keep your enemies close

Doyoung is a rather competitive child. His competitiveness drives his older brother Gongmyung to skyrocketing levels of insanity.

Board games are banned in their family for everyone’s safety. Each game played prior to the invention of this rule had resulted in Doyoung relentlessly bragging about his win or ceaselessly pouting about his loss, and nothing in between. Gongmyung had tried to encourage healthier ways to cope with losing that didn’t involve carelessly throwing dirty dishes into the sink and petulantly labeling the winner a “butthole.” Doyoung did not listen.

Their family disposes of their new Wii console only two months after purchasing it. Doyoung’s competitive energy proved to be a little too much when he lost a game of MarioKart to Gongmyung and threw his Wii remote at the television screen, which shattered instantly.

Doyoung prides himself on his competitive personality when he starts going to school. The teachers are quick to label his spirited nature as “natural intelligence” and Doyoung’s ego explodes.

Teachers adore him, proudly using his projects as examples to show the rest of his peers. Classmates admire his diligence and pay him to complete their homework assignments. Doyoung has a successful small business at the young age of eight, raking in cash as he finishes his classmates’ assignments without breaking a sweat. 

Essentially, Doyoung is a golden child, constantly adorned with awards and held in high esteem by the whole community.

He basks in the limelight until he turns ten. Suddenly, the limelight vanishes almost as quickly as it had appeared.

The day Lee Taeyong transfers to Doyoung’s elementary school is a horrible day. It’s exactly one week after Doyoung’s tenth birthday and the sky is pouring buckets of rain down onto the land, as if even mother nature is disgusted by Lee Taeyong’s presence.

Lee Taeyong is cute, smart, and funny. In other words, he is a threat. Doyoung instantly hates him before he even speaks a word to him.

The plethora of attention Doyoung had been receiving is all being redirected to Lee Taeyong and it just isn’t fair. Suddenly everyone’s cooing over Lee Taeyong’s cool shoes and his stylish backpack and his perfect handwriting. Doyoung has never felt more invisible in his entire ten years of life.

Completing in-class assignments becomes a race between Doyoung and Lee Taeyong. Doyoung’s eyes anxiously dart from his multiplication sheet on the table in front of him and over to his arch nemesis, just to make sure Lee Taeyong hasn’t finished yet. Then he glances back down at his paper.

Three times eight? Twenty-four.

Six times five? Thirty.

Seven times nine? Doyoung hesitates. He scrunches his eyes shut. Seven times nine?

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor interrupts the silence and Doyoung’s head shoots up to witness the unnerving sight of Lee Taeyong scooting out from his desk to turn in his multiplication sheet.

Unbelievable. Doyoung is always the first student to finish. Lee Taeyong must’ve missed an entire row, or something. His answers are probably all wrong.

Doyoung chews on his lower lip and tries to brush it off. Surely he’s just having a bad day. Tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow is not better. Lee Taeyong again finishes his multiplication sheet nine whole seconds before Doyoung. This time, when Lee Taeyong is walking back to his desk, he makes eye contact with Doyoung from across the room.

Maybe Doyoung just imagines the cocky smile plastered on Lee Taeyong’s face. Maybe.

After school, Doyoung practices his multiplication tables for three hours. Gongmyung mocks him for being a nerd but Doyoung never really valued Gongmyung’s opinion.

The next morning, Doyoung finishes his sheet fifteen seconds before Lee Taeyong. Not that he’s counting. (Of course he’s counting).

The school spelling bee rolls around in the spring. For the record, Doyoung competes every year and wins every year. Then he goes on to the district round and wins again. Doyoung has a row of beautiful, polished trophies on the shelf next to his bed to prove it. His name looks beautiful on trophies.

You can imagine the devastation Doyoung feels when he sees Lee Taeyong’s name already scrawled on the spelling bee sign-up sheet in the hallway.

“Lee Taeyong?” he hisses, dropping his pen with a loud clatter. His best friend Jaehyun obediently crouches down to retrieve the pen for him.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asks.

Doyoung smiles. “You’re right. He might be good at math, but there’s no way he can be good at math and spelling.” Doyoung takes the pen from Jaehyun and confidently writes his name down. He convinces himself that it’s actually nice to finally have a real opponent for once.

After a month of strict preparation, Doyoung feels more than ready for the spelling bee, and ready to obliterate Lee Taeyong’s dreams.

For the first time ever, Doyoung feels nervous stepping onto the spelling bee stage in front of the whole school. The stage lights feel suffocatingly hot and he can feel Lee Taeyong’s gaze burning into his back.

Unsurprisingly, Doyoung and Lee Taeyong are the last two students standing on the stage.

There is no doubt in Doyoung’s mind that Lee Taeyong will lose.

Doyoung decides to start a list of his least-favorite words later that day. The word to start the list? Connoisseur.

Gongmyung assures him on the ride home from school that placing second in the school spelling bee isn’t a bad thing, but Doyoung tunes out his words.

In December, the school hosts auditions for the Christmas pageant. It’s generally not a competitive event since most of the students are horrid performers, so Doyoung doesn’t break a sweat in his auditions.

Doyoung is horrified when he reads that Lee Taeyong has managed to land the main role of Rudolph, and Doyoung is stuck being the elf that wants to be a dentist. Doyoung is offended that his teachers think he would fit the role of an aspiring dentist. He hates going to the dentist almost as much as he hates Lee Taeyong.

“You still got one of the main roles!” Jaehyun reassures as he frowns down at the cast list. “I got… oh. I’m a reindeer that teases Rudolph for his red nose.”

“You’re lucky,” Doyoung grumbles. “I would die to publicly make fun of Lee Taeyong’s nose.”

Jaehyun suddenly gasps, pointing down at some writing on the bottom of the cast list. “We’re gonna be playing kazoos!” he says with way too much excitement.

The pageant runs smoothly, kazoos and all. Doyoung puts aside his bitterness and lets Lee Taeyong have his brief moment in the spotlight.

The Christmas pageant really doesn’t mean anything, Doyoung tells himself. Everyone will have forgotten about it after a month.

The ongoing rivalry between Doyoung and Lee Taeyong continues with no end in sight.

Doyoung never speaks to Lee Taeyong and he never plans on starting. Jaehyun tells Doyoung that Lee Taeyong is a nice person one day while they’re horsing around on Microsoft Paint on the computer in Doyoung’s house one afternoon, and Doyoung is affronted. Absolutely appalled and betrayed.

“What?!” Doyoung practically shrieks, turning in his leather swivel chair to face his best friend.

Jaehyun’s ears flush red. “I’m just saying. I talked to Taeyong the other day and he’s super cool! He likes Scooby-Doo and—”

“I don’t care what he likes,” Doyoung cuts off harshly. “I don’t remember seeing you talking to Lee Taeyong,” he notes. 

Jaehyun’s ears flush an even deeper shade of red. “Well—I—um. It was the day you were gone because you were sick. He invited me to play four square with him and a group of other kids at recess.”

Doyoung buries his face in his hands. “You’ve betrayed me.”

“Also, why do you call him Lee Taeyong?” Jaehyun asks, seeming completely unbothered by Doyoung’s statement. “Everyone else just calls him Taeyong.”

With a shake of his head, Doyoung calmly explains, “Lee Taeyong isn’t my friend. He hasn’t been granted the opportunity to be on a first-name basis with me.”

“Oh” is Jaehyun’s thrilling response.

“So what now?” Doyoung questions. “You’re just gonna abandon me for Lee Taeyong?”

“What? No! Of course not. We can all be friends, right?”

Doyoung laughs. “See, this is why I’m friends with you. You’re hilarious.”

Jaehyun laughs along innocently.

Doyoung doesn’t speak to Lee Taeyong until Lee Taeyong speaks to him first. This happens one autumn day several years later while Doyoung is cramming textbooks into his locker between classes.

It’s their young teenage years. Doyoung’s going through a weird emo phase that has resulted in him dying his hair with purple streaks and Lee Taeyong has the tackiest set of braces that gives him a slight lisp. 

“Hey, Doyoung,” Lee Taeyong greets joyfully. Doyoung despises the way his name sounds coming out of Lee Taeyong’s mouth. He also despises the way the light bounces off Lee Taeyong’s braces and nearly blinds him.

“Hi,” Doyoung replies curtly.

“What’s up?” Lee Taeyong asks.

Doyoung mindlessly takes his science book out of his locker. “Uh, you know. Just… life.” Doyoung puts the science book back in the locker, not entirely sure why he grabbed it in the first place. 

“I think we should call a truce,” Lee Taeyong explains.

“A truce?” Doyoung looks over skeptically.

“Yeah, you know,” Lee Taeyong mumbles sheepishly. “We’ve always been kind of… competitive around each other and I think it would be nice if we just got over that and became friends. You seem like a cool person.”

It takes every muscle in Doyoung’s body to stop himself from guffawing in Lee Taeyong’s face. For the sake of not hurting Lee Taeyong’s feelings, Doyoung decides to go along with it.

“Sure!” Doyoung says with all the fake kindness he can muster. “That would be great.”

Taeyong is delighted.

Doyoung honestly wants absolutely nothing to do with Taeyong. He figures it wouldn’t hurt to put on a fake smile for Taeyong while still continuing to hate every bone in his body.

Being friends with Taeyong essentially just entails not glaring at each other from across the room anymore. This makes Doyoung a bit sad because, honestly, sending Taeyong threatening glares was one of his favorite childhood pastimes.

Their silent “friendship” continues for the next few months. It collapses like this:

Doyoung is working with Jaehyun on a project in the school library one afternoon when Jaehyun suddenly blurts, out of nowhere, “I’m so glad you and Taeyong don’t hate each other anymore.”

Doyoung snorts. “You really think I stopped hating Taeyong?”

Jaehyun looks clueless. “Yeah? You’ve finally stopped complaining about him and I’ve seen you guys smile at each other.”

“Only because it’s what he wanted,” Doyoung promises. “I couldn’t care less about being his friend. He’s still a self-centered brat. All he wants is attention and he thinks befriending me is the way to get more of it, as if he doesn’t already have enough.”

Jaehyun looks unsettled. “Doyoung…” he starts. “I think Taeyong’s just trying to be nice.”

Doyoung merely shrugs. “What can I say? Taeyong unleashes an anger deep inside me that I didn’t even know I had.”

Jaehyun goes quiet and Doyoung resumes writing on their poster board for a few seconds until suddenly a figure darts out from behind one of the bookcases in the back of the room.

It’s Taeyong. There’s tears in his eyes, and he’s in a desperate rush to escape the library, almost tripping over a chair on his way out.

Doyoung’s mouth unhinges in horror when he realizes what’s just happened, but before he can say anything, Taeyong’s already left the library.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun scolds.

“I—” Doyoung freezes, looking at Jaehyun in stunned horror. There’s a horrible feeling at the bottom of his stomach. He didn’t mean for Taeyong to hear any of that. “What do I do?”

Jaehyun looks at Doyoung like he’s just grown another head. “Are you really asking me? I don’t think there’s much room for debate.”

Doyoung should apologize. He knows that. It’s the right thing to do.

“But he’ll… what if he thinks I’m weird for apologizing? Or he thinks it’s not genuine?”

Jaehyun looks severely unimpressed. “Doyoung.”

Right.

Doyoung swallows his pride and races after Taeyong out of the library and down the hallway. The hallways are completely empty at this hour, thankfully, but it takes Doyoung a few minutes to locate Taeyong. 

He finally asks himself where he would go if he was feeling incredibly lonely and sad in the middle of the day, and he finds himself wandering into the boys’ restroom. At first he thinks it’s empty, but then he hears a sniffle and sees a pair of feet under one of the stalls. 

Doyoung’s never felt like more of a monster, knowing that he was the cause of this. Knowing that he’s essentially a bully.

“Taeyong,” Doyoung blurts out. He knocks lightly on Taeyong’s stall door, as if Taeyong would ever open it for him. “I really didn’t mean it like that. I swear.”

Taeyong doesn’t respond. There’s another sniffle from inside the locked stall.

“I’m sorry, Taeyong. Please open the door.”

A long pause. Then, a soft and broken, “Leave me alone.” Taeyong cries harder, his soft sobs reverberating off the bathroom walls. 

Any camaraderie forming between Doyoung and Taeyong disintegrates after that. Taeyong no longer smiles at Doyoung, but he doesn’t glare at him either; he ignores Doyoung altogether.

Doyoung thinks he can get used to it. In fact, Taeyong ignoring his existence is a good thing, and it’s more liberating than anything else.

Until Doyoung shows up to school one morning to find his science project sabotaged.

He knows he shouldn’t have left his project at school overnight. Really, he’s an idiot for thinking that keeping his experiment at school would be safer than at home. The soda Doyoung had been using has been replaced with soy sauce, giving him no viable results.

It would be less of an issue if the science fair wasn’t in four days and his project didn’t require over a week to produce results. Doyoung has no data and no time.

“How could you?” Doyoung snarls at Taeyong in the hallway after school. Doyoung’s suspicions are confirmed when Taeyong looks at him and just blinks in silence. “You’re so immature.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Yeah, definitely. I’m immature for trying to be friends with you. Forgive me.” Taeyong rolls his eyes again. Doyoung wants his head, roasted on a skewer.

“I told you I was sorry and you know that was a mistake,” Doyoung begins, “but ruining my science project is so low. It’s—straight up unethical. And definitely against the rules! You’ll get disqualified.”

Taeyong snorts. “Since when did you care about ethics?”

Doyoung leans over and slams Taeyong’s locker shut in his face. “You know what? I take my apology back. You really are a brat.”

Instinctively, Taeyong pushes Doyoung away from him. “Leave me alone, Doyoung.”

A crowd begins to gather around them shortly after Doyoung pushes Taeyong back.

“You can’t handle the concept of me having a better project than you,” Doyoung accuses. “You’re so desperate to get whatever you want and it’s sickening. You just can’t cope with the fact that I actually stood a better chance at winning. How can you live with yourself, being this selfish?”

For a brief moment, Doyoung thinks Taeyong is going to burst into tears again. Taeyong shakes his head and his bottom lip quivers, but before any tears can spill, he uses both hands to push off Doyoung’s chest, sending Doyoung stumbling back.

“Doyoung,” a voice says sternly. Jaehyun emerges from the crowd and grips Doyoung’s arm—tightly, ow?—and drags him away from Taeyong and over to a quieter corridor, where there isn’t a group of students starving to see a fight.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun repeats again, placing his hands on Doyoung’s shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact.

“What?” Doyoung finally spits out. “He destroyed my science project.”

“So now you guys are beating each other up in the hallway for everyone to see? What is this, cable TV?”

Jaehyun means well, and Doyoung knows it. But that doesn’t stop Doyoung from arguing with, “It’s not your battle to fight.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Jaehyun says. “You’re both being ridiculous. You two need to let this go. It’s not healthy.”

“Wh—” Doyoung is baffled. “Why don’t you tell that to him?”

“I do!” Jaehyun protests. “I do tell him this. But he—” Jaehyun stops himself and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just go home, Doyoung, okay? Get some rest. It’s just a science project. Don’t let this destroy you. Life will go on.”

It’s raining outside. Heavily. On Doyoung’s way out of the building, his gaze lands on a familiar and hideous red bicycle parked on the bike rack.

As Doyoung removes the seat from the bike, all he can think about is the pure boiling hatred he possesses for Taeyong. Doyoung takes the bike seat home with him even though he has no use for it. He sleeps soundly that night, thinking about how miserable Taeyong must’ve been, walking home in the rain and dragging his bike alongside.

In high school, a terrible thing happens. Well, two terrible things happen.

Firstly, puberty does wonders to Taeyong. Cutie Taeyong becomes Hottie Taeyong and it makes Doyoung hate him even more. What did Taeyong do to deserve good genetics?

Taeyong gets flocked by girls shooting desperate heart-eyes at him on a daily basis. Doyoung—who recently came to terms with the fact that he’s one-hundred percent gay after making out with Kim Jungwoo under the bleachers—doesn’t crave attention from the girls, but still finds himself suppressing bitterness. Like, he’s not into girls, but it would be nice to have hundreds of people pining over him simultaneously.

Secondly, Jaehyun befriends Yuta and Ten (read: Taeyong’s best friends). Doyoung gets an uneasy feeling in his stomach at the sight of Jaehyun sitting with Yuta and Ten in the cafeteria, the three of them laughing together heartily. Doyoung thinks that maybe if he’s quick, he can dash out of the cafeteria unnoticed and claim that he was feeling sick and went home for lunch.

Unfortunately, Jaehyun makes eye contact with him before he gets the chance to escape, and he enthusiastically gestures for Doyoung to join them.

Fuck.

Doyoung waddles over slowly and sets his lunch tray down next to Jaehyun’s.

Doyoung doesn’t have a problem with Yuta or Ten. He actually thinks they seem like pretty cool people. But he absolutely does have a problem with—

Taeyong sets his tray down next to Ten, directly across the lunch table from Doyoung. He makes heavy eye contact with Doyoung, as if he’s silently threatening to decapitate him. Doyoung looks away and nervously stabs his mashed potatoes.

“So, is this gonna be a regular thing now?” Doyoung asks when he’s over at Jaehyun’s house later that evening. “Hanging out with Yuta and Ten and… Taeyong?”

The only accepted answer: “No.”

The answer that Jaehyun gives him: “Yeah, probably.”

“Oh.” Doyoung puts on a fake smile. “Fun!” he squeaks sarcastically.

Jaehyun sighs. “It’s been years, Doyoung. You guys can’t do this forever.”

“Of course we can,” Doyoung snaps back.

“Just please at least try to be friendly with each other,” Jaehyun requests.

“It’s not worth it,” Doyoung challenges. “We’re graduating in two years and then I’ll never see his face ever again. Why waste the little energy I have trying to make a troll happy?”

With an eye roll, Jaehyun says, “Because it’s the right thing to do. And, anyway, you’d think the two smartest kids at school would want to team up and combine their intellect to become unstoppable, right? So why isn’t that happening?”

“I don’t need or want Taeyong’s intellect,” Doyoung spits with outrage. “I’m fine on my own.”

