In Which Sunny Is Bad At Naming Things

Chapter 1

Sunny >>> Basil
12:24 PM
Sunny: hi.
Sunny sent an image.

Kel >>> Aubrey
2:36 PM
Kel: aubrey
Kel: aubreyyyyyy
Kel: dont ignore meeeee
Kel: :(((((((
Kel: OKAY COME ON NOW I SAW THAT
Kel: I KNOW UR ONLINE
Kel: plssssssss insult me if u gotta just say somethinggggg
Aubrey: Dumbass idiot really thought u could win a 7v2 fight with a basketball
Kel: if no one got me i know ur desire to make fun of me got me
Aubrey: What do you want
Kel: would u be more or less likely to listen to me if i said i missed u and was lonely
Aubrey: Less
Kel: well 2 bad bc its true
Kel: i miss u :( and im lonely :(
Kel: i wanna hang out!!!
Aubrey: Ugh. Fine.
Aubrey: I guess I could go for a pizza at Gino's or smth.
Kel: wait no u gotta come over to my house. i cant leave
Aubrey: ...why
Kel: hero
Aubrey: That explains literally nothing idiot
Kel: last time i left the house when i came back he looked at me and was like "what, went to see BASIL?" all angry
Kel: idrk what im sposed to say to that so id rather not chance it :/
Aubrey: Oh.
Aubrey: He's still...?
Kel: YES
Kel: i dont wanna hold it against him or anything bc i get it i rly do
Kel: but i s2g aubrey if i have to go ONE MORE DAY left alone with him like this im gonna lose my mind
Aubrey: So what, u want to subject me to it too??
Kel: miserys better in company n all that jazz
Aubrey: Ugh.
Aubrey: Fine.
Aubrey: I'm bored anyways.
Kel: thank u aubrey i owe u my life
Aubrey: I'll take ur player one controller instead, actually
Kel: FUCK
Aubrey: >:)
Kel: :'(

7:58 PM
Aubrey: Holy shit you weren't kidding.
Kel: i told you!!!!
Aubrey: I almost pity you. That was. tense.
Aubrey: "Oh. Aubrey. You've decided to visit. I see." Bitch what does that fucking tone mean!!!!
Kel: i have to deal with this every single day aubrey!!!!! i share a room with this man!!!!
Kel: literally the other day i was hungey and made some mac n cheese and he walked in the kitchen and said "What do you think your doing?" and i was like "uhhh making macaroni?" and he said "Cant you just eat a snack? All your doing is making a mess in the kitchen. Clean up when your done at least" and then left
Kel: save me aubrey
Aubrey: Dude, he said that?
Aubrey: Yanno, I don't think I've ever seen Hero this mad before...
Aubrey: It's kinda. Yikes.
Kel: lol i have
Kel: thats just the power of the little brother i guess
Aubrey: Okay but even when you were your little shittiest he never??? Got angry like this???
Kel: thats bc those were like, one time things and he was always given a chance to calm down
Kel: he hasnt rly had the chance to let all his anger out yet tho so hes just kinda. stewing
Aubrey: I'm probably not saying anything you don't already know but...that doesn't sound good?
Kel: eh
Kel: i prefer angry hero to depressed hero.
Kel: if he snaps at me he snaps at me. at least angry hero eats every day
Aubrey: Dude
Kel: ?
Aubrey: If you haven't done anything wrong then he shouldn't yell at you...
Kel: wut r u talking about lol i was joking
Aubrey: Look dumbass I know I'm a dick to you a lot but I'm serious. I don't give a fuck how angry he is at Sunny and Basil, bc your not Sunny OR Basil, and he shouldn't take it out on you.
Kel: um
Kel: uh
Kel: ok lol
Aubrey: Kel. I'm serious.
Kel: aubrey dude its okay. like its not a big deal
Aubrey: You sure?
Kel: yeah lol its fine
Aubrey: Hm.
Kel: haha n e way wouldja look at the time!!! wowzers sure is late i better go to bed soon!!! talktoyoutomorrowbye!!!
Aubrey: Idiot its only 8
Aubrey: Kel
Aubrey: Kel I know for a FACT you've never gone to sleep this early in your life
Aubrey: Ugh whatever asshole. gn

Basil >>> Sunny
1:33 PM
Basil: Oh!!! Sunny!!!!
Basil: Hi!!!!
Basil: Um.... Whats that?????
Sunny: reminded me of you
Basil: Um. I see???
Sunny sent an image.
Basil: Uh. Okay...
Basil: OH!!! I have one!!!
Basil sent an image.
Basil: This is you!!!
Sunny: lol

Aubrey >>> Kel
3:18 PM
Aubrey: Kel what the FUCK is this.
Kel: huh
Kel: ???
Aubrey sent an image.
Aubrey: What the FUCK is in your driveway.
Kel: OH
Kel: aljfaldgj sally drew that
Aubrey: No she fucking didnt shes like three months old
Kel: no??? shes like a year and a half now
Kel: shes crawling around n shit shes more than capable of holding chalk
Aubrey: WHAT
Kel: aubrey omg youve SEEN her did u rly think she was a newborn
Aubrey: Shut your fucking the up
Kel: hdaljglkajdligjiahidh
Kel: hey wait a minute
Kel: why are you in my driveway??? tf
Aubrey: Bc I wasn't lying yesterday when I said I wanted some Gino's.
Aubrey: So we're getting Gino's.
Kel: dude i already told u abt heros weird passive aggressiveness
Aubrey: Oh my god you dumbass why do you think I walked all the way over here then? I'll literally just tell him myself that we're going to Gino's.
Kel: hell just ask if were meeting basil there
Aubrey: Fuck it, I'll just invite Hero to come with us then
Kel: w
Aubrey: You got a problem with that
Kel: yea what if we see basil on the way there!!!!
Aubrey: Idk you can distract him or smth. You're good at that.
Kel: i guess....
Kel: ughhhhhh and i guess itd be good to get him out of the house too.....
Kel: ur right lets take him
Aubrey: I'm always right. Now let me in
Kel: fine fine wtvr

Sunny >>> Basil
4:13 PM
Sunny sent an image.
Basil sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Basil sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Basil sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Basil sent an image.
Basil: Hey um,,, are we ever gonna,,, actually talk??? About things???
Sunny: not rn. later
Sunny sent an image.
Basil: Understandable
Basil sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.

Kel >>> Aubrey
5:31 PM
Kel: AUBREY IM SORRYYYYYY
Kel: PLS DONT IGNORE ME AGAIN DDDDD:
Aubrey: KEL WHAT THE FUCK EVEN WAS THAT
Kel: IM SORRYYYYYY
Aubrey: KEL YOU DUMB FUCK YOU ARE LITERALLY ON THE FUCKING BASKETBALL TEAM HOW THE HELL DO YOU FUCK UP A THROW THAT BAD
Kel: AKSJDLFJAKSDJFOJ JJSLFJ I DONT KNOW IT JUST HAPPENED
Aubrey: I thought you were the one that was so worried abt Hero being mad!!!! Why were you throwing shit in there in the first place!!!!
Kel: look,
Aubrey: Seriously, I thought he was gonna lose it!!! What the fuck is wrong with you!
Kel: local med student finally snaps at pizza place, more at 7
Aubrey: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Aubrey: YOU'RE LITERALLY THE WORST
Kel: SORRY SORRY
Aubrey: Seriously dude, you were way more annoying than usual today. My jacket's ruined now. It's almost like you were trying to piss Hero off.
Kel: ha
Aubrey: No way
Kel: H A
Aubrey: KEL.
Kel: i promise i have a good reason,
Aubrey: YOU BETTER WTF THATS SO SHITTY
Kel: NONONO ITS ALL A PART OF MY MASTER PLAN
Aubrey: You have a plan.
Kel: yes
Aubrey: And this plan. Involves pissing off Hero.
Kel: also yes
Aubrey: Explain.
Kel: okay well um. you remember when we were all visiting the cemetary? and we all talked about...stuff?
Aubrey: ...yes.
Kel: well ive just uh been thinking abt it.
Kel: after mari...died.. hero was super depressed. we wouldnt leave bed, wouldnt talk, hardly ate...it was kinda scary. no matter what i did he just...layed there. it felt like i was losing him, too.
Aubrey: Oh. Kel...
Kel: but!! then uh i guess i fucked up or smth bc one day i REALLY pissed him off
Kel: TOTALLY sent him over the edge
Kel: and actually i dont remember that day all too well tbh which is prolly for the better lol
Kel: but what i DO remember is that after he finally went off on me he started getting better!!!
Kel: he started waking up earlier and going to school and eating every day
Kel: and like. i know im usually pretty useless and im a huge pain in the ass to everyone most of the time
Kel: so!!! i thought that if pissing ppl off is all i can do, then i could use that to make hero angry and do the same thing as before!!! you know, before he gets all depressed again!
Kel: genius, right???
Aubrey: Kel. Dude.
Kel: ??
Aubrey: That's kinda fucked up ngl
Aubrey: Like, for you.
Kel: whatever
Kel: you didnt see him back then aubrey, but i did
Kel: im not letting that happen again
Aubrey: Still...
Kel: whatever
Kel: i have to go eat dinner now
Kel: bye
Aubrey: ...

Basil >>> Sunny
11:53 AM
Basil: Oh yeah!!! Sunny!!! I forgot to ask!!!
Basil: Whats your new house like???
Sunny: small
Sunny: towns small too
Sunny sent an image.
Basil: Oh!!! Is that your new room???
Sunny: mhm
Basil: It looks cozy!!!! :3
Sunny: yeah
Sunny: um
Basil: Hm??
Sunny: i've been thinking of getting a plant
Basil: !!!!!!!!!!!
Basil: OH oh I know just the one!!!!!
Basil: You should get a spider plant!!! Theyre very hardy plants and perfect for people that dont have a lot of experience gardening!!!!!
Sunny: spider plant?
Basil: Yeah!!!!
Basil: Oh but dont worry!!!!! They dont actually have anything to do with spiders!!!
Sunny: oh. good
Sunny: ill see if i can find one
Sunny: thanks
Basil: No problem!!!!! :D

Aubrey >>> Hero
12:44 PM
Aubrey: Hero, it's Aubrey. I need to talk to you.
Hero: Oh, hey Aubrey. What is it?
Aubrey: It's about Kel
Hero: Don't tell me he's done something again already... I swear he's been more and more careless recently.
Aubrey: Not like you're thinking
Aubrey: UGH this has been pissing me off all night
Hero: What are you talking about?
Aubrey: He's been annoying you on purpose dumbass. Like, since Sunny left.
Hero: What.
Aubrey: Yeah, but don't yell at him yet. Let me finish.
Hero: ...go on.
Aubrey: Okay so we were talking last night after we got home and he said some things
Aubrey: About how you were after Mari died
Hero: ...did he now.
Aubrey: Yeah, he said you were barely eating and it scared the hell out of him
Aubrey: And then he said how you only started acting normal after you went off on him or smth
Hero: ...
Aubrey: And he told me how he's got this whole idea that if he could piss you off like that again, then he could keep you from getting all depressed like you were then
Aubrey: He said he'd rather you be angry at him all the time than sad and stuck in bed
Hero: ...he said that?
Aubrey: Yeah
Aubrey: Said he thought he was useless and only good for getting on ppl's nerves
Hero: Oh. I didn't even realize...
Hero: God, and I even promised I'd never get like that again...
Aubrey: It's fine
Aubrey: Bsides, I've been kinda worried abt you too ngl
Hero: Really..?
Aubrey: Yea
Aubrey: Ugh look I'm not good at this touchy-feely shit, but take it from someone who spent the last four years pissed off at everything
Aubrey: Being mad all the time is exhausting. Being mad at everyone just hurts. Especially if you're not doing anything with it and you're just mad for the sake of being mad.
Aubrey: Like I get it man, I'm pissed at Basil and Sunny too, but like... You're allowed to be angry, but you shouldn't let your anger be you, you know?
Hero: That was surprisingly mature of you.
Aubrey: OHHH MY GOD LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP
Hero: Haha, okay.
Hero: I'll think about it. Thank you.
Aubrey: Yeah yeah whatever
Aubrey: Just stop being passive-aggressive all the time okay. I think Kel's like, this close to straight up breaking something.
Hero: Alright, alright, I will. And I'll have a talk with him, too.
Hero: By the way... where did you get my number? I don't remember giving it to you.
Aubrey: Kel's phone password is spacepiratehector12345.
Hero: Of course it is.
Hero: I'll talk to you later. Have a good day, Aubrey.
Aubrey: Whatever Grandpa

Sunny >>> Basil
8:39 PM
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny: meet egg
Basil: You got the plant!!!!
Basil: And uh, named it,,, Egg?
Sunny: not Egg. egg.
Sunny: lowercase
Basil: ...Okay.
Basil: Uhmmm, would you like me to send you some tips on caring for it tomorrow???
Sunny: her
Sunny: yes
Basil: ...Alright. I'll do that then.
Basil: Uhm Im!! Going to bed now!!! Goodnight Sunny!!!
Sunny: goodnight
Sunny: egg also says goodnight

Kel >>> Aubrey
12:12 AM
Kel: AUBREY WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO HERO
Kel: WHY IS HE BEING SO SAPPY
Aubrey: Lol get rekt

picture of mushroom plant scientists be like. hm not quite

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: I don't know, actually.
Aubrey: Ask Hero, he's a med student ain't he?
Kel: i just did
Kel: he said "kel if i find out your doing drugs ill never cook you bacon again" and then hit me with a spatula

Chapter Notes

hello for some reason?? ao3 kept showing this as a single-chap fic despite me checking off the multiple chapters option??? whatever lol

Aubrey >>> Basil
12:41 PM
Aubrey: Hey. It's Aubrey.
Basil: Aubrey!!! Hi!!
Basil: Uh,,, whered you get my number;;;???
Aubrey: Kel's phone password is spacepiratehector12345
Basil: Of course it is.
Basil: Wait, whered Kel get my number????
Aubrey: You didn't give it to him?
Basil: No,,,
Basil: I havent seen any of you since the hospital,,,
Aubrey: What the fuck I thought he's been talking to you????
Aubrey: Ugh whatever. I think I know why he hasn't. He's stupid anyway.
Aubrey: But, uh....
Aubrey: Has...Sunny been talking to you, at least?
Basil: Oh um!! Yeah!!!
Basil: We havent been talking a whole lot, but I think hes just,,,,getting used to talking to someone so much, you know???
Aubrey: I get that.
Aubrey: Is he doing okay?
Basil: I think so!!! He said the place he lives at now is pretty small, but he sent me a picture and I think it looks pretty cozy!!!!!
Aubrey: That's good.
Aubrey: What kinda things do you two talk about anyways? I've always wanted to know what goes through his head
Basil: Uhmm,,,, weve tried to keep things light for now,,,
Basil: I helped him find a plant for his room!!!! He named...her?...egg.
Aubrey: e
Aubrey: Egg?
Aubrey: He named a fucking plant EGG?
Basil: egg, not Egg. He was uh,,, very specific on the lowercase.
Aubrey: I am suddenly very glad that I never let him name any of my dolls.
Basil: Haha, he certainly does have very silly names, doesnt he??
Basil: Hes also been sending me these funny pictures!!!! He says they remind him of me!!
Aubrey: Funny pictures??
Basil: Mhm!!!
Basil sent an image.
Basil: Stuff like this!!
Aubrey: AHDFLGHAKLSHDFGJAHSLGA;DSHGOH M Y GOD????
Aubrey: OHM Y GOD WAIT THAT'S SO TRUE THO
Aubrey: HOLD ON A SECOND
Basil:??? Okay???

Aubrey >>> Kel
Aubrey sent an image.
Aubrey: LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THIS ISN'T BASIL
Kel: HALGHLSHDKGHLKAH HOLY SHIT

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: Basil PLEASE tell me he's sent you more
Basil: Uhmm,,, yeah hes sent me a bunch,,,, do you want to see them??
Aubrey: Y E S
Basil: Okay!!!
Basil sent an image.
Basil sent an image.
Basil sent an image.
Aubrey: OH GODHSAGOISHDIO OSIHOHIOH SOTP STOP
Aubrey: THATS ENOUGH THATS ENOUGH

Aubrey >>> Kel
Aubrey sent an image.
Aubrey sent an image.
Aubrey sent an image.
Kel: SADGKLALJJGASJ AUBREY???
Kel: WEHRE ARE U GETTING THESE
Aubrey: Like I'd tell you
Kel: PLSSSS THESE ARE KILLING ME AHGLSH
Aubrey: Die in ignorance <3
Kel: WHAT NO
Kel: TELL ME
Kel: AUBREY WHO IS ITTTTTTTTT
Kel: :'''''''''(

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: omfg I don't think I've laughed like that in years
Aubrey: My stomach hurts alhdglakgkdlhs
Aubrey: PLEASE tell me whenever he sends you a new one
Basil: Uhm okay??? I will!
Aubrey: Also if Kel says anything, you've never seen these before in your life, got it?
Basil: ??? Okay!!
Basil: Glad you liked them!!
Aubrey: I love them Basil you have NO idea
Aubrey: Anyway, uh
Aubrey: How have... you been doing? Lately?
Basil: O h,,, me?
Basil: Um,,,
Basil: Ive been,,, okay? I guess?
Aubrey: You sure?
Basil: Well I mean,, uh,, Im not...great
Basil: Im better than I was before, though, so thats something!!!
Basil: Ive just been trying to uh,,, take things one day at a time,, you know??
Aubrey: Yeah, I get it. That's good.
Aubrey: That you're doing better.
Aubrey: Um.... I'm not good at this feely shit but like...
Aubrey: Ugh
Aubrey: Look I can't promise I'll be too nice about it bc I'm well aware I'm a dickhead, but if you're having like a really bad day or smth you can talk to me. Okay?
Basil: Oh.
Basil: Uhm not that I dont appreciate it or anything but,,,, are you sure?
Aubrey: Not really
Aubrey: But like
Aubrey: ughhhhhhhhhhhh
Aubrey: I still feel like shit over pushing you into the lake okay? I was way too angry and forgot where we were but that's not an excuse and I still feel awful abt it
Aubrey: Bc if Hero wasn't there then I could've been like you guys
Aubrey: Except worse bc I know Sunny's like aquaphobic or smth so he probably would've drowned too
Aubrey: And the only reason I'm not is bc of dumb fucking luck
Aubrey: Don't get me wrong, I'm still mad as hell that you guys did that and lied about it for so long, but it'd be kinda hypocritical of me to pretend you guys are these unforgivable monsters, esp since I'm 16 and you guys were like, 12
Aubrey: And it's just
Aubrey: Idk I feel like you guys have been hurt enough bc of what happened
Aubrey: Like, I don't forgive you, but I'm willing to work on forgiving you later
Aubrey: If that makes sense.
Basil: ...It does.
Basil: That...means a lot to me, Aubrey.
Basil: Um... I really dont expect. Any of you to forgive me. Like, ever.
Basil: So its okay if you dont. You dont have to.
Aubrey: I want to, though.
Basil: Oh.
Basil: Um.
Basil: Thank you.
Aubrey: Ugh whatever. I think I've expended all my feelings for the day. I'm gonna go read a comic or smth
Basil: Okay. Bye, Aubrey.
Basil: Um,,, do you want me to give you Sunnys number??
Aubrey: ...not yet.
Aubrey: Later, but not yet.
Basil: Okay. Just tell me when you want it.
Aubrey: Sure.

Hero >>> Kel
4:28 PM
Hero: Kel?
Hero: Kel??
Hero: Kel, answer your phone.
Hero: KEL.
Hero: I'm making lasagna for dinner.
Kel: HOLLY SHIT YOU ARE???
Hero: No.
Kel: why u gotta do me like that bro...
Hero: I haven't seen you all day. Why weren't you answering your phone?
Kel: huh
Kel: OH
Kel: i was picking up trash around town and put it on silent so i wouldnt get distracted
Hero: You were picking up trash?? By choice???
Kel: dont say it like that!!!!
Kel: bsides theres a lady in the playground paying like three bucks per bag
Hero: Ah, that's why.
Kel: hey >:(
Kel: why were u looking for me n e way
Hero: No reason, just noticed you've been gone a while. I got curious.
Kel: .
Kel: u thought i was hanging out with b*sil, didnt u
Hero: You don't have to censor his name.
Hero: But yes, you caught me...
Kel: rly man. cmon
Hero: I know, I know, and we just had that conversation the other day, too...
Hero: I'm sorry.
Kel: its cool
Kel: i wouldnt talk to him w/o telling u first tho
Hero: It's none of my business who you talk to. You don't have to do that.
Kel: omg do u realize how that sounds
Hero: Yes. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
Kel: i know u didnt lol im just messing
Kel: but like i dont want u to think ur the only one upset at them or anything
Kel: so like. id rather wait until ur more chill abt everything to talk to them
Kel: so that we could talk abt it ourselve w/o fighting
Hero: That's very mature of you, Kel.
Kel: ty ive been trying
Hero: You know, Kel. You *are* only 16. You're allowed to be the immature one. If anything, *I* should be the one trying to be considerate of *your* feeling.
Kel: ya ya and ur only 20 ur allowed to be immature n shit too
Kel: ur not mom u know
Kel: ur allowed to not build ur every action off of how itll affect me
Hero: I'm your older brother. I'm supposed to take you into thought.
Kel: ok but like
Kel: idek how to explain it man
Kel: im not gonna drop dead or smth just bc ur less than perfect around me. i want u to be comfortable around me
Kel: like. its okay dude. ur allowed to be bitchy. esp rn
Hero: Still...
Kel: look ur trying not to yell at me like you did after mari, right?
Hero: Yeah. I promised.
Kel: okay but thats what im talking about!!!!! thats what happens when ur never angry around anyone ever!!!
Kel: it doesnt go away it just sits there until it pops
Kel: u gotta find a way to let urself be pissy or itll build up till is blows up
Hero: ...You're probably right.
Hero: Thank you, Kel.
Kel: haha np
Hero: Again, it was very mature of you.
Kel: yea yea i told u i been trying
Hero: ...You know,
Kel: ?
Hero: I think I might make lasagna for dinner after all. :)
Kel: DEAD ASS?????? FUCK YEAH
Hero: Just remember to wash up before dinner, Kel. You have been dealing with trash all day, after all.
Kel: ANYTHING FOR UR LASAGNA HERO I LVOE YOU
Hero: Haha, love you too, Kel.

Kel >>> Aubrey
6:24 PM
Kel sent an image.
Kel: HEROS LASGNA TIME BABEY!!
Aubrey: NO FUCKING WAY
Aubrey: SAVE ME SOME
Kel: tell me who sent you those basil memes
Aubrey: Dirty bastard. No.
Kel: guess ill just have to eat all this delicious lasagna by myself
Kel: om nom nom
Aubrey: Fuck you

Aubrey >>> Hero
Aubrey: Hero my best friend in the entire world that I love very much may I please also have lasagna
Hero: Oh, did Kel tell you I made some?
Aubrey: YES and he WONT SAVE SOME FOR ME
Hero: Well, we can't have that, can we?
Hero: I'll tell him to let you come over.
Aubrey: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

Kel >>> Aubrey
Kel: BRO WTF NOOOO
Kel: hero says i have to invite you over >:(
Aubrey: WHOOOOOOOOOOP LASAGNA TIME
Kel: ill tell him ur busy tonite
Aubrey: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE YOU BITCH
Aubrey: I'm literally already half-way there don't you say shit
Kel: tf??? howd you get here so fast???
Aubrey: I hear the words "Hero's Lasagna" and 200ccs of methamphetamine are sponateously injected into my central nervous system.
Kel: wouldnt that kill you??
Aubrey: I don't know, actually.
Aubrey: Ask Hero, he's a med student ain't he?
Kel: i just did
Kel: he said "kel if i find out your doing drugs ill never cook you bacon again" and then hit me with a spatula
Aubrey: alhsdlhgalshgo;aihsdghasdhg
Aubrey: I'm outside.
Kel: h
Kel: HUH??
Aubrey: Let me in.
Kel: hm. no.
Kel: oKAY OKAY STOP BANGIN ON THE DOOR JFC UR GONNA WAKE UP SALLY
Aubrey: Lasagna time.

they r just leetl creechurs...they canot chang this

Chapter Summary

Basil: Lets talk about something else then!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: can i name your rosemary
Basil: No.
Sunny: sadness

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Basil >>> Sunny
12:14 PM
Basil: Hey Sunny!!! Look at this!!!
Basil sent an image.
Basil: It's the sprout of one of my newest plants!!! It's rosemary!!
Basil: Im not used to growing plants that arent flowers but Polly likes to cook with these kinda of herbs, and I wanted to try branching out to different plants anyways,,, so I decided to try my hand at it!!! If I can grow them then itll save her a lot of trouble and give her tasty fresh herbs to use!!!
Basil: What do you think??
Basil: Sunny???
Basil: Um,,, are you even awake right now??
Sunny: m
Basil: Huh,,,???
Sunny: b oi ih
Basil: Sunny are you,,, okay??
Sunny sent an image.
Basil: ?????? What?????
Basil: Is something wrong??!?
Sunny: tttttttttttttttttttttttt,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, f
Basil: Sunny :((((((?????
Sunny: huh
Sunny: whats wrong
Basil: Thats what I wanna know!!!!!
Basil: Are you okay?????
Sunny: ???
Sunny: oh
Sunny: my bad
Basil: What happened??
Sunny: mouse
Basil: ??????????
Sunny: sat on my phone
Basil: A mouse sat on your phone??
Sunny: yes
Basil: You have mice in your new home??? Oh no!!!!
Sunny: its fine
Sunny: theyre cute
Basil: Hm.... I guess you have a point!!! They are pretty cute !!!!
Sunny: i named them
Basil: You. Did?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: wanna know?
Basil: ...I guess,,??
Sunny: the one just now was Torothy
Basil: Torothy??
Sunny: tom + dorothy
Basil: I. see.
Sunny: theres also bicheal
Sunny: drim
Sunny: local
Sunny: and 8
Basil: You uh. Sure have a lot of mice. In your home.
Sunny: they might all be the same mouse
Sunny: i cant tell
Basil: Well um!! Hopefully its only one mouse. Itd be easier to get rid of then!!!
Sunny: i dont want to get rid of them
Basil: You,, dont?
Sunny: no
Sunny: theyre friends
Basil: But wont they like,, eat your food,, and put holes in the walls??
Sunny: so does kel
Basil: Thats. True.
Basil: But dont mice also have like,,, fleas,, and diseases,, and stuff?
Sunny: small price to pay for creatures
Basil: ,,,
Basil: Okay.
Basil: But you know,, your mom might find them and get rid of them...
Sunny: oh
Sunny: oh no
Sunny: sadness
Basil: Ah Im sorry!!! I didnt mean to make you sad!!!
Basil: Lets talk about something else then!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: can i name your rosemary
Basil: No.
Sunny: sadness

Kel >>> Aubrey
2:35 PM
Kel: aubrey i am literally begging you to do something about micheal
Aubrey: Who
Kel: micheal
Aubrey: Idk any Micheals
Kel: oh my god he is LITERALLY in your gang
Aubrey: No??? There's no one named Micheal in my group??
Kel: AUBREY. HE LIVES LIKE TWO HOUSES AWAY FROM ME.
Aubrey: OOOOHHHHH
Aubrey: You mean The Maverick
Kel: im not calling him that
Aubrey: Why not
Kel: its stupid
Kel: im never calling him that ever
Aubrey: Pussy
Aubrey: Anyway what abt him
Kel: its his fucking hair
Aubrey: You got a problem with people who wear wigs? Asshat
Aubrey: Also that's like. Not even close to what I thought you'd dislike abt him.
Kel: if ur talking abt his shit with girls idrc bc in the end hes losing like fifty bucks a day and theyre getting paid so like. whos the real victim
Aubrey: You have a point ahdflksa
Aubrey: Anyway what your problem with his wig
Kel: why does he even wear it
Aubrey: Uhh because he wants to stand out from the rest of his family??? You know, like most teenagers???
Kel: but like
Kel: why doesnt he just dye it then
Kel: i mean. you dyed ur hair. why cant he
Aubrey: That's
Aubrey: Hm
Aubrey: I don't know??? What the fuck
Aubrey: Why do you wanna know anyway
Kel: bc he just ran past me, tripped, and his wig fell off
Kel: got me thinking like. why
Aubrey: rip
Aubrey: But no, you got a point...
Aubrey: Fuck it I'm asking him

Aubrey >>> THE MAVERICK
Aubrey: Oi mav
THE MAVERICK: Hey Aubrey ;)
THE MAVERICK: You good?
Aubrey: Yeah man, doing good, doing better.
Aubrey: Got a q tho
THE MAVERICK: Haha what is it ;)
Aubrey: Why do you wear a wig instead of dying your hair.
THE MAVERICK: Aubrey, my good, dear friend,
THE MAVERICK: My parents would actually, literally kill me.
THE MAVERICK: T'would be a bloody, gorey murder.
Aubrey: You mean to tell me. That your parents are fine with you running around with the rest of us.
Aubrey: Vandalising, loitering, and harassing the locals.
Aubrey: But they draw the line at dying your hair blonde?
Aubrey: Not even an unnatural color. But BLONDE?
THE MAVERICK: What can I say... but yes ;)
Aubrey: Wow. Lame.
THE MAVERICK: ;(

Aubrey >>> Kel
Aubrey: His parents won't let him
Kel: you guys literally beat people up tho?
Kel: lame
Aubrey: THAT'S WHAT I SAID
Aubrey: I kinda wanna peer pressure him into doing now.
Kel: omg why
Aubrey: Idk I think it'll be funny.
Kel: omg wait
Kel: wait i have an idea
Aubrey: Ouch, don't hurt yourself
Kel: HEY SHUT UP
Kel: LISTEN
Aubrey: Ugh fine
Kel: okay so like. ur group thinks im lame and annoying and wtvr right
Kel: like they think im the opposite of cool
Aubrey: Oh yea they hate you
Kel: coolcoolcool
Kel: so like
Kel: what if. I did something Rebellious and Gangster that not even they could do.
Kel: would they like lose their shit
Aubrey: 1. Never call something "Gangster" ever again or I'm breaking your arm.
Kel: fair
Aubrey: 2. You are way too much of a goody two-shoes. I SAW you picking up trash yesterday. You can't fool me.
Kel: I WAS DOING THAT TO GET PAID AHGDOAHS
Aubrey: Whatever. Point is u wont do shit if u think it'll disappoint Hero and ur parents
Aubrey: 3. This is just a long-winded way to say that you want to dye your hair, isn't it
Kel: caught me lol
Kel: think abt it tho
Kel: imagine if i did and micheal saw it
Kel: "Goody Two-Shoes Kel Dyed His Hair Before Moi??"
Kel: hed totally get rid of that dumb wig and do it himself too
Aubrey: Hm. You have a point.
Aubrey: Idk tho I'm p sure Hero would freak.
Kel: ill let u choose the color
Aubrey: DEAL

Aubrey >>> Hero
Aubrey: :)
Hero: Aubrey?
Aubrey: :)))
Hero: ???

Aubrey >>> Basil
4:21 PM
Aubrey: Basil. Do me a favor
Basil: Oh hi Aubrey!!!
Basil: Sure!!! What is it???
Aubrey sent a picture.
Basil: IS THAT KEL??????
Aubrey: Hell yeah it is. He let me dye his hair. >:)
Basil: Doesnt he hate pink though,,??
Aubrey: Hehe yep
Aubrey: Technically it's not pink tho, it's magenta
Aubrey: Don't get me wrong, I WANTED to do pink, but a bright color would've looked weird
Basil: Hmm.... I think youre right!!!
Basil: You did a really good job!!!!!
Aubrey: Wow uh, thanks?
Basil: Anyway um,,, whats the favor you wanted??
Aubrey: Oh yeah!
Aubrey: Can you send this to Sunny and tell him to make a meme out of it or smth?? He's stupid funny and I want to send it to Hero before I let Kel go home
Basil: Oh uh,,, okay!!1
Basil: I will!!!!
Aubrey: Ty you are a godsend

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil sent a picture.
Basil: Hey uh Sunny??
Sunny: kel?
Basil: Yeah thats Kel!!! Aubreys dying his hair!!
Basil: Um she wanted me to ask you if you can make a uh,, "meme" out of this to send to Hero??
Basil: I showed her the ones you sent me and she thinks youre really funny!!!!
Sunny: hm
Sunny: ok
Sunny: give me a sec
Basil: Okay!!!!

4:36 PM
Sunny sent a picture.
Sunny: done
Basil: !!!!! Thank you!!!
Basil: And I agree with Aubrey!!! Youre really funny :)!!!
Sunny: thanks

Basil >>> Aubrey
Basil sent a picture.
Basil: Here it is!!!!
Aubrey: AHDSGOHOSAHDGOHAOHLFSDHGLHSJG
Aubrey: HOL YS HIT
Aubrey: Perfect. Oh my god. I'm sending this to Hero right fucking now.
Basil: Did Kel leave already?? If not you should wait until he does,,,
Basil: That way if Hero messages him, hell already be on his way home and cant yell at you about it!!!
Aubrey: You're so right.
Aubrey: Okay Kel left a few minutes ago. It's sent.
Basil: Hehehe,,,
Basil: Um,,,,
Aubrey: ?
Basil: Kels not gonna be in,,, a lot of trouble,, is he?
Aubrey: Hm. Dunno.
Aubrey: Maybe at first. I don't think it'll be too bad.
Basil: Are you sure,,??
Aubrey: Yeah man. Even if he was I'll just explain everything to Hero. He'll get it.
Basil: Okay,,, thats good.
Basil: Um Sunny said thank you btw!!! For saying he was funny!!!
Aubrey: Tell him I said np. He's fucking hilarious
Basil: Okay!!!

Kel >>> Aubrey
5:03 PM
Kel: guess whos grounded B)
Aubrey: LHFSIGHIAOHOIGH WORTH IT
Kel: HELL YEAH

Hero >>> Aubrey
5:03 PM
Hero: I hope you know, Kel's grounded now.
Aubrey: By you or your parents
Hero: Our parents.
Aubrey: Worth it
Aubrey: And what do YOU think about his Luxurious, Beautiful, Wonderful, New Hair?
Hero: ...It suits him surprisingly well. And he seems to like it.
Aubrey: So like I said. WORTH IT
Hero: Just...make sure to let someone know BEFORE you two do something like this again, okay?
Aubrey: So all I gotta do is let'em know? That's all?
Hero: Well, no, that's not all,
Aubrey: Cool cool I'll be sure to let you know when we get matching piercings
Hero: Aubrey, no
Aubrey: Maybe septum rings? I've always wanted an eyebrow piercing...
Hero: AUBREY, NO!
Aubrey: Haha I'm just messing w u lol
Hero: Oh...good..phew
Aubrey: Haha lol

Aubrey >>> Kel
Aubrey: Wanna get nose piercings
Kel: FUCK YEAH

<< HOOLIGANG >>
5:15 PM
THE MAVERICK: WHEN THE FUCK DID KEL OF ALL PEOPLE DYE HIS FUCKING HAIR
THE MAVERICK: WHAT THE FUCK
Aubrey: Lol

Chapter End Notes

for everyone asking what sunnys memes look like... at least One of them is just the horse standing on a beach meme except instead of MAN its PLANT

customers the same in all universes

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: Pleasepleaseplease give me his number, you'll be my best friend forever
Aubrey: I'll enter a lavender marriage w u
Aubrey: ASSHOLE
Aubrey: ANSWER ME

Sunny >>> Basil
1:15 PM
Sunny: good morning
Basil: Good morning Sunny!!!!
Basil: Er um,,, I guess its more like,, good afternoon though.
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: so it is
Basil: Did you,,, just wake up??
Sunny: maybe
Basil: Wow...I didnt think you were the kind of person to sleep in so late,,!!
Basil: Unless um,, you went to bed really late too?
Sunny: no
Sunny: i went to bed at 7 last night
Basil: S
Basil: Seven??? Seven O Clock???
Sunny: yes
Sunny: i was tired
Basil: Are you getting sick???
Basil: Whenever I get sick I fall asleep really early,,,
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: didnt consider that.
Sunny: maybe
Basil: Oh no!!!!!
Basil: Well if youre getting sick, then you should be taking it easy!!!!
Basil: Make sure to eat nutrious food (NO COOKING!!) and get plenty of sleep!!! And and wash your hands too lots too!!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: i will
Basil: Good!!!! I hope you start feeling better soon!
Sunny: ty
Sunny: um
Basil: ??
Sunny: you have aubreys number?
Basil: Uh. Yes??
Basil: Why??
Sunny: cool
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny: send her this
Sunny: dont tell her its from me
Basil: Um,, okay,,
Basil: I will,,!

Basil >>> Aubrey
Basil sent an image.
Aubrey: Wtf
Aubrey: Is that Captain Spaceboy???
Aubrey: And Sweetheart???
Basil: I think so,,
Aubrey: Tf kinda crackship is this
Aubrey: Kinda cute tho ngl
Aubrey: Who made this
Basil: UMMm,,
Basil: Im not supposed to say,,,
Aubrey: What
Aubrey: Basil
Aubrey: Who made this
Basil: Im sorry Im really not supposed to say!!!!
Aubrey: Why not????
Basil: UMM
Basil: I dont know!!! Uhh
Basil: They just said to give it to you,,,
Aubrey: Who???
Basil: UHH,,,,,
Basil: Ha ha I dont know!!! Uh I just uh,,, found it online!!!
Aubrey: Dude I already know you know
Aubrey: Just tell me
Basil: Wwhy do you want to know so bad??
Aubrey: Well, I didn't really care at first, but now ur acting weird
Aubrey: Who made the drawing Basil
Basil: ;;;;;;;

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: Sunny help she keeps asking who made it!!!!
Basil: Um uh who drew the picture??? Maybe if I tell her that she wont ask who told me to give it to her,,,
Sunny: i did
Basil: Huh
Basil: ????
Sunny: i drew it
Sunny: i dont want people asking me to draw things all the time though
Sunny: so dont tell her it was me
Basil: ;;;;;;;;;

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: BASIL. WHO MADE THE FUCKING DRAWING.
Aubrey: WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO SHADY ABOUT THIS.
Basil: Shady what,,??? Ha ha whos shady,,,,
Aubrey: Look you fucker,
Aubrey: Tell me who drew the fucking picture or the dandelion thats growing in the sidewalk in front of my house gets weeded
Basil: AAAAH NO NO NO DONT IM SORRY
Basil: OKAYOKAY IT WAS SUNNYYYYYYY
Aubrey: SUNNY DREW THAT?
Basil: YESS BUT HE DIDNT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW HE CAN DRAW IM SORRY,,,,!!!!!!!!!

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: I TOLD HER,,, IM SORRYYYYYYYY
Sunny: anger

Basil >>> Aubrey
Basil: Now hes mad at me,,,,
Aubrey: HOLD ON A SECOND
Aubrey: Can you. Can you ask him to draw me something
Basil: No!!!! I already told you hes mad at me now!!1
Basil: He doesnt want people asking him to draw things anyway,,,,
Aubrey: Ugh fine then pussy
Aubrey: Give me his number then, I'll ask him myself
Basil: What!!!! No!!!!1
Aubrey: You said you'd give me his number when I asked!!!
Basil: Yeah but,, not for this!!!!
Aubrey: OMG Just give me his number!
Aubrey: Basil
Aubrey: Basil don't you DARE ignore me
Aubrey: GIVE ME HIS FUCKING NUMBER
Aubrey: Basil please
Aubrey: Pleasepleaseplease give me his number, you'll be my best friend forever
Aubrey: I'll enter a lavender marriage w u
Aubrey: ASSHOLE
Aubrey: ANSWER ME
Aubrey: jsyk I'm not gonna stop texting you until you give me his number

Kel >>> Hero
1:41 PM
Kel: hey uh hero? bro?
Hero: Yes Kel?
Kel: um. i was uh thinking.
Kel: i kinda wanna talk to basil.
Hero: Oh. You do?
Kel: kinda.
Kel: i think im ready to really listen to him this time.
Kel: i just wanted to check w you first tho.
Hero: If you want to talk to him, you can talk to him, Kel.
Kel: i know i know
Kel: i just wanna know like
Kel: idk if it goes well and we start talking more often i just wanna know if ud be cool with that
Kel: or if u dont think u can handle that yet
Hero: No, I get it. And I appreciate you being considerate of my feelings Kel, I really do.
Hero: And you know, I'm really proud of you for how you've been handling everything. I know it hasn't been easy, but you've been really good about keeping your cool and going about things rationally. You've really grown a lot
Kel: ah jeez man
Kel: u dont gotta butter me up if ur gonna say no
Kel: its cool
Hero: I'm not just trying to flatter you, Kel. I really do mean it.
Hero: And besides, I was going to say yes.
Kel: haha yea surWAIT REALLY?
Kel: youre cool w me talking to him??
Hero: Yes. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I'm fine with hearing him out.
Hero: Or at least...letting you hear him out first.
Kel: SWEET ty ty ty
Hero: You're welcome, Kel.
Hero: But, we're going to be talking about that other part of the conversation later.
Kel: haha what other part
Kel: n e way gtg omw to basils love u bye
Hero: Kel...

Kel >>> Hero
5:23 PM
Kel: omw back
Kel: got some cookies from the bakery
Hero: Hi, Kel. Cookies??
Kel: hell ya. yummy yummy fr our tummy tummies
Hero: Don't. Say that.
Kel: lol
Hero: Anyway.
Hero: How did...it...go?
Kel: p good
Kel: i helped him with his plants while we talked and ms. polly made us lunch
Kel: i expected to be crying n stuff but like... he kept his cool and i kept mine
Kel: he explained what all he remembered from uh. that day. and from when he and sunny had that fight too.
Kel: ngl it was all kinda fucked up but like. i think i get it? like i can almost kinda see it from their perspective. why n how it happened.
Hero: Sounds like a lot to think about.
Kel: yeah. he said he didnt expect us to forgive him either which was. kind of a relief? i guess?
Hero: There's no pressure to make a decision, then.
Kel: yeah that
Kel: theres a lot of stuff said that id rather tell u face to face but for the most part it was kinda chill
Kel: well
Kel: mostly
Hero: Mostly? He didn't do anything, did he?
Kel: nono nothing like that
Kel: but it was rly weird
Kel: like. his phone.
Hero: ...his phone??
Kel: YEAH it kept going off every five minutes
Kel: like the ENTIRE time
Hero: The ENTIRE time??
Hero: Kel, you were there for almost four hours.
Kel: I KNOW
Kel: i asked him what was up n he looked me straight in the eye and said "I dont have a phone, kel. what are you talking about. its completely silent."
Kel: n then later i heard ms. polly asking him when he was gonna answer "that girl" back and he straight up said "who" fahsghadghi
Hero: What....
Hero: Is he...being harrassed online or something?
Kel: i dont think so??? he didnt act like he was nervous or scared or nuthin
Kel: he just seemed like he was straight up ignoring it
Hero: Hm...
Hero: I'd tell you to message him later to make sure he's okay...but he probably wouldn't notice.
Kel: yeah n i forgot to get his number lol
Hero: What?
Hero: Kel.
Kel: ya
Hero: You already have his number.
Kel: no i dont
Hero: Kel.
Kel: srsly i dont
Kel: h
Kel: HUH????
Kel: WHERE DID I GET HIS NUMBER FROM THO??? I DONT REMEMBER???
Hero: You don't know??
Kel: NO???
Kel: WTF
Kel: i am so confused and just a little bit scared
Kel: hold on
Kel: WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY NUMBERS ON MY PHONE
Hero: I guess you're popular?
Kel: NO WAY
Kel: HALF OF THESE ARE PEOPLE THAT HATE ME
Kel: LIKE I LITERALLY HAVE THE NUMBERS OF ALL THE PPL IN AUBREYS SCOOTER GANG
Hero: How??
Kel: I DONT KNOWWWW
Kel: oh my god. i have sunnys old phone number.
Kel: HAVE I HAD THIS THE ENTIRE TIME???
Kel: COULD I HAVE BEEN CALLING HIM THE E N T I R E T I M E??????!?!?!?
Kel: i think im having an aneurysm
Hero: Are you okay??
Kel: no
Kel: sry hero but im eating some of the cookies now
Kel: i need a nap
Hero: Okay...just don't spoil your appetite.
Hero: We're having grilled fish tonight.
Kel: have i ever told u how much i love u bro
Kel: bc i love u so fckn much
Hero: Haha...I love you too, Kel.
Hero: I'll see you when you get home.
Kel: u 2 bro

Kel >>> Basil
8:43 PM
Kel: hey man i dont remember where i got ur number from but i remember ur phone blowing up like CRAZY earlier so i just wanna make sure nothin was up w that? hero was worried u were getting harrassed or smth
Basil: AUBREY PLEASE ITS BEEN SEVEN HOURS IM NOT GIVING YOU HIS NUMBER
Kel: what
Basil: DONT THINK I CANT TELL WHAT YOUR DOING AUBREY.!! I WONT BE FOOLED BY A FAKE NEW NUMBER!!!!
Kel: bro wtf
Kel: its kel???? huh
Basil: Kel??
Kel: yeah???
Basil: ....I dont belive you. PROVE IT.!
Kel: umm uhhhh when i asked abt ur phone earlier u tried to tell me u didnt have one while i was lookin right at it
Basil: Oh,,,
Basil: It is you,,,,
Basil: Sorry,,,,,,
Kel: np man
Kel: so wait. is aubrey bothering you again???! ffs
Basil: No no no not its not what your thinking!!!!
Basil: Its just um,,, she really wants Sunnys number so she can ask him something,,,,but he already knows what she wants to ask so he told me not to give it to her,,,,,,
Basil: Shes been messaging me all day for it :((((
Basil: Its not really a big deal though!!!! The whole thing is kinda silly,,,
Kel: ,,,are you sure?? youd tell me if she was back to bullying you, right?
Basil: Of course!!!! Shes actually been pretty nice to me lately!
Kel: oh. ok
Kel: thats good
Kel: whend u give her ur number anyway
Basil: Oh um I didnt,,
Basil: Dont tell her I told you this but uhh,
Kel: ??
Basil: Your phone password is spacepiratehector12345
Kel: BRO WTF NOOOOOOOO
Kel: SHES BEEN GOING THRU MY PHONE??????
Basil: Its a,,,really predictable password, Kel..
Kel: just bcus its true dont mean you gotta say it :(
Kel: ugh i guess i gotta change it
Kel: does captainspacehector678910 sound better??
Basil: ...
Basil: Um. Yeah. It does.
Kel: HELL YEAH
Kel: thx fr letting me know btw
Basil: ...No problem.

Basil >>> Sunny
2:21 AM
Basil: Please help shes still messaging me
Sunny: grudge
Basil: NOOOOOO

FINALLY a fucking group chat. its been five fucking chapters what the HELL have i been doing

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: Kel what
Aubrey: Dude
Aubrey: Kelllllll
Aubrey: Kelly Smelly
Aubrey: Wait no that insult sucked
Aubrey: Don't read that one

Chapter Notes

girl help this is my seventh time trying to upload this (yes ive been counting). the fuck is a gateway and why is it bad

Aubrey >> Kel
11:14 AM
Aubrey: Hey hey have you guys had breakfast yet
Kel: uhhh yeah? hero wakes up at like...stupid o clock so we have brekkie kinda early
Aubrey: Damnit
Aubrey: What about lunch
Kel: nah
Kel: i think hes getting ready to buy groceries for it tho
Aubrey: Cool cool
Aubrey: Ask Hero if I can come. We don't got shit here and half my gang isn't even awake rn
Kel: wait why hero...its my house too u know
Aubrey: Yeah well I don't give a shit abt ur opinion. Plus hes the cook not u
Kel: tru
Kel: k ill ask

Kel >>> Hero
Kel: hey aubrey wants to know if she can it lunch w us
Hero: Tell her I said of course! She's always welcome.
Kel: k

Kel >>> Aubrey
Kel: he said yes
Aubrey: HELL YEA

Aubrey >>> Kel
12:32 PM
Aubrey: Shit I think I left my headband at ur place
Kel: uhhhh i dont see it
Aubrey: Dude you can barely see the fuckn exponents in our math class
Kel: AUBREY WHAT THE FUCK IT IS SUMMER BREAK WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MATH
Aubrey: Maybe if you talked about math more often then you'd actually be good at it
Kel: LOW FUCKING BLOW OH MY GOD
Aubrey: Lmao
Aubrey: Still tho ur fuckin blind
Aubrey: Ask Hero if he's seen my headband
Kel: fine. demon.
Aubrey: *noises of me beating you to death while my hooligang pops champagne bottles*
Kel: HOOLIGANG?
Aubrey: STFU I DIDNT CHOOSE OUR CHAT NAME OKAY ANGEL DID
Kel: WHY DID YOU LET ANGEL CHOSE UR GC NAME
Aubrey: It was his birthday >:(
Kel: oh my god
Aubrey: STFU STFU STFU
Kel: lucky fr u hero found ur headband
Kel: its on our coffee table when u wanna swing around n come get it
Aubrey: YESSS MY HAIR FEELS SO WEIRD W/O IT

Aubrey >> Kel
1:21 PM
Aubrey: Kel
Aubrey: Hero's a med student, right
Kel: we have already established that yes
Aubrey sent an image.
Aubrey: Ask him how I'm sposed to treat this bc Vance is freakin out big time
Kel: AUBREY WTF HAPPENED
Aubrey: Kim.
Kel: ah i see
Kel: ok lemme give him my phone
Kel: Hey Aubrey! It's Hero.
Aubrey: I can tell lmao u two text wayyy different
Kel: Haha, that we do.
Kel: Now, for Kim's injury... it probably isn't too bad in actuality.
Kel: Head wounds look worse than they are, so the first step would be to rinse the cut with some bottled water.
Kel: If any of you have antiseptic on hand, you should use it now. If not, send someone up to the pharmacy real quick to get some. It's very important for cuts to stay clean, especially of that size.
Aubrey: Shit we don't have any. I'll send Angel.
Kel: Is she lucid? If you don't know, ask her some simple questions, such as what the date is and if she can recognize all of you.
Aubrey: Lemme see
Aubrey: Ok yeah she's definitely lucid.
Kel: That's good. The cut is probably the only thing wrong, then.
Kel: It doesn't look bad enough to need stitches, but if Vance is still worried, then you all can swing by. I've got some butterfly bandages that'll do the trick.
Aubrey: Lol it's okay, Kim says she's good.
Kel: Alright then. Just make sure there is some sort of bandage on it eventually.
Aubrey: Yeah yeah, I will.
Aubrey: Thx Hero
Kel: It's no problem. I'm giving the phone back to Kel, now.
Aubrey: Aight
Kel: yo yo it me. what were yall even doing btw
Aubrey: Angel bet her 20 bucks that he could backflip higher than her off the slide.
Kel: well. can he.
Aubrey: Hell no LMAO

Aubrey >>> Kel
3:12 PM
Aubrey: Kel
Kel: yo
Aubrey: Can you ask Hero smth for me real quick
Kel: ohhhh
Kel: myyyyy
Kel: GODDDDD
Aubrey: What's ur fucking problem
Kel: this is like the fourth time you've asked me to get hero fr something!!!!
Aubrey: So
Kel: ugghhhhhh
Kel: finnne
Kel: what do you want
Aubrey: I wanna try cooking tonight and make like a soup or smth
Aubrey: But idk how to do that
Kel: just find a recipe
Aubrey: But what recipe do I chose!!! I need his opinion
Kel: UGHHHHHHH
Kel: hold on a second
Aubrey: No need to be rude abt it asshole
Kel: ughhh ok he says u should try making a chicken noodle soup
Aubrey: Isn't that for sick ppl tho
Kel: its not only for sick ppl
Kel: have u. never had it outside of being sick
Aubrey: No??? We save our canned soups for when we're sick so we don't have to buy any..
Kel: WAIT HAVE U NEVER HAD HOMEMADE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP??
Aubrey: No???
Kel: WOW ok then its decided ur making chicken noodle soup. ill bug hero for a recipe and send it to u.
Aubrey: Ok??? Tell him I said thanks I guess???

Aubrey >>> Kel
4:59 PM
Aubrey: Kel
Kel: aubrey.
Kel: is this about Hero again.
Aubrey: Maybe
Kel: thats it im done
Aubrey: Kel what
Aubrey: Dude
Aubrey: Kelllllll
Aubrey: Kelly Smelly
Aubrey: Wait no that insult sucked
Aubrey: Don't read that one
Aubrey: Ughhhh

Hero created a group chat.
Hero added Kel and Aubrey to the group chat.
5:08 PM
Hero: There we go. That should save Kel the trouble of playing message boy between Aubrey and myself.
Kel: FUCKING THANK YOU
Kel: hey wait why didnt i think of a group chat >:o
Aubrey: Because you're a dumbass
Hero: You know, Aubrey, I don't know why you kept asking him to send me messages in the first place. You do have my number.
Kel: WAIT SHE WHAT
Aubrey: HERO NOOOOO WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT
Aubrey: I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN
Kel: OH MY GOD YOU ASS
Kel: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME DO THAT
Kel: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I WASTED
Aubrey: I like causing problems for you on purpose.
Aubrey: It's like a hobby for me.
Kel: ALKFDHHILSHGIHDIFHSIODHIO
Aubrey: You brought this on urself idiot.
Aubrey: If it was annoying you so much then why didn't you try giving me his number yourself
Hero: That's...a very good question.
Kel: look,
Kel: i may be stupid,
Hero: ...but?
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: OMGHAOIHGOIAHIO
Hero: I worry about him sometimes.
Aubrey: Same same but like
Aubrey: The same way u worry abt the prey animals on nat geo
Aubrey: "Well it sure is unfortunate that it is destined to die. Sad to know but amusing to watch nonetheless."
Hero: Aubrey! Don't talk about him like he's going to die...he might not be the quickest person, but he's not a danger to himself.
Aubrey: He made Sunny fight my entire gang with no weapon. He himself only had a fucking basketball.
Aubrey: I use a nail bat.
Hero: I
Hero: Aubrey please don't tell me you hit Sunny and Kel with a nail bat.
Aubrey: If it didn't scar it doesn't count, right
Hero: ...
Hero: I suddenly need to grill Kel on everything he's done since I've left for college. And maybe take him to the clinic for a check-up. And an x-ray.
Aubrey: Make sure he's vaccinated too
Hero: I'm sure our parents reminded him to get vaccinated...
Hero: ...
Aubrey: ...
Hero: Oh my god
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: @Kel I s2g if you gave me a disease, I'm committing assault on you again.
Aubrey: And also you won't be allowed to try any of my bomb ass soup.
Aubrey is offline.

Hero >>> Basil.
9:20 AM
Hero: Excuse me, Basil? This is Hero. Kel gave me your number. Do you have a moment?
Basil: Oh!!! Um Hi Hero!!!
Hero: Hello, Basil. How are you this morning? Did you have breakfast alreadyy?
Basil: Im good!!! I slept pretty well I think,, and all my plants looked really nice when I checked on them..!
Basil: And yes!! I did have breakfast!!! Polly made french toast and apple slices!
Hero: That's good. Kel tells me Polly is a very good cook.
Basil: She is!!!
Basil: Umm how are YOU this morning, Hero??
Hero: I'm doing very good, thank you for asking. I made myself and Kel omelettes for breakfast.
Basil: Sounds yummy!!!
Hero: It was.
Hero: Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you were free to get lunch with me later? Maybe are 12 or so?
Hero: Kel told me some things that the two of you talked about and... I think I'm ready to talk to you and keep a straight head, if you don't mind.
Basil: Oh, um,,,
Basil: Sure,,, Im not busy.
Basil: Where are we gonna eat??
Hero: I was thinking we could maybe get something to-go from Gino's, and then go to the park or our old hideout. Somewhere neutral for both of us?
Basil: That works for me !!! Sounds good!!
Hero: Alright, then. I'll see you there.
Hero: Have a good rest of your morning, alright?
Basil: Ookay!! You too, Hero!!

Hero >>> Basil
12:45 PM
Hero: Did you get home okay?
Basil: Mhm!!
Basil: Polly said to thank you for taking me out to lunch, so thank you!!!
Hero: Tell her it was no problem.
Hero: And I'd like to thank you for taking the time to talk to me, especially so soon after talking to Kel. I understand this isn't very easy or pleasant for you to talk about.
Basil: Please dont thank me,,,
Basil: Besides its um,,, really hard to listen to for you too, isnt it,,???
Hero: It...is.
Hero: It's very hard.
Hero: It's going to take me some time to really come to terms with this.
Basil: I understand!!! Its okay!!!!
Basil: I dont really,,, expect anyone to forgive me,,,
Basil: Thank you for umm,, being so calm about it?? I guess???
Hero: Thank you for being patient.
Basil: No, thank YOU for even giving me a chance to say anything!!1!!
Hero: Haha, I think we're going to be going in circles if we continue like this.
Basil: Me too,,hehe,,
Hero: You know Basil...
Basil: Hm??
Hero: Despite everything that's happened... You haven't really changed all that much.
Basil: Um,,,;;;;;;
Hero: Ah, I need to go.
Hero: I'll take some time to think about what you've told me and talk to you...later?
Basil: Oh uh okay!!! Goodbye Hero!!!!

