head, expression like he was trying to wrack his brain for answers, information, anything “I was having a conversation… with Gunhee… He mentioned it… I told him that-- that it wasn’t true!”

“Heonnie, what did you say?” Minhyuk, unlike Kihyun, decided to go the gentle route, voice soft and comforting.

Kihyun wanted to be that way too. He understood that Jooheon would never do anything to hurt Changkyun now that the two of them were closer. Jooheon even admitted that his feelings for Changkyun were more than platonic.

However, it was hard to put that into perspective when all Kihyun could think of was the way Changkyun flinched away from him or the way Changkyun would look at Kihyun with confusion, as if he was some sort of puzzle piece.

Now, all of it made sense. Changkyun thought they were just pretending to be kind. Changkyun thought that they only tolerated him, that this Plan Tolerate I.M was real, was the reason why they were nice to him.

It hurt Kihyun who wanted nothing else than to be there for Changkyun, especially after all the things the kid had been through.

“Gunhee was-- he was joking around. He mentioned the joke, said that Minhyuk-hyung told him about it a long time ago.” Jooheon’s words were fast paced and, from the look on his expression, he hadn’t expected an outcome like this “He was-- He was just doing it to get a-- a rise out of me.”

“That’s not what Changkyun thinks.” Jeongwook gently put his own two cents in, expression obviously more sympathetic than the other two with him.

Kihyun’s anger softened a little. It would be hypocritical of him to judge Jooheon on something like this when, obviously, he’d done his fair share of pushing Changkyun away. At least, it seemed that way, anyway.

All Kihyun could think, really, was that they definitely fucked up.

“I told you so! I told all of you! We should’ve talked to him, we should’ve waited --”

Changkyun sat up, eyes narrowed a little as his head throbbed. He wanted a drink or maybe eyedrops because his eyes felt especially dry. He wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

Instead of doing any of those, however, his first reaction was to get up and close the door to the room.

He had recognized the yelling voice as Kihyun’s voice. After all of the years being on the receiving end of the same nagging voice in the mornings, it was practically like an alarm clock. Whenever he heard it, he no longer felt sleepy.

“Changkyun?”

That wasn’t Kihyun but Taehyuk. Oh no, Taehyuk had been serious about going out to go talk to Changkyun’s previous group. Changkyun had thought it was a joke, something to perhaps get a reaction from him, get him out of bed.

“He was asleep earlier.”

Though Changkyun could barely hear it, he recognized that voice to be Byunghwa’s. He was the only one that didn’t come with everyone and, instead, stayed there with him. The last thing Changkyun remembered before he fell asleep was Byunghwa insisting Changkyun eat.

He was already a fully-certified mess and it was only a day or two since he was kicked out of the group. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like after even longer.

He supposed, however, that the best way to get over all of these negative feelings were to distance himself from his previous group. If he kept away from them, if he avoided them, perhaps it would soften the blow.

With that in mind, he couldn’t help but scramble forward, hands slightly shaking as he quietly locked the bedroom door too.

Suddenly, someone tried to open the door. Of course, since Changkyun had locked the door, the attempt did nothing but jiggle the doorknob a little.

“Changkyun, really ?”

Yes, really , he wanted to respond but, instead, he kept quiet and bit his lip. He knew it was immature of him but he couldn’t shake the feeling that his members (it was still odd to think of his friends as that) forced his ex-members (that was even weirder) to come and talk to Changkyun.

He could imagine how Jeongwook put it. He probably mentioned something like giving Changkyun closure or something. The last thing Changkyun wanted, though, was to be pitied in front of his members and to hear his ex-members’ reasons for kicking him out.

It already hurt enough that they went to the manager first before him .

No, talking would do nothing for Changkyun. In fact, it would only reopen the wounds that he was already in the process of closing. He was right. He needed distance between him and them.

“Listen, okay, Taehyuk and Jongyeon already tried to stop them and Byunghwa definitely didn’t want to let them in.” Jeongwook sounded like he was talking right next to the door because Changkyun could clearly hear him.

Then, there was a laugh like Byunghwa’s “Yeah, you’re just drawing out the inevitable.”

Inevitable . He didn’t know about that. Certainly, after a while, they’d give up or be forced to leave. They probably didn’t even want to be there in the first place.

“Please. Jeongwook.” The words left Changkyun’s mouth faster than he could stop them. He didn’t mean to sound so soft, so pitiful, didn’t mean to let his voice shake as much as it did. Hell, he didn’t even mean to say those words.

But he said them and Jeongwook heard them. It was obvious he did because there was a soft thump at the door “Changkyun, I’m sorry.”

Changkyun knew for a fact that Jeongwook did not at all feel sorry but decided to push that thought aside as he continued to listen.

“I know you probably don’t want to see them and I know you won’t believe us when we tell you this but they want to talk to you.” Jeongwook sighed and there was suddenly a short shuffling noise “I know you’re probably thinking that they don’t deserve it but all of this is a big misunderstanding.”

Changkyun didn’t think they didn’t deserve it. Despite everything that had happened, despite all of what went on, despite all of the crying and the negative emotions and the roller coaster ride, he still couldn’t find it in himself to hate them.

He didn’t understand what Jeongwook meant by ‘misunderstanding’ though and he wouldn’t let himself wonder either. He didn’t want to fool himself into thinking anything that wasn’t true. He wouldn’t let himself hope for something he couldn’t have.

Yet, even then, the hope still lingered, still whispered. There was still, maybe , a chance that everything really had been a misunderstanding.

“Changkyunnie.”

This time, though the voice was softer and a little bit hard to hear, it was obviously Hyungwon. Changkyun’s heart fluttered a little but he quickly tampered the feeling down. He didn’t want to let these people in, didn’t want anything to do with them just like they didn’t want anything to do with him.

“Listen, Changkyunnie, I’m sorry.” Hyungwon continued despite the fact that Changkyun hadn’t responded. “We’re sorry. Let us have the opportunity to apologize. Face to face. You, me and the rest of the group. Please .”

Apologize? Changkyun’s heart fluttered yet again. There were insecurities buzzing in his mind, telling him not to believe in whatever Hyungwon was saying. However, underneath all of that noise, all of those negative thoughts, one hopeful thought seemed to scream even louder as the seconds ticked by.

Yes , it was possible that Hyungwon was being forced to say all of this. Yes , it was possible that the rest of the group didn’t really want to apologise. Yes , confrontation had always been so scary and there was nothing Changkyun could feel more in that second than frightened.

But, those thoughts seemed to be drowned out by the one possibility, the one thing Changkyun wished for more than anything.

Because, yes , all of those things could happen. But, just as all of those things could happen, there was also the possibility that they wouldn’t.

There was a possibility that they wouldn’t and that the group truly wanted to debut with him and that Hyungwon truly meant his apology.

The thought of that possibility made Changkyun’s chest feel tight. It was like he wanted to cry but that he didn’t have enough tears.

His hand shook and, finally, he reached out, slowly, hesitantly, and he turned the lock on the door.