Doyoung doesn’t continue after that, too pissed at Jaehyun’s obnoxious request. Jaehyun should know better, really. How can he expect Doyoung to forgive someone who just showed up one day and decided he would overshadow Doyoung in every area?

“Plus,” Jaehyun softly interrupts Doyoung’s thoughts, “you and I and this whole school all know he’s not ugly.”

Doyoung furrows his brow at him.

“He has a jaw, is all I’m saying,” Jaehyun counters.

Caressing his own jaw, Doyoung argues, “I have a jaw, too.”

“Yeah, but… it’s not Taeyong’s jaw.”

Doyoung is mystified. “You’re right. That’s because I’m Doyoung. I’m better than Taeyong. By default, so is my jaw.”

Jaehyun has a slight smile on his face, but he’s not looking at Doyoung. He’s zoning off into space, probably thinking about Taeyong’s jaw. Doyoung rolls his eyes and gives him a slight shove to bring him back to reality.

For the next three weeks, Doyoung makes no effort to alleviate the tension between him and Taeyong. Taeyong ignores him entirely, acting like Doyoung just simply isn’t a member of the five-person squad they’ve formed.

On the fourth week, Jaehyun, Yuta, and Ten decide that they’ve had enough of this.

Ten (1:08 PM)

meet me in the gym after school

gotta talk to u

Doyoung doesn’t question it, and heads over to the gym after tossing his books in his locker. His friends are sitting on the lower bleachers, patiently waiting.

“What’s up?” Doyoung asks.

Before his friends can say anything, the door to the gym clicks open behind him and he turns around to face Taeyong. The smile on Taeyong’s face disappears instantly after making eye contact with Doyoung.

“Whatever this is, make it quick,” Taeyong says. “I’ve got a ton of bio reading to do.”

Jaehyun, Yuta, and Ten exchange glances with each other, and then Ten speaks.

“Let’s cut straight to the chase. You guys need to stop being immature around each other.” Doyoung and Taeyong both open their mouths to argue, and Ten cuts them off abruptly. “No excuses. None of us want to hear it because we’ve already heard them all.”

“So we thought we could do a little game, since we know you’re both super competitive,” Yuta explains. “A bet, sort of. You guys have to give each other genuine compliments every day until one of you either forgets or can’t bring yourself to do it anymore. They have to be real compliments; you can’t just lie to each other. Also, any participant caught talking shit about their opponent in any way, shape, or form will be immediately disqualified and deemed the loser.”

Taeyong snorts. “This is so childish.”

“How would you guys know if it’s genuine, anyway?” Doyoung asks. “And what counts as a compliment and what doesn’t? Like, if I say Taeyong looks like a horse, I could totally argue that I meant it in a nice way. I’m sure some people would find it flattering.”

“Fuck off,” Taeyong mumbles. “You look like a horse.”

“Guys, really!” Jaehyun says loudly. They both shut up out of fear; Jaehyun rarely raises his voice out of annoyance. “This is exactly what we’re talking about!” Jaehyun goes on. “There’s no need to tear each other’s throats out over nothing. Taeyong, you don’t look like a horse.”

There’s a short silence before Taeyong mutters, “Thanks.”

“Whatever.” Doyoung crosses his arms in disagreement. “What’s in it for us?”

“Well,” Ten says. “We figured the loser’s punishment could be getting a haircut from the winner.”

Taeyong shakes his head. “But—”

“A haircut?” Doyoung interrupts. “You’re telling me I could make Taeyong bald?”

Yuta nods with a huge smile.

“Wait a second,” Taeyong begins. “What if we both agree to not do it? Then there’s no winner and no loser.” He turns to Doyoung. “Like, obviously you wouldn’t want to do this either. You would have to compliment me every day.”

“I’m down for the game,” Doyoung states adamantly, crushing Taeyong’s suggestion.

There’s a mixture of confusion and anger written on Taeyong’s face. “Wh—why would you want to do this?”

Doyoung just shrugs. “It’s easy and pays off nicely. And, of course, I would never be on board with anything you suggest. Pissing you off is at the top of my agenda.”

Taeyong is seething. “Doyoung, don’t be ridicul—”

“You have a nice jaw,” Doyoung interrupts with a smile.

Taeyong looks stunned, mouth hanging open. Then he looks flustered, face flushing red like a tomato, and it’s a hilarious sight.

“Your move,” Doyoung says scathingly.  

Taeyong blanks for a long eight seconds before spitting out in a nervously high voice, “I guess you have nice shoulders.”

“You guess?” Ten pries. “It has to be genuine, remember?”

Taeyong groans and shoots a glare at Ten. “Youhaveniceshoulders,” he tells Doyoung rapidly, staring down at the gym floor.

Jaehyun cheers and claps like this is the greatest development he’s ever witnessed. “So it’s on!”

The first few days aren’t terrible, and it’s sort of empowering to see Taeyong crumble into pieces after every compliment he receives from Doyoung.

On the first day, Doyoung tells Taeyong that he has “beautiful” eyes, and (once Taeyong’s stopped furiously blushing) Taeyong compliments Doyoung’s hands. Then they cut off communications for the rest of the day. Rinse and repeat for the next week.

When Doyoung agreed on joining the game, he didn’t analyze the ramifications as comprehensively as he should have. Exchanging compliments with someone you barely know is difficult, awkward, and almost painful. Doyoung runs out of compliment ideas fairly quickly once he’s exhausted all of the superficial ones, and then he’s stuck in a rut in the second week, realizing he doesn’t actually know anything about Taeyong’s personality.

Jaehyun tells him that the simplest way around that is to take the time to get to know Taeyong, and Doyoung scoffs at the absurdity coming out of his best friend’s mouth.

Since Doyoung and Taeyong don’t have any classes together, they usually rely on their meetings at lunchtime to begrudgingly share their compliments. This is an okay system until Taeyong doesn’t show up to school one day.

Doyoung sort of panics when he enters the cafeteria and doesn’t see Taeyong already sitting with Yuta and Ten.

“Where’s Taeyong?” he asks, eyes wide.

Yuta chokes on his taco. “Never thought I’d ever hear Kim Doyoung ask that.” Doyoung narrows his eyes at him.

“He’s sick,” Ten replies.

“Oh,” Doyoung says. “So that means the game is off for today, right?”

“Nice try,” Jaehyun says, setting his tray down next to Doyoung. “It’s the twenty-first century. Find other ways to communicate with him.”

“Do texts count?”

His friends look at each other. “I say no,” Ten says.

“Nah, it should be delivered verbally,” Yuta adds on with a sly smile.

“You guys suck,” Doyoung decides instantly. “What if neither of us give a compliment today?”

“Then the person who gave the last compliment yesterday wins,” Ten tells him.

Doyoung groans exasperatedly. Taeyong gave the last compliment yesterday, so it’s Doyoung’s job to initiate a phone call.

Just in case Taeyong’s feeling nice, Doyoung waits a few hours after school to see if maybe he won’t have to make the call first. When Doyoung’s phone never lights up with a phone call, Doyoung finally taps Taeyong’s name in his contacts list (“Life Ruiner”) and lets the line ring. He’s not sure why his heart is pounding in his chest while he waits for Taeyong to pick up. If Taeyong picks up. What if he doesn’t? Leave a voicemail?

There’s a click, and then a nasally voice pompously says, “I’ve been waiting.”

Doyoung suddenly realizes he’s an idiot. “Wait,” he says. “I didn’t—I forgot to think of a compliment before I hit the call button.” He’s panicking internally, dreading the impending awkward silence.

“Take your time,” Taeyong reassures. “There’s so many wonderful things about me. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble.”

Doyoung bites back a sarcastic remark and pauses to think. The line falls silent aside from the faint din of music coming from Taeyong’s end.

“I like your photography,” Doyoung finally says.

Taeyong scoffs. “You haven’t even seen my photos. It has to be a genuine compliment. Try again.”

Doyoung gulps. “Yes, I have. I’ve seen your Instagram posts.”

“Oh?” Taeyong says, satisfaction laced into his tone. There’s a faint shuffling on the line, like Taeyong’s settling in to hear a story. “But you don’t even follow me.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes, despite knowing that Taeyong can’t see him. “I’ve lurked.”

“Oh?” Taeyong says again. Doyoung can easily visualize the shit-eating grin on his face. “How often?”

“I don’t have to tell you that,” Doyoung challenges.

“C’mon, Doyoung.”

“Fine, then. Every single day. Three times a day. Guess you could say I’m in love.”

“No, be honest!” Taeyong protests. “I wanna know the truth. Just out of curiosity.”

“That’s a funny way of saying ‘to satisfy my ego.’”

“Doyooouuung,” Taeyong whines.

“Just like… once or twice, okay? Now where’s my compliment?”

“Which one’s your favorite photo?” Taeyong prompts.

“This is totally against the rules of the game,” Doyoung complains. “I’m being unreasonably questioned. Just give me your compliment, or don’t. I’m more than ready to shave your head.”

“Let me think,” Taeyong says. A few seconds pass and then he says, “I’ve always admired your intelligence.”

Doyoung hoots. “Wow, really?”

There’s an annoyed groan. “Yes, really. I’m going to hang up now.”

And then Taeyong’s gone. Doyoung stares down at his silent phone, perplexed about what’s just happened. That might’ve been the longest conversation he’s ever had with Taeyong, at a whopping length of one minute and thirty-six seconds.

Taeyong isn’t at school the next day either, so Doyoung calls him once he’s home from his after school activities.

“You know, you’re missing a lot of schoolwork,” he reprimands Taeyong.

As if on cue, Taeyong lets out three violent sneezes and Doyoung holds the phone away from his ear in case germs are capable of traveling via phone call. “I didn’t choose this life,” Taeyong finally says groggily. “Aren’t you gonna say bless you?”

“No. I’m starting to think you’re skipping school because you like getting phone calls from me.”

“In your dreams, Kim Doyoung.”

“Oh, please. I have way more exciting dreams than that.”

“Whatever.” Taeyong sneezes again. “Just give me the compliment.”

“You have cute sneezes,” Doyoung says impulsively. His face heats up.

Taeyong hums contemplatively. “Thanks. You, uh…” There’s a short pause. “I like your handwriting.”

“You’ve never seen my handwriting,” Doyoung says.

Taeyong becomes antsy, and it’s apparent in his tone. “I—yes I did! You—I saw you—uh—you were helping Jaehyun with homework the other day at lunch and… I peeked.”

Doyoung smirks. “Copying my notes?”

“I don’t want your notes,” Taeyong scoffs.

“You sure? You have missed two days of class, after all.”

Taeyong hesitates. “But we’re in different sections.”

“Same material, though.”

“What if you give me the wrong notes? Why should I trust you?” Taeyong questions.

“Who do you think I am? An asshole?”

“Sort of,” Taeyong affirms. “You did call me a self-centered brat in middle school when I harmlessly tried to be friends with you.”

Doyoung’s a little surprised that Taeyong remembers the exact wording, and guilt seeps into him.

“Only ’cause you were,” Doyoung argues.

The line goes silent while Doyoung waits for Taeyong to shoot back an equally harsh comment, but it never comes.

“We were both brats,” Doyoung adds on because he hates himself. It’s like he’s adding fuel to the fire instead of extinguishing it. “You know I didn’t mean for you to hear it,” he says, as if that’s reassuring.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you believed it.” Taeyong’s voice is soft and Doyoung can feel his discomfort through the phone. “I’ve gotta go,” Taeyong mutters.

“Wait,” Doyoung starts. “I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Doyoung states. “It really isn’t. I shouldn’t have said those things about you, and I shouldn’t have even thought them in the first place.”

“It is what it is,” Taeyong says, sadness weighing down his voice. “Can’t change the past.”

“I wish I could, though,” Doyoung says, almost desperately. “Taeyong, please believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His words are genuine, whether Taeyong believes him or not.

“I’ve really gotta go,” Taeyong says. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Taeyong.”

The game continues for another dreadful week. Doyoung is scrambling for any compliments he can think of at this point. As a result, he ends up telling Taeyong ridiculous things like “I like how you always manage to wear matching socks.” 

Their friends are impressed and also impatient that they’ve managed to keep it going for this long.

“What if the game never ends?” Yuta asks one day while they're in the cafeteria.

“Then I get a compliment every day for the rest of my life,” Doyoung says with a beam. “It’s the opposite of a problem.” He glances over at Taeyong, who rolls his eyes with a hint of a smile.

A smile! That’s good news.

Doyoung’s never seen Taeyong smile because of him before. It’s cute. Doyoung’s pretty sure a litter of puppies was just born somewhere because of it.

“You have a nice smile,” Doyoung tells him impulsively.

Taeyong looks up from where he was staring down at the broccoli on his lunch tray, now appearing perplexed. “But you already gave me a compliment today.”

“It’s your lucky day,” Doyoung replies nonchalantly.

“Whatever,” Taeyong says, trying to seem uninterested but dismally failing when his cheeks turn red.

Several months pass and Doyoung can feel Taeyong’s guarded walls come slowly crashing down. He opens up to Doyoung more, and vice versa. They begin talking to each other separate from the rest of their friend group, and then it blossoms into late night texting conversations complaining about how their school splurges too much funding on sports while neglecting artistic and musical extracurricular activities.

Three months. That’s how long it’s been since the game started.

“Three months,” Taeyong says one day, bounding up to Doyoung who’s stuffing books into his locker. “If my calculations are correct, that’s ninety-two compliments you’ve given me, including that bonus compliment and not including today’s compliment.”

“You must feel special,” Doyoung says, “considering you went through all that unnecessary math.”

“I do feel special,” Taeyong says with the widest beam. “But the game must end eventually.”

“So why don’t you end it?” Doyoung asks. “You have the power.”

“Because you’d look stunning as a bald man,” Taeyong answers. “And, yeah, this is your compliment for today.”

“Wow,” Doyoung says, dragging out the syllable. “I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or challenged.” He closes his locker and turns to face Taeyong. “Well, I think you would look breathtaking as a bald person. You could even wax your shiny head.”

It’s a stupid compliment, but it doesn’t stop Taeyong from blushing and averting eye contact. The way Taeyong becomes a flustered mess every single time he gets a compliment from Doyoung never fails to fill Doyoung with pride. Knowing he has the power to turn Taeyong into a crumbling cookie with just a few simple words swells him with confidence.

Another week passes with no end in sight and the game becomes a normal part of their routine, as ritualistic as brushing your teeth or applying deodorant.

Jungwoo, the boy who Doyoung had frequently made out with under the school bleachers during gym class, asks Doyoung to the winter formal dance. Jungwoo is cute and pure and radiates happiness. He also makes Doyoung’s stomach do weird flippy somersaults. So Doyoung accepts, and they’re casually dating in no time.

They’re the first openly gay couple at school, so they receive an overwhelming amount of attention. Fortunately, negative comments are smothered by the swarm of positive comments. Doyoung’s on cloud nine when he holds Jungwoo’s hand as they walk through the halls together.

It’s sunshine and lollipops and everything nice.

Taeyong is bitter about their relationship. He claims he isn’t, but it’s an obvious lie.

When Jungwoo starts sitting with them at lunch, Taeyong stops talking. He looks past Jungwoo as if Jungwoo isn’t there, and he abstains from giving Doyoung his daily compliment if Jungwoo’s around. He waits until later in the day, when Doyoung’s alone.

“Why do you keep asking me if I’m bitter about your relationship?” Taeyong spits out, bitterly, when Doyoung asks him again one day after school out by the bike racks. “I’m not bitter. I’m perfectly fine with being single.”

“You don’t even make an effort to talk to Jungwoo,” Doyoung points out.

“I just… never know what to say,” Taeyong says. “I’m awkward around strangers.”

Doyoung narrows his eyes.

“What?” Taeyong shoots out, affronted. “Am I not allowed to be awkward?”

“But you get along with almost everyone. This is just so un-Taeyong-like.”

Taeyong glares coldly at Doyoung. “It’s not that big of a deal, Doyoung. Quit making it one.” And then he hops onto his bike and pedals off.

Sunshine and lollipops rapidly turn into cloudy days and… the opposite of lollipops.

Doyoung and Jungwoo start getting into arguments. The arguments ignite over small things, like Doyoung jokingly criticizing the way Jungwoo slowly ties his shoes—except Jungwoo doesn’t take it jokingly, and it escalates into screaming, swiftly followed by the silent treatment.

At night, Doyoung reads articles on his phone about whether or not this is normal in a relationship. Google reassures him that arguments are completely healthy, so Doyoung doesn’t break a sweat and decides to just wait for the ice between them to melt.

But the ice doesn’t melt, and Jungwoo views Doyoung’s passiveness as carelessness.

One Saturday night, Doyoung’s invited Taeyong and Jaehyun over to his house for a movie night. Yuta had left earlier in the week on a retreat with his family and Ten had fallen ill, so it was just the three of them.

Jaehyun’s disappeared briefly to pick up some pizza, leaving Doyoung and Taeyong sitting alone in painful silence as they both scroll on their phones, ignoring each other.

It’s this same night that Doyoung receives a horrendous text from Jungwoo.

Jungwoo <3 (6:21 PM)

Look, Doyoung. I think we should take a break…

Doyoung frantically expands the notification, hoping that maybe Jungwoo’s just pulling a prank.

Jungwoo <3 (6:21 PM)

I think we should take a break from our relationship. It’s not you, it’s me. I just need some time to myself. Hope you understand. Wish you the best.

“Fuck,” Doyoung breathes out after re-reading the message six times. How could Jungwoo just dump him like that? Via such a soulless text message? The least he could’ve done is thrown in an emoji.

“What’s up?” Taeyong asks.

Doyoung looks over. “Oh, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“You look pale as a ghost,” Taeyong assesses.

“I’m fine,” Doyoung lies. “It’s nothing. Just read something weird.”

“Something... weird?” Taeyong repeats.

“Something wonky,” Doyoung clarifies.

Taeyong cocks an eyebrow.

Awesome. He wants more details.

Doyoung takes a deep breath before launching into: “Jungwoo and I have been getting into a lot of stupid fights recently—they’re not that serious, really!—and he just sent me a text basically giving up on our relationship and dumping me. So I guess this isn’t the best night for me.”