Sunny >>> Basil
5:34 PM
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny: finally got a picture of torothy...
Sunny: its blurry though
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: actually i dont think thats torothy.
Sunny: i think thats local.
Basil: I thought you said you couldnt tell the difference...
Sunny: not by sight
Sunny: but by heart.............
Sunny: hm............
Basil: Hehe, youre so silly, Sunny.
Basil: Is that Egg in the background?
Basil: Sorry!!! *egg
Sunny: yes
Sunny: im thinking of getting her a brother
Sunny: maybe........
Sunny: gge
Basil: Um,,,,,
Basil: I dont,,,, uh,,,,,,
Basil: Thats kinda,, hard to say though,,, isnt it,,,????;;;;;
Sunny: ah
Sunny: yes.
Sunny: hm.
Basil: Im sure youll think of a good name Sunny!!!
Sunny: ty
Basil: Haha,,,ha,,
Basil: ,,,,
Sunny: ??
Sunny: are you ok
Basil: Yyeah,,,
Basil: Im just,,,tired,,,
Basil: I talked to umm,, Hero today,,, and Kel yesterday,,
Basil: About things;;
Sunny: oh
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: do you want me to send you more memes
Basil: Umm,,, those are the funny pictures right???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Then yes!!! Theyre really funny,.!
Sunny: ok
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Basil: You really have a lot of these,,
Sunny: fills time
Sunny: better?
Basil: Hehe yeah,, I feel better...
Basil: Thank you Sunny :)
Sunny: np
Sunny sent an image.

voltron voice we were having a BONDING moment

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: Hey, hey Kel,
Kel: huh
Aubrey: Nepotist.
Kel: tf u calling me a neopet for

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

<< Hero's Groupchat >>
11:14 AM
Aubrey: This gc name fucking sucks
Aubrey: @Hero change the gc name
Hero: Huh?? Is there something wrong with it?
Kel: uh yeah its BORING
Hero: What would I even change it to...
Aubrey: Anything but what it is rn
Hero: Okay...
Hero: Um...
Hero changed the chat's name to Everyone's Groupchat.
Hero: Like that?
Aubrey: No
Kel: bro wtf thats even worse
Hero: Sorry?? Should I try again?
Hero changed the chat's name to Faraway Friends!.
Hero: That's better, right?
Kel: YEA IF UR LIKE 60 ASHGLHAH WTF
Aubrey: Ohhhh my god
Aubrey: You're awful at this
Hero: Sorry...I didn't think it was that important?
Aubrey: Ugh whatever
Aubrey: Give me admin perms and I'll change it myself
Kel: what
Kel: no
Kel: give ME admin perms
Hero: Huh.
Aubrey: Who the hell would trust you with admin perms???
Kel: people whos name begins with an h and is my older brother
Kel: now gimme gimme the permie permies
Hero: Um.
Aubrey: Do NOT give him the admin permissions. No.
Kel: and why should u have them instead of me???
Aubrey: Bc I'm actually responsible and mature and have a reading level higher than Pre-K?
Kel: W
Kel: OUCH?
Hero: Uh.
Aubrey: Don't think I've forgotten our sixth grade social studies project.
Kel: its a fucking groupchat aubrey not a school project
Kel: why r u making such a big deal out of this!!! tf
Aubrey: Well why are you!!!!! God!!
Kel: bc its HEROS chat and IM his brother so NATURALLY i deserve to be admin
Aubrey: Hey, hey Kel,
Kel: huh
Aubrey: Nepotist.
Kel: tf u calling me a neopet for
Hero: Guys.
Aubrey: DUMBASS WTF
Kel: what!!!!
Aubrey: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T BE ADMIN
Kel: WHAT!!!!!
Kel: IF ANYTHING THIS SHOWS U SHOULDNT BE ADMIN SEEING AS U MISSPELLED FUCKING NEOPETS
Aubrey: YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID OH MY GODDDD
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
Hero: GUYS.
Kel: HERO.
Hero: Yes??
Kel: PLEASE tell aubrey that if shes going to try and call me a neopet as an insult she should at least spell it right
Kel: that lack of self awareness def shows an inability to be admin
Kel: wouldnt u agree
Hero: Well,
Aubrey: Hero, dude, will you please tell this brainless monkey that I'm not calling him a fucking neopet.
Aubrey: No one's even used neopets in fucking YEARS. How tf are you gonna be admin if you don't know basic vocabulary.
Aubrey: BTW you should bring back enforced reading time at ur house, for his sake.
Hero: The thing is,
Kel: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE BRING THAT BACK
Kel: THAT WAS THE BANE OF MY ELEMENTARY LIFE
Aubrey: KEL YOU DUMB FUCK I BET YOU WERE THE SOLE FUCKING REASON THEY EVEN HAD ENFORCED READING TIME
Aubrey: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT NEPOTISM IS
Kel: WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT BEING IN AP BIOLOGY OR WHATEVER THE FUCK
Aubrey: B I O L O G Y ??????
Hero: God.
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Hero: .
Kel: bro wtf,,
Aubrey: Hero??
Hero: If you two are done fighting. I've been trying to say something.
Kel: o shit my bad
Aubrey: Oops.
Aubrey: Go ahead dude, we're done
Hero: Thank you.
Hero: Now.
Hero: What are admin permissions?
Aubrey: ...
Kel: ...
Aubrey is offline.
Kel is offline.
Hero: ????? What?????

Sunny >>> Basil
12:21 PM
Sunny: what your favorite color
Basil: Hi Sunny!!!
Basil: Ummm i guess my favorite color is like,,,a teal green???
Sunny: teal or green
Basil: If I had to pick one,,, uh,,, green!!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: whats your favorite type of music
Basil: I dont really,,,listen to music that much,,
Basil: If I do I just listen to whatevers on the radio!!
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: pop, then
Basil: Haha!! I guess!!!
Sunny: whats your favorite animal
Basil: Hm.....Cats!!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: if you had to commit a crime what would it be
Basil: Huh
Sunny: if you had to commit a crime what would it be
Basil: I;;;
Basil: Wouldnt???;;;;;
Sunny: no
Basil: What??
Sunny: if you had to commit a crime what would it be
Basil: Um.
Basil: I dont. Know??? What???
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: vandalism.
Basil: Vandalism???
Sunny: yes
Sunny: ok
Sunny: if you were locked in a room with a serial killer, a person thats only killed once but it was someone very very close to you, your abusive ex, and a gun with only one bullet, who would you shoot
Basil: WHAT
Sunny: dont make me type it out again
Basil: UMM
Basil: ?????Basil: WhY???? Are you asking????
Sunny: answer the question
Basil: But why???!????
Sunny: answer
Basil: Um,,,,,
Basil: Uhhh,,,,,
Basil: Thats,,,kinda a hard question?? Um...,,,
Basil: The,,,serial killler i guess?? Because theyre more dangerous!!!! They might hurt everyone!!!!!
Sunny: you dont like the rest of the people though
Basil: Well,,, yeah,,,but still!!!!! If we all get out and I shot someone else,,, theyre more likely to go back to killing!!!!
Sunny: i see
Sunny: ok
Basil: Sunny um,,,, where are all these questions coming from???
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: i disagree.
Basil: What??? Huh???
Sunny: i dont think youre undyne
Sunny: i think youre....asriel
Basil: Sunny please Im begging you,,,
Basil: What are you talking about,,,,,
Sunny: personality quiz
Basil: Oh,,
Basil: Oh!!!!
Basil: You were trying to get my result, then!!!!
Sunny: yes
Basil: Ohhh haha,, well you couldve said something earlier!!!!
Sunny: sorry
Basil: Its ok!!!!
Basil: But um,, what do you mean that you dont think Im "undyne"???
Sunny: which undertale character are you
Basil: Whats undertale???
Sunny: ,
Sunny: call me
Basil: ????? Ok?????

Kel >>> Basil
1:04 PM
Kel: basil dude i need ur help
Kel: heros an old man and i refuse to put up with it
Kel: if u help me with this then ill like. uh
Kel: idk i was gonna say i would buy u smth but ive bribed aubrey like four times this week and im broke af
Kel: i guess ill just owe u lol
Kel: basil?? u good??
Kel: o ur prolly doin plant shit arent u
Kel: doin hot girl shit haha
Kel: that was the least funniest thing ive ever said and i apologize
Basil: Kel????
Kel: HI BASILLLL :DDDD
Basil: Hi Kel!!!!
Basil: Sorry I didnt reply, Sunny was showing me something and we got kinda carried away,,,
Kel: word
Kel: wait u got his number??
Basil: Yeah!!! I gave him mine before he left!! Weve been talking since then!
Kel: sweet
Kel: how is he btw
Basil: He told me he stayed up all night taking personality quizzes,,, but other than that I think hes been doing okay!!!
Kel: yep that sounds like him lolol
Kel: ANYWAY i wanted ur help w smth
Kel: a master plan, if u will
Basil: Um ok!!! You said it had something to do with Hero???
Kel: YES omg idk how hes surviving college hes so STUPID
Kel: ok so basically he made a gc for me aubrey and him bc aubrey was being a shit
Kel: and he is SO SO SO SO bad at naming things like an actual person its embarrassing to share blood w him
Kel: so aubrey n i asked him to make one of us admin so we could change it ourselves (and fought over it bc i deserve to be admin and she doesnt) but he DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT ADMIN PERMS ARE
Kel: i explained it to him earlier bc like i said. embarrassing.
Kel: BUT NOW HE WONT MAKE ME ADMIN!!!!
Kel: and thats when i thought of a sexy sexy plan to make me one
Basil: Um. Wait. This whole thing is about??? A groupchat name???
Kel: u dont understand basil. he named it faraway friends. fucking FARAWAY FRIENDS. it hurts my eyes to read.
Basil: I dont see anything wrong with that,,,,its a cute name!!!!
Kel: look man u dont gotta get it just help me please ill love u forever
Basil: Um,, okay!!
Kel: SWEET THANK YOU
Basil: Haha yeah!!!

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: SUNNY HELP WHAT ARE ADMIN PERMS!!!!1!!!
Sunny: oh no

Kel >>> Basil
Kel: dw dude u dont gotta do much
Kel: the heavylifting is allll on my end
Basil: Ok!!! So whats the plan??
Kel: ok so. first i steal heros phone
Basil: What!! Do you even know his password,,,
Kel: dw man he hasnt changed his password since i was like 11
Kel: even if he did he puts it in around me all the time. hes not rly careful w his password
Basil: .......Mhm.
Kel: the fact that u felt like u had to type that out instead of just ignoring it is what hurts the most
Kel: ANYWAY MOVING ON
Kel: next i go into his messages and add u to the gc
Kel: and i know u 2 talked or wtvr so he wont be like pissed when he sees u in there i think
Kel: then i give u admin perms
Kel: THEN u give ME admin perms from ur side
Kel: eezy peezy
Basil: Um,,,, couldnt you just give them to yourself from Heros phone???
Kel: omg shut up w ur LOGIC and EFFICIENCY
Kel: were having a bonding moment here man
Kel: bsides theres nothing fun abt being smart
Kel: were in cahoots.
Basil: Cahoots??
Kel: yeah man nothin funner than being in cahoots
Kel: causing mischeif
Kel: scheming
Kel: uhhh whats another word for it
Basil: Conniving??
Kel: HELL YEAH MAN WERE CONNIVING!!!
Kel: so u with me or what!!!
Basil: Um,,,
Basil: Are you sure Hero wont get mad??
Kel: its a fckn group chat man if hes so uncomfy w u in there then ill just make a new one (and not give him admin perms as payback)
Basil: Well,,,
Basil: Ok then!!!
Kel: THATS WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!
Kel: OPERATION: GIVE KEL THE ADMIN PERMS HE DESERVES IS A GO!!!!
Basil: Yeah!!!!!
Kel: ok imma go. ill give u a signal when i got the goods
Basil: Ill be ready and waiting!!!! >:)
Kel: >:)!!!!!

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: If I die its Kels fault
Sunny: ill let ms polly know

Hero >>> Basil
1:47 PM
Hero: WE IN THE CLEAR BABEY!!!!!
Hero: GET READY!!!
Basil: Aye aye!!!! Haha!

<< Faraway Friends! >>
Hero added Basil to Faraway Friends!.
Hero made Basil an admin.
Aubrey: Hero what???
Hero: owo
Aubrey: WTF
Aubrey: CURSED CURSED CURSED
Hero: FUWAHAHAHAHAHA
Hero: BASIL GO GO GO
Basil: On it!!1!
Basil made Kel an admin.
Hero: FUCKKKK YEAHHHHHH
Aubrey: You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
Hero: i kid not my dear aubrey >:)))))
Aubrey: Why would you force Basil to help you like this.
Hero: hey who says im forcing him!!! were conniving!!!!
Hero: isnt that right basil???
Basil: Yyeah!!!! Were conniving!!!
Aubrey: Im going to conknife both of you.
Aubrey: Well maybe not Basil I'm still not convinced ur not blackmailing him somehow
Hero: that is very rude and hurtful
Aubrey: You're rude and hurtful
Hero: >:o
Aubrey: Oh my god stop stop stop it
Aubrey: Don't use emojis with Hero's handle it's awful I hate it
Hero: >:3C
Aubrey: IM GOING TO MURDER YOU
Aubrey: YOU LITTLE
Aubrey: .
Aubrey: Heh.
Hero: what???
Aubrey: Heheheheheh.
Hero: uh oh
Aubrey: Hey Basil :)
Basil: Yes/??
Aubrey: Look behind you buddy :)
Basil: WHAoytaoyegiu
Hero: BASIL???
Hero: BASIL YOU GOOD????
Basil: :)
Hero: AUBREY WHAT DID YOU DO
Basil took away Kel's admin permissions.
Basil made Aubrey an admin.
Hero: NOOOOOOOOOO
Hero took away Aubrey's admin permissions.
Hero made Kel an admin.
Basil took away Kel's admin permissions.
Basil made Aubrey an admin.
Hero took away Aubrey's admin permissions.
Hero made Kel an admin.
Basil took away Kel's admin permissions.
Basil made Aubrey an admin.
Hero took away Aubrey's admin permissions.
Hero made Kel an admin.
Basil took away Kel's admin permissions.
Basil made Aubrey an admin.
Basil: This is getting stupid.
Hero: yea it rly sihgtyw8eythas
Basil: Did you fucking die or smth
Basil: OH SHIT DOES THAT MEAN I WIN??
Hero took away Aubrey's admin permissions.
Hero took away Basil's admin permissions.
Hero: Aubrey.
Basil: Oh fuck
Hero: Give Basil his phone back. Now.
Basil: Yes sir
Basil: Hero Im sorry!!!!!!
Hero: It's okay, Basil. I'm not mad at you.
Hero: Aubrey and Kel, on the other hand...
Aubrey: Sorry,,,,
Hero: Well, if I'm being honest, I'm not mad at you two either.
Aubrey: Oh thank god
Hero: I am, however, extremely disappointed.
Aubrey: WHAT NO THAT'S WORSE
Hero: I know.
Hero: :)
Aubrey: I have never feared a smiley face more.
Hero: This had better not happen again, understand?
Aubrey: IT WON'T IT WON'T
Basil: Yeah!!! It wont!!!
Hero: Alright then.
Hero: By the way, Kel's grounded for the night.
Hero is offline.

Sunny >>> Basil
5:29 PM
Sunny: are you dead
Basil: No,, but I think Kel might be,,
Sunny: rip

Chapter End Notes

i realized at the same time basil did that kels plan was srupid but wtvr. king of bad ideas i guess.
also if u want some angst. the reason hero hasnt changed his password is bc its maris birthday :) ur welc

malewife hero

Chapter Summary

Kel: hes a med student, aubrey. a med student. do you know how stressed his daily life is.
Kel: i called him once during finals week and when i mentioned my allowance he started crying.

Chapter Notes

can we all have a moment of silence for the word doc of convos for future chapters. it was like three chapters worth of content and the bitch got corrupted ＿|￣|○

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Aubrey >>> Sunny
1:29 PM
Aubrey: Hello my favorite hetcomp
Sunny: ..?
Aubrey: It’s Aubrey.
Aubrey: I took Basil’s phone off him the other day and got your number.
Sunny: oh
Sunny: hello
Aubrey: Yeah, hi,
Aubrey: ANYWAY
Aubrey: I wanted to ask you something :)
Sunny: no
Aubrey: WTF YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M ASKING
Sunny: suspicious
Aubrey: God I want to call you an ass for that so bad but you really do have a point
Aubrey: IT’S NOT BAD I SWEAR
Sunny: …continue
Aubrey: Ok ok so.
Aubrey: That picture you sent Basil. You drew it.
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Yes you did. Shut up.
Aubrey: Will you draw me something.
Sunny: no
Aubrey: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO DRAW THOUGH
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Please
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Please
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Please
Sunny: no
Aubrey: What if I pay you
Sunny: 1k
Aubrey: WTF NO
Sunny: 2k
Aubrey: UM??? STILL NO????
Sunny: 3k
Sunny: final offer
Aubrey: Sunny I’m not giving you three thousand dollars to draw Hero in a wedding dress.
Sunny: ah.
Sunny: $0.00
Aubrey: OMG REALLY
Aubrey: I probably should have led with that huh
Aubrey: Anyway I actually went online for like two hours looking for the Right Dress for you to draw him in
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: Think you can pull it off?
Sunny: i think im too short for that one
Aubrey: I MEANT DRAWING IT NOT WEARING IT FFS
Sunny: then yes
Aubrey: Thank you I love you
Sunny: np
Sunny: i need a picture of hero too though
Aubrey: O shit yeah
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: Here ya go
Sunny: ty

Aubrey >>> Hero
Aubrey: :)
Hero: Oh no.
Hero: What are you doing to Kel this time?
Aubrey: Nothing :)
Hero: I don’t like that.
Aubrey: :)

Hero >>> Kel
Hero: What are you two doing.
Kel: wut
Hero: You and Aubrey. What are you doing.
Kel: n...nothing??? i havent even seen her today. ive been basketting the balls.
Hero: Yeah. Sure. Let's say I believe that.
Kel: bro would i lie to u
Hero: Without hesitation.
Kel: u dont have to call me out like that
Kel: but im not lying this time!!! i dunno what shes doin
Hero: Hm...
Hero: Hm.
Hero: Very well.

Hero >>> Basil
Hero: Whatever Aubrey's asked you to do, don't do it.
Basil: Huh???
Basil: Does she,, want me to do something???
Hero: Really? She hasn't asked you for any odd favours today?
Basil: No,,, Im running errand for Polly today anyway, so even if she did I would have to say no,,
Hero: Hm...
Hero: Hm.........
Basil: Hero???
Hero: Alright. Fine. Thank you anyway, Basil.
Basil: Youre,,,welcome?? I think???

Hero >>> Aubrey
Hero: What. Are. You. Planning.
Aubrey: ;))))))))
Hero: You're killing me here.
Aubrey: Die <3

Kel >>> Aubrey
3:06 PM
Kel sent a picture.
Kel: what are you doing to this poor man
Aubrey: LMAOOO WHAT IS HE DOING
Kel: STRESS BAKING
Kel: I JUST CAME HOME FROM THE PARK AND IT LITERALLY SMELLS LIKE THE CAKE AISLE IN OTHERMART X10
Aubrey: ADSHGIAOHSDGHALHSG OMG
Kel: he asked me what "we" were planning a few hours ago
Kel: WHAT DID YOU DO
Aubrey: That's for me to know and you to find out :)
Kel: aubrey
Kel: think about who ur hurting here
Kel: hes a med student, aubrey. a med student. do you know how stressed his daily life is.
Kel: i called him once during finals week and when i mentioned my allowance he started crying.
Aubrey: OMG WAIT REALLY
Kel: YES
Kel: HE CRIED FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES
Aubrey: Isn't he the responsible one tho??? How tf is he broke
Kel: um
Kel: i dont think hes in a state of mind to be asked smth like that rn
Kel: which brings me back to my original point
Kel: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!
Aubrey: Bonding
Kel: with who????
Aubrey: :)
Kel: why are you like this
Aubrey: It's fun :)
Aubrey: Not like you'd understand u mama's boy
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK
Aubrey: MAMA'S BOY
Kel: NO IM NOT!!!!!!
Kel: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!
Aubrey: Fine then. Daddy's boy.
Kel: that is infinitely worse please never say those words ever again
Aubrey: :)
Aubrey: Daddy's boy :)
Kel: i hate you i hate you i hate you
Kel: i dont care what ur doing to hero anymore i need a shower
Aubrey: ADGSLAKJGDKLAJL

Aubrey >>> Sunny
4:39 PM
Aubrey: Hey u almost done yet??
Aubrey: It's been like three hours
Sunny: what
Aubrey: Sunny, dude, it's like a quarter till five...
Sunny: oh
Sunny: so it is
Aubrey: ...well are you????
Sunny: what
Aubrey: OH. MY. GOD.
Aubrey: Are you almost done???
Sunny: almost
Sunny: finishing touches
Aubrey: Oooooh can I see??
Sunny: no
Aubrey: What
Aubrey: Why not
Sunny: no
Aubrey: That's not an answer asshole
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Okay ykw I was willing to accept u being quiet n shit irl bc u haven't talked to anyone in like years but you DO know that you can use full sentences when texting, right
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Well. Are you?
Sunny: hm
Sunny: no
Aubrey: I don't remember you being this fucking rude when we were kids
Sunny: i was
Sunny: i just whispered it to mari instead of saying it to you guys
Aubrey: Is. Is that why she always started cracking up whenever we were doing literally nothing. Bc you kept making quips abt us.
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Wow.
Aubrey: So um. Uh.
Aubrey: About Mari.
Sunny: no
Aubrey: I'm not asking to talk about it right this moment
Aubrey: I just wanna say something
Sunny: no
Aubrey: I don't rly think ur in the position to just say no, dude
Sunny: i havent slept in two days. i dont want to think about anything resembling what happened
Aubrey: Y
Aubrey: YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN TWO DAYS?
Sunny: no
Aubrey: WHY THE FUCK
Aubrey: HAVEN'T YOU SLEPT
Aubrey: IN TWO DAYS?
Sunny: um
Aubrey: SUNNY WHAT THE FUCK
Sunny: slime rancher
Aubrey: What.
Sunny: slime rancher
Aubrey: What the fuck is that
Sunny: ranch slimes
Aubrey: DON'T BE A SMARTASS
Aubrey: Is that a video game or something???
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: You mean to tell me. You've been up for two days straight. Playing video games.
Sunny: video game
Sunny: one
Aubrey: You've been up for two days straight playing A SINGLE VIDEO GAME?
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Are you like. Okay??
Sunny: tired
Aubrey: WELL GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY
Aubrey: After you finish this picture you're going STRAIGHT to bed
Sunny: no
Aubrey: And why the fuck not?
Sunny: slime rancher
Aubrey: ...
Aubrey: That's it. I'm getting Basil.
Sunny: if you do im not giving you the picture
Aubrey: YOU WOULDN'T DARE
Sunny: try me
Aubrey: You are a dirty bastard. Fuck you.
Aubrey: Fine. I'm not telling Basil.
Aubrey: Just hurry up and finish the fucking picture.
Sunny: success
Aubrey: I hate you

Sunny >>> Aubrey
4:58 PM
Sunny sent a picture.
Sunny: done
Aubrey: WAHIGODHAOS8HDGOIH
Aubrey: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE
Sunny: huh
Aubrey: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH DETAIL. WHY DID YOU GO SO HARD WITH THE SHADING. WHAT THE FUCK.
Aubrey: YOU'VE GOT A WHOLE ASS BACKGROUND WTF EVEN IS THAT
Sunny: sweethearts search for hearts finale
Aubrey: None of those words make sense
Aubrey: Whatever. I actually feel kinda bad not paying you for this now.
Sunny: 3k
Aubrey: Never mind be broke and starve

<< Faraway Friends! >>
Aubrey: @Everyone :)
Aubrey: I have a gift for our one and only Hero :)
Basil: Oh??
Hero: Oh no.
Kel: sigh
Aubrey: BEHOLD
Aubrey sent a picture.
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: COWARD @HERO COME BACK
Kel: OMGGAGHHIOIHIOREHGHAHSDOHG WHAT
Basil: Oh!!
Kel: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH DUDE
Kel: @Hero COME BACK HERE PLS PLS PLS
Aubrey: If he wants to run and hide then let him. We all have his number anyway
Kel: omg ur right
Kel: we can just spam him w this
Basil: I dont see why hes so embarrassed anyway!!!! I think its very pretty!!!
Aubrey: Yeah fr I'm kinda jealous
Aubrey: Like I know it's not a real picture but he pulls it off soooo well
Kel: do you think i could pull off a dress like that. be honest.
Aubrey: My heart says no but my eyes also say no
Kel: :(
Basil: Dont worry Kel!!! I think youd look very nice in a dress!!!
Kel: ty basil ur the only bitch i respect around here
Aubrey: God are you being serious
Kel: when am i not
Aubrey: You sure you want an answer to that
Kel: no
Kel: but i AM willing to try anything once
Aubrey: Omg what
Aubrey: I mean if you rly want I could let you borrow one of my old dresses...
Kel: do u rly think any of them would fit me
Aubrey: U right
Aubrey: ...They'd probably fit Basil tho
Basil: What
Kel: omg they would
Kel: now that i think abt it basil would look rly good in a dress actually
Basil: Hhuh????
Aubrey: OMG UR SO RIGHT
Aubrey: That's it, it's official. This weekend you boys are coming over to my house and I'm throwing dresses on you.
Aubrey: Kel I guess I'm willing to buy you one or two that'll actually fit
Kel: dw ill pay u back
Basil: Wait a minute!!! Huh???
Aubrey: What.
Kel: does is like,,, make u uncomfy??
Basil: No!! But,,, why???
Kel: 1. itll remind hero of the picture and hell get embarrassed 2. itll be fun 3. i kinda do rly wanna see what i look like in a dress
Aubrey: 4. I will take any chance I get to boss you two around
Kel: lol yea
Basil: Um,,, I guess Im okay with it,,,
Basil: Sure!!!
Kel: HELL YEAH NOW ITS A PARTY
Kel: OMG WAIT if were rly doing this then why not go all the way
Kel: lets make this a dress-up slumber party
Aubrey: I don't think my house is physically capable of housing slumber parties
Kel: u right
Kel: i could try askin my parents but tbh im not sure how theyd react to this kinda thing
Kel: uhhh basil?
Basil: Um,,, well Polly would be fine with this just because Im inviting friends over at all,,,
Basil: But uh,,, are you two,,, comfortable?? Spending the night at my place?? Again?
Aubrey: If we all pile into ur room I think I'll be fine
Kel: same
Kel: if ur fine w that anyway
Basil: Sure!!! Thats fine!!!
Aubrey: SWEET
Aubrey: OH WAIT YEAH THAT REMINDS ME
Aubrey: Basil.
Basil: Yyeah??
Aubrey: Sunny told me he hasn't slept in two days.
Basil: WHAT???
Kel: wait wut
Basil: That Sunny >:(((((
Basil: Wait,,, howd he tell you??
Aubrey: I found his number in ur phone lol
Basil: Hey!!!
Basil: Sigh,,,, I thought that art style was familiar,,,
Basil: Thank you for telling me Aubrey!!!! Ill make sure he goes to bed pronto!!!!
Basil is offline.
Kel: uve been talkin to Sunny?
Aubrey: I mean I literally only first messaged him today but yeah
Aubrey: You got a problem with that
Kel: not rly but like
Kel: you DO realize hero can see these right
Aubrey: Ok and?
Aubrey: HEY HERO IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND GETTING PISSY THEN FUCK OFF. GET OFF OUR DICKS.
Kel: :////
Aubrey: If he can handle us joking around with Basil here in the gc then he can handle me bringing up talking to Sunny for the sole purpose of forcing him to go to bed
Aubrey: He's an adult, Kel, and he can damn well act like one
Kel: ughhhhhhh ur right ur right
Aubrey: I'm always right
Kel: even when we were in fifth grade and you made that science project about the biggest fish in the ocean and included whales
Aubrey: FUCK YOU KEL
Kel: ur not the only one that can bring up old school projects lol
Aubrey is offline.
Kel: DOESNT FEEL SO GOOD NOW DOES IT

Sunny >>> Aubrey
10:31 PM
Sunny: betrayal
Aubrey: Go back to sleep.
Sunny: ok

Chapter End Notes

yes aubrey is a lesbian. if ur on omori tumblr then uve prolly seen the john mulaney "i think aubreys a lesbian" meme. that was me and i stand by what i said
that said i think my nb kel hc came thru a little but whatever <3 its my fic and i get to choose the kel

i havent actually watched teen beach movie so im not sure if that simile is correct but from what i DO know about teen beach movie it SOUNDS correct so whatevewhatever

Chapter Summary

Hero: So...
Hero: Sunny drew that picture?
Aubrey: Are we about to have a normal conversation or am I going to need to hit you with my bat
Hero: Please don't.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

<< Faraway Friends! >>
7:42 AM
Hero: You guys are the bane of my existance. I hate every single one of you. Never message me again.
Hero: Go to hell.

10:31 AM
Kel: BRO WHAT??? OUCH?
Basil: Hhuh?,??;;
Aubrey: LMAO HE FINALLY SNAPPED
Kel: WE HAVENT EVEN DONE ANYTHING YET TODAY WTF
Hero: Hm? What are you guys talking about?
Basil: Heroo,,, ddo you really hate us???;;;?? :(
Hero: Huh???
Hero: Oh my god.
Hero: Wrong chat.
Kel: OHHHHHH LASHDGIOHASIDHGOIH
Basil: Oh,,, thats a relief!!
Aubrey: Ok but who was that even meant for??
Hero: Oh, just my brunch group from college.
Kel: ASHDGOIAHIODHGIH
Kel: BRUNCH GROUP???
Aubrey: Oh my god. You are literally a middle aged white woman
Hero: I resent that, Aubrey.
Kel: also aubrey dont u have brunch w ur like friends all the time
Aubrey: No I don't???
Kel: ive literally seen u guys tho
Aubrey: No?? thats just lunch???
Hero: It's only brunch if you've already had breakfast and are still planning to eat lunch, actually.
Aubrey: It's only brunch if you've already had breakfast and r still planning to eat lunch??
Aubrey: ,
Hero: Oh! Haha!
Kel: LMAO AHDOIASHGGHI
Kel: U TALK LIKE THE WHITE LADY
Aubrey: Kel. Wherever you are. You better fucking not be if you know what's good for you.
Aubrey is offline.
Basil: What,,,does that mean,,??
Kel: i think that means shes coming to beat me up lol
Kel: unfortunately for her ive yet to leave the house and can lock the doors :)
Hero: I'm pretty sure I gave her a spare key, actually..
Kel: FUCK
Kel is offline.
Hero: Oh dear...
Basil: Um,, Hero?
Basil: What did your college friends even say for you to get so um,,, angry??
Hero: Sigh...
Hero: Two of them were spamming the chat with very...suggestive...images of Tony the Tiger while the rest of us were asleep.
Basil: The,,, the cereal cat???
Hero: Yes. The cereal cat.
Basil: Are,,, are all college students like that??
Hero: No...I'm just unlucky, I guess. They're not usually this bad, but sometimes......
Basil: Well!! I promise not to be like that when Im in college then!!!
Hero: Thank you, but I'm afraid Aubrey has already made a habit of sending me the strangest pictures.
Basil: Ill!!! Just have to send you really nice pictures to counteract it, then!!!!
Hero: Thank you......

Basil >>> Sunny
11:15 AM
Basil: Good morning, Sunny!!!!
Sunny: good morning
Basil: You slept all night, I hope???
Sunny: :/
Basil: Uh oh, that doesnt sound good,,,
Basil: Did you not sleep well,,,???
Sunny: no
Basil: Oh no!!!!
Basil: Im sorry :(((
Sunny: not your fault
Sunny: mine
Basil: Um,, how is it,, your fault??
Sunny: twelve year olds are sore losers
Basil: Did you
Basil: Did you fight a twelve year old???;;
Sunny: yes
Sunny: but also no
Basil: Huh????
Sunny: 'fight' isnt the right word
Sunny: more like...
Sunny: hm....
Basil: Sunny. What did you do to the twelve year old.
Sunny: you know teen beach movie
Basil: I,,, I guess????
Sunny: there you go
Basil: Um,,,, what???
Basil: Im,,, not sure how that applies??? To anything???
Sunny: dont think too hard
Sunny: just go with it
Basil: Um....okay..?
Basil: Well!!! Uh!!!
Basil: Since you didnt sleep well, you should probably take a nap later today!!!!
Basil: Have you had breakfast yet???
Sunny: ah
Sunny: no
Basil: Sunny!!!! You need to eat breakfast!!!
Basil: Its very important!!!!
Sunny: ok
Basil: Good!!! And then take a nap, okay??? NO VIDEO GAMES!!!
Sunny: ok
Basil: :)!!!!
Sunny: um
Basil: Hm???
Sunny: could you call me later
Sunny: two ish
Sunny: in case my alarm doesnt wake me up
Basil: Sure!!!!!

Hero >>> Aubrey
12:11 PM
Hero: So...
Hero: Sunny drew that picture?
Aubrey: Are we about to have a normal conversation or am I going to need to hit you with my bat
Hero: Please don't.
Aubrey: Begging only makes it more satisfying
Hero: I'm not here to fight, Aubrey. I promise.
Aubrey: Ugh you better not be
Aubrey: I haven't had the chance to talk to him abt anything either so idk what you want me to tell you
Hero: You haven't?
Aubrey: Not really
Aubrey: He told me he didn't wanna talk abt it
Aubrey: And yanno I WOULD'VE pushed it but then he also said he hadn't slept in two days and I thought forcing the issue would've been cruel even for me at that point
Hero: I see.
Hero: And, actually, that's why I brought it up.
Hero: Did he tell you why he was awake for so long?
Aubrey: He said he was playing a video game
Hero: ...seriously?
Aubrey: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO
Hero: Are you sure he was being honest?
Aubrey: Idk man talking to him is like pulling teeth
Aubrey: And I seriously can't tell if he's like that on purpose or if he's just that bad at talking to people
Hero: It's hard to imagine him being difficult on purpose...I'm sure he's just not used to talking to people, yet.
Hero: Do you think he's...doing okay?
Aubrey: Tbh if Basil's not doing too great then I can't imagine Sunny is
Aubrey: And yesterday I saw Basil pruning with a pair of kitchen scissors instead of his shears, so
Hero: I see...
Hero: Um...Aubrey? Do you think you could give me his number? I really do want to make sure he's taking care of himself.
Hero: I know he has Basil, but Basil can be a bit of a...er...
Aubrey: Push-over? Doormat? Wuss?
Hero: Um. Yes.
Aubrey: Dw pot I won't tell kettle you said that
Hero: Aubrey!
Aubrey: Haha lol
Aubrey: But sure I'll give you his number
Hero: Thank you, Aubrey.
Aubrey: Np
Aubrey: You know ur taking this a lot better than expected
Hero: I know, I know...You were right, though. It is pretty exhausting being angry at them all the time. Especially since it's so easy to worry about them, too. It's likely I'll find myself angry again at some point, but I think it would be better if I just let it come and go instead of trying to hold onto it.
Hero: And...I'm a bit ashamed to have given Kel the impression that you all need to walk on eggshells around me regarding this stuff.
Aubrey: Well as long as u know it was a problem
Aubrey: Bsides at least he learned how to have tact
Aubrey: Sorta
Aubrey: Kinda
Aubrey: Maybe
Hero: Just a little.
Hero: Still, thank you for being patient with me. It means a lot.
Aubrey: Ughhh don't get all sappy with me
Aubrey: U were pretty patient too I guess when I was being a bitch so whatever
Aubrey: Even's even
Hero: Haha, whatever you say, Aubrey.

Hero >>> Sunny
1:12 PM
Hero: Hello, Sunny. It's Hero. Aubrey gave me your number.
Sunny: hlo
Hero: ...Sunny?
Sunny: good morning
Hero: ...It's well past noon.
Sunny: so it is
Hero: Did you...just wake up?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: i took a nap
Hero: Oh!
Hero: Okay, that's good.
Hero: Aubrey did say you seemed to be having trouble sleeping.
Sunny: she told you too...
Hero: She told everyone, actually.
Sunny: anger......
Hero: Um. Yes.
Hero: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself. I've been a bit worried.
Hero: How long have you been having trouble sleeping?
Sunny: yes
Hero: I. See?
Hero: Have you been eating alright?
Hero: Three meals a day, not only eating junk food, etc?
Sunny: hm.
Hero: ...
Hero: Are you...going to answer the question?
Sunny: no
Hero: ...Alright.
Hero: Have you at least been getting out more often? Even just half an hour in the sun a day can do wonders for your health.
Sunny: i open the window sometimes
Sunny: does that count
Hero: ...Do you do it while it's day out?
Sunny: no
Hero: Then no.
Hero: Sunny, you should really start taking better care of yourself, especially with how long you stayed inside your old house.
Hero: You should at the very least be going outside and getting some sun. I'm a bit worried for your immune system.
Hero: You could start by taking walks in the morning or late evening; That way, you can get some sun while excersising at the same time. If you pick the time right, there won't even be any people to bother you.
Sunny: i excersise
Hero: Oh? You do?
Sunny: ddr
Hero: Dance Dance Revolution doesn't count as an excersise regiment.
Sunny: it does if youre good enough
Hero: Sorry, but I don't think you're quite good enough for it to count.
Sunny: offense
Hero: That aside, I know for a fact you didn't own a DDR machine before you moved, and I highly doubt you own one now.
Sunny: the machine is in my mind, i can play anywhere anytime
Hero: That. Aside.
Hero: Is there anything else you do, or used to do, that you consider excersise?
Sunny: fist fighting the shadows every time i want a midnight snack
Hero: I'm gonna take that as a no.
Hero: I meant it, Sunny. You should take better care of yourself. I worry about you.
Hero: I'm not above getting your mom's number and telling her about your habits.
Sunny: if i was a furry i would be growling at you
Hero: Um
Hero: W
Hero: What?
Hero: A...furry??
Hero: What's that???
Sunny: ah
Sunny: hm
Sunny: i have made a mistake.
Hero: Huh???
Sunny: ask someone that is not me
Hero: Why???
Sunny: no
Hero: Um??? Okay...
Hero: Moving on from...that...
Hero: Can you promise me that you'll at least get some more sun? It doesn't have to be very much - Just a few minutes a day, if you can. Please?
Sunny: ok
Hero: Good! Thank you very much.
Sunny: np
Hero: I'll talk to you later, Sunny. Try not to skip any meals, okay?
Sunny: ok
Hero: I know there's a lot we haven't talked about yet, but I do care about you and Basil. I really do want the two of you to live as happily and healthily as you can.
Hero: It was good talking to you, Sunny. I mean it.
Sunny: ok

Sunny >>> Basil
Sunny: im awake
Basil: Ah!! Good afternoon, Sunny!!!
Basil: Was your nap good, at least???
Sunny: better
Basil: That's good!!!!
Basil: Don't forget to eat lunch soon, okay??? Or at least get a snack!!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: ..you too
Basil: Huh?
Sunny: you
Sunny: um
Sunny: ...
Basil: ???
Sunny: concern
Sunny: take care of yourself too
Basil: Oh,,, are you worried about me,,??
Sunny: ..yes
Basil: Oh....
Basil: Uhm,, well,, thank you...
Basil: But!!! You dont need to worry about me!!! Ive been taking care of myself, promise!!!
Basil: If I wasnt, Im pretty sure Aubrey would beat me up again,,, haha,,,,
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: ok
Sunny: i trust you
Sunny: im going to eat now
Sunny: bye
Basil: OH uh,,,,
Basil: Bbye Sunny!!! Hope its tasty,,...
Sunny: wait. also.
Basil: Hm?
Sunny: if hero texts you.
Sunny: ignore it.
Sunny: do not even look at what he said just delete the notification.
Basil: Um. Why?
Sunny: the burden of knowledge is a heavy weight you do not need to bear
Basil: What...
Sunny: its for your own good
Sunny: ok bye
Basil: Ok...?

<< Faraway Friends! >>
2:42 PM
Hero: I just remembered something...
Hero: Do any of you know what a "furry" is?

Chapter End Notes

to me this chapter is less funny and more filler because there were certain tidbits that were kinda hard to build up to 🤔 but idk maybe u just find it boring bc ive read and edited it like a hundred times

the title for this chapter in my files doesnt actually fit the content but i thought it was funny anyway so its gonna be in the notes

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: WHO TAUGHT YOU THOSE WORDS
Basil: The,,, internet???
Basil: Im 16???

Chapter Notes

*enters blackspace* damn bitch i live like this?

<< Faraway Friends! >>
12:32 PM
Aubrey: Does Ms. Polly count as a milf? Discuss.
Kel: hey aubrey what the fuck
Kel: also yes btw
Aubrey: Really? You think she's a milf?
Kel: hell yeah
Aubrey: Does that mean you want to fuck her?
Kel: WHAT
Kel: I NEVER SAID THAT
Aubrey: You called her a milf tho...and you were pretty damn certain so
Kel: UM YOU WERE THE ONE THAT ASKED???
Kel: AND JUST BC I AGREE SHES A MILF DOESNT MEAN I WANNA FUCK HER WTF
Kel: I JUST MEAN LIKE. SHE FITS THE CRITERIA.
Aubrey: The criteria of her being a mom you'd want to fuck?
Kel: NOOOOO LIKE
Kel: OTHER PEOPLE MAN OTHER PEOPLE WOULD WANNA FUCK HER
Aubrey: What other people tho
Kel: uhhhhh micheal prolly
Aubrey: Whomst
Kel: you know who im talking about man
Aubrey: I know no Micheals
Aubrey: All I know is my good friend The Maverick
Aubrey: (who's name btw isnt even spelled micheal, it's mikhail)
Kel: WAIT FR
Kel: THATS HOW ITS SPELLED?
Aubrey: YES???
Kel: OH MY GOD AHGAOIHG
Kel: IVE BEEN SPELLING IT WRONG MY ENTIRE LIFE OMG
Aubrey: HE LITERALLY LIVES DOWN THE STREET FOR YOU HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT
Kel: I DONT KNOWWW
Aubrey: Ugh your dumbassery aside
Kel: hey
Aubrey: You actually do have a point
Kel: WOAH I DO?
Aubrey: Unfortunately yeah
Aubrey: The Maverick would totally be dtf Ms. Polly
Basil: What,,,
Kel: OMG BASILG ASHDGOIAHSOIGHOH
Aubrey: BASIL JUST THE MAN I NEED
Aubrey: SHES UR MOM OK I NEED UR OPINION
Aubrey: DOES MS. POLLY COUNT AS A MILF
Basil: Um.
Basil: I dont. Know?
Kel: aubrey why would u ask him that
Kel: its basil i doubt he even knows what a milf is
Aubrey: Wait shit ur right
Aubrey: Basil pls pls pls don't google what a milf is I don't need that on my conscious
Basil: Guys,,,
Basil: I know what it means,,..
Kel: haha sure
Kel: dw bro whatever u think it means is prolly what it means. u dont gotta search it up haha
Basil: It means "mom Id like to fuck." Its a porn category...
Kel: W
Aubrey: BASIL
Aubrey: WHO TAUGHT YOU THOSE WORDS
Basil: The,,, internet???
Basil: Im 16???
Aubrey: ...
Kel:...
Basil: ...you guys forgot I was sixteen didnt you,,,
Aubrey: Um
Kel: i plead the fifth
Basil: :(
Kel: FUCK NO IM SORRY
Aubrey: SORRY BASILLLLL
Basil: :(((
Basil: Anyway! :)
Basil: I dont think Polly would count as a milf,,??? Shes not really my mom,,,,
Aubrey: Hm hm interesting point
Kel: ughhhhalhf i thought we were PAST THIS
Aubrey: Not until we get Hero's input
Aubrey: And maybe Sunny's
Kel: whyyyyy
Aubrey: I can't ask my gang bc none of them have met her and I feel like it would scew the results if the idea of her being a milf is already implanted into their minds
Kel: why do u wanna know so bad thooo
Aubrey: Reasons
Kel: hmmmmmm....
Kel: aubrey... do YOU think shes a milf?
Aubrey: Um
Basil: Do you want to fuck my mom, Aubrey?
Kel: LDKHFGSLHDFIGOSIHSOIDHGOI HIOSFD
Aubrey: FUCK OFF YOU JUST SAID SHE WASN'T YOUR MOM
Basil: Yeah but,, YOU think she counts as my mom,,
Basil: And youre avoiding the question!!!
Kel: YEAH AUBREY UR AVOIDING THE QUESTION
Kel: DO U WANNA FUCK BASILS MOM
Aubrey: I don't have to answer this
Kel: UR THE ONE THAT BROUGHT IT UP
Kel: REAP WHAT U SOW
Aubrey: I DON'T WANT TO FUCK HER OKAY I'M JUST CURIOUS
Kel: WHY ARE YOU SO CURIOUS
Aubrey: I JUST AM OKAY!!!!!
Aubrey: GET OFF MY DICK!!!
Kel: youve burned ur bridge. now lie in it.
Aubrey: THAT'S NOT HOW THE SAYING GOES YOU DUMB FUCK
Aubrey: STRINGBEAN FAILING MATH WORST FUCKING SHOT ON THE BASKETBALL TEAM LOOKING SHITBAG
Kel: its too late aubrey not even insulting me is going to get u off the hook
Aubrey: FUCK
Aubrey: UHHHH
Aubrey: BASIL TELL ME ABOUT PLANTS.
Kel: lol like THATS gonna work
Basil: Did you know that trees will take nutrients from anything it can find in the dirt? Cadavers, dead plants, scraps...anything! In fact, police once tracked down the body of a man to have been buried under a tree, and when they dug it up they found that the tree's roots had moved to cover the corpse so thorougly that the roots were in the shape of the body itself! Interesting, right?? :D
Kel: hey basil what the fuck
Aubrey: I take it back. I would prefer the milf talk.
Kel: owo
Aubrey: Never fucking mind I'm leaving and never talking to you guys again
Kel: COWARD
Aubrey: Die

Aubrey >>> Hero
Aubrey: In your Adult Opinion, does Ms. Polly count as a milf?
Hero: Aubrey I am begging to god. I stayed out of the chat for a reason. Do not drag me into this.
Aubrey: Pussy

Aubrey >>> Sunny
Aubrey: Hey do you think Ms. Polly counts as a milf
Sunny: depends
Sunny: does she see herself as basils mom?
Sunny: if no then shes just a lady, not a mom
Aubrey: Hmm a very good point
Aubrey: Damn tho I can't ask her
Sunny: why not
Aubrey: "Oh Hey Ms. Polly! Quick question, I know that HE doesn't see you as a parental figure, but would you consider yourself a mother towards Basil? I'm trying to decide if you're a milf."
Sunny: yeah like that
Aubrey: Don't you have social anxiety
Aubrey: WHY would you be okay asking this poor woman that
Sunny: i used up all my anxiety at the hospital
Sunny: i no longer fear any social interactions in any capacity
Aubrey: You know what. That's fair.
Sunny: good luck btw
Aubrey: ...with what??
Sunny: fucking ms polly
Aubrey: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT

Kel >>> Aubrey
4:51 PM
Kel sent an image.
Kel: what does this make you feel
Aubrey: How long have you spent making this
Kel: longer than im proud of tbh
Aubrey: Does Basil know you're using a picture of his not-mom to edit onto badly made milf domme porn captions
Kel: ...no
Aubrey: What are you willing to pay to ensure he doesn't find out :)
Kel: im spending the rest of my allowance keeping you quiet arent i
Aubrey: Yep :)
Kel: i honestly dont know what i was expecting

Basil >>> Hero
3:28 AM
Basil: Ssunnty
Basil: sunyy PLese wkke up
Basil: plAesim sryyr
Hero: Basil?! What's wrong?
Basil: ssnny ?,
Hero: No, this is Hero..
Basil: o h,
Basil: msory i
Hero: No, it's fine. What's wrong? Are you ok?
Hero: Are you hurt?
Basil: nno ic
Basil: i cnta brerthe
Hero: I'm gonna call you, ok?

3:42 AM
Hero: Do you feel any better?
Basil: yes....
Basil: im sorry for waking you up;;;;
Hero: You meant to text Sunny, right?
Basil: yeah....
Basil: i have you both as emergency contacts on my phone though...so your numbers are right next to each other....
Hero: It's ok. I'm happy to help.
Hero: What happened?
Basil: its silly....you shouldnt worry about it....
Hero: It's my job to worry about you kids. Besides, if it gave you a panic attack like that, then it obviously isn't silly to you.
Basil: what if it was just a nightmare about all plants everywhere becoming carnivorous
Hero: ...Well.
Hero: Um.
Hero: It's certainly a...frightening concept.
Basil: sure is! imagine the kind of diet a carnivorous tree would have!
Basil: or worse, having to walk through a lawn of carnivorous grass!
Hero: I would. Rather not imagine that.
Basil: haha yeah...
Basil: it um...was actually just a nightmare though...
Basil: um. not about plants, though.
Hero: A nightmare?
Basil: yeah...like i said. its silly.
Hero: Basil, I can personally vouch for nightmares never being 'silly.'
Hero: What was it about, if you don't mind me asking?
Basil: ...
Basil: you um. dont want to know.
Hero: ...It's about 'that', isn't it.
Basil: ...yeah.
Hero: I see.
Hero: Tell me about it anyway.
Basil: huh
Hero: As much as I would hate to hear it...I don't want you to just keep this stuff bottled up.
Hero: I won't say anything callous. I...probably won't say anything at all, honestly.
Hero: Just... go ahead and get it out.
Basil: um...if youre sure...
Hero: I'm not, truthfully. But go ahead.
Basil: okay...well...
Basil: it started out at the stairs...right before it..happened...
Basil: and uh....i think ive told you before? how at the time, i didnt want to believe sunny really did it...so i convinced myself that there was something standing behind him...
Basil: well um.. something was there... and it was about to make him um.do it.
Basil: then i had my garden shears and i was going up the stairs to stop it... and i attacked it...
Basil: but then it was sunny instead...aand i was
Basil: ,,
Basil: i killed him.,,.
Basil: in the dream i ddint feel bad about it thouhg,...
Basil: i was relieved actualy.,..
Basil: and then we were all outside,....
Basil: he was in the ttree
Basil: and mari was there...she was tying a rope around my neck..
Basil: i couldnt breathe,,,
Basil: umm and dthen i.,,, woke up
Basil: thts um,,
Basil: thats it.
Basil: ;;;
Hero: ...
Hero: Hm...Basil?
Hero: Can I ask you a question?
Basil: umm,,,, sure?
Hero: When you say that there was "something behind him"... Was that simply a concept of some sort you thought up, or did you actually see something?
Hero: Even in our talk the other week, you spoke as if this "something" was a real thing...
Basil: well uh,,,
Basil: i dont really,,,remember if i saw it in the actual moment,,,
Basil: but i saw it after...
Basil: it would cover the floor...and try to eat me....
Basil: mine did anyway...sunny hasnt told me a lot about his...
Hero: ...So the two of you had different..."somethings"?
Basil: mhm.
Basil: i saw his during our fight...at least i think it was his? it mightve looked different to him but...i dont think so...
Basil: his followed him around...always hovering behind him... staring at him...
Basil: i dont know if it did anything else though...
Hero: I see.
Hero: And it was something you absolutely, definitely saw?
Basil: well um,,
Basil: i mean,, yes??
Basil: ii know its not real though!!!! well i know now anyway;;
Basil: it really feels real sometimes though...
Hero: ...I see....
Hero: Well, I...apologize for prying like that. You've had a stressful enough night.
Basil: its fine,,,
Hero: If you say so.
Hero: Will you be alright for the rest of the night, or would you like me to stay up with you?
Basil: you dont have to do that!! ill be fine.
Hero: Are you sure?
Basil: mhm!
Hero: Alright then...
Hero: Goodnight, Basil.
Basil: goodnight hero!

the one where aubrey multiclasses as both tsundere and mom friend (and also basil gets adopted i guess)

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: ...
Kim: ...
Vance: ...
Angel: ...
Charlie: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...
Aubrey: Ok.
Aubrey: So.
Aubrey: What the fuck was that.
THE MAVERICK: VANCE FUCKING COCKBLOCKED ME

Chapter Notes

this ones a lil different but i think its also the longest chapter yet so *shrugs* win some ya lose some

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kim >>> Aubrey
11:21 AM
Kim: ey yo boss we got a code NMC
Aubrey: WTF IT'S NOT EVEN NOON
Aubrey: Didn't we have one the other day!?
Kim: that was a NMC-M, this one's a NMC-A
Aubrey: Ughhhhh
Aubrey: You'd think after the first time you bit one of them they'd learn not to take ur fucking candy
Aubrey: Alright, I'll deal with it
Kim: i could kiss you
Aubrey: Gay
Kim: caught me

Aubrey >>> Charlie
Aubrey: Cha Cha Slide where u at
Aubrey: And by that I mean where's Angel at
Charlie: The Hideout
Aubrey: Cool
Aubrey: Make sure he can't run off, I gotta kick his ass real quick for Kim
Charlie: NMC?
Aubrey: UGH YES
Charlie: Oh... Well...
Aubrey: What did he do to.
Charlie: He swam out to the statue...
Aubrey: Let me guess. He still had the candy on him.
Charlie: He still has it...
Aubrey: Fuckkk
Aubrey: Little shit
Aubrey: I'll tell Kim
Aubrey: Make sure he doesn't leave though bc I'm still kicking his ass
Charlie: Ok.
Aubrey: AND FFS DON'T LET HIM EAT THAT SOGGY ASS CANDY

Aubrey >>> Kim
Aubrey: Bad news. It's soaked in lake water.
Kim: NOOOO
Kim: i'm gonna kick angel's ASS i s2g
Kim: he's just salty i can backflip better than him
Aubrey: Hell yeah you can
Aubrey: Dw tho I'll get you some more
Kim: FOR REAL???
Aubrey: Yeah lol Kel owes me like 2 months worth of shit at this point
Kim: free candy AND scamming kel outta money? best day ever
Kim: but waiiitttt why does he owe you so much stuff...
Aubrey: Because he's stupid and comes up with bad plans and is always desperate for help
Kim: yep sounds like him
Kim: why do you hang out with those losers anyway
Aubrey: Kel n Hero are stupid easy to make fun of
Aubrey: And Basil's not actually a loser he's just trying his best
Kim: he's kinda a baby tho
Aubrey: Oh yeah definitely a baby
Aubrey: He's still cool tho
Aubrey: Cooler than Kel at least LMAO
Kim: PFFFF anyone's cooler than kel
Kim: it's a low bar
Aubrey: Believe it or not, he used to be worse
Kim: no wayyyy
Aubrey: He used to steal my stuff and make fun of me for having "cooties"
Kim: HE BELIEVED IN COOTIES AT AGE 12?
Kim: THAT IS SO FUCKING LAME.
Kim: ugh i wanna go bully him now
Aubrey: HEY >:(
Kim: yeah yeah no bullying ur buds i know
Kim: he's still lame and gross tho
Aubrey: Ugh yeah

THE MAVERICK >>> Aubrey
1:03 PM
THE MAVERICK: Hello my darling Aubrey ;)))
Aubrey: Sup
THE MAVERICK: You wouldn't happen to know where your friend Basil is, would you?
Aubrey: ...why
THE MAVERICK: He grows flowers, no?
THE MAVERICK: I would like to buy some from him.
Aubrey: Who r u tryina romance this time...
THE MAVERICK: I'm not sure what her name is...but she is truly beautiful ;)
Aubrey: Sad
THE MAVERICK: ;(((
Aubrey: Whatever man u do u I guess
Aubrey: Basil's at his house rn I think
Aubrey: Be nice to him aight and if I think ur underpaying him I'm kicking ur ass
THE MAVERICK: I wouldn't dream of it ;)

<< HOOLIGANG >>
2:15 PM
THE MAVERICK: @Everyone I have an announcement to make.
Kim: this oughta be good
Vance: fr?
Angel: WHAT IS IT
Charlie: ..?
Aubrey: Oh lord
THE MAVERICK: I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact....
THE MAVERICK: Bisexual ;)
Angel: YOOOOOOOOOO
Vance: nice
Charlie: b
Kim: NOOOO U WERE OUR TOKEN STRAIGHTIE
THE MAVERICK: Au contraire, I am not straight at all ;)))
Aubrey: I'm gonna regret asking this
Aubrey: How'd you figure it out
THE MAVERICK: I have heard the voice of an angel...dewdrops shone in his eyes, the flutter of birdwings in his laugh...and like the vines of an oh so sweet honeysuckle, infatuation took root in my heart.
Aubrey: Basil infodumped to you about plants didn't he
THE MAVERICK: Yes ;)
Kim: ASLDHGOIAHDIOGHSOIHDGOIHOI
Vance: aint that the blonde kid that wears a sweater despite it bein like ninety degrees out...
Angel: OH I KNOW THAT KID
Angel: HE IS KINDA CUTE ISNT HE
THE MAVERICK: Yes...I will admit it... I am weak to a pretty face ;)
Aubrey: Mav. Look at me.
Aubrey: Use any of your usual tricks on him and I'll break your fucking spine.
Aubrey: Got it?
THE MAVERICK: But of couse ;)
Charlie: He's the kid that gardens a lot, right...?
Charlie: I like flowers...
Angel: YEAH CAN WE MEET HIM TOO
Kim: why do YOU wanna meet him
Angel: I GOTTA DUEL HIM TO MAKE SURE HES RIGHT FOR MASTER
Aubrey: How about you DON'T do that if you want to continue breathing :)
THE MAVERICK: Yes, my noble ward...there is no need for that...
Angel: FINEEEE
Angel: CHARLIE STILL WANTS TO MEET HIM THOUGH
Aubrey: Charlie can meet him because I think he'd appreciate talking to someone that actually knows what plants are
Aubrey: The rest of you stay the hell away :)
Vance: why cant we meet em
Aubrey: Because you're all degenerates and you'll be a bad influence
Aubrey: Except for you, Charlie. You're an angel and we're delighted to have you here.
Kim: ya that's fair
THE MAVERICK: Charleene truly is better than all of us ;)
Vance: ya def
Angel: CANT ARGUE WITH THAT B) SHES THE BEST
Charlie: Thank you...
Aubrey: I'll dm you his address Charlie <3

Angel >>> Aubrey
3:11 PM
Angel: HEY AUBREY WHENS OUR NEXT MOVIE NIGHT GONNA BE
Aubrey: Idk man
Aubrey: Why
Angel: CHARLIE JUST CAME BACK FROM TALKING TO BASIL
Angel: SHE SEEMED TO REALLY LIKE HIM
Angel: SHE HAD HER HAPPYNEUTRAL FACE
Aubrey: I knew they'd get along
Aubrey: How's that related to movie night tho
Angel: WE COULD INVITE HIM TO MOVIE NIGHT
Aubrey: I already said I don't trust yall around him
Angel: WED ALL BE FOCUSED ON THE MOVIE THOUGH
Angel: NO CHANCE FOR SHENANEIIGNS
Angel: SHENANIGINS
Angel: SHENAGAINS
Angel: FUCK
Aubrey: Shenanigans?
Angel: YEAH THAT
Angel: THINK ABOUT ITTTT
Aubrey: Hmmmm
Angel: ALSOALSO HES LIKE KINDA SCARED OF ALL OF US TOGETHER RIGHT
Aubrey: A little yeah but he's also scared of like. Asking for refills at Gino's so.
Angel: WELL IF WE PICK THE RIGHT KIND OF MOVIE THEN HE'LL LIKE GET MORE COMFORTABLE AND WONT BE SO SCARED OF US
Angel: THATS GOOD RIGHT
Aubrey: I'm gonna regret this but
Aubrey: I'll ask him if he's down
Angel: FUCK YEAHHH

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: Basil buddy for ur own good I hope u say no but would u be down for movie night w/ me and my friends
Basil: Um,,,, I mean,,,
Basil: I know Charlie and Maverick came to talk to me today,, and were nice and everything,,,
Basil: But I dont think the rest of your friends like me very much,,,
Aubrey: Okay multiple things
Aubrey: 1. Mav's name is The Maverick u gotta use the full title
Basil: Oh!! Okay!! Sorry!!
Aubrey: Nbd
Aubrey: 2. If he pulls any shit on u then tell me so I can kill him to death
Basil: He seemed friendly enough but,, okay!!!
Aubrey: 3. Thank you so fucking much for appreciating Charlie she is the best person alive and everyone should love her
Basil: Youre welcome!!? Shes really nice !
Aubrey: Hell yeah she is
Aubrey: And finally
Aubrey: 4. The only reason they messed with you was bc I was mad at you
Aubrey: Like literally the only reason I'm asking you to come is bc they want to meet you on better footing
Basil: Oh!!!
Basil: Really???
Aubrey: Regrettably yes
Aubrey: Please say no I don't trust them not to corrupt you
Basil: Well um,,,
Basil: It actually sounds like it would be fun,,!!
Basil: It wouldnt be too bad for me to come,, would it??
Aubrey: That's a yes isn't it
Basil: Mhm!!
Aubrey: FUCK

Aubrey >>> Angel
Aubrey: GODDAMMIT HE SAID YES
Angel: SWEEEEEET SWEEEEEET SWEEET VICTORRRYYYYY YEAHHHHHHH
Aubrey: Shut the fuck your up

<< HOOLIGANG >>
Angel: AYOOOOOO @EVERYONE WE GOT OUTSELVES A PLUS ONE FOR MOVIE NIGHTTTT
Aubrey: Dumbass the @ doesn't work if it's all caps
Angel: BUT LOWERCASE RUINS THE VIBE AUBREY
Aubrey: Whatever
Aubrey: @Everyone We're all gonna have a movie night sometime this weekend so everyone pick out a movie to bring
Aubrey: Do NOT bring any serious horror or weird shit because Basil is coming with us and if any of you scare him I will Actually Commit A Murder
Vance: lmao alright
Charlie: Ok...
THE MAVERICK: I see...an opportunity arises ;)
Aubrey: I am going to break every bone in your body slowly and painfully
Vance: are we using me n kim's house?
Aubrey: No, we're using Angel's house because this whole thing was his idea and so HE can cater
Aubrey: Charlie u don't gotta help him a bit ok ur innocent in this
Angel: THATS FAIR
THE MAVERICK: Angel, my dear pupil...could it be you are playing wingman for moi? ;)
Aubrey: Die
Angel: TBH I WASNT EVEN THINKING ABOUT YOU MASTER I JUST WANTED REALLY WANTED TO WATCH A MOVIE AND MEETING BASIL SEEMED LIKE A GOOD EXCUSE
Kim: holy shit i can't believe angel is valid for once...wtf
THE MAVERICK: It is fine Angel...If I am to woo the beautiful forest nymph, I must do so with my own ability ;)
Kim: i think i miss when you were straight
Kim: WOW i hated saying that i think i'm going to vomit
Aubrey: I think I want to vomit just by reading that
Aubrey: Never say that shit ever again Kim I s2g
Kim: u don't gotta tell me twice....ew
Charlie: Um...so when are we having movie night...?
Aubrey: I'm thinkin maybe Friday night
Aubrey: I'll check in w Basil later to make sure but it's def gonna be around then
Charlie: Ok...
Charlie: I'll make sure we have enough snacks....
Aubrey: I am in love with you
Kim: marry me charlie
Vance: id kill and die for you
Charlie: Haha......
Angel: WE SHOULD LIKE HAVE A PARTY ONE DAY JUST FOR CHARLIE
Angel: I THINK SHE DESERVES IT
THE MAVERICK: Agreed ;) It will truly be a beautiful day ;)
Aubrey: I am marking it on my calendar as we fucking speak
Aubrey: Charlie Appreciation Day
Aubrey: It'll be like if Christmas and Valentine's Day had a baby but JUST for Charlie
Kim: i second this
Vance: thirded
Charlie: :)

<< HOOLIGANG >>
3:21 PM
Aubrey: @Everyone I've confirmed w/ Basil that he's good for Friday, so everyone remember to pick APPROPRIATE movies by then, aight?