Taeyong’s mouth falls open in shock. He closes it and opens it again several times like a fish. “I—I’m so sorry, Doyoung.” He lifts up his arms in confusion, like he wants to do something with them but he’s not sure what.

“It’s whatever. Just baby’s first break-up,” Doyoung jokes as he tries to fight back tears. “What do people normally do in this situation? Cry?”

Taeyong’s eyes are wide and scared now and his hands are still being held up in the air awkwardly. “I—I don’t know,” he stutters out. “How do you feel?”

“Shitty,” Doyoung replies instantly. It’s the only thing he’s sure of. He wipes at his eyes, trying to eliminate any tears.

“Would it—help if I gave you a hug?” Taeyong asks.

“No, I’ll be fine,” Doyoung says. “It wasn’t serious. We’d only been dating for a couple of months, anyway. Don’t worry about me.”

Taeyong looks uncertain but he nods.

Turns out, you can catch really intense feelings for someone in the span of two months, no matter how much Doyoung tries to deny it. He tells himself he’s pathetic for being so upset, but he can’t help it. Jungwoo seemed so sweet and he really thought they had potential to last longer.

Doyoung gulps. “Actually, I’ll take you up on the hug offer.”

Wasting no time to hesitate, Taeyong throws his lanky arms around Doyoung in what can only be described as the most uncomfortable hug of all time. But he means well, so the gesture feels almost like Taeyong’s placing a lopsided band-aid on Doyoung’s broken heart. Like, it’s a really cheap band-aid that’s sure to fall off in a couple of minutes, but it helps somewhat.

“You’re better off without him,” Taeyong says.

Doyoung means to agree, but tears spill from his eyes at that same moment and instead of saying anything out loud, he just buries his face in Taeyong’s shoulder, clinging onto him like a sad koala.

“I just don’t understand what I did wrong,” Doyoung mumbles into the fabric of Taeyong’s shirt. “All I did was give him some space and he thinks that means I don’t care about him. Also, I’m so sorry, I’ve got salty tears all over your shirt now. This is so embarrassing.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Taeyong tells him. “Just breathe.” He rubs comforting circles on Doyoung’s back and holds him until Doyoung pulls away. “You feel any better?” Taeyong asks.

“Sort of,” Doyoung says, eyes red and stinging. He can’t believe Taeyong has to see him like this. He wants to jump out of his skin. “Thanks.”

Taeyong offers him a dopey smile and volunteers to get him some water from the kitchen.

It takes Doyoung a few minutes to get his tears under control, but fortunately he does it before Jaehyun’s returned with three pizza boxes in tow. Jaehyun asks about the puffy eyes and Doyoung just blames it on allergies. Taeyong doesn’t call him out for his lie.

Once Doyoung eventually gets around to admitting the truth to his friends, they’re all practically tripping over their feet to shower him with support.

But weirdly enough, Taeyong’s there for him more than anyone. He lets Doyoung rant over the phone and convinces Doyoung that being alone can sometimes be better than being caught up in a relationship. His little gestures end up meaning a lot to Doyoung.

Finals comes around the corner at full speed, nearly knocking Doyoung off his feet. Fortunately, he’s mostly gotten over Jungwoo by this point, so he’s able to focus on his classes.

The classes that he remembers, at least.

Doyoung finds himself having a nervous meltdown the Sunday before finals week starts. He’s just remembered that he has a chemistry final the next day at 8 AM and he’d completely forgotten to study. He’d spent so much time focusing on his math final that studying for his chemistry class never occurred to him.

So he begins his pitiful journey of attempting to cram an entire semester’s worth of material into one grueling day. By midnight, the desk in his room is buried under diagrams and notes. His mind is brimming with so much knowledge that it hurts, his eyes are begging for sleep, and his stomach is screaming for food.

For the first time in hours, he turns his phone over to see his lockscreen flooded with notifications. The most recent one is a text from Taeyong.

Life Ruiner (12:01 AM)

It’s 12:01 :D

Doyoung doesn’t know what that means, so he opens up the message page. Another string of texts from Taeyong rests above it, received at around 6:30.

Life Ruiner (6:35 PM)

Doyoung?? U there?

Life Ruiner (6:44 PM)

Helloooooooo

Life Ruiner (6:48 PM)

Doyoung pls pick up the phone :(

Life Ruiner (7:02 PM)

U didn’t answer so I left ur compliment as a voicemail

Guess I’m gonna winnnnnn

Doyoung lets out an audible gasp and drops his phone on the floor. He’d forgotten to give Taeyong a compliment on Sunday. The alarm clock in the corner of his room now glows the numbers 12:18 in a harsh, red light.

He lost the game.

Part of Doyoung hopes that Taeyong won’t do anything too horrendous to his hair. Maybe have some sympathy. 

Taeyong ends up shaving off the top of Doyoung’s head, leaving the sides and the back like a weird mullet. Doyoung almost cries the first time he looks in a mirror with that haircut, practically begging Taeyong to just shave it all off.

Unfortunately, Jaehyun, Yuta, and Ten tell him he has to keep the nauseating haircut for at least a week before he can shave it all off.

Needless to say, Doyoung wears a hat for the next three months. 

: :

Taeyong leaves Doyoung’s life immediately after graduation. They head off to different colleges and promise to stay in contact—but they don’t. Yuta and Ten decide to study abroad and their connections fizzle out as well. Doyoung finds himself missing Taeyong occasionally, but his pride holds him back from reaching out. The last thing he wants is to appear desperate. He’d spent many years without Taeyong’s friendship and surely he can survive many more. 

Furthermore, Doyoung reasons that if Taeyong misses him too then he would reach out to Doyoung. And he hasn’t done that. So Doyoung’s memories with Taeyong get sent to the back of his mind as he tries to forget about Taeyong’s existence.

Doyoung and Jaehyun commit to the same colleges up north and spend their entire freshman year joined at the hip. They go to classes together, they attend parties together, and they procrastinate their assignments together. 

Jaehyun seems to go through a second puberty following high school graduation. Doyoung had always thought Jaehyun’s head was rather big when they were kids (and he’d occasionally teased him about looking like a bobblehead), but his proportions are perfect now.

In fact, everything about Jaehyun is perfect. His pristine skin. His six pack that starts developing when he begins regularly going to the campus recreation center. His smile. Oh god, his smile. 

To be blunt, Doyoung’s heart swells in Jaehyun’s presence. Which is weird. Really weird. Who develops a crush on their own best friend?

And that’s exactly the problem. Doyoung can never confess because it would destroy the friendship they’ve built. Doyoung can’t imagine losing his best friend. He has a hard enough time going through relationship breakups, and losing Jaehyun would probably destroy him. 

Furthermore, Doyoung figures it’s unreasonable to hope the feelings are mutual. As far as Doyoung is aware, Jaehyun is straight. Although Jaehyun has never opened up about having a serious relationship with anyone, he’s mentioned a few of his casual dating experiences to Doyoung, and they’ve all been with girls. 

But sometimes lines get a little blurred between them. Like one winter night in their dorm room when Jaehyun asks if he can sleep in Doyoung’s bed with him because he’s cold. How could Doyoung say no? Well, Jaehyun also happens to be a really cuddly person. Doyoung wakes up in the middle of the night with Jaehyun sprawled across the bed, practically on top of him, and Doyoung has to inconspicuously nudge him away. 

Furthermore, Movie nights always result in Jaehyun pressing himself up against poor Doyoung, who has to focus so hard on visualizing dead kittens in his head in an effort to kill his boner that he ends up forgetting everything about the movie they’re watching. To sum it up, it’s inconvenient. 

The summer after freshman year, Doyoung literally bumps into Taeyong at a small convenience store in his college town. Doyoung rounds the corner rather quickly, not expecting there to be a person on the other side of the shelves, and he ends up dropping his energy drink on the floor when they collide.

Taeyong begins frantically apologizing and then he stops himself immediately and gasps.

“Oh my god, Doyoung!” Taeyong exclaims.

Doyoung feels… surprisingly happy. But instead of saying something cheesy and sentimental, Doyoung quips, “I honestly thought you were dead this whole time.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Taeyong jokes.

They hug. They catch up a bit on their college experiences. And then Doyoung asks Taeyong what he’s doing in this part of the country.

“I’m transferring schools next year, actually. Decided I want to be a bit closer to home. So I’m in town for an orientation this weekend.”

And that’s how Doyoung, Taeyong, and Jaehyun end up signing a lease for a three-person apartment for the upcoming school year. 

It’s thrilling at first. The three of them spend the entire summer gaming until the sun rises and consuming copious amounts of alcohol to drown their academic woes. Taeyong keeps their apartment tidy, Jaehyun keeps the houseplants alive, and Doyoung… is Doyoung. It’s a wonderful system.

Unfortunately, Doyoung’s feelings for Jaehyun remain fixed. Doyoung is fortunate that he no longer has to share a bedroom with Jaehyun because it means he has fewer face-to-face interactions to worry about, but the feelings still remain embedded in his heart. 

Doyoung downloads Tinder and Bumble and every dating app under the sun in an effort to distract himself from Jaehyun. It helps, somewhat. Doyoung goes out with a couple of guys and the excitement definitely gets his mind off Jaehyun, but the relationships always seem to die down quickly. It’s fine because Doyoung isn’t looking for anything serious, just something to keep him busy.

By the end of the summer, Doyoung has thrown so much water onto the fire known as Doyoung’s Crush On Jaehyun that the fire’s almost completely extinguished. With Doyoung’s daily reminders to himself that Jaehyun is straight and Doyoung’s Crush On Jaehyun has a zero percent chance of going anywhere, Doyoung thinks he’s ready to finally move on.

Until Doyoung and Taeyong return with groceries one evening to find a very distressed-looking Jaehyun sulking in the living room.

It’s very shocking at first, actually, because the lights are off when Doyoung and Taeyong get home, and Taeyong turns the lights on to find Jaehyun sitting criss-cross applesauce on the living room floor with red eyes and messy hair. It’s… the worst Jaehyun’s looked in the thirteen years that Doyoung’s been friends with him. 

Jaehyun’s two friends abandon their grocery bags in the kitchen and rush over to his side, desperately asking him what’s wrong. It takes a while for Jaehyun to admit the truth. At first, Jaehyun denies there being anything wrong—“Bullshit detected,” Taeyong argues—and then Jaehyun finds himself at a loss for words once he does try to open up.

“I think my family’s going to disown me,” Jaehyun finally croaks out. “My mom was really upset on the phone and I don’t know what to do. I guess—I don’t know—I’m sorry, I should’ve told you guys first.” Doyoung and Taeyong patiently wait for Jaehyun to explain, and he finally tells them, “I’m not straight. I called my family an hour ago and they didn’t take it well.” Jaehyun breaks down into more tears and Doyoung and Taeyong wrap him up in a tight group hug to hold him steady.

They reassure Jaehyun that it’s okay and he doesn’t have to apologize for being himself. But internally, Doyoung’s mind is freaking the fuck out.

Jaehyun’s not straight? How long has he known this? Who made him realize that he’s not straight? 

“I don’t think any of us are straight, so you’ve found the perfect friend group,” Taeyong teases, and then Doyoung’s mind practically shuts off.

Taeyong’s not straight either? Three gays in one friend group? Is this even statistically reasonable? 

Doyoung doesn’t get much sleep that night. The thought that Doyoung’s Crush On Jaehyun could actually develop into something more eats away at his mind. 

And then the worst thought intoxicates Doyoung’s brain.

What if Jaehyun has a crush on Taeyong?

Doyoung’s heart races out of jealousy. The timing would make sense. Taeyong moves in with them and suddenly Jaehyun’s having a sexuality crisis? And Jaehyun had definitely complimented Taeyong’s good looks back in high school. Fucking melted over Taeyong’s jaw.

It adds up. The mental image of Jaehyun and Taeyong going steady with each other while Doyoung third-wheels plagues his mind like a nightmare. It makes Doyoung nauseous. So nauseous that he gets out of bed at four in the morning and hovers over the toilet bowl for a half hour just in case anything comes up from his stomach. 

Doyoung really hates Taeyong. First Taeyong sabotages his grade school experience, and now he’s sabotaging Doyoung’s dating life. Doyoung just can’t catch a break.

Then it occurs to Doyoung that there is a way around this. A way that he could win. He just has to be more attractive than Taeyong.

Oh god. Be more attractive than Lee Taeyong? That won’t exactly be a walk in the park. 

But Doyoung’s up for the challenge. After all, Doyoung’s known Jaehyun way longer than Taeyong’s known Jaehyun, so he’s got an immediate advantage. 

From then on, Doyoung finds himself being highly in tune with all of Jaehyun and Taeyong’s interactions. Their eye contact. Their touches. Their laughs. Everything.

And there’s certainly a lot going on there, but not enough to give Doyoung a definite answer on what they’re thinking.

Doyoung decides to start doing little things for Jaehyun. Harmless things that could easily be attributed to just being a good friend. 

He surprises Jaehyun with spontaneous gifts. Sometimes it’s as simple as a snack from the bakery a few blocks away—“I was already there so I figured I’d get you a treat as well”—or as extravagant as the new pair of shoes that Jaehyun had been rambling on and on about for weeks.

“Wow, and I get absolutely nothing,” Taeyong whines petulantly one evening after Doyoung had given Jaehyun some new stationery. The three of them were just chilling on the couch when Doyoung remembered he got the notebook earlier in the day, so he retrieved it from his room, came back, and casually handed it over to Jaehyun.

“Well, the notebook has little puppies on it and Jaehyun was the first person that popped up in my head when I saw it at the art store,” Doyoung counters.

Taeyong rolls his eyes, and Doyoung is genuinely surprised at the bitterness. “I like puppies, too,” Taeyong states harshly, his cold stare seething into Doyoung’s eyes. 

Jaehyun uneasily glances over at Taeyong and holds the notebook out towards Taeyong. “Do you want the notebook, Taeyong? I already have some other notebooks.”

“No, it’s fine,” Taeyong says, but it’s clearly not fine. “Doyoung didn’t think of me when he saw the puppies; he thought of you.”

Taeyong gets up and walks back to his room, closing the door behind him with a loud slam. 

Doyoung feels a pang of guilt in the bottom of his stomach. The goal was to make Jaehyun admire him, not to make Taeyong upset. 

“Why does this always happen?” Doyoung grumbles, snagging the nearest couch cushion and burying his face in it.

“Hey,” Jaehyun begins. “I like the stationery. Don’t feel bad. Taeyong’s just feeling left out.” 

Doyoung apologizes to Taeyong the next morning. Taeyong sounds totally forgiving. He claims it was his fault for overreacting, and that’s the end of that issue.

But just as soon as that issue has been resolved, another issue pops up. 

Doyoung had always been Jaehyun’s biggest fan, but he decides to go the extra mile. Really, this just means he’s giving Jaehyun more spontaneous compliments. It’s an easy task because Jaehyun always looks amazing so Doyoung has an endless supply of compliments to give him. 

Taeyong, again, gets jealous. 

It’s a Saturday afternoon and Doyoung and Taeyong are playing an aggressive round of Super Smash Bros on the TV in the living room. Jaehyun suddenly wanders into the living room with a backpack slung over his shoulder. He’s wearing a backwards snapback with his hair pushed back and he’s wearing a very flattering muscle tank that shows off his biceps nicely.

Jaehyun looks like a fuckboy, but Doyoung is one hundred percent a fan. 

Doyoung pauses the video game to let Jaehyun know how amazing he looks, and Jaehyun blushes and shyly averts his gaze. 

“Where are you headed?” Doyoung asks.

“Just going to get lunch with Johnny and Donghyuck,” Jaehyun explains. 

He leaves a few minutes later and then Doyoung and Taeyong are alone again.

“What is going on?” Taeyong barks after the apartment door has fallen shut behind Jaehyun. 

Doyoung instinctively leans away from him, taken aback by the sudden aggressiveness. “What?”

“You,” Taeyong says. He makes a vague hand gesture towards Doyoung. “And your… thirst for Jaehyun.”

Doyoung frowns. “It’s not a thirst! Am I not allowed to tell my best friend that he looks good?”

Taeyong groans. “Yeah, thanks for reminding me Jaehyun’s your best friend. Your favorite best friend. Your only best friend. And Taeyong doesn’t exist. Thanks so much for reminding me.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Doyoung blurts out.

“Just very confused why you’re acting so strange around Jaehyun.”

“It’s not strange,” Doyoung insists. “I’m just hyping him up.”

“Uh huh, yeah, sure. Dude, even Jaehyun thinks it’s weird. You’re suddenly obsessed with him out of nowhere. First you’re showering Jaehyun in gifts and now you’re kissing his feet. I don’t think you’ve even complimented me once since that dumb game we did back in high school.”

“It’s kind of difficult to compliment you when you’re always throwing tantrums like this,” Doyoung says with a snap.

Taeyong lets out an irritated groan and averts his gaze away from Doyoung in favor of grouchily staring out the window next to him.

Fuck it, Doyoung decides.

“Do you like Jaehyun?” Doyoung asks candidly. “Is that why you’re so jealous all the time?”

Taeyong turns back to face Doyoung, and his mouth falls open in shock. He stares at Doyoung as if he’s just been accused of a crime.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Taeyong says, laughing a little.

Doyoung tries to read Taeyong’s expression, but it’s mostly indecipherable. Taeyong looks surprised but he doesn’t look embarrassed or guilty. 

“Well?” Doyoung prods impatiently.

Taeyong shakes his head, and at first Doyoung thinks Taeyong is denying his feelings for Jaehyun, but it looks more like Taeyong’s just shaking his head out of disbelief by the question.

“Just hit play, Doyoung,” Taeyong says, picking up his controller and turning back towards the TV. 

Doyoung unpauses the game and annihilates Taeyong in Super Smash Bros as if nothing happened. They don’t bring up their discussion again. 

The weather gets colder and warm summer days quickly slip into brisk snowy days. 

A blizzard knocks out their power in early December and the three of them preoccupy themselves with snowball fights since classes are cancelled. They survive off fast food from the chain restaurant across the street and they adorn their dark apartment with scented candles.

The snow melts right before exam week. Jaehyun drives home early for winter break since he’s lucky enough to not have any finals, leaving Doyoung and Taeyong alone together.

The apartment feels empty without Jaehyun, but Doyoung feels weirdly relieved because he doesn’t have to fight for Jaehyun’s attention anymore. Sequentially, Taeyong no longer has outbursts about Doyoung being too nice to Jaehyun.

Doyoung spends a lot more time talking with Taeyong since he’s now the only person he has to talk to. They bond over their shared exam stress and they spend nights binge-watching Netflix and pummeling each other in Super Smash Bros. 

At the end of finals week, another snowstorm blankets the region and trees fall onto power lines, knocking out their power once again. 

Doyoung was going to drive him and Taeyong home for winter break as soon as finals were over, but they both end up forced to stay in their apartment an extra week due to icy road conditions. Every time the power comes back on, it shuts off again the next day as cold weather continues to wipe out the city. 

When the power’s out, Doyoung and Taeyong spend all of their time together. They play board games and trek through the snow to the grocery store together. Taeyong teaches Doyoung how to make little friendship bracelets, and Doyoung ends up with a nice souvenir around his wrist. They even deep clean their apartment out of boredom. 

And when they run out of things to do, sometimes they just nap in Taeyong’s bed, huddled up next to each other in desperate need for warmth. Taeyong loves napping because he insists that the power always comes back on while he’s napping—Doyoung assures him it’s just a coincidence and that his spontaneous naps really aren’t helping the power crews restore electricity, but Taeyong begs to differ.

One evening, Doyoung wakes up from his nap and the power hasn’t returned. He also wakes up with Taeyong drooling on his shoulder, so Doyoung lets out a noise of disgust and pushes his friend awake.

“What’s wrong?” Taeyong asks as he slowly opens his eyes and lets out a yawn.

“You’re drooling all over me like a dog—that’s what’s wrong,” Doyoung whines. “And look—no power still. Told you your ‘magical’ naps were just coincidences.”

“It just means we need to nap some more,” Taeyong says, closing his eyes. 

“No, let’s get food,” Doyoung argues, nudging Taeyong awake with his elbow. “Hike to McDonald’s with me,” he begs. Taeyong’s stomach growls right after that, so it doesn’t take much convincing.

They fuel up with fast food for dinner and then begin the slippery hike back to their apartment. Once they’re home, they light up the candles around the apartment again and then camp out in Taeyong’s room, cozily nestled under a pile of blankets on his bed.

They sit and talk for a few hours out of boredom. Somewhere down the line, Doyoung decides to bring up the question that he’s been avoiding for the past few months. He knows he shouldn’t ask, but he really can’t see the harm in asking.

“Do you remember when I asked you if you like Jaehyun?”

Doyoung can feel Taeyong tense up next to him. “Not this again. Why do you want to know so badly?”

“Because,” Doyoung begins. “I think Jaehyun likes you.”

Taeyong guffaws loudly, his laughter echoing off the walls of his tiny bedroom. “You’re hilarious, Doyoung.”

“Well it makes sense, doesn’t it? Suddenly you move in with us and Jaehyun realizes he’s not straight.”

“I’m not into Jaehyun,” Taeyong tells him. “I promise. Like, sure, he’s a nice guy and he’s really attractive but there’s no chemistry between us. Plus, it wouldn’t matter if I liked him anyway because I’m not ready for a relationship.”

Doyoung blinks. “What do you mean you’re not ready for a relationship?”

“I just…” Taeyong pauses and takes a deep breath. “I have a lot of anxiety regarding… relationship stuff.”

“Why’s that?” Doyoung prods. “Sorry, I’m being nosey.”

“No, it’s okay. You know I’ve always worried about what other people think of me. My whole life I’ve been like this. That’s why I’ve never really dated anyone officially. I’m just scared that I won’t… do it right, if you know what I mean? And it’ll be really embarrassing for the person I’m dating. Like, I think about… things… and I think about how completely clueless I am about those things and how I’m just absolutely not at all ready to be in a relationship.”

“Things?” Doyoung repeats. “What kind of things? Like sex?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong says surprisingly quickly. “That’s a big one. But, like, all relationship things, honestly. Going on dates. Being spontaneous. Communication. The whole nine yards.”

“So you’ve never even kissed anyone?” Doyoung asks.

“No, I have,” Taeyong responds. “But I—I feel like I’m not good at it? And I tried doing things with people last year when I went to that private college and I always felt uncomfortable and we ended up stopping before it went anywhere. It just feels so weird doing such intimate things with people you barely know.”

“Hm,” Doyoung comments. “That sucks for you.”

Taeyong sharply elbows Doyoung in the ribs and Doyoung lets out a squawk of pain. 

“You’re supposed to be reassuring and helpful,” Taeyong grumbles. 

“Helpful? I’m not a sex guru,” Doyoung says. “Sounds like more of a psychological thing, anyway. You just gotta get past your anxiety and find someone you’re comfortable enough with to help you try these things. Everyone’s different. Maybe casual hook-ups just aren’t your thing.” 

Taeyong pouts and doesn’t look at all reassured by Doyoung’s words. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” Doyoung says with a laugh. “I’m not sure how you want me to be helpful. You want me to fuck you?”

“It would be nice,” Taeyong says quietly. 

Time seems to stop in that moment. Taeyong looks away from Doyoung abruptly. At first, Doyoung thinks he just misheard him because there’s no way Taeyong would say something so absurd, even as a joke.

But even in the dim candle lighting, Doyoung can see the blush taking over Taeyong’s face, and that’s when he knows that he heard him correctly.

“What?” Doyoung asks.

“Nothing,” Taeyong asserts. “Obviously I’m just joking, dude. Don’t be weird.”

“Okay,” Doyoung says.

A few painful seconds of silence pass.

“It was a really bad joke, I’m sorry,” Taeyong apologizes. “It just made everything super awkward.” Taeyong wheezes out a weird laugh. “Stupid Taeyong.”

“It’s fine,” Doyoung replies. “I just thought you were serious and it surprised me.”

“Of course I wasn’t being serious,” Taeyong responds, almost angrily. Doyoung can feel the shift in the weight on the mattress as Taeyong scoots away from him. “That would be totally messed up. I can’t hook up with my own roommate. That’s just… ew. Would be super wrong. Especially considering our past and the fact that I used to cry myself to sleep when I was a kid because of you. And, like, you’re not my type at all. No offense. You’re the last person I’d date, honestly. I’m just not into you—”

“I got it,” Doyoung interrupts. “I’m ugly and you want nothing to do with me. You can… stop.”

“Yeah. Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I, um. Might go sleep in my room tonight,” Doyoung suggests, moving to get off the bed. He moves slowly, waiting for Taeyong to stop him, but he never does. So Doyoung heads back to his own room without any further words, and he sleeps alone.

Doyoung doesn’t get much sleep that night. Partially because it feels like their apartment is a refrigerator and partially because he knows Taeyong wasn’t joking. Doyoung knows he should feel flattered—his friend wants to have sex with him—but he mostly feels anxious. He doesn’t feel repulsed. In fact, he thinks that if Taeyong was just a random stranger in one of his classes then he probably would have hooked up with him ages ago. After all, Taeyong is smart and attractive and empathetic. An all-around great human being.

But Taeyong’s not a stranger. Taeyong’s his former enemy. His friend and roommate. 

The power comes back on the next morning and Doyoung is thrilled to finally be able to take a shower. He spends most of the day locked up in his room, scrolling through Instagram and staring at the wall, thinking. Essentially, avoiding Taeyong.

Doyoung’s never wanted to go home so badly in his life. He glances out the window at the icy roads with frustration. Weather reports don’t predict warmer temperatures for at least five more days. That’s almost another week cooped in his cold apartment with his roommate that he can’t bear to look in the eye.

Later that day, when Doyoung’s stomach is screaming for food and Doyoung is fairly certain Taeyong isn’t out in the kitchen or living room, he finally decides to leave his room. 

Doyoung microwaves some cheap frozen food because he needs something that’s edible and easy to make. He anxiously stares at his food spinning in the microwave, enduring the three longest minutes of his life, praying that Taeyong won’t suddenly appear.

But unfortunately he doesn’t pray hard enough because Doyoung hears the sound of Taeyong’s footsteps wandering into the kitchen when his food still has to spina round for another two minutes.

And there he is. Taeyong, with disheveled hair, looking like he’s just woken up from a long nap.

“Hey,” Taeyong greets, turning on the sink and letting the sound of rushing water fill the silence.

“Hi,” Doyoung answers, waving at Taeyong awkwardly. Why is he waving? Doyoung never waves at his roommates. It feels like a robot is possessing his body.

Fortunately, Taeyong leaves shortly after washing his dishes and Doyoung breathes out an audible sigh of relief. 

The power knocks out again at around 9 PM while Doyoung’s watching YouTube videos in the comfort of his own room. Doyoung lets out a string of curse words as he sits in the pitch black darkness. Then he clumsily fishes out his phone from his hoodie pocket and turns on the flashlight. He pads out into the hallway and knocks on Taeyong’s door.

The door squeaks open after a few seconds. “What’s up?”

Doyoung snorts. “You know what’s up. The power’s off again. I’m not sleeping alone. That shit was way too cold last night. My limbs almost froze off.”

Taeyong pulls the door open wider for Doyoung to step inside his room, then gently shuts it behind him.

“You already have candles lit,” Doyoung observes, glancing around the dimly lit space.

“I was actually in the middle of performing a sacrifice for Satan when it happened,” Taeyong says. “Joking. I knew this would happen again, so I decided to be prepared.”

Taeyong is a funny dude sometimes.

Doyoung walks over to Taeyong’s bed and climbs on top of the duvet as if it’s his own bed. He sits with his back up against the wall and grabs one of Taeyong’s pillows to hug tightly against his chest for security.

“So, um…” Doyoung begins slowly, avoiding Taeyong’s gaze. “That thing you said last night.”

“No, it’s okay,” Taeyong cuts off, taking a seat next to Doyoung on the bed. “Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen. Please.”

“Well, I’m bringing it up because I want to know if you were serious. I know you said you weren’t, but it didn’t sound very convincing.”

Taeyong, who is making a pointed effort to avoid eye contact, doesn’t say anything. His fists are clutching tightly onto the duvet below him. His body is practically radiating tense vibes into the air. 

“Because… if you were serious, I think we should talk about some things,” Doyoung explains.

Taeyong finally looks over at Doyoung, apprehensively waiting for him to continue.

“Based on the situation you described to me, I think that… an arrangement… between us… might not be a bad idea.” Doyoung freezes. Taeyong looks alarmed but doesn’t say anything. “We’ve known each other for a long time and I remember you hinting that you want to try it with someone that you’ve known for a while and you’re comfortable with. And I have a bit of experience with… that stuff.” Doyoung clears his throat. This is much, much harder to say out loud than when he rehearsed it in his head. “I would be, uh… willing to try some things with you if you think that would be helpful.”

Taeyong’s eyes are wide open out of shock. “You want to teach me how to have sex?” he asks.

Doyoung grimaces, suddenly terrified that maybe Taeyong really was just joking and he’s just destroyed their entire friendship in a matter of minutes. “Only if you… would find it beneficial?” Doyoung tries.

“Uh.” Taeyong squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds and shakes his head rapidly. “Let me clear my head,” he says. His eyes remain shut for a few more seconds before he opens them again. “I’m on board. Maybe? Wait—that would make things really awkward between us, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, that’s why we have to set some ground rules,” Doyoung says. “First rule: this arrangement is completely no strings attached.”

“Of course.”

“It’s only to help you feel more comfortable,” Doyoung clarifies. “No romantic feelings involved whatsoever. We’re just friends and we’ll remain just friends.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Second rule: we can’t tell Jaehyun about this under any circumstances.”

Taeyong looks uneasy about that. “I’m not very good with secrets,” he admits sheepishly.

“But I don’t want to make Jaehyun uncomfortable,” Doyoung reasons. “And I don’t want my housing situation to be put in jeopardy if Jaehyun feels awkward about it and doesn’t want us to live together anymore.”

“Fair enough,” Taeyong agrees.

“And third rule: either party can leave this arrangement at any time if they feel uncomfortable.”

“Right, for sure,” Taeyong says.

“And if you ever feel uncomfortable you have to tell me, okay? If you feel like anything is even slightly off or you just feel like you don’t want to do it anymore, you have to say something. Communication should be a priority.”

“Yeah, I will.” Taeyong nods. “I promise. Same goes for you.”

Doyoung nods in agreement. “Those are the only rules I could think of.”

“So we’re really doing this, then?” Taeyong asks, voice wavering. 

Doyoung feels like his heart might pound out of his chest. “Yeah, we are.”

“Okay,” Taeyong says. “Okay.” He takes a deep breath, looking everywhere except for at Doyoung.

“Do you… want to do this tonight?” Doyoung asks. 

“Tonight?” Taeyong parrots in a hilariously high pitch.

“Or we could wait for when you’re more comfortable,” Doyoung amends. “It’s up to you.” 

“Um. I—uh—”

“I just figured we have nothing else to do tonight since the power’s out,” Doyoung explains. “And Jaehyun’s not here, so it’s probably a good time.”

Taeyong clearly wasn’t lying when he said he has anxiety about this stuff. The poor guy looks like he’s about to faint and Doyoung suddenly has more doubts about this arrangement.

“Hey,” Doyoung says softly, reaching out to hold one of Taeyong’s hands. Taeyong jolts at the touch, but then he accepts it. “It’s okay, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

Taeyong shakes his head rapidly. “I want to,” he says firmly, giving Doyoung’s hand a reaffirming squeeze. “I just—I have to pee first.” And then he darts off the bed and out of the room.

Taeyong spends almost fifteen minutes in the bathroom. Doyoung spends the entirety of that time staring at Taeyong’s toy shark resting on a shelf in the corner of his room.

“Why did I agree to do this?” Doyoung asks the toy shark, shamefully looking into its small, beady eyes. The toy shark doesn’t respond because even he doesn’t know the answer to that question. 

When Taeyong returns, he seems a little more calm. He gingerly closes the door behind him and then walks over to the edge of the bed, staring at Doyoung like a clueless puppy.

“I didn’t know you have a bladder the size of a basketball,” Doyoung teases.

“Did some breathing exercises,” Taeyong says, voice still subtly high-pitched from his nervousness.

“We don’t have to go all the way tonight,” Doyoung suggests. “Just get the ball rolling and see where it goes, if you’re comfortable with that.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s a good plan.”

“So you’re still up for it?” Doyoung asks.

Taeyong nods politely.

“I need to hear it from you,” Doyoung tells him.

“I want to do this,” Taeyong says with finality.

Doyoung gestures to the bed and Taeyong sits down next to him. 

“How does this start?” Taeyong asks.

Wow. So Taeyong really has no idea what he’s doing.

“I’m going to kiss you,” Doyoung tells him. “Is that okay?”

Taeyong nods again.

Doyoung slowly leans closer and places a hand on the side of Taeyong’s face. His gaze falls from Taeyong’s eyes and down to his lips, and then in a quick second their mouths are pressed together. Their lips stay locked for one, two, three seconds, and then Doyoung pulls back to make sure he’s not trespassing into Taeyong’s comfort zone. 

“Was that oka—” Doyoung begins, only to be interrupted by a soft whining sound that leaves Taeyong’s throat as Taeyong places a hand on the back of Doyoung’s head to pull him closer.

“More,” Taeyong whines.

So Doyoung gladly obliges. Glaring red text flashes through Doyoung’s mind, warning him that he’s currently kissing his friend and roommate and there’s no going back from this. Ignoring the warning, Doyoung licks into Taeyong’s mouth since he now knows that Taeyong is enjoying it too. 

Doyoung’s kissed a handful of people in his lifetime, but none of them have ever been like this. Doyoung feels an indescribable emotional connection with Taeyong that he’s never felt with anyone else, and he’s not sure where it came from. Probably just due to the fact that they’ve known each other since they were kids.

He never entertained the idea of Taeyong ever being more than a friend to him prior to the previous night. But it’s a silly thought because, at the end of the day, they’re still just friends. It’s one of the rules.

“How far do you want to go?” Doyoung suddenly asks, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of Taeyong’s mouth, and then a few more kisses on his jaw.

Taeyong tenses up a little underneath Doyoung. “I don’t—I don’t know?” he stutters out. “How far do you want to go?” he questions.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Just, um—just kissing, maybe? For tonight?” Taeyong says. 

“Works with me.” They lock lips again, and then Doyoung breaks apart quickly to say, “Also, I can’t believe you think you’re a bad kisser. Give yourself more credit.”

A small giggle escapes from Taeyong and his face flushes tomato red.

Their mouths are on each other’s again in an instant. Doyoung definitely wants to go further, but he wants to respect Taeyong’s boundaries more than anything. Besides, this is more than comfortable. Taeyong’s threading his fingers through Doyoung’s hair, and Doyoung is relishing over the way Taeyong’s soft lips taste like sweet candy. He definitely put on chapstick in the bathroom.

They make out for another five minutes until the power suddenly clicks back on and they break apart in shock, hearing a voice from the TV in the living room booming through the apartment. 

“Let there be light,” Doyoung jokes. 

They both agree that they’re tired and they should get ready for bed. They take turns brushing their teeth in the bathroom. Doyoung wanders into the living room when Taeyong’s using the bathroom and he watches the news on the TV. The reports are saying that a sudden rise in temperatures is expected over the next two days, making road conditions potentially safer. 

Doyoung also knows that since the power is back, there really isn’t a reason for him to sleep in Taeyong’s room. He can hear the heater buzzing and he can feel warm air rushing out of the vents. 

Doyoung wants to sleep with Taeyong. He wants the comfort of a warm body next to his. But the rational part of his mind is telling him that he shouldn’t do it. He should just tell Taeyong that he’ll retreat back to his room now that the power’s back. 

So he does that. It’s a really awkward conversation and Doyoung could almost swear that he sees disappointment flash across Taeyong’s eyes, but Taeyong expresses nothing but understanding. 

It’s for the best, really. If Doyoung keeps sleeping in Taeyong’s bed, they’ll be more likely to violate the “just friends” rule in their agreement. Doyoung needs to draw the line somewhere. Plus, he appreciates being able to splay out across his own bed like a starfish, not having to worry about disrupting another person.