<< HOOLIGANG >>
2:43 PM
Aubrey: @Everyone Movie night's in two day! FYI

<< HOOLIGANG >>
1:38 PM
Aubrey: Movie night is TOMORROW @Everyone so be ready

<< HOOLIGANG >>
12:06 PM
Angel: MOVIE NIGHT IS TO-FUCKING-NIGHT @EVERYONE BE THERE OR BE SQUARE
Kim: how many times do we gotta tell you @Everyone doesn't fucking work in all caps
Angel: BUT KIM
Angel: THE VIBES
Kim: ur vibes are ugly and u should be ashamed
Angel: NO U
Kim: SQUARE UP KID
Angel: SHORTSTACK
Kim: OH THAT'S IT IM KICKING YOUR ASS WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU
Vance: @Aubrey
Kim: TRAITOR
Angel: TATTLE-TALE
Aubrey: Children.
Aubrey: Make up before I break up (your bones from each other)
Kim: whatever
Angel: FINE
Aubrey: Good :)

5:37 PM
Charlie: @Everyone
Charlie: Everything is ready...
Charlie: You can come over with your movies now...
Aubrey: Have I ever told you how much I love and cherish you
Charlie: Yes...
Aubrey: WELL TOO BAD BC I'M TELLING YOU AGAIN
Aubrey: I love and cherish you <3 You are too good for us
Charlie: Thank you.......

5:51 PM
Aubrey: Basil is here.
Aubrey: Behave.
Angel: OKIE DOKIE
Kim: fineee
Vance: aye aye
Charlie: Ok...
Aubrey: Oh no, that wasn't directed at you, Charlie.
Aubrey: It was, however, directed twice as hard at The Maverick :)
THE MAVERICK: Why, Aubrey...you wound me....
THE MAVERICK: I would never act any less than a gentleman around our dear guest...
Aubrey: That's what I'm afraid of
Aubrey: Just tone it down a few fucking notches ok?
THE MAVERICK: As you say ;)

10:12 Pm
Aubrey: ...
Kim: ...
Vance: ...
Angel: ...
Charlie: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...
Aubrey: Ok.
Aubrey: So.
Aubrey: What the fuck was that.
THE MAVERICK: VANCE FUCKING COCKBLOCKED ME
Kim: GOOD. YOU DESERVE TO BE COCKBLOCKED
Vance: IT WASNT ON PURPOSE DUDE I SWEAR
THE MAVERICK: BULL FUCKING SHIT
Vance: NO SERIOUSLY ANGEL HIT ME AND KNOCKED MY DRINK OUTTA MY HAND
Angel: IN MY DEFENSE FROZEN 2 IS A GOOD FUCKING MOVIE AND INTO THE UNKNOWN FUCKING SLAPS
Kim: YOU'RE RIGHT BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO WHACK EVERYONE TRYIN TO FOLLOW THE CHOREOGRAPHY
Kim: UR ELBOWS ARE BONY AS FUCK YOU ASS
Angel: WTF DO MAPS GOTTA DO W THIS
Vance: ANGEL...WHAT
Kim: SFHGKLSDHFGLSDHFG
Kim: DUMBASS!!!! CLINICALLY STUPID!!!! IDIOT FUCKER!!!!!
Angel: TALK TO ME WHEN YOU GROW A COUPLE INCHES SHORTIE
Kim: OH IT'S ON YOU SHIT SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR KNEECAPS
Kim: YOU'RE LITERALLY NOT EVEN THAT MUCH TALLER THAN ME YOU'RE LIKE THE SECOND SHORTEST OUT OF ALL OF US
Angel: STILL TALLER THAN YOU
Kim: FUCK OFF
Aubrey: @Everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I REVOKE THE GINO'S BUDGET FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING MONTH
Vance: thats cold...
THE MAVERICK: But fair...
Aubrey: You bet your asses it's fair.
Aubrey: Now.
Aubrey: Are you all done acting like a bunch of Kels?
Kim: ughhhhhh......
Kim: yeah
Angel: YEAH
Aubrey: Good.
Aubrey: BTW @Charlie I'm not mad at you for any of this, if the Gino's budget get's revoked you can still have some :)
Charlie: Thank you....
Aubrey: Np
Aubrey: Now then.
Aubrey: All of you devil's spawns better consider yourself blessed by Jesus fucking Christ himself because he messaged me saying he actually thought the whole Thing was pretty funny
Aubrey: And that all-in-all he had a pretty great time.
Angel: YAYYY
Charlie: That's good....
THE MAVERICK: It seems I have been bestowed a second chance.... ;)
Kim: go get your wig pulled of again
THE MAVERICK: YOU.
Kim: but anyways that's kinda a relief, basil actually seems
Kim: uhhhh
Kim: i was gonna say he seemed pretty chill but like. he's not
Aubrey: Oh not even a little bit
Aubrey: I'm under the impression he's been in the middle of a really drawn out anxiety attack for years now
Kim: yeah same
THE MAVERICK: It would be an honor if I could find a way to...calm him down ;)
Aubrey: I'm going to castrate you
Kim: kinky
Vance: kinky
Angel: KINKY
THE MAVERICK: Kinky ;)
Aubrey: I hate all of you (charlie excluded)
Aubrey: Die
Aubrey: AND GO TO BED
Aubrey: But mostly die
Kim: lol

Chapter End Notes

note: the only relationship being canon here or whatever is the hero/mari thing okay the thing with the maverick isnt serious hes just Like That and basil doesnt even notice him anyway lol
LMAO ANYWAY YEAH i just wanted to clarify that there will be No Noncanon Ships here bc i would just make everyone poly and then i would confuse myself trying to keep track (and also romance isnt the focus here but wtvr)

grief and mourning

Chapter Summary

Kel: I AM NAMING MY SECOND BORN CHILD AFTER YOU
Basil: ...Thank you,,???
Aubrey: Don't you mean first born
Kel: no that one is firmly saved for orange joe

Chapter Notes

YES i just uploaded a chapter yesterday. YES this one is way shorter than that one. i AM a dumb bitch.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sunny >>> Aubrey
1:34 PM
Sunny: aubrey
Aubrey: What’s up
Sunny: bunny
Aubrey: Um
Aubrey: What
Sunny: bunny
Aubrey: What in the hell are you talking about
Sunny: bunny
Aubrey: ??? Ok????
Aubrey: What about them??
Sunny: yours
Aubrey: ???
Aubrey: What about my bunny?
Sunny: picture
Aubrey: You
Aubrey: Want a picture???
Aubrey: Of my bunny???
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Uh…okay??
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: There.
Sunny: more
Aubrey: More…pictures???
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: ???
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: That good??
Sunny: more
Aubrey: Okay that’s it
Aubrey: Why the fuck do you need so many pictures of my rabbit
Sunny: torothy
Aubrey: …..what
Sunny: gone
Aubrey: FOR FUCK’S SAKE can you PLEASE use more than one word
Sunny: torothy’s gone
Sunny: 2 words
Aubrey: I am going to beat you to death
Aubrey: I’m not giving you ANY more pictures of Bun-Bun until you explain yourself
Aubrey: USING ACTUAL SENTENCES
Sunny: the wild rodent that has been habituating within my living area, given the moniker torothy – a portmanteau of names tom and Dorothy – by myself as a show of affection, has recently been discovered by my own maternal guardian and hence removed from the premises permanently and with much brutality, thereby leaving me in a state of misery and mourning. thus, i request that you give to me photographs of your own animal companion, so that i may stave off the ever-present grief following the loss of my dear friend.
Aubrey: You could not have sounded like more of a smartass if you tried. Like I’m almost impressed.
Aubrey: Ok so if I’m understanding correctly, you’re sad that your mom killed a mouse?
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Wow.
Aubrey: Um…sorry for your loss?
Sunny: bunny
Aubrey: I’m trying to give you emotional support you asshole
Sunny: no ty
Sunny: bunny
Aubrey: WHAT AM I, CHOPPED FUCKING LIVER?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: bunny
Aubrey: FFS FINE
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: HAPPY NOW?
Sunny: can I name him
Aubrey: He already has a name.
Sunny: can you buy another bunny for me to name
Aubrey: No.
Sunny: sadness

<< Faraway Friends! >>
3:12 PM
Kel: OKAY
Kel: WHO THE FUCK
Kel: TOUCHED MY SECRET STASH OF ORANGE JOE
Aubrey: Your fucking what
Kel: THE BOX OF ORANGE JOE IVE KEPT HIDDEN UNDER MY DRESSER FOR FUCKING YEARS
Kel: ITS GONE
Aubrey: Good riddance that sounds fucking disgusting
Kel: FUCK YOU
Kel: @Hero DID YOU DO THIS
Hero: I'm sorry, Kel. It had to be done.
Kel: FUCK
Kel: YOU
Aubrey: Kel, buddy, how many years exactly did you keep that thing...
Kel: ummmmmmm
Kel: lets just say it was there before hero went to college
Aubrey: Why.
Kel: i was saving it for a special occasion >:((((
Aubrey: What occasion??? Tax evasion???
Aubrey: You gonna offer the tax collector a drink and poison him with decade old Orange Joe???
Kel: maybe
Hero: In all seriousness, Kel, you're going to make yourself sick drinking that stuff...especially with how old it is.
Kel: bro that is like the best way to die tho. slutting in orange joe.
Aubrey: SL
Aubrey: SLUTTING
Kel: when the orange joe cap twists off
Kel: the panties hit the floor
Hero: What is wrong with you.
Kel: im going through withdrawal
Hero: A withdrawal...of Orange Joe.
Kel: yes
Aubrey: Oh my god you are such a BABY
Kel: it hurts aubrey
Kel: im in pain
Kel: i think im going colorblind
Kel: hero if i best you in combat will you give me back my orange joe
Hero: I already threw it away. Sorry! :)
Aubrey: SGHLSGHLDHlghLKS
Kel: betrayed by my own flesh and blood...
Kel: hrnghggg need
Kel: onge
Kel: mr. joe
Basil: Whats going on,,??
Aubrey: Hero confiscated Kel's Orange Joe so now he's being a dramatic bitch
Kel: my one true beloved
Kel: ripped from my grasp
Kel: i will never know love again...
Basil: Um,,,,
Basil: Dont they still have those in the vending machines in the park,,??
Hero: WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT?!
Kel: BASIL
Kel: I AM GOING TO KISS YOU ON THE LIPS
Basil: Huh,,???
Basil: Please...,,dont??
Kel: ok i wont
Kel: BUT I OWE YOU MY FUCKING LIFE
Kel: I AM NAMING MY SECOND BORN CHILD AFTER YOU
Basil: ...Thank you,,???
Aubrey: Don't you mean first born
Kel: no that one is firmly saved for orange joe
Aubrey: You're naming your fucking kid Orange Joe
Kel: yes
Aubrey: I hope they disown you
Kel: that is very rude and hurtful
Kel: i will now drown my sorrows in orange joe
Kel: farewell
Hero: OH NO YOU DON'T
Hero: COME BACK HERE
Aubrey: Hey Basil wanna bet on whether Hero catches up to him before he reaches the vending machines
Basil: Thirty bucks says he will!!!!!
Aubrey: Ok ur fucking on. Fifty says he won't
Basil: :)
Aubrey: Hm that emoji has a very threatening aura
Basil: Tee-hee!
Basil: 5
Basil: 4
Basil: 3
Aubrey: Huh
Basil: 2
Basil: 1~
Kel: MOTHERFUCKER
Hero: You're allowance is being revoked.
Kel: THIS IS TYRANNY
Basil: Hehe!!! Pay up Aubrey!!!
Aubrey: YOU LITTLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK
Basil: Kel had to have been in his room to know Hero took away his stash,,, and I saw Hero in the park not too long ago!!!
Aubrey: Oh you tiny bastard. This was a con.
Basil: Maaaaybeeeee
Aubrey: I am so proud and afraid of you right now.
Kel: what is going on
Aubrey: You owe me fifty dollars
Kel: WHAT

Kel >>> Hero
3:35 PM
Kel: herooo
Hero: No.
Kel: herooooo
Hero: No.
Kel: heeeerrrroooooooo
Hero: No.
Hero: Fold your laundry.
Kel: ur killing me here
Hero: Hm? What's that? It almost sounded like someone not doing laundry...strange.
Kel: ughghghghghghghghghg

Kel >>> Aubrey
4:23 PM
Kel: aubreyyy
Aubrey: Do you have my fifty dollars
Kel: what
Kel: no
Aubrey: Then don't talk to me
Kel: whatttt
Kel: aubreyyyyy
Kel: you know i dont have an allowance anymore :(
Kel: aaauuuuubbbbrrreeeeyyyyy
Kel: :((((((((

Kel >>> Basil
4:50 PM
Kel: basil :(((
Basil: Hi Kel!!!
Kel: :(((((
Basil: Um,,, are you okay???
Kel: im dying
Kel: bury me amongst the stars
Kel: in my will i leave to u my captain spaceboy comics
Kel: tell my grandkids my story....
Basil: ...If you died now then how would you have grandkids???
Kel: huh
Kel: oh shit u right
Kel: uhhhhhh tell sallys grandkids
Kel: or i guess just tell sally
Basil: You can tell her yourself because Im,,,pretty sure youre not actually dying
Kel: i ammmmm
Kel: my blood is 75% orange joe
Kel: i am...onjo the fishn't
Basil: Um.
Kel: hey on a scale of 1 to 10 how disappointed would heros sigh be if i started my emo phase over this
Basil: 20
Kel: hell yea....new record
Kel: brb i gotta buy a black shirt and some eyeliner
Basil: I thought you had your allowance taken away,,???
Kel: SHIT
Kel: well desperate times call for desperate measures
Basil: ,,,What/???
Basil: What,, does that mean???
Basil: Kel????

Basil >>> Hero
Basil: Um,,, Hero?
Hero: Yes, Basil? Can I help you?
Basil: Its just um,,,,
Basil: I think Kels about to do something,,,,
Basil: He was texting me and said "desperate times call for desperate measures",,, and then stopped replying
Hero: Hm....he did seem awfully suspicious when he asked me for a marker earlier.
Hero: ....
Hero: ....Just a minute.
Hero: Thank you for the heads up.
Basil: Youre welcome!!!!

<< Faraway Friends! >>
5:08 PM
Hero: @Everyone.
Hero: I just want you guys to know that Kel is, once again, grounded.
Basil: Oh no,...
Aubrey: JFC What did he do this time
Hero sent a picture.
Aubrey: IS
Aubrey: IS HE TRYING TO COLOR IN A SHIRT WITH A SHARPIE
Aubrey: WHAT
Basil: Ah,
Hero: When I asked him what he was doing he said, and I quote, "You're not my REAL dad, Hero. You wouldn't understand my inner pain. Gah."
Aubrey: DID HE SAY "GAH" OUT LOUD ALDSGHAOIHGOIAHSDIOGHO IC ANT
Basil: Did he,,, really think he could make an entire shirt black with just a sharpie marker???
Hero: I don't know and I don't want to lower my opinion of him by learning.
Aubrey: OMGAHDSGOIHAIODHGO
Aubrey: WAIT
Aubrey: WAIT IS THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT HIS FUCKING SODA
Hero: Yes.
Hero: Yes it is.
Basil: ,,,
Aubrey: You know, the scariest part of this is that HE'LL be the one ur little sister grows up looking up to
Aubrey: Like, she'll be trying to emulate HIM
Hero: I don't think we'll have to worry about Sally turning out like him. He's special.
Aubrey: """Special""" What was he dropped on his head or smth
Hero: I did catch him eating drywall when he was a toddler, yes.
Aubrey: HH
Aubrey: That explains so much actually
Basil: Was he okay,,??? He didnt get sick, did he???
Hero: Oh, no, he was perfectly fine.
Aubrey: U know thats probably why he can drink so much Orange Joe without organ failure
Hero: Hm...you have a point.
Kel: UH YOU GUYS KNOW I STILL HAVE MY PHONE RIGHT? LIKE HERO HASN'T ACTUALLY TAKEN IT AWAY YET
Kel: I CAN SEE EVERYTHING UR SAYING
Aubrey: Read it and weeb you fucking loser
Hero: Ah! Thank you for reminding me, Kel. I'll get that taken care of right away!
Kel: SHI
Basil: Bye Kel!!!
Aubrey: Rip in piss
Hero: Oh! By the way!
Hero: If the two of you would like to come down for dinner, I can set aside some extra plates.
Hero: I made chicken and dumplings tonight :)
Aubrey: FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHH
Aubrey: I AM OMW AS WE SPEAK LETS GOOOO
Basil: Um,,, if I come is it alright if I bring a plate back for Polly??
Hero: Of course!
Basil: Alright!!! Ill be there!!!
Hero: I'll be sure to make some room at the table for you guys.

Sunny >>> Aubrey
2:41 AM
Sunny: aubrey
Sunny: aubrey
Sunny: aubrey
Sunny: hm
Sunny: straightey
Aubrey: SUNNY SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I WALK OVER TO WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU LIVE NOW AND SHOVE MY BAT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU ACTUALLY GROW A FEW INCHES
Sunny: good morning
Aubrey: SHUT UP
Aubrey: IT IS TWO IN THE GODDAMN MORNING
Aubrey: WHAT
Aubrey: THE
Aubrey: FUCK
Aubrey: DO
Aubrey: YOU
Aubrey: WANT
Sunny: nightmare
Aubrey: ,
Aubrey: Oh.
Aubrey: Um.
Aubrey: Do you...want to talk about it?
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Uh. Okay.
Aubrey: Was it about Mari?
Sunny: no
Aubrey: No??
Aubrey: What was it about?
Sunny: torothy
Aubrey: ...
Aubrey: I'm blocking you.
Aubrey: And then I'm going to sleep.
Aubrey: And when I wake up, I am going to hitch a ride to bumfuckhicksville or wherever the hell you are.
Aubrey: And I am actually, literally going to kill you.
Sunny: ok
Sunny: can i have a picture of your bunny first
Aubrey: No :)
Sunny: sadness

Chapter End Notes

shoutout to that one commenter a couple chapters back that predicted sunny and aubreys dynamic. ily (ilya actually i thrive off comments <333)

plot?? DEVELOPMENT???? in MY omori chatfic??? its more likely than you think

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: Ok insulting HERO I can understand and even advocate
Hero: Hey.
Aubrey: Hey urself Henry. Cissy.
Hero: ...

Chapter Notes

twelve year-olds are the worst 🙄

Sunny >>> Sunny
12:31 AM
Sunny: ur password sux

1:04 PM
Sunny: ?????

12:59 AM
Sunny: i know u know who i am

1:13 PM
Sunny: stay out of my phone

12:46 AM
Sunny: u do know i have access to all ur memoreez & knowledge rite??? changin ur password doesnt do crap u loser

1:20 PM
Sunny: what do you want

12:35 AM
Sunny: give me back my knife

1:19 PM
Sunny: no

12:08 AM
Sunny: give me back my knife

1:23 PM
Sunny: no

12:42 AM
Sunny: give me back my knife

1:30 PM
Sunny: no

1:01 AM
Sunny: well can u at LEEST stop kickin me out of headspace when ur sleeping....the real worldz boringgg

12:45 PM
Sunny: will you stop making fun of me

12:56 PM
Sunny: absolutely not

12:41 PM
Sunny: :|

12:52 AM
Sunny: i hate u passionatly & violently

12:47 PM
Sunny: i know
Sunny: theres a sketchbook in the top drawer and the color pencils are beside the lamp

1:12 AM
Sunny: frick u i alreddy knew that

1:32 PM
Sunny sent a picture.
Sunny: why
Sunny: draw something else

12:41 AM
Sunny: ur not the boss of me >:1
Sunny: i wont have to draw at all if u gave me my knife back

1:22 PM
Sunny: no

12:55 AM
Sunny: well too frikin bad

Sunny >>> Hero
2:40 PM
Sunny: hero
Hero: Hello, Sunny!
Sunny: hero.
Hero: ...Yes??
Sunny: i need advice.
Hero: Oh! I'll gladly help you!
Sunny: you cant ask for context though.
Hero: Um...Alright.
Hero: What do you need help with?
Sunny: how do i bribe a twelve year old to stop drawing dicks in my sketchbook without giving in to his initial demands
Hero: Um...?
Hero: What were his...initial demands?
Sunny: a knife
Hero: Why does he want a knife????
Sunny: no context
Hero: Um?????
Hero: Well then...what else does he like???
Sunny: cats
Sunny: do i buy him a cat
Hero: You should probably not do that.
Sunny: right...
Sunny: torothys brethren.......
Hero: ...Yeah.
Hero: You could probably get him something cat-themed, though. Like a hoodie, or a mug.
Sunny: hm
Hero: If that doesn't work, you could just hide your sketchbook from him.
Sunny: cant
Sunny: he knows all my hiding places
Hero: Ah...
Hero: Have you tried just telling him to stop?
Sunny: yes many times
Sunny: he doesnt like me
Hero: If all else fails, you could just tell his parents. You did say he was only twelve.
Sunny: i dont think he has parents
Hero: Oh...
Hero: Is he....in a children's home?
Sunny: no
Hero: Is he homeless?!
Sunny: ...no?
Hero: ??????
Hero: Do you not know???
Sunny: its complicated
Hero: What does that mean????
Sunny: no context
Hero: Huh?????
Hero: Sunny, you can't just tell me these things about your friend and then not explain!!!!
Sunny: no context
Sunny: also he doesnt like it when i ask him questions
Hero: I...alright...??
Hero: He is safe though, right?
Sunny: yes
Hero: Okay...good...
Hero: Well...tell me how it goes, okay?
Sunny: ok
Sunny: thanks
Hero: It's no problem..

Sunny >>> Basil
3:51 PM
Sunny sent a picture.
Sunny: does this look like something i would like
Basil: Um,,,,why are you asking me??? Wouldnt you know if you liked it????
Sunny: not me now
Sunny: when i was a kid
Basil: I still feel like you would know what you liked,,,,
Sunny: answer
Basil: Umm,, well,,
Basil: I guess its definitely something I would buy you!!!!
Sunny: hm
Sunny: ok
Sunny: thank you for your input
Basil: Youre,,, welcome???
Basil: Oh!!! Are you gonna buy it???
Sunny: yes
Sunny: bribe
Basil: Whos it a bribe for????
Sunny: friend
Basil: Oh!!!
Basil: Youve made a friend already!?!??
Sunny: kinda
Sunny: he hates me
Basil: O
Basil: Oh??
Basil: But you said hes your friend??
Sunny: im 90% sure if i called him my enemy hed start crying
Basil: ...But he hates you???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Does he,,,, actually hate you or is it like,,
Basil: The way Aubrey pretends to hate Kel but theyre actually really good friends???
Sunny: i told him i enjoyed his company and he bit me
Basil: Um
Basil: Why do you hang out with him???
Sunny: i ask myself this every day
Sunny: dw about it though
Sunny: if it escalates ill tell you more
Basil: E
Basil: Escalates?????
Basil: Huh????
Sunny: dw about it
Basil: But!!!
Sunny: dw about it
Basil: Um...okay,,..
Basil: Tell me if does anything else though!!! Ok!!!??!
Sunny: ok

Sunny >>> Sunny
2:03 AM
Sunny: u rly think a stupid swetter can replace my knife
Sunny: insulting -.-

12:45 PM
Sunny: why did i wake up wearing it then

1:15 AM
Sunny: stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you stabz you

12:24 PM
Sunny: with what knife

1:42 AM
Sunny: wordz canot describe
Sunny: well maybee they can
Sunny: disgust
Sunny: hate
Sunny: loathing
Sunny: resentment
Sunny: malice
Sunny: malevolence
Sunny: abhorration

12:55 PM
Sunny: you forgot to exit out of dictionary.com on chrome

1:16 AM
Sunny: thatz it
Sunny: vengence

Sunny >>> Hero
Sunny: hey there cissy
Sunny: token cis
Sunny: nice name HENRY did ur MOM pick it out
Sunny: only name u got 2 choose was a sammich. lame.
Sunny: maybee if u had munny u could change ur name to smth cool... OH WAIT
Sunny: college student college student cisgender college student ur name sux and ur BROKE

Sunny >>> Basil
Sunny: parsely
Sunny: oregano
Sunny: rosemary
Sunny: celantro
Sunny: arugula
Sunny: bean sproutz
Sunny: shallotz
Sunny: wait a minute r shallotz the green onionz or r they the weird shrimp thingz...
Sunny: ok ya theyre the onions that name still standz
Sunny: uhhhh lettuce
Sunny: cabbage
Sunny: i think im reachin now ill stop

Sunny >>> Aubrey
Sunny: ...
Sunny: i cant actually think of anything 2 insult u on that wont make u kill me
Sunny: consider urself spared >.>

<< Faraway Friends! >>
9:52 AM
Aubrey: Ok so can someone tell me why Sunny messaged me at like midnight
Aubrey: And said this
Aubrey sent a picture.
Kel: what the fuck adghashgdiosah
Hero: Um...
Hero: He sent me a bunch of strange...insults?....at around the same time.
Aubrey: Holy shit really
Kel: whatd he sayyy
Hero: He called me a..."cissy", made fun of my name, and then said I was broke.
Aubrey: He's not wrong
Kel: ahsdgoiahsoidhgioahs HE REALLY ISNT UR REAL NAME IS AWFUL
Aubrey: Fuckin Henry...
Aubrey: Is that all he did tho??
Hero: He was typing a bit strange but other than that...no.
Basil: Um!!
Kel: omg dont tell me he sent u stuff too
Basil: He did!! Actually!..
Kel: BROOO
Aubrey: Ok insulting HERO I can understand and even advocate
Hero: Hey.
Aubrey: Hey urself Henry. Cissy.
Hero: ...
Aubrey: Anyway I can get that
Aubrey: But YOU???
Aubrey: Especially by SUNNY???
Aubrey: WTF
Kel: wait was he insulting u or was it just weird like aubreys
Basil: I,...think it was an insult????
Basil: He just,,, listed a bunch of garnish plants,,
Basil: And then just leafy greens in general,,..
Aubrey: SHGOSHDFOGHIOSDHGIOHF
Kel: OMGGG AGIOSOGBOHAHHI
Hero: Why...
Hero: Why???
Kel: WHY DIDNT I GET ANY MYSTERIOUSLY INSULTING MESSAGES
Aubrey: Why do you WANT one???
Kel: i like to feel included
Basil: I dont think he has your number, Kel...
Kel: WAIT WHAT
Kel: I THOUGHT I GAVE IT TO HIM BEFORE HE LEFT
Hero: Did you??
Kel: wait
Kel: aw shit i think i gave him my address instead
Aubrey: Why the fuck did you give him your address???I'm pretty sure he knows where you live dumbass given ur house is RIGHT NEXT TO HIS OLD ONE
Kel: ,,,,pen pals???
Kel: in my defense it was a very stressful week and my common sense battery gets drained very easy
Aubrey: Yeah that's valid
Kel: ONE OF U GIVE HIM MY NUMBER THO PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS
Kel: OR GIVE ME HIS OR SMTH PLSSSSSS
Hero: I'll forward his number to you later today, Kel.
Kel: thank youuuuuuu
Hero: Back to the topic at hand, why did he do this in the first place???
Kel: maybe he pulled all nighters again and is just sleep deprived
Hero: He better not be if he knows what's good for him :)
Kel: you are so threatening for someone whos taken the hippopatamus oath
Aubrey: THE
Hero: ...It's the hippocratic oath, Kel.
Kel: wtvr man hippopatamaos hippocrattack they both start with hippo theyre basically the same word
Kel: its the hippo oath thats all that matters
Kel: hippoath
Aubrey: ...Are we sure UR not the one who's sleep deprived Kel???
Hero: .......You were awake before I was, Kel.....
Kel: i might have stayed up all night reading about carcinisation
Basil: Why?????
Kel: crab crab crab crab crab
Hero: Kel.
Kel: ya ya ill take a nap later
Hero: I'll make sure of it.
Aubrey: We're getting off topic AGAIN
Aubrey: Whatever
Aubrey: Basil just text Sunny and ask him wtf happened last night
Basil: Ummmm hes probably not awake right now but Ill leave him a message!!!!

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: Hey um,,, Whats up with all the stuff you sent last night???
Basil: Hero and Aubrey are pretty confused;;;; I am too..
Basil: Oh yeah!!! And Kel has your number too so expect a text from him later today!!! But Hero is making him take a nap today too...

12:25 PM
Sunny: good morning
Sunny: what stuff
Basil: Good afternoon Sunny!!!
Basil: And um,,, the stuff you sent everyone last night???
Basil: Were thinking that because it was so late you mightve just been tired,,, so you might not remember. You can scroll up and check though!!!
Sunny: hm
Sunny: ...
Sunny: oh
Sunny: that makes sense
Basil: Hm??? What do you mean??
Sunny: the sweater bribe...
Sunny: it escalated.......
Basil: Huh????
Sunny: he took my phone
Basil: !!!!
Basil: Your friendbutnotreally??!
Sunny: yes
Basil: At.,,, one in the morning.,,?
Sunny: yes
Basil: Why was he in your house that late???
Sunny: sleepover?
Basil: Why is that a question....;;;
Sunny: impromptu and nonconsenual sleepover
Basil: That just sounds like he broke in!!!1
Sunny: its fine
Sunny: hes 12
Basil: TWELVE?
Basil: A TWELVE YEAR OLD? BROKE INTO YOUR HOME?? TO MAKE FUN OF YOUR FRIENDS USING INSULTS THAT BARELY EVEN MAKE SENSE???
Sunny: to quote him
Sunny: "vengence"
Basil: WHAT IS IT VENGEANCE FOR????
Sunny: he had to get out a dictionary to insult me and i pointed it out
Basil: I
Basil: I dont even???? Know what to say anymore????
Basil: Whats his name??
Sunny: ...piano
Basil: Piano?
Sunny: piano.
Basil: ...Alright. Piano. Okay. Fine. Mhm. Yeah.
Sunny: you seem stressed
Sunny: here
Sunny sent a picture.
Sunny sent a picture.
Sunny sent a picture.
Basil: ,,,,Keep sending them...,,
Basil: Its gonna take awhile to fix my brain from this,,,,

<< Faraway Friends! >>
Basil: Okay.
Basil: I know what happened last night.
Aubrey: Tell us tell us tell us
Hero: What happened?
Basil: Youre not gonna believe me.
Aubrey: Try us
Basil: A twelve year-old named Piano broke into his house, took his phone, and sent those messages as payback for Sunny pointing out that he had to use a dictionary when making up insults.
Kel: W
Hero: Huh...
Aubrey: WHAT
Hero: How??? What????
Kel: ????????
Aubrey: WHAT THE FUCK
Basil: If you want more details! Ask Sunny yourself!!!
Basil: I have decided to no longer discuss this as every new thing I learn hurts my brain!!!!!!
Basil: Now!!! If youll excuse me!!!!
Basil: I am going to take a very nice bubble bath and look at funny pictures!!!!!
Basil: Goodbye!!!!!
Kel: IT BROKE HIM ADSGHAOIHGDIOH
Aubrey: RIP Basil, Sunny finally managed to be too much for him. A true king.

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: hey bestie
Kel: guess who finallyyyyy gotcha digits
Sunny: kim
Kel: guess again
Sunny: kimberly
Kel: that is the same person
Sunny: berly
Kel: now ur just makin up names
Kel: n e way fyi u broke basil. i think hes having an aneurysm
Sunny: it was bound to happen
Kel: u right
Kel: i dont actually care abt piano kid or wtvr but can you tell him to make fun of me too
Kel: or like you can do it i just dont wanna be the only not one being insulted
Sunny: your three point throw is mediocre and your sneakers are cheap
Kel: that was quick
Kel: thx bestie ur the shit
Sunny: b

Sunny >>> Sunny
10:49 PM
Sunny: im giving you a rabies shot

this one is literally just a bunch of kel ur welcome

Chapter Summary

Kel: ohhhh
Kel: its like really fucked up arithmetic
Aubrey: H
Aubrey: HOW IS IT LIKE ARITHMETIC

Chapter Notes

why is this chapter so goddamn long? well it is because i love kel. definitely not bc the file got corrupted while i was writing and i couldnt see the actual size. nope its the love stored in the kel.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

<< Faraway Friends! >>
2:12 AM
Kel: evryybod y SHUT the fukc up, ijsut had an idea
Kel: ww shoiuld gototh e b eahch
Kel: ffuckign HEL EYAS
Kel: ehheheaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kel is offline.

8:35 AM
Hero: I’m not even going to pretend to know.
Basil: Kel???
Kel: uck
Hero: Kel, why were you awake at two in the morning?
Kel: wikippedia bingne
Kel: did. didyo know tthat thersssss a spesies of sea bunbny that can htoapthsythsi
Hero: Try again, Kel.
Kel: ddiy ounkowd tht
Kel: didoyuuuuuu
Kel: hhhhhh
Basil: Are,,,you okay??
Kel: ungng tired
Hero: I wonder why.
Basil: Ummm,,,, I think you should go to bed,,
Basil: Or,,, back to bed???
Hero: Kel, did you get any sleep at all last night?
Kel: n
Hero: Sigh…
Hero: Let’s get you to bed.
Hero: We'll be talking about this later, though.
Hero is offline.
Kel: kb
Basil: Sweet dreams, Kel!!! Please get some rest!!!!
Kel: yeethaw
Kel is offline.

11:41 AM
Aubrey: Hey what the fuck happened here
Aubrey: Is Kel dead
Hero: No, but he’s certainly dead to the world…
Aubrey: Disappointing
Hero: Aubrey…
Aubrey: Fine fine whatever
Aubrey: What was he even trying to say
Hero: I’m…not sure?
Hero: His first set of texts almost sounded like he was talking about...the beach?
Aubrey: The beach???
Hero: Well...It IS summer break...
Aubrey: Yanno I think I'd rather not go on a trip like that this year...
Hero: Yeah...I agree.
Hero: I think it wouldn't be too bad if we all did something together in-town, though.
Aubrey: Hmmm maybe maybe
Aubrey: Maybe like towards the end of summer tho ngl
Hero: Yeah, that seems like a good idea.
Hero: Hmm....you know, I've been thinking.
Hero: Since we’ve all talked to him at this point…
Hero added Sunny to Faraway Friends!.
Hero: There.
Kel: HII SUNNYY
Sunny: good morning
Aubrey: Ur cutting it close but I guess it is still morning
Sunny: success
Aubrey: Bitch.
Hero: Kelsey. Why are you awake.
Kel: bro to bro telepathy
Kel: i felt him being added to the chat....
Kel: in my soul........
Kel: GUYS GUYS WAIT
Kel: WE GOTTA CHANGE THE CHAT NAME
Hero: We’re not doing this again.
Kel: BUT HEROOOO
Hero: No.
Kel: I GOT A LEGIT REASON THIS TIME THO
Aubrey: Goddd
Aubrey: What is it
Kel: sunny doesnt live in faraway :((( it doesn’t include him
Hero: Oh.
Kel: yeah :(((
Sunny: sadness
Kel: SEE HE FEELS LEFT OUT
Kel: @Basil come online and help me guilt trip hero
Hero: You don’t need to do that??
Kel: maybe i want to. ever thunka that.
Aubrey: On one hand I despise agreeing with you on anything ever
Aubrey: On the OTHER hand I LOVE bullying Hero
Kel: do it do it do it
Aubrey: Fine
Hero: What
Aubrey: HERO YOU ASS WHY ARE YOU EXLUDING SUNNY
Aubrey: DICKBAG
Aubrey: DO YOU WANT HIM TO FEEL SAD
Aubrey: DO YOU
Hero: N
Hero: No??
Kel: then explain why the name of the gc name doesnt include him. elaborate.
Hero: Because it was changed to that before Sunny joined???
Kel: the court finds the defendant Henry “Hero” Doctorguy
Kel: guilty as charged
Aubrey: GUILTY
Sunny: guilty
Basil: Guilty!!!
Kel: BASIL AHGIOSDHGHGAIDI
Kel: and hes offline again. a true king.
Aubrey: My man Basil hops on just to help roast Hero…Imma marry that bitch
Hero: Aren’t you both gay??
Aubrey: And?
Aubrey: What about it?
Aubrey: It’s a lavender marriage, dumbass. Tax benefits. Get with the program.
Aubrey: Fuck you.
Hero: I’m sorry???
Aubrey: You better be.
Kel: can i be ur best man
Aubrey: No.
Kel: can i be basils best man
Aubrey: No.
Kel: …can i be the ring bearer??
Aubrey: …maybe.
Kel: FUCK YEAH ILL TAKE IT
Kel: ok now back to bullying hero
Aubrey: Gladly <3
Hero: Why.
Kel: ur old
Aubrey: Yeah it’s bc ur old
Hero: I’m only 20…
Sunny: ew
Hero: ???
Hero: If I changed the chat name will you stop?
Aubrey: For now.
Hero: Ok…
Hero: I have no idea what to change it to, though…
Sunny: can i name it
Aubrey: NO
Sunny: sadness
Kel: wtf guys
Kel: let him name it
Aubrey: Kel, buddy, that is a godawful idea
Aubrey: Sunny’s names are shit
Sunny: offense
Kel: HEY UR OFFENDING HIM
Kel: LET THE MAN SPEAK
Hero: I see nothing wrong with letting Sunny choose the name.
Hero: What do you have in mind, Sunny?
Sunny: boudce
Sunny: its pronounced buds
Hero: …
Kel: what
Aubrey: HOW THE FUCK IS THAT PRONOUNCED BUDS
Sunny: in the word rough – ou makes ‘uh’ sound
Sunny: ce makes ‘s’ sounds
Kel: ohhhh
Kel: its like really fucked up arithmetic
Aubrey: H
Aubrey: HOW IS IT LIKE ARITHMETIC
Kel: add subtract different sounds
Sunny: add subtract different sounds
Kel: aghsidhoghdahsog
Aubrey: I hate you two. Why are you like this.
Kel: ngl at least half of it is to spite you
Aubrey: Motherfucker
Hero: Am I really changing the chat name to Boudce…?
Sunny: boudce
Sunny: lower case
Hero: …Right. boudce…
Aubrey: I tried to warn you dude
Hero: …That you did, Aubrey. That you did.
Hero: Sigh.
Hero changed the chat’s named to boudce.
Aubrey: Existence is agony.
Kel: existence is GREAT
Sunny: pride

Aubrey >>> Kel
1:12 PM
Aubrey: I'm bored.
Kel: oogzy boogzy banginzy
Aubrey: What the fuck
Kel: yeah idk why i sent that either
Kel: im still kinda tired so like
Kel: brain no thinky
Aubrey: At this point I think a concussion could only improve your normal brain function
Kel: ur prolly right
Kel: id say im down to test it but i think hero would actually literally murder me if i got a concussion on purpose
Aubrey: Are we sure you can even die tho
Aubrey: Like. Didn't you fall out of the treehouse head first once??
Aubrey: And only got a broken wrist????
Kel: o yahhh i forgot that happened
Kel: that was wildddd
Aubrey: I never want to see you on pain killers again
Aubrey: Actually scratch that I'm fine seeing u like that but only if I have a camera
Kel: FUCK YA film that shit i wanna see
Aubrey: Well we gotta get u on painkillers first
Aubrey: And I don't wanna become like an Actual Gang Member by trying to find some on the streets
Kel: it seems we are back to intentionally injuring me i see
Aubrey: As fun as that sounds I worry too much abt Hero's blood pressure to put him thru that
Kel: ya same same
Aubrey: I'm still bored tho so uhhhh
Aubrey: Fuck it. What's ur type.
Kel: type????
Aubrey: Yeah ur type.
Kel: uhhhhhhh electric types kick ass the most but between u and me i rly like steel n dragon types....
Aubrey: What in god's name are you talking about
Kel: ...pokemon?????
Aubrey: Ok well first of all,
Aubrey: Everyone knows fire and fighting types are the best, so shut the fuck up,
Kel: heathen
Aubrey: Fuck off
Aubrey: SECOND OF ALL
Aubrey: I wasn't talking about pokemon you fucking nerd
Kel: U WERENT????
Aubrey: NO?????
Aubrey: WHY WOULD I TALK TO U ABT POKEMON?????
Aubrey: I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL W ANGEL WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO MYSELF
Kel: you know what. fair point.
Kel: but wait what were u talking abt then
Aubrey: Relationships dumbass
Kel: ?????
Kel: w
Kel: why??????
Aubrey: Bc I'm bored and we all know ur never gonna find a boyfriend by urself
Kel: i totally could
Aubrey: Then why haven't you
Kel: well why havent YOU gotten a GIRLFRIEND yet
Aubrey: Bc the only girls that aren't scared of me are the ones in my gang???
Aubrey: And we follow a STRICT bros before hoes rule so we're not allowed to date each other
Kel: what abt mikhail then
Aubrey: He'll never land himself a real girlfriend, it's easier to just let him pretend
Kel: cold. nice.
Aubrey: Anyway this isn't about The Maverick this is about YOU
Aubrey: Type. Now.
Kel: how about no
Aubrey: Yes
Kel: no
Aubrey: Yes
Kel: no
Aubrey: Stop being a little bitch
Kel: im gonna break into ur house and replace all ur hair dye with a near-identical-but-still-off-color shade of pink so that whenever u look into the mirror ull be tortured knowing that smth is wrong w how u look but ull never figure out what it is
Aubrey: What the fuck is wrong with you
Kel: do u rly need to ask
Aubrey: U right
Aubrey: Still bored
Kel: thirty bucks says u cant beat me in a game of basketball
Aubrey: I'm going to fucking obliterate you

Kel >>> Basil
2:31 PM
Kel: basil basil my good friend basil
Basil: Hi Kel!!!
Kel: hello
Kel: i need ur help w smth
Basil: …Is this gonna get you in trouble again??
Kel: nnno?
Kel: nono its not like. shenanigans.
Kel: but ur still the only person i think can help me w this
Basil: Really???
Kel: ya man
Kel: i mean sunny might be able to but u know how he is
Kel: n i dont rly wanna bother hero w it
Basil: And Aubrey??
Kel: is aubrey
Basil: Haha,, I guess that’s true,,
Basil: Sooo what do you need help with??
Kel: i think im having a panic attack lol
Basil: What?????
Kel: its either a panic or anxiety attack idk the difference or an allergic reaction but ive literally just been playing b-ball so if it turns out ive become allergic to like the ball or some shit i think id rather it just kill me
Kel: or maybe im allergic to aubrey
Kel: but she left like fifteen minutes ago so i dont think thats it either
Basil: UM???
Basil: Well um uh first you should go sit down somewhere!! Youre at the park right?? So find a place a little away from everyone else and go sit!!!
Kel: k
Kel: what now
Basil: Now you need to focus on breathing!!!!
Basil: In through the nose, hold, and out through the mouth!!
Basil: Do you um,, want me to call you to walk you through it???
Kel: nah lol sound makes my head kinda hurt
Basil: Ok!!! Well!
Basil: Just keep focusing on your breathing!!!!
Kel: aight
Basil: Oh uh!!!
Basil: And now um,, look around you and tell me uh, five things you can see!!
Kel: ??
Basil: It’s a grounding exercise!! I learned it from my therapist!
Kel: oh cool
Kel: ummm well i see some trees
Kel: annnnnd clouds i guess
Kel: i can still see part of the court from here
Kel: theres a patch of clover flowers over here
Kel: O SHIT a worm. fuck yeah.
Basil: Ok nowww tell me four things you can hear!!
Kel: cars go vroom vroom
Kel: theres like a gaggle of preschoolers screaming at the playground
Kel: uhhhh bird. chirping.
Kel: i think i hear a woodpecker but i already said bird does that count
Basil: Mhm!!! Good job!!
Basil: Now give me three things you can touch!!
Kel: oh thats EASY
Kel: grass clothes ball BABY
Basil: Two things you can smell!!
Kel: uhh grass?? again?
Kel: it smells like its gonna rain soon does that count
Basil: I.,, guess??
Basil: Okok now 1 thing you can taste!!
Kel: ..,,grass
Basil: Why can you taste grass,,
Kel: because i. ate a dandelion
Basil: Why??
Kel: bc theyre edible
Basil: I know that but why did you eat it??
Kel: bc theyre edible
Basil: …Ok??
Basil: Well!! Um!!
Basil: Do you feel any better??
Kel: hell yea man
Kel: thanks
Kel: ur the most anxious person i know i knew u got the tricks
Basil: ,,,,Thank you??
Kel: np
Basil: Umm..,,
Basil: Do you mind if I ask,,, what set you off??
Kel: ur guess is as good as mine lmao
Kel: sometimes ya brain gets yeeted into The Bad Place (tm) and ur body goes “oh shit!!! we dyin!!!”
Kel: u know???
Basil: Yeah,,, I know,,,
Basil: But wait,,, you said you didnt want to bother Hero with this,,???
Basil: Why not??
Kel: hhhhhhhhhh
Kel: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Kel: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Kel: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Basil:???
Kel: did you know that theres like seventeen whole colors that shrimp can see that humans cant
Kel: doesnt that piss you off
Basil: I,,, guess??
Basil: What does that have to do with Hero though,,,
Kel: darn
Kel: i was hoping the rage would distract you
Kel: ughhhhh
Basil: Yyou dont have to tell me if you dont want to!!!! Its none of my business really,,,,
Kel: noooo dont feel bad for askingggggg
Kel: i can smell ur anxiety from here
Basil: Sorry,,,
Kel: shhhhshshhhhshshhh
Kel: shush
Kel: its fine anyway i was just being dramatic lol
Basil: Oh,,
Kel: yeah
Kel: its not that i DONT wanna talk to hero abt this stuff
Kel: its just like
Kel: hes got soooo much on his plate already
Kel: i dont wanna give him another thing to worry abt
Kel: like ya i know hes my big brother so hes gonna worry regardless but like
Kel: thats just obligation
Kel: i dont wanna give him a LEGIT reason to worry uknow?
Basil: Ohhhhh,,, I understand.
Kel: yeah
Kel: im fine anyway
Basil: You sure??
Kel: yeah man lol
Kel: im good
Basil: Uhm,, if youre sure,,!
Basil: Im always here to help if youre um, not fine though!! Ok??
Kel: hell yea thanks man
Kel: :)

Angel >>> Kel
4:22 PM
Angel: HEY
Angel: HEY
Angel: HEY
Angel: HEY
Kel: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY NUMBER
Kel: ALSO WHY DO I HAVE YOURS AND ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS
Kel: BUT MOSTLY WHY DO YOU HAVE MINE
Angel: UH IDK WHY YOU HAVE OUR NUMBERS BUT I GOT YOURS FROM MASTER
Kel: WHY DOES HE HAVE MY NUMBER
Angel: IDK YOUD HAVE TO ASK HIM
Kel: WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME
Angel: YOURE FRIENDS WITH BASIL
Kel: Y
Kel: YEAH??
Kel: THE FUCK DO YOU WANT WITH HIM??
Angel: WHATS HIS FAVORITE FOOD
Kel: ???????
Angel: LIKE. TO EAT?
Angel: HE EATS RIGHT???
Angel: OR WAIT DOES HE DO THAT PLANT STUFF
Angel: PHOTOSYNTHETICS OR SOMETHING
Kel: HES NOT A PLANT
Angel: HES NOT??????
Kel: NO???? DID YOU THINK HE WAS A FUCKING PLANT????
Angel: KINDA
Angel: I MEAN HIS NAME IS BASIL
Kel: I CANT BELIEVE UR SOMEHOW MORE STUPID THAN ME. HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT.
Angel: ITS A SKILL B)
Angel: ANYWAY YOU DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION
Kel: WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
Angel: IM PLAYING WINGMAN
Kel: O SHIT
Kel: OKAY UHHHH
Kel: HES NOT A PICKY EATER TBH
Kel: I DONT THINK HE LIKES THINGS THAT ARE LIKE HEAVY MEATY THO
Kel: BUT LIKE HELL EAT P MUCH ANYTHING U PUT IN FRONT OF HIM IF ONLY TO BE POLITE
Angel: OK THANK YOU
Kel: YUORE WELCOME
Kel: WHO ARE YOU SETTING HIM UP WITH ANYWAY
Angel: UM.
Angel: HE DOESNT WANT ANYONE OUTSIDE OF US TO KNOW
Angel: HE WANTS IT TO BE A SURPRISE
Angel: IN FACT HE DIDNT ME TO BE HIS WINGMAN AT ALL BUT SINCE IM SUCH A GOOD FRIEND I DECIDED ILL HELP HIM ANYWAY B)
Kel: YOU DO YOU I GUESS
Angel: OK BYE I MIGHT NEED UR HELP LATER BUT IDK SO BYE
Kel: BYE???? I GUESS???

Kel >>> Aubrey
Kel: who has the hots for basil
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: why not
Aubrey: It physically pains me to think about it
Kel: ok so its someone that sucks
Kel: which narrows it down to everyone bc no one is good enough for basil
Kel: damn
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: No.
Kel: spill
Aubrey: Tell me what ur type is
Kel: GOD NO
Aubrey: Well ok then

Kel >>> Sunny
11:44 PM
Kel: bro r u awake
Kel: i need 2 spitball an idea rn
Sunny: ok
Kel: SWEET ok ok so
Kel: rats.
Sunny: squeak squeak
Kel: u get it.
Kel: ok now. listen.
Kel: crabs.
Sunny: snip snip.
Kel: YES
Kel: ok so. carcinicize a rat. what would u get.
Sunny: like a transformer?
Kel: i guess?? maybe??
Kel: tratsformer
Sunny: transratformer
Kel: transformrat
Sunny: trans rats
Kel: trans rights
Sunny: yes
Kel: good job man we rly nailed it
Kel: still tho. imagine.
Kel: rat to crab.
Sunny: perfect being
Kel: YESSSS YOU GET ME
Kel: ok i need to go to bed now before hero grounds me again
Sunny: goodnight
Kel: ty

Chapter End Notes

so uh.. i dont actually have an explanation for last chapter apart from "feral omori funny." i saw One (1) thumbnail on youtube that had omoris reflection in sunnys bathroom mirror and my brain went "yoink!". it was prolly the hikikomori route but i love kel too much to play it so idc. my canon my rules.

this chapter is brought to you by the 58 i scored on my chemistry test

Chapter Summary

Kel: its just twenty bucks :( cmon
Hero: It is twenty dollars that could very efficiently be used to buy a week’s worth of groceries, or a bribe for one’s dorm-mates. If saved correctly, it could even become thirty or even forty dollars; Allowing one to reward themselves with a trip to town to distract them from the fact that the man they saw tie a plastic doll the the ceiling fan in the dorm commons has a higher grade in math than them.
Kel: um

Chapter Notes

does this chapter have anything resembling coherency? no. do i care? also no.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

<< boudce >>
9:45 AM
Kel sent a video.
Kel: @Everyone
Aubrey: AOHGOIHSDHGOHAHGAHHGO
Aubrey: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
Basil: Oh!!
Aubrey: THAT’S TOO GOOD HOLY SHIT
Aubrey: SAVED COPIED BACKED UP
Aubrey: PRIME BLACKMAIL
Sunny: get his ass
Kel: SHIT
Kel: GUYS HE HEARD ME LAUGHING
Kel: HES GETTING OUT SHITSHITSHTI
Aubrey: HIDE BITCH
Kel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Hero: AHEM.
Hero: EXCUSE ME?
Aubrey: Hiii Heroooo
Basil: Hi,,,,
Sunny: good morning
Kel: hey man whats up haha
Hero: DO NOT “WHAT’S UP” ME.
Hero: WHY.
Hero: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.
Hero: TO YOUR OWN BROTHER.
Kel: cain instinct
Aubrey: Tbh Hero ur not that bad a singer
Aubrey: U rly hit those high notes
Hero: SHUTUPSHTUP SHTPUT SHTUP UP HSTUP
Sunny: derogatory laugh
Kel: ashgdlhgkl;hgoiha hgi
Kel: DEROGATORY LAUGH
Aubrey: DEROGATORY LAUGH
Hero: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Basil: Guys!!! Leave him alone!!!
Basil: Everyone sings in the shower,,,,,!
Hero: THANKYOUTHANKYOU BASIL THANK YOU
Kel: awwww what
Kel: u never stop us from bullying hero
Aubrey: Yeah man what gives
Sunny: ive walked in on basil singing britney spears on the shower before
Basil: ,
Aubrey: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kel: BASIL AHGOHAISGHD
Kel: WAITWAIT SUNNY
Kel: WAS HE ANY GOOD
Sunny: better than hero
Hero: I miss when I got paid to watch you guys. I really do. It was almost worth it.
Aubrey: STOP BEING SO LAME AND WE'LL STOP MAKING FUN OF YOU SO OFTEN
Kel: yeah man u unironically misuse internet slang
Kel: ur fair game fr cyberbullying
Aubrey: WAITWAITWAITWAIT
Aubrey: You got PAID? To hang out with us?
Aubrey: The FUCK?
Hero: If a thirteen year-old boy came up to you right now and told you he wholeheartedly enjoyed, and even preferred, hanging out with a bunch of nine year-olds, would you believe him?
Kel: not even a little tbh
Aubrey: Ok yeah you have a point
Aubrey: STILL.
Hero: If it makes you feel any better, Mari also got payed, and we used to pool our money together to buy you guys treats.
Hero: It was always used on you guys.
Aubrey: Nngh,, ok..
Kel: YOOOOO SO THATS HOW YOU GUYS COULD ALWAYS AFFORD TO TAKE US TO GINOS DESPITE NOT EVEN BEING IN HIGHSCHOOL
Hero: Haha, yep!
Hero: Our parents stopped after a while, though...
Sunny: they should start paying you again
Hero: You think?? You all are almost adults now, so hanging out really can't be mistaken for babysitting anymore...
Sunny: have you considered this
Hero: ?
Sunny: with the taste of your lips im on the rise your toxic toxic toxic
Hero is offline.
Kel: SDFHGISHDFOIGOSDIFHSHIOIOH
Aubrey: SUNNY OMG AJHGIODHSAIGSI

<< boudce >>
1:12 PM
Kel: open rp
Kel: im lebron james
Kel: “Hey ho howdy-do it is BALLIN time”
Aubrey: I’m Jesus Christ.
Aubrey: “You’re going to hell!” *smiles*
Kel: “Not if I make this b-b-b-BASKET” *shoots da hoop*
Aubrey: *it misses*
Kel: *it fucking does NOT i am LEBRON JAMES*
Aubrey: *calls dad who is literally god in case u forgot* “Hey make this shitbag miss his shot lol thx”
Kel: *it still doesnt miss because fuck you*
Sunny: *gun*
Kel: bro u gotta say who u r first
Sunny: a gun
Sunny: “pew pew”
Kel: “aw shit my body juice”
Aubrey: “Hm you are going to double hell for those words! Repentance is not an option for you any longer!” *smiles*
Sunny: “pew pew”
Aubrey: “Jokes on you I’m already dead like twice over or smth idk I haven’t actually read the bible”
Sunny: “pew pew pew”
Aubrey: “Aw fuck an extra pew I’m dead again”
Aubrey: “See you in three days asswipes”
Basil: Um.?
Kel: HI BASIL
Kel: ok since lebron james is fucking dead now i guess uhhhhhh
Kel: OK I GOT IT
Kel: im JULIUS CAESAR
Basil: Huh??
Aubrey: WHY JULIUS CAESAR
Kel: toga time
Kel: wait sry
Kel: "togaeth timeth"
Aubrey: Well since Jesus died again I guess I gotta change characters too huh
Aubrey: I'm Jailbreak
Kel: FROM THE EMOJI MOVIE?
Aubrey: ">:)"
Basil: ??????
Sunny: can i change characters too
Aubrey: ":D"
Kel: "ye canneth if ye wisheth"
Sunny: ok
Sunny: im g
Aubrey: You're what
Sunny: the letter g
Sunny: "g"
Aubrey: ">:("
Sunny: "g"
Aubrey: "=_="
Kel: "goodeth jobbeth"
Basil: Can,,,
Basil: Can someone explain whats going on???
Sunny: "g"
Kel: "aye!!!"
Kel: "we be rolethplayineth"
Kel: "ye canneth be anyeth personeth ye wanteth"
Kel: "as longeth as ye areth ineth charactereth"
Aubrey: "# TnT"
Kel: *is confusedeth*
Sunny: "g"
Basil: Kel I,,, dont think Julius Caesar talked like that??
Kel: "whatevereth be ye meanineth"
Basil: Im pretty sure youre just talking like a pirate,,
Basil: Or a knight or something,,,
Kel: OMG
Kel: ok i changed my character again im a pirate knight
Kel: "this be moreth in charactereth, aye?"
Basil: I,,, guess??
Aubrey: "|:p"
Kel: "whateth emotioneth is thateth supposedeth to conveyeth"
Sunny: "g"
Kel: "aye?"
Sunny: *g* "g"
Basil: Um,,
Kel: "dosteth ye wanteth to joineth?"
Basil: Er,,
Basil: This is a little weird, even for me,,,
Aubrey: "6-6"
Kel: "faireth"
Sunny: "g"
Hero: What did I just walk into
Sunny: "g"
Hero: What.
Sunny: "g"
Hero: What...what does that mean.
Kel: "aye...i donteth thinketh it actuallyeth meanseth anythingeth othereth thaneth the lettereth G"
Hero: H
Kel: "nay, tis G"
Hero: I'm so confused. Not that that's new anymore...
Aubrey: "~~u~~"
Hero: Um.
Basil: They said theyre roleplaying,,,
Hero: Are they, now?
Hero: Hm...
Hero: Mind if I join?
Kel: *LE GASP*
Aubrey: "@0@"
Sunny: "g"
Basil: Why.
Kel: "BUTTETH OF COURSETH. FEELETH FREEETH"
Hero: Haha! Alright then!
Hero: Let's see...
Hero: I'm Aubrey :)
Kel: wait w
Hero: "EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP BLOWING UP MY PHONE BY ACTING LIKE A CIRCUS TROUPE OF DUMBASSES BEFORE I REPLACE YOUR FEMURS WITH MY FUCKING FISTS"
Hero: Did I do it right? :)
Kel: uh
Aubrey: I mean...
Sunny: "g"
Kel: what sunny said
Basil: I think it was spot on Hero!!
Hero: Thank you Basil :)
Hero: Now, I'm sure you lot have better things to do than make me relive the early 2000's, don't you?
Kel: ,,,, uhuh
Aubrey: Yeah,,,
Hero: (, ^ u^)7
Hero: `*'*`\('v ' )
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: Cursed cursed cursed cursed
Kel: how much do u think he unironically used to do that exact kinda rp as a kid
Aubrey: Do NOT put that image in my head
Aubrey: I'm better off not knowing
Basil: I think,,, were all better off not knowing.
Kel: u right
Sunny: "g"
Aubrey: Dude we're done roleplaying now. You can stop.
Sunny: "g"
Aubrey: ...Whatever man.