Just like the meteorologist predicted, the next day is accompanied by warmer conditions. The sky is blue for the first time in what feels like a decade. Doyoung gives Taeyong a ride back to their hometown in the late afternoon. 

The car ride is awkward. All of their interactions are awkward. Suddenly, they’re complete strangers around each other. So Doyoung plugs his phone into the car stereo and blasts a pop playlist to drown out the suffocating silence. 

Taeyong lives a mile away from Doyoung, and Doyoung drops him off in his driveway. Doyoung helps Taeyong haul his luggage out of the trunk and over to his front porch, and they exchange a final stiff hug before parting ways. 

Then they’re officially on winter break. Doyoung’s next week consists mostly of family reunions and sleeping in until his mom’s knocking on his door and grilling him for being lazy. 

Doyoung texts his friends in the group chat when he’s bored, but that’s the extent of his communication with Taeyong. 

He tries not to think about Taeyong as much as he can. He distracts himself with anything he can find. Netflix, baking, even getting a head start on next term’s homework. But his attempts are dismal because the feeling of Taeyong’s skin against his skin keeps lingering in Doyoung’s head.

Gongmyung leaves the next week to spend time with his girlfriend’s family on the other side of the country. Doyoung’s parents leave a few days later to attend a funeral in a city six hours away. 

Doyoung is left alone to take care of himself and his family’s three cats. He’s lucky he has a list of Netflix shows that he’s ready to binge watch. 

Of course Taeyong crosses his mind during this time. This would be the perfect opportunity to invite him over and… do some more exploring, but Doyoung is too prideful to send risque texts. Especially to his own friend and roommate. 

Doyoung is lounging on the couch, in the middle of an episode of his favorite show, when his phone lights up on the coffee table with a notification from Taeyong. 

Life Ruiner (2:26 PM)

You know, if we didn’t have ears, we wouldn’t know about sound. So it’s possible there’s other sensations we don’t know about because we don’t have organs to detect them

It’s… the last thing Doyoung would ever expect to receive from Taeyong. He rereads the same message six times, unsure how to respond. He finally settles with: 

Doyoung (2:30 PM)

You must be REALLY bored.

Life Ruiner (2:34 PM)

It’s winter break. Sue me. What are u up to?

Doyoung (2:35 PM)

Just watching netflix. My fam’s out of town for the next two days so i’m just chilling by myself

Life Ruiner (2:36 PM)

O that sounds incredibly lonely. Want me to come over? ;P

The winky-tongue-sticking-out face is pathetic but it makes Doyoung’s stomach do a backflip. 

Doyoung (2:38 PM)

Nah it’s cool i got my cats to keep me company

Life Ruiner (2:39 PM)

O good because i just remembered that i told my mom i’d run some errands for her

Doyoung’s heart sinks but he knows he’s not really allowed to be upset. After all, he did just tell Taeyong moments ago that he didn’t want him to come over. 

Life Ruiner (2:41 PM)

Wait i just found out my mom’s out doing the errands on her own lmao

U sure u don’t wanna hang out? I got nothing else to do

Doyoung (2:45 PM)

Ur persistent

Fine, come over if u must

Doyoung silently curses Taeyong for using the term “hang out.” If they were really just going to platonically hang out, they would’ve invited Jaehyun too. 

Life Ruiner  (2:46 PM)

Okay, be there in 20

It’s a gruelling 20 minutes (which actually ends up being closer to 30 minutes because of course Taeyong isn’t on time). Doyoung straightens up the house and fixes his appearance in the bathroom mirror, frowning at a zit that’s starting to pop up on his chin. He’s never felt so nervous to have a friend come over. His cats can clearly also sense his distress because they’ve all awoken from their naps and are curiously staring at Doyoung as he anxiously paces the living room.

“I have a friend coming over in a few minutes,” Doyoung tells them. “I think. I don’t know, maybe he’ll end up bailing. Anyway, he’s just a friend. Nothing more. I promise.”

The three cats glare back at him. They’re not buying it. 

“But please just stay out here in the living room, okay? Don’t go in my room.”

Twinkletoes lets out a bored yawn.

“Good!” Doyoung squeaks, jolting a thumbs-up in Twinkletoes’ direction. “You’re tired. Just nap out here. And stay h—”

Doyoung’s voice is interrupted by a series of gentle knocks from the front door and he feels his heart rate suddenly escalate. He checks his appearance for the umpteenth time in the mirror in the hallway and then pulls open the front door to see Taeyong, bundled head-to-toe in warm winter gear.

“Hi!” Taeyong chirps.

“You’re late,” Doyoung points out.

Taeyong holds up a container in his hands. “I was making cookies and they finished half an hour ago! I waited for them to cool off and then thought I could share them with you, so I had to take some time to pack them up.”

“Oh,” Doyoung says, suddenly at a loss for words. “That’s—really sweet,” he squeaks out.

Taeyong nods enthusiastically. “So are you going to let me in or should I just freeze out on your porch?”

Doyoung takes the cookies from Taeyong. Then he says, “Freeze,” and pretends to close the door on him. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see Taeyong’s foot wedged between the door and the door jamb and Taeyong lets out a high-pitched yelp when the door squeezes against his foot. Doyoung swings the door open rapidly and spills out a string of apologies.

“You’re honestly the worst,” Taeyong mutters, slowly limping into Doyoung’s house. “I bring you cookies and you repay me by trying to amputate my beloved feet.”

“It was an accident!” Doyoung cries out. “I would never do that—I love your feet.”

Taeyong laughs. “That’s definitely something you would’ve said during our compliment game back in high school.”

“But I didn’t because I hadn’t come to terms with my foot fetish yet.”

Taeyong raises an eyebrow.

“I’m just—I’m just joking,” Doyoung assures.

They bring the cookies into the living room and resume the episode that Doyoung had paused. The two of them sit on opposite ends of the couch, as far apart as possible, and Doyoung pointedly glares at his cats to prove to them that he was serious about him and Taeyong being just friends. The cats return his glare with judgmental stares.

When the episode ends, Doyoung realizes he can’t remember a single thing that happened. His mind had been too preoccupied thinking about whether he and Taeyong are going to… do things. Doyoung doesn’t want to make the first move. After all, their arrangement is mainly for Taeyong’s benefit, so he figures it’s Taeyong’s responsibility to initiate something if he wants to experiment.

Nobody says anything when the episode is over, and Netflix automatically takes them to a second episode. Doyoung groans internally and prepares for another 45 minutes of Netflix.

Taeyong doesn’t say anything at the end of the second episode either, and Doyoung accepts that maybe Taeyong genuinely just came over to hang out.

It isn’t until they’re ten minutes into the third episode that Taeyong suddenly says, “Are we just going to keep watching this?”

Doyoung’s heart starts hammering in his chest. “We don’t have to,” he says.

Taeyong just nods, eyes still staring straight ahead at the screen. A minute passes and neither of them say anything.

“How’s your foot?” Doyoung asks casually.

“Oh.” Taeyong briefly flexes his foot and glances down at it. “Still there.” Pause. “Do you want to, um, make some dinner?” Taeyong suggests.

“Yeah. We could make ramen or something.”

They turn off the TV and then wander over to the pantry next to the kitchen. Doyoung begins rummaging through the shelves in search of ingredients and Taeyong watches silently from the doorframe. 

“I actually don’t know if I have everything for ramen,” Doyoung tells him after a couple of minutes of pushing ingredients aside.

“That’s okay,” Taeyong says, resting a hand on Doyoung’s shoulder. “Actually. Um. I’m not that hungry.”

Doyoung turns around to look at Taeyong, who is now visibly sweating. 

“I don’t know how to say this,” Taeyong begins sheepishly. “I just needed an excuse for us to stop watching Netflix. Do you want to, uh, like—continue where we, um, left off?”

“What are you saying?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes and a faint blush dusts his cheeks. “You… you know what I mean.” He coughs. “I want to… go further.”

“Okay. Sure,” Doyoung says nonchalantly. He turns back towards the shelves to return a few ingredients to their proper places, and when he turns around Taeyong is looking at him nervously.

“Should we, uh, kiss?” Taeyong asks.

Doyoung stifles a laugh. He puts a finger through one of the belt loops on Taeyong’s jeans and pulls his friend closer to him so they can exchange a kiss. They kiss a few more times—just short and sweet pecks—and then Doyoung pulls back to order, “My room.”

They nervously skitter down the hallway and into Doyoung’s room. Unfortunately, Twinkletoes eagerly follows the two of them and Doyoung has to tell Twinkletoes to scram before he shuts the door. 

Placing a hand on Taeyong’s chest, Doyoung pushes Taeyong down onto his bed before he crawls on top of him. They’re kissing deeply now, lips locked with a sense of urgency. Taeyong pulls Doyoung closer to him with a feeling of desperation—like he can’t get Doyoung close enough to him. 

Doyoung makes sure to guide Taeyong through everything. He checks in with Taeyong every time things get more intense, being sure to not do anything that Taeyong hasn’t explicitly agreed to doing. Doyoung can tell Taeyong is nervous from how rigid his body feels beneath him. He tells Doyoung that he wants him but the anxiety is still there. He flinches at each of Doyoung’s touches like Doyoung’s hands are made of fire.

Doyoung gives Taeyong reassuring words through every step of the process. Taeyong’s comfort is the priority—Doyoung wants Taeyong to enjoy this and not feel like it’s a chore. Doyoung slows down his kisses and slows down their touching until he feels Taeyong’s body become more pliant. 

They make it to third base. Doyoung wishes the moment would never end. Doyoung tries to memorize the feeling of Taeyong against him and the sounds of the whimpers and moans that Taeyong gasps out. The best part—hands down—is the way Taeyong repeatedly moans Doyoung’s name like it’s the only word he knows. 

By the end of it, they’re sweating enough that they look like they’ve just finished sprinting an entire marathon. They lie next to each other in bed for a few minutes, tangled up in the sheets as they catch their breaths and return to reality. 

Doyoung’s mind is about to go haywire. He can’t believe he just hooked up with Lee Taeyong. His childhood enemy and college roommate. He twists his neck and looks over at the boy lying next to him to make sure that he’s not imagining this. Taeyong’s dark fringe is soaked and stuck to his forehead and his skin is glistening with sweat. 

“Why are you staring at me?” Taeyong asks after a moment, turning to lock eyes with Doyoung in a challenging way. 

Doyoung smiles. “Just making sure I fucked you and not someone else.”

Taeyong lets out a short laugh and looks away, but a faint blush spreads to his cheeks. “You didn’t technically fuck me—yet.”

Doyoung smiles. “Glad to hear you’re not terminating the arrangement. Guess I wasn’t awful, then?”

“Now you’re just feeding your own ego,” Taeyong huffs. 

Doyoung laughs. “But seriously, what did you think?”

“Ah!” Taeyong wails, clutching for the sheets and pulling the fabric over his face so Doyoung can’t see him. “This is awkward!”

“Hey, I take feedback very seriously so I can improve my services for other clients.”

Taeyong yanks the sheets back down and looks at Doyoung in bewilderment. “Your what?”

“I’m just messing with you!” Doyoung exclaims. “Fine, don’t answer my question. I’m going to go fetch some towels.”

Doyoung thinks it’s fair to assume that Taeyong enjoyed it because they hook up again the next morning. Things progress much quicker this time as Taeyong now has a better sense of what they’re doing. They don’t make it to third base because Taeyong finishes before he can even get his boxers off, but Doyoung takes it as a sign that Taeyong’s feeling more comfortable. 

When they finally leave the bedroom, Doyoung’s cats give him severely unimpressed looks. Doyoung tells Twinkletoes to fuck off and Twinkletoes lets out a harsh yowl and prances over to the food bowl in the kitchen.

Winter break quickly ends and they begin the arduous journey of easing back into classes. Jaehyun is happy as a clam when the three of them reunite in their apartment the night before the start of the term and he buys lots of booze to celebrate.

Almost instantly, Doyoung feels crippling guilt looking at Jaehyun, knowing that he’s keeping a big secret from him. He’s known Jaehyun for over a decade and they’ve always been completely honest and open with each other. About everything. Doyoung feels like he’s breaching an unspoken contract and betraying his closest friend.

Tipsy Jaehyun is always endearing. A few sips of alcohol and Jaehyun transforms into a compressed ball of happiness and joy and affection and his only goal is to spread this excitement to everyone in his vicinity. 

When Jaehyun tackles Doyoung in a violent but strangely comforting hug, Doyoung is painfully reminded of his crush. 

It’s frustrating. Part of Doyoung thought that hooking up with Taeyong would help him forget about Jaehyun at least a little bit. Doyoung silently curses Jaehyun for being such a kind, beautiful, smart, and warm-hearted human being. Sometimes Doyoung wishes Jaehyun was an asshole so he wouldn’t be stuck in this mess. His life would be so much easier.

The three of them are in the middle of a MarioKart game when Jaehyun suddenly blurts out, “So what did you guys do this break?”

“Well, we’re a little busy right now,” Doyoung says through gritted teeth, hands tightly clenching his controller as he narrowly avoids a banana peel on the race track.

“Can’t talk and game at the same time?” Jaehyun says challengingly. “Weak.” Then he releases a red shell to attack Doyoung’s game character, causing Doyoung to let out a shriek of agony.

Doyoung loses that round—no thanks to Jaehyun—but is relieved that he didn’t have to answer Jaehyun’s question. Until Jaehyun decides to ask it again.

“Not much,” Doyoung says nonchalantly. “Just… watched Netflix and stayed home.”

“What about you, Taeyong?” Jaehyun quizzes.

Taeyong looks like a deer in the headlights. Doyoung would find the expression on his face kind of funny if Doyoung wasn’t also internally panicking.

“Nothing,” Taeyong says way too quickly. “Did absolutely nothing.” It sounds painfully suspicious but fortunately Jaehyun doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. They play a few more rounds of MarioKart and then Taeyong bids them goodnight and heads back to his room.

“Want the rest of this?” Jaehyun asks Doyoung, holding out a mostly-empty bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Doyoung takes it from him and finishes it in one big gulp. Jaehyun exits out of the game and shuts off the TV. Then he says, in a low voice, “I know you and Taeyong hung out over break without me.”

How can he possibly know?

“Taeyong’s Snapchat location said he was at your house,” Jaehyun says, as if he can hear the question in Doyoung’s head.

Doyoung is not sober enough for this conversation. He also makes a mental note to rat out Taeyong for not being clever enough to turn off his Snapchat location. 

Doyoung glances down at the empty bottle in his hand and then back at Jaehyun. “I’m sorry” is all Doyoung manages to get out.

“It’s okay,” Jaehyun says with a shrug. “I just wanted to know if you guys have, like, a problem with me.”

“No! No, no, no,” Doyoung rushes out. “Jaehyun, I swear. It’s not like that at all.”

The sadness on Jaehyun’s face feels like a weapon straight through Doyoung’s heart.

“Then why?” Jaehyun asks, eyes cast downward. “Why would my two closest friends hang out with each other and not invite me? You know I was home the entire break. I even asked if you guys wanted to meet up.”

“It’s—” Doyoung suddenly stops, at a complete loss for words. He doesn’t have an excuse prepared because he didn’t anticipate Jaehyun finding out. “It was just—” he blurts out in a desperate attempt to fill the silence. “I—we—”

“You can tell me the truth,” Jaehyun says. “What were you and Taeyong doing?”

Vivid mental images of Taeyong gasping underneath Doyoung flash through Doyoung’s mind. The sound of Taeyong moaning his name. The feeling of Taeyong’s warm skin against his.

“We were fucking,” Doyoung deadpans.

Jaehyun lets out a frighteningly loud laugh. “Just tell me the truth!” he practically wails. “I know you’re trying to be funny, but just be honest. If I did something wrong, just let me know and I’ll fix it.”

Doyoung’s mind blanks. Jaehyun has probably never done anything wrong in his entire life because he’s so frustratingly perfect, but if Doyoung doesn’t come up with some bullshit in the next ten seconds, he’s screwed.

“It was just—I needed Taeyong’s help with… cleaning my room.”

As far as lies go, Doyoung admits that was a fairly terrible one. 

“What?” Jaehyun says.

Doyoung swallows nervously. “You know. Taeyong enjoys cleaning things so I thought he could help me out. And I know you’re not… particularly keen on organizing stuff so I didn’t think it would be worth asking you and wasting your time.”

Jaehyun seems to contemplate it for a few seconds and then accepts it with a nod. Relief floods through Doyoung, but he’s also surprised that Jaehyun’s buying such a lousy excuse. Doyoung attributes it to the alcohol pumping through his veins and impairing his judgment. 

After that conversation, Doyoung becomes way too nervous to initiate anything with Taeyong. The chances of Jaehyun finding out the truth about their arrangement are far too high. Their apartment’s walls are paper thin and Taeyong’s way too vocal for Doyoung to hope he’ll be quiet. Plus, Jaehyun would definitely ask them questions if Taeyong suddenly walked out of Doyoung’s room or vice versa. 

Doyoung also rationalizes that if he doesn’t do things with Taeyong, then he has nothing to hide from Jaehyun. Reasonably, he knows that he should just tell Taeyong that he wants to end the arrangement because that was one of their agreed-upon rules—anyone can leave the arrangement at any time, but he doesn’t know how to do it and he doesn’t want Taeyong to feel disappointed or hurt. 

It’s clear that Taeyong wants to spend some private time with him. He texts Doyoung more frequently than usual, mostly sending him messages inquiring about his schedule. Doyoung lies to him several times about having to meet up with friends for dinner when he actually doesn’t have plans. On these occasions, Doyoung heads to campus and sits alone at the campus cafe for a few hours before returning to their apartment.

So much lying. So much guilt chipping away at Doyoung’s sense of morality. He feels like he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. He should never have agreed to be Taeyong’s fuck buddy.

Doyoung’s sitting on the couch one night, sipping wine and lazily watching an unconvincing infomercial while Taeyong and Jaehyun are in the kitchen arguing about Mexican food. Jaehyun says goodbye to both of them a few minutes later, telling them that he’s stepping out for a meeting on campus, and then Doyoung and Taeyong are left alone.

“Hey,” Taeyong says quietly, wandering over to the living room and plopping down next to Doyoung on the couch. “Everything okay?”