Kel >>> Sunny
2:34 PM
Kel: OMG BRO I JUST REMEMBERED
Kel: YOU DRAW N SHIT RIGHT
Sunny: next time you see basil tell him i said this
Sunny: displeasure
Kel: uhhhhh ok lol
Kel: OK BUT ANYWAYYY
Kel: I NEEEEEDDDD YOU TO DRAW ME SMTH
Sunny: pay me
Kel: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how much.?
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: baseline cost is the twenty dollars you still owe me.
Kel: , uhm.
Kel: ok ykw that’s fair
Kel: gimme a second

Kel >>> Hero
Kel: hewwo hewo OwO
Hero: Cook your own damn dinner tonight.
Kel: word ill use ur fancy knife n make like pizza roll sliders
Hero: Do not touch my fancy knife :)
Hero: Ok :)
Kel: yessir
Hero: Besides…what’s a pizza roll slider??
Kel: like those pizza bagel bite things but made of pizza rolls
Kel: my invention, im a genius, i know
Hero: Why?? Would you use a knife for that???
Kel: kickass knife tricks
Kel: flip flip cling clang shiiiing
Kel: u know
Hero: Right.
Hero: You’re not allowed to use the knives unsupervised anymore.
Kel: fair
Kel: can i keep using the butter knives tho pls im like physically incapable of using spoons to spread jam
Hero: …Tentatively.
Kel: YAAAAAYYY
Kel: OOH AND ALSO since ur in a giving mood and allll
Kel: can I borrow twenty dollar please please please
Hero: Why do you need twenty dollars?
Kel: i wanna buy some art from sunny but i still owe him $$ from when we went to hobbeezzzzz
Hero: Since that long??? Kel, that was almost two months ago.
Kel: feels like it was just yesterday we were watching him fistfight wasps…..
Hero: …It really does.
Hero: I’m still not giving you the money.
Kel: WHAT
Hero: I don’t trust you to pay me back.
Kel: but heeerrroooooo
Kel: its just twenty bucks :( cmon
Hero: It is twenty dollars that could very efficiently be used to buy a week’s worth of groceries, or a bribe for one’s dorm-mates. If saved correctly, it could even become thirty or even forty dollars; Allowing one to reward themselves with a trip to town to distract them from the fact that the man they saw tie a plastic doll the the ceiling fan in the dorm commons has a higher grade in math than them.
Kel: um
Hero: I saw him drink an entire gallon of apple juice in seven minutes.
Kel: w
Hero: He spent an entire week teaching himself to play the accordian. The only song he can play on it is Take On Me.
Kel: hero??? are you ok???
Hero: HE HAS HIGHER GRADES THAN ME IN EVERY. SINGLE. CLASS. KEL.
Hero: THERE ARE ZERO TEXTBOOKS IN HIS ROOM, KEL.
Kel: um???? ur freaking me out a little
Hero: OHHH YOU THINK YOU’RE FREAKING OUT??????
Hero: REALLY????? YOU?????
Kel: ya ok im just gonna leave before u start crying at me or smth
Kel: get better soon i guess idk cya
Hero: GOOD.BYE.

Kel >> Aubrey
Kel: aubreyyyyyyyy
Kel: guess whooooo
Aubrey: Is it the worst player on the basketball team
Kel: NO????
Aubrey: Well damn must be someone that isn’t Kel then
Kel: FUCK YOU ok i bet uve never even been to any of my games
Aubrey: Nah but Kim has
Kel: w
Kel: why???
Aubrey: Calm down, it’s not because you’re special
Kel: rude
Aubrey: Yeah.
Aubrey: Anyways she goes to a lot of sports games to get embarrassing pictures of ppl
Aubrey: In her own words, “stadiums have energies that erase any and all inhibitions within people… its almost beautiful how fucked up ppl get in there”
Kel: ok yea shes got a point
Kel: im p sure i saw a guy dip his nachos into his soda once
Aubrey: EW EW EW EW SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP BEFORE I BREAK UR FUCKING JAW
Kel: pay me. buy my silence.
Kel: $20.
Aubrey: TF??? NO???
Kel: please
Aubrey: YOU STILL OWE ME FIFTY DOLLARS FROM THAT BET WHY WOULD I GIVE YOU MORE MONEY??
Kel: WHAT!!!
Kel: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT BET!!!!
Kel: AND BASIL HAD IT RIGGED REMEMBER!!!
Aubrey: IDC IDC YOUR SLOW ASS LOST ME FIFTY DOLLARS
Aubrey: PAY UP BITCH
Kel: IF I HAD UR FIFTY DOLLARS WHY WOULD I BE ASKING U FOR MONEY
Aubrey: STILL DON’T CARE
Aubrey: Give me my money
Kel: I DONT HAVE IT??
Aubrey: Give me :) my money :)
Kel: YIKES UHHHHH

Kel >>> Basil
Kel: BASIL
Kel: BUDDY
Kel: LIGHT OF MY LIFE
Kel: BESTIE FORESTIE
Kel: MY SOUL AND LIVELIHOOD THAT I HAVE ALWAYS TREATED NICELY AND WITH RESPECT
Kel: AND ALSO GOT YOU THOSE KICKASS DAFFODIL SEEDS FOREVER AGO
Basil: Umm,,, yes??
Kel: ok before i continue sunny wanted me 2 give u a message
Basil: Okay..??
Kel: he said,
Kel: “displeasure”
Basil: Oh…
Basil: Well um,,,
Basil: Tell him this!!!
Basil: :’(
Kel: got it
Kel: ok message delivered so now
Kel: PLEASE
Kel: LET ME BORROW FIFTY DOLLARS
Kel: seventyifyouhaveanextratwentyyoucanspare
Basil: W,
Basil: What??
Basil: Why??,,
Kel: BASIL PLS PLSPLS SPLSPL MY LIFE IS IN DANGER
Kel: I NEED FIFTY DOLLARS AND I DO NOT HAVE FIFTY DOLLARS PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU
Basil: Um,,, I dont think I even have fifty dollars,,,
Basil: I dont exactly have a summer job or anything,,,,
Kel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Basil: Ummm,,,, I could ask Polly for some but,,, why do you need that much money??
Kel: because of u you dumb blonde bitch
Basil: ????????
Basil: How,,????;;;
Kel: THAT STUPID RIGGED BET U HAD WITH AUBREY
Kel: SHES GONNA KILL ME IF I DONT PAY UPPPPP
Basil: Sorry;;;
Basil: I dont think Polly would give me fifty dollars just for a silly bet though,,,,
Kel: :C
Basil: Uhm,, have you asked Hero or Sunny??
Kel: i gave hero an existential crisis and i still owe sunny twenty dollars
Basil: Hmm,,, Try asking anyway!!!
Basil: Sunny can be a little,,, difficult,,, but he still likes helping people!
Basil: Deep down,,,
Kel: deeeep deeeeeeeeeeep down…..
Kel: uhnggggg i guess i gotta then
Basil: Good luck!!!

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: so.
Sunny: money transferred to my account 0/20
Kel: listen,
Kel: wait b4 i start groveling
Kel: i gave basil ur message and he said “:’(“
Sunny: good.
Kel: ..ouch??
Kel: wtvr
Kel: anyway LISTEN,
Sunny: cling clang sound of coins filling my pocket
Kel: SUNNY
Kel: ok look i know i owe u that twenty but could I pwetty pwease also have fifty dollars like immediately
Sunny: why
Kel: bc basil n aubrey had a bet abt me and basil the fucker rigged it and now aubrey is gonna kill me if i dont pay her back
Kel: im too tall to die please
Sunny: height…
Sunny: anger………
Kel: SHIT FUCK SORRY
Kel: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THO I NEED ITTT
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: ok
Kel: R
Kel: REALLY????
Sunny: mhm
Kel: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU
Kel: I LOVE U SM SM SM SM
Sunny: love doesnt pay for my sims 3 expansion packs
Sunny: seventy dollars by the end of the month
Sunny: or else
Kel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kel: BRO
Kel: I AM JUST A KEL MAN
Kel: WHY
Sunny: no sympathy
Kel: UR KILLING ME HERE SUNNYYYYY
Sunny: leave me seventy dollars in your will
Kel: SLDFHGSDHFIGOISDHOIGHDSIOIOGDSH DHUT UP!!!!
Sunny: kaching kaching
Kel: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kel: ok but if im gonna b paying u back the twenty as well anyway can i PLEASE ask u to draw me smth
Kel: if i dont get a picture outta this imma riot
Sunny: ok
Sunny: what is it
Kel: FUCKING SWEETTT
Kel: ok ok. i want u to draw.
Kel: space jam 3. starring captain spaceboy.
Kel: ill leave whatver that means up to ur interpretation
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: ok.
Kel: YAYYYYYYYY

Chapter End Notes

wanna give a shout-out to all the lovely ppl who have been citing this bs as inspiration for their own fics <3 ily all sm ur great <333

two steps forward, one step back. and i guess like half a step forward again, as a treat.

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: Aight soooo I still don't know shit
Aubrey: I have been guaranteed that I WILL know shit at a LATER time
Aubrey: But as for now? No shit is known.

Chapter Notes

the part of me that likes writing genuine fanfic: the pacings still off
me, hitting it with a stick: its a fucking chatfic calm the hell down

btw have i ever made it obvious enough that i love kel and heros relationship?

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kel >>> Sunny
2:27 PM
Kel: bro can i ask an insensitive question
Sunny: would you listen if i said no
Kel: nah
Sunny: go ahead
Kel: alright so uh
Kel: do you remember That Thing We Did when we were little?
Sunny: we did a lot of things
Kel: ok yeah
Kel: uhhhhh that thing wed do when mari and hero had their sleepovers at one of our houses
Kel: so wed end up having a sleepover at the other one by ourselves
Kel: and wed like. talk. abt them?
Sunny: oh.
Sunny: um
Sunny: yes
Kel: coolcool uh
Kel: i kinda. wanna bring that back.
Sunny: ...
Sunny: why
Kel: cuz like
Kel: ur the only one that really gets it
Kel: like ya ya they were like that to all of us but its not the same as living with it
Kel: i mean u dont gotta say anything urself abt her if u dont want to but like...
Kel: u get it. i can say stuff abt him and ull know what i mean w/o taking it the wrong way. yanno??
Sunny: ...hm...
Kel: ugh nvm forget it this was a bad idea
Kel: sorry
Sunny: no
Sunny: im in
Kel: r
Kel: really????
Sunny: you sound like you need it
Kel: oh jeez... im mean ur not wrong lol
Kel: fyi theres like a whole four years of backlog for u to catch up on adhgalhgdlh
Sunny: i have snacks
Kel: oh wow uh okay then
Kel: were really doing this
Kel: uh
Kel: thanks man
Kel: this uh. means alot
Sunny: np
Sunny: call me when your ready
Kel: um..could it be a uh. video call?
Sunny: ...sure
Kel: thanks
Kel: ill get some snackies for myself
Kel: also uhh i know i said u didnt have to talk abt mari if u didnt want to
Kel: but you CAN talk abt her if u DO want to
Kel: no judgin from me man
Sunny: ...ok

Hero >>> Sunny.
3:12 PM
Hero: Do not message me or Kel ever again.
Hero blocked Sunny.

<< boudce >>
Hero removed Sunny from the chat.
Aubrey: Huh??
Aubrey: Hero??
Hero: …
Hero changed the chat name to Faraway Groupchat.
Basil: Hero,,,?
Hero: Thin ice.
Hero: Don’t talk to me right now.
Basil: Ook,,,,;;
Aubrey: What the fuck dude???
Kel: oh youve gotta be fucking kidding me
Hero: Do you want me to take away your phone?
Kel: no..
Hero: Okay then. Shut up.
Aubrey: Hero what the fuck is wrong with you?
Hero: If you want to talk to Sunny you can make your own damn chat. Keep me and Kel out of it.
Kel: seriously?
Hero: Kelsey. What did I just say.
Kel: cant i even explain??
Hero: I don’t want to hear it.
Kel: oh my god you are unbelievable
Hero: Really? I’m unbelievable? Me?
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: Hero don’t you fucking dare go offline without explaining what’s going on.
Hero: Look, just.
Hero: Not right now.
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: Oh for fuck’s sake.

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: You good man??
Aubrey: Hero was a total bitch to you
Basil: Im,,,okay,,?
Basil: I think..;;;;;
Basil: Im mostly,, confused,,…
Aubrey: UGH You’re telling me
Aubrey: Gimme a second

Aubrey created a group chat.
Aubrey added Basil to the chat.
Aubrey added Sunny to the chat.
Aubrey changed the chat name to UGH.
Basil: Oh!! Good idea Aubrey,,!!
Aubrey: I know, I’m full of em
Aubrey: Hey Sunny
Sunny: hi
Aubrey: O shit you didn’t reply with an inappropriate “good morning”
Aubrey: Are you ok??
Sunny: tired
Basil: Sunny!!!
Basil: Um go drink something warm!!! Like uhh some honey tea or hot cocoa!!!!
Sunny: ok
Aubrey: What happened with Hero n Kel??
Sunny: talked with kel
Sunny: hero heard
Basil: What,,,did he overhear??
Sunny: mari
Aubrey: Oh..
Aubrey: Were you and Kel talking about what happened with Mari?
Sunny: no
Aubrey: ???
Sunny: complicated
Sunny: tired
Aubrey: I get that….
Aubrey: I’ll try asking Kel then
Basil: Alright,,!!!
Basil: Sunny, youre gonna take a nap, right?? I can call you and talk to you until you fall asleep if you want!!!
Sunny: ok

Aubrey >>> Kel
Aubrey: Are you okay??
Kel: yeah
Aubrey: Mkay lemme try again
Aubrey: Are you in any way upset at all even a little insignificant teeny tiny bit??
Kel: ,,yeah
Aubrey: That’s what I thought
Aubrey: What happened??
Kel: um..,,
Kel: its complicated,,?
Aubrey: Ughhh that’s what Sunny said
Kel: oh
Kel: youve talked to him already??
Kel: is he. ok??
Aubrey: I think so? He said he was tired but that's about it.
Aubrey: Basil’s got it covered.
Kel: ok,,,good…
Aubrey: Ok but seriously what happened??
Aubrey: He said you guys were talking about Mari but also not???
Kel: uh,,
Kel: look i want to talk abt it rly i do just
Kel: not rn
Kel: like rn i kinda just want to chill and calm down a little or i think im gonna go grrrgrgrgrgrgrggrgrrrrrrgrgrrrgrgrbrbrbrrrbrgrgrgrbrrbrbrgrbrgr
Kel: that doesnt rly make sense but like. yeah
Aubrey: Ughhh,,,,,
Aubrey: Yeah. Ok.
Aubrey: I know the feeling.
Aubrey: Do you want me to stay online with you or???
Kel: i mean i doooo
Kel: but hero will probably think im like. scheming to talk with sunny again or something..
Aubrey: Uuugghhhhhh
Aubrey: I thought he was done being an ass about this shit
Kel: same here
Kel: im gonna go play some terraria or something
Aubrey: Aight
Aubrey: Talk to me when you’re up to it tho, ok?

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: Aight soooo I still don't know shit
Aubrey: I have been guaranteed that I WILL know shit at a LATER time
Aubrey: But as for now? No shit is known.
Aubrey: Kel's too wound up to talk abt anything without pulling a cliche me, so
Aubrey: Just letting u know so u don't interrupt his self-care session or wtvr after you get done putting Sunny to sleep
Aubrey: Idk how he copes outside of video games and basketball actually so I just assume that's what he's doing
Aubrey: Anyway I'll keep you updated after we talk
Aubrey: Take care of urself too aight?

Kel >>> Aubrey
9:13 PM
Kel: aubrey
Aubrey: Hey.
Aubrey: You feelin better??
Kel: kinda???
Kel: im ready to talk now i think
Kel: u gotta help me w smth first tho
Aubrey: Ok..?
Aubrey: With what?
Kel: dw abt that rn
Kel: just come to my house
Kel: but like only to the backyard. dont let anyone know ur there
Aubrey: Dude ngl that sounds shady as hell
Kel: pleasepleaseplease i will buy you so much candy n pizza n junk just say the word i will owe u sooo hard
Aubrey: Ugh fine, whatever
Aubrey: If it gets you to spill
Aubrey: Better not be stupid
Kel: thankyouthankyouthankyou

Aubrey >>> Kel
9:27 PM
Aubrey: Alright I’m here. Now what
Kel: look up
Aubrey: Huh
Aubrey: WTF
Kel: SHHHH BE QUIET
Aubrey: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Kel: tf does it look like im doing
Aubrey: WAIT
Aubrey: WAIT AM I HELPING YOU SNEAK OUT
Kel: maybe
Kel: actually u definitely are bc i don’t think I can crawl back into the window
Kel: either u help me down or im stuck here
Aubrey: Tempting.
Kel: PLEASE NO
Aubrey: Dw man helping you start ur rebellious phase is WAYYY more tempting
Aubrey: We’ve already dyed ur hair w/o permission, sneaking out is totally the next step
Kel: omg thank u i owe u my life
Aubrey: And candy + pizza
Kel: and candy + pizza
Aubrey: Anddd a conversation
Kel: ,,and a conversation
Kel: now help pls
Aubrey: Just jump dude.
Kel: hhhhhhh
Aubrey: Don’t be a pussy. I’ll catch you.
Kel: HHHHH OKAY
Kel: OKAY IM JUMPING
Kel: IN THREE
Kel: TWO
Kel: ONE

Hero >>> Kel
Hero: I just heard something strange from outside... It sounded like something fell??
Hero: Can you check out your window? I think it was out back, but I’m still a little busy cleaning up after dinner.
Hero: Kel?
Hero: Kel???
Hero: Don’t ignore me, Kel.
Hero: If I have to put down what I’m doing and come up there myself I’m going to be very mad.
Hero: That’s it, I’m coming up.
Hero: Kel???
Hero: Kel, where did you go????
Hero: How did you leave the house without me seeing????
Hero: Please don’t tell me you went out the window.

9:39 PM
Hero: KEL????
Hero: Please answer your phone Kel.
Hero: Kel please, I’m getting worried.

9: 48 PM
Hero: Please .
Hero: Please Kel I’m sorry.
Hero: I’m sorry I lost my temper earlier today, you were right, I should’ve stayed calm and let you two explain I’m sorry.

9: 56 PM
Hero: Please please please answer me
Hero: Are you okay
Hero: Please pick up
Hero: Please be okay please don’t be hurt please please please

Hero >>> Aubrey
10:11 PM
Hero: Aubrey have you seen Kel???
Hero: Look I know youre probably mad at me for earlier and I promise I'll explain but please tell me if you have
Aubrey: Why? Did something happen?
Hero: I think he snuck out his window and hes not answering his phone and its late and I dont know where he is or if hes okay or
Aubrey: Oh jeez, okay okay calm down Hero,
Aubrey: Deep breaths
Hero: I’m sorry I’m sorry Its my fault anyway because I lost my temper but I’m really worried he’s never done this before and hes still not answering
Aubrey: Oh jeez you’re like UPSET upset
Aubrey: Um
Hero: Please please tell me if you’ve seen him or if he’s messaged you or anything
Aubrey: Well um
Aubrey: The thing is he askeoiahoihgbhd asdaay 832
Hero: Aubrey?!??
Hero: Aubrey are you okay???!?
Hero: Aubrey please answer
Hero: AUBREY???
Hero: Shit

Hero >>> Basil
Hero: Basil
Hero: Basil Im sorry for earlier I really really am
Basil: Its ok,,??
Basil: Im,, sure you have good reasons,,..
Hero: Basil
Hero: Have you heard from Aubrey or Kel???????
Basil: Um not really??
Basil: I mean,, Aubrey made a gc for me and uh,, Sunny when you uh,, kicked him out,,
Basil: But that was hours ago,, she said Kel didnt want to be bothered so I never messaged him,,
Basil: Is everything okay???
Hero: Kel snuck out and hes not answering his phone and I can’t find him
Hero: I asked Aubrey and I think she was going to say something but now she’s not replying either
Basil: OH jeez,,,
Basil: Let me try calling them,,,
Hero: Thank you..

10:25 PM
Hero: Anything??
Basil: Um well Kel didn’t pick up,,,
Basil: And Aubrey’s said it was disconnected so,,, I think her phone might be broken??
Hero: Oh no oh no oh no
Basil: Im sorry,,,,
Hero: No its
Hero: It’s not your fault Basil
Basil: Ii’ll help you look for them!!!!
Hero: NO
Hero: No
Basil: But!!!
Hero: No thank you Basil, I’d feel much more comfortable if I knew you were somewhere safe.
Basil: Oh,,, that makes sense,,,
Basil: Ill keep trying to call him though!!!!!
Hero: Thank you Basil. Stay safe.

Hero >>> Sunny
10:31 PM
Hero unblocked Sunny.
Hero: Um…Sunny?
Sunny: h;86v
Sunny: good morning
Hero: Sunny it is half past ten at night
Sunny: oops
Hero: Never mind that
Hero: I
Hero: Look I’m really sorry for overreacting earlier today really really sorry
Sunny: its ok
Hero: It really isn’t
Hero: But can you do me a favor? Please??
Sunny: ok
Hero: Can you text or call Kel or Aubrey for me and tell me if one of them picks up??
Sunny: ok

Sunny >>> Kel
Sunny: good morning
Kel: sunny dude its like ten pm
Sunny: oops

Sunny >>> Hero
Sunny: i texted kel
Sunny: he answered
Hero: OH Thank god,,,,
Sunny: are you okay
Sunny: is he okay?
Hero: He snuck out of the house earlier and hasn’t been answering any of my messages.. I’ve been worried sick
Hero: I got Basil to try calling him and Aubrey but he said he thinks her phone’s broken,
Hero: She seemed like she was about to tell me something when we were texting..
Sunny: hm.

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: n e way u good dude? after uh,, earlier?
Sunny: yeah
Sunny: took a nap
Kel: oooh that explains it lol
Kel: yannoooo basil once said u had weird dreams
Kel: didja have any tonite :o

Sunny >>> Hero
Sunny: they can be rowdy
Sunny: she probably just dropped it
Hero: …You’re probably right.
Hero: God this is my fault I’m sorry
Hero: I shouldn’t have gotten so angry earlier I really shouldnt have
Sunny: youre allowed to be angry
Hero: I
Hero: I know that but
Hero: I shouldve stayed calm at least
Hero: Im supposed to be better than this
Hero: I shouldve let him explain and not overreacted
Sunny: maybe
Sunny: doesnt make this your fault though
Hero: Yes it does he told me to calm down and I snapped at him instead and I ignored how upset he was and broke my promise
Hero: Im an awful brother

Sunny >>> Kel
Sunny: kinda
Kel: WORD what was it abt
Sunny: we (me you aubrey and hero) were visiting space pirates on the moon
Kel: SICKKKK
Sunny: capt spaceboy was just divorced (we called him space exhusband)
Kel: the fuck
Sunny: i told him i thought his ex was mean (we had met his ex who was sweetheart)
Sunny: he tried to shoot me
Kel: o shit did he
Sunny: no
Sunny: mari hit him with a fold-up chair
Kel: SDFHGIOSHDFIOGHSIODHFGOIHAIOHGD

Sunny >>> Hero
Sunny: no youre not
Sunny: you dont have to be perfect to be a good brother
Hero: Sunny you don’t understand I messed up big time I don’t know where he is he still wont message me
Sunny: hes texting me about captain spaceboy
Sunny: wherever he is, hes ok
Hero: I hurt him, Sunny. I said I wouldn’t do it again and then I hurt him. It wasn't even him I was mad at and I still took it out on him. He’s going to hate me.
Sunny: i hate to pull this card but
Sunny: at least hes still alive
Sunny: :|
Hero: Oh
Hero: Oh Sunny, don’t
Sunny: no
Sunny: you hurt him, yes.
Sunny: you made a mistake, yes.
Sunny: hes still alive and breathing though.
Sunny: he’ll come home at one point.
Sunny: and when he does, you can apologize and talk and make up, however long itll take.
Sunny: i cant even try.
Sunny: dont act like youve lost all chances with him.
Hero: Sunny…

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: somehow the mental image of mari just like. straight up bodyslamming someone. Is SO vivid.
Sunny: she did main snake in smash
Kel: OH MY GOD SHE DID DIDN’T SHE
Kel: where did she put all that suppressed violent instinct
Sunny: music
Sunny: and hero probably
Kel: EW EW EW NO NO NO
Kel: I DO NOT WANT TO THINK OF MY BROTHER AND UR SISTER DOING
Kel: things
Sunny: things
Kel: pls dont make me say it im gonna throw up
Kel: im not gonna be able to sleep tonight
Sunny: lol
Sunny: why are you awake this late anyway
Sunny: ?
Kel: im still mad at hero so. rebel phase time B)
Kel: aubrey helped me sneak out but then i accidently broke her phone so now shes making me clean her house or shell beat me up
Kel: o shit that reminds me i think basil tried to call me. idk she was chasing me rly fast. ill have to check later
Sunny: “accidently”
Kel: FUCK YOU OKAY I WAS JUST TRYING TO TAKE IT FROM HER HAND BUT THEN IT SLIPPED AND FELL OKAY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
Sunny: lol
Sunny: good luck
Sunny: and good night
Kel: yeah yeah you too :(

Sunny >>> Hero
Sunny: kels at aubreys house btw
Hero: Sunny, I
Hero: What?
Sunny: he just told me
Hero: He did?!
Sunny: mhm
Sunny: said she helped him sneak out
Sunny: but then he broke her phone
Sunny: so shes making him clean her house
Hero: OH thank god,
Hero: If I wasn’t so relieved then they’d be in SO much trouble
Sunny: kel said hes still mad at you
Hero: I was expecting that.
Hero: Thank you thankyou thankyou so much Sunny
Hero: I’ll let Basil know they’re okay.
Sunny: np
Hero: I really really mean it Sunny.
Hero: And again, I’m sorry about earlier.
Sunny: its ok
Hero: No, really. Mari was your sister, not mine. You would know better than anyone what it was like to grow up living with her, and of course you’ve seen sides of her that no one else has. You loved her just as much as she did, and you were hurt so much by what happened, you have no reason to lie or want to defame her in the way I accused you. I know there was no malice in what you two were saying about her and myself.
Hero: ... I know that having siblings like Mari or myself can be difficult. I know that...despite how he tries to act, Kel isn't always as happy and upbeat as he seems. He deserves someone that trusts enough to let those walls down around, and I should be very happy that he found that person in you, and you in him.
Hero: I'm sorry, Sunny.
Sunny: its ok
Sunny: i forgive you
Hero: ......
Hero: Well, I’m going to pick up Kel... If you're up to it tomorrow...I'd really like to call you and make an actual apology, okay? And maybe we should actually talk about what happened...we've been putting it off long enough.
Sunny: ok
Sunny: good luck
Hero: Thank you. Good night.
Sunny: good night

Kel >>> Sunny
11:27 PM
Kel: sunny. dude.
Kel: did you rat me out to hero.
Sunny: yes
Kel: why the fuck would you do that.
Sunny: you didnt tell me not to tell him where you were
Kel: oh my god. its was fucking implied.
Kel: i know thats not the actual reason though.
Sunny: he thought you and/or aubrey were hurt somewhere and that it was his fault
Sunny: he was about to argue with me about whether he was a worse brother than me or not
Kel: ......
Kel: ok.
Kel: ok yeah. i can see why youd tell him then.
Kel: that doesnt mean im not fucking pissed though.
Sunny: i know
Kel: both of you.
Kel: you for (understandably i admit) telling him and him for like everything at this point.
Kel: like ok i feel a little bad about worrying him so much but that doesnt mean i forgive him even a little.
Sunny: i know
Sunny: its ok.
Kel: ugh whatever. i already vented a bunch to aubrey and i dont really feel like doing it again. especially since im mad at you now
Kel: im going to bed.
Sunny: goodnight
Kel: yeah yeah. good night.

<< Faraway Groupchat >>
7:15 AM
Hero added Sunny to Faraway Groupchat.
Hero changed the chat name to boudce.
Hero is offline.

Chapter End Notes

I have has this in my drafts since like...chapter 5. hehe :)
im not sure how obvious i made it what sunny and kel were talking abt in regards to mari n hero?? itll like prolly get explained next chap if only for basils sake (poor boy is the only one out of the loop 😔)

chapter fifteen 2: electric boogaloo

Chapter Summary

Well, he thought, Kel certainly isn't going to start this conversation.This was showcased by the fact that Kel's attention had once again drifted, and he was now trying to balance the gun on a single finger. He could not balance it. It fell on his face. He blew a raspberry at it

Chapter Notes

never say i never do anything for you guys
anyhow, uhh i guess tw: warning if your sensitive to arguing in stuff? i mean, I am too, and i wrote it, so i dont think its THAT bad, but jic u know? anyway its the big block of italic text, cant miss it, skip it if u want ull understand the rest of it just fine

See the end of the chapter for more notes

<< boudce >>
10:07 AM
Basil: Oh!!!
Basil: Sunnys back!!!
Basil: FUCK YEAH
Basil: The bitch is out of gay baby jail
Basil: Arrested for crimes of little sibling syndrome
Kel: BASIL???
Basil: KEL YOU ASS
Basil: THIS IS AUBREY
Basil: MY PHONES STILL BROKEN
Kel: ah, that makes sense
Basil: Fuck you
Kel: ill buy you another one???
Basil: WITH WHAT GODDAMN MONEY
Kel: ,,,,,,
Basil: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT
Hero: Don’t worry, Aubrey, I’ll buy one for you. It’s my fault, anyway.
Kel: you would buy her a new phone wouldnt you.
Hero: Um. Yes?
Kel: mhm.
Basil: Yeah ok I’m not dealing with this for any longer than I have to
Basil: We all need to talk about whatever the fuck yesterday was
Hero: Yes, we really do..
Basil: Buy me a phone today first tho bc Basil has a SUPER awkward keyboard on his phone and I hate it
Hero: That’s fair… alright.

Hero >>> Kel
Hero: Is there anything in particular you want from the store while I’m here?
Hero: A… treat, or something?
Kel: u cant bribe me w/ sugar
Hero: I know…still…
Kel: nerf darts
Hero: I am not buying you more nerf darts.
Kel: then stop stealing my nerf darts
Hero: Stop shooting me with nerf darts, and I’ll stop taking them.
Kel: stop trying to come into my room and ill stop shooting u
Hero: It’s my room, too…I have to come in there at some point.
Kel: well then get resigned to being shot by nerf darts
Kel: or just sleep on the couch
Kel: ur in the doghouse
Kel: bsides u dont even live here anymore. Its literally just my room.
Kel: ur lucky i let u keep ur junk here while ur in college
Hero: As opposed to just tossing it all out the window as soon as I leave?
Kel: id be in my rights to
Hero: No? It’s still my stuff.
Kel: and its MY room
Hero: …..This is starting to sound like we’re having some sort of break-up.
Kel: i saw her in ur bed u cheating bastard. wheres ur car. ima slash ur tires.
Hero: Slashing tires can actually be really dangerous, you know, with the air pressure release and all…
Kel: i am going to tape a knife to a very long stick and slash ur tires from a distance
Hero: You’re not allowed around the knives.
Kel: I AM GOING TO SHARPEN ONE OF THE BUTTER KNIVES TO A POINT, TAPE IT TO A VERY LONG STICK, AND THEN SLASH YOUR TIRES
Hero: I don’t even have a car.
Kel: OH MY GOD
Kel: LET ME HAVE MY REVENGE FANTASY
Hero: Sorry?
Kel: yeah.
Kel: i know.
Hero: …I’ll stop by the bakery on the way home.
Kel: fine

Basil >>> Sunny
11:41 AM
Basil: Good morning Sunny!!!
Sunny: good morning
Basil: How did you sleep last night???
Sunny: i saw one of the mice before i fell asleep again and dreamt of a mouse themed amusement park
Basil: Aww!!! That sounds like it was a lot of fun!!!
Sunny: yes
Sunny: drims wonderland…
Sunny: home to the shrine of torothy……
Sunny: may she rest in peace………
Basil: Did something happen to her???
Sunny: mom found her a while ago
Basil: Oh no!!! Im sorry :(
Sunny: im ok
Sunny: i wore mourning apparel for two weeks
Sunny: mom felt bad and bought me a cake
Basil: Ah,,
Basil: Thats,, good?
Sunny: tasty
Basil: Uhh yeah!!!
Basil: Anyway umm,,
Basil: I dont know if youve been awake long enough to notice, but Hero added you back to the group chat!!!
Sunny: cool
Basil: Haha yeah!!! And um,, were all gonna talk about,,, what happened,, later today
Sunny: roblox oof noise
Basil: ???
Sunny: give me ten ish minutes before we do
Basil: Ahh,, so you can can prepare yourself??
Sunny: so i can find and pet one of the mice
Basil: Um,,,ok..?
Basil: Good luck??
Sunny: ty

Aubrey >>> Kel
1:20 PM
Aubrey: Hi asshole I have a phone again now
Kel: I ALREADY CLEANED LIKE YOUR ENTIRE BATHROOM WOMAN
Kel: WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME
Aubrey: Nothing lol
Aubrey: Just making sure ur not as droopy as u were yesterday
Kel: oh
Kel: uhh thanks??
Aubrey: Np
Aubrey: You ARE feeling better, right??
Kel: kkkkinda?
Kel: sleeping def helped lol
Kel: still kinda >:( but its wtvr
Aubrey: Want me to come over and chill w u?? So that ur not left alone with the asshole of the hour??
Aubrey: I could bring Basil if u want
Kel: not really tbh
Kel: bsides my parents are home rn so if i had u two over and still kept hero away theyd asked questions and i dont rly want them involved
Aubrey: O shit
Aubrey: Uhhhh how’d they react to u sneaking out last night?
Kel: they. didnt???
Kel: i?? dont think they actually know???
Kel: or like. if they do hero mustve told them to leave me alone or smth
Aubrey: That’s probably it… I can’t imagine them NOT knowing w how bad Hero was freaking out
Kel: uuuugggghhhhhh dont remind meeeeeee
Kel: i still feel bad about that and i dont want to feel bad for himmmmmmm
Kel: i even managed to worry basil and i didnt even want to do thatttttttt
Aubrey: Watching you try and hold a grudge would be funny if I wasn’t also mad at Hero
Kel: SHUT UP IM NOT USED TO BEING MAD AT PEOPLE FOR SO LONG
Kel: ESPECIALLY NOT HERO
Aubrey: Is ANYONE used to being mad at Hero??
Kel: ugh apparently not bc he has no idea how to deal with me being mad at him
Kel: i have to shoot him w a nerf gun to keep him from coming into our room and i keep falling back into banter n shit
Kel: like aaaagaraahahrgagag being angry is so HARDDD
Kel: how do u do this on a daily basis
Aubrey: Anger is my default setting. I came out the womb seething with rage.
Aubrey: But yeah it was kinda hard at first
Kel: ughghghghggughgghhAHGIOAHODSHGOIH
Aubrey: Are you dying.
Kel: ykw YES
Kel: heros back from buying ur phone and he has fucking DONUTS
Aubrey: WAS THAT WHAT I FUCKING SMELLED WHEN HE CAME TO DROP MY PHONE OFF???
Kel: YOU DIDNT SEE THE BOX???
Aubrey: NO??? BASTARD DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME HE HAD THEM
Kel: ughhhh
Kel: its his first apology gift then
Kel: by the end of the week im gonna gain like a million calories and hes gonna be broke(r)
Aubrey: U speaking from experience??
Kel: yesssss
Kel: after our fight from years ago he spent a month buying me cookies like every two days
Aubrey: Wow.
Kel: yeahh
Kel: its NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME THO
Kel: it mightve worked when i was twelve but i am STRONGER NOW
Kel: MY WILL SHALL REMAIN STRONG
Kel: I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF HOLDING THIS GRUDGE
Kel: I
Kel: i rly do want a donut tho ngl
Aubrey: You’re armed, aren’t you?Aubrey: Full-on assault.
Kel: omg ur right
Kel: my nerf gun…
Kel: brb
Aubrey: Good luck soldier.

1:29 PM
Kel sent an image.
Kel: WE GOT THE GOODS!!!!
Aubrey: HE GOT THE GOOD SHIT TOO
Kel: YEAH BOY!!!!
Kel: i am seriously running low on darts tho
Aubrey: Just say there’s a spider in the room or smth
Kel: what would i do without you
Aubrey: Have low blood sugar
Kel: u right

<< boudce >>
2:05 PM
Hero: Okay...
Hero: Aubrey has a phone now, so we should all probably get this done as soon as possible.
Hero: Is @Everyone ready to talk..?
Kel: i guessss
Aubrey: Fucking finally
Basil: Um!! Im good,,,
Basil: @Sunny are you ready??? You said you wanted to do something beforehand,,
Sunny: im, good
Sunny: will be slow
Aubrey: Why....
Aubrey: Tf did you do
Basil: Yeah,,, you told me you were just looking for mice
Sunny: found 1
Sunny: got bit
Sunny: typimg with 1 hand
Sunny: difficuit
Hero: You got bit by a mouse???
Kel: honestly im kinda impressed u got that close to one in the first place
Sunny: honor
Basil: Are you okay though??????
Sunny: yes
Hero: If you say so...
Aubrey: Ugh ENOUGH about Sunny's poor life choices, we all know he has a negative wisdom stat, this ain't about him
Kel: hhhhhhh
Hero: You're right...
Aubrey: I'm always right, but whatever
Kel: cant we have just a litttlllleee procrastination for this. for atmospheres sake.
Aubrey: Hell no.
Aubrey: Bc first of all this whole thing was bc of miscommunication and shit and I am literally SO sick of that fuckery
Aubrey: And SECOND of all of all people it is YOU TWO who are fighting which leaves ME as a mediator bc Basil's too anxious to get in between two ppl that are fighting and Sunny is Sunny
Aubrey: Fuck both of you for doing that btw I hate mediating
Aubrey: So you two are gonna air out ur issues NOW so the rest of us can get back to our normal bullshit
Kel: ngngngngngngngn fair
Basil: So umm,,, where should we,,, start,,,?
Hero: Er... could we start with...context on Kel and Sunny's conversation?
Hero: I...still don't really know what they were talking about...I only know what I heard.
Basil: I dont really know either,,,,,;;;;;
Aubrey: Well first of all, Hero what did you even hear??
Aubrey: Kel told me more or less what they were talking abt last night but idrk what you even heard to get set off like that
Hero: Ah. Well...
Hero: Mom and dad had left to go to the store, so I went upstairs to go tell Kel...
Hero: Sunny talks so little, when I heard his voice through the door, I couldn't help but pause...
Hero: And then I heard Mari's name...
Hero: Sunny was...talking about her. Her being overbearing, her being snappy and quick to anger, being pushy and mean and almost cruel.
Hero: I just...saw red.
Aubrey: Hmmmm yeah, okay
Aubrey: Understandable.
Aubrey: Dick move! But understandable.
Kel: grrr grrg rgr gr growl bite bite growl
Aubrey: What he said.
Aubrey: Anyway! My unprofessional prescription is to chill the fuck out a little. Practice self-care that is not repressing your rage every second of every day. I PROMISE there are ways to be pissed w/o being an asshole.
Hero: ...Alright.
Aubrey: Cool.
Aubrey: Your turn, Kel. Tf were you doing.
Aubrey: I mean, I already know, but for Basil and Hero's sake.
Kel: ok so like
Kel: you guys know how hero and mari were good at literally everything they ever did?
Basil: Umm,, yeah?
Aubrey: Sounds about right.
Kel: and you guys ALSO know how me n sunny are very much Not Good at everything ever?
Basil: I,,,guess.?
Aubrey: Yeah.
Kel: cool!
Kel: thats literally all we were talking about.
Basil: Hm,,, that makes sense!!
Hero: Wait, really?
Hero: That's it?
Kel: yeah???
Kel: it was literally just us going back n forth talking abt that shit
Kel: like id go "hero has a bajillion trophies for every subject on earth and ive never even been mvp in my team. shit sucks." and then sunny would go "cool beans, mari could play entire songs with her eyes close and it took me a whole month to learn the basic cords. shit sucked"
Kel: we used to do it all the time when we were kids
Kel: theres rly nothin else to it
Basil: Oohhh,, I can see how that would be helpful!!
Basil: And you couldnt really talk to me or Aubrey about it since we dont have any siblings,,,right?
Kel: seeeeeeee u get it
Kel: and like mayyybeeee it could sound a little mean spirited but we literally havnt done this in years.... stuff builds up yanno
Sunny: ^
Sunny: 1st time i talked at the things b4 the recitsl
Sunny: didnt want 2 talk abt it 4 long
Sunny: heavily condwnsed it
Kel: see???
Aubrey: Yeah I can totally see that.
Aubrey: ...Hero?
Aubrey: Hero, my dude, it's been like five minutes. This is the part where u say something.
Hero: OH, sorry, I
Hero: I
Hero: Sorry.
Aubrey: ??
Hero: I just
Hero: I had no idea that stuff bothered you, Kel.
Kel: well DUH why tf would i talk to u abt that
Hero: Because I'm your older brother??
Hero: Because you should be able to trust me enough to tell me when you feel insecure??
Hero: I'm not trying to say that you shouldn't also rely on your friends for this stuff either, but why didn't you tell me??
Kel: i just didnt wanna bother u w it
Kel: thats all
Hero: ...
Hero: ......
Hero: This is because of our fight, isn't it?
Kel: whaaaaaaat
Kel: nooooooooooo
Kel: cmon mannnnn
Kel: i told u im over that
Hero: And once upon a time, I told you I'd never yell at you again. And yet, here we are.
Hero: Are you absolutely sure you're over it?
Kel: ,,,,
Kel: maybe just a little not over it,,?
Hero: Shit
Hero: Thought so
Kel: uh???? bro???
Hero: Kel, I think it's really about time we actually sat down to talk about what happened.
Kel: uh no we dont?? its fine
Hero: It's most certainly not fine.
Aubrey: Ykw fuck it I second that
Kel: w
Basil: Um,,,, thirded!!!?
Kel: hold on,
Sunny: 4
Kel: et tu, sunny,,,,
Aubrey: Don't be a pussy and just talk to the man
Aubrey: You're already having one right now, just keep up the momentum
Kel: i despise you
Kel: but FINE i GUESS
Kel: well have a CONVERSATION if itll keep u assholes off my back
Kel: hero you can come up to my room i guess. i wont shoot u
Kel is offline.
Hero: I...guess I'll go up and talk to him.
Basil: Shoot,,, you??
Aubrey: He has a nerf gun lol
Sunny: smart
Aubrey: Hell yeah
Aubrey: Anyway gl Hero
Aubrey: I guess, anyway
Hero: ..Thank you.
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: Alright, now that they're busy doing That
Aubrey: What now.
Sunny: idea
Aubrey: Hit me.
Sunny: uno online
Aubrey: Oh you're fucking DEAD kiddo

~~~

Hero looked at the door with a slight frown, resisting the urge to tap his foot anxiously. After a moment, where he'd began to wonder if maybe Kel had changed his mind, there was a light thump against the wood.

"You can come in now!"

He tentatively opened the door, peeking in slowly (as he had learned to do over the course of the day), and his eyes immediately caught on the nerf dart laying near the door. He groaned, and bent down to pick it up.

"Really, Kel?" He asked, pocketing the dart. His pockets were full of darts. He could've sworn they had lost them all in the Great Nerf War, before the kids were even in double-digits. He had no idea where Kel found them all. "I thought you said you weren't going to shoot me..."

Kel shrugged from his position lying on the bed. He was miming shooting Hero with the nerf gun. "It was my last dart. Had to get rid of the temptation, y'know?"

Hero sighed. He went to his desk on the other side of the room, grabbing the chair and pulling it to Kel's bedside. Kel narrowed his eyes at the movement, but didn't protest.

He sat. "So," he said, then stopped. He had no idea how to start.

"So, so." Kel replied, equally unsure. He turned his sights from Hero to the ceiling, aiming and pretending to shoot the stars stuck to it. Hero was surprised they were still there. He would've thought they'd fallen off long ago. The atmosphere was awkward.

Well, he thought, Kel certainly isn't going to start this conversation. This was showcased by the fact that Kel's attention had once again drifted, and he was now trying to balance the gun on a single finger. He could not balance it. It fell on his face. He blew a raspberry at it.

Some things never changed...

"So!" Hero began again, determined to power through, "This conversation is...a bit overdue."

Kel stopped his aggressive shaking of the gun - in...punishment? for falling on him? - and glanced at him briefly. He let out a huff, and tossed it to the ground. "Yeah." He said, "It really is."

It was true. They should've had this conversation ages ago. It should've been one of Hero's top priorities; Kel should've been one of Hero's top priorities. Kel wasn't just a kid anymore, he wasn't the small gremlin of a child that skittered up the stairs on all fours and ran face-first into light poles when he was excited, but he was still Hero's baby brother. He always would be.

Hero ran away from a lot of things after Mari died. His baby brother shouldn't have been one of them.

Kel sat up suddenly. He poked Hero's chest harshly, a stern look in his eyes. "Hey! Hey. Cut that shit out. I can literally hear your herangst."

"My...what?" Hero asked, rubbing his chest. Ow.

"Herangst. Hero angst. C'mon man, keep up." Kel said, as if it were in any way obvious. Just for a day, Hero would like to live in his brother's head. "Anyway, I wanna make one thing super very clear, got it?"

Hero gulped nervously, and nodded. Kel studied him for a moment, and then turned fully to face him. He took a deep breath, and said,

"I meant it when I said I forgave you for what happened back then. Okay? I never held it against you for a second." Kel said, looking him in the eyes. Hero felt a weight lift off his shoulders at the sincerity in his words, and then immediately felt bad for being relieved. Kel should hold it against him. Lo and behold, Kel looked away, and bit his lip. "It's just..." He trailed off.

Hero thought of Sunny and Basil. "It's just that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, does it?" He said softly.

Kel made a sound like he was deflating. He rubbed his eyes. "...It really doesn't."

Hero hummed, and crossed his legs. His foot tapped lightly against the floor. "You know...you told me, once, that you didn't even remember our fight."

Kel winced. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I, uh, might've fibbed a little."

"Mn. I thought so."

"Really..?"

"You're not the best liar, Kel." Hero said, raising an eyebrow. Kel at least looked sheepish. "Besides," He continued, "I...know that I remember it...pretty vividly."

Kel froze. A strange sort of nervousness appeared on his face. He shifted, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. His bangs fell in his face, keeping Hero from reading his expression clearly. His hands fidgeted where they hugged his legs. Hero absently thought that magenta really was a nice color on him.

He cleared his throat. "You, uh. You do?"

"Yeah," Hero said. "I do."

"Goddamnit, can't you just leave me alone?! What's your fucking problem?!"

"H-huh? Wha-"

"Well? The fuck do you want? Don't tell me you're being a pain in the ass for no good reason, again."

"W-well I just, I was worried about you! You haven't gotten out of bed in weeks..."

"Aww, you were worried about me? That's so sweet. You fucking idiot."

"Huh?"

"Let me guess, you wanted to make sure I was 'okay'? You wanted to help? Don't make me fucking laugh, Kel. Mari's dead. Of couse I'm not fucking okay! How could I be okay when Mari's fucking dead?!"

"I- I just -"

"You just what?! You just don't give a shit?! You don't gotta tell me twice, trust me, I can fucking tell!"

"W- no! That's not -"

"Don't you fucking lie to me. I've heard you prancing around, playing and laughing and having a grand old time. You don't care! Mari's dead, and you don't fucking care! Well newsflash, you worthless shitbag, some of us actually fucking miss her!"

"I'm not lying! I miss her too, it's - it's just that..."

"What, you just need someone to hold your hand through your own goddamn feelings? Just like you need someone to hold your hand through every single other fucking thing? You're such a baby it's disgusting. How the fuck am I related to you? You can't do a single fucking thing right!"

"I don't -"

"No. Shut the fuck up. I'm done with your fucking bullshit. I've had to put up with your useless ass my entire life. What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Is your head just full of fucking horse shit?! You can't even help yourself with basic fucking life skills, what the hell makes you think you can help anyone else?! It's no fucking wonder everyone stopped talking to you! I don't even want to fucking look at you!"

"Y- you -"

"God, you never stop talking! Just shut up already! For once in your life, shut the fuck up! You can't even do that, can you? You can't even close your own fucking mouth for five goddamn minutes?!"

"I just! I - i just wanted to -!"

"Oh, for the love of - When will you get this through your thick skull?! No one gives a shit what you want! No one cares! You don't fucking matter! You're so goddamn useless you might as well not even be here! In fact, I wish you weren't!"

"You...you don't mean that -"

"Unlike you, I'm not a fucking liar. Do you know how much easier my life would be if you were never born? How much fucking happier I'd be if you never existed? For all I know, Mari could still be alive! If I didn't have to spend so much fucking time cleaning up after you, I might've actually noticed something! You bastard! How fucking dare you!"

"I...I..."

"You should've fucking died instead of her. There, I said it! Everyone - not just me, everyone - would be happier if you'd hung yourself instead! She'd at least be able to keep everyone together! Not you, though, your useless worthless ass can barely even tie your own shoes, much less help the people that are actually fucking grieving her! Jesus!"

"..."

"What, got nothing else to say? You gonna cry now? You didn't cry when we got the news, you didn't cry at the fucking funeral, but a few sharp words got you tearing up? You disgust me."

"...m sorry..."

"Oh. You're sorry, huh? Well tough shit, because sorry doesn't dig her out of the cemetary. Sorry doesn't take her out of the casket. Sorry doesn't bring her back to fucking life!"

"sniff...I'm sorry...I'm s-sorry...hic...I'm so sorry..."

"KELSEY?! HENRY?! WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE!?"

Hero's hands shook. He clenched them together.

He remembered, clear as day.

He swallowed back the emotion that rose, forcing away the shame and guilt, and levelled his gaze on Kel. "I didn't mean a single word of what I said, Kel. Not a one. I'd never even thought that stuff before. I...I'm sorry."

"I know. 'lready said I forgave you." Kel mumbled. He reached up to play with his bangs, finally letting Hero get a look at his face. That same nervousness was more pronounced, making Kel look almost - afraid. Was...he afraid of Hero?

His heart stopped. Hero didn't know if he could live with himself if his baby brother was scared of him. He left the chair and sat next to him, not quite close enough to touch, but enough so that he felt present. "Kel," he said, "Talk to me. Please."

Kel groaned. His leg began to bounce. Hero waited patiently.

After a minute, he scooted away to the end of the bed. He faced Hero, and spat out, "I'm scared you're gonna take that back, alright?!"

Hero frowned. "That I'll take...what back?"

Kel stood up and began to pace around the room. Hero knew that would happen eventually. It had been a little unnerving how still he'd been throughout the conversation.

"That - that you don't mean it. You'll take it back." Kel said. "Like, I - I'll finally do somethin' to make you think back to the stuff you said. I'll...complain too much, or ask for help too much, or just - rely on you too much, and you'll realize you were right. 'Cause you were, you know?"

Hero inhaled sharply. He sat up straight. "Kel -" He started, but was cut off.

"You were, though! You really were!" Kel said, and winced at his raised volume. He pointed at Hero, looking frenzied. "I - I really can't do a lot of things right. I mean, I'm good at basketball, but that's about it! I can't...I can't do good in school, I can hardly go a week without getting in trouble, I can't even make up with my own friends that I'd known for years without help!"

"That's not true, Kel. You, Aubrey, Basil, and Sunny are great friends again."

"Only because you stepped in! It only took you two days to get me and Aubrey to screw our heads back on straight! I couldn't even hold a normal conversation with her for four years!"

"But Kel..." Hero said, "I wouldn't have even known there was a problem if it weren't for you. You say you couldn't reconcile in the four years you were fighting, but I didn't even notice you needed to in the same amount of time."

"Y - yeah, but..."

"And," He continued, "You were the one that got Sunny out of his house. Things would be so much worse for all of us if it wasn't for you doing that."

Kel pouted. "...Anyone could've done that. It didn't matter who knocked on his door, just that someone did..."

"Maybe so, but no one else did, did they?"

Kel crossed his arms as he pondered that. Hero was certain that no one else would've knocked on Sunny's door. He knew he wouldn't have even thought about it; He would've heard that Sunny still hadn't come out, and given up on the poor boy then and there, as shameful as it was to admit. Aubrey was too angry at everyone and everything to give him a chance, and Basil...was Basil.

Hero genuinely, whole-heartedly, thought that if it wasn't for Kel's steadfast optimism, none of them would've gotten their good ending. He was so proud of his little brother.

But Kel still looked so unsure, so hesitant, that Hero wanted to build a time machine and shake his past self, pin him to a wall and yell, 'Why? Why would you say that? Why, why, why?'

Hero spent the last four years running. He made assumptions and leapt to every conclusion he could find if it meant he didn't have to face his demons head on. Kel was handling everything just fine, there was no need to sit down and talk to him about everything. Aubrey's absence from the rest of them was fine, she just needed some time to herself, he didn't need to check in with her. Basil was always anxious, there was no reason to worry about why he seemed to close to panic all the time. It was ok that Sunny still hadn't left his house, he would come out when he was ready, it was fine to leave him be.

Not to make a dad joke out of such a serious problem, but Hero's knees sure were sore from jumping to conclusions. So many of their group's problems could've been avoided if they just...talked to each other. If they just said how they felt.

Mari included.

"I'm proud of you, Kel." Hero said, decision made. "I've said it to you before over text, but I wanted to say it again. I am so, so proud of you."

Kel flushed. "Jeez, Hero...It's not that impressive..."

"But it is." Hero insisted. He couldn't take this sitting down; He stood up and walked towards his brother. "You've handled everything these last few years have thrown at you so much better than the rest of us. I'm not scared to say that, and I know the others will agree with me. You think you gave up on everyone, but you really didn't, did you? You tried reaching out to everyone for so long. I couldn't be bothered to try reaching out even once, much less the amount of time you did. I'm so proud of you for trying so hard."

"But!" Kel protested, "I did give up! Even if - even if I spent all that time tryin' to talk to everyone...I still stopped."

"And I'm proud of you for knowing to do that." Hero said. Kel looked at him baffled. Hero sighed, and placed his hands on his shoulders. "Kel, it's one thing to keep trying and hope for people to come back, but it's another thing entirely to put the rest of your life on hold for them. You realized that you weren't getting through to them, and decided to try moving on as well. That was a good thing. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself like that. You're not a miracle worker, Kel. You're too hard on yourself."

Kel stared at him, face red, and seemed to be at a loss for what to say. Eventually, he settled on, "Just call me kettle next time, Mr. Pot. I'll keep that in mind."

Hero flicked him on the forehead. "Hey! I'm trying to give you a pep-talk, here!"

They both broke into chuckles, and the tense atmosphere was lightened. There was an appreciative gleam in Kel's eyes, and Hero couldn't resist the urge to pull him in for a hug. He couldn't remember the last time he held his brother like this (outside of an apology), and from how tightly Kel held onto him, neither did he. Well, then. He'd just have to remedy that.

"I'm still sorry about yesterday. If I ever go too far like that again, just - I don't know, sock me in the nose, or something." He said when they broke apart. Kel grimaced.

"Yeah, well, I'm still a little mad about it. Might just hold you up to that." He said grumpily. Hero sighed, but nodded. He understood. But then, "I forgive you for it anyway. Well, I do if Sunny does, but I don't think he was even mad at you in the first place."

Hero blinked. "R-really?"

"Yeah...being mad sucks!" Kel scratched his cheek bashfully, "And, uh, I still feel kinda bad about sneaking out and worrying you like that..."

"I guess we both kind of overreacted, huh?"

"Haha...yeah."

They stood like that, grinning at each other in embarrassment, before Kel jumped and straightened as if struck by lighting. "Oh yeah!" He said, and then punched Hero in the arm, "Stop buying me shit! I know it's only been one box of donuts so far, but I still remember how much sugar you force-fed me after our fight! Don't do that again, man."

Hero rubbed his arm and blinked. "But you love sweets."

"Well, yeah! But I love being in good enough shape to play on the basketball team even more! If you wanna assuage your guilt or some shit with food, at least make it something healthy! I can't be taking in all that sugar at one time, dude."

"Says the guy that tried to marker-dye one of his shirts over Orange Joe. You do know that's basically liquid sugar, right?"

"You shut your whore mouth right now."

~~~

<< boudce >>
3:26 PM
Kel: HELLOOOO NEW YORK
Kel: THE BOYS ARE BACK IN BUSINESS BABEY
Kel: B)))))))
Aubrey: ABOUT FUCKING TIME
Aubrey: JESUS CHRIST YOU TWO WERE TAKING FOREVER
Aubrey: GO TO HELL
Hero: ....What?
Sunny: shes just mad basil keeps winning uno
Basil: It's not my fault I keep getting all the good cards!!1!
Aubrey: YOU BLONDE FUCKING BASTARD I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU
Kel: cranky because ur bad at uno arent u
Aubrey: Death death death death death death death death death
Basil: Its just a game,,,,
Basil: Besides,,, Sunnys been doing way worse than you,,,,
Aubrey: YOU
Aubrey: You have a point actually
Aubrey: Sunny why are you so bad at Uno
Sunny: heart of the cards
Hero: Wouldn't that be making you win, though?
Sunny: cardiac arrest of the cards
Hero: ...Ok then.
Aubrey: Ok so wait
Aubrey: Kel, Hero,
Aubrey: You two cool now??? You chill??
Kel: hell ya man
Kel: we good b
Aubrey: FUCK YES
Aubrey: This was so stressful
Aubrey: Never make me mediate again or I'll kick your asses
Hero: Haha, noted.
Aubrey: K now you two losers gotta join our Uno game
Aubrey: I don't care who it is at this point but SOMEONE needs to shoot Basil off his high horse
Kel: MY TIME HAS COME
Hero: The phrase is "knock them off their high horse", Aubrey.
Aubrey: I'm feeling extra violent.
Hero: Ah, but of course.
Kel: HURRY UP SLOWPOKES OR THE ROUNDS GONNA START W/O U
Aubrey: HOLD YOU'RE FUCKING HORSES JFC
Hero: Alright, alright, I'm coming!

Chapter End Notes

this chapter is brought to you by my iron deficiency! remember to eat right, kids, its real important.
are u guys surprised at this?? good bc me too!! i wasnt planning on writing that out even a little bit, but, cest la vie.
n e way now that this part is FINALLY resolved i have zero guilt writing my tt kel fic. the brainrot is strong. this is def not going on hiatus so do not worry, but it IS prolly gonna get slower updates. lol.

if youve read lord of the flies i triple dog dare you to search up jalph on tumblr

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: Google it.
Kel: DO NOT FUCKING GOOGLE HENTAI

Chapter Notes

"yeah updates are gonna slow down" *updates four days later*
anyway back to our regularly scheduled bullshit

See the end of the chapter for more notes

<< boudce >>
1:19 AM
Sunny sent an image.

10:21 AM
Hero: Wow!
Hero: Sunny, you drew that? That's very impressive!
Basil: Hehehe!!! Yeah,, Sunnys really good at drawing!!
Aubrey: """"Impressive""" he says.
Hero: It is!
Aubrey: Tf even is it??? I can't tell??
Hero: Well...
Aubrey: Omg
Aubrey: You can't either can you
Hero: That's not what's important in a piece of art.
Aubrey: GHSLDHGLKSHDLH YEAH SURE
Kel: grr grr gorw glrw fowr
Aubrey: What.
Kel: @Sunny WHERES MY SPACE JAM 3.
Aubrey: YOUR FUCKING WHAT?
Kel: MY PICTURE OF SPACE JAM 3 I PSEUDO PAID HIM TO MAKE
Hero: ...Pseudo paid??
Kel: look man dw abt that part ok just dw abt it
Kel: BASIL he tells u things do u know when im gonna get my space jam 3
Basil: Um,,,,
Basil: Sunny operates on a work ethic unknown to even me....
Basil: So Im not sure,,,,
Kel: darn
Sunny: good morning
Kel: GASP
Kel: SPEAK OF THE DEVIL AND HE APPEARS!!!!!!!!!11!
Basil: Good morning Sunny!!!!
Aubrey: Good job on actually waking up in the morning.
Sunny: ty
Kel: SUNNY SUNNY DUDE WHEN ARE U GONNA FINISH DRAWING MY SPACE JAM 3
Sunny: yes
Kel: uh
Kel: yes its gonna be soon or yes its gonna be a while
Sunny: no
Kel: ok.
Aubrey: Lmao he gave up
Hero: Wait...
Hero: Sunny...I just noticed.
Hero: Why were you awake and drawing at one in the morning?
Basil: Yyeah!!! What the heck!!! >:(
Sunny: hm
Sunny: i sense disapproval
Hero: Do you now? :)
Sunny: i do not control the draw
Hero: I'd like to disagree, actually!
Kel: sunny bro nod and agree ok just nod and agree
Kel: trust me on this
Sunny: nod and agree
Hero: ....Close enough, I suppose.
Aubrey: Ok but like,
Aubrey: I still don't know wtf it is??
Aubrey: Sunny what the hell did you draw
Sunny: lord of the pyreflies
Aubrey: What
Sunny: lord of the pyreflies
Kel: ughhh isnt that the book we had to read for school a few years ago abt the british murder choir
Aubrey: OHH I SEE IT NOW
Aubrey: That book was so funny
Kel: of course ud find it funny
Basil: I didnt like that book very much,,,,
Aubrey: That's fair tbh
Kel: sunnyyyyyy why did u draw final fantasy fanart for a school book..... thats lame
Aubrey: Yeah, I'm surprised you've even read it...
Sunny: i stole a copy from heros room when he had to read it for school
Sunny: thought the title was cool
Hero: THAT'S WHERE IT WENT???????
Hero: THAT BELONGED TO THE SCHOOL.
Hero: MOM AND DAD HAD TO PAY FIFTY DOLLARS TO REPLACE IT. I GOT AN INFRACTION ON MY RECORD.
Kel: BRO WHATTTTTT I GOT IN TROUBLE FOR THAT!!!!!!! THEY THOUGHT I TOOK IT!!!!!!!
Kel: SUNNY WTF
Aubrey: SDHGISDHIFOGHSODIFHGOSHDOF
Kel: sunny :'(((((
Aubrey: DON'T LISTEN TO THEM SUNNY, YOU DID GOOD
Aubrey: I'M PROUD OF YOU
Kel: STFU AUBREY AAAAAAA
Sunny: i can mail it back
Hero: You still have it????
Hero: Why?????
Sunny: i can mail it back
Hero: ???
Sunny: i can mail it back
Hero: That's
Hero: That's thoughtful, but...you don't have to.
Sunny: ok
Aubrey: I'm still kinda curious tho...
Aubrey: I can't usually follow ur train of thought like, ever, but I still wanna try
Aubrey: What's ur creative process
Kel: same bro spill the deets
Sunny: 1. observe surroundings. look for funny shapes.
Sunny: 2. find a funny shape. say out loud "wow thats a funny shape" and draw shape on nearest available surface.
Sunny: 3. get distracted and forget about funny shape entirely.
Kel: mhm mhm i feel that.
Kel: continue.
Sunny: 4. go to bed.
Sunny: 5. the horrors of the dark encroach upon your mind and you are awoken abruptly. your heart beats out of your chest as your lungs constrict and struggle for air. the shadows reach towards you. the only thing standing between them and you is your own willpower. it Hurts it Hurts it Hurts it Hurts. your heart stands before you and whispers sweet nothings in your ear. you know not what it speaks but it fills you with dread nonetheless. it caresses your face. you clench your eyes shut as you try to withstand the torment of your own creation.
Sunny: 6. youre just hungry actually. eat a poptart.
Aubrey: Hey Sunny what the fuck?
Kel: um, bro?
Basil: Sunny;;???
Hero: Can
Hero: Can we go back to step five for a minute?
Sunny: no
Sunny: 7. wake up (hardest step takes many tries).
Aubrey: HOLD ON DON'T JUST FUCKING IGNORE US
Aubrey: WTF WAS THAT
Sunny: shush
Aubrey: W
Sunny: 8. mouse.
Basil: M,,,,mouse?
Kel: thats not???? a step????
Sunny: 9. mouse 2.
Aubrey: What is WITH YOU and MICE
Sunny: 10. find the funny shape paper again.
Sunny: 11. remember last night. you are very tired. become filled with anger over your lost sleep.
Sunny: 12. anger fuels drawing.
Sunny: 13. art.
Kel: girl what.....
Aubrey: That was a wild fucking ride and I have more questions than answers.
Kel: sunny dude??? are you okay??? tf
Sunny: yes
Kel: are you SURE??????????
Sunny: yes
Sunny: just hungry
Hero: Go...go get something to eat. Please?
Sunny: i will
Aubrey: You know you went through that whole fucked up process and it STILL doesn't explain where you got Lord of the Pyreflies from.
Sunny: 0. watch anime.
Aubrey: Suddenly, so much is clear
Kel: bro u watch anime,,, yikes
Aubrey: BITCH YOU WATCH ANIME!!!
Kel: NO I DONT???
Aubrey: CAPTAIN SPACEBOY THE ANIMATION. THAT'S ANIME.
Kel: NO IT FUCKING ISNT. ITS A CARTOON.
Aubrey: UHH YEAH
Aubrey: A JAPANESE CARTOON
Kel: SHUT UP!!!!!! I DONT FUCKING WATCH ANIME!!!!!!!
Kel: TELL THEM HERO!!!! UVE LIVED WITH ME MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!
Hero: Didn't you used to watch Dragon Ball Z?
Hero: And Sailor Moon?
Kel: THOSE
Kel: DONT
Kel: COUNT
Aubrey: YOU WATCHED SAILOR FUCKING MOON????
Kel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Basil: Whats wrong with Sailor Moon????
Aubrey: Nothing really, this is just really funny
Kel: SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP
Kel: HERO YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WHY DID YOU GIVE THEM MORE AMMO
Hero: Not so fun now, is it?
Aubrey: DALHGSDHLKGHSDHGHSDKL PAYBACK IS A BITCH AIN'T IT KEL!!!!!
Kel: LITERALLY YOU MAKE FUN OF HIM JUST AS MUCH AS I DO WTF IS THIS!!!!!
Kel: sunny sunny sunny sunny
Kel: you believe me right? right???
Kel: you believe i dont watch anime????
Sunny: no
Kel: A
Aubrey: SUNNY COMING IN FOR THE KILL HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
Kel: ok fine. i fucking admit it.
Kel: i watch anime SOMETIMES.
Kel: VERY. RARELY.
Kel: but at LEAST i dont watch hentai.
Aubrey: Yeah ok that's good. I don't think I could associate with you if you watched hentai.
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: lucrative.
Aubrey: .........What.
Kel: s
Kel: sunny?
Sunny: would you still love me if i became a hentai mangaka
Aubrey: Not even a little bit.
Basil: ,,,,,No comment.
Kel: WELL SHIT I GUESS??? I MEAN I SUPPORT U NO MATTER WHAT
Hero: I...don't think I know what that is.
Sunny: ah.
Aubrey: Google it.
Kel: DO NOT FUCKING GOOGLE HENTAI
Aubrey: DON'T BE A COWARD. JUST GOOGLE IT.
Kel: DONT LISTEN TO HER!!!!! DONT DO IT!!!!!
Hero: Um...?
Hero: Both of you are equally likely to use this opportunity to mess with me. I'm not sure I trust either of you.
Basil: Google it.
Hero: ...I guess I trust Basil?
Hero: Give me a moment.
Aubrey: HOLY SHIT FGJDFGJDFJDFGJ
Kel: BASIL WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT
Basil: Tee hee!!
Kel: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM
Kel: HES GONNA BE TRAUMATIZED
Hero: ...
Kel: hero bro i am so so sorry
Kel: like genuinely sorry
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: Rest in peace, Henry "Hero" Doctorguy. Cause of death - Tentacles.
Kel: SHUT!!! THE!!! FUCK!!!! UP!!!!!!!
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: Nice work, Basil. You did good.
Basil: Hehehe!!! I try.!!
Sunny: corruption...
Aubrey: Go eat some fucking breakfast you weirdo
Sunny: ok

Sunny >>> Hero
1:24 PM
Sunny: why
Hero: Hm?
Sunny: why.
Hero: I...don't know what you're talking about??
Sunny: why did you tell my mom what happened at the lake.
Sunny: shes making me take swimming lessons.
Sunny: betrayal.
Hero: Oh, that.
Hero: Well...You need to learn how to swim. Basil, too. I've been meaning to talk to him about it.
Hero: Besides, it's more excercise, which will help you a lot.
Sunny: hate
Sunny: i know how to swim
Hero: Then...? What happened at the lake?
Sunny: seaweed
Hero: It's a lake, Sunny. There's no seaweed.
Sunny: lakeweed?
Hero: I don't think that's a thing.
Sunny: pondweed
Hero: Still not a thing.
Sunny: lake ghost
Hero: Really?
Hero: It's ok to admit you forgot how to swim, Sunny.
Sunny: didnt forget
Hero: ...If you say so.
Hero: Still, there's nothing wrong with taking swimming classes. It'll get you out of the house more! That's good!
Sunny: its full of five year olds
Hero: ...Ok, I can see how that might be embarrassing.
Hero: Just do what Kel does.
Sunny: ?
Hero: At our familiy reunions, somehow or another, Kel always winds up watching the younger kids. He just kind of...integrates with them.
Hero: In fact, at last year's Thanksgiving, he actually sat at the kids' table with them...
Hero: So just...make friends with them!
Sunny: how
Sunny: what does kel do
Hero: I'm not sure what his secret is, especially since it doesn't seem to work on Sally..
Hero: He just kind of...gets on their level? In a way? I remember watching one of our cousins jump when she saw him, and then he jumped, and then they just spent the next ten minutes copying the way the other jumped...they were practically best friends for the rest of our visit.
Hero: So just...do whatever that is?
Hero: Sorry, I know that isn't great advice...
Sunny: hm
Sunny: ok
Sunny: ill do it
Hero: Okay then!!! I hope it helps?
Sunny: ty
Hero: It's no problem!!

<< boudce >>
3:41 PM
Sunny: i am once again in the hospital
Aubrey: WHAT THE FUCK?
Kel: HUHH???!!?!?
Basil: !!!!..;;;;;?????
Hero: How??? What happened??
Sunny: big ow
Aubrey: SUNNY YOU ASSHAT
Aubrey: ACTUALLY TELL US WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED
Hero: Please???
Sunny: i followed your advice
Sunny: i did what kel would do
Hero: ........Ah.
Kel: HOLD UP
Kel: WHAT TF DOES THAT MEAN
Basil: Can we,, have some context??,,,,Please?,
Hero: Sunny's taking swimming lessons, but his class is full of small children...so I advised him to just make friends with them...the way Kel does at our reunions...
Hero: How did that put you in the hospital...?
Sunny: jeremy bet me a bag of fruit snacks i couldnt run a full lap around the pool when the instructor wasnt looking
Hero: ...Let me guess.
Hero: You slipped?
Sunny: i slipped
Hero: That's....
Basil: Sunny,,,,, really,,??
Aubrey: He's got a point though, that is definitely something Kel would do.
Kel: STFU OK I WOULDNT BUST MY ASS FOR FUCKING FRUIT SNACKS
Aubrey: You would if it was Orange Joe
Kel: i would cut off an arm for orange joe
Aubrey: That's what I thought.
Aubrey: Fr tho Sunny are you ok??
Sunny: fractured collar bone
Sunny: twisted ankle
Aubrey: SUNNY. COME ON.
Kel: how did you manage to twist ur ankle and almost break ur collar bone by slipping at a pool but u could walk off getting ur ass beat by aubrey and her gang multiple times
Aubrey: ...That's a good point.
Aubrey: What the hell
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: dont know.
Sunny: hm...
Hero: Please for the love of all that is holy do NOT test what kind of things can injure you.
Sunny: sadness
Basil: Hey Sunny,,?? How long are you staying in the hospital?
Sunny: one more hour
Basil: ,
Aubrey: YOU ASSHOLE YOU MADE IT SEEM LIKE YOU WERE HOSPITALIZED AGAIN
Sunny: oh
Kel: bro...u gotta start elaborating more when u tell us stuff.....
Sunny: sorry
Aubrey: Ughhhh it's fineeeee
Aubrey: Just don't do it again
Sunny: i will be sure to be more clear when i tell you about me getting hurt
Hero: Try again :)
Sunny: i will be sure to not get hurt
Hero: There we go!
Kel: slightly unrelated but are the kids in ur class ok like...seeing u eat the concrete n all
Sunny: they thought it was funny
Aubrey: God I fucking hate kids...
Kel: well DID it look funny?
Hero: KEL.
Kel: what??? falls are funny
Sunny: yes
Kel: HELL YEAH
Aubrey: God I fucking hate Kel...
Kel: hate u too <3

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: Sunny!!!
Basil: Um are you,, sure youre ok??
Basil: I mean I know you said you werent staying in the hospital long but,, uh,,
Sunny: im fine
Sunny: i have fruit snacks
Basil: The kid still gave you the snacks,,,...
Sunny: mhm
Sunny: and the instructor gave me a sticker
Basil: I see,, thats,,,,good...
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny: see
Basil: .,,,Yes?
Basil: Um..;;
Basil: Ok I really want to feel bad about you wearing an eyepatch but I am so confused????
Basil: Why is it shaped like a pineapple?? With sunglasses???
Sunny: +5 street cred
Basil: ...Ok??
Basil: Well um,,,
Basil: Is it fine if I mail you a get well soon card???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Ok!!! Ill do that!!!!
Basil: Ill see if I can get the others to help with it!!!
Sunny: ok
Sunny: ty
Sunny: ...
Sunny: sorry for worrying you
Basil: Ah,, its ok!!!
Basil: Just take care of yourself, ok!!!!?? No more reckless stunts!!!
Sunny: ok
Basil: Good!!

Chapter End Notes

girl help my spring break is over tomorrow 😔
also that lil tidbit abt kel being good w/ kids is inspired by me......i am one with the toddlers whenever i visit.......i have done that exact thing the hero described.

the fight or flight instinct

Chapter Summary

Aubrey: You'll fucking see.
Sunny: ^ things i wish my ophthalmologist would say
Aubrey: ...
Kel: ...u good bro?
Sunny: ive walked into three doors today

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Basil >>> Aubrey
1:19 PM
Basil: Umm,,, Aubrey??
Basil: I think I upset one of your friends,,,,,
Aubrey: ??? How???
Basil: Well umm,,,
Basil: The Maverick showed up at my house earlier,,, and he had a bouquet of flowers?? He said they were for me,,??
Aubrey: Oh lord.
Basil: I was?? Really confused?? Because I dont order bouquets..,,, I can just make my own!!
Basil: So I uh,, told him that,,,
Basil: And then he looked really sad,,, for some reason?? And left….
Aubrey: Oh my god.
Basil: It was really weird,,,
Basil: I didnt think Fix-it did house deliveries,,,or even that he worked there!!
Aubrey: You’re kidding, right??
Basil: Um???
Basil: No,,???
Aubrey: Holy shit
Aubrey: You
Aubrey: Omg
Basil: Hhuh??
Aubrey: Hold on a second, I gotta do smth

<< HOOLIGANG >>
Aubrey: @Everyone @THE MAVERICK just tried to give Basil flowers and then got so embarrassed he left without saying anything
THE MAVERICK: AUBREY WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PUT ME ON BLAST LIKE THAT
Kim: BWAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHA
Kim: PUSSY
THE MAVERICK: SHUT UP
Kim: YOU GAVE THE KID THAT GROWS FLOWERS STORE-BOUGHT FLOWERS AND THEN COULDN’T EVEN COMMIT TO IT
Kim: LITERALLY YOU ARE NEVER LIVING THIS DOWN
THE MAVERICK: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
Kim: @Everyone @Everyone GET HIS ASS!!!!
THE MAVERICK: NOOO!!!!!

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: Ok I’m back
Basil: Are you um,,, mad at me??
Aubrey: Tf no????
Aubrey: You just gave me so much ammunition to make fun of his smug ass with
Aubrey: He is getting verbally murdered by the others as we speak
Basil: Oh,,,?
Basil: Why???
Aubrey: Oh, you sweet summer child…
Basil: ???
Basil: My birthday’s in February??
Aubrey: OH MY GOD
Basil: ???????????
Basil: Im so confused,,,????
Aubrey: Stay that way
Aubrey: The slower you are to catch on the more likely he is to move on
Aubrey: And also the more I can make fun of him for
Basil: ,,,,Okay??
Aubrey: Good.
Aubrey: Hold on tho I gotta make sure, was that all he did??
Aubrey: Nothin weird??
Basil: No,?
Aubrey: …It’s really hard to tell if ur bullshitting me over text
Aubrey: The way u type exudes so much anxiety it’s like impossible to analyze
Basil: Sorry,,,!!!
Basil: He really didnt do anything though,!!
Aubrey: HE SURE DIDN’T LMAO
Aubrey: Tbh tho we gotta work on calming you down a little
Aubrey: Like I will literally just see you walking down the street and feel anxious just by glancing at you
Basil: Um,,,
Basil: I mean,,,,
Basil: Thats just how I am??
Basil: Im better than I used to be!!!!
Aubrey: That’s really not saying much.
Basil: Yeah,,, you have a point,,,,
Basil: Im trying my best though;;;
Aubrey: Hm…
Aubrey: Have you tried converting your anxiety into violence and aggression?
Basil: Yes and I would like to never repeat that again
Aubrey: Have you tried converting your anxiety into violence and aggression without the use of sharp objects and also with the presence of a support system?
Basil: ,,,No.
Aubrey: Cool, we’ll try that
Basil: ,,,We,,,??
Aubrey: Yeah
Aubrey: Next time you feel anxious, punch me in the arm.
Basil: What?????
Basil: No!!!,,!!
Aubrey: Why not??
Basil: I dont want to hit you!!!!
Basil: Also I am anxious like all the time always!!!!!!
Aubrey: Don’t be a coward???
Aubrey: Just do it???
Basil: No,,!!!
Basil: I dont want to hurt you!!!
Aubrey: H
Aubrey: HURT ME??
Aubrey: I mean that’s sweet and all but
Aubrey: YOU THINK YOU CAN HURT ME???
Aubrey: YOU???
Aubrey: YOU THINK YOUR TINY ASS CAN CAUSE ME HARM???
Basil: Um,,
Basil: I just,,,,uh
Aubrey: NO
Aubrey: THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU ANYMORE.
Aubrey: THIS IS ABOUT ME
Aubrey: AND MY REPUTATION.
Basil: Huh?/,,?
Aubrey: BASIL.
Basil: Yyes???
Aubrey: I AM ON MY WAY TO YOUR HOUSE.
Basil: What??;;???
Aubrey: I AM COMING TO YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
Aubrey: AND YOU ARE GOING TO PUNCH ME.
Basil: NO???? IM NOT????
Aubrey: YES YOU FUCKING ARE.
Aubrey: ON SIGHT.
Aubrey: AS HARD AS YOU FUCKING CAN.
Basil: NO!!!!!!
Aubrey: YES!!!!!
Aubrey: FULL FORCE NO HESITATION
Aubrey: PUT EVERY OUNCE OF PANIC YOU’VE EVER FELT INTO IT
Basil: THAT!!! IS!!! NOT!!! A!!! GOOD!!! IDEA!!!!
Aubrey: SCREW GOOD IDEAS
Aubrey: MY PRIDE IS AT STAKE HERE
Aubrey: SO YOU BETTER HIT ME WITH ALL YOU FUCKING GOT
Basil: AAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!>!1/1!!?!>?!!?

Basil >>> Hero
1:26 PM
Basil: PLEASE PLSAE PLEASE PLEASE HELP
Hero: What’s going on?!
Basil: PLEASE JUST COME TO MY HOUES
Basil: I KKNOCKED AUBREY OUT
Hero: YOU WHAT???
Basil: I DDIIDNT MEAN TO I PANICKNED
Basil: SHE TOLD ME TO
Hero: UM???
Hero: Is she bleeding at all??
Basil: Nno shes just not waking up,,,
Hero: How um, exactly did you knock her out???
Basil: She toldd me to hit her,.,,,as hard as I could,,,
Basil: Then she showed up and I didnt know hwat to do so I did,,.,,..;;;
Hero: ….
Hero: You hit her in the jaw, didn’t you?
Basil: Yyeah,,./??
Hero: …Nature’s knock-out button…
Hero: Just…lay her down on a couch or something, I’ll be right over.
Basil: Ok,,.,.,,.
Basil: Sorry,..,,../..
Hero: Don’t be. This definitely seems like her fault…

<< boudce >>
2:38 PM
Kel sent an image.
Kel: someone please tell me why mikhail is posing melodramatically at our hideout while playing “she will be loved” by maroon 5 on loop
Kel: im so uncomfortable.
Kel: i was looking for a hairtie i left there and hes just. draping himself against a chair. belting out the chorus.
Kel: i dont know where he got the chair from.
Kel: i dont think he knows im here.
Kel: help.
Sunny: ok
Kel: huh??
Kel: SUNNY WTF WTF NO NO NO STOP
Kel: WH YWHY HWYW HWY WHY
Kel: WHY DID YOU CALL ME MY RINGTONE IS SO FUCKING LOUD
Kel: OH GOD THIS IS SO AWKWARD
Sunny: lol
Kel: YOU ARE FUCKED UP
Kel: oh god he wants to ask me something
Kel: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Aubrey: What the hell is going on here
Kel: AUBREY COME GET YOUR TWINK PLEASE IM BEGGING
Aubrey: ?????????????
Kel: MIKHAIL
Kel: PLEASE HES ASKING ME SO MANY QUESTIONS IN HIS FAKE ASS FRENCH ACCENT I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HES SAYING
Aubrey: Nah
Kel: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP
Aubrey: I wouldddd
Aubrey: But I'm kinda being strong-armed into bed rest rn
Sunny: ?
Aubrey: I got suckerpunched by a stick and Hero's being a baby about it lmao
Aubrey: He won't let me leave. He says I'll """cause more trouble"""". Bitch.
Kel: WELL I HOPE IT FUCKING HURT
Kel: w
Kel: aubrey
Kel: AUBREY
Aubrey: WHAT.
Kel: WHY IS HE ASKING ME WHAT KIND OF CHOCOLATES BASIL LIKES
Kel: WHY. DOES. HE. WANT. BASILS. NUMBER.
Kel: ??????//?//????/??/???
Aubrey: Jesus Christ
Aubrey: He sure bounced back quick
Kel: WHAT the FUCK are you TALKING ABOUT
Kel: WAIT
Kel: WAIT IS THIS THAT THING ANGEL TOLD ME ABOUT
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK
Kel: OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO
Aubrey: If you help him I'm going to break your legs <3
Kel: UM?????
Kel: ok i have an idea
Sunny: ouch
Kel: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU
Kel: whatever nevermind
Kel: i gotta focus
Kel: im shifting into kel mode
Aubrey: What...what does that mean
Kel: this
Kel is offline.
Sunny: dread
Aubrey: He's so going to get himself grounded again
Aubrey: GOD and I won't even be able to laugh at him abt it
Sunny: ?
Aubrey: Like I said, I got suckerpunched by a stick
Sunny: hate when that happens
Aubrey: ????
Sunny: i fought a tree
Aubrey: HOW
Sunny: fists
Aubrey: ...Did you win?
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Wow.
Sunny: you didnt win either
Aubrey: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS WASN'T AN ACTUAL FIGHT
Aubrey: AND I TOLD HIM TO HIT ME IN THE ARM, NOT THE FACE
Sunny: you lost a fight after one hit?
Kel: IM BACK
Kel: also whats this about aubrey losing a fight after one hit?
Aubrey: NO I FUCKING DIDN'T
Aubrey: IT WASN'T A REAL FIGHT
Sunny: because you went down so fast?
Kel: SLDFGILSDHGIHSOGHOIH
Aubrey: That's it.
Aubrey: I'm going to beat BOTH your asses. Then you'll see.
Aubrey: You'll fucking see.
Sunny: ^ things i wish my ophthalmologist would say
Aubrey: ...
Kel: ...u good bro?
Sunny: ive walked into three doors today
Aubrey: SFHDGISDHFGHIOSDFHHOHDHI
Aubrey: IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SO FUCKING PISSY TODAY??
Sunny: anger
Kel: bro go do smth and calm down
Kel: talk to basil or smth idk
Sunny: ok
Sunny is offline.
Kel: also aubrey do the same thing
Aubrey: Why???
Aubrey: I'm not any angrier than normal??
Kel: please
Aubrey: What did you do
Kel: please
Aubrey: KEL
Aubrey: WHAT DID YOU DO.
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: GET BACK HERE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

Sunny >>> Basil
Sunny: good morning
Basil: IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO
Sunny: no
Sunny: also why
Basil: .,,??
Basil: OH,, you dont know..
Basil: ,.,.,,I knocked Aubrey out;;;,,,
Sunny: lol
Basil: ???
Sunny: do it again
Basil: WHY??
Sunny: i want to watch
Basil: NO????
Basil: Are you okay???
Sunny: anger
Sunny: hate doors
Basil: Youre mad at doors...,,,,???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Ok,,..
Sunny: fight
Basil: Are
Basil: Are you saying you want to fight a door???
Basil: Or,,, or do you want ME to fight a door???
Sunny: yes
Basil: ;;;
Basil: If I,,,fight a door,,, will it keep you from doing it too??
Sunny: yes
Basil: Erm,,,,...;;;
Basil: Oh!!! I have an idea!!!!!
Basil: Give me um.,,, a few minutes!!!
Sunny: ok

Basil >>> Sunny
2:58 PM
Basil sent a picture.
Basil: I drew a door on a spare plank of wood outside!!!
Basil: Will this work???
Sunny: smart
Sunny: yes
Sunny: fight
Basil: Ok,,..
Basil: Oh...
Sunny: ?
Basil: Hero found me..,,,,,
Basil: I dont um,,, know how to explain what Im doing,,,
Sunny: fighting a door
Sunny: for me
Basil: ,,,
Basil: He just told me to wear gloves,,,,,and went back inside,,,,
Sunny: no splinters
Basil: Oh yeah!!! Ok,,,...
Basil: Im doing it now!!!!
Sunny: video call
Sunny: i want to watch
Basil: Ok!!!!

<< boudce >>
Hero: I'm not going to name any names, but would everyone please stop asking Basil to fight other people and/or things? Thank you.
Kel: where is this coming from
Kel: what am i missing out on
Hero: I know what you're thinking.
Hero: Do not.
Kel: darn

THE MAVERICK >>> Aubrey
7:16 PM
THE MAVERICK: Bonjour, little flower. I would like to apologize for my un-gentlemanly display earlier today.
Aubrey: What.
THE MAVERICK: Haha, you do not remember...?
THE MAVERICK: Ah, I suppose that is for the better.
THE MAVERICK: This simply means a fresh beginning...
Aubrey: What the fuck are you talking about
THE MAVERICK: Y
THE MAVERICK: You...do not text the way your demeanour would suggest.
Aubrey: WHAT.
THE MAVERICK: I do not mean to offend!
THE MAVERICK: It simply means I must get to know you better...
THE MAVERICK: How would you feel about going out to eat somewhere?
THE MAVERICK: My treat ;)
Aubrey: MAV WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON
THE MAVERICK: ???
THE MAVERICK: Wait a minute
THE MAVERICK: AUBREY??
Aubrey: YES????
Aubrey: WHAT THE FUCK???
THE MAVERICK: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...I thought you were Basil...
Aubrey: WHY
Aubrey: THE FUCK
Aubrey: DID YOU THINK I WAS BASIL
THE MAVERICK: Because Kel put his number in my phone...?
THE MAVERICK: I swear I clicked on his contact...
Aubrey: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...
Aubrey: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...Ah.
THE MAVERICK: I see what he did.
Aubrey: I'm going to fucking kill him.

Chapter End Notes

i think the maverick is so funny. hes like tamaki ohshc but worse.

THE HEALING POWER OF A GIRLS NIGHT IS NOT ONE TO BE UNDERESTIMATED

Chapter Summary

Kel: turns out the quickest way to a mans heart is not his stomach actually. its his snails.
Sunny: escargot
Kel: holy shit.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

6:26 PM
Aubrey created a groupchat.
Aubrey added Kim to the chat.
Aubrey added Charlie to the chat.
Aubrey: Hey besties <3
Charlie: Hello...
Kim: sup sup
Aubrey: So what y'all been up to...
Charlie: I've been visiting Basil more often...and helping him with his flowers...
Charlie: He gave me a packet of lilly seeds...I planted them in my backyard today....
Aubrey: Fucking superb you funky little blessing
Aubrey: They're gonna be the best damn flowers ever grown on this bitch of an Earth I s2g or I am literally going to beat the dirt to death
Kim: FUCK YEAH GROW THEM LILLIES!!! YA GOT THIS!!!
Charlie: Thank you....
Aubrey: Wby Kim
Aubrey: What's ur latest bullshit
Kim: science
Aubrey: Elaborate.
Kim sent an image.
Kim: science
Aubrey: What the fuck is that
Kim: ITS FUCKING SCIENCE
Kim: HOW MANY TIME DO I GOTTA SAY IT
Charlie: Is that......a makeshift catapult...?
Kim: yes
Aubrey: Why the FUCK did you build a catapult
Kim: i wanna see if angel can live up to his name
Aubrey: Sglashdgiahsidghiahsh
Aubrey: You're going to fucking kill him
Kim: acceptable losses
Charlie: Please don't.....
Aubrey: Nevermind
Aubrey: Harm a hair on his stupid pompadour head and I'm breaking your kneecaps
Kim: UGHHHHHHHHH
Kim: FINEEEEEE
Kim: if only so charlie doesn't get upset
Charlie: Thank you....
Aubrey: <3
Kim: <3
Kim: ok now that the small talk is outta the way why are we here
Aubrey: Wellllll
Aubrey: I've been thinkingggg
Aubrey: We should hang out
Aubrey: Just the three of us
Kim: lemme guess
Kim: u finally got tired of spending so much time with the boys
Aubrey: UGH YES
Aubrey: I'm proposing we have ourselves a sleepover or something
Aubrey: Before I literally start chopping ppl's dicks off
Kim: DO IT DO IT
Charlie: I'd like a girls' night...
Charlie: It sounds like fun...
Kim: well shit now we gotta do it
Kim: like, by law
Aubrey: FUCK YEAH
Aubrey changed the chat name to GIRLS' NIGHT!!!!!.
Aubrey: Okayokay so we need IDEAS
Aubrey: First off. Where we staying girlies bc it sure as hell isn't my house
Charlie: We can stay at my house...
Charlie: I have a lot of extra quilts....
Kim: I LOVE YOU SM SM SM CHARLIE
Aubrey: HELL YEAH
Aubrey: Okay since Charlie is providing the sleeping arrangements that leaves me n Kim on snack and movie duty
Aubrey: I'll bring the snacks ig
Kim: please can i be on snack duty just this once
Aubrey: No.
Kim: pls pls pls i wont eat it all this time
Kim: i prommy
Aubrey: No <3
Kim: fuck
Charlie: Are we only going to watch movies...?
Aubrey: I mean uhhhh???
Aubrey: We're kinda making this up as we go so like. Anything's possible.
Kim: LETS TP MAV'S HOUSE
Aubrey: FUCK YEAH
Aubrey: CAN WE CHARLIE CAN WE CAN WE
Charlie: Um...
Charlie: Sure...
Kim: *i get down on one knee and propose to you on the spot*
Charlie: Haha...
Aubrey: OKAY SO
Aubrey: We're gonna TP Mav's house...
Aubrey: Then ????
Aubrey: And after THAT we're gonna watch movies.
Kim: love ???ing
Kim: funnest thing in the world
Kim: OO WAIT I GOT AN IDEA
Aubrey: Hit me
Kim: i wanna gather embarrassing info on ur friends to use as blackmail
Aubrey: ...What kinda blackmail
Kim: candy and favors
Aubrey: Hm...
Aubrey: I Support This
Aubrey: When we're all at Charlie's I can send q's into the gc and let you guys see what they say
Kim: HELL YEAH NEFARIOUS ACTIVITY
Charlie: Nothing too personal though...?
Kim: ofc only the funny stuff
Charlie: Hehe...okay...

<< boudce >>
7:14 PM
Aubrey: Okay @Everyone I'm doing a social experiment.
Aubrey: On the count of three I want all of you to say what you're currently thinking of
Aubrey: 1
Aubrey: 2
Aubrey: 3
Basil: Snails
Kel: snails
Sunny: snails
Aubrey: ...
Aubrey: Hero?
Hero: ...snails.
Aubrey: You've gotta be kidding me.
Aubrey: WHY are all of you thinking of snails.
Basil: I caught one eating one of my plants today >:(
Kel: just assume im always thinkgin abt funky bastards
Sunny: i was eating salt and thought of them by association
Hero: Sally's watching Spongebob, and this episode is about Gary.
Hero: Also, Sunny, please don't eat salt straight from the shaker...
Sunny: sadness
Aubrey: God.
Kel: turns out the quickest way to a mans heart is not his stomach actually. its his snails.
Sunny: escargot
Kel: holy shit.
Basil: Hm....
Basil: Hero if I give you these garden snails can you make escargot with them?? Please :)
Hero: I don't know how to cook escargot...
Basil: Oh!! It doesnt have to be edible!!!
Basil: It just has to be painful.
Aubrey: What the fuck?
Basil: They eat :) my plants :)
Kel: hm hm very threatening
Kel: i dig it!
Aubrey: If that's all that matters then why not just cook them yourself...
Basil: ...Hm....
Sunny: no
Basil: :(((
Basil: Please???
Sunny: no
Basil: Please
Sunny: no
Sunny: dont hurt them
Kel: why would u wanna hurt a snail bro...they just slimin around
Basil: They can slime around as much as they want!!!
Basil: As long as it is not!! Near!! My!!! Plants!!!
Hero: Why not just...move them??
Hero: Do you have to kill them?
Basil: Yes :)
Aubrey: Okay ngl Basil's freaking me out a little so I'm just gonna move on.
Aubrey: Everyone name your gay awakening.
Aubrey: I’ll go first mine was Sunny.
Kel: how tf does that work
Aubrey: If there was any boy in the entire world I could’ve been attracted to it would’ve been him
Aubrey: But it just didn’t happen, so
Kel: ooo gotcha
Basil: Um!!! Mine was also Sunny!!!
Kel: OMG dahglshdakgh
Kel: ok but that was kinda obvious ngl
Sunny: ???
Aubrey: PLEASE don’t tell us you never noticed his huge ass crush on you when we were kids
Sunny: ok
Basil: Its ok!!! Im pretty over it now anyway,,
Sunny: heartbreak
Aubrey: Do you even like him back that way
Sunny: no
Sunny: i like attention
Aubrey: Really??? I never noticed.
Sunny: sarcasm………….
Aubrey: Whatever.
Aubrey: Kel ur turn
Kel: c
Kel: captain spaceboy,,,,
Aubrey: AGHAHGO;HIHGODSH
Sunny: approval
Sunny: b
Kel: I GOT THE SUNNY STAMP OF APPROVAL FUCK ALL YALLL
Basil: Spaceboy is kinda pretty,,,
Aubrey: Gays. All of you.
Kel: lesbian
Aubrey: Got me there
Aubrey: Okay now Sunny, you go
Sunny: hero
Kel: H
Hero: ...Ah.
Kel: DHFOGISHDIOHSOIH
Aubrey: OH MY GOD AGHOISHGOIAHSIOGDHIOPH
Basil: Oh!! Hehe!!
Kel: HOW THE FUCK
Sunny: charm
Aubrey: THAT'S SO GOOD THO OAHGSOHG
Aubrey: HERO UR TURN
Aubrey: WHAT WAS UR AWAKENING
Aubrey: I SAW THOSE BI FLAG EARRINGS IN UR DRESSER I KNOW UR NOT STRAIGHT
Kel: WAIT THE WHAT
Hero: Aubrey….
Hero: How…???
Aubrey: I was looking for the fifty dollars Kel owed me a while back and I know he hides stuff on ur side of the room sometimes so I went thru ur drawers
Aubrey: They’re rly nice earrings actually I’m a little pissed u haven’t worn them around us yet
Kel: WAIT WHT
Kel: LEAVE MY MONEY ALONE
Aubrey: I WILL WHEN YOU START PAYING ME ON TIME
Aubrey: Ok but this isn’t abt you rn this is about Hero
Aubrey: ANSWER
Aubrey: WHO MADE YOU BI
Hero: ….
Hero: ….My dorm’s RA.
Aubrey: AHAHAHAHHASHGIO HISDH
Kel: AGHOSHGOIAHDIGHA
Aubrey: Amazing 10/10
Aubrey: Sunny what’s your opinion
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: bottom.
Kel: B
Aubrey: BOTTOMA AHOSIDHG
Aubrey: OMGHGJ WITWAIT WAIT DOES THAT MEAN MARI WAS A TOP
Kel: NOOOOOOOOOOO I DONT WANNA KNOW THISSSSSSSS
Sunny: cease.
Hero: Every time. Every time I open my mouth. You just have to come after me.
Hero: Why do I bother.
Aubrey: Bet you do open ur mouth dontcha
Hero: ,
Kel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Basil: I dont like this conversation anymore.
Aubrey: OKAY OKAY MOVING ON
Aubrey: Uhhhhhhhh gimme a sec
Kel: ???
Kel: where are all these questions coming from
Aubrey: Can't a bitch be curious? Asshole?
Sunny: friendly bonding activity
Aubrey: What he said
Aubrey: ASHDGLHSLKDGH OKAY OKAY
Aubrey: Weirdest phase
Aubrey: For me it was that one phase I had when I was eight when I read Percy Jackson too fast and was convinced I was a lost daughter of Artemis
Kel: cringe
Kel: but also i had a conspirator phase pretty bad when i was eleven
Aubrey: God is that when you kept going around yelling illuminati everywhere?
Kel: yeahhh
Kel: u can ask hero i had like a notebook full of theories and everything
Hero: Unfortunately can confirm. He used to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me the moon was actually a spaceship and other stuff.
Aubrey: Wow, you believe in the moon? Sheeple.
Kel: FUCK YOU BECAUSE MARI ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO ME AND THATS WHAT KICKED ME OUT OF IT
Aubrey: FUCKING WHAT
Hero: I. I think I remember that.
Hero: She called me and wouldn't stop laughing about the moon.
Hero: Oh my god.
Kel: I COULDNT LOOK AT THE SKY FOR LIKE A MONTH
Kel: IT MESSED ME UP SO MUCH
Sunny: she rehearsed it
Kel: WHAT
Sunny: basil gave her the idea
Kel: BASIL WHAT THE FUCK
Basil: It was a joke!!!
Basil: Its not my fault she took it seriously!!!!
Kel: I COULDNT SLEEP FOR A WEEK
Kel: GOD
Kel: just for that basil its ur turn. what was ur phase.
Basil: Erm,.,,,,,
Basil: I,,, really wanted to be a prince when I was little,,,
Basil: So Id walk around in a prince costume I got from Halloween,,, and talk in really fancy Old English speak,,,,
Aubrey: That's actually really fucking cute
Aubrey: I would pay to see a picture or a video or something
Kel: SAME HERE OMG
Basil: Hhhhhh
Basil: Someone else go now please please please;;;;;
Sunny: i tried to make cookies like hero and caught our microwave on fire
Sunny: not a phase but i think it counts
Hero: HOW
Hero: How do you catch a microwave on fire making cookies.?
Hero: Sunny how
Sunny: muffin tray
Hero: WHY WERE YOU MAKING COOKIES WITH A MUFFIN TRAY?
Kel: dude i think ur giving hero a stroke algkalsdglkjalsdkjgkasd
Sunny: couldnt find cookie tray
Basil: Why??? Were you using the microwave??
Sunny: quicker
Sunny: also i do not trust ovens
Hero: So you. You.
Hero: You put the cookie dough in a muffin tray. And put it in the microwave?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: sorry
Hero: Why...
Hero: ...
Hero: Wait.
Hero: WAIT A MINUTE.
Aubrey: ????
Hero: YOU.
Sunny: sorry
Kel: hero???
Hero: MY FOURTEENTH BIRTHDAY.
Kel: ????
Kel: huh
Kel: OH
Kel: OH MY AGHDFSOHGAOIDHSGOIHAIODHG
Aubrey: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU SERIOUS???
Basil: ??????
Hero: THE PARTY WAS POST-PONED BECAUSE ""SOMETHING CAME UP"".
Hero: AND THEN A TROPICAL STORM HIT THE WEEK WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THE NEW ONE.
Hero: SO IT NEVER HAPPENED.
Hero: SUNNY.
Hero: DID YOU RUIN MY FOURTEENTH BIRTHDAY BECAUSE YOU BLEW UP YOUR MICROWAVE?
Sunny is offline.
Aubrey: LAGKLHDSLFHGLSDHFLGHALKDFH
Kel: adhfgsldkhghkdfkj omg
Basil: I knew he was bad at cooking but,,,,
Hero: I don't know what to do with this information.
Hero: Can
Hero: Can we move on from Sunny's cooking please??
Kel: k
Kel: heros embarassing phase was when he tried to be a fuckboi at age twelve
Aubrey: HE TRIED TO BE A WHAT
Hero: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.
Hero: ALSO NO I DIDN'T.
Kel: YOU WERE SUBTLE BUT I NOTICED
Kel: YOU FORGET THAT MOM GIVES ME YOUR HAND-ME-DOWN CLOTHES
Kel: EVERY MUSCLE SHIRT EVERY PAIR OF RAGGEDY JEANS EVERY TRUCKER HAT
Kel: I REMEMBER THAT GOLD CHAIN NECKLACE
Aubrey: OH MY GOD???
Aubrey: POSTER BOY HERO??? A FUCKBOY???
Hero: NO!!!!!!
Kel: worst part imo is that it only lasted a week bc dad told him to dress more respectively and he dropped the whole thing
Aubrey: HE COULDN'T EVEN COMMIT ALSDGIAHSDGLIHASDHG
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: NOOOOOOO DON'T GO
Kel sent an image.
Basil: Hehehe!!!!! He looks like a tomato...,,,
Aubrey: FUCKING LOSERRR
Kel: IKR???
Kel: WAIT AGHGHIOWHI Y58Q3
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: Damn the fuckboy got him
Aubrey: RIP Kelsey, your death was not in vain
Basil: Do you think hes going to get grounded again,,,,?
Aubrey: Man who tf knows
Aubrey: Hey Basil if I paid you to could you put cookie dough on a plate, stick it in a microwave, and take a picture of Hero's reaction
Basil: Um,,, sure!!!
Aubrey: Fucking sweet.
Aubrey: Okay I'm done with my questions for now you can go do plant shit or wtvr
Basil: Umm,,, okay???
Basil: Hope the answers helped,,,,, something???
Aubrey: Dw they were very helpful

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: Ok I know I said that I would pay you for the pictures but it's actually Kim that wants them so I'm gonna give her your number so she can text you when she wants them
Basil: ??????
Basil: Okay??????
Aubrey: Thx.
Aubrey: Btw thx for giving Charlie those seeds <3
Basil: Umm it was no problem!!!! I think she really has a green thumb!!
Aubrey: <3333
Aubrey: Okay my popcorn's done I'm going for real this time
Basil: Okay!!

<< GIRLS' NIGHT!!!! >>
10:21 PM
Kim: hmmmm
Kim: hey girlies i've been thinkin
Aubrey: Why the fuck are you texting
Aubrey: We are literally in the same room
Kim: bc the remote's on the other side of the room and i don't wanna have to get up grab it and pause the movie just to talk
Aubrey: Valid
Aubrey: Carry on
Kim: ok so i was just thinking like
Kim: u know
Kim: not to be That Girl but it kinda sux that we're p much each others' only gal pals
Charlie: Kinda...
Aubrey: ...
Aubrey: ...Yeah.
Kim: >.>
Kim: ruh roh im gettin sad vibes from u aubrey
Kim: wassup
Charlie: Is something wrong...?
Aubrey: ...
Aubrey: I mean...
Kim: cmon man
Kim: its Girls' Night (TM)
Kim: u can talk to us
Aubrey: I guess...if I would talk to anyone in the gang about this, it'd be you two...
Aubrey: Um...
Aubrey: Do either of you remember Mari...?
Kim: uh.... i think you've mentioned her to me once or twice...
Charlie: I do.....
Charlie: I had some classes with her.....
Charlie: She was really nice.....
Aubrey: Yeah...she was...
Kim: ohhhh i see
Kim: talking abt how few girls u know reminded u of her
Aubrey: Yeah.
Aubrey: She meant a lot to me...she was like my big sister.
Aubrey: She's um, actually the reason I dyed my hair...
Kim: wait fr??? i thought that was just ur teenage rebellion
Aubrey: I mean. That too I guess.
Aubrey: Me and Mari made plans to dye our hair together...hers was gonna be purple.
Aubrey: But then...
Aubrey: ...
Charlie: It must've been really hard...I'm sorry...
Aubrey: It was... It's ok, though.
Kim: hm...
Kim: yo aubrey
Aubrey: ?
Kim: tell me if im overstepping but i just got an idea
Aubrey: Okay...?
Kim: ok so you said mari was gonna dye her hair purple to go with your pink, right???
Kim: so like...what if you dyed a lock of your hair purple? like, a part of your bangs or your tips or something.
Kim: yanno. for her part of the deal.
Aubrey: That...
Aubrey: Oh my god.
Aubrey: That's a great idea.
Kim: you think??
Aubrey: Yeah.
Aubrey: I
Aubrey: I kinda really really wanna do that now.
Kim: well what's stopping you??? othermart's open 24/7 yanno
Charlie: We can use my bathroom.....My parents won't mind....
Aubrey: Seriously?
Aubrey: You guys aren't fucking with me, right?
Charlie: We'd never do that...
Kim: yeah man
Kim: let's fuckin do it
Aubrey: Hold on, I think I'm gonna cry,
Kim: NOOOO
Kim: NO DON'T CRY I'M LIKE SUPER AWKWARD WHEN THAT HAPPENS
Kim: charlie can you pretty please help aubrey out while i sprint to othermart and get some hair dye
Charlie: No problem.....
Kim is offline.
Charlie: Do you want a minute alone, or....?
Aubrey: Um
Aubrey: Just a minute yeah
Charlie: Ok...
Charlie: I'll make some hot chocolate.....
Aubrey: Kiss me marry me have my children I love you so so much
Charlie: You can take the fluffy blanket while I make it.....
Aubrey: I'M IN LOVE

<< boudce >>
1:37 AM
Aubrey sent an image.
Aubrey: :)
Aubrey: (Also Kel bc I know what ur gonna think when you see this, if you say I look like a my little pony I am literally going to break you in half)
Aubrey: (And also Sunny bc I know you have negative sleeping habits if you say literally anything at all before dawn I am going to put you in a coma)
Aubrey: (DOUBLE ALSO Hero do NOT lecture me on being up this late I'm having a girls' night so fuck off)
Aubrey is offline.

Chapter End Notes

sadly a good portion of this is not solely aubrey-kim-charlie interaction but in my defense they ARE literally in the same room. so.
anyway ive decided my ego is finally strong enough to feel like giving out my tumblr and ig <3
tumblr: @enby-peep (main) and @enbiart (art blog)
ig: enby.peep

home alone 2 lost in new york

Chapter Summary

Kel: i blame the rats
Kel: the uppies mustve sensed i sympathized with king chucky and conspired to keep us separate
Hero: Do you
Hero: Do you have heat stroke???

Chapter Notes

just a disclaimer i am the countriest of country bumpkins. i saw an escalator once and almost started crying i was so confused. i dont know the first thing about cities, in my mind they are just confusing amalgamations of big buildings and many people. so yeah ♡

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kel >>> Hero
12:11 PM
Kel: hero. bro. my one true homie. my guy.
Hero: Yes?
Kel: i need to skip town.
Hero: What??
Kel: its too late for me.
Kel: i need a fresh start.
Kel: a new life under a new name.
Kel: im thinking….cal.
Hero: Why….
Hero: Why do you need to skip town?
Kel: god.
Kel: just, just bear with me a second.
Hero: Okay…?
Kel: so. im a little tired of being broke all the damn time.
Kel: so i thought to myself. “hey! its summer! i should get a job!”
Hero: That’s not a bad idea.
Kel: i also thought that.
Kel: so i went down to fix-it, since theyre like, always hiring.
Kel: and i say to the fix-it guy.
Kel: “hey! i want a job!”
Kel: and bc i can see u typing i DID say it more politely than that ok im paraphrasing
Kel: anyway.
Kel: i ask if i need to do an interview or smth.
Hero: Alright…?
Kel: he says, “no need, i got a better idea,” and takes me round back.
Kel: he gives me a pot and says, “ok, ill be back in a bit, just hold this till im back” and leaves.
Kel: im like. “okay. weird. whatever though.”
Hero: That…is strange.
Kel: so after a few minutes, i start getting bored. bc im just standing in the back room of fix-it by myself holding a pot. its boring as shit.
Kel: so i walk around a lil. look at stuff.
Kel: and then.
Kel: theres a hose on the ground. and i trip.
Hero: …And you broke the pot?
Kel: and i broke the pot.
Kel: so i start freaking out bc i did NOT bring my wallet to pay for the pot.
Kel: and the guy comes back in.
Kel: and you know what happens next?
Hero: Did he get angry??
Kel: NO.
Kel: he just sighs. says “thought so”. gave me twenty bucks. And told me to leave.
Hero: Wow.
Kel: I CANT LIVE IN THIS FUCKING TOWN ANYMORE.
Hero: That’s, um…unfortunate.
Hero: At least you’ve got twenty dollars now…?
Kel: twenty dollars i can use to board a bus and skip town.
Hero: Please don’t do that.
Kel: yea yea lol
Kel: wait a minute
Kel: h
Hero: …Kel?
Kel: ha
Hero: Kel.
Kel: sup
Hero: Where are you.
Kel: okay so,
Kel: and ur GONNA laugh at this,
Kel: i mightve accidently boarded the bus while i was ranting.
Hero: HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTLY BOARD A BUS.
Kel: IDK HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTLY FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR EVERY MORNING.
Hero: That is a low blow and you know very well that you forget to brush your hair even more than I do.
Kel: at least i dont look like a porcupine when i wake up
Hero: No, but you do look like a sheep dog.
Kel: JOKES ON U DOGS ARE FUKCING COOL
Hero: God…
Hero: Do you know where your bus is headed?
Kel: uhhhhhhhh
Kel: hold on lemme ask this lady
Hero: Oh, Kel….
Kel: hm hm hm ok ok
Kel: alright so apparently im going to some place called skyrise city
Hero: Are you sure?
Kel: uhhhh posi
Hero: That’s…good.
Hero: I think that’s where Sunny lives.
Kel: REAL SHIT?
Hero: Yeah.
Hero: How much money do you have left on you? You should be able to just get on another bus and come right back.
Kel: UH?
Kel: NO?
Kel: IM GONNA SPEND TIME WITH SUNNY?
Hero: Do not??
Hero: Neither him or any of our parents know you’re going??
Kel: SURPRISE VISIT
Hero: Kel, no.
Kel: KEL, YES.
Hero: NO.
Kel: YES.
Hero: Kel. I have a driver’s license.
Hero: If you don’t (or can’t) come home by yourself, I WILL bring you back myself.
Kel: good luck finding me fucker
Kel: this gonna be some home alone 2 lost in new york shit
Hero: DO. NOT. GET. LOST. IN. SKYRISE. CITY.
Kel: >:3
Hero: That’s it. I’m getting Dad’s keys right now.
Kel: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: SUNNY WHATS UR ADDRESS
Sunny: ?
Kel: I AM COMING
Sunny: ???
Kel: IM ON MY WAY WHERE ARE YOU
Sunny: fear
Kel: PLEASE
Kel: WHEN THE BUS STOPS I NEED TO BE ABLE TO GET TO UR PLACE ASAP
Kel: IF HERO FINDS ME THEN ITS GAME OVER
Sunny: explain
Kel: ok so you know that like viral thing where if someones on the phone and u hand them something theyll hold it w/o question??
Sunny: yes
Kel: ok so that happened to me but instead of holding things i paid for and got on a bus
Sunny: impressive
Kel: ikr?
Kel: and im COMING TO UR HOUSE NOW PLS PLS PLS
Sunny: no
Kel: WHAT
Sunny: better
Sunny: chuck e cheese
Kel: OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A CHUCKY CHEESE?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: membership card
Kel: YOU HAVE A AHGLSHDKHLKSHD CHUCKY CHEESE MEMBERSHIP?????
Sunny: yes
Kel: HOLY SHIT
Kel: WHERE IN TOWN IS THE CHUCKY CHEESE WERE MEETING THERE
Sunny: follow the rats
Sunny: they know the way to their king
Kel: UM?
Kel: OK YKW I TRUST YOU
Kel: WHEN I GET OFF THE BUS IMMA FIND A RAT AND FOLLOW THAT BITCH
Sunny: ok

Hero >>> Kel
12:55 PM
Hero: KELSEY.
Hero: WHERE ARE YOU.
Kel: honestly i wish i knew bro
Kel: ive been following this rat for like fifteen minutes
Hero: WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING A RAT.
Kel: bc sunny said to
Hero: WHY WOULD YOU LISTEN TO HIM.
Kel: bc sunny is my BRO i trust him with my LIFE
Kel: but i AM p lost ngl
Kel: like i was just joking earlier abt getting lost but i am fr fr lost rn
Hero: Oh my god.
Hero: Are there any landmarks around you??? Anything that sticks out???
Kel: uhhhhhhh
Kel: fish statue. for some reason.
Hero: Ok.
Hero: I’m on my way.

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: sunny bro…whyd u lie to me
Kel: the rats led me astray
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: must have been an uppie.
Kel: a
Kel: a what
Sunny: an uppie
Sunny: the revolutionaries
Kel: what. what are the revolutionaries.
Sunny: as we speak the american revolution of ratdom is happening beneath our feet.
Kel: THE WHAT.
Sunny: theres been a revolt
Kel: AGAINST CHUCKY CHEESE????
Sunny: yes
Kel: WHY?????????
Sunny: the uptown rats (uppies) feel unfairly treated by the downtown (downies) beaurorats.
Sunny: chuck e cheese is downtown btw
Kel: UM????
Sunny: despite not housing any chuck e cheese establishments and subsequent leftovers, the uppies pay the same scrap taxes as the downies.
Kel: RATS HAVE TAXES?
Kel: THAT IS SO FUCKED UP.
Sunny: have you seen ratatouille
Kel: YES?
Sunny: uppie propaganda
Kel: HOLY SHIT
Kel: which side are you on
Sunny: uppie in theory downie in practice
Sunny: i like chuck e cheese
Kel: so ur a hypocrite?
Sunny: yes
Kel: i respect ur honesty
Sunny: ty
Sunny: hurry up
Kel: BRO IDK WHERE THE CHUCKY CHEESE IS
Sunny: downtown
Kel: BRO
Kel: heros looking for me anyway bro
Sunny: hurry up
Kel: bro
Sunny: hurry up
Kel: bro…
Sunny: hurry up
Kel: OK OK GEEZ
Kel: ILL KEEP LOOKING

Hero >>> Kel
1:16 PM
Hero: Kel????
Hero: I found the statue, where are you????
Kel: oh lol i left
Hero: WHY.
Kel: bc sunny got impatient
Kel: between u n me tho i still dont know how to get downtown so like.
Hero: You’re lost again.
Kel: yea
Hero: Oh my god…
Hero: Where are you this time??
Kel: uhhhhhh
Kel: holy shit ahdgahsigdhio theres another fish statue
Hero: Seriously??
Kel: yeah adlghahdsgh
Hero: Okay.
Hero: Do. Not. Move.
Kel: ok ok lol

1:28 PM
Hero: KEL.
Hero: WHAT DID I SAY.
Kel: WTF BRO I HAVENT LEFT
Hero sent a picture.
Kel sent a picture.
Hero: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FISH STATUES.
Kel: I DONT KNOW.
Hero: JUST.
Hero: Stay.
Hero: Ok?
Kel: kk

Sunny >>> Kel
Sunny: kel
Sunny: where
Kel: fish
Sunny: oh
Sunny: ok
Kel: WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT???
Sunny: yes
Sunny: fishtrict
Sunny: fish district
Kel: why do you have a fish district
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: dont know.
Kel: ok well how do i get OUT of the fishtrict
Sunny: do you see a knock off eiffel tower
Kel: uhhhhhhhh
Kel: yeah
Sunny: map
Kel: HOLY SHIT A MAP FUCK YEAH
Kel: thankyouthankyouthankyou
Sunny: hurry up
Kel: FINE

Kel >>> Hero
1:34 PM
Kel sent an image.
Kel: BRO I FOUND A MAP
Hero: I thought I told you not to move!
Kel: but bro. i found a map.
Hero: …fine. I’ll let it slide this once.
Hero: But SERIOUSLY. STAY THERE.
Kel: uhhhhh
Hero: KELSEY.
Kel: HENRY.
Kel: CHARLES ENTERTAINMENT CHEESE.
Kel: I HAVE TO.
Hero: NO. YOU DON’T.
Kel: YES. I DO.
Hero: Don’t you dare move an inch away from that map.

1:49 PM
Hero: KELSEY GARCIA VASQUEZ.
Hero: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.
Kel: ???????
Hero: WHERE.
Kel: BRO I DIDNT GO ANYWHERE????
Hero: BULL.
Kel: I PROMMY
Hero sent a picture.
Hero: I AM AT THE MAP.
Kel: …bro
Kel: look at ur map
Kel: and look at my map
Hero: ????
Hero: …..
Hero: WHAT.
Kel: hold on a sec

Kel >>> Sunny
Kel: WHY DOES YOUR CITY HAVE TWO FUCKING FISHTRICTS
Kel: THIS ISNT EVEN A PORT CITY
Sunny: fun for the whole family
Kel: I ASSURE YOU MY FAMILY IS HAVING EXACTLY ZERO FUN
Kel: where are the fishtricts in relation to each other
Sunny: opposite
Kel: WHAT
Sunny: if they were next to each other it would only be one fishtrict
Kel: I
Kel: I GUESS???

Kel >>> Hero
Kel: ok so apparently we are in two completely different sides of the city
Hero: You’re kidding.
Kel: i genuinely wish i was.
Hero: How……
Kel: i blame the rats
Kel: the uppies mustve sensed i sympathized with king chucky and conspired to keep us separate
Hero: Do you
Hero: Do you have heat stroke???
Kel: no
Hero: Are you sure??
Kel: yes
Hero: …Ok.
Hero: So…we need to think up a plan.
Kel: hm…..
Kel: wait a minute.
Kel: hehehe :)
Hero: Oh dear.
Kel: if im uptown….and ur downtown….
Kel: then that means ur near the chucky cheese :)
Kel: which is, coincidentally, where sunny is currently waiting for me :)
Hero: Please don’t tell me you want me to wait for you across the entire city at a Chuck E. Cheese.
Kel: :))))
Hero: …
Hero: ……..