Doyoung stares straight ahead at the screen. “Yeah. Look how ridiculous this thing is,” he says, gesturing his wine glass towards the BaNoodle being marketed on the TV screen. “Can you believe people actually fall for these scams? Why can’t they just use bag clips?”

Taeyong merely shrugs. “Looks decent enough. Says it keeps your food airtight.”

Doyoung doesn’t say anything. It’s the third week of the term. They haven’t touched each other—even platonically—since winter break. Not that Doyoung’s keeping track.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” Taeyong asks.

“Homework. I’m practically drowning in it.”

“You don’t really look like you’re drowning in homework,” Taeyong observes.

“Just. Procrastinating at the moment.”

Taeyong looks away and Doyoung pretends he doesn’t get a brief glance at the disappointment on his face.

Taeyong clears his throat. “Do you still want to… you know? Because it’s fine if you don’t.”

“Yeah,” Doyoung says, because he really does. “I’m just nervous.”

“About Jaehyun,” Taeyong guesses.

Doyoung finally looks over to meet Taeyong’s gaze. “He knows you were at my house over winter break. You forgot to turn off your Snapchat location, genius.”

Taeyong stiffens. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him we fucked,” Doyoung says.

Taeyong’s eyes widen. “You didn’t.”

“I did, actually,” Doyoung confirms. He takes a long sip of wine then leans down to set the glass on the coffee table in front of them. “It sounds so ridiculous out loud that he thought I was joking. So I just said you came over to help me clean my room. Thank god he believed it. But I really can’t risk him finding out the truth. Also, can you please turn off your Snapchat location? You’re going to get murdered someday.”

“We’ll be fine,” Taeyong affirms. “We just have to be careful and make sure we only do it when he’s not here.” 

“And what if he comes home when we’re in the middle of something? Come on, Taeyong. Be rational. You know these walls are razor thin. He’ll hear something or at least think it’s strange that we’re in each other’s rooms.”

“So what? I go to his room sometimes,” Taeyong counters. 

“Yeah? And do you moan his name when you’re in his room?” Doyoung fires back, sending a blush to Taeyong’s cheeks.

“You’re overthinking it,” Taeyong mumbles.

“Maybe I am, but for a good reason. You know we can’t risk getting caught.”

“I know,” Taeyong says. “I know.” He sighs and twiddles his thumbs for a few minutes. Doyoung continues watching the infomercial, letting the commentator’s words go in one ear and out the other. 

Finally Taeyong suggests, “We could do it right now really quickly. He just left so we know he won’t be back anytime soon.”

“What if he comes back in a minute because he forgot something?” 

Taeyong groans. “Does Jaehyun ever forget anything? What are the chances of that happening?”

“Not zero, so I’m not risking it.”

The infomercial chirps on in the background about doubling the offer and slashing the price while Doyoung and Taeyong get lost in thought, searching for solutions.

Taeyong speaks up again to say, “We could do it in your car.”

Doyoung’s mind scrambles to find rebuttals. Aside from the obvious argument that cars are cramped and things might be… less than comfortable, Doyoung can’t find any red flags.

That’s how they end up in the tiny backseat of Doyoung’s car, their heavy breaths fogging up the windows of the vehicle. Doyoung suddenly hates having a sedan instead of an SUV, but despite being in such an awkward and confined space, they have an amazing time messing around like they’re horny teenagers. 

When they return to their apartment, they can see the light on from under the closed door leading to Jaehyun’s room, meaning that Jaehyun came home while they were in the middle of it. They both scurry back to their respective rooms before Jaehyun can enter the common area and ask questions.

Now that they’ve found a way to continue the arrangement and mostly minimize their chances of getting caught, Doyoung and Taeyong fall into a routine. Mondays and Wednesdays work best for their schedules. They tell Jaehyun that they’ve joined an astronomy club that meets twice a week and Jaehyun doesn’t question them.

Months roll past. The snow melts and flowers begin blooming. Doyoung and Taeyong have mastered the art of hooking up and keeping it under wraps. 

One night, when Jaehyun’s mixing some baking ingredients together in the kitchen, Doyoung and Taeyong are sitting on the couch in the living room in the middle of a passionate discussion about the best candle scent.  

“It’s crazy to see you guys getting along so well,” Jaehyun suddenly interrupts.

Doyoung and Taeyong fall silent and turn to look at him, as if they’ve just been accused of something scandalous.

“Remember when you guys were enemies for like… what… six years?” Jaehyun continues. “That was surreal.”

Most of the time, Doyoung forgets about their enemies phase. He feels like he knows everything about Taeyong now—even his darkest secrets. Especially his darkest secrets. When he looks at Taeyong, he no longer sees competition. He no longer sees a selfish person. He sees a friend. He sees someone that he fully trusts. 

“It’s almost like being forced to live with someone helps you tolerate them,” Taeyong suddenly deadpans, looking straight at Doyoung.

Okay. That was rude. 

Doyoung narrows his eyes in retaliation. “We’re not being forced to live together!” he argues. “You should feel honored to be living with me.”

“You should feel honored just being allowed in my presence,” Taeyong throws back.

“You should be glad that I’m even willing to talk to someone like you,” Doyoung chides. “Someone who didn’t even bat an eyelash when they destroyed the science project that I’d spent months slaving over as a child.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on. You’re living just fine without that project, aren’t you?”

“Just fine, sure, but who knows? My life could be even better right now. That project could’ve been my ticket to a top university.”

Taeyong laughs. “Don’t be an idiot. They weren’t going to hand out big university admissions to prepubescent teenagers.”

“Well, I guess we’ll never know,” Doyoung snaps bitterly. 

“The pleasure is all mine,” Taeyong replies. “But don’t act like you’re the victim here. Remember when you called me a self-centered brat just because I was being nice to you? And I cried myself to sleep every night for a month?”

“Don’t pretend that kissing my ass wasn’t just a ploy to gain popularity,” Doyoung fires back. 

“Guys, relax,” Jaehyun jumps in. “Don’t you have a book club to be getting to, anyway?”

“Astronomy club,” Doyoung corrects, eyes still glued to Taeyong. 

“Right. Astronomy.” Jaehyun pauses to push some buttons on the oven. “Sounds pretty cool, by the way. Is there any way I can join?”

“I think the club’s filled right now,” Taeyong responds, gaze still focused on Doyoung. “We better get going, though. Don’t want to be late.”

“Of course,” Doyoung agrees. “I would never want to be late.”

“I’ll save some cookies for you guys,” Jaehyun promises. “Also, I’ve got a couple of friends coming over in a few minutes. They probably won’t be here when you get back, but I’m just giving you a heads up.”

They get up quickly and bid Jaehyun goodbye before leaving the apartment. After the door falls shut behind them, Doyoung presses Taeyong against the wall in their apartment building’s hallway so that their faces are only inches apart. “What the fuck was that?” he hisses.

Taeyong shoves Doyoung away, not harshly, but quick enough to make his point. “Cut it out. We’re in a public hallway. Don’t touch me.”

“Oh, so you think you get to tell me what I can and can’t do?” Doyoung prompts.

Taeyong steps closer to him, challengingly. “Who says I can’t?”

“Hey, guys!” a voice suddenly interrupts. 

Like a frightened animal, Doyoung takes a giant step away from Taeyong and glances down the hallway in fear. Further down the hallway, he recognizes Jaehyun’s friends walking over. 

“Oh, uh, hi guys,” Doyoung says eloquently. 

Taeyong holds up a hand in a clumsy wave. “Hello,” he drones out like a robot.

Johnny and Donghyuck are standing in front of them now. Johnny is intimidatingly tall and Donghyuck has a bubbly smile on his face, like he typically does.

“You two are heading out?” Johnny asks. 

“Yeah, we’ve got a club meeting in a few minutes,” Doyoung tells him. 

“Oh, right!” Donghyuck says, clapping his hands together. “Jaehyun was telling me you guys mentioned it to him. It’s some sort of astronomy club, right?”

Doyoung internally curses Jaehyun for spreading the word about his and Taeyong’s nonexistent astronomy club. Externally, he just says, “Yep.”

“That sounds neat. I didn’t know our school had an astronomy club,” Johnny comments.

A short, awkward silence fills the air between them.

“It’s, um, a pretty new club,” Doyoung tries. “Sorry we can’t stay and chat,” he adds, stepping away from them to add a sense of urgency to his words. “Hopefully we can catch up another time?”

Doyoung and Taeyong walk down the hallway leading to the parking garage in weighted silence. When they round the corner and Johnny and Donghyuck are out of sight, Taeyong turns to face Doyoung with the most threatening glare on his face, but he doesn’t say anything. Doyoung returns the glare.

Once they’re in the backseat of Doyoung’s car, his hands are on Taeyong’s body immediately, pinning him down to the polyester seat underneath him.

“You’re such a little shit,” Doyoung tells him. 

Taeyong just smiles proudly. “Maybe I am. What are you going to do about it?”

Doyoung breathes heavily for a few seconds with his brow furrowed, glaring down at Taeyong in disbelief. “Where did this brattiness come from?”

Taeyong rolls his hips up against Doyoung’s, and Doyoung lets out a surprised yelp and lets go of Taeyong so he can brace himself on the car door before he loses his balance.

“I don’t know,” Taeyong answers impatiently. “Why don’t you shut up and fucking do something about it already?”

So he does. 

Taeyong almost forgets his own name.

When they return to their apartment, Jaehyun’s door is shut and mumbled voices are heard from his room. Doyoung and Taeyong hurriedly tell each other goodnight and bound off to their respective rooms before Jaehyun and his friends get the chance to enter the common area and debrief the two of them about the “astronomy club meeting.”

Neither Doyoung nor Taeyong know a single thing about astronomy. They should’ve just ran with a book club; it would’ve been much easier to lie about.

Towards the end of March, Johnny visits their apartment again, this time without Donghyuck. Jaehyun texts them in the group chat in the middle of the day, alerting them that Johnny’s coming over. They both say it’s okay and continue about their normal schedules, not paying much attention to it. Typically Johnny spends most of his time in Jaehyun’s room, anyway, so Doyoung isn’t worried about having to interact much.

But Doyoung definitely doesn’t expect to open their apartment door that afternoon to catch Johnny and Jaehyun engrossed in a deep make-out session on the living room couch. 

The noise that Doyoung lets out can only be described as a scream, unfortunately. It breaks Johnny and Jaehyun apart instantly.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun breathes out, turning his neck so he can get a look at the invader. Jaehyun’s hair is disheveled and his cheeks are flushed. “I didn’t think anyone would be home for another hour.”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Doyoung chants out rhythmically as he beelines towards his bedroom. He quickly swings his door shut and places a hand over his rapidly-beating heart. “Okay,” Doyoung says to himself once he’s alone. “That was weird.”

Doyoung’s never seen Jaehyun be romantically involved with anyone for as long as he’s known him. He feels like a guilty child that’s just been caught watching pornography, even though Johnny and Jaehyun really weren’t doing anything more intimate than kissing.

After Doyoung’s heart rate returns to normal, he takes time to reflect on his inner feelings. Most importantly, the rejection that he should be feeling. Or the pain that would typically accompany seeing your crush going to town on someone else. 

It’s… not there. Doyoung feels indifferent. He doesn’t find himself longing to be in Johnny’s place, nor does he find himself hoping Johnny gets pooped on by a pigeon.

Doyoung lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. This is definitely a win. He’s finally gotten over his feelings for Jaehyun. He can move on.

Jaehyun also gives Doyoung a bouquet of roses the next day as an apology. Another win for Doyoung.

But, like most good things, Doyoung’s relief is short-lived. 

Taeyong texts him one Thursday afternoon, asking if he wants to meet up for lunch at a cafe next to the edge of campus. They get lunch from time-to-time when their schedules line up, so his brain doesn’t flag it as anything out of the ordinary. 

The cafe is cozy and filled with the aroma of baked goods. Sunlight streams in through the building’s floor-to-ceiling windows, and Doyoung joins Taeyong at a seat in the corner after he orders taro bubble tea.

Doyoung’s in the middle of sucking strongly on his bubble tea’s straw, trying to free the pearls that got stuck in the straw, when Taeyong drops a bomb on him:

“I think we should end the arrangement.”

The stubborn pearl finally gets unjammed and a sequence of pearls hits the back of Doyoung’s throat like bullets being fired by a machine gun. He begins hacking violently while Taeyong watches on in silent horror, his mouth slightly agape. Even the girl sitting at the adjacent table asks him if he’s alright, and Doyoung—with watery, red eyes and an embarrassing, hoarse voice—croaks out an assurance that he’s fine.

Once Doyoung has finally stopped coughing, he sits in silence for a while. 

It was the third rule they set at the beginning—either party can end the arrangement at any time. 

“Doyoung?” Taeyong asks after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Is that… okay?” Taeyong continues anxiously.

“For sure,” Doyoung says quickly. “We can’t keep doing this forever,” he adds on with a stiff laugh.

Taeyong nods. “Yeah. Exactly what I was thinking.”

“So just… no more astronomy meetings,” Doyoung says.

“We can just tell Jaehyun we left the club,” Taeyong offers. 

“Yeah. Right.”

They go silent and Doyoung takes a long sip of his bubble tea.

“Um,” Doyoung begins, setting his drink down, “can I just ask why? It’s not because you’re uncomfortable, is it?”

Taeyong shakes his head rapidly and takes a second to gather his thoughts. He drones out a long “ummm” and then says, “It’s the same reason someone stops going to school once they’ve earned their diploma, I guess.”

Doyoung nods slowly. “You’ve earned your diploma?”

“Yeah. Metaphorically.” Taeyong pauses. “Also, there’s someone I’ve been talking to, and I think I might finally be ready for a relationship with them. So if we’re rolling with this metaphor, I got my diploma and a potential job offer.”

Doyoung feels like he was just punched in the gut. “I see.” He restrains from making a snappy comment about Taeyong’s bullshit metaphor. “That’s exciting!”

Doyoung leaves lunch a few minutes after that, lying to Taeyong by telling him he has a meeting that he has to get to. Truthfully, he doesn’t have class for another hour, but he decides to cancel the rest of his plans so he can take the bus back to their apartment and be alone.

Jaehyun is sitting on the couch, watching TV, when Doyoung returns. He looks confused when his roommate walks in.

“You’re back really early,” Jaehyun mumbles around the food in his mouth. 

“Chew with your mouth closed,” Doyoung scolds, ignoring Jaehyun’s comment.

“Is everything okay?” Jaehyun asks.

“Everything is fucking terrible,” Doyoung says calmly. 

Jaehyun stops chewing and leans forward, concern etched across his face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Instead of giving Jaehyun an answer, Doyoung speed walks over to his room and locks the door behind him. He feels a little guilty for ignoring his best friend and prays that Jaehyun will understand.

He immediately breaks down into tears once he’s alone, burying his face in his hands. His whole body is trembling and he feels a real, gaping hole in his chest, as if Taeyong personally reached into Doyoung’s torso and tore his heart out.

This shouldn’t be an issue. He knew it would have to end at some point, but he didn’t expect to feel so gutted once it happened. It had become such a comfortable and convenient aspect of his life that he now feels hollow without it. He relied so much on Taeyong for intimacy that he doesn’t know where to go now that he’s lost him.

Coincidentally, Doyoung’s phone lights up with a notification from one of his dating apps. It’s like a reminder that getting laid in the twenty-first century really doesn’t take much effort. Just a few swipes and you can have a date in an hour.

But Doyoung never enjoyed hooking up with strangers as much as he enjoyed hooking up with Taeyong, so he dismisses the notification.

Doyoung recognizes this familiar aching feeling that has knocked him off his feet. It’s the same terrible feeling that accompanies a breakup. It’s the tightness in his chest, the inability to breathe, and the tears that seem to never stop flowing. The last time Doyoung felt this way was when Jungwoo broke up with him through text and Taeyong held Doyoung in his arms and told him everything would be okay. This time, Taeyong’s the person who hurt him and Doyoung doesn’t have anyone to comfort him.

Doyoung doesn’t understand. How could you possibly not realize you have feelings for someone until the whole thing is over? 

After the confusion subsides, anger takes over, swimming through Doyoung’s head like a piranha. Some of the anger is directed towards Taeyong for ending things in the blink of an eye as soon as he found someone to replace him, but most of the anger is directed at himself. It’s his fault for catching feelings. By falling for Taeyong, Doyoung broke the most important rule of the arrangement.

Doyoung doesn’t sleep that night. He tries. He takes four times the recommended dose of melatonin, but his thoughts refuse to rest. 

After a few more hours of neverending nausea, he leaps out of bed and rushes over to the bathroom. He gets on his knees and hunches over the toilet to throw up, but nothing comes out. He wishes he had consumed copious amounts of alcohol because maybe then he would have something to throw up. In fact, he had entertained the idea for a while earlier in the night, but disregarded it because his alcohol was in the fridge, and going into the kitchen meant that he would risk running into his roommates.

When the sun starts rising, Doyoung has cried so much that he no longer feels any emotions. He’s too tired to feel sad, mad, or bitter. He just feels… neutral.

He decides to get out his phone and go to Taeyong’s pages. He analyzes each of his posts, checking the people Taeyong has tagged and the people leaving comments. He searches for any of Taeyong’s friends that could possibly be the person Taeyong is replacing him with.

He fails to find anyone, but it doesn’t put his mind to rest. It just keeps him guessing.

A soft knock on his door interrupts him at around noon the next day. Doyoung hadn’t even realized he stayed awake until noon. He’s far too tired to get out of bed and open the door, so he just burrows under his covers and pretends he didn’t hear the knock.

But then there’s more knocking, a little bit louder this time.

“Doyoung?” Jaehyun’s muffled voice calls from the hallway.

Doyoung sighs with defeat. “What?”

“I, um, made some banana bread. I’m leaving it out on the counter. Feel free to help yourself.”

“Okay,” Doyoung replies weakly. “Thank you, Jaehyun.”

“No problem.”

There’s a long pause, but Doyoung knows Jaehyun is still there because he doesn’t hear any sounds of movement.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks.

“Thriving,” Doyoung says sarcastically. “Sort of. Just really tired.”