Hero >>> Aubrey
Hero: Quick question, but how danger-prone do you think Kel is?
Aubrey: I once saw him kick something out of his own hand 12/10
Hero: I see.

Hero >>> Basil
Hero: In your opinion, how danger-prone is Kel?
Basil: It makes me sad sometimes when I think about him :(
Hero: …Alright.

Hero >>> Sunny
Hero: Sunny, you’ve lived in Skyrise for a few months now.
Hero: How dangerous do you think is the city for someone like Kel by himself?
Sunny: very
Sunny: but i will send downies to escort him safely
Hero: …Ok?

Hero >>> Kel
Hero: Please please please don’t get mugged.
Kel: YOU GOT IT BRO

2:31 PM
Hero: Kel, please, you’re killing me here….
Kel: idk what ur talking about??? i am literally across from chucky cheese
Kel: sunnys waving at me n shit
Hero: How???
Hero: I don’t see you anywhere???
Hero: ….Matter of fact, I haven’t been able to find Sunny, either.
Kel: …
Hero: …
Kel: theres two chucky cheeses isnt there
Hero: That’s it.
Hero: I give up.
Hero: You can spend the night with Sunny.
Hero: I’m going home.
Kel: SDHGLKHKLHKLDFHLKAH YOU OKAY??
Hero: I would genuinely rather convince Mom not to ground you over this than keep walking around this city.
Kel: OOF
Kel: WELL UHHH GOOD LUCK???
Kel: dont get lost getting back to dads truck lol
Hero: Do not. Jinx it.

2:47 PM
Hero: ….um.
Kel: UR KIDDING
Hero: Haha…ha….
Kel: amazing
Kel: alright. what do u see.
Hero: You’re not going to believe this.
Hero sent a picture.
Kel: IS THAT THE FIRST FUCKING FISH STATUE I FOUND
Kel: HOW DID YOU GET THERE
Hero: I don’t know. I really don’t know.
Hero: I swear I went back the way I came.
Kel: how does sunny manage to not get lost in this place….
Kel: i…im gonna ask him
Hero: Do that, I’m…going to try retracing my steps.

Sunny created a group chat.
Sunny added Hero to the chat.
Sunny added Kel to the chat.
Sunny changed the chat name to GPS.
Sunny is offline.
Kel: oh
Hero: Oh.
Hero: …
Hero: I’m going home.
Kel: aight lol
Kel: drive safe and dont mom ground me fr too long b
Hero: Yeah. Ok.
Kel: and go take a nap or smth....i think ur a teensy stressed
Hero: ...Yeah. Okay.
Hero is offline.

<< boudce >>
3:44 PM
Kel sent a picture.
Kel sent a picture.
Kel sent a picture.
Kel: HOW MANY OF YOU BITCHES ARE JEALOUS
Aubrey: HOW THE FUCK
Basil: What!!!!!
Aubrey: WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET TO SUNNY'S PLACE
Kel: hours ago now
Basil: You didnt tell us,,, :(
Aubrey: Yeah what the fuck man
Kel: well i WOULDVE told yall if the whole thing wasnt on accident
Aubrey: You visited Sunny on ACCIDENT?
Kel: i do a lot of things on accident
Kel: I SWEAR THO IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN ILL TELL YALL FIRST
Aubrey: YOU FUCKING BETTER
Aubrey: Anyway what the fuck is on Sunny's face
Sunny: eyepatch
Basil: We know that,,, but,,,
Aubrey: Why tf is it an emoji
Sunny: +5 street cred
Basil: Thats what you said about the pineapple,,....,,
Kel: pineapple????
Aubrey: Sunny how many eyepatches do you have
Sunny: i have one for every letter of the alphabet
Aubrey: You. You do?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: a for anime eye
Sunny: b for bumblebee
Sunny: c for chocochip cookie
Aubrey: Please don’t tell me you’re going to list every single one
Sunny: ok
Sunny: d for dime
Aubrey: Fuck this
Aubrey is offline.
Kel: ignore her bro
Kel: im INVESTED
Sunny: e for (crying laughing) emoji
Sunny: f for flying saucer
Sunny: g for ghost from mario
Sunny: h for hello kitty
Sunny: i for irridescent clam
Sunny: j for jingle bell
Sunny: k for kiwi fruit
Sunny: l for lucky four leaf clover
Sunny: m for math patterns
Sunny: n for ninja throwing star
Sunny: o for orange sunglasses
Sunny: p for pineapple sunglasses
Sunny: q for question mark
Sunny: r for really cool shade of blue
Sunny: s for solar system
Kel: THAT BITCH IS MY FAVORITE
Sunny: t for time
Sunny: u for ultra ball
Sunny: v for voltorb
Sunny: w for waffle
Sunny: x for x-ing pedestrians road sign
Sunny: y for yeehaw cowboy
Sunny: z for zippers
Kel: why u gotta have a math themed one man…
Sunny: when i go back to school im going to wear it so people assume i am good at math and come to me for answers
Sunny: i will then give them all the wrong answers
Basil: That’s just mean…
Sunny: yes
Kel: well i for one SUPPORT ur nefarious deeds
Kel: and also can i please try on the solar system one when we get to ur place
Sunny: yes
Kel: FUCKK YEAHHHH

Chapter End Notes

my head throught this entire chapter: you seen this shit? you seen this home alone 2 lost in new york shit? how the hell you get lost in new york? the streets are numbered! where you at, 25th and 6th? where you wanna go, 36 and 8th? eleven up and two over you simple bitch.

looks at date IM SO FUCKING SORRY

Chapter Summary

Basil: You know that rats are what spread the black plague, right,,,,
Sunny: good for them
Basil: ???
Basil: It killed most of Europe???
Sunny: good for them

Chapter Notes

finishes and posts a chapter immediately after responding to comments pointing out the lateness of said chapter call that peer pressure BABEYYYY
anwyay yeah 💛 stuff happened irl. tryna power thru the end of school and tryna not to kill my wrist (like i have been very bad at lately oops) and on top of that im like lowkey sick 💛 its been fun /s
AS WE SPEAK THOUGH i am working on the next chap. so. progress i guess.
drink water yall <333

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kel >>> Hero
2:19 AM
Kel: dad pls pick me up im scared
Kel: dad
Kel: dad
Kel: dad
Kel: i cant tell if ur still asleep or if ur ignoring me on purpose
Kel: dad
Kel: dad
Kel: dad
Hero: LIAM. STOP CALLING ME THAT.
Hero: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SNITCH ON YOU TO THE R.A. EVEN FROM HERE.
Hero: Wait
Kel: HERO WTF
Kel: WHOS LIAM
Hero: Um
Kel: WHY DOES HE CALL YOU DAD
Hero: Look,
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK
Kel: hero. hero. please dont tell me its what i think it is.
Hero: I swear it's not.
Kel: who is liam and why does he call you dad
Hero: He's one of my dorm-mates, and he calls me that because I cooked dinner once.
Kel: oh
Kel: so its the same reason WE call you dad
Hero: None of you have ever called me dad before.
Kel: well im calling u dad now
Hero: Please do not.
Kel: dad
Hero: Stop it.
Kel: dad
Hero: No.
Kel: dad pls pick me up im scared
Hero: ...Why???
Hero: Why are you even awake this late?
Kel: im dehydrated from running around the city all day
Kel: so i got up to get some aych too oh
Hero: Please just say water.
Kel: fine. water.
Kel: and anyway sunny was in the kitchen eating literally an entire bag of shredded cheese
Hero: Oh, that's genetic.
Hero: I've caught Mari doing the same thing with shredded lettuce.
Kel: girl what...
Hero: Just let him do his thing. At least he's eating.
Kel: i....okay???
Kel: is pretending to stab me with a drawing of a knife also genetic
Hero: ..What
Kel: hes got like. a folded up piece of paper with a print-out of a knife on it.
Kel: and when i tried to go into the kitchen he kept poking me with it.
Kel: i think i have a paper cut now
Hero: Um
Hero: No, I'm pretty sure that's not genetic...
Kel: thought so
Kel: tbh tho i did have to take a knife away from him when he first left his house, so
Hero: You had to what now
Kel: omg did i never tell u
Kel: its where that extra steak knife came from (bc i forgot to give it back oops)
Kel: and also why aubrey had that bandage on her arm
Hero: WHAT.
Kel: wow we really never told you
Hero: NO?? YOU DIDN'T??
Kel: well in sunnys defense it WAS his first day outside in like four years and he DID watch aubrey knock me out in like five minutes while wielding a lethal weapon
Hero: You
Hero: He
Hero: I'm too tired for this. I'm going back to sleep.
Hero: You need to go to sleep, too.
Kel: yea yea ok
Hero: Goodnight, Kel.
Kel: gn
Kel: WAIT
Kel: WAIT DAD COME BACK
Kel: PICK ME UP
Kel: DAD
Kel: DAD
Kel: DAD
Kel: dammit. u learned how to mute notifications didnt u.

Kel >>> Aubrey
Kel: mom come pick me up im scared
Aubrey: Blocked <3
Aubrey blocked Kel.
Kel: WHAT (message not sent)
Kel: YOU BITCH (message not sent)
Kel: FAKE ASS (message not sent)

Kel >>> Basil
Kel: DAD
Basil: WHwhuh??
Kel: dad come pick me up im scared
Basil: Wwhwy???/ Are you calling me ?? Dad/??
Basil: At??? Two in thhe morning??/?
Kel: come pick me up im scared
Basil: ??????????????
Kel: please
Basil: Um,/.??
Basil: I dont have a license??? Or a car????
Kel: FUCK
Kel: basil. uve failed me. my last hope.
Basil: Ssorry??
Kel: dw
Basil: Whats uh,,, whats going on???
Kel: sunny has consumed an entire bag of shredded cheese, five capri suns, and a single slice of cold pizza in the span of ten minutes
Kel: he has also threatened me with a paper knife
Kel: help
Basil: Wow..,.
Basil: He must really be hungry!!!!
Kel: AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THIS
Kel: I AM FEARING FOR MY SAFETY
Basil: Kel,.,,,
Basil: Ive seen you eat far more in a lot less time,,,,,
Kel: fuck u no i haven’t
Basil: Mhm.
Kel: GAHOIG GOD
Kel: pls pls pls just help gimme SOMETHING
Basil: Um,,??
Basil: Just leave him alone,,,?
Basil: Hes not actually um,,, hurting anyone
Kel: HES GOING TO HURT HIMSELF
Kel: TINY BODY CANT FIT THAT MUCH FOOD
Kel: oh my god now hes just standing in the doorway
Kel: HES LOOKING AT ME AHSLHDLGHKSHDGKH
Kel: W
Kel: THIS LITTLE FUCKER
Basil: ??????
Kel: HE STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT AND THEN MADE THE LOSER SIGN AT ME
Kel: and now hes going back to his bed. bitch.
Basil: I think you should um…. also get back to bed,???
Kel: UGH
Kel: fine
Kel: for u
Basil: Good night!!
Kel: gn…

<< boudce >>
10:29 AM
Kel: this is a callout post for sunny
Kel: uhhh
Kel: bro i genuinely do not know ur last name so im just gonna call you ratman
Kel: ANYWAY this is a callout post for sunny ratman he ate all the cheese drank all the capri suns AND tried to stab me with a jpeg knife and this morning when i asked him why he just shook his fist and muttered "child'
Kel: im confused concerned and consternated
Aubrey: I'm surprised you know that word.
Kel: AUBREY OMG YOU UNBLOCKED ME
Aubrey: And I'm regretting it already.
Aubrey: Now what do you mean he had a jpeg knife?? Tf
Kel: i mean what i said
Kel: he had a printed out jpeg of a knife
Aubrey: And he tried stabbing you with it??
Kel: yes
Aubrey: Ha
Kel: AUBREY
Kel: THIS IS SERIOUS
Kel: IVE GOT A PAPER CUT LIKE RIGHT ON MY KNUCKLE MAN IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH
Aubrey: Ha
Kel: you are so mean to me
Aubrey: I know <3
Basil: Umm!!! Kel!!!!
Kel: yo whaddup
Basil: What all have you and Sunny done so far in the city???
Aubrey: OH YEAH WAIT I WANNA KNOW TOO
Kel: ill tell basil
Kel: but i wont tell you
Aubrey: WHAT WHY NOT
Kel: me no likey >:(
Aubrey: Reading that makes me want to throw up
Aubrey: FINE be a little bitch if you want I'll just grill Sunny for info when I'm done with breakfast
Kel: bold of you to assume hell make any sense
Aubrey: We'll see about that fucker
Aubrey is offline.
Kel: yea yea wtvr
Kel: anyway basil ill dm u some pics i took...
Basil: Ok!!!!

Kel >>> Basil
Kel sent an image.
Kel: THIS IS ME N SUNNY AT CHUCKY CHEESE TRASHING A BUNCH OF KIDS AT THE GAMES
Basil: Why would you be mean to the kids like that,,,,
Kel: superiority
Basil: ,,,
Basil: I think Sunnys rubbing off on you,,,
Kel: YOU THINK SO???
Kel: wait do you mean that as a compliment or a warning
Basil: Um,, would you even listen if it was a warning??
Kel: not even a little
Basil: ....Its a compliment then!!
Kel: FUCK YEAHHHH
Kel sent an image.
Kel: THIS is one the bajillion fish statues in this stupid fucking city
Kel: sunnys riding it like a horse bc FUCK the state
Basil: How did he get up there???
Kel: i threw him lol
Basil: WHAT
Kel: like a fuckin basketball bro
Kel: just
Kel: WOOOSH
Kel: bam
Kel: bingo bongo boingo babey
Basil: ,,,,,,,,Howd he get down?
Kel: he jumped on my back
Basil: Hm...
Basil: He just fell and used you to cushion his fall didnt he
Kel: yea
Kel: i think it says a lot abt city folks that no one even batted an eye at me getting slammed by a one-eyed kid on a fish
Basil: It,,, certainly is an odd image
Kel: lmao yeah
Kel sent an image.
Basil: !!!!! Pretty!!!!!
Kel: IKR????
Kel: this places zoo is NOTHING like the ones our school always took us to
Kel: THIS PLACE HAS FUCKIN. SNAKES N SHIT.
Basil: ,,So does ours???
Kel: true but i am not banned from being in the snake exhibit at this particular zoo
Basil: Ah.
Kel: ANYWAY
Kel sent an image.
Kel: behold
Basil: ...Kel?
Kel: yea
Basil: Why is Sunny posing with a rat king?
Kel: IS THAT WHAT THOSE ARE CALLED
Basil: Yes??
Kel: omg me n sunny have just been calling them rat o nine tails
Kel: anyway hes posing with them bc theyre cool
Basil: They also?? Can make you very sick???
Kel: shit u right
Kel: they ARE very sick
Basil: What?? No???
Basil: I mean,,
Basil: They can carry disease,,,,
Kel: cool guy disease
Basil: NO???
Basil: Like infections and stuff!!!
Kel: radical rat infections
Basil: Kel am I going to need to send Hero screenshots of this conversation
Kel: NO ILL BE GOOD
Kel: I WONT LET ME OR SUNNY GET BIT BY RATS I SWEAR
Kel: even tho hes technically already been bit before
Basil: You,,
Basil: You have a point,,
Basil: Still!!!!
Basil: Please be more careful,,,
Kel: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT
Kel: ill go tell sunny u said hes banned from aiding the city rats
Basil: ,,,Ok???

Sunny >>> Basil
10:40 AM
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Basil: ????
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Sunny: anger
Basil: Sunny is this about the rats,,,
Sunny: i thought you supported me
Sunny: betrayal
Sunny: betrayal
Sunny: betrayal
Sunny: betrayal
Basil: Sunny,,,,
Basil: You know Ill always support your interests!!!!
Basil: But
Basil: This,, is just getting out of hand;;;
Sunny: untrue
Sunny: lies
Sunny: slander
Basil: Sunny...
Basil: You cant just,,, touch random rats on the street,,,,
Basil: Especially not when they form rat kings,,,
Basil: You really need to be more careful,,,,
Sunny: i have never once touched chuck e cheese
Sunny: he is very greasy and sweaty
Basil: What??
Sunny: rat king
Basil: Thats,, not what I meant,,,,
Basil: I meant the,,,
Basil: ,,,.....rat o nine tails???
Sunny: oh
Sunny: theyre friends
Basil: Sunny
Basil: Sunny just because you think theyre cute doesnt mean that theyre friendly
Sunny: false
Basil: Sunny,,,,
Basil: Im gonna say the same thing I said to Kel..,,
Basil: Am I going to need to send Hero screenshots of this conversation
Sunny: no
Basil: Are you SURE?
Sunny: no
Basil: Sunny :(
Sunny: basil
Basil: Sunny :(((
Sunny: basil
Basil: Sunny :(((,,,,
Basil: You know that rats are what spread the black plague, right,,,,
Sunny: good for them
Basil: ???
Basil: It killed most of Europe???
Sunny: good for them
Basil: ...Sunny,,,....
Basil: Whats it going to take to convince you to stop messing with feral rats,,,
Sunny: buy me one
Basil: What
Sunny: buy me a rat
Basil: You,,,
Basil: You want me to,,,
Basil: Buy you a domestic rat???
Sunny: only way
Basil: Um.
Basil: That's a. Really big responsibility,,,,
Sunny: im ready
Basil: If you,,, say so,,,,
Basil: Would your,,,, mom be okay with it???
Sunny: she wont notice
Basil: Im fairly certain she would notice a rat cage,,,,
Sunny: if she does itll be too late
Basil: I,,,,
Basil: I guess???
Basil: You have a point???
Basil: Um;;;;
Basil: I guess,, since your birthday is coming up not too long from now,,, I could talk to Hero about it???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Erm. Okay.
Basil: But!!!!
Basil: You CANNOT be messing with wild rats in the meantime, okay???!
Sunny: the forbidden fruit...
Basil: PROMISE me!!!
Sunny: hm
Sunny: hm....
Sunny: hm........
Sunny: ok
Sunny: promise
Basil: GOOD!
Basil: Ill make sure you keep your word >:(
Sunny: fine...

Aubrey >>> Sunny
11:17 AM
Aubrey: Hey asshole
Aubrey: Show me embarrassing pictures of Kel in the city
Sunny: ok
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Aubrey: YOU MEMEIFIED HIM TOO ASGHLSADHGOAHSDIGHSODIHG
Aubrey: Why's there a fucking. rat monster in that last pic tho
Sunny: rat o nine tails
Aubrey: What does that mean
Sunny: rat o nine tails
Aubrey: You know what nvm
Aubrey: What happened to Kel in that first pic
Sunny: gravity
Aubrey: I see I see
Aubrey: I also see you went to the zoo.
Sunny: animals
Aubrey: Yeah.
Aubrey: Did he get banned from this one too?
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Shame.
Aubrey: Well it certainly seems like you two had a fun time...
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Do you know when he's coming back to Faraway??
Sunny: no
Aubrey: Does...HE know????
Sunny: hm.
Sunny: no.
Aubrey: Of course he doesn't...
Aubrey: Well... I'm gonna go now...
Sunny: suspicion
Aubrey: WHAT
Sunny: suspicion
Aubrey: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUSPICIOUS OF
Sunny: you
Aubrey: BITCH???
Aubrey: WHY????
Sunny: suspicion
Aubrey: THAT'S NOT??? AN ANSWER??
Sunny: suspicion
Aubrey: Are you just going to keep saying "suspicion" over and over again
Sunny: suspicion
Aubrey: Ohhhh myyyy goddddd
Sunny: suspicion
Aubrey: Can you BE any more obnoxious???
Sunny: s
Sunny: u
Sunny: s
Sunny: p
Sunny: i
Sunny: c
Sunny: i
Sunny: o
Sunny: n
Aubrey: Fuck you fuck you fuck you I'm not dealing with this I fucking hate you
Sunny: y
Sunny: o
Sunny: u
Sunny: a
Sunny: s
Sunny: k
Sunny: e
Sunny: d
Aubrey: FUCK
Aubrey: YOU
Sunny: n
Sunny: o
Sunny: t
Sunny: y
Aubrey: GO DO THIS TO SOMEONE ELSE
Aubrey: LIKE KEL OR SMTH
Sunny: o
Sunny: k

Sunny >>> Kel
Sunny: g
Sunny: o
Sunny: o
Sunny: d
Sunny: m
Sunny: o
Sunny: r
Sunny: n
Sunny: i
Sunny: n
Sunny: g
Kel: h
Kel: e
Kel: y
Kel: !
Kel: y
Kel: r
Kel: u
Kel: t
Kel: y
Kel: p
Kel: i
Kel: n
Kel: g
Kel: l
Kel: i
Kel: k
Kel: e
Kel: t
Kel: h
Kel: i
Kel: s
Sunny: a
Sunny: u
Sunny: b
Sunny: r
Sunny: e
Sunny: y
Kel: o
Kel: o
Kel: h
Kel: o
Kel: k
Kel: l
Kel: o
Kel: l

Aubrey >>> Basil
11:31 AM
Aubrey: Basil, my fellow homosexual.
Basil: Y,,, yes???
Aubrey: Kel's told you about his and Sunny's shenanigans in the city by now, right?
Basil: Um,,, yeah?
Aubrey: I see.
Aubrey: Sunny told me a bit too.
Aubrey: And it's led me to do some thinking....
Basil: Ok???
Aubrey: We need to unionize.
Basil: H
Basil: Huh??/???
Basil: What do you mean???
Aubrey: Think about it.
Aubrey: Kel and Sunny...They've gotten too powerful.
Aubrey: We need to rise up, and fight back against the dumbasses that oppress us.
Basil: Im so confused
Aubrey: BASIL.
Aubrey: Those two have been dominating our summer for FAR TOO LONG.
Aubrey: I'm SICK OF IT.
Aubrey: Whenever shenanigans are being had, it's always THEM.
Aubrey: THEY'RE always the ones in the spotlight.
Aubrey: THEY'RE always the ones getting into trouble while WE'RE the ones stuck being the voice of reason.
Aubrey: Aren't you sick of it too, Basil?
Aubrey: Aren't you tired of being held back?
Aubrey: Don't you want to be free?
Basil: Are,,,
Basil: Are you okay, Aubrey????
Aubrey: I've had four red bulls this morning.
Basil: Why????
Aubrey: Kim triple dog dared me, you know how it is
Basil: Uh??????
Basil: Nothing youve said in this conversation so far has made sense,,,,
Aubrey: Hmph. You'll see.
Aubrey: I'll be back later.
Basil: O,,,,kay?????

1:28 PM
Aubrey: Check your e-mail.
Basil: What????
Aubrey: I sent you a PDF.
Aubrey: Read it.
Basil: Um?????
Basil: Okay?????
Basil: ...
Basil: WHAT??? IS THIS????
Aubrey: A PLAN.
Aubrey: WE MUST RISE UP AGAINT KEL AND SUNNY.
Aubrey: IT'S OUR TIME TO SHINE.
Basil: AUBREY???
Basil: AUBREY WHY DOES THIS SAY TO "VLAD THE IMPALER SOME FUCKERS"???!!!!!???
Aubrey: Unrestrained summer fun!!
Basil: PLEASE SHOW SOME RESTRAINT IN YOUR SUMMER FUN
Aubrey: WE'LL NEVER WIN THE WAR WITH THAT ATTITUDE
Basil: THERE IS!!!! NO WAR!!!!!
Aubrey: YES THERE IS
Aubrey: I'M DECLARING IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW

<< boudce >>
Aubrey: @Sunny @Kel
Aubrey: HEY YOU FUCKERS
Basil: AUBREY NO!!!!!
Aubrey: @Sunny @Kel @Sunny @Kel @Sunny @Kel
Basil: STOP IT!!11!!!
Aubrey: I see how it is. They're too busy fucking around to get online.
Aubrey: Well they're about to find out real soon.
Aubrey: SUNNY.
Aubrey: KELSEY.
Aubrey: ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND BASIL.
Basil: NO!!1!! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!!//!!!
Aubrey: I DECLARE WAR ON THE TWO OF YOU.
Basil: NO WE DO NOT!!!!
Aubrey: BE. FUCKING. PREPARED.
Aubrey: BASIL.
Basil: ???!!!??!!?!?!!?!?!?
Aubrey: MEET ME AT THE TREE HOUSE.
Aubrey is offline.
Basil: UM?????
Basil: Oh jeez,,,,
Basil is offline.

Chapter End Notes

ok so i know i said im working on the next chap as i type but also (＠_＠) ive been thinkin thunks... lowkey wanna go back to earlier chaps and do some legit writing for different scenes as a side-fic or smth... like write out aubrey dying kels hair, or basil n heros talk, or The Argument from chapter 15. or idk whatever u guys think is worthy being written out. imo something is always better than nothing and i wanna give you guys SOMETHING even if its not always a new chap HERE, ya dig??
idk gimme ur thoughts

plans. schemes, even.

Chapter Summary

Angel: I HAVE AN IDEA
Aubrey: We're not kidnapping Kel's dog and getting it to like us more than him.
Angel: I NO LONGER HAVE AN IDEA

Chapter Notes

*bursts out of the dirt like a zombie* THEY TOOK AWAY MY FUCKING INTERNET. but im managing 😔✊

See the end of the chapter for more notes

1:33 PM
Aubrey created a group chat.
Aubrey added Basil to the chat.
Aubrey: JUST TO CLARIFY: You are in, yes?
Basil: You wont let me say no, so,,,,,,
Basil: I guess,,!!!
Aubrey: EXCELLENT.
Aubrey added Kim to the chat.
Aubrey added Charlie to the chat.
Aubrey added Vance to the chat.
Aubrey added THE MAVERICK to the chat.
Aubrey added Angel to the chat.
Charlie: ..?
Kim: ???? aubrey what
Angel: YO WHATS THIS
Vance: plant boy's here too?
THE MAVERICK: Oh...?
THE MAVERICK: Why, hello there, Basil ;)
Basil: Hello The Maverick..,,!
Aubrey: Mav I'm going to spray you down with a hose like a fucking dog
Aubrey: ANYWAY
Aubrey: Hello gremlins :)
Aubrey changed the chat name to War..
Aubrey: It's time to have some fun :)
Kim: i like the sound of this already :)
Basil: Sigh,,,

<< boudce >>
1:52 PM
Kel: what in sam hill happened here
Kel: is basil okay
Kel: seriously what
Hero: Um..?
Hero: I...am so confused.
Kel: ikr???
Kel: also why did she declare war on me n sunny but leave u out of it...
Aubrey: The sick and the elderly should be spared the ravages of war and Hero classifies as both.
Aubrey is offline.
Hero: WHAT.
Kel: DHFGLSHDFLGHSLKFDHGLAHLDGHLKSHDG
Hero: I'M NOT SICK??? OR OLD???
Kel: idk bro u sound pretty fucked up whenever i convince u to play basketball w me
Kel: like some sort of victorian child after a long day in the mines
Hero: ????
Kel: oi keyl...cood we teyk a breetha
Kel: thats u thats what u sound like
Hero: I used to be stronger than you, you know....
Kel: yea and u also used to be taller than me. things change
Hero: I AM taller than you.
Kel: FUCK YOU NO YOURE NOT
Hero: I'm...pretty sure I am.
Kel: NO
Kel: NO UR NOT
Kel: SHUT THE UP FUKCING NOW
Hero: It's not that big of a deal...
Kel: YES IT IS
Kel: i see now
Kel: i see whats going on mhm
Hero: What???
Kel: ur working for aubrey
Kel: its all so clear now
Kel: i cant believe it
Kel: betrayed by my own flesh and blood
Kel: smh smh
Hero: What are you talking about.
Kel: YOU!!!!
Kel: USING PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE!!!!
Kel: TRYING TO DEMORALIZE ME!!!!
Kel: WELL ITS NOT GONNA WORK BUDDY I GOT A STEEL RESOLVE
Kel: NEVER GONNA BREAK MY STRIDE I GOT THE EYE OF THE TIGER N ALL THAT JAZZ
Hero: Again...
Hero: What are you talking about.
Kel: ohoho no siree you aint getting NOTHING outta me
Kel: youve chosen ur side
Kel: and as much as it pains me to say it i simply must accept the truth
Kel: two brothers
Kel: separated by fate and pitted against each other
Kel: in a war instigated by a cruel madwoman and her lackey
Kel: shakespeare fucking wishes he could write about us
Hero: ...I'm going to go now and do some chores.
Hero: Mom says she's going to pick you up tomorrow morning, by the way.
Kel: FINE. RUN YOU COWARD.
Kel: also ty for letting me know
Kel: love u
Hero: Love you too, Kel...
Hero is offline.
Kel: yes, i love you....
Kel: ....but my loyalties lie elsewhere.
Kel is offline.

<< War. >>
2:05 PM
THE MAVERICK: FOR THE LAST TIME!
THE MAVERICK: I AM NOT STREAKING THROUGH THE FOOTBALL STADIUM!
Kim: STOP BEING A PUSSY
Vance: there's not even gonna be anyone there, why're you so against it..
THE MAVERICK: IF THERE'S NO ONE THERE THEN WHAT'S THE POINT
Kim: basil'll be there lol
THE MAVERICK: SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
Aubrey: For once I agree with Mav. Shut up :)
Basil: ???
Aubrey: Don't worry about it blondie
Aubrey: Focus on the strategy meeting
Vance: yanno this meeting would go a whole lot smoother if we actually knew what this ""war"" thing was about
Angel: YEAH I AGREE WITH VANCE
Angel: WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING
Aubrey: WE'RE GOING TO WAR AGAINST THE NERDS!!!
Aubrey: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS
THE MAVERICK: But...what's the end goal here?
THE MAVERICK: I would love nothing more than to rub a seamless victory into Kel's smug face, but that would require us to know what actually counts as a win...
Aubrey: Look. Look. You guys have to consider the bigger picture here.
Aubrey: This entire fucking summer Kel has been breezing along getting into all sorts of goofs just by virtue of being himself.
Aubrey: And who has to clean up after him? Huh? Guess. Guess who.
Basil: Aubrey,,,, you are causing problems with him at least sixty percent of the time,,,,
Basil: And even when youre not, its Hero dealing with the aftermath, not you...;;;
Aubrey: SHUT UP
Aubrey: WE'VE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS
Basil: ;;;
Aubrey: ANYWAY
Aubrey: The goal of this war is to give him a taste of his own medicine. He wants to goof off and cause trouble while the rest of us are doing things with our lives? Fine by me. We'll see how he likes it.
Basil: What things are we doing with our lives that he isnt...,,,???
Aubrey: SILENCE.
Aubrey: Any questions that are not from Basil?
THE MAVERICK: Ah, yes!
THE MAVERICK: Basil, are you perchance free for lunch sometime this weekend? ;)
Basil: Um?? I dont know??
Aubrey: No he's not free this weekend shut the fuck up.
Basil: Aubrey????
Aubrey: Shush.
Aubrey: Mav I am going to break into your house and purposefully burn all of your toast.
THE MAVERICK: WHAT
Aubrey: Now, any questions that are not from or for Basil?
THE MAVERICK: HOLD ON YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THAT ARE YOU??
Aubrey: :)
THE MAVERICK: AAAAAAAAAAA?????
Kim: oh go deep throat a crossiant and calm down
Vance: adlhgal;hd;g
Aubrey: S;DFHGLSHDFI;GHLKHDSHGL;K
THE MAVERICK: HELLO WHAT?????
Kim: i said what i said
Kim: ANYWAY i actually do have a question
Aubrey: Shoot.
Kim: if this whole thing is to spite kel then why're you bringing that tiny knife kid into it
Kim: what did HE do
Aubrey: He called me Staightey once
Kim: he's dead fucking meat
Angel: DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH
Vance: LETS FUCK HIM UP GANG
Aubrey: Knew I could count on you guys.
Charlie: We always have your back Aubrey....
Aubrey: THAT'S SO FUCKING WHOLESOME I LOVE YOU
Aubrey: Okay now back to business
Aubrey: How do we show Kel and Sunny who's boss?
Angel: I HAVE AN IDEA
Aubrey: We're not kidnapping Kel's dog and getting it to like us more than him.
Angel: I NO LONGER HAVE AN IDEA
Vance: what if we like...take all of kel's clothes and throw em in the wash with smth red so all his clothes become pink
Aubrey: You. I like you.
Aubrey: I'm jotting that one down.
Aubrey: What else?
Kim: we make anti-kel and anti-sunny propaganda and plaster it all over down
Angel: OOH YEAH THATS A GOOD ONE
THE MAVERICK: A charming plan ;)
Aubrey: Oh hell yeah...
Aubrey: Basil, you got any ideas??
Basil: Um;;;;
Aubrey: Is that an "I've got nothing" um or an "I have an idea but I don't know if I should say it" um
Basil: ,,,
Basil: The latter,,,,
Kim: SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK
Angel: SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK
Basil: Um!!!
Basil: Well uh I was thinking!!!
Basil: Kel really likes orange joe,, so um...,,,
Basil: What if we,,, emptied a bunch of bottles,,, and filled it up with stuff he hates,,,
Basil: And gave it to him when he gets back??
Basil: We could add food dye to make it convincing and do something like that!!!
Aubrey: That's...
Aubrey: Wow.
Kim: basil holy shit
Kim: that's EVIL
Aubrey: I know right?? Oh my god.
Basil: Sorry,,,;;;
Aubrey: NO NO DON'T APOLOGIZE
Aubrey: EVIL IS GOOD
Aubrey: I'm just EXTREMELY impressed.
Kim: we'll make a delinquent out of you yet plant boy
Basil: P,,pardon???
Aubrey: Dw about that
Aubrey: Anyway we are DEFINITELY doing your idea. A+ job.
Basil: Thank,,you???
Angel: I HAVE AN IDEA FOR KNIFE KID
Vance: oh boy here we go
Angel: SHUT UP I HAVE GOOD IDEAS!!!!
Angel: ANYWAY HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE RIGHT?? SO WE CAN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO HIM IN PERSON??
Aubrey: Yeah..?
Angel: WHAT IF WE MAILED A GLITTER BOMB TO HIS NEW PLACE??
Angel: LONG-DISTANCE COMBAT.
Kim: OHH FUCK YEAH
THE MAVERICK: An astute idea Angel ;)
Angel: THANK YOU MASTER
Aubrey: Oh I am all FOR that one.
Aubrey: And I think that's enough ideas for now...We've got quite a lot of work to do :)
Charlie: I didn't come up with anything though...
Charlie: I'm sorry....
Aubrey: NONONONONO IT'S OKAY CHARLIE IT'S OKAY
Kim: DON'T BE SAD CHARLIE YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE PERFECT
Basil: Um Charlie!!! Its okay that you couldnt think of anything,,, because you being here is already a big help!!!
Basil: Youre a really big support for everyone here, and we all really appreciate it!!!!
Basil: :)!!!
Angel: YEAH WHAT BASIL SAID!!! WE LOVE JUST HAVING YOU HERE!!!!!
THE MAVERICK: Quite ;)
Vance: yeah charlie...no need to feel bad
Charlie: Oh...
Charlie: I see...
Charlie: Thank you....
Charlie: :)

Basil >>> Aubrey
Basil: DID YOU JUST PAYPAL ME THIRTY DOLLARS??/??!!?
Aubrey: You've just performed a national service and I thank you heavily.
Basil: ???!?!?!??!??

<< War. >>
Aubrey: :) <3
Aubrey: OKAY SO now we need to assign everyone a job.
Aubrey: Me and Basil are the only ones that'll be allowed in Kel's house, so we'll be the ones to get his clothes.
Basil: ,,,Alright...
Aubrey: Angel and Charlie are our creative people, so you two will be on propaganda duty.
Angel: AYE AYE BOSS!!!
Charlie: Ok...
Aubrey: Kim and Vance, you two do the Orange Joe switcharoo.
Kim: GOT IT
Vance: aight
THE MAVERICK: And moi? ;)
Aubrey: Mav, you have the most important job of all.
THE MAVERICK: Oho? ;)))
Aubrey: Yes.
Aubrey: You're making the glitter bomb.
THE MAVERICK: GODDAMNIT
THE MAVERICK: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO USE GLITTER WITHOUT MAKING A MESS
Aubrey: Yeah, I do.
Aubrey: It's why you're the one making the bomb.
THE MAVERICK: WHAT THE FUCK AUBREY
Aubrey: You're welcome.
Kim: LMAOGJIO SHDFOGIHSDIH NICE ONE
Aubrey: So, any further questions?
Aubrey: No??
Aubrey: THEN SCRAM AND GET BUSY.
Aubrey: KEL'S COMING HOME TO-FUCKING-MORROW AND WE GOTTA GET THIS STUFF DONE.
Kim: WE READ YA LOUD AND CLEAR CAPN!!!!!
Aubrey: THEN MOVE IT!!!!

Kel >>> Sunny
2:36 PM
Kel: sunny please i physically cannot handle doing this again
Kel: this is too much im begging you
Sunny: beg
Kel: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU
Kel: ALL I DID WAS GO TO THE BATHROOM
Kel: WE STILL HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO WHY DID YOU LEAVE
Kel: DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG THIS MALL IS IM LITERALLY NEVER GOING TO FIND YOU
Kel: WHY
Sunny: im not hiding in your moms trunk and stowing away to faraway
Kel: BUT I NEED YOU
Kel: THIS IS WAR
Sunny: no
Kel: PLEASE
Sunny: no
Kel: PLEASE
Sunny: no
Kel: okay. whats it gonna take.
Kel: what do you want in return.
Kel: name your price (as long as it isnt actual money).
Sunny: hm
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: anything?
Kel: PLEASE YES
Sunny: let me see your and heros baby pictures
Kel: WHAT
Sunny: if i ask your mom i know she'll show me
Kel: WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY BABY PICTURES
Sunny: do we have a deal
Kel: ANSWER THE QUESTION???
Sunny: no
Sunny: do we have a deal
Kel: NO??????
Sunny: im going home
Kel: WAIT WHAT PLEASE NO
Kel: I CANT GET BACK TO UR PLACE WITHOUT YOU
Sunny: baby pictures or bust
Kel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kel: FINE
Kel: fine.
Kel: deal.
Kel: you evil, evil stringbean.
Sunny: hm...
Kel: I TAKE IT BACK IM SORRYYYYYYYYY
Kel: ok but will you come back and finish war planning with me now
Sunny: ok
Kel: YAYYYYYYYY

Sunny >>> Basil
2:49 PM
Sunny: basil
Basil: Oh!! Hi Sunny!!!!
Basil: Um,,, Im guessing youve already seen the uh,,, declaration of war,,,in the chat???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Ah,, aha,,,
Basil: I didnt have anything to do with it I promise!!!! I really tried to stop her,,,,
Basil: Shes um,,,, making me help her though;;,,
Sunny: its fine
Sunny: idea
Basil: You,,,have an idea???
Sunny: yes
Sunny: great idea
Basil: Oh um!!!
Basil: What is it???
Sunny: are you in
Basil: ,,,,What?
Sunny: are you in
Basil: You havent,,, told me what it is yet...
Sunny: idea
Basil: But what IS your idea???
Sunny: great
Sunny: are you in
Basil: Um????
Basil: I,,,
Basil: I guess???
Sunny: good
Sunny: wait here
Basil: ?????? Ok ??????

Sunny >>> Hero
Sunny: hero
Hero: Hi, Sunny!
Hero: How's it been hanging out with Kel? He hasn't gotten you into too much trouble, has he?
Sunny: i rode a fish
Hero: ...Okay?
Hero: That's, um. Good?
Sunny: yeehaw
Hero: Uh...yeah.
Hero: Yeehaw!
Sunny: ew
Hero: ???
Sunny: dont
Hero: ????
Hero: Ok...
Hero: ...Is there something you needed?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: war
Hero: Is that so....
Hero: If you're asking me to join you and Kel, I think I'd have to decline. I don't think Kel trusts me, anyway.
Sunny: idea
Hero: You have...an idea?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: great idea
Hero: ...Will I regret hearing you out?
Sunny: no
Hero: ...
Hero: Ok, fine. What's your idea?
Sunny: great
Hero: ...But what IS it?
Sunny: great
Sunny: are you in
Hero: No? I need you to tell me what it is first?
Sunny: great idea
Sunny: basils in
Sunny: are you in
Hero: Basil, and not Aubrey? Aren't they on the same side, though?
Hero: And Kel's not in on this, either??
Sunny: basils in
Hero: Talking to you is so hard sometimes...
Sunny: i know
Hero: Do you, now...
Sunny: yes
Sunny: are you in
Hero: You're just going to keep pestering me until I accept, aren't you?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: also i'll leak your baby pictures
Hero: YOU'LL WHAT??
Hero: HOW??
Sunny: are you in
Hero: FINE!
Hero: Fine, I'm in.
Sunny: wait here
Hero: Sigh...

Sunny created a group chat.
Sunny added Basil to the chat.
Sunny added Hero to the chat.
Sunny: good morning
Basil: Its not morning Sunny,,,,
Sunny: so it seems
Hero: Sunny, does this have anything to do with your..."idea"?
Sunny: yes
Sunny changed the chat name to mewtiny.
Hero: ...Pardon?
Sunny: i like cats
Hero: I can tell.
Basil: Um,,, what are we mutinizing against???
Sunny: kel and aubrey
Hero: Why..?
Sunny: itll be funny
Hero: Alright...?
Basil: Can you um,,, elaborate on,,, this whole thing please???
Hero: Yes, please?
Sunny: we three team up
Sunny: go undercover in our respective """alliances"""
Sunny: and while kel and aubrey are busy battling each other
Sunny: we strike
Sunny: take the glory for ourselves
Basil: I see,....
Hero: That's...certainly an idea.
Sunny: great idea
Hero: Er, yes...
Hero: But, um...
Basil: Whats in it for us??
Sunny: ?
Basil: Im already being strong armed by Aubrey into joining her side,, Why should I add onto the stress and join yours??
Hero: I'm with Basil. This whole "war" thing is already childish and confusing...I'm not sure I want to get involved.
Sunny: you already said you were in
Hero: And what's keeping us from saying we're out?
Sunny: baby pictures
Hero: ,
Basil: ???
Hero: DON'T
Hero: Don't worry about that Basil, haha.
Basil: Okay,,???
Basil: What about me though,,??
Sunny: ill be sad
Basil: AAA FINE OK OK ILL DO IT!!!!!
Hero: Guess we're all really doing this, then...
Basil: Yeah,,,;;;;
Basil: Um,, does this mean I have to tell you guys what me and Aubrey are up to then?? And Sunny with Kel??
Sunny: yes
Hero: That would make sense, yeah.
Basil: Ok!!!
Basil: So um,,, Aubrey actually got the rest of her friends involved in this..,,
Basil: So we actually have a lot were planning to do!!!
Hero: I'm still confused about what the point of this whole war is...
Basil: I am too,,, but I dont think theres any point in questioning it any further;;;
Basil: Anyway um,,, if you give me a second I can scroll back through our chat and write down everyones jobs!!
Hero: Alright, you do that.
Basil: Ok!!!
Basil is offline.
Hero: Sunny, what about you and Kel?
Sunny: kel wants to kidnap me and sneak me into faraway
Hero: Why am I not surprised.
Hero: I don't think our parents would be too against you visiting here, as long as your mom's ok with it...
Sunny: hes putting me in the trunk of your moms car
Hero: No.
Sunny: yes
Hero: No.
Sunny: yes
Hero: No.
Sunny: yes
Hero: No :)
Sunny: sadness
Hero: Just talk to your mom about letting you come, and I'll talk to mine, ok?
Sunny: boring
Sunny: but ok
Basil: Im back!!!!
Sunny: hello
Basil: Hi!!!
Hero: What do you have?
Basil: Ok so!!!
Basil: Me and Aubrey are going to steal some of Kels clothes and dye them pink.
Hero: WHAT.
Hero: PLEASE DON'T???
Basil: I dont think I can stop Aubrey from doing it at this point, so,.,,,...
Basil: You might want to go ahead and hide some of his clothes so theyll be spared.
Hero: I
Hero: Ok. Ok.
Hero: The two of you will be in charge of cleaning or replacing anything that's genuinely ruined, though.
Basil: Thats fair,,
Sunny: continue
Basil: Ok!!!
Basil: Um,, Angel and Charlie are going to make propaganda and put it all around town.
Basil: Im not sure what they mean by propaganda, though, so,,,, keep an eye out??
Hero: Ok...If Charlie's on the job, it can't be too bad...
Basil: Mhm!!
Basil: Kim and Vance are going to fill up a bunch of Orange Joe bottles with stuff Kel doesnt like.
Hero: Like what?
Basil: I,,
Basil: Dont know???
Basil: That one was um,, my idea,,, but Im not sure what theyre actually doing...
Basil: Kim can be a real um,, out of the box thinker,,,
Hero: I see...
Hero: Well, Kel doesn't have any food allergies, so I'm not too worried... Besides, it might finally turn him away from drinking Orange Joe.
Basil: Hm...true!!!!
Basil: Okay and um,, lastly!!!
Basil: The Mavericks going to be making a glitter bomb to mail to Sunnys house.
Sunny: how do they know where i live
Basil: ,,,
Basil: I dont,,, think they do,,,
Basil: Unless theyre planning on trying to get the address out of me later,,,,
Basil: Should I,,, give it to them??
Sunny: hm
Sunny: ill give you a fake
Basil: Ok!!!
Hero: Sunny, this fake address won't be someone else's real one, will it?
Sunny: shush
Hero: Sunny.
Sunny: hero
Hero: No.
Sunny: its fine
Sunny: he deserves it
Hero: SUNNY.
Basil: Why do you think this person deserves to be glitter bombed,,??? Thats so mean,,,
Sunny: he keeps flirting with my mom
Basil: OH
Hero: Ah,
Hero: That...explains your animosity.
Hero: Still, you're not glitter bombing him.
Hero: Basil, I'LL find an address to give you, okay?
Basil: Um,, okay!!! Thank you!!!
Sunny: sadness
Hero: Deal with it.
Hero: Anyway, moving on from that. Is there anything else you and Kel are planning to do after coming to Faraway, or have you not gotten that far yet?
Sunny: something with a bluetooth speaker
Sunny: i think
Sunny: he talks fast
Hero: Oh boy...
Hero: I'll...keep that it mind.
Hero: So...I guess that's it for now?
Basil: I guess,,?? Theres not a lot of planning we can do until Sunny and Kel are done,,,,
Sunny: mhm
Sunny: ill keep you updated
Hero: Alright, do that...
Hero: I guess...I'm on stand-by until then?
Hero: What's my role in this, anyway? It's not like I'm in the position to gather information like you two...
Sunny: secret weapon
Sunny: element of surprise
Hero: ...Alright.
Hero: This is so childish...
Basil: A little,,,,
Basil: Its not,,, THAT bad to be childish every now and then, is it?? As long as no ones getting hurt..,, why not??!!
Hero: You...may have a point.
Hero: I guess I'll give it my all, then...
Basil: Haha,, same here!!!
Sunny: good
Sunny: now remember to act natural while we wait
Sunny: dont blow your cover
Basil: Alright!!!!
Hero: Got it.
Sunny: b

Chapter End Notes

i genuinely hope that everyones been reading sunny's "b"s as thumbs up. i mena itd be p funny and in charactee if he just kept saying "b" but its meant to be a thumbs up.

someone call buzzfeed unsolved STAT

Chapter Summary

Kim: whipped
Aubrey: Whipped
Angel: WHIPPED
Vance: whipped
Charlie: Whipped....
THE MAVERICK: CHARLIE TOO????????????/

Chapter Notes

fun fact: the french word for potato is pomme d'terre, which translated literally into apple of the earth. i am telling you this because there is One (1) french joke in this chapter. ty

Kel >>> Sunny
10:24 AM
Kel: SUNNY WHAT THE FUCK
Kel: WHERE DID YOU GO
Kel: HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN RUN THAT FAST
Sunny: cat
Kel: OK??
Kel: AND??
Kel: DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED MY MOM IS RN???
Kel: SHE THINKS SHE OFFENDED YOU OR SOME SHIT
Kel: COME BACK
Sunny: cat
Kel: sunny bro i know what im about to say may sound like nonsense to you
Kel: but
Kel: you CAN just ignore the cat.
Kel: that IS an option.
Sunny: heresy
Kel: UGHGHGHGGH
Kel: couldnt you have at least waited until we got all your stuff inside b4 you ran off...
Sunny: no
Kel: ur killin me here bro
Sunny: die
Kel: :(((
Sunny: :|
Kel: :'((((((
Kel: pls come back :((( if not for me then for my mom :(((
Sunny: hm.
Kel: she wants to cook u food
Sunny: omw
Kel: KNEW IT WOULD WORK

<< War. >>
10:46 AM
Angel: DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT WEIRD BLACK BLUR ZOOMING OUT OF OTHERMART??? CHARLIE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WTF JUST HAPPENED
Kim: YEAH I SAW THAT TOO
Kim: IT ALMOST HIT VANCE
Vance: it also seemed strangely familiar....
Vance: hm....
Kim: hm....
Angel: HM.....
Aubrey: Hm...
Aubrey: Well, I'm not gonna worry too much about it.
Aubrey: Too much has to go right today for us to waste energy thinking about weird ghosts or whatever the fuck it was.
Basil: I hope it wasnt a ghost,,,,, hhhh
THE MAVERICK: Do not worry, pomme d'eye, ghosts do not exist...and if they did, I, The Maverick, would happily protect you ;)
Kim: the fuck is a pomme d'eye
Kim: is that supposed to be french
Kim: what the fuck does it say
Basil: Did,,, you try to say "apple of the eye"??
THE MAVERICK: Perhaps ;)
Basil: What does that have to do with ghosts???,,??
THE MAVERICK: Uh
Kim: JESUS CHRIST AL;DHGALSDHGIHDISOGHO
Aubrey: FFS GUYS!!!
Aubrey: WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!! WE'RE NOT GONNA WORRY ABOUT IT!!!
Aubrey: ALSO MAV SHUT THE FUCK UP IMMEDIATELY!
Aubrey: Now then. Everyone. Status report.
Charlie: We've got most of our propaganda pasted around town...
Kim: WOOOOOO
Kim: YOU GO GIRL
Aubrey: Awesome job, Charlie. You're doing great. <3
Angel: WHAT ABOUT ME
Aubrey: You're doing a passable job.
Angel: I'LL TAKE IT
Aubrey: Anyway what abt the rest of y'all??? What's our progress?
Vance sent an image.
Basil: WOAH,,,
Aubrey: HOLY SHIT
Aubrey: WHERE DID YOU GUYS GET THAT MANY BOTTLES
Kim: fuwahahaha....
Kim: street smarts, aubrey. street smarts :)
Vance: we found the manager of othermart throwing out a bunch of expired orange joes and convinced him to give them to us
Kim: DAMMIT VANCE YOU TOOK AWAY MY MYSTIQUE
Aubrey: Talk about good timing... Fuck yeah.
Aubrey: How're you gonna get them to him?
Kim: i figure we can just leave em anywhere in public and he'll find and take em
Kim: its not like we gotta worry abt anyone else drinking it lmao
Charlie: Um...
Charlie: What if instead of the whole box....you leave individual bottles around town....?
Charlie: He'd be more likely to fall for drinking multiple of them like that......
Kim: charlie ur a genius
Kim: mwah mwah mwah
Vance: ily charlie
Vance: gonna go do that rn
Basil: Um,,,
Basil: What all did you put in them??? Exactly???
Kim: :)
Vance: :)
Angel: FEAR
Basil: ;;;
Kim: dont worry plant boy...itll be fucking hilarious
Aubrey: IT BETTER BE.
Aubrey: Btw guys I hope u all know that I'm grading all of ur performances.
Aubrey: Whoever has the most Pandemonium Points (TM) gets one free shot at Kel with a water balloon.
Kim: oh its on fuckers
Kim: to hell with the rest of you im getting those fucking points
Angel: FUCK YOU I'M GONNA WIN JUST YOU WATCH
Kim: choke
Vance: aubrey why would you do this....theyre gonna be insufferable....
Aubrey: The chaos sown by making this war a competion has already earned myself a large sum of Pandemonium Points (TM).
Kim: FUCK
Kim: CHEAP MOVE AUBREY YOU SHITBAG
Aubrey: Kiss my ass <3
Basil: This was not in the manifesto Aubrey,,,,
Aubrey: Screw the manifesto I was high as fuck off of redbull when I wrote that.
THE MAVERICK: Manifesto??
Basil: Please dont ask :(
THE MAVERICK: Ach, never mind then!!!!
Basil: :) !
Kim: whipped
Aubrey: Whipped
Angel: WHIPPED
Vance: whipped
Charlie: Whipped....
THE MAVERICK: CHARLIE TOO????????????/
Kim: LMAOOOOOOO
Kim: charlie be my wife challenge
Vance: i love you charlie
Angel: <3 CHARLIE <3
Charlie: Haha...guys.....
Aubrey: <3333333
Aubrey: ANYWAY GUYS BACK TO WHAT WE WERE DOING BEFORE
Aubrey: Mav. Status update.
Aubrey: How's the glitter bomb.
THE MAVERICK: Sigh....
THE MAVERICK: I have come to learn a truth about life...
THE MAVERICK: There is much to be learned from the tale of Sisyphus. The never-ending labor, striving for a goal that shall never be attained, barred from rest on threat of pain.
THE MAVERICK: Truly a noble tale, one that we should all digest and internalize.
Aubrey: What.
THE MAVERICK: I've exploded three separate bombs and am no longer allowed in my house until I take a hose bath ;(
Kim: LADHGLHSD;FOIHGOISHDIGOHSDIOFHIAOSH
Vance: AHFDGSHDFIGHOIDFSHOGIH
Aubrey: MAV HOLY SHIT ASDGHAOISDHOGIAHPOSDHGOAIHG
Angel: MASTER....
Angel: YOUR PERSISTANCE IS INSPIRATIONAL...!
Kim: that's definitely one way to put it aaiodhsgiohsdoighaoisdhgoia
THE MAVERICK: Fear not, though! For I have indeed, after such a long strife, managed to complete my duty ;)
THE MAVERICK: Behold!
THE MAVERICK sent an image.
Aubrey: Mav that's the ugliest fucking glitter bomb I've ever seen. Minus twenty Pandemonium Points (TM).
THE MAVERICK: FUCK YOU AUBREY MY WIG IS RUINED THANKS TO THIS.
Kim: oh nooo not ur wigggg
Kim: so sad :( fs in chat
Kim: f
Aubrey: F
Vance: f
Angel: F
Charlie: ...F....
THE MAVERICK: Why is everyone against me today. I have done nothing to deserve this.
THE MAVERICK: Sigh, at least the fair Basil has yet to forsake me today ;)
Basil: F!!!!!
THE MAVERICK: FUCK
Angel: HELL YEAH BASIL UP TOP
Angel: VIRTUAL HIGH FIVE BRO
Basil: Um,,, okay!!!
Basil: High-five!!!!
Kim: omg so cute
Basil: Uhm//??//
Kim: marry me basil
Basil: UHM //??//
Vance: dw its just a running joke bc kims hella aro
Kim: yea lol
Vance: hows you and aubreys side of the war effort goin
Basil: Oh um!!!!
Basil: I dont have a picture of all the laundry we got,,, but it was definitely a full load!!!
Aubrey: We got like his ENTIRE drawer of underwear, too.
Aubrey: Weirdly enough he's got like...a lot less clothes than I expected.
Angel: NICE.
Kim: and its all back in his house, right???? no worries abt sneaking it in later???
Aubrey: Of course, Kim. I'm not an amateur.
Aubrey: All we have to do now is wait for all our """traps""" to take effect.
Kim: fuwahahahahaha
Vance: hehehe
Angel: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
THE MAVERICK: ;)
Basil: Haha,,ha,,

<< mewtiny >>
Basil: Um!!!!
Basil: I thought Id let you guys know that um,,,, all of Aubreys stuff is finished....
Basil: Were just waiting for Kel to come into contact with everything,,,,
Hero: Thanks for the heads up, Basil.
Sunny: ty
Sunny: i saw the propaganda already
Sunny sent an image.
Basil: Youve already been to town???
Basil: I thought you just arrived though,,,,
Sunny: chased a cat
Basil: Ah,
Basil: That makes sense...,,
Hero: You gave my mom a heart attack is what you did. That was very rude...
Sunny: cat
Hero: So you've said. Multiple times.
Sunny: cat
Hero: ...Yeah.
Hero: Y'know, you still haven't told us what you and Kel's plans are for today...
Sunny: wing it
Hero: Why am I not surprised.
Basil: Well um,,, do you have any ideas yet??
Sunny: yes
Sunny: i need heros help for it
Hero: ..What do I need to do?
Sunny: buy eggs
Hero: What.
Basil: ,,,Eggs????
Sunny: yes
Sunny: buy me eggs
Hero: Why???
Sunny: so that i dont have to steal your moms eggs
Hero: But why do you need eggs??
Sunny: self-defense
Basil: ???
Sunny: i showed kel the picture
Sunny: he wants me to find all the posters and vandalize them with a marker
Sunny: i need eggs in case im caught
Basil: Why eggs of all things,,,,
Basil: Cant you just,,, run away???
Sunny: not funny enough
Hero: ...If I buy you a carton of eggs, will you pay me back?
Sunny: yes
Hero: ...
Hero: Fine.
Hero: But only because I can't tell if you were kidding about stealing the ones we already have here.
Sunny: success
Hero is offline.
Basil: Um,,,!!!
Basil: Do you want me to do anything???
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: you said kim and vance were making fake orange joes?
Basil: Yep!!!
Basil: They hid the bottles around town!!!
Sunny: find and replace half of them with normal orange joe
Sunny: orange joe russian roullette
Basil: Uh,, okay!!!
Basil: Aye aye!!! Haha!
Basil is offline.

<< boudce >>
11:21 AM
Kel: WHAT IN THE GODDAMN FUCK HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES
Kel: @Aubrey @Basil
Kel: WHAT!!! THE!!! FUCK!!!!
Aubrey: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Kel sent an image.
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
Kel: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS
Aubrey: Kel omg...
Aubrey: I can't believe you have two.
Kel: ?????
Kel: TWO WHAT???
Aubrey: Two balls on ur face.
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: BWAHAHAHAHASDJ G;SDFHGPOSIFDHOPIGHASLD
Hero: Very mature, Aubrey.
Aubrey: Thank you <3
Hero: How did you even do all that without me seeing....
Aubrey: Remember when your dad asked you to buy a bunch of shit at Fix-it yesterday?
Hero: YOU GOT MY DAD IN ON THIS???

<< mewtiny >>
Hero: BASIL??!??!
Hero: MY DAD???
Hero: WHAT????
Basil: I DIDNT KNOW SHE MESSED WITH HIM UNTIL WE ALREADY GOT INSIDE IM SORRY,,!!!!!

<< boudce >>
Aubrey: Technically all I did was mention to him that his truck sounded like it was low on headlight fluid.
Hero: THAT DOESN'T EXIST.
Aubrey: I KNOW ALSHG;LAHSDLGHALSD;HF
Aubrey: IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY
Aubrey: He was like "Really?? She was at the shop last week and the mechanics never said anything about that."
Aubrey: So I told him the whole thing was a conspiracy by Big Auto to make people spend more money on headlight replacements.
Hero: AUBREY.
Hero: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Aubrey: LOOK IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR DAD'S A FUCKING DUNCE AHG;ALHSKD;GHAL;SHG
Aubrey: Tho it DOES explain a lot about Kel tbh.
Hero: My dad's not stupid...he's just...a little slow on the uptake...that's all...
Aubrey: Same difference.
Aubrey: Huh..
Hero: ???
Aubrey: Official war business.
Aubrey: My army needs me, apparently.
Aubrey: Farewell for now.
Hero: Okay????
Aubrey is offline.