“Oh, okay,” Jaehyun says. “I’m heading out and probably won’t be back until really late tonight. Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will,” Doyoung says.

He hears the sound of receding footsteps, followed shortly by the sound of their main apartment door falling shut. He appreciates Jaehyun’s offer, but he’s still overwhelmed by nausea, and he feels like his stomach will violently reject anything he tries to eat.

Doyoung finally falls asleep in the early afternoon. 

He wakes up around dinnertime because he hears faint chatter coming from the other side of the door. He still has a pounding headache and no appetite, so he makes no effort to climb out of bed. Doyoung blinks, staring up at his bedroom’s ceiling fan. It feels weird wasting an entire day away, but he feels sick and exhausted, so he falls back asleep a few minutes later. Might as well waste the evening away, too.

Doyoung’s body jolts awake at around 4 AM the next morning. His limbs still feel weak but he knows he can’t spend another day moping over losing a fuck buddy, so he forces himself out of bed and takes a shower.

His stomach gurgles and he sighs.

He’s still not in the mood to talk to anyone, and he figures no one will be in the common area at this ungodly hour of the morning, so he unlocks his door and marches over to the kitchen for food.

Cereal will suffice because it’s quick and easy. He’s in the middle of pouring milk into his bowl when he glances up into the living room on the other side of the kitchen counter.

Taeyong is slouched on the couch under a blanket. He has his eyes glued to his phone and a juul clutched in his other hand, paying no attention to Doyoung in the kitchen. 

Doyoung takes his bowl of cereal and retreats to his room a few seconds later, convincing himself that it was completely socially acceptable to ignore Taeyong because—if Taeyong ever asks about it—he could just say that he didn’t notice him.

The atmosphere among the three roommates isn’t the same after that. When Doyoung’s around Taeyong, he does his best to pretend that everything is fine, but it feels like their friendship has regressed to strangers. Doyoung doesn’t know what to say around Taeyong anymore, and Taeyong seems to act the same way. Their interactions become repetitive small talk—“How was your day?”; “It was fine, what about yours?”—and it almost feels worse than not talking at all.

Jaehyun picks up on the tension rather quickly and asks Doyoung about it when they’re home alone one afternoon. Doyoung, of course, lies and says that nothing happened between them and that he’s just been too tired to converse. The last part isn’t technically a lie. He feels like his battery hasn’t been fully charged in ages and he’s been running on low power mode, so speaking to anyone has been a challenge for him.

The awkwardness continues for another dreadful week. Taeyong challenges Doyoung to a game of Super Smash Bros at the end of that week, grasping at any remaining friendship between them, and it surprisingly helps a bit. Doyoung feels a surge of confidence when he beats Taeyong, although he theorizes that Taeyong just let him win to make him happy.

Which is… very sweet of him. Maybe they really can go back to being just friends. 

That’s what Doyoung thought, at least.

A few days later, Doyoung is in the food court at their school’s student union when he notices Taeyong sitting at a table on the far opposite side of the room, eating a Chipotle bowl by himself. 

That’s kinda sad, Doyoung thinks. He wonders if he should go over and join him, but then a dark-haired boy abruptly appears out of nowhere, saying a few words to Taeyong before filling the empty seat.

Doyoung feels like a stalker, standing across the room and watching this go down, so he gets in line at one of the restaurants and orders a burger. While he’s waiting for his order to be filled, he glances back over at Taeyong and the mystery boy.

The two of them appear to just be talking. It looks friendly. Doyoung has no reason to assume they’re anything more than friends, so he silently shames himself for jumping to conclusions. 

Doyoung distracts himself with his Instagram feed for a few seconds, and when he looks back up, Taeyong has a hand rested on the middle of the table. A heartbeat later, Taeyong’s friend reaches his arm out and places his own hand on top of Taeyong’s.

Doyoung feels sick to his stomach. Fortunately, his order number is shouted out at that moment, so he collects his burger and heads off to sit in another part of the student union where he won’t have to worry about his heart getting shredded into pieces. 

Jaehyun is sitting on the floor of their apartment when Doyoung returns home later that day, and he appears to be struggling to assemble… something. Their living room floor is barely visible underneath all of the wood panels and packaging foam strewn all over.

“What are you doing?” Doyoung asks.

Jaehyun mumbles, “Putting together a new bookshelf,” as he frowns down at a crinkled instruction sheet.

Doyoung chokes. “That’s supposed to be a shelf?”

Jaehyun sends a glare to Doyoung. “You could help me instead of belittling my self-esteem.”

Doyoung has nothing better to do with his time, so he joins Jaehyun on the living room floor and helps him decode the instructions. He also decides to seize the opportunity to ask Jaehyun questions.

“Sort of random, but do you know if Taeyong’s seeing anyone right now?” Doyoung questions.

Jaehyun just shakes his head. “Not that I know of. Why do you ask?”

Doyoung swallows the lump in his throat. “I saw him holding hands with a dude on campus today.”

Jaehyun’s mouth forms an ‘O’ shape in surprise. “Did you go over and introduce yourself?”

“Oh. I was late for something else. I just noticed them from across the room when I was walking through the building.”

An excited smile spreads across Jaehyun’s face. “I wonder if they’re serious. Do you think Taeyong’s finally giving dating a try? I’m really happy for him.”

“I don’t know—I guess that’s why it surprised me, seeing him… with someone. His flirting skills are nonexistent.”

“It’s his perfect jaw,” Jaehyun insists. “I’m telling you. It gets people swooning. I’m sweating just thinking about it. Who wouldn’t want to cuff someone with a jaw like that?”

Doyoung snorts. “Ugh, did we time travel back to high school?”

After a few beats of silence, Jaehyun says, “Taeyong’s been pretty worried about you, by the way.”

Doyoung feels his pulse quicken. “Really? What has he been saying?”

Jaehyun looks surprised by Doyoung’s sudden eagerness. “Just that you’ve been really quiet and closed-off. He’s worried that you’re not eating enough because he says he rarely sees you in the kitchen anymore.”

“Oh, I’m fine. Tell him I’m fine.”

Jaehyun giggles. “Why don’t you tell him yourself?”

“Because I’m never in the kitchen when he’s in there, apparently.”

“You know, he’s right,” Jaehyun begins. “You have been acting really off lately. Especially around him. Like, ever since you guys quit the astronomy club you’ve been acting like strangers around each other.”

“Just remembered how much I hate his guts, I guess,” Doyoung teases. “Astronomy tore us apart.” Pause. “That was a joke,” Doyoung clarifies quickly. “I don’t hate him.”

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun states in a sincere tone. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’ll always be here for you. You could tell me that you murdered someone and I would still support you.”

“I’m flattered,” Doyoung says, “but I haven’t committed any homicides yet.”

“That’s good,” Jaehyun praises. “But really, did something happen between you and Taeyong? I feel like the two of you barely talk anymore. We can’t live like this forever. If you have a problem with each other then he should move out.”

“Can I just say I absolutely love how you suggest kicking out Taeyong and not me?”

Jaehyun gives Doyoung a sad smile. “Well, you’re my best friend, Doyoung. We’ve known each other since we were six. I’m not suggesting that we kick out Taeyong, but maybe make some alterations to our living situation if you guys don’t want to be around each other anymore.”

Jaehyun makes a fair point. Seeing Taeyong’s face just rubs salt into Doyoung’s wounds. 

“I don’t know,” Doyoung mumbles. He feels like it would be unfair forcing Taeyong to find somewhere else to live.

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “So now that you’ve vaguely admitted that there’s something up between you and Taeyong, are you going to tell me what happened?”

Now that the arrangement has ended, there really isn’t a reason for it to be kept a secret. But Doyoung can’t say it. He mostly just wants to forget about it and pretend it never happened. Talking about it just makes it real.

“I can’t, Jaehyun. I’m really sorry.”

Jaehyun looks disappointed, but doesn’t pressure Doyoung any further. They draw their focus back to the shelf-building process and Doyoung reads off the next instruction.

Doyoung spends many nights in his room thinking about what Jaehyun said about their living situation. He knows for a fact that he doesn’t want to force Taeyong to move out. Ultimately, the whole mess isn’t Taeyong’s fault, and Doyoung knows he would just feel guilty for jeopardizing Taeyong’s housing situation.

Doyoung makes an agreement with himself: as long as he can act amiably around Taeyong, then their living situation doesn’t need to change. Doyoung reasons that Taeyong’s dating life is none of his business, so as long as Taeyong doesn’t bring his dates back to their apartment, they shouldn’t have any problems. 

Unfortunately, Doyoung doesn’t even get a chance to discuss it with Taeyong before Taeyong has already broken that rule. 

The three of them are relaxing on the couch on a Friday evening, unwinding from the week, when Taeyong mutters, “Shit.”

Doyoung and Jaehyun turn to look over at him.

“I forgot that I told my friend he could come over tonight so I can return his HDMI cable,” Taeyong explains. “It’ll just be really quick, okay?”

Jaehyun shrugs carelessly and takes another sip from the beer bottle in his hand.

Doyoung, on the other hand, is fascinated by Taeyong’s sudden nervousness. “That’s fine.”

The three of them chill for another half hour before there’s a knock at the door. Doyoung is mildly amused by the way Taeyong shoots up from his seat like a frightened cat. His eyes follow Taeyong as he walks over to the door, eager to see Taeyong’s mystery friend.

Taeyong exchanges happy greetings with his friend and a quick hug. Then Taeyong turns around to face his roommates.

“Hey guys, this is Mark. Mark, these are my roommates, Jaehyun and Doyoung.”

Doyoung’s stomach does a backflip when he realizes Mark is the person who was holding Taeyong’s hand a week ago in the student union. Up close, Mark is lanky and attractive and has a pair of kind eyes, but his fashion choices could use a little work. Specifically the dreadful cargo shorts that hurt just to look at. Doyoung tries his best to maintain his composure, and sends Mark an ambivalent wave.

Taeyong is quick to guide Mark over to his room and the two of them shut the door.

“That’s him,” Doyoung hisses to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun blinks. “That’s who?”

“The—the guy that Taeyong was holding hands with last week.”

Jaehyun looks puzzled. “Really? Are you sure? Mark looks straight.”

“I swear that’s him,” Doyoung declares.

Taeyong and Mark emerge from Taeyong’s room a few minutes later, and Mark has the aforementioned HDMI cable in his hand. They walk back over to the door to exchange quick goodbyes, and Mark gives Taeyong a quick peck on the cheek before leaving the apartment. Taeyong gets really antsy after that kiss, practically begging Mark to leave and all but pushing him out the door. 

When Taeyong turns back around to face his roommates, his face is as red as a tomato.

“Ooooooh,” Jaehyun crows. “Taeyong has a boyfriend.”

Taeyong scratches his head nervously and his blush deepens. “He’s not… my boyfriend.”

Doyoung blinks. Then says, “Yeah, he better not be.”

The apartment falls dead silent and the air suddenly feels tense. Doyoung’s roommates are staring at him with baffled expressions on their faces.

Jaehyun is the first to break the silence. “What?”

“Fuck you,” Taeyong snaps at Doyoung. 

“I didn’t mean it like Mark’s a bad person,” Doyoung interjects. “I’m just saying… he looks straight as a ruler.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “You concluded that from meeting him for five seconds? You know, you shouldn’t judge people by the way they look.”

“I’m just warning you,” Doyoung says. “I get this… really strong straight vibe from him. I feel like he’s just using you.”

“Are you kidding me?” Taeyong spits out. “I really didn’t think you were this immature.”

“Sorry you can’t handle the truth,” Doyoung mutters. “You can tell yourself whatever you want, I guess. Chalk it up to me being immature if it helps you sleep at night.”

Taeyong takes a deep breath. “I know this might be really hard for you, but can you stop being a selfish asshole for one minute? Just one fucking minute? You’ve been like this as long as I’ve known you. You think the whole world revolves around you and when things suddenly don’t go your way, you lash out at everyone. Why can’t you just let me be happy?” Taeyong pauses to catch his breath, and he looks like he’s seconds away from crying. 

“Guys, can we all calm down?” Jaehyun jumps in, but his voice goes unheard.

“Taeyong, I’m just looking out for you,” Doyoung promises. “I have a bad feeling about this guy. For the love of god, he was wearing cargo shorts.”

“God, I hate you so much,” Taeyong breathes out.

“You weren’t saying that last month when I was fucking your brains out.”

Doyoung regrets the words the second they’re out of his mouth—the second it’s too late to take them back. He watches Taeyong’s gaze slide over to Jaehyun, like he’s terrified to see their roommate’s reaction. Doyoung is long past the point of caring what other people think.

Taeyong looks back at Doyoung and shakes his head furiously. Taeyong opens his mouth to say something, but words don’t come out. Instead, the look of betrayal on Taeyong’s face stabs Doyoung in the gut.

“Don’t… look at me like that,” Doyoung pleads. 

Taeyong keeps staring at Doyoung with the same broken expression, twisting the knife in Doyoung’s gut. Doyoung worries that he’ll never get that image out of his mind. The image of Taeyong looking at him with the utmost devastation. 

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung says, voice wavering. He stands up and takes a few tentative steps towards Taeyong. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Taeyong tries to walk out of the living room, and Doyoung rushes forward as soon as he moves, grabbing Taeyong by the shoulder and crying out another desperate apology.

Taeyong shoves Doyoung away rather forcefully. 

“Don’t touch me,” Taeyong orders with pure rage in his eyes.

Then Taeyong storms out of the living room, heading over to his bedroom, and slams the door shut so harshly that Doyoung feels the floor shake underneath him.

Doyoung stands there stupidly, and lets the feeling of guilt wash over him until he feels like a steaming pile of garbage.

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun whispers with concern, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Doyoung shrugs off Jaehyun’s hand. “I’m really sorry.” He retreats to his room without another word.

The next morning, his phone lights up with a message in their group chat from Taeyong.

Life Ruiner (10:32 AM)

I’m moving out when the lease ends

Doyoung rereads the message a few times and then turns off his phone. Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, either. The lease doesn’t end for another three months. 

Three months is a long time to live with someone who claims to hate you.

Doyoung doesn’t see Taeyong in their apartment at all that day. Taeyong’s Snapchat location says that he’s at an apartment complex on the opposite end of the district. Doyoung figures it’s for the best.

He’s wiping down the kitchen counters in the late afternoon when Jaehyun emerges from his room. They exchange short greetings while Jaehyun wanders over to the fridge.

“Taeyong isn’t home, is he?” Doyoung questions.

Jaehyun closes the fridge and leans back against the counter. “He left late last night with a duffel bag. Told me he’s staying at Mark’s place so he can blow off some steam.”

“Good,” Doyoung says. Jaehyun has his arms crossed and his stare is boring into Doyoung. “I’m sure you have lots of questions,” Doyoung begins. “And you deserve an explanation. First of all, I’m sorry for… not being entirely honest with you.”

Jaehyun asks, “How long was this going on?”

“Since winter break.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen.

“We were never dating, if that’s what you think. It was just, like, a friends-with-benefits situation. And we set some rules, agreeing that there wouldn’t be any feelings involved.”

“I could kind of tell there was something going on,” Jaehyun says. “Johnny said our school doesn’t have an astronomy club.”

Doyoung winces. “Yeah, we were hoping you guys wouldn’t ask too much about that club.”

“Where was the astronomy club?” Jaehyun asks with a smirk.

Doyoung gulps. “The backseat of my car.”

Jaehyun hums. “That doesn’t sound very comfortable. Why did you guys do it?”

Doyoung lets out a sigh and uses his arms to brace himself against the edge of the counter. Then he lets out a soft laugh. “Why did I do it?” he repeats. “Uhm. I was horny,” he says flatly.

“But why Taeyong?” Jaehyun prompts. “You easily could’ve just hooked up with someone from a dating app like you used to do in the past.”

“It’s—it’s complicated.” Doyoung feels like a bandaid is being ripped off. “We were bored when the power was out, and he said he wanted to do it with someone that he knows because he’s not comfortable hooking up with strangers. And, I mean, like you said—Taeyong’s an attractive guy so of course I wanted to do it. I thought maybe we could just try it once or twice. I didn’t think it would go on for so long. I should’ve ended it ages ago before things went too far.”

Jaehyun nods, taking a moment to process what Doyoung is saying. “And when did it end? How did it end?”

“Taeyong just told me he wanted to end it last month. I didn’t argue because I told him back in December that if he ever wanted to end it, that was fine.”

“But it wasn’t fine,” Jaehyun guesses.

“I don’t know why, but I felt so… hurt when he ended it,” Doyoung explains. “I felt unwanted. I felt like he had just used me as a distraction until he found someone better to replace me with.” Doyoung shrugs. “When you think about it, that’s essentially what he did.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Then what?” Doyoung says.

“I think he panicked thinking about this going on for too long. I don’t think he’s really into Mark. I mean, you saw them together last night. They were pretty awkward around each other. Doesn’t seem like they have a whole lot of chemistry. He might just be using Mark as a distraction.”

Doyoung just shrugs. “It’s none of my business.”

The sound of Jaehyun’s fingers drumming against the kitchen counter fills the gap in the conversation. Then Jaehyun asks, “Do you like him? As more than a friend?”

Doyoung shakes his head without a second thought.

“You do,” Jaehyun concludes. Doyoung just frowns. “Have you told him?”

“I don’t like him,” Doyoung lies with finality. If he doesn’t admit it, then it’s not real, right?

Jaehyun looks unconvinced, but he doesn’t pry any further. “You know, you guys didn’t have to keep this a secret from me.”

Doyoung frowns. “Of course we had to. You would’ve thought it was weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s kind of cute, actually. You guys used to tear each other to shreds when we were kids. It’s nice to see you guys were able to… tolerate each other to a point where you decided to exchange body fluids.”

Letting out a disgusted groan, Doyoung orders, “Never phrase it like that ever again.” Then he sighs. “I guess we’re back to tearing each other to shreds again, aren’t we? One step forward, two steps back.”

Jaehyun purses his lips.

“I’m so stupid,” Doyoung mutters. “What did I think would happen? I just destroyed a great friendship, and now we have to find another roommate to take his spot.”

“Everything will be fine,” Jaehyun swears. He steps towards Doyoung and pulls his best friend into a tight hug. “I promise.”

Doyoung doesn’t believe him.

How can things be fine when Doyoung and Taeyong have completely stopped talking to each other? Doyoung even notices when Taeyong blocks him online, and it hurts. It feels like Taeyong is cutting Doyoung out of his life and trying to erase every memory of him.

When Doyoung and Taeyong run into each other in the common area, they don’t speak. They occasionally make eye contact when the other person enters the room, but they always ignore each other after that. It’s even more awkward when Jaehyun’s in there as well and each of them will only speak to Jaehyun. Sometimes Taeyong says things to Jaehyun that Doyoung wants to respond to, but he always bites his tongue because he knows Taeyong will just ignore anything he says.

Despite the fact that Taeyong is scheduled to move out at the end of the term, Jaehyun still tries to repair things between the two of them. Doyoung tells Jaehyun that it’s not his friendship to fix, but Jaehyun still tries anyway.

In fact, Doyoung would argue that it makes things worse.

For instance, Taeyong tells Jaehyun in the kitchen one morning that he thinks coffee is better than tea.

Doyoung is engrossed in a Netflix show over in the living room, and Jaehyun calls over, “Doyoung, what do you think?”

Doyoung look at Jaehyun. And he blinks. Slowly. Threateningly.

“Well?” Jaehyun provokes.

“I don’t know,” Doyoung says.

“Taeyong thinks coffee is better than tea,” Jaehyun tells him, as if he didn’t hear. Taeyong shuffles awkwardly and stares down at the mug of coffee in his hands, also visibly uncomfortable. 

“I think they’re both… fine beverages,” Doyoung decides. “You’re interrupting my show,” he complains.

Fortunately, Taeyong doesn’t bring Mark back to their apartment anymore. In fact, he doesn’t even talk about Mark. Not even to Jaehyun. It’s relieving, but part of Doyoung is itching to know whether they’re still together.

The first time Doyoung speaks to Taeyong is about a month later. Taeyong returns early from campus while Doyoung is sitting on the couch, playing games on his phone. Doyoung glances over and makes eye contact with Taeyong, then goes back to his phone, prepared for more silence.

“Hi,” Taeyong says unexpectedly.

Doyoung is so shocked that he doesn’t know how to react. At first he thinks he’s hallucinating, but Taeyong is staring at him, anxiously awaiting a response. A few seconds later, out of courtesy, Doyoung says, “Hey.” He directs his attention back to his phone to show Taeyong that he’s busy.

Taeyong steps further into the living room until he’s standing next to where Doyoung’s curled up on the couch. Doyoung pauses his game and looks up at his roommate who’s now looming over him. “This isn’t creepy at all,” Doyoung deadpans.

“I just wanted to say you were right about Mark,” Taeyong says. “About him being straight. He, uh… he just used me to experiment.”

Doyoung takes a moment to think. “What a dickbag,” he concludes.

“No,” Taeyong interrupts. “He told me when we first started going out. I knew what I was getting myself into.”

Doyoung looks back at his phone and resumes his game. “So why are you telling me this?” he asks, uninterested. 

There’s a long pause between them before Taeyong says, “I don’t know.” Doyoung doesn’t say anything more, waiting for Taeyong to elaborate, but Taeyong just leaves and goes to his room.

Not sure what that was, Doyoung thinks to himself.

Doyoung draws his attention back to his game. He’s on the verge of reaching a new high score when Taeyong suddenly barges out of his room and declares, “I don’t want to move out.”

Doyoung’s finger slips and he loses the whole game, letting out a frustrated groan. “Then I’ll just move out instead,” he snaps at Taeyong, getting ready to start a new game. “No big deal.”

Taeyong is standing at the edge of the living room, staring at Doyoung, and radiating uncomfortable vibes. Mixed in with the discomfort, Doyoung can sense a hint of fear. 

“No” is all Taeyong says.

“No?” Doyoung repeats, putting his phone down.

Taeyong looks around the room nervously as he tries to gather his jumbled thoughts. 

“We obviously can’t live together,” Doyoung goes on.

“I think we should just agree to be friends again,” Taeyong says slowly.

A preposterous idea. Doyoung squints at him. “Are you joking?”

Taeyong merely blinks. “I’m not joking.”

“You’re the one who blocked me on social media and now you’re telling me you want to be friends.”

“I—I did that for a reason.”

Doyoung crosses his arms. “Enlighten me.”

Taeyong clears his throat. “I blocked you because I—I couldn’t stop going back to your social media pages, constantly checking to see if you’d posted anything new, and if I blocked you then the temptation wouldn’t be there anymore. And I thought there wasn’t any chance of us ever… uh… being friends again. I didn’t want to get jealous seeing your social media posts later on, so I figured I would just do it now.”

“Wait, what?” Doyoung says. “What do you mean? Why would you get jealous over my social media posts?”

Taeyong scrunches his eyes shut and scrubs a hand over his face in frustration. “Ah,” he groans. He shakes his head and opens his eyes again. “I have nothing to lose at this point, so fuck it.” Taeyong walks over and takes a seat on the couch, leaving a sizeable gap between him and Doyoung. “This is going to be really awkward, okay?”

“Can’t be more awkward than anything we’ve already done in my car,” Doyoung remarks.

Taeyong’s face heats up.

“But try me,” Doyoung goes on.

“I like you,” Taeyong blurts out.

“That’s funny. I think the last time we spoke, you told me that you hated me. In fact, you told me I was a selfish asshole, and it sounded very convincing. Much more convincing than this.”

“Doyoung,” Taeyong hisses.

“Sorry,” Doyoung apologizes. “Um. You haven’t really done anything that reinforces… liking me.”

Taeyong looks mildly annoyed. “Like what? Having sex with you?”

Doyoung gulps. “Valid point. But you’re the one who insisted that we end it. And then, on top of that, you decided to find a new fuck buddy and bring him back to our apartment. The apartment that I live in. While I was home! That’s not something you do to someone that you like.”

“Please just believe me,” Taeyong begs, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please don’t… argue.”

“I’m not!” Doyoung argues back. Then he relaxes his shoulders and leans back against the couch. “Right. Sorry for getting so tense. I’ll let you explain.”

“First of all, Mark wasn’t a fuck buddy,” Taeyong states. “We never made it to that stage. But that doesn’t matter.” Taeyong pauses and takes a long, deep breath.

“Take your time,” Doyoung says.

Taeyong nods. His hands are grasped so tightly in his lap that his knuckles are white. “I’ve liked you since high school.” Doyoung’s jaw almost falls on the floor. “I mean, how could I not? You were smart and good-looking and you were so unafraid to be yourself. I was obsessed with you.”

Doyoung gulps. Taeyong was obsessed with him?

“Sure, you were annoying and mean sometimes but it was nice being around someone who wasn’t afraid to be honest. Someone who wasn’t constantly trying to please everyone… like me.” Taeyong stops and lowers his voice. “And you were really cute. I meant every single one of those compliments.”

“I know,” Doyoung jumps in with a cocky grin.

“When you started dating Jungwoo, I felt like I was kicked in the stomach,” Taeyong continues. “I hated how obsessed you were with him. You thought I was just bitter about being single, which was partially true, but I was also bitter because Jungwoo got to date you and I had to sit back and watch it happen. When you and Jungwoo broke up, I thought it was finally my chance to confess to you, but I couldn’t do it. I just felt… terrified. I was scared that you would laugh at me, or something. And I didn’t want to face rejection, so I spent the rest of high school trying to bury those thoughts.

“Then we separated for college and I just had to deal with that. I waited for you to contact me, but you never did, so I tried to distract myself with other people. I ended up getting really homesick and I felt like an outcast at that school. I transferred here so I could be closer to my family, and you and Jaehyun going here was just a nice bonus. It was great reuniting with you guys. I finally felt comfortable.

“But then I developed feelings for you again. And it sucked because sometimes I felt invisible compared to Jaehyun. You were always spending time with him and talking about how much of an amazing friend he is, and I felt like I was just a third-wheel.”

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung pipes in quickly.

“It’s okay,” Taeyong says. “I mean, I understand why. You’ve been friends with Jaehyun for a really long time. But that’s not the point. It also hurt a lot when you kept bringing those Tinder dates over last summer, but I felt like it wasn’t my place to say anything.

“When you and I started hooking up, everything was incredible. Like, it felt like a dream. When we made the arrangement, I sort of felt bad because I had already breached the rule about not having feelings, but I figured I could just hide it. Like, there’s no way I was going to say no to my crush basically asking me if I was down to fuck. I would be an idiot if I had rejected that.

“And then, later on, I met Mark in my psychology class. As you could tell, he was a stereotypical straight frat dude. At some point, I mentioned the fact that I wasn’t straight, and he told me he’d been having doubts about his sexuality and asked me if I would be down to try new things with him. I saw it as the perfect opportunity to end our arrangement since I was pretty positive you don’t like me back. I didn’t want to be your hookup buddy forever without it ever actually being… something more. And after three months, it still felt like you were set on remaining just friends. So I broke it off with you before you could break my heart, and I thought I could use Mark as a distraction.”

“And how was your… distraction?” Doyoung asks.

“Mark’s a good friend but there isn’t any spark between us. Plus, he decided he actually is just straight, so that didn’t last too long. But when you and I had that argument when Mark came over, I felt like any chance of us ever being friends was just… gone. I felt like you hated me for ending the arrangement and there was no chance of you ever forgiving me. I didn’t want to have to worry about seeing your inevitable future social media posts with whomever you end up dating someday, so I blocked you.

“But I recently decided that was stupid and I at least want to be friends with you,” Taeyong explains. “And I don’t want my stupid feelings to get in the way of that. I’ll get over them eventually. Look, I’ll even unblock you right now.” Taeyong pulls his phone out of his pocket, taps on the screen a few times, and then says, “All done.” Taeyong looks at Doyoung apprehensively. “So can we please just be friends again?”

Doyoung sits up straighter on the couch and leans towards Taeyong. “I like you, too,” he tells Taeyong, whose face instantly flushes a deep red. “When you ended the arrangement, I wasn’t just mad because I’d lost a hookup buddy; I was mad because I liked you and I thought you and I actually had a chance at going somewhere.”

“But you set that rule,” Taeyong insists. “About us just being friends and nothing more.”

“Well, I obviously didn’t plan on developing a crush on you.”

“Oh,” Taeyong says descriptively. He looks relatively calm for someone whose crush has just admitted to liking them back. 

“You weirdo. I just told you that I like you back and this is all you have to say?”

Taeyong giggles and covers his face with his hands out of embarrassment. It’s irresistibly endearing, so Doyoung leans over and pulls Taeyong into a warm hug, which Taeyong instantly melts into. They sit like that for a few minutes, wrapped up in each other’s arms, just reveling in the comfort of finally holding each other after such a long time with no contact.

“I know I keep apologizing but… I’m sorry, again,” Doyoung speaks up. “For everything. For snapping at you about Mark. For not telling you earlier about my feelings. For just… being a dick to you when we were kids.”

Taeyong buries his face in Doyoung’s neck. “It’s okay,” Taeyong says, voice muffled. He lets out a content sigh and says softly, “I missed your hugs.”

“That’s all you missed?” Doyoung asks.

Taeyong pinches Doyoung’s side and breaks the hug while Doyoung just laughs devilishly. “Count on you to ruin a sentimental moment,” Taeyong complains.

“What else did you miss?” Doyoung provokes. He places a firm hand on the inside of Taeyong’s thigh—he knows it’s one of his weak spots—and when he looks back up, Taeyong has a glazed-over look in his eyes. 

The words are caught in Taeyong’s throat. He looks down at where Doyoung’s hand is resting, then back up at Doyoung, speechless. He opens his mouth and closes it several times like a fish, but no words come out.

“Tell me what you missed,” Doyoung says.

“Everything,” Taeyong finally admits. 

“Everything?”

Their faces are mere inches apart and Doyoung definitely notices when Taeyong’s eyes flit down to his lips for a fraction of a second. So Doyoung seizes the opportunity, leaning in and pressing a gentle, hesitant kiss on the corner of Taeyong’s mouth. Taeyong kisses him again, this time hard and desperate, and he lets out a muffled moan when Doyoung takes Taeyong’s lower lip between his teeth and tugs at it.

“Did you miss this?” Doyoung asks, pulling away for a second.

Taeyong nods rapidly and tries to go in for another kiss, but Doyoung purposefully leans away.

“Tell me you missed it,” Doyoung orders. “Say it out loud.”

“Fuck, I missed it so much,” Taeyong murmurs.

Doyoung goes back in for another hard kiss, eagerly licking into Taeyong’s mouth in an effort to make up for all the time they lost. He moves his hand from Taeyong’s thigh and sticks it under Taeyong’s shirt, lightly grazing his fingers over Taeyong’s stomach.

“What about this?” Doyoung asks between kisses. “Did you miss this?”

Taeyong winces when Doyoung brings his hand up higher. “Of course I missed it,” Taeyong gasps. “I missed you. Can you just—” Taeyong grabs Doyoung’s shirt and pulls Doyoung on top of him. 

Doyoung presses a few more soft kisses to Taeyong’s mouth, then moves his kisses down to plant them on the side of Taeyong’s neck. He knows it’s another one of Taeyong’s favorite spots, and Taeyong confirms it when he shakily breathes out Doyoung’s name.

“Can I just what?” Doyoung asks, nuzzling Taeyong’s neck. He rolls his hips down against Taeyong’s, and the low moan that escapes from Taeyong is music to his ears.

“Can you just fuck me already?” Taeyong finally breathes out.

That’s alarmingly straightforward.

Doyoung is about to respond when the main apartment door suddenly swings open and Jaehyun comes blindly waltzing in. 

“Oh!” the third roommate exclaims, clapping his hand over his mouth.

Doyoung springs off of Taeyong with lightning reflexes. “Agh,” Doyoung groans, sending a very pissed-off look in Jaehyun’s direction. “Karma for when I walked in on you and Johnny eating each other’s faces.” Doyoung takes Taeyong’s hand and tugs him off the couch. “Let’s go,” he says to Taeyong, dragging him over to his room. 

“I’m guessing you guys made up,” Jaehyun says with a stunned expression, watching his roommates walk off with their hands linked. 

“We’re doing that right now!” Doyoung calls back before closing the door of his room.

Doyoung and Taeyong proceed to have the most passionate sex they’ve ever had. Taeyong thinks it’s because they’re finally doing it in a bed and they’re not confined by the cramped backseat of Doyoung’s old car. Doyoung thinks it’s because it’s their first time doing it after admitting their feelings for each other. It’s probably both.

The first thing Doyoung says when they’ve finished is: “So does this mean I get to be your first boyfriend?” 

Taeyong laces their fingers together. “You should feel honored.”

When they later tell Jaehyun that they’ve decided to start dating, Jaehyun cheers and breaks out some booze and edibles to celebrate. He also calls Johnny, ordering him to come over and join the festivities, and says, “I won the bet,” to which Doyoung scoffs. 

Jaehyun is drunk off his ass by the end of the night and he won’t stop rambling on about how excited he is for their future double dates. Drunk Jaehyun is adorable until he reaches his limit and throws up on the fluffy white rug in the living room. 

It happens at the same time Johnny arrives. 

Specifically, Taeyong opens the apartment door when Johnny knocks since he’s the roommate standing closest to the door, and Jaehyun—who is seated on the couch and has been strangely silent for the past few minutes—vomits when Johnny enters the room.

At first, Doyoung is terribly concerned because he knows Jaehyun has a rather high alcohol limit, but then he bursts out laughing thinking about how Jaehyun literally threw up looking at his own boyfriend.

“Relationship goals,” Doyoung teases, giving Jaehyun a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Then he looks over at Taeyong who is standing on the opposite side of the room with his mouth hanging open in shock. “Throw up at the sight of me to prove that it’s real.”

“I’d really rather not,” Taeyong says.

Jaehyun sits there looking like a sad and embarrassed puppy. This is also when he admits that he can’t quite remember how much alcohol he had consumed, and Johnny—bless his heart—drags him off to the bathroom to get him cleaned up.

Doyoung and Taeyong spend a few minutes arguing over whether it’s worth attempting to clean up the rug before deciding that it would be best to just dispose of it. So they wipe it clean as best as they can, then roll it up and temporarily put it out on their balcony. 

The two of them are snuggling on the couch when Johnny comes back in the room, by himself, and says, “I think Jaehyun’s going to call it a night. He’s not feeling so hot so I’ll just stay with him. Are you guys going to pass out soon?”

Doyoung and Taeyong look at each other blankly. Then Doyoung gives Johnny a shrug. “Haven’t decided.”

Johnny raises an eyebrow. “Astronomy club?” he asks.

Taeyong grabs the nearest empty soda bottle and flings it at Johnny while Johnny laughs hysterically and swiftly dodges out of its path. Jaehyun’s muffled and groggy voice rings through the apartment, calling for Johnny, so Johnny tells them a final goodnight before heading back to Jaehyun’s room.

Taeyong leans his head against Doyoung’s shoulder. “You’re the hottest boyfriend ever,” he slurs.

Doyoung gives him a slight poke between his ribs. “It’s just the alcohol talking. The real Taeyong would never say that.”

“Drunk words are sober thoughts,” Taeyong mumbles with his eyes closed. “You’re soooo hot.”

Doyoung ruffles Taeyong’s hair. “I know.” He gives his hand a gentle squeeze. “I think I’m gonna head to bed soon.”

It causes Taeyong’s eyes to shoot open instantly. “Whose bed?” he asks.

Doyoung blinks. “Uh, I didn’t really think about that.”

Taeyong shifts impossibly closer to him. “Can it please be my bed? I really want to have a cute boy in my bed.”

“Aren’t you usually in your bed every night, though?”

Taeyong’s mouth falls open, then he falls forward in a giggling fit and hides his blushing face in Doyoung’s shoulder. It fills Doyoung with immense pride.

Once he’s collected himself, Taeyong says, “Yeah, I am. Which should only be another convincing reason for you to join me.”

Doyoung leans over and plants a soft kiss on Taeyong’s forehead. “Don’t worry. You’ve convinced me enough.”

It isn’t the first time they fall asleep in the same bed. It is, however, the first time they fall asleep together after exchanging “I love you”s.