<< War. >>
Kim: @Aubrey
Vance: @Aubrey
THE MAVERICK: @Aubrey
Angel: @AUBREY
Kim: ANGEL. DUDE. CAPS.
Angel: STFU
Charlie: @Aubrey
Charlie: @Aubrey
Charlie: I did it a second time for you Angel.......
Angel: THANK YOU CHARLIE
Aubrey: I'M HERE
Aubrey: WHAT'S ON FIRE WHO DIED
Kim: NO ONE DIED CHILL OUT
Aubrey: THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PINGING ME SO MUCH
Angel: AUBREYYYYYYYYY
Angel: WE'RE BEING HATE CRIMED
Aubrey: W
Aubrey: WHAT?????
Charlie sent an image.
Charlie: Our posters.....
Aubrey: Who the FUCK
Vance: it was prolly kel..
Kim: the first counter-attack....it begins......
Basil: It was only a matter of time,,,.....
Aubrey: True, true....
Aubrey: STILL.
Aubrey: THIS SLIGHT WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED.
Aubrey: Angel, Mav.
Angel: HERE
THE MAVERICK: Yes, Aubrey? ;)
Aubrey: I want you two patrolling the areas with Charlie's propaganda set up.
Aubrey: It's on SIGHT, you hear me??
Angel: MAAM YES MAAM!!!!
THE MAVERICK: But of course ;) Kel will not escape our grasp.
Aubrey: THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!
Aubrey: NOW GET LOST.
Angel is offline.
THE MAVERICK is offline.
Basil: What,,,
Basil: What are they going to do if they find Kel???
Basil: Theyre not gonna,,, fight,,, are they????
Kim: theyre prolly just gonna end up aggresively jojo posing at him
Basil: ,,,Jojo posing???
Kim sent an image.
Basil: Oh...,,
Basil: Thats not so bad,,,??
Vance: not in theory, but angel is...disturbingly good at them
Vance: i saw him do like...ten different poses in less than a minute without messin up
Vance: i though he was doing an occult ritual
Kim: its his hidden talent lmao
Basil: Oh,,,//
Basil: Oh boy...,,,,

<< 1:17 PM >>
Angel: GUYS!!! GUYS!!!! RED ALERT RED ALERT
Angel: WEE-WOO WEE-WOO WEE-WOO
Basil: ???
Vance: what happened??
Kim: i s2g if ur freaking out abt dirt getting on ur nikes again im gonna punt you
Aubrey: ^ Same.
Angel: NO!!!! ITS NOT THAT!!!!
Angel: I JUST GOT EGGED BY A FUKCGIN DEMON
Angel: IM LOSING MY FUCKIGN MIND
Vance: what in the goddamn hell are you talking about..
Angel: LOOK!!!! MASTER WAS THERE!!!! HE SAW IT TOO!!!!
THE MAVERICK: Yes...t'was a gruesome display.
Angel: IT WAS FUKCIGN TERRIFYING
Basil: Are you okay,,???
Angel: IM TRAUMATIZED PROBABLY HAUNTED AND COVERED IN RAW EGG
Aubrey: Jesus Christ.
Charlie: You say it was a....demon...?
Angel: YES
Angel: IT WAS HIDING IN THE SPACE BETWEEN OTHERMART AND FIX-IT
Angel: IT WAS ALL SHADOWY N SHIT AND IT HAD ONE EYE
Kim: ur tellin me you got egged by a one eyed shadow demon?
Basil: ,
Basil is offline.
Aubrey: ?
Angel: YES!!!!!
Kim: and mav got spared????
THE MAVERICK: Thankfully, yes ;)
Kim: sad
THE MAVERICK: ;(
Angel: AUBREY WHAT DO WE DO
Aubrey: Uhhh
Aubrey: Hold on a second

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: You good??? You went offline pretty suddenly.
Basil: nno/;;
Aubrey: Well shit

<< War. >>
Aubrey: Gtg smth came up that I gotta deal with
Aubrey: Kim, you're in charge
Kim: ??? everything good??
Aubrey: I'll tell you later
Aubrey is offline.
Kim: ok...
Kim: anyhoodle
Kim: GREETINGS WORMS
Kim: KNEEL BEFORE YOUR NEW LEADER
Kim: FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS
Kim: mav, cover urself in eggs to show solidarity with angel
THE MAVERICK: FUCK

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: Ok I'm back.
Aubrey: What's wrong???
Basil: ;;;
Aubrey: Uhhhh
Aubrey: Does it have anything to do w/ the stuff Angel was talking abt???
Aubrey: Ghost demons or wtvr??
Basil: yeah...,
Basil: tthe description
Aubrey: ???
Basil: ;;;
Aubrey: Okay...
Aubrey: Would it be better if we talked irl instead of over text??
Basil: mhm...
Aubrey: Ok.
Aubrey: Where are you rn??
Basil sent a picture.
Aubrey: Are you??? In the cat??? At the playground???
Aubrey: Why?????
Aubrey: Actually nvm that's not important
Aubrey: I'm omw
Basil: ty

Aubrey >>> Kim
Aubrey: Keep everyone out of the playground on pain of death.
Kim: got it boss (= =)7

<< boudce >>
Aubrey: @Everyone Stay out of the playground on pain of death.
Kel: uhhh why?
Aubrey: Because I am doing something genuinely important there that is unrelated to the war and if you make it worse by not taking this seriously I am going to shave you bald.
Kel: NOOO MY LUSCIOUS LOCKS
Kel: fine. truce in the playground.
Kel: but if this is one of ur tricks then im gonna lose my shit.
Aubrey: Fine by me.

<< mewtiny >>
1:48 PM
Sunny: mission accomplished
Hero: That's nice...
Hero: ...Did you end up having to egg anyone?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: he was breakdancing too hard in front of my hiding place
Sunny: i needed a diversion
Hero: ..........Alright.
Sunny: @Basil status report
Hero: ....?
Hero: I think he might still be busy looking for the Orange Joes...
Sunny: @Basil status report
Sunny: @Basil status report
Sunny: @Basil status report
Hero: Sunny, I don't think that's going to work....
Sunny: @Basil status report
Basil: Can you PLEASE stop blowing up Basil's phone
Basil: ffs
Sunny: who
Hero: Hello?
Basil: This is Aubrey, I'm with Basil rn.
Hero: Oh, hi Aubrey. Is Basil busy right now?
Basil: Uhhh
Basil: Ok he said he's cool with you guys knowing
Basil: He had a little panic attack earlier so I've been sitting w/ him
Hero: Oh, no....
Sunny: is he ok?
Basil: He's not 100% but he's better
Hero: That's good...
Hero: This is why you asked us to stay out of the playground? Is that where you are?
Basil: Yeah.
Basil: Anyway I wanna know why? You guys?? Are in a gc together like this???
Basil: And why's it called mewtiny??? Wtf
Hero: Um
Hero: Well
Hero: You see,
Sunny: im teaching them memes
Basil: You are???
Sunny: yeah
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny: these are for basil btw
Hero: What in god's name.
Basil: LDHSFGOISHDFIGHAODPHFGOIHDISOHG
Basil: SUNNY ILY HOLY SHIT
Basil: Ok I'm gonna go now and show Basil all the memes on my phone bc that actually seemed to cheer him up a whole lot
Basil: Keep doing god's work Sunny
Sunny: b
Basil is offline.
Sunny: close one
Hero: Yeah...
Hero: Seriously, though. What on Earth are those pictures????
Sunny: buckle up
Hero: ???

<< War. >>
2:24 PM
Angel: KIM PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU
Kim: beg
Aubrey: Hey fuckers guess who's back
Angel: AUBREY!!!!!
THE MAVERICK: OH THANK GOD
Vance: aubrey i know you two have a blood pact but please stop leaving kim in charge when you're busy
Kim: ur all a bunch of BABIES
THE MAVERICK: YOU MADE ANGEL DO A HANDSTAND IN THE FOUNTAIN FOR LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES
Kim: fucker deserved it
Aubrey: @Charlie how was Kim while I was gone?
Charlie: About the same....
Aubrey: Aight then.
Aubrey: Thanks, Kim. Good job.
Kim: np
THE MAVERICK: This is blatant favoritism.
Aubrey: Sure is <3
Aubrey: ANYWAY I have an announcement to make.
Charlie: ?
Vance: are we allowed back in the park
Aubrey: Well
Aubrey: Yeah
Aubrey: But ALSO
Aubrey: We are BANNING the words ghost and demon from this chat.
Aubrey: If you want to talk about them then you will refer to them as spookems from here on out.
Angel: I'M 100% FOR THAT BUT LIKE
Angel: WHY??
Aubrey: Bc it upsets Basil and also bc I said so.
Aubrey: Executive order.
Angel: OK THEN
Kim: fine by me lol
THE MAVERICK: Is Basil...alright?
THE MAVERICK: We were talking quite extensively about the banned subject earlier...
Angel: O SHIT YEAH
Angel: IS HE GOOD??
Aubrey: It freaked him out earlier, but he's a lot better now, don't worry.
Aubrey: He's actually about to come back online, which is why I went ahead and told you guys about The Words That Shall No Longer Be Said.
Charlie: That's good.....
Kim: hell yeah babey
Angel: WOOHOO
Aubrey: Now, without further ado...
Aubrey: THE BOY.
Basil: Hi everyone!!!!!!!
Kim: HI BASIL
Vance: heya
THE MAVERICK: It is wonderful hearing from you again ;)
Charlie: Hello....
Angel: HIIIII
Basil: :)!!!
Angel: UHHHH
Angel: BASIL BRO I JUST WANTED TO SAY SORRY FR TALKING ABT SPOOKEMS SO MUCH EARLIER AND FREAKING YOU OUT :/
Basil: Uh,,,
Basil: Whats are,,,, spookems?????
Angel: G*OSTS
Kim: yknow typically you censor the vowels, not the constanants
Angel: MY BAD
Angel: *HO***
Kim: i dont even know how to address that
Basil: Um,,,
Basil: Its ok Angel!!!!!
Basil: You didnt know..!
THE MAVERICK: How forgiving ;)
THE MAVERICK: Basil, if you're still feeling on edge, feel free to stop by my family's bakery...I'll be sure to save you something sweet ;)
Basil: Oh!!! Thats very nice of you!!!
Basil: Thank you !!
THE MAVERICK: It is my pleasure ;)
Aubrey: Oh not on my fucking watch
Aubrey: Kim and Vance keep Mav away from Othermart, Charlie and Angel escort Basil.
THE MAVERICK: MOTHERFUCKER
Vance: aye aye
Kim: SQUARE UP MAV
Basil: ????
Angel: DON'T WORRY ABT IT BASIL WE'LL PROTECT YOU
THE MAVERICK: Betrayed by my own student....
Angel: SORRY MASTER THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT
Angel: CMON CHARLIE
Charlie: Alright.....
Basil: Um,,,, ok,,,,?
Basil: Thank you,,, I think??
Aubrey: No problem, Basil.

Hero >>> Kel
3:31 PM
Hero sent an image.
Kel: hey what the FUCK am i looking at
Hero: Sunny's trying to teach me how to make "memes" but...I'm not sure I fully understand?
Kel: oh my god.
Hero sent an image.
Hero sent an image.
Kel: STOP
Kel: PLEASE
Hero: ...
Hero sent an image.
Kel: FUCK YOU

sunny uses capital letters

Chapter Summary

Angel: HAHA CONFISHCATE
Angel: CONFISHCATE SOUNDS LIKE CON FISH KATE
Angel: CAN CON FISH KATE BE OUR MASCOT
THE MAVERICK: How much sugar have you had, Angel?
Angel: PROBABLY TOO MUCH

Chapter Notes

this war arc is turning out way longer than i initially planned. whoopsie-daddle

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kel >>> Sunny
3:40 PM
Kel: seeing as u have apparently been using the last three hours to teach my brother about memes is it safe to assume ur done messing w/ all the posters
Sunny: yes
Kel: RADICAL
Kel: ok so while u were out and i was mourning my wardrobe i came up with more things for us to do
Kel: i want ur feedback so rate my ideas on a scale of 1 to 10 okay
Sunny: ok
Kel: IDEA 1
Kel: we mix up a bunch of water w/ food dye and go ham with my water guns
Sunny: 6/10
Sunny: youd do a good job but i have a -2 modifier in athletics and would only be a liability
Kel: wut
Sunny: i cant aim
Kel: oooooh
Kel: hm okay yeah good point
Kel: IDEA 2
Kel: you draw aubrey and basil as furries and place copies around town
Sunny: 4/10
Sunny: good concept but would take too long
Sunny: also they already did posters so its unoriginal
Kel: damn. u right.
Kel: okay then onto idea numero tres
Kel: remember that speaker i bought??
Sunny: yes
Kel: ok
Kel: SO
Kel: we plant that in aubreys house somewhere and BLAST annoying music
Kel: im thinking nyan cat or caramelldansen or smth
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: 5/10
Sunny: easy but no guarantee she won't just leave
Sunny: or the batteries might die
Kel: TRUE
Kel: yknow im starting to think that we might be kinda bad at this whole war thing
Sunny: perhaps
Sunny: keep trying
Sunny: statistically you have to have a good idea at some point
Kel: idk bro maths never worked in my favor before
Kel: have u come up w/ anything
Sunny: hm
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: spray them with fish scented perfume and sic the town's cats on them
Kel: do
Kel: do we HAVE fish scented perfume???
Sunny: yes
Kel: WHY??? HOW???
Sunny: on sale 75% off buy one get one free plus cash back on fishtrict merch rewards card
Kel: omg what a steal
Kel: but wait why did u bring it tho
Sunny: never hurts to be prepared
Kel: tru tru
Kel: how r we gonna do this tho...
Sunny: rube goldberg machine
Kel: i can personally vouch for those never working in real life
Kel: i tried making a rube goldberg to steal extra food during brekkie and we ended up with pancakes on our ceiling fan
Sunny: still edible
Kel: THATS WHAT I SAID but mom wouldnt let me eat any of it >:(
Kel: such a waste...
Kel: sometimes i can still taste the syrup...
Kel: sigh...
Kel: ANYHOODLE we need a legit way to get the perfume on them
Kel: since thats apparently our best idea, i guess
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: run-n-gun
Kel: question mark
Sunny: run up to them
Sunny: spray
Sunny: run away
Kel: OOH LIKE GORILLA WARFARE
Sunny: yes
Kel: hehehe i like the sound of that
Kel: im speedy gonzales' humansona so ill be the one to do it
Kel: what abt the cats how we gonna make them attack
Sunny: telepathic waves
Kel: i firmly genuinely believe that you can communicate telepathically with cats
Kel: i leave that to u
Sunny: b
Kel: LETS DO THISSS >:)))

<< mewtiny >>
Sunny: @Basil
Basil: Yes??
Sunny: where are you and aubrey
Basil: Um,,,!!!
Basil: Im not sure where Aubrey is right now,,,
Basil: But Im having some banana bread with Angel and Charlie at the fountain!!!!
Sunny: hide
Basil: ???
Sunny: kels running around town with fish perfume
Hero: Is that what I smell...?
Hero: ...Why do you have that...
Sunny: on sale 75% off buy one get one free plus cash back on fishtrict merch rewards card
Basil: Ooh!!! What a steall!!! :o
Sunny: ikr
Sunny: anyway if kel sprays you the stray cats will try to eat you
Sunny: and maybe ruin your bread
Basil: THEY WILL????//?/?
Hero: No, they won't.
Hero: Please don't scare him like that, Sunny.
Sunny: its true
Hero: No? It's not?
Sunny: yes it is
Hero: No, it's not.
Sunny: yes it is
Hero: No, it's not.
Sunny: yes it is
Hero: No, it's not!
Hero: I'm not getting into an argument like this with you.
Sunny: too late
Sunny: i win
Sunny: moving on
Sunny: i have a job for you
Hero: ??
Sunny: i have another bottle
Sunny: i need you to bring it to basil
Hero: Um...okay?
Basil: Why do I need a bottle??
Sunny: i want you to frame kel for something
Sunny: leave his scent at the scene
Sunny: be creative
Basil: Uh,,, are you sure???
Sunny: absolutely
Basil: Um...,,, okay!!!!
Hero: Is this all I am now?
Hero: A messenger boy?
Sunny: do you have any other ideas
Hero: ....Actually.
Hero: Yes, yes I do.
Basil: Ooh!!!
Sunny: i am listening.
Hero: Well...
Hero: Let's just say the owner of Gino's owes me a favor or two.
Sunny: eyes emoji
Hero: What?
Basil: That means hes looking forward to what you do!!!!! I think,,
Hero: Oh!
Hero: Ok.
Hero: I'll drop of the perfume on my way there, I'm not too far.
Basil: Ok!!!!!!
Sunny: dont dally or ill catch a spider and hide it in your bedsheets
Hero is offline.
Basil: Arent you afraid of spiders????
Sunny: not anymore
Sunny: a ghost taught me how to kill them and now all my fear has turned into rage against the species
Basil: ...Okay???
Basil: Spiders are actually really nice though,,,...
Basil: You really shouldnt kill them.....
Basil: Just pick them up and move them outside!!!!!
Basil: Theyre friends to my plants!!!!
Sunny: and enemies to humans
Basil: Theyre more scared of us than we are of them!!!!
Sunny: they better be.
Basil: :(
Basil: Oh uh!!! I think I see Hero!!!!
Basil: Bye!!!!
Sunny: good luck
Basil is offline.

Kel >>> Sunny
3:58 PM
Kel: target one spotted. the ringmaster herself. initiating attack manuever, over.
Sunny: roger
Kel: my names kel? lol
Sunny: koger
Kel: better
Kel: run n gun in three
Kel: two
Kel: one
Kel: LIFT OFF
Kel: LSAKGHLKKS;
Sunny: status
Kel: TARGTET IS ALRERTEDD AND FIHGTHIG BACKA
Sunny: fall back soldier
Sunny: rendezvous at the treehouse
Kel: ROGER
Sunny: my names sunny
Kel: SOGER
Sunny: better
Kel: i think im losing her
Kel: haha rip her
Kel: i think she forgot how often the coaches beg me to join track
Kel: im like the flash except cooler bc hes red and im orange
Sunny: i think hes orange sometimes
Kel: rly?
Kel: i think ur thinking of kid flash
Sunny: hes yellow
Kel: yea well what does yellow and red make
Sunny: rellow
Kel: yed
Sunny: yedrellow
Kel: rellowyed
Kel: woah hold up
Kel: HOLY SHIT
Sunny: ?
Kel: THERES A FUCKING
Kel: BOTTLE OF ORANGE JOE
Kel: JUST
Kel: SITTING HERE. ON A TRAFFIC CONE.
Kel: PERFECTLY BALANCED.
Kel: WTF
Sunny: drink it
Kel: well DUH of COURSE im gonna drink it
Kel: free orange joe??? yes PLEASE
Kel: gimme a sec to down this bad boy
Sunny: k
Kel: .
Kel: ;sdgbka;haiohljnldv ksV :Njfs;KLA DKLFDALKJSK
Kel: agjhgu OIAPY8iH ig
Kel: Y*#Y%PYj hap8yb ou8yt 7785848e457rfdgfhh
Sunny: ??
Kel: HTWHAT THAWELRJ FUCXKJ
Kel: WAHT JIS HTIS
Sunny: are you dying
Kel: I JFISU VKJJRI WIHSK
Kel: I CANYN BALREY FAUCKGIN BREAHTJE
Kel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sunny: do you want me to bring water to the treehouse
Kel: NO
Kel: MOUTH WASH
Sunny: b

<< War. >>
Aubrey: @Everyone
Aubrey: A CRUCIAL development has occured.
Kim: o worm?
Vance: what is it, cap'n?
Aubrey: That motherfucking KEL is on the attack.
Aubrey: With the most disgusting fucking perfume I've every FUCKING smelled.
Angel: WORSE THAN MASTER'S COLOGNE??
THE MAVERICK: My cologne smells fine >;(
Aubrey: Yes. Worse than Mav's cologne.
Aubrey: It's fucking fish scented.
Kim: WHAT
Kim: WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET SHIT LIKE THAT
Kim: I WANT SOME
Vance: no, kim
Kim: FUCK YOU VANCE!!!!!! I WANT THE FISHFUME!!!!!
Angel: WHY???
Kim: I WANNA MAKE STINK BOMBS
Kim: THINK OF THE CRIMINAL OPPORTUNITIES
Aubrey: Hey, Kim?
Kim: YEAH?
Aubrey: Go steal the fishfume :)
Kim: FUCK
Kim: YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Kim is offline.
Vance: i'll... go watch her back
Aubrey: You do that, Vance.
Vance is offline.
Angel: WAITWAIT HOLD UP
Angel: AUBREY??
Aubrey: Yeah?
Angel: DO
Angel: DO YOU SMELL LIKE FISH NOW????????
Aubrey: I don't want to talk about it.
Angel: OH MY GOD YOU TOTALLY SMELL LIKE FISH NOW
Aubrey: I'm going to break every bone in your body.
Angel: IF YOU DO THAT THEN HOW AM I GONNA PROTECT CHARLIE AND BASIL FROM THE FISH FIEND???
Aubrey: After Kim confiscates the fishfume I'm going to break every bone in your body.
Angel: HAHA CONFISHCATE
Angel: CONFISHCATE SOUNDS LIKE CON FISH KATE
Angel: CAN CON FISH KATE BE OUR MASCOT
THE MAVERICK: How much sugar have you had, Angel?
Angel: PROBABLY TOO MUCH
Angel: BANANA BREAD SLAPS
THE MAVERICK: It truly does... ;)
Aubrey: Put a coin in the horny jar.
THE MAVERICK: I'M NOT HORNY FOR BREAD SHUT UP!!!!
Aubrey: Oh yeah? How'd you know I was talking about the bread?
Aubrey: Maybe I was talking about Basil, who is also eating bread, and your mind could've wandered to by association.
Angel: IS THAT WHY YOU TOLD HIM HE COULD COME TO YOUR FAMILY'S BAKERY ANYTIME?? CUZ WATCHING HIM BREAD IS LIKE, YOUR KINK?
THE MAVERICK: WHAT THE FUCK???? NO?????
Aubrey: Hm. Suspicious.
THE MAVERICK: THAT'S
THE MAVERICK: I DON'T EVEN
THE MAVERICK: WHAT?????
Angel: HORNY JAIL FOR MASTER!!!!
THE MAVERICK: I'm going to Gino's. Goodbye.
Aubrey: For the breadsticks?
THE MAVERICK: GOOD
THE MAVERICK: BYE.
THE MAVERICK is offline.
Aubrey: Lol
Angel: SO AUBREY
Angel: DO YOU NEED TO LIKE
Angel: BORROW ONE OF OUR SHOWERS NOW????
Angel: OR IS YOURS CLEAN ENOUGH TO WASH THE FISH OFF
Angel: CUZ NO OFFENSE AUBREY BUT I DONT RLY VIBE WITH FISH SMELLS
Aubrey: Die.
Aubrey: ...Hold on, Mav said he's going to Gino's?
Aubrey: Is Basil still in the plaza with you guys??
Angel: NAH
Angel: THAT HERO GUY STOPPED BY AND ASKED FOR HIS HELP WITH SOMETHING EARLIER
Aubrey: Grr... He's taking up my troops' valuable time...
Aubrey: ...He is keeping Basil and Mav apart, though, so I guess it's forgiven.
Angel: THAT HERO DUDE'S KINDA HOT NGL
Aubrey: Put a coin in the horny jar.
Angel: FUCK

THE MAVERICK >>> Aubrey
4:12 PM
THE MAVERICK: AUBREY AUBREY AUBREY
THE MAVERICK: AUBREY AUBREY AUBREY
THE MAVERICK: MAYDAY, I REPEAT, MAYDAY!!!!
Aubrey: ????
Aubrey: What's going on???
THE MAVERICK: I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY THIS IN THE MAIN CHAT BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO CAUSE A PANIC
THE MAVERICK: BUT
THE MAVERICK: WE'VE BEEN BANNED FROM GINO'S!!!!
Aubrey: We WHAT?!?!?!
Aubrey: WHY?!?!
THE MAVERICK: HE DIDN'T SAY WHY!!!! JUST THAT WE WERE!!!!
THE MAVERICK: AND THEN HE KICKED ME OUT!!!!
THE MAVERICK: Aubrey, what do we do?!
THE MAVERICK: I'm shaking
THE MAVERICK: My life is in shambles
THE MAVERICK: I don't think I can go on any longer....
THE MAVERICK: Tell my story, Aubrey....
Aubrey: I'm gonna slap your wig off.
Aubrey: PULL IT TOGETHER SOLDIER.
THE MAVERICK: BUT AUBREY
Aubrey: Listen. Listen.
Aubrey: I understand how the shock must be affecting you, Mav.
Aubrey: But you gotta stay strong.
Aubrey: For the war effort, for your student, for Basil,
Aubrey: But most importantly,
Aubrey: For CHARLIE.
Aubrey: Because I don't think anyone has your fainting pillow on hand, and if you get too melodramatic and swoon, you KNOW she's gonna offer to carry you.
Aubrey: Do you really want to force Charlie to be a fucking pack-mule?
THE MAVERICK: No...I could never do such a thing to her...
THE MAVERICK: Okay....
THE MAVERICK: Okay, I'm calm now...
Aubrey: Good.
Aubrey: Now, we need to break the news to the rest of the group.
Aubrey: Get everyone to meet me at the Hideout. We might need to toss Angel in the lake a couple of times if he gets too hysterical.
THE MAVERICK: On it...

<< War. >>
THE MAVERICK: @Everyone ....
THE MAVERICK: I have...truly grievious news....
THE MAVERICK: Come....come to the Hideout as soon as possible.
THE MAVERICK is offline.
Basil: Ah!!!
Basil: Um,, okay!!1!
Kim: motherfucker whatttttt
Kim: i still havent found the fucking fishfume
Kim: this is bullshit
Vance: we're on our way..
Charlie: So are Angel and I....
Basil: Im!,!! Coming too!1!!//
Vance: you good plant boy..?
Kim: yea ur typing more spazzy than normal
Basil: OH Um!!!
Basil: I just uh,,
Basil: I was just really,,, caught up in what I was helping Hero with!!!!!! Haha!!!!!!
Angel: WHAT DID HE HAVE YOU DO
Basil: Uh
Basil: Um
Basil: Some
Basil: Things!!!!!
Kim: what kinda things???
Basil: Er
Basil: This and that!!!!!
Basil: We were really busy hahaha,,,,
Basil: Anyway we should all!!! Hurry!!!! To meet up!!!
Basil is offline.
Vance: ...hes kinda
Vance: uh
Vance: suspicious, ain't he?
Kim: hey. watch your fucking tongue.
Kim: thats fucking basil of plantkind. show some goddamn respect.
Angel: YEAH VANCE WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM
Vance: nvm
Kim: damn right nevermind
Kim: lets get a move on
Kim is offline.
Vance is offline.
Angel: K
Angel is offline.
Charlie is offline.

<< boudce >>
4:29 PM
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: @Kel
Aubrey: KELSEY FUCKING GARCIA. SHOW YOURSELF.
Aubrey: I WILL NOT FUCKING STAND FOR THIS.
Aubrey: YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME.
Aubrey: BASIL. PING HIM TOO.
Basil: @Kel
Basil: @Kel
Basil: @Kel
Kel: is this abt the fish....
Kel: kinda late to yell at me for that tbh
Kel: unless u spent the last half hour trying to wash it off, in which case, nice to know it doesnt wash out easy
Sunny: the label said it washes out with kale juice
Basil: ????
Kel: w
Kel: why kale juice specifically
Kel: what the fuck is in that stuff
Sunny: dubious fish
Sunny: allegedly
Basil: Allegedly?????
Kel: WDYM ALLEGEDLY???
Aubrey: YOU.
Kel: me??
Aubrey: YES. YOU.
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: HAVE YOU BEEN LYING ABOUT BEING GAY FOR CLOUT?
Kel: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???
Kel: IM NOT???
Aubrey: HOW DARE YOU.
Aubrey: HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME FOR SO LONG ABOUT THIS.
Aubrey: AND HOW DARE YOU TAKE SOMETHING SO PRECIOUS AWAY FROM ME.
Kel: WHAT
Kel: THE
Kel: FUCK
Kel: ARE
Kel: YOU
Kel: TALKING
Kel: ABOUT
Aubrey: Stop playing dumb.
Aubrey: I KNOW it was you.
Aubrey: First my friends and I get banned from Gino's for no discernable reason, and then we regroup at the Hideout only to find this?
Aubrey: An empty pizza box with "Pizza is for straight people only"?
Aubrey: Not to mention you were stupid enough to spray that gross ass fish perfume at the scene. You're the only dumbass carrying that around, it literally can't be anyone else.
Sunny is offline.
Aubrey: SEE. LOOK.
Aubrey: EVEN SUNNY FEELS BETRAYED.

<< mewtiny >>
Sunny: @Basil @Hero
Sunny: YOU FRAMED KEL FOR BEING STRAIGHT?
Basil: ,,Yes??
Basil: We also framed him for banning the others from Ginos,,,, but yeah!!!
Hero: Oh my god, are you using all caps????
Sunny: I CANT BREATHE

<< boudce >>
Kel: first of all,
Kel: sunny went offline bc he dropped his phone laughing. smh.
Kel: SECOND of all,
Kel: WHAT.
Kel: THE FUCK.
Kel: i didnt do that!!!!!!
Aubrey: Yeah, right. Nice fucking defense there, you've got a bright future as a defense attorney there.
Kel: I REALLY DIDNT THOUGH!!!!!!
Aubrey: Uh-huh.
Kel: yanno, under normal circumstances, if you accused me of secretly being straight id end up in jail for attempted murder.
Kel: however, what youve said is so outrageous that sunny is literally crying laughing rn, and seeing as that is such a rarity i have decided to spare you.
Kel: yuore welcome
Basil: !!!
Basil: Did you get any pictures???
Kel: i took a video. its so precious uwu
Aubrey: HEY.
Aubrey: BACK TO ME.
Aubrey: YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO """"SPARE"""" ME?
Aubrey: REALLY?
Aubrey: BECAUSE I AM FUCKING VIBRATING WITH THE URGE TO CAVE YOUR SKULL IN.
Kel: I DIDNT DO IT!!!!!
Kel: YKW I BET THIS WHOLE THING IS A SCAM THAT YOU SET UP TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD
Aubrey: I don't have to scam people to make you look bad, you already do that by yourself.
Kel: im not gonna stand for this.
Kel: your days are numbered.
Kel: consider this both a warning and a promise.
Aubrey: YOU'RE FUCKING ON.
Aubrey: I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A PIKE BEFORE SUNDOWN.
Aubrey: COME ON, BASIL. WE'VE GOT SHIT TO DO.
Basil: ,,Okay!!
Aubrey is offline.
Kel: basil. basil. buddy.
Kel: you believe im innocent, right?
Basil: Uh,,,
Basil: In the words of Sunny,,
Basil: :|
Basil is offline.
Kel: NO

Chapter End Notes

someone draw con fish kate being the hooligans' mascot pls. dont make me do everything myself.

*throws this chapter out like an old lady tossing breadcrumbs at a bunch of pigeons"

Chapter Summary

Hmm....That was very strange, Kel thought. He didn't think Basil was the kind of guy to also get involved with niche Disney flame wars. He guessed the guy had to vent his aggression somehow, though.

Chapter Notes

im not dead and neither is this!!!! hi!!!!
so to make a long story short i started school and then made an omori ask blog and completely forgot i was a fanfic author for a second. whoospie daddle.
anyway here lol

<< mewtiny >>
4:31 PM
Hero: So, you're all going to have some sort of...showdown at the park?
Basil: Thats what it sounds like!!!! Our prank was really effective,,hehe!!
Hero: I can tell that much. Kel's been blowing up my phone about it. He's losing his mind.
Hero: This whole thing's been more fun than I was expecting it to be...heh.
Basil: I know,, right??
Basil: I thought Id be super stressed dealing with all of this,,, but Ive been having a really good time!!!
Hero: That's good to know!
Hero: It's...nice, being able to loosen up like this.
Basil: I think its good youre letting yourself loosen up!!!!!
Basil: You always seem um,,, kinda stressed and tired a lot,,,...
Basil: You should let yourself relax more often!!!!
Hero: You're not exactly wrong, but maybe you should take your own advice?
Basil: Hehe,,, maybe;;;;...
Sunny: hello
Basil: Hi Sunny!!!!
Hero: Are you, um...recovered?
Sunny: yes
Sunny: good job you two
Sunny: you have exceeded expectations
Basil: Thank you!!!
Hero: Yeah, thanks...
Hero: What now, though? With the showdown?
Sunny: ive been planning for this from the very beginning
Sunny: the climax...
Sunny: the deciding battle......
Sunny: we dont have much time to lose.
Sunny: listen closely.

~~~

Kel muttered angrily to himself as he stopped down the sidewalk, Sunny following closely behind. He gestured wildly as he absolutely demolished Aubrey in the fake argument he was having with her in his head. Oho, yes, poets will forever write about how sick and powerful his burns were. He was a visionary - a true genius!

...He was also a coward, which is why he was throwing out epic comebacks at the weeds in the asphalt instead of Aubrey's stupid face. He didn't have many self-preservation instincts left - he'd thrown most of them out the window the day he learned that self-preservation meant he wasn't allowed to learn how to skateboard blindfolded - but the ones he did have were there solely to protect him from Aubrey's wrath.

At the end of yet another tirade, he took a deep breath. Ranting while speed walking, as it turned out, could make a person winded very easily. Who woulda thought?

Hm. If he was getting winded, Sunny must be dying or something, poor guy. He only barely survived their traipses through Skyrise City by the skin of his teeth. Kel looked over his shoulder to make sure his friend wasn't collapsed in a heap on the pavement.

Thankfully, Sunny was upright and very much alive! He was texting furiously on his phone, not paying his surroundings a lick of attention. Kel's rage abated as his curiosity grew.

He spun on his heel and began walking backwards, facing Sunny. "Yo, Sun, whatcha textin' about?" He asked.

Sunny didn't even glance up at him. "I'm in a flame war on an online forum," He muttered softly. Kel grinned at the unexpected verbal answer, quiet as it was. Today was full of surprises!

"What's the forum about?"

Sunny's eye narrowed slightly. He was wearing his Hello Kitty eyepatch today, and it mixed with the threatening expression was pretty funny. "Cinderella three."

Kel's brain buffered. "...Why?"

"Because these people are incorrect."

He blinked. "Incorrect about...what??"

"Cinderella three."

"But what about Cinderella three?"

"Cinderella."

Kel had never seen Cinderrella three. Heck, he hadn't even known there was a Cinderella three until now. He'd trust Sunny's judgement on the subject for now.

"Well...whatever they said, I sure hope you show'em what for," He said.

Sunny nodded once, firmly. "I will."

He once again became immersed in his phone, and Kel sighed a little, turning back around to walk correctly (and also dodge a lamp post.) Oh, well. That was already a hell of a lot more than Sunny would usually talk, even back when they were kids. He'd take what he could get.

Though...now, he didn't have anything to distract him from The Menace That Was Aubrey.

He scowled, scowlingly. Aubrey. Aubergine. Aubern Gene. Aw, burn jean. Aw, bean. Aubrey.

Kel tried to make more idle conversation with Sunny as they walk, but with how invested Sunny was with his phone, he wasn't very successful. That was fine. He knew personally just how investing a flame war could be, and he wished Sunny the best luck in coming out on top. Godspeed, Sunny, godspeed.

Since the park honestly wasn't that far to begin with - nothing in this corner of town was - they made it there pretty quick. And there, lying in wait for them, was Aubrey and her Gang. They were standing in the middle of the park, positioned in a very Mikhail-esque manner. Kel could almost imagine the Wild West music playing as he and Sunny stepped foot past the fence and came face to face with their sworn enemies. Basil waved at them. Sunny waved back.

Aubrey stepped forward, a dark look on her face. She dragged the tip of her bat in the dirt behind her, and when she came to a stop a little ways in front of Kel, she brought it forward and leaned on it. Her hair draped over her shoulder, an impressive pink-to-purple gradient that unfortunately only made her look even cooler. The bright sun reflected off her contacts, making them seem like they were nearly glowing.

She pushed herself up, standing tall with her shoulders straight. She brought her bat up and pointed it directly at them. She opened her mouth to say something dramatic and probably also Mikhail-esque, but at that exact moment, a gust of wind blew from behind her, carrying the smell of raw fish directly to them.

Kel gagged comically and started coughing, jesus christ. He knew he was the one that was carrying around the bottle of the stuff, but he still wasn't use to the smell. That fish shit was rancid, even Sunny's face scrunched up a little at it.

Aubrey flushed and stomped her foot at them. "Hey! Don't ruin the fucking atmosphere, assholes!"

Kel plugged his nose and glared at her. "Well excuse me for having a nose! Couldn't you have at least taken a shower or something before coming out here?!"

Sunny poked him in the side and signed out, "Kale juice." Oh, right, the alleged dubious fish...Still though!

Aubrey made a sound like a strangled feral dog. "You're the one that fucking sprayed me!!"

"...Ok, and? What's that got to do with you covering it up?"

Kel could almost see the air around Aubrey turn red as she became Fucking Pissed. Behind her, the Hooligans were cracking knuckles and vibrating with pent up anticipation. He narrowed his eyes a little at them. They've already beaten him in a fight multiple times, why the hell were they so excited to do it again?? Was his face really that punchable??

The only one not seemingly bursting at the seams to beat him up was Basil, and he...was on his phone. Rude. Even Sunny put his phone away for this Epic Battle - oh, no, wait, Sunny was also on his phone. Damn investing flame wars. Sunny looked up at Basil, looked to the area behind him, and then looked back with a nod. Basil grinned, and they both put their phones away.

Hmm....That was very strange, Kel thought. He didn't think Basil was the kind of guy to also get involved with niche Disney flame wars. He guessed the guy had to vent his aggression somehow, though.

Aubrey took a deep breath to get her temper under control, and leveled Kel with a harsh stare. She once again lifted her bat and pointed it at him. "Kelsey Garcia-Vasquez, you absolute artichoke, -"

"What the fuck does that mean!"

" - you have commited a grievous sin upon mankind, and are now called to answer forth. How do you plead?"

Kel took a moment to translate the script Mikhail obviously gave her into English. "I plead you're fucking insane, your honor. 'Cause you're fucking insane. It wasn't me!"

Aubrey scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Right, obviously. So what you're saying is there's a whole other person with the same knowledge of me and my friends that you have, and this person just so happens to also have the same bottle of perfume? A perfume that isn't even sold here?"

Kel twiddled with his hair. "...Yes?"

Basil looked away as Aubrey stared at him incredulously, head in hands. His shoulders shook with what must've been supressed tears at Kel's lacklustre defense.

Kim stepped forward then, and adjusted her glasses so that the light reflected off of them and did the anime glasses thing. He knew that's what she was trying to do because he sat next to her for a full year in his freshman science class, and she spent the entire time trying to learn how to do it. Kim wasn't slick. He knew she was more nerdy than cool.

"Aubrey, I think it's obvious he's not going to confess..." She said with a sweep of her bangs. "...At least, not without some persuasive tactics."

Aubrey smirked viciously. "I think you might just have a point there, Kim."

"W-Wait, we're not actually going to fight them, are we?!" Basil piped up, alarmed. "I can't do that!!"

"Oh quiet, Basil. You knocked me out with one hit before. You're not the wet paper bag you pretend to be." Aubrey said over her shoulder. Sunny pointed at her and gave a single 'Ha.' She pointed back with a look of death in her eyes. "Sunny fucking Suzuki, I'm kicking your ass first."

Sunny blinked slowly at her, and tilted his head back ever-so-slightly. To the rest of the populace, the subtle movement meant nothing whatsoever. To his friends, however, it was the equivalent to him breaking out into a ninja stance and yelling out, 'Have at thee!'

Aubrey gritted her teeth, eyes blazing with a righteous fury. She swung her bat up to rest on her shoulder, and with her other hand traced a line across her neck. Sunny stuck his tongue out at her, and in the tense, outrage-filled silence that came after, Kel began to regret leaving his basketball at home. A bottle of stinky perfume would not be a sufficeable weapon for the ensuing battle.

"Oh, that's it!" Aubrey yelled. Her gang got into position behind her. Kel stood a little in front of Sunny, and reached into his pocket for the fishfume. "Prepare to get trampled, you little -!"

Just then, the sound of a twig breaking echoed through the park, effectively cutting her off. They all blinked at each other in confusion. Kel scratched his head, and looked around for the owner of the sound (despite not being on the side of the stand-off near the woods.) Maybe it was a stray cat? There was a sadly large amount of those around Faraway.

As he was distracted, something large and pointy hit him on the shoulder. "Ow! What the hell?!" As he rubbed the sore spot, he saw a pinecone rolling near his foot that was very much not there before. He picked it up and waved it angrily. "Oh, real clever, Aubrey! Hittin' me with my back turned! Shame on you!"

Aubrey sputtered. "Wha - that wasn't me!"

"Oh, sure it wasn't," He said with a roll of his eyes. "Now who won't confess?'

"You! Because I didn't throw the damn pinecone, and you are literally the only person who could've gotten us banned from Gino's!" Aubrey shot back.

Yet another twig broke, louder this time. Kel kept an eye on Aubrey as they looked around. Then, Sunny gasped and pointed. Kel snapped his head to where he was pointing, expecting to see The Culprit, but alas...it was just a butterfly, fluttering innocently in the breeze. Dope wings, though.

Aubrey made a sound of pain, and when Kel turned back he saw her rubbing her back and glaring at him. She kicked at a pinecone near her feet. "Ha ha, Kel, very funny," She said in a tone of voice that suggested she was absolutely not amused, "Congratulations, you got your payback. Whoop-de-doo."

Kel blinked at her, feeling a little uneasy. "That...That wasn't me, dude."

Aubrey gave him a look. "Are we seriously going to do this a third time?"

"But it wasn't! Either time!"

"Oh, and you expect me to just believe that?!"

"H-hey, where'd Charlie go?!" Angel yelled out, stopping everyone in their tracks. They all gasped and turned to where she'd been standing earlier, only to find blank space. A ripple of worry went through the group as they all wondered where she went - she was way too nice to just up and leave without saying anything. Angel in particular looked stricken, and was having his back patted by Mikhail.

"Uh...Charlie?" Vance called out. He ran his hand through his hair at the lack of response. "Charleene???"

Still, nothing. Aubrey frowned. She dug her phone out of her jacket pocket and, presumeably, sent the missing girl a message. The Hooligang - Kel and Sunny included - watched her with bated breath, all but forgetting their previous violent desires in the face of such an important member going missing. They waited, yet after a few minutes...no reply.

Aubrey sighed worriedly and fiddled with her hair. "Hey, Van, could you call her for me and see if she picks up? You're the one that's got everyone on speed dial..."

...

"Van?"

They all looked up.

"Vance?! The hell'd you go?!" Kim yelled. She paced around the group, looking around frantically for her brother. "You're like eight feet tall, how the fuck did you even disappear that quick!?"

Kel decided that was a good time to bring back their old childhood tradition of holding hands, and grabbed onto Sunny's hand. Sunny already had a habit of just going wherever he wanted, and they did not need that to happen at a time like this.

Aubrey had a similar idea, and put an arm around Basil's shoulders. She scanned the park like a hawk, and grimaced. "Alright, everyone huddle up. We need to figure out what's going on."

Everyone nodded in agreement and huddled close together. The park was eerily silent, not a single Faraway denizen in sight. Probably from when Aubrey scared everyone out earlier, though Kel still wasn't sure why... Still, though, that meant there wasn't a single visible culprit responsible for the disappearances of Charlie and Vance.

"This is getting freaky..." Angel commented. Kel noted that he smelled faintly like egg. "Master, what do you think we should do?"

His question was met with silence.

"I swear to God, if I turn around and Mikhail isn't there, I'm taking Sunny and leaving," Kel said.

"His name is The Maverick!" Aubrey, Kim, Angel, and surprisingly Basil chorused. Noteably, though, one very distinct voice was missing.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Kim said when she looked behind them. Lo and behold, Mikhail was nowhere to be seen. In his place was a single cheap plastic rose that looked like it might have been stepped on by an angry date at one point.

Angel dropped to his knees. He held the rose carefully, cradling it against his chest. "Master..." He mourned dramatically, "I....I vow to avenge thee!!! By my dying breath!!!!"

Kel heard Aubrey whisper furiously to Kim. "If those dumbasses are actually in trouble somewhere, under no circumstances do we let Basil be the one to rescue him. Got it?"

Kim nodded sharply at her. Kel was inclined to agree; He did not want to see Mikhail swooning over Basil like a damsel in distress. Gross, yuck, pass.

Basil waved to get their attention. "What...what are we going to do, though?" He asked. "W-we can't just...stand here and do nothing, right?"

"I'll text Hero and have him deal with all this," Kel said, taking his phone out to do just that. He saw Sunny giving him a thumbs-up from the corner of his eye.

~~~

Kel >>> Hero
5:07 PM
Kel: HERO HELPPP WERE AT THE PARK AND GETTING KIDNAPPED OR SM SHIT IDK
Kel: IDK WHATS GOING ON BUT SOME KEEPS THROWING PINECONES AT US AND NOW EVERYONES DISAPPEARING
Kel: I FEEL LIKE IM IN A HORROR MOVIE
Kel: HERO
Kel: HERO I S2G IF U GOT UR PHONE ON SILENT I WILL CHANGE UR GODDMAN RINGTONE TO MACARENA NIGHTCORE
Kel: DONT FUCKING TEST ME
Kel: STOP COOKING OR CLEANING OR WHATVER UR DOING AND SAVE USSSSS
Kel: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

~~~

Kel tapped his foot in irration as he still didn't get a reply. Hero was usually so good at replying, even when he probably shouldn't. He thinks the only time Hero doesn't reply near-instantly is when he's driving, and even still, when there's a red light or a stop sign...Hm...He should probably talk to him about that. It probably had something to do with his anxiety.

He sighed, and put his phone back in his pocket. If Hero wasn't around to notice he got a bunch of texts, he definitely wasn't going to be around to answer a call. It looked like they were just going to have to solve this without adult supervision.

"Kel...?" Aubrey said slowly.

"...Kim and Angel are gone, aren't they?"

"...Yeah."

"Motherfucker."

Sunny's hand slipped out of his, and for a second, Kel was scared that he was about to disappear too - but no, he just decided to hold Basil's hand instead. Basil's hands were probably less sweaty than Kel's, so he wasn't offended. Though, now that Kel wasn't attached to anyone, his chances of being disappeared went up drastically....

He hooked an arm around Aubrey's free arm. Not because he was scared or anything, but just for safety's sake. Totally. Not scared at all.

"Should we...call the police or somethin'?" Kel asked, though even as he said it it felt like a stupid suggestion.

Aubrey scoffed. "And tell them what? That we're so bad at keeping track of literally the only other people in the park that we think they've been kidnapped or something? Dumbass."

"It was just a suggestion, Aubrey."

"Well it was a shitty suggestion, Kel."

"You're a shitty suggestion!"

"Oh, real mature! The hell does that even mean?!"

"I dunno, what does an absolute artichoke mean?"

"You're still on that??"

"You're the one insulting me with vegetables!!"

Kel's phone dinged. Their argument halted immediately as he quickly took it out and went to his messages. Aubrey yanked him down so she could see the screen over his shoulder.

~~~

Hero >>> Kel
Hero: Wow, you guys are really going all out in this war thing, huh?
Kel: WTF DUDE IM NOT PLAYINGN!!!!!!
Kel: WERE LITERALLY DOWN TO JUST FOUR PPL NOW!!!!!!
Kel: SOS SOS SEND HELP SEND HELP
Hero: I think you're probably just exaggerating.
Kel: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kel: NO???????????
Kel: HELP PLS
Hero: Ok, ok, I'm on my way. Just sit tight, alright?
Hero: I'll be over in a jiffy.
Kel: HALLELUJAH ILY ILY

~~~

Aubrey sighed heavily in relief and pressed her hands against her eyes. "Oh thank fuck, he's coming..."

"Yeah...he's prob'ly gonna find them all in like, ten minutes, tops," Kel said, "Maybe get a medal or somethin'."

"I don't think they'd give him a medal for finding us of all people," Aubrey said, gesturing to her very delinquenty attire. Kel put his hand to his chin and hummed.

"I dunno....I think they would if Sunny vouched for you guys. I still hear people talking about 'that weird kid that kept helping people out', y'know?"

"...You've got a point," Aubrey conceded. "Hey Sunny, d'you think you could convince all the old people to let me back into church?" She asked, turning around to address Sunny -

- and then gasping in horror as neither he nor Basil were present. Not only that, but her fucking bat was missing too. Kel patted down his pockets and felt dread creep up his spine when he couldn't find the fishfume.

"What the hell..." He whispered, "What the hell...!"

"This is - stupid! Stupid and not funny at all!!" Aubrey yelled out, voice echoing. Kel grabbed the sleeve of her jacket, determined to not lose each other. They were both scanning the park, looking for any and all signs of life. Kel kept glancing towards the entrance and wondering where the hell Hero was. Unless....Hero was also taken?

No! He couldn't think like that. Hero was gonna come running through the entrance in shining silver armor and then Sherlock out where their friends were, and then they were all gonna have a giant feast to celebrate his presidential award for being so cool and awesome. That was such a realistic expectation for the next fifteen minutes.

A twig snapped. Kel jumped and pulled Aubrey closer. She put her fists up in front of her, warily watching the trees.

Another one, closer this time. Whoever it was, they were getting closer.

"Aubrey..." Kel whispered, "This guy's managed to steal away Kim of all people without so much a sound...We don't stand a chance!"

"Don't talk like that! " Aubrey snapped. "We can...totally take them on..."

Loving the vote of confidence, he thought. Saying it aloud would only make the situation more tense, though, so he decided to use his filter for once.

More twigs began snapping, closer and closer. Aubrey dropped the facade and grabbed onto his arm. Faintly, in his mind, Kel could imagine the Jaws theme song playing...

The snapped stopped. Kel and Aubrey squeezed their eyes shut, holding their breath as the gut-wrenching anticipation got stronger and stronger and stronger...

Pop.

Aubrey jumped. Kel gulped nervously. The hell was that?? He felt like his blood pressure was through the roof.

Something cold and wet and strangely scratchy touched his forehead. It felt...sort of like it was spelling something? Kel frowned as he tried to follow it.

L...O...S?...E.......R...?

....Loser??

Kel opened his eyes, and was met with his brother's mirth-filled face.

"HERO?!" He exclaimed. Aubrey's eyes snapped open and she stared at him in shock.

Hero broke out into side-clutching laughter. Their mouths gaped open as he wiped tears from his eyes, marker in hand. He gasped for breathe to speak. "You two - you two should see your faces! Pff -" He choked out.

Kel blinked, bewildered, and looked at Aubrey. When he saw her, he slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh of his own. On her forehead, in big black letters, was the word 'LOSER', underlined and circled multiple times. From the way she snorted, he imagined he probably looked the same way.

"Hero, dude..." He said, at a loss, "...What the fuck?"

"Yeah, seconded. What the fuck?" Aubrey chimed in.

Hero took another moment to get his laughter under control. When he straightened back up, he was wearing a huge grin that made him look years younger. He scratched his cheek. "I...might've been playing a bit of a con on you guys," he confessed.

Kel grabbed his heart in betrayal. "No way."

Hero smiled. "Yes way."

"Yeah, yeah, that's fucked up and all," Aubrey interrupted, "But where the hell are the others? What'd you do with them?"

Hero put his hands behind his neck. "Oh, I just told them I'd give them five bucks if they went to the Hangout and stayed quiet."

Aubrey clenched her fists. "Cheap-ass sell outs," She hissed, as if she wouldn't have done the same.

"So wait-wait-wait-wait," Kel said and waved his hands around. He narrowed his eyes. "You mean to tell me you orchestrated this entire slasher film knock-off?? Why?? To mess with us??"

"Oh, it wasn't me. At least, not only me," Hero said with a shrug. "I was the one that faked Aubrey getting banned from Gino's, though."

"FAKED??" Aubrey yelled out. Kel was caught on a different part of the sentence, though.

"...Not only you?" He asked. As if on cue, Sunny and Basil crawled out from under the cat on the playground. Basil ran over with a cheeky grin while Sunny followed more sedately. Kel and Aubrey gaped as they came to stand beside Hero and exchanged high-fives.

"Sunny?!" "Basil?!"

Basil hid a laugh behind his hand. "This was all mostly Sunny's idea..." He said, and Sunny nodded in agreement.

Kel stared at him aghast. "Sunny...why? Why would you betray me like this...?" He pleaded. His heart was breaking in two. His buddy, his partner-in-crime, his comrade in the rat uprising...betraying him? It was almost too much to handle.

"Seemed funny," Sunny signed, "and it was."

Well, shit. He had him there. It was pretty funny in hindsight.

Still! It's the goddamn principle of the thing!

Kel crossed his arms and looked away sulkingly. "That's so mean, guys..." He whined. "You feel me, right Aubrey?"

He glanced at her. Her head was down, and her shoulders shook with concealed fury. Suddenly, she growled, and lunged for Sunny. "I'm going to kick your fucking ass!" She yelled. Sunny's eye widened and he quickly stepped behind Hero. Thus, began the game of monkey in the middle as Aubrey tried to get a hold of him. Hero stood awkwardly as he was used as cover.

Basil scratched his neck. "Aubrey...i-it was just a joke..." He said, a nervous tilt to his voice. Aubrey stopped in her tracks and pointed at him with all the fury of a thousand moons.

"Sunny is not allowed to be funnier than me in my own goddamn war!"

Kel put his hand on Basil's shoulder. "Just let her get it out of her system, 'kay?" He said consolingly, "It's the first time she's seen him since he moved, so I'm pretty sure that's just her way of saying she's missed him."

Basil blinked up at him. "Ah...okay, then."

They all waited for Aubrey to calm down. At some point, Hero decided enough was enough and pulled them apart by their shirts until they were chill. When they finally were, Aubrey stomped over to Basil and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"Can't believe you of all people managed to pull one over on me..." She said. Basil stared at her, unsure if she was mad at him or not...until she smirked. "Nice job, nerd."

Basil beamed at her. "I learned from the best!"

"Har, har. Very funny."

"You three are gonna have so much explaining to do later, y'know that, right?" Kel said.

Hero shrugged. "Yeah. I think it was worth it, though."

"Whatever," Aubrey huffed,"As long as me and the gang aren't actually banned from Gino's."

"Oh, don't worry. I just told him to say that. He owed me a favor," Hero reassured. Aubrey sent him a dirty look, but said nothing. Sunny stepped up and tugged on his sleeve, rubbing his stomach. Hero clapped his hands. "Speaking of Gino's, it looks like Sunny's hungry! What's say we grab the rest of your friends and head on down? We can explain everything on the way."

Kel threw his hands in the air. "Fuck yeah! I'm in!"

"Yeah, sure. Fine."

"I could go for pizza..!"

Hero smiled. "Excellent!"

As he ushered everyone near the entrance to the Hideout, a flash of orange caught Kel's eye. Sitting innoculously near the base of a large tree was none other than a crisp bottle of Orange Joe. He squealed in excitement, and then stopped - remembering the horrific, traumatizing experience of the last bottle he drank. His beloved....

Aubrey saw his face and snickered. Then her eyes widened, and she gasped in horror. "Sunny, what are you - ?!" She started, only to cover her mouth, mortified, as they all watched Sunny walk up to the bottle, pop it open, and down the whole thing. Kel felt his stomach turn in sympathy, as he, too, knew how fucking awful the random bottles strewn around town tasted...

...except Sunny seemed completely unaffected, what the fuck?

Their horror turned to stupefication as he had literally no reaction to the drink. Not so much a twitch. It was unbelievable. It was inconceivable. It was...it was... it was kind of impressive, actually.

"Sunny! How the fuck did you drink that without wanting to burn your tongue off!" He yelled out, incredulous. Aubrey nodded rapidly.

"Yeah, how?!"

As the two ganged up on him, raining question upon question on the strength of his stomach and whether or not he was even human, they didn't notice Hero and Basil share a wink and a chuckle.

"Should we tell them that's one of the normal ones?" Hero asked.

Basil giggled. "No...let's let Sunny have his drama."

~~~

<< boudce >>
6:48 PM
Kel: god. u guys. wtf.
Kel: sunnyyyyy why :(((
Sunny: funny
Kel: MY CLOTHES ARE PINK
Kel: WHY DID U LET THEM DYE MY CLOTHES PINK
Basil: Look in your parents room!!!!
Kel: ????
Kel: OMG NON PINK CLOTHES
Kel: TY TY TY TY TY
Aubrey: So THAT'S why you kept me from snooping around....
Aubrey: You nerds really thought of everything, huh.
Hero: Haha, well...If you're going to do something, might as well do it right!
Aubrey: Well, glad to see YOU had fun at least.
Hero: Yeah, yeah....
Aubrey: I meant that genuinely, actually.
Hero: ?
Kel: yea bro u looked like u were having a BLAST messing w us like that
Kel: like at first i was kinda mad but also i dont think ive seen u laugh like that in a while so like
Kel: yea it was fun :)
Aubrey: It's nice to see you actually know how to be a kid in college.
Hero: Oh.
Hero: I...don't know what to say to that.
Sunny: smug laughter
Hero: Um. Okay then!
Hero: Ha ha ha!
Aubrey: Mmmm yeah no, don't do that again, that's cringe.
Hero: Ah,
Kel: bro why tf did u do it out loud too. i can hear u in the kitchen yanno.
Hero is offline.
Kel: LMAO HES EMBARRASSED NOW GALHSGOHASDOIGHOAIHG
Aubrey: Eh, carefree Hero was nice while it lasted.
Aubrey: By the way, where's Sunny staying?
Aubrey: He's not going back home already, is he??
Sunny: sleepover
Basil: Yeah!!! Sunnys gonna spend the night at Kel and Heros house.!!!
Basil: Hes going back home,,,,, tomorrow evening??? I think???
Sunny: yes
Basil: Mhm!!!!!
Aubrey: Cool.
Aubrey: You know you're gonna spend most of the day with me and my gang, right?
Kel: WHAT!!!
Aubrey: He's pretty much already had a full day with you, Hero, and Basil!!!!!
Aubrey: It's my turn now, jackass
Sunny: am i an xbox now
Aubrey: Yes.
Sunny: ok
Kel: SUNNY NO DONT LET HER TURN U INTO AN XBOX
Sunny: shruuuuu dewop
Aubrey: Is that supposed to be the fucking xbox sound.....
Sunny: yes
Aubrey: Lame.
Sunny: sadness
Sunny is offline.
Aubrey: ?????
Kel: AUBREY LOOK WHAT UVE DONE
Kel sent a picture.
Aubrey: WHAT IS HE DOING
Kel: HES PRETENDING TO BE AN XBOX IS WHAT HES DOING
Kel: GRAAAAAHHH
Aubrey: What happens when you turn him on.
Kel: i
Kel: hmmmm
Kel: brb im gonna see
Kel is offline.
Aubrey: How likely do you think he's gonna get completely distracted by wtvr the fuck Sunny's doing
Basil: Very,,,,,
Aubrey: Yeah let's bail
Aubrey is offline.
Basil is offline.

<< War. >>
Kim: @Basil you fuck i still cant believe you tricked us like that
Kim: tiny tiny evil man
Angel: I'M PRETTY SURE BASIL'S TALLER THAN YOU
Kim: im going to kill you in real life
Angel: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY
Vance: can we not do this right now guys?? ffs
THE MAVERICK: Yes, yes...the fighting is all over!
THE MAVERICK: Today should be spent celebrating my little nymph's victory over us all....how wonderful.....
Basil: What
Kim: you are way too fucking happy about being one-upped by him
Kim: aubrey, do you mind?
Aubrey: Already on it.
Aubrey removed THE MAVERICK from the chat.
Angel: MASTER NOOOOO!!!!!!
Angel: THIS IS CENSORSHIP!!!!!!
Kim: lol and what are YOU gonna do abt it huh??
Angel: Hello everyone! I apologize for the hasty exit earlier, but my young student has been thoughtful enough to lend me his phone, so that I may consider singing my praises of the fair Basil's prowess! ;)
Aubrey removed Angel from the chat.
Aubrey: Someone message Mav and tell him that's two coins in the horny jar.
Vance: on it...
Vance is offline.
Aubrey: Cool.
Aubrey: Anyway, Basil, ignore most of what he said.
Kim: ngl it was p cool tho
Charlie: Yeah.....it was really clever......
Basil: Oh um!!!!,,,,
Basil: Thank you!!!!!!!!
Basil: Like I said, it was mostly Sunnys idea though,,,,
Kim: ok and?? ya still managed to pull it off p seamlessly
Basil: I guess,,.....
Aubrey: Basil take our praise before I get Kel to slam dunk you.
Basil: ?!?!?!?! Okay!!!!!!!!!
Aubrey: GOOD.
Aubrey: NOW.
Aubrey: I need to go to Othermart and buy some fucking kale I guess so I can take a shower.
Kim: lmao stinky
Aubrey: Death.
Aubrey is offline.
Kim: OOH THAT ACTUALLY REMINDS ME
Kim: BASIL DO U STILL HAVE THAT OTHER BOTTLE OF FISHFUME
Basil: Um,,,, yes???
Kim: give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me give it to me
Basil: ??????????
Basil: Okay???????????
Kim: FUCK YEAH OMW
Kim is offline.
Basil: Um.....
Basil: Charlie....?
Charlie: Yes.....?
Basil: Are we um,,, still up for planting that mum garden this Wednesday???
Charlie: Oh......!
Charlie: Yes......I'd like that.........
Basil: :D!!!!!!

tree ex machina

Chapter Summary

Kim: @Angel get back online and explain urself fucker
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chapter Notes

do i like how this turned out? not particularly. do i want to sleep? yes. so will i post this anyway? also yes.

Sunny >>> Sunny
1:13 AM
Sunny: how dare u make us sleep on that couch when kel and hero offered to get an air mattress instead
Sunny: u r so lame and awful
Sunny: u even let them give us the scratchy blanket
Sunny: go to heck

<< boudce >>
9:48 AM
Aubrey: Good morning fuckers.
Aubrey: @Kel @Hero I will be arriving at your house at ten sharp to pick up Sunny, so make sure to feed him and take him out beforehand.
Hero: He's not a dog, Aubrey.
Aubrey: Prove it.
Hero: What??
Aubrey: Prove he's not a dog. I'll wait.
Hero: He's...very clearly a human?
Aubrey: OR
Aubrey: He's a dog in a human costume.
Aubrey: Checkmate.
Hero: You know, Aubrey.
Hero: You're sounding an awful lot like Kel right now...
Aubrey: EW EW EW WTF NO
Aubrey: STFU NEVER SAY THAT EVER AGAIN
Aubrey: I THINK I'M ABT TO THROW UP
Kel: >:0
Kel: whats so bad abt being like me
Aubrey: Literally everything.
Kel: rude
Kel: i agree tho i also think sunny might be a dog
Kel: i got up last night to use the bathroom and found him barking at hector
Kel: and i genuinely think they were holding a conversation
Hero: Is that what I was hearing last night?? I thought that was a coyote or something.
Aubrey: We have coyotes??
Hero: I mean....probably?
Kel: no fucking way
Kel: w the amount of stray cats thriving out here theres no fucking way we have coyotes
Hero: Hm, you have a point...
Hero: We are in bear country, though.
Aubrey: If we're in bear country then why the hell did our parents let us play in the woods without supervision so often.
Hero: That's...
Hero: A good question.
Kel: we were fine
Kel: i think mari couldve won a fight against a bear
Sunny: correct
Sunny: good morning
Kel: HOLY SHIT SUNNY HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AWAKE
Sunny: 2.8 minutes
Aubrey: GOOD.
Aubrey: I'm on my way to pick you up.
Sunny: no
Aubrey: The fuck do you mean, no?
Sunny: too early
Aubrey: Too bad so sad.
Sunny: going back to sleep
Aubrey: You better fucking not.
Aubrey: I can and WILL carry you like a rice sack.
Sunny: zzz, z z,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Aubrey: DID HE FALL ASLEEP ON HIS PHONE
Aubrey: Or is he just being an ass.
Aubrey: It's hard to tell sometimes.
Kel: hold on lemme check
Kel: LMAO yea he fell asleep
Kel: hes also apparently somehow lost the blanket we gave him last night??? where did it go.
Aubrey: Wake him up.
Kel: but thats rude :(
Aubrey: Wake him up before I get there or I'LL wake him up.
Kel: scawwy....
Kel: ok i will but only for sunnys health and lifespan
Kel is offline.
Hero: Aubrey....what were you planning to do?
Aubrey: Probably ruin your couch. And possibly your carpet.
Hero: ...Please don't.
Aubrey: As long as Sunny's up and ready to be manhandled all will be well <3
Hero: Alright, alright...
Hero: Speaking of, will you and Sunny be staying for breakfast? I'm making pancakes.
Aubrey: As much as it literally genuinely physically pains me to decline your cooking, I've already made plans with Basil and Polly to have breakfast over there....
Hero: Oh! That's alright.
Aubrey: No it's not I want your fucking pancakes now. Choke.
Hero: If it makes you feel any better, I'm not making them from scratch this time.
Aubrey: Ughhhhh I GUESS that's better.
Aubrey: Whatever.
Hero: I can save you some leftovers?
Aubrey: DEAL.
Aubrey: Hey what the fuck.
Hero: ?
Aubrey: Why does your doghouse have a fucking blanket sticking out of it.
Hero: ?????????
Aubrey: Jesus christ it's one of those shitty ass scratchy ones too. Poor Hector.
Kel: OKOK SUNNSY AAWKE BUT NWOT IM HAIDNG FROM HIM BC HES ANGYRF
Aubrey: HE'S HALF YOUR SIZE JUST PICK HIM UP??
Aubrey: Also I think I found your missing blanket and if I did then you deserve to be chased. Why the fuck would you make Sunny sleep with that.
Kel: HUHUHJ?? WJHU???
Hero: Kel, where are you?
Hero: You and Sunny are about to wake Sally up..
Kel: OH SHOTIT UHHH
Kel: IM IN UR CLOSEIT RN ATCTUALY
Aubrey: @Sunny Get his ass.
Sunny: thx
Kel: NFOI HDIIF UGVK FUCKG I FORGOT HE WAS THILL ONLINE
Kel: A
Kel is offline.
Sunny is offline.
Aubrey: Lol
Aubrey: I'm at your door btw
Hero: Oh! Alright. I'll let you in.

Kel >>> Aubrey
10:12 AM
Kel: aubrey.
Kel: aubery.
Kel: ahbrey.
Kel: aubree.
Kel: awbrey.
Kel: aubby.
Aubrey: WHAT.
Kel: can. can i.
Kel: can i pwetty pwease hang out w u and sunny and ur gang.
Kel: pwetty pwease wiff shooga on tawp.
Aubrey: If I see your ugly mug at all today it is on SIGHT. Never make me read those fucking words ever again. I wanna throw up.
Kel: PLEASEEEEEE
Kel: PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS
Kel: ITS ONLY BEEN LIKE TEN MINUTES SINCE U TWO HAVE LEFT AND I ALREADY MISS HIM
Aubrey: Sucks to be you. Suffer.
Kel: IM SO LONELY
Kel: I NEED A TINY MAN
Kel: THAT I CAN SWING AROUND LIKE A BATTERING RAM
Aubrey: What.
Kel: PICK HIM UP BY THE SCRUFF OF HIS NECK
Kel: THROW HIM LIKE A BOWLING BALL
Kel: AT THE. AT THE TRAFFIC CONES.
Aubrey: How much fucking sugar did Hero put in those pancakes.
Kel: I DROWNED MINE IN THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF SYRUP
Kel: I THINK I ALMOST MADE HIM CRY IDK
Kel: BUT I AM IN NEED OF THE TINY MAN IN YOUR POSSESSION PLS PLS PLS PLS LET ME HANG OUT W YUUUUUUU
Aubrey: ...
Aubrey: Hey, you....do realize that Basil is almost the same height as Sunny, right?
Kel: GASP
Kel: OMG U R SO RIGHT
Kel: OMW TO ACQUIRE A TINY MAN
Aubrey: Uh-huh. K.

Aubrey >>> Basil
Aubrey: I am so fucking sorry. I owe you one.
Basil: Um,,,
Basil: What,,,, for????
Aubrey: You're taking one for the team, buddy.
Aubrey: Good luck.
Aubrey: I'll be sure to have the gang pull of a 21 gun salute if you don't make it.
Basil: ????????//,,.??>>??
Basil: AUBREY,,??!??!?!?
Aubrey: Fare thee well, soldier.
Basil: WW??/??
Basil: Wait whats that at my doorhaoihog;tl/jkrsl/v qg
Aubrey: Jesus christ he got there before us? Holy shit.
Aubrey: Godspeed Basil....Godspeed.....
Aubrey: I'll save a plate of Polly's breakfast for you.

<< HOOLIGANG >>
10:31 AM
Aubrey: @Everyone ROLE CALL FUCKERS
Aubrey: Y'ALL BETTER FUCKING BE AWAKE
Kim: IM UP CHIEF AND SO IS VAN
Vance: present
Charlie: I'm here....
THE MAVERICK: I, as well, am present ;)
Aubrey: Ok so that leaves...
Aubrey: @Angel
Aubrey: ANGEL WAKE THE FUCK UP
Aubrey: @Angel @Angel @Angel
Aubrey: @Angel @Angel @Angel
Aubrey: ANGEL.
THE MAVERICK: Hm....
THE MAVERICK: Charleene, be a dear and try pinging him yourself? If that doesn't get him up, I don't believe anything will...
Charlie: Alright.....
Charlie: @Angel
Kim: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...
Vance: ...
Charlie: ...
Aubrey: Goddamnit.
Aubrey: Looks like we have the first mission of the day.
Kim: mwehehehe...yes....YES.....
Kim: knife kids coming w us, right?
Aubrey: Yeah.
Aubrey: We'll show him the ropes :)
Kim: fresh meat :)
Aubrey: :))
Kim: :)))
Aubrey: :))))
Van: you two weren't nearly this bloodthirsty when basil first joined...
Aubrey: That's bc Basil is baby and you need to go slow with him or he'll scamper off like a baby deer.
Aubrey: On the other hand, once when we were in sixth grade I watched Sunny tie Kel's shoelaces to a bike rack so he could get to the arcade game at Hobbeez before him.
Aubrey: He's a lot more...uh...
Aubrey: Fuck it I'll just say it outright. He's an asshole. He'll fit right in.
Kim: SDFHGISDHFIGHIO
Vance: understandable
Vance: so are we addin him to the chat, then?
Aubrey: Hm....
THE MAVERICK: Personally, I do not think t'would be fair to add in him and not add in Basil...
Kim: for the last fucking time mav we are NOT putting basil in this chat
Kim: he has enough problems as is and we are NOT adding onto that by letting him see all your midnight horny poetry
THE MAVERICK: YOU
THE MAVERICK: YOU GUYS ACTUALLY READ ALL THAT??
Vance: yeah
Vance: we just pretend we don't 'cause it's really embarrassing
THE MAVERICK: OH
THE MAVERICK: UH
THE MAVERICK: UM
THE MAVERICK: HAHA ;)))))))
Aubrey: Jesus Christ please stop.
THE MAVERICK: ok
Aubrey: ANYWAY
Aubrey: I'll make a new chat for us and Sunny.
Aubrey: Bc it really ISN'T fair for Sunny to be in this one and not Basil.
Aubrey: And also because Sunny would definitely backread this whole thing and file every single thing away for blackmail like a mad man.
Kim: you say that like you dont have a whole album in ur photo gallery on ur phone dedicated to blackmail
Aubrey: HUSH.
Aubrey: Anyway.

Aubrey created a group chat.
Aubrey added Sunny to the chat.
Aubrey added Kim to the chat.
Aubrey added Vance to the chat.
Aubrey added Charlie to the chat.
Aubrey added THE MAVERICK to the chat.
Kim: WOO
Kim: LOVE THAT NEW CHAT SMELL
THE MAVERICK: Angel is not here?
Aubrey: He'll get Sunny-chat privileges when he wakes up.
THE MAVERICK: Ah.... I see....
Aubrey: ANYWAY
Aubrey: Everyone say hi to Sunny before I break all your bones.
Vance: heya, sunny
Sunny: hi
Sunny: @Aubrey
Kim: HI KNIFE BOY
Sunny: hi
Sunny: @Aubrey
THE MAVERICK: Why hello there ;)
Sunny: k
Sunny: @Aubrey
THE MAVERICK: I DON'T GET A HI?
Sunny: no
Sunny: @Aubrey
Charlie: Hello....
Sunny: hello
Sunny: good morning
Sunny: @Aubrey
Kim: AUBREY WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER THE POOR GUY JFC
Aubrey: HE'S POKING ME IRL TOO AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS TO FUCKING ASK ME AND I'VE ALREADY TOLD HIM NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: @Aubrey @Aubrey @Aubrey @Aubrey @Aubrey @Aubrey @Aubrey
Kim: aubrey i swear to god if you dont give him what he wants im going to scream please please please make him stop
Aubrey: FUCKING
Aubrey: FINE.
Aubrey: What do you want it to be, Sunny.
Sunny: 7
Aubrey: Excuse me?
Sunny: 7
Aubrey: No.
Sunny: 7
Aubrey: NO.
Sunny: 7
THE MAVERICK: What on Earth are you two arguing about...??
Aubrey: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
Sunny: 7.
Aubrey: NO.
Aubrey: Pick something else.
Sunny: seVen.
Kim: whys the v capitalized
Sunny: peace sign
Kim: ooooohh
Kim: cool
Aubrey: DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.
Sunny: seVen
Aubrey: No.
Aubrey: PGSUGIOH
Aubrey: OKOKFINE I'LL DO IT JUST STOP GROWLING AT ME!!!!!!
Aubrey: JESUS CHRIST...
Aubrey: I hate everything.
Vance: wait, so what's goin on...?
Aubrey: Ugh. This.
Aubrey changed the chat name to seVen.
Kim: OH MY GAHSOAHSPIGH
Kim: THATS WHAT U TWO WERE FIGHTING ABT???????
Sunny: success
Aubrey: I'm gonna obliterate you. Shut up.
Sunny: sore loser
Aubrey: HEY
Kim: haha sore loser
THE MAVERICK: My what a sore loser ;)
Vance: heh...not a very good sport, huh?
Aubrey: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS
Charlie: Um....?
Charlie: I think the name is cute.....
Charlie: When Angel gets added in....there'll be seven people in the chat.....
Charlie: And the peace sign is clever.....
Kim: AYO U HEAR THAT AUBREY???? THE NAMES CHARLIE APPROVED
Kim: NO MORE COMPLAINING, GOT IT???
Aubrey: SHIT
Aubrey: FUCK
Aubrey: FINE
Aubrey: Fine.
Aubrey: It's decent or wtvr the fuck.
Aubrey: There.
Kim: better.
Sunny: acceptable
Aubrey: You are such an asshole.
Aubrey: Anyway. MOVING ON.
Aubrey: We have our first mission as a group with Sunny.
Aubrey: And that mission is to wake Angel the hell up.
Aubrey: SO.
Aubrey: Ideas?
Kim: instead of waking him up lets put him on a mattress in the middle of the lake
Aubrey: If you can find a mattress, sure.
Vance: pick 'em up and shake him really fast
Aubrey: Doable. He'd find it fun, though, so it's not really a punishment...
THE MAVERICK: Pour ice water on top of him ;)
Aubrey: Hm...Simple and easy. Not a bad idea, if a little overdone.
Aubrey: Sunny?
Sunny is offline.
Aubrey: ....Sunny????
Aubrey: @Sunny ??????????
Kim: should we be worried abt him
Aubrey: Uh
Aubrey: Considering he just got up and I think I heard the front door open so I'm p sure he left
Aubrey: Yes
Kim: oh goodie!!!
Aubrey: ALRIGHT THE ANGEL MISSION IS ON PAUSE UNTIL I GET SUNNY BACK
Aubrey: EVERYONE REMAIN ON STAND-BY
Kim: aye aye!!
Vance: alrightie
Charlie: Okay.....

Kel >>> Hero
11:02 AM
Kel: HLO
Kel: HEP
Kel: HEL P
Hero: Kel???
Kel: HEPL
Hero: What's wrong?!
Kel: HES STCUK
Kel: I G OT HIM STUCK
Kel: IM SORRRY
Hero: W
Hero: What???
Hero: Who got stuck??
Kel: BASLI
Kel: HESS TUKC IN A TREE
Hero: .......
Hero: How...did you get Basil....stuck in a tree?
Kel: I THORW HIM
Hero: Why did you throw Basil in a tree.
Kel: BC
Kel: UH
Kel: i dont remember anymore
Kel: it seemed like a good idea at the time
Hero: I'm sure it did.
Hero: How stuck is he?
Kel sent a picture.
Kel: im too used to throwing sunny around and when hes done being where i threw him hell just jump off and wait fr me to catch him but basils too scared to let go of the branch
Kel: hes like a cat
Kel: but not the way sunnys like a cat
Kel: hes a different cat
Kel: and rn he needs. a hot smexy firefighter to get him down a tree.
Hero: Never call me that ever again. Seriously. I never want to hear or see those words coming from you for the rest of my life.
Kel: fair
Kel: pls tho can u pls pls pls get him out of the tree
Hero: Okay...
Hero: But... you do know that you're more fit than me, right?
Hero: I'm not sure that there's anything I could do to get him down that you couldn't do yourself...
Kel: OMG
Kel: i havent actually tried getting him down myself yet
Hero: ...
Kel: i should so try smth
Kel: i have an idea hold on
Kel: be back in five w results
Hero: ...
Hero: ...Good luck?

Aubrey >>> Sunny
11:26 AM
Aubrey: SUNNY WHAT THE FUCK DUDE
Aubrey: I'M NOT DOING THIS SHIT WITH YOU
Aubrey: I am NOT Kel. You are NOT pulling this shit with me.
Aubrey: WHERE DID YOU GO
Sunny: wake up angel
Aubrey: ????
Aubrey: We haven't decided on a plan of action yet, dipshit
Sunny: i have a plan
Sunny: needed supplies first
Aubrey: What supplies??
Sunny: dog treats
Sunny: tape
Aubrey: ???!?!!!?!!?!?!?!?!?
Aubrey: Care??? To explain?????
Suny: no
Aubrey: YOU
Aubrey: Look. Listen.
Aubrey: I get it.
Aubrey: You're new to the gang. You don't know how we roll yet. So I'm gonna cut you some slack.
Aubrey: But the thing is we ALL get together and we ALL decide on the bullshit that we pull.
Aubrey: None of this lone wolf bullshit.
Aubrey: Got it?
Sunny: too late
Sunny: already spent money
Aubrey: So??
Sunny: have to see it through
Aubrey: You really don't.
Sunny: do
Aubrey: Don't.
Sunny: do
Aubrey: Don't.
Sunny: do
Aubrey: OH my god
Aubrey: Can you AT LEAST tell me what you're planning to do??
Sunny: lucas
Aubrey: Who the fuck is lucas?
Sunny: wow
Sunny: fake friend
Aubrey: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME????
Aubrey: SUNNY?!??!?!?!
Aubrey: SUNNY GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN
Aubrey: I MEAN IT
Aubrey: SUNNY
Aubrey: GOD

<< seVen >>
Aubrey: @Everyone AT ANGEL'S PLACE PRONTO SUNNYS GONE AWOL
Vance: already?
Vance: he hasn't even been here an hour?
Aubrey: FUCK DUDE I DUNNO
Aubrey: HE JUST HAS
Aubrey: AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S PLANNING
Aubrey: DO ANY OF YOU KNOW A LUCAS???
THE MAVERICK: Aubrey!Aubrey: ???
THE MAVERICK: That's the name of Angel's beloved dog...
THE MAVERICK: How dare you forget ;(
Aubrey: If I had a dollar for every time Angel has rambled to me faster than even Kel is capable then I'd have enough money to move out of my shitty fucking house.
Aubrey: I'm sorry Mav but I am physically incapable of absorbing every single bit of information he tells me.
THE MAVERICK: Hm..... ;(
Charlie: It's okay......
THE MAVERICK: If you say so....
THE MAVERICK: ;(
Kim: hey can we get back to the fact that knife kids literally been here less than a day and is already threatening our groups status quo
Aubrey: He does that sometimes.
Aubrey: WE HAVE TO FIND HIM THO BC IDK WHAT HE'S PLANNING
Aubrey: I THINK HE'S ON HIS WAY TO ANGEL'S HOUSE SO LET'S ALL SCRAM OVER
Kim: ON IT BOSS
Vance: got it
THE MAVERICK: Charlie and I will be arriving shortly ;)
Aubrey: GOOD

Aubrey >>> Sunny
Aubrey: YOU ARE SO IN FOR IT

<< seVen >>
11:41 AM
Kim: ...
Kim: so....
Kim: what now?
Aubrey: Now I am going to kill Sunny
Charlie: ....?
Aubrey: Ok well actually first I am going to add Angel to this chat because he's obviously awake now somewhere.
Aubrey add Angel to the chat.
Aubrey: And NOW I'm going to kill Sunny.
Vance: is this really a killable offense?
Vance: i mean...he did technically wake angel up...
Aubrey: HE IS THREATENING MY AUTHORITY AS LEADER OF THE GANG
Aubrey: AND FOR THAT HE MUST BE PUNISHED
Aubrey: POST-HASTE!!!!
Kim: so true
Kim: lets GET HIS ASS
Aubrey: GREAT
Aubrey: @Angel ARE YOU WITH SUNNY RN
Aubrey: BC IF SO YOU ARE LEGALLY REQUIRED TO TELL ME YOUR LOCATION SO THAT I CAN KICK HIS AS
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA;LK;AL,.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Angel is offline.
Aubrey: What
Kim: what
Vance: what
THE MAVERICK: What
Charlie: ...?
Kim: @Angel get back online and explain urself fucker
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Angel: DOG
Angel: POINTY
Angel: ESCAPE
Aubrey: Someone translate please
THE MAVERICK: He is running from a dog, I believe.
THE MAVERICK: Though the "pointy" part eludes me....
Angel: KNIFE KIDS IDEA
Aubrey: Hm....
Aubrey: Sunny and something pointy?
Aubrey: Bad jubies. Can't be good.
Kim: @Angel we're gonna ask u one last time
Kim: WHERE R U
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????????????
Angel is offline.
Vance: if hes runnin' then i don't think there's really a point to asking where he's goin'....he'll be gone by the time we get there.
Aubrey: Hm...
Aubrey: Charlie, can you ping him and bring him online?
Charlie: Ok....
Charlie: @Angel
Angel: WHAT DO U GUYS WANT FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Angel: I AM RUNNING FR MY LIFE HERE
THE MAVERICK: You are typing exceptionally well for someone who's running...
Angel: THX I'VE HAD PRACTICE
Aubrey: Angel, find a way to get to the big cat in the park and we'll meet you there, alright?
Angel: K
Angel: I'LL CIRCLE BACK
Angel: KGOTTAGO
Angel is offline.
Aubrey: You hear that gang? Meet up at the park.
Aubrey: And @Sunny if you're not there I'm gonna retract your bunny picture privileges.

Kel >>> Hero
Kel: hey uhhhhhh bro
Kel: my homie
Kel: my buddy
Kel: my brutha from the same mutha
Kel: mi amigo
Kel: mi hermano magnifico
Hero: Yes, Kel?
Kel: i am now also stuck. in the tree.
Hero: ...
Hero: .......
Hero: Can I ask how...?
Kel: well
Kel: i tried to climb it
Kel: yknow, the way u do with trees?
Hero: Yes, I am aware that you climb trees.
Kel: coolcool
Kel: well
Kel: anyway
Kel: turns out i am a LOT heavier than basil
Kel: and the branch i was using. may have snapped.
Hero: Oh my god, are you okay???
Kel: NO im NOT
Kel: bc im wearing a shirt not a tank top today and part of the thicker part of the base or wtvr snagged on the back of my shirt and its whats keeping me up here but this is one of my OLD shirts so its sorta almost a bit too small so its TIGHT and i CANT REACH IT so now i cant get down and im actually having 2 text u one handed bc i cant reach both hand in front of me
Kel: hero
Kel: hero are you there
Kel: youre laughing at me arent you
Kel: pls stop laughing at my misery i am in a genuine predicament
Kel: EVEN BASILS GIGGLING AT ME THIS IS THE WORST
Kel: HERO
Hero: Um, uh...sorry...I, er.... had to.... step away.....
Kel: YOU WERE TOTALLY LAUGHING AT ME
Hero: .....No.
Kel: GOD
Kel: plspls pls pls get me down from this thing
Kel: PLSPLS PLS PLS PLS HURRY UP I CAN SEE AUBREY N HER GANG COMING INTO THE PARK AND THATS WHERE WE ARE AND IF I LET HER SEE ME LIKE THIS SHE WILL LITERALLY NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN
Kel: SUNNYS ALREADY WALKED BY AND POINTED AT ME
Kel: HE DIDNT LAUGH BUT HE DID BLINK FASTER THAN NORMAL WHICH IM P SURE IS THE SAME THING
Hero: Haha...okay, I'll see what I can do.
Kel: THANK
Kel: ALSO BE CAREFUL
Hero: I highly doubt I'm going to get myself stuck in the tree trying to get you two down, Kel.
Kel: NOT THAT
Kel: EARLIER I SAW A DOG RUNNING AROUND THAT HAD A KNIFE TAPED TO ITS HEAD
Hero: What.
Kel: LIKE A ROOMBA

<< seVen >>
Aubrey: Okay there's a lot going on here.
Aubrey: What the fuck.
Vance: why are ya texting...we're all here
Kim: bc angels dog is still chasing him around the park and we can't hear SHIT over his yelling
Vance: fair
Vance: continue
Aubrey: ANYWAY
Aubrey: Sunny what the fuck did you do
Sunny: knife dog
Aubrey: Why.
Sunny: wake up angel
Aubrey: Dude what the fuck
Kim: WHY WAS PUTTING A KNIFE ON A DOG UR FIRST THOUGHT
Kim: i mean its fucking hilarious ngl
Kim: BUT STILL
Sunny: didnt sleep well
Sunny: hm...
Sunny: this was a bad idea.
Aubrey: YOU THINK???
THE MAVERICK: Why is Lucas....only chasing Angel? And with such ferocity?
Sunny: dog treat on his back
Kim: ADHGOAHDFSIGASIDOFJ YOU
Kim: YOU TAPED A DOG TREAT TO ANGEL'S BACK TO KEEP THE DOG CHASING HIM??????
Sunny: yes
Kim: HGIOHSDIFOHGISHDFGH;I
Kim: YOU'RE LITERALLY INSANSE DUDE WHAT THE FUCK
Kim: I LOVE IT
Aubrey: Please don't encourage him.
Kim: FUCK YOU THIS IS GREAT
Charlie: How are we going to get the knife off Lucas......?
Aubrey: YEAH @Sunny
Aubrey: HOW
Sunny: hm
Sunny: didnt think that far ahead
Aubrey: Of course you didn't.
THE MAVERICK: If only there was some sort of coincidental occurance to happen that would provide us an opportunity....
THE MAVERICK: Hm.....
Vance: hm....
Kim: hm...
Aubrey: Hm...

Kel >>> Basil
Kel: bro i cant hear shit over angels screaming
Kel: hby
Basil: Um,,,, me,,, neither,,,,
Basil: Is Hero coming soon,,,,??
Kel: uhhhh abt that
Kel: i kinda told him there was a weaponized canine on the loose
Kel: so now hes staying inside like a BABY
Kel: smh cant believe hes not immune to stab wounds
Basil: I really um,,,, dont want to say,,,....,, in this tree for much longer,,,,,.
Kel: me neither bro
Kel: but alas.....
Basil: ....
Basil: Im gonna,,, do it,,!!
Kel: huh
Basil: Im gonna uh,,!!!!!
Basil: Im gonna jump down!!!!
Kel: WHAT
Kel: NO
Kel: YOURE TINY YOULL BREAK ALL UR BONES
Basil: Aubrey says to be more confident in myself,,,,!!!!!
Basil: So I will be more confident!!!! In my ability to get down by myself!!!!!
Kel: BASIL THATS GREAT N ALL BUT I RLY DONT THINK YOU CAN DO THAT BY URSELF ACTUALLY W/O SOMEONE TO CATCH YOU
Basil: Im doing it,,,,!!!!
Kel: BASIL
Kel: NO

<< seVen >>
Aubrey: ...
Kim: ...
Sunny: ...
Vance: ...
Charlie: ...
THE MAVERICK: ...
Aubrey: Well....
Aubrey: That works.
Kim: WHY WAS BASIL IN A TREE (AND WHY IS KEL ALSO IN THAT TREE LOOKING LIKE A DUMBASS)
Vance: why does he have good 'nough aim to land on angel like that....
THE MAVERICK: Why do neither of them appear hurt....?
Aubrey: EVERYONE SHUT UP WITH THE QUESTIONS
Aubrey: THE WHOLE THING SPOOKED THE DOG AND IT RAN INTO THE BIG CAT FUCKER
Aubrey: Sunny as the one that put the knife on him I hereby declare you the one that has to crawl in there and get it off.
Sunny: k
Sunny is offline.
THE MAVERICK: What a stunning turn of events...
Kim: jesus christ and its not even noon
Aubrey: I just know this day is going to leave me with a headache.
Aubrey: Anyway, Sunny, when you're back from unarming the dog, you're going to learn firsthand what happens to people that fuck up in the gang. Be prepared.
Vance: (she's just gonna make you pay for the whole gang's lunch)
Aubrey: VANCE SHUT THE FUCK UP
Aubrey: I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH
Aubrey: First tho I'm gonna check up on Angel and Basil bc Jesus Christ
Aubrey is offline.

Kim >>> Sunny
Kim: hey
Kim: hey sunny
Kim: at one point in time. eventually.
Kim: you, me.
Kim: a shit ton of knives.
Kim: and the entire population of stray cats in faraway :)
Kim: its gonna happen one day buddy i fucking promise
Kim: so just keep that in mind :)

hero leads a secret double life (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIR)

Chapter Notes

its uh.its been a while since this updated haha. hahaha. ha ha. ha.
anyway ifucking TOLD you guys thus hasnt been dropped. lmaos at all the doubters (jk i love u guys)

Hero >>> Aubrey
12:08 PM
Hero: Aubrey. Please stop making Sunny do crazy things like tape knives to dogs. That could seriously hurt someone.
Aubrey: I’m flattered you think I could convince Sunny to do something like that.
Aubrey: However, I must correct you. He came up with that entirely by himself. Didn’t run it by a single fucking one of us.
Aubrey: In fact, I’m punishing him right now :)
Hero: And…
Hero: How exactly…are you doing that..?
Aubrey: :)
Aubrey sent a picture.
Aubrey: Little shit’s having to model for Angel’s sister. A fitting punishment.
Hero: What exactly is he posing as here...
Aubrey: Uhhh she said he’s being a bull. I think.
Aubrey: I’m not an artist idk what goes through their heads.
Hero: I…see…
Hero: Well, just... keep an eye on him, then. I guess. Don't let him get into any more trouble.
Aubrey: Aye aye.
Aubrey: Might wanna do the same for Kel tho. How the hell did he even throw Basil into a tree.
Aubrey: He's not THAT strong.
Hero: Eh...
Aubrey: IS HE??
Hero: I think it's less that Kel is particularly strong and more that Basil is just...very light.
Hero: Even I didn't have any issue picking him up, even when he was waterlogged.
Aubrey: Damn
Hero: However, I HAVE seen Kel mix protein powder into his Orange Joe on more than one occasion. So.
Hero: It might be both.
Aubrey: HOW DID HE MANAGE TO MAKE IT WORSE WHAT THE FUCK
Aubrey: Hero I regret to inform you that your brother isn't actually a person. That's a fucking raccoon.
Aubrey: You have a fucking raccoon for a brother. Congratulations.
Hero: You say that as an insult, but he very much tried to bring a raccoon home as a pet once, so I'm sure he would take it as a compliment.
Aubrey: Jesus Christ.
Aubrey: A
Aubrey: OK Angel's sister is now trying to use Sunny himself as a canvas so I think I need to step in now
Hero: You keep very strange company.
Aubrey: You're friends with people that write football rpf. You have no right to judge me.
Aubrey: Yeah that's right fucker I know all about your weirdo college friends
Aubrey: Basil has me help him set up some of the photos he takes for you whenever you start complaining to him about them
Hero: Ah...
Hero: Well...
Aubrey: I'd feel bad for you having to learn what rpf was like that but tbh you are frighteningly stupid about online things for someone your age so it feels more like karma than anything else
Hero: I think it's hardly my fault that my parents still keep the family computer under parental lock.
Aubrey: YOU HAVE A PHONE DUMBASS. USE IT.
Aubrey: Also that's not even an excuse. How the fuck does a grown man in the 21st century not know the difference between saving something as a png and a jpeg.
Hero: They're both??? Pictures???
Aubrey: OH my god I'm not having this conversation with you again
Aubrey: You lead a sad grandmotherly life. I should make you a twitter account and let you run loose for a week.
Hero: I already have a twitter?
Aubrey: You're fucking lying.
Hero: I use it for reminders and stuff. You know, deadlines and grocery lists and the like.
Aubrey: Hero
Aubrey: Dude
Hero: ?
Aubrey: I think if you were any more of a square
Aubrey: You'd be taught in geometry class
Aubrey is offline.
Hero: Um.
Hero: I'm...sorry?

Basil >>> Sunny
12:20 PM
Basil: Hey,, um,,,
Basil: Sunny??
Basil: Uh..,,,
Basil: ,,,
Basil: Actually nevermind..,,,
Basil sent an image.

Kel >>> Basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: BASIL
Kel: bro im so fuking sorry
Kel: pls stop ignoring me
Kel: i know ur like scarily good at ignoring ppl sometimes
Kel: pls
Kel: pls
Kel: pls
Kel: pls
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: basil
Kel: IM SORRY
Kel: I DIDNT MEAN TO GET YOU STUCK IN A TREE
Kel: and if it makes u feel any better i also got stuck in the tree if u recall
Kel: so like
Kel: even steven??
Kel: fair claire??
Kel: paid back zack????
Basil: I got a splinter :(
Kel: IM SORRY
Kel: bro ill do anything bro to make it up to you bro
Kel: bro
Kel: just say the word an ill do it bro
Basil: Um,,,
Kel: sudoku?
Basil: ??/?//?
Kel: yknow
Kel: the shit the samurai did
Kel: harajuku
Kel: sudoku
Kel: ummmmmm
Basil: Do you,,
Basil: Mean harakiri?? And seppuku??
Kel: YEAG
Basil: UM,,?
Basil: Do no do that,,??? Please.??
Kel: yea im not allowed around the sharp knives anymore anyway...
Basil: ????,,??/??
Kel: long story, heros lame
Kel: a circus troupe is not a foreseeable future for me
Basil: Um,.... okay...
Kel: N E WAY
Kel: pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
Kel: i feel bad for getting you stuck like that :((((
Kel: let me make it up to u!!!!
Basil: I mean,,,,
Basil: Im not really,,,, that upset
Kel: but u were ignoring me
Basil: ....no? I was just in my garden....and didnt have my phone....
Kel: a clever lie to soothe my grief
Kel: it wont work though!!!!!
Kel: im making it up to u whether u like it or not
Basil: ,,,
Basil: Ok??
Kel: SO
Kel: whatll it be
Basil: Um..,,
Basil: Maybe just..,,,
Basil: Get me a snack,,??
Basil: Polly only gets healthy stuff like trail mix or fruit cups,,,
Kel: i thot u liked healthy stuff?
Basil: Just because I like salads doesnt mean I dont like chips or candy,,...
Kel: TRUE
Kel: ok lemme take some money from hero and get u some munchies
Basil: Youre still broke,???
Kel: basil my brother i am sitting in debts to aubrey that you cannot even comprehend
Kel: dont worry abt that tho. u WILL get ur lil snacky snack. on my fucking soul.
Kel is offline.

<< seVen >>
12:36 PM
Aubrey: Ok so while Angel pries his sister away from Sunny lets move on to business.
Aubrey: Namely: What the hell to do with the rest of our day.
Aubrey: Sunny's going home this afternoon so we need to get MOVING.
Aubrey: Any ideas?
Kim: heh
Aubrey: Hm.
THE MAVERICK: Perhaps I could teach him a few...life lessons ;)
Vance: UM?
Charlie: ...life lessons?
THE MAVERICK: ;)
Aubrey: There are so many fucking ways to take that and I hate all of them shut the hell up
THE MAVERICK: ???
THE MAVERICK: You all seemed to enjoy learning to bake bread the last time we did it...
Aubrey: THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT BY THAT?
Aubrey: WHY WERE YOU SO FUCKING VAGUE
Aubrey: GOD I thought you were offering to have him pick up chicks with you
THE MAVERICK: Aubrey, aubrey...you wound me ;(
THE MAVERICK: I would not dare flirt with another when such beauty holds my heart in an iron grasp!
Aubrey: Gross
Aubrey: For making me read that sentence I'm putting bread baking on the bottom of the list
THE MAVERICK: fuck
Aubrey: Any OTHER ideas?
Aubrey: Spoken PLAINLY?
Kim: heh heh
Aubrey: Hmm.
Vance: we could go shoot the shits at hobbeez
Vance: i saw em there once before he moved... he was playing that arcade with the kinda intensity you see in serial killers
Aubrey: Ughhhh but that's what we ALWAYS do
Aubrey: He'll prolly hog the game the whole time anyway.
Aubrey: He fucking hates sharing when he's focused like that.
Aubrey: I think he almost bit Hero once for trying to take his DS away.
Charlie: ...um...
Charlie: maybe...a picnic...?
Aubrey: ....Nah. I don't know if he'd appreciate smth like that with people he's not especially close to.
Aubrey: Good suggestion though.
Kim: heh heh heh
Aubrey: Hmmm.
Angel: WHAT IF WE ALL STOOD IN A CIRCLE AND SCREAMED
Vance: angel what the fuck
THE MAVERICK: Aren't you dealing with your sister??
Angel: YEA BUT I JUST HAD A THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD B RLY FUN IF WE ALL JUST SCREAMED FOR A BIT
Aubrey: Angel if your sister is using Sunny as a three dimensional canvas I'm going to punt you into a ceiling fan
Angel: A
Angel is offline.
Aubrey: Does ANYONE have any fucking plans for today
Kim: heh heh heh heh
Aubrey: Kim what the HELL have you been laughing about
Kim: fact - i am approximately half the size of the average full grown man.
Kim: fact - sunny is approximately the same height as me (with possible deviation of one inch taller or shorter.)
Kim: fact - sunny has a blank average joe face that could rival that of emmet lego movie.
Kim: fact - mrs. candace would not recognize him due to this.
Kim: fact - i am more than strong enough to hold him on my shoulders.
Kim: fact - my dad owns a trench coat.
Aubrey: ...what are you suggesting.
Kim: sunny and i get into a trench coat steal a bunch of candy and then we can all get a massive sugar high and probably do some property damage
Aubrey: Hm...
Vance: you want to steal candy...
Vance: ...without me...?
Kim: van
Kim: vance
Kim: bro
Kim: my guy
Kim: desperate times call for desperate measures
Kim: we havent managed to steal a lick from her in weeks
Kim: she knows us too well bro
Kim: we have to...adapt.
THE MAVERICK: Are we sure Sunny should get involved in their life of crime...?
Aubrey: He won't mind. He stole twenty bucks from Kel literally the day he moved away.
Aubrey: That pepper spray he had that one time? Also stolen.
Aubrey: He stole three of Basil's happy meal toys when we were kids and would pay me in chicken nuggets to keep quiet.
Aubrey: The guy's a criminal mastermind.
Kim: EXACTLY
Kim: he'll be the perfect partner in crime
Kim: its a flawless plan. literally nothing can go wrong.
Vance: if you say so...
Kim: ill get u extra taffy my guy
Vance: !
Aubrey: OKAY SO
Aubrey: Is that our main directive today?
Aubrey: Snatch some candy and fuck around?
THE MAVERICK: Er...
Aubrey: Snatch some candy and fuck around baking bread?
THE MAVERICK: Sounds good to me ;)
Kim: HELL YEA
Vance: i'm down
Charlie: That sounds fun...
Aubrey: SWEET ok so that's majority vote.
Aubrey: As SOON as Angel's done dealing w his sister we'll head over to Kim and Van's place to get everything set up.
THE MAVERICK: Huzzah!
Kim: mwahahaha......
Kim: this is gonna b great >:)

Sunny >>> Basil
12:42 PM
Sunny: ?

Hero >>> Basil
Hero: Hi Basil! Are you busy right now?
Basil: Um,,,

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: Its nothing!!!
Basil sent an image.

Basil >>> Hero
Basil: Not really.,.
Hero: Great!
Hero: Do you think you could help me with a little something today?
Basil: What do you need???
Hero: I wanted to bake or cook something special for Sunny before he left today, since we didn't...really get to do something like that before he moved.
Basil: Oh!! Thats a really good idea,!!!

Sunny >>> Basil
Sunny: you sure?

Hero >>> Basil
Hero: You think so? I'm glad.
Hero: I just...have a little issue deciding what to make exactly, haha.
Hero: I'm not sure if any of his tastes have changed over the years...
Hero: You know him best, I think.
Basil: Hm..,,

Basil >>> Sunny
Basil: Mhm!!! I was just being silly.
Basil sent an image.

Basil >>> Hero
Basil: Id be glad to help!!!
Basil: I have a few ideas on what hed really like,,,
Hero: That's great!!! Thank you so much.
Basil: Though,,,
Basil: If its your cooking, Im sure hed be glad to eat just about anything,,, hehe
Hero: Ah....
Hero: That's very kind of you.
Basil: Its true!!!
Hero: Haha, alright alright....
Hero: So, do you think you can come over soon to help out? Kel's going to be out for a bit, so we don't have to worry about him...."helping".
Basil: Hehehe....ok!!!
Basil: Ill head over now!!,!!
Hero: Nice! Again, thank you.
Basil: Its no problem!! Really,,..

Sunny >>> Basil
Sunny: ok..
Sunny sent an image.
Sunny: lol

12:55 PM
Kim created a group chat.
Kim added Sunny to the chat.
Kim added Vance to the chat.
Kim changed the group chat's name to Candy Crush but like the cool version.
Kim: ok
Kim: so
Kim: we all know whats up?
Kim: van?
Vance: i play lookout slash diversion. ms. candace will have her attention split between me and you two.
Kim: good. sunny?
Sunny: lie and sneak
Kim: fuckin sweet.
Kim: and if anyone asks any questions...
Sunny: i hate mondays
Kim: GOOD.
Kim: ill stay hidden so van and the others can keep in touch w us while we work + i can grab shit off the lower shelves.
Kim: this is going to be our best fucking heist ever. i can feel it in my bones. they tremble with excitement.
Sunny: your skeleton is hatching
Sunny: ?
Vance: what.
Kim: ignoring that comment.
Vance: no
Vance: what.
Vance: explain pls.
Kim: ignoring it!!!!!!11!!!
Sunny: :(
Kim: dont give me that look young man ive been friends with angel my whole life im immune to puppy dog eyes
Sunny: grrr
Kim: im immune to growling too bitch
Kim: i used to hiss at other kids during recess
Kim: you think youre fukcing special? huh? huh?? fucker i INVENTED your whole schtick.
Kim: die.
Kim: ANYWAY <3
Kim: is everyone ready to roll????????
Vance: aye aye
Sunny: o7
Kim: lets FUCK SHIT UP!!

<< boudce >>
1:04 PM
Kel: hm
Kel: hum
Kel: erm
Kel: ummm
Aubrey: What
Kel: a heem heem heem
Kel: ahem
Kel: mmmmm
Kel: mmmmmmmmmmmm
Aubrey: WHY are you making noises in chat
Kel: mmmmmm
Hero: Are...you okay?
Basil: Kel,,??
Kel: ok so.
Kel: er.
Kel sent a picture.
Kel: why is sunny suddenly six feet tall and wearing groucho glasses.
Hero: Huh
Basil: ???
Aubrey: wym
Kel: w
Kel: wym wym
Kel: why is sunny. doing this
Kel: this is your day with him WHAT are you making him do
Hero: Aubrey...?
Aubrey: I have no idea what you're talking about. Absolutely clueless.
Kel: LOOK all i wanted was to get some apology munchies for basil but when i got to othermart i see THIS GUY bumping into every other display and saying "I hate Mondays" every time someone looks at him.
Kel: literally WHAT is this
Basil: Um.,,, I second that,,,
Aubrey: WHAT are you guys talking about.
Aubrey: That's not Sunny.
Kel: what
Aubrey: That's clearly someone else smh
Kel: WHAT
Aubrey: C'mon guys back me up here
Kel: NO??
Basil: ,,,
Basil: Ah,,!!!
Basil: I,,um,, was mistaken!!!
Basil: Its clearly not Sunny.
Kel: BASIL BRO WHAT THE FUCK
Aubrey: Told ya.
Kel: HERO???
Hero: Um....
Hero: Oh my god is something burni
Hero is offline.
Aubrey: That counts as a no btw.
Kel: NO IT DOESNT
Kel: wait
Kel: WAIT DID HERO BURN SOMETHING???? IS HE FUCKING COOKING SOMETHING WITHOUT ME???
Basil: ..,,,no?
Kel: BASIL
Kel: basil my friend my buddy my bestie my bro
Kel: grant me your knowledge
Kel: what is hero cooking
Kel: and with my combined experience
Kel: i can tell you if its safe to eat even when burnt
Aubrey: I don't think anyone should take dietary advice from you.
Kel: fuck you everyone should follow my diet
Kel: youre just jealous i can eat one of everything on ginos menu and not get sick
Aubrey: :/
Kel: ok i still get sick but i never regret it
Basil: :/
Kel: ok i regret it
Kel: BUT i can still do it so THERE
Basil: ,,, Im gonna go check on the kitchen.
Kel: BASIL WAIT
Kel: NO
Basil is offline.
Kel: TELL ME WHAT IM MISSING
Kel: NOOOOOOOO
Kel: cries
Aubrey: I'm sure that there will be enough of whatever it is Hero's making for when you get back you big dramatic baby
Kel: no bc if its burnt hes gonna throw it out and i dont rly wanna dig thru the trash for his food again
Aubrey: ,
Aubrey: Again?
Kel: anyway you never answered my question abt sunny
Aubrey: AGAIN????
Kel: huh
Aubrey: What do you mean AGAIN????
Kel: huh????? idk u lost me lol
Kel: now about sunny
Aubrey: That's not Sunny.
Kel: yes it is
Aubrey: No it's not.
Kel: yes it IS i literally called his name and he waved at me
Kel: and then a hand reached out thru his coat and pulled his arm down?
Kel: lil confused
Aubrey: I plead the fifth. You won't get a word out of me. I'm no narc.
Kel: jiminy christmas
Kel: im siccing hero on u i dont have time for this
Kel: also just an fyi but angel is having a jumping jack competition w the orange juice vendor in the plaza
Kel: so
Aubrey: I know lol
Kel: ok just making sure
Kel: if he dies of heatstroke its your fault now
Kel: good bye
Kel is offline.

Hero >>> Aubrey
Hero: Ok so Kel has been spamming my phone with that picture of Sunny nonstop, so I think you need to tell me the context here.
Aubrey: Tbh I thought he'd be too upset abt missing ur cooking
Hero: Oh, he's spamming me about that, too. I'm ignoring it.
Hero: I have to admit to being...curious about why Sunny is disguised and meandering around Othermart.
Hero: No offense of course, but I have heard certain...complaints about you and yours from the employees there.
Aubrey: Are you a cop
Hero: No.
Aubrey: Sounds like smth a cop would say
Aubrey: You a lawyer?
Hero: Only in my nightmares.
Aubrey: Then I ain't talking.
Hero: What are you all doing, Aubrey?
Aubrey: Your mom.
Hero: Aubrey......
Hero: Please don't tell me you're having Sunny steal things.
Aubrey: My lips are sealed. Zipped. Nada. Nilch.
Hero: Aubrey.
Aubrey: Shhhh....
Hero: Aubrey...
Aubrey: SHHHH.....
Hero: ...
Hero: ...?
Aubrey: Okay fine. He's part of Kim's disguise.
Aubrey: Whoop de doo.
Aubrey: Die mad.
Aubrey: You can't see it but I'm flipping you off rn.
Hero: Rude much?
Aubrey: Okay sorry. Didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities.
Hero: You are being...very aggressive.
Hero: You know I'm not going to snitch on you, right?
Hero: I'd like for you to...not be doing what you're doing, and I'd very much encourage you to make it up to the owner of the store, but I'm not going to snitch.
Aubrey: Mhm.
Aubrey: You can't see it but I'm narrowing my eyes rn.
Hero: Aubrey...
Hero: I get it, you know. The whole... rebellious teenager thing.
Aubrey: I've never heard a less believable thing in my life.
Hero: I know, but it's true. I was there, too.
Aubrey: Uh huh. What'd you do. Part your hair to the left instead of the right? Download a clean version of a linkin park song?
Hero: I got a tattoo. Two, actually.
Aubrey: YOU GOT A FUCKING WHAT
Aubrey: EXCUSE ME???!?!?
Hero: They're just stick and pokes, so they're kind of faded by now...
Aubrey: Fucking prove it pussy no pics no proof + I'm gonna kick your ass for freaking me out
Hero sent a picture.
Hero sent a picture.
Hero: Like I said, they're kind of faded.
Aubrey: DLFHGSL;IDFHGIHSDF;LIHG
Aubrey: ASHGISDHFILGHSD;OIFHG;IH
Aubrey: ADIHFGOISPHDFIOGHAOIFHDGPOHI
Hero: Are you...okay?
Aubrey: No I'm not fucking okay you have a fucking tattoo of a goddamn sandwich on your fucking ribs
Hero: I wanted something a little lighthearted to outweigh the lily.
Aubrey: When
Hero: Huh?
Aubrey: When
Aubrey: Who
Aubrey: How
Aubrey: WHAT
Hero: Um.
Aubrey: Explain IMMEDIATELY.
Hero: Okay, okay...
Hero: There was a girl I knew in high school that I ended up getting paired up with in art class a lot.
Hero: She was really good, and I was....passable.
Aubrey: Omg. Something ur not good at??? What the fuck is today. I feel like I don't even know you anymore.
Hero: We all have secrets.....
Hero: Anyway, she helped me with a lot of the art projects we had, and in return I offered to help her with her other classes. There was some trouble with her parents I think, and she spent a lot of time taking care of her little brother, so she was kind of behind of her studies.
Hero: Occasionally, she even asked me to model for her, or babysit her brother while she got some fresh air.
Aubrey: All that for some art projects??
Hero: Look, we both know I'm a push-over.
Hero: Plus, I felt a little bad for her. I may have...intentionally flubbed some projects so she would take them over. She was really stressed out, but I could tell art helped calm her down. I still felt a little bad about doing that, though.
Aubrey: Mhm...
Hero: One day when I was modeling for her, she mentioned she was trying to learn how to do tattoos, just out of curiosity. She tried to give herself one but, uh...she couldn't really handle it, haha.
Hero: I remember seeing how frustrated she was at that, and the offer to let her give me one just...slipped out.
Aubrey: Woah woah you got a tattoo on a WHIM??????
Aubrey: YOU DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING PLAN IT???!??!?!
Hero: Nope!
Hero: She's also the one that pierced my ears, but that one was my suggestion, not hers.
Aubrey: HELLO????? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FUCKING CLAIRE'S BOY
Hero: A what
Aubrey: My whole worldview is crashing before my eyes
Aubrey: Does Kel know
Hero: I don't think so...I never showed him.
Aubrey: Oh my god
Aubrey: Do you still know her
Aubrey: Can she give me a tattoo
Hero: We fell out of touch when she graduated....She was in the year above me.
Hero: More stuff with her parents, I think.
Aubrey: DAMNIT
Hero: I still have some of her sketches when we were brainstorming ideas. I've always kind of considered getting one of them professionally made, so....
Aubrey: SHOW ME
Aubrey: I need to know how much of a loose canon you secretly are
Hero: They're nothing special, really.
Hero sent a picture.
Hero sent a picture.
Hero sent a picture.
Hero: That's all.
Aubrey: ....
Aubrey: ..........
Aubrey: ............oh my god.
Hero: Aubrey...?
Aubrey: Hold on a fucking second. I know that style.

Aubrey >>> Angel
Aubrey: YOU
Aubrey: Do you remember how you used to tell us about a hunky babysitter you had when your sister was still in school
Angel: YEA HE TAUGHT HER HOW TO MAKE SPAGETTY
Angel: ITS THE FUCKING BOMB
Angel: ALSO HE TAUGHT ME THE TIMES TABLE WHICH WAS REALLY COOL OF HIM
Aubrey: Cool cool cool
Aubrey: What was his name.
Angel: UHHHHHHHHHHHH
Angel: HARRY?
Angel: NO
Angel: WAIT
Angel: UHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Aubrey: Henry?
Angel: THATS THE BITCH
Angel: WHY
Aubrey: You owe me seven hundred USD for eating Hero's spaghetti all this time without me.
Angel: HUH?????

Aubrey >>> Hero
Aubrey: I know who you're talking about.
Hero: You do?!
Aubrey: Yeah she chased me out of her house with a wet mop because I taught her brother the entire choreography to Cell Block Tango.
Hero: ...That sounds like something she would do.
Aubrey: I can't believe you got tattoos from Angel's fucking sister. She's like a demon in human skin.
Hero: Really?
Aubrey: Ok to be fair she does let me crash at her place just as often as Kim does and lets me go through her closet when I need new clothes
Aubrey: But she's still a huge asshole
Hero: She was a bit mean when I knew her too. I don't think she means it.
Aubrey: Hmph.
Aubrey: You should talk to her.
Hero: Huh?
Aubrey: She needs to stop being a bitch and you need to stop being a wet blanket. You'd cancel each other out.
Hero: Hm... like you and Basil?
Aubrey: Wym
Hero: Well, you're definitely less...sharp when Basil's around. And he's a lot more confident these days when he's around you.
Aubrey: I have no idea what you're talking about lol
Aubrey: I just think you need more friends that aren't literal children or twitch streamers.
Hero: How did you know Liam does streams??
Aubrey: ,
Aubrey: I was just using that as an example. But. Okay.
Aubrey: You just proved my point.
Hero: I suppose...
Aubrey: I know, I'm always right.
Aubrey: Anyway, I'll talk to her later and see if she remembers you.
Hero: Alright, thank you..
Hero: Also...
Aubrey: ?
Hero: Please bring Sunny down to my house when you're done committing crimes. Thank you.
Aubrey: Okay? On it, I guess.

<< seVen >>
1:38 PM
Kim: @Everyone
Kim: BEHOLD
Kim: THE FRUITS OF OUT LABORS
Kim sent a picture.
The Maverick: IT WORKED?
Kim: I KNOW IM SURPRISED TOO
Kim: WEVE GOT CANDY FOR DAYSSSSSSSSSSSS
Aubrey: Holy shit.
Charlie: Wow....
Aubrey: This thing really went off without a hitch?
Kim: well....
Vance: there was a small issue....
Aubrey: Oh boy. Let me guess.
Sunny: kel
Aubrey: Fucking knew it.
Kim: he started following us for a while
Kim: vance faked a store announcement about a 99% off deal on potato chips tho and he bailed
The Maverick: Why am I not surprised that he fell for that....
The Maverick: Do you think he noticed that the price never actually changed?

<< boudce >>
Kel: hey since when were chips so fucking expensive that even at 99% off theyre like six bucks

<< seVen >>
Aubrey: Nah.

End Notes

kel aubrey and hero: *having heartfelt conversations*
sunny and basil: *sending memes*

Preface

Chapter 1

picture of mushroom plant scientists be like. hm not quite

they r just leetl creechurs...they canot chang this

customers the same in all universes

FINALLY a fucking group chat. its been five fucking chapters what the HELL have i been doing

voltron voice we were having a BONDING moment

malewife hero

i havent actually watched teen beach movie so im not sure if that simile is correct but from what i DO know about teen beach movie it SOUNDS correct so whatevewhatever

the title for this chapter in my files doesnt actually fit the content but i thought it was funny anyway so its gonna be in the notes

the one where aubrey multiclasses as both tsundere and mom friend (and also basil gets adopted i guess)

grief and mourning

plot?? DEVELOPMENT???? in MY omori chatfic??? its more likely than you think

this one is literally just a bunch of kel ur welcome

this chapter is brought to you by the 58 i scored on my chemistry test

two steps forward, one step back. and i guess like half a step forward again, as a treat.

chapter fifteen 2: electric boogaloo

if youve read lord of the flies i triple dog dare you to search up jalph on tumblr

the fight or flight instinct

THE HEALING POWER OF A GIRLS NIGHT IS NOT ONE TO BE UNDERESTIMATED

home alone 2 lost in new york

looks at date IM SO FUCKING SORRY

plans. schemes, even.

someone call buzzfeed unsolved STAT

sunny uses capital letters

*throws this chapter out like an old lady tossing breadcrumbs at a bunch of pigeons"

tree ex machina

hero leads a secret double life (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIR)

Afterword

Preface

In Which Sunny Is Bad At Naming Things

Chapter 1

*picture of mushroom* plant scientists be like. hm not quite

they r just leetl creechurs...they canot chang this

customers the same in all universes

FINALLY a fucking group chat. its been five fucking chapters what the HELL have i been doing

*voltron voice* we were having a BONDING moment

malewife hero

i havent actually watched teen beach movie so im not sure if that simile is correct but from what i DO know about teen beach movie it SOUNDS correct so whatevewhatever

the title for this chapter in my files doesnt actually fit the content but i thought it was funny anyway so its gonna be in the notes

the one where aubrey multiclasses as both tsundere and mom friend (and also basil gets adopted i guess)

grief and mourning

plot?? DEVELOPMENT???? in MY omori chatfic??? its more likely than you think

this one is literally just a bunch of kel ur welcome

this chapter is brought to you by the 58 i scored on my chemistry test

two steps forward, one step back. and i guess like half a step forward again, as a treat.

chapter fifteen 2: electric boogaloo

if youve read lord of the flies i triple dog dare you to search up jalph on tumblr

the fight or flight instinct

THE HEALING POWER OF A GIRLS NIGHT IS NOT ONE TO BE UNDERESTIMATED

home alone 2 lost in new york

*looks at date* IM SO FUCKING SORRY

plans. schemes, even.

someone call buzzfeed unsolved STAT

sunny uses capital letters

*throws this chapter out like an old lady tossing breadcrumbs at a bunch of pigeons"

tree ex machina

hero leads a secret double life (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIR)

Afterword

picture of mushroom plant scientists be like. hm not quite

voltron voice we were having a BONDING moment

looks at date IM SO FUCKING SORRY